#i love him and his ugly ass buzzcut

[mausinly]

They love each other guys I swear

[rrenzwrld]

secreto de amor

connie falling in luv w his bsf sister ; a series? idk

enjoy! it’s been a while i’m sorry😔

“con, this is my sister— step sister, y/n.” jean introduced you to the shorter dude with his buzzcut dyed lime green. “y/n, this is my friend, constance.” jean smiled because he knew he was about to piss connie off.

“nice to meet you, constance—“

“don’t call me that.” he glared at you whilst he spoke in a cold tone. jean snickered as your friendly smile dropped.

“is that not your name?”

“it is but you can call me connie. don’t let your brother get you fucked up.” for it to be the first time meeting him, he was kinda mean. but you guessed you had to respect his boundaries if you two were gonna get along, even if he was rude in establishing them.

jean shoved connie to the side. “don’t talk to her like that. keep on, i’ll kick the shit outta your lil ass.” but all he did was shrug and walk away.

“sure.” jean turned to you with a sympathetic look on his face.

“sorry bout him. he’s an asshole.” you glared your brother down.

“figures.”

jean obviously wasn’t your blood brother but he was your older brother through marriage. his dad married your mom a few years ago but you two had been around each other for longer than that so the marriage brought you closer over time. jean had moved out when he finished college and invited you to move in with him so you did. he was the only man in the world you trusted enough to live with. connie was younger than jean but a little older than you so he was friends with jean for a while. you just never bothered to meet him when he came over and stayed in your room instead. but it was different this time because jean actually asked you to meet his friend this time so you didn’t see a problem with it.

“your sister’s cute.” connie took a hit of the blunt he had in his hand. jean kicked him in the leg.

“you know how i feel about that.”

“what?” he looked clueless but he knew what jean referred to.

“you hittin on my sister and you don’t even do relationships—“

“whoa.. i didn’t say anything about relationships. literally just said she was cute, calm down.”

“i don’t even want you thinking she’s cute. think she’s ugly or something.”

“but she’s not though.”

“oh really? i—“ jean was about to pull out his phone and show the most embarrassing pictures he had of you, but luckily you had walked into the room before he could.

“jean, can i borrow your car?” jean looked at you like you were crazy. the only reason you were asking was because your car was in the shop so you had no choice but to utilize the brother you had. you just hated asking or relying on people for things.

“uh no. take the bus.” connie let out a snicker before your eyes darted to his reaction. all you did was roll your eyes and continued the conversation with jean.

“i haven’t rode public transportation since high school. you know i’m only asking because lola in the shop right now…”

“…lola? you named your car?” connie felt the need to comment for whatever reason.

“shut up. yes, i did. you got a problem, baldy?” connie didn’t respond with anything else. “yeah. anyways, jean?” jean smacked his teeth before allowing you to get his keys.

“thank you, thank you!” you pulled your brother in for a hug. “love you, i’ll be back!”

“you better..” he mumbled.

“it’s the way you actually let her use your car. your dumbass didn’t even ask where she was going.” jean paused because he realized how right connie was. he was going to regret it but felt no need because the deed had been done and he’d deal with it whenever you came back.

“shut up. it’s the way you actually don’t know how to mind your fucking business.”

[starryletters]

no moment of silence

synopsis ; talking and reminiscing with satoru!

inspired by:

"i always have such a need to merely talk to you. even when i have nothing to talk about, with you i just seem to go right ahead and sort of invent it."

- virgina woolf

☆

notes: au! where no one dies and geto stays, gojo being a silly chatterbox, flashback to when you first met, meet ugly sorta, new girl reference!

wordcount: 1.3k words

"so!" satoru breaks the silence.

the silence that had lasted for about 15 seconds.

his head lays in your lap and one of your hands is tangled in his soft white locks.

it had honestly made you a bit furious when you first moved in with him and realized all he used was some basic shampoo and his hair was apparently just naturally blessed by the gods to always look perfect and feel soft and silky to the touch.

although that's hardly surprising. every part of him seemed to be blessed by some deity.

you gently scratched at his scalp. today had been a long day for both of you.

you two had been sent on a mission that seemed to last for hours, leaving you physically and him mentally exhausted by the end.

on evenings like this, it often dawned on you how unfair all of this truly was.

you two were just now entering your twenties and instead of enjoying your youth, you had to risk your lives in a fight against grotesque-looking curses on the daily.

before you can spiral down this disheartening path any further like you usually did, satoru's voice interrupts your thought process.

"do you think i should grow out my hair like suguru?"

you glance down at him with a bewildered expression. then you paused to think. obviously, he would look good but-

"you really think sugurus gonna let you do that?" you grin.

he crosses his arms, "he doesn't own that hairstyle! anyone can have long hair." a soft chuckle escapes your lips. "you'd look good. but i doubt you are actually planning on doing that. plus i like your hair the way it is now."

being with satoru made everything feel so easy. he was easy to talk to, he made it easy to forget about the cruelty of this world, and he was so so easy to love. just the mere sound of his voice rambling about the latest odd thought he'd had, flushed away all of your worries at a moment's notice.

of course, they'd always catch up, with both of you, but even in those moments when you would both be too choked up to voice your grievances, the gentle touches exchanged between you seemed to put everything into words.

"what if i got a buzzcut, would you still think i look good then?" he continued.

an awkward silence fell over the room.

"wow, is this how vain you are? is the foundation of our relationship just built on my good looks?" he dramatically placed his hand on his forehead and averted his gaze while sighing.

"you didn't even let me answer!" you protest a lighthearted smile etched onto your features.

"your silence is deafening." he glares.

"i would still think you look good. megumi definitely wouldn't though. so i'd advise against it." you brush a few rogue strands of hair from his face.

"pfft! i don't care what that brat thinks!" he huffs

"he made you cry the other day."

"i told you there was something in my eye!"

"yeah, tears."

"i hate both of you" he sits up and slumps his lanky body against you.

a comfortable silence falls over the room.

that's the thing with satoru, silences are always comfortable even though-

"i'm bored."

they never last very long.

"how is that even possible? it's been two seconds." you chuckle, nudging your head closer to him.

"be honest. do you think i would win against sailor moon?"

"no way." you immediately reply, with a quick shake of your head.

"woooowww, you could've at least hesitated." he scoffs and clutches his chest in a dramatic fashion.

"sorry but she'd beat your ass." you shrug, and he starts pouting.

"i'm the strongest!"

"not as strong as sailor moon! you're just jealous you can't have a magical girl transformation."

"i don't need a magical transformation i always look magical and beautiful!" he pokes your cheek.

"i don't know, i think you'd look more magical fighting in a sparkling skirt." you grin down at him.

"ooh naughty" he says in an overly sultry tone while winking at you

"not like that!" you flick his forehead. (well, maybe just a little like that..)

"anyways she'd win, sorry." you change the topic. he lets out an offended gasp and turns his head in your lap so he is not facing you anymore. "you're always so mean to me, i'm never marrying you." he groans. "aw you wanna marry meee" you reply in a singsong tone. "not anymore" he replies.

you chuckle before saying "you remember what you said to me when we first met?" he turns back around his blue eyes lighting up with surprise then annoyance. "yeah of course i remember, shoko and suguru made me put like 3,000 yen in the jar for that one" he groans at the memory. you smile fondly.

jujutsu tech, common area

(2006, 9:34 pm)

it was your first day in tokyo and your first day at jujutsu tech. you had transferred from kyoto to be closer to your relatives who were sorcerers unlike your immediate family in kyoto. "it'll be good for you to be surrounded by family who have the same abilities as you! they can teach you more about the day to day life as a sorcerer." your mother had said. you didn't want to leave kyoto or your parents but she was right. and often times you were quite honestly frightened that just your mere presence might bring curses to your parents' doorstep. you wanted to protect them. so they wouldn't have to be involved in this world at all.

earlier today you met your new classmates. 2 guys one girl. they seemed polite and pleasant save for one overly confident (and flirtatious) white-haired guy. though he was the only one you'd heard about before. obviously. everyone in the jujutsu world knew gojo satoru. his confidence wasn't exactly misplaced you'll give him that much but that didn't make him any less annoying in your eyes.

besides him, the first day at jujutsu tech had went well. shoko and suguru seemed like nice people and you hoped they would consider you their friend soon like you already considered them yours. you could get attached quite quickly.

currently, you were spending time with them (and gojo) in the common room.

you were chatting with shoko about an arcade that was apparently nearby when suddenly gojo pulled out his wallet and slammed one 1000 yen bill on the table while smirking at you.

suguru glared at him "oh god, you're about to say something stupid, aren't you?"

before you could even process what was happening or why he suddenly put money on the table, he grabbed your hand, pulled you closer, and said,

"girl, i'm gonna marry you."

—☆

("three thousand yen? i've never put that much in the douchebag jar!" satoru protested while you sat on the common room couch and giggled.

apparently, that jar of money that you had been curious about before was instituted because satoru kept saying and doing pretty douchey things, and suguru felt he and shoko should be financially compensated.

"dude, you just met her today! that was like the douchiest thing i've ever heard!" shoko argued. suguru nodded. "i was willing to let the pickup line you said earlier slide, but..that? unacceptable."

satoru pouted and dejectedly stuffed 3,000 yen into the already overflowing jar.

at that moment, for whatever reason, you decided that maybe he wasn't so bad, after all.)

you and satoru's shared apartment

(2009, 8:54pm)

"i think weirdly enough that was the first time i kind of started liking you."

he sits up in shock "what? THAT? can we make it a cuter moment please?"

"nope, no can do." you grin brightly. "you know..now that i think about it maybe we should bring that jar back.." "no! im better now. im a changed man."

you laugh, "the kids would get a kick out of it."

for a moment it's quiet and then.

"i wasn't kidding back then." satoru says in a suddenly serious tone.

"i know you weren't." you smile.

– i'll ask her again soon

– this time i'll say yes.

a/n: i hope you liked this! i kind of wish it was longer, but i also dont wanna add anything just for the sake of it! the new girl reference is one of my favorite moments in the show, actually! and it also seemed like something gojo would do LOL

[fragilecapric0rnn]

made this playlist for my friend @cheatghost's BEAUTIFULLY wonderful fic show me the place where he inserted the blade. i put a lot of thought into the playlist and was talked into doing an analysis. I will be diving into each part of the fic by going over how and why the songs i chose for each section relate to the themes and events that take place. each part will have it's own post.

here is Part II. After

II. After

Even if it is only 1/4 of the chapter, the After portion is so pivotal to the entire story in setting up what the rest of Steve's arc will look like. It really speaks to Lou's writing capabilities, that a fraction of the chapter, a blip in respect to the rest of the fic, was so compelling and conveyed all of the emotion and heartbreak that is Steve falling apart and self-destructing. So much so that it has its own set of songs that sum up the themes and events of that section. With that, let's dive into the analysis.

Side note: as we move forward, there are songs that I chose more for the vibe and the message within the song relating to the events/characters, so you will notice there is less of me pulling direct lyrics to match up with quotes and more of an analysis of how the song sounds and how the message of the song as a whole relates to the story.

I. Why Didn’t You Stop Me? By Mitski

Will forever be obsessed with the way this song (and other/most Mitski songs) have misleadingly upbeat tempos with the most devastating lyrics. This idea is brought up several times, the idea that Steve could have or should have done something to stop this from happening. As if he alone could have stopped the Suits from taking Eddie away.

The hauntingly optimistic beat paired with the sad lyrics is representative of Steve's mental state. I couldn't help but think of this line from the fic, "And Eddie is lost, now. So, Steve is staying put. If Eddie comes back, he needs to know where to find Steve, needs to know where to look. Steve will be here when he looks." The driving, the staying put, the waiting. He uses driving as a way to isolate himself from the others as he grieves Eddie, and grieves the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, of the entire situation.

… So why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you stop me

As the song comes to a close, I would describe the beat as aggressively upbeat, and representative of Steve in the middle of his descent - when he gets the shit beat out of him. No one is there to stop him at first, it's describe as this sort of primal instinct when he sees Jason and his cronies at the park, how he just stops what he's doing and starts wailing on them. But somebody does stop him. It's Hopper, it's his family.

II. Maybe by The Chantels

Unpopular opinion: oldies should be used in fandom playlists a lot more! You will see several on this playlist, as I push my oldies agenda. To me, there is a certain longing and yearning that oldies convey, whether that be through lyrics or the way vocalists belt those lyrics. This song's lyrics feel very evocative of Steve's downward spiral into despair in the direct aftermath of Eddie's removal from their lives.

Maybe if I pray every night You'll come back to me And maybe if I cry every day You'll come back to stay Oh, maybe

The word maybe feels very much like Steve in this section. His interaction with Locke.

"Steve cries. Loud, ugly hiccups. Big tears roll down his cheeks, land on his split lips with salt that stings. He pulls over and screams, hits his head against the steering wheel once, twice. Clenches his hands around it, lets his nails leave indents in the leather."

The desperation in the song matches the desperation that Steve feels.

III. Buzzcut Season by Lorde

Need to get this out of the way - LOVE that Mike is the one to confront Steve about his self-destruction. It makes the most sense, he is a loud-mouth, he tells it like he sees it, and of course he's going to want to kick Steve in the ass and yell "we're all hurting!"

And I'll never go home again (Place the call, feel it start) Favourite friend (And nothing's wrong, when nothing's true)

His moment with Dustin after this is when we see Steve start to pick up the pieces of himself. Steve starts to realize that even if he's broken, that Eddie took a piece of his soul with him, he has other people in his life that not only rely on him, but want to see him start to heal. Whether or not he wants to heal and move on (as we will see, he doesn't ever really move on), he needs to try. And that trying starts the sharing a hug and a cry with on of his favourite friends.

IV. Cranes in the Sky by Solange

Once again, another song that I would like to copy and paste the entirety of to this post! I think this song is Steve throughout this entire section.

I tried to keep myself busy I ran around circles Think I made myself dizzy

Another word choice that makes me go bonkers. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried. He tried to fight those guys, he tried to gut information out of Locke, he tried so hard in the aftermath to fix it.

I tried to let go my lover Thought if I was alone then maybe I could recover To write it away or cry it away 

He tries to isolate, and that just adds to the hurt. He never allows himself a moment to really cope with any of it. He's not coping, he's trying. The trying is a constant theme that runs throughout the rest of the story, but starts here. In the After.

V. Long Long Time by Linda Ronstadt

The Last of Us intermission - I was listening to the companion podcast of the show and the director talked about how he went out searching for a song that was so full of yearning, longing, and heartbreaking devastation on purpose. And GOD, am I so glad he did, because this song is just so perfect. Similar to Maybe, there is just something about these old songs, the way they are filled with such a sadness. With such longing and yearning, it's like they were built for these stories, that are also filled with longing and yearning and loneliness. Regardless of anyone's TLOU brainrot, this song is just so so beautiful.

A thread that is woven through both the entirety of the fic and most of the songs on the playlist is the theme of loneliness. Loneliness and isolation is how Steve copes. It's what he feels like he needs to do, as he feels like he is the only one who understands the amount of devastation he feels with the loss of Eddie.

Wait for the day you'll go away Knowing that you warned me Of the price I'd have to pay And life's full of flaws Who knows the cause? Living in the memory of a love that never was

That last line is going to a haunt me forever. Because if you think about it, about Steve and Eddie, they never got a chance to explore their love to its full capacity. Their relationship was still in its infancy when Eddie was taken. So, the mournful yearning isn't only for the desire to have him by his side, but for the ache of the love that could have been. The love that was stolen before it could fully bloom.

However, this song was also chosen to represent the tidbit at the end of the chapter, the glimpse into Eddie's side of the story. They're both longing. They're both missing a piece of themselves. They're both going to hurt and miss the other for a long long time.

[hwanchaesong]

oh great! i was listening to some taylor swift songs today and dress came up and idk why i thought about a friends to lovers scenario with yunho shsodmd so i was wondering if i could request some fluffy scenario based on that ✨ and i'll leave it up to you if you want it to be suggestive 👀

a/n: oh gosh i am literally listening to ts songs all week and that song is so ughhhh

👤: ATEEZ Jeong Yunho

📼: Dress - Taylor Swift

genre & warnings: fluff, angst, suggestive, cursing, university au, friends to lovers au

word count: 644

Your bestfriend's room has been your safe haven since childhood.

A place where you can cry, laugh, and get frustrated without any limitations.

It is also a place filled with secrets, both yours and his. Gossips here and there, talking about bitchy people behind their backs, complaining about teachers who think that they are the best even if they don't teach shit.

Everything happens inside that room.

Even your preparation for the date that your school's heartthrob invited you with.

Yunho watched you twirl around in that beautiful silky dress. It fits you perfectly, accentuating your curves and bringing out the best in you.

"You look a like a princess." he commented, your eyes sparkling at his compliment.

"You think so?" you excitedly yelped.

He stood up and kneeled like a prince, "Of course, now will you please give me the honor of having this dance?"

"Oh," you dramatically clasped your hands on your chest before placing yours in his, "I would love to."

It feels like magic even if the both of you probably look like idiots, moving around in the cramped area without music.

The moment was cut off when a motorcycle beeping outside was heard. Yunho's smile dropped when you detached yourself from him, hurriedly going downstairs.

"I have to go, Seonghwa's here. I'll see you later!"

"Yeah, see you later."

Later came on sooner than expected when you entered his place with a dejected expression. He immediately came to your aid, engulfing you in a tight hug and asking you what's wrong.

"Seonghwa is wrong. I can't believe that he asked me out on a date just for a bet."

Yunho's blood boiled at that, you don't deserve that kind of treatment.

He calmed his self down, he could beat that toothless's ass up without any problems, but right now, his priority is you.

He dragged you upstairs, sitting you down in his comfy bed and getting some snacks in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, your eyes roamed in his room, landing on a teenage picture placed at his work table.

"Remember that ugly buzzcut of mine and emo blonde hair of yours?"

Yunho's voice startled you a bit, "Oh gosh it's you. Please knock next time!"

He shrugged, "This is my room though."

He placed the tray of foods in his night stand, walking over to you to stare at the frame as well.

"Yeah, I do remember. We look so weird in that phase." you snickered, reminiscing about your past memories with him.

"I don't think so, you look pretty every time." he nonchalantly stated, making you gape at him like he just ate the last piece of chicken on the plate.

"Stop joking around." you slapped his chest, but what surprised you was when he caught it with his hand, enveloping it tightly.

"Y/N."

It's your name, a word that you hear every day in your life yet it sounded so different this time.

What changed?

"Since when did I ever joked about things like that?"

You were contemplating so hard on what to reply to him that you didn't notice the inching gap between the two of you.

Soon enough, your noses were touching, his warm breath ghosting over your lips.

"Never." you finally answered, and you were the one who sealed that kiss.

Teeth and tongues clashing, hands fervently roaming all over each other's skin and body.

The room, despite air-conditioned felt humid, the intense heat building up rather quickly.

When you pull away for air, his hands went over to the straps of your dress.

"Take it off." you whispered, "Take me."

People have always talked about you and Yunho, saying that you'll end up marrying each other.

You have always denied their allegations, and now you want to slap yourself for it because right now, all you want to do is grow old with him.

[gaylegohell]

paciencia y fe

Love is but a song we sing

Fear’s the way we die

You can make the mountains ring

Or make the angels cry 

California, 1960s. Joey Diaz, surfer, accidental hippie, aspiring pilot, spends the day with his best friend Calvin one last time. 

Warnings: drug use

Joe has spent the morning in the fields before taking over for his sister manning the roadside stand. His Tia Gloria tidies around him, muttering to herself and sweeping the dirt while half a dozen of his tiny cousins play some made up little game involving cowboys. It’s madness most days, having so many family in one place and never having a moment’s peace. He knows he’ll miss it.

Joe’s family had mixed reactions when he told them he had made the decision to join the conflict in Vietnam. His father was supportive. It was the good macho thing to do-- he had one older brother overseas already and the farm could manage without him. Better to have a soldier in the family than a hippie.

He doesn’t tell them he has bigger ambitions than the family farm. He doesn’t tell them he can train to be a pilot and hopefully open up as many opportunities he can get being Hispanic. He doesn’t tell them he’s going because Calvin has already been drafted.

Calvin leaves in a week and Joe is more broken up about it than he could have imagined.

They’d been fast friends since crashing into each other surfing-- literally. They both went after the same wave from opposite sides and collided inside the barrel.

Calvin was sweet and kind and dropped out of school to work the surf shack at Huntington and chase the surf from Manhattan Beach to La Jolla. He was effortlessly cool and had a pack of girls constantly at his heels. Despite that, he only ever wanted to spend time with Joe. Joe often wondered why until Calvin met him behind a rocky outcropping a month ago, tearfully telling him he had gotten drafted, and kissed him.

“Ay! Mijo! Wake up!” Tia Gloria slaps the counter in front of him, interrupting his thoughts. “Pay attention,” she frowns, gesturing to the girl waiting in front of the cash register holding a basket of strawberries and a polite smile.

“Ah, sorry. Strawberries,” Joe smiles tiredly. “30 cents please.”

---

Traffic is a breeze as he coasts down Harbor Boulevard in the rusty, beat up farm truck, SEASIDE FAMILY FARMS in peeling paint on the door, and his surfboard balanced precariously in the bed. The weather cools and the air smells of salt and fog as he drives closer to the ocean and further away from the troubles of reality. The ocean had always felt like a second home. A safe harbor.

April is quiet-- the weather is warm but the ocean is cold. Not a lot of tourists out which is just the way Joe likes it. He settles against the rocks near the pier and fumbles with lighting a cigarette against the wind. He takes a few deep drags, and watches the surf. Only a few brave souls are amongst the waves and the chop today. He wonders vaguely if Calvin is among them.

Joe slings his sack over his shoulder and decides to pick his way across the shore to the surf shack near the pier. The wind is picking up and the salt air stings his lungs. It feels good.

The beach is a little more lively near the pier, but the food and surf shacks are all quiet.

Joe’s heart flutters a little when he peeks into the surf shack and finds Calvin, leaning over a table waxing a surfboard and chewing gum. The little radio behind the cash register gives them the latest weather reports along the beaches.

“Hey Calvin,” Joe smiles. Calvin looks up from his surfboard and his freckled smile brightens the whole shop.

“Hey amigo! What’s shakin!” Calvin immediately pulls Joe in for a tight hug.

“Nothing new,” Joe smiles, “How are you? New haircut?”

Calvin’s already traded his unruly mop of blonde hair for a tidy buzzcut. It suits him, Joe thinks.

Calvin laughs. “You like it? You’re next, amigo,” he teases, ruffling Joe’s curls.

“Oh hey--let me close up shop here, wanna hang out?” Calvin asks but he doesn’t wait for an answer. In minutes the register is closed, the radio off, and the door locked with a “Gone surfin! Back in an hour!” sign taped to the front.

“You’re not out surfing today?” Joe asks. He fishes in his bag for a basket of strawberries, the lumpy misshapen ones they can’t sell at the stand. It’s a stupid waste, thinks Joe--they still taste just as sweet as the perfect ones, even if they are a little ugly. He offers some to Calvin who takes an eager handful.

“Nah,” Calvin says, “the dawn patrol swells were better. ‘Sides, I’ve been busy helping my old man get the place ready for me leaving.”

Joe nods, mouth full of strawberries.

“How’s your old man?” Calvin asks quietly. They make their way along the beach, past the tourists.

Joe shrugs. “He doesn’t talk much. Proud to have another soldier in the family I guess.”

They pause under the the pier, leaning against the cool damp posts, sucking on strawberries.

Calvin throws a stem into an oncoming wave.

“This is the stupidest thing I think you’ve ever done, Jose,” Calvin teases.

“Strawberries under the pier?”

“A hippie going to war.”

Joe frowns with mock indignation. “I’m not a— why does everyone think that?”

Calvin laughs, bright and gentle. “Look at you!” He gently tugs on Joe’s shoulder-length hair.

Joe looks down at his faded jeans and too-tight t-shirt with a cartoon strawberry saying STRAWBERRY PICKING IS FUN. “Hmm,” he frowns.

“Besides,” Calvin says, “I’ve seen your record collection.”

They stand side by side against the pillars until they finish their strawberries and the incoming tide inches towards their toes.

“You wanna come over?” Calvin asks after a few moment’s silence. He’s watching the waves, mind a thousand miles away.

Joe looks at his watch, thinks briefly about the madness waiting for him at home.

“Yeah, I do.”

--

Calvin’s house is just a short walk from the beach, a tiny bungalow where he lived with his WWII veteran father and Hawaiian mother. They were kind and easygoing and let Calvin had run of the house, and Joe loved the time he spent there, whether they were listening to records in Calvin’s room or smoking in the backyard.

Calvin’s backyard was one of Joe’s favorite places— steps off the beach, sheltered by bougainvillea and oleander bushes, an outdoor shower and a shed full of whatever surfboard projects Calvin and his dad were working on.

“You want a smoke?” Calvin asks, rifling through the shed before even waiting for Joe’s reply. It was sometimes an infuriating habit but that was Calvin-- once he had made up his mind about something that was it.

Joe settles onto the grass next to a lawn chair, stretching out his stiff legs and back. Calvin sits in the chair next to Joe and hands him a joint.

“It’s the good stuff,” Calvin assures him, ruffling his hair. Joe takes a deep drag, exhaling slowly into the sky. Calvin’s right: it is good. Calvin winks and takes a deep puff himself.

They’re lying side by side in the grass now, looking towards the sky, sharing the joint. So much of their time together was spent in comfortable silence, which Joe enjoyed.

“I worry about you,” Calvin says soft and quiet. Joe isn’t sure he heard him at first.

Joe props himself up on his elbows. “I’ll be fine, my little brothers will take care of the farm--”

“No,” Calvin interrupts. He sits up, handing the roach to Joe, “I worry about your hippie ass. You’re gonna show up looking like that,” he gestures to Joe, “and you’re in for a world of hurt.” Joe searches Calvin’s face for any hint of a joke and finds none. Calvin is serious-- a rarity for him. Joe stares at the smouldering joint in his hands. He doesn’t know what to say.

“I just…really care about you,” Calvin says. It’s practiced and careful. Joe’s eyes search Calvin’s, and finds them full of hurt and longing and worry. Joe reaches up and gives Calvin a soft pat on his knee.

Calvin quickly rubs his eyes, blinking hard and fast. “Stupid smoke,” he murmurs. “Stupid sand.”

Embarrassed, Joe looks away. He watches an emerald hummingbird hang motionless in the air above the bougainvillea, its wings a soft green blur of movement. When he shifts his body to get a better view, the tiny bird buzzes away into the dusk.

Beside him, Calvin clears his throat at last. “Well, if you’re gonna be a soldier boy, you’ll need a haircut,” Calvin smiles, trying to lighten the mood.

“Sure,” Joe smiles. He sits up, untying his bandana. “Let’s do it.”

-----

The setting sun turns the sky orange and pink as Joe sits on the lawn chair shirtless, while Calvin works away on his hair. Calvin is gentle as he untangles Joe’s hair with his fingers.

“Now be careful with my beard and mustache,” Joe says, stroking his facial hair, “I worked hard on that!”

“You’ve been working on that as long as I’ve known you,” Calvin teases.

“It’s good,” Joe insists. “Muy guapo.”

Calvin rolls his eyes.

The clippers make short work of Joe’s hair and in no time at all he’s sporting a slick new haircut. A breeze plays across his bare neck and makes him shiver.

Calvin brushes a few stray curls from Joe’s shoulder’s, eyeing him up and down. “You look

great,” he smiles, but there’s sadness behind it.

Joe quickly runs his hands across his head and shakes like a dog, sending stray hairs everywhere. It makes Calvin laugh.

“Go hit the shower, you’re a mess!”

----

The backyard is cleaned up, Joe rinsed off in the outdoor shower and drying off in the grass.

Joe and Calvin are sharing another joint and shotgunning Coke, watching the sunset. Calvin’s mom is making something delicious. But it’s getting dark, and Joe needs to go home.

“I’m gonna miss this,” Calvin says, taking a long drag from his joint before handing it to Joe. He declines, standing up and brushing the wrinkles from his jeans.  

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Joe says quietly. He playfully jabs Calvin on the shoulder. Calvin catches it and draws him in for a tight hug. Joe embraces him back.

“You know where to find me,” Calvin says, finally breaking out of their embrace after several minutes.

Joe nods. “Somewhere on the beach,” he smiles.

Calvin smiles back, his eyes wet.

“Totally.”

----

After bidding goodbye to Calvin’s parents, and giving another tearful quick kiss to Calvin, Joe hops back in his truck and drives slowly away, watching Calvin wave from the beach in his rear-view mirror.

He smokes through the rest of the pack of cigarettes with the window down-- he hates to think what his family will say when he shows up late for dinner, hair shaved, and smelling like pot. He realizes with a pang he left his favorite red bandana at Calvin’s house. Maybe Calvin would keep it for him. Joe tries to not think too hard about what the future would bring for Calvin. Or even himself, for that matter.

All he can do is go forward.