#i like to pretend that im some great talented funny writer on here but in reality thats not me. im just a worthless piece of shiy

[agentunwin]

this is long so please dont read if u dgaf about me please skjs

[itsnothesameasitwas]

hiii! this month I’ve read a lot of great fics, so I decided is time to start my monthly fic rec… that means I’ll be doing a short fic rec and recap every month with my favorite fics of the month

note: the fics I’ll be mentioning weren't necessarily posted recently

!!! - please be careful and read all the tags and/or warnings before start reading and left kudos and nice messages to the authors <33

❀ Divinely Blessed by thinlines @thinlinez  | 17k | Explicit | ABO | fic post

“I heard you, Ni. But what do you mean?”

“What do you mean what I mean?”

Harry rolled his eyes as he shoved his alpha friend down onto a seat. “Did you mean you lick someone out or…?”

“Nah, mate! It was me! I got licked out!” Harry could only stare at Niall in horror.

Alpha Harry prides himself on having the bravest and most caring omega who might or might not just fulfill his sudden curiosity.

note: for some reason i don’t know i fell in love with the ABO and found this fic someway and WOW! it’s really fluffy and sweet and while i was reading all i could think about was “god! i really want someone who love me like Harry loves Lou and viceversa” and also has a great smut scene, funny and well writen (cliff ily babe)

❀ Promise me you won’t run away by thinlines | 23k | Explicit | ABO | Español

“Does kissing me stop you from having bad thoughts?” Harry asked, voice muffled into the collar of Louis’ dress shirt. Louis chuckled at this. He trailed a hand down Harry’s back, feeling the muscles tensing along with his touch.

“I guess you can say that. You’re a good distraction.”

“Then I will be the best distraction.” Harry answered, pulling back and watched Louis’ lips unashamedly.

“Come distract me, then.”

Or the Prince/ Knight AU in which Harry left Louis, but the omega never once gave up on them.

note: this fic is beautiful and really REALLY well written, i need to say i cried and im the most cold person in the world but this caught me and I LOVED IT! but also when i finished it i got mad because in the end notes was the spanish translation and i read it in english lmao; anyway i love it!!!... summing this up, the fic made me thought about that LOVE ALWAYS WIN <33

❀ Twist the knife by jishler @jishlerfics | 6k | Explicit | Angst / Smut | fic post

Infuriating, but Louis missed it. Louis missed him. His thighs and his chest and breath and warmth and toothbrush next to Louis’. He missed sex with Harry but he missed his presence more: Louis would settle for watching Harry get himself off if it meant he got to see him; hear the voice that was like a soothing balm over all his wounds.

Two weeks after their breakup, Harry wants his toys back.

note: i definetely don’t read smut in purpose and the reason i’ve read this was because i love the moodboard BUT i need to thank the person who put it on my dash because i liked it so much!! was fun to read and the smut is pretty well written :))

❀  Hold you now by solvetheminourdreams @solvetheminourdreams | 131k | Angst with happy ending | fic post | playlist

The string within Harry's own sweatpants is now dangling outside of his pocket, stretched so far out that the seams of his pants have tightened. His eyes remain hyper focused on Louis, how oblivious he is—scrolling through his phone without a care in the world, while Harry feels his tilt on its axis.

Three years ago, Harry Styles said goodbye to communications consultancy firm McQuiston Worldwide, leaving a life of travel and agency PR behind. When he accompanies his best friend to a family wedding across the Atlantic, he'll be forced to reopen old wounds and face his past—one that no one wants to hash out, but may just have to.

note: at the end of the first chapter i was emotional, is the kind of fic that you feel every single emotion, the one you literally feel are part of it... it’s perfectly well written and please give it a chance and  check all the stef’s works because she’s a super talented writer... if i say something else i’ll probably do spoilers so, shut up ana.

❀ The money mark by brightgolden @brightgolden | 52k | Explicit | ABO | fic post

Harry's heart beats faster in his chest as the name sinks in. The Tomlinson name is awfully familiar, and he isn’t sure how many rich Tomlinsons are out here in London, but he knew one. Seven years ago.

Like all fine things in the world, Louis Tomlinson ages exceptionally well.

OR

Where Louis is Harry’s first sugar daddy who dumped him over text and their paths cross, seven years later.

note: THIS IS MY FAVORITE FIC OF THE YEAR. sorry, but this fic is super well written, is omega harry + alpha louis and find smth like this is almost impossible! but i loved the fact that harry could be an omega and a sugar baby but he’s independant and strong and wow! it’s amazing; everyone should read it because it’s really good!! (ps. louis is the alpha of my dreams, he’s a complete gentlemen)

❀ Sweet like candy by neodiamond @neondiamond | 4k | General Audiences | ABO | fic post

Louis is an Alpha with an odd obsession for gummy bears. Harry is an Omega who makes friends a little too easily. They meet on the bus.

note: this is the cutest fluffy fic I have ever read! strangers to friends to lovers <333

❀ Literally making love by Brooklyn_babylon @twopoppies | 30k | Explicit | Robot/Human Relationship | fic post

Holding up one of the android's eyes to the workshop’s windows, he smiled as the light picked up the gold flecks in the pale green of his irises. Louis had always paid attention to even the tiniest details.

--

All Louis intended to do was rescue someone in need from loneliness. He had no idea it would be himself.

note: science + me = signal error BUT this fic. OMG. how to say this is one of the fics would be in my recap at the end of the year; i have read another fic by Gina and was really good but this is probably my favorite between both of them... all i know and want now is to create my perfect partner lmao. 

❀ I’m gonna keep this love, if you let me by pixies @tomlinbuns | 26k | Explicit | ABO | fic post

Louis makes Harry pretend to be his boyfriend one night out. The rest is history.

note: this one is simple to discribe... the best of the best. one of my favorites abo fics, funny, teasing and very romantic. i enjoyed so much read how these two guys fell in love with each other. god bless this fic <33

❀ Beautiful stranger by lovelarry10 @chloehl10 | 66k | Explicit | ABO / Mpreg | fic post

“Did you want to- oh. Uh, sorry, I-” Harry stuttered, licking his lips as he looked over Louis’ bare torso, not focusing on the ocean ahead of him. “You’re very distracting, Lou.”

“Trying to tell me you haven’t seen a topless Omega before?” Louis asked, walking back to his rucksack and grabbing a bottle of suncream out of it before returning to stand by Harry.

“Not one as stunning as you,” he thought he heard Harry mutter as he started to rub the cream into his shoulders.

*****

When Alpha Harry Styles attends the Gucci Cruise 2020 show, he knows what to expect: clothes, clutch bags, and a few too many pretentious people. What he doesn’t expect, however, is to run into an Omega who is more beautiful than anything on the runway.

note: this fic is from 2019 but who cares, i loved it so much and i want to thank/blame @justalarryblog​ because she unintentionally recommended it to me in her abo fic rec post and now i want someone like this harry in my life... is it too much to ask? because is one of the most beautiful abo fics i’ve read this month and wow. if you haven’t read it yet, what are you waiting for??

❀ Waiting on you by beckywritesthings @beckydoesthings  | 21k | Mature | Mpreg | fic post

“Do you want to touch?” Harry asks, taking one of his hands off to tangle with Louis’. His open invitation finally drags Louis’ attention away from his baby and up to his face, blue eyes wobbly with emotions. It’s clear that he’s too taken to really form words, so Harry takes the initiative to press their laced hands against his shirt fabric, warmth from the skin radiating through.

Louis pushes his shirt up to his chest, taking Harry’s hand and pressing it to hold the fabric in place. His hands return to warm skin, palms even more scalding now that there’s nothing in between them. And then, as if that wasn’t enough for Harry’s heart to handle, Louis leans in, pressing his lips right above his belly button.

“Hi, baby,” he says, lips moving across his skin softly. “I’m your… I’m Louis.”

Or Harry is pregnant with a stranger’s baby and Louis doesn’t know. It’s a minor detail that Harry’s both living with Louis and in love with him. No big deal.

note: this fic is really new, someone reblogged the fic post and when i saw it first i was like ‘huh?’ and then suddendly (in less than a minute) decided it was the next thing i’ll be reading and now i’m completely in love with it. Lou i need to say you’re the kind of guy everyone wants in their life <3 

-----------

❀ all the love, ana. xx

[wise-the-will]

okay I'm going to rant about byler in your inbox if you don't mind, honestly Mike and Will's relationship is so wholesome it hurts. every bad patch of their friendship just bring them closer and make them better people. I know there's antis and such like "Mike is growing out of Will's childish behavior", but Mike isn't, he really isn't. their love is honestly inspirational, like they're the reason I believe in love even if they're not canon. Mike is literally a definition of I hate pretty much everyone but you. if you touch him I will eliminate you. and both of them are really soft supportive boyfriends. Mike trusts Will so much it's scary, will was literally possessed and Mike still had his trust in him. and will, I feel like will be the person to allow Mike to hurt him mentally but not leave him. and that much trust could be toxic on both sides(depending on who your with and im not trying to romantize this at all!!! Will is definitely trying to work on letting people walk all over him) but with them it's like they're literally soulmates. and yes I'm all talking about in this world that the duffer Brothers have created not Finn and Noah in the slightest. but just imagine will supporting Mike every step through him becoming an author. and Mike doing the same supporting will every step to become an artist. unlike mileven they actually make each other better people, and don't tear each other down. Mike only acts On emotion when he's with Will because he actually loves will. and will is so honest to Mike, more honest to mike than his own mother. its precious, truly.

okay theories and scenario type things:

1) they would be the couple that everyone in the neighborhood hates because they're supposed to be homophobic but there is definitely some if not most neighbors that do not like them because they are gay but think they're amazing and so so kind.

2) they get along with each other's families so well it's amazing, Mike and Joyce just *screech* Joyce takes care of Mike like son( in law). and like I said will and HollYY.

3) they would most definitely end up getting a demonic cat and call and exorcist because they have seen way too many horror movies (thanks will) and have lived through too many, to know how bad this is going to get.

4) will get so incredibly messy when he paints like, his artwork is wonderful and not messy at all it's like a piece of well, artwork. so sometimes he hugs Mike after he finishes painting and Mike has to take a shower because of how much paint got on him.

5) if Mike does become an author and I really think he will, I imagine him not telling will until will reads his book that he made one of those little pages like thank you sections, and just talked about how much he loved will.

6) will has to have a therapist, because of PTSD, overall mental health things, and his father. but Mike needs one too. and will has tried so hard to make mike go see the same therapist so he can get help with his stuff.

thats all i could think of but if i think of anything i will send it over your way if you don't mind. also i have a post somewhere on my blog about adult byler headcannons so if you wanna see more of some i have :)

First off I’m so sorry I responded to this like 2 days late but here we go

Like you said they really do care for each other a lot and I feel like they would both go to the ends of this EARTH just to save each other because you know that’s just what loves about and they’re deeply in love and it’s so soft and fluffy and adorable and they make me cry sometimes

They balance each other really well especially since Mike is like such a touchy person and Will is just right for that but they balance each other’s personalities as well, and not just emotionally because Will has had problems with not wanting to be treated around like he’s fragile glass and yeah he had a terrible father that called him slur and then a couple years later he somehow went into another dimension being chased by some monster and fighting for his life because that’s scary as hell and then a year later gets possessed by this demonic shadow monster and he’s scared shitless but he for sure isn’t fragile, he’s tough and I can’t wait to see that in season 4 and mike definitely doesn’t treat him like that because he knows what he’s been through

1) there would for sure be those homophobes because it’s the 80’s and I totally agree that some would think they’re sweet and kind

2) they do get along with each other’s families especially Joyce and Mike, because Joyce just knows and does trust Mike the most out of all Wills friends because she literally let mike inside in season 2 because her son was being possessed and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t let any of the other friends do that especially since the shed scene

3) Thank you for noticing my dumb chaotic cat head canon it was honestly just to be funny but honestly this would probably happen and I’m super glad that you put this in here

4) TOP TIER MESSY, he’s painting and all of a sudden he gets mike all painted up because hugs him or kisses him and then mikes just complaining like “stop you’re getting me all messy” and “great now I have to take a shower” but internally he loves it and he loves Will and he’s happy with Will and it’s just cute and fluffy

5) Will would be so supportive but then he reads mikes little thingy and he says something along the lines of “you should really become a writer you really talented with this stuff” and Mike just says “I already plan on becoming a writer just wanted your opinion” or something like that

6) Will for sure would beg mike to go to his therapist with him because that therapist has like really helped but because Mike is so damn STUBBORN he keeps saying no for god knows what reason, maybe because he feels like her ok compared to Will but he’s definitely not and Will knows this and I feel like they would definitely get in a fight about this and Will would let a tear fall and yell something along the lines of “you need this just as much as I do so don’t FUCKING pretend that you don’t need this as much as I do” and they’re both crying and mike finally agrees and says he’s sorry and they kiss and cuddles so close it looks like so impossible to be that close but they’re comforted and they tell each other they love each other so many times

You’re definitely free to send more and sorry I didn’t get to this sooner and I’ll definitely check out some of your byler thingys

[softhaos]

ONE (1) YEAR OF SOFTHAOS

fellas, as of today – jan 14th 2019 – softhaos has turned one year old!! honestly, i never expected to last this long?? over the past year, i’ve gone through many ups and downs, made close mutuals, received so much emotional support from all kinds of people on this site and overall, i’m so thankful that i pulled my shit together and joined the community on tumblr! 

i still remember clearly when i first started out with this blog and posted the neighbor aus and got SO much support for it?? like?? i never thought it’d come this far where i could touch readers’ hearts with my word vomits?? that’s just insane. and even if you don’t read my works yet still follow me: wow, i’m so grateful that you managed to cope with my bullshit – be it from my undying hatred towards pcy and kmg, me abusing the uwuwuwu or my personal thoughts.

in other words, this is my message directed to everyone: thank you for keeping up with my bullshit uwu

now on to the part where i thank specific people for making my existence on this site more bearable,, i’ve left a message for everyone i tagged (i would’ve tagged literally everyone but i’m a stressed student i am so sorry if i forgot you kjldl and i would feel bad if i didn’t leave a note to everyone i tagged) and the list is in alphabetical order! @ anons i also left notes from you at the very bottom.

@baekberrie 💌 even though we just talked once literally two days ago thanks to my clumsy ass sending you an accidental ask, i’m so glad i actually did. pola (okay i got this from your about page im sorry kljsdl) you’re an amazing, kind and talented soul with whom i could’ve talked hours about soft bbh if it weren’t for my tiredness. i’ve only read your junmyeon oneshot so far but trust me, i’ll get to that cuddling fic with baek real soon once i’ve got more time uwu you’re honestly a talented writer and i hope we get to talk more in the future!

@baekbuns 💌 i’ve known you for how many days already you anon thot and i really can’t believe that i was vv intimidated by you at first (not gonna lie, you still scream bde but that’s another story-) hope, despite you trying to steal pretty much everyone from anyone, it’s still very fun to fight talk with you and you’re also an excellent writer uwuwuwu i am still very attacked by the thought of bartender yixing one day I WILL SUE YOU ALONG WITH PCY

@baekwell--tart 💌 bella!!!! ngl i’m still very pissed at myself for not realizing you from your old url but i’m glad i found you again!! (did i find you again? idk anymore i suffer from short term memory but i hope i got my point across sdjlkj) you’re such a warmhearted person and i’m really grateful that i got to know you. however, you’re also a funny person and that also shows in your writing - istg one day i will probably have “perpetual boredom” tattooed on my forehead don’t ask why that description of sehun will NEVER fail to make me chuckle!! you deserve all the love and happiness in the world and so much more uwu

@boosoonhao 💌 i know i keep repeating myself when it comes to you aj, but i really have no idea what else to say. i wrote it in the letter, i expressed myself way too often in the tags whenever i reblog your works, yet here i am doing it again (and maybe even more exaggerated than usual, we’ll see): aj, you are one of the most talented writers i’ve ever known and one of the greatest blessings in the community. there, i said it and i mean it! you are one of the very few i know that doesn’t shy away from fantasy-ish aus and executes them brilliantly. the way you have with your words is just fascinating and i find myself sometimes jotting down what you wrote for future references? but writing skills aside, you are a beautiful and kind person and up to this day the key chain you sent me is still intact. aj, thank you for blessing me, blessing everyone with your talent and general existence. 

@byuncaa 💌 bianca you smol soft bean you have my heart right there and though we don’t know each other for so long, i hope we get to talk more in the future uwu you’re such a cute soul gaaah it really makes me wanna send you all the soft memes i possibly own anywaY i hope you just stay as bubbly and bright and adorable as you are uwu

@cafechenle 💌 hani, kaito kid, i don’t know whether you’re still alive on tumblr or not but idc i’m still writing this to you anyway. you’re one of the first people i’ve met on this site and gOD i remember it as clear as day where i was so close to blocking you within the first few minutes of knowing you. yes, i’m talking about the entire mansae chan era discourse. anyway, we don’t talk as much but i hope you’re doing fine my wee lil silver boys supremacist!!

@changbeanbag 💌 landon, we literally just met yesterday but as you can see, i don’t care and i’m writing you a wee lil note anyway. you, my dude, radiate uwu energy and ngl i may have squealed when i saw your tags in the ask i sent you teehee - i hope we get to talk more in the future (that is, if school hasn’t killed me until then-)

@changbiinn 💌 kirra, you beautiful, blue haired visual goddess who has everyone else (including jisung yES I WENT THAT FAR) looking like a mere smurf and found dead in a ditch! i didn’t think i’d get an instant dm from that one inkigayo shitpost but you went ahead and proved me wrong sjljlks timezones fuck me up all the time but nonetheless i hope we get to interact a lil more and gET ENOUGH SLEEP OR ELSE

@cheolsjigyu 💌 MISS VAN NO I DID NOT FORGET YOU HEAR ME OUT. first of all, how could i forget you when you provided me all the great twt aus and the wild chats we had back in?? sometime early last year i guess. it’s been a very long time since we talked and i’m sorry i couldn’t reach out to you any time sooner due to school and the usual stuff (also, uh, i’m not the biggest friend of tumblr dms and barely check any messages there so there’s that too) believe it or not i still wheeze whenever i think of your fic swing baby because goddamnit that jyp song was one repeat for a good week. anyway, i hope you’ve been doing well and are not at the brink of near death like me uwu

@cherryxiu 💌 gran, frank, satan incarnate, whatever else i call you. you may fuck me up with the pcy i’ve never asked for but i hope you know you have a soft spot in my heart (i’ll never say that out loud again tho so see it as a one of a time thing). you’re my fav minseok stan and while i wouldn't necessarily jump off a cliff for you, i’d jump with you uwu anyway, aggressively refrain from sending me more pcy content i’m just trying to live an easy life here. but knowing you, you’ll definitely pretend as if that last part was never written so why do i even bother-

@chillihansol 💌 hanni my child!!! i hope you’re doing fine, aren’t as stressed anymore and have received the love you deserve and more!!! i still remember when i was highkey intimidated by you so i went on anon but then somehow you were startled by my lil threat and then i became your mom anon? funny that has changed over the time skldj hanni, i don’t regret ever going on anon for you and you’re an amazingly talented writer. i already said it once but i’ll say it again: guns n roses was the first svt fic i read on tumblr and just thank you for creating that piece uwu

@choco-seventeen 💌 miss choco, i almost tumbled down the nonexistent stairs in my apartment when i saw you ??? sliding into my dms ??? and then reading my word vomits ??? and then you followed me ??? and everything that followed after ??? i don’t know what in the world i did to have you notice me and up to today it remains a mystery to me ngl. we love a talented, kindhearted, fantastic, stunning, visual writing queen who is ofc the right person to love thanks to the avatar discourse she started!!! choco, keep on enlightening everyone’s life with your mere existence, the tags you put in your reblogs that make me smile and of course, wonderful stories <33

@custardheart 💌 taylor, i don’t think we have ever talked (unless you approached me on anon maybe then maybe yes??) but i just wanted to thank you for blessing my notifications. you’ve been supporting me / on my notifs for quite a long time - may i say you’re like one of the first followers i had when i first started out? THAT’S how long you’ve been here already and i can’t thank you enough <333 (please don’t ask me why i know that but goddamn every time i see that jeonghan profile picture i already know it’s you djklj)

@dinoshaur 💌 sha! lee! i know we barely talk to each other but i just wanted to use this opportunity to thank you for making some of my days with your astounding fics!! one of my favorite works from you will always be “flower crown prince” because you have NO idea how much i struggle with finding seungkwan fics dkkjljlk i’m sorry i didn’t submit anything for the lfw challenge i really tried to make it but you know, life problems happened whoops. i wish you all the happiness and inspiration and love from chan himself you gifted angel uwu

@forevershua 💌 dear fossil mother ryan, i can’t believe i internally pronounced your name wrongly for pretty much half a year knowing you. please forgive me. okay, but all seriousness aside, you’re one of the closest people from this site!! i really love you so so much though i can’t guarantee that i love you as much as you love jeonghan more than shua; i still shed tears whenever i pull out your two postcards - especially the minghao one; i think i suffered from mild heart palpitations when i got it in the mail (and still do). i hope we get to meet this year and possibly clown rat together and just stay the somewhat sane person left in the gc <33 p.s HOW DO YOU FUNCTION WITHOUT A FRIDGE I STILL CANT BELIEVE THAT

@gamerwoo 💌 rocket, you’re always active when it’s the ungodly hour where i live and it has happened more often that i stay awake because of you. not only do i have loads of stuff i can queue from you (teehee) you recently started posting stories again and the ones you hammered out lately just??? do things to me??? for real though do you have sadistic tendencies or somethin because you posted TWO (2) nsfw stories that I indulged at 2 AM IN THE MORNING. aside from that minghao and junmyeon stuff, uuuh, i finally got around to finish your ghoul au which i completely adore!! i’m looking forward to your upcoming works uwu and hope you get all the positivity and good vibes only uwu (p.s i have to confess: my dumb ass seriously thought the “woo” in your url referred to jungwoo and for some good weeks i thought you ult jungwoo rIP ME)

@hearttoshu 💌 jess, i don’t know what in the world i did to have you notice me because i’m gonna be honest here, i was scared of you skaljdlkjslkj please i don’t even know why, you seemed very intimidating but i was proven wrong in an instant!! you are one super soft bean with hq gifs and a love for jun and shua that reaches up to infinity and beyond!! your tags always get the best out of me and i’m really grateful for having you in my life uwuwuwuwu 

 @jejublr 💌 ew rat, you’re finally adulting. jokes aside, you were the first victim to fall under my disastrous typo errors and may i say that i’m just simply ICONIC for forever slapping that legendary nickname on you uwu nat who?? we only know RAT. you’re the one person i can always run to when more serious issues are bugging me since i guess you can relate the most to my personal dilemmas and i just wanted to thank you for being there for me <33 that, and for keeping gran somewhat at bay. i hope we get to meet up this summer where i’ll feed you with lots of chocolate while teasing ryan about her biasing jeonghan LMAO and just like most people from the gc, you’re one of the first close mutuals i’ve made. in a way, you could say you’ve been with me here since day 1 (almost) xx

@jin-hua 💌 mayo / mango / mayo that tastes like mangoes / idk i bet i have misspelled your names approximately 993828 times in 937987 different variations but guess what? i still love u to death uwu i love me a fitness queen, a visual goddess not even god himself could ever and i’m so so glad that you exist in my life <333 i know i promised you a crackhead message but when i think about it there’s not really a lot to say that’s out of place when it comes to you?? you’re an angel uwuwu the light of my life frank could NEVER

@justsomekpopstuff 💌 jj it is i, your #1 supporter!! since you’re also part of the nug club gc from the beginning on, you have an extra special place in my heart <3 jj, i love how supportive you are and i don’t think you realize that i cherish you to the moon and back and that times 903809. i love how you get so fired up about your hockey team and like to gush and suffer from the wrath of Joshua hong and i hope you’ll stay eternally happy uwu that, and dRINK LESS COFFEE ISTG

@lxveille 💌 veille we’ve never interacted a lot but i just wanted to let you know that i admire you a LOT. i haven’t got around to read more of your works lately, but i do have a favorite fic that i still clearly remember. okay, that’s a lie, i have several that left a strong memory. but let’s say, if i had to reduce it to one fic, it’d be the 100wtsily dystopian au with jihoon and 66 & 70! you’re one of the very few writers who hit the dystopian genre spot on and you truly are an inspiration. seriously, thank you a lot veile xx

@middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich 💌 LOOK, i didn’t even know you changed blogs or something and i’m so eternally sorry that it took me ages to figure that out! (RIP me) you’re one of the first followers i had if i recall correctly (i’m pretty positive of that) and i just wanted to thank you for sticking with me so long uwuwuuwwu i wish you all the happiness bb <3

@multi-yeol 💌 haaaa we’ve only known each other since a day or something but i’m really glad we did!!!! honestly, that Loona song sorter is harder than any of the german exams i had and though we don’t know each other for so long, i hope we’ll talk more in the future bub!!!

@oatmealupdates 💌 lynna, you too are one of the first followers on my blog i’m wheEZING you’ve been here for so long sdlkjlkj thank you for your support and your comments under the fics always make my day i swear!! i’ve also noticed that you haven’t been that active as you used to be (maybe it’s just me idk sometimes my dash is kinda wacky) but all in all i hope you’re doing good!! if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always hmu <33

@queerjunhui 💌 vane, ngl, you really scared me at first. i was really intimidated by your for reasons i can’t even explain and i always thought you were out of my league sdkljlk i think we started talking since the cyzj thing and you’re one of the funniest and nicest people i’ve met so far on tumblr, seriously! your content - be it from your shitposts to mindless thoughts like the entire indirects to j*** * yES I STILL RECALL THEM - you always manage to make my day brighter whenever i see you on my dash. i wish you all the happiness and hope you’re doing good uwu

@seungcheolsbodyharness 💌 katey, sis i still think about that criminal seokmin and the entire au we made up - from FBI agent cheol to incompetent intern vernon and all that jazz. besides the fact that your url is a pure 10/10 as well as your other URLs, you’re such a nice person and i really enjoy your presence - be it in the form of reblogs of any kind of thing to the comments you occasionally leave and don’t get me started on the aSKS; katey, i’m so glad to have met you on this site!!! uwu

@softwonwoo 💌 jian darling!! honestly, i have no idea how you even know of my existence. just like pretty much everyone else i’ve tagged here you kinda had that intimidating aura?? but then the more i talked to you somehow, the more i was proven wrong and you’re such a sweet pea i can’t- also, i’m glad that i found someone who can agree with me when it comes to chungha dsakjlskj pls stay healthy, stay happy jian!!

@swyllh 💌 sara, i don’t think we have ever had a proper conversation, but i just wanted to give you my appreciation. you are one of the most underrated writers within the community yet you always give your best when it comes to your writing and honestly, i really admire you. i haven’t found the time to read your interactive fic yet (i keep pushing that back i am so sorry but i’ll get to that one day) and one of the fics that i absolutely adore is that one end of the world fic with chan, as well as the vernon collab with sha!! i really hope you’ll get the recognition and love you deserve you gifted writer !!

@tonicandjins 💌 faye my snowflake, i haven’t seen you around lately but if you read this, i hope everything’s alright from your side! i’m quite sure i’ve already mentioned this to you but i’ll say it again. i will NEVER shut up about one and two small petals and will NEVER recover from it. another banger is that wonwoo fic with the printer- ugh, you’re such a talented, beautiful person and i truly wish you all the best. remember, don’t stress yourself and relax once in a while uwu

@yeolsmiling 💌 angie hi!! i legit only sent you one (1) ask so i really don’t have much to say so far unless i wanna repeat myself lMAO one day, i aspire to purely emit soft energy for yeol but i doubt that day will ever come. i hope we get to talk more in the future you soft bear <33

honeybunch anon 💌 honeybunch, i hope you’re doing well! i still remember that i called you that when you slipped into my asks and gushed about that one mingyu fic up to this day i’m still flattered and eternally grateful that you’re still here uwu thank you for your support and making my day <33

fromis anon 💌 idk if you’ll ever read this but i miss you uwu i hope you’re doing fine and just a quick update from my side: i still haven’t found a bias yet uGH 

sugarpie / tulip anon 💌 you seem like such a cool person i’m really glad you stopped by in my inbox thank you for hitting me up uwu since i have no clue who you are and since i’m a dumbass, i’m can only rely on you messaging me jslkdj

none of the letters are proofread i am so sorry

[leedaehwi]

I remember you mentioning about a Daehwi group chat and I wanted to ask, how will you describe each of your members?

Yeah! I formed a Daehwi GC a few months back with a few of my favorite Daehwi mutuals and I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH. In fact we’re talking right now! I love them all and am so happy that I got the chance to talk to them. They are a group of wonderful, lovely, amazing, people who always support me, and who always support Daehwi. I’ve met some of my closest online friends in this GC which says a lot to how close we are, ILY ALL!!! Anyways i’ll answer this now. We have 11 people in total ( 11 get it like w1) so there’s a lot but I still love them all. Actually when I describe them i’ll add something from their application for the gc ( I had people submit a form/ application thingy to decide who would be in the gc) since they’ve been asking me to show them the applications for a while anyways.

1. Me - the ultimate daehwi trash

2. Ashleigh @lee-daehwiis - A ballet queen. She is so gorgeous, talented, and hardworking. A soft who stans a lot of under rated groups and who just wants to spread love and happiness. Talking to Ashleigh always puts me in a good mood. Or whenever I see her snaps of her in her ballet stuff. I’m like wow Ashleigh is really out here making her dreams come true. She’s such an inspiration to me and I LOVE HER. Ashleigh said this in response to what she liked best about Daehwi in her form: “Is everything an acceptable answer? This is a difficult question! It’s hard to explain, but I feel like Daehwi has this quality that can just put everyone in a better mood. He can lighten up anyone’s day just by being around. He has a very positive attitude and pretends like nothing is wrong, even if something is. He went through so much and never complained. He inspires me in so many ways, and not just to be a better person.”

3. Amy @idaehwi - She’s such a talented GIF maker! She contributes so much quality content to the Daehwi tag and that alone makes me love her to the moon and back. She is also such a sweet pea, she’s been a bit busy recently, but we all have. When ever she does appear though she always screams about Daehwi and leaves us nice messages. When asked why she should be chosen to join the gc, Amy responded with: “bc i’m me :-)”

4. Charlie @wannaoneioi - MY FELLOW LOONA STAN. Charlie has a great taste in music and in memes. 10/10 always lights up the conversation. Even when the topics r a little weird hahahaha. Charlie introduced me to loona and dragged me down so lfjsafkajsfklj but thx charlie ;’) I love crying over girl groups. When asked what Daehwi’s best trait is, Charlie responded by saying: “screams in Daehwi” (in Charlie’s defense Daehwi does scream a lot kfljsaljk)

5. Colleen @furryowo - Colleen has to explain this at least once a day, but she is NOT actually a furry fjkdsalfjadklsf. Ok seriously tho, Colleen is probably one of the sweetest people in the gc. I first met her when I found out that she was my anon who kept leaving me sweet messages. Colleen is still as caring as when I first met her, and she always checks up on all of us and makes sure we’re ok. Colleen is kind of like the mom friend I guess. Colleen is also super smart and hardworking and I know she’s going to have a bright future. Colleen’s favorite hair color on Daehwi is Ash Grey, which is my favorite too! Surprisingly only Colleen picked Ash Grey as her favorite hair color, which further shows she is an intellectual.

6. Hana @wannabl - Hana has been super busy with school recently (me too big relate). She kinda reminds me of a younger me. Hana always stays up late cramming for tests and pushing herself to get into a great school. What I like about Hana is that she’s smart but still knows how to have fun ( LA parties seem wild). Hana is also really creative and funny and knows how to take a joke. We always tease her about her typos hahahahaha you really can’t understand what she’s saying. ILY HANA! Hana wanted to be added to the gc because, “GIRL DAEHWI MAKES MY OVARIES HURT”

7. Hatice @soweakpunchs - I am convinced Hatice is an angel. SHE IS SO NICE AND CARING AND SWEET AND ALWAYS LOOKING AFTER ME AND IM

8. Jenny @asianbro10 - JENNY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Jenny is one of my closest buds ever. She has helped me through so much, I am forever grateful. Another angel fkjdsaflksadfkl love her. Jenny even wrote us all some Daehwi fan fiction, it was a Harry Potter AU and it was stellar. Jenny is an amazing writer she writes so eloquently, so it was an amazing read. She would also always send us one shots which we died over. It was great. She also makes such amazing fan art. I am in awe of her tbh. She’s so hard working and puts in so much effort into school and everything she does. I have so much more to say about her, but I would probs end up writing an essay so i’m gonna end it with an “ILY JENNY”. What Jenny likes most about Daehwi is “Everything. Every. Thing. His irreplaceable talent, adorable aegyo (I’m trash), charming personality and he cuTe as heLL.”

9. Jini @daisydaehwi - Such a precious cinnamon roll that deserves so much better. She’s so nice and sweet and I wish things start looking up for her in 2018. Jini always has the best memes. Tbh whenever Jini sends memes, I save them and steal them because they’re great (sorry Jini) Jini has such a loving personality and JIULEEN IS REAL AND I SHIP IT. Jini also chose light brown as her favorite hair color on Daehwi.

10. Maria @dearestguanlin - Maria has been busy and hasn’t been too active hahaha but whenever she shows up we’re like wow it must be a Christmas miracle. I’ve known Maria wayyyyyy before the Daehwi gc, she was one of the people I became really close to when I first joined Tumblr. She has been nothing but supportive of me. Maria has put up with my screaming in caps lock for months, which is an impressive achievement. Maria is like my intellectual bestie. We always rant about school, and education in our countries and suffer together. Maria is very smart, and sweet, and creative AND I LOVE HER SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH. Maria wanted to join the gc because “Im your mutual? Jk i love Daehwi and would like to scream about him Ex. OMG LEE DAEHWI LOOKS SO GOOD IN PINK”

11. Pingdi @dae-hwee - Pingdi our resident intellectual (she goes to an ivy league y’all!) If Colleen is like the mom, Pingdi is like the cool aunt. She’s very straight up but still very loving towards everyone. Pingdi is not only smart but an amazing dancer too! She’s shown us her covers and i’m always shook fklasdjf. Pingdi is probably one of the most determined people in the gc. She pushes herself to the limit and does her best. Pingdi is also an amazing GIF maker and always makes such smooth gifs. ILY TOO PINGDI~ What Pingdi likes best about Daehwi is “Yo his English cover that he submitted for Produce 101. He’s got those Sunday morning voice vibes and I love it.”

fljkdsajfasfkjlasdk sorry for the typos, this is really long and I didn’t feel like making sure it was grammatically correct rip but in conclusion, I LOVE MY DAEHWI GC THEY ARE ALL AMAZING PEOPLE AND I’M GLAD TO HAVE MET THEM

[graciecatfamilyband]

Be Gone, KFKD

The other day, @lajulie24 made a post about that radio station that plays in creator's ears and talks sh*t about them, termed KFKD by Anne Lamott in one of her classic books on writing). You can and should read @lajulie24 's beautiful post on this and plea for fellow fanfic writers to continue to write through the radio noise here. Here is a relevant excerpt, however:

KFKD (yes, that’s short for K-Fucked) is a concept from Anne Lamott in her book on writing, Bird by Bird. (It’s a great book, incidentally.) It’s an imaginary radio station that plays in every writer’s—nay, every artist’s—ears. In one ear: concertos and symphonies about how insanely talented and special and misunderstood and gifted one is and all the accolades and talk show appearances and words of praise that will be coming one’s way; in the other, the greatest hits of every mistake one has made over a lifetime, songs of doubt, hymns of self-loathing, warning tones that soon the jig will be up and everyone will find out what an utter worthless fraud one is.

...sometimes it just wants to play and play and play and make us simultaneously doubt ourselves and feel underappreciated and unseen.

I wanted to share some strategies I myself use to help turn down KFCK, just in case they could benefit anyone else. I’d also love other people to comment or reblog with their strategies!

I also tried to stick to “I” language more than “you” language since this is just what works for me. Sorry if I bore you with too much detail about my writing process or come off as self-centered as a result D: (and for the self-talk that calls me a “we”  not crazy, I promise. Or am I....?).

Some Strategies I Find Helpful for Turning Down KFCK:

1. Tapping In To Why I Write

Maybe this is because I see myself as a "new" writer- I don't know that I've written fiction on the page in the last 10 years, and even then, it was very rare for me (although I have years of 'in my head' practice) but every story I write begins with a question: "Can I do this?"

Sometimes I'm more confident as I sit down to type my first brainstorm or draft ("Yeah, i totally can") sometimes less, but I have to confess, I'm never totally sure.

And I really do genuinely want to find out.

There are even times I truly feel like the answer is, "No, I can't do this."

Then I tell myself, "Well, it feels that way, but we did this much and it's not finished yet. I bet we can at least finish it even if it's not what we want. Even if it's so far from what we want that we think it's a failure. Actually, that's a really interesting question- if I can't actually do this, what WILL it look like when it's finished? Will it be a failure? What does that even mean, if it's finished? That's at least worth finding out, because I'm really curious."

So far, this approach has helped me finish, and at the end I haven't failed by any of my own personal standards!

2. Knowing My Writing Process

At some point- usually at least at two point- I will hate whatever I'm writing. This is not linked to whatever is on the page; sometimes it happens when my draft is still very weak, but just as often it happens when there's a lot of great stuff going on and there are some fixable problems. It's not really about what's on the page; it's usually about where I'm at. The draft is looking different than I imagined (LITERALLY ALWAYS), or I'm not sure if I can do the next step well, or I've been working too much on it at once and need a break, or my brain is just Doing The Thing.

I have learned this by watching myself and noticing that I cycle, kind of like this:

IDEA. --> BRAINSTORM/FREEWRITING. THIS IS GONNA BE KILLLLEEER YAS. --> Omg wait. Is this great or terribly stupid? I literally can't tell. Omg. If I can't tell, it's stupid. It's stupid. But I kind of like it? No, it's terrible. --> okay, well, we're gonna keep working and see what happens --> Not bad not bad --> OMG ITS STUPID --> OMG IM ON FIRE I LOVE IT --> Not bad Not bad --> I HATE THIS PIECE I WILL NEVER LIKE IT --> Nice job, self, really nice job.

It varies a lot, but that's a good gist.

The great thing about knowing this cycle is that- while the emotions are always there- they have much less power. "Oh, hello, Hatred. You were bound to show up eventually. Why don't you sit in this corner and have some tea while Mommy works, huh?" Hating what I'm writing (at least in this short-term way I'm describing) DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING IS UNUSUALLY WRONG WITH THE PIECE AT WHATEVER STAGE I'M IN. Its just my brain's roadblock it tries to throw up. Which means I can ignore it rather than engage with it. "Shhh, Hatred, play quietly, Mommy's working."

For those of you who have seen How I Met Your Mother, it's like the tape jammed into Marshall's car that only plays The Proclaimer’s 500 Miles. On road trips the characters love it and jam to it, they hate it and despair, they love it and jam to it, and hate it and despair, in an endless cycle.

Hating the song right now? As Marshall says, “Don’t worry… it comes around again”.

3. I Find a Friend - or Two - or Five

We hear this all the time, right? Find a beta who you trust to help you improve your work, blah blah blah, and while I can't emphasize the enough the truth and wisdom of that, it's not quite what I mean here.

I'm talking about cheerleaders and partners-in-crime. This can be the same person as a critical beta (although if so *I* let them know I don't need that part of them right now, I need them in a different, supportive role) or another person. The OMG YES friend. The person you can go to who will whisper DEW IT when you need it most.

"I was going to participate in this fandom thing, but I'm nervous. Let's do it together?" (This one works extra well if it's someone you want to read more from, muwahaha.)

"I have this idea. Do you think I should write it or nah?"

"I'm halfway through this story and I'm not sure if it's worth finishing. What do you think?"

My favorite kind of writing friend is the one who can tell me what I'm doing *well* as much as poorly, especially in an early draft when I'm not sure if the story has legs. "No, keep going, I really like what you're doing with X and I really want to know what happens with Y." "Omg that's such a funny bit. I'd love more of that." Etc.

4. What Do I Want, As A Reader? / What Would I Tell Another Author? 

This one is pretty self-evident: If another writer came to me with the concerns I’m having, what would I say to them? If another writer were considering giving up on a piece because other writers had done something similar, what would I tell them? 

I think most of us would note the reasons that we WOULD want a piece from another author! Most of us want to see that one trope in a new way for the 10th time because we love it, most of us love to see all the different creative takes on an idea, etc. Most of us are able to see this so clearly as readers, and struggle to see it as writers. 

(I literally pretend I’m talking to another author / tell myself whatever I would tell them.)

4. How Might Another Author Feel If They Heard Me Talking This Way?

The flip side of the above thing is, what would someone who both a) wants to write themselves, and b) genuinely likes my writing, think if they heard me talking like this? 

I know when I hear writers that I respect get down on themselves- especially really get down on themselves- it makes me feel like I shouldn’t be writing at all. If So-and-So’s stuff isn’t good enough, how could mine ever be? 

I would never want to make someone feel that way if they were trying to write, so why would I say that kind of stuff to myself? 

5. The There’s Always Someone Principal

I may think what I write is vastly inferior to So-and-So’s piece, but usually I find that for every two pieces that are similar or have similar themes, someone likes each of those pieces better than the other. It’s incredibly likely that someone out there may actually like mine better, insane though it might sound. There are all sorts of tastes out there! And really, usually: both pieces have significant things to offer.  

(Also worth noting: Its possible- likely even- that that other author you feel intimidated by might feel intimidated by YOU.)

6. Telling Jokes to Myself (Sometimes About Myself)

If you ever see my posts apparently despairing about my writing process (like this one here), fear not! I'm just engaging in my tactic of making fun of myself while I write. LOL. Its not as toxic as it sounds (for me at least- if its toxic for you, DON’T DO IT)! I find that, for whatever reason, making fun of myself takes the pressure off 100% and lets me enjoy the writing process more. So if you see me doing it, feel free to like, feel free to ignore. Send encouragement if you literally can’t help it, but “haha, lol, writing is so weird” is a totally fine response! 

[havana-story-time]

Mr. Wheezy sighed as he sat down on the sofa in the staff beak room. Finally, he could catch his breath. The casino was busier than usual that night and nobody had a chance to sit down until it all died down later. Weezy took out a cigar from his pocket and held it between his teeth as he searched for a lighter. He sighed, took a breath and blew hard like one would try to pop their ears as the top of his head glowed red and grew hot. Wheezy put the cigar at his head and the tip lip at last. Wheezy relaxed and started to smoke his cigar. As he enjoyed a few long and slow puffs, the door opened and closed behind him. He didn’t need to look up as the person walked past him and sat down at the table across the room.

Wheezy felt his heart skip a beat when he noticed who it was. It was Red, one of the new entertainers for the casino, that bet her soul on the Devil. He didn’t know her that much and only spoke to her briefly before she was whisked away to do other things or she’d usually totally ignore him. At least he was finally alone with her; he could finally get the courage to talk to her. He studied her as she sat at the table, not totally gawking and not totally looking away. She was dressed in her usual red mermaid gown; her brown hair was up and curled at the ends but was pushed away by her slender gloved hand as she rested her cheek against her palm. Her eyes were looking down at what looked like a book of sorts, like she was studying the little details of the pages. Wheezy noticed the book was blank so she wasn’t really reading. In her other hand she held a pen and she nibbled on the end as she was in deep thought. Wheezy looked closer at her lips, which were parted and were red like a rose. Wheezy wandered his eyes down from her lips down to her neckline. She never did fancy jewelry, and even if she did it’d mostly be a bracelet or earrings. He went down further hoping to catch a glimpse of her bosoms but was damned with her arm blocking a perfect view.

Wheezy took a drag of his cigar and looked away nonchalantly and studied the clock a moment. Wheezy heard Red sigh and drop her pen on the table. He looked over and saw Red lean down and rest her head on the table. Her hair slid down the sides and revealed her back. Her skin was a light peach and her dress reached low to about her lower back. At least he got a better view of her hips, which he was actually grateful for. Before Wheezy spoke up, the door opened. Wheezy looked to see it was Chips Bettigan. He strolled in wearing his usual “cowboy” look: a tan blazer, white shirt, jeans and brown cowboy boots with his signature hat on his head.

“Red, there ya are, girl!” Chips said with a smile as he waltzed in like he owned the place. He saw Wheezy, nodded, and went right over to the table where Red sat and took up a seat for himself in front of her. “Ya’ll right?” His accent was thick Southern Texan. It made Wheezy want to vomit.

“I’m fine.” Red looked up and straightened back up into her chair. She again rested her head in the same hand she had earlier. “I’m just… having some trouble writing a new song. You know how the boss is. HE thinks I can come up with songs on the spot… I can’t.”

“Well, maybe ya’ve been workin’ too hard?” Chips shrugged and rested his head in the same fashion Red was. “Take a break and maybe… I dunno, somethin’ would come to ya?”

“I work a few nights a week and you call that “busy”, Chips?” Red’s lips curved up at one side. “I also help out the boss with a few errands here and there, I help out you guys from time to time on your needs if we’re busy, I get dance lessons from Pirouletta for my routines… I got a full house here.”

Chips nodded as he listened. Wheezy looked over and saw Red slump her forehead into her hand. “I can’t even find the muse for a new song… If it keeps goin’, I’m useless here.”

“Aw, don’t say that, Red! ‘Sides, the boss ain’t the one to toss out great talent like that!”

“What about that duo on unicycles that juggled chainsaws?”

“Um…”

“And that one lady who was a “magician” and couldn’t swipe a full wallet out of that one guy and got caught?”

“But that’s—”

“What about that skeleton comedian? He was funny, despite his stupid puns, right? And look what happened to him. Stuck in the underground somewhere.”

“Wait, I don’t—”

Red sighed, stopping him. “No. I’ll have to keep writing until something comes up.”

“If ya want, Miss Red, I was thinkin’… Maybe I could take ya out of the casino for a bit? I hear there’s this picture out that has a character in your predicament. Maybe that’d be a nice thing to see sometime?” Chips took off his hat and held it in between his hands. “I mean, if you were willin’ to get out. It does get a bit stuffy in here.”

“Well, mostly because of that cigar smell. Isn’t it getting stronger in here, Chips?” Red looked over and noticed Mr. Wheezy, the tip of his head glowing a dull red like a cigar being dragged for an inhale. “Oh, Wheezy I didn’t notice you were here.”

“Peh.” Wheezy huffed and turned away. He took a drag of his cigar and blew smoke out from the gap between his teeth and ignored the two as they went back to their conversation like he wasn’t there. That pissed him off a little bit. But it stopped when Red said something that piped his interest.

“Look, Chips, I’ll… I’ll sleep on it. I can’t really think straight with my head poundin’ like a jack hammer.”

Chips nodded and put his hat back on his head. “Well, I’ll leave ya to it then. Hope ya get rid of them writer’s blocks in yer head, Miss Red.” Chips stood up from his seat, tilted his hat towards Red, and walked out.

Bingo. Weezy looked back over to Red, who paid him no mind as usual, as she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. She leaned her head back and let her hair fall down from her shoulders as she closed her eyes.

“Y’know, Wheez?”

Wheezy looked up when Red said his name out of the blue. He looked over behind her in surprise. She still had her eyes closed as she continued. “Is there somewhere I can go? This room is killing me.”

“W-what’dya mean?” Wheezy spoke up.

“I mean, is there somewhere, anywhere, I can go to in the casino? What areas are blocked off?”

“Uh… obviously the Devil’s room is off limits unless ya get “special permission”. Never bother the boss at his office unless ya really wanna bother ‘im or have important info.” Wheezy looked up and thought some more. “I mean, Dice usually goes to the music room and muse on the piano for a bit, and—”

“Does he mind if others use the piano?”

“What?”

“Where’s the music room at? Maybe playing something would help me, that usually helps me get a melody.” Red suddenly stood up practically ran out the door. “Nevermind, I’ll look for it myself!”

Wheezy watched as Red straight up bolted from her chair and run out the door. Wheezy looked at the table to see that she left her book and pen there. He finished off his cigar, thinking Red would return any minute to get the book, but she never did. After snuffing out the last of his cigar he got up and went to the table where the book lied open. He turned a few pages and noticed the pretty handwriting on some and others being a bit sloppy and rushed. He decided to land on a page and began to read.

“… Havana, how I miss you already. I’m stuck in literal Hell as I write to you, my dear Havana. I will always miss being in the warm embrace of your calm winds, your gently kisses on my cheeks from the sunshine, the smell of the morning dew on fresh lilacs by my windows… […] After being in Hell, it’s always warm here. I mean, I can come and go on certain times of the day/night as long as I have a chaperone with me. Even then, I can only go to certain shops here and there and not spend too long. Everybody has a tight schedule here. It feels like I have a bit too much freedom sometimes. But sometimes it also feels like I’m restricted […] Some of the Casino folks are nice to me. Pirouletta, though serious, is like an older sister to me, I think. Pip and Dot are also nice, mostly Dot because she finally has somebody to talk to about clothes and such while her husband Pip ignores us most of the time or make sarcastic remarks.”

Wheezy skimmed the pages a moment as he tried to look for his name. She seemed to have written about at least everyone in the Casino. “Mr. Chimes… Mangosteen… Oh…”

“I caught Mr. Wheezy stealing glances my way when I was hanging out with the Devil today. He was a bit far from the table, but I could tell he was looking at me. Well, my chest mostly. I pretended I was cold so Dice could let me borrow his jacket for the rest of the evening. It seemed Lady Luck was on my side at that moment. At least King Dice’s fancy cologne masked the disgusting smells of hard liquor and cigars. Mr. Wheezy is… how do I put it? I have no words that can describe a person of his nature. One minute he’s cracking jokes and the next he seems to be undressing me with his eyes. Sometimes in the same sentence. It’s…”

“Mr. Wheezy, what are you doing?”

Wheezy jumped a little and quickly turned around when he heard the voice. He didn’t notice the door was still open when Pirouletta walked in. She was a craps roulette wheel and didn’t have her usual attire on, mostly the white blouse and black pants attire in place of her skirt as she helped on the casino floor for her shift. Pirouletta saw Wheezy with the book and raised a brow. “That is Madame Red’s book. Why do you have it?”

“I didn’t steal it. Red was here earlier and she left in a hurry and forgot about it. I wasn’t readin’ or nuthin’.”

“I was here for a few minutes but your eyes never left the pages.” Pirouletta suddenly took the book and shut it closed. “I know this is Red’s favorite journal. She uses it to write songs and keep her private thoughts down on it. I will bring this back to her now.”

“Nah, I’ll do it. Oh, and since we’re on the subject, what’s her story?”

“We were not on subject, Mr. Weezy. But if you want to know… Madame Red would tell you.”

Wheezy groaned. “C’mon, you two talk all the time! All I know is she bet her soul. What else?”

“Why are you suddenly so interested in her?” Pirouletta raised a brow at the cigar.

“Uh, because she’s talked to everybody but me?”

“Hmph. I only heard it from her, but she and her sisters are famous on the Mainlands. They were to come to the Isles to perform but decided to stop by the Casino for fun. They were to all meet up on the Isles as they were coming in from different areas. Only Madame Red and her sister came in together, the others were separate. One of Madame Red’s sisters placed a bet for her own soul but Madame Red took her place. And she is here now as a new performer. Happy now?”

“Uh, I guess. I thought it’d be kinda different… Anyways, I’m gonna go return this to her. She might actually be lost, y’know?” Weezy gently slipped the book from Pirouletta’s hands and slid it into his pocket in his coat.

“Hm. We DO help her, you know. After all, we ARE “family”. Do not forget that, Wheezy.” Pirouletta soon turned heel with grace and soon left the room.

Wheezy huffed and walked out of the room in the opposite direction and headed over towards where the music room was. He reached into his coat pockets and rested them inside for a moment. As he turned a corner, he ran into a tall figure.

“Shit, watch where you’re--!” Wheezy looked and saw a large purple bow tie and knew who it was right away. “D-Dice! I didn’t see ya there!”

King Dice’s lips turned into a scowl as he glared down at Mr. Wheezy. “Just be glad you didn’t finish that sentence, Mr. Wheezy. And, pray tell me, what are you doin’ off the floor?”

“I uh… I was lookin’ for Red.” Wheezy brushed himself off and stood upright. “She forgot somethin’ and I’m gonna return in to her!”

King Dice’s expression still didn’t change, but he did raise a brow. “Oh? Usually you’re the type that keeps “forgotten” things for your own desires, Mr. Wheezy. If you may, I’ll return it to her personally.” King Dice held out his hand towards Wheezy.

“Wait, what are YOU doin’ here? It’s busy as hell out there. Do you really got time for takin’ a stroll, let alone returnin’ something to Red?”

“Actually, I helped Madame Red find the music room. She should still be there now, if I’m not mistaken. And it’d be a nice break before I return to the casino.”

“Nah, I got this. After all, it’d leave me a good impression on her if she knew I returned this to her.”

“You never did leave good impressions on anybody, Mr. Wheezy,” Dice said flatly.

Ouch.

“Well, first time’s the charm, boss!” Mr. Wheezy walked around Dice as he soon headed towards the music room. “I’ll, uh, let’cha get back to what you was doin’ then!”

Mr. Wheezy bolted and turned a corner, sighed once he caught his breath and noticed a soft tune coming from the hallway. He walked towards where the music room was. The door was opened ajar, just enough for Wheezy to take a peek inside. The room was open with bright lights, a simple stage to practice dance acts on, several different instruments like drums, bass, guitar, saxophone… typical jazz instruments. Wheezy looked and saw Red sitting at the piano, where she strummed a sad melody. He thought he heard it before, Beethoven? Mozart? He knew just them, really, as he wasn’t too keen on slow “classical” music. He was more of a jazz and swing kinda guy. But he did know that Pirouletta would often dance to this on the phonograph.

Wheezy slipped into the room and watched from the door as he listened. Red’s eyes were closed as she played each note like a tender touch, like she’d break them if she wasn’t careful. It even seemed she knew the song by heart, as Wheezy didn’t see any sheet music on the piano. She gently leaned in to the piano, leaned back and tossed her hair back as she picked up the pace of a fast part. Wheezy recognized this part as Pirouletta would usually pick up the pace and dance a little faster to this scene, before pausing and continuing again with the slow rhythm once more. Red once again leaned in to the piano as she soon slowed down for a dramatic finish. Then, she sneezed.

"Gesundheit."

Red whipped around and looked at Wheezy in shock. "Christ Almighty you scared the shit out of me!" Red yelped. She turned back around and started to strum the keys again. "But thanks. Why are you here?"

"I heard ya playin' and thought I'd listen?" Wheezy got closer to Red and played a few keys of a random tune he made up on the spot. "So, Dice let you use his piano?"

"This is his?" she asked.

"Yeah. I mean, he plays it all the time. He never lets nobody play it."

"That's a double negative, Wheez." Wheezy gave Red a puzzled look. Red sighed in annoyance. "Anyways. Mr. Dice said it was fine for me to play his piano. It... it's actually better than the one I have at home."

"Back on the Mainlands?"

"I don't recall ever tellin' you anything about my life, Wheez. But, yes, back on the Mainlands I have a piano, but it's black. This is white." Red soon started to play another song on the piano. "Odd, such an instrument being in hell being white as porcelain, while the one I have is black as ebony. Poetic, is it not?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess?" Wheezy scratched the back of his head and shrugged.

"Hm. Thought so."

"Wait, you thought what?" Wheezy leaned over the piano and looked down at Red, who continued to calmly play.

"You're certainly not the type to appreciate certain things."

"Sure I got... things I like!"

"Yes, strong drinks, fancy cigars, and women come to mind when I think about it. But you don't appreciate it, do you?"

"The hell are ya tryin' ta say?" Wheezy was starting to get pissed off now. "That I can't appreciate shit?!"

Red stopped playing and stood up from her seat and glared down at Wheezy, who straightened up and glared down at her. "You and I will never get along, Mr. Wheezy. I'm water, you're oil. Now, if you'll excuse me I best be off before I lose my temper."

"What does the boss even sees in ya anyways? Everybody's always talkin' that yer some shit lady that can sing! Yer nice and laughin' and jokin' but behind closed doors you're... a fuckin' bitch!"

Red raised her hand to slap him, causing Wheezy to coil in defense, but she huffed. "And here I thought you were tough shit, Mr. Wheezy. I was wrong." Red carefully closed the piano and walked out of the music room without another word. Wheezy growled under his breath and took out Red's journal once again. He sat on the stool and started to read again. He could use some information against her as revenge. Teach her place and see who's "tough shit".

"Seems a bit "girly" for you, Mr. Wheezy. Are you queer? I'm not gunna say anything if you are." Mr. Wheezy felt his spine run down with a cold chill, causing him to sit up straight and suddenly close the book. "So. Red's been havin' problems with your sorry ass again, huh?" The Devil took a long drag of his cigar as he leaned against the door frame to the music room. Usually the Devil would never be in here but today was one of those special occasions. Before Wheezy could respond, the Devil took the book from his hands and skimmed a few pages as he held his cigar in his teeth. "Hm. Knowin' thy enemy, huh? She seems to have a lot to say 'bout the Casino. See, in the beginning it's how she got this here journal a few days before she got to the Isles. Then here it's the ferry, and a day or two after she got her soul taken away. Seems she's got a lot to say about everybody here, too." The Devil skipped a few pages and laughed when he saw his own name. "Oh, man she even has me in here! How delightful."

"I was gonna return it to her, I swear! I just wanted to know why she hates me!"

"Hate's a strong word, Wheez. Hold on." The Devil took a closer look at a certain page and smirked. "Dirty, dirty girl. What language!"

"What?" Wheezy got up and attempted to read over the Devil's shoulder. The Devil responded by crouching over the book and blocking Wheezy from view.

"Hold yer horses! I'll letcha see that in a minute. She wrote quite a bit 'bout me and Dice here. Juicy things. Wait, listen to this!" The Devil tried to mimic Red's low feminine voice, but it ended up higher pitched. "Oh, that King Dice and Devil sure are something! They make me weak at the knees whenever I see them strut their stuff! I can never keep my composure when they're around! My mouth gets so dry and I always get a huge lump in my throat whenever I see them. I wish I had something of THEIRS stuck in my throat!"

"Bullshit!" Wheezy replied, but he couldn't help it but smirk.

"Man, you wish!" The Devil took a drag of his cigar and flicked the ashes off onto Wheezy's head. "Anyways, she's gonna want it back now. She probably has a LOT to say after today." The Devil caused the journal to go up in smoke and flame before it disappeared into thin air. The journal landed in Red's room, right on her bed, safe from any scorch marks.