#i literally gave up with pickles i was so tired of cleaning his face up

[dethkrypt]

⟡ s4e8 × dethvanity - god-awful matching icons that aren't even properly cleaned up cause idgaf .

[giggly-squiggily]

Not What I Actually Meant (Big Windup)

*dancing* Hey hey guess who's got Big Windup to share? I do :D I wrote this for the ever amazing @intheticklecloset and wanted to share it! I hope y'all like it :D

Summary: Abe blurts out something he doesn't mean in the heat of the moment, and now Mihashi's overthinking himself sick. Time to sort things out.

Cloud 9 (Taglist Peeps):

@cupcake-spice13

Abe was in a pickle.

It was especially bad, given how he didn’t even like pickles!

It all started a few days ago during baseball practice. The day had been long and he was oh so very tired. So tired in fact he didn’t see Tajima until the little bastard was behind him, sinking his fingers into his ribs.

“GAH! Son of a-Tajima!” He snapped as he twisted around, facing the grinning clean up hitter. “Would you freaking STOP?”

“What’s wrong, Abe? You’re so grumpy today!” Tajima stuck his tongue out playfully, unfazed by the catcher’s glare. “A real sour puss too! I haven’t seen you smile once this entire session!”

“It’s hard to smile when you have idiots running around jamming fingers in your ribs! I freaking hate that!” Abe fussed, swatting at him as Tajima did a little crab dance, mock pinching at him just out of reach. “Go mess with someone else if you’re so bored!”

Tajima blew a raspberry at him before running off, doing exactly as Abe suggested. Rubbing at his sides, he turned to find Mihashi standing nearby. “What a pain in the ass. He’s lucky he’s so good at what he does, else I’d break his arms.”

The pitcher was quiet as they walked, something tense in the air between them. “Are you listening?”

“Huh? Oh, I, erm- ugh..” Mihashi yelped at the question, his face lined with anxiety. “S-Sorry, I just eh..”

Abe took a breath, waving him off in what he hoped to be a gesture of faith. He really didn’t have the mental strength to do this today. “It’s fine. Don’t sweat it, Mihashi.” When that anxious look remained, he reached out and punched his shoulder. “Good job today.”

That seemed to help. Mihashi flushed with pride, eyes shining. “T-Thank you! Y-You did good too.”

And yet, despite this- that anxious frown somehow found its way back as they walked home, seeming to remain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a few days since, and Mihashi was still acting weird around him.

At first, Abe assumed it was due to stress. It was mid-year exam time, that combined with practice running longer meant there was more to juggle than usual. That explained why he suddenly looked ready to faint all the time.

That didn’t explain however why he was being distant-literally. In game, Mihashi was golden; following his signs and tuned in to his comments and critiques. Outside that, he put at least three feet of space between them on the bench, and when they were standing next to one another, he’d freeze up, straight as a board and barely breathing.

At some point the catcher gave himself a discreet sniff to see if he offended, but outside sweat, he smelled fine.

Finally, after what felt like an additional foot of space was added between them, he had enough.

“Come here.” Abe didn’t bother with questions, grabbing Mihashi’s arm and dragging him out of the dugout. He waved off concerned brows as they made their way towards the school, finally having a minute alone. “What’s going on, Mihashi?”

The pitcher flinched at the directness of his tone. “Erm, I..erm…”

“Come on, spit it out already!” Abe growled, wincing when the pitcher’s lip quivered. Gentle, gentle. “You’ve been distancing yourself from me lately, and whenever we’re standing near each other you get all weird.” He hated the tone of hurt creeping into his voice, but so be it. “What, do you not want to hang out anymore?”

“No!” Mihashi yelped out, wide eyed as he shook his head. “No, not at all!”

That sounded earnest enough. Abe waited, knowing if he demanded an answer the pitcher would only shut down. Mihashi took a breath as he looked at his hands, lips quivering and eyes filling. “I feel ba-ad, that’s a-all.”

“...Huh?” Abe blinked, not sure what that meant. “What do you have to feel bad about? You haven’t done anything wrong?”

“B-But-” Mihashi shook his head, his frown deepening. “I have! Y-You said the o-other day…about Tajima, an-and..”

The other day? Abe had mostly forgotten what he said. “What did I say about Tajima?”

“Yo-You told him you…that you ha-hated it when..” Mihashi waved his hands, voice shaking as his anxiety got worse. “When he tickled you. I felt bad because I’ve been doing it t-too…I’m rea-ally sorry, Abe.”

The catcher stared, racking his brain as he tried to remember when he ever said that. Wait- wasn’t it-

Oh.

Oh.

“Ah geez.” Abe rubbed his face with both hands, both relieved and exhausted at the same time. Mihashi looked up at him with wide, wet eyes- seeming to forget how to breathe. “I really messed up, didn’t I?”

“A-Abe? No, I-”

“You heard me tell Tajima I hated being tickled.” The catcher stated, watching Mihashi deflate some. “And now you feel like you’ve been making me uncomfortable this entire time and feel like shit. Am I somewhere in the ball park here?”

Nail in the coffin. Mihashi bowed his head as he nodded, pulling at his fingers so tightly they were turning white. Abe felt his neck get hot as he looked towards the field, finding the words.

“Look, in that moment, that was how I felt. I was tired and cranky, and I didn't like being tickled at that moment.” He willed himself to look back at the pitcher- finding those wide nervous eyes on him. “That…doesn’t mean I don’t like being tickled at all. I don’t mind it when I’m in a better mood, and I..don’t really mind it when you do it either.” God, was it hot in here? He tugged at his collar, gritting his teeth. “So stop acting so weird about it. You’ve done nothing wrong, and if I actually want you to stop, I’ll tell you.”

“O-Okay.” The pitcher nodded, seeming to relax. Not enough if you asked Abe though. “T-Thank you for telling me.”

The catcher nodded, leaving them kinda standing there. This was getting more and more awkward by the minute. Mihashi looked like he wanted to ask something, opening and closing his mouth as he fiddled with his hands.

“You can do it if you want.” Abe gestured, earning a small yelp from the other.

“Are you sure?”

“Would I be offering it if I wasn’t?” He put his arms up and behind his head, looking at Mihashi expectantly. “If it puts your mind at ease, then do it. I’ll tell you when I’m through.”

The shy pitcher nodded, hesitantly reaching out and prodding at Abe’s side. It made him twitch, but he refused to put his arms down. “C-come on now, I know you can do better than thahat!”

The gentle prods turned into more fingers, lightly clawing at his side while Abe puffed his cheeks. Sure, he could just laugh, but what fun would that be? “O-Okay! Here I come, Abe!”

He would have told the pitcher to “bring it” if he hadn’t immediately broken into giggles at the addition of a second hand. “Gah! Ehehhahahaha! S-Sehehehehee? Thihihis if fihihihne! I’m nohohohoht hahahahhting thihihihis at ahahahhahall!”

Mihashi’s worried look was fading with each laugh earned, his eyes softening and his frown fading into a small smile. “G-Good! I’m happy to hear t-that.” He changed his finger positioning in such a way it nearly made the catcher shoot his arms down, the tickles riding his nervous system in waves.

Who knew the world’s most anxious pitcher was this good at tickling? If he ever got serious, he could probably put Tajima to shame. “Aheahhahahha! Gehahhaha, cooohohome ohohohon- I’m nhoohohot juhuhuhust tihihihicklish oohohn my rihihihibs!”

“D-Do you want me to move?” Mihashi asked, pausing briefly while Abe caught his breath. “I can go somewhere else if you want..”

“Heh..hehehe..y-yeah, sure. Whahahtever works.” Abe didn’t really have a preference. Whatever floats his boat, right?

Then fingers dug into his stomach out of nowhere and Abe began regretting giving Mihashi such free range.

“GAHAHA!” He immediately doubled over at the touch, arms shooting down and blocking his belly as he fell to his knees. “Gahhahad, a wahaharning next tihihime, Mihihhashi! Ehehehee! Yohoohu can’t go arohohund thiihckling a man’s pudge like that!”

Mihashi seemed stunned into silence, eyes wide. For a moment, Abe wondered if he was too harsh in his response.

Then the pitcher was covering his mouth, cheeks puffing and warming. He let out a few muffled giggles before giving up and laughing outright. “Ahehehehahaha! Puuhuhudge?”

He did say that, didn’t he? Abe snorted, grinning at the sight of Mihashi all but falling on  his butt in soft giggles, one hand covering his mouth while the other held his belly. “That really tickled you, didn’t it?”

Laughing still, Mihashi could only nod as he wiped at his face. It was such a refreshing sight, seeing those anxious lines finally, finally fade away. “Eheheh..heheh..sohohorry.”

“What did I say about apologizing?” Abe tsked, reaching out and lightly shoving Mihashi when the other panicked. “Relax, dude. Really- you’re fine.”

The pitcher nodded, something easier in his gaze when he met his eye again. “Thank you..but still, I am sorry for being weird earlier. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“You-” Damn, was it obvious. Abe cleared his throat as he looked away. The field felt hot once more. “Fine, okay, maybe it did piss me off, but we’re fine now. I’m over it.”

“But-”

“Mihashi, if you apologize one more time I’m gonna sit on you and tickle you until you pee.” Abe glared, putting all his intensity in it. An empty threat, but it did the job. The pitcher nodded rapidly, muttering about understanding. “Cool? Cool. Let’s get back before Coach sends Tajima after us.” He pulled Mihashi to his feet, walking back feeling refreshed. To his personal satisfaction, Mihashi wasn’t putting distance between them anymore.

When they got back to the dugout, he even felt a small poke in the ribs before the pitcher headed onto the field for drills. Abe raised a brow, strangely proud.

He likely just released yet another tickle monster upon himself.

Eh. Worth it if it meant he felt more confident.

Thanks for reading!

[scuttling]

Signals

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Latina OFC Word Count: 2,063 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Overstimulation, Multiple orgasms, Oral sex, Vaginal fingering, Unprotected sex, Rough sex, Daddy kink, Dom/sub, Praise kink, Biting, Hickies, Choking, Sex toys, Subspace, Aftercare Summary: Buying a present for Aaron starts a new (very smutty) tradition. Note: This is a reformatted, previously published work. Link to A03 or read below! It all starts with a trip to the mall with Prentiss and Garcia.

Prentiss is looking for a new set of luggage, Garcia is looking for a few new dresses, and Sophie’s just along for the ride, but when she spots the tie, she immediately knows she wants to buy it for Aaron.

It’s a deep, dark navy blue, silk, with a paisley print—Armani, so something he would never buy for himself—and she just knows how good it would look on him with a black suit, crisp white shirt, silver watch. Her mouth practically waters, and Prentiss shoots her a knowing smile when she glances over her shoulder and sees her holding it.

“Present for your special someone?” she asks, and Sophie glances back, smiles softly.

“Yep. He’ll probably just tell me I shouldn’t have wasted the money on him, but I was really drawn to it. I’m gonna get it.”

When she gives it to him after dinner that night, his face is serious, his eyes almost amber colored in the yellow light of the kitchen, and he pulls her onto his lap, kisses her warm and deep. His hands slide up her body, holding her at the waist, and she sighs, lets herself be kissed and held up by his hands for so long that she’s foggy with pleasure when he pulls back.

“I take it you like the tie?” she murmurs, and he sets her carefully on her feet, pushes his dinner dishes aside, and lays her back on the table; it leaves her breathless, and she just looks up at him, panting, sitting up on her elbows, while he takes off her jeans and panties.

He pulls her close to the edge of the table, one of his feet on the ground and his other knee up on his chair, and he makes a fucking meal out of her, brings her off twice with his tongue; her second orgasm hits her so hard that her eyes water, and he makes sure she’s alright before pushing two fingers inside her and fucking her to a third, praising her for being sweet and thoughtful as he presses deep.

“I like the tie,” he says when she is throbbing around his fingers afterward, her face flushed and wet, and all she can do is babble in response; he kisses her cheeks softly, takes her in his arms, cuddles her close, and carries her to bed. The first time he wears it, she catches a glimpse of him putting it on in the mirror, and heat floods her body. She freezes where she stands, breathing hard, and he turns, curious; his eyes sweep over her, taking in the signs of her obvious arousal, and he looks down at the tie, back up at her face.

“Oh. You remember the night you gave me this, don’t you, sweet girl? You were so thoughtful, buying a present for your daddy,” he says, taking a step toward her. She swallows hard, licks her lips, and nods. “I rewarded your kindness the best way I know how.”

“Yes, daddy. You made me feel... very good.” She can almost feel his hands on her, his tongue, and she shivers.

“Yes, I did. It was my pleasure, and I’m happy to do it again tonight, if you like.”

“The same thing, or something different?” she asks softly, and he puts his hands on her hips, presses his lips to hers.

“Anything you like, baby. You can think about it, let me know later?” She looks up at his face, so soft and loving, knows instantly what she’d like—but she’ll let him wait it out for a little while. There’s no reason she should be the only one desperately day dreaming of tonight.

“Yeah, I’ll let you know,” she answers, breathless again, and he smooths one palm over her ass, squeezes softly, and lets her finish getting ready.

She contemplates putting on fresh panties again, but decides that there’s really no point.

“Does that feel good, baby? Is this what you wanted?” Aaron purrs in her ear as he fucks her from behind, her hands squeezing the couch cushion while he pounds into her pussy. She’s got a throw pillow under her hips to tilt them up for him, and he’s so deep, so delicious.

“Yes, oh, god, yes,” she pants, and she moves one hand to cover his where he’s supporting himself on the edge of the sofa. “You feel so good.” Her tits are smashed against the seat of the couch, her ass jiggling each time he slams against it, her clit rubbing roughly on the throw pillow, and it’s everything she imagined and more.

“Perfect, gorgeous girl. So good for me.” One of his hands moves to her hair, and he pulls it all to one side, over her shoulder, so he can see her face better, probably. “You love to be fucked hard by daddy. You love the feel of me against your ass.”

“Yes, I love it. I love you.” She spreads her legs a little, one of her feet pressing against the rug for leverage, and he gets rougher, thrusts quicker. She whines, drops her cheek to the cushion, and just lets herself be fucked, her body moving only because of his deep, relentless thrusts.

“I love you, Sophie. You’re so perfect, wanting me to use you like this. When you ask for my cock, it’s almost impossible to deny you—but you know that, honey, don’t you? You know all I want is to make your tight little pussy quiver around me.” She moans into the couch, nods weakly, and when he leans in again to bite her shoulder, she comes. “Yes, that’s it. We’re not done yet, though.”

“Aaron,” she whimpers, her clit sensitive, and he mouths at the bite, kisses her arm.

“You’re fine, baby. You’re okay.” The hand not covered by hers moves to her ass, and he squeezes as he pumps inside. “You’re okay. You can take me, can’t you, good girl?”

“Hmm, yes,” she mutters, and she’s overstimulated, but she wants to be good for him, doesn’t want him to stop.

She gets too tired to do anything with her hands, just brings them up to rest by her face, and he moves his to her hips, holds her tight, and hammers her soft, pliant body until he comes; she feels him fill her, feels some slide out when he withdraws, and she exhales deeply, spent.

“No, no,” he says when she sags against the couch. “I want one more orgasm from you, baby girl.” He lifts her hips, tucks the pillow more firmly beneath her pussy, and it’s wetter now, from both of their come. “Hump this for me, okay?”

She’s tired, and satisfied, fuzzy, but she works her hips as best as she can. Aaron’s broad palms come to rest on her ass, and he spreads her open a little, watches her grind against the pillow. It makes her cheeks heat, being inspected so closely by her daddy, and she comes, neck outstretched, moans weak and broken.

He kisses her lips, her shoulder, and rubs his hand soothingly up and down her back; they get cleaned up in the shower, and he feeds her a snack in the kitchen—cheese and pickles, her favorite. Then, he wraps her in a blanket and tucks her into the armchair while he strips the couch cushions of their covers, throws them in the washer; she watches him with a sleepy, happy smile. The tie becomes an unofficial signal: when Aaron wears it to work, Sophie knows she is going to be taken apart thoroughly when they get home, will end the night with her body aching and her brain empty, and Aaron knows she knows.

This time, he left home wearing a red tie, she’s absolutely certain of that, but when they gather for their morning meeting, he’s wearing the blue one; she literally stops mid-stride when she sees it, and Prentiss crashes right into her back, almost causing a domino effect in the doorway. “Are you okay?” she asks, clearly concerned, but Sophie just swallows hard and nods, takes her seat without a word. Aaron turns to hide a smirk, the evil, rotten, bastard.

The evening begins agonizingly slow, with Aaron stripping her of her shirt and pants, laying her back on the bed, panties pushed aside, and fingering her with only one finger for a good twenty minutes. He has her whimpering, shaking, because it feels so good but it’s not enough, and it’s only when he leans in to slide his tongue through the wetness pooling around his finger that she comes, squeezing her legs together; he forces them open with his free hand, making her mumble and shiver.

“Beautiful, sweetheart. You’re so gorgeous when you get like this: needy and desperate for daddy.” She wants to reply, can’t, just nods her head.

When she’s calmed down a little, he pulls her panties off, but her bra stays on. She doesn’t understand why, at first, until strong hands push up her thighs, and he inserts himself inside her, wraps his fingers around the fabric between the cups of her bra. It pulls down, exposing her chest, for the most part, and he uses that to hold her steady while he fucks her into oblivion.

Her tits bounce with each thrust, and her hands do absolutely nothing, because she’s forgotten how to use them; all she can do is whimper, murmur daddy, and clench around his dick, so that’s what she does.

“Oh, fuck, baby. Are you fuzzy already? Was one little finger enough to make you brainless?” She nods, pants, and he squeezes his eyes shut, something he does when he’s trying not to come. “You’re my perfect girl, Sophie. You’re the best girl. I love you so much.” She whines high in her chest, licks her bottom lip a couple of times, and he reaches his other hand up to wrap around her throat.

“Mmm, daddy,” she sighs, and when he spills inside her she hums, pleased, and manages to bring her hand up to hold his wrist at her throat. He keeps it there for a moment, then lets go, takes off her bra and comes up to kiss the angry, red marks it left behind.

He slips two fingers inside her, and she’s so messy, she can feel it, groans when the thrust of his hand makes her feel squishy inside. “It’s only me, baby, it’s daddy’s come. I’ll push it deeper inside and make you shiver for me, sweet girl.” His hand moves quickly, his mouth still gentle on her breasts, and when he carefully bites down on her nipple, she does climax, trembling and breathing hard until he guides his fingers out.

He holds her, soothes her, and when she’s able to speak, it’s a flood of words like thank you and love you and so good to me and wow. “You’ve worn that tie twice this week,” Spencer mentions to Aaron in the briefing room one day. He looks down, slides his hand over it, and glances back up at him.

“I like it. Sophie bought it for me,” he explains, and Spencer nods, smiles at her.

“It’s nice. Pretty color.”

“Thanks.” She flushes and looks back down at the interoffice memo they’re supposed to be reading; she still has hickies and bite marks on her ass and thighs from the last time he wore the tie, on Monday, and her mind has been racing, thinking of what kind of reward it will earn her today.

“So, so pretty, baby,” he coos as she gasps through her fourth orgasm of the night. There is a vibrator in her pussy, a smaller one in her ass, and she droops against him where he holds her up, his back against the headboard of their bed. “You sound so pretty when you come for me, my good girl.”

He makes love to her after that, pumping slowly, gently, into her worn out body, and she musters up enough energy to kiss him, sigh Aaron, and clutch at his hair until he comes.

She calls off sick the next day, literally too well-fucked to be of any use to her team. When Aaron gets home from work, all she’s wearing is the tie.

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[qdtquietdownthere]

Day 9- Magic in mix ups.

Day 9

I start the day with babies. Completely surrounded by babies. I walk into Victoria library and ask for the story telling event but the man seems very confused and tells me there is no event. Ah! but there is! I get escorted to the baby library with a clear sign outside which reads “no unattended adults allowed” or something like that. I feel a bit peculiar to be there childless. When I sit down cross legged on the coloured carpet I introduce myself straight away to one of the mothers who is there with her little girl. Then for the first time ever in the residency- I introduce the project unannounced. Maybe to soften the weirdness of being a young person sat cross legged in a sea of children. The class is great and the children love it. It Is madness actually. There are toddlers everywhere. Something hits me about the session however as I watch- non of the parents talk to each  other. Even at the beginning, before the session had started, no one interacted. People then streamed out after the session had finished. Completely consumed by being parents. Which is fair enough. Its just fascinating how this space which was for kids and babies, was somehow ghost chaperoned by parents. The parent, and woman, who is spoke with told me she had a teenager and was looking for activities for him to do. This is the first time someone has reacted with a request for information when they find out why I am there. I like this reaction especially because I also feel there isn't much going on for teenagers, from what I have seen. We talk about how it needs to be cool but not sport. A tricky brief for self conscious pre pubescent kids and teenagers. I leave the class feeling broody, but needing a coffee and thinking about this lack of conversion. Im pickled. I eat some dates.

I pop into the Victoria shopping mall for a loo break. I am happy because they are free and clean and there isn't a big line. It makes me wonder about getting people out the house. An elderly person, or even younger people often worry about access to toilets while in public. I wonder how much more of a consideration is for disabled people, or parents with babies. I noticed on my first day in Pimlico library there was a sign on the door giving directions to the closest public toilet other than the ones in the library. I want to suss out the obstacles which will hinder someone from getting off the settee and leaving their flat. 

In the afternoon, something magic happens. 

It is magic from a big mess up…a mess up I made.

I ever so orderly walked on to the library to get changed into my leggings and sports bra for my afternoon session of yoga. After the last exercise class, I think it’s better to be overly exercised dress than under. I head over to Thamesbank centre gearing myself up then BOOM, I remember, Yoga is at The Abbey Centre. Which is 30 minutes minimum walk away. Class was about to start. This, however, is where the magic is. I initially think oh no what have I done, this is there residency ruined and then I though, what will I do for 1hr30minutes. Without much consideration or hesitation I wandered into the Thamesbank centre to see what was happening. Their door is always open, literally. I was greeted with big smiley faces from some of the older ladies I recognised from the ETAT session earlier in the week. Emily was also there with her carer. People were coming and going. Some were eating chilli and others painting. A war veteran who was at the last session was continuing to paint his remembrance poppy painted clock. It was a living room. I wandered to the back to sit with Edna and two ladies who I had been at Lunch club with in week 1. It felt natural and powerful because this was my decision. My connections. It was a space for me to hang out. I wasn't there with agenda or a task. I was there to spend 90 minutes just being. We spoke of all things, of Ireland, of volunteering, attractive dentists, fussy house guests and I was even told how best to eat spam (covered in batter then deep fried). I was also able to have a good conversation with one of the ladies who I had met at lunch club and got the sense she didn’t like me. We had a good chat and Im now pretty confident she does like me. I think. 

The whole experience felt really natural, which is something I know I crave. It was enjoyable for me, simply as me and I was proud that being in this community lead to choosing not to go to the library when I messed up, or had free time, but to put myself into the complete unknown. I then started drawing with a lovely young lady called Mazz. We exchanged pictures and I walked away feeling better than I have felt before In the residency. As I walked away I wrote: 

“I go back as a friend, as an equal, as just someone who is a bit lonely in that minute, to pop in and say hi. I am now a promoter or being a popper. I will advocate the hugely beneficial effects of popping in. Popping your head in. Stopping for one cup of tea. For a quick natter as the side of the street. There is power in the little moments. There is power in being a regular. Pop in. EVERYONE SHOULD ALWAYS JUST POP IN”

This has been overwhelming in my time here in and around Churchill Gardens. It has been overwhelming at how regular people are to activities because of the lack of commitment needed to be a regular. It doesn't require money, a rolling bank transfer, monthly subscriptions. People come and go and talk and talk it seriously or don't talk it seriously. The activities in place work at this point because they are accessible to people who don't know what next week will be like. I believe the quick fleeting moments of joining in with a space or activity for whatever amount of effort or time you can give is wonderful. It works on this level, and in this instance. 

There is a List which my Dad of all people gave to me many many years ago. It is titled ‘Golden Rules’ and at this point in my life, and in the residency it seems vital. 

(Excuse the poor picture quality)

Today has given me a deeper belief in the golden rules and a further sense of home in this community. I think the rules ignite what this residency has been, and what it continues to deliver. Tiring and vulnerable and gosh I have never needed so many baths, but it has been such a privilege to be a regular, to be tired even. The golden nugget of today however, be a regular.

I end the day walking round Tate Britain, nattering away with Charlie. We don't take in any of the art but its a great ending to the day. A happy day. 

ps. sorry I missed yoga 

[japaneseeggplant]

5/11/17

I’m up too late...

Couldn’t get my alarm to wake me up. I set it for 7am every morning but I ended up forcing myself to get up at 9:30am. I’m exhausted all the time... I think it’s all the walking/standing/constantly running up the stairs with everyone else. And, I sleep really well. Like I haven’t slept in years. Last night wasn’t too great because I was freezing, but eventually my body warmed up on its own, and I think that’s why I couldn’t get out of bed.

The windows are open and it’s sunny out today, which makes me a little uncomfortable. I don’t really like the sun. I think I had a phase around 19-20 where I praised it and vowed to adapt to it, but sun is a little depressing for me. I like the rain and the dark and the clouds. We have two more days of this, so I’ll just have to bear with.

I’m tempted to go back to sleep, because I’m literally so exhausted for no reason, but I’ve already made my coffee and it’s sitting in front of me. The sooner I drink it, the sooner all these tired feelings will go away, and the caffeine induced buzz will prompt me to be productive, like I know I should be. 

Today’s goal is to go to find some new libraries and try and study at them for awhile. Dinner will be made at home today. It’s getting a little lonely here... I think most often dinner and riding the trains. It was nice at first; being a lone foreigner so I could just keep to myself. But it’s hard not having a friend or someone to share dinner or the train rides with. 

My hair has grown quite some bit. I can make very, very small pigtails in the back of my head, and my bangs are down to my eyes. I really stick out with short hair here.

Friday the 3rd-the 4th I spent in Japan’s red light district Kabuchiko. I did a whole lot of research on it before I went, but it was surprisingly very tame. It’s now patrolled by police, and Yakuza, who work together, and monitored by street cameras. Some red light district, right? Of course, I didn’t want to drink or engage in any of the services offered (yikes) so I just walked around, and honestly it was kind of boring as I was alone. But, to be in the heart of the city, to truly see Yakuza and gangs and teenagers, that was really cool. That’s what Tokyo is all about now, and what it represents; rebellion, freedom, and self-expression. Japan is very traditional, regimented, and upholds high expectations, most commonly amongst the older crowd. It was refreshing to see tattoos, drunk people, and kids being kids. Although, it’s not where I’d like to be all the time. And when I say kids, I do mean kids. There were children as young as three walking down the streets with their parents, and ‘kids’ as old as thirteen/fourteen. Kabukicho is not as taboo and unfriendly as it used to be, and there are now restaurants, commercial shopping districts, and mere amusements that just appeal to everyone.

There is an actual, more seedy red light district called Roppongi, but this is said to be actually problematic; drugs, heavy Nigerian crime, and real problems that Kabukicho doesn’t really have. So, I think it best to stay away for now.

Kabukicho was really fun, even the touts trying to get you into their clubs were entertaining and I didn’t feel threatened by them. They can no longer be aggressive on the streets or they can get fined or arrested, as what they’re doing is prohibited. I had some that followed me for a bit until they gave up, and some that just went back to their job.

I did in fact see a few members of the Yakuza. This was really intimidating, but very, VERY cool to see in real life. It’s only here and a few other select places that you can witness this. They’re almost really hard to spot, but I kept a good eye out. There were about just four that I was able to spot. They were dressed in dark suits, had earpieces, were clean shaven, and had their tattoos covered that were below the neck. And believe me, it takes one who has some to know when someone else does, too- even if you can’t see them. They were more stoic-eyed, very severe in demeanor, and were standing in front of very nice clubs that did not have visible entryways. See, a lot of the Yakuza work hand in hand with the police as they own many of the businesses in Kabukicho, so it’s amazing to me that they’re out in plain sight. It’s not dangerous in Kabukicho now, but I did read that you can get into a real pickle by refusing to pay your bill, getting over the safe level of drunk and causing problems, or roughhousing with other people. That will get the Yakuza, and/or police involved.

I did have one particular member (or so I believe he was) nod at me in passing by, because he noticed I was alone but not quite an amerikajindesu. I didn’t really look much like a foreigner when I went out, but it was super surreal because in my head I was like “omgomgomg don’t look at the Yakuza dude I REPEAT DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THAT YAKUZA DUDE” aaaaand of course, curiosity killed the cat. It was very brief, but I just looked at him as I was walking, with a blank face, and he gave me a respectful nod, and I returned it, and continued on my way. He was the real deal- his suit looked right out of an Armani magazine and he had a small beard and a shaven head and was quite tall. It really was an amazing experience to be in the backwaters of Tokyo. It wasn’t really a sleazy or shameful place, more just an ‘entertainment’ district that sells itself. I saw a lot of tourists, and this helps the business because if there’s one thing we all know, it’s that tourists drink A LOT! :-)

I think, more than anything, the experience was special for me because I got to stay in the city. Could I live in the city? Totally. I took the Keio line (an underground line of the JR train co) to a sushi restaurant in Shinjuku, and it was as urban as it gets. Very, very comparable to NYC. It was so cool to be in a high-rise hotel overlooking the sprawl. At night, the fog from the coasts mixes with the settled pollution and creates a very aesthetically pleasing, albeit rather worrisome, view that mixed with the flashing lights of the airport and other hotels and apartments. It is a very “at home” feeling- it’s crazy to me, but I just never get homesick here. Japan, specifically Tokyo, feels more like home to me than any other place ever has. Wherever I am, Greer, Telluride, Mexico... I always get wretchedly homesick. I love those places, but I always get some strange, unsettling fear that I’m not where I’d like to be. 

I don’t feel that way here. The voice of the city always lulls me into a warm space bubble, and breathes through me like ocean foam. It swells up into its breaking point, and then cascades down like the high point on a cliff, and then I feel very, very still. 

While the city was fun, and definitely doable, I was overjoyed to return back home. Even in a place so familiar, it’s nice to have a place that is stable. I could totally live just about anywhere in Tokyo, but I think I’d have to have a place that was set, had all my belongings, that I could always make my way back to.

I can’t wait to spend more time in the city. I’m really excited to go to the coast. I’m going to plan for a day this upcoming week to get up at 5am, yes... 5... walk to the train station, take the first train to Tokyo, and find a way to get to the coast, and just sit on the beach for awhile. They do have beaches in Tokyo, but I’m going to stay in a 5,000 yen inn ($50/night) and spend the night there so I can really take in the experience. Soon is Kyoto and Gujo Hachiman.

More to come :)