#i literally don't even know who this man is

[ravenkings]

i know this is hashtag cringelib shit (and i don't fucking care tbh) but believe me when i say that vladimir putin is probably the actual most evil person on the planet currently. you can hem and haw and try to be ~edgy~ and say that whichever us president is just as bad blah blah blah but the fact is that, even notwithstanding the horrors he is currently perpetrating in ukraine and has also perpetrated in places like syria, chechnya, multiple nations in africa, etc. vladimir putin actively orchestrated the complete suppression of his own country through turning it into a true mafia state and also has most likely been involved in (or even orchestrated) multiple examples of state terrorism IN RUSSIA ITSELF in order to start wars or to cause fear to consolidate his own power.

furthermore he's assassinated an ever-increasing list of people who stood against him and frequently IN OTHER COUNTRIES.

like there is ultimately no way to negotiate with that man, and not even just for moral reasons but because the first chance he gets HE WILL FUCK YOU OVER. anyone who is suggesting (ahem donald trump ahem) that he is a reasonable actor who you can ""do business with"" either thinks he's in cahoots with him, is subservient to him, or is just fucking stupid (and i'm sure the current us president falls into all three categories.)

i know this is obvious to many but i do still feel like there are some reasonable though uninformed people who think that if a ceasefire in ukraine is brokered now, even on russia's terms, that it would still be a preferable option for ukraine.

i'm telling you RIGHT FUCKING NOW (with almost 30 years of prior evidence to go on) the second he gets a chance to regroup, putin would break that fucking ceasefire and try to seize the entire country once again just like in 2022 and this time, does literally ANYONE see ukraine getting sufficient help to fend him off then?????

and trust me, being under russian occupation under putin would probably lead to EVEN MORE torture and rape and bloodshed and cruelty (as we have EXTREMELY ample evidence of) than continuing the war and giving ukraine a fighting chance would.

the only way to think of vladimir putin and the only way to treat him is like a mad dog who needs to be put down because, at the end of the day, that is all he is.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

The problem with all this is of course that it straight up ignores what Sebastian Stan said: that, of course, he doesn't remember them.

(And even if he weren't lying, what does 'remember' even mean in that context, to Bucky? Because it could mean remember as in memorialise or honour. Like Bucky means he intends to memorialise them all, not that he literally does recall them all. And, as Seb also pointed out, how would Bucky even know that he remembers them all, if he can't remember what he doesn't know?)

I take Seb Stan's word over whatever Spellman or whoever comes out with; he knows the character better than them and it was him playing that beat!

(I don't regard tie-in books as canon either because they're not the canon films and frankly I don't trust whoever writes those for Disney to do a competent job. (Yeah they can go in depth but they can also take things at superficial face value, without thinking -- like that line from CACW about remembering all of them, as mentioned in that book excerpt up there.) Likewise, whatever the real-life state of neuroscience is and how that would affect Bucky's brain if they were following those rules isn't relevant, IMO, because the MCU writers aren't putting that much thought into how they portray Bucky's memories! This is Markus & McFeeley and Spellman under Feige's interference. They aren't working that hard. They're not that conscientious!)

It's also treating the fact that TFATWS said Bucky remembers missions as solid canon when:

a) the people 'writing' that didn't give a shit about characterisation consistency and have been very open about the fact that they didn't even bother to watch the movies Bucky's in. 😒

So whatever their 'take' on Bucky's memories is, we can pretty definitely state that it's incorrect = most likely to be completely wrong and diametrically opposite to canon, as you'd expect from someone who doesn't even know what Bucky's canon is. (All they care about is that "he" killed people.)

Textbook example of this 'getting Bucky exactly 100% wrong': that line from Spellman there about Bucky having a piece of the Winter Soldier inside him and that means he's an awful person.

That's complete bullshit and an exact misunderstanding of what the WS is.

The WS is NOT a monster lurking inside Bucky, not even a piece, because the WS was the complete absence of Bucky's personality, of any humanity at all. As blank as an Iron Man suit.

So he's not a dark hidden Jekyll-and-Hyde piece of Bucky's psyche that was always waiting to come out, (as the show posits), like the Hulk is to Bruce. In fact, the Winter Soldier is the exact opposite of that (ie. a monster with a good man inside). He's more like an Iron Man suit that is being remotely controlled, that Bucky has been locked inside and has no control over.

The show creators have stupidly taken that one single line from CACW at face value, ignoring everything else, (I get the feeling they're Tony stans tbh), and fixated on it as 'proof' of Bucky's innate buried villainy that he needs to grovel about.

If this is the sort of rubbish they mistakenly believe to be true about Bucky, we can certainly discount whatever else they say about his memories. In fact, if it's the writers of TFATWS who said X, I can't think of a stronger argument in favour of the opposite! 😬

.

b) the events of TFATWS also happen years and years after Bucky is in the situation where he, eg. wakes up from being triggered and doesn't remember what he just did as the Winter Soldier and has to ask Sam and Steve, lied to Tony, etc.

It might be that Bucky has, since treatment in Wakanda, reacquired all his missing memories. Which sucks for him.

The state of his memory is not a monolith that has always stayed the same and has not altered: just because his memory seems to be in a certain state in TFATWS, that doesn't mean it was in the same back in CACW days.

Watsonian explanation: this shoddy characterisation from TFATWS could mean that Bucky was lying to Tony when he said he remembered the mission to kill his parents.

That could've been completely untrue at the time Bucky said it, but has since become true only because Bucky has recovered more memory -- as a result of receiving bad writing proper treatment, longer to heal, etc.

Another HUGE thing people always totally ignore about that scene in CACW:

Bucky has just watched a friggin' video tape of his mission!

I imagine that's not standard Hydra procedure, to show him tapes of his own performance!

So even if 'I remember all of them' is resigned-abuse-victim bullshit to goad Tony, it's possible Bucky has literally just seconds ago recalled the Starks for the first time ever... because Zemo just reminded him!

Oh! Another detail:

Think about the way we see the story of the Starks' murders sequentially, throughout CACW.

In fractured pieces, bit by bit.

Whose POV are those scenes supposed to be coming from?

I think it's Bucky's.

(ie. it's what Bucky can remember of that story at the moment -- ie. just being taken out of cryo, put in the chair and given a mission… but not what the mission itself was.)

And we don't see what the end of that little mystery is until Bucky himself sees the video, which completes the missing puzzle for him?

So it still seems to me that Bucky remembered the inbetween-missions things?

IE. He clearly remembers procedures.

In CATWS we see him preparing to open his mouth to have a mouth-guard put in, before he is asked to, and leaning back into the chair before it reclines. And in CACW he doesn't look surprised by anything that is happening to him while he's in the Siberian base, in the chair, etc.

So he knows what happens to him when he's back at Hydra HQ (and where HQ is) and doesn't need to be re-taught it every time.

Similarly, all the brain damage aimed at his pre-Hydra memories hasn't destroyed his ability to shoot, which Bucky acquired during WWII, not under Hydra. Bucky still has the skills he got in the chunks of memory Hydra are targeting hardest of all (ie. his personality-forming years).

As per CATWS he also speaks Russian, a language Bucky canonically is not shown having any knowledge of pre-Hydra. So skills acquired during Hydra time are also retained, despite the fact that they're damaging his brain repeatedly all the time, including wiping him of Hydra periods of time.

He's like Jason Bourne; he can do things without remembering when he learned how to!

This may be impossible in real-life brain damage terms, but I think MCU canon looks like Bucky doesn't remember missions for most of his screentime (up until TFATWS started ineptly fannying about with his backstory), but does remember the in-between missions bits necessary for the efficient handling and wiping of of the WS.

(In CATWS they treat it as risky to keep him out of cryo for too long between wipes, that he'll become erratic and start attacking technicians, as his memories start to regrow. But despite this, 'erratic' Bucky -- who is asking questions! and speaking English! -- is still retaining knowledge of being wiped and how he has to behave... even when he can't remember meeting Steve earlier on in the same week.)

Maybe it's repetition that's the key?

He remembers skills learned, and being given mission briefings, and what is done to him, over and over and over again, because that's all repetitive...

but he can't recall missions because they're one-offs? No new skills acquired?

(And his missions have no emotional impact because... the WS doesn't have emotions. Only Bucky Barnes can look back in horror.)

It's curious that Zemo tries to trigger Bucky and then command him. But Zemo isn't Hydra. He's not official. I think that's why there was that chaos in the room, when Sam and Steve got to where Zemo was and found the WS out of his cage.

I think the WS attacked Zemo once he realised this wasn't an official Hydra handler & this wasn't a proper Hydra procedure.

(Also curious that Sam and Steve have him sitting down, in restraints, which also mimics a Hydra procedure set-up. Maybe that helped Bucky's recall too? 🤔)

As you said, Bucky was able to recall what Zemo asked him about because Bucky hadn't been wiped.

Likewise, maybe he can recall fighting other WSs either because Zemo told him about them, AND/or because he was 'ordered' to remember it (if you think about it, that's a very very unusual order for someone to give him!)

And... fighting the WSs wasn't an official off-base-assassinating mission, it was standard 'training in between missions' stuff. Plus the other WSs skill set is intel the WS would need to retain about his colleagues in order to function as a team, if Hydra intended to send them out on missions together.

It's repetitious skill acquisition and mission-critical intel, so it's necessary that the WS be allowed to recall it? 🤔

Another possibility: Bucky had been KO'd just before he recounts things about the other WSs and what Zemo asked about, to Sam and Steve.

Maybe that head wound shook up his brain status quo too?

(Magical fairytale thinking: maybe it's also different because it's Steve...

He was able to break through Bucky's conditioning with the Power of Twu Wuv in CATWS, so maybe the fact that it's Steve who gave Bucky the head wound by dropping a helicopter on him that shakes loose some more marbles? 🥰)

You could posit that Bucky does usually remember all his missions and procedures, and it's the head wound (acting like a mini-wipe) that prevents him doing so immediately after waking up to Sam and Steve.... except that Bucky consistently displays this post-wipe amnesia of missions, more than once (ie. doesn't remember Nat even after years of healing... doesn't remember previous missions after wipes in the same week in CATWS, more than once, etc.)

And this is including times when he hasn't just received a head wound / been KO'd / had any other head trauma equalling or approximating a wipe before becoming WS.

IE. in CACW he fights Steve exactly as if he doesn't remember him at all, when we know that isn't the case. Once he wakes up, the WS is always a blank slate.

...That's an interesting distinction, actually:

what does Bucky remember, and what does the Winter Soldier remember?

Because, even after years of Bucky's brain healing, and even though he hasn't been 'wiped' of Steve since CATWS, once activated by Zemo ... the WS doesn't remember Steve.

But Bucky does.

Maybe that's the crucial distinction:

Bucky can recall missions, but the Winter Soldier can't?

(The WS wouldn't see missions as emotionally significant, things that stick in the memory, because he is emotionally stunted, and these people don't mean anything to him ... no more than the Nazis Bucky shot during the war. (Despite subsequent attempts to whitewash Howard (because of his Hydra connections), he and Bucky were not friends in any way in the main MCU; they're never even shown meeting!) So Steve breaks the pattern because his is the first and only time the WS has been sent after someone who actually matters to him emotionally.)

So he only recalls procedures? 🤔 And he can only recall missions, by -- much later on down the road -- becoming Bucky Barnes once again?

(I mean, the Doylist explanation here is that the writers are just shoddy and inconsistent even within the same movie. (IE. The WS being blank again in CACW to me smacks more of 'oops we forgot he's supposed to be electrocuted for that memory-wipe to happen.')

But hey, we have to work with what we've got here! 😖)

In any case, I'm sticking by what SebStan said because he's the Bucky expert: if he said Bucky specifically didn't remember the Starks, at the time he said that to Tony, then I believe him. (And if that later changed because Bucky healed, well that still doesn't contradict what SebStan said!)

“That line was an interesting moment. At the time, the choice I was making is that [Bucky] had realized there was no way he was getting out of there, and someone was gonna die, whether it was gonna be him, Steve or Tony. When he says that line, to me, it was a turning point — he was, like, ‘Okay, I know what you want me to say, and I’m just gonna say it.’ When someone comes at you over and over again, and they can’t hear you, they can’t see you’re pleading with them, you’re trying to figure out how to get through to them and they just won’t accept it, at some point you just give in, and you go, ‘that’s right, that’s what you want.’ Of course [Bucky] didn’t remember them all.” —  Sebastian Stan

[demonic0angel]

That Naga Danny gave me ideas:

Python Naga Danny, almost in his 30's and built sturdy and thick like Jason. Looks like he could eat a man whole and not blink.

Runs an orphanage on the outskirts of Gotham, where most people don't bother going because it's easy to "be disappeared" into the woods that the orphanage's backyard connects to.

Red Hood, the local Draugr, has brought kids to him before, and at least one of his little ones is there because they're in witness protection. Anytime anyone comes by, there's always at least one kid either hanging off of his arms, or riding on his tail.

Now imagine his surprise to find a literal harpy (Cass) on his doorstep, with the City Spirit (Bruce/Batman) looming in the background while his daughter handed a very small child to Danny.

Usually, none of the Bats ever come in, always off to save more people.

This time, Danny's smooth whisper of scales on the floor is accompanied by the quiet clicking of talons on his nice wood floor of the entryway. Danny is still holding the child, but they're small enough (and him big enough) that he can hold them in one arm while holding the other one out for the Harpy to perch on. Bare-bones that she is, she doesn't weigh much and his enhanced strength means she seems even lighter to him specifically.

He already knows the older kids are going to tease him for it, but he'd rather that, and being able to carry such a magnificent Harpy specimen this close, than risking holes in his nice floors.

That, and the way the Big Bat is pouting at his daughter in the window while she preens at Danny's attention.

“Your feathers are beautiful,” Danny said. He rubbed the back of the child he was holding as he smiled at the harpy that was standing above him.

She stared at him with wide eyes, her wing feathers fluffing up before she shook out her wings and smiled.

“Thank you,” she said, her face turning pink.

Danny beamed at her, ignoring the way his cheeks felt faintly hotter than usual. “Thank you for bringing this child to me. I know that you must be busy.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m free.”

Danny chuckled, adjusting his shoulders as the harpy on him moved around and perched on his shoulders, her talons digging into his skin.

She was beautiful all over. Her feathers were glossy, and healthy, her talons were strong and sharp, her wings stretched above them both even as she held them tightly to her body. Her eyes were dark, crystal clear like obsidian and mirrors. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

Danny politely looked away. The child on his arms was staring at him with big eyes with a faint look of bafflement and judgement. Danny continued smiling, now feeling a bit embarrassed that he was so awed by the harpy that was standing on his shoulders.

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“I’m going to introduce this child to the other kids,” he said. After a moment, he asked, “Would you like to come with?”

“Why not?” She asked, tilting her head. Her eyes were entirely focused on him.

Danny looked to the side, where he could faintly see the City Spirit staring at him with eyes of an aggrieved father who was watching his beloved daughter being stolen away by the town fool.

“…. No reason.”

The harpy looked up and glared out the window. The City Spirit disappeared shortly.

The harpy looked back at Danny with a beaming smile. “I’m free. I’ll go with you, okay?”

Danny blinked and then smiled. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Together, he slid along the floor with the harpy still perched on his shoulder.

[angelesca]

d d d d dddd d DATING ANAXA HEADCANONS 🗣️🗣️🗣️ bc im proper insane, bonkers even (oh blimey she escaped the asylum again)

full art plug here😎

did i draw this and imagine a million scenarios during it? yes. yes idid. this post is the result. btw havent played 3.1 so here are my wrong headcanons (more mischaracterisation? love that) (w/ gnreader as usual!) bc i love my men bratty and smart. WARNING!! i broke my sfw rules for anaxa LMAOOO💔💔mix of sfw + NSFW ahead guys look OUT ITS NOT A DRILL THIS IS HAPPENING AAAAA😭🙏

starting off strong. i ant hold it in anymore ANAXA'S EROGENOUS ZONE IS UNDER HIS EYEPATCH🗣️🗣️🗣️ I HAVE SPOKEN MY TRUTH‼️THIS IS WHAT MADE ME QUESTION MY SFW STATUS I CAN FINALLY RELEASEMY DEMONS

i imagine he lowkey loves it when you have your finger under his eyepatch and. penetrate it. into his cosmos space thingy. and like he breathes really heavy, flushed cheeks, some tears, def some stifled moaning, and will hold your wrist to nudge your finger further in. basically bro is getting off to it. will clean your finger with his tongue after the session, but you have to help him walk around since his legs are deffo jelly after that DO YOU GUYS SEE WHAT IM SEEING PLEEEEASEEE SOMEONE WRITE THIS DONT MAMKE ME DO ITTT😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏

EDIT: ANAXA HAS A "G-SPOT"/PROSTATE IN HIS SPACE CHEST🗣🗣🗣

WILL TAKE OFF HIS RINGS AND PUT IT ON YOUR FINGERS RAAAAAAAAAAH and he def teases you by sliding it on your ring finger, gauging your reaction as he smirks (that sly sod omggg)

"hmm, this finger looks a little lonely... i could change that."

interlaces his hand with yours to stretch it, like a massage. knows all the pressure points to help de-stress you

uses his wind powers to do fun magic tricks and play with you like imagine he only has to flick his finger and the wind pulls you closer to him HUUUUUUUUUUU SICKCCKKKK. will also blow a calm, soft breeze if you need to relax and take your mind off things.

literally gets a kick off of flustering you (it's his love language) every time you ask him why his response is: "so? don't like it?" mans not embarassed💔

if you have any texting habits, like sending cute stickers or kaomojis, anaxa will copy it bc he thinks its cute and amusing. always replying to your messages, although the same can't be said with the chrysos heirs who nag at him for ignoring theirs

anaxa: where are you? i've been waiting for ages ┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴ you: ??? that's my kaomoji??? anaxa: ours now anaxa: (҂` ﾛ ´)︻デ═一 you: ＼(º □ º l|l)/

idk why i feel this so strongly but anaxa just does many smaller kisses, like pecks to the cheek. kinda playful, fleeting but always returning. i also feel like he's a neck kinda guy, always brushing his fingers along it or placing kisses. will secure you in place with a hug just to kiss the nape.

even though you two are together, anaxa will still give you stinky side eyes. loves to hear your gossip for sure, he doesn't say it but he loves chatting shit about others. will be the quietest ever when you have juicy stories.

will flame anyone who has made you upset to bits and pieces. bro's mouth is like a machine gun

likes to tilt your chin, moving it so you face him whenever he wants your attention.

he likes it when you take control, that brat taming typa shiii brooo00 he likes it when you rough him up, always a cheeky grin on his face. prods you as well, like "is that it?", "c'mon, harder my love..."

loves when you give him hickeys, or any markings like scratches. its like staking your claim on him and he fw with that😎

one sure way to get him flustered is straight up telling him "i love you". it forces him to confront his feelings head on and anaxa can't deal with that. will lightly flick your forehead, or anything to stop you from staring at his reddened face.

a/n: so. this is what happens whne im menstruating. how we feeling guys. it was jsut a few very insane headcanons tbh, the rest were fine, bit of an overreaction looool this is tame in comparison to my ao3 works. my god i need my daily cuppa where is it. this reminds me of when i was a wee teenager and experienced akechi from p5 for the first time. changed my trajectory fr. thanks akechi goro u saved ruined me

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Ed is genuinely such a patient and long-suffering guy that the idea he has anger issues at all completely baffles me (we know it's the racism, but still).

Every single time we see him get angry, he has to visibly hype himself up to it. With the racist French captain, with Izzy's threats in s1e10, every time, there's such a weighty moment of pause as he considers his options. You never get the idea that this is someone who is given to impulsive angry outbursts, his anger is calculated and cool and calm, and when he wants to look violent or enraged, it's very obviously a calculated choice. Like, you can count the times we see him angry in the show on one hand, and even when he's pissed off at Stede in s2e4 he's mostly just...sad. We see this guy put through so many extremes that he would be 100% justified in acting way more angry and we just don't see it.

Ed gives people a million chances - just look at Izzy, Izzy literally sold them out to the English after trying to kill Ed's crush and Ed still didn't do shit. He let Pop-Pop topple him over without even lifting a finger. Straight-up I think outside of very specific scenarios you could probably just go up to Ed and punch him in the face and he'd apologize to you.

The reaction to Ed's behavior shouldn't be "oh man this guy has anger issues," it should be "oh, shit, that made Ed angry? That's how you know it's bad!"

[zepskies]

Omg first of all, thanks so much for shouting out As Tradition Dictates, my lovely!! I have more Eomer coming in the near future. 😘

But first *rubs hands together* time to dig into this delectable love triangle...

Dear LORD you didn't have to do me like this from the onset with that opening scene of Butcher. 🥵

No man his age should look that good. 

Correct. 👆🏽 Why is it that rugged men in their 40s attract me more than men my own age. 🫠🫠

Your mind starts to slip into a fantasy of a shirtless Butcher riding horseback across a desolate plain, his dark hair long, and a sword strapped to his saddle commanding a group of riders behind him to his every whim. Before scooping you up onto his saddle to ride with him, his strong arm wrapped around your waist, and his face buried in the soft skin of your neck, his rough whisper in your ear a grating caress as he-

lmfao Eomer, is that you? ("romantasy" ftw! 😏❤️‍🔥)

The specifics weren’t important, let’s just say that there was a miscommunication and what the four of you thought was a supe who could turn into a single locust, was actually able to turn into a swarm of locust so thick you couldn’t see an inch in front of your face. 

lol this is one of my favorite aspects of reading/writing in The Boys fandom - everyone's creativity on creating our own fictional supes that cause mayhem for the boys. 😆😆 (Not "a reenactment of the eighth plague" 💀💀💀)

Outside the cabin there was a small patch of wildflowers that fluttered in the strong wind that blew from the East, an overgrown garden where tomato plants, potatoes, and herbs grew without care, and a small front yard that was more of a grassy clearing.

Can always trust you to give beautiful descriptions of flora and fauna. 🪴💚

Well… a lot inexperienced. You’d never been in a relationship before, never really done anything before because there wasn’t time when you were in school getting your degree, not to mention you had spent the last two years imagining yourself in a relationship with a man who didn’t know you existed.

Sigh. I can deeply relate to that first part, as you know lol.

Ben chuckles under his breath where he sits beside you in the other rocking chair, leaning back with one of his hands behind his head. His muscles tense in the black t-shirt as he adjusts his arm. 

Girl stop torturing me lmfao. (But actually don't stop though) "Big hands" indeed. 🥵

Ben saw straight through her though and I'm living for their dynamic! lol

“He could catch an earful of us tonight. I’d be happy to fuck you. It’d give me something to do.” Ben takes another hit of his joint, the smoke making you scrunch your nose in distaste, while he gives you an appreciative once over. “Fuck knows the only entertainment I’ve had for three fucking days is my hand and it would be good to have a nice tight-“

Oh how magnanimous of him. 🙄 Like yes, let's all jump (literally) on that opportunity to debase ourselves for his entertainment.

...But of course, there's also that whole ridiculously attractive factor that makes Ben difficult to resist, even though he's a complete asshole loll.

You’d tried the usual things… Leaving the room as soon as he walked in to avoid a conversation. Gone completely mute when he asked you a question. Pretended you didn’t see him whenever he walked into a room. Tried to bring him coffee, but then chickened out and drank his and yours and then immediately had to go to the bathroom to avoid shitting your pants while having heart palpitations.

OMFg. That last one is so real! 🤣🤣🤣 I feel for her for real. I wonder how Ben's actually going to help her self-confidence. 💗

“I don’t think you’re a monster Ben.” You sigh. “I just- I don’t have powers and you’re kinda strong and I-.” You take a deep breath to steady your voice. “I don’t think that you’d hurt me on purpose. But-” Ben’s hand comes out to touch your chin, tilting your gaze up to him and stopping the bicycle of babbling you were about to ride around the block. Your eyes widen slightly with the contact, you weren’t used to people touching you, certainly not like this. 

Awww this melted me so much! She's not in love with him yet, but I think he's gonna bring it out of her on accident with stuff like this loll. Also big surprise on how he said she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to do. 💚💚 I half-expected him to suggest exactly what she could do for him if she was so inclined. 😆

“Sweetheart, you’re about to find out just how smooth I am.”  What have I gotten myself into?

Oh my God, YESSS. She's in so deep already and I can only imagine where you'll take this next if you choose! I can say for sure that I'd love to see how this little scheme unfolds lol.

Promise Not To Fall In Love With Me

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader and a little bit of Billy Butcher x f!reader

Prompt: "I find him very attractive." /"I'm standing right here"/ "I know."

Requested by: @angrydragon90

Tropes: Fake Dating, Pining.

Summary:  When you first joined Butcher's team the last thing you expected was to develop a crush on him, but after two years of pining, you get a proposition from the last person you'd expect to care.

Word Count: 5K

Warnings: I'm gonna label this 18+ just in case (I don't really think it is). Some cursing, Sexual innuendo, References to sex, Over glorification of a man's shirtless body (I'm not complaining) Reader is a little anxious/anxiety/socially awkward? Drug use/Drinking (Soldier Boy), Soldier Boy being Soldier Boy (He's a warning, we all know it and somehow still love him for it).

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

Main Masterlist

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Prompt Celebration Masterlist

A/N: This is the third fic for my prompt celebration! This one was requested the incredible @angrydragon90 💗 Had to do something with a little bit of Valentine's Day spirit, but I'm going to be honest, this one turned into something that I didn't expect... let me know what y'all think. I also was thinking about @zepskies fic As Tradition Dictates for the more *ahem* gratuitous descriptions of Butcher 😉

Butcher’s muscles rippled over his bare chest and broad shoulders with every swing of the mighty axe down to the earth. Each strike of the axe against wood sent chips of bark flickering in the air around him like sparks. Sweat rolled down his sun kissed skin curving in the dips of his muscular torso, along the tensing muscles of his back, and through the dusting of hair on his torso, before disappearing into the waistband of the dark jeans hung low on his hips. 

Heat kisses your cheeks and darkens the skin the longer you watch him and you bite your lip hard to keep the appreciative sigh of the scene in front of you at bay. But it does little to stop your eyes which rove over the rugged man chopping wood. 

No man his age should look that good. 

Butcher props one of his feet up on the tree stump he’s been using as a table oblivious to your attention, shouldering the axe for a moment to glance at the stack of firewood he’d chopped, looking like a mighty warrior surveying his lands. 

Your mind starts to slip into a fantasy of a shirtless Butcher riding horseback across a desolate plain, his dark hair long, and a sword strapped to his saddle commanding a group of riders behind him to his every whim. Before scooping you up onto his saddle to ride with him, his strong arm wrapped around your waist, and his face buried in the soft skin of your neck, his rough whisper in your ear a grating caress as he-

You clear your throat, cheeks darkening crimson, and take in a shaky breath to dissipate the daydream that usually starred in several of your fantasies. The same ones that probably came from the romantasy book that you’d brought along on this trip and were too embarrassed to read when anyone else was awake.

He raises a hand to wipe the sweat from his brow, shuffling it back through his hair that turns a chestnut brown in the light of the setting sun that flickered through the thick forest surrounding the small cabin you were all staying in.

Oh to be a drop of sweat.

You think mournfully, taking a long sip of your lemonade out of a brightly colored bendy straw, the same lemonade that you’d made in hopes of enticing Butcher over for a break.

It had worked, but only for twenty seconds.

Twenty glorious seconds that you got to bask in Butcher’s presence so close that you could smell the familiar cologne and the scent of sweat clinging to his skin while he drank the lemonade and you tried not to stare at his bare chest for too long. You hoped that Butcher thought the flush on your cheeks had everything to do with the heat and nothing to do with all the things you were imagining him doing to you. 

And then there had been an additional two seconds when Butcher smiled at you and said “Thanks poppet” in the swoon worthy accent of his that made your knees weak before he sauntered back over to the woodpile and you watched him go shamelessly. 

Hughie says something to Butcher you can’t hear, but it makes Butcher laugh. He throws his head back with a wide grin that makes you sigh to yourself again, hands tensing where they sit poised over the tangle of wires in your lap. 

You were supposed to be working on a new gadget to help grapple up buildings, one that you and Frenchie had designed together, but you were distracted by Butcher. 

You were always distracted by him. 

It had been three days since Butcher, Soldier Boy, Hughie, and you arrived at the cabin in the middle of nowhere after a mission went wrong. The specifics weren’t important, let’s just say that there was a miscommunication and what the four of you thought was a supe who could turn into a single locust, was actually able to turn into a swarm of locust so thick you couldn’t see an inch in front of your face. 

You had a sneaking suspicion that MM and Frenchie had something to do with the miscommunication, given how eager they had been to stay behind at headquarters and do paperwork, and the secretive smiles they had shared at the briefing before your team left.

But needless to say, none of you had been eager to live through a reenactment of the eighth plague and all decided to lay low to consider your options, while hoping the locust supe didn’t decimate all of the corn in the midwest.

You shudder remembering the crawl of the scratchy legs along your skin, the flapping of millions of wings like the beat of a drum, the crunch of locusts underfoot, and the low pitched hum of the swarm that vibrated so loud it made you feel your body shaking from the inside out. 

At this point I would have taken a swarm of guinea pigs.

The cabin wasn’t the worst place you’d stayed at in all the time you’d worked with Butcher. There was running water and several rooms inside including two bedrooms with lumpy pillows and mattresses with creaking springs, a living room with a sagging floral couch, and a threadbare kitchen with dusty cabinets and doors that fell off whenever someone tried to open one. 

Outside the cabin there was a small patch of wildflowers that fluttered in the strong wind that blew from the East, an overgrown garden where tomato plants, potatoes, and herbs grew without care, and a small front yard that was more of a grassy clearing. 

Sure the cabin had it’s quirks, but the real problem was that the four of you were trapped here in the middle of summer with a generator that only did so much for electricity, but had no air conditioning whatsoever, which meant it was cooler to sit outside on the porch than inside the sweltering cabin. 

Overall, it had been three days of nothing, but listening to Soldier Boy bitch about the lack of extracurricular activities, three days of nothing but hearing the soft chuckle under Hughie’s breath when he texted Annie, and three days of nothing but you lusting after a man who was twice your age chopping wood.

Why was he chopping wood when it was so hot and none of you needed it… You had no idea, but you figured that the universe was finally throwing you a bone because you got to watch him do it.

The porch was cooler than sitting inside. There were two creaky rocking chairs that faced the overgrown “front yard” that was more of a clearing and the breeze did weave under the overhang of the roof to wick the sweat that gathered at the back of your neck, but the problem was, it was impossible for you to feel anything but warm, especially with what was unfolding in front of you. 

The weather isn’t the only thing heating up.

You think to yourself watching Butcher lean down to pick up another piece of wood, admiring the way his worn dark jeans cup his muscular ass.

Fuck, I’m just as bad as Soldier Boy. 

The truth was, you’d been crushing on Butcher for the better part of two years since the moment the two of you met on your first day when you’d tripped and dropped the giant pile of blueprints you were carrying to your desk and he was the only one who stopped to help you pick them up. 

After Homelander had been stripped of his powers and exposed for the narcissistic psychotic freak he was, you’d started working at Supe Affairs, thinking that it was the perfect way for you to make a difference in a world reeling from the revelation. It had shaken quite a few people to know that the so-called heroes they looked up to were in fact just as crooked as a line drawn by an elephant on a tricycle. 

But you liked your job… sometimes. 

Sure, the pay sucked, the benefits were dismal and the hours were long, but you didn’t care about any of that. You felt like you were making a difference, using the engineering degree that your dad had insisted on for something other than trying to figure out how to build a bridge that withstood the force of a punch from someone as strong as Homelander. 

And you hadn’t meant to develop a crush on William Butcher of all people, you swore that each day to yourself, but it happened without warning. He was nice to you, he always had your back on missions, and sometimes when you were working on something after hours on a mission- like the gadget in your lap- Butcher would sit with you while everyone else slept, nursing a glass of whatever it was he had, and he always made you feel like a valued member of the team.

Yes, he might be a little rough around the edges, but you liked that about him, that he didn’t pull punches, rather he told it like it was. It was refreshing in the world you lived in when everyone else was so afraid of offending someone that they just kept their mouths shut. 

But the problem was that you were younger than him and a little inexperienced. 

Well… a lot inexperienced. You’d never been in a relationship before, never really done anything before because there wasn’t time when you were in school getting your degree, not to mention you had spent the last two years imagining yourself in a relationship with a man who didn’t know you existed.

That might be a little harsh, he knew you existed, obviously, but rather he didn’t see you as anything more than a teammate or at least like a little sister. The nicknames that he called you were all some form of “kiddo” or “poppet.” Nothing like the things you’d read about men calling the women they loved in books or heard in movies. 

The most experience you had in the realm of love and relationships was binge watching Sex and The City (you could quote it by heart), flipping through Cosmopolitan Magazine and other articles about love on the internet like they were opioids, and reading through romance novels reverently as if they held the secrets of the universe. 

Not to mention the draft of the romance novel on your computer… but you’d go to the grave before anyone ever saw that, and if they did see it you’d take them with you. 

Reading about relationships was easier than having one, at least that was what you told yourself to feel better. It also didn’t help that you’d seen two out of three sisters married with kids, with the third one getting married in a few weeks and you without even a shadow of a date for the wedding.

That meant you would be stuck at the awkward reject table again with your weird fourth cousin who always came on to you and tried to show you the rooster tattoo he had on his hip bone, your dad’s brother who cleaned his dentures in public after he ate and his wife who always asked you what you were “doing” with your life and curled her lip up in distaste no matter what you said, and the gaggle of their ungrateful children who were always sticky for some reason and chewed with their mouths open while spilling food all over the table like cavemen.

Sitting there with them made facing the locust supe more appealing.

But even with the pressure of trying to find someone, anyone to take, you couldn’t muster up the courage to tell Butcher how you felt about him. 

Butcher glances over as if he can sense you and you immediately drop your eyes to the bundle of gears and wires in your lap pretending to fiddle with something that doesn’t need to be fixed.

Yes, because that’s the way I’m going to win him over, by making absolutely no eye contact. Perfect, masterful. What can go wrong?

What the books, magazines, tv shows, and movies didn’t prepare you for was how to find the courage to talk to someone of the opposite sex without feeling like your tongue was going to drop out of your mouth or like you were going to throw up. 

You wait a few beats until you’re sure that he’s no longer looking at you before you raise your head to watch Butcher again. 

Ben chuckles under his breath where he sits beside you in the other rocking chair, leaning back with one of his hands behind his head. His muscles tense in the black t-shirt as he adjusts his arm. 

“What?” You ask him. 

He exhales a long and obnoxious cloud of foul smelling smoke from the joint he has in his hand. “I think you’re a hypocrite.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you’re out here eye-fucking that asshole and you yell at me for staring at you.” He chuckles with a wide smirk as he takes another hit from the blunt.

How can he smoke that? It’s like 100 degrees out here!

“I am not!” You reply as loudly as you dare, glancing over to Butcher to make sure that he didn’t hear Ben’s comment, anxiety prickling along the back of your neck, but he’s still talking to Hughie about something. “And you don’t just stare at me! You come up behind me like some gremlin out of hell, with your big hands and-”

“We both know how much you like the attention doll.”

“I do not!” Your cheeks flare bright red. 

The only downside to working on Butcher’s team was sitting directly next to you. When you found out that you’d be working with Soldier Boy, one of your dad’s favorite heroes, you were excited to meet him, and then you had and he turned into another giant disappointment. He was loud, brash, short-tempered, rude, and was always either ogling you, coming on to you, smoking something, or drinking. 

You supposed it could be worse. You didn’t hate him, and you got along with him, but he was always around. The plus side was that Ben was the one of the only people you didn’t have a hard time talking to.

Yes, he was attractive, but his particular lifestyle didn’t appeal to you and for that reason whatever nerves you had about talking to attractive men of the opposite sex evaporated when it came to Ben. 

It was unfortunate that such a skill was wasted on him of all people.

“I just-” You hesitate, eyes dropping back down to the grappling device in your lap, not sure why you’re about to admit this to Soldier Boy when you haven’t been able to admit it to anyone else. 

Probably because I’m sick of singing the line from Frozen “conceal don’t feel” over and over in my head.

“I find him extremely attractive.” You mumble on a shaky breath. 

“I’m sitting right here.” The frown in Ben’s voice is prominent, but it only makes you roll your eyes at him. 

“I know.” Your eyebrows furrow together. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Why are you looking at him when you could have my full attention.” He leans forward, dark hair falling forward into his eyes, mouth pulling up in a confident smirk. "I mean there's nothing else to fucking do, might as well do me."

Your cheeks flush with his words, but you tilt your head to the side to study him, eyes slipping over his rugged features. Tracing over the neatly trimmed beard on his cheeks, the brilliant green eyes that seemed to glow, the way his muscular body filled out his black t-shirt and blue jeans, the soft dusting of freckles that contrasted the hardness of the man he was flecked over his skin, and his full lips that are curved up in a sinful smirk that would make even the strongest woman crumble. 

But not you. Ben was… Ben. He was brash, obnoxious, handsy, impatient, and disrespectful. 

At least, that’s what you thought.

Sure you didn’t work with him often, but you believed you had a pretty good grasp on the kind of person he was. You did, right?

“You’re not my type Benny.” Your eyes flick back to the project in your lap, moving your fingers deftly through the wires of the internal mechanism.

Ben recoils at the use of his nickname, but he recovers with a low chuckle. “Don’t call me that and I’m everybody's type.”

“Not mine. I don’t like supes.”

You weren’t sure if that was 100% true. You liked Kimiko. What you meant to say was that you didn’t like supes like him. Supes that used his powers without care for the consequences, Supes like Homelander who didn’t give a shit who got hurt as long as the job was done. 

And you weren’t a supe, which meant that if you were with a supe there was always the possibility of you dying during sex or dying before you had sex in the first place. Your job also presented the possibility of you dying before you’d had sex, but you weren’t going to let that hold you back.

“But Butcher has-” Ben begins to say.

“Temporary powers. Not all the time.” You correct, unable to stop your eyes from drifting back over to where Butcher has begun to start swinging the axe again. “And look at him. Fuck, he’s over there like Paul Bunyan, rugged, chopping wood-” You sigh continuing to watch the man who probably has no idea you exist.

Ben rolls his eyes. “I could do that.”

You don’t pay Ben any attention, because Butcher is bending over again and you bite the inside of your cheek hard. 

Ben sits there for another few beats watching you watch Butcher. The wind chimes that hang above your heads jingle merrily as the breeze picks up once more bringing the smell of the wild flowers and wet earth from the forest surrounding the cabin. 

“You know I could help you.” Ben says slowly.

Your eyes flick back to Ben from Butcher in confusion. “Help me?”

What is he talking about? Does he think he can figure out how to fix the grapple gun? The other day he couldn’t figure out how to open the automatic trunk of a car and he just ripped the trunk door right off.

“Get him.” Ben nods his head in Butcher’s direction, but you’re still confused.

“How?”

And why? Why does Soldier Boy want to help me of all people?

“Well, I could help you make him jealous.” Ben leans towards you, his eyes sweeping once over you as he does, lingering too long on your chest and the edge of the jean shorts you were wearing.

“And how would you do that?”

“Well for starters you could come sit on my lap baby, see how you like it.” Ben winks. “Take me for a little ride.”

“Pass.” You roll your eyes. 

“Oh I see you want to have a more advanced lesson.” He smiles, scooting his chair towards yours, a dull scrape of wood on wood, so now his knee is touching yours. “He could catch an earful of us tonight. I’d be happy to fuck you. It’d give me something to do.” Ben takes another hit of his joint, the smoke making you scrunch your nose in distaste, while he gives you an appreciative once over. “Fuck knows the only entertainment I’ve had for three fucking days is my hand and it would be good to have a nice tight-“

“No thanks.” You interrupt, face flushing when you imagine what he was about to say.

Ben stiffens in surprise. “What?”

“I’m good.” You shrug. “I’m gonna get him the old fashioned way.”

The same old fashioned way that I’ve been using for the past two years and had absolutely no results.

“And what way is that? Pining after him and hoping that one day he’ll finally notice you?” Ben scoffs. “I can see how well that’s working for you doll-face. How long have you been working with him?”

“Two years-”

“Fuck, two years?” Ben sputters. “You should just tell him that you want him to fuck you.” 

“That won’t work.”

Ben’s face scrunches in confusion, the joint clasped in between his thumb and forefinger forgotten. “Why the hell not?”

“Because-” You glance down at your hands, thumb running along the jagged edge of the grappling hook slightly embarrassed. The last thing you wanted to tell Soldier Boy was that you were a virgin. The guy would mock you endlessly. “Because I’m younger than him and he’s-”

He’s experienced. 

“So? You think that he hasn’t thought about fucking you?” Ben takes a long sip from the whiskey sitting beside his chair. “He’d be lucky to have a little piece like you.”

You blink in surprise. It was the closest to a compliment that Ben had ever given you. He did tend to compliment your figure whenever you were around, but you usually ignored that because he did that to everyone. 

Truthfully, the thought of dating Ben didn’t appeal to you at all, but the thought of using him to make Butcher jealous was not a terrible one. And at this point, you didn’t have anything to lose. 

Well… except THAT, but you wanted it to be special, at least that’s what you’d always told yourself.

You sigh, a little frustrated, watching Butcher out of the corner of your eye swing the axe in a glorious arch to the earth. You weren’t sure how to get Butcher’s attention. You’d tried the usual things…

Leaving the room as soon as he walked in to avoid a conversation.

Gone completely mute when he asked you a question.

Pretended you didn’t see him whenever he walked into a room.

Tried to bring him coffee, but then chickened out and drank his and yours and then immediately had to go to the bathroom to avoid shitting your pants while having heart palpitations.

Basically the social anxiety was working wonders on the office romance you wanted so badly. 

“Ben?” You say tentatively, hands tightening on the contraption in your lap. At this rate you were never going to fix it and Butcher was going to have to figure out how to fly. 

“Yes, gorgeous?” Ben raises an eyebrow. The blunt is between his lips now and he’s looking at you curiously.

“If we did pretend to be…” You swallow nervously. 

“Fucking?” He leans forward eagerly, eyes twinkling with interest.

Well… I’ve never understood what it meant when someone wrote “his eyes darkened” until this very moment. 

“Dating” You correct holding up a finger.

Does his mind always go to the gutter?

You remember everything you think you know about Ben.

Yes. Yes it does.

Ben leans back with a frown. “I don’t date.”

“Well it wouldn’t be real! You’d just be helping me make him jealous and it would be nice to have a little practice maybe…”

“Practice?” He looks confused. It wasn’t the first time he had in this conversation or within the last five minutes, but like hell you were about to admit without at least one drink to Soldier Boy the extent of your dating life.

“Yeah. I’m not the best at talking to people or-”

“You’re talking just fine right now.”

“You’re different.”

“Why is that?”

“Because you annoy me and I don’t know you’re easier to talk to for some reason!” 

“Thanks.” Ben says dryly. 

By now all the anxious energy has begun to pop and crackle against your skin at the thought of what the two of you could be doing and at the thought of you two actually pulling this off and you having a shot with Butcher. Not just a shot in hell, a real shot.

“But if you’re serious about helping me get him-“ You continue.

“I was.”

It was odd that he was the one who had suggested this in the first place, and even weirder that he didn’t seem hesitant at all to be doing this. 

Maybe he thinks that we’re going to have sex. Your throat tightened at the thought, eyes widening, your nerve endings electrifying with anxiety. Oh holy fuck what if he thinks that if we do this he’ll get to do whatever he wants to me?

You clear your throat, heart beating just a little bit harder in your chest. The entire situation was making you regret the extra cup of coffee you had this morning. “What exactly would I have to do?” You don’t recognize your voice. It comes out a little more wobbly and just a little more tentative than it was. 

You didn’t know what Ben was expecting you to do and you didn’t want to say yes, only for him to force you into sleeping with him like he’d suggested earlier, the most you'd thought the two of you would do is just make out a little-

Oh holy fuck then we’d have to kiss and I don’t know if I’m a good kisser and he’s definitely kissed more than one person not to mention he’s-

The thought made you flush to the roots of your hair. 

Ben hesitates, eyeing you and you wonder if he can hear the deranged monologue inside your head or if he can hear just how hard your heart was beating. You hoped not. 

“You wouldn’t have to do anything, doll. I’m not going to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.” There’s something genuine in his eyes when he answers your question, something that you’d never noticed before. 

Your mouth drops open in surprise. 

It wasn’t that you believed that Ben was that kind of man, but rather that what he just said to you might have been the most caring thing that he’d ever uttered in front of you. He was the last person that you’d expect to care about someone being uncomfortable or care if someone else was okay with everything that was happening in the bedroom.

Maybe I don’t know him as well as I think I do.

In all honesty you only knew the way Ben acted, you didn’t know anything about his life. The man kept his cards closer to his chest than a well-seasoned card player and his poker face, forget it. You couldn’t crack that combination even if you wanted to. 

Everything else you'd heard about him was through the grapevine of gossip at work. None of it was first hand.

Ben sighs and shakes his head at you as if he’s a little annoyed with himself for saying that out loud. “But I still think it would be easier if you just told him that you wanted him to fuck you. Would’ve worked on me.”

“I’m not good at that sort of thing.”

And it was true. You could take down a target, diffuse a bomb in less than ten seconds with a thin mint and a bobby pin, but saying something out loud like that to something else made you feel nauseous.

Ben hesitates again and in his hesitation the anxiety and embarrassment starts to come soaring back into your chest.

You were asking Soldier Boy, Soldier Boy, to pretend to date you so Billy Butcher would fall in love with you. 

Well kids, this must be what rock bottom feels like. I might as well just pray that the locusts come back to take me away. 

“Fine.” Ben states. 

“Really?” Your eyes widen.

He shrugs, but doesn’t answer.

“We’d have to have rules.” You blurt, and Ben makes a face.

“Rules? Never been too good with those, Sweetheart.”

“And I’d need you to promise that you wouldn’t-” 

You lose your train of thought in the wind chimes that rattle over your head and the sound of Butcher’s laugh.

“Wouldn’t?” He arches an eyebrow.

“Lose control.”

Honestly, sometimes you were a little afraid of Ben. You’d never say that out loud or admit it, but he was stronger than Homelander.

You knew Ben's reputation around the office- heard the hushed whispers of the women in the break room who said he was the best fuck of their lives, heard the horror stories of what he did to his old team, and had seen first hand what his temper was like. You also knew about his powers and worried that Ben might have a little bit of a control problem or at the very least anger management issues.

“I’m not going to fucking hurt you if that’s what you think.” Ben growls, his eyes narrowing at your insinuation. “I’m not some fucking monster, doll.”

“I don’t think you’re a monster Ben.” You sigh. “I just- I don’t have powers and you’re kinda strong and I-.” You take a deep breath to steady your voice. “I don’t think that you’d hurt me on purpose. But-”

Ben’s hand comes out to touch your chin, tilting your gaze up to him and stopping the bicycle of babbling you were about to ride around the block. Your eyes widen slightly with the contact, you weren’t used to people touching you, certainly not like this. 

Keep it together… 

“I wouldn’t hurt you by accident either.” Ben’s green eyes are focused on yours, and you can see just a sliver of emotion behind them that you can’t identify. “But if we’re going to do this you gotta promise me one thing.”

“What?” Your voice comes out like a squeak.

“You’ve got to promise not to fall in love with me.” He sends you a saucy wink that makes you want to punch the strongest man on earth, instead you settle for pushing him back from you.

But you’re not prepared for the wave of disappointment you feel when he lets go of your chin. 

“I’m not in any danger of that Benny. You’re not half as smooth as you think you are.” You start to lean back in your chair, but Ben reaches out to grab your wrist, his touch surprisingly gentle, the contact burning through your body, as he pulls you forward, so close you can smell his cologne. Somehow it's something that smells classic and modern at the same time, a hint of spice that tickles your nose and makes your throat tight. 

His voice lowers into a purr that vibrates through his chest, his next words expelled on a warm breath that weaves through the air between the two of you. 

“Sweetheart, you’re about to find out just how smooth I am.” 

What have I gotten myself into?

A/N: Again, not what I was expecting, but I really love this one y'all and I probably laughed way too hard at bits when I was writing it.

Thank you so much for reading! Likes, Reblogs, and Comments are not required, but are always appreciated! I love hearing what y'all think! 😊 If you'd liked to be added to my taglist please let me know!

Taglist

@roseblue373 @livya99 @mrsjenniferwinchester @zepskies @waynes-multiverse

@jollyhunter

[eviesaurusrex]

Harry Styles x High School Sweetheart!Reader (x Wife!Reader)

summary: Harry and YN were high school sweethearts and are celebrating their 15th anniversary.

faceclaim: Selena Gomez

warnings: none, pure fluff, not entirely proofread because it's late over here and I wanted to finish this before bed

author’s note: My first smau in a very long time. Please bear with me ;_; Disclaimer: The used manips are not mine, and I have not created them—the credits go to the creators (the creators’ names are on some of them). The reader is a classical music composer. Enjoy!

CelebrityStoryWatcher harrystyles just uploaded a new story of him and yourinstagram cooking at their family home in London, England, before deleting it again.

2,318,991 likes | 665,001 comments

ynfan1 How can she be so stunning???

ynandharold the way he made her laugh. "you sure you don't try to feed an entire army, love? who is supposed to eat all of that??" in that over-dramatic tone of his ;_; <3

hsfangirl Who still wants to be YN even after all these years?

Liked by 362 people.

yngirlboss Exfuckingcuse me while I try to process this. I'll be forever grateful for Harry because he makes her so bloody happy

hsfan2 i'm pretty sure this video was meant for his finster :x

↳ ynfan2 oh, definitely. It was gone so fucking fast, I barely could click on it lol

harryisdaddy He's such a simp for his wife. If he could, he would spam Instagram with her pretty face, can't tell me otherwise

ynismommy i love how cozy they both are at home. you can see how comfortable they are around each other ;_;

↳ hs_fineart that just comes naturally when you've been besties since 14, a couple since 16, and married since 26 <3

styles_spotter They have their anniversary tomorrow, don't they???????

annetwist Today, we celebrate your special day. Thank you for making my son the happiest boy ever since the day you two met. Happy anniversary, my loves ♡

978,351 likes | 35,227 comments

hsfan1 not anne making me cry in the early morning hours ;_; look at these two cuties going strong for 15 years! happy anniversary mom and dad!!!!

hs_ynfandom Happy anniversary!

ynfan1 Anne shipped them from the very first day, YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND

hsfan2 my single-heart cries in both happiness and envy. how does someone find their soulmate??? yn really need to write a guide for all those singles out here

harry_and_yn Power couple since day 1!

yourinstagram Thank you so much, Anne <3 It's easy when your son is a literal angel walking this earth

Liked by harrystyles, pillowpersonpp, and 12,886 others.

↳ annetwist You helped turn him into the man he is today ♡

yn_and_harry_haven The way they both started as cuties and grew into the most handsome/gorgeous people on this planet is INSANE. We, as a society, are not ready for their daughter to grow up.

gemmastyles MY FAVORITE SISTER IN LAW. I am forever thankful for having you as my sister—perhaps not by blood, but we are as close as they come. Happy anniversary, lovies! Make him treat you like a queen today

↳ harrystyles I obviously treat her like a queen every single day she walks on this earth.

↳ yourinstagram G ;_; ♡ I love you so much! And he really does <3 I love you too, H

Liked by annetwist, gemmastyles, and 5,209 others.

harrystyles_fangirl this family loves each other so much, i want what they have.

hanszimmer In our years working together, I not only had the pleasure of getting to know yourinstagram both creatively and personally, but harrystyles as well. In those years, I witnessed their love grow in the most beautiful of ways, and not just once have they been my inspiration for certain pieces. I wish you all the happiness for the next 15 years. Happy anniversary to our music power couple!

948,990 likes | 45,628 comments

ynfan1 Being besties with this century's mastermind of film music composition (because he taught you everything) is certainly a flex

yn_fandom imagine mr hans zimmer congratulates you on your anniversary because he grew so fond of you during all the years you were his protégé. AND he likes your husband. my life would be completed. happy anniversary, yn and harry!

hsfan1 Hans Zimmer likes Harry. Love that for our music king!

harrystyles Your words mean so much to me—to us. Thank you! I hope we can dive back into our discussions someday soon. I know YN would love to see you again. x H.

↳ yourinstagram I only can agree with my husband, Hans. Thank you for your wonderful and loving words—and for every moment you gave your all when it came to my training and education. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. You're always welcome in England!

↳ hanszimmer I'll never say No to a Styles invitation x

ynismommy for everyone who doesn't know: mr zimmer is the godfather of their daughter! that's how close they are. it's insane when you think about it. this girl (and any future children) will grow up with so much music and love and talent in their genes, they'll conquer the world.

↳ harry_and_yn And their children will probably the loveliest human beings because their parents are (I once met them on a stroll through London and they were THE NICEST, I still think about their kindness)

↳ ynismommy they definitely will! and truuuue, i only met yn, but she's such an angel. harry is probably the exact same because i can't see her being with someone unkind and uncaring

Liked by harry_and_yn, ynfan3, hsfan5, and 56 others.

ludovico_einaudi No one has ever spoken truer words, my friend. Happy anniversary, YN and Harry! May the next 15 years be as wonderful as the last.

↳ yourinstagram Why is everyone trying to make me cry today? ;_; Thank you so incredibly much, Ludovico

Liked by ludovico_einaudi, hanszimmer, and 4,815 others.

harrystyles My best friend. My wife. The mother of my sunshine. My darling love. You have collected so many titles in our time together, but either way, you will be, first and foremost, the love of my life. My soulmate. My muse. The essence of my happiness. You are the light of my life, the sun around which I orbit, the center of my universe, and the guiding star I look for in the sky in moments I am lost. I will forever be grateful for every second of your attention you grant me, for every tired I love you whispered in the darkness before drifting off into sleep, for making me a father and giving me something I have always wished and hoped for.

Thank you for the past 15 years, my love. Happy anniversary. x H.

4,686,998 likes | 1,329,750 comments

hsfan1 The way I am sitting on my couch now, contemplating this post, and knowing I will cry myself to sleep tonight.

yn_stylesforever no one has won in life as much as YN LN-Styles <3

ynfan1 Uhm... A NEVER BEFORE SEEN YN PHOTO?! She looks so happy T_T <3

↳ yn_and_harry my thoughts??????? Harry is feeding us

gemmastyles You, my beloved brother, are absolutely and entirely gone for this woman (and I don't want it any other way). Happy anniversary, baby brother. You deserve nothing less.

↳ harrystyles Don't make me cry, Gemma. YN will never stop teasing me about it. I can feel her watching. x

↳ yourinstagram Oh, you mean like I never forget to mention your tears at our wedding? <33

↳ harrystyles Exactly. xx

↳ gemmastyles To be quiet honest, you weren't any better that day, YNN. And why do I only get one kiss?!

↳ yourinstagram I don't know what you mean.

↳ styles_spotter these three are literally everything ;_;

mitchrowland Congratulations, H. And YNN, of course!! A life without your love can't be imagined ♡

jefezoff Congrats to my dream couple and one true shipping! To more beautiful children and wonderful years

↳ yourinstagram Not too many and not too soon, mind you. Or do you want to babysit Darcy? She loves to keep you awake for the majority of the night :3

↳ jefezoff ... I appreciate my sleep.

↳ hsfan2 poor babies ;_; but we need more beautiful styles babies!

ynfan2 Not me sobbing over those pictures and the fact how fast little Darcy is growing T_T

yourinstagram I love you more than life itself, H.

↳ ynfansite after all this time <33

pillowpersonpp Happy anniversary to my favorite singer and favorite composer!

yourinstagram Harry. Ever since the day Mrs. Merryweather put me on the seat next to you, I knew it was destiny. I knew you'd be my best friend; I knew you'd be my love if I had the courage to act on my feelings, and I knew I'd marry you someday. I just knew. And I was right. You gave me more than I could have ever hoped for; you loved me more than I could have ever hoped for. You, my love, are the best thing that could have ever happened to me, and I thank the universe every single day for allowing me to love you—and be loved by you. Thank you for making me a mother, being the incredible father you are, and raising our children together—with love and kindness.

Happy anniversary, H. To more love, more anniversaries, more happiness ♡

2,701,632 likes | 998,582 comments

annetwist I am so proud of you both for being such wonderful parents to Darcy and always supporting each other ♡

ynfan1 Gosh, today is an emotional day.

↳ gemmastyles My thoughts exactly

↳ hsfan1 Gemma is here D:

harry_and_yn i love how much they love each other

hsfan2 Both treat us with never before seen pictures of each other and I can't handle it. Mustache!Harry still is a sight to behold lol

harrystyles Oh, my love xx

↳ yourinstagram Come upstairs as soon as that call is over. I want to kiss my husband

↳ harryisdaddy YN decided to see the internet burn

ramindjawadi_official Happy anniversary to my favorite composer! Please bring little Darcy and your husband to our next meeting

↳ yourinstagram <3 Will do!

↳ ynfan2 Everyone loves Baby Styles so much

taylorswift I hope Harry is taking over some of those night shifts! Happy anniversary, you two, and let me play auntie as soon as you both need some time alone <3

ynfan3 Seeing them kiss still makes me blush because even on pictures, you always feel their burning chemistry ;_;

harry_and_yn_fandom On the anniversary of our favorite couple, we need to have a throwback to YN's Instagram story of their road trip to Italy a few years ago.

2,681 likes | 548 comments

hsfan1 I was so freaking anxious because I didn't know who was driving holy shit

↳ hsfan2 lol same. Until I realized they were stuck in a traffic jam at the Swiss border xD

Liked by hsfan1 and 21 others.

ynfandom The way her eyes always softened when looking at him <33

hsfan3 Harry felt the playlist on that day—and YN was just happy to be in his presence :3

yn_and_harry to be honest, her story made me realize they would be together forever and ever. Until death do us part and all that

↳ harry_is_fineart Definitely. And the way he took her hand after his solo of Another One Bites The Dust and how he asked her if everything was okay and if she was happy. He's the stuff women write about in romance novels.

ynfan1 Fun fact: I met Harry at a Subway right after the Italian border because YN got hungry and craved a sub and a cookie (and he was pretty tired and wanted a coffee). He stood in line while YN snuck to the driver's seat to drive their remaining route. It was so cute seeing him stand on the driver's side, sighing with a head shake, and submitting to his woman's decisions :D

↳ hsfan4 no way! That's so cute T_T

harrystylesfangirl "You know, I always get to hear you sing without paying for concert tickets." - "I'll always sing for you, my love. Doesn't matter where and when. You're my favorite audience." - "And you are mine, H." Heart eyes ensuing. This video and their conversation lives rent free in my head :D <3

↳ ynismommy I'm sure they are each other's first listeners, even before the crew and their labels.

↳ pillowpersonpp They are. Always.

;

As always: Thank you so much for reading and enjoying my silly little writing. Please consider leaving a like, a comment, and a reblog! <3

[orpheuslookingback]

oof man I've been loving severance in general but I think that last episode is the first one I have like lots of Thoughts about that I feel like I can at least kind of string together lol. Like I was moderately worried about what direction the Dead Wife thing was going to go in. Because it would have been so easy (and kind of disappointing) for her to just ultimately be an object that exists as a goal/motivator for other characters and not a person (as is common with Dead Wife characters, both literal and not so literal); that's sort of what she's been so far, with just the tease that she could be more. And unless they drop the ball big time (which god I hope they don't), this episode already made it clear: she IS more. Like revealing her to be both physically AND mentally alive at this point in the story is such a good writing choice and feels SO crucial to escaping from some of the really cliché permutations that these kind of basic story arcs/character archetypes can fall into.

I know everyone's been doing the orpheus/eurydice comparisons and now I know people are talking about how mark and gemma are now both actually the orpheus to each other's eurydice, but it's also this: gemma has been split into who knows how many people. She's his eurydice. She's his orpheus. And she's her own orpheus, too. Because she gets herself out of the underworld and then, not remembering she has, she's sent right back down again. And she hesitates and turns around one more time. But she doesn't know. She doesn't even know what she's really looked back at. She doesn't know the world she's sent away. Not until she's back in the underworld, and she's eurydice again.

Also! To interplay him remembering her, give us a classic Dead Wife Sequence- complete even with some of the classic images! The beautiful woman smiling in nature, lying in bed, looking at you, the light warm for the very first time- with the cold, stark reminder that she isn't actually dead, and more than that is still conscious and trying to get out and find him- is SUCH a cool move. Like it totally flips the idea of the Dead Wife Sequence on its head. It's not just grief anymore. It's not just using a lost person as a prop that our hero fights on in memory of. It's the Dead Wife Sequence as horror.

Because she's still the Dead Wife and yet at the same time it dramatically shifts her role in the story, right? Because it turns out everything she is to Mark, he is to her. This unreachable person who you now know isn't dead but who you cannot get to and you cannot know the true present reality of you can only take the word of people you don't totally trust or know. And so, they are dead. But now you know it's only to you. Because we've seen them both now, and we know they're both not just alive, they're fighting.

("she's not dead, she's just not here")

She's not your Dead Wife but you can't help the fact that in your memory, in your mind, she is. So you're the one, in a way, that's killing her. And you're her Dead Husband. "He's moved on" and you know that's a lie but does it really matter until you see him? Until he's real again? Because until then, you're both choking on ghosts.

And the ghosts aren't even really there.

[spacegyaru]

cw: very toxic shidou! also, i'm having a baby fever rn after meeting my bf's nieces sooo. also, they're both 23 here!

toxic! shidou ryusei is the type to make you beg no matter what the circumstances are. whether it's in and out of the bed, if he has the chance to be a menace, he totally would be.

you remember staring back at the two lines that your pregnancy test kits left three weeks after officially breaking up with him. you cursed at yourself upon seeing it.

"ugh fuck," you whispered to yourself, after looking at the white stick you just used. you discovered that you were officially pregnant with your ex-boyfriend, ryusei shidou's baby.

well, the circumstances of the breakup weren't exactly ideal. you loved shidou dearly, but he started becoming a little bit toxic. it all started when you asked to break up with him for the sake of your career, but he refused to— you ended up having make up sex until you forgot about breaking up. after that, whenever you guys start having an argument, he brings up the fact that you almost broke up with him, even to the point of accusing you for cheating— but he wasn't agressive. it was more of a taunt to you, given his smug personality.

eventually, you got sick of it and broke up with him. now, you're in your bathroom, thinking whether you should tell him or not. you sigh, setting down the three tests, and taking a photo of them.

if you're going to be honest, you'd love to have kids— babies to be exact. but you're not sure about who their dad would be. also, you're not sure if your menacing ex would be the ideal man for that. besides, you're broke right now... which means, you'll be needing his help.

so with a little bit of hesitation, you texted him after deleting his contact, and not talking for the past two weeks, sending him a photo of those three tests.

this is the first time he left you on read, and it made your blood boil. you were so mad.

after that, you tossed your phone on the bed. why were you hoping for a good response from shidou anyway? that's like waiting for a shooting star.

until the next night...

you couldn't stop your blood from boiling upon reading this. so you devised a plan to confront. the next day, you were angrily storming in to the sports arena, after his football practice. there's not a lot of people during that hour and he's usually the last person to leave. you entered the locker room, where you met him, with his towel hanging low from his hips. he smirked upon seeing you with an angry expression while approaching him.

"yo y/n—" shidou tried to greet you, but your palm came across his cheek. you slapped him with full of anger.

"you have the guts to greet me with a 'yo' when i just told you that i'm pregnant and you literally ignored me?!" you almost caused a scandal in the locker room, but it's a good thing that there's only the two of you in the whole place.

you thought shidou would argue back, but he didn't. he smirked, ignored you, and just got dressed. all while you waited for his answer. this is shidou's usual trick to provoke you. he's going to be quiet and wear a smug expression, until you get so angry... and eventually, you're gonna find yourself calming down.

"r-ryusei— hey, d-don't ignore me! hey!" you tried chasing him as he almost left while carrying his sports duffel bag, but you blocked his way, almost doing a t-pose. and he laughed upon you doing this. you got so embarrassed and flustered by his reaction.

"you're so funny, y/n." shidou said in a smug voice, "if you want my help, you gotta at least be nice to me, you know? you'll need to take me back to your life.~"

oh hell nah, shidou knows a lot. he knows that child was made by you and him. but of course... he won't give you what you want. not until you beg for it. not until you show him how dependent you are to him.

shidou didn't expect you to give in so fast though. but you had swallow your pride. you badly need his help.

"i-i— don't leave me alone, ryusei. this is your child too. i—" you were having a hard time blocking his way and he's surely having fun watching you chase him like this. "f-fine, i'll play nice and do whatever you want!"

again, for the third time, shidou managed to make himself crawl back in your life again. you could never get rid of this man.

[mylovesstuffs]

OT13 reacting to their s/o getting fired & doubting herself

Request: Hello celeste!!!!! Can I get an ot13 reaction where their wife telling them that they got fired from their workplace and doubting themselves for not being a better wife to them ??? Also I hope you have a better day ahead ♡

- ⭐️ anon

Immediately Gets Defensive & Angry On Your Behalf ("WHO DO I NEED TO FIGHT??" Protects you first, comforts you after.) — Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Seungkwan

“EXCUSE ME?? THEY FIRED YOU??” Their temper is immediately flaring up. Your boss is now Enemy #1.

Seungcheol: Already planning to call a lawyer. “That’s it. We’re taking legal action.” (Even if there’s no reason to, he just needs to do something.)

Jeonghan: Sarcastic and pissed af. “They really fired the BEST worker they had? Their loss, not yours, love.”

Mingyu: Hugs you instantly. “Are you okay?? No, don’t cry, baby, please—” he’s so worried but also furious on your behalf.

Seungkwan: Losing his mind. “TELL ME WHICH SUPERVISOR, I’M WRITING A SCATHING REVIEW.” Also pep talks you for two hours straight.

They REFUSE to let you blame yourself.

Immediately Holds You & Comforts You ("Baby, no, please don't say that about yourself." More focused on you than the job.) — Joshua, DK, Woozi, Vernon

Joshua: This man is SO SOFT. “Sweetheart, you are the most amazing wife. This job doesn’t deserve you.” Gives you the longest hug.

Woozi: Heart breaks in half. “You think you’re not good enough?? Love, I don’t care about the job, I care about YOU.” Softly kisses your forehead.

Dokyeom: TEARY-EYED. “YOU THINK YOU’RE NOT A GOOD WIFE??? BABY, YOU ARE THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME.” (Now he’s crying, too.)

Vernon: Squeezes your hand so tight. “That’s crazy talk. You’re literally the best person I know.” Says it so sincerely, you believe him.

They will keep reassuring you until you see yourself the way they do.

Cannot Believe You'd Even Think This About Yourself ("I must have misheard you. Say that again and see what happens.") — Wonwoo, Minghao, Dino

Wonwoo: Dead serious. “You’re questioning yourself? The woman I married? Don’t ever do that again.” His voice is soft but firm.

Minghao: Crosses his arms. “So you’re telling me a job can determine your worth? Do you think that’s true?” He will MAKE you realize how amazing you are.

Dino: Eyes WIDE with disbelief. “Do you think my love depends on your job? Is that how little you think of my love for you?” (He’s so hurt that you’d ever doubt yourself ☹️)

They don’t tolerate self-doubt. They will make you understand your worth, one way or another.

Extra

Treats you like a princess for the rest of the day

"If they don’t appreciate you, I’ll appreciate you twice as much."

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM would spoil you immediately.

Expect your favorite food, hugs all day, unlimited kisses, a cozy movie night, and them reminding you how perfect you are.

OT13 does NOT care about your job. He cares about YOU. He will protect, comfort, and love you through this and he will make sure you know you are still an amazing wife, partner, and person.

[starpoweredv1b]

HELLO!!! HI!!! YOU'RE ALIVE AND WELL :3!!!

This is not-freaky-anon speaking nonsensical 0 freaky stuff again :333 (I went through the horrors this week (sudden exams, my uncle literally died???, missed exams because I attended his funeral, etc etc) I think I'm well as long as I eat fish tbh) and I've come to u to give heavenly weird girl pussy ask!! (and to ask for the l&d angsty fwb ask I sent few weeks prior teehee)

So! Imagine this; you're the widely known weird girl, all nerdy and stupidly inept at socializing, staring at two old men not thirsting over them, but rejoicing upon old man yaoi (based on the 'viva el old man yaoi' pin I got :3). Your grades are average, surprisingly you survive at sincostan, you're absolutely hellish to interact with once someone mentioned the slightest hint of your interests, and you stare at men so pervertedly from behind your book it almost feels like sexual harassment and makes boys stop harassing girls because they've been through the ringer with your stares.

You're the type of girl who daydreams at the very back of the class, music blasting off of your earbuds to the point your deskmate could hear it, Mitski and beabadobee playing while you're awake and "Yummy"/"I'll do it" by Ayesha Erotica or "Government Hooker"/"Judas" by Lady Gaga playing while you're asleep.

The LLs are freaked the FUCK out. They're especially handsome in your eyes and you constantly ship them together. Lord knows if you have a smidgen of talent in drawing you would've been rich in name and in yaoi by now..

But your pussy is so, so, tight yet soft, all gummy-like and warm and it feels like melting into a puddle of oobleck and your moans are not helping and oh my fucking god he's addicted to this weird girl's pussy—

So while you're very, abhorrently strange, they can't let go of the heavenly weird girl cunt..

YES I AM!! also my condolences man please give yourself time and hydrate and eat well. love you not freaky anon 🫶

also i see this happening with Caleb and Zayne like my beloved moot @losermuse sent me this tweet about Caleb finding mc's fics about him and Zayne and how he'd be devastated LOL!! but if it's old man yaoi...the cannonically it would be Xavier and Sylus?? hm...

fujoshi cucks unite! (2)

tw. zayne x caleb, boys kissing :o, vaginal, oral, fujoshi reader

anyway, they'd literally be rearranging your guts. one from below and the other pumping down your throat. this had to be heaven! and as you're laying there watching two of the hottest men just grunting and whimpering on top of you, you'd pull away from Zayne's cock and flutter your teary lashes at them.

"could you both...maybe...uhm...kiss each other?"

you'd ask in the sweetest breathless voice, your chest heaving as Caleb continued to rock into you. you felt him stutter to a stop, panting and looking all confused. Zayne blinked, his face red as he caught his breath.

"why don't you stop talking weird, and keep your mouth here, hm? you were doing so well..."

Zayne murmurs, cock throbbing from how you were unintentionally edging him by talking and not sucking. his hands gently tugged your hair that he was holding in a fist to guide you back towards his leaky, spit slick cock. but typical you, pouting and blinking so cutely up at Caleb because you knew just when he'd tick (when he was all pussy drunk and worshipping every intake of breath that you take).

you watched as Caleb firmly pulls Zayne closer with one hanf, smashing their lips together with a soft moan. Zayne froze up, cock hardening even more from both shock and the unexpected passion of it. their tongues slid around in each other's mouth and you could've sworn you felt Caleb popping a second wind of a stiffy deep inside you. you moaned and slid Zayne's cock back into your snug throat. you watched with inceasing arousal as the two men made out sloppily on top of you, all while thrusting in sync. like you were nothing but a shared fleshlight that with maybe a bit more effort would allow their tips to touch in the soft of your stomach.

your moans and the feel of you teetering closer to the edge went almost entirely unheard as the two continued to kiss. their drool pooling at the dip of your stomach. it was the best seat ever in your opinion. you came with a muffled moan against zayne's cock, both of them stuttering and groaning into each other's mouth as they came inside.

you slowly pulled yourself away as they continued to make out, pullinh you in for a three people kiss. your fingers reach down to your sensitive clit, rubbing it yourself since the two were too busy jerking each other off. wanting to cover your pretty pussy lips with both their cum. team effort style, or however the saying goes. no complaints of course.

after all, you were living the fujoshi cuckquean dream.

[systlin]

Picking a Gor book at random: Marauders of Gor!

OH THIS IS THE SHITTY FAKE VIKING KNOCK OFF BOOK

SO. We open with Cow of House Cow, formerly known as Tarl Cabot. He got poisoned at the end of the last book and this paralyzed him. Should have upped the dose and killed him

(Bosk. He took the name Bosk because in book five he got taken slave by a lady who mean dommed him once and it fundamentally rewired his brain chemistry. He spends the rest of the books...all TWENTY SEVEN MORE OF THEM...going by the name Kind Mistress gave her pretty slave.)

ANYWAY. There's some dumb bullshit about a plot by the Kurii to conquer Gor. The Kurii are giant werewolf aliens who eat people, and I think Tarl bottomed for one once but that's a different book. They're the enemy of the Priest Kings.

Tarl then fixes the depression he's sunk into because he is Utterly Useless And Pathetic since his legs don't work. This somehow also fixes his legs? Who the fuck knows. He decides to go investigate. This whole baffling intro takes seventy pages.

Anyway.

This takes him to the north, where we find him in a Not!Catholic church. As in, it is exactly like a catholic church except it's to the PK's and not God. The head priest is the most overblown caricature of a greedy evil priest ever set to paper. Calling him one dimensional would be adding a dimension.

Naturally, the Shitty Terrible Vikings attack and loot the place.

Now, they don't attack at FIRST. Norm, thinking himself terribly clever, rips off a move from a saga written by actual good writers and steals the 'smuggle weapons into a church in a coffin with a viking leader who is totally dead you guys, we pinky promise' scheme. Our co hero with Tarl for the book, Ivar Forkbeard, is naturally not dead.

Ivar and his crew promptly loot the place, and also take slave all the pretty women they can find. Tarl, of course, impresses Ivar with his immense fighting ability (dodges a thrown spear) and Ivar decides to take him along with his crew, because Tarl has the thickest plot armor ever seen. They burn the church down and fuck off with their loot. We find out here that the Shit Vikings still follow their gods. Odin and Thor are the only two mentioned. They use a salute that would be very familiar to anyone who has watched WW2 documentaries or, more recently, Elon Musk.

On the longship, we learn a few things. One, that John Norman doesn't know shit about longships, because he gives them rigged sails. Two, that the shitty vikings eat snails raw out of the bilges, which seems like it would give you ten different diseases. Three, that they break slaves by tying them to the oars and dunking them into the north sea repeatedly for several hours, in a move that would totally not kill someone.

At Ivar's holdings, we see more slaves, and the new slaves are branded. Norm spends an immense amount of time and loving detail on this. Tarl is still having a great time. He happily feasts and drinks and rapes...his words, not mine...slaves left and right.

At one point, to discipline a woman, Ivar has her tied naked to a block of ice. For hours. This somehow doesn't kill her, and yet we are told women are weak.

They capture the daughter of a Jarl and enslave her, because she told Ivar to fuck off once and Norm is convinced that this means a woman is burning with a secret passion to literally lick a man's feet. Seriously. There's so much foot licking. In every book. It's in every book. Naturally she falls in love with Ivar and becomes his happy slave. This takes hundreds of pages and it's all horrible. All the poor women get names like Honey Cake, Pudding, ect.

Tarl and his new bestie and their slaves go to what is clearly an Althing, except worse. Ivar is an outlaw, see, and he wants to shove his dick in people's faces that he raised enough money to pay his fine but isn't gonna pay it anyway, because Real Men Don't Do Shit Like Participate Constructively In Society. Norm is INTENSELY culturally WASP, even though he claims to be an atheist. The whole rugged individualism he admires more than anything oozes like slime off most of these books. No, Ivar is clearly supposed to be someone we should aspire to be like, As Men, and Tarl has a huge crush on him I'm pretty sure. And he's a total piece of rat shit.

Ivar and Tarl win a bunch of contests because of course they do, and we see Free Women being unpleasant as Norm writes all free women. Namely, not taking any shit and talking back to men, which Norm calls 'haughty arrogance'. Ivar shows he has the cash to pay his fine, but refuses to. This amuses everyone enough though that they lift his sentence rather than just chucking him off a cliff for some reason.

The head of the Kurii on Gor comes to treat with the jarls. They all decide clearly this is a trick, because of course it is it's not subtle. The Kurii say that they have an army and will take Shitty Viking Land and also the south of Gor. The Shitty Vikings are like fuckit let's fight.

They do. It's somehow boring, in a way that vikings fighting space werewolves should actually find impossible to be. The vikings win by stampeding a herd of cattle over the space werewolves and also maybe some 800 year old legendary figure shows up?

Tarl, having reassured himself that he is a True Man, heads back to Port Kar.

The end.

[moonlitenvyillust]

Hey TeleNeo fans, want some pain? No? Too bad here you go

Tags: men crying (why would that be a warning tbh), angst (or at least a try out of writing angst), love letters but the sender is dead, major character death, Telemachus is mentioned but is the sender, EURYCLEA MY QUEEN, Neo cries <3, don't you love making character's suffer, ancient Greek gays, TELENEO CLUB HAS FOUR/FIVE MEMBERS ISTG-, deprived of content. So I'll write it!, me being a tired bitch, based on: "to my dear Historia" With too many alterations.

•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙|-π-|⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•

And so the letter ends.

The second he heard of the great Odysseus's return, he felt a pang of relief for Telemachus. His beloved finally got the one thing he had dreamed of for his entire life. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous... He never got such reunion with his own father. The great Achilles had died and that was why he was drafted to war.

He immediately set sail to Ithaca as he heard the news. He finished his little quest and immediately jumped onto a ship. His little mind could not comprehend how much he missed the island, but more over, how much he missed his Telemachus

Walking down from the ship to the docs, he was just about to go to the palace when-

"Excuse me, Lord Neoptolemus?"

That voice... Neo remembered her, that's Telemachus's nurse maid, Euryclea.

"It's so hard to try and find you, here, a favor from the prince"

She handed him a letter, albeit an not so old not so new looking one. Atleast a few weeks old. A stain is seen on the edge... Coffee? No, that's the colour of Telemachus's meds when it dries on white.

And the letter wrote...

"To my dear, Phyrrus

As I write this, my health is severely declining. I wished to give this letter to you directly–hell, maybe even say the words I wish to say. But my voice has been lost through my last fight with a suitor. He hit me hard enough, I think I broke my vocal chords. However I of course had asked Euryclea for her word, to give this to you during your next visit. I know for a fact you are a busy man, multiple quests given to you at a time. Henceforth I didn't send this letter, I didn't want to worry you and give you an unsafe return.

That said, I want to be selfish. Just for once. I swear it. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. But even before the suitors plagues my life, I had been dying. In a literal sense.

My body is weaker than an average man and it's not only because of the fact I am untrained, but it's because of severe health disorders... Yes I have been training under Athena, but that doesn't mean my chronic pain just Dissapears. It gets worse, actually. But I can deal with it. Usually

I have realized that my time is no longer than at least a few weeks when this letter is wrote. The headaches had been more frequent, I fall over with leg pains more often, and it just overall shows a sign that my name is in the "to reap" Soul list of Thanatos.

I love you, more than how I would love a friend. But not able to be as a lover, for you deserve someone better. Someone stronger. Someone... Your height of glory. But I shall let myself be selfish for my last few days. I love you.

I ask for my body to only be burnt when you made an appearance. I know it's so much to ask. But words spread fast and you run faster.

So, if I die before you return... Consider this as my goodbye."

It had been a while since the last time Phyrrus cried

But just this once

He let himself weep

•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙|-π-|⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

I had a vague idea for this after watching a "to my dear Historia" Edit, so have this. Share my pain.

@ list because I know who would like this stuff @cutob @no1teleneoshipper @lenamiyabi @lemonade-tree7 here you go. We are deprived of content tbh. Have angst, almost forgot @kindred-spirit-93

[tricksh0t]

★ goody two-shoes

☾ gregory house x cop male reader

𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘴𝘩0𝘵 ⛥ just a quick thirst, don't start freaking out, also sorry if he turns out ooc cuz i've literally only watched tiktok clips from the show

𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘴 ⛥ 1.26k words

cw: suggestive thirst, but no nsfw, trying to corrupt a cop

You've seen everything in your time as a traffic officer. Specifically everything about traffic, of course.

Men, that could possibly be great-grandparents, taking a little too long to move after the red light while driving the family hatchback, doing their grandkids a favor by driving his great-grandkids home.

Old men speeding because their reflexes are just not the same or they can't tell how fast they're going or their vision fails them and they read the speed limit sign wrong.

Men in their mid-life crisis driving the restored version of the old car they yearned to have in their childhood, speeding because they want to feel that rush thet felt lacking in their life.

Younger men speeding in their beatdown cars because they slept in one day and ended up being late for work, fearful of a paycut.

Young men speeding in their flashy sports cars because they're rich and apathetic, because they think the world revolves around their money.

You thought, however, that this shift would be boring. Hoped for it, even. It was a late night. You were just looking to kick your feet up on the dashboard, park under a shadow and fuck around on your phone.

You were wrong, though. Of course you were.

You've seen a lot of things, but not this. A graying man speeding late at night like he has somewhere to be that isn't home. No, no, who are you to judge?

...is that a cane on the side of his bike?

House sighs as sirens follow him. He should've known that dark shadow was a perfect spot for a cop.

He pulls over, like the good citizen he is. He gets off his bike, like the good citizen he is.

"Officer." He greets cordially, placing his helmet on his bike with a sigh. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

You raise a brow. You can already tell this old man is going to have an attitude. "This will take as long as it needs."

The man has the audacity to roll his eyes and cross his arms. "Look, I've got a busy night ahead."

"Tell me about it." He opens his mouth, but you stop him. There's some satisfaction in making him look like a gaping fish. "While you look for your license and registration and proof of insurance."

He gives you more attitude when he looks to the sky as if muttering a quick prayer before digging into his decidedly tight pants and fishing his license out of his wallet.

You inspect it, but he stays still as you do so. "Look for your papers, sir."

Not expired, good...address isn't too far from here to justify speeding...he certainly looks like his picture. His name is Gregory House.

"I don't have them."

"You don't have them?" You narrow your eyes at him, crossing your arms. "You–"

"This jacket is small enough as it is, and before you ask, it is stylish and protective. Scraped skin is more painful than it is harmful." He locks eyes with you. A man several years your senior, staring you down to try to make you back down. With what, attitude?

Luckily, you have the better hand. You're taller, you're bigger–no, nevermind all that, you're a cop. "You–"

"Exactly why did you pull me over again?" House tilts his head.

"Speeding." You say between gritted teeth. "Twenty over the speed limit."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He says, kicking off his bike to stand upright. He shuffles closer with an awkward gait, yes, that was a cane on his bike. "It's late at night. Age gets to you, you know, officer. I couldn't see very well."

"That's what the lights on your bike are for." You say, shoving your hands into your pockets and breathing deeply. You can't let him get on your nerves. "And you're driving a motorcycle, sir, I think you can't play the age card."

"You don't get to decide that." Despite his bad leg, he stands up tall, challenging you. You see eye to eye, and you notice he's not exactly handsome...but there sure is tension, there.

"Really?" You huff out a laugh. All thoughts about keeping your calm are gone after that.

House smiles. "Really."

"Well, I do get to decide that you are going to sleep in cold jail cell tonight."

His smile disappears, replaced with a frown. "Come on, officer. You're seriously not going to detain me over not having my papers, are you? That's absurd. And it's petty, too. Even you cant deny that."

"That's funny," You scoff, "I'm thinking the same about you."

Out of all things, House looks offended at that. "Fine, fine you know, I can understand that, really, officer. I deserve it. I'm an asshole, I know, but you like it, don't you? You can't help but find my words charming."

You breathe out a huff, something between laughter and disbelief. "Now that is something I've never heard before."

"Something you've never heard before?" He seems to be in disbelief too, "I'm sure you've heard it from some young lady, maybe even another man. You mean you've never heard it from an old man, don't you?"

He takes your silence as a yes. "You know, there's always a time for firsts."

"You're really not as charming as you think you are." You approach. He walks backwards in return, but you follow, up until the back of his foot hits his tire.

"I'm a doctor." House begins desperately. "I'm expected at the hospital tomorrow for an early morning shift. You're not going to stop me from saving lives are you?"

For a moment, you let him think he's got you. You let the words sit in, like you're really thinking, like you're sympathizing with him. "Are you resisting arrest, sir?"

"What? No–"

You take his arm and spin him around, keeping his forearm pinned against his back.

"Hey!"

You use that forearm to press him against the back of his own back and pin him down further. When the first cuff wraps around his wrist, he begins to protest.

He doesn't even say "we can talk about this". He just starts talking. "Oh real funny, yeah. Pin down the helpless old cripple."

Then the other cuff wraps around his other wrist. "I bet this is one of your fantasies. Pinning down an old man and using him as you please. I'm too weak for you, I'll admit that. So why don't you just push me against the hood of your work car and do as you like?"

Staring down at the way his leather jacket and loose shirt ride up, you're certainly tempted. His tight pants do nothing for the imagination, especially with how close you are. You're pressed against him, really.

If he were a woman, with his short jacket and his belted pants, you might've even seen the peek of a thong from this angle...but he's not a woman. Yet, undeniably, the curve of his ass still entices you. His attitude would certainly be fun to quiet.

...but you're a cop.

The handcuffs click as they're pushed as tight as they can be.

"You want to have a fun time?" You ask, forcing him to stand back up with a grip on the cuffs. "Jail's fun. You can imagine the cold as the climate of a skeeing mountain."

As you drag him off towards your car, he digs his feet into the ground. "Wait, my bike!"

"You know the rules. It'll be towed." You continue dragging him.

House sighs. "Fuckin' goody two-shoes cops."

[aroaceleovaldez]

do you think the sun and the star was partially ai generated? because i sure as hell do. especially considering a lot of the monsters aren't even canon greek mytho beasts, and bianca and maria's names are swapped, and overall there's something so *off* about it, and it's not because there's another writer. im like 80% sure mark oshio and r*ck r*ordan used ai. even if they didn't it should be unpublished

No, I don't.

We already know for a fact that Rick's editor is extremely lax on actually editing, and we've also explicitly been told the final published version of TSATS was actually an unpolished rough draft. Plus it's a collaboration between two authors, and their editor didn't even go through to make everything consistent (you can actually tell who wrote what parts based on how Rick uses s's, such as "Hades's" versus Mark using s', like "Hades'.")

There is no singular "canon" greek mythos, and most of the creatures and beings mentioned in the book are from greco-roman mythology. They clearly used the first google image results for descriptions of some (the cacodaemons clearly being partially referenced on the monsters from Doom, Menoetes being depicted as a red bull-man, etc), but most do have a basis in mythology.

And contrary to what some may presume based on my opinions, I don't think TSATS should be "unpublished." De-canonized, maybe. And yeah I don't think it should have been written, mostly because Rick said himself he wasn't going to because it "wasn't his place" to write Nico's story and such. But as it exists, it exists. And we can learn from analyzing it.

Regardless, it's bad form to be making conspiracy theories just because something isn't executed well. We pretty clearly know why the book is a mess, and if it was AI generated it would be far more obvious. It's just a half-baked book. Quite literally. They didn't finish writing it. But that's all human error.

[entries-byemambo]

The LIs Going to the Nail Salon: A Headcanon

So after talking with my best friend @space-of-sk in our private thread on Discord cause our friends know we're crazy for this game, I was sitting at my salon today and thinking about how each LI would conduct themselves if they spent time at my salon. All they're asking for is a manicure and it ends up being my turn to service them. I don't know them nor do I know where they're from in terms of existing in a video game. This is for shits and giggles because being a nail tech is my day job that I consider a side hustle (because I'm actually an illustrator/artist!)

Xavier

First off, he would be in awe of how our salon is decorated. My manager decorates our space based on the passing seasons (since Valentine's is over, we're moving onto St. Patrick's Day!), so he'll definitely point that out to me. My manager is using green star shaped balloons for the decor so he'll definitely get a kick out of that just like I do, they're so cute and plump.

Because our salon is pretty big, calling for our clients when it's their turn can be a nightmare sometimes, and luckily for me, I'm calling his name multiple times because he is literally dozing off in the front lobby despite all the noise. When I finally get his attention, he's having a hard time understanding my directions to get to my station towards the back of the salon, so I'm gesturing him to just GET over here please because now everyone's staring at how awkward our interaction is.

I first gauge that he might not want to talk too much during the service since he's spending so much of that time looking around and being intrigued by all the stimuli going on (the machines, the pedicure stations, the clients chatting up a storm, did someone say they want a mimosa?), but after a few minutes, I ask him the basic questions: have you been here before? is this your first manicure? are you enjoying the session so far? what do you do for work?

Once this man starts going on and on and on about all the various side quests he has, I start trying to recognize the pattern (thank you ADHD) and while not being able to find one, I interrogate him about why he has so many job experiences despite being so young. But once I realized that it is inappropriate to ask someone that out of the blue at the drop of the hat, I change the conversation by asking him if he plans on eating anything after our session is over. Which is how I learned that he burned breakfast earlier and opted for hot pot for the fifth time that week.

Zayne

Although he works overtime at a hospital, I feel like people underestimate the stimuli in my salon: the volume, the smell of the various chemicals, the chatter, it's ultimately very overwhelming for many people (just from me asking clients for the many years I've been working at this place). I think he would first try to block out as much of the noise by listening to his own music, which after getting his attention and working on his nails in the meantime, we can both listen to our own music at our own leisure.

However, I notice just how incredibly stiff this man is while I'm working on his service, which is common amongst many of my clients who work in these very strenuous occupations (medical, corporate, etc.). The concept of "relaxing" is simply out of their grasp so I know that I have to gentle parent them into relaxing as much as they can, especially because so many of them don't even realize that they're doing it in the first place.

Once I'm able to get Zayne's attention by softly tapping his hands, at first, he'll tense up even more out of confusion, but after informing him about relaxing in a playful manner, he realizes what he's doing and eventually releases his tension. After attempting to make small talk and hope that I can make him more comfortable by distracting him through conversation, I learn about his cardiac surgeon experience, while gives him an avenue to yap about his medical experience. I also take this opportunity to ask him questions I have about the medical practice, which helps him further relax in an unfamiliar space.

Rafayel

First off, having someone so luxurious at my salon would intimidate me right away because why are you here in my presence? I feel honored, not gonna lie. And immediately take him in for the service. He would definitely ask me about my tools and what they're all used for, since I have experience of many male clients who ask such questions to familiarize themselves with the foreign environment they're in. After asking him what he does for a living, I immediately tell him about also being an artist, which becomes our main point of interest during the session.

What kind of materials do you use for your painting? Have you tackled digital art before? I'm also traditionally trained and became an artist ever since I was young. I also enjoy nature as my muse and main subject, but I haven't tackled ocean or water before in my work. How did you discover the ocean and aquatic life to be your main focus? Oh, you're from an area close to the ocean? That's really cool!

And with a little nudge, he asks me if I do designs on nails (quick answer: yes, but not all the crazy stuff and not every single time I come to work because it's very tedious!) After asking him if he wanted to do his nails today, with an excited nod, I smile and open my Pinterest app so we can get started on what he'd like on his nails. We went with some chrome line art with a more cool toned color palette consisting of blues and purple. This man ends up skipping to his car in the parking lot after paying and bidding me goodbye.

Sylus

Again, why is such a luxurious man doing here in my salon and I'm honored but scared? After he puts his coat on the back of his chair and tries to sit comfortably, our legs are definitely bumping each other under the table because of how tall this man is. It sounds cute but no, it actually sends chills down my spine because holy shit I'm so sorry, I'm not trying to play footsies with you. And then I'm tense as fuck trying to keep myself from touching him unnecessarily.

He definitely picks up on my tension and actually starts the conversation first, asking me how long I've been working here and if I'm from the area. After realizing that he's just trying to make me more comfortable, I start to ease up and answer his questions, asking him if he's from the area and what he does for a living.

This man sells fruit? Well ok then LOL. I'm thinking in my head because with that face card? Please. Keeping myself from trying to make corny jokes, I keep myself from asking further about his job, moving on to asking if he has any hobbies he engages with in his free time. When I heard that he's a collector, we then talk about music and the like. Realizing that this man is not only charming, but sassy without even trying amuses me, and allows me to finish his service with no issues. AND THIS MAN TIPPED ME $200 DOLLARS ON A $37 TAB??? I THOUGHT YOU SELL FRUIT?

Caleb

He to me, would be the most amusing and fun to work with. Not only does it seem like he knows his way around the salon, but he immediately starts a conversation a few minutes after we sit down and start the process. I have no problem answering any of his curious questions, since he's asking from a genuine place. I then learn that he has a female friend that grew up alongside him as a family member, always smiling while talking about her when he talks about the past.

After some moments, I'm getting suspicious and ask him if he likes her at all. Noticing how his ears got red and he's trying to change the subject because I asked straight liquor, no chaser, I immediately shut up while scolding myself because why you being so vô duyên (iykyk). But then my ears immediately perk up to "it's that obvious, huh?"

HELL YEAH BOY. And then I immediately start doing what I do best: this man spills everything about how much he likes this girl and how much she means to him. To which I'm just there like "ASK HER OUT, YOU DOOFUS?" Of course, there he goes again worried about ruining the relationship they currently have and not wanting to cross boundaries. Or that's what I thought until he shows me a picture of them at his graduation with her kissing him on the cheek like ok girl...(endearingly cause go get your girl)