#i literally go on for like 10min at a time i only stay longer if im decorating or dressing up hehe

[littlecafe]

i’ve been obsessed with this game for a couple months now called livly island and it’s so funny because there’s literally nothing to do in it but ironically that’s what keeps me going on because i don’t feel pressured to have to do much!! it’s a decorating, dress up, basic pet gacha game and you mainly do your dailies and go water and harvest trees and take care of your pets

when you first join you get 10 free pulls in the “tutorial” phase but they make you pull it on the current newest banner only, so i noticed a new banner is coming into the game today so i screenshot both banners so you can choose which one you like more:

teapot image, the newest one right now it’s already in game so if you like it start now and you’ll get 10 free pulls on it

succulents and keyboard image, this will be added into the game later today (12pm japan time, roughly 7hrs away) so if you like this one more then wait until that time to download the game and you’ll get the 10 free pulls on that one instead

even though it’s a gacha game, one good thing is that it let’s you trade your duplicate items with other players (it uses gacha currency to trade but the cost is less than a single pull so it’s actually better!) the english player base isn’t as big as the japanese and chinese player base but the game has google translate built in so it’s not too hard to understand each other 

my id in game is pkxmf7h5 if you’d like to add me! you can also ask me anything if you need help, it’s a simple game but there are some quirks and it took a while for me to get used to their menus and submenu setup lol

[copias-thrall]

@makeupmonsters​

He came in by the open window again (and maybe that’s why you left it open, but: shh), hands scrabbling for purchase before he hefted his skinny, noodle body by increments into your bedroom. It took him what felt like 10min, during which you’d only continued painting your toenails.

After heaving himself in, he sits at the foot of your sill, panting.

“No, no,” he wheezes, “I’m all right. No need to get up.”

“K,” you say as you spread your toes, assessing the paint job.

“Bitch. I’m gonna dick you down so good.”

You turn to him. “I can see that”

He gives you the finger. 

There’s a glass of water on your night table, and you pass it over to him; Mary drinks it down in big, greedy gulps—1/3 of it spilling out the side of his mouth and dribbling down his neck to stain the collar of his tee. He hands it back to you, empty, as he wipes off his chin with the back of his hand.

“Thanks,” he says.

You shrug. “You better be sweating it out over me soon.”

He smiles with too much teeth. “That can be arranged.”

Soon enough he’s on you—and you can only hope your toe polish is dry enough—with too much tongue and all of his weight pressing into you. He’d taken off his studded, denim vest—but his belts still jab into you, so you squirm out from under him and onto your side.

“Fuck,” he says as he slobbers onto the side of your cheek, “I can’t wait to feel you around me. I’m gonna get you all dirty.”

You’re pretty sure he means in a sexy way, but with his hygiene, he could also mean literal dirt and fleas. You try not to think about it, instead wiggling around so that you’re grinding your ass against his erection.

He sucks hard on your neck as he ruts into you. “Mmm, fuck yeah. Lemme feel that sweet ass, baby.”

His hand creeps under the hem of your shirt, splaying against your stomach before it inches closer, closer to the waistband of your sleep pants. A part of you can’t wait to feel his fingers on you and to have him drawing pleasure out of you … but a bigger part can’t help but remember the dark crescents under his nails and ringing his cuticles, the dirt embedded in the whorls of his fingertips. And—as much as you want his cock—you can’t help but remember the smell between his legs that had you gagging for an entirely different reason last time.

All too soon your brain can’t help but remind you of the rumors that you’ve heard—and Mary does nothing to dissuade—of what he gets up to in graveyards.

Suddenly you’re jumping off the bed, away from his touch; his hands are still positioned as if he were still holding you, and the bulge in his jeans is obscene. He looks up at you, startled.

“What? Did I hurt you?”

“I just um,” you stutter as you edge toward the door, “I just need a second.”

You see his brows furrow, his mouth almost forming a word, before you’re fumbling with your doorknob and hightailing it to the bathroom. Once there, you sit on the toilet seat with your head in your hands. The throb between your legs is insistent—but you can’t unknow your thoughts on Mary’s … grime. He’s only a little selfish as a lover—better than you’d initially given him credit for the first night you’d taken him home in a tipsy haze—so you really were looking forward to the dicking down he was going to give you.

But … you’re sober now and: gross.

If only he … . And just like that, you have an idea.

It takes longer than you expected—and honestly you’re half certain Mary probably got bored and left—but when you shimmy back into your room in nothing but your robe, Mary’s still sprawled on your bed, nails half done in the color you’d been using: jungle red.

He looks up at you with a soft Dafuq? you think is meant to convey concern.

You lower your voice to give it a “sexy” intonation. “I prepared something special for you. How ‘bout you strip and follow me, hmm?”

A vulpine smile cracks Mary’s face, and he’s all at once trying to scramble off the bed and take off his clothes as he stumbles behind you. You back into the bathroom—your hand toying with the tie at your waist—as Mary yanks off his ripped tee by the back collar and hops out of his jeans, his clothes now a treasure trail on the floor.

By the time you’ve backed yourself into the tiled wall—your robe undone and dangerously close to parting—Mary is just down to his holy, threadbare boxer briefs. He’s too fixated on the sliver of skin that you’re showing to really be too much aware of anything else in the bathroom. He leers at you—biting his plump lower lip—as his hands go for you.

Which is when—smile firmly fixed on your face—you give him a little shove. He wobbles unsteadily, a look of confusion on his face, and you give another. This time, his arms windmill out, and he grabs onto your shower curtain to right himself … but you’re already right there, giving a jab to his chest. Pulling half the curtain off it’s hooks with a plink plink plink, the back of Mary’s knees hit the lip of the tub, and he goes splashing into the hot, soapy water filling it.

A tidal wave sloshes over the side, splatting on the floor and bathmat, as Mary lets out an ungainly GAH before the receding oceans close back up over him. Even though you’re now fully exposed, you can’t help but cackle at Mary’s situation: he’s half sprawled in the tub, his legs sticking up and out, as his half-wet hair sticks to his face, soapy rivulets dripping down his cheeks. He’s eyes flash with murderous intent … but honestly he just looks like a wet, angry cat.

“What. The. Fuck,” he spits as his hands slip slide against the bottom of the tub for purchase.

You grab his scrawny ankles and chuck them into the bathwater, sock and all, even as he squawks in protest.

“Your dick is good, Goore—but you’re not sticking anything anywhere until I’m sure you’re squeaky clean of whatever the fuck it is you get into.”

“Fuck you, get off,” he bitches as he trashes about, water going everywhere.

You grab a loofa you’d had the forethought to soap up, and start scrubbing—behind his ears as well as his neck and shoulders.

“Fuck, all right—Jesus,” he whines as he squirms away from you. “Lemme fucking do it.” He yanks the loofa away from you, never breaking his glare at you as he begins to scrub himself down. At this point his hair is wet, limp against the sides of his skull and his forehead. The remnants of his makeup are the black ring around his eyes and the white cake sticking to his hairline.

“Don’t forget—” you start as you point to his face, and he snarls at you.

“Bitch, I’m getting to it. Fuck off.”

Settling onto the toilet seat, you draw your robe back together.

Mary’s eyes follow you. “Aw, c’mon!” he whines.

You put your bare foot up on the tub lip, curling your toes over it.

“Be a good boy and clean your ass, and I’ll take the robe off.”

Mary scowls at you and crosses his arms.

“You’re an awful lotta work for a casual lay.”

You shrug unaffectedly, even though your heart is thumping.

“Then go fuck someone else. I’m not stopping you.”

You put on an air of nonchalance that you don’t feel as you as Mary stare at each other. Finally, he lets out a huff and a “whatever,” before he’s peeling off his boxers. He throws them out of the tub, and they hit the wall with a splat before they slide down to the floor in a sloshy mound.

Mary cleans himself almost shyly, and you close your eyes as you rest your head against the side of your sink. There’s some splashing around, and then he says, almost quietly,

“Ok, I’m done.”

You open your eyes and look at him, pale and naked in the now-scummy water. He’s still glaring at you, but the intensity has dimmed somewhat as he crosses his arms in front of himself. Smiling, you untie your robe, letting it pool at your feet before you remember the puddle of water. Mary’s eyes laser onto your naked skin before you’re stepping into the water.

“Um—”

“Shh,” you say, putting a finger to his lips before flicking the drain lever open with your toe. You reach past his sitting form as your fumble to turn on the shower.

“What the f—” he sputters, but you’re pulling him up and drawing him into a kiss. As the spray sputters from cold to hot over you two, you reach down to grab at Mary’s ass, bringing him flush with you.

“Yeah, ok,” he mumbles into your mouth.

Twining your fingers into the wet mess of his flat hair, you say, “If we’re only going to get dirty again, I think we should stay here.” Your hand slides to wrap around his half-hard dick, and he moans, quickly reaching down to touch you. Even as the two of you pet at each other, your one hand reaches up to grab his jaw so that he meets your eyes.

“You may be dicking me, Goore—but I’m the one in charge. And next time I expect you to be clean, or I’ll peel those digits off before you get halfway through my window. Got it?”

He swallows hard—adam’s apple bobbing—before giving you a short, curt nod, his eyes blown wide.

“Good. Now, let’s get filthy.”

[missguomeiyun]

I’m back from Korea

I feel like October didn’t happen at all .. but at the same time, it happened & it happened too quickly =/

I was away for 2.5 weeks in Korea, & then when I came back, it was a mini series of night shifts so I practically did nothing. .. & by the time I realized it, it was Halloween & I was working evening shifts so I didn’t go out. O_O it has been 1 crazy month. But November is here now, & things are returning back to normal: my vacation withdrawal is over, & I have some “normal” combo of shifts, & it’s time to say bye-bye to the hot weather. It’s gonna be great~

Okay, let’s be real: I’m never “over” a Korea trip lol the other day, I was really craving that budae jjigae. The struggle was real. So I made it for lunch ^^

For my 1st return post, I’ve decided to keep things simple & just share a brief summary of my 2.5 week-long trip with you!

Day 1-4: I stayed at my usual Seoul home, Namsan Hill Hotel. I was unable to book a longer stay at this place =( These 1st few days, I revisited some places in Seoul: Namdaemun (for hand-cut noodles called “kalguksu”); Sinchon/Ewha Womens Univ area/Hongik Univ area for shopping & ; Gyeongbokgung area for Tongin Market & some art museums; Insadong/Samcheongdong/Bukchon Hanok Village for some relaxing strolls around traditional Korean housing. Some new places I went to include:

- a cafe called “Kopi Han-yak-bang” (lit. trans.: “coffee Korean pharmacy”). Look it up! It’s super cool! The owner believes coffee has a healing power, just like traditional herbal medicine, so the cafe is like a vintage herbal medicine shop/pharmacy. It feels as if you’re entering a movie set rather than a cafe.

- The Skyfarm for brunch! Pretty place with amazing view of Seoul.

- Seongsu area for industrial warehouse cafes. It was a valuable & memorable experience bcos Seongsu used to be an area for large factories (making of leather products & shoes, & car-fixing shops), but it’s revitalizing & the large factory spaces are now being converted to hip coffeeshops. Many of which do collabs with local/emerging artists & fashion designers so there’s lots of artsy things to see in these coffeeshops.

- Seoul Forest. There’s like a picnic area, some basketball & tennis courts, walking trails, etc. .. I had a convenience store goods dinner in the picnic area, & watched the sunset there.

Day 5-8: I moved over to Savoy Hotel located in the heart of Myeongdong. It’s ~15min walk away from Namsan Hill Hotel. Great location but also quite loud. My options were slim when I was booking stuff, & I needed to stay close to Seoul Station bcos I arranged 4x 1-day trips! I didn’t realize it at first but then I was like, “I have 4 back-to-back day trips right now.” I was essentially out every day from like 0700h to 2100h.

Trip 1: Paju~ for Heyri Art Village & Provence. I have been to these places before & really liked it so I went back, esp Heyri Art Village. After the day trip, I met up with 2 of my coworkers for K-BBQ in the Hapjeong area.

Trip 2: Jeonju~ I only went to 1 place in Jeonju & that was the Jeonju Hanok Village. It was raining all day that day. However, it was still very enjoyable. The village was a beautiful place, & under the rain, it looked even more picturesque.

Trip 3: Incheon~ for Incheon Chinatown & Wolmido, which is an island connected to Incheon via a highway. Due to its close proximity to China, Incheon became a major port for trades back in the day, & the Chinese immigrants basically settled here, hence it’s the largest Chinatown in Korea. I met up with my friend Ji Yoon in Chinatown & we spent some time catching up.

Trip 4: Gangneung~ For the annual Gangneung Coffee Festival; its title was “Voices of Coffee” this year! It was held at the Gangneung Olympic Ice Arena. I can’t recall how many shots of coffee samples I had that day, but it was a lot. I also went to the Anmok Coffee Street, which is a line of cafes along Anmok Beach - all the cafes face the beach so the view is pretty. Even more so on the day I went bcos it was cloudy =]

Day 9: remained in Seoul today. Went to the Seoul Botanic Garden, which opened its doors in May 2019. Very pretty displays~ Huuuuuge space too. It was like Telus World x Muttart Conservatory x Devonian Botanic Garden. Lots to see, & if you go, allot more time for yourself here. & then in the evening, I camped out by Yeouido Hangang Park for the annual Seoul International Fireworks Festival, which was named “Life is Colourful” this year. So many ppl! I was expecting that before going but it was beyond my imagination. It was truly an experience- the streets were blocked off for pedestrian traffic & literally, it took like 10mins to move 5meters after the show as over! Then at the subway station nearby, there was a bottleneck, where apparently the capacity inside the underground station was reached so we needed to wait outside the exit.. . still, it was fun!

Day 10-12: 1 way train ticket to Busan. Yes, train to Busan ;) I was safe though hehe Busan was beautiful! In hindsight, I should’ve spent more time here but . .. NEXT TIME! I went to BIFF Square & Gukje Market, which was like across from my hotel, Stanford Inn Busan. Gamcheon Cultural Village was super cute; although I would hate being a resident there =/ The Busan Int’l Film Festival was happening then, & I visited the Expo & Convention Centre for the film market. Can’t go into the exhibition, but that whole area was filled with ads/posters of BIFF - it was a big deal! It was cool to witness such a big event & to experience the sheer scale of it. I then went to Shinsegae Centum City, which is the largest shopping complex in the world.  Haeundae Beach was also cool. I went on a cloudy day & it was awesome! That same evening/night, I checked out the Jagalchi Fish Market, which is the largest seafood market in Korea. It has 7 floors total, with 3 underground parking levels :O On the last day, bcos I only had the morning available to do stuff, I had Busan fish cake for breakfast & strolled in BIFF Square again.

*Note: I actually hit all the things on my itinerary EXCEPT for the Busan Museum of Art, which was closed on Mondays =( but the security guy let me in to see the lobby bcos he knew I was a tourist. Thank you!

Day 13-17: Flew from Busan Airport to Jeju Airport. I used more time than needed for the whole process- turned out foreigners have their own line at the Busan Airport, so it’s faster than locals. There’s also a domestic terminal & international terminal, so from arrival to being checked in & through security.. . it took less than 25mins. It was great! In regards to Jeju, I did the following:

- stayed in Jeju City for the arrival afternoon/evening, with my hotel being Astar Hotel. Had a street food dinner at Dongmun Market; they were having this night market/festival event so a bunch of street food stalls were open from 7pm-midnight. Smelled like heaven haha

- I did my 1st hike ever on Hallasan Mountain, specifically the Gwaneunsa Trail, & I reached the peak. It was.. . hard. I can’t say I particularly enjoyed it; however, it has proven to me that I am a land person, & I belong in museums, cafes, & street walking lol. Look up the details of the trail! Was it ambitious of me to go on this for my 1st hike ever. .. without any hiking gear? I went with what some ppl would consider gym shoes, a hoodie, leggings, & a backpack with water, juice, kimbaps, 2 bananas, 6 mandarins, & some snacks (cheese crisps & pineapple cream-flavoured crackers).

- The day after the hike, my legs were still okay. But it was my glut that was starting to get sore XD I went to Osulloc Tea Museum & Innisfree Jeju House. The aesthetics <3

- Went to Black Pig Street for black pig bbq. I was hoping a restaurant or two was taking solo-diners & thankfully, the 2nd restaurant I asked did! I ordered pork neck instead of pork belly - it was quite tender & kinda chewy, actually. Later that evening, I went to the Tamra Cultural Festival 2019. It was neat~ There was an outdoor night market, as well as a stage for cultural dance/play/music.

- Jeju Island is actually quite small, & it takes approx. an hour from 1 side of the island to the other side. Thus, for my 3rd (full) day, I went to the Jungmun (Jeju City is north of the island; Jungmun is south coast) & visited the Yellow Cafe, Chocolate Land, Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum, & Yeomiji Botanical Garden.

- From Jungmun, I took a local bus to Lee Jong Seop Street in Seogwipo, the next city over. The street is very pleasant & chill, with artwork along the street, coffeeshops & eateries, as well as little gift shops. Totally my thing! It reminds me Bukchon Hanok Village in terms of vibe, but minus the traditional housing look. The Seogwipo Olle Market is nearby, & is a great place to buy Jeju souvenirs. The pricing, I heard/read, is cheaper than Dongmun Market in Jeju City - it is true! There are also less tourists here, which was what made it enjoyable for me, personally.

- Only the morning on my last day was free for activities bcos my flight to Seoul was early afternoon. I visited the area around Jeju City Hall, which was ~20min walk from my hotel. It was a very leisurely morning, where I sat down & enjoyed coffee at Coffee Finder & had a build-your-own-ramen bowl at a place nearby. The architecture of Coffee Finder was unique; it used to be a 2-floor house, with like a driveway/sidewalk. But the ummm first floor ceiling/second floor flooring was knocked down so there’s a “hole” in the middle of the cafe. The cafe has very homely vibes as the placement of tables/chairs are in what was (at one point) rooms of the house. It’s open but also you can get some privacy at the same time.

Day 17-18: Back to Seoul, & stayed at Namsan Hill Hotel~ Itaewon is a must! I need to go to Passion 5 every time lol. & I also revisited the Leeum Samsung Museum of Art bcos I like it. & then I had my last day as a “free” day, where I didn’t plan ANYTHING. I’m a very intense planner & when I go on trips, I literally plan to the minute haha & guess what, I ended up in Hongdae. Honestly, it’s my kinda place. Sadly, the transportation situation there isn’t convenient for the rest of my itinerary, or else I would choose a hotel that’s in the vicinity. I nearly spent 2.5 hrs at Coin Su Noraebang haha I realized that if you score high enough, time gets added to your paid time :O I can’t let that go to waste =P

There ya go, Korea 2019!

PS: I haven’t decided what/how I’m gonna go about posting my trip. .. There are wayyyy too many photos & it will take me a million yrs to write/upload. Perhaps expect unexpected Korea posts scattered between my regular posts :P I will, however, share with you the coffees I’ve had in Korea. I tried diff ones, from franchise to small local cafes, adventurous flavours & the typical black Americano. I didn’t have any poor experiences but there was 1 particular one that I will likely never order again - tbh, I should’ve expected it but I still went for it anyway *shrugs* so I guess it was all my fault haha ok, I’ll ttyl~!

[stripminer14]

personal distressing events, don’t read if you don’t have the headspace for it. I’m fine

I had to go to my local pharmacy today, to pick up my husband’s inhaler. I’m off work now, so no issue there. I went in the morning, knowing it was probably really busy.  It was really busy. I joined the queue that had snaked around the whole building and into the car park. Everybody keeping at least 2-3m distance from each other. The guy in front of me said he had queued from this spot yesterday and it had taken two hours before he even got to the door, but was then turned away when they shut. At least the weather was nice and warm.

The pharmacy usually has 5 staff members. Since last week, they only have three, due to illness. Only one of them is a qualified dispenser. So they shut for three hours during the day to have lunch, and do work that they can’t do with customers waiting to be served. 

I waited in the queue and it got longer behind me. I made it to the door, but didn’t get in before they had to shut. From 10:30 - 1pm. So I came back later. About 15:30. The pharmacy opened at 4pm. And the queue was exactly as long as it had been when I joined this morning. I had brought a book and a bottle of water. At one point everybody was asked to move the queue out of the car park onto the pavement down the main street. So we moved and somehow kept the order. 

I reached the doors 10mins before closing time. The lady behind me (I had met her a few years before on the street, she has some quite severe mental health problems and I had to guide her to the health center back then) was near tears, saying she had run out of her medication. And then a young woman (maybe 17?18?) who had been 5 or 6 places ahead of me, came back with her mother - who was on crutches, and her little brother, helping his mother along. They cut in front of the queue that had still grown to be even longer than what it was when I joined and the daughter was loudly telling her mother to ‘stop crying, nobody cared and tears won’t get her any help either. If they won’t give us your meds, you’ll be in hospital by tonight anyway. This was the NHS, they didn’t care if you died in front of their doorstep!’ The pharmacy assistant (let’s call her Anne) opened the door to let one of the previous customers out (yes, they only let three people in at a time and lock the door, so nobody else sneaks in after) and I had stepped aside to keep distance from the three newcomers. 

The woman on crutches was in absolute hysterics. Her daughter had tried to pick up her meds and had been denied for some reason (i didn’t hear why) and she was desperate and her partner was having a meltdown at home. The assistant tried to explain to her, but no-one was really listening. Anne then told the poor woman to wait and went back inside without locking the door.  That wasn’t good enough for the daughter, who told her mum she would try the backdoor and see if she could get in. Her little brother asked her to stop and calm down and not to make things worse. The boy couldn’t have been older than 10 and he looked terrified. Meanwhile the lady behind me, in the confusion, tried to walk into the pharmacy. I didn’t really do much apart from say ‘excuse me...’. there were two people literally blocking the door and now a third trying to squeeze past as Anne tried to get back out. She didn’t know who had been next in line, too busy with everything else. The lady who had been queueing in front of me, pointed me out and told her it was my turn next.

I felt absolutely awful, walking into the pharmacy. Still do. It was all sorted in the end. For the woman on crutches and the lady behind me, who kept apologizing over and over that she didn’t mean to cut in front of me, and wouldn’t do this sort of thing and she was really sorry... until Anne had to tell her to wait by the corner and they would bring her her meds out when they were ready. And even a few others further down the line. And I got the inhalers. 20mins past closing time. 

Behind the counter, it was like a battlefield. There was piles and piles of paper, sorting baskets, packed and half finished prescriptions. Anne had been crying. She was still sniffling, and I could see her eyes were all red. And it was stifling in there. There are no windows in the pharmacy. Normally the door would let in fresh air, but not when they need to lock and unlock it manually. And the door through to the health center is usually open and there are windows there and it’s a big open space. Now the shutters have been down for two weeks.

There is a note on the prescription box in the health center. It tells you when you can expect your meds to be ready. Normally it takes 4 full working days. If you drop your slip off before 12am. I gave it 6 days this time. But they are just so understaffed and overworked, it’s just not possible. I feel so, so sorry for them. An outside, while queueing, I heard someone complain that ‘they didn’t get a three hour lunch break. And if they are that far behind in preparing prescriptions, just stay an hour longer and get it done. I am a nurse at the hospital and we manage.’

I didn’t say anything to her. What’s the point. She may actually think what she just said, or she is just as tired and frustrated as everybody else.

There isn’t really a point to this by the way. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I started telling my husband about it when I got home and he broke down. He is terrified of getting this virus. Just the constant stress of it all sets his asthma off at the moment. But I can’t always keep these things to myself. Sorry.

[mrskandiibaby2269]

Another Round:FckFeelings

Another Round: FuckFeelings

Hmmm ok as I think to myself opening my walk in closet door. I need to wear something sexy. Something that would stop him in his tracks. I just wonder what does he really have in store for me. This I definitely cannot wait to see.

Hmmm maybe.. I should go nude

Hmmm decisions, decision ….

I think this trench coat would be perfect a night like this jamming to some Rihanna feeling sexy and confident

🎶Ooh nana nana five fingers on it Five fingers, hit it like you want it I’mma hit it like I’m on it Straight shots of the Buddha Shots, shots, shots, shots Baby, I’mma pick your poison Ooh-we, oh-yeah (hmm na na na) You gon’ need it I’m off that la-la I’mma get it real like the jacuzzi, (ah yeah) And sex with me, so amazing All this all work, no vacation Stay up off my Instagram with your temptation Sex with me, sex with me, sex with me yeah So amazing, so amazing Hmmmm🎶

Taking a hot steamy shower thinking out loud about what could do go down. I know this is risky as shit but I think I’m starting to like it. Mmm having flashes of the future of what I can do to him and what he can do to me … mmmm dripping wet along the pity patter of the shower head water hitting my nipples getting em hard. Got me feeling myself literally mmm damn I know I know what y'all thinking. “This is wrong. I’m just another thot that got wife’d up.” Hell no. My husband has been cheating on me for years only reason why I’m still with him because i believe we can fix our marriage. But he puts me down, belittles me , makes fun of my weight. I don’t know why – no I'ma save it for the real break through at the therapy session, like I said before as if there will be one for me and him. Scoffs. Yeah right. That nicca … fuck him. Back to tonight… It’s just the way my ex makes me feel like. Wanted, actually… better than… wanted… like I’m needed. I mean damn. It feels … sooo fucking good. Ahhh, the way we have phone sex the way how his voice sounds so serious. How he say he wanna eat me. Got me playing with myself in the shower Maybe I should I send a teaser video to him hmm....yeah let me do that. “Mmmmm ahhhh hope you ready for me baby. Cause I’m so fuckin … ready… mmm… for… you . Muah 💋 😘” *Message Delivered*

*Read* “Oohh hell yea im ready baby girl I’m around the block. 10mins away😘😘😘👅💦.”

Stepping out and quickly drying off putting on my favorite heels. Some clear lip gloss, my silver hoop earrings. A little spritz of Pink Ice perfume. Observing myself one last time. Coaching myself. “Aight girl this is it. No turning back. You’re thick, plump, and sexy. And you gonna turn his ass out tonight.” Hearing the car horn twice. Along with a phone call.

“ I’m here gorgeous.”

“Ok boo, coming right out.”

“Alright baby girl.”

Walking down the stairs feeling like a model in a movie everything moving in slow motion. My favorite song playing in my head. Open the door and there he is in the sexy flesh he is in. I take him in. Black and white Jordan’s . Khaki cargo shorts with just the right amount of sag. White v-neck shirt. Brightest smile I ever seen. All that could leave my mouth was.. “Damn…. you fine as hell daddy.”

“And you look like a beautiful movie star mmm spin around for me baby.” “Mmm mm mm. Even better than I imagined. You ready to go?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Let me get the door for you, mmm can you smack yo ass?” “ ha, no”

“I'ma do it anyway.”

“Ooh mm you so crazy.” “So where we going to?”

“The Umstead Hotel and Spa.”

“Ohh really. Damn…”

“Damn what don’t wanna go there or something?”

“No, no it’s not that. I always wanted to go but my husband would ever take me.”

“Why not?”

“He said he don’t want to spend his money on a fat pig like me. I’m not worth it.”

He just looked at me like he was in disbelief and disgusted. Trying to gather up what I said.

“Are you serious?! He said that ?! Hell Nah. What the fuck is wrong with him?”

“ I don’t even know any more.” I reply rubbing the nerve between my eyebrows. “

"Calm down baby girl alright just breathe in and out for me. Ok? I’m about to take real good care of you.”

“Ok, if you say so.”

Arriving at our destination. I was about to open the door and he beats me to it. Taking my hand and helping me step out. Giving me his arm and assisting to the door once I step inside it’s absolutely breathe taking. I’m lost for words can’t describe how it is. But the decor is beautiful the atmosphere and the vibe is positive and everyone is so nice.“ He checks us in and escorts me to the restaurant in side and we order the same thing The Grilled Lobster and a bottle of their best champagne. Hours past along with a few laughs and conversations.

"I just can’t believe that he would say that about you though. That’s just stupid. Please don’t tell me you believe him please tell me.”

“There are days where I do but then again..I don’t cause I know he still loves me then. I hear her voice and the background… anyways. It’s whatever.”

“You deserve better than that though, babe. I know we weren’t perfect but I can say those words never left my mouth. ”

“I know you didn’t and you’re right.. but we can’t go back those days anymore …”

“Or can we.” We look at each other. Like the flame between us is about to be re kindled, we both feeling sparks and feeling some fire, the infatuation is real and present in this room. He’s undressing me with his eyes and I’m doing the same to him. Biting my lip. Sipping on a last drop of the champagne wiping my lip so much seductively. Low key insinuating that I’m ready to give him some head. But I know he ain’t ready yet.

“You can use some more champagne, waiter refill the goddess glass please?”

“Yes,sir. Here you are miss enjoy!”

“"Are you trying to get me drunk so you can fuck me, lol?”

“No no no. Lol If I wanted to fuck you I would put you on this table in front of everyone and give them a real show.” “But I wanna make love to you. Tonight. Take my hand. This is how you should be treated.”

Ain’t gon lie to y'all this man is swooping me off my feet. I take his hand he pays the waiter for dinner. Leads me to the elevator as soon as the door close. He kisses me softly on my neck and on my lips passionately and deep. With a little French tongue action. The sparks between done turned into fire that we can’t no longer control. We bust in room tripping over furniture but not losing the rhythm not messing up the flow. Then I hear my song on the radio. He tells me he likes this song too ,but wants the instrumental and the song on repeat so he synced his phone to his speaker.

🎶
I probably shouldn’t be around you
'Cause you get wild, wild, wild
You looking like there’s nothing that you won’t do
Ayy, girl that’s when I told you
 When I’m with you, all I get is wild thoughts
Wild, wild, wild
Wild, wild, wild thoughts
Wild, wild, wild
When I’m with you, all I get is wild thoughts
Wild, wild, wild
When I’m with you, all I get is wild thoughts🎶

Now if you’re wondering why we’re listening to music so much. Because we’re music lovers, we listen to music that matches our love mood. It’s perfect for our vibe . Kissing and, touching, and rubbing, going back and forth but , once again. Here we go with them damn second thoughts. I tried to stop him saying I gotta go. I have to call my husband and let him know what’s going on. “I gotta go. .. I .. I can’t do this.”

“No no come on. Where you going?”

I run to the bathroom tried to call my husband. What the fuck that’s the fifth time he declined me. Hell nah. What the fuck is going on…

“Mmmm ahhh fuck daddy…”

“Hello.. what the hell!!! Hello ”

“I’m busy. Leave me the fuck alone!!!.”

“You know what take all the fucking time you need. I’M DONE WITH YOU I WANT A DIVORCE!”“

*call ended*

Tried to hold back my tears and regain my composure and head out. But by the time I open the door, I can tell he heard everything. I tried running away but he softly takes my arm and whispers in my ear. "It’s ok baby. Just give into me.”

So I do finally let loose. He kiss me I kiss him back. I push him down on the couch and straddle him kiss bite his neck. And pull off his shirt. Slide down to unzip his pants and throw them on the other side of the room. Untie his shoes and I take those off along with his socks too.

He tries to take off my coat but I stop him and push his hands away.

“If you want me to let loose and give in to you. Then lay back and relax for me.”

“Yes ma'am. Do your thang baby. ”

“You know I always wanted to give out a lap dance. I guess now is my chance. Turn that song up for me .”

The volume gets higher and higher. 🎶Shawty, this gonna be your favorite song… this is the remix.🎶 Hearing that piano playing smoothly with them fingers snapping and then the hi-hat and the drums make me look deep inside of all the shit that fucking piece of shit putting me through. And I start dancing like a pro stripper. I see him pull some bands out of his pockets and he throw them at me being my motivation.

“Yeah baby, there you go. Mmm shit that’s sexy as fuck. Keep going.”

Body rolling flipping my hair. Doing a spilt in the air. Twerking on him.

🎶Bring that shit back, let you hear somethin’ twice Ask how to keep drama clear from her life Said, “I don’t know, girl, but here’s some advice Stop bein’ friendly to the fuckboys (yeah) Stop bein’ friendly to the fuckboys (yeah) Stop bein’ friendly to the fuckboys Stop bein’ friendly to the fuckboys" (Hold up) Hold up, I’m who you’ve been cravin’ for The one that you save it for Hop in the shower and shave it for Come and watch Power the day before🎶

When Louso repeatedly said “stop being friendly to the fuck boys.” The more I forgot about my future ex husband and I walked slow and sexy back to my ex. And leaned down to his level.

“You ready to see what I got on under this coat?”

“Hell yeah. But take your time baby. ”

“Ok. Here we go.” Untie one bow after the other, taking it off my shoulders nice and slow, and let flow and drop onto the floor. Twirl my phat ass in his face and tease him real good making sure he can’t touch or get it. But I slip up on purpose and let him catch me. He pulls me to him and I look down but he puts his hand under my chin and left my head up. And looks at me deep in my eye. “No longer will you need to look down anymore, that’s over now baby. For now on. You keep your pretty head up. Now look at me.”

He stands up and picks me up off my feet and place me on the bed. Put my legs and feet in the air while my heels are still on. Kisses me from my feet, to my calves, to my legs, to my thighs, to my pussy, to both sides of my hips, to my stomach, to my breasts, to my neck, to my lips, mmmm sending chills to my spine his kisses was amazing setting me on fire, got me going crazy again.

“Mmmm shit. This feels so good. Keep going.”

“Ahhh wet this dick up for me baby.”

“Ok daddy.” “Ummm mmmm ahh mmm slurrp”

“Shhiit, hell yeah. Mmm yea baby suck that dick baby. Fuck.”

“Mmmm ahhh mmmm *chokes on it*”

He picks me up and puts me on his dick and lays me down on my back and he makes love to me.

“Hitting and stroking that pussy nice and slow.. mmm fuck!”

“Ahhhh yesss… this.. feel so.. damn amazing.”

“Yeah baby. I told you. I got you. Mmm shit.”

Ahhh fuck. I never had it like this before. I mean damn. He was deep in my pussy had me creaming and leaking sweet juices all over the bed and his dick. But he was taking his time with it. Every time I tried to look away. He moves my head to him and tells me to look at him.

“Every time you look away I will go harder and deeper. … ok think I’m playing mmm mmm mmm .”

“Oooh fuck you not playing damn. Ok ok ok mmm shit yes yes yes yes fuck I’m squirting already but keep going.”

“You can scratch me up if you want to. It’s all good baby. Ahhhh fuck hell yeah.”

“Ahhh shit yesss don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

“Baby you’re phone blowing up…‘mmmm fuck why now.”

“It’s prolly work …. ohhh shit.”

“Won’t me to answer it? Hmm won’t big daddy to answer it? Mmmm”

“'Mmmm fuck that phone and focus on this pussy.”

“Ohhh yes, my queen. Ahhhh fuck fuck shit.”

*8 missed calls* *2 voicemails* *1Text Notification* “Husband: baby I’m sorry call let’s talk”

“You’re phone ringing again, baby lemme answer this shit.”

“But baby don’t stop.” I say with a naughty pouty face.

“Don’t worry baby Ima still hit this pussy. And talk at the same time… it’s your husband. Allow me.”

“Hey baby look it’s not what seems....”

“Hey ,sorry, bruh she's really occupied with me right now. ”

“What.. WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!”

“Her ex nigga who’s about to be her new nigga all over again. Don’t believe me? Moan baby!!!”

“Ahhhh fuck yesss yesss yesss don’t stop ooh ohh ohh ohhh yes yes don’t stop.”

“ Well as you can clearly hear the lady is done with you and just getting started with me. Deuces nicca!” *Slide To Power Off* “Mmmm that shit was sexy daddy. Made me wetter.”

“Mmmm lol I can tell. I got you, don’t worry. I told you baby. Now bend over for daddy …. yeah… arch that back mmm yes just like that take this dick.” “Ahhhh yes yes daddy daddy yes damn.”

“Throw that ass back …. ohhhhh hell yea!!! There ya go.”

“Mmmmm shit I’m creaming and cumming again.”

“It’s ok just let it all go on my dick. Making love to this pussy. How feel baby? ”

“ It feels soooo fucking good daddy damn I needed this …. fuccck!!!!!!!”

“I know baby I know Gotdamn!!!! ”

To be continued….

🎶Baby you know who I am and girl I know just who you are We ain’t gotta rush into shit cause being in love is too hard I’m tired of all these flashing lights, girl we should just fuck in the dark Once you let me in it, I'mma get to switching, different positions Have that ass wishing that I was your nigga Wishing that I was your nigga, yeah yeah yeah Wishing that I was your nigga, yeah Once you let me in it, I'mma get to switching, different positions Have that ass wishing that I was your nigga🎶

MrsKandiiBaby💋🍭👅💦😏😘😜

[positivelylunatic]

#sunday

Yesterday afternoon, my parents had something to attend to, so for that day I was told to take care of my grandmother alone. It was not a last minute thing because Mum told me the night before and I agreed unwillingly. That led to the blog post about how reluctant I was to take care of my grandmother. After posting it, out of frustration, I paused and literally sat down to reflect. I closed my laptop, cleared the table and sat down with my two hands intertwined.

I need to figure out a way on how to set my mind right. For goodness’ sake, my grandmother has Alzheimer’s and all I want to think about is myself? And for heaven’s sake, my mother is taking care of grandma, her husband and two daughters all alone. Yet I am still being self-centered and demanded the day off to myself? My mum didn’t have any breaks at all! So, I was being extremely selfish and that’s it, I have enough of myself. 

Mum told me to bring grandma for a haircut. But I decided to bring her out for a little longer. I wanted to experience how it’s like to bring my grandmother out alone. The reason is because I have never went on a date with my grandma, not even for breakfast at the nearest coffee shop. Wherever my grandma goes, it will be accompanied by my mother. Each time I ask my mum out, she will consider if the place we are going will be suitable for my grandmother. I don’t understand why she must be so concern about this. Most places are wheelchair friendly, not too crowded, have food which my grandmother can eat, and very accessible to public transport.

It was only yesterday that I understand why at times Mum feels lazy to bring my grandma out. 

First problem: While getting ready, I was rushing all over the place. I did not have time to put on a lipstick color that matches my outfit. I forgot to bring my earpiece, use my watch and bracelet. Reason: I have to get ready my grandma as well before 3.00pm so we have enough time to go out together. Once my grandma is ready, she cannot sit still. She will keep asking “where are we going?” “where are my shoes?” “where is she?” “where where where?!?!” OH MY GOD. The pressure was so real, I had to quickly be done and out we go. She went absolutely quiet and relaxed as soon we step out of the house.

Second problem: I forgot to ask Mum for my grandma’s bus card so it’s either we travel by taxi or I have to buy the standard ticket (which I felt was quite a waste of money, granny is senior citizen so with her bus card, the fare will be so much cheaper). At first, I decided to just go on taking the train. But to go to the train station, I need to take the bus from where I stayed. However, no bus card + no coins to pay = I have to walk and push my grandma on the wheelchair. 

It was quite a distance but I’m used to it. Some times I walk to the train station and will approximately reach in 10mins. But it’s totally different when you have to push someone who is almost twice as heavy as you. It was so tiring and I needed a drink so badly. We made our first pit-stop at the interchange, sharing a large cup of Chin Chow. Ah.... So nice.

Me: Nek, so hot the weather. Quite tiring to walk, don’t you think? Her: Yah, I feel tired too.

......well Nenek, you are the one sitting on the wheelchair.

That’s when I told Nenek, “let’s just take a taxi”

Third problem: It’s advisable to always hold my grandmother as her balance is quite unstable. So, when we are getting into the taxi, I have to hold two things; my grandma and the wheelchair. BOTH ARE HEAVY AND I’M SO TINY. I have to act fast. Nenek has to be inside the taxi first before I can put the wheelchair in the boot. This is because she will follow me behind and stand on the road, NOT SAFE AT ALL. So yep, she has to be in the vehicle first. Then, immediately, I have to put the wheelchair in and attend to her. This is because when she realizes that nobody is going in the taxi with her, she will go out of the it. I am not going to waste everyone’s time to make her go back into the taxi.

When we reached Gardens By The Bay, there were so many people but luckily we were able to walk around with much ease. By that time, I got the hang of things already and things went smoothly afterwards. It was an eye-opening experience, I would say. Now I understand why my mother feels pressurized when bringing the old lady out. I only encountered 3 problems that day. Whatever level of stress I felt during those times, maybe my mum experience it 5 times worse, or maybe 10 times. I have to consider my mum’s age and strength too. With that declining, there is not much things she is able to do easily. 

I am trying to make it a point to bring my grandmother out every weekend. Just the two of us. Mum can join in if she wants to. Or if she prefers to stay home and relax, I don’t mind either. I need that day off with my grandmother, not with myself. I need her to fill in more empathy and love... so that I can give it specially for my own family.

[mychoisan]

Golden Flower episode 82

She wished she could stop. The image of his arms being held made her blood boil and evaporate through the membranes of her cells. Her breath became irregular and ominously faster than before and the forehead wrinkles got stayed prominent for a good while. “Acha apu, i have a few friends of mine who asked us to join them. Please come with me? I hope that's okay with you?” Eera only hoped she’d agree even though she had all the rights to say no. Thankfully she didn't. In no time they were standing in front of their own door with Shama holding on to the key card, ready to get in. “I'm just gonna give them a warning that we’re coming over” Eera put her hand over the mic of the phone and leaned towards shama. “Wait, didn't they already invite us?” Shama wondered why it was necessary to throw a warning. “Because they're boys” Eera cheekily smiled and patiently waited for Minhyuk to pick up. Just when she’d rolled her eyes for the infinith time this day and decided to text him, the other end responded. “Eera! What's up?!” Minhyuk spoke so brightly. Was that even possible for someone to speak brightly? Even if it wasn't, it made sense for his case. “Hey, so i was thinking of coming over to you guys, i have a friend with me too” “Yeah by all means, do join us. We’re kind of bored.. Except shownu hyung. He's dancing but I'll tell him to stop” Eera laughed out which she thought wasn't possible anytime soon given what she just came out of. “Okay we’re coming”. She hung up and turned to Shama. “I'll just grab a few things and change my shoes if that's okay?” “Yeah it's fine, no problem at all” Both of them entered their room first, in Eera’s case, to get things sorted out. Her head was everywhere and she tried not to collapse. “I have the biggest event ahead of me tomorrow, i can't let that ass ruin anything for me. I didn't let boys bother me all my life, i won't make an exception now either” She looked at the squeaky clean mirror after washing her face and drying with a snow-white towel. After she came out, she was determined than before. She knew it took her a lot to reach where she is now, there was no way she'd let it slide. She felt calmer and decided to focus on what's important and ignore the rest of the aspects that kept bothering her. She changed into comfy slippers from her fur boots, patted moisturizer on her face and applied pink tinted lipbalm. Shama was a little taken aback on how relaxed her getup became, even though she was going to hangout with an idol group. Shama knew that moment that she must be really close to the boys to be so comfortable with them. As soon as Eera put her hair up with a bun-rubberband, they left the room and marched towards their neighbor. As they entered the room, Eera found the boys as usual. It's almost like she knew what to expect. Hoseok was on his Mac book, changkhyun and jooheon were watching videos on YouTube. Kihyun looked like he took a shower, Shownu just lay there on the same bed as joo and changkhyun, and minhyuk and Hyungwon was on the other bed lying down, looking over order-in menus. “Seriously guys...” Eera chuckled but before she could say anything, she felt a hug approach her immediately from a small person. “Oh we've missed you..” Kihyun said after parting from his hug. “Missed me?” She hit him after the words dropped from her mouth. “Didn’t bother to drop by once after i left did you?” “We got busy and you were busy with work too, c'mon” “Yeah, don't blame it all on us” Hyungwon got up with a shining smile and changed bed to sit with Shownu, who’d now gotten up to make more space for everyone. “Yeah alright well, we all got busy.” She retreated, knowing there was no way she'd could’ve won an argument with these boys. “How are you now?” Jooheon stepped forward to hug her warmly. “Not good, you guys aren't there” She parted to hug Changkhyun who was almost waiting in line to hug his favorite noona. “I missed you so much noona” “Aww baby i missed you too” She patted his head affectionately. “Will we ever get a hug? It's like the maknae line gets the privilege” Minhyuk complained and pouted at the corner. Eera scoffed at him reached out to hyungwon and Shownu for a hug. “Have you been taking care of yourself?” Shownu asked gently after parting. “I'm trying to oppa” Minhyuk seemed offended for not getting the hug, almost beat himself for not putting himself first here. “Anyways guys, this is my friend from Sm and also my roommate, Shama. She's my unnie and she's a noona to most of you so treat her well” “Yeah we have already met” Jooheon cried out. Eera looked back at Shama and she just nodded at her “Yeah, we did” Her gaze shifted at Jooheon giving him a warm smile. Eera didn't bother asking how since they were literally neighbors and not running into one another would’ve been abnormal to say the least. Shama stood there all this time and watched how family like they were to Eera. She loved the air of the room, it was filled with so much love and affection. And these were idols to begin with. All the boys greeted her warmly and Hoseok got up to make space for both the girls to sit comfortably, even gave them pillows to use as armrests. “We ordered pizza and also Chinese food, hope you both are okay with it?” Hoseok looked at both of them with sparkly eyes as he sat in place of jooheon, who had now gotten up to sit beside Shama with Changkhyun and kihyun. “Yeah you'll have dinner with us tonight and it'll be here any minute now” Kihyun said as he wrote something down on his ipad and then shut it to put it aside. Eera knew he was writing or maybe tweaking to his lyrics. He writes a lot. “I'm cool with anything” She looked back at Shama and asked her if there's anything else she preferred. Shama nodded, and Eera noticed how down she was. Honestly, given the circumstances they'd witnessed just then, her feeling like this was pretty normal and Eera understood that very much. “Guys guys guys! Now Eera is working at....” Minhyuk got up suddenly with his one arm lifted in the air about to high five someone. “....SM ENTERTAINMENT” “OHHHHHHHH” A cheer broke out and the boys kept hitting and high fiving one another while Eera just sat there with a face that clearly said she'd rather not be here. Shama giggled from the sidelines, getting where the joke was going. “And CURRENTLY WORKING FOR EXO SUNBAENIM” “OHHHHHHHHH” cheers filled up and Eera just shook her head looking at Minhyuk, clearly she was the only one not enjoying this joke. “We should drink up to this” Shownu suggested and all eyes were on him. “Wait, i think we have dew somewhere here” Hyungwon got up and leaped over people with his long legs to get the dew bottles. Of course, as crazy as these boys were, they actually toasted to Eera's current position and after that, had a good dinner which had arrived shortly after 10mins. They talked for a good while almost for 45 mins, over their new album, how Starship was training them, kihyun complained a dozen about how messy the boys became and according to him, it was increasing “exponentially”. Hoseok whispered to Eera and let her know that he's working on songs and there is a chance starship might let him release those. This session didn't stay personal for long as JOOHEON broke it up and said “Oh we know what hoseok hyung is talking about” to which hoseok replied “it's still a secret”. Shownu let her know that he will be sent to variety shows because according to Hyolin, he needed to open up more. “That will be a great experience for you oppa” Eera brightly let shownu know and also tried to pour in some positivity in him through her uplifting smiling. Amongst all this, Eera noticed how grim Shama's face had become. She’d been like this all day, she enjoyed listening to stories and even talked to some of the boys but Eera knew her mind wasn't here to begin with. Shama finally had to break it out to Eera : “Eera, i am not feeling well, i think I'll go back to The room” Shama cried, her eyes floating in space. “Wait, I'll come with you..” Eera held Shama's hands and looked back at Hoseok and at the boys altogether. “Guys i think we should go now. Long day tomorrow right?” Eera cried out, looking at everyone's faces, trying to reason her statement. “Already? You could stay for longer...” Minhyuk suggested but it almost came out like a whine. “You're literally next door”. “No, i think you guys should rest up too. We have to wake up early tomorrow so yeah..” The boys understood her very well and didn't force any further. They knew that the management had to stay ready from before the idols reached the venue. Changkhyun gave Eera an affectionate hug and asked her to cheer for them tomorrow to which, Eera gladly agreed “You idiot, i will always scream for boys at the top of my lungs”. The girls said their farewells to the guys where they kept saying to cheer for them. As soon Eera closed the door behind her, she felt the void again. She felt the weight hit her and tried her best not to think about it. The walk to her room was slow even though it was right there. She kept looking down and tracing Shama's steps but it almost felt like the time was slower. “i can't think of that. I can't” She insisted herself.

[biologicallyimpaired]

November 27, 2019

Geez we’re almost through November already?? Goodness. Sorry it took so long to post. Life has been crazy, to say the least.

The surrogate pulled through like a champ and is healing well. We are adjusting to an infant at home. I’ve already had a flare up where I couldn’t do the Mom Thing and gotten sick and couldn’t do the Mom Thing, and tried to deal with all that emotional stuff -- tho luckily I have a great support system. I expect this stuff will show up more in future posts, so I won’t dwell on it here.

For the birth itself… that was something. There are a LOT more nitty gritty details but honestly I’m just too tired to go through them all over again. So here are the highlights:

*He was born Nov 2nd at 8.5lb and 19.5”. He came out with the cord around his neck and blue. They got him breathing (god waiting for that cry felt like an eternity) and bundled him up on me for skin to skin. It was supposed to last an hour and I got like 2 min. He wasn’t pinking up. In the moment I was terrified and angry they ripped my baby away from me right when I FINALLY got to make contact with him for the first time, but luckily they know how to explain stuff to an overly-emotional mom by now.

*They got him warmed up and he pinked up really well. They gave him back to me for more skin to skin. At some point the surrogate managed to pump some colostrum? I really don’t remember how that happened. I just remember getting a syringe with the colostrum in it to feed him. He took to feeding REALLY well. However, I noticed pretty quickly he wasn’t breathing right. I brought him over to the pediatrician to re-evaluate him. After a few minutes under the lamp and being monitored, he just wasn’t breathing any better. They took him to NICU.

*He was on oxygen for ~16-18 hrs (not really sure, it was all a blur; I honestly thought it was longer but timeline tells me otherwise). Then they were on regular air being pushed through his nasal tubes. He was also on a sugar drip & ABs and had to have a BATTERY of blood tests which made him VERY not happy. ~20 hrs after he was born, my husband got to hold him for the first time and we slowly learned how to handle a baby covered in wires.

*At some point during all this, my husband, who had stayed with the surrogate to make sure she was ok, came and got me from NICU to come back to the room. It was a 10min walk away from the NICU. Which is just beyond dumb. We didn’t get a closer room until literally our last night there. I walk into the room, after crying for HOURS at my baby’s bedside, finally a little more stable, and what greets us is an empty crib. I broke down again because that is where my baby was supposed to be. My family was amazing during all of this.

*On 11/3, after pleading with a few folks to give us formula to give him since he was clearly STARVING (he was a chonkster and the colostrum was slowing down), we talked to an amazing night nurse who helped us get it done. Apparently, some asshole nurse with an agenda made a note on his chart for family requested "Breastmilk ONLY" even tho we NEVER said that. The night nurse listened to us, deleted the note, and in 5 min had a script from the NP for baby-led feeding with formula supplementation. He took 9.5mL colostrum and 19mL formula. He stopped crying and slept like a champ. We're livid about the initial note but glad that it was fixed -- and that the other nurses are just as mad about it. [Also, this explains some of the dirty looks I’d been getting and the snark one nurse threw at me scolding me for not “letting” the surrogate breastfeed directly instead of pumping (like, she had a fever and cough so she couldn’t even go there, also that was a mutual decision).]

*On 11/4, the surrogate is sent home and thus we no longer have a room. We are told that the baby will have to stay in the hospital another 48 hrs to wait for another blood culture since the last one came up positive for Staph. We shuttle back and forth that night a couple times to deliver colostrum/milk but we really couldn’t manage more trips since we live an hour away from the hospital. God I felt so bad having to sleep away from my baby. Even worse, I felt super guilty that I actually got a good night’s sleep -- the first good sleep I’d had in a week tbh since I hadn’t slept well leading up to the birth and between the morning of 10/31 and 11/3, I couldn’t even manage a nap.

*On 11/5, my husband was on his way for his trip to take colostrum/milk when we got the call that the cultures were so clear there likely wouldn’t be anything on them (meaning a false positive for Staph on the last culture), and that he was breathing well enough & blood sugar was stable enough that they felt comfortable sending him home. He turned around, grabbed us, and we headed there. They had the IV sugar/antibiotic out before we got there and they let us take off his nasal tube.

I really don’t know how my parents handled it when I was stuck in the hospital for eternity. Because those few days, while nothing compared to how long I was in the hospital, seemed to stretch FOREVER. It was legit the worst feeling I’ve ever had to experience. But all this chaos doesn’t matter. Because on 11/5 our baby came home and our family is whole.

[sharnirosebeauty]

FLAWLESS SELF (FAKE) TANNING ROUTINE

Hey Guys! Here is my Fake Tanning Routine! - It may be a shock to some but i am a natural red head! (pale skin, freckles - no chance of ever actually naturally tanning)! 

I Love an extremely dark, natural looking tan! Trust me when i tell you that i’ve been tanning weekly for almost 3 years now & i’ve tried so many different things & products and i’ve finally found products and a routine i love!! Little DISCLAIMER: There is NOTHING wrong with having fair/pale skin! i personally love the look of fair skin on other people, but personally i feel sooo much more confident with a tan on! It makes my skin look so much clearer as it hides my scaring and redness! (not gonna lie it also give me some muscle definition that i do not have normally! haha)  TIP: ALWAYS tan 2 days before your event as your tan will always be at its deepest best tan 2 days later (Tanning Thursdays means that Saturday will be its best colour!) This is also why i always say to my deb girls to get a fresh tan Wednesday nights! It also gives you a day to correct anything that could have went wrong! or to add more colour if you feel it is needed x

SO lets start this from the start - OLD TAN REMOVAL (WEDNESDAYS) ALWAYS REMOVE YOUR TAN ATLEAST A DAY BEFORE YOU RE-APPLY, ITS IMPORTANT TO LET YOUR SKIN BREATH!! 

This is by far the worst part of fake tanning!  it can be the longest draining experience ever!! I used to use Lemon & Bicard soda - Let me tell you first hand that this is the worst way to remove tan, anyone who says to do this has never actually removed their whole tan with this.. I used to scrub and scrub and scrub for hours (LITERALLY) and there would still be blotchy parts here and there but i just gave up and would apply tan over it (Giving me a horrible streaky tan). 

Then i Found Bondi Sands Fake Tan Remover, This stuff is a gift from the angels i swear!!! I apply a relatively thin layer all over my body, while its soaking i run myself a hot bath & add my favourite bubbles and a bath bomb! at this point its been like 5-10mins & its time to start Scrubbin!  I use the Loving Tan Exfoliating/Skin polishing Mitt - This removes my tan effortlessly, no need to scrub so hard my skin hurts!!! In circular motions its removes tan a-lot better than just back and forth motions!  You DO have to scrub a-little harder around your ankles, knees & elbows but thats a given as they are dryer parts of our bodies! 

Once all your tan is off, its time to Hydrate your skin! I typically scrub off all my tan in the bath on a Wednesday night, then apply a heavy body butter or rich moisturiser right before bed so it really soaks in over night!  My favourite is the body shop’s body butters! they're so rich and luxurious! They also smell so good you'll want to eat them!!!  IT’S TAN TIME! (THURSDAYS) Now a huge mistake almost every tanner makes is that they sleep in their tan, causing it to over develop and go all kinds of funky colours! The time they tell you on the bottle is typically what you’re going to get the best results out of! I Use LeTan Uber Dark Green Base for my perfect tan!  Their directions are: 1. For a flawless, streak-free tan, ensure skin is clean and exfoliated.Shake well. 2. Using an application mitt, apply evenly to face and body. Use sparingly on elbows and knees. Double coat for a darker tan. 3. Leave on for at least 3 hours before showering in luke warm water for only 1 minute. Pat dry. Tan will continue to develop for 4-6 hours. Tip: If you’re looking for a lighter tan, simply wash off after 1-2 hours.

Knowing that information:   This is how MY Thursdays go- (Please note i understand most people do not have the time to do this - THIS is just what I do & What i have the time to do) I apply a Hefty amount of Moisturiser/Body Butter to my armpits, ankles, knees, elbows & Hands/Wrists.. This will Ensure This parts do not OVER DEVELOP and will look natural and not dry/patchy! 

(BEFORE, DURING & AFTER) 1. I Apply my first layer of tan (everywhere besides my hands & face) at anywhere from 7-9am - then i sit & just chill out, do my paper work, respond to booking inquiries & etc! 2. Every hour i will apply another layer to the same places (not face and hands) i also try to avoid applying too much to my knees, ankles or elbows as those are areas that grab very quickly and will end up a-lot darker than everywhere else. 3. AFTER 4 Hours (around 12-1pm) i will have the quickest shower in the world in practically cold water to ensure i don’t opens my pores too much! PAT DRY THEN REPEAT THIS WHOLE PROCESS  4. At around 2pm i will apply a whole fresh layer of tan to my entire body (not my hands or face) avoiding my ankles, knees & elbows!  5. Every hour i will apply another layer to the same places (not face and hands) still avoiding the same places!  6. At around 4-5pm i will apply tan to my hands and face! i only let this sit on my skin for an hour or 2 MAX!  7. at 6pm i will shower all my tan off (again a quick luke warm shower!) and viola! the tanning process is complete!  As LeTan says your tan will develop for a further 4-6 hours, this is perfect because our first application will be almost done developing & now our last application has over night to further develop!  HERE IS 2 AFTER PHOTOS (ONE FROM A DISTANCE, OTHER A CLOSE UP) 

Trust me you will wake up as a bronzed goddess the next morning i promise! (Even deeper on Saturday morning!!) HOW TO KEEP YOUR TAN FLAWLESS AND HOW TO AVOID DRY/PATCHINESS Moisturise Heavily every morning or night!! - Typically i use a standard body moisturiser everyday when i hop out of the shower then a body butter right before i go to sleep, this helps my skin to stay glowy & hydrated! it also makes your tan last so much longer! i can usually get 2 weeks out of my tans just because my skin is hydrated! Lets be honest though we all want a fresh tan for the weekend! so i will only ever make my tan last 2 weeks if i don’t have anything one! Thanks for reading guys! Let me know what else you guys would love to know! -Sharni xx

[alnhealthandwellness]

The Effects of Stress and What You Can Do About It! Let’s face it we live in an incredibly stressed out world! And it’s killing us. In life we are going to deal with stress and not all stress is bad stress. Good stress can be a new job, moving, new baby or pet, family you love coming to visit, ect. And I’m pretty sure we all know what bad stress is. Dr. Mercola, MD a member of the Political advocacy group Association of American Physicians and Surgeons states that a stressor becomes a problem when:
• Your response to it is negative
• Your feelings and emotions are inappropriate for the circumstances
• Your response lasts an excessively long time
• You’re feeling continuously overwhelmed, overpowered, or overworked Here are some Factors That Make Stress Worse
According to neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky, in the documentary Stress: Portrait of a Killer, you are more vulnerable to stress if the following factors are true:
• You feel like you have no control
• You’re not getting any predictive information (how bad the challenge is going to be, how long it will go on, etc.) 
• You feel you have no way out
• You interpret things as getting worse
• You have no “shoulder to cry on” (e.g., lack of social affiliation or support) Emotional or traumatic chronic stress has far reaching damaging effects on our bodies. Dr. Veronique Desaulniers, from The Breast Cancer Conqueror, states, “There are many situations that can cause the “bottom to fall out” of our lives. They can cause chronic stress, emotional trauma, and even leave us with medically-diagnosable psychological disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).” According to the latest research on stress, the emotions, and cancer… this emotional trauma can actually feed cancer. Problems seem to arise when “emotional trauma goes unhealed and the body system is in a constant state of heightened stress”, says, Dr. Desaulniers. A recent study reported that the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) can actually nurture metastasis when it is chronically activated. Under chronic stress, the SNS is “turned on” essentially all the time. In this heightened state, adrenaline and noradrenaline-stimulating mechanisms within it will actually rework genetic code which can lead to a number of pro-cancer processes. Prolonged stress can also damage your brain cells and make you lose the capacity to remember things. Researchers have found that the brain cells of stressed rats are dramatically smaller, especially in the area of their hippocampus, which is the area of the brain that controls learning and memory. So depending on your stress level, your inability to remember where you laid your keys may not be due to age, it may be due to your stress level! There is hope! Wow! All of this is may be scary or at the very least a little sobering, as it should be! But on the brighter side, there is HOPE! Positive emotions like happiness, faith, and optimism can actually generate changes in your body’s cells, even sparking the release of feel-good brain chemicals. Did you know a 10-second hug a day can lead to biochemical and physiological reactions in your body that can significantly improve your health? It’s true! According to one study, this includes: Lowering the risk of heart disease, Reducing stress, Fighting fatigue, Boosting your immune system, Fighting infections and Easing depression. Our reaction to stress can also effect various functions of our bodies. For example, when we are stressed our breathing changes. Instead of taking full and complete breaths, we begin to shallow breathe which in turn, becomes faster and triggers the stress hormone cortisol and activates the sympathetic nervous system to go into fight or flight mode. The synopsis in your nerves start firing off faster to get ready for that fight or flight you are about to take. Have you ever noticed that when you are arguing your breathing gets faster and it stops in your chest? This actually tends to happen in most stressful situations. So go with me on this. Take 10-15 rounds of breath, shallow breathing (kind of like when you hyperventilate). Notice how that feels. What did you feel? Now, sit up straight with both feet on the floor, place your hands on your lap and take 10 rounds of breath breathing in all the way down to your belly to the count of 4 or 5 and make your exhale 1 or 2 counts longer than your inhale. So if your exhale was to the count of 4 your exhale should be to the count of 5 or 6. And if your exhale was to the count of 5 your exhale should be to the count of 6 or 7. Notice a difference? What do you feel? This is a calming breath. Reducing your reaction to stress can be as little as taking a minute to deep breath. If you practice this for as little as 5-10mins a day it will become a habit. Once it’s a habit, it will come to you naturally during that stressful situation. Let’s face it, even if we had all the money in the world, no problems and lived on a deserted island with just the people we really liked; there would still be stress! Stress-induced weight gain is real and typically involves an increase in visceral fat; that is the fat that is around the organs and accumulates as belly fat, which is the most dangerous fat for your body to store, because it increases your cardiovascular risk. Ok so what can we do about that? You guessed it! Exercise! So, let’s talk about exercise and the incredibly positive effects it has on our bodies which include reducing stress. Doing as little as 30 minutes of cardio, three to five days a week you can actually add six years to your life, according to research at the Cooper Clinic in Dallas. But that’s not all. Here are some more facts about exercising. According to Michele Olson, PhD, professor of exercise physiology at Auburn University at Montgomery in Alabama, “your heart rate increases, and blood is delivered to your muscles. You start burning calories for fuel. And you get an almost immediate mood boost.” You start to feel amazing! Mood-enhancing chemicals, like serotonin and dopamine, rush into your brain for a couple of hours after exercise and for up to a day if you’ve participated in an endurance event, like a marathon. And you actually burn calories even when you are at rest. “For every 100 calories you burn during your workout, you can expect to burn 15 calories after, If you went on a three-mile run, you would reduce about 300 calories, which could mean an extra 45 calories later”, according to Cedric Bryant, PhD, chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. Regular stress management is essential for everyone. There are literally dozens of modalities that can help heal the wounds of emotional trauma and reduce chronic stress that can lead to various diseases. For some, this might consist of staying away from negative or overly stressed out people, meditation, prayer, counseling, support groups, or lately at the very least turning off the nightly news, or Facebook if it is too distressing, to avoid feeling empathic stress, or you could exercise. The key to using exercise to help reduce your stress is to find something you love to do. It could be yoga, running, boxing, Zumba, just about anything that gets you moving. Make an appointment with yourself to take care of yourself and keep that appointment like your life depends on it because well it does! Ultimately, however, whatever you do for stress relief is an incredibly personal choice, as your stress-management practices must be interesting to you but, more importantly, actually work for you. You are worthy. You are capable and you are deserving. So reduce your stress and take care of your body, you only get one! I close out every yoga practice I teach with, Be thankful for all the things you are able to do and Be thankful for the body that you have for it’s like no others! Your body is your most priceless possession, so take good care of it!