#i love doing redraws even though it's scribbly but like wow..... look at them... making eyecontact

[peeterparkr]

Clear|4|t.h.

Chapter 4: Waves.

pairing: surfer!tom x reader fake dating au

word count: 5.6k 

warnings: swearing, Katy Perry

summary: Waves in all kinds of ways.  

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special thanks to @whatmakesmehappyy for editing, you rock the world seriously love you! 

Comments and reblogs are appreciated! Please tell me what you think! 

A kiss on the cheek had been their goodbye, they knew Paddy and y/n’s mother were watching. But it had been more than just a goodbye,  they had sealed the deal.

They’d be seeing each other again the very next day; y/n would pick up her car and then they’d go and discuss the rules. Their homework was to write their own rules. Complicated, absolutely, but it would help them both set some boundaries.

She had arrived earlier and avoided her mum’s questions with a ‘it was good, I’m tired.’

y/n wasn’t planning on sleeping that night, everything was so overwhelming. Let alone the fact that relationships were already hard, a fake relationship wasn’t something to be messed around with. It wasn’t going to be simple but somehow she knew it was going to work. Y/N thought about the pros and cons of the situation. The pros far outweighed the cons so far. The biggest perk: She’d be free.

She had gone straight to the basement, not forgetting to pick up the shells Tom had given her before. She ran with excitement and some of the shells fell from the bag and onto the stairs. She looked up for a notebook and a pen and then sat on the floor, waiting for some rules to come to her mind.

She scribbled down the first rule; they had already agreed on it: No kissing. She scratched it. Tom had made a point, they weren’t in high school anymore, so the kissing was important for the relationship.

“Nobody can know?” y/n asked to herself. “Restricted PDA. Yes, that’s going in.”

She couldn’t come up with anything really. She stopped writing and instead started doodling on the paper. She was meticulously drawing the outline of a figure, a face which was undeniably Tom’s. There was something about his features that were so unbelievably attractive, not that she wanted to admit it, of course, but she kept trying to figure out a way to draw him. It was so hard, she felt like something was preventing her from getting his stupid face right. Her frown was accompanied by her tongue poking out from her lips. She didn’t know why she couldn’t get him even remotely right, she kept erasing it and redrawing.

She stopped when she had a realization: she was drawing. It didn’t matter who or why, she was drawing. She quickly grabbed the paint before any inspiration could leave, she picked up the brush and submerged it into the blue paint. She had no idea what she was painting but she just let the brush go. It was once again an extension of her own hand.  She was deep in thought about the beach. She thought about the beautiful blue of the water and the shells that Tom had given her. The brush was painting her memories from the day.  

Time was consuming her.

“Y/N.”

She was drawn back into reality. Y/N dropped the brush without even realizing it as she turned around to see her sister who had a conflicted but happy gaze.

“Hi.” Y/n knew what kind of conversation was coming, and she wasn’t just ready to have it. “How did you get here? Who opened your cage?”

“You-” Joanne stopped mid-sentence as she stared at the now blue wall. “You’re painting.”

“I just made it blue,” y/n coughed as she picked up the brush and cleaned up the floor it had stained. “Like I do with everything else.”

Joanne smiled as she watched y/n walk over to the sink to wash the brush.

“How was your date?” Y/n asked Joanne trying to sound the least condescending she could.

“It was actually perfect but that was expected,” Joanne smirked as she walked over. “Now, please, care to explain yourself, Missy?”

Y/n cleared her throat before picking up her stuff. “I have no idea what you mean.”

“C’mon y/n!” Joanne chirped as both sisters were climbing up the stairs to go to their room. “We saw you! I mean he picked you up, I saw you on the Ferris Wheel and I even saw him with his arm around you. He kissed your cheek!”

Y/n laughed as they got into their room. “Wow, seems like your date was super fun, so fun that you were even spying on me,” y/n sassed.

“I’m sorry, but I thought you said you didn’t want to give him a chance,” Joanne reminded her, as they were starting to get ready for bed.

“I lied,” y/n pursed her lips as she tried to suppress a laugh. “He’s actually really nice, and fun.”

“I’m glad. You can finally get laid,” Joanne giggled. Y/n scowled and blushed as she threw a pillow at her sister.

“Shut up, it’s nothing like that!” Y/n defended herself. “I’m just giving him a chance.”

Y/n walked after Joanne to brush her teeth beside her sister and elbowed her just a little. Joanne had the biggest smirk.

“Did he kiss you?” Joanne asked.

Y/n shook her head and pushed her. “Fhirth dathe,” y/n attempted to say around the toothbrush.

“When are you seeing him again?” Joanne insisted. Y/n spat in the sink.

“Why is it important? Focus on your own dating life,” y/n snickered and started to remove her makeup. Joanne was out of y/n’s sight, so she tried to take a glance of her. She had her notebook.

“Oh what’ve got here?” Joanne gushed opening it up. “Oooh, you’ve drawn him.”

Y/n’s eyes widened as she rushed over to snatch it back. “This is none of your business.”

“What does the restricted PDA mean?” Joanne frowned. “You’re already setting rules for your relationship?”

“Ah, please, Jo don’t let your mind wander,” y/n rolled her eyes. “It’s far too small to be out by itself.”

Joanne didn’t answer and rather laughed it off while flicking her pinky at her. “Whatever you say, y/n.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to sleep,” y/n gently hit her sister with her notebook, making her laugh.

“Dream of Tommy boy.”

-

Tom hadn’t slept that night. His mind was going too quickly, he was scared. He was having second thoughts about this. He didn’t know how it could turn out. He feared himself. He liked y/n, that was the statement. His official statement.

He didn’t know if it was another way to con himself into thinking he could get any girl he pleased, so he continued with the path he had been so sure of building around him, always with the reputation of a player. It had bothered him just slightly, but at the same time he liked the challenge. Not now, of course, he wasn’t looking out for any type of summer fling, so this would work out.

He just needed the summer for himself, he needed time to think about the future. The future was scary, at least Tom’s was. He needed a little time to escape as well, y/n and him weren’t that different.

His head was everywhere but where it needed to be. He was thinking about the rules, but if it were for him, they didn’t need rules.  

He knew it could be a recipe for disaster, though. Y/n seemed to be the perfect ingredient for things to go wrong, because he hadn’t quite cracked her shell, yet.  

At the moment, he was just trying to fix her damn car, and it wasn’t working out for him. He’d been at work since early that day, and he needed to be up early the next day, too. He needed to sleep.  He could only focus on the rules. Why did they have to make things so difficult?

Tom had a secret.  A big secret, at that. He realized it didn’t really matter, he had already lied to her. He had actually fallen in love, once. He was someone who cared too deep, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

How the hell was he supposed to pretend to be dating y/n when he clearly felt something for Lex?

Lex was an addiction. It hurt but she still had him wrapped around her finger. She was, in all matters, his weakness. He didn’t want that anymore.

Tom didn’t want to disappoint y/n. He didn’t want things to go wrong, he wanted to be there a 100% for her, not because of her, but for him. He had to get away from Lex, he had to stop himself from getting tangled into her web.

Y/n would help with that. If anything he had kept himself from sleeping because he was fantasizing about a good relationship. This was his chance to have a taste of a good relationship, even if it was a hoax, he could make it as perfect as possible. It was like a free trial.

But he couldn’t think of anything that would be a good rule. So he set some rules for himself;  he was blocking Lex out of his life. He didn’t need her.

He leaned against the car as the sweat was covering his forehead, his hair curling up. He had just under an hour until he saw her again.

Harrison walked over to him, towel on his back. He worked at the workshop too, but he didn’t take as many shifts as Tom did. He didn’t exactly need them.

“How did you tame the beast?” Asked Harrison as he approached Tom who just gave him a side smirk. He examined the car. “Ah, goold ol’ James’ car?”

“Yeah.” Tom said as he pulled a cart over to go back under the car.

“You’re just going to ignore my first question?” Haz laughed.

“Pass me the pliers, please,” Tom said, sliding back.

Harrison grasped onto the pliers and shook them in the air. “Answer.”

“It was just a date,” Tom shrugged. “May I have the pliers now, please?”

“Jo told me she’s a hard nut to crack,” Harrison shrugged.

“Well,” Tom sighed as he rubbed his face. He was covered in oil. “She is, it’s just… “ Tom bit his lip, they really had to set a story.  “We had kind of a moment when I went to pick the car up, she’s James’ granddaughter, you already knew that. We started talking and then we went out for lunch. But then we saw Lex, it kind of ruined the moment. I came back to apologise with some seashells and she agreed to go on a date with me and I think we’re going somewhere with this.”

Harrison hesitantly handed over the pliers, not pleased with the answer. “Joanne told me she didn’t like you.”

“She doesn’t.” Tom winked at Harrison sliding back. “It’s...complicated.”

“Huh, what about Lex?” Haz asked.

“I think this is good,” Tom said getting out from under the car and patting the bonnet.  He stood and walked over to the front of the car. Swiping the towel from around Haz’s neck he began to clean himself. “I just need to check down the carburettor and we’re all set.”

“Thomas.”

Tom didn’t answer, he was just adjusting the air mix, ignoring any possible further conversation. “Where’s the….screwdriver!” Tom was mostly answering to himself as he picked it up.

“Tom.”

“Look, I just… I just need to get away from Lex,” Tom admitted, looking up at his friend. “I need to move on, I just can’t believe I’m still stuck in all of her bullshit.”

“And you think a rebound is going to help you?” Harrison questioned him. “You’re playing with something dangerous here, Tom, you’ll end up hurting her, or you.”

“Well, that’s all my business, innit?” Tom frowned as he continued to screw down some nuts and bolts.

“Don’t trick yourself, Tom,” Haz warned him.

“It’s not a secret I’m terrible with relationships,” Tom defended himself. “Maybe I just want to work it out this time.”

Harrison didn’t push it. They stayed quiet, for a while as they both continued working. Or as quiet as they could be, asking each other for tools or help.

Haz went completely quiet as their friend, or as they were supposed to call him right now, boss walked in. They refused to call Jared a friend, however.  He supported them both economically, if they ever needed it or simply by the fact he had given them both a job, after all, even if that supporting came with the price of sleeping with their girlfriends.

“Hey,” Jared greeted them, he had a coffee in his hand. “Man, I just woke up.”

“It’s noon,” Harrison pointed out.

“It was a busy night,” Jared shrugged with a smirk. “Important things getting done.”

Tom flinched but kept focused on the car. “Ah, who was it?”

“I’m afraid that’s information you don’t wanna know, Tommy,” Jared laughed.

“So, Lex,” Tom acknowledged looking over. “It’s okay, we broke up a while ago, you’re free to shag her whenever you want.”

Jared smirked. “That’s the plan.”

Harrison stared between them both. Tom coughed as he closed the bonnet. “Haz had a date,” Tom said trying to talk out the tension.

“Ah, yeah, with that girl, Jannet?” Jared grinned and nudged Haz. “How was she?”

“Joanne,” Harrison corrected. “The date was fine, only a date, mate.”

Neither Tom nor Harrison knew why they kept hanging out with Jared. Except of course, he took care of a lot of their stuff. Jared’s parents basically owned the whole town so it was good not to mess up with him. They had their good moments, Jared could support them whenever they needed help, but of course, he could come out sometimes as a bit of an asshole.

Tom wasn’t paying attention to the conversation Harrison and Jared were having, he was focused on the time, ticking until he was going to see her. In any moment she’d be walking down an aisle expectant of the Jeep. Tom realized what he was the most scared of, it probably wasn’t even Alexa.J ared was the problem. If he managed to even charm her, Tom knew he was doomed. Jared knew his way around women, they flocked to him without him even trying. Tom realized that y/n was a way of telling Jared he got her first, that was a way of saying it. Tom was always the backup plan for every girl that Jared couldn’t get. It always came to ‘Jared didn’t like me so I’m taking you instead’. For the first time, he wasn’t the backup plan. Not that he was even a plan to start with.

Tom ignored the conversation before getting into the car to test out if it was going to start up, it was no surprise it did. “Fantastic,” he said to himself.

“So get back to work you guys, or is it your lunch yet? I don’t know…” Jared yawned as he turned around to see y/n walking into the place. “Oooh, interesting, I’m leaving you, gentlemen.” Before anyone could stop him, Jared had already made his way towards y/n.

Tom could read Harrison’s fear as his best friend turned to him. Tom was equally as scared, or not scared, but disillusioned. He knew this could blow up so easily.

To both of their surprise, y/n hadn’t even flinched when Jared had come over and her expression had remained cold. She offered him a polite smile before making her way to Tom. Her pace was decided and powerful.

Haz watched her as she walked over to her car. She looked at Tom hesitantly but kissed his cheek and then rested her arm against his shoulder; an embarrassed Harrison blushed and tried to focus on everything else but y/n and Tom.

“So, how’s this baby going?” Asked y/n.

Tom blinked, but quickly snapped back into reality. “You mean the car or me?” He smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes with a smile.

“Whatever you wish to answer,” She sentenced as she turned to Haz. “Hello… Harrison, right? Might as well learn your name if you’re gonna date my sister.”

“Yes, Harrison,” He smiled. “You’re y/n.”

“Yep, but probs my sister referred to me as Imbecile, but I don’t answer to that name, so don’t call me that,” y/n joked. “So, is this ready?”

Tom was biting his lip as he saw Jared watching him, Jared gave him a thumbs and a smirk, accompanied by an obscene gesture. Tom rolled his eyes and faked a laugh, but then turned back to y/n. “Hm?” He glanced at her, while she just clenched her jaw. “Ah, yes, yes, ready.”

“Alright then,” she let him go. “Well, I’ll just go pay for this and then I guess I’ll see you later, right?”

Tom nodded. “Right.” She had already turned around but Tom had grabbed her hand, pulling her close to him, knowing that both Jared and Harrison were watching. His arms found his way around her waist, she was blushing as she cleared her throat. Tom just stared down at her lips. “You could stay for lunch.”

She smirked, raising an eyebrow as she chuckled. “One step at a time, wonder boy.”

Tom smiled but kissed her cheek anyway, her blushing didn’t cease but she just cleared her throat and then she was off to pay and Tom drove her car to the delivery section. She just returned to pick up her keys, and to ruffle Tom’s hair.

“You’re all covered in dirt,” she told him. He winked at her.

“Bye.”

“See you, wonder boy.” Those had been her last words before she had driven off. Wonder boy, that was quite a nickname.

Harrison didn’t ask and neither did Jared, so Tom took his break.

“Did they buy it?” That’s how her text read.

“Totally.” Tom texted.

The hours were the longest. Tom was sure this day’s shift couldn’t have been any longer, and he was also sure that it had probably been about 13 months until his shift finished. That wasn’t an exaggeration.

He went straight to his home, took a shower, and then got his surfboard on the back of the truck. He hesitated but then went to his room and picked up his guitar. It could come in handy.

He was going to see her at the blue valley and he didn’t know why he was so nervous about this. He was sweating like a sinner in church.

He arrived an hour earlier than stipulated, and just stared at the wheel. He took a deep breath before getting all his stuff out. He left the guitar on the sand and then rushed to the blue waves that were expecting him.

For a second he hesitated but it wasn’t long until he was paddling out. He sat a few meters away from the beach to absorb the sun’s warmth. He smiled before plunging into the water, surfboard and everything.

He then found himself surfing through the waves as they circled around him, covering him in the magnificent blue. The wind was helping him skim through them as the wind hit his face.  He felt free, in those moments he felt free. He was zigzagging to outrun the breaker that would in any moment swell and eat him up.

He hadn’t realized that he wasn’t alone, the blue ocean had overwhelmed his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the figure on the beach.

Y/n had arrived early, just a few minutes after Tom. She had giggled at the thought that both of them had thought about having a time of their own before their talk. Besides, to her mum and sister, she was out on a date. He was there and so technically she hadn’t lied.

She was sitting by a shadow, with a sketchbook on her lap as she was delicately sketching some faces and some waves. She stared at the guitar on the sand and frowned, but then she watched Tom. He looked as inspired as she had once been, the way he was surfing showed how much he cared for it. She could see his passion and the love he had for surfing.

Y/n wished she could have such a passion for something again. She once did, and it was coming back, but she was sure it was never going to be the same.

She watched him for a while, it was hypnotizing to see him. There was a way in which he was circling around the water. His hair was flying, and he looked inviting, he was chasing the trill.

Y/n stood up and snapped out of her trance, she walked over to the shore so he could get a glimpse of her. Finally, he caught her eye as she stood on the shore.  

“I’m sorry,” he said as he got out, surfboard beneath his arms. “Got kinda lost,” he apologized. “How long have you been here?”

“Actually, like an hour. It was nice to have the time to myself, guess you had the same idea,” y/n said. “So, no worries, but we better start with this.”

Tom nodded as he stood his surfboard and ran for his guitar.

“You’re gonna serenade me?” Y/n asked, amused, as they both sat on the sand.

Tom laughed as he tickled some notes. “Huh, no, just needed to make this less awkward, thought some background music would help.”

“It’s a shame,” she laughed. “Now, uh-” She didn’t continue as he was starting to play it. “Is there anything you can’t do, wonder boy?”

Tom snickered as he turned to her, just fidgeting with the strings.  “Now, what are the rules?”

“I well, I scratched the no kissing rule,” Y/n started.

“So you do wanna get a taste?” Tom wiggled his brows, earning a glare from her.

“Give it time,” Y/n warned him. “Look, it’s a different fake relationship, you see? Because we’re just starting to date, so there’s no need to get all touchy yet.”

“Okay, so let’s make that rule number one, baby steps,” Tom agreed.

“Besides, I think the pre-kiss is even more romantic,” Y/n said.

“The pre-kiss?” Tom frowned.

“Everything that leads to the kiss,” y/n said. “Ah, you wouldn’t know, bet you just kiss them.”

“Ah, I don’t, you’re wrong, but we’ll see,” Tom snickered. “I’ll end up doing that pre-kiss, it’ll be so damn good..”

“Of course you will,” Y/n rolled her eyes laughing.

“But then I won’t kiss you and I’ll leave you there begging for a kiss,” Tom warned her, poking her shoulder.

“Doubt it,” Y/n wrinkled her nose.

“I’m a bigger fan of the aftertaste,” Tom winked at her, she ignored him.  “Alright, what else?”

“Well, my sister asked how I magically liked you and I couldn’t give her an answer.”

“So, let’s make up a story, but truly, darling I’m irresistible,” Tom joked, y/n gently punched him. “Alright, alright, well I told Haz we had a moment.”

“A moment?” Y/N laughed. “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, we can borrow one from a movie, or a book,” Tom suggested. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I just want people to think this is perfect.”

“Perfect,” y/n repeated before letting out a cackle. “Why?”

“Just imagine the possibilities, we can fool the world into thinking we are the perfect couple, be the envy of them all,” Tom continued. “It’s easier, just an act.”

“Fine then,” y/n agreed. “But how in this world are we going to make them believe that?”

“First, let’s be seen together, there’s a party this Friday, Jared’s house, you’re coming with me, then you have to be at the surfing competition cheering for me, clearly, uh, at least one public date a week, all the cheesy stuff.”

“Alright, sounds good, but let’s keep the PDA to the minimum,” Y/n added. “And you know we might as well know when the other’s gonna escape so we can-”

“Right, right,” Tom chuckled. “We don’t want to supposedly be with each other while we’re definitely on other places.”

“I think the most important thing is just… Let it flow, you know? We did an okay job today, despite your little act,” y/n side eyed him.

“Sorry, felt intimidated, and I’m just that way, I’m full of surprises, darling,” Tom clicked his tongue. Y/n rolled her eyes.

“So, what was our moment?” Y/n asked.

“We stared deeply into each other’s eyes and realized our profound love for each other,” Tom yelled as he played the guitar louder. Y/n glared at him. “Or not, we can say we just talked on our way back to the shop.”

“Better.”

“Then we will have to have a story as to how you fell in love with me, y’know? The exact moment you realized it,” Tom sassed.

“I’m gonna fall in love?” Y/n snickered, opening up her notebook. “We’ll see where this goes, wonder boy.”

“Ah, there it is, is that gonna be my pet name?” Tom grinned.

“Catchy, isn’t it?” Y/n smiled, looking down at her notebook.

“I’ll stick with a classic, love sounds convenient,” Tom mumbled and then tried to look over. “You’re good.”

Y/n cleared her throat. “So any other rule?”

“I’ll woo you.”

“Who even uses that word anymore?” Y/n laughed.

“I do,” Tom chuckled. “I’ll serenade you and everything.”

“So what we want to portray is basically a rom-com summer love classic?” Y/n giggled. “Oh, god.”

“Yes, a summer love,” Tom agreed. “Well, then we can make it even more romantic, too bad we don’t know anything about romance.”

Y/n blew her cheeks and ran a hand through her hair. He was right, she definitely wasn’t the kind to be all touchy or cheesy, she hated that. But it was good, somehow.

Tom started to play some notes.

“I think we will make it work,” y/n declared watching him as a familiar song was being played by Tom.

“‘Course, we just have to pretend to like each other, sure you can do that?” Tom teased, y/n rolled her eyes. “It’s the simple things, you know?”

“Right, right, but the problem here, let’s just not forget it’s not real,” Y/n conceited.

“Your own reminder, I won’t forget it, darling.” He continued to play the song, now louder. Y/n realized he was playing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.

“I love that song,” y/n commented.

“Oh, so I’ll add that to my notes,” Tom grinned as he started to sing. His voice was melodic. She sang too, quietly harmonizing..

He continued with another song, one which y/n didn’t recognize, so she just watched him with a smile, carefully admiring him. “You truly are a work of art, aren’t you?”

Tom chuckled turning over. “Stunning?”

“Misunderstood.”

Tom scoffed and shrugged. “I guess.”

He kept singing, they were watching the ocean as y/n hugged her knees.

It was so, so peaceful and almost magical to be able to be together, yet alone, without being bothered.

Tom stopped singing and stood up. “So, that’s it for today?”

“Hm?” Y/n shook her head, missing his voice. “Oh, yeah.”

Tom shrugged and then stretched. He helped her stand up. ”Or.”

“Or?” Y/n frowned.

“We could have a romantic walk by the beach,” Tom offered with a smirk as they were walking to the parked cars.

“Don’t even think about it,” y/n rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t mean here,” Tom cleared up, chuckling. “But now I see where we stand.”

Y/n chuckled and turned around. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

“I’ll see you there.” Tom winked as he got his stuff into the trunk.

“Care to give me a ride?” Y/n followed after, Tom frowned realizing there was no Jeep in sight. “Yes, I walked.”

“Huh, should I?” Tom leaned against the car, caressing his chin.

She chuckled, and nudged him gently. “Please?”

“Mmh, what would I be getting from that?” Tom chuckled.

“We’re supposedly dating, dumbass,” Y/n laughed. “It’d make sense if we arrived together.”

“Dumbass sounds like a more suitable pet name than wonder boy, and I’ll be calling you imbecile, sounds pretty.” Tom chuckled, opening the door for her. “After you, miss.”

Y/n stuck her tongue out. “Thanks, dumbass.”

“Welcome, imbecile.”

They both hopped into the car, and she kept staring at him, he was singing along to the songs on the radio. “What?” He asked.

“Nothing, your singing voice is pretty,” Y/n shrugged looking back to the road.

“Was that a compliment?” Tom asked, surprised.

“Yeah, there’s not many of those coming,” y/n warned him. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

Tom chuckled and he glanced over. “I heard you sing too,” Tom mentioned. “Really pretty voice.”

Y/n shook her head, blushing. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Well, I would. Do you play any instruments?” Tom glanced over. “Besides your voice.”

“No, but I’ve always wanted to play the guitar,” she confessed watching him. He was such a dumb distraction, but somehow one that she wouldn’t mind thinking about.

“I could show you,” Tom offered. “It’s not that hard.”

“Tell that to my clumsy fingers,” y/n laughed.

“C’mon, you can’t be that clumsy, you draw,” Tom pointed out.

“So? There’s no correlation with that,” y/n defended herself. She looked at him. “But Maybe you’re right, how difficult can it be if you play it?”

“And we are back to the no compliments,” Tom chuckled. “I’ll take it as one, though,” Tom grinned as a Katy Perry song started to play.

“The one that got away,” y/n mumbled.

Tom looked over and turned the volume up. “Classic.”

She started to sing along to the song that meant a lot to her, but of course, Tom didn’t have to know that.

“In another life, I would make you stay,” Her singing was getting louder and Tom beamed.

Tom sang louder with her, purposely missing the key, yelling off- pitch, and forgetting some of the lyrics, causing y/n to laugh.

Eventually, they were both messing around with the song, getting out of pitch and making the most inhumane noises.

“Okay, besides that, you really do have a pretty voice,” He admitted.

“What do you mean? I really nailed that last note,” she giggled.

“I meant it, y/n,” Tom grinned.

“And that’ll be a secret you’re going to keep,” y/n warned him. “But thanks.”

“Any more secrets I should keep?” Tom glanced over, licking his lips.

She grinned and shrugged. Tom continued singing and she was just listening to him.

They arrived at the beach and hesitated on what to do because there were some people who could spread the rumour. That would help them. Tom was sure they would see some of Lex’ friends. They were always hanging out at the beach, according to Tom.

“Ah, there they are, her evil followers,” Tom said pointing at two girls that were speaking to some boys. “Ready to act?”

“Bring it on.”

They weren’t talking, really, just walking beside the shore, just as the sun was setting. Y/n grinned as they walked over to the water, letting the foam cover their feet. Y/n grinned as she looked down at the sand, she wanted to capture that moment to paint it later.

But the magic was ruined.

Tom had splashed some water at her. She looked up indignantly and he was laughing. “What the hell?”

He shrugged as he was walking deeper into the water. “Whoops.”

She followed after him, trying to splash him a bit more. But he managed to pick her up and spin her into the water, laughing and playing and splashing her more. They were having fun.

They continued to splash and play around, Tom was unbelievably touchy, they were both soaking wet, but it didn’t matter, it was fun. Tom turned to see the two girls, and he realized it was working. Their flirting with other guys had ceased and their eyes were glued on them. Tom smirked as he spun y/n around one last time.

He let her go, laughing, and sunk to the sand. Y/n stood back and tried to find him in the water, eventually, Tom jumped out and wrapped his arms around from behind.

She nudged him, and she discreetly looked over. “Too much don’t you think?”

“No, they know me,” Tom assured her.

“So, I’m not the first one?” Y/n laughed. “Of course not,” y/n turned around to see the girls, “Think they’re buying it?”

“Absolutely,” Tom grinned.

“I’m freezing,” She mumbled.

“Want me closer?”

“No,” y/n chuckled. “But we’re putting up a show, so it won’t matter.”

“Shh.” Tom kissed her cheek. It seemed like it was so easy to pretend, it didn’t even cost them. They were natural.

They stayed quiet watching the sunset, as the water was hugging them, as if it was made just for the two of them, because they didn’t realize when the other two girls had left because the two souls were too in love with the sunset and the waves, that their surrounding suddenly went quiet. It didn’t matter, it didn’t matter if it was just pretending, because at that moment, for the two of them, it was real.

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[ask-bolthead-crew]

Hey,really out of the blue,sorry,but do you have any tips how to keep drawing when im never even remotely happy with what i draw?I get the urge to draw something all the time but when i have a pencil in hand and a paper in front of me i just freeze,i get so terrified because i know its not gonna come out the way i want it to so i just dont,i dont draw anymore even though i want to,and i want to improve my art and do things but i just cant get over the wall. Sorry to bother, feel free to ignore

// So the first thing to remember is that you are DEFINITELY not the only one.Art is hard, especially when you're not happy with what you're doing. I feel that way a LOT. Another thing to keep in mind is that a bad drawing never killed anyone.Sometimes you have to make a schedule for yourself... one you get past those first couple of hurdles of thinking "this sucks," it becomes a lot easier.I'm not saying you have to be proud of everything you do. In fact, it's the complete opposite. For every good drawing you do, there will be about 100 fuck ups. There's this strange expectation we put on ourselves that everything we do has to be good, and honestly it's an unrealistic expectation.What you CAN do, however, is just get into the habit of forcing yourself to do it... even if it's just a few doodles a week.What I do is I have specific characters I'll doodle as a warmup... they're my go-to guys. Kid, Killer, Heat, and Wire are four of them... But I also have my own character, Muffler, that I'll use.These become go-tos for trying out new things or getting back into the swing of drawing. They're characters/things/whatever that you eventually feel comfortable enough drawing from memory and can draw anywhere.The biggest thing is creating a no-judgement zone for yourself. If you don't feel comfortable drawing, you won't. Simple as that. Once you allow yourself to mess up, or make some bad drawings, it becomes more like second nature. Every drawing you make is a step towards bettering your skill. Think of it as a tool, not a finished product. If you get frustrated, don't tear out the page and throw it away or scribble it out. Turn the page or go to a blank area and start again. Allow each drawing to breathe and exist, even if it looks like crap to you. You never know if it might spark an idea at a later point in time, and even if it doesn't, it becomes a record of how far you've progressed... and trust me, you want those.I understand how difficult letting go of that judgement can be. It's similar to writing- just allow yourself to vomit images onto a page first. Don't go into anything thinking, "This is the end-all-be-all, and will be a completed image." Life doesn't really work that way. I'll sometimes redraw sketches for asks three times before I finally go, "fuck it- good enough."The finished pieces will come later, and chances are you won't even recognize it when it's a solid work of art until like... a week after you force yourself to be done with it... especially because, as artists, we're forced to stare at the damn thing until we drive ourselves crazy.Learning when to call something done was also really difficult for me. What I started doing was, once I got to a point where I would make changes and then immediately erase them/try to fix them, I called it done. I'll leave you with something my mentor told me about a year ago:Art for me is not a passion. I don't LOVE making art. In fact, most of the time I'll look at something I've done and go, "wow this is garbage."Art is an addiction. I don't do it because I like it... I do it because I HAVE to. If I go too long without drawing, I feel physically (and mentally) ill. I get depressed and restless. It's these times when it's even harder to pick it back up again. Sometimes I wish I could be content working at a computer for a company. Unfortunately, that's just not how my brain is programmed.But sometimes you just get the strength to push through that block, and you will make some pretty incredible stuff eventually. It just a lot of mental gymnastics and a WHOLE lot of understanding and allowing yourself to make those 100 bad drawings before you make that one good one.You'll get there, I promise. It sometimes just takes looking at things from a different perspective.

[taylorwritesaboutthings]

just not following

4-3

Two weeks ago, I zoned out in sci-fi philosophy class. Discussion had once again tangled up and I didn’t have anything profound to say, so I didn’t feel obligated to pay attention. I was considering going to the bathroom just to steal a peppermint from the writing center, when the professor retrieved my consciousness with a question: “How do we know we are thinking?” It was a typical, redundant-sounding philosophical question but I couldn’t decide how anyone would answer it convincingly. They stared and I scribbled their faces down across my printer-paper sketchbook.

That night, I came across Adam, a new classmate, at rock climbing club. He’s apparently an expert climber, a visiting student from Harvard, and at least 6 feet tall. I discreetly pulled out my sketchbook and captured a portrait of him: he is a brunette apollo, with curly brown hair, green-blue eyes, and a defined jaw that constantly makes dimples in his cheeks. He leaned against the concrete wall and held up his phone with arms of a rowing crew member. I stored away the image into a compartment sanitized of hope. For awhile I watched him do bouldering with the regulars, then I returned to the corner of top ropes. My default system had taken over; in this sterile mode, I tried talking to him a bit on our way back:

“Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn. You?”

“Long Beach, CA.”

“Nice.”

“Kind of. It’s pretty far.”

“Yeah.”

“Although, I have friends here from New Zealand and India and China.”

“Cool; people here are from all over.”

Our conversation carried on but it was choppy and idle; even though we sat side by side in the van, his nose kept drawing towards the window, where he’d get lost in the deep green. When we arrived, I stepped down from the door and found pressed lines of the seat across my hands. He ran up the hill without a farewell, so I said goodbye to the van as it pulled away.

The next time I saw him I was eating alone at the Met. I fit whole pieces of sushi in my mouth and tried not to look like a chipmunk, when he entered and sat near a communal table. Flattening a sticky grain of rice between my fingers, I counted how many conversations we’d had. I put my plates away and added another one, beginning with a generic question about our drawing homework. He directed most of his answers across the table that I realized there was someone else there, another girl with blue eyes, although with long maple brown hair and emerald velvet shoes. Since I had a few seconds before it was awkward, I took a mental snapshot of her and later added her to the scribble sketchbook, elegantly sitting with her legs crossed. She didn’t speak much, and I walked back to 15 West to take a nap before painting.

I debated whether I liked that Adam has painting class with me. His form was interrupted by my board, so I pretended I was thinking or dancing and arched to the side so my eyes could pass the corner. Statically, he was flexing his wrist with the brush; nothing indicated what music was playing through his earphones. Since I was becoming too aware of my fidgety dancing, I changed my music to an ambient track and got lost in the asmr of printers and ocean waves. Adam talked fast and ate fast at break, but I lagged behind, imagining the girl picking up her velvet shoes to run along a beach while my thumb found bruises on my apple.

We also have drawing together a few days later, under direction of a teacher who loves anecdotes and philosophy. During his lectures, Adam often sits behind me, which was problematic because I wished to redraw his portrait with better quality. He did grant me two smiles and I stopped time to use them as reference. Our teacher explained how we understand the non-immediate world by making a model image of them in our head; the model would never be accurate, but with continuous renewal and refinement, it can be close. Adam was following, and told me about it.

“I love how he includes these philosophers in his teaching.”

“Yeah, I’m really enjoying his lectures too.”

“He mentioned Plato, right?

“I think so, but I was focusing on his own theories.”

He remarked about a second philosopher, but I didn’t recognize them. I remembered he was a philosophy major though and asked if he’d read Sophie’s World. At first he gave me a face of nostalgia, since we had both read it several years ago. It was a meta book about a girl who realizes she’s in a story, but escapes. The main reason people read it is educational; it briefly explains almost every famous philosopher and their ideas into a non-textbook format. My relatability felt limited to this book. He soon faded, avoiding my eyes while I drank lukewarm tea, and I really wished I had a peppermint in my jacket.

I said goodbye to the door this time, then ate at Portfolio for dinner. As I broke apart my tostada with a fork, I revised possible ways to talk to a philosophy major. The corn shell got stuck in my teeth, but no one was watching so I made the weird faces necessary to clean them out with my tongue. When I glanced over someone tall and curly-haired walked by the corner of my eye, and I bit down so quickly that I missed and my lip started bleeding. I grimaced and longed for sushi, yet was glad that it wasn’t actually Adam. I finished eating, and made sure my teeth didn’t taste like corn anymore before going back to studio.  

I got another chance since he came to paint that night as well, but I was more concerned with the ache in my wrist from pressing paint with my pallette knife. Mimicking my model image, Adam was listening to alternative rock through his earbuds and focusing on his canvas adjacent to my set up. Then the girl with velvet shoes walked in carrying a cloud of cherry blossom perfume. Something about him loosened, and she played Vampire Weekend out loud, even though he said they were pretentious Columbia students. She made a remark about enjoying the lead singer’s british-like accent, and he replied in agreement. The music was too engulfing not to dance, and they began to sing out the lyrics shamelessly, jumping on the wooden horses like make-shift stages. When they had finally quieted down, it was 12:30 am and I had class early the next day. Adam snuck out the door, preventing a goodbye once again, and I decided to finally ask the girl’s name.

“Ezra.”

“Like Vampire Weekend Ezra? Oh wow, how convenient.”

She laughed a bit, “Yeah, some people find it narcissistic that I listen to him so much.”

“Doesn’t matter. He should be flattered that someone with amazing shoes dances to his stuff.”

“Oh these?” She curtseyed with an imaginary dress, “Thank you.”