#i love getting to talk abd reflect a bit on my writing

[alexturne]

15, 16 and 18 for the writing asks? 🥰

15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

Definitely under these lights you look beautiful! It has such rom-com vibes and I'd love to see those sweet and soft terribly in love boys live out their best pumpkin-picking life! Only if they get pretty Humbug Alex to do it though and his gorgeous Miles to tag along 😂

The story has such strong ambiance I feel, it's a very visual story, and the atmosphere plays a big part in it.

I also feel like I managed to create enough structure and plot to be able to make it work as a movie, and the characters go through challenges and evolve both as individuals and together as a pair throughout, which I feel would ne necessary for a movie to work.

16. What is your most underrated fic?

Hm, maybe I'll say i've been saving all my summers for you. It's one of my longer fics that doesn't get too much attention, and I just honestly really love that little story. It's so dear to my heart, even if it's not for everyone apparently 😂🥰

It's a very different style from what I usually write, it was one of the first stories I ever worked on and I was so pleased with how the little glimpses into their lives turned out. I liked delving into their lives two weeks at a time through a ten year period, and I loved getting to explore the changes and life experiences they went through in a year in a few short paragraphs. It was just a lot of fun!

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Staying within the realm of i've been saving all my summers for you, I chose a little snippet from that, the end of their 20th year.

This little bit wrapped up a lot of little hints and details from the previous years, and I felt like it was an interesting way of letting the reader know exactly how torn and heartbroken Alex really was, how much he was pining for Miles without using too many words or long winded sentences.

I loved using simple imagery and building on the actions he has been performing throughout the other parts to make it clear how he was feeling. I felt it was a good callback to him stuffing their memories away, and this time he gives up, he can't keep doing this and he finally acknowledges to himself just how gone for Miles he really is and has been all along, but in a really short and simple way. The buildup felt satisfactory to me, and I really enjoyed using the imagery like this.

It's a way for him to finally be honest with both the reader, but mostly himself, about how he's feeling, but it also marks a very clear line cut in the sand in terms of how the story needs to progress. It's an emotional point of no return, and the first time the reader fully sees Alex owning up to his feelings.

Miles hadn't wanted to come back.

And he never will.

By now Alex is sure of it.

And Alex will keep his heart safe and not risk it getting broken again.

He'll stuff it into the box at the bottom of his closet along with everything else that has ever belonged to Miles.

Thank you so much for the question, sorry it has taken me ages to reply! ❤️

[beautifulrzilience]

Officially Back in School: Week 1 Reflections

Good morning world. It’s 7:41 am out here in the east coast and I’m already sweating up a storm! Although I must admit, it is starting to get a bit cooler. 

Today marks my first week that I  have completed for my PhD program in Criminal Justice at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice. And damn! I am pretty worn out. I have managed to go to sleep at 10 p.m and wake up at 6:30 a.m most of this week now. I think the commute to school is what wears me out the most. 30 minutes to get there, 40 minutes to get back. And trust me, being packed like a sardine in a train with 50 sweaty people who are usually taller than you--is not--the business.

I wanted to reflect a bit on this week and some of my take aways. This semester I have 4 classes: Research & Methods, Public Policy (focused on Criminal Justice of course), Theory, and STATISTICS (not my favorite!). And I must say that I really like the set up. Unlike my former program, the professors we have this semester, are the same professors we have next semester. And the next semester we basically have “part 2″ of the classes we take this semester, so there is clear continuity and consistency in the material we learn. What I really like about this is that because we have the same professors for an entire year, when we have our “Comps” (Comprehensive Exams in order to move towards ABD status), the same professors who have taught us for the past year, write our exams, knowing what we’ve talked about and what we should’ve learned as a base for creating the exams. Complete opposite in Ethnic Studies at Cal. So some advice for folks considering grad school: when you research programs that you are interested in, I would highly recommend you to consider looking into the structure of the program. You want to know how they run their ship, and if you believe it is run with intention. You don’t want to be in a situation where you find yourself taking a loss because the screw ups of your program and the professors. I feel really confident that I will be successful in passing my exams in order to finally be where I want to be: writing my damn dissertation!

Some thoughts on the classes themselves. Well, my professors this semester are quirky, but that’s expected.I like them though. They are all really energetic and seem to have genuine love for the field of criminal justice and teaching. More importantly for me, I feel really comfortable in my classes and already I am absorbing new material that’s making me thing about what kind of career I want to pave for myself, and where I can take my research as a scholar. Although, I already get the sense that folks in CJ may not be too critical in terms of race, class, gender, colonialism, resistance etc. it gives me an opportunity to shine in the classroom with the knowledge I bring as an Ethnic Studies scholar. I caught myself at times in class, where I felt the need to speak up because out of 12 students, I am the only Chicana in my classrooms. So even though I haven’t been formerly incarcerated, a lot of the people (friends and family) I love and study are. And I feel the urgency and need to speak up for them since they can’t physically be there. I feel like not only my background but also my racial identification inevitably puts me in these at times, weird positions. I have also already experienced moments where I have stated certain ideas, only to have a male professor restate what I say, while simultaneously having blown off my original comment. Not sure if that was intentional or not, but an observation I have made nonetheless. 

Now as far as STATS.  I feel like because I’ve been meditating on a daily, my day to day outlook on things are changing. I am taking Stats this semester and for some odd reason I don’t feel anxious or stressed about it. And for those of you who know me, KNOW that I don’t do math. I mean the last time I took Stats was when I was 19 as part of my requirements for Sociology. And let me tell you- I FAILED 3/4 of the exams. But it seems that most of my peers failed that summer too because when I received my final grade for the course, I received a B! Just goes to show that even with a college degree, doesn’t mean you are intellectually well rounded. Higher education is a business not a place that people are 100% invested in the education of people.

Alas, I digress. I still have a little voice in my head that doubts myself as far as making it through Stats. As a woman and young girl, math and the “hard” sciences were never pushed on me, and I never did well in them. So my confidence there is pretty weak. But I need to-- ABSOLUTELY must pass Stats because if not, I could be looking at another program that I don’t finish. That’s something that I hate, that sometimes programs have certain classes that end up weeding people out. People like me. And as the professor stated, “For those of you who find this difficult, you’re going to have to work extra hard, because I’m going to move fast.” --Not the most encouraging for someone like me. But I’m going to have a positive outlook and just give it my all, I don’t have any other choice.

I quit Staples today. YUP. I know. After 4 long years in Cali, I thought I could handle working at the Staples here in NY, but with the commute to school, classes (which are pretty intense), reading, studying for Stats, working for The Safe Return Project, working for a professor as part of my Graduate Student Research Assistantship to pay for school, and making sure I am engaging in activities for self care and self love, I just don’t have the time or energy to put for Staples anymore. So while I am going to miss out on building community with regular folks, I did what was best for me and my education. 

My partner and I planted sage on the lunar eclipse about a week and a half ago. The instructions said that it would take 3-4 weeks for the seeds to sprout, but low and behold within a week and a half my baby girl has blossomed. We named her Mochi, and I am super excited to see her grow. She symbolizes so many things for me, but especially in the moment I’m in right now, all I can think about is new beginnings. I’m feelin myself.

#BeKind #BeStrong #BeBrave #BeLove #BeFree