#i like well thought out plot that hits harder the deeper into the story you go

[selene-moonie]

if you're going to throw deaths at me, make it make sense.

you see that shit hiro mashima pulled with gray after the grand magic games? i stopped the manga for that shit.

do not. i repeat. DO NOT. KILL YOUR CHARACTERS UNNECESSARILY

[filmmakerdreamst]

How Lyra and Will suffered as Protagonists in BBC's His Dark Materials

Despite the cast and crews open love for the novels, and the insistent diligence to stay as faithful to the source material as possible — even trying to fill in many of the gaps in the books, as seen in all three seasons of the show — the BBC adaptation never manages to capture the spirit (the only time I felt like it did was in the third season) because of the fact that every character is altered and changed. Not just adaptationally changed either like making a character dumber, softer or harder. They’re completely different characters, separated from the source material e.g. Mrs Coulter is changed from a seductive, calm character to a feral, suicidal character. I must admit, I did like the expanded self harm element that she causes her daemon. However I felt in the novel, if she were to harm her monkey, it would be ‘to keep her lust for power at bay’ rather than shame for herself.

The atmosphere was off yet the events were similar and the complete opposite at the same time. But you can’t have similar events play out with different characterisations, at least not with ‘His Dark Materials’.

Philip Pullman’s characters in ‘His Dark Materials’ are extremely charismatic, but to put it lightly, are not very palatable to say the least. As stated in @clarabosswald’s analysis, there seemed to be this weird need to make EVERY single character digestible or palatable in some way or another in the BBC adaptation, regardless of it making sense or not. I noticed this upon my re-read of ‘The Northern Lights’ that they even humanised the doctor that sexually assaulted Lyra by grabbing Pantalaimon, which was very troubling.

Now with the opposing ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’ film, they changed the characterisations to make them more sympathetic and accessible to a contemporary audience. They even dug deeper with the character Edmund which I thought was a fantastic choice. But the reason why those character changes worked was because C.S.Lewis was not concerned with building character, he was much more concerned with the place of Narnia itself. He almost used his characters to explore the world of Narnia, e.g. some characters would leave one book and come back 5 books later — which is why some of the later adaptations of Narnia didn’t do as well in the box office as the first one.

The character changes in that film enriched the story without effecting it in a way, because ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’ and the other books are driven by the plot. Where as ‘His Dark Materials’ is primarily driven by characters.

Philip Pullman in total contrast to C.S.Lewis, built the world (you could say he used the world) around the characters in order for them to get to Point A to Point B. But he was not concerned about exploring the multiverse so you could see the entire picture, like with C.S. Lewis.

I heard once that he described writing as wondering through a forest on a path and the path is your story. Theres a difference between the story world and the storyline. And as an Author, your concern is the storyline. It would be easy to step away and stray from the path and explore the forest and admire all the trees, but for him the most important thing to do was to remain on the path and focus on the story rather than the details along the way.

I’m not apposed to different versions of the characters or different storylines. But with ‘His Dark Materials’, those books are driven by specific character traits. And the fact that they changed them, while still being faithful to the events in the story, the story beats either don’t land or don’t hit as hard or don’t make sense altogether.

More specifically with the main characters Lyra and Will, but mostly Lyra since she’s the heart of the story.

Lyra is first and fourmost a liar, which may seem a small part of her character but its huge. Her ability to lie and get her way out of situations is the cause of many events in the books. She’s feral. She’s wild. She’s manipulative. She’s described as a ‘half wild cat’ and a ‘greedy little savage’. She can’t sit still or behave herself. She’s impulsive. She’s a leader. She gets into fights. She gets dirty. She spends all her nights on the rooftops. She’s an extrovert. She’s street smart. She’s selfish. She’s brave.

She’s an emotional and passionate human being. Thats what makes Lyra a real girl, not just a character on the page. These nuanced character traits of hers is how she pushes everything forward in the story.

All of those negative/positive aspects of her character in the books were watered down so much in the series. To the point where alot of them were removed. Not only is that incredibly dehumanising but makes the plot points where “she lies” not land as well or plot points revolving around her “telling the truth” make no sense at all.

The whole reason why she’s called Lyra Silvertongue is because she tricked the bear king with her lies, a trait which is consistent throughout the entire story — but completely nonexistent throughout the show. Her tricking the bear king in the adaptation came off as a lucky experience rather something that comes naturally to her. Even the ironic plot point of her being given the Alethiometer “a device that tells her the truth” didn’t hit as hard. They tried to establish her as a ‘liar’ in the second episode of season one then gave up completely as the show continued on.

But the weird thing is, those flaws were still mentioned by other characters in the show, when it was not the character they were developing. Characters would mention that she’s a liar, insufferable, selfish or that ‘she doesn’t apologise easily’ — which seemed like an over exaggeration since the show version of her isn’t really any of those things. This applied when characters such as Lee praised her for being ‘brave’ and ‘good’. I heard a HDM podcast recapping season 2 saying that “her character in the show wasn’t hitting the right emotional beats” to be a child of a great destiny that every character seemingly falls over themselves to give their lives for her.

TV Lyra hasn’t completely lost her flaws, but she’s not as nearly as flawed as she was in the books. She felt so contained, rather than passionate. Which felt so odd because yes, Lyra grows out of some bad traits such as her rudeness, due to the influence of Will. But she isn’t naturally like that.

They changed her so much, but also tried to keep her “the same” that her character growth which is huge in the books felt like nothing had moved at all. It kind of got reduced to a simple thing like her innocence being taken away. It was like she wasn’t allowed to have any sort of loud, dislikable reaction in any way. It felt like they were taking away her agency.

And I know one of the biggest reasons why they changed her behaviour in the TV Show is because they aged the character up to 14–16 at the start. I get it. Theres a huge difference between 12 and 14 in terms of maturity . It works for the Will & Lyra romantic scenes as an adaptational choice later in the story (because she’s allegedly 12–13 in the books).

I think Dafne Keen was an inspired choice for the role of Lyra, since I saw some scenes of her in ‘Logan’ and I 100% believe she would of pulled off Book Lyra given the chance, but by the time they started filming she was already 13/14. And in all honesty, Lyra just becomes odd looking older. She’s just not convincing as a misbehaving little girl who can’t sit still, she just comes off as a really strange child thats immature or lacking in social skills. For example, there’s a scene between Mrs Coulter and Lyra in ‘The Idea of North’ where she’s telling a lie, but it doesn’t come off natural because 1. They didn’t establish her as a liar immediately and 2. Part of her ability to lie comes from her spontaneous nature of being a kid telling stories and using her imagination. Dafne Keen didn’t really look that age, for it to look like something she would do.

They also made her relationship with Roger more of a focus in the show, which makes sense as her motivation in the later half of the books comes from wanting to rescue him. However, they made him ‘the only friend that she has’ which I found to be a strange decision because Lyra in the books has tuns of friends. I would say their friendship is more balanced in the series, where as in the book it wasn’t so much.

She forgets him a few times while staying with Mrs Coulter in the book where as she remembers him constantly in the episode ‘The Idea of North’ which felt like a confused choice to me. They were trying to have it both ways; have her be seduced by Mrs Coulter while also actively asking her to look for Roger.

The imbalance in Roger and Lyra’s friendship is important because it adds to the need to set things right with him in The Land of the Dead. It goes to the core of how everyone thinks she is selfish. She needs to save Roger to prove to herself she’s a good person.

In the book, when Lyra dreams of Roger in The Land of the Dead, the two of them have constant talks of how much he’s suffering. In the show, she just has alot of ambiguous flash forward dreams of Roger, with the story not prioritising them as important as the main plot of ‘Asriel’s War’.

When she brings this up to Will in the episode, he dismisses it instead of agreeing to go (like in the book) because of his daddy issues, no I’m sorry, because of Asriel’s War which makes sense as it’s one of the main plots in the season — where it was more of a distracting B plot in the book — but it just kind of adds to the idea that “its unnecessary” or “why are they doing this?”.

The desire to get to Roger and apologise in the show doesn’t hit as hard because there was more of a balance in Lyra and Rogers relationship plus the changes to her character just made it seem like “she just wanted to do it” rather than it being the most important decision she ever makes, to try to better herself.

While they go to the suburbs of the dead, Will and Pan constantly question why she’s doing this (a conflict that was not in the book — Will is steadfastly loyal to her by this point and Pan is too shivery to speak) while Lyra just snaps at them, making her seem mean for no reason. When she has a chat with her death, she doesn’t lie that an angel told her to do it (because they didn’t establish her as a liar properly), she just says that she wants to be good which is not a convincing argument considering what happens next.

When Pan and her have the argument while she leaves him on the doc, which is a great scene on its own (it made me cry), it also adds to the unnecessary nature of it all. It’s a scene that makes sense in the book because of Lyra’s impulsive nature, but because of her seemingly calculative nature in the show, it just looks odd. It’s described in the book that if Lyra had heard Pan speak, she would have folded and never would of got on the boat, but since the show did the complete opposite of that, It makes the scene more harsh and cold.

I think what the writers were trying to do was make it more of a mystery like ‘why is she doing this’ ‘its not too late to turn around’ a mission that appears fruitless at first, but turns out to be the greatest act of humanity — but again, I still don’t think that works because of how much Lyra’s entire character is changed. The act is not just for everyone else. It’s a major step in her character growth, to care about others.

In the Land of the Dead, obviously they had to cut out the whole section where Lyra literally looses her ability to lie while she’s telling lies to the harpies, then learns to tell the truth to the dead. This is the final step for Lyra’s character, finally learning the power of telling the truth instead of lies. They didn’t replace that with anything, only with her telling the dead true stories, which was heartwarming on its own, but obviously those story beats don’t hit as hard in the same way because like I said, its not presented as the final step in her character growth, its presented as a one off scene. This is one of the reasons why her character is pretty static in the adaptation.

In the Land of the Dead, its Lyra for the most part (apart from one instance) that keeps a cool head, while Will looses his — which again, the complete opposite. In the books, its Lyra that goes off the rails and its Will that keeps her centred.

Which brings me onto how the character of Will is changed in the adaptation, and how that effects the story from the second book onwards.

Will was brought in by Philip Pullman in ‘The Subtle Knife’, to represent Lyra’s other half — in another parallel universe literally, and also to help her on her quest to fulfil the prophecy. If it was just her on her own with Pan, it wouldn’t work and would fail.

Though I was taken aback by his entrance in ‘The Subtle Knife’ — as it was such a jarring change coming from the suspenseful cliff hanger where Lyra walks into the new world after her best friend Roger got murdered — he quickly but surely became my favourite male literary character of all time.

I don’t have as a big of a problem with his character changes then I do with Lyra, because there were at least a few times in the show where he was allowed to act like ‘himself’. Amir Wilson was perfect casting as Will. It was like the character had just walked off the page it was that good. But all together, he’s a completely different character — which I can understand. Out of all the characters, I feel he’s the hardest to pin down and his development is done in a subtle and subconscious way.

Throughout the course of ‘The Subtle Knife’, he’s incredibly off putting as he’s mostly angry and tired and then he’s in pain because of his knife wound. It works in a book format, because your’e in his point of view and you understand that he’s a child thats at the end of his tether. But it would be hard to portray that in a nuanced way on screen, unless your’e clever with it.

They unfortunately took the easy route with his characterisation on screen by making him softer. Not only that, the writing for his character was incredibly inconsistent at times.

Will from the books is fierce. He’s frightening. He’s stoic. He gets angry. He’s a strategist. He does whats best for someone. He likes to stay invisible. He’s sarcastic. He’s an introvert. He likes to stay hidden. He’s practical. He’s a child carer. He’s naturally aggressive e.g. He beat up a bunch of boys at school because they were hurting his mother. He hardly smiles. At times, especially in the second book, he becomes incredibly depressed. He’s pretty much a 35 year old man in a young boy’s body. He’s incredibly soft, but the reader can’t tell until Lyra brings that out in him.

I would say Will is a more contained version of Lyra, yet the complete opposite of her. They’re like yin and yang. They both have something that the other lacks, and that helps them both grow up. Lyra brings out a softness out in him, brings out his impulsive nature where as he helps her strategise and learn not to just rush out and do things.

TV Will suffers from the same problem that TV Lyra does.

Every negative/positive aspect about him is watered down. Revealing a quite mild character. I feel that they didn’t touch on the fact that he was a child carer enough, which is a huge part of his character. It just came off as ‘he loves his mum’ more in the show. Will being a caterer is supposed to contrast Lyra whom didn’t grow up with parents and got to live out a childhood that he was never allowed to experience. This is a theme. Every character trait that contrasts Lyra in the books isn’t present so much. I would even go as far to say that they’re too similar in the TV Show.

I was wondering throughout the second season why the storyline was static and wasn’t going anywhere. Certain plot points such as Will being a murderer, Lyra helping Will find his father, The fight for the subtle knife and Will becoming the bearer of the Subtle Knife felt tacked on or weren’t hitting as hard as they should.

At first, I thought it was because the novel was ‘the weakest in the trilogy’. I often see ‘The Subtle Knife’ as a bridge between both ‘Northern Lights’ and ‘The Amber Spyglass’.

But since re-reading the book, I went ‘Oh my God, its because they changed Will’s character arc’.

TV Will, the more I think about it, does not suit becoming the bearer of the subtle knife. The only times we see him fighting is in the boxing ring. He expresses incredible regret over killing a man instead of brushing it off because he was protecting his mother. Even when he’s under threat, he says ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ He even has to be persuaded to fight. There’s even a moment in the show where he says “Maybe we’re better off not fixing the knife at all.” which kind of dismisses the practical nature of his character in the book. Plus the knife being a part of him, the same way as the Alethiometer is a part of Lyra. Even the remarks that Lyra makes about him being similar to Iorek the armoured Bear don’t make as much sense, because of the fact that he’s softer.

Book Will struggles with his warrior nature, and eventually learns thats not who he wants to be. But he isn’t naturally a soft person. He learns to be through his experiences and his relationship with Lyra. Which is why it was so odd to me that they included the line in the show where Will is saying to his father in the Land of the Dead “You told me that I was a warrior; That I can’t fight my nature. Your’e wrong.” I was just like, what are you talking about? That is so not the character the show had developed. TV Will had hardly been shown to fight anyone of his own free will — it didn’t make sense to me. They were trying to have it both ways. Completely ignoring his basic character traits and flaws, yet still going through the same arc (a somewhat watered down one) one e.g. idolising his dad for his whole life, realising his dad ain’t shit when he meets him, finding Lyra missing, ignoring the task his father set him etc.

Even the task that Lyra has to help Will find his father didn’t land as well because of the fact that the two of them were bonding straight away in the show, instead of it being like ‘oh no we’re stuck with each other’ to this slow process of her and Will learning to trust each other.

I understand that you have to translate Lyra and Will’s relationship alot differently in a Show format, because subconscious development doesn’t really work due to the lack of intimate point of views. Plus it adds to the narrative to flesh out their dynamic alot more on screen. The more something is changed in an adaptation, the more it stays the same.

I have openly praised the shows depiction of their relationship in another analysis I wrote (before i re-read the books) and how I loved how they gave them more soft moments. However, I will admit now that the soft moments that they had in season 2 felt off to me because they weren’t in character. I think, looking back I would of preferred more soft moments if they were in character.

Will’s initial softness towards Lyra in the show is partially to do with TV Lyra being much less feral and less of a threat. As a result their journey is warmer and far less angstier than it was in the books.

And that in turn messes with the tension.

The element of Will being slightly dismissive of her at the start, is important to how certain story beats land. It adds to the ‘OH SHIT’ when Lyra’s been taken and the task that his father set him that he’s been dreaming of his whole life suddenly isn’t important to him anymore. Thats why it’s such a big deal when he spends most of his time through ‘The Amber Spyglass’ looking for her.

But in the season 2 finale, it ends with Will going off into the sunset, presumably to fulfil is fathers wishes. Then in season 3, he finds her missing, goes ‘whoops’ and then there’s a montage of him trying to find her. Then when he does (quite easily) — he goes on about how “since his dad died he’s done none of the things that he asked him to do’ which makes him looking for Lyra within the show feel even more anticlimactic.

Also, this is more of a personal opinion that an analytical one, I did not appreciate when Lyra brought up going to the Land of The Dead, TV Will went “I saved you. I did everything I could to save you. You told me not to but I did it anyway” which felt to me like ‘Wow brilliant, of course you had to save her’

And instead of agreeing to go to the Land of the Dead with her like in the book, they had to insert some tension from ‘The Subtle Knife’ (because they messed with the tension in season 2) and have Will go on a rant about what his dad wanted him to do, Asriel’s war, dismissing Lyra’s wishes and even having him suggest maybe her dad regretted killing her friend.

This is something that Will from the books would never ever say, let alone to the girl that he loves. He’s fully aware how much her dad hurt her and he respects her too much by that point to ever suggest something like that. Even when he does think about ‘what his dad wanted him to do’ he’s still steadfastly loyal to Lyra. They were completely undermining the turning point in their relationship and Will’s character development by adding pointless drama to extend the episodes running time.

As mentioned in a very articulate post by @mamsellechosette24601 ‘the quest to find his father and fulfil his fathers wishes’ isn’t the point at all, its Will letting go of his childhood dreams, of realising what really matters is Lyra all along.

Now I’ve seen in another analysis of the adaptation that their path to falling in love in the show is alot clearer than in the books which I can understand and agree with (to a certain extent) because the books were much more concerned with philosophy than romance. This is true for the romance between Asriel and Marisa in the Book vs the TV Show as well.

The concept behind their relationship remains the same:

“Will and Lyra are very good people who learn to trust each other when they’re at their most vulnerable, they become the only thing they have in a terrifying world of enemies. By the end, when they realise they're in love only to discover they can never be together, they make the mature choice, however hard it may be.”

But their relationship is totally different in the TV Show because of their character changes.

I would say Lyra and Will have more of a enemies to lovers storyline in the books — where as the adaptation version of them doesn’t. The screenwriters clearly tried to iron out alot of the problematic elements, especially in the beginning and focus on them being “friends” more. I’m not apposed to them doing that, but the way they did it ended up muting a few of their scenes together.

I’ve actually made an argument in my other account (against the ‘His Dark Materials’ analysis saying that ‘the adaptation did a much better job at showing when Will and Lyra fell in love’) that their relationship development was a lot subtler in the books because the characters were alot younger and more immature. And that it was more ‘obvious’ in the tv show because they aged the characters up, therefore they could have more mature conversations and scenes together.

This was before I did my re-read.

After re-reading ‘The Subtle Knife’ and ‘The Amber Spyglass’ comparing it with how their relationship is handled in the TV Adaptation. I would actually argue the opposite .

In some ways, the growing romance between the two of them is much more mature (and makes more sense) in the books than in the show, at least to me. Unlike in the TV Show, their relationship never enters into neutral territory, even when they finally learn to trust each other. Theres much less emphasis on their ‘friendship’.

After their brutal first meeting — where they attack eachother — in ‘The Subtle Knife’ Lyra is immediately taken with Will and constantly thinks about him and what he thinks of her. There’s even a moment in ‘The Amber Spyglass’ where she’s trying to hide that she’s in pain while they’re walking (because of all that time she’s been asleep) because she doesn’t want to appear weak in front of him. 

The way Lyra and Will meet in the show, is reminiscent of how children meet for the first time. Though quite skeptical of each other, they instantly bond and make friends after 5 seconds, because why wouldn’t they? They’re kids the same age after all. Even though there’s still an element of mistrust there, there’s hardly any conflict between them. They don’t play off each other as much. There is one moment where he gets angry at her for making him wait, but all that is solved in a minute because of Lyra’s ‘calm nature’

Even when Lyra gives Will away by accident and says that she lost the Alethiometer, he doesn’t shout at her. There are few comments here and there but theres no real tension between the two of them.

When Will and Pan have a conversation, its presented as Pan going up to him to have a chat after he had a bad dream rather than Will finding the courage to speak to him in the book and saying ‘I think Lyra’s the best friend I’ve ever had’. This is presented more as a statement in the show because their friendship has already been established and less of a discovery (as he wasn’t reacting to her that much in the book as he had alot on his mind).

Lyra and Will even have a talk about Pan’s conversation with him afterwards in the show. But in the book, that never happened. It’s mentioned later but never discussed, because of the fact that it was a private conversation between Will and Pan.

You could say this was another problem that the adaptation had. It’s mentioned multiple times ‘YOU CAN’T TOUCH SOMEONES DAEMON’ but not emphasised why thats the case.

In the books, it’s heavily implied that touching someone else’s daemon is the equivalent of touching someone’s genitals. There’s a moment in ‘Northern Lights’ where Lyra and Iorek find Tony in the fish house without a daemon and Pan wants to comfort him but holds back because of the taboo. Thats why it’s such a big deal when Pan comforts Will and starts licking him in the book.

In the show, its quite an underwhelming scene that lasts 5 seconds where Pan strokes Wills fingers and Lyra says in a quiet voice ‘In my world, your’e not supposed to touch someone else’s daemon but you didn’t do something wrong’

And don’t get me started on the 5 second panning away shot where they’re finally touching each others daemons, instead of the moving moment from the book. It didn’t feel like they really understood the gravity of what those scenes meant and what it meant for their connection.

Again, this is more of a personal opinion. Near the end of the final book, when they enter the world of the Mulefa, Lyra and Will trust each other more than they ever have, which shows how much they’ve both grown since ‘The Subtle Knife’. Mary even describes that she never saw ‘more trust on a persons face’. But in the show, there’s this weird forced tension between them for the sake of ‘romance’. They’re suddenly awkward teenagers with each other — which was not a choice that I liked because it didn’t come naturally.

And when they have to be ripped from each other, a whole page worth of them bargaining to be together is turned into ‘I didn’t think it was possible to feel this bad.’ and ‘This is all wrong’, plus Mary and Serafina being weirdly insensitive while Will and Lyra are in different locations rather than being with each other.

This is possibly why I didn’t feel anything when they had to be forced apart because, the way it was handled felt rushed and soulless. Plus I don't really think that Dafne and Amir had enough romantic chemistry in order for it to work.

Overall, despite there being more ‘soft moments between the two of them’ Show Lyra and Will’s connection feels alot more shallow and simplified.

In the books, I got the vibe that even though they were very young, you couldn’t imagine them being with anyone else but with each other. They were each others other half. They were essentially the only family they had in a world full of enemies. There was never a moment in the books, where they weren’t already in love with each other to some degree. It went beyond the typical romantic duality.

In the show, it felt more temporary. This is mostly due to their character changes (they were too similar in my opinion). Like a connection between friends that became romantic at the end of the journey. And it’s something they’ll get over because “It won’t always feel like this” or “Its much more romantic to live for love than to die for it” or “It might not seem like it now but you have a future”

I think that was one of my main problems with the TV Show, it lacked emotion. Not just as an adaptation, but in general.

More than anything, the adaptation felt too confused. It was trying to reimagine the story while also paying homage to the original material. And thats why overall — despite my enjoyment for some of the episodes especially in season 3 — it didn’t work as well as it should have.

[silentauroriamthereal]

Omgggggg! My fic Hell Hath No Fury just reached its 10,000 hits milestone!! This is the 68th of my 90 currently-posted stories to have achieved this, and beyond just being a huge and exciting milestone point (I celebrate every 10K hit milestone for my fics, just to exclaim and wonder at it out loud and say thank you!), this one is particularly cool to me!

I’ll explain: there are basically two things I’m somewhat known for as a Johnlock writer. One is my Sherlock POV in general, and the other is my specific love for fixing the canon. I wrote SO many series 3 fix-its starting from 24 hours after HLV aired with Deductions of a Lesser Mind, right up to two weeks before TST aired, with Munich (interesting side note: I’ve been watching Munich and Hell Hath No Fury race each other to the 10K hits milestone for several weeks now and Munich only just won by three days!). 

When I write a fix-it fic, the point is always very specifically to address at least one thing that I wasn’t, personally, satisfied with in the canon - the most obvious being that Sherlock and John aren’t together, but lots of other things, too - and try to find new paths to achieving fixes that I would personally rather see. Series 4 was a LOT harder to fix than series 3, I’ll say. The levels of misunderstanding and hurt between Sherlock and John just heap on and on and on without resolving any of the previous layers and it’s just so much to address, fix, explain away, resolve, all of it. The first story I wrote after all three episodes of series 4 had aired took me a lot longer to write than 24 hours, because it was just so much to process and absorb before I could emerge onto the “okay, now I’m ready to address this stuff in the form of fiction”. That first story was A Case for Domestic Propinquity, which basically tackles the essentials: Sherlock and John not being together, Baker Street being a wreck, life with a baby underfoot, John not living there, and some - but not nearly all, or in any real depth - of the crap that happened between them in series 4, particularly on John’s side. The third story I wrote, From the Bottom of the Well, specifically tackles the straightwashing issue and the weirdness of how Irene Adler was shoehorned in there. And so forth. 

This story, this second-out-of-the-gate series 4 fix-it that I wrote, went into a much deeper and thornier depth than the first one. Hell Hath No Fury addresses the topics of Sherlock’s family history, how incredibly fake I personally found Mary’s death scene to be, and takes a hard, realistic look at the sort of danger a child would be in at Baker Street. This story gives that an even harder twist, with kidnappings and a very, very vengeful antagonist (no spoilers!), and resolves it in a way that probably a lot of people felt was painful. It was painful to write, and it’s the only time I’ve gone that particular route on a “fix” for that situation. But it’s a story that I’m quite proud of - especially, in fact, of the Holmes family history side. It’s a dual POV format, with John’s POV telling the John-Sherlock-Rosie parts of the story, and Vee Holmes (Sherlock’s mother)’s POV telling the side about the Holmes family, featuring a lot of Mycroft and long overdue conversations. It’s one of my more plot-dense stories - a parallel in many ways to my second series 3 fix-it fic, Act IV. I wrote it for and dedicated it to a fellow author, personal friend, and intellectual extraordinaire, @totallysilvergirl.

Many of the stories I’ve been proudest of just in terms of the writing quality, have not been fandom favourites, or even just favourites among my own collection. This story is one of those, and I’ve always understood why. It’s not a fluffy romance or porn with just enough plot to hang it on. It’s gritty and difficult, yet I’m personally quite proud of it. I never thought to see it read 10,000 times, and I’m humbled. If you’ve read this story, thank you. If you’ve read it and liked it, thank you even more! 

[shoutogepi]

My Number One Hero

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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 4.6k

[ ✘ (𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰!), ☀︎ ]  smut with a sweet, savory aftertaste

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : dom!shouto, temperature play, edging, dirty talk, choking, begging, light degradation, cock/body worship, creampie

𝐛𝐢𝐨 : After months of careful planning and preparation, you finally get the chance to make your move on your favorite Pro Hero, Shouto. Upon learning you’re his biggest fan, he decides to give you the VIP experience by offering to accompany you to your hotel room for the night.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : i said a smut, smut, smutty smut. smut smut smutitty smut. feels like it’s been a while since i’ve written porn without plot! i guess this has a little story, though, so it’s not just complete sin ;)

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  ─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

🅂irens echo in the distance, faraway blaring interrupting the otherwise serene, chilly night. You can hear them through the open window as soon as you slip inside the room, having left it open hours ago when you made your way to the hotel bar; the very place that you would lay in wait for the target of your affection to arrive.

Lady Luck has smiled fortunately upon you tonight— it's all you could really ask for, at this point. You had done your research— you’d flown in for the Hero conference, booked your room in the same hotel that hosted the event, and even figured out his itinerary for the weekend. How you had managed to actually convince him to return to your room with you, you aren’t exactly sure, but you also don't really give a damn for logistics. Not when the telltale click of the lock turning sounds, and it’s just the two of you, finally alone.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Then he’s pressing your body into the back of the door. Strong hands seize your waist and thread into the hair at the base of your neck, pulling your head back so he can lean down and smother your lips with his. You let out a moan, receptive of his sudden onslaught of kisses. His tongue runs across your bottom lip before it parts the seam of your mouth, stroking yours in greeting. Your head is clouded with lust, everything about the man simply addictive. You’ve idolized him for so long, fantasized about him endlessly. And now that you’re given the chance, you’re going to absolutely worship him.

Before you know it, the kiss becomes frantic. His grip on you tightens, crushing your body between his powerful, slender frame and the solid wood of the door. A lean, muscled thigh splits your legs as he presses himself against you, like he’s desperate for every inch of your bodies to touch, to grind against each other. Your tongue tangles with his, your fingers coiled in his silky, dual-colored hair.

As he lets out a particularly throaty groan, your hips buck and your core brushes against the sinews of his sturdy quad, your head falling back to thump against the door while you moan out his name in response. “S-Shouto— mmph~”

His lips claim yours again, leaning down so he can force your mouths together harder as he flexes the muscle and rubs it between your legs a few more times before pulling back. You gasp as his hands unlatch from their rough grasp on you and instead grab onto the back of your thighs, long fingers curling into your plush flesh as he yanks you into the air. Your legs wrap around his waist automatically, your arms tightening around his neck and fingers fisting his hair roughly. You share a moan between kisses, mouths slotting to move in sync with one another as his feet begin to navigate toward the bed.

Somehow in the dark of your hotel room, he manages to stumble his way to his destination. The mattress creaks under your shared weight, your breath escaping you as your back hits the comforter, hair flying to fan out around your face. The moonlight illuminates his face, your heart rate picking up as you take in his strikingly handsome features. Without thinking, you reach out and run your fingertips along the edge of his jaw, eyes focused on the way your thumb catches over his lip. When you look back into his eyes, you find yourself pinned with his ardent gaze— the stray beams from the moon’s glow making his two-toned eyes look like galaxies with the sole intent to devour you whole. You can barely contain the wanton moan that dares to sound when he pulls the zip down the front of his hero suit, shrugging the material off and then tearing his undershirt over his head to reveal his chiseled torso to your wide, appreciative eyes. He allows a moment for your gaze to flit over every inch of shredded muscle, making sure you trace down his adonis belt and bite your lip before he speaks, confidence clear as day and ever-growing.

“Enjoying the view, my little fan?” Shouto rumbles, the hand that’s not supporting himself moving to tuck a stray hair behind your ear, then sliding down to rest threateningly on the column of your throat when you don’t respond.

You nod, unable to speak, tongue poking out to wet your lips as your hips wiggle underneath his narrow ones. Your legs are still locked around his waist, pulling his body flush against yours without any room for argument.  

He sighs and ducks his head into your neck, releasing his grip and allowing you to breathe as his lips start to plant wet kisses over the skin his fingers had just dug into. “As am I,” he groans when he rips your blouse open, the buttons flying from the seams and tinkling all across the hardwood floor. His eyes light up at the sight before him, not even acknowledging the intricate white brasserie that hides your tits from his gaze, eyes purely wandering across the swell of your cleavage and the soft skin of your stomach. It takes him a moment to realize your choice of undergarments, the white lace accented with a deep scarlet on the trim. He chuckles lowly, cocking a brow as a smirk lifts his lips. “Well you came prepared, didn’t you?”

“Just for you,” you manage to squeak out, still battling your shock that the Pro Hero is even here in your hotel room with you, let alone the fact that you can feel his hard cock pressing against your cunt through your clothes.

He ruts his hips experimentally against yours as a reward, savoring the whimper that slithers out of you and the way your legs squeeze around his waist, back arching off the bed. “That’s right, love,” the pet name sends shivers through your body, lashes fluttering against your cheekbones as you pant, “you did say you’re my number one fan, didn’t you?”

Your fingers dig into the sheets when he begins to kiss your neck again, warm lips trailing down to the tops of your breasts. “Yes,” you gasp, his teeth peeling the rim of your bra down, nose rubbing over the sensitive skin of your areola. “And you’re my— my number one h-hero, Shouto, ahh~” His hot tongue rolls over your nipple, taking the perked bud into his mouth and swirling it around playfully. The sensation makes your head spin, his hands coming to knead at your soft breasts. His thumb swipes back and forth across your other nipple, stimulating you further. Despite the generous attention he gives to your chest, your core itches for the delicious friction his hips provided again, trembling and leaking into your panties.

As if he’s reading your mind, he shuffles back onto his knees, making you feel small and prey-like under his sizzling stare while he tears your pants down your legs. You can feel his eyes taking in every inch of skin revealed, especially when he zeroes in on the wet line staining the middle of your panties, which match your bra and also sport his distinct red and white. Once the offensive material is rid of your body, he pauses as his eyes linger on your covered cunt, licking his lips. But then he gets off the bed, choosing to stand next to the edge of the mattress. “Get up, then,” he instructs, “Come show me I’m your number one with that pretty little mouth of yours.”

Your body is up and following his command within seconds, eager to please. Your knees hit the floor as you settle yourself so you’re hovering over his foot, face just a short distance from the part of him that’s entertained your late-night thoughts for months on end now. Tentatively, you place a kiss to the front of his pants, just underneath his belt buckle. Heat floods your cheeks when your lips touch the length of his hard cock through his clothing and it twitches in response, your hands drifting up the inside of his thighs on their own accord. Then they’re undoing his belt and zipper, restlessly tugging the cloth down his pale, solid thighs. You leave his pants at his knees, impatient to have him in your mouth already while you slide his briefs down to meet his pants.

Shouto chuckles darkly when his cock springs out of its confines, your expression revealing your shock and intimidation as you eye his impressive member. But lust dominates your hesitance almost immediately, your eyelids falling to half mast as you open your mouth and lick a long stripe along the underside of his cock, from balls to tip. His hand flies to your head, digits gripping your hair when you take the swollen, leaking head into your mouth.

Your tongue washes at the bitter pre-cum that’s pearled at his tip, sucking gently as you start to sink deeper onto his cock. If you could, you would smile at the choked sputter that Shouto makes. Settling yourself into position, your hips rock forward and your panties drag across the smooth rubber of the white boots he dons with his hero suit. You moan, his cock halfway lodged into your throat and vibrating with your noise of pleasure.

“Fuck,” Shouto moans, pulling you off his cock just to rub his wet cockhead across your lips. You open your mouth, tongue extending out to chase his heavy length and slip it back inside. He taps the tip against your outstretched tongue a few times, sliding the hard shaft up and down. “How’s it taste, baby? Does it taste like you’d imagined, hmm? You like having my cock in your mouth?”

You whine, just wanting to swallow him whole at this point, hips still gyrating back and forth to rub your slickening cunt against the top of his foot. “Tastes so good, my hero’s cock tastes so good, so big… please, lemme taste it, make you feel good.”

He bites his bottom lip, letting you take his cock back into your hot, wet mouth. He groans loudly when you ram his length deeper into your throat, nearly taking the whole thing into your mouth in one go. An elongated expletive hisses out of his mouth as he throws his head back, your head beginning to bob up and down his throbbing member. “There you go… just like that, love… that’s right, you look so pretty drooling for me.”

The fingers in your hair slacken their hold, allowing you to work his cock even faster, eagerness more apparent than ever. You’re sucking his dick with vigor, like your only goal in life is to make him cum down your throat. No matter how hard he tries not to show you how affected he is, he can’t help but let out the varied range of moans and sounds of bliss that your blowjob triggers.

Each noise makes your pussy twitch in your panties, the slow grinding against his footwear not doing much to satiate your growing hunger for the hero. Shouto clicks his tongue at the action, and although he tries to sound cool, his voice comes out heavy, affected. “Fuck, you’re even humping my boot, so desperate my little slut…”

His praise only makes you purr on his cock, sucking against his thickness with a smile. Just as you’re getting into a rhythm, Shouto pulls you back by the scalp abruptly, a string of split stretching to connect your lips to his thick cock. He only gives you a second before you’re in his arms again, and then you’re back on the bed, back flat against the comforter and legs peeled apart.

Your heart starts to beat faster, Shouto moving to sit between your legs. He’s naked now, white moonlight cast across his hips and making his erect cock glisten and catch your eye, your legs spreading wider in welcome of the sight. But he only laughs at you, shaking his head as his big palms come to coast up the backs of your legs. “Not yet, my little fan…” he murmurs, “gotta return the favor first.”

One hand wraps around your ankle and he closes his eyes, lips brushing along the front of your shin. Then he looks at you again, casting you a predatory gaze while his fingers creep up your thighs, eventually coming to tug at the soaked material of your panties. Once they’re off from around your ankles, he hums as he inspects the mess inside of them, thumbing over the wet patch whose existence is his complete fault.

“Seems only right for my number one fan to get this sloppy from merely sucking me off..” he comments while toying with your slick, eyes shooting over to yours momentarily. “Wonder how easy it would be to just slip my cock inside of you right now,” he continues, fingers resting on your thigh as his thumb parts your slit, calloused finger pad bumping over your clit and just barely dipping into your drenched hole. It makes you moan and shiver, and he smirks in response. “I think a real hero could get you just a little bit sloppier, though.”

You cry out when his mouth descends on you, warm tongue running up and down your slit. Your hips buck up but Shouto already expects that, his hands slamming them down before they can even lift off the sheets fully. Then he’s sucking at your clit, flicking his tongue against you, and finally diving into your cunt. His forearms cross over your hips as he pulls your hips into his arms, nesting himself between your legs so he can plunge his tongue deep inside of you.

He plays with you til you’re completely soaked, dripping for him and edged to the verge of cumming just from him fingering you one knuckle deep while his tongue flicks across your clit. “Shit, you’re wet for me,” he pants, breath ragged from going down on you for so long he’s starved himself of oxygen, “You fantasize about this or something?”

You give him a look. He only smirks and slides his fingers in deeper, all the way to the knuckles, rough finger pads rubbing along your gummy walls. “Yes,” you purr, pleased with the stimulation, “I only think of you when I touch myself, Shouto. You’re my hero, after all— the only one I want.”

He clicks his tongue and groans at that, leaning down to press a kiss onto your clit. “Just your hero?”

The sheets shuffle as you shake your head quickly, biting the inside of your cheek in anticipation. “M-My number one hero,” you correct yourself breathlessly.

Shouto hums. Then, his tongue dips into the pool of excess slick dripping around his knuckles, dragging the wetness across your bundle of nerves. He teases you and brings you back to the edge once more, this time much quicker than the last as his fingers dig into your insides, curling into you mercilessly. “Don’t even know if you deserve to have my cock in you, baby,” he sighs, eyeing how your hips tremble and follow his hand when he pulls it away. “You’re already about to cum from just this, huh?”

“No,” you deny, moving to unclasp your bra and fling it off to the side. Shouto eyes your naked chest, gaze directing to the jiggle of your soft tits as you gasp for air. “I’ll be so good, Shouto, please— whatever you want.”

He tilts his head, considering your offer. All the while, his slender fingers pump inside you, curving to press against your spongy walls and tickle someplace deep inside of you.

At his silence, you pipe up. Offer an olive branch, so to speak. “I won’t cum until you say so,” you promise, still panting from your latest, denied climax and desperate for more of his touch. “I won’t, just— you can’t touch my clit, please, otherwise I’m gonna— o-ooohh, fuck Shouto~”

He cuts you off by thrusting his fingers inside you knuckle-deep, reaching his long digits and scraping at your velvet insides with tidy fingernails. “You won’t cum,” he parrots amusedly at your determined indignation, “Mmm, baby… you shouldn’t make such promises so lightly… I think you’ve forgotten who exactly is here between your trembling legs.”

You whimper at his response, eyes shutting and nails tearing at the blanket beneath your straining body. “I won’t,” you repeat, sounding almost like you’re trying to convince yourself more than him. “I— I won’t cum, not til you let me, fuck, please Shouto. Need it— anything for your cock inside me, please. Pleaseee.”

“Hmm,” Shouto feigns thought, his digits still pressing into your pussy earnestly. The stimulation has you clenching on him, fluttering around him. But just like you say, you don’t cum on his fingers. Not even when he rocks his hand flush against your mound, long fingers reaching deep, deep inside you and making saccharine-sweet mewls pour from your lips. You take it like a champ, not allowing yourself to climax even when he begins to thrust his fingers rougher inside of you. He relishes your screams when he activates his quirk, digits becoming cold and contrasting against your heated, quivering walls.

“Aha— hnnggg, a-aHAaa Shouto! Oh my god!” You nearly cum when his hot tongue laps at your clit, his fingers still digging just as far into your soaking cunt. It feels so good that you don’t even admonish him for breaking the one rule you’d set; your brain too foggy from the building pleasure in your abdomen. The temperature is a stark contrast to the fingers squelching inside of you, sending you nearly straight off the edge he’s brought you to many times already. You’re much too close, but he wont stop, won’t give you a second to breathe. “Pleasepleasepleaseplease put it in, fuck, please fuck me Sho, please be my hero and stretch me with your fat hero cock, pleaseineeditsofuckingbadddd.”

Then everything stops. His hand retreats, as does his face, and you wail at the loss. You’re hurtling back to earth, feeling like you’re falling through the clouds and the atmosphere as the orgasm you were so close to experiencing fades away. But the bitter comedown only lasts for a second, because then Shouto’s tugging your hips down the sheets so the pink head of his cock presses flush against your dripping entrance. His hips jerk forward and you’re so wet that he enters you effortlessly.

A strangled groan rings the air in the hotel room, and you’re unsure if it was from you, him, or the both of you. His cock is hot and thick, filling your pussy to the brim and stretching you so deliciously. His length spears past the point of comfort, but the ache of penetration feels so terribly good that when you try to find your voice to complain, all that comes out is a long, erotic moan.

Shouto drops onto his elbows, trapping your open legs against the mattress as he begins to fuck you. He growls at the way your cunt suffocates his cock, squeezing and hugging him so well. Placing sloppy kisses on your throat, his thrusts begin to pick up. “Gonna fuck you stupid, love,” he swears as his hot breath fans your neck glistening with his saliva. “Fuck you so good that I’m the only one who can satisfy you— make you mine, my little fan.”

Your reply is a babbling of yeses strung together, eyes rolled back and legs pulling his hips as close to yours as they can. His promise sounds so good, his cock feels even better, and your pussy tightens around him— he’s bringing you to the edge yet again.

He can feel your impending climax, and it only stokes the flames of his ego. He smiles down at your fucked-out expression, but it turns out as more of a snarl. It doesn’t matter— you’re not even looking at him, trying your hardest not to cum right then and there from his ruthless assault on your g-spot. Moving his weight to one arm, he reaches down and starts to rub your clit, taking your nipple between his teeth at the same time and ravishing it with his quirk-cooled tongue.

“That’s cheating!” you sob but it turns into a moan, fingers clenching around his bicep in warning, your body thrumming with waves of building pleasure. Your pussy’s clenching onto him, trying to suck him back inside and milk him for all his worth, your mind too clouded with lust to really do anything in retaliation.

“But you seem to like it when I break your rules,” Shouto replies cooly as he lets your chilled nipple fall from his mouth, continuing to thrust into you, and having the gall to stare daggers directly into your crumbling glare. Each slick, powerful slap of your fronts coming together has your legs wrapping around him, your toes curling in preparation, heels digging into his firm behind. He can tell you’re teetering on the edge— honestly he's surprised you even managed to last this long.

There are tears of pleasure dotting along your lashes. Your hips are widening with every crash of Shouto’s hips against them, your body arching to welcome the ripples of pleasure each rough push against your g-spot produces. Then his fingers pull away from your clit again without warning, and you whine at the loss, orgasm stunted and sliding toward the drain.

“I do,” you gasp, hips jumping to chase his receding ones, and slamming his long length balls-deep inside of you. Shouto groans, pauses, and then grinds his hips and stirs his cock inside of you, teeth seizing his bottom lip hostage and eyes glinting down at you, daring you to say it. You’re so fucking close to just creaming all over his cock that you’re desperate, you don’t care if that’s how you come off in this moment. You need to cum. “I like it— Fuck, I love it, please— please be my hero, Shouto. Please, want you to fuck me and let me milk all the cum out your big hero cock please, I need it, Shouto— pleaseeee, ple—aHHA!”

Shouto savors the way you cry out when he pins the backs of your knees into the comforter, pulling himself up to sheathe his cock inside of you completely, then flattening you with his torso and crushing your hips with his. It’s so deep that it hurts, but the burn of your walls stretching around him makes tremors flutter through your pussy. You look at him through barely-open eyes, arms thrown up and hands digging into the blanket as you share a look of mutual understanding.

You’re absolutely done for.

One. Two. Three strokes of his fat cock inside of you and your cunt is throbbing around him, velvet walls hugging tight as your body shivers in euphoria. Shouto moans as you squeeze him ruthlessly, your body begging for his seed. You’re having an out-of-body experience, writhing with mind-numbing, brain melting ecstasy as Shouto manages to slip out of you partly, then shoves himself back into your soaking pussy just as deep. He swears as your body presses against him as close as possible, your hips hooking to nestle his cock deep inside your pulsing cunt. As if you’re not breathless enough, his rough fingers come to latch around your throat, squeezing the sides so you’re almost choking. Then he’s drilling into you without restraint, fucking you so hard you can feel your ass making an indent in the cheap hotel mattress. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of and more.

“Fuck, should I cum in my number one fan’s tight little cunt?” he taunts, watching how the desperation in your teary eyes shines brightly. “Would you like that, cutie? Want me to fill your slutty little hole with my seed, hmm?” Sweat runs down his chest and gleams in the moonlight, the crevices between his sculpted muscles shining as he exerts himself. “A-Agh— Bet you’d like your hero’s cum inside of you, huh? Dripping… fuck— dripping into you and filling you up nice and good, yeah?”

You nod wildly, jaw unhinged but unable to speak, his hand on your throat still just as tight. Your orgasm is just starting to fade, overstimulated tears glittering down the sides of your face. Shouto’s broken pants transform into a crescendo of moans, his hips slapping the backs of your thighs harsher than ever as he chases his own release. You whimper when a wild, savage growl tears out of his chest, movements stalling as his cock twitches balls-deep inside you, sticky ribbons of white spurting and volcanoing out of him. His hulking biceps pull your chest flush against his heaving one, the hand around your throat sliding to hold the back of your neck up so he can kiss you deeply through the throes of his orgasm.

Your tongues caress each other slowly, passion peaking as he holds you in his arms like you’re a delicate, glass figurine about to shatter under his weight. He’s panting, chest rising and falling swiftly in between kisses. When you’re satisfied with his affection, he lays your body down onto the comforter, removing himself from you with gentle precision. Then he comes to lay beside you, pulling you close so that your head lays on his broad chest.

“Thank you for playing along, baby,” Shouto whispers, scattering kisses across your warm cheeks. “You did so well, my love. That was a thousand times better than I ever imagined.”

You laugh wearily, hand coming up to trace his sharp jawline with your thumb. He leans into your caress, a hand covering the back of yours and squeezing gently. “My pleasure,” you respond cheekily, closing your eyes and attempting to calm your racing heart. “You were kinda hot, though— all dominant like that. You’ve got a surprisingly dirty mouth, mister.”

“Really?” he hums, seemingly pleased with your praise. “I thought you were the hot one, begging for your hero’s cock like that all cute and desperate.” He nuzzles his nose against yours, laughing lightly.

You smile and press a chaste kiss to his lips. “Mmm, well you are my hero, Sho. My number one hero… always.”

Shouto sighs happily at your confession, a shy smile spreading on his lips. “Aw, baby… now I’m hard again.”

That earns him a smack in the chest as you giggle at his revelation. Curious, you glance down at his cock, and sure enough, there’s a telltale shadow standing upright in between his hips.

“I wouldn’t mind a round two,” you suggest, turning to wink at him.

“Ready for some good ‘ole married people sex, then, love?” he suggests, a brow raising as his hand glides over your propped-up hip.

“So ready, my sexual-deviant husband.”

“Good, my naughty little wife. This time, you can call me the usual, then.”

You bite your lip, batting your lashes and looking up at him with a glint in your eye. “Yes, Sir.”

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make sure to let me know if you enjoyed!! thank you sm for reading my sho-hoes hehehe :) <3

➥ masterlist

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

[missallsundayyy]

Could you write a story where Law takes Robin's first time and she's first all hesitant and shy about it? But he really can't control himself. Just read all your stories in your masterlist and my gosh it's beautiful

I TRIED MY VERY BEST TO WRITE THIS AND THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORIES I APPRECIATE IT ALOT 🥺❤️ PORN WITHOUT PLOT BCOS IM GOING STRAIGHT FOR IT. Thank you for requesting this fic i’ll try to cater to every request because I KNOWWW THE FEELING LIKE I GOT YOU! I even have a perfect picture to match the plot of the story xx

RESEARCH

“You’re a damn tease woman..” he scowled while attacking her neck giving wet open kisses all the way down to her collarbone. “I can’t hold myself back if you’re going to wear provocative outfits” he said, palming her left breast roughly.

“Mhmm la-law...please..” she whispered. He chuckled ceasing his actions, “You know how hard It was to convince your crew to let me borrow their beloved archeologist….to help me decipher my research…” he stopped to look at the now bare and naked beauty below him, her face away from him Her nipples were perky and erected and not to mention the size of her breast...it was enormous almost covered her whole entire face which was now looking at anything but him. She was shy and he most definitely didn’t expect this from the confident and collected Nico Robin. It was a whole nother persona right in front of him and he was enjoying every second of it. The woman below him could easily use her devil fruit powers and snap every bone he has and stop him but no...every touch he placed on her body made her caved into him. Her body sensitivity was heightened for him, his touch, his kisses and his presence. “ fuckk look at you, you’re so beautiful underneath me, bare like this and on my sheets.” he grunt, his boner was evident and growing harder and larger by the second.

“Baka! Don’t say embarrassing things like that” she squeaked out turning to face the pirate captain. He laughed “Your crew gave me only 2 days with you and at this rate i think i’ll use it to fuck you senseless here in my room since you prefer to be in here more. Maybe I'll take you in my operating room tool so that I could always remember you when we’re apart.” he said confidently.

Needless to say the historian’s face was beet in colour, she was embarrassed by his bold words and never did she expected Trafalgar Law to have such a foul mouth.

“La--law-kun, i--” Robin stuttered, finding it hard to put her words together. He has her right where he wants her and she is starting to get hesitant like could she even handle him. Maybe it was a bad idea to tease him too much. He had always known her ways of flirting with him but she guessed when she broke into his room in a white spaghetti strapped top that literally does nothing to hide her enormous breast with a pair of jean shorts to sneak around his room and see his personal collection of books he owned was apparently the last straw for him.

“Look at you, the pirate goddess with 130million berries, a strong willed woman with an extraordinary beam of confidence and elegance...looking so reticent and self conscious right below me.” Law said with a smirk lifting one finger to bring her chin up, facing her to him. “Don’t be shy with me Nico-ya, you’re the only woman that has successfully made me so riveted. Your beauty has captivated me since the day I first saw you and can you imagine how keen I was to know you when I found out how smart, wise and pacific you are.”

Robin was touched by his confession and before she could reply he continued “I like you Nico-ya. I like you so much and I’ll make you feel so good and I will only put you and your pleasure first.” His fingers were already ghosting her entrance that was already slick and wet, she was so horny for him and was solely turned on with just his voice and also mostly with how Law presents himself. He was in short, Robin’s type.

“So wet…..all for me” he slipped one digit in and she threw her head back with a whine.

“M...more please, go faster!” she moaned softly bringing her palms to cover her mouth. He smiled and added three of his fingers in all the way and lunged all digits in a quick and hot pace, he was fingering her and she wasn’t mentally prepared for such swift and agile pace because when she asked him to be fast she didn’t THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FAST. She missed the part where she was a complete total virgin but of course she wasn't entirely innocent either. She was still a woman with sexual needs but sexual intercourse was never relevant to her since she was dead focused with her life goal. She never did thought that pleasure would feel this fucking good or maybe because its him that's bestowing it. Law had awakened her needs and reminded her that aside everything else she needed this and she deserved intimacy and she deserved to be touched and pleasured.

Her vision was clouded with a layer of tears, her mind was hazy and she was on cloud 9 and he was only doing the bare minimum. He brought his hands and gripped her neck, bringing her back to reality.

“Feel good my love? Look at me c'mon..” when she locked eyes with the doctor she felt her insides throb more and not just from the invasion of his fingers. She could feel her juices gushing out and dripping on his hands from the way his knuckles or hand would ever so bump the side of her thighs. “Hhh-hai! Feels so...mhmmmm full” her eyes couldn’t take the intense pleasure anymore she had to break their gaze and her eyes fluttered and closed momentarily and he took the opportunity and dived face first into her wet hole and gave her a viscous long hard lick.

Robin’s eyes flew wide open with her both hands instinctively grabbing his shoulders and hair pulling it roughly.

“Ohhh!” she moaned out and he was eating her out vigorously, she was a lost cause the moment his mouth made contact with her pussy. He made her a moaning hot mess, her fingers raked his scalp, pulling and tugging his hair softly while pressing his face deeper into her cunt, ushering him to go intensely because she feels her high coming...and then…. He heard him groaned out and she moaned loudly. A burst of energy surged throughout her body, it was exhilarating, almost current like, she felt her orgasm ripping through. Was it cum? No...she didn’t think it was so what the hell was that feeling.

“Fuuuckk.” she heard him swore and she felt him stopping his assault on her. Her eyes fluttered open and her vision returned to her slowly and it slowly processed his face that was covered in strings of milky white liquid, he was taken aback by the sudden orgasm and didn’t expect her to even squirt from his tongue and fingers. Shit. Her body sprung up and her panic mode was on, she was beyond embarrassed and mortified she didn’t even know she was capable of squirting and she was now telling him how sorry she was, basically having a word vomit which was very out of character for Robin to be anything but calm and collected. But out of all the apologies and her trying to explain herself, he only caught and focused on one thing she had accidentally let slip out.

“First time..?? You m-mean? You’ve never done this Nico-ya?” Law’s lust was now uncontrollable, knowing that he was going to be Robin’s first and he would have the honour and pleasure of deflowering the beauty and the best part, this was all in his bedroom and he would always have the memory of his first time with her even when they were apart.

Robin shied away from his question and shunned her face away...this only confirmed Law’s question. Such a fierce woman and now was timid and innocent looking, all just for him. His feral and dominant side took over him and he grabbed Robin’s hands and pinned her completely down. Hands on both sides interlocked with each other in a death grip, he was literally panting from lust and he was turned on beyond words not to mention his cock was PAINFULLY hard and if he didn’t bury himself in her he would burst anytime soon.

“You’re so fucking cute.” he groaned at her facial expression. “I’ll make you feel good my love” he ended all talking there and plunged himself all the way in and because of how fucking wet her pussy was from the foreplay before it didn’t hurt her at all, strange because it was anything BUT pain. Robin had read in books how painful it was for women but all she felt was extreme and overwhelming amounts of pleasure. “Oh my god!” she screamed when he sheathed himself roughly into her and went in a god like pace.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck so tight!” he groaned and dipped his head down and took her mouth in his and they kissed, it was sloppy and borderline nasty and the sounds emitting from their kiss alone screamed HORNY. Robin was enjoying every second of this, she had never had sex and her first time was with the man that she was slowly falling for and someone she found so hot and attractive. All hesitance and shyness was thrown out the damn window when he took her roughly like this and she was a moaning mess, and her moans was music to his ears, it was so inviting and sultry he could literally fuck her the whole night. His cock reached all the right places and it was perfect for her pretty cunt, going in and out at a monstrous pace yet managing to stimulate her walls so well and hitting all the right nerves. He could hear the gushing and sloshing sound from their connection and how his precum was mixing with her own juices was now sopping out from her hole, fuck what an erotic sight.

“Ah...ahhhh law..please, oh my g--law ha... it feels so hot---” her hands fought his gripped and flew free and she gripped his shoulder for support and her hips rocked harder and towards his thrusts. Her mouth opened wide, head thrown back in bliss and Law buried his face on the crook of her neck and he fucked her hard for god knows how long because they were both so clouded with lust and both chasing their own high. “I’m goin--fuck...im going to fill you up like this if you keep clenching around my cock like that Nico-ya!”

“In me pp-pplease spill it in me, don’t pull out...ha ha ah ah! I-i’m go..going to cuum!” her legs shook and she vibrated in frenzy when her second high overcame her soul once again. She came with a loud cry and ropes and ropes of milky white cum gushed out from her sloppy hole making spurt sounds in addition to Law’s cock abusing her hole all the sound waves was heightened to him, his view of her large breast bouncing from their rocking, her hands holding and hugging onto him for dear life, her face contort to absolute pleasure, mouth wide open, moaning hotly and panting for air. She was so lewd right now and he knew there was no other woman that could take him like this and there was no woman he would rather pleasure than Nico Robin.

“F..fuck take it take it take it!” he grunted in her chest and came hard, shooting his load into her, painting her walls white and staining her innocence right there and then. “Ahh! I--its too full Law!!” she screamed loudly and both of them were sure that his crew could hear everything they were doing right now but he couldn’t care less. They both continued and rode through their highs and orgasm until they were satiated.

That night, they spent the whole night making love but mostly hard raw fucking, he explored every part of her and touched her in so many aspects and way possible. She lost count of how many times she cummed and how many cosmic orgasms she felt. He pleasured her like no other and he had branded sex with him into her very soul.

The bedsheet was now a MESS, it was stained with cum, sweat and saliva and it was fucking sinful to even get his ship’s cleaner to clean this mess for him. Law had fully exhausted himself and the goddess underneath him was close to passing out from all the fucking they did but he wouldnt let her drift asleep without cleaning her up properly.

“I’ve run a warm bath for us Nico-ya, let me clean you up properly and then i’ll rub you to sleep okay?” Law said lovingly while scooping her up bridal style, he was gentle with her knowing she was going to be sore everywhere, she was extremely brilliant for him and put up with his pleasurable abuse so of course she was receiving royalty like aftercare.

~BONUS~

“Neh Robin! Are you okay? You seem to be limping ever since you came back from your stay” Chopper asked worriedly.

“Fufufu don’t worry, it was just a little accident on the Polar Tang but Law-kun had already taken care of it” Robin assured her nakama. Chopper smiled “Well! If Law said it's fine then you should be okay soon Robin!” With that the little reindeer walked away finding Usopp who was fishing for their dinner.

Nami who was listening to their conversation wasn't buying her story one bit “So you and the captain of the Heart Pirates are boning each other huh Robin?” The orange- haired navigator hugged her best friend from behind, “We let you go for two days and you finally decide to make your move on him” Nami teased.

Robin giggled “I think he suits me well don’t you think so Nami?”

“Well you know what this means...girls night!!” Nami exclaimed, dragging Robin for an afternoon sun tan.

[admirableadmiranda]

what you said about modao being so tightly woven oof you put my feelings into words, i’ve also been in fandoms for almost 15 years and i’ve noticed that in works that leave a lot of space to be filled in like anime for example (bc of time and money restrictions) you tend to find the best written fanfic but in modao where mxtx was so careful about tying together even the tiniest details how she wrote hundreds of pages on characterization and world building alone before writing the story itself, everything the fans come up with that deviates from her intentions and characterization pales in comparison with the source making enjoying fic much harder🙃

Oh yeah! It's a lot harder to just enjoy fics that wildly deviate from the characters and style because unlike a lot of anime or other works, there's not really a lot of room for wildly different interpretations. Not that it stops people, but it definitely stands out more when you want more about the characters themselves.

I have found that it is totally possible to enjoy fics if you're a bit more patient and a bit more willing to dig though! There are still plenty of authors who work hard on sticking to characterization and intention and those who are good enough writers that even if they slightly slip, they can still craft a very enjoyable world with a Wangxian that I can recognize and enjoy even if they're a little bit different.

Modaozushi is just really the worst work for those BNFs that tend to shift fandoms and focus more on style and story over characterization because oh can you tell when they don't actually care that much for keeping people in character and not just archetype. Jiang Cheng is probably the one that gets the shortest end of the stick when it comes to that, there are so many bnfs who mark him as the tsundere brother and completely ignore his actual character and role, but everyone gets hit by that. I can't even throw all the blame on CQL for this, there are plenty of CQL only authors who I've seen who still definitely understand the story, themes and characters laid out for them. But the BNFs showed up and started writing their stories with their common archetypes and you can tell that they do not care about being right because most of the time when they're in a fandom, it does not matter that much.

In Modaozushi, it does. You cannot just work in canonverse and ignore the themes to make a fun time travel story about everything going well because it's such a tight plot that you have to be very, very careful about what you tweak and how the dominoes tumble differently with that change. Canon divergences require a ton of thought and a deeper understanding of the characters to sell it here. Modern AUs are a lot easier to handle in that sense, but even then the world itself is so interesting that I know a lot of people who aren't interested in reading aus.

I guess to sum it up, what I'm really saying, as an author of 44 Modaozushi fanfics and counting, is that you can't half-ass your story. You can't just casually ignore character details and have them be calmly accepted as slightly off because in this book it matters. You can't just fudge details especially in the flashbacks because each idle word can spark a chain reaction. Have you ever gone back and looked at how many little events Su She sets off either by accident or out of spite? Have you ever gone through and seen how many little conversations that people get frustrated at Wei Wuxian for not hearing actually happen right after he's left the space? To work in canonverse in Modaozushi, you have to be willing to look for those fine details and work with them. Ignoring them means that your fic will always be hollow.

Hello, I'm Admiranda/LadyPfenix, I have read the exr translation of this book something like fifty times and I can and will go on about the tiniest details and subtle hints for hours if you let me. Welcome to my tumblr where the simplest ask can get whole essays. This is just a taste of what you're in for.

[high-supernatural]

Memories

Kai Parker x Female Reader/Character

Word Count: 1918

Warnings: typical tvd themes, S.Assault hints, crying, soft kai, a lil boob touching, Stephan drives her off a bridge

Summary: She finds out the real story of what happened to her after a near-death experience. Kai agrees to comfort her in her own way.

(I wrote this with “she/her” instead of “V” because this is the last part I’ll be writing as a series, the rest will be written as one shot’s with she/her pronouns because if I continue to work on the series it’ll become an entire novel. So instead of writing a novel, I’ll just write the big plot points as one shots after this)

Another couple of weeks had passed since their ritual. Almost every day that would pass, they would go out and look for answers for what they saw and would come up empty handed.

One day they finally found something that could lead them to another lead for answers – an ancient necklace that was owned by a witch in her distant bloodline that could allow her to connect with the original owner. The only problem was that the necklace was worn religiously around Elena’s neck as a gift from Stephan.

That wasn’t really a problem for her. She didn’t really like Elena much, and Elena didn’t like her, but it wasn’t hard to get close enough to grab it since they both hung out with the same people.

That’s exactly what she did. She kept it with her for a week, waiting for a specific celestial event to happen for the spell all while dodging calls from Stephan and Elena accusing her of taking it.

She took to the woods by herself on the night before the celestial event to find the perfect spot under the moon to preform it. Just as she was about to make her way off the trail she was struck by a tranquilizing dart in her neck, knocking her out cold.

She woke up in the passenger seat of Stephan’s car, “oh, good, you’re up,” he said shutting his phone off.

Her vision was blurry, but she knew who it was and was annoyed to say the least.

“Have you seen Elena’s necklace?” He asked as if he already knew.

She blinked to focus her vision, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she rubbed her eyes.

Stephan leaned in, “here’s what’s gonna happen… you’re either going to tell me where it is, hand it over, or I’m going to hold you here until you do.”

“You’re really about to do all this for a damn necklace?” she asked, still very annoyed.

They went back and forth for a while about how it’s “Elena’s necklace,” and how crazy Stephan was to host a hostage situation over it before he turned the car on, “ok, you don’t wanna tell me where it is, fine,” he slammed on the gas, “you’ve been a cosmic pain in everyone’s ass since you showed up in Mystic Falls by the way. We’re trying to rid the town of chaos and mischief and here you come…”

Stephan was driving at what seemed to be over 100 miles an hour with a crazy look in his eye, “so nobody wants to tell me where it is, I’ll drive you off the bridge and find it myself,” he spat.

“You’re bluffing. You wouldn’t drive someone off a bridge over a damn necklace, Stephan, plus if I do have it, you’d be losing your chance to get it back if you do,” she said unphased by his threat.

“That’s only if nobody wants to tell me. It’s really no sweat off my back if you live or die but… hey maybe Kai knows where it is,” he said as if he had just thought of the most iconic solution and dialed Kai’s phone.

As they approached the bridge, she began to take his threat more seriously. All she heard was muffled noises as adrenaline of being driven off a bridge kicked in.

She yelled panicked knowing Kai was on the phone, “Kai just tell him where the stupid necklace is he’s gonna drive me off the bridge.”

“Too late,” Stephan muttered with a smirk as the car flew into the water after he jumped out.

She tried to roll her window down before the car hit the water and was fully submerged, but Stephan had the window locks on, so she had to crawl over to the driver’s side to roll it down, throwing her against the wind shield and knocking her unconscious again as she got the window halfway down.

Just like the time she held her breath and an unknown entity came over her when she rescued Enzo, the same thing happened here. While she was unconscious the car fully submerged into the water for minutes until the entity awoke her and struggled to break the window open through the slowness of the water.

She remembered none of this. She awoke on the rocks only remembering being driven off the bridge and a replay of the things that had happened to her that Kai made her forget.

She sat there coughing up water and trying to catch her breath as the replays engrained themselves deeper. She knew she couldn’t deal with it right now though, she needed to get back to the motel for the necklace, so she started walking her way back to the road.

She walked expressionless until Kai drove up beside her and got out,

“What happened,” he asked throwing his hands up as he walked towards her.

“I don’t know, Stephan threw a fit about the necklace and thought it was reasonable to drive me and his car off the bridge,” she said silent and expressionless, darting her eyes not to look into Kai’s.

Kai looked at her, realizing that for the first time in probably forever, he was pissed about something because it had happened to somebody he cares about, but he still didn’t know what to say other than, “well, are you okay,” silently kicking himself for asking after he realized how big what happened was compared to the question he asked.

“Yeah, I just wanna get back,” she mumbled and went to open the door, but Kai grabbed it quicker.

She was silent the whole way back, something that was unusual for her normally.

They drove into the parking lot of their motel and Kai stopped her before she could open the door by grabbing her arm, “hey, are you good,” he asked, “you didn’t say anything the entire way back and you love to talk.”

She was still expressionless, “I’m good, I just need a minute,” her voice was almost robotic.

“Talk to me…” Kai tried to speak but was cut off.

“I’m about to freak out, and it’s not gonna be cute,” she spoke with a little more seriousness to her robotic tone, “so just give me a minute,” she began to walk towards their room.

He had never seen her like this before. They would usually make jokes the whole night whenever something that would typically be traumatic happened, but this time she seemed as though she was here physically but elsewhere mentally.

She made a beeline to the bathroom before Kai called out “let me know if I can do any—” she shut the door, “—thing.”

She stood at the sink and placed her hands on it to steady her balance as things began to look blurry and lightheaded. She tried rubbing her eyes to make the feeling go away but it kept getting stronger as her chest felt heavier, head felt heavier, and memories of that night months before screamed at her.

Kai leaned on the doorframe to hear what was going on but couldn’t hear anything.

She stood, taking deep breaths before it got increasingly harder to breath and gave into the onset hyperventilation and inevitable tears.

Kai knocked but she didn’t answer so he opened the door to find her with her hands in her hair, breathing fast, with a concerned expression.

She didn’t even hear him walk in at first until she felt a presence behind her as he went to touch her arm. She sat on her knees slowly before Kai could touch her, “Kai I can’t breathe,” he sat on his knees in front of her and put his hand on her head, unsure of what to say.

Grabbing his wrist to pull his hand into her lap, gripping it tightly she put her other hand on her chest and coughed, “I can’t breathe…. Why can’t I breathe…” she let the tears fall before placing her arms over her head and leaned forward until she was leaning against her elbows on the floor so she could catch her breath without having Kai see her cry.

Kai gripped her shoulders and pushed her up to look at him. She covered her mouth with one hand and squeezed her eyes tight, trying to return back to the position he moved her from before he stopped her by keeping his hands on her shoulders, “tell me what happened,” he spoke softly, gently removing the hand she had over her mouth.

“I remembered everything—” she sobbed harder and put her hand back over her mouth, leaning into Kai, “tell me it didn’t really happen,” she sobbed.

Kai knew what she was talking about now and pulled her to lean against the wall with her head on his chest as she sobbed more.

“Tell me I’m making stuff up, or that Stephan has sick humor, tell me someth—” she couldn’t finish her sentence before burying her face back into Kai.

He stared at the wall in front of him as if he could feel what she was feeling, “I can’t,” he whispered, causing her sobs to get louder,

“That couldn’t have happened… I wouldn’t have let that happen… it couldn’t have been me, maybe I just witnessed—”

He wrapped his arms tightly around her as she hid her face in her hands on his chest, “it did, V… I’m sorry, I wish I could tell you different… I’m sorry…” he had a look of remorse as she moved her hand to her scalp as if to cover her ears from what he was saying and placed his hand in her hair with her.

“I gave you different memories, I didn’t want you to remember but something must have triggered it earlier…” he spoke fast and buried his forehead onto the top of her head when she kept sobbing harder, “I should’ve been there…”

“What do you need me to do? Tell me and I’ll do it, anything… let me make it better,” he rubbed his hand on her back to comfort her, but she was too lost in her mind to notice, “you can’t make it better,” she cried.

He sat with her and let her cry until she couldn’t anymore before taking her to their bed.

She pulled his arm as she laid down or else, he wouldn’t have know if he should lay beside her or not. This whole situation was completely new to him, and he only wanted to make it better but had no idea how.

She laid on her side and pulled his arm around her for comfort.

Kai buried his face in her hair by her ear, “what can I do?” he asked again.

“Make me feel something else…” she teared up again.

“What do you mean?” he whispered and rubbed his hand on her upper arm.

“All I can feel is their hands on me and I cant get rid of it,” she choked up, “so maybe if I feel yours instead—” she placed her hand over her face to avoid crying again.

“shh… it’s okay,” Kai whispered surprisingly sweet and kissed her hair, “where do you want ‘em?”

She lifted herself up to place an arm under her neck, laying her head in the crease of his arm and slid the other to her chest.

She fell asleep as Kai gently rubbed from her chest to her stomach repeatedly, occasionally kissing her hair in between.

[hopeswriting]

I meant to do a post about my thoughts on the Daily Life Arc now that I finished rereading it, but I can't seem to find the time and it's been a while now, and if I keep it up I'll forget what my thoughts are to begin with lol, so here's the long story short:

I know it's a long arc, as in it starts being boring and more or less unbearable past some point, because the "gag of the chapter" format only takes you so far, and not actually very far if Amano's humor doesn't work on you much, if at all. I don't think it's an arc you can reread right away/soon either, lest you feel that one flaw even faster.

And I felt it too, starting with the fourty-something chapters I felt like it was dragging on too much, though to be fair that probably had to do too with the fact I knew things much more interesting were coming after that.

Still, all that said, like, it's an enjoyable arc. Amano's humor happens to work on me, and she does it really well, and I liked reading the arc. There are some chapters where you're really asking yourself why they were written for lol, but even then you read it for the characters, and it somehow keeps you going.

And like, even though I think Amano could have seen the fact the comedy was going to turn repetitive and thus boring at some point, and try to diversify it or something, it's just how comedy/humor/gags works? Some jokes land and some doesn't, but for me at least a lot more of them worked than not.

The DLA is a good enough arc is what I'm saying.

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On than note and on the contrary, of course it's fine if you think it's a bad arc, to each their opinion, but personally I really don't agree it's an unnecessary one.

I'm saying this because apparently it's not uncommon to advice new fans to skip the arc and directly start with the Kokuyo one? (Or so I learned on TV Tropes anyway, this might or might not be still relevent/accurate.)

Now don't get me wrong, the DLA does fail to hook the readers to the story for the reasons stated above, I agree with that, but it literally introduces the main character? And all the other characters, and gets us to know them, and establishes the dynamics between them and why they're the way they are, and, though only in a more or less superficial manner (and more than less) by design of the arc's purpose (not being deep in any way lol), it still gives us an insight into the characters and why they're the way they are. A glimpse into the core of their personality, the "stakes" of their characters, the flaws they have to overcome.

And all that in the context of their daily life, so if you skip it to go directly to the arc that challenges them, you can't appreciate fully how they rise to the challenge, how it shows their growth or reasserts their core values. You can't know how much or what it means, for example, off the top of my head, to have Yamamoto sacrifice his arm to beat Ken, when only a year ago he tried to kill himself over his broken arm. Or Hibari losing against Mukuro, thus telling us how much of a real threat he was. Or Tsuna screaming at Lancia for having hurt his friends, anger on his face, clearly despite himself, that Dame-Tsuna.

All these just wouldn't hit you the same, and it'd be such a shame? I mean I guess the ones who start with the Kokuyo arc go back to read the DLA, or you could compromise like the anime did by splitting the DLA between more serious arcs, but like I said I personally don't find the DLA that bad, so I still wouldn't advice it lol.

Even if, I suppose, it'd mean they might give up on the manga somewhere through the DLA, but like? Some mangas just don't speak to you, and that's fine, and it'd be a little of a shame from my POV as a KHR fan, but still, no big deal.

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I'm still very impressed with how smoothly Amano went from a gag manga to a shonen one, and how she made it so the DLA still fits with the rest. I mean the sudden change in tone/stakes/etc is jarring, sure, but it's all based on stuff she introduced in the DLA, which she presumably came up with with no intention to ever make it something deeper/more meaningful.

It's easy to believe the foreshadowing, and generally speaking the worldbuilding was planned all along, which, again, probably not, and like? Super impressive.

(Though once more don't get me wrong, there are inconsistencies/plot holes in Amano's plotlines and worldbuilding, but not, like, at their seams, if I can say it like that? It's more often in the details, and it's fairly easy to fill in the blanks ourselves.)

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Finally it was a lot of fun to rediscover the characters in a new light, and a bit of a disbelieving surprise tbh.

For context before I started my reread of the manga, all this time I was going with the time I read/watched it years ago plus the times I skimmed it, but mostly by all the fanon I was consuming. And it's not to say fanon is wrong per se, but it latched on one to three character's traits, or slapped an easy character archetype on them easy to "relate" to within, and apparently never looked back lol. And also often dialed up those traits (good or bad) in a very noticeable manner.

What I'm saying is, fanon is, in fact, wrong sometimes zldnslsz, and the characters are much more nuanced even in the DLA! (Which still leaves us at a more or less superficial level, because, you know lol, but still!)

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To name the ones that stood out to me the most:

Nana isn't abused by Iemitsu, nor is she unhappy in her marriage despite Iemitsu being an absent husband (which is not relevent in the context of the DLA, but still, you can tell). She isn't an abusive mother to Tsuna either, and she is literally never an airhead. She literally just isn't, she actually does react very normally to the crazy Reborn brings with him, but much like Yamamoto as long as no one gets hurt (or walks it off), she just brushes it off.

And she has friends she goes listen to piano recitals with, and tries to save on money by eating rests, and gets in two-way arguments with Tsuna, and raises his allowance if he gets better grades to push him to work harder, and all around is just your average mom that really didn't read as just The Mom, if you know what I mean.

She has her flaws, definitely, she's not a great mom, namely is apparently used to call Tsuna Dame-Tsuna, but she's not just that.

She takes care of him, worries over him, and seems to be the only one who hasn't given up on him yet when the story starts. She supports him (though sometimes in a tactless to hurtful way), praises him when he does well, and trusts him to watch over the kids.

She's not that bad is what I'm saying, and 100% redeemable (that is, if you think she needs to be redeemed to begin with, which I actually do think she does, calling Tsuna Dame of all things is just a really shitty thing to do.)

(Though it's interesting to note that she doesn't do it again after what happened with Kyoko iirc, even if she might very well still talk to him in a belittling way at times. I just wish Amano would have commit fully to acknowledge it and resolve it, what with already having made it Kyoko's Dying Will Regret.)

(Edit: I had forgotten but she literally forgets his birthday while preparing someone else's birthday, so I take back that she is 100% redeemable because it's being too nice. But my point still stands.)

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Haru is literally such a fun character, it makes me even more sad now to know what Amano did with her (nothing ansknslq 😭😂).

She's unhinged, has zero impulse control, does not reflect on the consequences of her lack of impulse control as Tsuna points it out, is ready and willing to throw hands at any given moment and is unapologetic of it, and is the one Amano actually calls an airhead.

The only problem she had with the mafia is that she thought Tsuna was forcing it on Reborn, and when she confirmed it was all true she literally didn't even blink at it, and immediately called herself the future Decimo's wife djosdkkd.

On that note she is literally mafia right from her first appearance, is more or less involved in almost all the mafia shenanigans, was right there with Tsuna & Co when they went to destroy the Tomaso's headquarters.

And like?? Amano could just have left it at that if she wasn't going to do anything else/more with it. Haru had so much potential, and not only Amano did nothing with it, she actually watered her down and took away all her distinct character's traits 😭.

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Hibari is so much more feral and playful than his fanon cool, overpowered, quiet badass counterpart. Which I love too, don't get me wrong, but these two sides of him don't have to be exclusive!

He talks and smiles and jokes often, and shows off and casually insults you, and licks the blood away from his lips after having beaten bloody other middle schoolers who dared to defy him (I know this happens in the Kokuyo arc, but it illustrates my point the best).

Not much more to add than that, we should just acknowledge that and put it in our works more often.

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Gokudera is a compelling character from the get go, and as far as the DLA goes, he's the most compelling character second to Tsuna. He's the only one to actually have flashbacks and a backstory. And what stood out to me the most that I don't see often in fanon, is that he's really a good friend.

Yes he has a short fuse and snaps easily and is easy to anger, but he's not always angry. And is seen having and being capable of positive exchanges outside of Tsuna (I'm thinking Yamamoto namely, who's made with Ryohei to be the one he gets angry with the most).

And yes he holds Tsuna on a pedestal and sees him through heavily tinted pink glasses, but even through that he's earnestly a good friend. And tries his best, and is hardworking and overachieving, so much so he messes up without meaning to, but he only ever has honest, straight-forward good intentions behind it all (well, maybe not always lol).

I love him a lot more now is what I'm saying.

------

And Tsuna. I'm not sure I'll be able to articulate my thoughts properly, but like... he's just your average teenager. Which of course is his whole thing, and I'm saying it in a very not judgy way whatsoever, but he's often made to be at least a little more than that, namely about his bullying.

Like, it's kind of dramatised in fics? And I'm not going to elaborate on that more because it might come out wrong and I don't want that, but it's just, like—canonically he is just bullied, simple as that. Like many other teenagers are.

And it's all in a "chill" way (for unfortunate lack of a better word, I don't mean to trivialize bullying at all, it's wrong and unfair and never deserved or okay, just so we're clear), and by the time the story starts Tsuna is used to it and has given up fighting against it, and actually finds refuge and a twisted comfort in embracing his Dame-Tsuna's monicker, because at least he's not gonna hit rock bottom deeper than that if he does.

And I'm not actually going anywhere with this, it's just? It hit me how differently canon and fanon portray his bullying.

Back on the note of him being a (below) average teenager, Tsuna is not an uwu pure cinnamon roll too good for this world.

He's literally so quick to judge and criticise, whether in his head or out loud when he knows more the person (namely Haru lol, poor girl), it was actually a bit of a shock tbh lol. He snaps easily, and is lazy, does not want to try even one bit, and is happy to run away from his responsibilities whenever he can.

And not only I'm not saying that in a judgy way this time either, but I'm actually saying it in a good way. He really felt like your average middle schooler, and it was so refreshing to see. That, plus the fact the narrative never holds it against him, let alone punishes him for it even if he's made to grow out of these traits, and it's literally part of his character arc, is kind of unique for the shonen genre (maybe, I'm not exactly a specialist of shonen mangas lol).

And I can see why you'd want to change it in fics, but personally I think it really makes his character's arc even more meaningful.

[imnotasuperhero]

I would lie and say you’re not in my mind.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Stark!Reader

Type: Angst.

Summary: Reader finds herself alone, with no explanation as to where Wanda went. And life without her was a true nightmare she could only scape with not-so-nice coping mechanisms.

Wordcount: 2644

Warnings: Drug abuse, one suicidal thought and depression.

A/N: This is my submission for @jbbarnesnnoble writing challenge! I’m so sorry for the delay. Life and work got in the middle, leaving me drained to get some actual writing done. You can search this and other works with the tag #JBBNNMHAMChallenge which deals with different types of mental healt, as to raise awarenes about it.

A/N 2: Since it’s inspired in real events, I decided to twist this and give it a happy ending. People need to know there is hope. No matter how hard life becomes, you’ve got this and you shouldn’t suffer alone. Fight your fear and seek for help. I promise, life is worth living.

A huge than you to @marvelfansince08love for enduring her patience with my rants and mini meltdown about this monster. I could never thank you enough for puting up with my dumb ass, boo. I owe you a lot! <3

If you guys want more, I might have a plot for some kind of spin-off for this story. Just let me know. Also, criticism is welcomed.

"Miss Stark," one of the executives called your attention. "Your nose is bleeding."

Automatically, your fingers found your nose and yup, it was happening. Fucking hell.

Excusing yourself, you left the conference room with rapid steps to the closest bathroom, dismissing whoever you crossed on your way. You weren't new to this, after all.

Once you got the bleeding under control, you inspected yourself in the mirror. The reflection staring back at you was nothing like your old self. The circles under the eyes needed much more concealing and your smiles were forced. But at least you picked a black blouse today, which it'll do until you got a chance to go back home and change.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home?" Julia asked sheepishly.

"No. I'm capable of handling the rest of the day," you mumbled as you finished the last touches to your make-up.

"Mr. Stark could find-"

"Mr. Stark will find out shit," you cut your assistant. "This is just a sneeze that caused a vein to pop. Understood?" You could see how the woman in front of you shivered slightly and you almost laugh at it. You've become so pity.

"Y-yes, Miss. Is there anything else I can do?"

"No." You inspected yourself in the mirror once again before walking out. "Go over the rest of my day and make sure you send the informs to Stewart."

Fortunately, the day progressed smoothly with very few bumps. And none of them were about you, so you took it as a victory.

Kicking your high heels after closing the door behind you, you started to strip while walking towards the bathroom. The weekend was finally here, which meant you could wind out and enjoy your own company. After the latest events on Beto's, you made sure to lay low for a while. You didn't need another clingy bitch hanging from you all the time. You were just a gal wanting to have some release. Nothing more, nothing less.

In the middle of your calming bath, the sharp razor you kept for emergencies caught your eyes. 'God, it'd be so easy.' You thought to yourself. Just a little line in the right place would do it. The consuming pain would disappear and you'd be free. Hell, maybe you'd find her again in the afterlife.

Before you could continue the line of thoughts, your phone rang with your dad's personalized ringtone. Something you made sure of for when you were doing not-so-nice activities.

"Hey, dad." You absentmindedly sank deeper in the tub. The bubbly water covering up to under your jaw.

"Hi, Peanut." Tony's voice soothed your damaged soul the littlest bit. "It's been a while. How are you?"

"I'm fine," you answered nonchalantly. Lying has become second nature by now. "Living the life. How are you guys?"

"That's what I called you about. Pepper and I want you to come to spend the weekend here. We barely see you outside work so we thought it'd be nice to take advantage of the long weekend. Pleeeeaaase? With a cherry on top?" He finished in a child's voice and you felt your heart squeeze itself.

Truth was, you were tired of lying all the time. You were tired of faking and saying you were okay when you weren't.

"Okay," you sighed. 

"Yay!" Yup, he was a child. "We'll get your room ready. We'll have your favorite."

You didn't know the exact moment you started crying, your dad going a mile a minute talking about his latest invention and how he'd love for you to help him figure out the last touches.

Hanging up, you finally let out the awaiting sobs. Memories of an easier -and happier- time plaguing your mind, making it harder and harder to breathe. Life without her sucked balls.

After drying yourself and throwing on a fresh pair of pajamas, you quickly fixed your bag for the weekend, knowing fully well you'll wake up with just the right spare time before you had to leave for your dad's.

The next morning, you woke up before your alarm went off, which would be fine if it weren't for Wanda appearing in your dreams. Promises of a better life and reaching milestones together, fanning the painful fire in your heart.

Walking to your stash, you retrieved the white powder, forming three consecutive lines on your nightstand. A small straw between your fingers ready to be used. You wouldn't be able to consume when you were at your dad's, so you better took your chance before it was too late. Odin knew you needed the boost.

Stopping at a random café a few blocks from your home, you quickly got yourself a black coffee and a muffin before hitting the pedal once again, changing the playlist to something more upbeat. 

Soon enough, your mind drifted to the impromptu road trips you'd do with Wanda. Sometimes even a week-long trip. Just the two of you apart from the chaos of your lives. 

Out on the road, it was only laughs, music, and fast food with the occasional make-out sessions. God, if you could, you'd live in the past forever. 

Stepping out of your car, you couldn't help the smile that broke your face. Working in the same place as your dad didn't mean you've got to see him every day. And being honest, you were happy he offered you scape from her curse.

"Hi, dad." You answered once you reached him, returning his hug. And boy, didn't you felt safe in those strong arms. They never failed to soothe you.

After what seemed like hours of walking around your dad's property, you and Pepper came back to the house ready for a refreshing iced tea. But any trace of a nice calming bath dissipated away when you say your dad standing in the middle of the living room, his face stoic.

"What's this?" The quietness of his voice freezing your blood.

"I'm waiting, Y/N." 

You cringed at your dad's voice. The disappointment showing in his eyes made you regret not checking before you grabbed a random bag for this trip.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me this is not what I think it is," he begged, showing you and Pepper the almost empty baggy between his fingers. And you ignored him. He already knew the truth, after all. "Say it," he growled.

"So the bleeding nose-"

"Screw you," you muttered, cutting Pepper mid-sentence.

"Hey! That's no way to talk to her,"

"You know what?" You walked to your dad, looking up to his eyes. "Yes, I'm an addict. Good job, Sherlock. Now you can get rid of me as you did with my mom. After all, you never wanted me in the first place, so why should it matter." You snapped with burning tears in your eyes. "There's no need to keep faking it anymore." You walked away, leaving them mouth agape, trying to process your words.

Plopping down on your bed, you couldn't help the feeling of failure igniting inside you. The tears in your eyes burning your eyes as they appeared, flowing down your cheeks as the sadness and emptiness became just too much to handle.

You didn't remember when was the last time you were genuinely happy. And it sucked that it depended on someone. It sucked and you despised it more than anything. But then again, Wanda was everything you'd need to live in this world. Always positive, with a smile so bright that could light up the darkest room. Her eyes? God, you loved losing yourself in those green orbs of hers in the afterglow. And now you had to live without all these little things that made you happy. All the little moments of joy were gone, tuning you into this sack of bones and flesh, with no expectations for life.

It wasn't till much later that night that you left your room, after ignoring your dad's callings.

Padding your way to the bar, you served yourself a whiskey. The burning on your troat a welcomed feeling. Your mind going back to her, as it was the normalcy since she dusted away, leaving you with thousands of questions and a hole in your heart that you knew well you could never fill again. How could you, when you knew she was it? how could you even try to patch it up, when you knew there was no one else like her?

One whiskey turned into 5 and you didn't know when you started to cry, considering you thought there were no tears left after all these years. But the strong hand on your shoulder made you snap from your pity party, hurriedly drying your tears. Crying was for the weak, and boy were you weak.

"I'm sorry," you drowned the last of your drink before looking up, mustering the best stoic face you could.

"You don't need to fake around me, Peanut. We're family," your dad poured you another drink as he got one himself. 

"Look, what happened with your mother has nothing to do with you." He continued once he sat beside you. "And I would never leave you alone, Y/N. No matter how many headaches you give me." He joked but composed himself when you didn't react to it. "I- Pepper is pregnant. And we really want you in the baby's life. But.. Look, if there was a way to bring her back, I would. In a heartbeat. But Y/N, you have to understand, she wouldn't like this version of you. If not for yourself, do it for us,"

You wanted to speak, you wanted to answer him. But the lump in your throat was too big to swallow and the knife in your heart twisted when you saw your dad's eyes tearing up. And fuck did it hurt. To see him cry -for the first time- pained you like hell. And knowing you were the cause of those tears made you feel like you were the worst person alive. 

"I-," you paused to gather your bearings, but your dad beat you to it.

"I know, Peanut," his arms surrounded you in that way that only him could.

"I promise you," he continued once you broke away. "One day, it will get easier. Those feelings will never fully go away, but it will get easier." He dried your tear-stained cheeks softly. "You are not alone. And she'll always be with you,"

 And despite the grief eating you from the inside, you knew you had to live. For them. For her.

The next few months had been a true rollercoaster. You didn't know the abstinence would affect you so badly. And while others would have it much worse, you couldn't help the change of moods and the few tears you caused to those around you. Not to mention, the significant drop in your moods. But you also knew better. You've kept your word, and you hadn't touched it again. 

Under Natasha's supervision, you got rid of every secret stash you had at both, your apartment and your office, and you deleted the number of your dealer. And even if sometimes it seemed like hell would manifest itself as Nat was your watcher, you couldn't be more glad because, admittedly, the woman had balls and she did knew how to bribe you, to the point that you'd even quit drinking even if it was more of a social addiction, in your case. That, mixed with Natasha's friendship and support -as well as those around you- and the birth of Morgan, your little sister had you believing once more, even if you knew you'd never get to be the same person you once were. 

The little bundle of joy had come to this world with a few rays of sunshine for you, finally opening your eyes and making you realize that there was hope. Even if you never saw her again, life was worth living and you'd live it for her at your best capacity. 

So when Pepper asked you to babysit Morgan for a few days, considering she couldn't bring a 2 months old baby with her, you accepted in a heartbeat.

But as you were awoken by a fussing Morgan, after an eventful night in which you barely slept, you realized this might've not been your brightest idea.

Inhaling deeply, you got up and walked to her room, picking her up from her crib and rocking her as you made your way to the kitchen. Babies were a fucking clock. Which only served to add to your decision of never having kids. 

If you were on the verge of tears most of the time, wishing deeply for her parents to come back so you could have time for yourself, you knew you'd be mental if you had to live through this for the rest of your life.

Your ears catching the front door opening made you stop mid singing, turning around as you walked to the hushed words as you feed a calmed down Morgan just to stop dead in your tracks when you saw her. The only reason you stood still, was the baby in your arms. 

Your eyes scanned the room, looking for a sign that this was just a dream. That the image of your girlfriend was just a projection of your mind, like so many other times before during these 5 years since she disappeared from your arms. But the silence surrounding you all and 8 pairs of eyes inspecting you made you realize that this wasn't a dream.

The cries of Morgan took you all from your reverie and soon, Pepper was by your side, taking the baby from your arms before kissing the top of your head, something she always did whenever you felt unsettled.

"Peanut-"

"Is she real?" You questioned as you scrutinized a fidgety Wanda, who stood by the door, ready to run away if needed.

Natasha could sense your turmoil growing with every single second that passed and soon enough you felt a strong pair of arms supporting you, ready to catch you if you fell.

"She's here, Maliska. We brought her back," she spoke quietly, making sure you understood her words.

The wild thoughts on your mind got you walking towards her. The need to touch her and prove yourself that she was back, got your fingers itching. You could feel the blood running in your ears and you shaking steps as you got closer to who you thought was gone forever, leaving you empty and moving through life like a zombie.

The choke that broke through you when your hand cupped her cheek got you smiling as tears rolled down with every erratic thump of your heart.

"You're here," you whispered, afraid of breaking the spell you've found yourself into. 

But you couldn't stay in that thought for long because an intimately familiar pair of arms surrounded you as Wanda threw yourself at you, hiding her face on the crook of your neck.

Feeling her hot breath against your skin was all you needed to finally give in and hold her with all you had, knowing that she was here; with you.

You didn't know how long you both stood there, holding each other and basking in the calmness that surrounded you. All your previous tormenting thoughts dissipated in that exact moment. Wanda was back and you found the hole in your heart start to fill itself.

"Hi, Printsessa," Wanda murmured against your neck, kissing her way up to your jaw, peppering your face with kisses before she finally kissed your lips. And boy, did your knees trembled.

After 5 long years, the lips you've got used to kissing whenever you pleased were once against yours, igniting all the love and hope and good things you got to feel once upon a time.

You can find the continuation, here (:

Taglist: @summergeezburr @wannabe-fic-reader @natasha-danvers @jumbojamba47 @rooskaya-yelena @sananabdliw @aaron-despair @username23345 @nate-the-dreamer @higherfurther-romanova

[jjungkookislife]

The Key to My Drawer Ch. 11

pairing: Taehyung x f. reader

genre: b2l, smut 18+

wc: 2k

warnings: cursing, marking (hickeys, scratching, bruises), oral sex (f. receiving), hair pulling, mention of m. masturbation, fingering (f. receiving), unprotected sex, light breathplay, creampie... pretty vanilla tbh

an: you don’t have to read this as there’s no plot continuation to the main story, i just wanted some sweet smut

date: September 13, 2020

Do you love me too…?

The front door opens.  You look up, tears in your eyes as Taehyung walks in with a shy smile on his lips.

“I see you got my letters,” he states with a grin as he sets his duffel bag aside, shutting the door after him.  He only has a second before you’re running into his arms, crying tears of joy.  He wraps his arms around your waist, holding you tight.

Taehyung presses his forehead against yours, his thumbs wiping away the tears, but they just keep flowing.  

He chuckles before asking, “do you?” 

You answer him by pressing your lips against his, enjoying the taste of his lips, “I do.”

Taehyung smiles into the kiss, caressing your cheeks, “I love you.  I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I could never find the words.”

“I love you too,” you giggle.  Taehyung grins, kissing you once again.  Your arms wrap around his neck, holding him close as his hands rest on your hips. 

It’s not long before the sweet kiss turns passionate.  Taehyung grips you tighter, a moan escaping your lips.  He takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You clutch him by the shirt, stepping back as he steps forward.

Taehyung blushes, panting as he asks, “do you wanna go to the bedroom?”

You nod, biting your lower lip, “yes.”

Taehyung swallows thickly, pressing his thumbs into your hips as your back meets the wall.  You gasp at the soft impact.  Taehyung takes the opportunity to kiss you again, his teeth gently tugging at your bottom lip as your fingers weave their way into his hair.  A deep, guttural groan fills the space between you as his head tilts back, your nails grazing his scalp.

His dark hooded eyes meet yours.  His tongue peeks from between his lips, “I love you.”  You look away with a sheepish smile, not expecting him to say it again.  Taehyung uses two of his fingers to lift your chin so you’ll meet his gaze.

“I love you so much.  Don’t ever doubt it.”  You nod, kissing him once again as he holds you close, your lips never parting.

You fumble your way to his bedroom, shutting the door to keep Tannie out.  

Taehyung bubbles with excitement as he leads you to the bed, kissing you once he’s got you lying on your back.  Your hands cup his face, grinning as he leans in to kiss you once again.  How is it possible that all your dreams are coming true? You’re half tempted to pinch yourself to make sure it’s real. 

Taehyung can see the storm brewing in your eyes.  He leans back on his knees as he has you sit up.  

“Talk to me,” he encourages, his fingers brushing your cheek as he pushes your hair back so you wouldn’t hide beneath it.  

“I’m just having a hard time believing this is real…” you admit ruefully.  Taehyung nods in understanding, licking his lips. 

“I know, I do too.  It’s been so long and it’s hard to believe it’s all real.” Taehyung takes your hand in his before placing it over his chest where you can feel his heartbeat. “It’s real. I’m real.”

“I love you,” you respond, your gaze firmly on his as you pull him into a kiss.  

Arousal pooled deep in Taehyung’s abdomen, coursing through his body as he kissed you.  He groans, trailing kisses down to your neck, elated that he can take his time with you.  He’s in no rush at all today, and he’s grateful.  He’s got you all to himself and he can bury himself between your thighs until the next day if he so pleases (and if you allow him to).

Taehyung kisses every inch of your body, not missing any part of you.  He kisses your breasts, your fingertips, and more before he settles between your thighs.  

Your skin tingles from his lips, anticipation boiling inside you as his beautiful face is all you can focus on.  

“What?”  He asks with a coy smile that has you smiling in turn.  You bite your lip, looking away.  Taehyung shakes his head as he sits up, two of his fingers moving under your chin to turn you to face him.  His hooded eyes see right through you.

“I want you…”

Taehyung smirks, capturing your lips in a needy kiss that leaves you breathless.  When he chuckles, his breath ghosts your lips before he’s kissing his way down your body, taking his time marking your skin.  You moan when he nips your inner thigh, his large hands grabbing each of your thighs, pulling you down further.  You look up at the ceiling, grinning like a fool as he places each of your legs over his shoulders.

“Tae…!”  You whine, wanting to cover yourself but he nips your thigh to silence you.  Another protest sits on your tongue, but it’s soon forgotten when his tongue meets your wet folds.  Your eyes flutter shut, your hands searching for purchase before they become embedded in his hair.  Taehyung grunts in approval, his tongue flicking your clit to tease you.

“Tae!”

Taehyung is enjoying every cry of his name and moan that escapes your pretty lips.  He’s ached to have you like this.  Plenty of nights he had fallen asleep to thoughts as sinful as these with his hand wrapped around his cock.  When his heart didn’t yearn to be with you, his cock did.  You riled up feelings in him that drove him wild, that made his love for you mold into lust and back again.  You were intoxicating to him; you were everything.

“That’s it, love.  Moan for me,” he grunts as he pushes two of his fingers into you, his eyes on your face, watching as you lose yourself under his touch.  You feel wonderful wrapped around him, taking his fingers so well.  He has no doubt you’ll take his cock just as well. The thought alone has him throbbing.

“I’ve missed you…” he admits in a quiet tone, more so to himself than to you.  You card your fingers through his hair, your gaze softening when it meets his.

“I’ve missed you too.  I love you…”

Taehyung grins, licking his lips.  You don’t miss the glistening on his cheeks before he’s back between your legs, eating you like you’re his last meal.  You cry out his name embarrassingly loud, clutching him hard as your eyes shut tight.  Taehyung chuckles, tongue swirling around your clit as a third finger slides into you with ease.

“Taehyung.  Fuck.  I-I can’t,” you whimper, biting your lip and arching your back.

Taehyung growls, “you can and you will. Cum.  Cum for me, baby.  Right now.”

Your moans grow louder, your body writhing as Taehyung rubs your clit with his thumb.  His eyes never leave your face as you tremble and shake, gripping him tight as your mouth releases a sweet cacophony of moans.

Taehyung’s grin is radiant, “such a good girl.”

“Tae,” you breathe.

“I’m right here,” he assures you as he kisses your forehead, his hand caressing your cheek.

Your lips meet his as your fingers find themselves tangled in his hair as your legs wrap around his hips.  He grunts, grinding his hips down on yours as his tongue pushes past the seam of your lips to deepen the kiss.

“I love you, Y/n.  So, so much.”  You feel tears run down your cheeks as you look up at Taehyung.  His thumb wipes away your tears before he’s kissing you once again.

“Love you so much,” you whisper as you pull him close.  You hold him tight, his lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss that leaves you seeing stars.  He pushes into you, capturing the gasp of surprise that leaves you.

Taehyung pins your hands over your head, his fingers entwined with yours.  

“Mine.  All mine,” Taehyung groans, eyes fluttering shut as he thrusts into hard.  You curse, eyes rolling to the back of your head as Taehyung sets a steady pace that hits every spot deep inside you as you drool and beg for more.

“Yours, only yours.  Only want to be yours, Tae.”  You assure him as his hand moves beside your head to hold his weight.  You lick your lips as you ogle his body greedily.  How many nights have you thought of him just like this?  How many nights had you wished you could run to him and have him fill you just as he had on your birthday?  How many times had you fantasized about him holding you and kissing you just like this? Too fucking many to count.

Taehyung kisses you, his teeth nipping your bottom lip.  You arch into him, hands wrapping around his neck to pull him closer.  His chest presses against yours, thrust never slowing as he fucks you harder, deeper, drawing sinful moans from your lips.

When his lips move to your neck, your nails rake down his back as you secure your legs around him.  Taehyung groans before rolling over.  You grin, licking your lips as you admire his taut chest.  You splay your hands on him, fingertips brushing his nipples.

“Fuck, please.”  He bites his lip.  His hands grip your hips, guiding your movements as you lean down and kiss his neck.  You leave your mark right below his ear before rocking your hips.  Taehyung grunts, breathing heavier as he feels his cock throb when you clench around him.

“Tease,” he chuckles when you release him, rising to sink on him once again.  His head lolls back into the pillows, his hair a mess of tangles and frizz as he moves it side to side before opening his eyes.  

He’s panting, hands exploring every inch of your body within reach.  His hand wraps around your throat, lightly squeezing the sides.  Your eyes roll back; your hips moving wildly as you try to milk him for all he’s worth.

“Tae!  Tae!  Taehyung!”

“My name has never sounded sweeter,” Taehyung comments.  He digs his heels into the bed, holding your hips tight as he fucks up into you.  You cry out, your fingers rubbing your clit before taking one of his hands and placing it on your breast.  Taehyung smirks, squeezing your breast and teasing your pert nipple as you whimper.  He knows you’re right on the edge and he wants to take you over, smother you in ecstasy.

You smirk, taking his hand and wrapping it around your throat.  Taehyung is surprised but squeezes lightly once again, watching your face as you become overtaken with pleasure.  Tae grunts, watching you come undone on his thick cock.  Every one of your delicious moans goes straight to his cock.  You throw your head back, rolling your hips and grinding down on him as you cum.

“Fuck, Tae.  Fuck.”  Taehyung fucks you through your orgasm, biting his lip when you tighten around him, trying to coax him into an orgasm of his own.

“Baby!” he grunts, eyes squeezed shut as his stomach tightens.  Pleasure courses through his body as your name rolls off his tongue and into the air.  His hold on your hips tightens, near painful, but all is forgotten as rope after thick rope fills your cunt.  You sigh in content, bouncing gently on his cock to help him ride it out.

“Fuck,” Taehyung draws out the word as he inhales deeply.  You giggle as you place your palms on his chest before leaning down to capture your lips in a quick kiss.

Taehyung’s large hands run up and down your back as you sit up before climbing off him to lay at his side.  He places his hand on your hip, “hi.”

“Hi,” you smile before kissing him once again.  Taehyung smiles into the kiss, causing you to do the same as it comes to an end.  His palm cups your face, his loving gaze makes your heart pound erratically in your chest.  He was yours and you were his and nothing could come between the two of you.  All those years of pain and miscommunication were over.  

You’re suddenly hit with a memory from your childhood as you gaze into his eyes, “isn’t it beautiful?”

Taehyung’s lips pull into a small smile, “you remember?”

“I do.”  You lay on his bed, looking absolutely beautiful beneath him.  His eyes roam over every inch of your body before he’s kissing you again, lost in the euphoria that is you.

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

<<previous // next>>

[seanfalco]

Morning Affection | Misfits Timeline Anomaly’verse

an oc x oc collaboration between @seanfalco & @super-unpredictable98

Word Count: 3.3k Warnings: Language, Smut (you know, the usual) a/n: Just an early morning shag session.  You know how we do.

[ masterlist ]

——

It wasn’t long before Win had fallen asleep while listening to Hamilton, the alcohol and their extracurricular activities from earlier having completely wiped her out. Curled up on the bed, she sought the closest warm body as she slept to snuggle up to. Win’s Nathan, however, listened riveted as Lyddie softly sang along to the music and explained the plot to him, answering his questions as he played with her hair, twisting one of the long strands between his fingers.

"So a lot of people have theories about why Eliza gasps at the end..." Lydia started. "Some people think she's dying and seeing her husband, some people think she sees the audience and realizes his story has been told... sorry, I'm rambling again." Lydia noticed Nathan's slightly confused look and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for doing this for me."

"I like t'hear yeh talk about stuff you're interested in," he admitted, grinning softly at her.

"That's cute... but you must be getting tired, it's like four in the morning," she laughed, and looked over her shoulder.  Win and the other Nathan were snuggled up.  "Do you wanna..."

At her words a yawn cracked Nathan's jaw and he stifled it with his fist.  "Yeah, c'mere," he said as he settled down in the bed, holding his arms open to her.

Lydia sighed as she found a comfortable position in his embrace.  She was too exhilarated to fall asleep at first, but she felt great.  "I love you," she whispered, somewhat hoping he wouldn't hear it.

For a moment Nathan froze.  Had he heard her correctly?  Swallowing, he tightened his arms around her, pressing his face into her hair.

“I... I love yeh too,” he murmured softly, finding that he meant it.

Lydia bit her lip not to make a sound, but her eyes filled with tears.  Happy tears this time. 

She was finally able to fall asleep.

It was early, by the weak sunlight that filtered through the blinds, and Win groaned as she stirred, her head suddenly throbbing painfully and she let out a choked sob, squeezing her eyes shut tighter.

"Good mornin', love," Lyddie's Nathan was up.  "Oh, I have somethin' for ya, don't move."  He kissed Win's forehead and left for the kitchen, coming back as quickly as he could with a glass of water and a couple of pills.  "For your head."

"Oh, thank you," she murmured, gratefully taking the glass and popping the pills in her mouth before tipping them back.  "Ohhh, I shouldn't have drank so much last night," she muttered, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes.  "I feel like such an idiot," she grumbled.

"You're not an idiot, you should've seen me in New York.  One night I went into this Irish pub... Jesus," Nathan laughed.  "Besides, it was pretty entertainin' when Lyddie was on stage and you asked her t'flash us..."

Win chuckled, though it only made her head hurt worse.  "Oh yeah, she turned so red, it was adorable," Win murmured, leaning against Nathan as she glanced over at Lydia, sleeping soundly in her Nathan's arms, glad that they seemed to have mended the rift from last night.

"Are you hungry?" Nathan draped his arms around her.  "I could make somethin' if y'want."

The thought of eating made Win's stomach turn, but she figured she should probably put something in there.  It might help.  "You're sweet," she murmured softly, pressing her face to his chest.  "Maybe some toast or something?" she murmured.

"Sure, how'd y'know toast is my specialty?" Nathan joked, taking Win's hand as they both left the room.

Win giggled softly as she followed Nathan to the kitchen.  "Oh really? Lucky me, then," she murmured, a warm feeling twisting in her heart.

"I thought you said toast was your specialty," she teased as the two slices popped up completely black and charred.

"Well, this is the toaster's fault!  It wasn't me," Nathan pretended to be scandalized as he put two other slices of bread in. "I'm the best toast maker in Europe!"

"Uh huh, blame the toaster, so convenient," Win teased further, pushing herself up to sit on the counter as she watched Lyddie's Nathan toss the ruined slices into the bin.

"Are you sayin' that I'm a bad chef, missy?" Lyddie's Nathan leaned over the counter to stare Win in the eye.  "Cause I don't think y'have much room t'talk here..."

Win gasped dramatically, fighting back a smile, which would completely ruin her fake indignation.  "As if you've ever tried my food before!"

"I don't have to! Your Nathan and I have the same taste buds, I trust his judgment..." Lyddie's Nathan taunted. "Only Lydia can stomach your food."

Win scoffed, crossing her arms petulantly over her chest. "What, y'scared? Just because my Nathan says somethin' doesn't mean you hafta agree with him," she exclaimed, half playfully. "At least Lyddie loves me..." she grumbled.

"I'm just sayin' the taste can't be much better than the smell..." Lyddie's Nathan shrugged with a shit-eating grin. "I love you too, darlin', but I'm not lookin' t'get food poisoning," it wasn't until the words were out of his mouth that he noticed what he just said.

Win’s grin faltered. Had she heard that correctly? “Did you just...?” she whispered, feeling a shiver run through her.

"Yeah," Lyddie's Nathan took Win's hand, hoping he didn't sound stupid. "I love you."

Win’s eyes widened as looked up at the Nathan before her and she gave his hand a tentative squeeze. “I love you too,” she whispered, biting her lip to keep it from trembling softly.

"Thank God, that could've been awkward," Lyddie's Nathan found himself repeating the words he said the first time he confessed his love to someone. His fingers danced around Win's cheek as he kissed her gently.

Win reached for Lyddie’s Nathan’s shirt, pulling him closer, between her legs as she kissed him back just as gently, though with a fervor behind it, just barely restrained.

"Hmmm," Lyddie's Nathan turned off the toaster without breaking the kiss, while instinctively pulling Win closer with his hand on the small of her back.

“I think I’d rather have you than that toast,” Win murmured between kisses, her eyes flicking up to Lyddie’s Nathan’s before her lips trailed to his neck.

"Oh," Lyddie's Nathan shuddered under Win's touch, his cock responding immediately. "Yeah, I'm probably better at shaggin' than makin' toast."

Win laughed. “Is that so? Does that mean you’re the best lover in all of Europe too, then?” she teased, throwing his own words back at him as she palmed his erection through his underwear.

"No... that means I'm the best lover in all the universe," Lyddie's Nathan quickly shed his shirt with a soft moan as he felt Win's hand on him.

"Mmm, lucky me," Win purred, kissing down his chest, letting her teeth graze his skin as her mouth found his nipple, circling it slowly with her tongue as she massaged his clothed erection.

"Jesus..." Lyddie's Nathan gasped, that's a spot he has never been touched before, and he was confused by how much he liked it. "Oh, I wanna shag your brains out," he groaned.

Win's breath hitched at his words, arousal pooling between her thighs as she lifted her face to smirk up at him. "D'you like that, Natty?" she asked coyly, switching to his other side, giving him a light nip as he pulled her hips closer to the edge.

"Yeah!" Lyddie's Nathan moaned, by now he was rock hard. "Let's get you out o'this, shall we?" he pulled Win's shirt (his shirt?) over her head, exposing her bare chest.

"Oh!" Win gasped as the cold hair hit her bare skin. "I don't think you need these either," she mused, easing his underwear down as well, wetting her lips.

"No, we don't..." Lyddie's Nathan murmured, letting his underwear slide down his legs, leaning in to take Win's nipple between his lips  and she moaned as she arched against Nathan's mouth, stroking his cock while her other hand buried in his curls.

"Oh, baby, so wet..." Lyddie's Nathan mumbled as his fingers explored between Win's legs. "Y'wanna shag on the couch or here?" he waggled his brows suggestively.

"I want you right here," Win gasped, "I want you t'fuck me right here Nathan. Oh, please take care of me," she whimpered as his fingers teased her.

"I love t'see you like this," Lyddie's Nathan kissed Win's neck hungrily, while thrusting slowly into her, savoring the moment. "Is this what you want?"

“Yes,” Win moaned, dropped her free hand to the counter behind her to stabilize herself as Lyddie’s Nathan filled her. “Yes, I want you so bad. Tell me how much you want me,” she begged, wrapping her legs around his waist.’

"I want you so much, baby, I want every last bit," Lyddie's Nathan moved vigorously, as his lips desperately searched for Win's, his hand idly kneading her breasts.

“Oh f-fuck, Nathan! You can have me. You can have all of it!” Win cried, desperately holding on as he fucked her harder, her hand slipping down to the back of his neck to pull him closer, their breaths mingling as she kissed him sloppily, her hips meeting each of his rough thrusts, pushing him deeper. “I’m close!” she murmured breathlessly between kisses, her eyes finding his, wanting to watch him as she came.

"Mine, you're mine, Winnie..." Lyddie's Nathan murmured in between kisses, his thrusts getting more erratic as he watched Win carefully, wanting to see her pleasure. "Come for me, baby, be a good girl."

"You should know, I'm never a good girl--" Win purred, gasping at a particularly hard thrust, her mouth falling open. "--but for you I-I will be," she cried, throwing her head back as she came, holding onto him desperately.

Win's words made Lyddie's Nathan smirk. "Yes you will, baby," he held tightly to her as re released, breathing heavily against her skin. "Jesus... You're so... amazing."

Win pulled Lyddie's Nathan to her, burying her face in the crook of his neck. "Oh, I love you," she panted. "I love you, Natty," she repeated, not wanting to pull away.

"I love you too, darlin' so much," Lyddie's Nathan nuzzled Win's hair, leaving kisses all over her neck and her shoulder. "D'you still want your toast? It's ready," he chuckled.

Win chuckled, reaching for the toast. "I definitely worked up an appetite.

——

Lydia heard voices coming from the other side of the room and her eyes fought to stay closed, until she finally managed to wake up, or almost.  "Hey," she yawned shifting in Win's Nathan's arms, pressing her lips on his shoulder, his words from the night before still in her head.

"Hmm?" Win's Nathan hummed without opening his eyes, blindly pressing his lips to whatever skin he could find.

"Good morning, Nats," she purred running her fingers through his messy curls, watching the gentle movement of his chest. "How did you sleep?"

"Fantastic," he murmured, moaning softly as he stretched. "You?"

"Me too," Lydia smiled, the other side of the bed was empty. She wondered where the others were, but then she smelled burnt toast and huffed a laugh. "I was dreaming about you."

"Bout me?" Win's Nathan asked, his lips twitching into a grin as he opened his eyes, taking in the sight of Lydia in his arms. "What sort o' dreams?" he wondered, noticing as well that it was just the two of them. "Knowin' you they were probably pretty dirty, huh?" he teased.

"Nathan!" Lydia giggled, hiding her blushing face in the crook of his neck. "If you really wanna know, there were dirty parts, but also romantic parts," she sighed. 

Win's Nathan's smiled against the top of Lyddie's head, stroking his fingers through her hair. "Oh, even better!" he exclaimed with a laugh. "I'm not so good at th'romance part, so I'm sure dream me was a lot better," he mused. 

"That's not true, you just have your own way to be romantic and... I happen to like that way." Lydia murmured softly. "I have a thing for guys who are obnoxious, cocky, kinda gross sometimes... you're just my type."

Nathan huffed a laugh, a strong wave of fondness overtaking him at Lydia's words. "I guess I'm really lucky then to have found two girls that seem t'like that about me," he murmured, watching her face carefully. 

Lydia nodded trailing kisses all over his neck. "You really are. And we were lucky to find the perfect twat that checks all of our boxes. My father would be so proud..." she mocked. 

Nathan moaned softly as her lips brushed against his skin and he grimaced as he felt his cock twitch in his briefs. This is a sweet moment, y'twat, don't go and get horny now, he told himself, though it didn't really help any.

"Y-yeah, we're all lucky," he breathed, snorting softly. "I'm pretty sure no fathers would be proud t'have me for a son-in-law though. Win's made that clear enough." What are you doin' bringing that up for?  Especially when you're gettin' turned on? Nathan thought with a grimace.  Though maybe that'll help calm y'down...

"Mine would, he's a lot like you actually, he's so funny and..." Lydia stopped talking as she felt Nathan's bulge against her thigh.  She looked up at him with a smirk. "Did I do something, Natty?" 

Win’s Nathan cleared his throat awkwardly. “It’s just... y’know, mornin’ wood, that’s all. Plus... your lips felt—“ he cut off to clear his throat again when his cock twitched against her leg. 

"You like my lips, huh..." Lydia whispered, kissing the tender spot where his neck connects with his jaw. Usually her partners are always the ones teasing her, it wasn't often she had the chance to tease someone.

“Yeah, they’re nice, v-very nice,” Win’s Nathan breathed, “if y’keep that up, I’m gunna have a full on boner, darlin’,” he pointed out, though his hand slid down her waist to her ass, pulling her closer to his hips. 

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Lydia's kisses moved to his chest while her hand snaked down his body, resting dangerously on his thigh. "Maybe I want you to." 

“Ohhhh Lollipop, it would definitely not be a bad thing,” Win’s Nathan murmured, giving her bum a firm squeeze. “I just didn’t wanna ruin a perfectly romantic moment with my cock havin’ a mind of it’s own, but if that’s what y’want...” he trailed off grinding slightly against her thigh. 

“What's more romantic than a morning shag?" Lydia chuckled softly, rolling on top of Win's Nathan and letting her hair brush lightly against his skin. "You didn't ruin anything, usually I'm the one horny at inappropriate times." 

“Just one more thing t’love about yeh,” he mused, Nathan’s hands sliding under Lydia’s shirt, well... technically it was one of his... or his clone’s... he supposed it didn’t really matter much as they pretty much shared their wardrobes anymore. “D’you know how hot it is t’see you wearin’ our shirts?” he asked, pushing it up to bare her breasts. 

"Is it? That's good to know... Cause I love to wear them," Lydia leaned in to capture Nathan's lips, while her hand palmed his clothed boner. "I wanna do with you what we were doing in my dream..." 

“Ohhh,” Win’s Nathan shuddered at her touch, “and what pray tell, exactly were we doin’, hmm? I’m very interested,” he murmured, as he kissed her back eagerly. 

"I was riding you," Lydia ran her hands over his arms, rolling her hips teasingly against his cock. "I haven't done that in so long... I miss it." 

Nathan's eyes widened. "Please ride me, Lyddie baby, I wanna see those lovely tits of yours bouncing up and down as you bounce on my cock," he groaned, running his hands up her thighs.

Win's Nathan's excitement made Lydia even hotter, her own Nathan has been very scared to let her ride him ever since... The Incident. "Yeah? I bet you love the view, don't you, Natty?" Lydia slowly pulled his underwear down, leaning in to lick his tip. 

"Ohhhhh, yeah baby, you have such lovely tits," Win's Nathan exclaimed, his words melting as he felt her tongue. "Jesus, your mouth--" he gasped, his head falling back against the pillow behind him. 

Intoxicated by his praise, Lydia took his cock in her mouth with one fluid motion, humming as she moved her head up and down. "You like that, baby?"

"Holy-- yes!" he yelped, watching open mouthed as Lydia's head bobbed up and down, her tongue gliding over his throbbing cock. 

Lydia let him slide out of her mouth slowly. "As much as I wanna taste you..." she got up to her knees, positioning herself on top of him. "I want you to fill me up." 

"God, yes, I wanna feel how tight yeh are," Win's Nathan exclaimed, grabbing hold of her hips as he thrust up into her. "Ohhh, yeah, that's the ticket baby." 

Lydia was a bit nervous, to say the least, as she took him in, but she was also enjoying it, picking up speed as her confidence grew. "Oh, Nats, that feels so good!" 

Win's Nathan bit his lip as as he watched Lydia bounce on top of him, riding him with abandon and he couldn't help but buck up into her enthusiastically, watching her tits as they jiggled and bounced hypnotically. He always liked it best when Win would get on top, it only made sense that he'd like it just as much with his other girlfriend. Plus the fact that Lyddie didn't get to do it often only made him feel more special. 

"Talk dirty to me, Nathan," Lydia begged, one hand on his shoulder and the other preventing her hair from falling on her face. She didn't even remember why she was so scared, only how much she missed it. 

“Oh yes, you dirty little thing, fuck, y’feel so good on my cock, so tight and wet baby, you’re so fuckin’ hot, love,” be babbled, breathing heavily as he guided her hips. “Tell me how much y’like it. I wanna hear you moan, Lollipop!” 

"I fucking love it!" Lydia moaned, hoping to not disturb the others outside, but unable to keep quiet as she felt her pleasure growing steady. "You feel so good inside me, Nathan, I need you so bad." 

“That’s right baby, I want yeh t’be loud! You’re so sexy when you’re loud!” Win’s Nathan exclaimed, already close, holding back to make sure Lydia came first. He was a gentleman, after all. 

"Fuck, Natty! You make me feel so good, are you close? I wanna come with you," Lydia cried pressing her forehead to his. "I want you to fill me up as I come for you." 

"Yeah I'm close, been holding back for you baby," he exclaimed. "I'll paint your insides white Lollipop, I'll fill yeh up," he groaned, letting himself come as he pulled her down to his chest so he could kiss her. 

Lydia came loudly, never taking her eyes from Win's Nathan. "Yes! Oh please, please..." she whimpered before collapsing on top of him. "Oh my God, I love you." 

"I love yeh, too," Win's Nathan murmured in awe as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "How'd I get so fuckin' lucky?" he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. 

"I'm the lucky one..." Lydia looked up to kiss Win's Nathan's cheek. "I lost a Nathan once, now I have two, and Win! Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure this is real."

"Yeah well, you deserve it, Lyddie," he sighed, completely content, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm starving," Lydia didn't wanna let go, but her stomach was rumbling angrily. "Come on, I'll make you something." She took Win's Nathan's hand on her way to the kitchen. "Hey, guys, how's it going?"

Win looked up as Lyddie and her Nathan entered the room and she couldn't help but smile, pressing her cheek to Lyddie's Nathan's shoulder. "It's going good," she murmured. "How about you two?"

"Yeah..." Lydia took a deep breath on her way to the fridge, looking back at Win's Nathan over her shoulder. "Everything's great."

--------------

Taglist: @magic-multicolored-miracle @midnightseance @messengeronthemoon @the-freckled-luba @firstpersonnarrator @nightingale-rose @salvador-daley @forenschik @a-ghoulish-tale @love-is-dirty-baby

[filmmakerdreamst]

How Jack Thorne's 'His Dark Materials' wanted it both ways

Despite the cast and crews open love for the novels, and the insistent diligence to stay as faithful to the source material as possible — even trying to fill in many of the gaps in the books, as seen in all three seasons of the show — the BBC adaptation never manages to capture the spirit (the only time I felt like it did was in the third season) because of the fact that every character is altered and changed. Not just adaptationally changed either like making a character dumber, softer or harder. They’re completely different characters, separated from the source material e.g. Mrs Coulter is changed from a seductive, calm character to a feral, suicidal character. I must admit, I did like the expanded self harm element that she causes her daemon. However I felt in the novel, if she were to harm her monkey, it would be ‘to keep her lust for power at bay’ rather than shame for herself.

The atmosphere was off yet the events were similar and the complete opposite at the same time. But you can’t have similar events play out with different characterisations, at least not with ‘His Dark Materials’.

Philip Pullman’s characters in ‘His Dark Materials’ are extremely charismatic, but to put it lightly, are not very palatable to say the least. As stated in @clarabosswald’s analysis, there seemed to be this weird need to make EVERY single character digestible or palatable in some way or another in the BBC adaptation, regardless of it making sense or not. I noticed this upon my re-read of ‘The Northern Lights’ that they even humanised the doctor that sexually assaulted Lyra by grabbing Pantalaimon, which was very troubling.

Now with the opposing ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’ film, they changed the characterisations to make them more sympathetic and accessible to a contemporary audience. They even dug deeper with the character Edmund which I thought was a fantastic choice. But the reason why those character changes worked was because C.S.Lewis was not concerned with building character, he was much more concerned with the place of Narnia itself. He almost used his characters to explore the world of Narnia, e.g. some characters would leave one book and come back 5 books later — which is why some of the later adaptations of Narnia didn’t do as well in the box office as the first one.

The character changes in that film enriched the story without effecting it in a way, because ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’ and the other books are driven by the plot. Where as ‘His Dark Materials’ is primarily driven by characters.

Philip Pullman in total contrast to C.S.Lewis, built the world (you could say he used the world) around the characters in order for them to get to Point A to Point B. But he was not concerned about exploring the multiverse so you could see the entire picture, like with C.S. Lewis.

I heard once that he described writing as wondering through a forest on a path and the path is your story. Theres a difference between the story world and the storyline. And as an Author, your concern is the storyline. It would be easy to step away and stray from the path and explore the forest and admire all the trees, but for him the most important thing to do was to remain on the path and focus on the story rather than the details along the way.

I’m not apposed to different versions of the characters or different storylines. But with ‘His Dark Materials’, those books are driven by specific character traits. And the fact that they changed them, while still being faithful to the events in the story, the story beats either don’t land or don’t hit as hard or don’t make sense altogether.

More specifically with the main characters Lyra and Will, but mostly Lyra since she’s the heart of the story.

Lyra is first and fourmost a liar, which may seem a small part of her character but its huge. Her ability to lie and get her way out of situations is the cause of many events in the books. She’s feral. She’s wild. She’s manipulative. She’s described as a ‘half wild cat’ and a ‘greedy little savage’. She can’t sit still or behave herself. She’s impulsive. She’s a leader. She gets into fights. She gets dirty. She spends all her nights on the rooftops. She’s an extrovert. She’s street smart. She’s selfish. She’s brave.

She’s an emotional and passionate human being. Thats what makes Lyra a real girl, not just a character on the page. These nuanced character traits of hers is how she pushes everything forward in the story.

All of those negative/positive aspects of her character in the books were watered down so much in the series. To the point where alot of them were removed. Not only is that incredibly dehumanising but makes the plot points where “she lies” not land as well or plot points revolving around her “telling the truth” make no sense at all.

The whole reason why she’s called Lyra Silvertongue is because she tricked the bear king with her lies, a trait which is consistent throughout the entire story — but completely nonexistent throughout the show. Her tricking the bear king in the adaptation came off as a lucky experience rather something that comes naturally to her. Even the ironic plot point of her being given the Alethiometer “a device that tells her the truth” didn’t hit as hard. They tried to establish her as a ‘liar’ in the second episode of season one then gave up completely as the show continued on.

But the weird thing is, those flaws were still mentioned by other characters in the show, when it was not the character they were developing. Characters would mention that she’s a liar, insufferable, selfish or that ‘she doesn’t apologise easily’ — which seemed like an over exaggeration since the show version of her isn’t really any of those things. This applied when characters such as Lee praised her for being ‘brave’ and ‘good’. I heard a HDM podcast recapping season 2 saying that “her character in the show wasn’t hitting the right emotional beats” to be a child of a great destiny that every character seemingly falls over themselves to give their lives for her.

TV Lyra hasn’t completely lost her flaws, but she’s not as nearly as flawed as she was in the books. She felt so contained, rather than passionate. Which felt so odd because yes, Lyra grows out of some bad traits such as her rudeness, due to the influence of Will. But she isn’t naturally like that.

They changed her so much, but also tried to keep her “the same” that her character growth which is huge in the books felt like nothing had moved at all. It kind of got reduced to a simple thing like her innocence being taken away. It was like she wasn’t allowed to have any sort of loud, dislikable reaction in any way. It felt like they were taking away her agency.

And I know one of the biggest reasons why they changed her behaviour in the TV Show is because they aged the character up to 14–16 at the start. I get it. Theres a huge difference between 12 and 14 in terms of maturity . It works for the Will & Lyra romantic scenes as an adaptational choice later in the story (because she’s allegedly 12–13 in the books).

I think Dafne Keen was an inspired choice for the role of Lyra, since I saw some scenes of her in ‘Logan’ and I 100% believe she would of pulled off Book Lyra given the chance, but by the time they started filming she was already 13/14. And in all honesty, Lyra just becomes odd looking older. She’s just not convincing as a misbehaving little girl who can’t sit still, she just comes off as a really strange child thats immature or lacking in social skills. For example, there’s a scene between Mrs Coulter and Lyra in ‘The Idea of North’ where she’s telling a lie, but it doesn’t come off natural because 1. They didn’t establish her as a liar immediately and 2. Part of her ability to lie comes from her spontaneous nature of being a kid telling stories and using her imagination. Dafne Keen didn’t really look that age, for it to look like something she would do.

They also made her relationship with Roger more of a focus in the show, which makes sense as her motivation in the later half of the books comes from wanting to rescue him. However, they made him ‘the only friend that she has’ which I found to be a strange decision because Lyra in the books has tuns of friends. I would say their friendship is more balanced in the series, where as in the book it wasn’t so much.

She forgets him a few times while staying with Mrs Coulter in the book where as she remembers him constantly in the episode ‘The Idea of North’ which felt like a confused choice to me. They were trying to have it both ways; have her be seduced by Mrs Coulter while also actively asking her to look for Roger.

The imbalance in Roger and Lyra’s friendship is important because it adds to the need to set things right with him in The Land of the Dead. It goes to the core of how everyone thinks she is selfish. She needs to save Roger to prove to herself she’s a good person.

In the dreams she has of him in The Land of the Dead, her and Roger have constant talks of how much he’s suffering. In the show, she just has alot of ambiguous flash forward dreams of Roger, with the story not prioritising them as important as the main plot of ‘Asriel’s War’.

When she brings this up to Will in the episode, he dismisses it instead of agreeing to go (like in the book) because of his daddy issues, no I’m sorry, because of Asriel’s War which makes sense as it’s one of the main plots in the season — where it was more of a distracting B plot in the book — but it just kind of adds to the idea that “its unnecessary” or “why are they doing this?”.

The desire to get to Roger and apologise in the show doesn’t hit as hard because there was more of a balance in Lyra and Rogers relationship plus the changes to her character just made it seem like “she just wanted to do it” rather than it being the most important decision she ever makes, to try to better herself.

While they go to the suburbs of the dead, Will and Pan constantly question why she’s doing this (a conflict that was not in the book — Will is steadfastly loyal to her by this point and Pan is too shivery to speak) while Lyra just snaps at them, making her seem mean for no reason. When she has a chat with her death, she doesn’t lie that an angel told her to do it (because they didn’t establish her as a liar properly), she just says that she wants to be good which is not a convincing argument considering what happens next.

When Pan and her have the argument while she leaves him on the doc, which is a great scene on its own (it made me cry), it also adds to the unnecessary nature of it all. It’s a scene that makes sense in the book because of Lyra’s impulsive nature, but because of her seemingly calculative nature in the show, it just looks odd. It’s described in the book that if Lyra had heard Pan speak, she would have folded and never would of got on the boat, but since the show did the complete opposite of that, It makes the scene more harsh and cold.

I think what the writers were trying to do was make it more of a mystery like ‘why is she doing this’ ‘its not too late to turn around’ a mission that appears fruitless at first, but turns out to be the greatest act of humanity — but again, I still don’t think that works because of how much Lyra’s entire character is changed. The act is not just for everyone else. It’s a major step in her character growth, to care about others.

In the Land of the Dead, obviously they had to cut out the whole section where Lyra literally looses her ability to lie while she’s telling lies to the harpies, then learns to tell the truth to the dead. This is the final step for Lyra’s character, finally learning the power of telling the truth instead of lies. They didn’t replace that with anything, only with her telling the dead true stories, which was heartwarming on its own, but obviously those story beats don’t hit as hard in the same way because like I said, its not presented as the final step in her character growth, its presented as a one off scene. This is one of the reasons why her character is pretty static in the adaptation.

In the Land of the Dead, its Lyra for the most part (apart from one instance) that keeps a cool head, while Will looses his — which again, the complete opposite. In the books, its Lyra that goes off the rails and its Will that keeps her centred.

Which brings me onto how the character of Will is changed in the adaptation, and how that effects the story from the second book onwards.

Will was brought in by Philip Pullman in ‘The Subtle Knife’, to represent Lyra’s other half — in another parallel universe literally, and also to help her on her quest to fulfil the prophecy. If it was just her on her own with Pan, it wouldn’t work and would fail.

Though I was taken aback by his entrance in ‘The Subtle Knife’ — as it was such a jarring change coming from the suspenseful cliff hanger where Lyra walks into the new world after her best friend Roger got murdered — he quickly but surely became my favourite male literary character of all time.

I don’t have as a big of a problem with his character changes then I do with Lyra, because there were at least a few times in the show where he was allowed to act like ‘himself’. Amir Wilson was perfect casting as Will. It was like the character had just walked off the page it was that good. But all together, he’s a completely different character — which I can understand. Out of all the characters, I feel he’s the hardest to pin down and his development is done in a subtle and subconscious way.

Throughout the course of ‘The Subtle Knife’, he’s incredibly off putting as he’s mostly angry and tired and then he’s in pain because of his knife wound. It works in a book format, because your’e in his point of view and you understand that he’s a child thats at the end of his tether. But it would be hard to portray that in a nuanced way on screen, unless your’e clever with it.

They unfortunately took the easy route with his characterisation on screen by making him softer. Not only that, the writing for his character was incredibly inconsistent at times.

Will from the books is fierce. He’s frightening. He’s stoic. He gets angry. He’s a strategist. He does whats best for someone. He likes to stay invisible. He’s sarcastic. He's an introvert. He likes to stay hidden. He’s practical. He’s a child carer. He's naturally aggressive e.g. He beat up a bunch of boys at school because they were hurting his mother. He hardly smiles. At times, especially in the second book, he becomes incredibly depressed. He's pretty much a 35 year old man in a young boy's body. He’s incredibly soft, but the reader can’t tell until Lyra brings that out in him.

I would say Will is a more contained version of Lyra, yet the complete opposite of her. They’re like yin and yang. They both have something that the other lacks, and that helps them both grow up. Lyra brings out a softness out in him, brings out his impulsive nature where as he helps her strategise and learn not to just rush out and do things.

TV Will suffers from the same problem that TV Lyra does.

Every negative/positive aspect about him is watered down. Revealing a quite mild character. I feel that they didn’t touch on the fact that he was a child carer enough, which is a huge part of his character. It just came off as ‘he loves his mum’ more in the show. Will being a caterer is supposed to contrast Lyra whom didn’t grow up with parents and got to live out a childhood that he was never allowed to experience. This is a theme. Every character trait that contrasts Lyra in the books isn’t present so much. I would even go as far to say that they’re too similar in the TV Show.

I was wondering throughout the second season why the storyline was static and wasn’t going anywhere. Certain plot points such as Will being a murderer, Lyra helping Will find his father, The fight for the subtle knife and Will becoming the bearer of the Subtle Knife felt tacked on or weren’t hitting as hard as they should.

At first, I thought it was because the novel was ‘the weakest in the trilogy’. I often see ‘The Subtle Knife’ as a bridge between both ‘Northern Lights’ and ‘The Amber Spyglass’.

But since re-reading the book, I went ‘Oh my God, its because they changed Will’s character arc’.

TV Will, the more I think about it, does not suit becoming the bearer of the subtle knife. The only times we see him fighting is in the boxing ring. He expresses incredible regret over killing a man instead of brushing it off because he was protecting his mother. Even when he’s under threat, he says ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ He even has to be persuaded to fight. There’s even a moment in the show where he says “Maybe we’re better off not fixing the knife at all.” which kind of dismisses the practical nature of his character in the book. Plus the knife being a part of him, the same way as the Alethiometer is a part of Lyra. Even the remarks that Lyra makes about him being similar to Iorek the armoured Bear don't make as much sense, because of the fact that he's softer.

Book Will struggles with his warrior nature, and eventually learns thats not who he wants to be. But he isn’t naturally a soft person. He learns to be through his experiences and his relationship with Lyra. Which is why it was so odd to me that they included the line in the show where Will is saying to his father in the Land of the Dead “You told me that I was a warrior; That I can’t fight my nature. Your’e wrong.” I was just like, what are you talking about? That is so not the character the show had developed. TV Will had hardly been shown to fight anyone of his own free will — it didn’t make sense to me. They were trying to have it both ways. Completely ignoring his basic character traits and flaws, yet still going through the same arc (a somewhat watered down one) one e.g. idolising his dad for his whole life, realising his dad ain’t shit when he meets him, finding Lyra missing, ignoring the task his father set him etc.

Even the task that Lyra has to help Will find his father didn’t land as well because of the fact that the two of them were bonding straight away in the show, instead of it being like ‘oh no we’re stuck with each other’ to this slow process of her and Will learning to trust each other.

I understand that you have to translate Lyra and Will’s relationship alot differently in a Show format, because subconscious development doesn’t really work due to the lack of intimate point of views. The more something is changed in an adaptation, the more it stays the same.

I have openly praised the shows depiction of their relationship in another analysis I wrote (before i re-read the books) and how I loved how they gave them more soft moments. However, I will admit now that the soft moments that they had in season 2 felt off to me because they weren’t in character. I think, looking back I would of preferred more soft moments if they were in character.

Will’s initial softness towards Lyra in the show is partially to do with TV Lyra being much less feral and less of a threat. As a result their journey is warmer and far less angstier than it was in the books.

And that in turn messes with the tension.

The element of Will being slightly dismissive of her at the start, is important to how certain story beats land. It adds to the ‘OH SHIT’ when Lyra’s been taken and the task that his father set him that he’s been dreaming of his whole life suddenly isn’t important to him anymore. Thats why it’s such a big deal when he spends most of his time through ‘The Amber Spyglass’ looking for her.

But in the season 2 finale, it ends with Will going off into the sunset, presumably to fulfil is fathers wishes. Then in season 3, he finds her missing, goes ‘whoops’ and then there's a montage of him trying to find her. Then when he does (quite easily) — he goes on about how “since his dad died he’s done none of the things that he asked him to do’ which makes him looking for Lyra within the show feel even more anticlimactic.

Also, this is more of a personal opinion that an analytical one, I did not appreciate when Lyra brought up going to the Land of The Dead, TV Will went “I saved you. I did everything I could to save you. You told me not to but I did it anyway” which felt to me like ‘Wow brilliant, of course you had to save her’

And instead of agreeing to go to the Land of the Dead with her like in the book, they had to insert some tension from 'The Subtle Knife' (because they messed with the tension in season 2) and have Will go on a rant about what his dad wanted him to do, Asriel’s war, dismissing Lyra’s wishes and even having him suggest maybe her dad regretted killing her friend.

This is something that Will from the books would never ever say, let alone to the girl that he loves. He's fully aware how much her dad hurt her and he respects her too much by that point to ever suggest something like that. Even when he does think about ‘what his dad wanted him to do’ he’s still steadfastly loyal to Lyra. They were completely undermining the turning point in their relationship and Will’s character development by adding pointless drama to extend the episodes running time.

As mentioned in a very articulate post by @mamsellechosette24601 ‘the quest to find his father and fulfil his fathers wishes’ isn’t the point at all, its Will letting go of his childhood dreams, of realising what really matters is Lyra all along.

Now I’ve seen in another analysis of the adaptation that their path to falling in love in the show is alot clearer than in the books which I can understand and agree with (to a certain extent) because the books were much more concerned with philosophy than romance. This is true for the romance between Asriel and Marisa in the Book vs the TV Show as well.

The concept behind their relationship remains the same:

“Will and Lyra are very good people who learn to trust each other when they’re at their most vulnerable, they become the only thing they have in a terrifying world of enemies. By the end, when they realise they’re in love only to discover they can never be together, they make the mature choice, however hard it may be.”

But their relationship is totally different in the TV Show because of their character changes.

I would say Lyra and Will have more of a enemies to lovers storyline in the books - where as the adaptation version of them doesn't. The screenwriters clearly tried to iron out alot of the problematic elements, especially in the beginning and focus on them being "friends" more. I'm not apposed to them doing that, but the way they did it ended up muting a few of their scenes together.

I’ve actually made an argument in my other account (against the ‘His Dark Materials’ analysis saying that ‘the adaptation did a much better job at showing when Will and Lyra fell in love’) that their relationship development was a lot subtler in the books because the characters were alot younger and more immature. And that it was more ‘obvious’ in the tv show because they aged the characters up, therefore they could have more mature conversations and scenes together.

This was before I did my re-read.

After re-reading ‘The Subtle Knife’ and ‘The Amber Spyglass’ comparing it with how their relationship is handled in the TV Adaptation. I would actually argue the opposite .

In some ways, the growing romance between the two of them is much more mature (and makes more sense) in the books than in the show, at least to me. Unlike in the TV Show, their relationship never enters into neutral territory, even when they finally learn to trust each other. Theres much less emphasis on their ‘friendship’.

After their brutal first meeting — where they attack eachother — in ‘The Subtle Knife’ Lyra is immediately taken with Will and constantly thinks about him and what he thinks of her. There’s even a moment in ‘The Amber Spyglass’ where she’s trying to hide that she’s in pain while they’re walking (because of all that time she’s been asleep) because she doesn’t want to appear weak in front of him.

The way Lyra and Will meet in the show, is reminiscent of how children meet for the first time. Though quite skeptical of each other, they instantly bond and make friends after 5 seconds, because why wouldn’t they? They’re kids the same age after all. Even though there’s still an element of mistrust there, there’s hardly any conflict between them. They don’t play off each other as much. There is one moment where he gets angry at her for making him wait, but all that is solved in a minute because of Lyra’s ‘calm nature’

Even when Lyra gives Will away by accident and says that she lost the Alethiometer, he doesn’t shout at her. There are few comments here and there but theres no real tension between the two of them.

When Will and Pan have a conversation, its presented as Pan going up to him to have a chat after he had a bad dream rather than Will finding the courage to speak to him in the book and saying ‘I think Lyra’s the best friend I’ve ever had’. This is presented more as a statement in the show because their friendship has already been established and less of a discovery (as he wasn’t reacting to her that much in the book as he had alot on his mind).

Lyra and Will even have a talk about Pan’s conversation with him afterwards in the show. But in the book, that never happened. It’s mentioned later but never discussed, because of the fact that it was a private conversation between Will and Pan.

You could say this was another problem that the adaptation had. It’s mentioned multiple times ‘YOU CAN’T TOUCH SOMEONES DAEMON’ but not emphasised why thats the case.

In the books, it’s heavily implied that touching someone else’s daemon is the equivalent of touching someone’s genitals. There’s a moment in ‘Northern Lights’ where Lyra and Iorek find Tony in the fish house without a daemon and Pan wants to comfort him but holds back because of the taboo. Thats why it’s such a big deal when Pan comforts Will and starts licking him in the book.

In the show, its quite an underwhelming scene that lasts 5 seconds where Pan strokes Wills fingers and Lyra says in a quiet voice ‘In my world, your’e not supposed to touch someone else’s daemon but you didn’t do something wrong’

And don’t get me started on the 5 second panning away shot where they’re finally touching each others daemons, instead of the moving moment from the book. It didn’t feel like they really understood the gravity of what those scenes meant and what it meant for their connection.

Again, this is more of a personal opinion. Near the end of the final book, when they enter the world of the Mulefa, Lyra and Will trust each other more than they ever have, which shows how much they’ve both grown since ‘The Subtle Knife’. Mary even describes that she never saw ‘more trust on a persons face’. But in the show, there’s this weird forced tension between them for the sake of ‘romance’. They’re suddenly awkward teenagers with each other — which was not a choice that I liked because it didn’t come naturally.

And when they have to be ripped from each other, a whole page worth of them bargaining to be together is turned into ‘I didn’t think it was possible to feel this bad.’ and ‘This is all wrong’, plus Mary and Serafina being weirdly insensitive while Will and Lyra are in different locations rather than being with each other.

This is possibly why I didn’t feel anything when they had to be forced apart because, the way it was handled felt rushed and soulless. Plus I don't really think that Dafne and Amir had enough romantic chemistry in order for it to work.

Overall, despite there being more ‘soft moments between the two of them’ Show Lyra and Will’s connection feels alot more shallow and simplified.

In the books, I got the vibe that even though they were very young, you couldn’t imagine them being with anyone else but with each other. They were each others other half. They were essentially the only family they had in a world full of enemies. There was never a moment in the books, where they weren’t already in love with each other to some degree. It went beyond the typical romantic duality.

In the show, it felt more temporary. This is mostly due to their character changes (they were too similar in my opinion). Like a connection between friends that became romantic at the end of the journey. And it’s something they’ll get over because “It won’t always feel like this” or “Its much more romantic to live for love than to die for it” or “It might not seem like it now but you have a future”

I think that was one of my main problems with the TV Show, it lacked emotion. Not just as an adaptation, but in general.

More than anything, the adaptation felt too confused. It was trying to reimagine the story while also paying homage to the original material. And thats why overall — despite my enjoyment for some of the episodes especially in season 3 — it didn’t work as well as it should have.

[colorfullyminded]

Did anyone else feel like Book 4 of Infinity Train was underwhelming?

It’s still an amazing show, but book 4 didn’t hit the same way that the last 3 books.  (Putting the rest under keep reading for spoilers, in case anyone hasn’t finished watching Book 4)

  All the prior seasons had great final episodes with tons of emotion, but also action...and book 4 had the characters say “I’m sorry.” And then they just--- left. That’s it.

  Which isn’t a bad thing necessarily-- the message of facing your actions head on, of accepting them and apologizing for your mistakes, instead of running away is a great message. Hell I prefer emotional resolutions to conflicts than simply beat the bad guy. It just, compared to the last 3 finals that managed to juggle both the emotions and the action perfectly--- I feel like nothing happened at the end of book 4. The sorry felt very rushed, and not nearly as genuine as the other messages in the previous books.

  Ryan and Min’s relationship also felt very up and down, which you would think that’s the whole point; their friendship is very unstable, because it’s been so long since they’ve seen each other. Of course it’s going to teether back and forth-- but it felt like it was accidental, rather than intentional. Their progression/regression/progression felt rushed narratively, like there wasn’t enough time to really sit and brood with them.

  Example: In “The Art Galley car”, it ends with Min-Gi hurt about Ryan abandoning him, to the point that he breaks down in actual tears over it. Then in the next episode, “The Mega Maze car”, Min-Gi is still upset about that for a couple minutes...before he just kind of goes back to neutral, and they just kind of talk like normal again. They’re not allowed to process their emotions or really flesh them out. Heck, my girlfriend mentioned how good the talk in the maze was-- and yeah-- it was a great conversation...that is sadly interrupted by the returning villains of the prior cars. Imagine if that conversation happened at the end of the episode, and it was more Ryan and Min-Gi dealing with what happened and processing their feelings of losing each other, not just in the art museum car-- but from their real lives instead. Imagine if when Min-Gi talked about how much it hurt to have Ryan run off and leave him behind, Ryan would blow up and say “Well what about when you left me?” back in Highschool. There was a perfect parallel that I was waiting to show up...and it didn’t.

  Also remember how Samatha implied she’d be expecting a favor in the future....

Uhm....so that was a lie?

  Also in the Meza car, Min-Gi also asked, “Have you ever seen a popular band...that looks like us?” Which, again, a really interesting perspective on race and media that could have been beautiful to play out. Except they didn’t. In fact, other than that one line, and the first episode, they really didn’t go into the difficulties of being Asian or how their music/passions are affected by their race. Basically I would have loved to see more of that. Or hell-- again, sometimes it’s nice to see a poc protagonist/s, where their race/sexuality/gender/disability aren’t the only focus of a story-- but it’s the fact that they brought it up as a throw away line at all that felt very just... lack luster to me. Like you could have showed us more-- or just not shown us at all; the story already has it’s conflict which is Ryan and Min-Gi trying to deal with relationship and what they want to do in the future. The slight inclusion of their race, with no real like deeper exploration into it felt unnecessary. 

  And again, please don’t take that as me saying “Why do we need so much diversity in our shows? Shows needs to stop forcing their agenda on other people. If you’re going to have representation, then only good representation is allowed. Or, you can have diversity, but only if it makes senses in the narrative” bullshit, because that’s not what I’m saying. I always want to see more diversity in media. I want characters to just exist, and be different, and not have to explain themselves. I live in America, I grew up in California, and I’m white-- and I’ve seen so many different types of people in my life, and they don’t have to explain why they’re here. Diversity matters, and it should be included-- no ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

  I’m just saying, it felt like this was a secret problem they wanted to slip in, when I really didn’t see that present in anything prior. And if they wanted that to be an issue, then I wish they would have shown a little more.

  But they didn’t-- which again leads me to my conclusion, that book 4 felt more rushed. And it’s a miniseries-- all the seasons are 10 episodes, but lord, seasons 1-3 managed to spread those complexities out within their short runtime perfectly. Another great miniseries that showcased their plot, and managed their limited time well was Over the Garden Wall. 

  I guess I just wanted more dealing with the consequences of their fall out-- more sitting and assessing their lives. If that makes sense? 

  We really didn’t get to sit down with them, except in the party car, which I felt gave us the most emotion. That ending with them just playing by themselves in a bathroom, hit so much harder than anything else in the season did. Also the first episode-- the first episode did a ton, and I guess I had higher hopes. 

  Again, I’m not trying to say this was a bad season-- there’s a lot about this season that I liked. And if it were just part of a season, and there was more coming, I’d say it was just a lesser arc. But it’s not. This is supposedly, the last season of the show. And that’s not the creator’s fault. I know they had more planned. But sadly this is what we have, and it doesn’t hit the same way.

   But please don’t think I’m like hating on anyone who liked the season, or that I felt this ruined the show overall. Absolutely not, and again, there was a lot to love about this season overall. Let me know if you agree, and if you think I’m wrong, then also let me know why you disagree (but please be kind). I’m not looking to fight, and I’d love to hear more opinions about Book 4, and just your thoughts on Infinity Train as a whole.

  Thank you for listening to me ramble.

[geraskierficrecs]

What about the hanahaki disease prompt it’s too good to ignore

Okay, Hanahaki stories are my guilty pleasure even though I’ve never written one.  I might flesh this out with a little more plot one day, but for now, enjoy these moments of anguish.

The first time his heart breaks, Jaskier is covered in blood and standing outside the rubble of a ruined castle.

He can hear Chiraedan’s shocked breath next to him, but it’s nothing compared to the exquisite agony of discovering Geralt is alive and choosing to ‘celebrate’ that fact by fucking the very sorceress that had been tormenting Jaskier moments before.

It was his fault really.

Everyone on the Continent knew that Witchers never loved.  He had been content with he position at Geralt’s side if it meant he could occasionally relish in the flutter of his heart when the Witcher graced him with one of his rare smiles or dry jokes.  He could sing new songs of adventure and pretend he wasn’t already falling too deep into the gravity of Geralt’s affections.

Then he’d felt his throat rip and tear beneath the Djinn’s magic.  He’d felt what it was like to have Geralt’s arms wrap around him and watch the man above him focus all his energy on saving him.  How was he supposed to go back to pretending he wasn’t affected by the sound of Geralt murmuring his name?  He’d been so happy even while he thought he would die.  Now it felt like that happiness was the real curse behind the Djinn’s magic.

Inside, he hears Geralt make a soft sound of pleasure and he feels his chest ache.  His throat burns like his lungs are filled with razor--digging deeper with each breath.

He turns away from the window, telling himself he should just be glad that Geralt is safe and the Djinn’s magic is gone.  

He can forget the emotions that had only grown with each step taken in Geralt’s wake.  He could find some willing lass in the next village to drown his sorrow with.

Jaskier takes a deep breath and feels something rough catch in his throat.  Reflexively, he coughs, low and rough, in his hand.  After a moment, he glances down at his palm and feels himself go still in fear and shock.

There, curled beside a small splatter of blood, is a pale white petal.

__________________________________

The cough only got worse the longer he traveled with Geralt after he met Yennefer.

Eventually, Geralt began to notice the scent of blood that seemed to linger around Jaskier.  There were always excuses to be made--nicked himself shaving, tripped and fell, a fight with a jealous spouse--but even those weren’t enough to cover the way Jaskier was beginning to struggle to sing without pausing to breathe through the ache in his chest.  Or the larger pieces of flowers that he now brought up.

He knew it wouldn’t be long now.  

Jaskier looked to where Geralt was talking gently to Roach and down at the crushed peony in his hand.  

“Just a little longer,” he whispered down to the flower, like he could beg the disease to slow its relentless growth.  

Just a little longer.

__________________________________

“If life could give me one blessing--”

Jaskier can feel the burning agony in his chest digging deeper, as though the roots were burrowing into his very bones.  It is all he can do to keep himself upright as Geralt destroys him with every syllable.

“--it would be to rid me of you!”

He stares, blinking back tears and tries to catch his breath. 

 It’s becoming harder now.  Everything is harder now.  He’d hoped to enjoy this last adventure at Geralt’s side before he finally admitted that he wasn’t capable of traveling any longer.  He would make some excuse for the Witcher, of course.  Maybe pretend the Countess de Stael still wanted him.

Anything to avoid watching Geralt chase after Yennefer again.

The disease only grew worse each time he had to watch the mage appear with sly smiles and hidden agendas only to disappear with Geralt’s affections trailing in her wake.  He wanted to scream at her, to beg her to understand all that she had been given and so easily tossed away.  He wanted to paint some masterpiece of the look in Geralt’s eyes when he thought of her and show her the beauty she so easily overlooked.

But he wasn’t a painter, he was a bard.

He wasn’t even a friend to the Witcher he’d given his whole heart to.

If Jaskier wasn’t dying, he would have crafted a ballad describing this moment that would leave crowds in tears.  Somehow he doubted he would have time after Geralt finished destroying him without ever raising his sword.

“Alright,” Jaskier whispered, forcing his voice to remain even despite the cough itching at the back of his throat.  He’d had plenty of practice now, “I’ll just...get the story from the others.”

He had to grit his teeth to avoid coughing up the petals and stems and raw ache in his chest.  Even if Geralt hated him, he wouldn’t allow his death to weigh on the Witcher’s conscience.  He wouldn’t burden him with the misery of what loving Geralt had brought down on the bard.

Jaskier would give him the blessing he wished for.

The bard turned, stiff and awkward against the intense need to cough.  His breaths were shallow.  It felt as though his lungs were unable to hold oxygen any more.  Too full of the flowers that would adorn his corpse.

He walked.

There was no point in attempting to find the path they’d used before.  He only let the pull of gravity and the downward slope do the work for him.  

But the story is this, she’ll destroy with her sweet kiss 

Once he was out of earshot, he coughed until his vision danced with spots and his stomach heaved with the need to eject the curse growing within him.  Jaskier left the small pile of leaves and petals beside the path.  There was no point in burying them like he had the others.  Maybe it would even help bring someone to where ever his body finally collapsed.

His vision wavered with the next wave of coughing and he stumbled hard enough that his knees hit the ground hard enough to make him whimper.  He spat a clump of peony petals dyed red with his blood and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.  Each breath felt like a struggle and a dark part of him wanted to laugh at the idea of the very thing that made him famous being what killed him.

Stubbornly, Jaskier forced himself to his feet and continued down the mountain.  Any hope of reaching a village before he collapsed for good seemed to disappear with each step.  His strength was fading fast. The shadows created by the sunset made the forest seem dark and forbidding in a way that never happened when Geralt was by his side.

He couldn’t help but think it was absurd to die from loving the wrong person instead of at the hand of all the monsters he’d seen in his lip.

Jaskier’s foot hit a root and he fell hard, hitting his side hard enough to expel what little air he’d managed to drag in.  He coughed.  Spat out more flowers--larger now that he was close to the end.  He rolled onto his back and stared up at the bright red sky, blinking away the tears that ran down his cheeks.

A red sky at dawn is giving you warning, you fool

He wanted to laugh at the irony of the lyric that was meant to convince Geralt to realize who truly loved him.  And Geralt had never given it a second thought.

Just as he’d never thought of Jaskier as more than an annoyance.

There was nothing left for him but to wait for his foolish heart to finish this.  He coughed again, curling on his side to try to ease some of the pressure.  The temperature was beginning to drop with the loss of the sunlight and he shivered miserably.  He scrubbed at his face roughly before another long series of coughs left him gasping and aching.

He could feel the wet mixture of dirt, blood, and flower petals against his cheek, but couldn’t summon the strength to move just yet.  A tear dripped off one of his lashes and he huddled more tightly to try to conserve his heat.  Not that it mattered.  He wouldn’t make it to the morning.

His thoughts went slow and sluggish, smothering without the oxygen he needed to survive.  He blinked, fighting to drag his eyes open again.

i love you.

The words he’d never been able to say felt like poison, but he could help but whisper them into the night.

“I love you, Geralt.”

Jaskier coughed, fighting through a wave of dizziness and panic when he couldn’t catch his breath.  He pressed his cheek against the cold earth and tried not to cry.

“...love...you..”

There was a sound nearby--a snap of a branch--and Jaskier tried not to sigh.  It was just his luck that he would be eaten by some beast before the disease took him.  He hoped for it to be quick, at least.  Perhaps a siren to sing him into the dark...

“--kier.”

The voice was familiar even through the thick cloud of agony filling his mind.  He turned toward it, too weak to do anything else.

“Jaskier!”

Strong hands wrapped around his arms and lifted him into a sitting position, leaning his head against a strong chest.  He didn’t need to smell the familiar scent of leather and blood to know it was Geralt.  

Smiling up at the phantom, Jaskier’s eyes fluttered weakly in an attempt to see Geralt’s face one last time.  Whatever creature or doppler that had chosen this form had chosen well...he would never fight against Geralt.  No matter what it cost him.

“What happened?” 

The creature’s voice was nearly perfect, Jaskier thought weakly.  It would have been foolproof were it not for the way Geralt’s hands were shaking and the thundering heartbeat in his ear.  The Witcher would never allow himself to react so much.

Jaskier cough, turning away in an attempt to hide the damage.  His throat closed around something thin and his fingers scrabbled weakly at his mouth to pull it free.  It made him gag and heave, but eventually he dropped a fully formed pink peony and its stem onto the ground beside him.  He closed his eyes, strength fading.

“You...you’re sick,” Geralt said.

Jaskier gave him a weak smile.  “I’m dying.”

His voice was a raw husk of what it once was.  Weak and wanting even at the end.

Geralt’s arms tightened around him and abruptly he was being lifted.  The sound of pounding footsteps felt far away now.  He leaned closer against Geralt until the Witcher was all he could see.

“Stay with me Jaskier.”

Jaskier smiled, mentally thanking whatever creature or hallucination had created this fantasy.  

It made it easier to slip away into the dark.

___________________________

The world shook against him and he sucked in a ragged gulp of air.  Tasted the blood and misery on his lips.

“Tell me who it is!” Gold eyes snapped fire at him from the darkness in his vision.  Jaskier swayed like a tree in the wind, trying to focus.  “Jaskier!  Tell me who it is!  I’ll find them!”

“too..late, ’m afraid,” Jaskier rasped and felt blood drip from his lips.

He fought to keep his eyes open and focused on Geralt.  There were monsters lurking here, hidden in the shadows.  Waiting for him to collapse.  Laughing at the stupid bard who’d always aimed for impossible targets.

“No! I’ll bring whoever it is to you and you’ll get better.  You have to get better!”

His head slumped forward, but calloused fingers cradled his cheeks.  Jaskier’s eyes opened through sheer force of will and he summoned a weak smile for the ghost in front of him.

“It was,” he swallowed another mouthful of petals, “always you, my love.”

There was a roaring in his ears that matched the thunder of his heart.  Geralt’s mouth moved to shape words, but Jaskier was far past hearing.  He let himself go limp, relieved of the burden of his feelings at last.

____________________________

Waking up again was a surprise.

His whole body felt like it was bruised and battered beyond recognition.  Each breath irritated the rough skin at the back of his throat and he groaned.

Instantly someone was there to help lift his head and press a cup of cool water to his lips.  He drank greedily, feeling like his stomach was empty for the first time in ages.  The water was better than anything he’d tasted and he made a noise of protest when it was pulled away.

“You’ll get sick if you drink too much,” a voice rumbled.

Jaskier’s eyes opened in surprise and he turned to find Geralt sitting next to him.  He blinked, trying to banish the hallucination for the sake of his sanity.

“I’m dead,” he said flatly.  It was the only explanation for the Witcher sitting here beside him.  Not after what he’d said.

Geralt’s lips pursed into a scowl.  “Not quite, but you came close.”

“Ah,” Jaskier tried for levity despite the way he wanted to crawl away and hide himself from Geralt’s too-knowing gaze, “that explains why you’re here.  Saving me again.”

The Witcher remained silent, his thoughts hidden behind his stoic expression.

He tried not wince at the pain that lanced through him at the thought of what Geralt had witnessed.  Jaskier looked away, shifting to lay back down until he could gather the strength to sit up on his own.  Feeling Geralt’s hands on him was too much after all that had happened.

“Must have been good luck to find a healer so quickly,” he rambled to fill the tense silence between them, “Thank you for that.  You, uh...you won’t need to wait any longer for me.  I’ll just be on my way as soon as--”

“Did you mean it?”

Jaskier’s head snapped up at the sudden question.  Geralt was looking at him oddly, something unreadable in his expression.

The bard licked his lips, eyes darting around the simple rom before flitting back to the Witcher.  “Mean what?” he tried weakly.

“Did you mean what you said?  About why you were sick?” Geralt pressed.

Jaskier’s eyes fell closed against the cold wash of fear that raced down his spine.  This was it.  The moment he had tried so hard to avoid with all his lies and fake smiles.  The moment when Geralt saw his feelings for what they were and sent him on his way.  Whatever reprieve he’d gained in the brief relief of seeing Geralt again would disappear just as quickly now.  He could already feel the tingle at the back of his throat.

He felt curiously calm as he gathered the shreds of his courage and spoke.

“Yes.”

“You’re in love with me.”

His heart thundered in his ears, but Jaskier forced himself to nod.

“How long?” Geralt rasped.

A wry twist of his lips. “Since the djinn.”

The Witcher stood with a burst of barely restrained energy.  He paced away from Jaskier’s sick bed and raked his fingers through his hair until it was freed from its tie.  When he looked back at Jaskier, he looked almost feral.

“I--I didn’t-”

“Know?” Jaskier let out a ragged laugh, “Of course you didn’t.  I knew you didn’t feel the same.”

“You would have died without telling me?”

The bard’s mouth went flat.  “I’m a very selfish man, Geralt, but even I wouldn’t risk you feeling guilty for what was going to happen--not when you were in love with someone else.  It was my choice.”

“Are you still in love with me?” Geralt asked softly.

He huffed out a mirthless laugh.  “I never stopped.”

There was a soft click as the door shut and Jaskier felt his strength wane beneath the crushing agony of reality.  This was the end he had been dreading since he’d first recognized the symptoms.  Geralt was gone and all there was left to hope for was the death he’d already tested.  He closed his eyes again, biting back a sob through gritted teeth.

Then there were arms closing around him and pressing him against a chest still stiff with the armor he hadn’t bothered to remove.  

Jaskier froze in shock, too bewildered to do more than make a soft sound of surprise.  Soft lips pressed against his forehead and he felt Geralt heave out a long, slow breath.

“Idiot,” he whispered.

The bard blinked, still confused.  “I’m sure you’re right, but why...?”

“I’m sorry for what I said.”

“Oh...” Jaskier whispered and nodded, “It’s okay.  You were upset.”

“I should never have said that,” Geralt said, his arms tightening around Jaskier, “I regretted it as soon as I realized you were gone.  And then I found the blood...”

Jaskier winced at the reminder of what had happened on the mountain.  He was sure his path down the hill was easy to follow even without Witcher training.  He’d stopped to cough small piles of flowers and leaves several time and stumbled his way through the underbrush without any concern for the trail he was leaving behind him.

“Well, I appreciate you saving me and finding a healer,” he said quickly, leaning back to press a hand to his chest and relish being able to breathe without pain.  He was sure it wouldn’t last long. “I expect you need to leave soon.”

“I didn’t find a healer.”

Jaskier froze, frowning at Geralt in confusion.  “What? But I...”

The Witcher met his eyes.  “I didn’t need a healer to fix what I broke.”

Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jaskier’s.

Thanks for the prompt!  Sorry it took so long to fill--this was quite a bit longer than I expected, but I hope you liked it!

[dotthings]

So let’s talk about Cas’s issues, and how they hit that nerve of Dean’s insecurities. 

I feel like Dean’s personal issues get discussed a lot (by myself included), both from a Dean-positive take and from the pressure placed on this character in a more negative way. There’s a lot of expectation placed on Dean as a character and ironically enough, in that process I feel like even Cas fans don’t do enough digging into what makes Cas tick, what his weak points are, his fears, his cyclical dysfunctional hang-ups. Cas is a layered, complicated, well-developed character with a now 12 season history on the show, as a main character, even if he is less prominent than Sam and Dean, and as such this means there are flaws as well as goodness in him. It does Cas a disservice to paint him as never wrong, as never causing hurt to those he loves. I’m not speaking as a Dean fan here, but as a Cas fan, this just isn’t about fairness to Dean, I feel there is an actual imbalance in how these discussions tend to go and it’s kind of a habitual tendency in the fandom. In part fueled by the fact that Dean is so open with his feelings, shows that he feels things SO hard and so deeply, that’s the character, and that kind of makes Dean a lightning rod to talk about Dean feelings, good or bad.

Canonically, Cas tends to get less pov due to structure, when Cas isn’t in every ep of a season and where SPN structurally puts Sam and Dean as the center spokes of the wheel, no matter how near the center Cas is of that show wheel. Cas has become another core pillar--Dabb referred to Cas along with Dean as a “core character” in his pre 15.09 interview. But because logistically, Dean still carries more pov on the show, we get more looks into Dean’s mind than into Cas’s. Which isn’t as great for Dean fans as you might think because by SPN not giving more Cas pov, it’s putting more and more of the responsibility for making the profound bond work onto Dean and Dean’s pov. While Cas has contributed plenty to this rift that developed.

There’s also the thing about the fandom default perception is that Dean is repressed emotionally. Which, sure, in many respects, yeah. But not in the way it’s popularized in fandom. Dean is actually the more facile, open, raw, vulnerable in expression of his emotions, with big outbursts, of hurt/anger or softness. He goes big. He expresses. He cries easily. He doesn’t exactly hide. He wears his heart on his sleeve. But because Dean is also a character who constructed facades to survive, he puts on facades and one facade is "no chick flick moments.” A facade I’ve pointed out again and again he’s terrible at maintaining, nonetheless it is real and he can be gruff and he does at times try to hide from his own feelings, and avoid, and struggles not to say stuff and then it gets out anyway. But he’s also very openly emotional.

While Cas is actually far more locked up emotionally as a character. Far more repressed than Dean. Look at his background. Millennia as an angel. Shoved back through the angel reprogramming machine every time he displayed an independent thought. Angels have emotions. They are not unfeeling. But they are taught emotions are weaknesses. They are a taint. They are dangerous. A lot of Cas’s arcing over the past 11 years has been about learning what emotions are and how to manage them. Even if we remove that factor, Cas also has a personality of his own, as a character, and is a survivor of trauma and abuse, as Dean is. Cas, like Dean, carries a lot of anger.

Cas is impulsive. Sometimes heedless. Ironically, he often pulls Dean back from heedlessness. But he has that tendency and Cas’s heedlessness tends to result in cosmic level events (leviathans unleashed, angels falling). He has a temper. He will end you if you hurt those he loves. Cas in the past has shown a hubris about how he has to fix all the things because these frail humans he loves can’t, Dean’s “just a man,” and while Cas definitely outgrew that, there are remnants still there. Which isn’t JUST hubris. Cas, being an abuse and torture survivor, being a survivor of emotional neglect, similarly to Dean, also has, similarly to Dean, this thing about needing a mission, a purpose. He needs to be needed. And if he isn’t serving a purpose, if he feels he isn’t being useful, then he feels worthless. The Dean corollary to that is Dean’s lack of self worth in what his father instilled in him--that he has no purpose, no mission, outside of protect Sam, and the hunt.

This need for purpose and Cas’s insecurities powered a lot of his arc with Jack. Cas’s relationship with Dean evolved over time. They didn’t stay just the same. In some ways the bond equalized in good ways, but as part of that, Cas was no longer the “Winchesters’ guardian” of early Cas seasons. That role gave Cas purpose. As Cas drew deeper and deeper into the family, as his character developed and he increasingly got his own arcs, which are all good things, that also meant Cas wondered what his purpose is.

Protecting Jack gave him purpose. A mission. Someone to look after. His relationship with Dean isn’t that. That hit a height with “draped yourself in the flag of Heaven” at the end of S9. By S11 the focus shifted to Dean’s drive to save Cas. Dean and Cas’s relationship is that of peers, fellow soldiers, friends, and yes, on a coded level that’s been harder and harder to ignore in later seasons, lovers/husbands. 

Cas devoting himself all to Dean wasn’t sustainable. Just as Dean couldn’t perpetually be all about Sam, but while Dean and Cas are more peers/husbands role, Dean is Sam’s stand-in parent. Dean was parentified at the age of four. Sam as recently in 15.09 says Dean raised him. Sam knows his actual father figure is Dean, not Bobby, not John. There’s a whole lot about Sam and Dean’s relationship that made a lot more sense to me once I kept that in mind, that symbolically they were parent/child not just siblings/hunting partners. (Their codependency added another complication into the mix) That is not the relationship Dean and Cas have ever had. They are protective of each other. But it’s not a pseudo parent-child relationship. Nor are they codependent. But Dean always had a Sam, while Cas...did not have a Sam. Dean wasn’t his Sam, once he found a Dean. Dean was something else entirely. Not less, but different.

Enter Jack and while I was resistant to that arc initially, in the long game I can see multiple overarching purposes for the story. One of them is Cas’s character development. While the Cas and Jack bond isn’t just like Sam and Dean’s, and I’m not suggesting it is, it has that similar pseudo parent-child aspect. Jack is all of Team Free Will’s kid, but I think the way Jack impacted Cas’s arc made the most seismic shifts. 

The thing about this S15 rift with Dean and Cas is that it’s not really about Dean’s existential crisis about “realness.” It’s not actual about Mary or Jack or that freakin’ snake. Well, it is...I’m not suggesting Dean had no valid reason to be hurt and upset with Cas. That is real. But this was ramped up as a culmination of years of issues. It mashed Dean’s buttons so hard because these are reflective of cyclical behaviors that come from Cas and it hurts Dean every time. Underlying all that, maybe subtextually, Dean’s doubts about realness played into it here as well. But the doubts, fears, insecurities, and hurts Dean feels about Cas are there regardless. Chuck applied pressure points to hasten the rift. To rip them apart because that serves his purpose but all he did was play on their actual insecurities and feelings and then watch them dance to his tune. 

One of Dean and Cas’s issues has been things that have been there a long time, in the relationship, where Dean’s chronic issues play on Cas’s insecurities and Cas’s chronic issues play on Dean’s insecurities. There’s a bunch I could reel off. Dean’s abandonment issues vs. Cas’s tendency to keep things from Dean, not turn to Dean, not trust Dean, for one. This is something Cas has done for years, long before Jack, and it hurt Dean then and it hurt Dean now. Just for example.

I feel like what happened late S14/early S15 is that all these long running issues they never addressed came crashing down on the bond at once. 

The things that are Cas’s issues, Cas hasn’t talked much about. Cas doesn’t talk about his innermost emotional landscape the way Dean does. Sometimes he does speak his feelings, but I wish he’d do it more often. 

The things Cas has done in the past that hit on Dean’s abandonment issues all got ramped up with Jack. And it happened more than once. Why is Dean so hurt. Look at how he responds to Cas keeping things from him, or to losing Cas, or to Cas not reaching out to Dean, trusting Dean enough to go to him in the past. How hard that has been on Dean. Take your pick of plots. Cas teaming up with Crowley. Cas and the monster souls. Cas running off with the angel tablet. 

With Jack there was a string of events. It wasn’t just the one thing. This isn’t my condemnation of Cas or because I don’t get Cas’s motivations and good intentions. Or about Cas being right/wrong. Right or wrong, his actions still hurt Dean. Being a parent added such a completely new layer into Team Free Will bonds, the TFW familial unit shifted. Change can be hard on a relationship anyway.

Quick recap of the sequence of events with Cas and Jack: it was Cas slipping away from Dean as Cas devoted himself to a nephilim in embryo. When Cas bonded with Jack’s grace in the womb. When Dean said he didn’t recognize Cas. There was Cas’s belief in the vision Jack showed him. It was Kelly giving Cas a mission to protect her son. Cas, like Dean, feels a strong sense of duty. Remember Dean’s S2 speech when Sam died? How Dean expressed the depth of his sense of failure? “I had one job, to keep you safe.” And by the end of S14, Cas lost Jack. He had one job. To keep Jack safe.

Cas pretty much thinks he’s worthless without that, same as Dean.

So there’s Cas, taken by Kelly after Dean was begging him--begging him--to return to the bunker with them so they could talk. While Kelly effectively prevented Cas from taking the action he might have done of his own volition since she drove off in the Impala with Cas still inside it and he couldn’t stop the car without hurting her and her unborn child, the element of choice there is murky. But Cas did choose to protect Jack. He did choose to knock out Sam and Dean at the playground. There’s Dean, as he has in prior seasons, seeing Cas walking away again. 

Then it happens again. Cas heedlessly goes after Lucifer, when he should have waited, Cas was so focused on his Jack mission, and as a result, Lucifer stabs Cas dead, right in front of Dean’s eyes. So Dean loses Cas again, and audience gets to see Dean is utterly devastated (but Cas doesn’t). 

But then Dean gets Cas back! His big win...which Dean confesses to Sam but again, Cas doesn’t get to hear it. And then right after getting Cas back, Cas is running off again, due to Jack. Dean begs Cas--BEGS HIM--let me come along, you need backup and Cas says no. Because Cas has to fix all the things himself. So Cas gets kidnapped and locked in an angel proof cell. Dean doesn’t even know he’s lost Cas this time due to voice mimicky plot, but there it is again, Dean loses Cas, again for Jack. Then Cas keeps that detail about Felix the snake from Dean, which wasn’t right for Cas to do, to be so secretive. Whatever his intentions, no that wasn’t right, and it goes right back to Cas’s tendencies shown in earlier seasons. To fix the thing himself. Anael calls Cas on it, even. His fears. Which leads to Cas finally going to Sam and Dean with the information. Cas apologizes and confesses, explains in a rare moment of us actually getting to see inside Cas’s emotional landscape that he was scared what Jack losing his soul would do to tear this TFW family apart. What Cas would lose because of that. A hella lot of that is about Dean, not just TFW or Jack. 

None of this has ever been Cas not caring about Dean. Cas was there for Dean in S14. He fought to save Dean, first from Michael, then the Ma’lek box. But Dean and Cas don’t exist in a profound bond bubble.

Dean doesn’t even know yet that Cas sold himself to The Empty to save Jack midway through S14. Should we start screaming now?

So after Cas’s confession and apology late in S14 about what Jack did to the snake that Cas didn’t clue in Sam and Dean about, Mary is dead, because of soulless Jack, and all hell breaks loose with Jack, and Dean believes the only way out of this with soulless Jack is to kill soulless Jack. Cas doesn’t agree. Dean delivers an ultimatum, my way or the highway and who cares what you think (bad move, Dean). So to save Jack and Dean, because if Dean shot Jack with Chuck’s gun, it would kill Dean too, Cas runs off to get to Jack first. 

From Dean’s perspective he’s seing Cas’s back again, leaving him again. Losing Cas again.

Think about how this steps on the same nerves as Cas’s vanishing acts in earlier seasons, or Cas walking into the lake, or Cas staying behind in Purgatory when Dean did everything he could to save him. Think about Dean’s abandonment issues. Think about how Dean’s abandonment issues and this repeat cycle of Cas’s inherent tendency to not get that he should loop his family into things, that he can’t fix it all on his own, of leaving, even if he always comes back. And no we can’t blame Cas for the times he left when he didn’t want to, when something happened to Cas, but when he vanished into the lake in 7.01, when he insisted on staying behind in Purgatory in S8, when he heedlessly went pell mell after Lucifer--Dean losing Cas was a direct result of Cas’s choices. Where Cas put himself into a position where Dean lost him. 

This has happened again...and again. Imagine the heart-crushing heartbreaking panic for Dean during their Purgatory revisit when Cas disappeared. It’s Dean having to relive his Cas trauma. Because guess what, Dean loves Cas a lot. I don’t know how this even became in question in fandom, it continues to utterly baffle me. 

So it’s not really about Jack though. I’m not blaming the Jack storyline for this. What happened was the Jack storyline brought those issues to a boiling point. Cas’s insecurities and drive to have a mission. Dean’s abandonment issues clashing with Cas’s running off again. Repeatedly. 

What’s going to happen when Dean finds out about The Empty deal, and not just the deal itself but the fact Cas kept that, too, from him. I don’t think it will be rage this time. Not after 15.09. It will however, I suspect, be utterly devastating for Dean...maybe this time he won’t snap at Cas, he’ll just say how devastating it is, before he and Sam get to work on a solution. And Cas will have to witness how devastating it is. Cas hearing Dean’s prayer in 15.09 is such a big deal and I really really hope this hit Cas hard and woke him up to some things. Because with all of Cas’s particular insecurities, despite the fact that Dean has repeatedly shown Cas directly how much he matters, there’s also been plenty audience gets to see (Cas is family/Dean’s grief arc/Cas is a big win) that Cas hasn’t. Cas hearing Dean’s prayer here I think will change things. Cas won’t be the same. Dean won’t be the same. The bond won’t be the same. In a good way. 

15.09 didn’t feel like resolution to me, and I’m glad Dabb confirmed that in his pre ep interview. It felt like ice melting, barriers crumbling. That’s good. It’s a start. That will help them with what’s next. But they have so much to work through still. Because their problems aren’t just from recent plot events, or Chuck. These tap into some fundamental things about them each that affects their bond. I’ve been saying this since before the end of S14, this isn’t hear to destroy their bond, it’s to level it up. It’s to deepen it, to fix what’s been amiss at the root and realize it into something even more powerful.

I need Cas to speak, not just Dean. Not just for my ship but for the character, I need more looks into Cas’s inner emotional landscape and how he feels about his own insecurities and I’d love to see an equally big confession about his Dean feelings.

[6v6taeminisloveshineeworld]

House of the Damned Chapter Two: UNDEAD KISS

PART 1: BLOOD AFFAIR

Summary: Lust is neither love nor passion, it is but a starving beast driven mad by thirst and unyielding desire. A natural hunger akin to flame. As a daughter of the Church, a trial of purity is thrust upon you when a series of events leads you to live in a manor with six vampire brothers who are eager to possess you and claim their birthright as the strongest of the clan descended from Vlad.

Pairing: Taemin X Female Reader, SuperM X Female Reader

Genre: Vampire romance, Diabolik Lovers Crossover

Word Count: 3.3k+

Authors Note: Most dialogue in this story is from the Diabolik Lovers game Haunted Dark Bridal Translated by maichiruhanabira and used with permission. It is not all my original work and will follow the DL game story with some extended or altered scenes. For original content read my other works, this work will be a side project since I am a fan of the game. If you are unfamiliar with Diabolik Lovers then I hope you enjoy the plot.

The cold school rooftop wasn’t the most ideal place to hide in between classes but you found that sticking with Taemin was the best way to avoid his brothers and their advances. If he wasn’t in the music room he was either here or curled up sleeping in an abandoned hallway. Even though you’d been spending more and more time together lately you knew nothing more about him than last week when you’d come to stay at Hawthorn Hill. 

Taemin was always listening to his music, avoiding conversation, and the world which was something you could relate to. You often spaced out and imagined you were anywhere else than living this nightmare. You opened a book of poetry from the school library and tried not to let the silence between you both eat anyway at you but it made you feel rather small and invisible. Well, invisible is better than having him try something on me. But then there was that small traitorous part of you that wished something would happen.

You’d gotten through only two poems before you really couldn’t stay quiet any longer and decided to ask what you’d been pondering over since the first fated day of your meeting, “Taemin? I have a question.”

“What?” He asked groggily. 

Well, at least he’s responding. “If you’re a vampire, does this mean you turn into a bat and fly? Also, do you hate eating garlic? Do you burn in the sunlight? Is that why you all go to night school? 

“That’s a lot more than one question,” He said with a sigh. 

“Sorry, it’s not every day you meet someone who’s a vampire.” You said indignantly.

“Ah but you aren’t sorry, he said opening his eyes and giving you what you would have called the tiniest of amused expressions. “You are curious, I’ll give you that. Well, so you know and stop pestering me, it’s not like I’m going to die if I eat some garlic pasta. I can’t turn into a bat, but I can fly in my shadow form. I’m afraid if you were asking because you wanted to kill me you’ll be quite disappointed to learn that I’m not going to burn to ash if I decide to go for a walk in broad daylight. It’s not that easy for me to die, believe me, I’ve tried it all.” 

“I wasn’t asking because I wanted to kill you!” 

 “Hm. Well, whatever. The legends about vampires in your world are all stupid delusions you humans came up with,” Taemin said closing his eyes again.

 “I’ll remember that,” You whispered back. Even if it would have been useful to learn some information on how to at least deter his brothers it wasn’t like he would just volunteer information that could really be used against him. You rubbed your crucifix between your fingers and silently wished it really did work on vampires.

“Do vampires prey on sleeping women to gain energy from having sex with them?” You asked hesitantly with a blush on your cheeks.

He laughed and didn’t even bother to open his eyes as he responded to your question. “I believe you are confusing us with incubuses though I daresay a vampire’s lust is any less potent. We prefer women a little more awake and willing than that so you may sleep more easily mortal. Unless you like that kind of thing then i’m sure my brothers will be more than happy to oblige.”

You huddled into yourself and continued to read, not bothering to answer. At the sound of the school bell, you quickly began putting away your book and grabbing your coat.

“Taemin, class is starting, are you coming?” You asked when Taemin didn’t move at all you moved closer to see that he’d fallen asleep again. His blonde hair fell over his face as he slept. He looked tranquil like this, almost human. This close you were even more aware of the graceful curve of his upper lip and his angular cheekbones that seemed to remind you that even the devil had been a beautiful angel once. You moved your hand close to his arm then realizing that you’d almost been about to touch him you quickly steeped back. “Taemin please wake up. Class is starting,” you said. 

“Be quiet.”

“Sorry, but the bell rang.” 

“So what? The soloist is just about to play. Don’t bother me.” He said, tucking his arms around his body tightly. 

Was that why he didn’t go to classes? So he could hear the music students playing in the room below? You didn’t know why the thought of him holding his education back bothered you so much but it did. “What if they hold you back a year for not attending so many classes? What will you do then?” You asked him.

“It’s none of your business whether I repeat a year or drop out of school or not. You said you weren’t trying to bother me right? Well, try a little harder. You can leave now.”

“But I was just-” Truthfully you just didn’t want to step into class alone and deal with all of his brothers as well as the other students and their gazes. Arriving every morning with the Hawthorns beside you didn’t seem to give you many friends. They were all either too scared of the brothers’ wrath or steaming with jealousy. Besides, maybe Taemin would thank you in the long run if he didn’t have to repeat a year.

“Let’s just go to class!” You told Taemin with a bit too much enthusiasm. “I’ll drag you over there myself if you don’t budge!” You pulled him playfully and he just looked at you a bit stunned that you’d touched him and that you hadn't run off so easily. 

“What are you doing?” He asked in a serious tone. Honestly I don’t know the answer to that myself.

“Taemin, please just stand up!” You said, pulling a bit harder. 

“You’re really persistent. You want me to go to class that bad?” He said, shaking his head.

“Yes. Because I want the person I’m choosing to share my blood with to do well in life.” I’m an idiot. Why would I say that?

“You’re really bothersome, to feel accountable for that is unnecessary.”

 “It’s not good for you to skip classes.”

“Okay, then.” He said, moving to sit up.

“You’ll go to class?” You said in surprise.

“Only if you kiss me.” He said, meeting your eyes.

“What?” You shouted, pulling away. 

“You didn’t hear me? It’s too much of a bother to say it again.”

“I… I did hear you but.”

“So you can’t do it?”

 “Absolutely not!”

“Then I’m not going. Please leave me here in peace. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Please don’t be so selfish,” you said. He’d closed his eyes again and was laying comfortably now, certain you wouldn’t bother him anymore. He was just trying to scare you off, he didn’t actually seem serious about it and knowing that seemed to only draw you further in. He was much less imposing than his brothers and you found yourself crossing over lines that really shouldn’t be tested when dealing with a man like him. Without giving it more thought you leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. 

His eyes opened in surprise as he looked up at you. Then without a word, he got off the floor and pulled on his blazer. He paused at the rooftop door and said with a small smile, “You’re an awful kisser.” You blushed at that and then he was gone, leaving you completely stunned. It had almost been too easy. Not only had you gone and kissed him he’d actually kept his word. You shook your head and followed after him, glad that at least your little stunt meant you wouldn’t be alone today.

As the week went on you found that along with the time you spent in the Hawthorn Hill library, you had come to enjoy the luxurious baths you’d grown used to taking before bed. Your bathroom itself was as big as your room and the tub was large. The floor was marble and there were so many bottles of expensive soaps and bath salts that taking the time to draw the water and pick among them had become a very entertaining and relaxing part of your new daily routine. 

You’d filled the bath with hot water a few minutes earlier and after finding the perfect book to read in the library you went to your bathroom door only to hear classical music coming from inside. You open the door and sure enough, Taemin was inside sleeping in your tub.

“Taemin! What are you doing in my bathtub?” You shouted, taking in his clothed state. He was in the water fully dressed and dozing off you’d tried to avoid his eyes ever since the kiss on the rooftop but now you just stared him down. He made a slight moan in response and sunk deeper into the water.

“Wait!” You said, worried he’d hit his head on the side. You ran over and pulled him up so that his head was above water again. “Taemin, please wake up.” He gave a small hum to show he was listening and he opened his eyes, you frowned at him. If he was awake why was he acting all sluggish as if he was drunk.

“Oh, it’s you. Taemin said in a groggy tone “you look like the gatekeeper to hell.”

“Who are you calling a demon? You’re one to talk!” You said angrily.

“You’re making a face like a demon.” Taemin said, “Hungry eyes and lustful expression.”

“I’m not a demon! Please stop saying things like this. Anyway, don’t sleep in the bath. You’ll drown.”

“Lewd woman. Watch where you’re looking.” 

“What do you mean? You’re still wearing clothes.” You said with a blush. “It’s not like I came in here to look at you!”

“Then what’d you come here for?” He said with a smirk.

“To take a bath! But you have a bathtub in your room, so why’d you come here?”

“Don’t be so loud. My bath didn’t have hot water in it.”

You rolled your eyes “there won’t be any hot water if you don’t fill it up and use your own hands!”

“There was hot water in this bath when I came in here. So I got in.”

“Ugh,” you grunted in irritation. “Fill up your own bath. I’m going to take one now, so please get out!”

“You want me to get out? Fine. Then, why don’t you pull me out?”

Again with this. “What! Is it too much of a bother to get out of the bath yourself?

“Alright, then. I’ll just sleep in here. You can join me if you like.” He said submerging himself deeper into the water till his whole body was under.

 “Y-you’re sinking! You’ll drown!” You shouted. Which if you would have thought more on it was idiotic considering the fact that he was already dead and would probably just lose consciousness only to regain his breath again but your instinct compelled you more than reason in that moment and you pulled him up with all of your strength. You blushed deeper when you felt the hard lines of his body against your hands.

“What’re you freaking out for? And stop making noise in the bathroom; it echoes.” Taemin said. “It shouldn’t matter to you if I drown in here. Wouldn’t it actually be convenient? Don’t meddle.”

It’s like he doesn’t have the energy or will to live at all. “I chose you remember. It’d be a bother if you died. Besides, I want to take a bath too. But not in a bathtub somebody died in.”

“Right, well then pull me out so I don’t drown.” He said, moving his hand toward you. 

“Again with this? Honestly you and your brothers act like children.”

“Don’t make me say it again, it’s annoying. If you don’t want to do it, then get out of here. You’re being a nuisance.” 

You took his hand and proceeded to pull him out of the tub completely. Anything to get him to leave you in peace so you could have your bath you thought. He was soaking wet, his clothes clung to his body in a way that set your face aflame and you didn’t know where to look. 

“I’m so tired,” Taemin said, leaning his body against yours and laying his head on your shoulder. His body was pressed so closely to your own you were sure he could hear your thundering heartbeat. Droplets of water fell from his chin onto your chest and the warm steam in the air left you flustered. 

“Hey. P-please don’t lean on me.” You said, voice small again.

When he laughed you could feel the rumble of his chest from your proximity.  “Why are you blushing?” Taemin said as he moved your damp hair behind your ear. “So you were trying to see me naked.” His voice was low and his face was so close you could feel his breath mixed with the heat of the room. He smelled of expensive soaps and lavender. “You’re a pervert,” he whispered against your ear. A tremor went though your entire body as when he blew into your ear. He rested his forehead against yours and you stood so still, too stunned to move in that moment. 

“I… I’m not.” You finally said when you remembered how to speak. “Please don’t say weird things like that! I wasn’t trying to-”

“Then why is your face so red?” He laughed again and you realized that you were just a source of amusement for him and it made you angrier. “That kind of vulgar expression isn’t in alignment with your words.” He said, tilting your chin up. So what’ll you do now? Come onto me?”

“N… no, of course not.” You said looking away.

“Well,” He said, moving away from you to grab a towel he then proceeded to run it though his hair. “Do enjoy soaking in the leftover bath water as you fantasize about me.” With that last statement and a smile he left the bathroom and closed the door. 

“Why would you say that you conceded- Honestly!” You looked into the mirror to see your expression. Your face and ears were red just as you’d expected. You threw your clothes to the ground and sunk into the water. Your heart continued to pound as you took in the lingering scent of the room. The hot water against your skin sent a surge of pleasure through your body and as the music of Debussy filled the room and muffled your soft moans you prayed the walls didn’t really echo as loudly as he’d said.

After losing on purpose to another game of chess with Baekhyun you settled into your favorite armchair in the living room ready to read another book from the library until you noticed Taemin on a sofa nearby. You’d been avoiding him since your bathroom encounter yesterday but there was only so far you could go without bumping into him constantly. You debated what would happen if you went up to bed instead of staying but honestly you didn’t want to make things more awkward for yourself by leaving suddenly and you’d have to be around him tomorrow night for classes as it was. After all it was him who had barged into your room making accusations why should you be the one to leave.

You could see him shift his sleeping position from the corner of your eye. He was listening to music as usual and from the look of it he didn’t really seem asleep just absorbed in whatever was playing and as usual you broke first.

“Taemin? What are you listening to?” Even if it hadn’t worked when he’d been playing the piano before it would be nice if you could understand him a little more and talking with him about music did seem like the easiest way to go.

“That’s none of your business.” He said, opening an eye. 

 “But you looked so lost in it so I was curious. What kind of music is that?” You said determinedly. 

“You never quit, do you?” He said getting up and coming over to you. “If you want to know so badly, then here. Listen for yourself,” Taemin said handing you one of his earbuds. 

“Thank you,” You said. The second you placed one in your ear you regretted ever asking. You blushed a bright red at the moans coming from the music player. You quickly took it out and glared at him. “What is this?”

“It’s music. Wasn’t that obvious?” He said with a shrug. 

“That wasn’t music!” You said. It had been the sounds of a woman being pleasured and it made your head spin and wonder at whether it was just some X rated drama cd or the real thing that he himself had recorded. You shivered at the thought. You began to wonder if it was always things of this nature that he played when music wasn’t blaring from his earbuds. 

“It’s not really attractive to force your opinions onto other people.” He said in a serious tone. “The singing voice of a woman dancing in joy is almost as good as one of Stravinsky’s rondos. I don’t think it’s very polite to judge my taste.

Why did he have to make that sound so reasonable? 

“Whatever. I don’t care what you think of me.” He said going back to his sofa. 

“Taemin?” You said feeling a bit guilty at your outburst. Afterall, it had been you who had asked to listen to what he was playing; it wasn’t as if he’d forced it on you.  

“What? You still need something?” He said.

“Do you have any other, um… music tracks like these or is this one your favorite?”

“You still want to listen to it?” He said with a smile. “So you do like it.”

“N-no, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just curious where you got it since I haven't seen them sell these type of things in CD stores I’ve gone to before. Did you buy it online?” What am I doing playing dumb its not like he’d tell he if me made it himself or not and why am I even wondering about that it shouldn’t bother me. It’s not my business. 

“There’s several others I like, but… what I really enjoy is that innocent look on your face right now.” He said with a smirk before continuing, “You’re a curious one, why do you care so much about how I came to acquire it?”

“It’s perfectly normal to want to know! You’re the weird one!” 

“There you go again calling different tastes from your own weird.” He said, shaking his head. “It’s stupid to try and judge me using human standards.”

“I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight, Taemin.” Perhaps it was best just not to know. As you made your way up the staircase you heard him chuckle slightly. “What is it?” You asked, turning around.

“You were listening to this stuff right before bed. If you’re not more careful from now on dirty dreams will consume your sleep. I bet that’s what you’re hoping for tonight.”

“O-of course not!” Honestly why does someone so lazy  have to be so paradoxically good at teasing. He just seemed to love getting a rise out of your every time.

“You’re blushing again.” He said with a smile that had you gripping the banister railing tightly. “I suppose I was right then,” he said getting up and walking out of the living room. Damn that angelic face and those devious words. He always knew just what to say to take you out of your comfort zone. For someone so dead he didn’t have the right to make all of your senses come to life this way.