#i love getting into new things but i hate abandoning my old favs bc of them

[rosekasa]

also i didn't know you've been posting for so long? i thought you started your account with MLB

omg girl noooo ive been here for ages!!! i started posting my art in 2017 for attack on titan and mysme! i was basically ons-only for about a year and a half and then got into mlb in early 2019! and now we're here 🥹

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

One Punch Man ship reviews bc I’m bored

WARNING: BIG ONE PUNCH MAN WEBCOMIC AND MANGA SPOILERS

GenoSai: do I even have to say it?? They compliment each other so well and are already besties. They make me so happy and I love their love. Genos literally came into Saitama’s life and brought so much new life and excitement when Saitama thought he’d never get any. Genos gives him love and appreciation all the time and never abandons him. Saitama isn’t connected to his feelings, but he cares about Genos and would do just about anything for him, to keep him safe. Genos constantly teases Saitama and Saitama grumbles and takes it with some banter, Genos is super emotional and Saitama does his best to comfort him, they fucking love shopping together and just hanging out period, they talk about the dumbest shit and somehow they still understand each other with the one brain cell they both share. It takes Genos forever to realize his feelings are deeper and Saitama has to be TOLD by their friends that he should fucking realize his feelings already. Just...I could keep going but I’ll stop! 2718873737839439/10 (let’s not talk about the age gap btw, 6 years isn’t bad and Genos is a legal adult.)

FubuSai: the stereotypical straight ship ppl gravitate to. Eh. I can see it, but at the same time I feel like they don’t completely compliment each other. Are they a hot couple? Duh. But I feel like their pride and communication issues would get in the way. 4/10

TatsuSai: hnghhhh. Someone mentioned this before, can’t remember who, but Saitama literally thinks she’s a child in canon. So that just....makes it gross. Same problems as FubuSai but worse. I’d rather see them as hesitant friends w a weird bond. 0/10

SonSai/SonicSai/idk the ship name: eh, toxic. Cant see them getting past communication issues and pride, again. Plus Sonic wants to kill his ass. Also, I just feel no romantic tension?? Even in fanfic it just falls flat for me. 3/10

MumenSai: a favorite!! Wish I saw it more, it’s very cute. Mumen is so kind and would absolutely be there to help him w self esteem and just help him be a better person period. And Saitama would have a cute little kind guy to tease and open up to. I could maybe see Mumen’s kindness getting on Saitama’s nerves when he’s in a bad mood bc Mumen almost never snaps and Saitama feels shittier, or maybe Mumen being mad at Saitama for being kinda lazy at home while Mumen is working his ass off and he’s like babe I just got home, please stop playing the fucking game and pay attention to me I have a concussion again. Prob too nitpicky on this one, heh, but 8.4/10

Genos x Sonic: wtf? As a crack ship, sure. That’s hilarious. But as a serious ship, 1.3/10 bc I could MAYBE see them bond over their love of my chemical romance or sum.

Anyone x Puri: -128382839287473828739219833468282/10. Fuck Puri.

TatsuKing: eh. Indifferent on this one too. I can see them getting along and Tatsu being the mean but supportive gf in public, but a sweet gf in private. King could be like her calm oasis of video games and sweet blonde shy bf. I sway more towards ace/aro King and queer non binary Tatsu, but this is still good. 6/10

FubuPsy/Fubuki x Psykos/idk: hell yeah!! This series NEEDS more wlw ships, both for me to project onto and to cry over. Prob my fav Fubuki ship, cuz they’ve known each other since they were young and had a tenuous friendship. I didn’t use to ship it until I saw that scene in the wc after the MA arc (u know the one) but here we are. They’re big personalities so any interaction is bound to be chaotic at first, but I really think they’d work. Pride put to the side, Psykos could be someone for Fubuki to finally rely on other than the Blizzard Bunch, someone to confide in, a badass partner to fight monsters with, talk about nothing for hours with, be a super fashionable #girlboss couple with, and someone who would really see her for who she is-especially w Psykos knowledge of her from the past. Hell, Psykos might even know her better than Tatsumaki. Fubuki could be an anchor to her like she currently is in the wc, providing a quiet comfort and making her open up little by little. Would prob be toxic at first bc of the MA arc and their desire for power, but is a very good ship I think. 9/10

Speedal/Sonic x Mumen: an old fav! Sonic would have a hard time not hating Mumen at first bc he’s the picture definition of a hero, sum he hates. But hanging out with him would show him Mumen is a GOOD guy genuinely and he’d be like ohhhh shit I’m in love w this man. Mumen would thoroughly appreciate someone to make him live a little, break some rules and stand up to ppl when they talk over him. He’d DEFINITELY be upset when finding out Sonic is an assassin, but would prob be conflicted bc he knows Sonic is a good person despite that. Would prob make Sonic give up on killing for them to be together. Sucks bc of the assassin thing and bc they haven’t met in canon! So we’re not sure how they’d interact with each other, sigh. 7.4/10

Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: a very underrated ship! To be clear, I headcanon Kama as a trans woman and so does most of the fandom. Anyway, very sweet and already built as a friendship bc of their partnership under Atomic Samurai. I can’t remember who writes fic and makes art of them on tumblr but AAAAA it’s so good! Very sweet. Basically depicted Bushi as a nervous himbo who’s honest about his feelings but scared to say them and Kama as a sweet lady who’s crazy about Bushi. Very sweet. Want more of them!! 6.1/10

OneZon/Zombieman x One Shotter: never even thought of the ship till I saw @megidolan art work! Very wholesome, and from what little we know of Shotter we know he’s a sort of nervous yet strong willed guy, and Zombieman would totally help him calm down bc he’s so chill. I could see them sharing cigarettes and talking shit on heroes while cuddling u know? 7/10 only because I don’t see enough of it but very good concept.

Mumarou/Mumen x Garou: a lot of ppl are gonna hate me for this but....I don’t like it. I’ve tried! I just—idk. I’ve read so many good fics about them that make me like it a bit, but the concept is just eh. I think their relationship is, in most reps, really cliche angsty stuff. I wish I could elaborate I just...gah! Basically, there’s better ships for the both of them imo. Sorry!! 4.3/10

Sonic x Flashy/SonFlash: yes!! Prob my fav Sonic ship. They have soooo much tension, it’s almost worse than Genos’ tension w Saitama. Flashy LITERALLY poisoned Sonic so that he wouldn’t be forced to kill him at the ninja graduation. He cares. They’ll never say it out loud, but they care. They have someone who understands what they went through in each other and someone they’re both so similar to, yet so different from. Sonic is more vocal about his expressions and let’s people know it while Flashy often keeps things to himself, they could really influence the other to be more this or that. I could see a lot of comfort with these two, and not much is needed for relationship development; they already have so much unspoken between them after meeting for the first time in years. Love it. Wish I saw it more! 10/11

KingSai: wonderful! Out of the few ppl Saitama is close to, def my second fav pick for a ship for him. There’s a post saying how Saitama doesn’t cut King off when he’s going on rants about games and stuff bc he’s talking TO Saitama, not at him like Genos tends to do on accident. They’re already great buddies! Saitama could find a shy gamer man who he can talk to about manga and stuff and also a passionate bf who could break out of his shell w Saitama and be himself with no lies. King can have someone to protect him, duh, someone who finally understands his weird sense of humor, and someone to shower him in the love and kindness he deserves when Saitama is in the mood to be all out like that w his affections. Plus he’s Saitama’s anchor and brings him back down when he’s super anxious and depressed and tells him what’s up that he needs to fix without sugarcoating it. Would def have a bunch of inside jokes and go on dates that are just staying inside playing video games all night. Domestic af. 10/10

Fubuki x Mizuki: my first wlw Fubuki ship! Hard to find but very good. Mizuki is this big ball of kindness, energy, and raw power that would make Fubuki go ‘Ohhhhhhh, big pretty lady make brain go brrr.’ I could see Mizuki grounding Fubuki when she’s in over her head, giving her random gifts bc she saw sum and thought of her, doing a marathon run and wildly waving at Fubuki in the crowd, and all around being a dependable woman confident in herself and in love with a mysterious esper. Prob a little shy when it comes to anything physical bc she loves Fubuki so much and is overwhelmed by the realness of being w her. Fubuki gives Mizuki advice on ‘acting like a proper hero’ or whatever and though Mizuki thinks she doesn’t need it, Fubuki still helps her a lot w her career and being taken more seriously by others. Would give Mizuki someone who loves her for who she is and would go wild on her in private when she can be open about her affection, would be someone Mizuki could exercise with and listen intently to Mizuki’s physical knowledge, and would absolutely bandage her when she’s all banged up. Hnghh love this ship. It’s only behind the FubuPsy ship juuuuust a little bc they haven’t met in canon so we can’t be sure about their interactions and stuff. 8.8/10, I love WOMEN

Batarou: how could I go this far without mentioning them?! They have SOOOO much tension in the centichoro fight, like come on. Both snarky assholes who are huge softies one the inside, Badd being the more logical one (still a himbo, tho) and Garou being the more chaotic one. Probably take forever to admit their feelings bc they’re so prideful and stupid <3 flirt through constant wrestling matches and it takes Genos saying ‘they should kiss already, they’re getting on his nerves’ for them to finally realize what’s up. (@rayadraws has a great au where Garou Genos and Badd are a chaotic friend squad and Genos is the only brain of the group, haha. Very good au y’all check it out!) Would constantly pick on each other affectionately and switch into concerned SO when the other is hurt like the big teddy bears they are. Raise Zenko together for sure. Garou would fumble being romantic and Badd would find it both hilarious and cute. 11/12

Zombie mask/Amai x Zombieman:

So. I don’t like Amai Mask and I used to hate him, BUT the webcomic and fic have really helped me calm down on him (he’s still a dick tho), so it’s easier to want to ship him and stuff. Bc of Amai’s anger issues and controlling behavior, I could see this relationship being super toxic and icky—but I think they have some form of understanding that pulls Amai back from being a complete dick, you know? Start off as fuck buddies and slowly form something else from spending companionable time together other than screwing. Zombieman pulls Amai back from his angry fits and soothes him over with his logic. Talk maaaaaad shit about heroes, but only when they’re alone because Zombieman knows Amai will talk loud af about the heroes they’re roasting and Zombie doesn’t wanna stop a fight from happening. Zombieman loves making Amai flustered and has a secret check list in his head of all the things that get Amai red faced. Loves to listen to Amai rant about things for hours and loves to watch his face go through almost cartoon like expressions as he talks. He won’t admit it, but Zombie loves to be spoiled by Amai’s shit tons of cash and often takes rides in Amai’s limos when he wants to smoke and think to himself. Amai has a hard time realizing how his feelings have changed, but gets hit hard with it when he wakes up to Zombie making them breakfast one morning while wearing Amai’s underwear. Amai also loves to spoil Zombie and takes him out to restaurants and buys him cool new weapons on the weekends. @batneko has pretty much gotten me into this ship and I strongly suggest looking at their works! 7.9/10

DemonKnight/Genos x Zero/Drive Knight: I’m pretty sure this used to be a crack ship before the past like 10 manga chapters—and now here we are! Not a fav bc 1. ZERO LEFT GENOS TO SELF DESTRUCT AFTER THEY COMBINED TO FORM THE FUCKING JET HE WAS JUST LIKE lol bye SO LIKE if he left him to die that’s super hard for me to forgive and ship grrr 2. Disregarding the manga’s canon and looking at the wc, while I love the little trip they went on where Zero demonstrated his abilities and helped Genos kill monsters, it’s super sus. He knew alllll of this info on Metal Knight and was super supportive and understanding when Genos said he needed time to think. Like,,,what are his intentions? We know so little about him—is he trying to trick Genos or was he being sincere? THAT STUFF ASIDE, they’re a really fun ship. They’re both huge fucking nerds and can keep up with their talk on robotics for hours, they’re both cyborgs so they understand each other’s pain, and they’re both super cool and angsty. I think they could really settle into a deep bond that can go platonic or romantic, just depends. Genos needs more ppl in his life so hell yeah! Plus, he can really let go with Zero bc they don’t have that teacher/student relationship and Zero, if he’s really a sincere and kind guy like in the wc, can be there for Genos and listen to him. Don’t have much to say on this ship other than @wellthisisembarrassing makes GORGEOUS art of them! 6.3/10

Webuiko/Suiko x Webigaza: YEAH I KNOW THEY HAVENT INTERACTED IN CANON AND WE DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM BUT HEAR ME OUT. Webigaza—cool af determined cyborg idol who’s surprisingly down to earth when talking with Child Emperor. Suiko—sassy and honest fighter who doesn’t take shit and is very passionate. Suiko would go to talk to Web then immediately freak out bc aaaa she’s way prettier than she thought, she can’t do this! Web would have to gently encourage Suiko to talk and at first is like ‘ah man, must be an adoring fan, ugh I’m so tired. At least she’s hot’ but when Suiko snaps out of her shyness Web is like oh! She’s super cool wtf. Always bump into each other during fights and help each other get fixed up, Suiko using her muscle power to lift Web’s pieces (and give Web a great view of Suiko’s muscles holy SHIT) and Web would patch Suiko up. Not to be stereotypical, but they’re def a masc/femme couple. I love the idea of this ship soooo much and I really hope they interact! 6.6/10 only bc they haven’t met 😭😭😭 look them up on here! There’s some great art of them by a few blogs

Dr. Kuseno x Bang: pretty sure @baldyborg came up with this one! Super cute. Just two old dudes finding a nice friendship in each other, maybe after Bang helps carry Genos to Kuseno’s after a day of fighting. Bang would find Kuseno to be a very cute little nerd man and would be sooo impressed by Kuseno’s mad scientist skills. Kuseno would be super impressed when seeing Bang in action too. They’d prob talk as soon as they meet each other and Genos would be in the background like you guys it’s been an hour, please fix me I’m on the verge of death 🧍🏻Bang would give Kuseno advice on training techniques to teach Genos and advice on making his bodies more martial arts ready or sum, meanwhile Kuseno would give his take on how to be kinder to Garou so that Bang would learn to repair the relationship with a gentleness he’s seemingly lacking (yes I’m talking about the chapter where he and Garou start fighting and Bang is just not doing enough to reach out to Garou, he’s being a callous old man! So yeah I’m still mad about that). Genos and Saitama would prob be out on a date and Saitama would be like oh theres Bang, wonder what he’s doing? Then Kuseno would walk up and kiss Bang and Genos and Sai would be shocked like SIRS 👬 Genos would tell Bang he doesn’t need another adoptive dad and Bang would be like....ok.... I see them retiring in a cottage together and Bang would become a huge softie. Yes I’m actively ignoring chapter 141 of the wc, shut up. 7.6/10

TankTop master x Mumen: they have a nice friendship going on in the manga right now! Just bros supporting bros. Tank is the picture definition of a muscly himbo and Mumen is his cute passionate bf. Also workout buddies af!! Don’t have much to say other than pretty good ship, just not a fav. 5.2/10

To sum it up—

GenoSai: 2718873737839439/10, Batarou: 11/12, SonFlash: 10/11, KingSai: 10/10, FubuPsy: 9/10, Fubuki x Mizuki: 8.8/10, MumenSai: 8.4/10, ZombieMask: 7.9/10, Dr. Kuseno x Bang: 7.6/10, Speedal: 7.4/10, OneZon: 7/10, Webuiko: 6.6/10, DemonKnight: 6.3/10, Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: 6.1/10, TatsuKing: 6/10, TankTop Master x Mumen: 5.2/10, Mumarou: 4.3/10, FubuSai: 4/10, SonSai: 3/10, Genos x Sonic: 1.3/10, TatsuSai: 0/10, anyone x Puri: -1283828319833468282/10

If there’s any ships I left out, it’s bc I don’t know them, don’t wanna talk about them, or just don’t have an opinion strong enough. Also, I know there are some poly ships like Genos x Saitama x Fubuki, but I’ve read only one fic about that (it was pretty good, here’s the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406992 ) so I don’t feel like talking about it. Hope no ones offended! All my opinion here :)

[phoebehalliwell]

Ok ok ok so idk if your still doing this but could I request Phole + a better version of S5? (Maybe feat their kid?) they and Julian deserved better 🥺

okay so if we're doing a good phole s5 i feel like the place to start to really tee em up for success is season 4 because black as cole is when it all really started to go downhill i loved belthazor cole that was def my fav version of him so rather than bring up his dicey past or make him human i'd just keep him belthazor and instead of source cole as our main s4 plot we have defeating the source as our main task (and then once he's defeated, realizing that he was kinda just the seer's bitch and now we have to defeat the seer) And Then Also getting cole's father's soul back from the brotherhood of the thorn, something that was teased like it was gonna be a plot, and then abandoned. so we're getting that character development from cole as we see phoebe was not the first time he felt love, he loved his father, and like kind of strip away this hardened, cold blooded, sexy killer in favor for a man who is really vulnerable and whose childhood was fucked up but who really wants a second chance to try for a family and you know what kinda so does phoebe

but phoebe's not fully ready to have kids yet i mean like new job she's still trying to get her feat under her hell new sister like life isn't necessarily stable rn per se so let's maybe slow our roll

and cole also isn't like. let's have babies!! because he's still a demon and she's still a charmed one and they don't know what that'll cook up but it's both agreed between the two of them that they want a family

maybe we speed up piper's pregnancy because we'll have had room in s4 for more of that and we give cole and phoebe a babysitting day and their both like woah woah woah woah and piper's like hey don't you want one of these it's a perfect trial run

and of course it's a mess and there's like multiple demon attacks and oh my god what the fuck aaaaaaaaaaa but like. they do save the day. and like in the end cole's holding wyatt bouncing him up and down and wyatt coos and like phoebe's like that's my man <3 and they realize like you know what. they can do this. they can like. like yes this is a lot but like. we're a great team

so like maybe they put wyatt down to sleep and like they're watching over him it's the end of the day and they're like we could do a family. there's no one i would want to do a family with more than you.

and cole's like okay well i know a pretty good place to start phoebe halliwell will you marry me

and we do a proper phole wedding i don't want it in the manor bc we already did that but i also don't want it as a church i think i've said before i think they would do like a nature wedding or a beach wedding or like a forest wedding (with elise officiating) and we get vows proper vows i was born the day you loved me type shit you know

and they also move out well maybe they moved out in season four no because they just got married we'll say they moved out in season five and dude fuck that penthouse fr you want me to believe that phoebe halliwell lived in that stale ass location there was no life there there was no love there

i would love to see them in maybe like a beach house really because ik cole really appreciates the finer things but something that still has the undeniable feeling of home and the place is covered in photos and you know there are like cinnamon brooms and sage bundles hanging from the ceiling because well phoebe's a witch and it's just a house that feels lived in a place where you can feel love from the moment you cross the threshold

and i think like phoebe has this tendency to fall asleep on the couch whenever they're watching tv because unless it's a horror movie unless it's something like actively keeping her on the edge of her seat like she just conks out so usually cole will just carry her to bed and sometimes phoebe like kind of wakes up when he's carrying her but she really just nuzzles into his chest a little more and mutters a small i love you and lets him tuck her in because she never feels more safe than she does when she's with cole

and sometimes when phoebe's asleep cole will kind of just pace around the house and like look at all the pictures on the wall and just the life itself teeming from the place and it almost makes him cry because never in a million years did he think he was ever gonna be this happy that he was even going to get even just a taste of this but here he is safe his wife asleep in the bedroom family picture on the wall and like. he's just overcome with love

it's actually in s5 that cole figures out his powers can have different triggers rather than the standard demonic hate or rage and it's kinda like in avatar the last airbender when zuko is like well now my firebending sucks because i used by hate to power it now what do i do but they go find the origin of life bringing fire and find that it's so much more than a tool of destruction yeah cole kind of goes through that

he realizes that he doesn't need to be ruled by these negative feelings or his haunted past in order to use his powers yes he's still "demonic" in the technical term but he moves so far past that really into a new stage of magic

oh and we're still doing the cinderella episode. the fairytale episode whatever. because i want something where phoebe wears a ballgown an actual proper ballgown not that ugly ass shit she had on my god and descends the steps and cole's waiting there in a suit and maybe it's a masquerade ball one of elise's crazy gimmicks and phoebe's at the top of the stairs looking down and it's just a sea of people in masks and yet in spite of that she can pick out cole immediately and it really does feel like a fairytale ending maybe we get a good old fashioned true love's kiss to so something relevant to the plot

[kayliemusing]

42: top 3s

1: Top 3 ice cream flavors - classic vanilla, birthday cake/birthday batter, bubblegum

2: Top 3 Disney Movies - Mulan, Onward, Soul (but this changes frequently lol)

3: Top 3 vacation destinations - I've never been outside of my home country so I'll say my top 3 DREAM destinations: NYC, Hawaii, a random countryside in either France or the UK

4: Top 3 places to shop - Dynamite, Sephora, Winners/Homesense

5: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take - English/anything creative writing related, Interior Decorating/Design, Communications?

6: Top 3 make up products - YSL Touche Eclat Foundation, literally any Mac Lipstick but it has to be matte, & Fenty Beauty contour stick

7: Top 3 music artists - Taylor Swift - Of Monsters and Men - The Lumineers

8: Top 3 spices/herbs - Cinnamon - Nutmeg (literally tastes like autumn) - Paprika

9: Top 3 drinks - Diet Coke - Hot Chocolate - Vanilla Bean Frappe

10: Top 3 apps to use - Instagram - Pinterest -iBooks

11: Top 3 months of the year - May, October, December

12: Top 3 clothing items - My black/white turtle neck, high waisted jeans, plaid blazer

13: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows - Bones, Supernatural, Brooklyn Nine Nine

14: Top 3 romantic dates - (I've never been on a date but if I had, it would be this) Evening walk, late night drive, late night coffee date (tbh anything at night feels romantic)

15: Top 3 kinds of flower - Water lilies, cherry blossoms, roses

16: Top 3 christmas movies - A Christmas Carol (2009), Home Alone, The Polar Express

17: Top 3 OTPs - Nesta and Cassian from ACOTAR series by SJM, Manon and Dorian from Throne of Glass series by SJM, Casteel and Poppy from From Blood and Ash series by JLM.

18: Top 3 quotes to describe your life - "I write not to find, but to leave" by Scherezade Siobhan - "I want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know" by Catherynne M. Valente - "The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get" by Joanna Hoffman.

19: Top 3 characteristics you love about yourself - my kindness bc it's not surface level kindness, but actually something deeply rooted within me - my resilience even tho sometimes it doesn't feel like resilience - my loyalty bc it is a hard as steel kind of loyalty

20: Top 3 kinds of candy - Maltesers, Kit kats, smarties

21: Top 3 ways to exercise/ be active - Walking, dancing, mowing the lawn/shoveling the sidewalk

22: Top 3 spirit animals - wolf, hummingbird, tiger (i googled it bc i didn't know and i was scared it was a joke but)

23: Top 3 petnames - I like 'lovebug', 'love', 'sweetheart'

24: Top 3 books read outside of school - The Hating Game by Sally Thorne, A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J Maas but viewers discretion is advised, Crush by Richard Siken

25: Top 3 most used websites - Youtube, Tumblr, Pinterest

26: Top 3 people you last texted - my mom, my bestie megan, and my sister bc they're the only people i text...

27: Top 3 hashtags you use - the only time i use hashtags is if i'm trying to promote some of my writing so I'll usually use writingcommunity, writersonig, poetryonig lol

28: Top 3 instagram accounts you follow - Trista Mateer, Griefmother, obviously taylor swift

29: Top 3 guilty pleasures - buzzfeed quizzes, early 2000s music, romance novels

30: Top 3 summer activities - Going to the zoo, long evening walks, campfires and s'mores

31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle - hearts, flowers, random swirls bc it's the only thing i can doodle...

32: Top 3 aesthetics - cityscape aesthetic, autumn aesthetic, rustic aesthetic

33: Top 3 things you'd buy if you gained three million dollars - a new car, a condo, another cat

34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself - facial, a large bag of maltesers, buying the makeup i really want but have been putting off

35: Top 3 celebrity crushes - Evan Peters, Matthew Daddario, henry cavill

36: Top 3 books from your childhood - Love You Forever by Robert Munsch, The Big Friendly Giant by Roald Dahl, and Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmens

37: Top 3 accents to hear - Australian, super poshy british accent, new zealand accent

38: Top 3 scents - Fresh rain, vanilla, sweet cinnamon pumpkin from bath and body works

39: Top 3 "Friends" quotes - "WE WERE ON A BREAK" -Ross, "Guess things were just going too well for me" -also ross, and "it's so exhausting waiting for death" - phoebe

40: Top 3 cupcake flavors - tbh I haven't tried that many cupcakes so your typical vanilla, chocolate, and Pink Lady Cupcake from Babycakes Cupcakery

41: Top 3 fruits - Pomegranates, Strawberries, Raspberries

42: Top 3 places you've had amazing pizza from - Pizzahut, Dominos, Pizza73

43: Top 3 sports teams to watch - i don't

44: Top 3 crayola colors - uh, i guess red, purple, and pink??

45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college - Certificates/Degrees in Copyediting and Creative Writing, and I think simply just deeper critical thinking skills when it comes to writing and books

46: Top 3 fanfictions you've read - I read more books than fanfics, I've read a couple on tumblr but don't remember the names sorry :/

47: Top 3 people you miss right now - my dad, my best friend bc she's in vancouver, taylor swift bc she's not on tumblr anymore rip

48: Top 3 fears - Failure, Loss, not achieving anything in life/not reaching my full potential

49: Top 3 favorite literary devices - Foreshadowing is always god tier, cliffhangers although evil i love those too, symbolism

50: Top 3 pet peeves - People dragging their shoes on the floor when they walk, when you tell someone your fav hobby/music artist/interest and they immediately go 'oh I hate X!', and people who go 'you're so quiet!!!' but in a way that draws in more attention and/or makes me feel more uncomfortable like i would literally rather die

51: Top 3 physical things you find attractive - Hands, nice hair, defined jawlines

52: Top 3 bad habits - Nailbiting, picking at my blemishes oops, lip biting

53: Top 3 pets you've had/wish to have - Cats bc they complete me, I've always wanted a Samoyed, and I've always wanted a turtle

54: Top 3 types of foreign food - Chicken Chow Mein, deep fried shrimp, japanese chicken wings

55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime - 'I quit', 'I love you', 'you changed my life'

56: Top 3 dog breeds - Samoyed, german shepherds, collies

57: Top 3 cheesy romance movies - You've Got Mail, How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days, 10 Things I Hate About You

58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak - French, Sign, and maybe Japanese?

59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) - The Cruel Prince series by Holly Black, A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas (but literally only for Cassian and Nesta), From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout

60: Top 3 pizza toppings - Mushrooms, alfredo sauce, pineapple

61: Top 3 youtubers you're subscribed to - Game Grumps, Charlotte Dobre, Megan Batoon

62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas - I want to get a tattoo on my wrist of the last thing my dad ever wrote me, a hummingbird tattoo right next to it, and then a cross on my index finger

63: Top 3 awards you want to win - National Book Awards, Nobel Prize, and maybe even Goodreads Choice Awards lol

64: Top 3 emojis - Laugh/Crying emoji, the please sir emoji that kinda gives off those puss n boots eyes, and the stars emoji

65: Top 3 cars you dream of owning - 1970s Chev Impala, tbh a cute little Hyundai Venue, and maaaaybe the 1964 ferarri 250 gt luso (idk if that name was totally right but i had to do tons of googling to find it. i don't know a lot about cars and i don't really have a top 3 lol)

66: Top 3 authors - Right now I'm really into Sarah J Maas, Sally Thorne, and Holly Black maybe?

67: Top 3 historical figures - Jesus, Anne Frank, Vincent Van Gogh

68: Top 3 baby names - Ryder, Leila, Gracie

69: Top 3 DIYs - Candles, refurnishing old furniture (i.e. my mom and i painted our wooden garbage can), and really just any type of autumn diy

70: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors - Strawberry/Banana, Mango, Strawberry-Mango

71: Top 3 songs of this month - Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish, Biblical by Calum Scott, and Visiting Hours by Ed Sheeran

72: Top 3 questions of this post you want to be asked - I did them all bc I made it a survey instead of an ask meme ;)

73: Top 3 villains - Regina/The Evil Queen from Once Upon a Time, Cruella De Vil, and Moriarty from Sherlock

74: Top 3 Cities you want to see - Montreal, NYC, Vancouver (honorable mention: LA)

75: Top 3 recipes you want to try - different kind of salad and/or burger bowls, Stuffed bell peppers, and homemade lemon loaf

76: Top 3 dream jobs - Bestselling author, the person who runs a companies social media accounts, youtuber/blogger

77: Top 3 lucky items - tbh don't have one

78: Top 3 traditions you have - Christmas Eve Service and if I don't go to that at least incorporating reading the christmas story on christmas day or eve, idk if this counts as tradition but going to the corn maze every fall, and whenever it's easter/christmas/thanksgiving we always have a big meal w/ family

79: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid - reckless abandon, dreaming about growing up with hopefulness and no dashed hopes, experiencing holidays like halloween and christmas as a kid

80: Top 3 harry potter characters - I've never read or watched Harry Potter rip (ok well i saw the first and second (and maybe third?) movie in the sixth grade I think) but I think I really liked Hermoine, Harry obviously and Dobby

81: Top 3 lies you were told - i don't have 3, but this one has a story but basically when my sister and i were in elementary school my sister got hit by a car and so the insurance thing was that she would recieve 10k when she was 18 and as a child i thought that was unfair so my dad told me that my sister had to split it with me when we were 18 lmao obviously that didn't happen (i think i realized that wasn't true in middle school)

82: Top 3 pictures in your camera roll right now - Pictures of my cat, one of my sister in a hilarious filter, and a picture of my rocking my TS merch

83: Top 3 turn ons - Kindness, defined jawline, easy going

84: Top 3 turn offs - arrogance, unkempt, super loud and obnoxious

85: Top 3 magazines/news papers/ journals to read - I don't read much of those so I'll tell you some sites I love for writing purpose's: there's Wellstoried, justwriterlythings, springhole.net (which is filled with generators if you're stuck and also tons of infomation and advice)

86: Top 3 things you wish you had known earlier - that toad in Mario Party was wearing a mushroom hat and that it is actually not his head, that immaculate means 'clean' before i misused that word like several times over the years, and that the one turn i always take on my way to work where i thought everyone didn't know how to drive was actually bc i didn't have the right of way rip me

87: Top 3 spongebob episodes - the one episode where spongebob and patrick find a ghost ship, that one episode where they form a bikini bottom band and perform it at a football game in a little fish tank, and the one episode where squidward has his first snowball fight

88: Top 3 places to be in the world - I'd love to be in NYC, Montreal, or Hawaii

89: Top 3 things you'd do differently - I would not have applied for RDC, similarly I should have just paid the 500 dollars to the one certificate program I wanted to do instead of overthinking it, and I wish I wouldn't have ended a friendship the way I did

90: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood - Spongebob Squarepants, That's So Raven, and Hannah Montana

91: Top 3 meals you love - Turkey Burgers, Chilli, and Instant Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup

92: Top 3 kinds of tea - i don't drink tea

93: Top 3 embarrassing moments - one time in sixth grade I tripped and fell right on my face in front of my crush, this other time like a couple years ago i opened the door to my car and only realized much too late while i was staring at this random family that it was not my car, and when i went to the gas station to get gas and couldn't get my gas lid on my car opened and this guy had to help me which was already embarrassing enough but then the gas pump wouldn't work so i had to go inside to pay just to realize i forgot my wallet and had to shamefully walk back to my car and then run back inside the convenience store and then pay and then walk back to my car and finally fill my tank.

94: Top 3 holidays to celebrate - Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving

95: Top 3 things to do in the rain - have an existential crisis, pretend you're in a music video, walk through puddles like you're six again

96: Top 3 things to do in the snow - Sledding, Build a snowman, shovel it even tho you don't want to

97: Top 3 items you can't leave the house w/o - phone, keys, wallet

98: Top 3 movies you'd like to see - Jurassic World 3, Hotel Transylvania: Transformania bc i'm a child, and the animation of the addams family

99: Top 3 art mediums - Writing fiction/poetry, painting, music

100: Top 3 museums you've been to - Royal Tyrell Museum, Canadian History one in edmonton lol, and heritage park in calgary

101: Top 3 school memories - Middle school dances when the popular kids would grind to the song "Low" which was always an interesting experience, in the twelfth grade at winter formal when we all shouted "SHUT UP AND DANCE!" at the same time when they played Shut Up and Dance, and the day i left

102: Top 3 things you don't/Won't miss - School, my sisters ex, 2016 bc she was a rough year yikes

103: Top 3 pick up lines - "My name is Will. God's Will.", "I'd like to take you to the movies but they don't like you bring your own snacks", "are you from tennessee bc you're the only 10 i see"

104: Top 3 sports to watch - none of them

105: Top 3 taylor swift songs - all too well - exile - coney island

[fagparnasse]

Spamton hcs 🪐💫

- bisexual

- he/him

- he has Tourettes Syndrome (TS)

- echolalia, palilalia, simple motor tics

- obsession and poor impulse control (related to tics) greatly contributes to some of his bad choices

- his glasses are prescription, he will 100% bump into walls without them

- when he's relaxed, (often with someone or something that makes him feel safe) his old, less abrasive voice pokes through.

- hes a marionette with articulated joints, skin feels somewhere between wooden and human.

- he has limited feeling in his body, except in more sensitive areas (hands, face, stomach). better at feeling temperature/pressure than other sensations

- any injuries he sustains show as cracks/scuffs/chips

- literally just needs a hug

- he feels embarassed about his glasses as an addison and doesnt wanna wear them, so hes constantly squinting and bumping into things

- hes like a lil cat :)

- he makes weird mechanical buzzing noises like purring when hes content

- very jumpy and gets scared whenever someone touches him, but is completely touch starved

- always scared of new relationships and hurting people (like he did in his rise to fame) or getting abandoned.

- attempts to cook for his partner, sets the kitchen on fire

- spoke normally before becoming big, his voice sounded normal- he spoke quickly, his voice was much less abrasive

- literally melts at any physical touch (platonic or not)

- he can shut down and go all staticky under stress

- hyperactive, flaps his hands when hes happy bc i said so

- (an an addison) very close with his coworkers, loosing them was a tipping point for him

- might feel inadequacy in relationships because he cant provide the same comfort they offer him (size difference, soothing voice, confidence, etc)

ship hcs (my personal fav is swatchton, but really they can apply to any ship) :

- when hes hitting on someone hes overly confident and annoying until the person hes into actually hits on him back (at that point hes just a mess)

- he has an easier time expressing himself through touch, hes awful with words and finds his voice embarassing (especially when hes nervous/looking to impress someone)

- Swatch and Spam are in lov <3

- He wears turtleneck sweaters

- spamton knew and liked swatch as an addison, later on they meet and reconnect, even if swatch resents him, they warm up to him quickly.

- definately calls swatch "[hot shot]", "swatchy",

- Swatch calls him "my dear", "my love", "Big shot", "spams"

- they watch dramatic cooking shows and rom-coms together

- borrows swatch's coats, even if theyre more like blankets on him

- swatch find his "award-loosing smile", that stupid nose, and various other undesireable traits endearing, loves everything spam hates about himself

this list was rushed and DEFINATELY not complete, ill likely keep adding to it; also swatch hc list coming up baybee!!!!

BONUS!!!

heres a littol swatchton playlist 👉👈 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3RUAIFwagxQmLA0aaNRZj0?si=tpaao3RkQXelnsXWMxjXqg

[justanotherboyinblue]

Greek Myth Asks

by @wonderbreadwoman and @spidcrsman

GODS: Life

Zeus: What’s your name or nickname?            Knox, which gives you K and Knoxy ig lmao

Hera: Where are you from?            Michigan born and raised, unfortunately

Athena: How old are you?                 No<3

Hephaestus: When is your birthday?                        February 26th

Aphrodite: What’s your relationship status?                   Complicated. I’m polyamorous so...available? lol

Poseidon: What are your pronouns?                    he/him

Dionysus: Are you and extrovert or an introvert?                   ambivert 

Demeter: Do you have any pets?                   oh Boy do i. one dog and nine cats

Apollo: What kind of music are you into?              absolutely everything. corpse and rare americans are my favs

Artemis: What do you first notice about new people?                 appearance wise, hair, otherwise it’s body language i suppose, what your pose is/are you using your hands to talk/do you look relaxed

Hades: What’s a big fear of yours?                physical? spiders. hate em. otherwise abandonment, neither unique 

Ares: What’s a big pet peeve of yours?             Crumpled Dollars I Hate Them So Much

Hestia: Where do you consider home?               for the longest time it was in my church basement, where youth group is held but right now i don’t suppose i have one

CREATURES: Lasts

Pegasus: Last movie you watched?                   baby driver, 100/10 would recommend 

Mermaid: Last tv show you finished?                  ooo good question, i think legend of korra? 

Centaur: Last book you read?                 the body in the library by Agatha Christie, it was So boring

Siren: Last song you listened to?             currently listening to time adventure by Rebecca Sugar on loop 

Gorgon: Last thing you ate?                apple fritter 

Cyclops: Last time you cried?                  like teared up or Cried cried. 1 is at the poem i reblogged and 2 is two nights ago because people Suck<3

Minotaur: Last time you were truly happy?                  uh. shit. two nights ago before things went south 

Sphynx: Last text you sent?                making fun of my friend for going to public school 

Chimera: Last call you made?                  i genuinely Cannot remember i dont make calls almost ever 

Griffin: Last thing you did before going to sleep last night?              drank water? i think

Nymph: Last dream you remember?                last night and it was a Destiel dream. it was adorable

Satyr: Last time you couldn’t stop laughing?             it’s been a long time since i laughed like that, i dont remember 

HEROES: Experiences

Heracles: Have you ever had a dream come true?                   literally or figuratively Be Specific With These Questions Op also idk

Theseus: What is your worst regret?                  i was 13 and i felt so alone and i did really stupid things to feel loved

Perseus: Have you ever been arrested?                  nope

Cadmus: Have you ever had your heart broken?                 HAH                  ..yeah

Achilles: Have you ever had to be hospitalized?                 nope

Actaeon: Tell about a memory you wish to forget.                   omegle video chat. need i say more

Bellerophon: Have you ever passed out?                          nope. im very boring lmao

Agamemnon: What is an achievement you’re proud of?                         moving forward 

Oedipus: Have you ever been in love?                 many times. some more than others

Jason: Have you ever travelled abroad? Where?              oh jeez no

Atlanta: Have you ever stood up for someone else?               every chance i get

Hippolytus: Tell an experience you will never forget.                       love. true love. i’d never felt like that and i don’t think i will again                         i miss them, even after this long. i still love them and ill never stop

MAGICAL ITEMS: Favorites  

Trident: Who are your favorite people?                 i only have one real friend honestly, A. love her to death

Lightning Bolt: What are your top three favorite movies?                            the dark knight, the losers, and the a-team

Sun Chariot: What is your favorite mythological creature?                        how dare you make me pick a favorite child.......dragons

Lyre: What are your top three favorite songs?            u h the soulmate song by Carson James Argenna, time adventure by Rebecca Sugar, andddd miss you by corpse. for now anyway

Caduceus: What is your favorite color?                     soft warm yellows, cool pale blues, purple almost as dark as black

Aegis: What is your favorite book or series?             the fnaf og series or the o’malley series

Scythe: What is your favorite tv show?                 fuckkkkk idk man im really diggin hannibal rn

Bident: What is your favorite way to spend free time?                 music and art

Harpe: What are your top 3 favorite places?               any water. literally anything. please i miss swimming

Cornucopia: What is your favorite place to eat?                        deluca’s omg their seafood pizza is to Die for

Winged Sandals: What is your favorite thing to do when you hangout with your friends?                             laugh

Golden Fleece: What is your favorite animal?                             any and all cats ever

PLACES: Goals and Wishes

Olympus: Describe your dream job.                   recently i’ve been really thinking about tattoo artist. idk man

Tartarus: What’s a short term goal you hope to achieve?                  having a bf. that’s it. im lonely. 

Underworld: Describe your dream vacation.                       W a t e r

Styx: How would you like your life to look like in 10 years?          happy. warm. preferably with a cat and someone i love away from here

Athuna: If you could live anywhere in the world for the rest of your life, where would it be?                 Not In America

Sparta: Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s on it?              i reeeeeeeeeeeally want to see a krampus run at Least once. germany here i come babey

Elysium: If you could have a superpower, what would it be?                 earthbending. that would be Awesome. or shapeshifting bc obvi

Ogygia: Describe your dream husband/wife/life partner?                kind

Troja: What is the craziest thing you wanna do before you die?             i’d love to sit in the passenger seat of a racecar on the track

The Labyrinth: Have you ever died and came back to life as a vampire?                           hahahah what no ofc not what a weird question

Delphi: Are you currently doing anything to pursue your dreams?              im trying to draw everyday, and just hang in there honestly

[hanjisungz-archive]

the misogyny owl fans show is so strong and i hated it so i also mostly stayed on tumblr too i used to make gifs on my owl blog but i abandoned it lol my fav team in s1 was nyxl but idk how to feel after all the roster changes i was so attached to the original team :( i was considering buying an nyxl long sleeve bc i really wanted to support them and their colors were really nice lol but i heard that the company that’s producing owl merch now doesn’t make good quality things so i’m holding off

god i KNOW i was hanging out with friends one night and i saw a guy had on a shanghai jersey so i was like ‘woah i love them! my fave player is gamsu’ and he just gave me this Look and said ‘you know about video games?’ and some more nasty shit to me and i was like lmao Bye

but i totally get it my fave team was nyxl last season (they still are this season) and luckily two of my three favorite players are still on the roster this season but like,,,, ark is gone (also janus) and it sucks,,,,, also like i hate to say it but i still have this disdain of new players that took the old players spots like,,, i Know its just the meta that sucks but i cant help to compare the old and new ya know ??? but u should support whoever u want !!!!

[phasefuck-moved]

Can you tell us some about your selfship w/ Jack :0 like how you two met (can be actually how you found out about the character or an in universe thing if you have one), what you love the most about each other, and maybe your favorite thing to do together?

Boy I might ramble so let me put this under the Cut ft. suitable image that describes the mood.

I answer all ur points so- how i found jack (also how i found blands)- about my self insert- what i love abt him

So like. I’ll start with how I found Jack cos that’s always a fun story to tell. Jump back to late 2014, like November-December, FNAF fandom was having it’s first stagnant phase, and I wasn’t back into Homestuck yet. I spent most of my time watching youtubers like Markiplier and RPGMinx, anyone I found from FNAF videos basically. So like all the people that played Prop Hunt together on those channels, I found them all and watched them all. Was also a time that I watched people on Twitch when I really ran out of shit to watch. 

So it’s like, late November, first week of December, can’t remember which, was browsing Twitch for something to watch, saw Cryotic was streaming and was like “hey I know that person they don’t stream too much I think I’ll watch them”. Cry was playing TFTBL Ep1. I watched like, from the point where Rhys and Vaughn enter Shade’s lil place. And I think I went to bed before it finished. Went to school the next day and talked to a friend about it, telling them about this new game I saw, my friend knew it too so we talked about it for a while. By December 10th, I’d bought the game, and by December 20th, I had all of the Borderlands games.

So how did I actually find out about Jack and fall for that idiot? Well my stupid ass didn’t meet him in TFTBL because I finished the first episode AFTER starting the other games. So I actually met him in TPS. On Christmas Eve. I was Hooked. Because I played like, all the starts of the games before I played the endings, I still knew he was gonna be a terrible shitty idiot. 

At the time I was going through some bad shit, like I’m sure it was the midpoint between two major points of abuse in my life, so I was already diving into coping mechanisms and recently was self shipping again, so I latched onto Jack and have been really gay for him ever since. Although I never posted it on my blog until this year, as I didn’t know of the self ship side of tumblr, and due to all the discourse Jack causes, I didn’t want to cause trouble or be judged or anything so I kept my mouth shut. And now I don’t shut up about it in my group chat, annnnd now here I guess too jdshgjdsg. 

Hell my old blog you can’t find one post about me LIKING Jack, let alone self ship or anything. And I still left the fandom and abandoned those blogs due to my only friends at the time constantly insulting the games, to the point where I didn’t want to play them anymore. (Like, they were fans of the games but, in a “I hate the fact there are canon lesbians and lots of lgbt people and memes and shit in the games” so they were mad non stop and ranted at me, the 14 year old loner jdhsgjdsg.)

So yeah. 3+ Years of Jack Hell.

Anyways, I do have a self insert!!! Her name is AJ and she is the Worst. She’s super OP and super cringy but I don’t care because I’m having fun. She’s been through a lot of design changes, with one from 2014, and then a lot from January. But the overall character hasn’t changed. She’s me but too op (being a very old siren with pink tats that still looks 21) and good looking and Actually Smooching Jack. You can find the most recent drawing of her here! Her tag has some of her older art but not all of it. 

Story wise, she has an AU timeline with Jack where like, I gave him a new backstory (no wives or gfs… only me now….), but the main games plots stay the same, until her own big plot after BL2. 

AJ meets Jack at a Hyperion Science Facility on Pandora, when he’s only 19 years old, young Hyperion programmer that was only there to fix some equipment and move on. He has Angel when he’s 20, believing her to be from a drunken one night stand with a scientist at the facility, who Died p much right away. He doesn’t actually see AJ again until he’s 23-24, when hes taken over this project to shut it down. Moves AJ to where he’s living cos boi he has a thing for this girl he saw only one time. Spent like a year together and then started dating the day before Mercenary Day (aka December 24th, like how thats the day I first found Jack dsjhgjdsg). 

Pretty much from there it’s just. AJ helps out with BL1, would be present in TPS like a player character, I guess. Around Jack a lot bc she lov him. BL2 she’s mainly on Helios, like Jack, so probably wouldn’t be seen. Post BL2 she’s stuck on Helios, trapped in Jack’s Office, for seven years, had her arm cut off and all, it’s not pretty. TFTBL starts to happen, moment Rhys enters Jack’s Office shit changes because AJ is there, Rhys breaks AJ out of the office and onto Pandora. She also somehow gets AI Jack who has no clue who she is and is only nice to her to keep her alive so he can stay alive too. (We joked that she slaps the AI out of Rhys and honestly. Mood). She stays on Pandora for 3 years with AI Jack, Vaughn, and some contact with a few Hyperion people. Ends up opening a vault, finds it to be one like Eleseer, instead of knowledge it gives her power.

Then you get my lil story aka Borderlands: Infinite, aka BL8, which many people in my group chat are a part of. This currently doesn’t have a set plot, other than there being a paradox world, AI Jack is a main villain, Lilith and AJ are on opposing sides, and everyone comes back to life a little. It’s really weird.

What I love most about Jack is he is an absolute bastard. But he’s really funny and his voice is really good and I think he lives up to the handsome part of his name. Hell I even like the soul patch from TPS even though nearly everyone hates that. He’s such a nerd. An evil boi. Absolutely terrible. 

AJ wise she’s pretty much the same, he’s pretty much the first person she ever gets to know, he looks after her, plus she’s with him from way before he goes off the rails. She just so happens to sorta go off at the same time. Which is why she sticks around when he starts doin bad shit. And Jack’s into her because she’s the cutest damn siren to ever exist like how could you resist. She makes shitty jokes about her being an engineer and him being a programmer. 

Before like, TPS their fav thing to do usually involved the ECHOnet, playing games, watching movies, simple stuff. AJ couldn’t really go out much as she was depression (and also needed to be hooked up to electricity at all times. She’s weird. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere for something.) Post TPS she probably enjoyed following Jack around, bein the trophy GF, and also shooting a lot of people. How the times change.

djsghjdsg

[pieceofcheese]

RAINY FUCKING FRIDAY

ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER SHIT

I really had no idea of who the fuck i am and why the fuck i am living right now

I mean how the best effort can be defined in this world?

?

Like admit it, I haven’t given the fucking 100% shot of me. But how could life ask that much for every single task that I have done??

This crap today reminded me that I have, literally, never succeeded anything, any justifying thing in my 17-year-lifetime.

I have always fallen off the stair, or slipped to the fucking ground, or missed my footing.

Okay no complaints please. You get what u deserve.

But it is okay to wonder that right..? I mean why me? Why someone else can give 50% and still be successful, while my 75% is not enough to even cross the first obstacle?

Just does not make sense.

I mean I have a sense that I will fail every test of my life since like primary school. But I just thought this time there will be an exception.

But it’s not/

My tears have dried and I am typing those nonsense words in a hollow mood. I feel nothing right now so don’t have to worry guys :) I’m not gonna kill myself or something stupid :)) I will never.

(I am listening to the song “Unsteady” - X Ambassadors)

Now for the future part. I need your advice.

I do not know what must I choose right now. I have 2 paths:

1. Accept my failed IELTS result and retake the examination.

2. Take a risk. Be stiff and denied the result. Have my result remarked.

And here is the budget they cost: (be pragmatic duh money solves most problems)

1. 5.000.000 VND - If I try again and I doubt how many effort I have to use this time to GET 8.0 THIS TIME (If I retake the exam and get 7.5 then you suck and failed again.)

2. 2.300.000 VND (If life still wants to treat me like a poor little loser chasing waterfalls then shitty examiners of BC keep my score the same then my parents’ hard-earned money will be thrown to trash for nothing) - or 0VND (If life pity my lil tragic soul once in a lifetime and heighten my score - but the score on the whole will not be that satisfying to me. Just a so-so unimpressive score)

I have to pick one out of 2 above. I can’t abandon my fate. I have to make it right no matter embarrassing and time-consuming it is. It just about the money I have to consider first. I wont bother learn my ass out again (maybe a little but not that much to restrain myself) to achieve a better result. I really will. 

It is hard to face everyone, honestly. 

Friends’ expectation. Maybe they do overrate me, and they will think that well we were wrong, there are many others who are better than L. I think I can overcome this. I just won’t think about it because first, I don’t give a fuck and second, I don’t have time. 

Family’s sympathy (They sympathize with me because they think that’s all I can do. I am not that good. And I should be resigned for my fate. I mean they don’t have bad thinking towards me. They just want me to stick to the average level if I can’t be as superior as other kids. I know they still love me

Life is hard to live, admittedly. When we think everything is going right, it kick you in the ass and go to the wrong end. But our job is to stand up and restart the journey. I still have courage tho. I won’t give up. 

I don’t know if there is the existences of spiritual creature, but I hope someone, or something, can give me a clue. If there is not, then I am still fine as hell, I will still decide on my own and the stumble and then grow up from the failure and then maybe fail again and again and I still be a phoenix rising from the ashes and be successful one day. I will always nurture my faith till I got something from this harsh life.

Hey it’s windy outside.

I love Vietnam. I really do. Because here I have family and friends - though the memories were not always that good. And I have my-old-self here. I fell on the Vietnamese ground. Vietnamese atmosphere raise me. 

But I want to get my feet on another new land too. I want to experience something new, to get rid of my old life, not forget it, but start a new one, go to a new destination. I won’t forget anything that makes me become who I am today.

The post is now long as hell :)) The cafe is quiet cozy right now, with good music and cold mint tea. The wind is blowing outside the window. I don’t know if I step outside, what are waiting for me. Are they gonna swallow me, or are they gonna lift me up to the air? I literally have no idea.

Okay I think the confidence wraps up here :) Enough for today. 

Little fact: I have never re-read the old post. I will do it at the end of the 2017 - maybe sitting in the cafe alone again. I am so fine being alone. 

I don’t hate people. I just oftentimes feel better when they ain’t around.

Good talk today.

12:08pm, Dec 8th 2017,

Lee

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(Just in case in the few years’ time u forget what the heck u’re mentioning in this post :)) I got to know that I scored 7.0 IELTS band this morning at 8.30, making me so disappointed with myself today that I don’t feel like going to school today. This rainy morning I cried a river at home and in the bathroom, then packed my bag and went to Mau Dich Cafe, my fav place. I went to bed at 4am15 yesterday because of nothing, I just sat at the desk and playing games and getting bored of the literature assignment and my bland pathetic life)