#i love belmont's design too! :0

[ardate]

Omg Voyn!! I missed him ♥

Haven’t uploaded my war boy in quite while

Special guest is Papa Percival Belmont, @specterruins ‘s steampunk Papa, and Voyn’s good friend. They time travel, steal from the Clergy, and hang out. 

[ambitcxious-a]

* ABBEY LEE KERSHAW, FEMALE + SHE/HER  | you know ADELAIDE MONTSERRAT, right? they’re 27, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, TWO YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to EVE BY KAT CUNNING like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole FAWN-EYED, BOWED LEGS,  EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is OCTOBER & 30TH, so they’re a SCORPIO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( lenny, 24, est+2, she/her )

tw: depression, eating / psychological disorders, animal abuse, drugs

ABOUT.

name: adelaide montserrat

nickname: addie

age: 27

pronouns: she/her

occupation: socialite, philanthropist, prodigy ballerina

gender: cis female

sexuality: bisexual

pinterest

The Montserrat established themselves in Barcelona, Spain, over millennia ago,  known as fierce leaders and ruthless business men, quick to make a name for themselves the trading and exporting business,  while the women in the bloodline were promptly pushed aside from books and history, hiding somewhere between a stove and their husband’s fists.  

Adelaide Montserrat was different, that’s what everybody thought - she was graceful, even as a child, she didn’t cry, even as a toddler, and she never ached for her mother’s arms, even as an infant. An early bloomer of exceptional talent, she could dance as soon as she could walk. And yet Adelaide was never one to develop long-lasting or intimate relationships with her peers --- people never seemed to be comfortable sitting with her for long.  Maybe it was because there was never a girl there to begin with, and intimacy betrayed the act:  there was no child,  only a pale, wide-eyed zombie, always hungry,  always empty. 

If you dared to pry beyond the red curtains, you’d not find the delicate creature strangers saw twirling on the stage, but the bottomless edge of an abyss, waiting to swallow you whole as it looked back with smiling teeth. Little Addie, once a girl with pink tutus and ballerina shoes, was never one to be meddled with - while she could easily captivate the hearts of her peers and teachers with red cheeks and a clever tongue, there was nothing warm or kind about the little girl whose parents held so close she nearly choked to death.

Adelaide was the product of a one night stand and poor lack of judgement, or so her mother liked to recount. Her father — whomever he was, was a married man with a lot to lose, and her mother might not have known much — but she knew alimony payments would beat whatever he was willing to offer her in order to get rid of Adelaide. So, she kept the baby, and even then --- she was unbearable.  Adelaide kicked, day and night, as soon as her legs could muster, like she couldn’t stand to be trapped in the womb a moment longer.

They were living largely, manors and pools and cocktails, while Addie grew up receiving the best education money could buy, alternating between hunting and horseback riding on weekends, and training classical instruments such as the cello and piano in her spare time. Being praised for her dedication and skill, for some time, she indulged the idea of becoming a professional pianist, if only to please her parents, but the idea was soon took a backseat in her mind when she discovered just how good she was at ballet.

Adelaide had always been more of a shiny trophy to flaunt at parties rather than daughter or grandchild to dot upon, so by the time she was 13 her family was quite happy to ship her to Paris, if it meant she would enroll in the prestigious Paris Opera Ballet School and make a name for herself. She’d still come home to visit on holidays, that was until her mother moved to New York in order to appease bachelor number three: CEO of Belmont Entertainment Industries (BEI), one of the largest record labels in the U.S, with a side of illegal activities they didn’t really care to discuss at dinner.

It didn’t take long for Addie to make an impression, she was dedicated — hungrier than the other girls, always willing to push a little further, go a little deeper, die a little more. All of the shouting, the groping, the self-hatred, she never broke. Had it been not for her ego and pride, she would’ve been flawless. You’d assume being the young and on the spotlight meant competing for attention - but she never competed. She never even considered it a competition. She won, plain and simple. You see, Adelaide didn’t lose, because she tailored the game to her whims and batted her heavy set of lashes to make it seem fair. And if she did lose - the game be damned; she’d destroy it and any evidence of her failure. She didn’t want to be daughter, or something for men to gawk at, or a pretty glittered thing for little girls to worship. She wanted to be something else. Anything other than this empty shell, dripping with self-loathing , cloaked in a veil of perfectionism. Something that wasn’t rammed into this golden mold before she even took her very first breath.

Fueled by her own insecurities and desire to obtain perfection, paired with the crowd of rich kids that were offered to her as friends growing up, it didn’t take for things to escalate; by the age of only fourteen, drugs, alcohol and kicking each other in the stomach while crouching over the toilet was considered as an act of solidarity. All that deep-rooted self-hatred had to spill someway, somehow, and what are friends for if not offer you relief from the agony of routine?  

It was easier to strap on those old ballerina shoes and put on a show until her toes were bleeding, than to try and show them what was behind the curtains. People don’t want to know what’s behind the curtain — they think they do, until they see it. To live in blissful ignorance is a gift, one she was denied. And all jewelry in the world, all praise, all money and countless designer bags she accumulated over the years could never fill up that gaping hole, that detachment she felt towards the outside world and inability to connect with things and people - even those supposedly closest to her.

With age, Addie learned how to put on a show, be it at home or on a stage; that’s the magic of a ballerina, to empty yourself of that hatred, all that pain, all that ugliness and fill yourself with stories other than your own -  while whatever had been good and soft rots inside you .

And while she made a name for herself, starring role in all the big plays, working with the best and only the best, the tabloids would instiguate: who is Adelaide Montserrat? The reincarnation of the Virgin Mary to some, the dutiful daughter to others, is she a saving angel or a spoiled heir?  She used to laugh, like it was a game - like the answer wasn’t there at all . Maybe what she truly was, was a game of smoking mirrors - a fragmented image, bouncing from broken piece to broken piece, scattered into so many tiny, pretty pieces, that when she looks into a it, the reflection that stares back is unrecognizable.

Adelaide was never their perfect little doll, tied to strings, sitting still waiting to be manuevered . For some time she had watched, prowling quietly in the shadows, observing, learning. She found distraction and excitement in the shadows, drugs, married men, booze, pills - and when those didn’t cut it, she dug a little deeper.

So the child prodigy suddenly moves back to the home, with a ring on her finger and a skeleton on her closet,  all to   shield   from the rising scandal and nonsensical, if you were to ask, accusations of pushing a fellow ballerina down a flight of stairs. Alas, the show must go on, and Adelaide had no plans to stay out of the spotlight for long, or take the fault for somebody else’s imbalance. With some reluctance, she agreed to lay low, but just for how long she’d able to tolerate it, that was anyone’s guess.

Parents often say kids will “grow out of it”; their fits of rage, their apathy towards other children, their unwillingness to share, their manipulative, spoiled ways of obtaining the things they want- but Addie never did. Somewhere inside there’s still that little girl who’d rather break her toys in half than to share it with other kids. Who’d bump into other little girls at school to watch them fall, and tell the nurse they tripped. The little girl who’ll sit in an empty throne, all alone, built with the bones of the people she once claimed to love.

here’s some wc ideas i thought might be cool, but ofc feel free to come brainstorm!!

husband  - it was a marriage of opportunity rather than love, at least for adelaide - a way to deflect attention, however how he feels is completely up to you. she’s manipulative and charming, but can also be extremely cruel if even mildly contradicted

bookclub ( 0/5 ) - just women she hangs out with while trying to fit in and “have ties with the community”. she usually sucks at bonding and sharing, so this could make for some interesting dynamics

lover - adelaide switches it up every couple months, but maybe she has a soft spot for them? maybe they’re also in a relationship? maybe it’s all fucked up and adelaide likes to be nasty, what the fuck else is new

ex - lover - fed up with adelaide? me too. join the club. 

childhood friend - i feel like she might’ve permanently scarred this person for life by ( animal abuse tw ) killing a bird in front of them or something. adelaide was truly a fucking... terror as a child, and i doubt she was a good friend, bc she still isn’t

prodigy that she’s taken under her wings - maybe a young person who loves ballet that she decided to mentor out of the kindness of her heart? *coughs boredom coughs*

drug dealer - probably has a crush on them bc they indulge her bad habits ngl

idk man giv e me   s t u f f  !!!

also romantic connections are open to men and women pls. the only straight she is is a straight up bitch. 

[sugar-coated-saphic]

Erica Yurken-bisexuality or compulsory heterosexuality (part 1)

(Spoiler warning!)

So I found myself really thinking about this character and this film, and how she interacts with the characters in the film. Namely various women and her designated love interest, Barry Hollis (who wasn’t originally a love interest in the book mind you).

For a while I headcannoned Erica as bisexual, the haircut and especially her interactions with both women and Barry at the time seemed to point to bisexuality. I definitely see Erica as lgbt, she is clearly not straight and I’m not the only one to see this. But then I began to dig a little deeper and analyse a bit more, was it my shipping lenses which made me think she was bi (even if she’s not into him, it was at least a well written and natural relationship progression and Barry seemed to genuinely like her) or was she actually bi? I’m here to analyse that based on what I’ve found.

To start off, the link provided and many others is what I used to base my assumptions on, you can find more by searching compulsory heterosexuality on tumblr. This is the link I’ve used. Within the first 5 minutes of the film, were introduced to miss Belmont, and she asks Erica her name. The children begin to make fun of her and miss Belmont tells them to be quiet, which Erica then tells her, her name. The exchange goes as follows ( 5:14-5:48)

Miss Belmont: “Erica, is a very beautiful name. Do you know that it means great heroine?”

To which Erica then faints and says

Erica (monologueing): “miss Belmont made me feel so special, I was in heaven..”

Very early on its made clear that Erica sees women differently, almost as if she is in love with some and very much enjoys female attention. However, with men this doesn’t seem to be the case, as with the first proper exchange between Erica and Barry (2:18-2:31)

Miss Belmont: “Erica, I know I can rely on you to show Alison around.”

Erica (rather excitedly and enthusiasticly)” sure miss Belmont!”

Enter Barry, who is also in the hall

“Yeah I’ll come too, after Erica gives you the freak show, I’ll show you the good stuff.”

During this, Erica is quick to pull Alison away and ignore him, while Alison seems to show interest in him. Erica is quick to dismiss him however.

Erica: “Alison, this is Barry Hollis. My stalker.”

Also something that’s worth pointing out Is when Alison is first introduced to the class and Is seated next to Erica, not only Erica is constantly staring at Alison once she sits down, but how she describes her (0:30-0:37)

Erica, gazing at Alison with amazement and infatuation (monloguing): Alison ashley was the most exquisite thing you ever saw. It was like she cast a light over everything around her”.

It’s made clear at this point that Erica has a clear interest in women, Alison especially. But Is quite dismissive in regards to men and their advances.

Another romantic interest in women is shown when Alison and Erica are discussing the school she wants to attend (Kyle grammar). The scene goes as follows (here)

Erica (monologueing): “I would have loved to go to a school like that, beautiful girls thinking beautiful thoughts. Was where I belonged.”

Once again, this very much comes off as romantically as opposed to jealousy. She clearly shows interest in women more so then men, speaking of which.

Fast forward to halfway through the film, when the bus breaks down and everyone is forced to get off. It’s been Made clear to the audience that Erica’s aspirations In life are becoming a great actress and a good place for her to start would be the camp play, Romeo and Juliet. Here’s an example of compulsory heterosexuality in the link provided:

“I’m constantly testing my attraction to men. I pick one or more conventionally attractive men in the room, and try to force myself to be attracted to them.”

Let’s see how this scene matches up to the description given (3:39-3:55)

Erica, looking at all the boys standing outside in front of her (monologueing): “ I decided to spend the time casting my Romeo, but things looked bleak they were all such repulsive options. Least Barry Hollis was a tall repulsive option, and there was no other choice for Juliet, was there.”

She then smiles, rather awkwardly, though it’s unclear if it’s forced. Comparing the scene with the example show above, gives off strong vibes that Erica doesn’t actually like Barry, but rather tolerates him. Not even calling him the exception to the rest of the “repulsive options” , instead as the least repulsive option. Like she’s picking whom she can tolerate most rather than feeling actually attraction to someone. Something to note is even though she fantasises about acting in the play Romeo and Juliet, when an actual romantic gesture happens on Barry’s part...Erica’s reaction is quite interesting (8:00-8:17)

Erica is sitting on a bench outside, thinking yo herself (monologueing): “ alisons kimono was perfect, it looked perfect, it felt perfect, just like everything else about her”.

Barry quietly comes up behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder, then leans in to kiss her. Erica responds by standing up, startled and pushes him away.

It’s interesting to note how even with jealousy, Erica still regards Alison as perfect. This scene is interesting, as even with how there has been jealousy towards Alison liking Barry (which I will get to in part 2), once Barry actually makes a move, she gets incredibly uncomfortable and backs off, tying in with another symptom of compulsory heterosexuality

“I like the idea of being with a man, but any time a man makes a move on me I get incredibly uncomfortable.”

When Erica is not dismissive or uncomfortable near Barry Hollis, she can be quite quick tempered with him and physically violent; hitting him when he sneaks up on her private phone call to her mum (4:18-4:24) or slapping him very hard after he upsets her by giving her the harsh reality that she can’t act (2:01) [howver as mentioned in the audio commentary, Barry’s intention was not to humiliate her, but to tell her the harsh reality because he loved her and cared about her to some extent]. Throughout this, even despite the major conflicts Alison and Erica are going through, the attraction to her and women seem to be much more realistic than those to men.

Here is one of the last scenes between her and another woman which is clearly shown to be romantic (save for Erica staring lovingly at Alison towards the end of the film and gently wiping her tear away, as well as helping her and being overall soft and gentle with her).

Erica is sat down at a bus stop, after a confrontation between her and Allison occurs in which she decides its best to give up on her dreams of being an actress and tries to escape camp. She then begins to have her last fantasy sequence in the film, wherein she is laying on a hospital bed and presumable dying, with her fellow teachers playing role of the nurses. Soon in the scene, miss Belmont ( dressed as a nurse) begins to stroke/caress Erica’s hair, while Erica makes this face, blushes and gazes into her eyes.

What’s interesting to note is that this doesn’t actually happen, this is what Erica imagines. She actively thinks about women in a romantic way, and even fantasies about her teacher miss Belmont in a homoerotic way (she might be her teacher but nothing comes of it and it’s one sided-making this not creepy). This seems to very much contrast how she views real interactions with men vs any interaction or view of women, real or in her imagination.

The last moment between Erica and Barry is after the play is finished. There is some small talk before something happens (5:51-5:57)

Barry Hollis: look about the other night...next time, I’m sticking the tongue in (implying he would like to perhaps date her)

Erica then responds with this face

It’s somewhat ambiguous as to how Erica feels about this, the expression on her face is that of a slightly uncomfortable smile or confused genuine delight? With how she has responded to things like this in the past, I feel compelled to agree with the former. One could make the argument that she is only 14, so things like this seem very big for her and mature, and it’s also a possibility.

Conclusion: Erica Yurken gives off many vibes that she may only be interested in women, and that her attraction to men is only a result of compulsory heterosexuality. However I am not done with this topic, tomorrow I will be dabbling into why Erica may be bisexual and discuss those too. Scenes which were purposefully left out here was so I can compare tomorrow and see how they fare. As here I only wanted to focus on compulsory heterosexuality and wlw/same sex attraction

Thank you for listening to my ted talk, I am extremely tired so I’m going to sleep, goodnight. Part 2 will be up sometime tomorrow (this was written 31/8/2020)

[nightslain]

"But do you... Like / like / him? How do you know you truly do LIKE him?" ( gossip with annie abt your crush, Leon ;0 )

@ghostlyanon || let there be gay

                 “…Do I love Mathias, you mean?” He pronounces the meaning a little more plainly, no matter that he can’t help but chuckle at the coyness in her choice of words. The question, whatever its phrasing, should be very simple to answer, with a very simple choice of words, but Leon finds himself overflowing with words and stories that are anything but simple–like a great secret he’s been aching to tell, and having too many ways to tell it at all. He laughs in earnest, breathless already with how much he has to say as his fingers still on the slim flash of a blade between his fingers. He’s carving something, though whatever little totem of his imagination he is busily at work with seems suddenly detached from the Belmont’s interest and notice alike. His forget-me-not eyes drift to hers, bright and honest in the golden afternoon. “Of course I do. In every sense of the word there is. There has been so very little time between us wherein I did not define what I felt of him as love of some kind or another. He was always mighty and regal and adored for his wisdom and valour, long before I adored him as a mentor, a friend. Long before I recognised him for his gentler, human ways. Annie, there are but a hundred things I could tell you made me fall in love with him.”

                  He does not care to pretend away the pink cresting in his fair young face, or climbing upon his ears as he takes to giving an absent flick of the wrist, a delicate graze of the blade against the little wooden something in his hands. His voice quietens almost to prayerful intimacy as he lids his eyes against the sun spilling into his face. “His lovely rain-grey eyes that smile as much as he does when he looks at me, sometimes; most times, even, I’ve grown proud to admit. The deftness of his hands, always so full of power and intent and somehow still entirely too gentle in the times he has absently set my hair or my clothes back into place, or brushed his fingers to mine in handing me something asked for. That he is so wise and astute and wonderfully cunning. But…kind. So kind that he would listen even to myself, once thought a much simpler man than he. And he would thank me for having said anything at all.”

                    Something in his heart trembles with joy, to only having recalled such things aloud (something indeed–it’s no secret to either of them exactly what.) Smiling is inevitable, and not an unwelcome consequence, even if he is sure he looks quite foolish in all his pink-faced celebration of something so loved. Perhaps it is only that which inspires whatever inkling of modesty that keeps his eyes from hers as his tuneful voice dances thoughtfully on. “All my warbling aside, I won’t pretend he is without his wrongs. He has made me angry no small number of times, and we have argued no small number of times. And loved more for it, I think. But if there is always one flaw I will never see him rid of, it is that he is outrageously stubborn. It was very near to being the death of him, once. And in that time, I was…” A pause. The blade and his unfinished design both surrendered into the grass at his sides as the Belmont leans back on either hand, sets his golden head askew. He huffs, one faint, incredulous note of laughter. “Terrified. Furious. I had never seen myself so angry and so frightened, and I had never cried so fearfully with the thought of losing someone before. It was the very worst thing he had ever done to me, save the long silence that followed saving his life–though I was in part to blame for that much…”

                His smile gentles. Turns nostalgic, bittersweet. “But then he came to me on his knees, dressed all in tears and guilt and painful remorse. If I am honest with you–I think I was never more aware of being in love than then. How glad I was he was here and well, how thrilled I was to see him again, how moved by his devotion to me, to us. How I ached to comfort him. To forgive.” A sigh loosens from his chest–as though the weight of so much honesty has become suddenly exhausting. And if not honesty, then perhaps yearning certainly is. “I had wanted to kiss him terribly much in that moment, Annie. So terribly. I have not stopped wanting since.”

[beyondtherhetoric]

Nintendo Switch Games (Holiday 2018 Wish List)

Is it too early to be talking about my holiday wish list? Is it weird that all I want are a bunch of Nintendo Switch games? Am I looking forward more to playing Smash Bros. as Incineroar, Ken Masters or Simon Belmont? What games are the top of your list?

All my life, I’ve been a Nintendo fanboy. With the noted exception of the Virtual Boy and the Wii U, I haven’t skipped a generation. Despite its rather unconventional controller design, I really loved the GameCube too. The Nintendo Switch has now officially surpassed the GameCube in lifetime sales, and it’s on pace to surpass the PS4(in Japan) too. Great Nintendo Switch games certainly have a lot…