#i like to think his human form is primarily held together by friendship and love :3

[kumakuma-circus]

he is full of love. <3

[mxnsterbabe]

When I was a kid, I read a lot of books by Bruce Coville, a kid's sci-fi writer who wrote books about alien children and human children who went on adventures together. He managed to get nonbinary representation in his books and on shelves in the 90's, which I really appreciate. So it'd be neat to kind of use that as a prompt and have a nonbinary human and alien who've been friends since they were kids and the alien was the first non-human transfer student in their class, and now that both of them are adults they realize how much they love one another. Best friends to lovers, and the only weird thing is that it took them so long to realize it. (Bruce Coville wrote a lot of different kinds of aliens - plant-creatures, bug-people, multi-armed people in every hue of the rainbow - so you can get as creative as you want with the alien design and it'd be true to the spirit of his works.)

Male Alien/Nonbinary Reader SFW Wordcount: 1,023 Commissions | Ko-fi | Masterlist 

The grass had tickled your back as you lay next to Xyllin, your childhood companion and closest confidant. His grand form had been comforting beside you, a reliable rock in a constantly shifting world. He had gazed up at the night sky, eyes twinkling with the reflections of distant stars.

"The stars on Earth... they're beautiful," he had commented, his voice carrying a hint of melancholy. On his homeworld, the stars were too distant to admire.

You had followed his gaze to the vast inky expanse, scattered with tiny glimmers of light. The tranquillity of the moment had washed over you, leaving behind a soothing silence. The world had felt still, as if it was holding its breath.

"Can you tell me," Xyllin had started, interrupting the calm, "what is human romance like?" 

His question had caught you off guard. Your heart had stuttered in your chest, tripping over beats it had once known so well. The stars above seemed to grow brighter, the night chill felt a bit sharper; and Xyllin, he felt closer than ever. It was a simple question, perhaps for him, but for you, it was a door opening to a realm of possibilities you had secretly hoped for. The answer you had given could change everything between you, and you had found yourself both terrified and excited by the promise that held.

"Human romance," you began, grappling for words to convey the concept accurately, "it's quite diverse, really." 

You took a moment, drawing on your knowledge of Xyllin's species. Their relationships, as he had once described, were primarily transactional, arranged for pragmatic reasons rather than emotional ones. 

"Think of it like a seed," you suggested, turning your gaze from the stars to his curious black eyes. "Sometimes, two humans meet, and they plant this seed together, intentionally. They call this dating or courtship, nurturing the seed with shared experiences, common interests, all that stuff."

A gentle breeze stirred the leaves around you, rustling in the quiet of the night. Xyllin remained silent, his focus entirely on you. 

Encouraged, you continued, "sometimes, that seed is planted unknowingly. It may lie dormant for a while, and then, under the right conditions, it starts to grow. This often happens between friends. They share moments and memories, and one day, they realise there's something more—something deep and profound that wasn't there before."

You had paused, your heartbeat pounding in your ears. You didn't tell him this was precisely how you had come to feel about him. That your seed of friendship had bloomed into love. That was a story for another time, another starlit night. For that moment, you were content laying there with him, sharing whispers under the cosmos.

Xyllin's soft blue scales reflected the moonlight, a palette of speckled colours that looked utterly ethereal. His six arms, though often seen as intimidating by others, had always felt comforting to you. They conveyed a strength and gentleness that was simply... Xyllin. His eyes, those deep black pools of cosmic curiosity, were earnest and open as he digested your explanation of human romance.

After a moment, he had broken the silence. "What you have just described," he started, his voice quiet but carrying in the stillness, "feels precisely how I feel about you."

The words hung in the air, stirring echoes in the silent night. Your heart missed another beat, your breath hitching in your chest. You turned to look at him, his large form illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. His face was unreadable, yet his eyes held a vulnerability that tugged at your heartstrings.

He loved you. The realisation had washed over you like a wave, filling you with warmth and a sense of wonder. A tide of emotions had surged within you, but amidst the maelstrom, one feeling stood out - joy. Pure, unadulterated joy.

Slowly, you reached out, touching your hand to his. His skin was cool to the touch, a gentle contrast to the warmth spreading through you. His fingers curled around yours, a comforting weight that grounded you to the moment.

You looked into his eyes then, lost in the depth of his gaze, and whispered, "I feel the same, Xyllin." 

With your hand in his, you drew  in a deep breath, the scent of dew-covered grass filling your senses. "Xyllin," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the chirping of distant insects, "I've loved you for a long time."

He looked at you, his deep black eyes wide in surprise, yet glittering with a hopeful curiosity.

"I've loved you since we were kids," you confessed, a flood of memories washing over you. The first time you'd seen him, he had shuffled awkwardly through the classroom door. He was an oddity, an alien, taller and broader than any of the human children. Yet he had exuded a gentleness that had drawn you and the others towards him.

"I've been the lucky one," you continued, your voice gaining confidence. "You chose me as your best friend."

Emotion swelled within you then, a wave too strong to be held back. You moved closer to him, your heart pounding in your chest. His eyes never left yours, and in their depths, you saw a similar emotion mirrored back at you.

Then you'd kissed him. It was a gentle press of lips, a silent confession of years of longing and affection. His lips were cool, and he'd tasted faintly of the sea, a hint of his aquatic origins. It was different, and yet so right.

Pulling away, you'd searched his face for any signs of discomfort, but all you had seen was the same affection you'd always known, now intensified by the admission of love. The confession had felt like a sigh of relief, a release of a truth held too long.

Underneath the vast night sky, the quiet sounds of the night acting as your serenade, the two of you had found a new depth to your relationship. An understanding beyond friendship, a connection rooted in love. This was your moment, your turning point, and it was just as beautiful as the galaxy of stars above.

[unmaskedagain]

Demon princess

Yesterday someone asked me what anime show I liked. And it got me to realizing that while I like quite a few anime shows; I never did a crossover for with Ladybug. So I got thinking which anime I should use. My first instinct was Sailor Moon; first anime I ever loved. Hell first show I ever loved, I started watching it when I was four-years-old (I have older sisters). Then I briefly considered Death Note. Maybe a pairing with Marinette/light. It didn’t work out my head. Finally it hit me… And then it completely got away from me. Reminding me why I don’t fuck with anime when it comes to fan fiction. Not my best work but its was a neat idea.

             When her mom told her that her grandfather and her great uncle was coming to town; Marinette panicked. In fact, she had a full blown panic attack. There was no way she was going to get out of this.

           Her mother didn’t speak too much to her father. They had a complicated relationship. Sabine had grown up in China with her mother, while her father resided near Japan, having been born and raised there, in a small country he ruled as king. Only demons resided there.

He had been a cold, stoic man with little interests in the affairs of humans. He certainly didn’t understand why his beloved daughter chose to be around them. However, he had been outright furious when he discovered Sabine had eloped with one and ran off to France. They didn’t speak for almost a decade.

           The silence was only broken when Sabine told her Uncle that she was expecting a child. And half-human or not, Sesshōmaru would be there to welcome his grandchild into the pack. Inuyasha had tagged along to keep an eye on his older brother. Though the older Inu Daiyōkai may have become more tolerable of humans but that didn’t mean he didn’t still have few nasty streaks. Honestly, Inuyasha didn’t trust his brother not to just slaughter Tom Dupain as soon as he met him. The demon lord turned King would have to deal with the unfortunate tales of the Princess who ran off with the Baker; as if it was some foolish romantic tale.

           Somehow, Sesshōmaru remained perfectly polite if more than just a bit standoffish. He outright glared at times. However, he remained in France for months while he waited for his grandchild to be born. Subtly hinting to his daughter, that it would be better to raise the pup among their own kind.

           Then little Marinette Kagura Dupain-Cheng with blue locks, slanted bluer eyes, pointed ears, two magenta stripes on each cheek, and a magenta stripe on each eyelid, and a purple crescent moon on her forehead identical to the one her grandfather had. The baby girl was clearly a demon, a half-demon, but a demon nonetheless.

           The moment Sesshōmaru held his grandchild, he was hers, “She is strong, and will only grow more powerful,” He told his exhausted offspring. “You did well daughter.”

“It takes two to tango,” Tom laughed.

           Inuyasha just shook his head, “You’re not dead. Don’t push this.”

           Over the next few years, Marinette spent most of her childhood split between her parents’ and her grandfather’s palace. Thanks to Shippo’s magic, it was only a portal away. She spent a lot of her summers there too. It was different when Marinette stayed with her Grandfather. She was different.

           For starters, she was a princess and was expected to behave like one. She was a daiyōkai and was expected to act like; keep her emotions controlled and her word precise. When she was five-years-old, her grandfather presented her with two swords made from two of his fangs as a birthday present because, yeah, that was a thing demons did. One sword healed, the other destroyed. Though both swords were the same size; sword that destroyed had been too heavy for her to properly wield. She had to work for years to properly know how to use it. It was powerful and could slaughter a dozen foes with a swing. The sword that healed had seemed rather useless in comparison. It took her years to understand it was, by its very nature, the more powerful of the two.

           When she wasn’t training, she was learning to rule. Demons lived a long life but things happened. It was best to be prepared.

           It was at her Uncle’s insistence that Marinette, just recently turned six, be introduced to playmates of her own age. That was when Marinette learned something; everyone in the palace was employed by her grandfather. In addition, they were all lower demons subject to his rule and of any royal standing.

           The demons with royal standing, children who Inuyasha said were Marinette’s equals, to which Sesshomaru pointed out his granddaughter had to equal, behaved different.

           The kids were haughty, arrogant, and sometimes mean for the sake of being mean to anyone of lesser standing in the demon world.

           The first was the son of Prince Koga, a wolf demon and a minor prince who kept his title because of tradition alone; his name was Hyōga. Prince Hyōga, was older than Marinette by a year, with auburn hair and red eyes, and had eyed the smaller girl with interest.

“Heard your father’s a human,” He said the word as if it taste foul on his tongue.

           In the background, Koga face palmed. In youngest son would get their entire pack killed. Inuyasha glared at his old friend; plotting his death.

“Yes,” Marinette said. “I heard you were name after a giant moth.”

           Hyōga sputtered, “What do you know? You’re just a girl!”

“Don’t make me the bug spray.”

           It was the start of a rather tense friendship; similar to the one Koga and Inuyasha had centuries ago.

           The second was a dragon demon named Kagami; an emotionless girl whose bloodline once rivaled Marinette’s. Marinette had tried to be nice, fearing her uncle world bring the wolf prince back, but Kagami didn’t warm up to her attempts. Finally, Marinette noticed Kagami attention to Marinette’s sword. So she led the other girl to training yard, threw her sword, and said, “I win, we have tea-party. You win, I’ll show you grandfather’s war room.” Then the battle was on. Every time, Kagami would visit, they’d have another duel to see what they did for the day. Both families were pleased at this.

           The next was an ice demon from England; a prissy, blond, name Magnolia who was two years older and, who Marinette knew, only tolerated Marinette’s unladylike behavior because she was a princess.

Then there was the playmate that actually required Marinette to leave the palace and venture to Japan. This meant that she had to hide her demon features like she did when she was in public in Paris.

The boy’s name was Izumo, a decedent of Sango, a legendary demon slayer and Inuyasha’s friend. He was very serious, older than Marinette by four years, and seemed to take it as a personal insult a six-year-old, even a demon one, could best him in a fight. Marinette just wondered exactly what her uncle thought “close in age” meant.

However, her favorite playmates turned out to be Shippo’s grandchildren; both half-human. They both lived in France. One was her age, named Juleka, and the other an older boy named Luka.

As Marinette got older and her visits to her grandfather’s decreased to twice a month during the school year and every summer. Her grandfather was under the belief that Marinette went to a school with other demons, and while technically that was true; there were almost two dozen others demons, it was primarily a human school. Strike one. Her grandfather would only be mildly annoyed.

Kwami and the miraculous, both banned from her grandfather’s kingdom, was active in Paris. The banning of the little gods happened after the destruction of the greatest creation Shikon no Tama. A little marble that nearly ended the world and caused great pain for Inuyasha and his friends for years. After they left, no one knew what had happened to Kwami. As long as they never made another jewel, no one wanted to know.

Except they did make another jewel; earrings, a ring, a bangle, a hair comb, a broach, and so many different objects. Two of which had the power that rival the form Shikon Jewel.

Marinette never told her grandfather that the Kwami and resurfaced and apparently didn’t learn their lesson the first time around. Strike two. Her grandfather just went from annoyed to beyond angry.

Finally, Marinette decided to follow in her Uncle’s footsteps, band together a ragtag group, to stop a dark villain hell-bent on united the two most power Miraculous for gods’ know what reason. And she actively dresses up as superhero to defend the lives of humans. It was why she always wore her hair down around the older demons. Strike Three. Grandfather’s snarly mad with blood red eyes, ready to kill. And Marinette? Marinette is so out its not even funny.

When Sesshōmaru arrived in Paris, Inuyasha on his right, he immediately sensed great power. An ancient power. When he arrived at the bakery, his daughter and granddaughter and the man they lived with (“Oh for hell’s sake, His name is Tom,” Inuyasha snapped. “Sabine’s husband. Marinette’s father.”), he raised an eyebrow at the power radiating from the place, stalked right passed his the three, up to his granddaughter’s room, if it could be called that. Marinette right on his tail.

The room looked normal at first, if far too small. However, it took the demon king five seconds to locate the source of power.

He held up the squirming Kwami between his claws, “Explain, now!” Sesshomaru ordered. His eyes flashed red.

Inuyasha looked at the red creature, Tikki, he remembered was the goddess of creation’s name. His claws extended at the memory of all he had been put through and all he had lost because Plagg and Tikki decided to create something that should��ve never existed in the first place.

Sabine and Tom looked confused. Sabine knew what the creature was, had seen pictures of it, but it was centuries before her time. She always assumed the power that radiated came from Marinette.

Marinette glanced down for a moment before steeling herself, and looking up at her grandfather with a proud raised head. She tucked her hair behind her ear and revealed her jewelry.

All hell broke loose.

“AGAIN!” Inuyasha roared, going full demon mode.

“My grandchild,” Sesshomaru snarled at the being, who looked rather petulant, “You dare!”

           Inuyasha’s fist went through a wall, “You don’t learn your lessons well, do ya?” He asked Tikki.

“The world needs heroes,” Tikki crossed her arms.

           Marinette stepped forward, “It was my choice. There’s a villain that holds another jewel, he must be stopped before he destroys us all.”

“Another Naruku,” Sesshomaru hissed.

“No,” Marinette denied. “He’s human. I fought him before. I know that much. The miraculous hide his overall scent but he bleeds like anyone else. And his is human.”

           Inuyasha turned red eyes to his niece, “And then this will be quick.”

[skellylicious]

The Ending

I suppose this was inevitable. Aloe and I had a falling out back in August of 2018, and even before then, she no longer had time to write with me anymore. At this point, I feel that I have to do this in order for both myself and Voidster to have closure. Voidster needs to be able to move on with his story and his relationships with other muses, without being held back by his damaged relationship with his mate, G. 

If you haven’t already, you can read about Voidster and his mate here. I consider this to be the conclusion to The Sin Mansion, but I’m still unsure whether to post it on AO3. I’m sorry about this. I know a lot of people shipped Voidster and G, but I no longer have the heart to write them together. Everything comes to an end eventually. (This story mentions spokenwithhands’s muse, (not by name), but it is primarily about allocatealoe’s muse, who is also called G. Sorry for any confusion!)

He rested his palm against the cool glass of the window. It was winter, but the snow on the ground had been melted by a steady downpour of rain. Outside was grey and dismal, much like his mood. Every time he returned home, he found himself spending less and less time there. G actively ignored him most of the time. When he wasn’t ignoring Voidster, he spoke in the flat monotone he had affected for dealing with humans, primarily. A voice he used on strangers, not with his mate.

The girl rarely left her room now, and Voidster let her be. He had touched her only once since they had brought G back from the brink of death together, and her typical reaction of fear and disgust had unnerved him, somehow. Instead of soft human flesh in his grasp, he had seemed to see a fragile, skeletal limb. He had expected to look up and see a fearful half-face spilling over with indigo galaxies and stars.

Since then, he had left her alone. And in turn, G had taken more interest in her. He moved her things to the bedroom right beside his office, and spoke more frequently with her, as if she were his equal. As if...he cared for her. While his soul spilled over with disdain for Voidster, his mate, he showed only tenderness to the human. At first Voidster wasn’t sure what to make of it. Now, the pieces had begun to fit together, and the shape of the puzzle left him shaken.

He wouldn’t normally have heard his mate approach, but since G’s leg had been crippled, he made the faintest whisper of sound when he moved. Despite the surgery, despite Voidster’s best efforts to repair the damage he had done, some consequences of his insanity remained. The slight limp that now affected G’s leg was the least of these consequences.

“You’re home.” He hadn’t expected G to make the first move, to open the conversation. G had not sought Voidster out since they had returned from the prison, where G had gone to die. Against the slight ache in his soul, Voidster turned. As he expected, G’s face was flat, expressionless. When he spoke again, his words were too.

“I want you to leave.”

Hearing G say this stirred memories within Voidster. Memories of when he had first arrived in this timeline with the intent to stay. G had tried everything to force him to leave. He had tortured Voidster, tried to kill him, even tried to fling him back into the void. But Voidster wouldn’t leave. He’d had nowhere to go, and G presented a worthy challenge for his abilities. A strong male that intrigued and enticed him. He had stayed. And then, when Sun had died, G had needed him to stay. He had finally embraced Voidster, as Voidster had always dreamed of happening. He had wanted him, he had even said he loved him.

For a long time, it was enough for both of them. G was in agony over the loss of his human mate, and Voidster provided the comfort he needed, in the form of specialized torture and vicious sex that left them both aching and satisfied. And it kept escalating. They kept pushing each other harder and harder, fighting and making love with the ferocity of beasts. They cared for their human pet together, and tortured other, different humans together in an effort to replicate her shimmering gray soul. The research had been intriguing, but more than that, it had been a thing that further bound them together. A common purpose that gave them something to strive for besides mutually assured destruction.

There were no subjects in the basement now. It was silent and empty, the black stains of G’s blood still splattered on the table where Voidster had destroyed his leg. That room had been the one he always used when G was hurting and in need of the tender therapy of his blades. Now it had been violated, saturated with remembered hatred and violence. Voidster couldn’t bring himself to enter, even to clean the mess that had been left during his rut.

G would never forgive him for what he had done. That much was clear. It was shown in the loathing in his face whenever Voidster entered a room. It was shown in the bitter silence that had settled between them like an impenetrable mist.

At first, Voidster had thought...had hoped...that this recovery would be no different from the rest. It was hardly the first time he had hurt G, had scared him, had broken trust. But once G had recovered from his time in the human prison, it was clear this was not the case. He had bitterly blamed G for being so spiteful, for being so implacable and unforgiving, at first. But slowly, over time, he had come to realize the severity of the damage he had done. Not just physically, but emotionally.

G made a noise in his throat, and Voidster glanced back up at him, then felt something on his cheek. He slowly raised his claws to face, and felt shocked when they came away wet. He was...crying? How strange. He cleared his throat, and finally said, [Very well.]

G nodded slowly, and Voidster continued. [How long do you want me to leave you for? You realize I have hardly been here, I have given you space, as you have seemed to desire it. But you can’t patrol the entire property by yours-] “Forever.”

Voidster halted, shocked. Forever? G couldn’t mean that. He needed Voidster. Yes, he was angry at him now, and would perhaps never forgive him for what had happened, but Voidster was still needed to help protect the property from intruders, to watch over G, to eventually warm his bed again. He gave a weak chuckle, running his claws over his skull in a sweeping motion, stopping when he realized his hand was trembling.

[Forever? Don’t be dramatic, G. You know that you need me here, a-and besides that, this is my home.]

G’s expression hardened, the white pinpricks of his eyes standing out in the shadows of the still room. “This was your home,” he corrected slowly, his voice cold and static-laced. “No longer, Voidster. I don’t need you like I once did. I don’t want you.”

The cold in G’s voice was nothing compared to the freezing sensation in Voidster’s soul. He felt numb, this couldn’t be happening. He hadn’t expected G to forgive him, but to say he no longer needed him? To say that he no longer wanted him? G was lying, he had to be, but as Voidster searched his face, he found no trace of a lie. The ice in his heart was pierced by a searing heat, and he took a step forward, angry. [How dare you. After everything I have done for you, after everything we have shared together! Have you forgotten my promise? If you abandon me, I will unleash the full force of my rage upon this world, I will destroy everything you hold dear. Is that what you want? For the girl to die? For your human friends to die?]

G remained motionless, his eyes narrowing. “That was true, once. But now? If you carry out your threats, Voidster, I will ensure that the people you have come to care about find out what you have done. If you destroy this timeline, it will follow you to every timeline you visit thereafter. I will ensure it.”

Voidster paused in his tirade, suddenly cautious. [What are you talking about?]

Sneering, G took something from his pocket, tossing it toward him. Voidster’s phone landed on the floor with a soft thump, the screen opened to a picture of the eldritch being he had claimed as his pet. The one who shared G’s name, but little else with the hateful lich standing before him, except perhaps Voidster’s care for them both. Voidster was silent, staring down at the phone, at the picture before him.

“You were far from subtle about your relationship with him, Voidster. About your friendship with the others in that timeline you’ve been visiting. Did you think I would not notice your wounds having been healed after our fights? That I would not notice their scents upon your hide? You did nothing to hide the pictures or messages on your phone from them. And I have the information to contact them, now.”

His mind wasn’t working, all he could do was stare down at the picture of that familiar, beloved face. If his pet found out...if Bird found out...surely he would never be allowed near them again. The bar he had come to regard as a second home, the room he had been given in Bird’s home...he would lose that.

The threat he had made to destroy G’s timeline had been made almost two years ago. Yet so much had changed in the past few months. Voidster had never believed he was capable of coming to care for anyone but his mate. And yet...the thought of losing his pet, of losing the others he had grown familiar with...it filled him with dread.

[You are making me leave because of this other male? Because of this other timeline?]

At that, G looked almost amused, giving a slight shake of his head. “No, Voidster. I’m not angry that you’ve found someone new to torment. I am...relieved. I am relieved to be rid of you. You were my own personal demon for far, far too long. Now you are somebody else’s cross to bear.”

Voidster felt the sting of those words, flinching slightly at the venom in G’s voice. He had known G was angry at him, he had known that G had not forgiven him. He hadn’t known that G had grown to hate him so much. His naturally violent and volatile nature struggled to surface, but it was subdued by the pain and dread saturating his soul. Stooping, he picked up the phone, slipping it into his trouser pocket with a gentleness that belied the extremity of his emotion.

“I’ve packed your things, and left them on the kitchen table. Your blades, your instruments, the drugs, the trinkets you’ve collected. All of it. Take it and go. Go to that other timeline, and never come back.”

A pained snarl was building in his throat, burning and aching to be released. But he refused. His face felt like a mask, too stiff and heavy to reflect the turmoil within him. G had given him no choice. But there was one last thing.

[And the girl?]

G paused, then said slowly, “She is mine now. Consider her your payment for the pain you have caused me. Besides, where would you take her? Your friends don’t know about her, do they? They don’t know how you’ve hurt her, how you’ve raped and tortured her.” [It was no more than you did!] He said with a snarl, his claws clenching into a fist. [Acting as if you had never taken her against her will, as if you had never harmed her. How amusing.] He wasn’t amused, he was furious. [Tell me, has your weakness for human girls finally won? Will you make her your new mate when I’m gone? Love her until your soul breaks from it, and you finally shatter into dust when she dies? FINE! I wish you both the joy of your suffering!]

His words didn’t seem to affect G as he had hoped. The other man simply shrugged, his eyes never leaving Voidster. “That is no longer your concern. What happens to her...what becomes of me. That is a story you are no longer part of.”

Voidster’s shoulders sagged. His anger drained from him, leaving him empty and aching. [You truly want me to leave.]

“Yes.”

[Then, there is nothing more to say.]

“No. Take your things and leave, Voidster. I wish…” G paused, a distant, almost pained expression in his eyes. “I wish that I had never met you. You’ve brought me nothing but pain. Leave me in peace, now. It is the only way your debt can be repaid.”

Voidster was silent and motionless, the white noise of the rain enveloping them both. His soul seemed to shudder within him, the fractures growing deeper and wider. After several long moments, he finally stirred, forcing his foot to lift, forcing himself to take a step toward G, to walk past him to the kitchen.

When he was near, when he felt his mate’s heat, when G’s scent drifted into his jaws, he almost faltered. He wanted nothing more than to turn and envelop the smaller male in his arms, to keep him, to refuse to leave. How he ached for the comfort of a single embrace, a touch, any sort of connection. But G stepped away from him, and the moment was over. Shoulders slumping, Voidster kept walking.

He walked into the kitchen, and saw some unfamiliar luggage on the table. G must have purchased it just for this. For some reason, that thought hurt even more. There wasn’t much to carry, just the barest remnants of the life he had shared with the lich, of the work he had done here with him. He was leaving behind much more than he was taking.

He gathered the bags into his arms, holding them for a moment and looking around, committing the details of this home to memory. When movement caught his eye, he paused, his gaze lighting on the girl. She was in a pale nightgown, her long blonde hair falling down to her waist. She didn’t look surprised, he realized. She had known, G had told her. Of course he had.

Rallying himself, he inclined his head toward her, unable to hide his pain. [Pet,] he rumbled, and she met his eyes warily, her hand gripping the doorframe.

“What is it?” she finally said, her voice barely audible.

For a long moment, he didn’t speak, bowing his head. Then he raised it, his eyes glittering with unshed tears. [Take care of him.]

She hadn’t expected that, he could tell. But she smiled a little sadly, and nodded. “I will, Voidster.”

[Good.]

He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to do this. For a moment he even forgot how, his magic swirling uncertainly within him, not remembering how to access the void. Then he thought of his pet, of that other home in his pet’s timeline. Not his true home, but now the only place he had left. Instinct took over, and he finally stopped fighting it, letting his magic draw him away. Forever.

[dartingdragons]

Ahh my favorite oc so far~ I just love her personality, the way she speaks and was my third oc that was first used in my transormers rp group on Quotev. Finally got around to finishing her ref~! If you want to roleplay with me using this character, click here for my information! Designation: (Formerly)Thunderstream, Doubleglitch Nicknames: Speed Queen, DG, Double-G Gender: Femme Faction: (Formerly) Decepticon, Autobot Species: Cybertronian Sparkmate/Conjunx Endura: N/A Amica Endura N/A Charge: N/A Personality: Confident- Doubleglitch is confident in herself and what she believes in, and often gets called the optimistic 'bot in the team. Self appreciative- What can she say besides the fact she looks good? Doubleglitch knows she looks good, but she isn't obsessed with it to the point where any dent in her frame makes her panic. She just appreciates herself all in all. Capable- Doubleglitch is capable of handling herself in a fight, and rarely calls for backup unless she's certain she can't do it alone. Independent- She doesn't like asking help from others, and often times she doesn't even need it. She can handle herself well enough. Impatient- Doubleglitch doesn't like waiting, and any klik spent waiting is another klik wasted in her view. Sassy- The femme is rather bold, doesn't back down from just any mech or femme and isn't against giving a couple people a hard time. Flirt- Any good looking mech she finds she'll try her luck on them. Of course, it's mainly for fun and she's not looking for a relationship. Encouraging- She doesn't like to see other 'bots and humans down in the dumps, and tries her best to lift their spirit. Bipedal mode: Medium-build. Alt-Mode: McLaren 650S MSO Spider Occupation: Scout Weaponry: Electric whip, blaster, standard close combat. Strengths: Weaknesses: Stats (1-10) Strength: 7 Defense: 6 Speed: 10 Intelligence: 6 Rank: 5 Charisma: 7 Biography: She was a Point One Percenter created on Delta, capital city of Velocitron. Raised by two famous racers that participated in Lacon 5000 and Spedia 500, they stressed the idea of their sparkling accomplishing their long-term goal of winning the Spedia 500. Originally, they named her Thunderstream. As a sparkling, her carrier and sire's parenting style(authoritarian parenting style) easily developed her once naïve and optimistic nature into a shy, low self-esteem personality with the perspective obedience meant affection. Thundersteam spent the majority of her life training with her carrier and sire the moment she could transform, often times driving until her energy could no longer sustain her- on one rare occasion she even went into stasis lock for the amount of energy depletion on her part (along with her parents deciding 'hey, I'm tired' isn't a good excuse to stop driving). Outside of training, Thunderstream began feeling the urge to have an actual relationship that wasn't based on the practice of speed, going into this 'rebelling stage'. She would hang around other Velocitronians, but due to her lack of experience in social interaction made it a challenge to make friends. Nevertheless, she managed to make one more-or-less friend, Sunstrider. He convinced her to leave the city and accompany him and his brother, who could provide her a place outside the city. She accepted, and the two left without her saying goodbye to her parents. They arrived to the ship Sunstrider owned and introduced her to Moonstalker, whom she quickly befriends. The group stay together for awhile, Sunstrider often initiating races between the two which quickly improved Thundersteam's competitive side. Moonstalker, meanwhile, provided strolls where the two could communicate with each other without worry of being seen differently. Sunstrider slowly begins convincing her to participate in activities she otherwise wouldn't do as they travel in the ship around Velocitron. Thundersteam is aware of this, however follows along because she considers him a friend. The group eventually decides to travel to Cybertron, using the ship to do so. While on this travel Sunstrider starts advancing on the femme, leading to a relationship much to Moonstalker's worries. The femme, however, claims there was nothing wrong in it.  The ship arrives to Cybertron, landing not too far from where Kaon is located. Time passes and they're regarded as talented racers from the many events held around the area, forming a rivalry between Sunstrider and Thunderstream to discover who's the fastest. The rivalry seeps into their relationship, and the relationship becomes on-and-off until Moonstalker finally convinces her it's toxic relationship. Despite her growing pride and confidence, she listens to her friends words and leaves the split-sparks to start new elsewhere. Successfully, she lives in a decepticon populated area with rumors of a decent racer around the area, though she wasn't ready to bring up her reputation here. Instead, she focused on befriending the locals- and found an unlikely friendship with a scientist named Aeroviper. With a friend and the urge to expel the ever growing energy in her frame, Thunderstream sets out to race once more. The scout grows a reputation around the area, the friend she made checking in on her between her job and the two become close. So much so, the seeker even takes time to watch a couple races Thunderstream participates in. As the war begins to brew and Aeroviper tries to convince her to join the autobots, Thunderstream isn't convinced until she sees the decepticons killing other 'bots. She joined the faction for their ideal world- where the caste was gone. Not a bloodbath towards a whole other goal. So, Thunderstream attempts to convince her old friend Moonstalker to join her as an autobot- who reluctantly agrees after commenting on how Sunstrider has changed during the war. The two then flee Kaon to join Aeroviper, who takes them to the autobots. Another attempt at a fresh life- the femme lives in Iacon as an autobot. Although the transition was difficult and many of the opposing faction viewing her as untrustworthy, the femme managed to find a home in the city. She changes her designation to Doubleglitch from then on. The past has a funny way of finding her, unfortunately, as Doubleglitch is met with Sunstrider after a mission she and a few others had- the femme having been caught by her old friend and taken away from the battlefield. The two exchanged words, Sunstrider taking notice of her lack of confidence and increase in flirtation and nature to keep talking as though afraid of slipping into the thoughts of her processor. Yet again she gets herself stuck in the toxic relationship- sneaking out whenever possible to visit the decepticon. During one time however, the mech convinced her to accompany him back to the ship they once traveled in. Once within the familiar area, the femme quickly notices the advances Sunstrider is doing but doesn't stop him. Thus, the decepticon manages to get her on his berth and, well, interface. The two continuously meet each other until Aeroviper discovers who Doubleglitch is sneaking to. Taking matters in her own hands, the seeker takes the scout off to other autobots in the attempt to get Doubleglitch help. Sure enough, the femme spent time in counseling and improved, and was taken out of missions once it was discovered she was carrying another spark, the offspring of her fling with Sunstrider. The spark turns out to be a split spark, the two new cybertronians in the world being fit within similar frames of one another. The crimson plated sparkling is named Joltraider while the black plated one is designated Phaseshift. Leaves the planet with a small group of other autobots once the war finished off Cybertron, arriving to earth and landed in France. She along with her sparklings took earthern vehicle modes, and eventually met with Aeroviper again after her seeming disappearance. They weren't the only ones to arrive to earth, however- for a group of decepticons landed elsewhere. Now the two factions compete in their own small war part of the bigger picture. When the femme isn't on duty, she enjoys her breaks by racing against humans , and through these races she was crowned the 'Speed queen', her alt-mode famous among racers. It had also led to a growth in fans, much to the Autobot groups dislike- as it could cause problems for her and them if they found out what she is. This leads to her growing tired of the constant limit, where she can't do what she wants because of these rules weighing her down. As a result, Doubleglitch primarily spends her time outside of the base unless needed, burning her thoughts out on the road with any human or 'bot that dares challenge her. Nicknames she gives others: Sugar spice- Someone who is a bit troublesome but she can handle. Doll- A good friend of hers. Sugar- General nickname to everyone Pal- Nickname given to those she does not particularly like/ getting on her nerves. Quotes: "I'm the fastest femme around. Think you can handle the challenge?" "Pal, you're getting on my nerves." "Don't worry about me sugar, I got this." "Hey sugar, wha'cha need?" "You are what people call, 'fauteur de troubles'." Extra: Holoform- Beauty Queen Jessica. Jessica appears a lot, often times riding herself (not in uh- that way.), just to see how it feels being human. She typically has a cigar or gum, an dis known for flirting with human males before speeding off. Although she's proud to be an Autobot, sometimes it weighs her down. She wants to be able to race against others without someone telling her 'no' if they found out. During Doubleglitch's time as a decepticon, she was incredibly competitive and acted akin to a human's 'highschool popular girl' type. As an autobot, her competitive style simmered and she became considerate towards others. Has a habit of speaking in French if she's nervous, angry, or genuinely in a good mood. Thunderstream took on the designation Doubleglitch once she joined the autobots. Doubleglitch meant to the femme her changes in life, from Decepticon to Autobot and a 'glitch' in the system. Using Doubleglitch's real designation at any point of time will stop her from doing anything, depending on when it's used. If it's used speaking to her on a serious topic you can bet she's going to take it seriously from that point on. If it's used during a fight it can make her hesitate, and some cases even cause her to panic. Using it in other times when you aren't considered a friend of hers can cause her to scoff and become nervous, and sometimes correct you to call her Doubleglitch. Close friends calling her this casually uplift her spirit. If you really want to get on her nerves, threatening her sparklings in any way, shape or form will definitely do the trick. Whenever there's a rumor of a car that could rival her, she heads straight away to the next race that person is in to prove everyone wrong about them. Not wanting to e a burden, Doubleglitch keeps her complaints and worries to herself which often has a negative effect on her. www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jviZGERpqg (Voice is the main singer/girl with the red scrunchie also regarding the music video.) Doubleglitch and Aeroviper are close friends, and the only femme she feels more comfortable with sharing her feelings with. Transformers belongs to Hasbro. I merely own the character.

[brainfoodgp]

Summer 2018

“To the artist there is never anything ugly in nature.” 

-Auguste Rodin-

Is summer really almost over? Where did it go? I feel like I blinked and it was gone. Maybe because the intensity of the heat equaled the intensity of my never ending and fast paced schedule. Don’t worry I took some time out to enjoy my birthday, get out in the garden, and get some quality reading in. Which brings me to my new favorite cookbook featured in What I’m Reading. I think it might just become one of your favorites as well, if you love cooking as much as I do.

I firmly believe with the devastatingly atrocious environment that America has become. That for our own mental health and well-being it is paramount for our own self-care to log off social media and tune out the incessant 24 hour news cycle once in a while. I took the entire month of July off and I’m much healthier and happier for having done it. Therefore, I am giving all of you a much needed break from our Notes from the Resistance for this summer issue. I will be back with our second annual Resist Through Giving in our fall issue listing my 5 favorite charities to give to for 2018.

Debuting in this summer edition of The Seeds for Wellness Journal is a new section simply titled Community. I am so fortunate to attend some amazing Peer Advocacy events and trainings, such as the 12th Annual Conference for NYC Working Peer Specialists that I attended in July, as I go about working to get the Todd Petriscak Memorial Garden built. And the one thing I love about the peer mental health community are the friendships, camaraderie and unity that I experience at each and every outing. This occasional section will feature some of the community events that I attend and give you an inside look at what I experienced. This month I share an amazing event I attended in June.

Of course as always in this issue I’ve featured another mouthwatering recipe that I love to make in my own kitchen. Our phenomenal guest writer for The BFGP Feature this month is Hillary Lindsey, Managing Director of BioCities and Brain Food Garden Project’s new fiscal sponsor and partner. And you can learn even more about Hillary as she will also be one of our first guests on the new BFGP podcast The Candor Report, more on that in this jam pack issue as well.

So cop a squat in the park, soak up these last dog days of summer under a cool shade tree, and read on… 

The BFGP Feature:

Resilient bodies

BioCities and Brain Food Garden Project Planting Seeds For Wellness Together

by Hillary Lindsay

A new partnership is growing this season between Brain Food Garden Project and BioCities, a nonprofit focused on building innovative linkages between humans and regenerative ecosystems to create healthy communities and resilient cities. The chosen medium of BioCities, founded by Kathleen Bakewell, is urban gardens used to foster highly functioning, productive ecologies based on a reciprocal relationship between humanity and the natural world. The connection between BFGP and BioCities, therefore, has been an organic bond. By the end of this year, BioCities will become the fiscal sponsor for BFGP as well as a collaborator in the mission of using urban gardens as wellness tools.

As stated by BioCities, urban populations are the most disconnected from the natural world, a world that we need to survive and thrive. The concept of Biophilia, as defined by Edward O. Wilson, is the "urge to affiliate with other forms of life" (Wilson, 1984). It is an innate need that all humans possess and a need that is often not met. A division between humanity and nature has been scientifically proven to decrease our physical and mental wellbeing and degrade the environment as a whole. If we are to evolve in our changing climate, this division must be rectified.

More than just communing with nature, getting your hands in the dirt and watching something grow that you planted has a profound impact on the body and the brain. In a study by Dr. Chris Lowry at Bristol University, research has shown that contact with the healthy bacteria in soil improves the immune system and promotes the release of serotonin, aiding both cancer patients and patients with depression (Lowry et all, 2007). Time in the dirt is exactly what the doctor ordered! Then to see the tomato seed you planted start to grow and bear fruit, and then to see that fruit ripen and to take a bite of that sweet tomato, brings a deep sense of accomplishment and gratitude for nature. In fact, GRATITUDE is at the foundation of BFGP’s principles:

Giving Thanks

Refreshing the Spirit

Appreciating Little Things

Thinking Positively

Identifying Goodness

Treasuring Each Moment

Uniting in Kindness

Delighting in Laughter

Expressing Joy

It is this reverence for both nature and human life that brought me to gardening and a path in wellness. I always had a love of nature and its bounty. I grew up in an Italian-American home, in the woods of Sterling Forest, where food was at the center of family life. My mother has a beautiful garden with fresh herbs, greens, tomatoes and flowers. At an early age, I was exposed to the life cycles of plants and getting my hands dirty in the soil. I definitely ate dirt a number of times as a kid…and my immune system’s not bad! In school, I studied food, agriculture, and sustainability at Connecticut College, at the Earth Institute of Columbia University, and then in graduate school at the Slow Food affiliated University of Gastronomic Sciences in Italy. The Italians live a life so full of gratitude for the simple joys, primarily food, that they can serve as an inspiration for us all. La dolce vita indeed! When I returned from Italy, I founded The Green Onion, an agricultural community center in the organic Black Dirt farms of the Hudson Valley. The Green Onion focused on connecting local producers and consumers through markets, events, and education. When I decided that I needed to close The Green Onion, I was battling both depression and anxiety. It was at this moment that I turned to deepen my practice in yoga, holistic healing, and wellness. I became a certified yoga instructor and  built up my knowledge of plant medicine and Ayurvedic theory. Thanks to both plants and yoga, I developed the wellness tools I needed to manage my mental and physical health. Now, as the Director of Operations for BioCities, I plan to combine all my experience to further the mission of the nonprofit. I’m thrilled to partner up with Sean Brennan of BFGP and work together on using gardens to promote resilient bodies and positive change.

Reference links:

For Harvard Education Click Here

For Science Direct Click Here 

For More on BioCities Click Here

What I’m Reading:

When I’m having a bad day, all I need to do is pick up a book and thumb through its pages and read a favorite passage or two. One of my favorite types of books to do this with are really wonderful cookbooks. Looking at the beautiful pictures of food and reading recipes always pulls me out of my funk and propels me into the kitchen to cook, also an important mood booster for me. These days flipping through cookbooks has taken on additional meaning as I worked this summer to start writing the text for 33 Delicious Recipes for the Brain a cookbook Brain Food Garden Project is producing with our partners Chef Annette Tomei and photographer Diana Bekatoros.

One of my most favorite recent cookbooks I’ve been turning to for inspiration is Chef Sam Kass’s new cookbook Eat a Little Better: Great Flavor, Good Health, Better World. This beautifully illustrated book is part guide for healthier eating, part memoir of his time as one of First Lady Michelle Obama’s senior advisor for nutrition policy. Chef Kass also assisted in helping build the first White House kitchen garden since First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt’s Victory Garden. Most important this is a book of simple beautifully executed recipes. Such as slow roasted salmon or shaved zucchini salad that will have your mouth watering as you prepare them in your kitchen. This is a must have edition to every cookbook lover’s collection.

Community:

The Dangerous Gifts Annual Party

The 2nd Annual Institute for the Development of Human Arts (IDHA) Dangerous Gifts party was an outstanding Success. Held at East Village Access at 242 East 2nd Street in Manhattan on Saturday June 16th from 12pm to 8pm the event asked the question What are our dangerous gifts? And each of the visual artists, writers and musical performances all highlighted the intrinsic power of our communities unique and powerful vision.

The event started off with IDHA co-founder Sascha Altman DuBrul stating, “If you take one thing away from today is that you will walk away with having met someone new.” He went on to continue his rousing speech by saying, “I’m tired of hearing the word recovery, I’m over it! I want to start hearing the word transformation.”

The event was a partial fundraiser for one of the phenomenal visual artists whose work was on display at the event Issa Ibrahim who is currently wrongly incarcerated. The money raised will go to aiding in gaining his release. Ibrahim called in with a beautiful performance of his song Institutionalized and inspired all in attendance with his thoughtful words, “ This is a place, much like the world we are living in today, where empathy is in short supply.” He concluded by saying, “I don’t have the words for the outpouring of support I’ve received, it is humbling.”

In between musical and spoken word performances two workshops were offered one given by DuBrul on Transformative Mutual Aid Practices (T-MAPS). A guide for navigating challenging times, returning to what you care about, and communicating with the important people in your life. And another lead by Tauno Biltsted on “Fire Keeping” asking the question, “How do we keep our fires burning when things are really hard?” Many attending said that this powerful circle was one of their favorite parts of the entire day. All participating were completely present with each other and one participant Sarah Q stated, “That it feels like we are magically levitating over a black hole of despair.” The event concluded with an outstanding performance by Eden and John’s East River String Band. A real sense of community permeated the day and many new and beautiful friendships were formed.

IDHA also announced a comprehensive course series coming in the Fall called Experience Transforms Practice: A Course on Liberatory Mental Health Care. To learn more about this and to join the IDHA mailing list got to IDHA-NYC.org by Cicking Here and to learn more about artist Issa Ibrahim go to issaibrahim.com by Clicking Here

Introducing The Candor Report Podcast 

On August 17th cohost Sharon Simon and I will walk into the studio at the world famous The Comic Strip and record our first podcast! This project has been in development for over two years and one of the most important aspects in making it happen was for me to find the perfect partner. That happened a little over a year ago now with my introduction to comedian and fellow mental health peer advocate Sharon Simon. Read on to learn more about the podcast, my cohost and our first guests. Our debut episode, Merging Grassroots Forces: Mental Health & Food Justice will premiere Monday September 3rd on the Brain Food Garden Project website Click Here and SoundCloud Click Here.

The Candor Report started as a Brain Food Garden Project social media hashtag #CandorSavesLives in 2015 as a means for peers living with mental health concerns to bust stigma and share their wellness tools and mental health stories with each other. This informational podcast will create an honest dialogue intersecting the Mental Health and Food Justice communities. Promoting a peer centric view on how gardening and making healthier food choices advance transformational healing. The program starts with the “Digging Deep“ segment where the hosts break down the mental health and Food Justice hot topics of the day. During the second segment of each show, ”Candid Chat,” the hosts interview a guest who are experts in their fields, ranging from Mental Health Peer Advocates, Mental Health/Horticultural Therapists, Chefs, to Food Justice Advocates, Farmers and Urban Gardeners, Politicians, Thought Leaders, Neuroscientists and more. Each show concludes with the hosts asking the guest(s) of the day a random selection of rapid fire questions from our “Candor Questionnaire,” our homage to the famous Proust Questionnaire.

First Guests:

Celia Brown

The first Mental Health Peer Specialist in NYS in 1990. Celia is now the New York City coordinator for the Office of Mental Health Office of Consumer Affairs. She is the founder of the NYC Working Peer Conference held every July at NYU’s Kimmel Center. A historian of mental health and human rights and activist. Celia is also one of the founding members of the modern day peer advocacy movement.

Hillary Lindsay

A master's graduate of the Slow Food affiliated University of Gastronomic Sciences in Italy and founder of The Green Onion Collective, an agricultural community center in the organic Black Dirt farms of Chester in New York's Hudson Valley focused on connecting local producers and consumers. Hillary, is currently the Executive Director of Operations for BioCities a not for profit that’s mission is to build innovative linkages between humans and regenerative ecosystems to create livable, resilient cities through developing projects, research and education.

Co-Hosts:

Sharon Simon

Comedian, Producer, Vegan, Mental Health Peer Advocate, Wedding Officiant, Animal Activist, Thriving with Borderline Personality Disorder

Sean Brennan

Founder/Executive Director Brain Food Garden Project, Omnivore, Mental Health Peer Advocate, Food Policy Wonk, Queer Urban Farmer, Food Justice Crusader, Thriving with Manic Depression

Healthy & Delicious Recipes:

Tomatoes are at their peak and nothing makes me happier than a simple tomato, cucumber and onion salad at the end of a hot day. This corn and tomato salad is another one of my favorites. A perfect way for you to stretch the Farmer’s market corn you just grilled into another delicious meal. This is also perfect to throw together last minute for a few lunch guests you’ve invited over. You can even grill or broil a couple boneless chicken breasts, slice them thin and add or serve on the side. Enjoy!

Summer Corn & Tomato Salad

Ingredients: (two servings)

2 ears of corn taken off the cob with a knife

2 cups cut up tomatoes (use those heirlooms while they are abundant)

1 tablespoon fresh basil

1 whole shallot (thinly sliced)

2 tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil

1 tablespoon Red Wine vinegar

1 pinch sea salt & pepper

1 cup Parmesan shavings (optional)

Preparation:

(1)     Combine corn, tomatoes and basil in a medium bowl

(2)     In a small skillet over medium heat, sauté shallot with 1 half teaspoon of olive oil for 3-4 minutes until shallot is softened and just starting to brown. Transfer shallot to bowl with other ingredients

(3)     In a separate small bowl, whisk together remaining olive oil and red wine vinegar. Pour dressing over salad, season with salt and pepper to taste add cup of Parmesan and toss to combine.