#i love discovering all the new-to-me operas people suggested

[monotonous-minutia]

give me mezzos or give me death.

well maybe not death but severe annoyance in the amount of productions casting tenors/countertenors in roles that were written for mezzos or sopranos.

[the-river-delta]

The tragedy of the OGL and Starfinder 1e

The controversy regarding the Open Game License that Wizards of the Coast sparked in 2023 had many consequences big and small, from 5e's SRD being put into Creative Commons to the creation of the ORC license (and Pathfinder 2e's shift to it in the Remaster), but one of the more unfortunate and less-discussed casualties has been that of Starfinder 1st Edition, which as a huge fan of said game I wanna talk about in this probably overlong post.

The Starfinder Roleplaying Game - the strange science-fantasy spinoff of Pathfinder (itself a spinoff of 3rd edition Dungeons & Dragons), supposedly developed and put out by its publisher Paizo to make up for the inevitable drop in sales that Pathfinder would experience upon the announcement of its new edition.

As something developed around 2016 and launched in 2017, at a time when the much simpler DnD 5e was on a meteoric rise, the largely Pathfinder- and in turn-3.5-shaped rules chassis of SFRPG could've come off as a little clunky or even downright archaic to a lot of people (not helped by problems such as the infamously awkward starship combat rules that needed emergency errata to mathematically function, continuing to be controversial throughout the game's lifespan).

I myself have gotten into TTRPGs at around that time, but remained somewhat unaware of Starfinder for a couple years - the announcement and eventual launch of Pathfinder Second Edition is what indirectly made me pay attention to Paizo and their games beyond a failed attempt at getting into Pathfinder purely as a crunchier 5e alternative, at the time divorced from the context of anything other than the humongous, nigh-incomprehensible mountain of rules and options that was impossible to navigate without the help of a more experienced friend.

Since that fateful 2018-19 however, Starfinder gripped me more and more in concept, presentation, and even the rules - though my actual play experience to this day is embarrassingly low as either a player or GM, I've legitimately come to love the tweaks it made to the already venerable PF1 ruleset to really make itself feel like a high-octane science-fantasy adventure game, and I fell greatly in love with the game's setting; Yes, it was and is the kind of sci-fi kitchen sink that tries to accommodate everything from cyberpunk and to military SF to space opera and soft sci-fi and Pathfinder-in-space-type science fantasy, but good art direction and writing made it all feel surprisingly coherent for such a big-tent premise.

Parallel to all this, I've played and run a great deal of games far beyond the d20 sphere, and slowly discovered what kind of roleplaying games I really enjoy playing and running - but all this time, Starfinder remained in the back of my mind, and I found great joy in perusing each new supplement - for the artwork, for the lore, for the rules and player options.

As Pathfinder 2e grew in popularity, there were a lot of people who wanted its science-fantasy sibling to also adopt the PF2 ruleset, with its sleek three-action economy and all other rules tech that its proponents loved so much, and at the time at least, Paizo denied having any such plans, choosing to keep Starfinder going as-is. I myself began as one of those "Starfinder 2e would be so good" people, but my enthusiasm for PF2 eventually waned somewhat, at the same time as my appreciation for SF1's ruleset grew, so I began to push back on the idea somewhat, or at least suggest caution.

And then, the Open Game License crisis rippled across the d20 portion of the TTRPG industry (that is, most of the visible and profitable part of it) - fearing legal reprisal from Wizards of the Coast, Paizo rapidly worked to distance Pathfinder from the OGL rules and concepts it was built on, Remastering the game and moving their work onto the newly-developed Open RPG Creative license.

At first, it was not clear what the plan was for Starfinder, even more entangled in the OGL than PF2 was, given its stronger PF1 and 3.5 roots.

Then, at GenCon 2023, Paizo announced Starfinder Second Edition, with a playtest launching a year later.

Sounds great, right? This is what the people have been asking for all this time!

Then, more details were revealed - Starfinder 2e would be wholly adopting PF2's ruleset, down to being able to freely mix ancestries, classes, equipments, spells, etc. from one to the other (something that 1st edition gestured at with some early guidance at converting PF1 stuff to SF1 bits, but was largely dropped and forgotten in the long run).

Between this and some other things, that's where my worries really began.

Part of what made Starfinder so appealing to me were the things that made it stand apart at the system level - the unique skill list (featuring things like Culture, Engineering, Physical Science and Life Science, Computers, Piloting, and Mysticism as a catch-all magic skill), the Health/Stamina/Resolve Points system (which vastly alleviated the need for a dedicated healer or long periods of downtime between encounters to heal up), the different weapon and armor proficiencies (like Longarms, Advanced Melee, and Powered Armor instead of simply the same old Martial Weapons or Medium Armor), magic simply being magic instead of an arcane/divine distinction (and only going up to 6 levels instead of 9 - though apparently that was a page space concern for the original core book more than anything), and a myriad other things.

And even though SF2 would benefit from things like the PF2 proficiency tiers, three action economy, and degrees of success, it would also be saddled with the things that first edition consciously did away with - so magic now is split up into one of the four traditions (arcane, divine, occult, primal), overriding some fun 1st edition lore about how modern society no longer differentiated between those. Even the skill list has been turned to be the same as that of PF2, with the merciful additions of Computers and Piloting - but things like Religion, Performance and Crafting are a thing now.

At least we're still paying in credits instead of silver and gold pieces.

There are other changes that frustrate or perplex me (like how technomancer and mechanic, two classes that were in 1st edition since the start but are being left out of the SF2 core and saved for later - though at least aren't being cut altogether, same with starship rules... or the fact that SF2 is doubling down on being silly and having a god of memes in the core pantheon and a skill feat for Trolling People With Your Online Posts), and many of these may seem like small-potato issues (the distinction between Kinetic Armor Class and Energy Armor Class was pretty minor in practice after all), but in aggregate all of these things made SF1 properly standalone and unique in a way I fear is being sacrificed for SF2 at the altar of compatibility with its biggest fantasy sibling Pathfinder.

Paizo's messaging on the subject has also been mixed - they say the game will be properly standalone after launch, yet they're also careful about designing each SF2 class as to not step on the toes of an extant PF2 class (because you can just bring in said PF2 class into your SF2 game instead, right?), resulting in something like the Soldier (which in many ways was a fighter in space in 1st edition, even though I'd argue it was a pretty baller implementation of the idea) being vastly reconceptualized to a rather mixed reception from SF1 fans; And in general, a lot of the current marketing about SF2 feels like it's been aimed at Pathfinder 2e fans first ("you can now play using your favorites ruleset IN SPACE, or bring in cool laser guns and solarians and freaky aliens into your Pathfinder game!") and at SF1 fans second (and even then, with a kind of implicit aim towards the "man I wish Starfinder just used the 2e ruleset" crowd of Starfinder players - look I was one of them at one point, I get it).

Even the big Starfinder 2e playtest actual play at GenCon couldn't have been a fully SF2 game, as it featured the iconic PF2 investigator in the adventuring party. Sure, it was just a marketing thing to do for fun at a convention, but it's not helping SF2 escape the "it's the sci-fi expansion to PF2" perception.

Some Paizo staff have said that Starfinder 2e was already being tinkered with even before the OGL crisis hit, but that the event kicked the development on it into high gear - causing two entire rulebooks and an adventure path for SF1 to be canned (even though one of them, the Faction Guide, already had freelancer assignments submitted in and even had the cover art ready to go; another was the Extraplanar Archive, which would've delved into what the wider multiverse of SF1 was up to, a book I personally wanted for the entire run of first edition, so while it wasn't worked on a lot at the time, knowing it fell through hurts me in particular as a fan of extraplanar science-fantasy stuff!) - I get it, Paizo is a business and that was a business decision, but it didn't feel good to hear either way.

Speaking of which, the week before GenCon, Paizo dropped a really frustrating bombshell onto the community: they had updated and revised their community licenses and policies, two of which have caused some serious uproar.

For one, to continue distancing themselves from the Open Game License, the Pathfinder and Starfinder Infinite programs (which allow community members to publish paid supplements for Paizo games that utilize their intellectual property, settng and proper nouns and all) would no longer be accepting OGL-based products for either PF1 or SF1 starting in September. PFI and SFI have problems of their own with the large cut and exclusivity involved (much in the way that D&D's and WotC's Dungeon Masters' Guild program does), but it still stings.

The other, arguably even worse news, was regarding the Paizo Community Use Policy (link to an archival version in case Paizo deletes the live version altogether) which allowed community members to use Paizo IP and imagery in noncommercial products and projects - it has been suddenly replaced by the Fan Content Policy (which in addition to being a worse, more corporate sounding name, is also exactly what WotC calls their own equivalent document).

The FCP is much more restrictive about what one can use it for compared to the old CUP - crucially, it's not applicable to "game products" such as, and I quote, an adventure module, sourcebook, character builder, rules database, video game, board game, etc.

While projects with bespoke Paizo licensing agreements like Archives of Nethys and the Foundry VTT module are unaffected, projects that relied on the CUP like Hephaistos (a beloved Starfinder 1e community tool, covering everything from creating characters to managing campaigns and encounters) have been forced to either cease development altogether (which would allow them to be grandfathered into the FCP, provided they would no longer receive any changes) or go back and be scrubbed of Paizo IP (which would be both time consuming and incredibly messy for a game where the OGL-published rules and Paizo-owned lore are so intertwined).

While a number of Paizo staff have said that they'd look into revising the policy to not completely screw the community over like that, it's already done a lot to damage people's trust in the company, further compounding the already strong sense of alienation many 1e fans have been feeling over the past year since SF2 has been announced.

I've played a good deal of PF2, and am currently in the process of preparing to run some SF2 playtest games, and I'm near-certain that Starfinder 2e will on the whole end up being a whole lot more popular than 1st edition ever was, both on its own merits and certainly as PF2's sci-fi spice cabinet - but there is a non-trivial subset of the existing SF1 community that is just bummed out about this whole thing. If nothing else, I now understand how many PF1 fans felt when the game went in a different direction from what they originally came to it for (even though I'd still argue it's good some of the more bigoted stuff was left by the wayside) - except now Starfinder 1e doesn't even have the benefit of easily continuing under a community banner, with the new Starfinder Inifnite and Fan Content policies.

I don't have a great way to wrap this up - there is only so much that feedback I submit regarding the SF2 playtest will accomplish (something I still intend to do, to at least help out testing the parts that are on the table for change and improvement), and getting anyone, at Paizo or otherwise, on board with the OGL again is likewise infeasible, so I doubt anyone is willing to create yet another OGL-based spinoff and repeat the 3.5-Pathfinder cycle.

SF1 will probably remain playable, but if the fan policy continues to impede the development of digital tools that the game so strongly benefitted from, its prospects of upkeep (let alone growth) seem far more grim now than they did three weeks ago.

So while new SF2 fans are feverishly arguing if the promised SF2 ranged meta can work with PF2's cover rules or whether it was a good idea for the 2e witchwarper to be merged with the 1e precog... I'm just more than a little bummed out about this uncomfortable limbo state that SF1 has been put in, a far less graceful death than PF1 received.

[wonkyplate]

this isn’t how it works but i'm gonna do it anyway (tony hawks regular voice)

🎱 haven’t posted anything yet so: bookmarks 147 and gifts 1 :)

🍓 i got into writing fanfics a long time ago when i discovered fanfiction.net as pretty much a kid and i thought "hey that's neat maybe i can make my own little stories" and since then have never totally finished a fanfic 👍 it's called cosmic dread and it's terminal

🌵 not particularly writing music (but yeah it still works) and not a playlist (a beautiful album), just want to share because sturge Should be shared: https://spotify.link/ofKYQWtEjIb

🕯 eugh. like a 4 for editing. it's a love/hate relationship and i'm not sure which of us is in the wrong. we might be doomed (shaky soap opera breath) but i still love him...

🛼 oooh. okay. 🤖🚀💥⚠️🤕 ??? is this anything ???

🥑 i know who's going to send me some obscure gifs and tumblr posts about it

🥤 ahhh. i immediately wanna recommend cargocrate's star wars stuff but this is a trek/tng blog. we're not mutuals but damsondaforge's work is amazing and hits all the right spots 🫶

💌 please don’t ever ask me that again. we don't say that e-word around here

🌻 my bestie juniper :) i love u i hope ur blossoming in ur new job weehee

🐇 i'm... going to assume reader-insert means (Y/N)? i don't like reading or writing reader-inserts (sorry) because it doesn’t feel believable, to me or the audience i'm writing for. i'd rather get lost in a story than have to talk myself INTO a story everytime the reader insert does something i wouldn’t do. i love original characters though, we need more of those beauties

🧃 mm that's easy, this is like my first ever post on this blog. i'm a dog groomer and i almost faint when a dog slobbers on me 😀

🎲 ha! free time. what a concept! i get maybe 3 hours a week that i can confidently label as free time

🍄 favourite dataforge headcanon: data is the little spoon and i'm right

🧸 make me smile or laugh or cry (not in a mean way, i'm just an emotional guy)

🪐 my niece! she's the best 4 year old ever, i love her. i guess work is going well but i'm expanding the business so those three hours of spare time are in dangerous waters. my gender transition is chugging along nicely too, just waiting for my hrt appointment next month and i'm firmly on the wait list for top surgery. woohoo!

📚 a dog on the cancellation list (chow called sui mai 🧡), supplies i need to order for the salon and some crime shows my writing workshop suggested (e.g. taggart, cracker, trial and retribution etc.)

🍬 i'm pretty sure i don't have any unpopular opinions about any of the tng characters. i'm just like sitting here until u hear some unexpected snarling and frothing macbeth-style

🔪 weirdest topic has probably been about go karting and homelessness and any possible connections there. please don’t ask

🦷 nobody is assigned a timeline. do things in your own time and enjoy the seconds, minutes and hours. depression is a terrible beast that gnashes those second hands between its teeth, but once you reclaim your life - go and live it. make decisions and follow through

❄️ oooh i'm not sharing that on the big wide web but cargocrate would turn any old dust into gold. trust that guy with my life

🌿 oof. writer's block, for me, can be defined as low confidence and nothing more or less. what you write isn’t good enough, how you write isn’t good enough, who you write isn’t good enough. it's tricky but writer's block can only be conquered by practising and improving, having a strong support network of like-minded people (other writers, not just people who like to read), a healthy feedback system for all involved and a life to live and experience (to inform your work and to help create ideas). often, writer's block is just the wall you erected yourself and you're panicking because your view is limited. let go of ego, let go of the block

🥐 "minion... is that your pinis...?"

🏜 i haven’t received ao3 comments but feedback from friends is Always useful :D i prefer honesty, and i love it when people tell me what i can try in order to make the piece work better. but you can't go wrong with a solid "AAAAA-"

🍦 augh god i'm gonna get blasted but i really dislike tasha yar's character. i could talk about the technicals that led to this conclusion but we want some good things, so. i like that she was a symbol for women, at the time of airing and still today, to pursue a career that's male-dominated, and the respect she commanded in the position. i enjoyed how unapologetically stubborn she could be with safety of the crew. i honestly cannot summon more thoughts, i'm so sorry tasha

🥝 i don't lie, or i at least don't make a habit of it. i used to lie as a kid (because i got myself into some difficult situations) but hated the feeling of it. i think the last time i lied was a couple of weeks ago when i told my boss the writing workshop had gone well, but i hadn't actually gone. i'd been so defeated by period cramps that i was worried about driving on the motorway - but i wasn't about to shout this across the salon where everyone could hear

🦋 ocean vuong is always on my heart and mind. but also that fucking data & picard song. it's ripping me to pieces. i've almost memorised picard's security code

🦴 mm. science fiction in general is a huge imspiration to me, as well as drama, but my biggest helper isn't media, it's poetry :)

🍅 my biggest weakness with writing is dialogue, i think. i've always struggled with it because i struggle anticipating what Real people are going to say to me, let alone the fictional people in my head. i need to work more on drip-feeding character through dialogue and drive stories forward using it

🐚 it depends on the surprise lmao. if i have to go/be somewhere specific for the surprise, i would really rather people tell me what it is and let me choose if it's worth the time. if it's like a takeaway dinner or some extra dessert i didn’t know about, i'd be a fucking Fool in the tarot deck to turn it away

🪲 again, this feels like an opportunity for people to steal my work so nah i won't be sharing my wip on here. the wip will be shared when it's no longer a wip !

☁️ an old chat with a friend. not sure how we got talking about it but we wanted to know what we'd each look like as a plate. crate thought i'd be orange and a little wonky and i thought he'd be green and patterned. since then, i've always thought of myself as the wonky orange plate :)

🐝 i really only have a couple of friends and this post is making light work of my records 😭 okay i'll play the sentimental card instead and say, my mother. we never used to get along and came to blows (verbally) nearly every week, but much of that was my own fault for being such an angry child. i was acting out of hurt, but i shouldn’t have taken it out on her. now, we live and work together, and i can easily call her one of my best friends 🧡

🌸 mattie! he's a rescued greyhound from the racing industry over in ireland. i love him with my whole and fragile heart

🎨 hhhh there are too many pieces of fanart out there...... but i'm always a sucker for A Fistful Of Datas fanart 👀

🧩 mischaracterisation! ooc! no paragraphs/strange formatting! extremely Long paragraphs! infodumping! a genuine lack of interest to create a story that moves people (this one is tricky to define but, essentially, no substance whatsoever)!

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats  🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?  🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love 🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? 🛼 �� describe your latest wip with five emojis 🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help? 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love 💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?  🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis 🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?  🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before 🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?  🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings 🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual? 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character 🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? 🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on ❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? 🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity 🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh  🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? 🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate 🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told? 🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately  🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?  🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing 🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises? 🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? 🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them 🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them 🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it 🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

[sjstone-author]

(via The Dirty Secrets of Book Blurbs - The Atlantic)

Fuck book blurbs!

I recently bought a book by a renowned local author who generally writes in my genre, mystery, and so I just went and bought it. All good right? I did a quick scan of the back cover, and it was all blubs, not a short teaser for the plot. Instead that was on the inside cover, which is the other place it would be. But here’s the issue: the teaser suggested something between two characters that had a past relationship, but I’m half-way through the book, and that something hasn’t happened yet. In fact, I’m just reading through this sort of soap opera of a book waiting for something to happen.

What the fuck?

I realize I could have done a little more investigation into this book to see if it actually fit into what I wanted to read, but I bought it on a whim, and I thought, “Okay, this famous author writes mysteries, writes mysteries that happen in Baltimore (where my mystery happens), and actually lives in my neighborhood. Let me just get on it and read some of her work and learn from a master.

And a back cover full of blurbs can’t be wrong, can they? And yet...

Helen Lewis says in The Atlantic, “And that reveals another dirty secret of the blurb: They’re not addressed to you. “The biggest thing to understand is that blurbs aren’t principally, or even really at all, aimed at the consumer,” Richards told me via email. “They are instead aimed at literary editors and buyers for the bookstores—in a sea of new books, having blurbs from, ideally, lots of famous writers will make it more likely that they will review/stock your book.” “

Fool me once... I trusted the brand, the history of said author, and the blurbs. And yeah, this is my fault, but you all said wonderful things. Only you weren’t saying them to me, the reader, you were saying them to each other.

“Blurbs have always been controversial—too clichéd, too subject to cronyism—but lately, as review space shrinks and the noise level of the marketplace increases, the pursuit of ever more fawning praise from luminaries has become absurd. Even the most minor title now comes garlanded with quotes hailing it as the most important book since the Bible, while authors report getting so many requests that some are opting out of the practice altogether. Publishers have begun to despair of blurbs, too.”

I have a word for this that I got into the Urban Dictionary - a word that doesn’t actually fit in this situation but still feels right: vomitrocity. Imagine the puke emoji. I mean, come on, people, how pathetic is this whole concept of the self-licking ice cream cone of authorship now that we’re being duped by the author community itself? Oh, the NYT loved this book! Praise for (insert title here)! This author loved it. That author loved it.

This book is boring. I’m half way through and I’m still waiting for something to happen. Isn’t something supposed to have happened by now? The very last line of the book teaser on the inside cover of the novel goes like this: “And then X asked Y to do the unthinkable.” And yet, I’m literally in the middle of the book, page 159 out of 310 pages, and nothing has happened that was noteworthy.

So, sadly I’ll just report here that you should read this article in the The Atlantic because all this book blurbing, as Helen Lewis describes it, is just cronyism. Not useful. Just annoying and misleading, and just not what the world of writing needs. Indy authors, small authors, nobodies like me who just have a story to tell deserve a better writing world. And readers deserve a better way to discover the books that they will love reading and recommend to their friends. Because that’s the kind of network we need. Not the world of corporate book blurbs.

I hope you enjoyed my rant.

[grantgoddard]

The man who mistook his wife for a hat : 2006-2009 : Enders Analysis

1976. With trepidation, I knocked on the door of the Durham student newspaper to volunteer, opened it and encountered a cacophony of shrill, loud voices in an office no bigger than a two-up-two-down front room. A dozen people in close proximity were conversing at sufficient volume for their voices to project into a distant corner of a non-existent adjacent room. Never had I heard so few people generate so much noise. Not a chummy American loudness, but a commanding-the-troops ‘I’m in charge’ harshness. When one woman spoke, it sounded exactly how I imagined a horse might talk. I had stumbled into toff-land, the privileged world of the privately educated, a parallel universe of entitlement I had observed in television historical dramas but not realised still existed in the late twentieth century. Did I grow accustomed to their gratuitous noise pollution? No.

2006. With trepidation, I started my first day’s work at Enders Analysis. Its location in elite Mayfair, opposite the rear entrance of Park Lane’s Grosvenor Hotel, conveyed ‘class’. I was given a desk in a cramped room shared with colleagues who spoke loudly in plummy accents. The previous occasion I had endured transportation to toff-land, thirty years earlier, at least my commitment had been voluntary. Now I was indentured to spend forty hours a week in this socially hostile environment. Each occasion I opened my mouth seemed to confirm my appointment as the ‘accidental analyst’ to a job usually pre-ordained for yet another privately educated chap. Within days, the questions started.

“Why do you arrive at work so early every day?” asked Ian Watt one morning.

“My wife has to start work early, so I leave home with her,” I replied.

“Your wife is a banker?” my colleague suggested. I struggled to maintain a straight face at such a bizarre presumption.

“No,” I responded with hesitancy. “She works in an NHS hospital.”

There was a gap. I sensed a sharp intake of breath.

“Ooooohhhh,” said Watt with evident disappointment that betrayed a palpable disregard for public service, whether someone worked in a hospital kitchen or the deputy chief executive’s office.

If boisterous office chit-chat (“I’m off on holiday to Brazil next week”) proved insufficiently distracting, it was accompanied by personal phone calls made from colleagues’ desks, sometimes communicating disturbing content. Do I really need to hear you phoning a credit card company to increase the limit on a card in your father’s name for which you had applied and use? We all carried personal mobile phones and could go outside to make calls but, for these colleagues, there was evidently no shame or embarrassment in broadcasting their latest Famous Five-ish japes.

One regularly phoned his wife and, instead of a loving message, he would bark orders to her at the top of his voice as if she were a half-deaf scullery maid in his medieval castle. The tone of his phone calls disturbed me sufficiently to glance around our room to determine if the others had similarly felt they were being forced to eavesdrop on a suspected witch undergoing torture by the Inquisitor. None of them looked up or flinched during his tirades, as I did. I felt so alone in this workplace, observing that such humiliation of a fellow human appeared not only acceptable in toff-land but might be practised by my other colleagues.

“My wife is an opera singer,” he would turn around to tell us once his aggressive phone diatribes ended. I was uncertain whether this occupation was some kind of toff codeword for ‘slave’, or perhaps his entire household was staging a never-ending operetta in the ballroom where he had to phone in his part as the angry, posh analyst husband from Mayfair. His behaviour made me contemplate walking over and committing workplace violence but I was restrained by my poor chances in a pistol duel at dawn.

I soon discovered that ritual humiliation appeared to be my new workplace’s predominant management style. Within weeks of starting the job, I attended my first one-day radio conference at a Mayfair hotel a few hundred metres from the office. During the opening morning session, I received a text from a colleague telling me to return to the office because our boss needed me to do something unspecified urgently. Reluctantly leaving the conference, I returned to the office to be told that our boss was not there but would return soon. By the time the conference ended, I had wasted most of the day sat at my desk waiting for something, anything, to happen that required my presence.

If your private schooling imbued you with the notion that Miss Havisham was an ideal role model, such behaviour must simply propagate down your family money-tree. Many more humiliations followed, all of which I accepted with the uncomplaining resignation that a servant is forced to adopt to remain in the employ of an unhinged ‘big house’. The consequence is that the master progressively ups the ante in order to prompt a reaction, any kind of reaction, to their extensive repertoire of humiliations … and so it was.

2008. In front of my colleagues, boss Claire Enders told me she did not appreciate my work clothes. My suits were too baggy and my shirts were too patterned. I had not changed my dress style since starting work there, so I recognised this as her latest attrition. I wore a black or grey suit, a ‘designer’ work shirt, a subtly patterned tie and black shiny shoes. Once a month, my wife accompanied me on a Saturday hike around local men’s outfitters to peruse and purchase sale items. As a result of my daily cross-country run, my shoulders were broad but my waist was narrow, making any suit look ‘baggy’ on me. It was not my fault that many of my work colleagues were Billy Bunter-like!

In response, I resorted to wearing a plain white shirt and black tie every day under one of my existing suits. Then, in front of my colleagues, Enders complained I looked like an undertaker and ordered me to go to gentleman’s shops on Jermyn Street to buy new clothes. My patience with these workplace humiliations was wearing thin by my third year there. I neither agreed nor refused. As the only parent in the analyst team financially supporting their child’s university education, I could not suddenly throw my earnings at hideously expensive clothes. I had kept to my employer’s dress code at all times. I hoped that this latest humiliation might blow over … but I underestimated the persistence of my protagonist.

One week later, colleague Ian Watt told me he had been instructed to take me to Jermyn Street to buy new, more suitable clothes. We took a taxi, something I never afforded. During the one-kilometre journey, Watt wittered on about stuff while I shut my ears and stared vacantly out the window. I had decided to go along passively with his mission, as if he were demonstrating his superior breeding to a servant or slave … or wife. I did not lose my temper, argue or contradict him. I was merely a lowly bit player in his ‘Downton Abbey’ roadmap of British society. In my head, I was amused at the ridiculousness of this situation.

Inside the Dickensian shop (“Suits you, sir!”), Watt chose a new wardrobe for me. Bright pink shirts, elastic braces, ugly black shoes. I offered no opinion about his preferences. All I would have needed was a red nose to join a touring circus. He took my ‘outfit’ to the cash desk and unexpectedly asked me to pay. I refused. There was a standoff. Frustrated at not fulfilling the ultimate humiliation of making me fund my own unrequested makeover, he stormed off to replace most items on their shelves, before proffering his credit card to pay for the remaining two. During our taxi journey back to the office, I remained detached even when I heard him bellow at me:

“If you had attended a public school*, even a minor one, you would know how to dress!”

There, laid bare, was his contempt for me. It mattered not one iota that I had started working in radio more than three decades earlier and had successfully launched commercial stations attracting millions of listeners in the UK, Europe and Asia. It mattered not one iota that I had earned more mass media coverage for Enders Analysis with my published reports about the radio industry than all my analyst colleagues combined. All that mattered to him was the type of school I had attended many moons ago. The five-figure sum that his parents must have paid each term for his private school education seemed to entitle him to treat me like … you know what.

Unlike Pip, I harboured no desire to be accepted as a ‘gentleman’ by London society. You could stuff your flouncy shirts, your waistcoats, your pocket watch, your braces, your uncomfortable shoes, your sickening attitude to people like me. I knew who I was and was perfectly content in my own skin. Born in a council house, I attended school on a council estate and was obliged to become male head of my single-parent household at the age of fourteen. That is who I was. I refused to lick your … overprivileged ego.

Back at the office, the clothes bought in Jermyn Street sat in a bag beside my desk. I refused to even look at them. Naturally, further humiliations followed until, within months, I was forced out of my job. When I left for the final time, I placed the bag of new, unworn toff-wear on my empty office chair. There were no farewell drinks. There was no gratitude. There were no goodbyes. One day I was at work, then I had gone. Exiled from toff-land.

Several months later, I received an unexpected call on my mobile from Ian Watt. There was some work Enders Analysis wanted me to do. I knew from experience that Claire Enders could humiliate to the bitter end former employees who had been edged out of her workplace by asking a staff member to renew contact on her behalf. Watt droned on for a while and, though I was sorely tempted to shout an expletive at the same volume he reserved for humiliating people like me, I simply responded ‘no’ and put the phone down.

I don’t wanna go to Jermyn Street … ever again.

[* In British English, 'public school' confusingly means a private secondary school requiring fees.]

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

how gently do the clouds and flowers sway

tags: gn!reader, reader has dendro abilities, fluff, pre!relationship

a/n: a new addition to the god!reader cinematic universe. finally felt inspired to write a little more for it and decided to give yun jin some of that love. yun jin is such a lovely character, you can really see how much love went into crafting her. it took a long time for her to finally be released to the game for those who knew about her since the first leaked images, but it was definitely worth it. i maxed out her friendship recently and thought she’d be a great match for god!reader. also don’t mind me making blatant references to the cruel prince at the beginning lmao. the opera she’s creating in this fic is a reference to the poem ‘a spring morning’ by meng haoran

春眠不觉晓， 处处闻啼鸟。 夜来风雨声， 花落知多少。

“I can’t thank you enough for your help.” Yun Jin smiled appreciatively. Red eyes sparkled with a warmth reminiscent of the lanterns at festivals. “Everything was so last minute but you’ve been keeping up with everything. I insist we pay you.”

“I told you already, Ms. Yun.” You took a pleased sip from your tea. Morax, or Zhongli as he went by now, wasn’t exaggerating when he said snow blossom tea was exquisite. You’d certainly have to ask him where to come by some in bulk. “You don’t need to pay me for this. This isn’t really a commission for me, so much as a cultural experience.”

It was honestly. 

Liyue Opera was a tradition you had yet to discover in all your times exploring the nation of Geo. It was certainly much different than the instruments of your people, the dances you’d taught them and the rhythms you swayed to. You loved it. Yet you were drawn to the different practices of opera.

“If you’re so taken with it,” your old friend began after you expressed your interest over dinner. “I would recommend a performance by the Yun-Han Opera Troupe. If one truly wishes to experience Liyue’s opera, they should see the performance of Ms. Yun.”

Little did you know that rather than watching it, you’d be taking part of it. Well, to be more exact, you’d be doing work behind the stage. As it would turn out, Ms. Yun herself was in need of assistance.

“The director of the troupe has been wanting to add a little flair to their performance of one of their older operas, A Spring Morning.” Zhongli explained, much to your growing interest. “They wish to incorporate falling flowers into the highlight of their performance. I was told they were simply going to buy flowers and find a way to have them fall onto the stage without being overtly obvious.” A knowing glance was given to your fake Vision you carried on your person, similar to his own. “But I’m sure a wielder of Dendro could make the job easier.”

Now here you were, enjoying a cup of tea with the troupe’s director a few weeks later.

Yun Jin didn’t look happy with your suggestion. Every week she insisted you accept payment and every week you declined in similar fashion. “But this commission is lasting a lot longer than we expected!”

A Spring Morning had risen in popularity with this collaboration of yours, now it was all everyone wanted to see.

First you would use cherry blossoms.

The next time were crocuses.

You’ve also created showers of peonies, primroses and tulips.

Perhaps I should make petals flow to where even the audience sits. You wondered. The next performance was going to be the last one of A Spring Morning for a few months. This one has to be truly exceptional. Her magnum opus!

“You’re honestly doing me a favor.” You insisted after realizing the singer was still waiting for you to say something. You’d pick the flowers you’d conjure next time when you were alone. “Honestly! I’ve seen many things in my time traveling. I’ve seen the acorn before the oak, the egg before the hen.” You couldn’t help smiling as you spotted the one growing on your new companion’s face. “I’ve never come across anything like Liyue Opera before, I’m simply glad to be able to help bring a project to life while learning about the artform.”

“Oh Mx. (Y/N), I think you’ve just developed a flair for the dramatics.” Yun Jin replied with an amused lilt of her voice. 

“If I have, it’s only because I learned from the best. I’ve been told your troupe is the best in all of Liyue.” You replied without missing a beat. “But I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. Money isn’t an issue for me, it isn’t why I travel.”

Unlike your friend, you’d been masquerading as a human long enough to understand the concept of Mora. In some ways, that lughead hasn’t changed at all. You wanted to snort, remembering how seamlessly he placed a tab for the meal you shared at a restaurant he recommended. How does the creator of Mora not have any to speak of now that he’s mortal? He’s lucky he’s so well-connected.

Unfortunately, you weren’t a god of such prestige for that sort of command and energy follow you into human form. 

To mortals, Amur was simply a God of Festivals. On the other hand, you were also the Soother of the Dead. The one who helped the ailing find peace in their eternal rest, the one who’d leave offerings of lavender and rose on the graves of the forgotten. You were the reason humans learned to find joy in the short lives they did have. At least in the eyes of historians and researchers. To the youth of this era, you were simply a party god.

You didn’t create the peaks of mountains by casting your spears across the land.

You didn’t cut an island in half with a mere swipe of your blade.

You simply loved humans and their mortality so much, you wanted them to appreciate themselves more. Any story about mortals and their lives were much more interesting than another exaggerated tale about Murata or even the Tsaritsa. You wanted to see those experiences (Y/N), not as Amur.

Perhaps that was why you enjoyed Yun Jin’s company. You were like-minded individuals. The tales she wove were about the ordinary doing the extraordinary even without the help of gods. That, in your opinion, was the strength of humanity.

Your non-human brethren could scoff at the mistakes the many humans made. But despite the mistakes and despite the missteps, humans still prospered and survived throughout the generations. Seeing the woman before you dedicate herself to showcasing that beauty with her entire being was enough payment for you.

The makeup, the heavy costumes, and the many, many rehearsals.

She was exceptional, more than exceptional.

Yes, you wanted to be in the company of this human a little while longer. 

Yun Jin sighed, “but there has to be something that you’d like.” She began once more. “Since Mora isn’t something you’d like, what if you received something else.”

“Your company alone is enough, Ms. Yun.” You hid your smile behind your tea cup. “What if you take me to one of those rock n roll shows I’ve been hearing about lately? That sounds like the perfect way to unwind.”

[christinesraoul]

R/C Queer Week “Fic”

I was trying to decide what to write for the queer week event and started thinking about all the many different ways there are for someone to be part of the community, and got a little emotional about it, not gonna lie. Anyway, have some not!fic. I think it’s cute.

[read on ao3]

Ship: Raoul/Christine, Raoul & Christine

Summary: a non-comprehensive catalog of universes in which R/C are queer and love each other.

There is a version of this story where Phillippe has three sisters instead of two, and Christine Daaé runs away with Rachelle, the beautiful youngest daughter of the de Chagny family. There is also a version where Raoul spends all his time finding excuses to visit the Opera, not to see the dancing girls as his brother teasingly suggests, but for secret trysts with the softspoken, passionate tenor--Christian Daaé--who has stolen Raoul’s heart.

For that matter, there is also a version of the story in which Christine says, Raoul, I'm sorry, I can't love you the way you love me and then you are so dear to me but I don't think I could feel that kind of thing for anyone and I don’t really want to and then I don’t know why, but God must have made me this way for a reason. In this story, Raoul is young and jealous and hurt and so at first all he hears is that Christine doesn’t love him. But the next day he comes back, apologizes, and listens. Maybe Raoul eventually marries someone else, years down the line, or maybe just like Christine he never weds at all, but either way he and Christine are friends for the rest of their lives. It’s never romantic, but neither of them would trade it for anything. 

In some versions of this story, Raoul is the first person to learn that Christine is a girl, even before she tells her father. In other versions, Christine has to explain to Raoul that just because she has played trouser roles, that doesn’t mean she knows much more about how to safely bind his chest than he does. 

There are versions of the story where Raoul goes to sea and meets handsome, confident sailors who know exactly who they are and what they want. When he returns home he seeks his best friend out to tell her everything, especially how kissing another man for the first time felt like discovering a new country he didn't know he had citizenship in before.

In some versions of this story, Raoul and Christine go their whole lives thinking that no one else would understand the secrets they share with each other, but usually they are not so alone. Usually, there are clubs or meetings or organizations or protests, or Christine will stumble across a bar with no sign in the window one night and the next time she sees Raoul she tells him: Raoul, there are other people like us. 

In some versions of the story, when they are already married and living safely in Sweden, Raoul falls for another man or woman. Sometimes it is Christine who meets someone else. Sometimes they break each other's hearts without ever meaning to, but more often they come to realize that what is between them is even stronger when there are other loves in their lives. 

In one version of the story, a version where Raoul and Christine are young and happy in the year 2023, they go to the Marche des Fiertés LGBT together with matching pink-purple-blue stripes facepainted on their cheeks, Raoul having (correctly) insisted that Christine needed to get out more and that she would be glad she went as soon as she got there. 

Every version of the story is different, and every version of the story is the same: there are two people who love each other, and they accept each other for exactly who they are.

[k-s-morgan]

Will’s vs. Hannibal’s Ways of Expressing Love

The fact that Hannibal loves Will and is in love with him is openly stated in the show several times. Will’s feelings, on the other hand, are more ambiguous, which is why some viewers often doubt whether Hannibal’s love is reciprocated. I think that exploring the ways these two men experience and react to love can explain the varying degrees of their openness about it.

I’ll put TLDR right here: Hannibal is more open about himself and his feelings, including love, hence he doesn’t have many challenges with admitting it. Will is closed off, stiff, and emotionally repressed, so he expresses his feelings in a much more subtle way.

Let’s start with Hannibal. Details about his past are scarce, but we know that he admits to loving two people throughout his life, his sister and Will.

E3 of S3.

*Bedelia: What your sister made you feel was beyond your conscious ability to control or predict … I would suggest what Will Graham makes you feel is not dissimilar. A force of mind and circumstance.*    

*Hannibal: Love.*

Undoubtedly, Hannibal’s love for Mischa was traumatic and unhealthy. He loved her so much that he ate a part of her body after she was killed, devastated by this loss. But it was still love that made him feel all the related emotions, so Hannibal has some experience with it. From what we know of him, he has a very broad mind. He despises limitations and overcomes them, and he is not ashamed of who he is. He isn’t embarrassed to cry in the opera or to be the first to stand up and applaud; he delights in stereotypically ‘feminine’ hobbies like cooking and clothes selection; he draws fan-art and openly expresses his admiration when it’s due. For this reason, Hannibal doesn’t have many problems with expressing love either.  

Upon meeting Will, he is immediately drawn to him. He sees him as his potential partner and decides he wants to try and build a family with him as early as E2 of S1. That’s when he starts planting the idea of Abigail being their shared daughter in Will’s mind. He does the same to Abigail, urging her to see him and Will as her parents, even giving her shrooms to evoke the desired associations (unsuccessfully since Will doesn’t come to dinner). So, Hannibal acknowledged his pull/infatuation with Will from the very start, and he acted on it right away.

It’s not 100% love at this point, but Hannibal still easily follows his emotions. He doesn’t stop to consider how strange it is to want a family with a man he just met; he doesn’t agonize over the idea of how his life has more risks now that he allows another human being to know him. When these feelings progress at the end of S1/start of S2, Hannibal is finally taken aback. While he never planned to leave Will in prison and it was a part of his plan, he still didn’t expect to miss him so much — he admits it to Bedelia, looking forlorn, in E1 of S2. He repeatedly pines for Will by sitting in front of his chair at the time of his supposed appointment, glancing at the clock despite knowing Will is not going to come. This is a shift to an actual love, but Hannibal still doesn’t fight it. On the contrary, he embraces it, and he spends the entire S2 doing repeatedly romantic gestures for Will. Namely:

1) Protects Abigail to reunite Will with her later.

2) Shares a part of himself he doesn’t seem to have ever shared with anyone else. He talks to Will about Mischa, reveals his views on murder and God, acknowledges he cared about Abigail, and shows vulnerability. He shares his teacup ritual with him, which is something precious and deeply personal.

3) He digs up fake Freddie’s corpse and decorates it as a way of courting Will (as directly said by Alana).  

4) He draws a fan-art of himself and Will as Achilles and Patroclus.

5) He is ready to abandon his well-established life in Baltimore and reputation to run away with Will. In Hannibal’s view, no one truly suspects him and there is no evidence against him, but Will is in danger. So he’s willing to discard everything he’s been building for 20 years for him.

Finally, he calls Will a loved one more or less directly in E13 of S2 (in fact, he implies that they both love each other).

*Hannibal: Do you know what an imago is, Will? … An imago is an image of a loved one buried in the unconscious, carried with us all our lives.*

*Will: An ideal.*

*Hannibal: The concept of an ideal... I have a concept of you, just as you have a concept of me.*

Will hurts him with his betrayal, and Hannibal still finds himself unable to kill him. He is openly crying in the finale, admitting how Will hurt him, breaks his (and his own) heart by killing Abigail, and flees to Europe to start a new life. But things don’t go as he hoped they would. Bedelia is not a worthy substitute, and Hannibal is increasingly slipping into a self-destructive state because of his love for Will. He kills Anthony, who was an improved copy of Will, and turns him into a Valentine heart for him. Again, this is a very explicit and open emotional action. Hannibal doesn’t hide his feelings. He’s an emotional wreck with Bedelia in E3, and as they are talking about Will, he admits he’s in love with him.

*Hannibal: You cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love.*

Bedelia points out his self-destructiveness.

*Bedelia: You're going to get caught. It's already been set into motion … I know exactly how I will be navigating my way out of whatever it is I’ve gotten myself into. Do you?*

After Hannibal keeps spiraling and kills Sogliato, she adds: *You're drawing them to you, aren't you? All of them.*  

Hannibal gets so self-destructive over Will that he lets Jack beat himself almost to death, not even attempting to fight him. The first words he says to Will after they reunite in E6 are:

*Hannibal: If I saw you every day forever, Will, I would remember this time.*

He’s a romantic. The courtship, the Valentine heart, the romance — Hannibal did have some struggles, but overall, he accepts these feelings and isn’t afraid to act on them.

When Will pulls a knife in E6, Hannibal classifies it as another betrayal. This is where he decides to kill and eat him in the hope to put an end to this misery (which is what he and Bedelia discussed back in E3). However, even blinded by another heartbreak, Hannibal tries to save Will at the same time. He knows the police are coming and he puts off the moment of sawing for as long as he can, first fussing over Will and his wound, then waiting for Jack, then doing everything slowly as hell.

Everything changes in E7, when Hannibal faces the real risk of losing Will and comes to terms with the fact that a hope of life with him is better than life without him. So Hannibal carries Will home bridal-style, takes care of him, waits for him to wake up and writes formulas to reverse time. He directly tells Will that Will won, and that he, Hannibal, is at Will’s mercy.

*Hannibal: Your memory palace is building. It's full of new things. It shares some rooms with my own. I've discovered you there. Victorious.*

He gives himself up, sacrificing the freedom he’s been fighting for back in E2 finale, in the hope that one day, Will is going to come back to him. After this, Hannibal is all about Will, with all his heart. Throughout the second half of S3, he says things like, *“I gave you a child. You are family, Will. Was it good to see me?”*, etc. He agrees to risk his life by agreeing to Will’s plan, knowing he’s planning something but not knowing what and if he’d die in the process. In E13, Hannibal says:

*Hannibal: "No greater love hath man than to lay down his life for a friend"* and shields Will from the bullet. Later, he allows Will to push them both down, and he stays with him afterward.

Conclusion: Hannibal is very accepting of himself, so he doesn’t undergo severe challenges on the path to acknowledging what he feels for Will. He knows what love feels like because he felt it for Mischa before, so he embraces loving Will pretty quickly, even though he doesn’t know how to best approach it at times. That’s why we get direct and explicit confirmation of his feelings several times.

Now, on to Will.

Unlike with Hannibal, there is no evidence that Will has ever experienced love before (at least love for people). We know he had a father and was lonely as a child.

E4 of S1.

*Will: We were poor. I followed my father from the boat yards in Biloxi and Greenville to lake boats on Erie.*

*Hannibal: Always the new boy at school? Always the stranger?*

*Will: Always.*

His choice of words indicates that his relationship with his father wasn’t all that good (for instance, *I followed my father* instead of *My father and I had to…*). So, it doesn’t look like Will ever had meaningful connections. More than that, he says:

*Will: There’s something so foreign about family. Like an ill-fitting suit. Never connected to the concept.*

We can suggest that he doesn’t know what love is or how it feels like. From E1, we know he isolates himself because he hates himself for who he is: he understands he’s different, that there is darkness in him, but he desperately tries to subdue it and deny this fact. He’s rude, twitchy, and unhappy, but like Hannibal, he understands the extent of his loneliness only upon meeting him. That’s when he tries forming relationships with others.

Will’s relationships with Alana and Abigail are a good indication of his problems with love. He wants to be with Alana because he needs to feel normal. In 99% of cases, he remembers about her only when she comes to seek him out first. He kisses her for the first time at the moment of particular vulnerability, fearing that he’s finally losing his mind (in E8). When Hannibal calls him out on it, Will doesn’t deny it and semi-nods. He actually had to agree with it verbally according to the script.

*Will: I feel unstable.*

*Hannibal: That’s why you kissed her. A clutch for balance.*

*Will: Because I’m losing mine.*

So, it’s not that Will feels romantic love for Alana — he uses her because he desperately needs to feel like everyone else. Alana is a pretty, smart, normal woman who fits this goal perfectly. He doesn’t allow himself to be genuine with her unlike he does with Hannibal, to whom he opens up.

Will confesses to Hannibal that he loved killing Hobbs in E2, which got him down and made him panic. Hannibal supports him, and Will keeps coming back to him. He talks about everything important with Hannibal, opening parts of himself that he guards from everyone else. Will asks Hannibal to look after his dogs as early as E4 — he doesn’t have other friends, and he’s already focused on Hannibal. He buys into an idea of having a family with him and Abigail, which is amazing for Will, who has just said he could never relate to the concept of family.

When Will buys a gift for Abigail in the same E4 and freaks out, Hannibal asks him:

*Hannibal: Feeling paternal, Will?*

Will’s reaction is instant and defensive:

*Will: Aren’t you?*

Hannibal easily says “yes”, which disarms Will. This is a great contrast between them: Hannibal isn’t afraid to talk and acknowledge his feelings while Will is embarrassed of them and shies away from them. In fact, this is a repeat of their conversation in E2.

*Hannibal: You saved Abigail Hobbs' life. You also orphaned her. It comes with certain emotional obligations.*

*Will: You were there. You saved her life, too. Do you feel obligated?*

Again, Will deflects. He’s wary of emotions, especially of admitting them out loud.

Will shows a hint of romantic interest in Hannibal in E7. He brings him a bottle of wine out of blue, but unfortunately, he stumbles upon the party Hannibal is preparing. Hannibal invites him to stay, but Will says he won’t be good company. He’s shy and awkward, smiling nervously and dropping his gaze in embarrassment. Then we have this lovely line:

*Will: I’ve got a date with the Chesapeake Ripper.*

So, in S1, Will makes considerable emotional progress. He realizes he wants a family after all, and while he makes several half-hearted attempts to court Alana, he’s mostly focused on Hannibal and Abigail. He opens himself up to Hannibal, receives official guardianship over Abigail with him, arguably flirts with Hannibal (like in the wine scene above), and covers up murder to protect their family. But then Hannibal betrays him. Will doesn’t know his reasons yet, but this betrayal plunged him into darkness, bitterness, and new stage of emotional repression. It’s worth mentioning another point of Abigail here: in the end, Will doesn’t know her. He spoke to her only several times, and even fewer times were genuine. He loves the idea of her, and this idea was introduced by Hannibal, not by Abigail’s presence. It’s Hannibal who forced Will to confront his need to love and be loved.  

In S2, Will is incredibly conflicted. He acknowledges to Hannibal that he hurt him, tries to kill him via Matthew, but when he recognizes that Hannibal wants him as a friend (as spoken in E7), his attitude changes. Will doesn’t plan to forgive him, he’s still angry at Hannibal for killing Abigail (which is his biggest conflict, as evident from his talks with Hannibal himself and Freddie), but now, he can’t bring himself to harm or betray Hannibal.

He gets his first chance in E7, after being released from prison. He threatens Hannibal with a gun and has a perfect chance to make him pay, but he doesn’t. Instead, he conspires with Jack and decides to cultivate co-dependency, creating an environment where only he “and the fish exist” (E8). What does Will do to start? He makes himself physically attractive, grooming and dressing prettily. It’s a seduction on all levels, and Will plans to use emotions to hurt Hannibal back. At the same time, Will admits to being confused over what he feels for Hannibal.

E8 of S2.

*Will: I envy you your hate. Makes it much easier when you know how to feel.*

E9 of S2 (talking about trying to kill Hannibal with Margot).

*Margot: Did he have it coming?*

*Will: What do you think?*

*Margot: I can't say that I know.*

*Will: Neither can I.*

He spends the rest of the season lying to both Hannibal and Jack, unsure whose side to choose, too lost in his own feelings to make sense of them. At the same time, he has a dream where Hannibal calls him beloved in E9. It shows that Will contemplates the idea of love in relation to Hannibal. In E10, Will tries to fantasize about Alana as he’s having sex with Margot. However, he sees the image of Wendigo near the fireplace, Wendigo who he’s used to associating with Hannibal. Two interesting things (copied from my other meta): first, Will actually sees Hannibal’s room and consequently, he sees himself in it (or he sees their rooms united). Second, he sees the Wendigo near Hannibal’s fireplace. Fireplace has many meanings, including passion, sexuality, home, family, and resurrection. It emphasizes the sexual and romantic subtext of this uniquely shot scene, where people destined to be together have sex with the wrong partners. Will’s vision begins to contract, focusing on Wendigo: he is having an orgasm at this very moment, imagining the Wendigo’s face very close, approaching him. Still through the misty eyes, he tries to focus on Alana again, but his gaze moves up to Wendigo above her, as if he can’t help himself. He and Hannibal reach orgasm first, with Alana and Margot following them. So, Will dragged Hannibal into his sex fantasy. It’s both symbolic and physical: he tried to imagine Alana just like he tried to have a relationship with her before, in S1, out of his desire to be normal. But his attention is inevitably drawn to Hannibal, who’s his “real deal”.

Based on this scene, it’s underlined once again how Will struggles with emotions. Even in the safety of his own mind, in his own fantasy, he tries to think of Alana but still ends up with Hannibal. Will is always fighting himself and who he is. He refuses to accept his darkness just as he refuses to admit he loves Hannibal. It’s the essence of who he is, denial is his second name.

Among the important moments, there are Will’s words to Hannibal:

*Will: You are right. We are just alike. You are as alone as I am. And we are both alone without each other.*

So, Will accepts the bond with Hannibal, and at this stage, he even has the courage to voice some of his emotional thoughts. His progress is slow, but it’s there.

In E11, Will has a nightmare. He sees a burning corpse of ‘Freddie’ in a wheelchair, a symbol of his betrayal of Hannibal, and he hears his own increasing screaming. It’s easy to interpret, knowing the context: Will feels guilty for lying to Hannibal.

When Margot loses her child, Will feels renewed anger at Hannibal. He fantasizes about killing him and gets to realize his fantasy with Mason’s help in E12. But at the last moment, Will changes his mind and chooses Hannibal. He does the same thing in E13 by calling him. When he sees him, he doesn’t even try to point a gun at him: he asks why he didn’t leave as he was supposed to, and he even leans forward to accept the knife, accept the punishment for betrayal.

So, Will chooses Hannibal over Abigail, for whom he wanted justice; over his and Margot’s child, for whom he wanted revenge; over Jack and Alana, who were his only semblance of friends; over his own confusion and desire to be normal. For someone as emotionally stunted as Will, it’s huge. It proves that he loves Hannibal and is willing to compromise all other relationships he has formed as well his own beliefs for him (while Will is dark, he tries to fight it because he doesn’t think people like them are normal). Is it romantic? Will’s dream with the word “beloved” and his sex fantasy, as well as his acceptance of the idea that he and Hannibal were Abigail’s fathers (which makes them partners) imply that yes, romantic feeling is a part of it.

Hannibal’s romantic feelings became explicit in S3, and so did Will’s. But since Hannibal is more open and self-accepting, his were discussed out loud while Will’s were mostly portrayed silently, implied, and alluded to.

Will builds a boat to sail and find Hannibal, which is pretty romantic by itself. He spends his time in Hannibal’s house, in the kitchen where their bloody break-up happened, imagining Abigail near him. When Alana comes to find him, he asks her to leave. He’s cold and indifferent toward her — she’s not what he wants, and he’s not interested in even friendship with her. All he wants is to mourn his lost family with Hannibal and Abigail. Again, Hannibal is Will’s priority.

Will imagines his perfect world as the one where he and Hannibal killed Jack together. This scene is intercut with his Mizumono memories, namely, with Hannibal's face that emerges every time he moves yet another part of the engine. This is a vivid demonstration of Will trying to repair what is now broken. When Jack asks him why he called him, Will is indifferent and genuine:

*Will: I wasn't decided when I called him. I just called him. I deliberated while the phone rang. I decided when I heard his voice … I told him to leave. I wanted him to run … Because he was my friend. And because I wanted to run away with him.*

That’s a big admission for Will. This is the first time he openly acknowledges Hannibal as his friend in front of another person. Chilton calls Will and Hannibal’s interactions a “flirtation” in this episode, which once again points us in the romantic direction.

The entire E2 of S3 is dedicated to Will’s love for Hannibal, where he argues about it with himself in the form of imaginary Abigail. This is another proof of Will’s problem with emotions in general and emotions for Hannibal in particular. He can’t just think to himself as normal people do — no, he can’t admit how much he loves Hannibal this. Instead, he imagines Abigail and talks to himself through her to make it easier. He berates himself for lying.

*Will/Abigail: We were all supposed to leave together. He made a place for us. Why did you lie to him? He gave you a chance to take it all back, and you just kept lying.*

Will is reverent about Hannibal; he keeps talking about him over and over again.

*Will: This isn't Hannibal, it's just where he begins. Beyond this, far and complex, light and dark, is the vast structure of his mind. A thousand rooms, miles of corridors. Everything he remembers, wonderfully and fearfully reconstructed.*

Will goes as far as lies at the place where Hannibal’s Valentine heart for him was, reconstructing this image and trying to feel close to him. The heart comes to life the moment Will touches it, which is romantic. Will says:

*Will: A valentine written on a broken man … I do feel closer to Hannibal here. God only knows where I would be without him … He left us his broken heart … He misses us.*

He looks on the verge of tears, so Hannibal’s gift touched him. Will is overcome by emotions. At this very moment, his more frightened side suggests that Hannibal is also playing with him.

*Will: Hannibal follows several trains of thought at once without distraction from any, and one of the trains is always for his own amusement.*

We know it’s not the case, especially here, but Will has trust issues and a low self-esteem. He’s worried that Hannibal’s feelings for him aren’t as strong as he thinks they are, which is why he’s not sure how to react himself. He asks himself, *“You still want to go with him?”* and replies, *“Yes.” He wonders about what life they’d have if they left.

*Will: What if no one died? What if we all left together? Like we were supposed to. After he served the lamb. Where would we have gone? … In some other world.*

Pazzi comes and tells Will that he hopes they’ll catch Hannibal together.

*Will: What makes you think I want to catch him?*

Later, Pazzi says:

*Pazzi: He let you know him. He sent you his heart.*

E2 ends with Will scaring Pazzi and telling him, *“You don’t know whose side I’m on.* Then he tells Hannibal he forgives him, which is also a huge step in his direction.

This entire episode proves that yes, Will loves Hannibal. Considering how he isn’t awkward from receiving a Valentine or hearing that Hannibal gave him his heart, Will shares the romantic aspect of Hannibal’s feelings for him. He regrets not running away with him and their daughter, he places himself on the floor where the heart was to feel closer to him — this is such a rich romantic subtext that it’s practically text. Especially for Will, who remains so conflicted and emotionally restrained all the time.

Will’s attitude changes after seeing Chiyoh. He becomes more bitter. Considering how dark he is in these scenes and how he constantly compares himself and Chiyoh, he likely sees her as someone Hannibal was supposed to love but easily abandoned. It makes Will draw the parallels between them, and he starts to doubt that Hannibal loves him, that his “broken heart” has any authentic meaning. That’s where he starts thinking about killing Hannibal again. He still says:

*Will: I’ve never known myself as well as I know myself when I’m with him.*

This line also speaks volumes. Hannibal gave Will a precious gift of understanding himself; he showed that he could accept him, and Will is drawn to it. Will admits the depth of their connection to yet another person. Then he makes a firefly from Chiyoh’s prisoner, a tribute that is clearly done with Hannibal in his mind, considering the style and the central topic.

Chiyoh sees right through Will’s emotional constipation. She implies that he should “kiss” Hannibal rather than keep being “violent”:

*Chiyoh: I told you, there are means of influence other than violence.*

She kisses Will then, thus showing him what others means exist. He doesn’t get it, though, since he responds to her kiss despite not feeling anything for her, and she pushes him off the train, likely admitting he’s a hopeless case.

Meeting Jack, Will tells him that a part of him will always want to leave with Hannibal. This is yet another declaration from him. Will isn’t scared of the consequences — he speaks of his feelings openly now. It’s a great development of his character.

But the feeling of doubt about Hannibal likely resurfaces further after Will sees that Hannibal replaced him and Abigail with Bedelia in E6 (hence his hatred for her since that moment). He mocks her alibi and then leaves to reunite with Hannibal. The following moment was deleted, but it still discloses some of Will’s romantic feelings:

*Will: I looked up at the night sky there. Orion above the horizon and, near it, Jupiter. I wondered if you could see it, too. I wondered if our stars were the same.*

From the words that did get into the episode:

*Will: You and I have begun to blur ... We're conjoined. Curious if either of us can survive separation.*

Will doesn’t just admit the bond between them, he elevates it the level of soulmates, implying they are one and the same. It’s also a declaration of love in his language. But love doesn’t stop Will from being vindictive, hurt, and angry, so after meetings with Chiyoh and Bedelia that affected his perception, he pulls out a knife as he and Hannibal are walking together.

There is a brain-sawing disaster after this and E7, where Will looks done and tired from the madness and his constant attempts to figure Hannibal out. He does bite Cordell before looking at Hannibal, seeking his approval; he uses “we” pronouns when speaking about Hannibal with Alana. One example:

*Will: You helped Mason Verger find us.*

So, he still sees himself and Hannibal as a team, but he’s still tired and bitter, so after everything is over, he hurts Hannibal by saying he doesn’t share his appetite and by attacking him emotionally.

*Will: I miss my dogs. I'm not going to miss you. I'm not going to find you. I'm not going to look for you. I don't want to know where you are or what you do. I don't want to think about you anymore.*

This is all personal and emotional. It sounds like a break-up, which is exactly how Bryan Fuller and others referred to it. When Hannibal leaves and Jacks arrives, Will puts on his glasses, an indication that he’s hiding again.

Fast-forward 3 years. Will is married now, but from the very start, we see that this marriage isn’t all people usually expect it to be. The first scene shows the family apart. Molly and Walter have gone fishing, which is something Will loves. He had dreams about teaching Abigail how to fish, but he doesn’t go to do that with his family, preferring to stay alone instead. It’s the first hint that his heart isn’t in this relationship, that he’s too hung up on the past to move forward and make new happy memories.

Jack came to drag him to Dragon’s case, and Will makes it look like he’s reluctant. At the same time, he doesn’t send Jack away, even though we know from the past that he has no qualms being frank when he wants to. More than that, he asks him not to show pics to Molly, but when they have dinner, Will deliberately leaves the house with Walter, leaving Jack and Molly together. At night, when Molly’s asleep, he crawls out of bed and goes to read Hannibal’s letter. He doesn’t tell the truth to Molly about himself and his dark urges, about everything he has done – Molly clearly has no idea who he truly is, considering how she jokes about his ‘criminal mind’ in later episodes and how Will immediately closes himself off from her. He never initiates physical touches with her; he doesn’t return her “I love you”, which is an even bigger indication of his lack of commitment. Will is emotionally stiff with Molly for the most part, and the only times he laughs with her or shows any emotion is when they are talking about superficial stuff in the former case and when he’s furious after Francis’ attack in the latter one. Other than that, there is no closeness or honesty.

Another point of Will’s inability to express or even give his love to someone is in his scene with Walter in E11. This child, his step-son, has just been attacked by a serial killer with his mother. His mother was hurt and they barely escaped. Will doesn’t hug him or offer him paternal emotional comfort; he’s very awkward. All he says is, “You're both safe here,” which is something an officer might say but not a father. Will was much more emotional in his fantasies about Abigail.

This is what Will says about Walter’s reaction to Jack:

*Will: He read about me in a Freddie Lounds article. I had to justify myself to an eleven year old.*

He’s resentful and not emotional. He doesn’t say, “I had to justify myself to my son!” – he distances himself from him. Will is cold. He has expressed his feelings for Hannibal at this point in rather poetic ways, but he can’t be bothered to do this for his wife and his son.

He treats Hannibal in a very reserved fashion too, in comparison to how he acted 3 years ago. However: first, there is the fact that he came to visit him in the first place. Will didn’t need his help, we saw very clearly how he managed to easily reconstruct the crime scene the night before. It proved that his mindset is in a good shape, so he didn’t need Hannibal’s assistance. But it’s Hannibal he requested to see right away.

Will distances himself from him by calling him “Doctor Lecter” and insisting that he’s more comfortable the less personal they are. His eyes glisten, though, and he can’t look away from Hannibal. The impersonal approach doesn’t last very long, too, and soon, they are talking like they always did. Hannibal accuses Will of marrying for false reasons.

*Hannibal: How did you choose yours? Readymade wife and child to serve your needs. A stepson or daughter. A stepson absolves you of any biological blame. You know better than to breed. Can't pass on those terrible traits you fear the most.*

Will doesn’t bother to deny it, though any man would have been offended, particularly if he truly loved his family. In Will’s case, from the experience and all the precedents, silence = agreement.

In E10, Will seeks Bedelia out. He acts catty and jealous, targeting her personal connection with Hannibal.

*Will: You didn't lose yourself, Bedelia, you just crawled so far up his ass you couldn't be bothered.* - personal, targeted against Bedelia's attachment to Hannibal.

*Will: You hitched your star to a man commonly known as a monster. You're the Bride of Frankenstein.* - personal, attack with romantic connotation. Bedelia catches up on it and mocks him:

*Bedelia: We've both been his bride. Have you been to see him?*

*Will: Yes.*

*Bedelia: Haven't learned anything, have you? Or did you just miss him that much?*

*Will: Have you been to see him?* - personal again. Will wants to know if Bedelia is keeping contact with Hannibal.

*Bedelia: I've seen enough of him. I was with him behind the veil. You were always on the other side.*

*Will: Something we should talk about.* - again, personal. It's all personal, which is why Bryan and Hugh called them Hannibal's jealous bitchy exes. Will is palpably jealous and he shows his resentment to Bedelia openly.

Later, we have some more romantic references.

*Bedelia: My relationship with Hannibal is not as passionate as yours. You are here visiting old flame. Is your wife aware of how intimately you and Hannibal know each other? … Your experience of Hannibal’s attention is so profoundly harmful yet so irresistible, it undermines your ability to think rationally.*

So, there is romantic text, parallels between Hannibal and Will’s wife, and Will doesn’t deny any of this again. He keeps coming to Bedelia because she’s the only person he can talk about Hannibal to without being watched.

After Hannibal sends Francis after Molly and Walter, Will spends about a minute being angry with him. Then he accuses Hannibal of staging a competition between him and Francis. It is startling: Will spent months, years mourning the loss of Abigail who he didn’t even really know personally, yet he forgets the gravity of what happened to his wife and won very quickly. He leaves Molly and Walter and tells Bedelia that they are finished. One traumatic event, and Will left. It coincides with something very important that happened here: after this, Will finally figures out Hannibal is truly in love with him. So he goes to Bedelia to discuss it with her.

*Will: Is Hannibal in love with me?*

*Bedelia: Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes. But do you ache for him?*

Will is predictably silent. Obviously, if the answer was no, he would have said no. But he struggles because like we established, he has issues with expressing emotions. He only managed to start referring to Hannibal as his friend openly in this season, opening up about some of his feelings, but he’s not ready to go this far. It would be absolutely out of character for Will to say, “Yes, you know, I’m in love with him! Thanks for helping me see it.” Every confession Will makes is preceded by struggles and heartbreak. But he’s going to reply to Bedelia’s question, only not explicitly-verbally.

Will sets up Chilton and then comes to allegedly say good-bye to Hannibal. He lies several times in their conversation (about Chilton and Molly with Walter), so all his words are automatically suspicious. Regardless, he destroys Hannibal emotionally and walks away. Personally, I believe he was already planning to break him out, so he was playing it up for cameras and also taking a chance to hurt Hannibal for everything again. But whatever his plan was, what happens next is that Will conspires with Francis against Jack, Alana, and the FBI. They agree to break Hannibal out together. Will lies to Jack and then gets to ask Hannibal for help. He’s being flirty and manipulative in this scene.

*Will: I need you, Hannibal … You're our best shot, Hannibal. Please.*

He’s smirking, he leans close to Hannibal, he sends him a flirty look from under his eyelashes. Will is thoroughly enjoying himself, and he does it best when he has some excuse to hide behind.

Later, he lies to Jack and Alana again, leaks info to Francis (who nearly killed his wife and son), and gets many officers killed by proxy. He tells Bedelia the truth that he doesn’t “intend Hannibal to be caught a second time.” He also implies that he’s going to let him go free, which is why Bedelia should pack her bags.

*Bedelia: Can't live with him. Can't live without him. Is that what this is?*

This time, Will agrees, although in his way.

*Will: I guess this is my Becoming.*

For Will, Becoming was always connected to his feelings for Hannibal because accepting himself and his darkness meant being free to escape with Hannibal.

*Bedelia: You found religion. Nothing more dangerous than that.*

In E3, it was stated that love is a God (you can find more here https://www.reddit.com/r/HannibalTV/comments/7w54dg/lovegodreligion_s3_parallels/), so it’s possible to say that religion = love in this context. It certainly makes sense. Will is accepting himself and his emotions, and the trigger was establishing for sure that Hannibal is in love with him.

Will and Hannibal drive to the cliff house. When Hannibal asks Will if he intends to save himself by killing them both (Hannibal and Francis), Will replies:

*Will: I don't know if I can save myself. And maybe that's just fine.*

This is the first time he confesses that he might be incapable of killing Hannibal. Predictably, when Francis comes, Will can’t handle seeing Hannibal killed, so he reaches for his gun.

Will and Hannibal work as a unit and protect each other. Hannibal is shot, nearly strangled, thrown onto the ground, and he is still weakly holding on Francis' leg to prevent him from going after Will, even though it leaves him in an open and vulnerable position — Francis does kick him in the face with his other leg. There is fierce determination on Will's face as he stands up despite the pain and runs to save Hannibal. They act in synch, consummating their relationship.

Then, Will admires how blood looks on his hand and repeats Hannibal’s words:

*Will: It really does look black in the moonlight.*

He remembers the words Hannibal said to him weeks ago in one of their endless interactions. A bit earlier, he perfectly recalled the words Hannibal told him *years* ago, back in the middle of S2.

*Will: I understand that “blood and breath are only elements undergoing change to fuel your Radiance." Hannibal said those words. To me.*

So, Will remembers everything Hannibal told him. He stores these memories. It’s a small but still important proof how important Hannibal is for him.

At the cliff, Will finally accepts the truth.

*Hannibal: See. This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us.*

We know what Hannibal wanted: a Murder Husband. What does Will say to this?

*Will: It’s beautiful.*

This is a loud “yes” to Bedelia’s question about his feelings. Will acknowledges, accepts, and admires them. He doesn’t feel awkward, as he would if he knew Hannibal is in love with him but didn’t feel the same. No, he reaches forward to embrace him, and such physical contact from Will is mind-blowing because he almost never does it. He clings to Hannibal, puts his head on his shoulder, touches him as if he wants to melt with him. Then he gives the fate a chance to stop both of them or to set them free. They fall into the ocean under the Love Crime song, another romantic element.

Water symbolizes reborn, and post-credits scene indicates that Will and Hannibal have paid a visit to Bedelia and are in the process of eating her while she’s hiding the fork to stab one of them as he approaches. The deleted epilogue to the series shows that they are in perfect harmony now.

**Conclusion**: Will has passed through a long, painful journey. He went from hiding from emotions and deflecting to not denying and carefully acknowledging them. We don’t hear words “love” or “in love” from him in relation to Hannibal because Will is not that kind of person. He doesn’t use these words freely, and for him, every small emotional step is a struggle. He tried to deceive himself and other numerous times; he tied to deny the truth and manipulate his own mind, but with each season, his feelings for Hannibal became more and more explicit. Will reaching out for physical contact, Will saying “It’s beautiful” are his way of saying, “I ached for you. I love you.”

This is a story of mutual love and obsession, about soulmates, about unique type of connection that few people share. It’s not about Hannibal falling in love and Will not feeling the same. Their feelings are equally strong, but they express them differently, particularly as Will’s are tied to the acceptance of his own darkness.

[daleisgreat]

30 Years of Super Nintendo - Flashback Special

The Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES) recently celebrated its 30th anniversary of the North American launch, so it seems the perfect time to post a Flashback Special honoring it! Suppose you have not perused a past Flashback Special of mine (all linked at the bottom of this entry). In that case, they are essentially my history with the platform over the years, with a little bit of history thrown in, and recounting all my favorite games, accessories, memories, and moments with the system.

Odds are for the average gaming enthusiast reading this, and you probably are familiar with the core details of the SNES launch stateside (if not, then I highly recommend CGQ’s video on it for a quick breakdown). The SNES launched in 1991 when I was eight. I did not have a subscription to any gaming magazines yet, so I most likely first found out about the system around that time from classmates at the time at school, the infamous Paul Rudd commercial, and the fourth season of Roseanne that transpired from 1991-92. I vividly remember the Roseanne episode with her son, DJ, pleading with his parents for the brand new SNES for his birthday gift and how his parents dreaded not being able to afford the system. I covered that episode when I did my Roseanne complete series re-watch here in the year leading up to the relaunch of the show several years ago. It brought back memories of how that was the story with my parents also denying me the much sought-after SNES, saying it cost too much and that I already have an NES to tide me over. ”But mommmmm, the SNES is 16-bits!!!!” Yeah….playing that angle got me nowhere. Kiosks & Friends The first couple of years for the SNES, I mostly remember playing at store kiosks. Super Mario World blew me away from the brief time I played it with it being such a leap from the NES installments. I always ate up the precious few minutes I could procure at a store kiosk if no one were playing Super Mario Kart. One last store kiosk memory was eye-gazing over the impressive WWF Royal Rumble. I loved WWF WrestleFest in the arcade, and for a couple of years, it was the only WWF game that offered up WWF’s marquee over-the-top rope elimination match, the Royal Rumble, and it was endlessly fun to play in the arcade. Fast-forward to playing it on console kiosks around its 1993 release, and I could not eat up enough of that game’s Royal Rumble mode either, and at the time, the graphics seemed like a huge step up from the wrestling games on NES. One of my favorite issues of Nintendo Power is the 50th issue that did a several-page spread on WWF Royal Rumble that I must have thoroughly re-read at least a dozen times.

I read this NP spread of WWF Royal Rumble many times, and it was one of my initially most desired SNES games! Around 1993/94, a couple of friends and classmates started to get the Super Nintendo. An early SNES memory that stuck with me all these years is my grade school friend, Jon-Paul, having me over for his birthday where he rented a SNES console and Street Fighter II: Turbo from the video store, and we played it for several hours straight. Another is spending a lot of 1994 at my neighborhood friend’s place, where we played countless sessions of NBA Jam and Mortal Kombat II. Both games were big on codes and secrets and perfect two-player games. I was just regularly getting into video game magazines at this time and ate up issues of Tips & Tricks, Game Players, and Electronic Gaming Monthly to see what kind of hidden character and other much-rumored codes were making the waves each month for both of these games. Mortal Kombat II especially dominated the code-fervor that season with trying to uncover how to face off against secret characters like Jade, Noob Saibot, and Smoke, and trying to memorize all the input sequences for the game’s infamous Fatalities. Fast forward to late 1995/early 1996, and I still did not have a SNES, but a new neighborhood friend, Rich, just got one and the next several months at his place introduced me to so many SNES games. Rich kind of got me somewhat into RPGs at the time, and while it may not sound fun on paper, there were many times I recall just kind of embracing the role of “armchair gamer.” I did this for games like EVO: Search for Eden, and Eye of the Beholder while keeping an eye out during gameplay to offer whatever suggestions seemed viable.

FFVI was eye-opening to me at the time of what video game narratives were capable of, and I devoured the latest secrets for FFVI discovered in the latest issue of my Game Players subscription that was delivered. The RPG I felt like that I contributed something to was the game that was originally released as Final Fantasy III. That game featured two-player support for battles only, so it was refreshing to help Rich with progressing through the game finally. My two favorite characters to use were Sabin and Cyan. That game especially blew me away with its larger-than-life story with two different game worlds, the momentous opera scene with Celes, the dazzling mode-seven graphics when traveling via airship or Chocobo, constantly getting irked at Shadow whenever he deserted the party, and so many other priceless moments. Over the years, I tried restarting the GBA version on a couple of occasions and regrettably have yet to finish it. Finally Owning a SNES….in 1996

Growing up with divorced parents put me in a unique childhood when it came to gaming. I lived with my mom, who provided for us as best as possible for the three siblings I grew up with, so we only had an NES for us for the longest time. However, when visiting my dad on weekends, he would always be big on hitting up as many garage sales and second-hand stores as possible and would acquire whatever he thought seemed like a bargain. Games-wise, this usually meant he lagged behind a generation because everyone was offloading their Atari VCS/2600s at garage sales for cheap when the NES was king, so I could have a great couple of years to become familiar with the pioneering-era of games on Atari. He then got into the NES scene when the SNES hit in 1991. Sure enough, the same month the N64 launched in America in September 1996 was when he bought a Super Nintendo for the family used at our local Premiere Video. The game we picked up with it was Street Fighter II: Turbo. My dad instantly remarked upon booting it up the noticeable jump in graphics. We played nothing but Capcom’s second Street Fighter game on SNES for a few weekends. I could only finish that game by button mashing into a victory against the final boss, M. Bison, once….with M. Bison. I still have a lot of love for this era of Street Fighter - whether it be for the roster, every character’s stage and theme music, and receiving Nintendo Power’s strategy guide for the game for Christmas and studying it regularly to improve.

After a few weeks, we realized we needed something else than a fighting game, and after another trip to Premiere Video, we came home with Super Mario All-Stars. It felt like the easy choice to go with 16-bit remakes of all four 8-bit versions of the core Mario Bros. games. Every game felt like a whole different game with all-new graphics and sound, and more importantly, being able to save progress midgame. This was a bigger hit with the entire family, and it provided many days of taking turns in its alternating two-player mode to see who could get the farthest in the four Mario games included.

Make sure to have some tissues by your side as you witness FFIII/VI's infamous "opera" scene. Seriously, this was mind-blowing stuff to 13-year old Dale in 1996. 16-bit Sportsball Fun

After playing a lot of those first two SNES games, I went into this stretch for the next several years, where most of what I played was sports and wrestling games. I attribute this to many multiplayer sessions with Rich, my brother, Joe, and my dad. I know my dad was not all that into sports other than a passing interest in rooting on hometown Minnesota pro-sports teams. Still, I have to give him credit for spending as much time with us and taking the time to learn and become a pretty solid player at teaming up with me in many sports games. It is worth noting that I feel the 16-bit era is probably the last-gen where most of its library of sports games had a relatively simple pick-up-and-play feel that NES games had. That changed a little bit in the final SNES years, where it was usually EA’s games that started to incorporate more realism in their sports games and make use of most of the buttons of the SNES controller. For football, Madden NFL ‘97 was the one I played the most. I played plenty of the Genesis version at Rich's place, so much so that I noticed too many little differences with the SNES version to make it stand out on its own. For 16-bit sports nuts that want to know, the Genesis version had the better playing version, but the SNES had a better overall presentation and more popping audio and visuals. I was part of a small slice of sports gamers big into NES Play Action Football, and the 16-bit version played almost exactly like the NES version, but with a 16-bit upgrade and also has a nifty feature to play games at the high school, college, or NFL level.

NBA Jam and NBA Hangtime dominated my 16-bit sports lineup. The code scene for these games were so intense at the time I had to keep my own binder of notes on them all that I still have today as seen above! As I alluded to earlier, when it came to hoops, I played way too much NBA Jam the first year it was out at my friend’s place. However, the arcade hoops game I played the most on SNES was NBA Hangtime, which was developed by the same people who made Jam. I got that game new for Christmas in 1996 and must have played it regularly with Rich for nearly a year straight. I do not hear that game receive the same level of praise as Jam, but it added a few new fun layers to freshen up the gameplay, like being able to do co-op dunks and earn “Team Fire,” and being able to create players. For more simulation-focused hoops, I played a lot of NBA Live ’96 with my dad, in addition to Nintendo’s NCAA Basketball which appeared like a technical marvel to me that was ahead of its time with the mode-seven camera allowing constant 3D rotation whenever possession of the ball changed and foreshadowed what would become the go-to camera perspective for the next-gen of basketball games. Finally, I will cherish my time with Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball for it being the only hoops game I ever had to consult a guide to figure out how to shoot the damn ball….and for its surprisingly rocking soundtrack. Find out all about it when I broke that game down with the Your Parents Basement crew on their penultimate podcast.

Nintendo incorporated the same camera style into its hockey game, NHL Stanley Cup. Its graphics also impressed me, but it was rather challenging to score a goal, and I did not have as much fun with it. I played EA’s hockey games more on Genesis than SNES, but EA’s baseball game, MLBPA Baseball, was the hardball game I spent the most time with on Super Nintendo. Many years later, I picked up Nintendo’s Ken Griffey Jr. Presents: Major League Baseball, and had some fun with it, but already played the Game Boy version of it to death by the time I picked up the SNES version, and thus did not invest as much time with it as I did with EA’s game. Wanna Wrassle!?

I must have read through this review of WWF RAW countless times in my youth, and seeing how this essentially is a bigger and better version of Royal Rumble only increased my desire to one day own a SNES! The North American wrestling library was a significant step up from the bottom of the stairwell where most of the NES games hung out….but on the SNES, it only made it roughly halfway up the stairs. The aforementioned WWF Royal Rumble provided many hours of fun for its day, but it has not stood the test of time with the button-mashing grapple meter it featured that will obliterate thumbs on the normal difficulty level! Its sequel, WWF RAW, was noteworthy for having more match types available and being one of the first games to have a selectable female wrestler in Luna Vachon, but it too used that same ill-fated grapple meter that has not aged well. WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game is a fun little hybrid of Mortal Kombat and wrestling, but the SNES version is notorious for lacking two wrestlers compared to all other home versions.

For non-WWF games, WCW SuperBrawl Wrestling is rather unremarkable….except for its exceptional wrestler select screen.There were a few interesting unlicensed wrestling games in America. Natsume Championship Wrestling featured a solid wrestling engine but removed/altered the AJPW wrestlers from the Japanese version of the game. Hammerlock had a promising concept of having part of the screen dedicated to nonstop Tecmo-esque cinematics. In contrast, the other half of the screen featured 2D gameplay, but the cameras constantly flipped on screen, to which half was dedicated to cinematics or gameplay. It resulted in it being a jarring mess. Saturday Night Slam Masters is no such mess, however, and is a better hybrid of fighting game meets wrestling game, with this one done by Capcom. It features larger-than-life character sprites, full-on ring entrances with laser lights, and is a fun-playing combination of wrestling and Street Fighter. To top it off, Slam Masters has Final Fight’s Mike Haggar on the roster to boot!

Joey Pink does a fine job detailing why Capcom's "Street Fighter" in a wrestling ring should not be missed! Ensuring RPGs are here to Stay Aside from watching Rich play some of the RPGs I listed above, and of course, playing Final Fantasy VI with him, I did get a chance to play a few other RPGs on the SNES over the years, and it was not until the last few years that I finally finished a couple of them. In the late 1990s I first started two RPGs that stood out to me at the time because they broke out of the medieval fantasy mold most other RPGs at the time took place in. Shadowrun on the SNES was drastically different from the Genesis version I first encountered at Rich’s. This one still had the same futuristic cyberpunk world setting and terminology, but there were many more dialog options with NPCs that were pivotal in asking the right questions to progress the story. Additionally, the hacking games played out differently and had more of a puzzle theme to them than the action-oriented ones in the Genesis version, and the combat had kind a PC interface where a cursor had to be dragged across the screen on which target to aim at. I still wound up being totally into it and became stuck in the back half of the game before my save data became corrupted. I thought that would end my days with Shadowrun…

SNES Shadowrun remains one of my all-time favorite RPGs as of this writing! The final gauntlet tower was an ordeal and a half to work through, only to face off against a dragon as the final boss! …until nearly two decades later in 2016. I mentioned on past flashback specials how I occasionally guest host on the Your Parents Basement podcast, where they cover a random retro game per episode. In 2016 they asked me if there were any games I had in mind to cover, and Shadowrun felt like worth revisiting and possibly knocking off the “must beat this game” bucket list. I progressed until about a little over halfway through by the time we all met to record and broke down the game, but by that point, I just started to make further progress than my last effort and was determined to see this one through! I was playing on actual SNES hardware and was surprised that the battery still held a save but ran into trouble in the final tower with a gauntlet of enemies on each floor to overcome before the final boss. I looked up a walkthrough and discovered an exploit to grind experience to beef up my character. Eventually, I managed to persevere and finally conquer the final boss, a fire-breathing dragon, to cross finishing Shadowrun off my bucket list! I had a riot podcasting with the YPB crew about it too, so please click or press here to give it a listen if you want to know more about this under-the-radar 16-bit RPG.

Fast forward three years later in 2019, and the awesome YPB hosts of Steve, Huell, and Todd helped me once again restart and finish another SNES RPG that I came close to finishing in the late 1990s before evil corrupt save data reared its ugly head again. This time the game of choice is the uber-expensive Earthbound. Like Shadowrun, that game stood out to me because its setting went against the grain of fantasy settings and instead took place in modern times as grade school kids. The opening levels felt like getting lost in your neighborhood and using childlike items as weapons like Yo-Yos and baseball bats. I do not own that ridiculously expensive game, but by 2019 I did own a SNES Mini (more on that in a bit) that I made sure to abuse the save state and the rewind functions it provided to overcome some troubling bosses in the back half of the game. That final act of the game certainly goes places with its sci-fi twists and feels like an entirely different game, but I still loved it all the same! It felt exhilarating to finally knock this one off my “to do” list as well, and I had just as much fun dissecting it to pieces with the YPB crew that you can check out by click or pressing here. Unfortunately, this is where my extensive hands-on time with SNES RPGs comes to an end. I played a lot of FFIII/VI, and finished Earthbound, and Shadowrun. Sure, I dabbled in several other games but did not put more than an hour or two into them. One of those games is the much-heralded, Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, and I have no excuse for never sticking with it because I loved the NES original. It was the GBA re-release I played, and I think I was spreading myself thin while playing and reviewing too many games simultaneously. Lufia and Breath of Fire II were another pair of RPGs I put a couple of hours into that both left me with promising first impressions, but there was a whole other reason why I did not go back to those again, and that is because then I was waist-deep at the time in….. Discovering Emulation Right around the time my family acquired its first computer in the fall of 1997 was when I found out about emulation. It seemed way too good to be true to easily download and play games right on the computer, especially when factoring in the SNES was at the tail end of its lifecycle, and there were still new games releasing for it. As an unemployed 9th grader at the time, I sampled countless 8- and 16-bit ROMs with the SNES games I was the most curious about. A few of the RPGs in the previous paragraph being prime examples of the ones I invested the most time into. It proved to be overwhelming with so many choices, but I took a long sabbatical after a year or so of taking in the emulation scene after the family computer crashed and I lost all the save data I had amassed in so many games.

It has been interesting to see how emulation has evolved over the years from programs like SNES9X and Retroarch to being incorporated into machines like the MISTer, RetroPi, and Retron 5. Nintendo has learned to embrace official, legal emulation over the years with purchasable digital classic games on systems such as the Wii, WiiU, and 3DS. Having a stable income as an adult now many years later, I feel guilty for embracing the emulation scene so hard in my teenage years, so much so that whenever Nintendo re-releases one of its classic hits several times over, I choose to purchase it again (well…usually at a sale price) to redeem myself. Keeping SNES Alive Today

Over the years, I find myself diving into retro games versus the latest and greatest coming out. I am a fan of the various SNES hardware updates/clones, both officially from Nintendo and unofficially from other companies, which has kept my SNES and other retro game fandom blood flowing over the decades. I am unsure if it feels right to lump it in here, but the Super Game Boy lead to me getting a lot of extra life out of my SNES. Playing Game Boy games on the big screen was a big deal to me back then, considering it was always a pain to make out what was happening on the non-backlit handheld. For some reason, those special border screens that would eventually have funny animations after being left idle for so long made an impression on me. Game Boy games with the “Super Game Boy Enhanced” logo on the front of the box usually have their own exclusive border and special color palette. I loved the Mole Mania and Donkey Kong Land borders the most! I thought it was rad that around 15-20 special enhanced Super Game Boy titles featured multiplayer support with two SNES controllers. They consisted almost entirely of Bomberman and fighting games, but it was still a cool feature nonetheless. The handheld Hyperkin SupaBoy is the unauthorized SNES take on the Sega Nomad by having a portable SNES. It is a bit on the bulky side, but it has a rechargeable battery, and its support has been flawless with my entire SNES library. Another Hyperkin product I got a lot of use out of is the Retron 5. I know that particular clone system is controversial with retro game enthusiasts based on the unauthorized emulators it implements. However, the user interface and emulation support made it possible for me to make record progress in many SNES games by taking advantage of save states and its optional Game Genie-esque cheats library. The SNES Classic Edition is an excellent official piece of hardware from Nintendo that has the pint-sized SNES pre-installed with 21 SNES games, one of which is previously unreleased Star Fox 2. It has an adorably intuitive interface and supports game rewinding and save states, which made it the way I was finally able to finish Earthbound. It was also surprisingly not-so-difficult to plug into a PC and import a bunch of SNES ROMs into. Other companies like 8bitdo made that system extra convenient by making their recommended wireless controllers compatible with it!

If you did not grow up with the SNES, then both of these options are great entry points for those looking to move on beyond emulators. The Analogue Super NT may have been pushing it too much price-wise. When it comes down to the nuts and bolts of emulation tech, I am not a wizard by any means, except that by all sources, it sounds like the Super NT offers the best hardware emulation with its FPGA technology. It makes SNES games appear as pristine as possible on an HD/4KTV without any or as minimal of the fuzziness that happens whenever I try plugging in the composite/RCA cables from a base SNES system into a 4K/HDTV. For those unfamiliar with the Super NT, this video from the My Life in Gaming crew does a thorough dissection of everything it has to offer. The list of options in there is intimidating to mess around with, but this sounds like the way to go if one wants to keep playing their cartridges……although I have to admit I am pretty satisfied currently with the Retron 5 and SNES Classic Edition.

Odds are some of you are quite a bit younger than me and grew up post-SNES lifecycle. Not interested in going down the pricey road of hunting down old cartridges and hardware, and do not want to dabble on the dark side of illegal emulation? Then a terrific alternative is if you have a Switch with Nintendo’s $20/year online service membership and taking advantage of the Nintendo Switch Online and Super Nintendo Switch Online digital game portals. It has unlimited access to the slate of games on there, along with save points as long as your membership remains active. The implementation of save states and the user interface has also improved noticeably over the emulation used for NES & SNES Classic Editions. More importantly, it adds the feature to play online with a friend. Last year I played online SNES games with my nephew, who was wrapping up 6th grade at the time, and this was his first time playing SNES games. He loves Mario Kart 8 on Switch, and so when the first game we played was the original Super Mario Kart, I could not help but crack up when he instantly remarked, “Dale, this looks old!” He eventually came around, and then we had some fun playing co-op , Joe & Mac . A couple of years ago, on my Genesis Flashback Special, I made sure to reminisce of my fond memories of the summer I spent playing nonstop Sega Channel. These NES/SNES Switch portals are essentially the Sega Channel, but far better because it does not cost $15 a month (in 1994 dollars which equals $27.63 today per Google), offers multiple save states, and ability to play online for only $20 a year!!! Kids, get your parents to hook you up now!!! Miscellaneous Quick Hits

SNES games were the most common denominator on six of the 13 episodes I guest hosted on the retro game podcast, Your Parents Basement. Check out their full archives by click or pressing here. -Turns out I did quite a few guest hosting spots on Your Parents Basement Podcast for SNES games. For those that are podcasting fiends and dug the three episodes I linked to already, then I will link you to three more SNES themed episodes I appeared on where I breathed in the Mode 7 skies of Pilotwings, embraced Capcom’s action-platformer prowess in X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse, and made sure not to miss any Gatorade and Wheaties health pick-ups in Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City.

-The SNES controller is my favorite pre-disc console era controller. It kept the similar button layout of the NES controller but rounded off the edges into its iconic “dog bone” feel so the controller no longer cramped in your hands! Throw in the two extra face buttons and two additional shoulder buttons, and it opened up all kinds of deeper gameplay possibilities! It made it perfect for most fighting games that used almost all the face and shoulder buttons. I found the shoulder buttons were also smartly implemented in NBA Jam/Hangtime for being assigned to use for turbo speed functionality. As far as other SNES controllers/peripherals go, since I loved the NES Zapper, I always wanted to try the Super Scope, but as a kiddo, its bazooka-sized proportions were kind of intimidating. It still kind of bums me out all these years I never got to experience it with epics like Yoshi’s Safari, T2: The Arcade Game, and Tin Star. I never had an opportunity to use the SNES mouse either, which I kind of regret all these years later after seeing all the marvelous creations from experts at Mario Paint, and it was cool to see some PC ports like Civilization, Doom, and Wolfenstein 3D take advantage of SNES Mouse compatibility.

-The 16-bit era was when fighting games exploded, and as you can tell above, I spent a lot of time with Street Fighter II: Turbo, and the first two Mortal Kombat games. Other than that, though, the only other fighting game on SNES I put significant time into was TMNT Tournament Fighters. It was released at the tail end of the TMNT-mania when the cartoon peaked at its popularity. The game itself was a surprisingly competent licensed fighting game from Konami, and tried its best to feel like a solid Street Fighter-clone. Speaking of them pesky turtles… -…TMNT IV: Turtles in Time was the only beat-em-up brawler I put considerable time into on the SNES. I have vague memories of trying others out once or twice like The Peace Keepers, and Super Double Dragon, but Turtles in Time was the one I frequently revisited over the years. It is a superb rendition of the arcade game, with SNES-exclusive levels like the Technodrome that had a fantastic first-person boss fight against Shredder, where lowly Foot Soldiers had to be chucked right at him to defeat Shredder. The soundtrack is one of my favorite SNES scores, so much so that I went all-in to get the for it! I have so many great memories of this game, with the highlight being my friend Matt and I revisiting this for complete runs of it once every year or two for about a dozen years.

Turtles in Time and FFIII/VI are my favorite SNES soundtracks, but Turtles in Time I own on vinyl so I will embed it here in all its glory for you to enjoy as well!

-The SNES library had a quality slate of racing games. Super Mario Kart quickly rose to the top of the ranks and was always fun to bust through a GP with a friend. Street Racer was one of the first kart-clones to hit in 1994, and for some reason, that one always stuck with me. As did it being one of the few games to have four-player split-screen support with all four screens being horizontal! Rock ‘n Roll Racing is another killer arcade racer on SNES; think of a more beefed up RC Pro-AM, but with a good dose of heavy metal mixed in. This past year saw it re-released as part of the Blizzard Arcade Collection for everyone to experience it! I remember trying out F-Zero at a store kiosk around SNES launch, but was too young at eight years old at the time to fully grasp its style of futuristic racing (or that the name was a riff on F1 racing until a couple of years ago). I was more into a game similar to its style that was the trilogy of Top Gear titles. Uniracers was a quirky racer I enjoyed with its unique aesthetic and one-wheeled racers taking advantage of their nature in races filled with jumps and loop-de-loops….too bad about Pixar holding a grudge against Nintendo and legally forcing them to yank it off shelves. Nintendo’s other racer, Stunt Race FX, was ahead of its time with the polygonal FX-based graphics running pretty chunky on the SNES. Still, it is a commendable piece of 16-bit tech they were just barely able to keep running at a passable-enough framerate. Another FX-chip game that did not originally gel with me was…

-…the original Star Fox. Being 10 when it released in 1993, I thought those polygonal graphics looked blocky and horrendous and would have none of it! Many years later, I would revisit it and rightfully come around on it! -Another Nintendo-published game that received a lot of hype was Donkey Kong Country with its cutting-edge 3D models. They were plastered all over gaming mags at the time. I briefly recall trying out the first and second of the three Donkey Kong Country games on SNES. However, I did not put more time into them because I beat Donkey Kong Land on Game Boy before our family got a SNES, which was just a watered-down port with some remixed levels for the handheld. I enjoyed my time with it, but its disappointingly blunt “congratulations” ending left a bad impression on me, and I never felt like giving the other entries a serious go all these years.

-Some may be wondering why there has yet not been anything dedicated to the pair of Super Mario World titles and Super Mario RPG? Super Mario World was probably one of the first SNES games I tried when I visited my older brother at his first apartment in the early 90s. I think the heavy-duty graphics and trying to comprehend attacking with Yoshi proved to be too much for eight or nine-year-old me at the time. I played it a few other times in my 20s, hanging out with coworkers on retro game nights, and had fun with it, but I think since I was exposed to the NES trilogy more and played the hell out of All-Stars, that those were the versions I preferred more. I appreciated how Nintendo stepped up to Sega’s edgier marketing at the time with Nintendo’s “Play it Loud” marketing campaign. Unfortunately, I think their ad for Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island was a bit too extreme for 12-year old Dale at the time. That ad (click here for it if you are feeling daring)was forever planted in my subconscious and always crossed my mind and indirectly caused me to avoid Yoshi’s Island for all these years. I did pick up Super Mario RPG and it is on my “bucket list” of games to play as well. I am holding off on it all these years because I was hanging out with Matt one day, and he explained how he was having a tough time with the final boss, Smithy. Well, he wanted to give me a quick demo to show how unforgiving of a challenge the boss was….but for some reason his clutch gaming skills kicked in right then, and he beat Smithy and was exposed to the ending right then and there!

-As far as other tough SNES games go, the two most challenging for me are easily Contra III: The Alien Wars and Zombie Ate My Neighbors. Contra III is like the first two games on steroids. I love the boss battles and intense walk-n-shoot chaos, but do not love constantly dying in one shot! Zombies Ate My Neighbors is another fun action-platformer that is also equally tough to make it farther than a few levels in unless you seriously dedicate yourself to it. Hey, both of these games also saw re-releases this past year on current consoles with the Contra Anniversary Collection and Zombies Ate My Neighbors & Ghoul Patrol set for those wanting to experience 16-bit nail-biting difficulty (but with save state support!).

I hope this excellent video review from the quintessential retro video game source, Jeremy Parish, suffices for my lack of any meaningful Super Mario World memories here. -In 1997, I was hyped for a late SNES release, the original Harvest Moon. The farm/life/dating-sim series is still around today from publisher Natsume (as well as the original developers parting ways with Natsume and delivering their own competing Story of Seasons series). During the SNES era, I spent several summers out on a farm. I appreciated rural life's solitude and free spirit lifestyle, and that first Harvest Moon game perfectly encapsulated that. Trying to determine the best way to spend the day tending to the fields, livestock and managing a social/family life was surprisingly fun and engaging! Harvest Moon remain one of two games that I submitted a blurry Polaroid photo to Nintendo Power’s “Arena” high score section. I cannot recall if my score got posted or not.

-The original Sim City port on SNES received a lot of love around the SNES launch window, with Nintendo giving it a unique makeover with bonus Nintendo characters in it and an exclusive tutor in the form of Dr. Wright to ease everyone into the simulation gameplay. I never played too much of that version, but one night at Rich’s, the game we decided to rent that night was Sim City 2000. That one was released way late into the SNES lifecycle and lacked any Nintendo extras the first SNES game had. Still, we stayed up all night playing it and looking at our daily news recap and mayor approval ratings and trying to figure out where to stop underwater pipe blockages! It ran slowwww on the SNES, but we tolerated it fine enough at the time because I had yet to play the PC version. Eventually, I would check out the PC version and came away surprised with so much I had to put up within the SNES game. -For those wanting to dare the Super Famicom scene, there are a plethora of great games that never made their way stateside, and better yet, a hearty chunk of them have received English fan translations. I am partial to the FirePro wrestling games that never made it here that are vastly superior to all the American wrestling games I broke down above, BS Out of Bounds Golf is an addicting take on miniature golf, the original Star Ocean, and the Back to the Future platformer that was not a five-star classic by any means, but blew away the poor NES and Genesis games that did release here. If you are not that familiar with the Super Famicom library, this top 50 list from RVG Fanatic is a great place to start your research and very much helped clueing me into a bunch of Super Famicom games I had little-to-no knowledge of. Conclusion

If you are around my age reading this, you may be wondering why I have not gone on about the fabled “16-bit Wars” by now. Rest assured, I experienced it in the lunchroom and at recess and in gaming magazines at the time. I devoured all the side-by-side screenshots in gaming mags of dual-platform releases to see if I could spot which version was better. I want to say back then, I sided with the SNES because I grew up with the NES, but that does not seem like a fair choice since I did not own a SNES until 1996. Reflecting on it, although I experienced a fair amount of RPGs and other games on SNES with Rich, I primarily played endless hours of Genesis games with him back at the time. So whenever I hung out with Rich, I considered myself a Genesis fan, and when I finally got a SNES and grew my SNES library, I considered myself a SNES fan and avoided a lot of the “console wars” trash talk. For younger readers here who want to learn more about the fervor of the 16-bit wars, the book, Console Wars, and its corresponding documentary (which is currently only available on Paramount+/CBS All Access sadly) are my recommended ways to absorb all that hoopla. I will cherish all of the past 30 years of SNES memories and hope you have enjoyed reminiscing with me for the last several thousand words. If you want to hear more of my SNES memories in podcast form, I have a few SNES-centric episodes of my old podcast I recently un-vaulted and have embedded below for your pleasure. They have some of the friends I repeatedly mentioned above as co-hosts that share their SNES experiences and memories, so please load up a random SNES “podcast game” and boot one of these podcasts up for fitting background noise….

10 years ago I did a 20th anniversary SNES special with Matt!

Here is the history of RPG series episode dedicated to the 16-bit era.

Finally, here is Matt and I hosting the 16-bit installment of our history of comic book games series. Bonus Overtime

It would not be a Flashback Special without one random oddball bonus story to wrap it up with. The only Kirby game I ever finished receives that honor. One day, my brother and his friend Jake were over at my place. We were discussing SNES games at some point, and Jake mentioned how Kirby Super Star is his all-time favorite. I said how I never played it and did not think anything of it at the time, but the next time I met up with him and my brother, Jake had the copy of that game with him and insisted on borrowing it to me and said not to give it back until I finished it. I felt this sudden obligation to play through it as a priority, so I did not feel like I was keeping his game hostage. Luckily, Kirby Super Star is a damn fun game, which the front of the box labels as “8 Games in One!” Most of the games are abbreviated-length adventures of only a handful of missions in their unique theme of levels, and a few of the games are mini-games like a race against King DeDeDe. Regardless, almost every game provided that trademark Kirby lighthearted fun and was hard to put down! Kirby’s Dream Course is also a lot of fun on SNES, and is an interesting take of Kirby meets miniature golf! With that anecdote, I will wrap up yet another Flashback Special. Thank you for sticking with me this far, and If you dug reading about my trials and tribulations with Nintendo’s 16-bit machine, please take a look at the other Flashbacks I have linked below!

My Other Gaming Flashbacks Dreamcast 20th Anniversary GameBoy 30th Anniversary Genesis 30th Anniversary NES 35th Anniversary PSone 25th Anniversary PS2 20th Anniversary PSP 15th Anniversary and Neo-Geo 30th Anniversary Saturn and Virtual Boy 25th Anniversaries TurboGrafX-16 30th and 32-X 25th Anniversaries Xbox 360 15th Anniversary

[themonkeycabal]

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, ep 3

Good morning!

Spoilers! of course

Previously on:

The new Captain America is a massive tool, but his buddy, "Battlestar" (lol), is a little bit adorable. They work for something called the Global Repatriation Council, which sounds like a bureaucratic delight and joy.

Bucky got arrested for skipping his therapy appointment to go to Germany (nothing good ever happens to you in Germany, Bucky. Stop going to Germany.) on a mission with Sam (the mission went badly). And once he's sprung from the clink, he and Sam are suckered into the most awkward team therapy session in many an age. Things Are Said and everybody ends up mostly feeling pretty bad about everything.

Speaking of feeling pretty bad about everything — we discover there was a black super soldier in the US Army during the Korean war who was repaid for his service by being imprisoned and made a lab rat for thirty years. Just as awful as it sounds.  

Also our pseudo-terrorists from the first episode turn out to be a pack of idealistic kids who grew up in a blipped world and whose goals are probably as murky to them as they are to me. They, however, have pissed off somebody much bigger and badder (probably by stealing super soldier serum). 

To find just what in the sam hill was going on with the super soldier serum being out in the wild, Bucky suggested they go talk to that very stable and rational repository of Hydra knowledge, Zemo. I'm sure this will go swimmingly.

I've got my chips and guac and beer, it's 12:30 a.m., and I'm ready for some good ol' fashioned fisticuffs! Bring it, Marvel,

And we open with a sunny, smiley propaganda ad for the Global Repatriation Council. Helping you get back to the way things used to be. Reset. Restore. Rebuild. Cut to a shady black police van with the GRC logo and militarized police hop out along with Captain Massive Tool and the shield that really shouldn't be his. They seem nice.

"Don't give them a second to delete, shred, or breathe," says Captain Biggest Bestest Hero Ever as they prepare to breach a graffiti covered building. Ah, it's the hideout in Munich where Karli and the flag stompers gang were bunked last episode. The owner refuses to give up any info, calls them brutes, spits in Captain Tool's face, and Captain Biggest Bestest Hero Ever roughs him up and yells "Do you know who I am?" The owner replies for us all, "yes, I do, and I don't care."

Captain Tool leaves and grumbles about not having intel on that super dangerous criminal 12-year old, Karli. Battlestar (lol) points out she's giving shelter and meds to displaced people, and so they're loyal. And I'm just going to let that go at this point, because last ep she was on about how the GRC only cared about helping the returning people and not the people who were there all along, and the Flag Smashers wanted to return the world to how it was during the blip. But now suddenly they're all about helping the displaced, who I thought were the ones who were gone, thus, you know, being displaced when they come back to a world that's moved on without them. And I'm letting it go …. now.

Or not. I mean, I guess we could say that they're helping the displaced the GRC doesn't want to help, because they're not politically useful or the GRC is funneling its massive resources somewhere else. Or … something. Like I said, it's all very murky at the moment. I could keep watching and probably discover the answer. And I'm sure the GRC is corrupt as hell, so you go Karli! Though, she's like 16 (okay, maybe early 20s), and I'm not sure how she's managed this level of pull and resources in the few months since the great Un-Blippening and also she's got like a team of 8 (or 7, one died last ep) and she's not exactly oozing charisma. But, never mind. Moving on. For real this time.

That's all my way of saying that 3:48 into this episode and I'm already super done with Captain Massive Tool.

In Berlin, Bucky and Sam are visiting Zemo in prison. How'd they get permission? The guard seems very chill about them being there, he even leaves so Bucky and Sam can go to Zemo's cell alone. Which is so very weird. Are they hoping somebody will shank the weirdo who sits in his cell listening to opera and playing chess all day? "Oh no, he's dead, how sad. Heinrich! Get the mop!"

Anyway, Bucky says he'll go in alone, because Sam's an Avenger and Zemo doesn't really have warm fuzzy feelings for Avengers. Sam, who is currently in possession of the duo's one (1) brain cell, remembers how Zemo literally stalked Bucky and tried to frame him for a bombing and mass murder. "He was obsessed with Hydra. We have a history together," is Bucky's very questionable counter-argument. Well, I mean, technically yes, I guess.

Seriously, they just let him walk right in. Wow.

Zemo steps out of the improbably dark recesses of his cell and immediately starts reciting the Winter Soldier control words. "I just wanted to see how the new you reacts to the old words." By staring. It's his thing.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. It was never personal." I don't know why, but this made me laugh. His delivery is great. It's just like "hey man, good to see you again, hope you got past that whole framing you for murder and the global manhunt thing. Sorry and all. I just really hated your BFF for that time he dropped a city on my family. Bygones, amiright?"

Bucky skips the chat. "Somebody recreated the super soldier serum. I need to find out who." Ah, Zemo is super interested. But, of course. He killed all the other Soldiers, he wouldn't be keen on others around, would he?

Zemo knows where to begin looking for the answer. Cut to Sam and Bucky walking around in a dark room full of some sort of vague equipment (ah, it's a garage), Sam regretting every life decision he's ever made that led him to this point "what are you talking about you want to break Zemo out of jail? Where the hell are we? Buck, have you lost your mind?" Stupidity, who knows, and yes.

"Zemo's going to mess with our minds. Especially yours. No offense." "Offense." lol idiots.

Bucky finds the lights. They argue some more about Zemo. "Super soldiers go against everything he believes in. He is crazy, but he still has a code." Sam's like, yeah, I saw his code, it was blow shit up and kill a lot of people. Sam cannot believe he is hearing this crap right now and he's got to be like "steve rogers, if you weren't 106 I would beat your ass for leaving me with this moron".

"Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?" Sam, feeling those cold, tingly chills, the slowly creeping horror of realization, "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything," Bucky lies like the terrible liar he is. Wow he's a bad liar.

Cut back to Zemo's prison cell. Zemo ticks another off the "creepy euro villain" checklist, when Bucky randomly asks what he's reading and Zemo says Machiavelli. But of course. He's hiding something in his book. A key card.

Meanwhile, in the garage Bucky is explaining things to Sam. "The weakest point of any system isn't the software, or the hardware, it's the meatware." lol elegantly put, Bucky. "The human element."

Anyway, to sum up, Bucky's already broken Zemo out of prison. Poor Sam, the look on his face as Bucky hypotheticals through all the steps of the breakout, I laughed so hard.

Sam: “i hate everything, especially this asshole”

"And where are we?" Sam asks, very fed up with Things. 

The door opens and here comes Zemo in his purloined guard's uniform.

"You're going back to prison!" "We need him, Sam." Zemo, politely, "If I may—" "NO!" "NO!"

Argue argue argue. Bucky makes a weird pitch about how Steve didn't sign the Sokovia Accords and neither did Sam and, they went all illegal and on the run, they did it for him and so he's asking Sam to do that again. I mean, Sam's still slightly cheesed about that, Bucky. But, it seems to work, and Sam agrees with A Great Deal Of Reluctance.

Zemo's just standing there all quiet and well-mannered as they go through this, like he's their little pet whackjob.

The garage is full of classic cars belonging to Zemo and they're full of weapons and other goodies. He says he spent years tracking down all the Hydra people who might know how to make the serum, because if it's out there, then somebody could create an army of people like the Avengers. He's taking clothes out of one of the cars and finds a purple ski mask, which he stealthily slips into a bag. Nobody cares about your weird purple mask, Zemo, I've thought that thing was dumb for 30 years.

"To do this, we'll have to scale a ladder of low-lifes." heh

Next they go to an airfield. In Germany. You guys, come on.

Anyway, Zemo owns a plane, he's rich, his family was royalty, he's a baron. Sam's like 'wtf?' Bucky just rolls with everything. Or he does until they're on the plane later and Zemo has somehow lifted Bucky's book of amends and decides to read through it. "Who is Nakajima?" And Bucky's got him by the throat.

Sam's all hey that's Steve's book. "I told him about Trouble Man, he wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What did you think?" "I like 40s music, so…" "You didn't like it?!?!?!?!" "I liked it." Zemo chimes in, "It is a masterpiece, James. Complete, comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience." lol wtf

"Everybody loves Marvin Gaye," Sam is so offended. "I like Marvin Gaye," Bucky says, probably trying to remember 'who is Marvin Gaye?' "Steve *adored* Marivn Gaye," Sam insists. lol. I like Marvin Gaye, Sam.

Zemo starts going off about Steve, and how the danger with those heroes and super soldiers is they're put on a pedestal and we forget about their flaws. And while he's not wrong, he also clearly wants Sam to throw him out of that airplane.

"Do we want to live in a world with people like the Red Skull? No. That is why we're going to Madripoor." Ahh Madripoor, I haven't thought about that place in a long, long time. A wretched hive of scum and villainy, iirc. Ah, yes, Zemo and Bucky confirm.

Zemo says they can't go as themselves and Bucky's going to have to "become someone you claim is gone". Bucky looks Deeply Unhappy.

On to a GRC resettlement camp in Latvia. Karli is playing soccer with some young kids. Because of the good-natured idealism. She's summoned to a hospital bed, in a ward stuffed with beds in an old, fancy building that's seen better days. Somebody is dying and she's crying at their bedside. Her mom maybe?

Back to Madripoor. It's a glittering city of colorfully-lit skyscrapers. The trio are walking across a bridge to give us a picturesque view and exposit about what they'll be doing. Sam is wearing a very questionable suit with like a black and red floral pattern and yellow-green circles. Or something. I can't tell what's going on with that thing. He says he looks like a pimp. Well no, but it is a terrible suit. Zemo calls it fashion forward, but Zemo wears a great coat with a fur collar and a purple ski mask. Don't take fashion tips from Zemo.

He says Sam will play a "sophisticated, charming, African rake, named Conrad Mack. Aka the Smiling Tiger." Sam is still not thrilled, "even has a bad nickname." Though, yes, the original dude does dress that poorly and he looks like Sam, so suck it up, Sam.

Fortunately they don't have to walk all the way across the bridge (it is a long ass bridge), they're met by a car about halfway and Zemo says they have to super duper stay in character no matter what happens.

The car is surrounded by elaborately decorated motorcycles ridden by very armed people. Hell of a welcome wagon. They're escorted to a graffitied, crumbling underpass, presumably the entrance to Low Town. It's part Macao, part Kowloon, part Jakarta, crammed full of neon and people and ramshackle buildings piled together in a maze of narrow streets, rails, and weird building-to-building bridges. Good set design.

Everybody is "fashion forward" and very heavily armed. They pass a wall with the words "Power Broker Is Watching". That's the charming fellow Karli and her do-gooders stole from.

They enter a bar decorated with golden baboon skulls and koi fish. Zemo asks "are you ready to comply, Winter Soldier?" he's attracted attention from unsavory sorts. I mean, more unsavory than the already unsavory sorts who fill the bar. The bartender is surprised to see Zemo and the Smiling Tiger. Zemo asks for Selby.

Somebody at a nearby table pulls a hood over her head, and by somebody I mean Sharon Carter. NOT SUBTLE SHARON!

Bartender asks the Smiling Tiger if he wants the usual and Sam silently nods. The bartender seems suspicious, but he takes a pickled snake out of a jar, cuts something out of it, drops it in a glass and places it in front of Sam who's like 'what in the actual I am going to puke'. lol Sam bravely tosses it back and does not puke no matter how much he really wants to and he really wants to. Bucky's being the Winter Soldier and is not at all laughing in his head about this.

A power broker minion comes over and tells Zemo he's not welcome there. Zemo says if PB wants him to leave, he can talk to him himself or bring Selby. The minion looks at Bucky and asks if he got a new haircut. Bucky gives him pure murder face. So the Power Broker and his minions know the Winter Soldier, so they were Hydra? Or, I guess, they all ran in the same shady circles.

Anyway, PUNCHING AT LAST! Power Broker minions approach to remove Zemo and Zemo tells the Winter Soldier to attack. Bucky is not pleased, but I am, because now there's punching. It's just been the sort of week that needs punching to improve it. Bar brawl! It's a lopsided fight, Bucky's wiping the floor with these dudes and the suspicious bartender is moving away to make a call.

"It didn't take much for him to fall back into form," Zemo tells Sam. Shut your pie hole, Zemo.  Aw, now the guns come out and the fight's over. Zemo calls off the Winter Soldier and the bartender tells them Selby will see them.

Selby is lounging in her backroom, listening to 50s french pop, and hanging out with lizards and piles of cash. As you do. She'd like to know why Zemo is there and by the way wasn't he in prison? She makes a weird purring sound at Sam. lol. I like her. The actress looks familiar but I can't place her. Anyway.

Zemo says if she tells them what she knows about the super soldier serum, he'll give her the Winter Soldier and his control words. Then Zemo weirdly fondles Bucky's face and like rubs at the cleft in his chin. lol. fucking weirdo.

Selby is charmed. She says she's glad she didn't kill him straight away. Weirdos of a feather, I suppose. Anyway, she says the serum is in Madripoor and developed by Dr. Wilfred Nagel. He was working for the PB. She won't give up Nagel's location for free, though. …and Sam's phone rings. Pro tip, Sam: turn off your phone when you go into meetings with deeply shady crime bosses.

Everybody stops and stares at him and he just sort of lets it ring. It's his sister. Dude, just turn it off. Too late. Selby wants him to answer it on speaker. Okay, well, she'll kill you either way, so just refuse the call and get ready for punching and running. So, he answers it.

Sarah says she needs to talk to him about the situation and he wants her to say exactly what situation. So, she says the one with the boat, dummy, and are you high? So he's going to play this off as a Doing Crime phone call. And it kind of works until Sarah calls him Sam. Selby's like wtf kill them and then she gets shot in the chest by … I don't know who? somebody from the outside. Now this trio of geniuses is going to get blamed for it. Immediately a bounty for them goes out to like everybody in Low Town. lol. That went well, guys.

And the shooting starts, they run. Except not so great for Sam who we just discovered is wearing heels. "I can't run in these heels!"

Here come the bikers. And they get picked off by somebody in a nearby warehouse. Oh, is that Sharon? Yep. And she's salty .When asked what she's doing there, "I stole Steve's shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass so you (sam) could save his ass (bucky) from his ass (zemo)." lol. She didn't have any backup so she's off the grid in Madripoor. Did nobody think to clear her after everybody was all heroic and then pardoned after the Un-Snappening? Come on, guys.

She's better than they deserve and despite being bitter, she says she's got a place in High Town they can hide.

Sharon runs a gallery selling stolen masterpieces and other hot craft goodies. The creators of this show bless us with a long shirtless Sam scene as he changes out of this Smiling Tiger duds and apologizes to Sharon. She says she'd be arrested if she went back to the States and Madripoor doesn't allow extradition. Besides, she muses, heroing is hypocritical bullshit. Right Sam, since you gave up the shield and all. And Sam's all "bwhu?"

Then she turns her bitter on Bucky and asks how the new Cap is and Bucky's like "i hate him the most" and she's all 'come on', she knows he buys into all that heroic bullshit, "before you were his (zemo) pet psychopath you were Mr America, Cap's best friend." Well, no before that he was the Winter Soldier long before Zemo.

"Wow, she's kind of awful now," Bucky tells Sam. lol. You really get a sense of how much Bucky lucked out with his goat farm. Thanks Wakanda!

Sam gets them back to the point and wants to know where Nagel is, though Sharon says they should stay out of it to be safe. Sam presses, he says he can help clear Sharon's name and she's like 'wow, bargaining with my life?' but he gives her a Cap-worth speech about trying. "They cleared the bionic staring machine and he's killed almost everybody he's met." "I heard that," Bucky says from ten feet away. "I don't trust charity." You just tried to guilt him about bargaining with your life, Sharon!

Anyway, they strike a deal.

Zemo's being suspiciously quiet.

Then they go to a rave. Madripoor is party central. Sharon's gallery is hosting a party for clients and whatnot. She'll see what she can find. For some reason she invites the boys to join her at the party because hiding from the bounty on them and probably also from the Power Broker means walking into parties packed full of the sort of people who buy expensive stolen goods in Madripoor, like say, the Power Broker or his wealthier minions.

Zemo's just happy to be out of prison. The shot of him dancing. lol.

Sharon finds a lead on Nagel and the next day this quartet of galaxy brains heads to the docks. Nothing bad ever happens when you go look for scientists at the docks. No sir. And he is apparently hanging out in a shipping container. Sharon's like hurry up you've got a bounty on your heads and I'm sick of you three already.

The container is empty, but Sharon insists it's the right one. Zemo goes in and finds the false back which leads to a set of stairs going up. "Comin' Home Baby" is playing in the distance. I know I always listen to Mel Torme when I'm tinkering on gene-altering serums in my secret shipping container lab.

They find Dr. Nagel, who is not keen on chatting but he's willing to maybe listen to offers. He's definitely the mad scientist type.

Sharon, keeping watch outside, spots trouble. Some bad guys heading towards the container. She attacks! Moar punchies! Or beating the shit out of people with a baton. It's eleventy zillion bounty hunters. How did they find them? Did that Very Wanted Trio maybe go to a very popular party the night before, or something?

Bucky attempts to persuade Nagel with his gun. Nagel says he was brought in to Hydra to work on the Winter Soldier program. Then he was recruited by the CIA. They had blood samples of a subject (Isaiah? the black super soldier from last ep), and he was able to recreate the serum off of that. "I was a god! I did what no other scientist since Erskine was able to do."

Zemo is pacing around like a very, very angry psycho about to shoot the mad scientist. Guys, maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring Zemo to the person who could create the super soldier serum, given that is the opposite of what he wants. Kill Nagel, no more super soldiers. This is gonna end bloody. Zemo seems to have found a gun hidden in the lab. Yep.

"How have we never heard about this?" Sam asks. Well Sam, it turns out Nagel was blipped. Thanks, Thanos! Anyway, when he came back the CIA project was abandoned but the Power Broker was happy to help fund him. He made 20 vials and Karli stole those. And then Karli being a super duper genius, called him a few days earlier and asked if he could help somebody dying of tuberculosis. Karli … don't call the bad guys and ask for help after you stole from them. That's like day one stuff, kiddo.

Meanwhile, Sharon is still fighting every bounty hunter in Madripoor. She's killed like twenty guys.

Sharon runs in "guys we're seriously out of time" and Zemo takes the distraction to shoot Nagel. Who didn't see that coming? Oh yeah, Sam and Bucky and Sharon. Nobody was using the one (1) brain cell today. Or Zemo was. That's what you get for loaning it to the lunatic.

And then somebody fires a freaking rocket at the shipping container lab. Man. But, can you collect a bounty if all that's left are unidentifiable, charred corpses? Nobody in Madripoor is using the brain cell today.

Now they're trapped in a burning lab that's full of probably very bad explosive chemicals and o2 tanks. And yep, it partially blows up. Zemo gets away. Or seems to have, anyway. It's a gun battle now and also arguing. lol. Sharon's like "FOR REAL YOU IDIOTS?"

Oh, here comes Zemo, stomping along the top of a shipping container, carrying his purple ski mask. He fires at a gas line, the explosion distracting the bounty hunters and giving the trio time to run. Zemo beats up some bounty hunters and then finds a convertible muscle car in a container and swings by to pick up the others. Sam is very grumpy "you're going back to jail". lol.

Sharon's like 'okay, buh-bye!', she's had enough. Aww, is she really only in one episode? Well, Sam does promise to try and get her that pardon, so …

Anyway, Bucky calls shotgun and refuses to move the seat up for Sam. Payback is sweet. Heh.

Oh, not done with Sharon yet. She meets a minion and says they've got a couple of big problems.

Lithuania. Karli and one of her pals are stalking a GRC depot. Karli's sad. Her buddy says she should take some time to mourn. But, no, she's got do-gooding to do. They chat for a bit about what they'd be doing if they weren't do-goodering. She'd be a teacher or some such. They were all in Madripoor, washed up there during the blip, put then put out when everybody returned. Hmm. Lots of expositioning. Blah blah, scary taking the serum. "But it was worth it, because this world is ours." And they're going to give it to the kids in the displacement camps. … alrighty then.

Anyway, she's convinced that now that Nagel is dead, the Power Broker will come to her begging for the rest of the serum. No, sweety, I really don't think a person like that begs. Yikes.

"So we've got the one fight ahead of us then? I'll take those odds," says her very dim buddy.

In the prison in Berlin, Captain Massive Tool is talking to the guards about how Sam and Bucky where there when Zemo escaped and the guard's all "you … you don't think they had something to do with him getting out…." World class security. I find it really grating that Captain Tool calls Sam and Bucky by their first names. It's just so weirdly familiar that it almost crosses into dismissive. Completely unearned familiarity.

Lemar says they can't just accuse Sam and Bucky without evidence, but Captain Tool seems to think they can just, you know, make it up or some shit. "If we get the job done, do you think they're going to sweat us on the how?" Fuck you, Captain Tool.

Back in Zemo's plane, Bucky's fastidiously cleaning his metal arm, like a big grumpy cat. And Sam is trying to get a lead on the person (Madani) Nagel told him Karli wanted to help. He's got Torres on it.

They get to talking about the shield and how many people died or got messed up because of it/the serum. Sam says he made a mistake giving it up and he should have destroyed it. Bucky says, "Look that shield represents a lot of things to a lot of people, including me. The world is upside down, we need a new Cap, and it ain't gonna be Walker [preach]. So before you destroy it, I'll take it from him myself." Kick his ass, Bucky!

Torres gets back to Sam just as Zemo brings them lunch. Such a good host. "They found Madani. Dead. She died in Riga, a city near the Baltic Sea." … was that last bit really necessary? Like Riga is such a mystery? Even if you don't know where it is, like, that's so weirdly clunky. Somehow I think if you don't know Riga, you probably don't have the Baltic in the map in your head, either.  'Have you ever been to London? A city on the River Thames.' 'I've always wanted to go to Los Angeles, a city near the Pacific Ocean.'

Bucky should have said "oh yeah, i love Riga. I killed a diplomat there back in '64. Great beer."

Zemo's got a place they can go and he's looking forward "to coming face to face with Karli." Not creepy at all, Zemo. Nope.

Meanwhile, the kids are raiding the GRC depot and chatting way too much and calling each other by name. Oh dear.

"Filthy Flag Smashers" grumps a soldier tied up on the floor. I can't take them at all seriously with a name like that. Karli says they had six months of supplies just sitting there. "Don't you understand, we're fighting for our lives." Are you? Why and in what way?

Okay, so this is my continuing issue here. They're trying to build up this un-Blipped world, which is great, but they're doing it through So Much Exposition and so much of it is vague. We're supposed to think the GRC are probably shady, but are they? I don't know. Could be. They're sitting on these supplies! Evil! Maybe they are, but why? Why stockpile all that? Is it being sold on a black market? Or diverted to other people? Who knows! I don't. You don't.

We're supposed to sympathize with the Flag Munchers, but they're so vague in their goals. They want the world back how it was during the Blip. Okay. How was it? I don't know. What was so great about it? What we saw in Endgame didn't look all that great. But, we saw it from a different point of view, to be sure. So, what was it like for the average person who survived? Hell if I know. Also the Munchers want to help the people in the displacement camps. Okay. So do those two goals go together? I don't know. Are all the displacement camps bad? We're meant to think so, but I don't know. Is it just some of them? Is it regional? Who, exactly, are the displaced? It seems to be a mix of those who were blipped and those who weren't. I guess. I don't know.

It's just all taken out of the Big Book Of Cliched Assumptions for Lazy Worldbuilding. Why actually do the hard work of details, when they can just fall back on tropes, make vague pronouncements about how 'bad' things are, and let us assume the answers. This might bother me less if we didn't have to spend so much time with Captain Tool and the Flag Munchers. I cannot tell you how much I currently don't care. I find this all very frustrating. I don't mean to spoil the fun. Let me look at Sam's face again:

That was better. But, I stopped too soon. We're still with the Munchers. 

They're leaving the building they just looted, and there’s a bit of business I don’t care about, involving Karli’s car and how she’s not taking it, she’s going to just leave it parked, completely unsuspiciously in front of the building. And, she’s going to ride with her pal Mr. Dimbulb. 

She tells him to put his seatbelt on and she's very insistent. And then her car blows up and the building catches fire and it’s very dramatic. 

Her buddy's like wtf there were people in there and Karli says, "This is the only language these people understand." ARGH. Who people? Why is bombing them the only language they understand? Like, in this show, the GRC have literally DONE NOTHING. Nothing we’ve seen and nothing we’ve heard. At least have people chat about dark and dire rumors or something. Hell, they haven’t even been accused of doing anything other than ‘caring more about the people who returned than the ones who never left’ which is literally their job. sighing all night long. Maybe they’re horrible and evil and the Worst Thing Ever. But I DON’T KNOW THAT, because nothing in the show has bothered to establish that. 

ANYWAY

Riga, a city on the Baltic Sea

The trio are walking down the street, Zemo expositing for us again. Sokovia was apparently swallowed by neighboring countries, erased from the map. "I don't suppose any of you bothered visiting the memorial? Of course not. Why would you?"

Bucky's looking not happy. Probably remembering '64. They get to Zemo's place and Bucky says he's going to go on a walk. Zemo and Sam go on ahead and Bucky watches until they're out of sight and he circles back and finds a beeping thingy on the ground. He notices something across the street. Ah another round beepy thing. Now he's collecting them. He steps into an alley and says, "You dropped something". Nobody immediately appears.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up." And he turns around and it's one of the Dora Milaje. She looks unhappy and she’d like to know where Zemo is. Yeah, the Wakandans are not just gonna let Zemo wander free. That's a sticky situation you got yourself in, White Wolf.

Credits.

Well, I really enjoyed the bits that didn't contain the Flag Munchers or Captain Tool. Do better with your world-building, people.

[potscenarios]

Hello! I'm so happy to see you/this blog active again! <3 Can I request headcanons on Tezuka, Atobe and Sanada having a date with their s/o on a romantic place? :D Thanks a lot!

Hi there! Um, I'd like to clarify something since I noticed people have been 'welcoming back' me / the blog: this blog is completely new! I used to have scenarios blogs last time but I've never written for POT fandom before! So if you used to visit a blog with this same name, I just want to inform you that I'm not the same person with whoever used to run the scenarios blog under this name until it was deleted. Sorry for any confusion!

Anyway, here you go, I hope this is ok ♡ 

Tezuka

Hiking and camping (especially on the mountains) are his favorite dates and he thinks it's plenty romantic because 1) a lot of opportunities to just sit down and have long, deep conversations, and 2) when night comes, the air typically becomes colder so you always end up asking to snuggle with him (and he secretly loves it) and lastly 3) he loves to just stargaze under the bright stars, with you laying beside him and pointing at the constellations while telling each other stories from your childhoods.

If you have interest in fishing, he'll gladly invite you to a fishing trip! It won't necessarily be a romantic date, but just indulge him, ok? If you're new in the whole fishing as a hobby, he'll patiently teach you all you need to know about it, starting from the beginning. With time, as you get better, he would secretly get a little competitive about who can catch the bigger fish.

Stay-in dates with Tezuka usually consists of silently reading books together, watching some movies, cooking for dinner and having dinner together, doing light stretching exercises together - just some simple spending time together. He might do something special for you from time to time, or whenever there's a special occasion for celebration. In those cases, he wouldn't mind splurging a bit by taking you out to a fancy restaurant or booking a skiing trip for the two of you.

"I don't say this enough, but... Being able to spend time with you like this, it feels like a dream. Thank you for being here. I'm grateful to have you on my side."

Atobe

Oh boy. Romantic dates are his specialty. He knows how to set the mood and he knows the right words to say to make you swoon. The moment you exit your front door, he's the perfect escort to wherever you're going. He compliments your attire (even if you're just wearing a simple hoodie), places a kiss on your hand, and throughout the date he'll make you feel like you're a descendant of some sort of royalty.

He prefers to be out and about, surrounded by people who can cater to your needs and makes sure your date is flawless. Candle-lit dinners. Amusement parks. Boating. Going to watch musicals or operas. Overseas or domestic travelling. It'll be up to you to suggest simpler dates like staying in to watch movies (instead of him renting out a whole theatre) or having a picnic for just the two of you and a homemade meal (instead of having butlers and maids waiting on you while you're eating finger food made by Michelin starred chefs).

Stay-in dates with Atobe aren't exactly normal, in the sense that he prefers to spend it at his mansion, which is full of butlers and maids catering to your every needs anyway. Still, he wouldn't say no if you invite him to your abode. He won't complain too much, since it's a new experience for him and he's discovering some new things in exchange - like how unexpectedly pleasant it feels when you're drying his hair with your mid priced hairdryer (it makes the drying time longer than he's used to, but your shampoo smells so good and your fingers feels heavenly while they’re combing through his hair).

"What kind of date should we do next? How about renting a cruise ship on our summer break? Ah, but that's too far ahead, huh? That reminds me, there's a private charity gala coming up and I think you'll be interested in the cause - should we attend it?"

Sanada

When it comes him, it's quite rare for you two to have a typical 'romantic' date, because Sanada himself isn't a consciously romantic person in general. His style of romancing you is by being traditionally chivalrous: opening doors, making sure you're not walking on the side of the road, making sure you're comfortable before anything, etc. But this is his original self; he doesn't try to be chivalrous, it's just his upbringing and personality.

For him, romantic dates = dates where you're spending quality time with each other, preferably in private. He isn't much of a talker so it could be hard to start conversations, but I feel like Sanada could be talkative when he's already way more comfortable with you and when it comes to things he truly cares about. You'll find yourself falling into deep conversations with him, especially regarding things like your personal beliefs, your values, and what you stand (or doesn't) stand for. He can go from "So... What's... Your favorite color?" to "At a glance, some traditions look meaningless to us who are living in this century, however I personally think there is an interesting lore behind every tradition that could become a learning experience for us, much like history - but what do you think?"

Stay-in dates with Sanada wouldn't happen unless you're some way later in your relationship, but it's going to be an interesting adventure for you if you've never lived in traditional Japanese houses! He especially loves it when it's after dinner on a cool summer night, and you both sit out on the engawa facing the inner garden, just enjoying each other's company while listening to the sound of the cicadas. There’s also just something about seeing you in the morning, dressed in a yukata and smiling sleepily at him at the breakfast table, that makes him feel all warm and content.

"Did you enjoy today's date? I didn't think going to an amusement parks would be such an enjoyable experience, but seeing you having so much fun was pleasant to witness."

[pedros-mustache-main]

l'oiseau chante

“au where the reader is a singer instead of a painter?” for anon

to close out sd!deaky night(s), here’s 3k words of an au of my own au. i got incredibly carried away but had so much fun writing this.

the duet reader sings is called “duo des fleurs” from the opera, lakmé. i recommend you listen to that as the song is described for the full ~experience~. thanks for indulging me the last few days! much love! xoxo!

suggestive content below (discussions of a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship & a few suggestive moments/language). please be mindful if under 18!

april, 1985.

“no, really! i’ve got to go!” she’s laughing as she says it, pulling out of his arms to make for the door, but john is quick to catch her waist, spin her on her heels, and press his body flush with hers.

he works his mouth along her jaw and mumbles, “but we’ve only just started having fun.”

he can feel her relax against his ministrations, fight the urge to leave. she wants to stay, he knows that. why wouldn’t she? their arrangement is new and exciting, each moment a new opportunity to discover what makes the other tick. thus far, he knows she likes to dabble in gardening and running. she prefers opal over diamonds and shoes over handbags. she’s as luxurious as she is grounded, but she knows what she wants, and she isn’t afraid to go after it. he likes that assuredness. it’s part of why their arrangement works. she’s not looking for anything other than pampering and a roll in the hay, and he can give that to her in heaps, but not much else. his heart is far too guarded after all these lonely years to really hope in anything more.  

still, she’s a hell of a good romp, and he’d rather spend the evening in with her than attend the blasted party freddie planned for—what was it?—the arrival of spring.

“john, please.” she pushes on his chest with the palms of her hands and lifts her brows. “i’ve got this gig, and if i’m late the conductor will flay me alive. you wouldn’t want that, would you?”

he considers, tilting his head to the side. “i’d rather be the one to flay you but—”

aghast, she hits his chest, though bell-like laughter belies her amusement. “john!”

finally, he releases his hold and moves to hold open the front door. “fine. if you must leave me...” he swings his arm toward the crowded street outside.

she grabs her handbag from the catch-all table beside the door. “i’ll ring you in a few days, alright?” she hesitates on the front stoop, her eyes roaming over his face, lower lip between her teeth. she looks... guilty, and he knows why.

“[y/n], we’ve talked about this. i’m fine with it.” he waves to the street. “go on. you shouldn’t be late.”

the worry on her face eases, and she releases a breath. pressing her lips to her finger tips, she waves, manicured nails wiggling in the air. “thanks, love.” she’s already half-way down the steps and to the curb when she looks over her shoulder and says, “i’ll call you!”

nodding, john waves once more then shuts the door with a gentle shake of his head. 

he has his rules for this set-up. 

his number one requirement? don’t ask about queen. he doesn’t like to talk about it, not with her. that’s too intimate, and their relationship is strictly physical. in the six months they’ve been together, they’ve done little more than fuck and smoke cigarettes afterwards and laugh about inconsequential things. they are not dating, not even friends with benefits. there’s a clear line—almost professional—that neither is willing to cross, and he likes that. she makes him feel good, spoils him with attention and fluttering eyelashes, and he pays her rent and buys her expensive things. there’s no need for her to know about his life outside their moments together, and there’s certainly no need for his life outside their moments together to know about her.

like him, she has her own rules for the set-up.

her number one stipulation? no kissing. when she first laid out her terms and conditions for the arrangement, he hadn’t been expecting that. it struck him as odd originally, but the more he’s gotten to know her, the more is makes sense. she’s a professional through and through, both in her singing career and in her pleasure arrangements. for her, kissing is too intimate like talking about queen is too personal for him.

it works. they work. he’s happy, and he thinks she is too. it’s nice to have someone to spoil, someone to hold. it’s been a long time since anyone ever—

he rids himself of the melancholy and starts up the stairs. no reason to mull over it now, not with her at his relative beck and call. 

the party fred has planned for the evening is scheduled to take place at the ritz hotel. it’s the most unreasonable thing john has ever heard of—a party for the beginning of spring—but it’s freddie’s own money, and john doesn’t have the luxury of not showing up. so, he showers, dresses in a tailored suit and tie, and washes down his dread with a shot of scotch before leaving his darkened flat. 

it’s not that he doesn’t like parties. it’s just that he doesn’t like parties where he hasn’t got anyone to be his buffer, and he hasn’t had a buffer for a very long time. she couldn’t very well be his buffer. people would ask questions—fred would ask questions—and the entire thing would fall apart before it even got started.

no, he’d go to the party alone tonight. maybe he’d call her after or wait until the morning. they could go to that little shop on the corner. he knows she’s been eyeing a pair of earrings and—

“mr. deacon?” he���s pulled from this thoughts by the driver. “we’re here, sir.”

john mumbles his thanks and slides from the car. bright and flashing lightbulbs greet him, and he manages a pinched smile for the photographers. a sigh wells within him, but he pushes it down. it’s going to be a long night.

the ballroom set aside for freddie’s party is magnificent, john will concede that. the whitewashes walls are draped in faux-ivy and fresh flowers. the crystal glasses and china plates on linen-covered tables sparkle beneath the light of the chandelier overhead. a golden statue of a woman, twisting to look over her head at trumpeting cherubs, is ensconced in the wall, but fitting for the evening’s theme. at the far end of the room, a wall of frosted mirrors towers over a small orchestra playing to a lilting, classical tune. 

“oh, deaky, i’m so glad you’re here!” ever the man of the hour, freddie meanders through the tight crowd waiting to be seated at their dinner table to pull on john’s arm. “come on, we’re sat near the orchestra.”

john takes freddie’s offering of a champagne flute. he doesn’t normally like champagne, but he’s desperate for anything to take the edge off his sour mood. he feels stiff in his suit, and aside from fred, he hasn’t seen anyone he knows yet. 

“the place looks—”

“smashing, right?” freddie beams and points to an empty chair at the circular table. john drops beside roger and tries not let the fact that there was only a sole chair saved for him be a bother. it shouldn’t bother him, really. it’s just been him for a long time.

“here.” roger hands john a stiffer drink. “it starts to get fun when you’re a little buzzed.” he slings his arm around dominique’s chair and looks over his shoulder, returning to conversation with his partner and jim.

john remains quiet for some time. freddie is the perfect host, darting from table to table in his white coattails, laughing and smiling and kissing the back of any hand he can grab. he is in his element. roger, too, seems at ease. he likes the lavish lifestyle, and any party that is dripping in jewels and rich wine and expensive food is good enough for roger. even brian, who once was so awkward and gangly, leans back in his seat and chats with someone who looks much smarter than john and much more eloquent than anyone else at the table. 

not for the first time, john shifts in his seat, uncomfortable. he doesn’t have a buffer. he could really use a buffer—or a smoke.

he’s about to excuse himself for a cigarette break when freddie steps to one of the two microphones in front of the orchestra. he taps on it, and a sharp boom followed by a squeak fills the room. john leans back, close as he is to the speaker, and cringes.

“oop, sorry about that, dears. well, don’t you all look marvelous from up here? really, never seen such a group of attractive people.” after a smattering of laughter, freddie continues, “i want to thank you all for coming tonight. i know this isn’t some of your scenes—mostly you, roger.” 

more laughter; john just takes another sip of gin. 

“before dinner is served, i have a little treat. to accompany our lovely orchestra, we have two singers here to bless us with their fabulous voices. please give a warm welcome to iona buckley and [y/n] [y/l/n]. now, i’ll get my fanny off the stage to let them work their magic.”

fred slips the microphone back into its stand and scurries to the table, clapping along with the rest of the audience. well, the rest of the audience save john. his hands are occupied with gripping onto the edge of the table for fear he will fall out of his seat in shock.

trailing behind her duet partner, she takes her place behind the first microphone, the one closest to john. she—his paramour, his lover, his baby. she looks radiant, like one of the roses in the table centerpieces. her red satin gown is simple, the straps thin and back open. he swallows hard as his eyes trail to the necklace resting on her sternum. he bought her that. it was his first gift, and there she is standing not twenty feet from him, wearing it, and not a soul knows how he took her in the shower his afternoon. 

john doesn’t catch her eye before the orchestra begins to play but surely she knows he’s there. is her heart in her throat like his heart is in his? are her palms sweating? he twists to grab his drink, needing something tangible to curl his hand around lest he clench his fist to his chest like a damsel in distress. as his back is turned, she begins to sing.

he’s never heard her sing, and the clear, soprano voice that flows from her throat is not what he expected. when she told him she was a singer, that she regularly sang at different gigs, he assumed she must be one of those bar singers floating from venue to venue. never this, never this. he doesn’t understand a word that she sings, but he thinks she must be singing about love. her face is soft, devoid of any worries or cares. for her, the only thing that seems to exist are the words flowing from her mouth and filling his ears. she sings with ease, even the highest and strongest of notes. like the back of her hand, she follows the melody, the roll of the foreign tongue, and the timing of the conductor’s wand. john doesn’t even realize the song is a duet until she pauses, allows a moment for her partner to shine. in that brief pause, her eyes flick to him, and her smile widens. he loses his breath. then she’s back in the spotlight, easily shining over her partner with the clarity and force of her voice. 

tears prick the corners of john’s eyes, and he bites hard on the end of his tongue. fuck—she could be the ruin of him. he’d let her ruin him too—happily.

the party-goers sit enraptured by the singers, by her. even roger has shut his mouth, his eyes wide with interest. john has to hand it to freddie: he’s outdone himself. the decor and the setting and the song—john can practically feel the warmth of spring curl around his frozen heart, and it’s all because of her and her voice. he could listen to it forever; he could listen to this song forever and nothing else.

but the song winds down, ending on the final note of her just voice echoing in the room. there is a moment of expectant silence. john holds his breath, watches as she turns to hand the conductor something then glance over the crowd, glance at him. he starts the applause first, and he is the last to stop clapping, even after she’s taken her seat across the room.

“fuckin’ hell, they were good!” roger hits his palm against the table as dinner is brought out from the kitchens. he reaches over to squeeze john’s shoulder. “i thought deaky was gonna pass out.” 

freddie practically bounces in his chair with glee. “they’re divine! like angels!”

john nods without realizing he’s doing so. “m’yes, she is.”

“she?” roger laughs, tossing his head back. “got a crush there, john? ‘s okay. i wouldn’t blame you.”

john looks up sharply, but says nothing. maybe he does have a crush, as silly as the term is. he’s not fourteen. he’s nearly thirty-four. but, god, if she doesn’t make him sweat like a fourteen year old boy. god, if just the sight of her and the sound of her voice doesn’t send his blood pumping anywhere but his brain. it takes all his willpower not to stand up from the table, stalk across the room, and drag her into the hall. 

he manages to make light conversation with brian about some business related things throughout dinner. several different times, he feels her eyes on his back, and he’s reminded of what they did on his living room carpet two nights ago. he needs her badly, and he’s starting to worry he’ll need her in more ways than one sooner rather than later.

the orchestra strikes up more classical music as dinner ebbs into dessert, and couples begin to float on the cramped dance floor. john waits, biding his time until everyone is good and distracted before he slips across the room. 

she’s sitting alone, scribbling something down in a small, black notebook. before john can say her name, roger beats him to it, appearing as if from thin air. john clenches his jaw and resists the urge to deck his bandmate. she turns at the sound of her name and meets john’s eyes first. she stands and greets them both, accepting roger’s praise with a modest nod her head. 

“i think someone’s fancies you a little,” roger says, squeezing both of john’s shoulders this time. “never seen him so shocked as when you started to sing.”

john openly glares at roger. he shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels then meets her eyes. “you are very talented,” he says.

she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, looks away, as though bashful. “thank you, mr. deacon.”

“john,” he says—and his voice is throaty, deep.

she looks up, smiles, licks her lips.

“well, i can sense sexual tension as good as the rest of ‘em. i’ll leave you to it.” smirking, roger slinks away, surely reveling in the match he thinks he’s made.

john speaks first. “i didn’t realize this was your gig.”

she shrugs. “i didn’t want you to feel obligated to come.”

“i was obligated to come.”

“i didn’t want you coming for me.”

he hesitates. “i meant what i said: you are very talented.”

“thank you.” on a chuckle, she adds, “i’ll warn you next time if i’m to sing at another one of freddie’s parties.”

“after tonight? i’m sure you will sing at them all.”

they stare at one another, eyes searching, hands twitching. it’s all john can do not to grab her wrist and slam his mouth against hers. he wants to taste her, taste the mouth that can cast such a spell over anyone who hears her voice. he wants to claim that mouth as his before everyone, before the world.

but she has her rules, and he respects that.

“come with me,” he says and takes her wrist.

he leads her to a darkened hall near a coat room and, wasting no time, presses her against the wall. he latches his mouth to the exposed skin of her neck, sure that if he doesn’t kiss something—anything—he will go insane. his hands roam her curves, her back, her ass. likewise, she runs her hands along his back, his shoulders, his arms. she’s gasping, even though he is the one kissing and sucking her sweet skin.

“i thought—oh my god, don’t stop—i wasn’t sure if—if you would like seeing me here,” she confesses. her voice is thick, and it drives him wild.

he pulls away long enough to meet her eyes. “everyone is inside the party talking about you,” he says. he presses his palm against the side of her face, runs the pad of his thumb over her lip. “and i’m out here about to fuck you senseless. i’d say i liked seeing you up there.”

she laughs, and the sound is almost as nice as the sound of her singing. winding her arms around his neck, she draws him closer, pressing her hips against his. “why don’t you take me home, then?”

he doesn’t have to be told twice.

later, when she is asleep, naked beneath his sheets, he lights a cigarette. the embers glow in the darkness of his room, and he sighs. this time, he sighs in contentment. he reaches over to rub his hand along her back, feeling the ridges of her spine. she’s good for him, and so long as she’ll have him, he’ll be hers. even if this is all they are—a shag here, a present there—he’ll be happy. just so long as he can worship at her feet.

he’s got it bad. he knows that now. he’s on the verge of losing himself to her, and he doesn’t even mind. it just makes him smile into the night, happy for once not to go to bed alone.

[holmesapothecary]

'Schitt’s Creek' cast reflects on series' beloved characters, lamented end

The Rose family is all here, albeit in small rectangular windows on screens scattered across North America. Dan Levy is in his Los Angeles home with his rescue pup, Redmond. Annie Murphy connects from Toronto. Catherine O’Hara can’t get her video to work but then appears in all her glory from L.A. Eugene Levy is the last to join. Apparently his watch is 10 minutes slow — he holds it up to the camera as proof — prompting an eye roll from son, Dan.

“You could use your phone, you know?” he says, his tone of exasperated reproach instantly recognizable from the beloved television show the Levys created, the late, great “Schitt’s Creek.”

This quartet has done this kind of thing before, gathering with the show’s cast and crew to watch the “Schitt’s Creek’s” series finale on Zoom in April. It was a bittersweet evening. They were together, but, because of the COVID-19 pandemic, not in the same room, a celebration punctuated by laughter and a few tears — not all that different from the conversation today. Of late, almost every time this group unites, there are a couple of lump-in-the-throat moments amid the acerbic humor and good-natured ribbing.

“Here we go,” Eugene says after longtime friend O’Hara reacts with sympathy to an emotional story Dan tells about the final day of filming. “It never ends.”

Except it has. After six seasons and a journey that has taken the series from cult status to Emmy favorite, “Schitt’s Creek” has finished its run in a manner that few shows do — on its own terms, at the peak of its popularity and, perhaps, just a bit sooner than some of its cast members (and nearly all of its devoted fans) would prefer. When Dan Levy, who took over running “Schitt’s Creek” in its third season, laments ending the series just as many people began binge-watching it on Netflix during the COVID-19 quarantine, Murphy perks up.

“Being cooped up in my house for months has led me to write seven more seasons,” he says.

Finding their place

“Schitt’s Creek” premiered on the little-known Pop network in 2015 as a straightforward fish-out-of-water comedy about the wealthy Rose family — businessman Johnny (Eugene), soap actress Moira (O’Hara) and their adult children David (Dan) and Alexis (Murphy) — who lose their entire fortune, save for ownership of the isolated titular town once purchased as a gag. They relocate there, taking up residence in adjoining rooms at the shabby Rosebud Motel.

Initially, the show’s stories followed the Roses’ attempts to scrape some money together and restore some semblance of their old lives. But slowly, over the course of 80 episodes, the family discovers the small pleasures of community and a real love and understanding for one another.

The Roses’ perfectly paced journey of self-discovery, which included David meeting and, in the finale, marrying his fiance Patrick, imbued “Schitt’s Creek” with a warmth that deepened its connection with its audience. You could feel that appreciation not long ago when the cast toured the country with the “Schitt’s Creek: Up Close & Personal” evenings, gatherings that fostered such a sense of tribal belonging that, O’Hara says, “We almost didn’t need to be there.”

“There was a family thing going on in the audience, and we just got to have the love come our way,” she says.

The cast was scheduled to take a victory lap with a farewell tour this spring and summer. In fact, we spoke when they were supposed to be together in Los Angeles for an evening at the Orpheum Theatre. “I miss it,” O’Hara says. “Oh, how I miss the kindness that you’d feel radiating toward you on those nights.”

Planning for the end

But there’s a difference, Dan says, between communing with the fans and being beholden to them. One benefit from having the show fly under the radar for most of its run came with the timing of its conclusion. When “Schitt’s Creek” was renewed for two more seasons after its fourth year, Levy began charting the arc of its ending. The series had seen a bump in its viewership since Netflix began streaming it in January 2017. But it didn’t really start peaking until its fifth season, by which time Levy knew when and how he wanted to wrap up the show. And he had plotted it without worrying about satisfying audience expectations — though, of course, he hoped everyone would like it.

“It was important to make the show’s last episodes just feel like very great episodes and not feel bloated with a backlog of revelations that we need to quickly wrap up,” the younger Levy says. “To me, ‘Six Feet Under’ was one of the greatest finales ever made — fresh, unexpected, creative, emotional. It spoke to the format of the show in a way that was, ‘Of course, this is how it should end,’ and yet, as a viewer, it was the last thing you could have ever imagined.”

Levy did make one concession to fan service in the “Schitt’s” finale. He knew Moira’s ensemble would have to somehow top all the fabulous wigs and iconic couture that had come before. When O’Hara learned she would be officiating David’s wedding in the episode, she suggested a papal theme. That’s the only direction costume designer Debra Hanson needed. Moira wound up wearing a white Alexander McQueen gown, along with a gold chain belt and gold metallic gloves, her Botticelli-inspired hair wrapped around a hat that Pope Francis would bless.

“I will always remember Catherine walking on set for the first time in that garb,” Murphy says. “There was a long silence and then a collective intake of breath and then just slow applause from everyone on set.”

“I loved that the look could be what it was and not take the focus from the beautiful wedding,” O’Hara says. Levy nods. “It’s something to consider when you have a look like that,” he says. “But even though she was in knee-high gold Tom Ford boots,” and here O’Hara bursts out laughing at the image, “there was a calmness and softness about it that allowed it to sit in the background.”

Saying goodbye

Now that we know David and Patrick are married, Alexis is pursuing a career in New York, and Johnny and Moira are heading to Los Angeles so Moira can work on a soap opera reboot costarring Nicole Kidman (“I’m not sure I like the direction my career is heading, but I’d do anything with Moira,” Kidman says with a laugh over the phone from her Nashville home), it would seem the story is over. But Dan, who has a three-year deal with ABC, does remain open to revisiting the characters.

“The hardest thing for me these past few years,” Eugene interjects, “was just to kind of walk in and pretend it’s just another day at work without going up to everyone on set and saying, ‘What do you think about the work this kid is doing?’ It’s been a very rewarding experience for me.”

“And I understand people are sad it’s over,” he continues. “I’m sad too. For the past few years, people have been looking for something to pick them up a little, and they’ve gravitated toward this show as this tonic they could go to for a half-hour and forget what was happening in the world.”

Eugene pauses. “When you think about it, the fact that it went out (during) a pandemic seems almost apropos in a way. People couldn’t feel any worse, and here’s our show going out.”

(X)

[schrijverr]

'Till Death Do Us Part

Part 9 out of 13

When Alex has to bring Philip to work, he and Thomas discover that they both have something in common: they lost their love. They form an unexpected bond and connection about this that grows into something more.

A medium burn with parental feelings about Philip and flowers.

On AO3.

Ships: Jamilton

Warnings: very brief death mention

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 9: Ambrosia Means ‘Love Returned’

Alex woke up to Philip shaking him, he mumbled something and turned over in an attempt to get away from the waking hands. He hid against the warmth at his other side, faintly aware that the heat in question was Thomas.

“Papa,” a little voice called out.

“Wha?” he groaned groggily.

From the other side came a chuckle, then Thomas rich early morning voice came: “Hey, Pip, maybe let your Papa sleep a bit more. What do you need?”

“I’m hungry,” there was a pout in Phillips voice and Alex knew he would have to get up to feed his kid. He couldn't just ignore him if he was hungry, bored was another story, but hungry…

“Then I’ll make you some pancakes, kiddo,” Thomas voice was a savior.

“Really?” Philip asked, Alex usually didn’t make pancakes and they were a treat that Philip treasured.

“Yeah, really, I’ll be there in a sec,” Thomas promised and Alex heard Philip leave the room. He shifted and an arm came to drape over him then a kiss on his forehead. He snuggled closer to Thomas, who chuckled: “I have to go, you just sleep a bit more, okay?”

“Y’re a h’ro,” Alex mumbled, faintly hearing more laughter as he drifted away again along with the sounds of someone getting dressed.

When he awoke again, it was to Thomas gently shaking him and soft saying: “Hey, darlin’, I’m heading to Jemmy now, if you wanna get to Herc’s in time, you might need to consider getting up now.”

He blinked heavily, but opened his eyes, seeing Thomas’s crinkled eyes. He smiled back and sleepily said: “I’m up, I’m up.”

“I can see that,” Thomas grinned, pecking his nose then his lips, before getting up, “Have a good weekend and brush your teeth.”

Alex gave him a lazy thumbs up, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Slowly he made his way through his morning routine, happy to see Philip already dressed and well fed with a few left over pancakes for himself.

As he drank his second cup of coffee he spotted the flowers. A warmth flood through his body and he fished his phone out of is pocket to look up their meaning.

‘Declaration of love’

The world paused, but the words stayed unchanged. No matter how much he checked again, they remained bold and true.

Had Thomas not realized the relevance of the flowers? He’d said he’d seen them on his way back home, but he would have checked, just to be sure.

Right?

Neither of them had spoken those word out loud. Alex certainly felt them, but God, he was so scared of messing up on this first good thing since John’s death. He didn’t want to be the one to drive Thomas away by saying it first, but-

But what if Thomas felt the same?

What if this was his confession?

Thomas of all people understood why they were both so scared to say that they hadn’t, evenafter practically moving in together and caring for Philip together. Thomashad done that with only love and care.

Zero complaints.

Alex knew there was love in those actions. Love they both had allowed to be left unsaid, because saying it meant that it could be ripped away.

Maybe Thomas was ready to tell him, but didn’t want to give him that moment of pressure or face it if Alex wasn’t at that point. Maybe this was a tentative push to take a step both were ready for, while also being woefully unprepared.

God, what was he going to do?

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Philip who tugged on his sleeve and said: “Papa, you said we were leaving when the clock was at 11:15, it’s 11:10 now.”

“Ah, yeah, yeah,” he blinked and chugged his coffee, deciding that he would just ask Herc later today or in the evening when Philip was asleep.

When they got to Herc’s apartment he gathered Philip up in his arms and threw him in the air, catching him again and giving Alex a minor heart attack even though he had seen this go right many times before.

“How is my favorite nephew doing?” Herc asked Philip with a grin, “You doing okay at school, little man?”

“Uncle Herc!” Philip cheered, hugging Hercules tightly, before telling him that he was being very smart in his class and how he had very elaborated stories with his friends.

“That’s great, dude,” Herc smiled as he put him down, then he pulled Alex into a hug and asked: “And how have you been, man? Life treating you right? Thomas too?”

“Yeah he has, Herc,” Alex smiled into the other’s shoulder, relaxation washing over him in familiar and comforting arms. God, Herc gave the best hugs.

“Good to hear, good to hear,” Hercules nodded as he let them into the apartment.

Philip was delighted to visit his Uncle Herc again after he hadn’t been able to pick him up from school for a while due to the busy days. He spend most of his time breathlessly recalling everything his Uncle had missed, before pulling him into playing a story of his own making, which Herc in turn roped Alex in too.

It was a good day and Alex’s cheeks hurt from smiling by the time Herc was making them burgers for dinner.

“Really, what have you been up these past few days?” Alex asked, beer in hand and leaning against the counter while Philip busied himself with Lego's Herc had at his house for him.

“Been great, man,” Herc replied, “Taking advantage of the bit of freedom to play some games, you know. I’ve been helping out at the youth center too.”

“That’s so cool,” Alex nodded, “You seem happy.”

“I am, ‘Lexi, I am,” Herc agreed, “Never thought I’d make it this far, but look at me now.”

“I’m proud of you, Herc,” Alex told him, “You deserve all of this so much.”

“Come on, dude, no need to make me cry in my burgers,” Herc said in teasingly, but Alex felt the hint of truth in there, so he dropped it.

It was only after Herc – special request from Philip, who bluntly informed Alex that Herc had the coolest stories – had tucked Philip into the mattress on Herc’s floor that Alex brought up the flowers to him.

“So, what do you think?” he finished recounting his analysis of the flowers.

“I think that you’re overthinking it and you just need to go with your gut,” Herc told him.

“Yeah, but what if my gut is wrong?” Alex argued, “What if he really just saw them and thought it would be nice and now I’m making a mistake by telling him how I feel.”

“You can’t really go wrong by telling him how you feel, ‘Lex.”

“Yes, it can,” Alex protested, “Maybe he doesn’t feel the same or it’s too soon and everything will fall apart around me, I can’t have that. I’m not the one ruining it.”

“And maybe you ruin it by not engaging in it, Alexander. You can’t predict every outcome, but honesty is the best road. If he isn’t in this long haul, you better find out now, rather than later when both you and Pip are in too deep.”

Alex rubbed his forehead and groaned: “This is too fucking hard. I’m not made for this. Me and John worked. With him it was easy, I can’t do this. I can’t. I need to go.”

“No, you don’t.”

“But-”

“Alexander, listen to me and listen close, okay?”

Herc look at him intently and Alex nodded.

“Every since this between you and Thomas started you’ve been happier again. We all see it, okay. Even Burr commented on it when I was last picking up Pip after he played with Theo. If even Burr is willing to admit there is something, then there is something, okay?”

“I mean, I guess,” Alex knew he was right.

“You’re not giving this up just because you’re having a hard time with your emotions. And you don’t get to say that between you and John everything was always sunshine and rainbows, okay. I know you love him and that you remember the good stuff the most – and I want you too – but I had both of you on my couch plenty of times.”

“I know that, Herc, but with John I know how it ended. It had a happy ending – well, as happy as someone dying can be – with Thomas it’s just unknown. I don’t like not knowing things.”

“And that I know, ‘Lex,” Herc agreed, “But it’s pretty clear you both love each other, so saying it can only make you stronger. I promise you, it will be fine.”

“But what if it doesn’t?”

Herc took a deep breath and fought the urge to slap Alex and call him stupid. He knew what this all meant to him, but by God, was this just the height of dumbassery.

“You said it yourself that Thomas wouldn’t just buy the flowers without checking their meaning, he knows what he gave you,” Herc said, “You also know he knows you, he’ll know you will check too. If you don’t engage, he will think you don’t love him. And you do love him, right?”

“Yeah, I do, but-”

“Alex, my man, my dude, I am not sitting here and watching you get into some soap opera, romcom miscommunication plot line. I’m just not. I love you with my whole heart, but I am not watching that plot unfold,” and with that Herc had reached his stupid limit.

At Hercules’ outburst Alex paused and thought it over without mentally wantingto refute all of Herc’s points so that he wouldn’t have to face this.

“I’m stupid, you’re right,” he groaned, “Fuck, you’re right.”

“Thank you.”

“How will I tell him though?” Alex immediately found a new problem to stress about, making Herc roll his eyes fondly.

“Maybe just say: ‘Hey, love you’, like a normal person,” Herc shrugged, knowing Alex wouldn’t take his suggestion.

“No, I need to tell him he was a dick about telling me with flowers, because it made me stress about it all,” Alex shook his head, then his eyes lit up, “I’m gonna give him flowers too, put the ball back in his court. Ha, he should know who he’s playing against.”

“Drama queen, it’s not a game, you idiot.”

“Potey-to, potah-to,” Alex shrugged, waving his hand vaguely, “I’ll acknowledge the flowers he gave me, not say it outright, but imply it and based off his reaction words may or may not be spoken.”

“God, you’re an idiot,” Herc face palmed.

“But I am a genius idiot and you will put respect to that, Herc,” Alex grinned, with a plan in mind he could allow himself to relax again.

“Whatever, man,” Herc just told him, before pulling out a deck of cards, “Let’s just play some cards, alright? I still need you to tell me how you think frat boy khaki cargo shorts were okay.”

“They have pockets!”

“Not a good excuse,” he handed Alex the cars, “You deal.”

Alex shuffled and dealt the cards, letting Thomas drift out of his mind and focused on spending time with Herc.

The next day passed in quite a similar fashion and before Alex knew it he was driving to work on Monday morning with his own bouquet in the passenger seat.

He was feeling a bit jittery, but mostly excited to see Thomas again, it was crazy how quickly he’d gotten used to seeing him every day and how much he missed him in the past weekend. He quickly parked his car and walked into the building, happily noting that Thomas was already there.

Since he had to bring Philip to school from Herc’s house– the boy had pleaded and he hadn’t been able to say no – he was slightly later than normal, but this worked in his favor.

Walking down the hall, he took a deep breath in front of Thomas’s office, before throwing the door open and stating: “You cannot confess that to me in flower language and expect me to handle that in any way shape or form.”

Thomas startled loudly and clutched his chest as he processed the words and sight in front of him. Alex was holding out a bouquet of flowersthat Thomas recognized all too well, since he had studied flowers relating to love to form his own confession: ambrosia and moss rosebud.

He relaxed at the sight.

“I never pegged you to be the type to use someone’s own tricks against them, darling,” he smirked, leaning back in his chair.

He watched as Alex relaxed too and grinned: “Well, then you’ve underestimated how much of a petty bitch I can be, Jefferson.”

At that Thomas snorted and sighed: “Sometimes I wonder why I love you.”

It was the first time the words had been spoken out loud and both smiled instantly at them, even if they were meant to be a tease.

The atmosphere shifted and Alex put down the flowers before pulling Thomas in a hug and pecking his lips as he whispered against them: “Love you too.”

After a moment of quiet Alex whispered: “I missed you this weekend.”

“Missed you too.”

“Wanna come over tonight? Me and Pip are gonna make pasta.”

“I’d love that,” Thomas told the top of Alex’s head, which he was cradling gently. He just held Alex against him, not yet willing to let him go.

They just stood there for a long moment, until there was a knock on the door and both jumped apart, while Thomas called out: “Come in.”

“There you are,” the door opened to reveal Washington, who somehow managed to look both not amused at all, while at the same time very amused at their position.

“Sir,” Alex greeted, attempting casual. They weren’t doing anything improper, but he still felt like he should be guilty.

“You two were late for the meeting,” Washington informed them with a grin, “I think I can vouch for you, but I do need to be sure that we don’t have to have a conversation about office romance protocol.”

“Sir,” Alex squeaked.

While Thomas protested, mortified: “We weren’t-”

“I joke, I joke,” Washington assured them, “Come on, I have some documents you can pretend to carry, no one will ask. I know you two well enough to feel safe leaving you by yourself in a room at work,” there was a slight warning there and both nodded quickly.

As they walked behind Washington, Thomas hissed: “That was the most awkward thing ever and I’m blaming you.”

“Me? Why me? You were the one doing the hugging.”

“And you were the one with the flowers.”

“You started it.”

“I didn’t do it at work.”

“Oh please, you would have shit your pants if I hadn’t said anything all day.”

“True. Love you.”

There was a pause, then a sigh: “Love you too.”

They entered the meeting with happy matching grins and a lot of paperwork. It was crazy how they had confessed their love moments before and they were now yelling at each other about whether or not they should start a branch in France.

Alex grinned and looked Thomas straight in the eyes as he refuted his best argument with a bit of company policy he had dug up from God knows where. He saw Thomas scowl, before rolling his eyes and smirking back.

As Thomas walked by on his way out, he stopped by to say: “You’re a fucking scoundrel and I will refute you next time, dick.”

“Love to see you try, Tommy,” Alex replied, “Wanna get lunch?”

“Hell yeah, I do.”

They ate lunch together, but after that the day moved pretty quickly and when Thomas got home to Alex and Philip in the kitchen with Alex attempting to teach Philip to make pasta, he hadn’t seen him all day.

Thomas stopped in the doorway and watched the two for a while. Alex was standing behind Philip at the counter, guiding his hand with a knife as they cut a few tomatoes.

After a few moments of watching, Alex looked up and spotted him. He raised a brow: “How long have you been lurking there, creeper?”

“Long enough to fully appreciate the view,” he smiled back.

“Uncle Thomas!” Philip called out, “Papa is teaching me how to cook!”

“I can see that, kiddo. Next time I have to cook, I know who to call to do it for me,” Thomas told him.

Philip looked incredibly proud of himself as he nodded: “I will be the best cook.”

“Well, Mr. Master Chef, don’t you think you need to watch where you put the knife?” Alex intercepted the little hand that was about to start waving the big knife around.

“Ah, yes, Papa,” Philip said apologetically.

“No problem, buddy, just be careful around the sharp objects,” Alex ruffled his hair.

In that time, Thomas had walked over and kissed both on their forehead. He told Alex: “Hey, your afternoon okay?”

“Yeah, it’s been, you know, emails and stuff.”

“God, do I know,” Thomas grimaced in sympathy, “How ‘bout you, Pip?”

“It was good, we did crafts today,” Philip informed him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, we had lots of glitter. Me and Theo made a glitter-man together,” Philip said excitedly, “We named him George and he came to life and started to chase us and I got shot, but it was okay because Theo brought me back to life with a paper confetti spell.”

“Oh wow,” Thomas said, feeling bad for Ms. Dolley, who likely had been the one to clean that up.

After dinner Philip played a bit more until bed time, not that Philip really wanted to go to bed when Alex announced it. “But Papa, I still need to charge the castle,” he pouted.

“The castle will still be there in the morning, Pip,” Alex told him, “Besides, castle sieges are best done in the morning, when then troops are well rested and the guards tired.”

Philip looked between his toys and his Papa, then protested: “But all the troops are already in place, calling it off would give away their position.”

Alex sighed and rubbed his brow. He hated having to be stern to Pip, but he had already been so lenient the weekend at Herc’s, so he really couldn't let him get away with it if he wanted to have a bit of credibility later.

“That sucks, buddy. I know you wanna keep playing, but you need to go to sleep,” he squatted next to Pip, “You have school tomorrow and it’s already late. There are a few rules and I made them with your well being in mind, so I’m sorry, but it’s bedtime now.”

It looked as if Philip was on the fence and just needed a small push, so Thomas interjected: “We can read another chapter of the Ranger Apprentice.”

At that Philip lit up and he started to put his toys away, while Alex mouthed to Thomas: “Thank you.”

Thomas got off the couch and asked: “Do you want me to tuck him in?”

“Would you do that?” Alex asked, “Sorry, the whole weekend was busy, fun but busy, and today Adams came by my office and I’m just tired.”

“Hey, no problem, love you.”

“Love you too.”

Both were so excited about saying it and Thomas couldn't help but kiss Alex, before turning to Philip and clapping his hands: “Okay, let’s get this show on the road, wanna race to the bathroom?” and with that they were off while Alex collapsed on the couch.

After an hour Thomas came back and plopped down next to Alex and said: “Your child is just as manipulative as you.”

“What did he get you to do?” Alex asked with an amused look.

“We read two chapter, because it ended on a cliffhanger and he knows I’m invested too and he has pleading eyes and I feel like he’s aware of it,” Thomas pouted.

Alex laughed and draped himself over Thomas, saying: “I will claim no responsibility for that, he has Johns eyes.” “God, then I get why you got with him,” Thomas informed him, making Alex giggle, then Thomas added, “But he definitely has your people reading skills and he knows when to use them.”

“Yeah probably,” Alex agreed, sounding proud.

“He’s also going to use that against you, you realize that, right?” Thomas asked him, when he heard the tone.

“Oh, he already does,” Alex grinned, “I just have to learn to tell him no or hope he will listen to reason and agree with me.”

“Oh my God,” Thomas snorted.

“You know you love me,” Alex singsonged.

“Sadly.”

“Rude.”

They fell quiet for a moment, then Thomas asked: “Wanna talk about Adams coming by your office, you didn’t say before, but you sounded stressed.”

“Nah, he was just being a dick, the usual,” Alex shrugged.

“I’m gonna punch him.”

“Please don’t, I’ve had enough awkward conversations with Washington about you for the rest of my life.”

“Enough?” Thomas sounded curious, “Was one enough?”

Alex blushed: “I’ve had two more.”

“Really?” there was an unnecessary amount of glee in Thomas’s voice in Alex’s opinion.

“Yeah, when I came over to you the first time, he was like ‘You and Thomas!?!?’ with a lot of suggestiveness and I had to be ‘oh, no sir, not like that,’ but then a while later it was like that and he did the eyebrow thing and said ‘I thought it wasn’t like that?’ and then I had to come back on my word. So yeah, awkward. I think he even gave me a shovel talk, but for both of us.”

Thomas laughed at him and Alex pouted: “You’re being a meanie.”

“Sorry, darlin’, still love you.”

“Yeah, love you too,” Alex said, it was quiet for a beat, then Alex asked: “What made you decide on now?”

“What?”

“I mean, why did you get the flowers now? Was there a reason?”

Thomas paused and thought about it, then said: “Uhm, picking up Philip from school, actually. The- the teacher referred to me as his parent and-”

“Oh, God, I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her that, if you’re uncomf-”

“Alex, how many times do I have to say that I don’t mind taking care of Pip. I enjoy hanging out with him, he’s a good kid and I don’t mind,” Thomas assured him.

“But-”

“No, buts,” he said sternly, “As I was going to say, after that I realized how much you two had made yourself at home in my heart and I didn’t really wanna loose that because I was too scared to tell you how much I love you.”

It was quiet for a moment and Thomas waited anxiously for Alex’s reply to his confession. Then softly Alex said: “Well, I’m glad you did.”

Relief washed over Thomas and he smiled, pulling Alex against his chest to that he could kiss him on the forehead. He replied: “Yeah, me too,” then he was reminded of his mostrecent call with his mother, which had increased after his birthday, and he added: “I did have another motivethough.”

Alex quirked a brow: “Really? Do enlighten me.”

“Well, my Ma has been nagging me a bit, she does it lovingly and embarrassingly,” Thomas said, “Since she has issued an invitation to you and Philip to come to Monticello with me over the summer and I promised her I’d ask you, but I didn’t.”

“So, telling me you loved me was your response?” Alex asked, curiously while also amused.

“I mean, based on your reaction to said declaration, it would be less scary to ask you to come,” Thomas shrugged.

“You- you want us to come?” Alex sounded insecure.

“Of course I’d want that, I just didn’t know if you would and I didn’t want to force you to come if you didn’t. My family can themselvesand there’s a fat chance at least one of my sisters, probably Mary,will be there and you’ll be interrogated by Ma, which is not only scary, but also embarrassing. Well, mostly for me, the embarrassment that is,” Thomas rambled.

“I’d love to go and I’m sure Pip would too,” Alex cut him off.

“You- you’re sure?” Thomas double checked.

“Yeah, I want to see baby pictures of you and hear embarrassing stories, that sounds great,” Alex grinned.

Thomas pushed him lightly: “Shut up. Ma is going to give you way too much food, I hope your know that.”

Alex’s eyes shone and he said: “Actually, I don’t mind, so ha, suck it.”

“Idiot,” Thomas told him fondly.

“It’s your idiot, idiot,” Alex grinned back.

After a beat Thomas said: “If you don’t wanna go or back you’ll tell me, right?”

“I will, promise,” Alex promised, “Don’t stress about it, I’ve heard you wax too much poetry about the Virginian countryside not to be curious.”

“Only if you’re sue.”

“I’ll ask Pip tomorrow, if he’s in, you can tell your mom.”

“Your not nervous at all?”

“If you want me to say no, you can.”

“No, no, no, I want you to come, but usually people find meeting parents a big deal and you are being very chill about it.”

“Ah, well, I guess it can never be as bad as when I met John’s parents, which was subsequently also the last time I eversaw them, and from what you told me about your mom, she sounds like a lovely lady and I think we can get along.”

“What happened when you met John’s parents? It sounds like there’s a story there.”

“Oef, that is a story and a half. Remember why they’re not in Pip’s life anymore?”

“Homophobic, transphobic assholes,” Thomas recalled, before going: “Ahh, I see.”

“Yeah, let’s just say that they didn’t appreciate me being the Alex John had told them about,” Alex said, “They hadn’t picked up on the gender neutral language and had decided that Alex could be a girl’s name, so that was a jikes.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“Oh, no you can’t, my meeting them lasted twenty minutes, then me and John got a hotel,” Alex recounted, “We stayed in town just long enough for me to meet a few of his cool siblings before we left. Haven’t seen them since. It had been the last straw for John, so I respect that. I don’t even know if they’re aware of Philip’s existence.”

“Wow, that- that sure is something.”

Alex laughed at Thomas’s response: “Yeah, it is. Not really my go to party story, I gotta say,” Thomas snorted and Alex send him a pleading smile andsaid, “So, Designated Survivor? I wanna know what happens.”

Thomas looked and said: “And you say he got it all from John. But sure, I’m curious too.”

“Fuck yeah,” Alex went to set it up, “And don’t bash tested methods.”

“Dork.”

“Love you too.”

The next morning Alex was sipping coffee still in his pajamas while Philip ate his breakfast. Thomas came in, clothed for the day and freshly showered. He kissed Alex and said: “Love you, sleep well?”

“Hmm, yeah, love you too,” Alex hummed back, “You?”

“Yeah, good,” Thomas was a bit more awake, but not overly so, “How ‘bout you, kiddo? Have a good night?”

Philip studied the two of them, before he nodded: “I fought a dinosaur, but then he was nice and we were friends and explored, before we turned into eagles and became kings of a floating castle.”

“How nice.”

With Thomas there, Alex left Philip to shower and dress himself. It was relaxing how he could now do that after waking Philip up instead of having to do it way too early in the morning every day. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Philip on his own, but just to be sure.

When he came back it was rushing out the door. Thomas off to work while Alex drove Philip to school.

While they were in the car, Philip asked: “You said you love each other yesterday and this morning.”

“Astute observation,” Alex nodded, then glanced at Pip in the rear view mirror, “Means, well spotted,” he clarified, “Me and Thomas do love each other, we just started saying it now.”

“Why now?”

“Because it was all very new and now we both felt comfortable with it.”

“Didn’t you love each other before that?”

“We did, but sometimes we don’t say it yet,” Alex tried to think of an example, “Uhm, you know when you and Theo became friends, did you immediately say you were best friends?”

Philip thought about that, then shook his head: “No.”

“And why was that?”

“Because I didn’t know her long enough to be her best friend, but one day I felt I was and she was too and now were bestest friends.”

“Well, this was kind of like that for me and Thomas with saying ‘I love you,’” Alex explained.

“So you and Uncle Thomas are best friends?”

“A bit more than that buddy, think more like Auntie Eliza and Auntie Maria, but then a bit newer.” Alex said and Philip hummed thoughtfully then nodded in understanding.

They drove in silence for a bit more, then Alex said: “There was actually something I wanted to ask you, is that okay?”

“Yes, what is it, Papa?” Philip looked at him curiously.

“Well, Thomas invited us to come to Monticello in the summer break, would you like that?”

“What’s Mothello?”

“Monticello,” Alex corrected, “And it’s where he grew up, so we’ll be staying with his mother and maybe a few of his siblings. It might be more people you don’t know than you’re used to, so if you think it’s too scary we don’t have to go, alright. Just be honest with me.”

“Is his mom kind of like my grandma? Like Grandma Martha?” Philip asked.

Alex really hoped he wasn’t overstepping too much, when he answered: “In a way, I guess so, buddy,” it wasn’t as if the Schuyler parents hadn’t taken a liking to him as well. If it got too far he could fall back on that example, not pushing Thomas to be a dad.

Though, fuck ifwouldn’t thatbe amazing.

Philip seemed satisfied with his answer, because he said: “I wanna go.”

“Alright, buddy,” Alex replied, “If you’re sure, but if you want to think about it more, now is the time to say so, because otherwise I’ll tell Thomas okay and then it’ll be harder to say no later.”

“I’m sure,” Philip said with conviction, so Alex believed him.

“Then that’s a plan,” Alex smiled, before parking in front of the school and getting out to unbuckle Pip and let him go.

Once Philip was ready to go, Alex asked: “Am I getting a kiss?”

Philip gave him a kiss and Alex gave one back, before wishing Philip a good day and waving him off, making sure to keep watching until he had reached the doors of the school safely. On his way to them he saw him meet up with Theodosia and he smiled as the two kids greeted each other.

A quick scan and he saw Burr himself, he waved and the other nodded back politely, before both got in their cars and drove to work.

Burr was more an acquaintance than a friend, but it was funny how they kept running into each other. First in the army, then at college, before seeing each other at work (Burr worked in Public Relations) and finally running into each other at their kid’s school.

At work they rode the lift together, Burr getting off first, with surprisingly little fighting between them, though that was mostly due to Burr’s stoic politeness than Alex’s lack of trying.

He walked into the office and to the break room where Thomas handed him a cup of coffee as he said: “You need to stop drinking that much coffee.”

“And I love you too,” Alex loved this new way of ending a discussion, “Philip is in, by the way. He seemed excited about it.”

“That’s good to hear, I’ll call Ma tonight.”

“Cool, what are you doing today?”

“Probably not much, why?”

“Oh, just wondered if you were up for dinner at my place?” Alex asked nonchalantly.

He had been doing this more and more, Thomas noticed. At first he hadn’t paid it much mind, because Alex usually had a good reason and it wasn’t until he had spend a full week there once that he had noticed it.

Thomas was more at Alex’s place than his own.

Not that he minded, he thought it was sweet and if Alex was willing to take the lead there, he would gladly take it. He smiled: “Sure, we ended on a cliffhanger.”

“Which we?” Alex teased, “You and Pip with Ranger’s Apprenticeor us with Designated Survivor?”

“Would both be an acceptable answer?”

“Dork,” Alex said, before walking away to his office.

“That’s your dork, Mister,” Thomas called after him.

As he turned into the hall, he made a pirouette type movement, in which he blew Thomas a kiss and replied: “I know, don’t forget to call your mom.”

From the chair Angelica broke her silence: “God, you two are sickeningly sweet.”

“Jealousy isn’t a good look, Angie,” Thomas stuck out his tongue.

Angie stuck hers out in retaliation, before saying: “We need to catch up soon, okay? I’m thinking lunch and I want details, but now I have work to do. And so do you, don’t think I’ve forgotten that you still need to send me those files.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Thomas saluted and quickly sped off, not wanting to face Angelica’s wrath.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N:

I am incapable of writing a miscommunication plot lines, just because I get too much second hand embarrassment from it. So, I shall acknowledge what could have happened and not do it, bc I will hurt my own feelings, lmao

Btw: “pirouette type movement” → think ‘water tribe’ from ATLA

The bouquet was ambrosia and moss rosebud, because ambrosia alone is boring, since it doesn’t have flowers. Moss rosebud means confession of love.

[alixanonymous]

Things That Got Me Through 2020: A Long List Of Random Recommendations

Hi! 2020 was awful but throughout it I found a lot of amazing things to get me through it. So just in case things get tough some times in 2021, here’s some wonderful distractions, amazing stories, and things that I just loved in general. Hope you enjoy any that you give a try! Also, I always love new suggestions if anyone has any!

BOOKS (Or actually just one book because I did not read nearly as much as I though I did)

- The Martian By Andy Weir (Sounds like it would be really depressing, actually one of the funniest books I’ve ever read! Can’t recommend more.)

WEBCOMICS (What a great year to discover WebToons I tell you)

- Lore Olympus By Rachel Smythe (Worth the hype in my opinion!)

- Let’s Play By Mongie (I enjoyed this much more than I could’ve imagined, my romance loving self squealed when reading certain parts.)

- SubZero By JunePurr (Amazing balance between romance and plot.)

- The Remarried Empress By Alphatart/Sumpul (Reads like a soap-opera, main character is my favorite type of female protagonist, smart, confident, and not ashamed of it, love interest is adorably infatuated and I live for it.)

- In the Bleak Midwinter; By Kat/Ali (I got sucked into this one. The world building is great, the world itself is so interest and I loved the premise.)

ANIMATED SHOWS (20 minute episodes came in clutch this year with my short attention span due to anxiety)

- The Dragon Prince (If you like animated series at all, you’ll like this I think.)

- RWBY (Season 1 is good, Seasons 2-3 are pretty great, 4-5 were not my favorites by any means, 6 is pretty good, Season 7 was sooo good!)

- Ever After High (Thanks @raesofmoonlight for the recommendation! Possibly the best character design I’ve ever seen. Watch it if you can!)

- Avatar: The Last Airbender (Zuko alone is worth watching the show, add in all the others, the world building, the humor, the writing, just watch it already if you haven’t yet.)

- DC Superhero Girls (Sometimes I think about this show’s version of Bruce Wayne and start cracking up.)

LIVE ACTION SHOWS (I’ve been so caught up in animated shows since March I forgot I watched some really good live action ones till right now)

- Galavant (A medieval musical. Pretty short episodes, hilariously silly, my favorite way to lose twenty minutes of my life at a time. If you’re not sold yet, how about this: They started the second season by singing a song about how they didn’t think they’d get a second season.)

- Anne With An E (Gilbert Blythe owns my heart and soul and wow the show is so much better than the typical teen dramas. Love the historical aspect too!)

- Jane The Virgin (I got so attach to this show’s character my goodness. Top tier writing I think.)

- The Umbrella Academy (This show is so freaking addicting. It’s never what I expect it to be and I love that. I love the music, I love the action scenes, I love the characters. Watching the second season now, wow the characters make you feel for them. )

MOVIES (I’ve never watched so many movies as I did this year so here are my favorites, although half are DC animated ones so sorry if that’s not your thing)

- The Martian (One of the best book to movie adaptations I’ve ever seen, Matt Damon was the perfect person to play Mark Watney. )

- The Entire DC Animated Movie Universe (My favorites are Justice League: War, Son of Batman, Batman v.s. Robin, Justice Leagus v.s. Teen Titans, Reign Of The Supermen, Justice League: Dark Apokolips War but I think it’s worth just watching them all in order. The characters are all so great. Most of them have amazing team dynamics.)

- Batman: Under The Red Hood (If you like Batman, you’ll probably like this movie or maybe you’ll hate how emotional it makes you either way.)

- Miss Americana (This is the Taylor Swift documentary. I actually just discovered how much I love her music and I found this to be super fascinating in showcasing how the media portrays female entertainers.)

MUSIC (I have this horrible feat or people judging my musical taste so if you do please do it silently)

- Taylor Swift (This year has really just been non-stop Taylor Swift for me. Her albums Folklore and Evermore in particular helped me come to terms and cope with 2020 as a whole.)

- Hamilton: An American Musical (I’m not even going to bother to sell this one, there’s no need to.)

- The Little Mermaid: The Musical (I like fairy tales okay and Alan Menken is a musical genius and I will fight anyone who’s says otherwise.)

YOUTUBE (This definitely needed it’s own category)

- Philip DeFranco (I got really overwhelmed with all the news this year so most days I decided to just watch his twenty minute show everyday and it really helped. Just a good way to keep up to date without getting overwhelmed.)

- Technoblade (Okay, real talk: MCYT took over my life since I discovered it in August. I could make a whole separate list of all my favorite minecraft youtubers but I decided to just put my favorite, the Blood God himself. You might consider it a sign of the times that my family and I watched The Potato War saga on the television on Thanksgiving. Highly recommend his whole Hypixel Skyblock series or just his Skywars Solos or everything he does actually.)

- BuzzFeed Unsolved (Great way to get a good laugh in and also learn about creepy cold cases and also aliens. The two host, Shane and Ryan are the best. Ghost in general are fun.)

- Tingting ASMR (Shoot! I almost forgot! A large portion of my sleep last year was due to this woman. I’m not really one for ASMR myself, I don’t really love whispering in general but I really love her approach and I find it super calming!)

Okay! I think that’s it. I hope some of these things bring some of you joy or peace. Please give me any suggestions you have. I am always open to recommendations. Happy New Year everyone!

[alj4890]

Delicate

(Olivia Nevarkis x Ethan Ramsey) (Olivia Nevarkis x Drake Walker) in a Choices The Royal Romance/Open Heart Crossover crack series.

A/N The story continues with their first date. Ethan remembers a night where he was ready to admit that he was attracted to Olivia. And during another date, Olivia gets a surprise from Cordonia. 

@jooous​ @krsnlove​ @nomadics-stuff​  @twinkleallnight​ @motorcitymademadame​

Masterlist

Part 2

Bistro Du Midi, Boston...

Ethan couldn't recall the last time he enjoyed a meal more than he was this one with Olivia. Though they had shared a number of meals the last few months at the hospital, something about this one seemed, well, more.

He knew it had to be because he had been honest with her in what he wanted. And surprisingly, she wanted the same.

A chance to be together.

While she was relating a story from one of her adventures with her friends in Cordonia, he studied her closely. Her red hair was down, making he yearn to run his fingers through it. Her emerald eyes lacked the suspicious edge he had witnessed directed at people she didn't know well. He loved that he had watched it slowly fade with each coffee date they had.

They were dates, he thought to himself. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I went from using them to find out her true mission for the hospital to wanting to discover everything I could about her. Be near her. Have her undivided attention.

He prided himself on not simply falling for a pretty face.

Olivia is gorgeous.

He required more from people, like intelligence and steadfastness.

She is as sharp as those daggers she always has on her. Her ability to understand the complexities of not only medicine but also the trials I face both personally and professionally have left me astounded. For an outsider to step up and face my personal demons head on, without flinching, without wavering...how did I not notice it sooner?

************

The Royal Palace, Cordonia...

Drake paused on the way to his chambers when he overheard Riley say Olivia's name.

"Hana said that Olivia is wearing one of the dresses for her date tonight."

"So the suspicions you all have had are true?" Drake could hear the teasing in Liam's tone. "She and Dr. Ramsey have fallen for one another?"

"Working together allowed them to discover that there are some sparks worth exploring." Riley giggled. "I can't wait to meet him."

"If Olivia agreed to a date then it must be serious." Liam mused. "She wouldn't risk losing him to head the research hospital."

"You're right!" Riley exclaimed. "I thought Hana was joking about drawing up possible wedding gowns for Liv. No wonder she is looking ahead."

Drake staggered back.

This is why Maxwell suggested I go to Boston. He must have overheard Riley and Hana's conversation.

He headed to his room. He had some decisions to make.

*****************

Boston Opera House...

"Interesting choice." Olivia whispered as she read the title Turnadot on the program.

Ethan chuckled as he settled his arm along the back of her chair. "I thought you might think so."

She shook her head as a smile played about her lips. "I hope you aren't about to say that I'm anything like Turnadot."

"A cold woman who enjoys making men suffer with riddles, torture, and death until finally the right man comes along?" He winked at her. "Not at all."

She laughed softly, enjoying the lightheartedness she felt around him.

His fingers brushed her shoulder as he toyed with a lock of her hair. He found his attention couldn't remain on the opera. Seeing the contentment on his date's face held him captivated.

Ethan thought of the other times he had been unable to focus on anything other than her. There had been a few where her guard had dropped and he had seen a new side of the fiery duchess. One night in particular had caused him to realize his feelings for her had changed.

And he knew that it must have for her too...

**************

Two months ago, Edenbrook...

Olivia Nevarkis, report to the E.R. immediately.

"What on earth?" Olivia paused mid step on her way out of the lobby.

Why is someone paging me to the emergency room?

After two months at Edenbrook, she had learned every shortcut and exit.

Getting to the E. R. Was not a problem. Being called there like a member of the medical staff was the real mystery.

She scanned her I.D. and paused at the pandemonium that had erupted.

Her eyes immediately found Ethan at the center of the chaos as he gave orders to the ones working the graveyard shift.

She had never seen him in this type of situation before. Most of their time was spent walking down hallways or sitting in his office discussing aspects that she should present to Liam and the council with building a research hospital.

This was eye opening.

He's...he's impressive.

His blue eyes settled on her.

"Olivia, follow me." He ordered.

She quirked an eyebrow at not only his command but that he didn't bother checking to see if she was following him.

If she didn't know better, she would mistake him for a noble.

She hurried to catch up to him.

"What's happened?" She asked.

"There was a wreck on I-95." He explained. "Multiple cars involved."

Her brow furrowed with concern at the thought of using her nursing skills. "Are you shorthanded? Is that why you paged me?"

"In a way." He paused outside of a closed off section of the E. R. "I need you to sit with a child around five or six years old."

"What?" She blinked in surprise.

"Her parents were severely injured." He lowered his voice. "Both are in emergency surgery as we speak."

Olivia swallowed, averting her eyes. "I--I don't really have that much experience dealing--"

"Look around, Olivia." He motioned with his hand. "There is no one else right now."

She briefly closed her eyes. "Very well. Is she hurt?"

There was a  warm look of approval in his eyes that sent an unexpected fluttering in her stomach.

"Broken arm." He replied.

Olivia opened the door and preceded him.

She felt a jolt of déjà vu.

There sitting on the bed was a little girl with red hair.

Tears were running down her cheeks as she looked up at them.

"Kylie, this is Olivia." Ethan's deep voice was warm and friendly. "She is going to sit with you until your grandparents get here."

"What about Mommy and Daddy?" She sniffed.

"They are being taken care of." He told her. "In fact, I'm going to go see how they are and come back here to tell you." He lifted her arm that had a purple cast around it. "I'll make sure and tell your mom you picked her favorite color."

Olivia quietly observed as he helped calm the little girl down. He even caused her to giggle when he handed her a stuffed bear he had bought at the gift shop.

If only I had had someone like him when my parents died. To be given that kind of comfort during such uncertainty...

But Kylie's parents weren't dead. Nor were they traitors to their country, Olivia thought grimly.

Ethan turned to leave, pausing once more to look at the duchess.

"Olivia?"

She lifted her eyes to his.

He studied her quietly and gave a brief smile. "I'll be back."

Once the door shut, Olivia sat down in a chair by the bed.

Not knowing what to say, she hoped Kylie would rest or speak first.

"You have pretty hair." The little girl said.

Olivia reached up self consciously to smooth her hair. "Thank you." Her lips curved in a smile. "So do you."

"My daddy has red hair too." Kylie told her. "But he says his isn't pretty like mine."

Olivia nodded, unsure if she should agree or not.

"Does your daddy have red hair?" Kylie asked.

"No." Olivia grimaced at her harsh tone. Why her parents still brought this out in her irked her to no end. "He had brown hair."

"Oh." Kylie tilted her head. "Does your mommy have red hair?"

"Yes." Olivia lowered her eyes. "I used to love to brush it for her."

"I do too!" Kylie beamed at her. "But mine has yellow hair."

Olivia's forced smile disappeared when Kylie began to softly cry again.

"I wish mommy was here."

The duchess quickly rose to her feet unsure how to quiet these tears.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Olivia looked about the stark room. "Something to drink or--"

"I want my mommy." Kylie wailed, rubbing her eyes with her good arm.

Olivia sat down on the bed, intending to pat her back in sympathy.

Kylie instead crawled into her lap and nestled her head under Olivia's chin.

Momentarily shocked by this, the duchess lifted her arms a few times before gently hugging the little girl.

She spoke softly to her, reassuring her that her mother wanted to be here just as much.

She smoothed the red locks of hair off the damp cheeks, and rested her own cheek against the little head.

This type of pain she was well acquainted with. How often had she cried that very sentence into the darkness of her bedroom in Lythikos, just to have it unanswered?

Olivia silently prayed that this little girl would not suffer a similar fate. 

Something within her seemed to soften, almost break. It was as if that part of her heart that she had smothered through years of hardness cracked anew with each little tremble of the child in her arms.

Tears pricked her eyes when Kylie snuggled closer. The need to be held was something Olivia had tried to ignore most of her life. Holding this scared, tiny girl brought that feeling back, nearly causing her to cry out with her own anguish.

Ethan paused at the window on his way back in the room. His hard gaze softened at the sight of the fiery tempered duchess holding a sick child as if she was somehow dear to her.

He had suspected that she might have a tender side. He had caught glimpses of it throughout her stay. But tonight, he was able to witness it in full form. He especially noticed them whenever it was just the two of them, usually when their conversations turned from the hospital to more personal memories.

The few brief remarks followed by the stark despair in her eyes each time parents were mentioned had led him to believe she had not had a happy childhood. If it was anything like his own, then Olivia was a remarkable woman.

His own heart twinge at the thought of being abandoned by his mother. For years he had ignored it, repeating to himself that he had not needed her. Was he not one of the most sought after diagnosticians in the world?

Everything he had accomplished he had done without a mother or the need of one. His hardened heart had kept him focused. Driven. He prided himself by not feeling emotions that he considered a weakness in his line of work.

But something about the sight of Olivia holding Kylie touched his numb heart. It wasn't so much the sweetness of the moment, but rather that long ago despair being awakened. It was almost as if he had found someone who could truly understand his anger and hurt he had kept buried all these years.

"Excuse us. Are you Dr. Ramsey?"

He turned toward an older couple. "Yes."

"We were called about our daughter and family being in a car wreck." The man said.

Ethan quickly explained the injuries of the family of three. He reassured them that it looked well for their daughter and son-in-law.

"They are both in recovery." He told them. "Their surgeons were pleased with how everything went."

"And our granddaughter?" The woman asked.

He opened the door for them. "Right in here."

"Kylie!" Her grandmother wiped her eyes, smiling as the little girl held her arms out to her.

Olivia set her back on her bed, and silently made her escape.

Ethan excused himself, promising to keep them updated, and chased after the duchess.

He caught up with her when she stepped outside.

"Olivia?" He reached out and touched her back in concern.

She was struggling to take deep breaths.

"What is it--" his arms closed around her when she pulled him close.

Her head rested on his chest, eyes shut tight, as she tried to calm down.

His arms tightened around her when hers slid around his waist.

Neither was sure how long they stood like that. Not a word was spoken as they gave each other the comfort they so often denied themselves through the years.

There was something different about being held in Ethan's arms compared to the few times Drake had briefly embraced her. Perhaps it was simply that this wasn't occurring doing the heat of passion like her former lover's had been. Something though about this felt more intimate than all those other times before.

Eventually, Olivia stepped back. Her reluctance wasn’t lost on Ethan. He let his hands move to grasp hers, keeping her near.

"I'm...sorry." She lowered her eyes from his perceptive blue ones. "I don't know what came over me."

"No need to apologize." He squeezed her hands. "I..." He swallowed and looked down. "I needed a moment like that too."

Her head jerked up, eyes searching his face for any sign that he was merely saying that to make her feel less foolish. When she saw nothing but his own vulnerability at being caught needing a hug too, she relaxed.

He cleared his throat. "It's late. Why don't you let me drive you home?"

"Thank you." She noticed that neither of them was willing to let go of the other.

Ethan forced his fingers to slip away from hers. "I'll meet you in the lobby."

She watched him walk towards a set of elevators. His confident stride seemed less so as he turned to look at her once more.

For some reason, she felt like he needed her to give him some form of encouragement. Her lips curved somewhat into a half smile.

His own flashed before he disappeared in the elevator.

***************

Ethan knew in that moment that he was ready to admit at least to himself that he was falling for Olivia. He had been reluctant to suggest a date, but all that changed when he noticed that she seemed happier whenever he invited her out for coffee or lunch. Her smile came more easily. Her eyes had that sparkle that made it hard to look away. 

She had made him excited at taking a chance to see where this could go.

Now he intended that this date was the first of many nights spent together.

***************

Olivia’s heart raced when they finally were at her apartment. Clearing her throat, she invited him inside.

There was nothing Ethan wanted more than to spend the night with her. But he wanted to do this right. He thought she deserved everything, including himself, at its best.

“I intend on taking things between us as they should be.” He pulled her close. “You have no idea how hard it is to not step inside and...” His lips captured hers in a heated kiss.

Olivia felt herself melting against him. Each brush of his tongue, the soft feel of his lips contrasted by the prickly sensation of his stubble, all of it was a heady mixture that made her desire more. She wanted all that he placed before her: a true romantic relationship.

He groaned when her hands moved up his chest as their lips crashed together for another kiss.

He lifted his head, softly smiling at the smile forming on her slightly swollen lips.  “Why don’t we plan on spending the weekend together?”

“I’d like that.” She gently caressed his cheek. 

“So would I.” He kissed her once more swearing to himself that this would be as far as he could push his restraint. 

“We’ll talk tomorrow.” He added as he let his arms slide away from her.

She nodded, feeling a bit dazed by the emotions she felt from his words and touch.

They parted, each surprisingly happier than they had been before.

***************

The following weekend...

“...and that was how Thomas knew I was the one.” Amanda finished, laughing at the soft groan coming from her husband. “You know it’s true.”

“Not even close.” He wrapped his arm around her. “And you know that’s true.”

Olivia rolled her eyes to hide how pleased she was to see one of her closest friends with someone who adored her. She settled next to Ethan after offering refills of wine. She felt a brief burst of delight when he draped his arm along the back of the loveseat. His fingers toyed with her red hair before dropping to her shoulder. She felt her cheeks heat up at finally finding a man not afraid to show her affection in front of others.

Something about this felt so foreign and yet at the same time, it felt right. This was a whole new experience, one she thought she could easily get used to.

The two couples had enjoyed dinner at Olivia’s apartment. Though Ethan was familiar with Amanda during her sporadic visits to assist Olivia in her preparing to move forward with the research hospital, this was the first time he had met her husband. Uncertain what type of man the famous director would be, he found a somewhat kindred spirit in the gruff man. Like Ethan, he had little patience for foolish people. He seemed to prefer avoiding large crowds and such. And just like the doctor, he seemed most content with a particular Cordonian lady.

“I still say we go sailing.” Olivia added when suggestions for the next day were bandied about. “It’s been ages since I have had a chance to get out on the water.”

“I haven’t been in a while either.” Ethan added.

“I wouldn’t mind relaxing among the waves.” Thomas remarked.

“I guess this means we’re going sailing.” Amanda teased.

“Good, I knew  I would wear you all down.” Olivia smirked as they all chuckled.

Right when she got up to get dessert, her door was knocked on.

Her brow furrowed as she went to answer it. 

Seeing the last two people she would ever expect to visit her in Boston caused her to lose all ability to speak.

Her lips parted, yet not a sound came out.

Maxwell nudged Drake.

Clearing his throat, he slowly smiled at her.

“Hey Liv. It’s been a long time.”