#i like never share my writing on this account but i’m writing for this zine

[protestgradedunit]

image created using calligram maker , using creative writing

I wrote a piece with my feelings documented (see below)

When translating the writing into a physical format through my collaged zine I felt this format favoured a shorter length. Two account so much of the writing piece been cut and to satiate my needs for the whole piece to be shared I decided my second final piece would be a sound/video piece drawing from disparagements I have done throughout the project up until this point. I used an AI text-to-speech generator to translate to the viewer the feeling of detachment in the same vein as the collaged ‘ransom note’ text in my diary. It detaches the author/artist by removing their hand from the work which mirrors my feelings of detachment in regards to my memories being so physically distant or forever changed. The slow and tedious nature of the creation of the work (the process of selecting text from magazines, cutting, arranging and sticking) is evocative of time, reflection and memory alike.

 Childhood is an idealisation of an adulthood you will never have.

My memories of kinship are clouded by my desperation for it to have been different. Rationally, the possibility of a worse lot should discourage me from seeking another roll of the dice. I’m not much of a penchant for rationality nor does the game of life allow for double rolls.

Although the place that I was born lives and breathes underneath a much grander glasshouse than Glasgow, It’s the grey of my previous life I remember most often. I miss the South Lake like a child torn from a parent. I miss the frozen water and the bread clumps that would mould and hang under the frost. I miss the buds of Rhododendron but not the fear of suicide. I miss the meadow scorched to dust by the sun and the creek that begged teenagers to go over not around. I miss the concrete pool filled with the longest table a child had ever seen and I miss wet mud and I miss being a child. I’ll never see the longest table in the world again nor will I kick and dribble tiny red apples for a mile.

I’m too scared to jump off a swing in midair and my back isn’t fit for party tricks anymore. There are parts of me that didn’t exist then but do now and there are parts I lost a long time ago and couldn’t find again. Entire vessels of my youth are sold on and cleared out and others resurfaced and repainted. The bones exist beneath wood tiles but won’t be seen again for a while, if ever.

[buriedinbaltimore]

I just saw some Nora appreciation posts and this has been in my drafts for a while and why not jump on the bandwagon? :)

Beyond Nora sharing these awesome books and characters with us, encouraging fans to make their own headcanons and fanfictions, and answering our questions and giving her own ideas of the Foxes’ futures, she did it all for very little in return? I am talking financially, and also a little bit referring to all the hate she gets from the fandom based on her books (but that’s not the focus of this post.)

The ebooks are only $.99 each AND the first one is free. So the entire trilogy is $1.98. Nora probably only gets like 25-30 cents total when someone buys tkm or trk. This year AFTG was the #4 book fandom on tumblr. So she has this crazy successful series that she makes hardly any money off of. She probably only gets 50-60 CENTS whenever someone buys the entire trilogy.

5,000 people follow the “aftg” tag, that's $2,500 approximately, not taking in to account that a lot of people download PDFs of the books and therefore don’t pay! Compare that to what other authors profit from their books. Like, I don’t know how much Maggie Stiefvater has made from The Raven Cycle, but it’s the #8 book fandom on tumblr and it’s definitely way more than $2,500! (I am a little confused about this though, because the raven cycle definitely has a much larger readership the aftg, and 39k people follow that tag? I guess AFTG really is just small and mighty!)

And then I was thinking about all the people selling fanart prints/zines/tchotchkes etc. and commissions based on her characters (and I’m not speaking against those, support fan artists/creators please!) But, if you pooled all the money other people have made off of her characters vs. what she has made I bet she’s made a lot less overall.

So this is a Nora appreciation post, since I cannot financially compensate her, and we don’t even know her real name or what shes up to these days (I don’t think). I know you’ll never see this but thank you for sharing all this with us!!! These books have actually changed my life, they inspired me for the first time to create my own writing, led me to meet new people, and also they just make me feels things. So really, thank you.

[hillbillyoracle]

When Are You Ready to Teach

Through all of the Witchblr drama lately, there's one thing I've not seen commented on much and it's something that's been stuck in my head for weeks now - how does someone know they're equipped to be a teacher? And it's not just because of some of the questions raised, it's personal. I am constantly questioning whether I should be teaching workshops or giving talks, even with them being unpaid. I am always trying to walk the path of sharing what I know as ethically as I know how to and it's an incredibly difficult process to navigate well. So I wanted to share some thoughts, almost as a letter to my younger self, on whether and how someone should go about teaching esoteric, occult, and witchcraft practices.

After thinking about it quite a bit, the best way I can think of to tell if you're suited to be a teacher is to share what you know without positioning yourself as a teacher at all or charging money for your work.

Before you even consider teaching, I recommend putting out what you are doing for others to see and doing so regularly. For folks who read tarot, what spreads are you doing and how are you thinking through them? For witchcraft or occult practices, while you may not be able to share details, are there any insights or realizations you've had that you can share for others?

I think this is key for a few reasons actually. For one, you'll quickly see whether you have the ability to accept and grow from criticism - which is a hugely vital part of the teaching process if you accept that role. Or at least, it has been for me. I was born with the gift of what my family calls Foresight, not the gift of teaching and so learning that skill has involved taking feedback into consideration. Not all of it has been kindly given, but almost all of it has been valuable.

Another reason is that it will quickly show whether you seek to teach for your own ego and or to genuinely share what you know to help others. If you are comfortable sharing what you know without an ounce of expectation of respect or clout, that is the best indication to me that stepping into a teaching role is possible at some point. I do not know how anyone can teach effectively without being deeply humble. Especially in spiritual traditions. Otherwise teaching quickly becomes a means to control and left unchecked can lead to abuse.

One other reason to share without positioning yourself as a teacher is that it'll pretty quickly let you know where you seem to know more than most folks and where you know less. When I first created this account, my first post was literally just a write up of my intro lesson I'd been giving friends who'd just bought tarot decks and wanted to pick it up as fast as possible. I wrote it specifically as a record they could come back to. I had no intent to position myself as a teacher, just as a way of sharing what I had gathered over my 10 years of reading cards.

The response to that and later my shadow work posts showed me that people were getting a lot of what I was sharing. The responses to my deity veneration posts showed me that people weren't getting as much out of them and that I had a lot to continue learning. I was able to shift my approaches for both. I put more work into figuring out how to share what I knew about tarot and shadow work and more work into continuing my learning about deity veneration. It was a year of writing like that before I ever took a leap and taught my first tarot and shadow work workshop where I again got feedback about what was actually helpful and what I needed to learn more about. That process is valuable and I'm thankful for it everyday.

Another reason for sharing without expectation is that it will allow you to begin to develop a radar for teachers who aren't going about their work ethically. You'll start to notice when people present something as absolute fact or as their observations and experiences. The latter has been far more useful in my own spiritual education than the former. You'll see where people are charging for information they never write about deeply. They'll position themselves as needing to charge for freely available information because they "did the work" of reading it at one point.

Which brings me to the complicated question of when is it right to charge for what you're sharing? I think personally the best way to handle it is to just set up a donation link and let people decide how much your work is worth to them. If you manage to make a little money while you're still figuring out whether teaching is right for you, then it's a bonus! I see the “fuck you, pay me” mindset in so many places if has no right to be in my view. It’s not other peoples job to pay you while you’re still bad at what you do. And believe me you will be for a while.

Personally - I'm still in that transition period and I've been writing and putting out work for about 3 years. I do charge for my zines and my digital workbooks but that's less because of the information I'm presenting and more for the work it took to write and format it all. I have a Patreon I maintain and add bonus materials to as I'm able and I often stick a donation link on the bottom of my posts just in case folks feel lead. While lots of folks have asked me to develop a course, I have a feeling it'll be another 2 years before I know how to really walk the walk of being a teacher proper and feel comfortable putting out something so involved.

I don't take the work of teaching lightly. I see it much more as an additional calling to my work as an Oracle/Seer as it's in line with my mission to use my gifts for the betterment of others. When asking yourself about the role teaching plays in your life, ask yourself whether if furthers the work you're called to. What you're sacrificing to be a teacher? How are you seeking out feedback and training? Does your work actually improve the lives of others? Does it further your spiritual callings or does it merely support your ego?

Some folks will consider those questions and still not have the self awareness to know it's not their path and that's fine. I'm not really trying to reach those people. My hope is that someone truly called to teach will get some use out of hearing about how I'm navigating that transition of competent practitioner to facilitator and teacher. If that person is you, the best advice I can give you aside from the above is take it slow. If it's truly you're calling, the path will unfold a little at a time as you are ready.

These are just my thoughts and how I'm navigating it. I'd love to hear how other folks are!

[scimitar-and-longsword]

Tagged by: @morallygreywaren <3 <3

Name(s): *sigh* I don’t make this easy as my SNs are different everywhere lol thecuriouslo on twitter, scimitar-and-longsword here, I used to write a bunch of LOTR and SPN  fics YEARS ago so one of my pseuds is CasintheShire (I orphaned all those fics lol) but my main is thelittlelo/Lolo.... I’ve also got a secret ao3 account where I’ve posted more than one “taboo” fic.... that you will never find lol

Fandom(s): Obviously TOG is my main right now, but Star Wars is always right there too.... other than that?? Idk I was into lotr and spn for a long time (as I already mentioned) and atla/korra, teen wolf and kingsman have all had their moment too.

Where you post: AO3. I’ve got a couple things here on tumblr.... but they always make their way to the archive eventually. (speaking of... I should transfer my most recent prompt fics....)

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): Brothers Fight (518 kudos) which is my take on Joe and Booker starting to work through their issues following London.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter (by kudos): Share Your Address (1699 kudos) which is my Uni AU... which I’m sure you’re all sick of hearing about by now lol

Favorite story you’ve written so far: I would say SYA or Brothers Fight... but instead of repeating I’ll say it’s Collapsing Walls which is my Book of Nile whump lol.... I’m real mean to Booker in it... poor guy.  Low key I think it might be my Big Bang though.... I’m having so much fun writing it, I can’t wait to post it!

Fic you were nervous to post: fucking all of them!!! I’m always nervous.... But I guess the one that was the worst was It Feels Like Flying. I hadn’t written full on smut in a LONG time. I felt so silly and awkward..... I THINK I did ok though??? idk lol

How do you choose your titles?: Depends. I usually have descriptive or joke titles as I’m writing, but I usually just end up going with something simple and descriptive. (SYA is the one exception here lol)

Do you outline?: Yeah. My outlines are all over the places though, mostly they end up being bits of dialogue and jokes lol

Complete: Officially??? Nine. but there’s a lot more of my work out there lol, some of it orphaned, some of it on other accounts.

In-Progress: Published WIPs, two. Both of which I have not abandoned I PROMISE! I’ve just been working on a few other things behind the scenes. (Big Bang, Zine One Shot, and my SYA holiday fic, all of which have deadlines I need to hit so other things got pushed to the background)

Coming soon/not yet started: ahahahaha how much time do you have?? I’ll Never Love Another - my big bang, Prince Yusuf/Knight Nicolo - lots of letter writing and pining... it’s fluffy angst, as is my brand lol Everything I Did to Get to You - SYA holiday special 😏 Impelled by the Persuasion of Love - My fic for the TOG Zine... which is taking me way too long for how short it is. (You’ll have to buy the Zine or wait a long time for this one... but safe to say I thought of a really sweet and fluffy idea... and then made it emo lol) Free Fall - It Feels Like Flying sequel Pilot!Nicky POV this time. it’s just smut lol I Padri d’Iatlia - Yes I’m still working on this.... I’ll post it at some point I PROMISE Mission Fic (temp title lol) - This is actually the very first thing I started writing for this fandom.... it’s quite long and I’ll post it once it’s completed.... but that won’t be for a while. Sniper/Spotter - Joe/Nicky and Book of Nile one shot that I have had about 75% completed for like 3 months lol  To Winter in Russia - Book of Nile get together fic.... Snowed in, there was only one bed, slow burn. it’s delicious and I already have like 20k written.... once again I probably won’t post until it’s complete... though I’ve posted some snippets from it on tumblr before. There are three different A/B/O fics that will end up on the forbidden AO3 at some point lol I have like 6 other docs too lol, but they’re all named things like Rockstar/Artist and are mostly just a few bullet pointed ideas. AND this doesn’t even take into account the half finished chapters of Sword of the First Crusader, As You Wish and my FinnPoe fics... I am an ADHD mess and have trouble focusing on one project 😅😅

Prompts?: I’ve never been HUGE into prompts.... I have way too many of my own ideas taking up space in my brain. What I do tend to like prompts for is when I’ve hit a wall in something I’ll ask for prompts, or reblog a prompt list. So you know ya girl is struggling when you see those lol

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: My Prince/Knight Big Bang, 100%. 

Tagging: @almostcanon @kiaya @themoonwheniamlost @siriusnebulae @heisallandheismore @cluelessheroes @goldheartedsky @ceraunos @heelipabo and @nicolodigenovas (and anyone else who wants to!)

[livinginsunnyhell]

Ask game for fanfic writers! ⌨️🖊📓📝

1. What fandoms do you write for?

2. What pairings do you write for?

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

4. Do you write original stories as well?

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

13. What is your planning process?

14. What have others criticized about your fanfic?

15. OCs or no OCs?

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

18. What is your favorite writing prompt?

19. Dead or overused tropes?

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

27. Do you take requests?

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

30. What writing software do you use?

31. Do you use beta/sensitivity readers?

32. Past or present tense?

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

35. What is your favorite review?

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

39. Collaborations or working solo?

40. Do you have any rituals before uploading a fic?

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

42. Rudest review?

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

46. Few long essay reviews or many short reviews?

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

(Don't feel obligated to answer. Thought if you're into these kinda things, that'd be a nice ask. ;))

Oh this is so nice!! Thanks for sending this @annansmith

I chose a few of them to do. 

1. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I’m writing for Shameless (Gallavich) but I’ve written for:

Veronica Mars (LoVe), Veep (Amy/Dan), Arrow (Oliver/Felicity), Once Upon A Time (Hook/Emma), The Old Guard (Joe/Nicky), That 70′s show (Hyde/Jackie), Sons of Anarchy (Tara/Jax), Vampire Diaries (Klaroline), Hart of Dixie (Zoe/Wade), Gilmore Girls (Rory/Jess), X-men (Rogue/Pyro), One Tree Hill (Haley/Nathan), and a few others.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Now I write Gallavich. 

But I’d say my top ones I love writing for now (my fanfiction writing has spanned about 14 years) are Dan/Amy, Veronica/Logan, Klaus/Caroline, Mickey/Ian.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My most popular fic on Ao3 is The Course of True Love (Arrow) and on FF Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic LoVe (Veronica Mars)

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes, I do. I’m working on a book, well, two books. But it’s going very slowly. The first is a memoir of my travels from around the world and the second is a vampire urban fantasy one. We’ll see how it goes, but I’d like to finish them by next year and see if I can get them published, but it’s hard so who knows. 

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

Well, recently I’ve really been trying to finish everything I write. I have a lot of WIPs from years and years ago and even within the the last year, so this answer is pretty new. Basically, I focus on one fic at a time and write a little every day to stay motivated. Now, I try to update once a week on a certain day. I think comments/reviews and kudos and people being genuinely encouraging helps though. It’s also what’s gotten me considering finishing my older fics.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic Love (over 165k)

13. What is your planning process?

Now, it’s different. I have a doc of ideas and I wait to see which one I can’t seem to shake. Then I plan out each chapter with a few sentences and I have a list of things I want to focus on in the story. Usually, each story now has a kind of theme to it and a main focus. I sometimes will just want to write a certain situation/scene/focus and the story is born from there. But what really helps is writing down chapter 1, 2, etc. and having a sentence or two for what I want to happen. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but I never get writers block or forget what happened in previous chapters now.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Probably a mixture of fandom (or my personal) headcanons. I don’t start with prompts unless it’s a challenge or sentence starters. Usually, I have a scene I already want to write in my head and then I sit down and write it.

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

Yes, I’ve read several books on writing. My undergrad was creative writing too, so I learned a lot there. I also follow writing instagram accounts which are helpful. I take everything I learn with a grain of salt and I see what is best for me. The best advice I heard recently was short sentences and so now I’m experimenting with that.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

There’s a lot from many different fandoms. I used to be on FF.net as Psyc0gurl0 and now I’m ProstheticLoVe on a03. I like writing on ao3 better cause it’s easier and I love the tagging process. Plus the gallavich fandom on there is unreal. So to think about going back to ff.net to finish my WIPs seems like such a process now. 

Currently though, I’m writing an Ian’s POV 5 chapter fic called Chocolate. It’s not out yet, but it’ll focus on Ian from 1x06 to 1x09 or so and how his feelings for Mickey change and evolve. It’s the second part to a series called Chocolate and Cigarettes. Mickey’s POV was Cigarettes.

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

Yes, I listen while writing but I need silence while editing. I have a Love (lol) playlist. It’s basically all the love songs that remind me of couples I ship. So for example, The Acid is in there a lot because their music is great, but also Basic Instinct is so haunting. Overall, I like all music except country, so sometimes I’ll listen to my larger playlists while writing. 

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

So this has changed over the years. Initially, I wrote short chapters, then when I got back into fanfiction while writing klaroline they got a lot longer and now it’s just basically where the chapter has a natural ending. So the chapters are between 4 - 10k words depending. I try to get over 4k though. Right now, once I’m done with my current fic, I really want to write something over 100k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

A lot...none in Shameless though. Well, I guess my current one, but I haven’t posted that yet. I’d say I probs have about 10 WIPs spanning different fandoms. I know. But my goal for 2021 is to pick two and finish them. 

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Not all of them. Some of them are from years and years ago. But I’d like to finish the ones that I still get reviews on. So there’s a SOAs fic I want to finish cause that fandom is so lovely. I also want to finish a klaroline one cause that was fun to write. And my Amy/Dan ones I’d like to finish. I would like to finish my Veronica Mars ones (I have two) but they need a lot more attention, so when people message me about them I tell them the planned ending.

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

“Fuck, Mickey, I probably shouldn’t have had the third Hot Toddy,” Ian grimaced as the world around him spun. 

Mickey laughed at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Ian wanted to think his future husband just wanted to pull him closer, but he had a feeling it was to steady him.

“Probably should’ve cut you off earlier,” Mickey said tugging Ian closer. 

Ian wobbled and plopped down on the back steps of the porch. Mickey followed suit a moment letter and they both looked out toward the backyard where the Gallaghers, Balls, and a few of the Milkovich cousins were alternatively huddling around a fire, drinking, and dancing.

“I blame Lip for making us have this stupid shared bachelor party in the first place,” Ian grumbled.

Mickey kissed him on the forehead as Ian lay his head on his shoulder. “It’s Sandy’s fault too.”

Ian hmmed in response and Mickey knew he was going to fall asleep any moment. He ran his hand up and down Ian’s arm and watched as Debbie bounced over to them.

“Jesus, you aren’t even married yet and you two are like an old married couple. Are you going to come dance or what?” she whined.

Mickey looked down at Ian, whose eyes were already closed, and then back up to Debbie. She was watching them with knowing eyes.

“We’ll dance at the wedding. Go grab Lip, I need his help to get Sleeping Beauty upstairs.”

Debbie turned to go get her eldest brother and Mickey looked back down at Ian. In his sleep, he nuzzled Mickey’s shoulder, breathed deeply, and a gentle smile appeared there. 

3 more days and they’d officially be husbands. 

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

I was about 10 and my cousin used to write a buffy the vampire slayer zine. There was a link to a site called buffyworld.com or something like that. And I found fanfic that way. There was a link on the site to ff.net and that’s how I stumbled across that. I stayed there for many many years until my second time in the veronica mars fandom around 2014 when I was lead to a03 and then I’ve been there ever since. On and off, my writing has fluctuated through the years based on my personal life.

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

Everywhere! omg. It’s insane. Gallavich I love writing for. There’s so many different facets to them, but truly everywhere I find inspiration. I have a whole doc of gallavich ideas that have stemmed from other fanfics, headcanons from me and other people, rewatching episodes, what’s going to happen in s11, cute moments i’d like to see happen, holidays, and just general life. I saw a pic of WW2 vets who were in a long term relationship and i was like mickey and ian! another idea is born.  

[lost-tanuki]

- Life update (25/08/2020) -

Hey pumpkin! This is an unfortunate announcement plus, I guess, a fortunate summary (which I now think I could've done sooner but I'll just do it now). I'll be talking a lot and it's quite centered on personal stuff so I won't blame you if you skip past it, this is a long post. TL;DR: the unfortunate announcement is that I won't be posting as much as before, the fortunate summary is that I'm very grateful for the year (+ a few months) I've spent as a contributor.

1. Unfortunate announcement : the year which I'm about to start will not allow me to create as efficiently and profusely as I have been creating. 

Long story short, my real-life occupations take priority over my hobbies and internet life. Real life is tiring. I'm going to have to throw myself into work and I'll be too busy/spent to be able to give GM,L the time I used to. The same goes for anything I hoped to update regularly. I probably won't stop writing but I will likely drop the weekly/bi-weekly update schedule unless I’m very motivated all of a sudden. What does this mean I will post? - Original work : snippets, occasional chapters, whump prompt fills - DBH fics : GM,L Vol.1  updates monthly (edit: this objective has been accomplished as of end 2020, and Vol. 2 will have to wait), Lucky Dog/Pigments and Solvents updates probably, maybe oneshots or short fics if I get a burst of inspiration and have the time - End Roll fic, Gintama fic : maybeee? 

I won't be participating in fandom events, obviously, since I won't know how much time I'll be able to devote to those. Answering comments will not be easy but please continue leaving them, I always read them all and it really boosts my mood/creativity :D (Expect me to answer in waves of replies- you might have to wait a year but you'll get one eventually)

I wanted to let you all know about what to expect this year. Hopefully I'll be back on my usual bullshit in about a year, though I'm not sure what I'm supposed to expect of my future exactly. I'm still around so please don't hesitate to interact with me as you have been doing! I'll answer asks and DMs, see mentions and comments, link fanarts to the corresponding chapters (make sure to @ me) and give feedback on them as always!

2. Fortunate summary : the amazing year (+ a few months) I've spent as a contributor

Since I've started posting online a few years ago, I've met people who share my centers of interest and enjoyed talking about writing and drawing and creating. It's not easy finding people like this in real life and it's even harder to dare talk about my own things, and I'm glad that being TNKT allowed me to do this. I feel more confident now. I even feel like I have an actual, tangible talent, and that's very reassuring.

I've written a lot the past year in particular. Really, it's more than I ever have before! I was able to write almost daily and I was constantly inspired, and I've managed to keep a mostly consistent weekly update schedule for the better part of a year with huge-ass chapters (the mean word count per chapter for Good morning, Lieutenant is 7k- and that's not taking into account how the first chapters were about 5k while the later ones tend to be around 10k). That is CRAZY. It's a productivity that I never thought I could achieve, before.

Because I finally decided to join and produce for a big fandom instead of simply enjoying other fans' products, I got to know what it felt like to write (and very very occasionally) draw and be seen by a LOT of people. It hadn't happened to me before for one of my works to get so insanely popular, for readers to actually spread the word and mention my stories, to theorize on them and make fanart. Just thinking about this makes me emotional. Thank you so much for the support you've shown me, I'm grateful for how creative you all are and I'm overjoyed that I could inspire anyone at all in any way. The comments on my works have been so motivating and heart-warming, they made me feel like what I did mattered to many many people and I'm grateful for those who took the time to show me their appreciation. It also makes me emotional to think of the readers who've commented that they felt a sense of kinship with some of my depictions of characters and that it helped them figure themselves out somehow. I'm glad I could help. I had so much fun learning about events like Big Bangs and Gift Exchanges and Zines and participating in them. 

I still am astonished that people see my name and think: "I like what they do, I want to read more of their work, I relate to their writing". Thank you for telling me how you feel about me and the creations I put out in the world. It has been a very incredible year and I hope to spend more of those with you in the future once I'll have accomplished 2020-2021!

If you've made it this far, thank you very much for reading. If you have any questions about anything at all, my ask box is always open! This tanuki wishes you courage and luck for your own year ♥️

[avianscribe]

2020 Roundup

Whew, what a year, right? Right. 

My stats in AO3 are slightly borked, because it's including ALLLLL the numbers for Cracked and Thirst, but only some of the chapters were actually posted in 2020. So calculating my numbers for the year is a little tricky, because AO3 won't do it FOR me.

My actual word count for 2020 is 101,011 (despite AO3 saying it was actually 257,914).

That’s just a little more than half of last year's total (186,867) but really, I was a writing beast last year. This year has been Different, to say the least. I was mostly concentrating on keeping the family in order. So the fact that I managed 100K words with everything going on is still astonishing to me... that's still a full novel, writing about 275 words a day.

There are three fics I wrote in 2020 but will be posted in 2021 due to being part of holiday exchanges and zines, so they’ll be included in my 2021 stats for posting purposes. I also put a good 20k words into a couple of big bang pieces that will be posted in the next couple months, that don’t count towards 2020's tally. I’m only counting words posted to AO3, which doesn’t take into account total words written, but that’s okay.

I think I’d go nuts trying to track that.

One of the goals that I made at the beginning of 2020 was to finish Cracked. I... didn't quite make it, alas! But I DID wrap up the world-hopping part, and now I can work on wrapping up the REST of the story and the final conflict.

Naturally, Cracked was my most popular fic this year, and my second popular was Thirst, but a lot of those kudos are holdovers from last year, too, so I’m not sure if it should count...! So I’ll give a mention to my third most popular fic, my family-friendly dip into ABO: "A Beta's Crash Course in Pack Management". I’m glad people enjoyed it! It will likely be my only foray into ABO outside of Cracked.

I did my annual "write things from one-word prompts" in my birth month again, and that resulted in some fun entries! I expanded on a couple of my Cracked chapters as well. I also started a "Bad Ends" series, which you're welcome to check out if you like pain.

I'm hard pressed to pick a favorite this year... there are several that I like for different reasons! In case you missed any of them, here they are!

Shatter My Universe series (The Cracked Universe):

Cracked chapters 34-42 (WIP) – Ignis is about to use the Ring of the Lucii, and Ardyn decides to put a stop to it by sending Ignis on a different journey – one that takes him through a bunch of alternate worlds. A crack fic that grew a plot, much to my chagrin! We’re getting into the endgame!

Thirst chapters 16-18 (complete) – A vampire AU in which the Lucis Caelums are vampires, and Prompto was part of a cloning program Besithia started to create vampire bait. Shenanigans ensue. Lots of teenage bad-decision-making, with consequences! Based on one of the AUs for Cracked! 

A Purrfect Conundrum – A hunting mishap puts Noctis in charge of a small clowder of cats... And though he's played with his share of strays, he's never had to play vet with them. Based on Cracked chapter 20.

Constants – There are three constants in Noct’s short life. First, his mom and dad are always there for him when he needs them. He doesn’t have to question. Second, when they can’t be near (they are Important and Busy), he has his nursemaid. Third, his Uncle Ardyn is really, really strange. Based on the Uncle Ardyn AU in chapter 24 of Cracked.

Shorts from Prompts

Small –  After a battle, Gladio has to deal with a status effect, and everyone else has to deal with Gladio...

Giggly – Noctis takes Prompto out for drinks the day he becomes legal, and Prompto gets to see a side of Ignis he doesn't usually get to see.

Vengeful – An attack in an arcade leaves Noctis unconscious, and Prompto has to fend for both of them.

Victorious –  Prompto hasn't told Noctis what he's up to and Noctis can only hope Prompto's life isn't in danger. (It's not.)

Clever – Prompto is in Zegnautus Keep, and Noctis comes to save him. Maybe.

Bad Ends series (These are all really awful in various ways; mind the tags!)

The Daemons That Await the Dawn  –  Humanity wouldn’t survive to see the Dawn.

Tag Hunt – Noct and Gladio get recruited for a tag hunt while they're waiting for Prompto and Ignis to show up...

Safe – Prompto has to be revived by phoenix down again -- and it's the last straw.

Other Miscellany:

A Beta’s Crash Course in Pack Management  – Prompto hasn't spent enough time with Gladio and Ignis to feel like he's really part of the pack – but when the pack suddenly has a child in it, he discovers how much he's really needed.

A Singular Cat – Noctis texts that he's brought home a stray cat. At least, that's what Ignis thinks.

In the Crystal’s Wake – The Crystal sucked Noctis inside, leaving the others alone in Zegnautus. Now what?

Just Another (Awful) Day – Prompto's birthday is just like any other day – until it isn't.

What’s for Dinner? – In which the chocobo that steals Ignis's glasses gets served...

Winter Spice and Memories – Right before Winter Solstice and Shivatide, Cor calls Gladio back from a daemon hunt because Iris is up to something... and it's up to Gladio to figure out how to help. A gift fic for last year’s FFXV Book Club Holiday Exchange!

[atelier-dayz]

The Conception and History of AtaLao

This is just a post for me to ramble on about how Ata and Lao (and Asha but he’s like 1/2 not an OC) got started as OCs and recount some of their history leading up to their roles in Under the Desert Sky. So for the one or two of you interested in reading this: 

(GIF from awhiteshirt)

It’s long and convoluted so everything is under the ‘read more’ link.

Otherwise, just carry on scrolling through your dash! 8D

The Beginning

To talk about the start of AtaLao, I first need to talk (briefly) about Rogue One and The Lost Bladesman. 

So I watched Rogue One and fell deep into Chirrut/Baze. That of course meant watching movies that Donnie Yen (DY) and Jiang Wen (JW) were in, which included The Lost Bladesman. 

The Lost Bladesman was set during China’s Three Kingdoms period and starred DY as Guan Yu (GY) and JW as Cao Cao (CC). And lemme just say, in this movie (and in several other Romance of the Three Kingdoms adaptations, including at least one of the Dynasty Warriors games), CC is HELLA THIRSTY for GY. Which kicked off an interest in CC/GY and led me and two friends to evocates’ phenomenal Romance of the Three Kingdoms/The Lost Bladesman series a guide to (dis)honouring your deities which had an interesting approach to A/B/O. 

Between that fic series and the many Hong Kong triad films and old “classic” HK films we watched, my friends and I ended up writing an A/B/O HK Triad AU in which CC was the head of a recently resurrected triad trying to protect/build up their home-city, while GY was one of the few good cops in a (obviously) corrupt system. 

Anyways, getting to the AtaLao part... 

On the left is General Zhang Liao, who acts as CC’s right-hand man in The Lost Bladesman. So naturally, he became CC’s second-in-command in our Triad AU! And look! He is, in fact, Asha! 8D Hence why I say Asha technically is and isn’t an OC LOL

As our Triad AU grew bigger, we added three “elders” to CC’s triad, people who had been important members of the triad before its collapse (due to the police) and were pulled back out of hiding when CC resurrected the triad. One of them, we decided, would be Elder (Ata) Zhang, Asha’s father. (Which was how CC also met Asha.) Elder Zhang had been The Accountant for the triad pre-collapse, knew where all the money in the triad was and went, highly trusted and held in high esteem. He was never arrested by the police, though they did pull him into interrogation once with...not great results for them. (Keeping this PG with minimal violence LOL I can talk about this another time if anyone is interested.)

I, on a whim, decided Elder Zhang’s facecast would be...

Tony Leung because it’s Tony Leung. 

CC had his work cut out convincing Elder Zhang and Asha to support his bid for lead of the triad. *nods*

But what happened to Elder Zhang’s mate? Asha’s other parent? (Lao?) 

(Aside: Andy Lau as his facecast because I LOVE HIM. And he and Tony Leung have SUCH AMAZING CHEMISTRY and ALL THE FODDER for me to use for inspiration, but I’ll stop myself here before I pic spam.)

WELL. 

He died when Asha was about 5 or 6. He was shot and killed by the police while he and Ata were out on a date under suspicion of being a triad member. (”He has the face of a gangster,” they said.) The irony is, he is actually a normal civilian, a low-level architect, and has nothing to do with the triad other than being Ata’s husband.

Thus, by the time our AU took place, Lao hadn’t been present for...over 30 years and was only rarely referenced as a near mythical figure. (;﹏;)

So there we have the beginnings of AtaLao. 

Their backstory makes me incredibly sad all the time. Especially when I think about their childhood/courtship and their dreams and plans for their future. I have lots of art drawn, content made, and thousands of words written for them so just say the word and I’ll share LOL

Proper AtaLao

What do I mean by ‘proper’ AtaLao? Well, when we were working on the Triad AU, none of the characters outside of the canon characters GY, CC, etc had names; we just abbreviated actors’ names. (Asha was just called Zhang. Ata was Elder Zhang. Lao was AL.)

Sooo that brings me back to Rogue One and....

The Ascension of the Lord of Imwe *jazz hands*

With so much inspiration material thanks to the movies DY and JW were in (and because I’m a martial arts nut), I started writing a Chirrut/Baze epic wuxia AU titled the above. It involved Chirrut inheriting the title of Lord (Baze as his right-hand / retainer), a power struggle between households to gain/hold the favor of the Emperor, and the Imwe household working to prove the murder of Chirrut’s father. (It is not posted anywhere. Don’t think it’ll ever see the light of day, but it exists. LOL) 

Since the story involved such a huge cast, I thought, why not pull in Zhang to help Baze with security. And if I’m gonna bring in Zhang, I should bring in Ata and Lao! And give them a happy ending. ;u;

And as it turned out, Ata worked perfectly to serve as a parallel for Chirrut (and AtaLao for Chirrut/Baze). 

(And this part, you’ll notice, I took to fill in his backstory in Under the Desert Sky.) Ata Zhang was the firstborn son of a prominent family, but he was born mute (a reference to an...incident in Triad AU) and treated poorly because of it. He would have been selected to inherit the family title, but was passed over for his “normal” younger brother. He took over the family’s bookkeeping (a reference to his role as The Accountant), and later, bowed to their wishes to an arranged marriage, from which he got Asha. 

(Chirrut is the firstborn son of the Imwe family, fully expected not to inherit the title because of his originally sickly constitution and failing eyesight. To the surprise and consternation of many, he did in fact inherit the title.)

As for Lao, he was an orphan taken in by the Zhang family and initially raised to be a servant, before they switched him to security. He met Ata when they were tiny children, and he accidentally found Ata crying over the way people were treating him. Lao ended up promising to always protect Ata, and eventually becomes Ata’s personal bodyguard. 

Please know there’s a LOT of PINING, and longing looks, and knowing they have feelings for each other but never acting on them, and then there’s Ata’s marriage, and baby Asha imprinting like a duckling on Lao, and-- aaaaaaaaah (　ﾟДﾟ)＜!!!!!!!!!!!

Eventually though, as I reference in Under the Desert Sky, Ata’s wife leaves, causing a scandal, and the family takes their displeasure out on Asha, which is the last straw for Ata. He takes Asha and leaves, but of course Lao goes with him. They finally work things out, and when we see them in the fic, they’re an old(ish) married couple who joined the Imwe household along with Asha to protect Ata from his younger brother, who is trying to assasinate him to secure his leadership in the family. 

That is AtaLao. 

(Please look at this picture of them that my dear friend Kei / kannibal on here and twitter drew for me and that has been my phone wallpaper ever since. ♡ฅ(ᐤˊ꒳ฅˋᐤ♪))

And since they already were in a fic with Chirrut and Baze, I figured, why not include them in Under the Desert Sky, an actual SW divergent AU and not just something wildly AU LOL And it works out perfectly as a pseud-parallel(?) with Ata as a Guardian, Lao as a Mando vs Obi as a Jedi, Jango the Mando. d(￣◇￣)b

Other Existing Iterations of AtaLao

I will keep this brief in the form of bullet points:

Infernal Affairs AU - After watching Infernal Affairs, I had to, had to write a mash up of it and our Triad AU. In it, Ata is still an accountant for the Triad, but was planted by the police. Lao is the mole the triad places among the police. Ata and Lao have a sort of missed connection history when they meet in the fic. I do want to finish it someday because I love what I have written so far. Maybe for the zine I’m hypothetically making one day...

In addition to Triad AU, we also ended up creating an epic high fantasy/Three Kingdoms AU and made two additional variations on top of it. The Main AU involved Lao as a High Priest and healer who ends up mentoring one of the Emperors’ daughters in the healing arts, while Ata is a major in the Emperor’s army who ends up leading a lot of supernatural investigations alongside Lao. 

Modern AU is a urban fantasy version of the high fantasy AUs, with everyone in similar roles, just updated for the modern age. 

AAAAND THAT’S IT. I’ll do a post on AtaLao in Under the Desert Sky sometimes since I know their backstory won’t be much of a focus in the fic. :)

PS I ended up making a little diagram to make sense of the AUs that ended up popping up in what order and from what influence. Not sure it’s actually helpful to anyone but here is it: 

[altumvidetur]

Pacific Rim: Newmann Fic Recs

So, I was thinking about the coronavirus pandemic and what I could do to help people out. I’m isolated because I’m at higher risk, so I can’t really offer to go out for my elderly neighbors or my family… but I thought I could try to help keep people entertained.

Because I don’t have an AO3 account right now, I’ve been compiling fic recs for my own amusement for a year or so. And I thought – maybe that’s the time to share these with everyone? So everyone will have plenty of things to read while they have to stay at home, or even to escape anxiety a little bit if you’re forced to go out.

Of course, these cater to my own tastes, so you may find stuff you don’t like around here. I never include works in progress. The Mature and Explicit works will be in italic. I ask you to READ THE WORK’S TAGS before continuing, so you won’t find anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I haven’t managed to read the whole Newmann tag yet (started on page 183, am now on page 77). From what I’ve gathered, most of these recs are from before Pacific Rim Uprising. I watched that movie (although I wish I hadn’t), so feel free to discuss it. I hope you like them!

“The Things That Stay” ‘verse, by singagainsoon

a collection of non-linear moments, snapshots, tiny dots on an endless timeline

i would kill to make you feel, by singagainsoon

Hermann gets really red when he’s mad - his ears, his cheeks, his stupid fucking cute nose. Even his neck gets these big red spots on it. It’s funny. It’s really, seriously funny.

i’ll be a rockin’, rollin’ bitch for you, by singagainsoon

“Don’t be foolish, Newton. I can think of a hundred better things for you to do with that mouth-“

Entomologist AU, by singagainsoon

Two weeks ago, he’d been in the midst of furiously tapping out an absolutely incensed email to the man who somehow managed to consistently infuriate him from another department, even, and what Hermann would have given then to strangle him, truly - and then Dr. Geiszler himself had appeared in Hermann’s doorway, toeing the carpet with his scuffed up Doc Martens and asking if they might try to talk things out over dinner.

Hermann hadn’t known it was a date.

they did the mash!, by singagainsoon

obligatory newt-wears-a-sexy-halloween-costume-and-hermann-has-to-rail-him-because-he-can’t-help-himself ficlet!! tis the season!!

(video) call me at any time, by singagainsoon

When Newt finds himself away from Hermann for a business trip of sorts, they figure out fairly quickly that they won’t last until Newton comes home.

Good Vibrations, by singagainsoon

“Newton, are you quite certain about this?”

Newt smiles, gives the odd-shaped dildo in his hand a teasing wave and sets it aside in favor of the vibrator. His face seems to hint at something along the lines of Funny Thing To Say When You’ve Just Had A Dildo In Your Ass, but he doesn’t say it.

-

my lovely, talented friend and fellow writer gaby commissioned me to write this piece and let me tell you i had the time of my life (as did hermann, i’m sure)

A Certain Step Towards Falling In Love, by singagainsoon

“You’re terribly lucky, darling, that my father is away,” he says, voice low, smoothing his palm over Newton’s wind-tousled hair.

Eating In, by singagainsoon

It really was supposed to be just a massage.

you make me feel so young, by zach_stone

In the wake of saving the world, Hermann decided to appreciate the little things.

Or, Hermann and Newt go grocery shopping. And, because it’s Newt, shenanigans ensue.

seven minutes in heaven, by zach_stone

Hermann was enjoying a quiet, peaceful morning when Newton burst into the lab and shoved both of them into a closet.

in other words, i love you, by zach_stone

Newt is having a difficult day. Hermann has an idea to make it better.

hold me in this wild, wild world, by zach_stone

Hermann didn’t often allow himself to cry. Humanity was barreling towards the end of days, and he simply didn’t have time to fall to pieces, not when people needed him — needed his work. But four rangers had died. He decided he could allow himself one small moment of grief.

–

Or, some Hermann-centric hurt/comfort because I just want to give him a hug. Set pre-canon.

it might be over soon, by zach_stone

To celebrate a victory, Newt steals a bottle of booze and he and Hermann drink, argue, and maybe finally act on their feelings.

hey i just met you (and this is crazy), by zach_stone

Newt Geiszler accidentally texts the wrong number when trying to message his roommate Raleigh, and instead winds up texting Hermann Gottlieb, who he’s never met.

(AKA a college texting AU that I promise was absolutely necessary)

worthy of celebration, by zach_stone

It’s a well-known fact around the Shatterdome that Hermann does not like his birthday. This year, Newt’s determined to change that.

lab-appropriate decor, by zach_stone

“For god’s sake, Newton, that is wildly inappropriate,” Hermann snapped. “Those things are not cute, they are abominations. I don’t know why I’m surprised, once again you prove that you have no tact —” “Oh, give it a rest, Hermann,” Newton retorted, rolling his eyes. “It’s not an abomination, it’s two feet tall and made of plastic.”

Or, some backstory to the one of the kaiju figures in Hermann’s lab in Uprising.

The Geiszler & Gottlieb Post-Saving-the-World Lecture Tour, by zach_stone

Following Newt and Hermann as they tour universities, argue across podiums, and fall in love.

feel your heartlines, by zach_stone

Newt and Hermann cuddling on the couch at the end of a lazy summer day.

We Don’t Skip A Beat, by decadent_mousse

Summary by me: Newt, Hermann, and their heartbeat over the years. 

the lure of adventure, by zach_stone

Newt is a reckless treasure hunter. Hermann is an intrepid journalist. On their search for some long-lost treasure, they run into a little more trouble than they bargained for.

AU based loosely on the Uncharted video game series - no knowledge of the games needed to understand the fic!

wouldn’t it be nice, by zach_stone

Newt and Hermann spend a day at the beach.

take your time, make it slow, by zach_stone

Hermann was far from shy in bed, but was quick to brush off Newt’s insistent (and one hundred percent correct, Newt might add) claims that he was the sexiest person to walk the earth. Well, if Hermann wouldn’t believe his words, then maybe he’d believe his actions. And Newt was nothing if not a man of action.

–

Prompt fill for Newmann Porn Fest 2018: “Body Worship” !!

when you are close to me, i shiver, by zach_stone

When the heating goes out in the lab, Newt comes up with a great idea on how to stay warm.

–

Another fic for the Newmann Porn Fest 2018! Prompt was “huddling together for warmth” ;)

it suits you, by zach_stone

“Newton, for goodness’ sake, can we just — no.” Hermann frowned at the selections Newt held up in front of him. A pair of overalls and a red-and-black flannel shirt, both Newt’s. “I am not wearing dungarees.” “Okay, first of all, cute that you call them dungarees,” Newt said, grinning. “Second of all, you would look very cute in these, they’re seasonal, and I am not kidding when I say you’ll ruin your slacks if you wear them to a farm.” He wiggled the overalls in Hermann’s direction, the buckles on the braces jingling as he did so. Hermann let out a long-suffering sigh, mostly for show. He really did need to invest in a pair of jeans.

–

Fic for the Newmann SFW Fest! Prompts were “sharing clothes/personal items” and “pumpkin/apple picking”

ease my slumber, by zach_stone

Newt can’t sleep; luckily, Hermann’s got a really soothing voice.

–

Or, a conversation about how Hermann would have a good voice for ASMR turned into this.

pick up and start again, by zach_stone

“This,” Hermann says imperiously, glaring at Newt from the other side of the elevator, “is your fault.”

Newt whips around to face him so fast he almost loses his balance. “My fault?! How the hell is this my fault?!” He gestures wildly at the elevator door. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot it was my personal responsibility to make sure this piece of shit elevator is maintained so I don’t get trapped in it with the most annoying person in the Shatterdome —”

“You’re always trapped with yourself though, aren’t you?” Hermann sneers, and Newt lets out a hysterical bark of laughter. This cannot be happening. Of all the times for the elevator to break down between floors, it has to happen now, when he and Hermann are in the midst of a fight that’s quickly blown itself out of proportion.

–

Newt and Hermann get stuck in an elevator, and are forced to work out some of their shit.

just your touch could cure my lonesome blood, by zach_stone

Four times all Newt needed was a hug from Hermann, and one time it was the other way around.

(Or, sentimental cuddling: the fic.)

Heart and Soul, by zach_stone

A quiet day in the lab is interrupted when Newt coerces Hermann into playing piano with him.

My contribution to The Last Line of Defense Zine (spring 2019)!

Lullaby & Rain, by j_gabrielle

It still blows his mind, still makes him stop in his frenetic need to move, speak and think whenever he remembers that Hermann…

Whatever Hermann is to him these days.

Carry Me To You, by j_gabrielle

For the prompt on the kink meme that asked for; Hermann/Newton. Lab sex

the world ablaze, that’s the best for me, by postcardmystery

Summary by me: Newt and Hermann are two unstoppable forces of nature.

Please, Sir, May I Have Another, by eigengrau

It isn’t until Newt is bent over the desk, papers and glass specimen jars strewn about like the debris of a hurricane, white-knuckling the hard stainless steel with his pants around his ankles, that he realizes the gravity of the situation.

Hide and Seek, by DoubleStashed

Summary by me: Hermann Gottlieb - life and love for Newt Geiszler.

pull the trigger without thinking, by liginamite

It’s manageable for the first few days. Shared emotions, shared thoughts, words spoken in unison. But it’s only when they share a nightmare born of memories that it finally occurs to them that maybe this isn’t going to go away.

Rechtsbrecher, by Ezlebe

“If you’ve lost your key again, you’re not getting another,” Hermann says, sidestepping past Newton’s hunched form on the steps.

Darling, by BeeLove

In which Newton rides Hermann for all he’s worth. Or at least tries to.

unravelling, by kiyala

It’s been a while since Newton’s taken his meds. Hermann begins to notice.

All of Your Flaws and All of My Flaws, by CinnamonCake

Hermann is still there tomorrow and the day after and Newton tries to not break his face with the door again.

and i fell fine, by ohgod

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide –

what history has given me, by kiyala

In which Newton is a girl and she really doesn’t have the time for your shit.

Solving For X, by griesly

No matter what opinion Doctor Gottlieb had proclaimed concerning his tattoos on numerous occasions, Newt knew the score. He’d glimpsed a heady rush of somewhat mortified appreciation, just an old memory surfacing in the Drift from the first time Newt rolled up his sleeves in the lab. He could still feel it like a taut string in Hermann’s mind, in the same way he knew his lab partner was too surly to ever admit it. It was all tangled up with his impression of the way Newt approached the world, a precisely calibrated instrument in one hand and a nail-bat in the other. Newt had to smile at the way Hermann saw him, a churlish adolescent and a half-mad genius all wrapped up in a hurricane.

…or, sometimes even the sharpest minds in the PPDC can be excused for a being a bit dense.

Towards, by orphan_account

Based vaguely off the Lemony Snicket quote: “When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”

Hermann finds Newt in the lab after the clock stops, and realizes that sometimes all you can do is wait.

Dear Diary,, by ohgod

That is way, way, WAY too close to my whole InuYasha phase. Do-over!

the night will go on, by ohgod

Mako is sheltered, Herc is old, Raleigh doesn’t want to know about any of this, and Tendo is a perpetual asshole.

I Get My Kicks Above the Waistline, Sunshine, by ambitiousbutrubbish

Summary by me: Newton’s exploration of his asexuality.

corpus callosum, by hieronyma

1 + 1 = 1.

when it’s broken, it’s perfect, by liginamite

Love is not divided up into neat little graphs and numbers and theorems, able to be charted if one only took the time and effort to do so. No, love is… it is unpredictable and volatile. Hermann doesn’t really do unpredictable and volatile, but with Newt he doesn’t have much of a say in the matter.

After the Rockets Calm, by callmejude

written for the kink meme prompt: “The morning after Newt and Hermann sleep together for the first time, Hermann comes over all ridiculously British and can’t cope with the intimacy and loss of inhibition. Newt is having none of that nonsense and tells him to quit fussing and come back to bed for snuggles.”

behind us, by kiyala

After the Breach is closed, Newt asks Hermann to go to Boston with him. Hermann doesn’t leave.

They Say It’s Your Birthday, by callmejude

for the kink meme prompt: These two have worked together for many years, and obviously have had to continue working through special occasions, including their birthdays. I know they strongly disliked each other, but deep down they are good friends and I’d love to see anything (slashy or friendshippy) showing how they acknowledge or celebrate birthdays. I’m betting Newt is secretly into baking and Hermann comes in one day on his birthday not expecting anyone to even know, only to find a Kaiju shaped cake on his desk with a sparkler or a candle stuck messily in the centre. Or or or Newt comes in on his 30th birthday and he’s like depressed and absurdly quiet for the day cause he’s not ready to be that old and Hermann realizes why he’s being all docile so he takes off at lunch only to return with pizza and stuff to cheer Newt up and celebrate his birthday. OR YOU KNOW ANYTHING YOU WANT.

within reason, by kiyala

Newt goes to the Skull Temple after the Breach is closed. Hermann goes with him.

pull you through the mirror (before you come undone), by griesly

The War is over. The war is over, and everyone else has something important to do and somewhere else to be except Newt.

shaken, by kiyala

Newton has nightmares. Sometimes, Hermann has them too. 

Imagine Sisyphus Happy, by Jenni_Snake

They’re colonists… we’ve practically terraformed it for them. -Dr. Newton Geiszler

“The thing we saw with the Europeans was that they wanted their new world enough: they didn’t care who stood in their way.” -Dr. Melanie Mountain Horse

“Do not rely not on the likelihood of the enemy’s not coming, but on our own readiness to receive them.” -Sun Tsu

“The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor. … I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain. One always finds one’s burden again. … One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” -Albert Camus

How The Light Gets In, by griesly

He’d told Hermann time and time again that he didn’t love the kaiju, he studied them with a curiosity born from a life-long fascination with the giants of the earth. Newt had always been the dinosaur kid – still was, if he was being honest with himself, and the kaiju were the biggest, most awe inspiring terrors he’d ever seen.

the body is not an apology, by BeeLove

In which Hermann triggers some of Newton’s insecurities and strives to make up for it.

When Two Substances Collide, by Emileesaurus and ripkord

Doctors Geiszler and Gottlieb — the first ones in and the last ones out. Thirteen scenes from the countdown to the end of the world.

Scar, by mlle

A tiny thing written for Jaegercon Bingo.

Not every tattoo makes a scar.

I’ve got nothing to say but it’s ok, by madness_and_smiles

Newt’s burned into Hermann’s brain now, like an itch he can’t scratch. Whenever they’re in the same room together – which Newt likes to make sure is almost always – there’s the low hum at the back of his mind telling him Newt is there and Newt is feeling and breathing and sometimes they feel and breathe in unison and it makes Hermann drop his chalk.

in which kaiju guts were not part of the wedding vows, by orphan_account

“You’ve got your glower face on,” Newt remarked above him, and Hermann opened his eyes just to scowl at Newt’s concerned face.

“I am a thread away from murdering my own science team, so, yes, I suppose a glower here and there would not go amiss.”

Seeing in Color, by what_alchemy

The Dr. Geiszler Hermann had found in the publications — printed pages worn with constant handling and tucked into his briefcase for easy access — was an eloquent scientist whose work functioned at a level far above almost anyone else Hermann had ever encountered in the field, and yet he neither patronized his readers nor expressed himself in the inexplicable jargon which so infected much academic work. He was singular in his intelligence. Hermann thought this was a man he could understand — and who could understand him in turn.

More fool he.

Kämpfen, by Huntsmonsters

“The point is that Hermann loves numbers like they were his children, except that Hermann hates children. He loves them and the way they go together the way Newt loves every sample that enters his collection, the way he loves tattoo needles and his books of scribbled anatomical drawings and the harried, barely legible, 4 in the morning notes scrawled around them when the first pieces of a freshly dead Kaiju come in. These are the tools with which they carve themselves, the knives and chisels and guides, the planes on which their shapes are made. Hermann is held up by his cane, but it isn’t the reason he’s standing. They’ve both gone through the rabbit hole and come out again with something clenched in their fists. ”

In which arguments are had over equations and entrails, vivisections are banned, and Newt uses ink to prepare for the possibility of death.

I Was the Match And You Were The Rock, by griesly

Written for the Jaegercon Bingo Square: ‘The Drift’

'Hermann is strong and solid and stable even if no one else at the PPDC would ever think so, Newt knows so, and come to think of it, he always has. He just never knew the man’s mind would be so goddamn beautiful, so bright and full of purpose and satisfaction at a job well done that somehow, impossibly, included him.’

Lucky Number Seven, by griesly

'Newton?’ Hermann called out, only to hear an answering 'Shhh!’ issue from behind a moving curtain. He appeared to have cordoned off an area in the back corner of the lab with heavy screens, labeled 'Light-Sensitive Specimens – DO NOT TOUCH.’ Newton poked his head around the corner with a slightly manic grin.

'Lock the door,’ he advised before motioning Hermann enthusiastically over to a break in a thick curtain. Hermann frowned and paced across the room, wondering what could possibly be so important and so secretive that Newton would have to obfuscate its very existence.

Whatever it was, Hermann was certain he wasn’t going to like it.

autoclave, by cynicalRaconteur

Or: How the fuck is she so attractive, she dresses like my grandfather, I want to punch myself in the face: the Newt Geiszler story.

nyctophobia (into the light of the dark black night), by orphan_account

“See, the thing about birthdays is they’re totally an annual thing,” Newt explained, handing Hermann his latte. “And I’ve known you for, what, twelve years? Thirteen?”

“Fifteen,” Hermann interjected tersely. “And a half.”

Do you have Prince Albert in a can?, by mwestbelle

Newt has a Prince Albert piercing. That’s about it.

This Most Beautiful System, by rosepetalfall

Like Watson and Crick, Newton Geiszler and Hedda Gottlieb are two scientific names almost invariably thought of together.

-

Hedda Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler grow up, save the world, conquer academia, defy the odds, do some ill-advised things, do some brilliant things, and learn about love. Not necessarily in that order.

In the Midst of the Blackest Storm, by TrufflesTheMushroom

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, at the precipice of our hope, at the new beginning of our time, we can choose not only to believe in ourselves, but in each other. Tomorrow, there will not be a single person on our shores who shall stand alone. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow we will face the monsters that are at our door and take the fight to them. Tomorrow, we are facing the apocalypse. As one.

Or: Tendo Choi used to coerce every Jaeger Strike Team in the Hong Kong Shatterdome into boosting its dwindling funds with shady black market deals, and this is how he gets everyone to slowly become a family once more as the world faces the re-opening of the Breach and humanity’s darkest hour.

Or: How To Trust When All Seems Hopeless

i forget the difference between seduction and arson, by gyzym

Ignition and cognition.

animals trapped (the cage is full), by liginamite

Because that’s the problem, isn’t it? The world doesn’t have time for affection, for intimacy, for anything more than quickly coming and cleaning off and heading back to work like nothing ever happened.

The Mathematician’s Answer, by ConstanceComment

“Prosper our handiwork; O prosper the work of our hands.” — Psalm 90

People Might Laugh at Your Tattoos, by callmejude

It’s armor.

Conversations You Don’t Know We’re Having, by adventuring

The spleen was doing something very uncooperative now, turning colors no alien spleen was meant to turn, and oh god, was something bubbling? That could not be good. “No, baby, no, I can fix this, I can do better, just give me one more chance,” he begged it, ignoring Hermann’s baffled, “Pardon?” in his ear. He grabbed frantically at the tongs, fumbling them, realized he probably couldn’t fix this situation one-handed, and said to Hermann, “Gotta go, important work to be done.”

“Newton, I swear to you, do not hang up this phone, follow my instructions—”

“No time, man, science is happening,” he said, and then without thought tacked on, “Bye, love you,” and threw the phone in what was likely the direction of his desk, not bothering to end the call. Hermann probably kept talking, but hello, science.

California King, by notastranger

Hermann is not a sleep cuddler. Bummer.

that every man might have need of other, by lymricks

In the few hours it took to reconcile Newton’s gone with Newton left, Hermann had created an elaborate fantasy: Newton kidnapped, Newton taken, Newton needing to be saved. He had not considered that leaving had been Newton’s idea. He had not thought it would be voluntary.

You Lost, Doctor?, by hailtherandom

“The next morning, Hermine goes to work with a clear head. It sticks for all of about thirteen minutes, until Newt walks into the offices in a pair of jeans and an old, threadbare undershirt instead of her usual button-down, and numbers flicker out of Hermine’s mind like lights in a Jaeger. Newt glances up and shoots her a filthy grin, then drops her coat on her desk and pulls out a pair of gloves. Hermine loses whole equations to the kaiju rippling over the muscles in Newt’s forearms.”

Private in Public, by spirogyra

Dr. Newton Geiszler and Dr. Hermann Gottlieb get introduced to life in a shatterdome, and somehow survive showering together for ten years even when they’re on separate continents.

Nightmares, by beckettemory

“Hermann frowned, remembering the bags under Newton’s eyes and the constant bubbling of the coffee maker in the corner brewing pot after pot of strong coffee all day.” ——————- Hermann, sore after a long day, passes the laboratory and realises that, though well into the night, Newton is still working, and has been acting strangely for a few days.

Lights On, by berlynn_wohl

Hermann’s solitude and shame was an immovable object inside him. He had yet to find out that it would soon encounter an unstoppable force.

Not While I’m Around, by callmejude

written for the kinkmeme prompt: In all the years they’ve worked with each other, Hermann can’t remember ever seeing Newt angry - upset and frustrated, maybe, but never angry. Sure, they argue and raise their voices at each other all the time, but that’s just lively intellectual discourse - they’re never really mad at each other. Hermann has always just kind of assumed that Newton is so easy going that nothing can set him off.

And then someone messes with Hermann, and Newton absolutely explodes with rage.

Come Away To The Water, by funnylookingfella

The Kaiju War is over, there are no Jaegers left, the mourning period has passed… but the hive mind lingers.

A Little Friendly Challenge, by moonblossom

Newt knows how to get Hermann to cooperate.

I wear your granddad’s clothes, I look incredible., by notastranger

Newton comes up with what he thinks is a hilarious Halloween costume. Things do not go as planned.

venus in fleurs, by indications

6.7k of boring-ass white boys touchin dicks

so it goes, by liginamite

The world needs Newton Geiszler, and with that thought in mind, it’s Hermann that drifts with the Kaiju instead.

sugar, spice, and graduate programs, by classyfanperson

Newt works at a coffee shop. Hermann is studying abroad at MIT. Pumpkin lattes are good for the soul.

Good Day for Ghosts, by cryogenia

Hermann wakes into the new world, and carries the remains of the old with him.

Equality, by pickleplum

“‘Immediate family only’ is our policy and no amount of yelling at me will change it, Doctor Geiszler. Unless you are Doctor Gottlieb are long-lost brothers, you need to calm down and wait in the reception area or we’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Newt makes a very loud exasperated noise and throws his hands in the air, but turns and marches into the waiting room. He drops himself onto a couch and pulls at his hair in frustration. I’m going to behave, he tells himself firmly. I’m not going to freak out over this total bullshit and get myself tossed out of here. No way. I can do this.

no man is an island, by narcomanic

Running away from the hive mind is easier said than done, especially when you’ve been so clever all your life that you never had to learn how to ask for help.

Time Will Crawl and Our Mouths Run Dry, by hailtherandom

It was Hermann’s idea, oddly enough. Sometimes Newt never quite believes that, thinks he made it up in a dream or a drunken haze, because Hermann, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, does not suggest things like that. But he did, and Newt laughed in his face, and then blinked a few times and said, “what, really?” “Yes, really,” Hermann said. “It’s logical, Newton, if you take a moment to think about it.” — Hermann and Newt. Mutual handjobs at twenty-one hundred hours every Wednesday and Friday. Slight complications develop.

After Zero, by what_alchemy

The war is over. Hermann and Newt get on with their [sex] lives.

More Than I Can Return, by callmejude

written for the kinkmeme prompt: “Newt likes to flirt with Hermann, the fact that he never flirts back does not discourage him at all. An outsider might think that Newt is foolishly in love with someone who doesn’t care about him back at all. But one day in the lab out of nowhere, Hermann says, "Alright, what if I just bring you off with my hand? Will that make you more bearable?”

Newt’s thrilled and doesn’t miss a beat. “God, Hermann, a handy would be awesome right now! Thanks, man!”, all while he’s unzipping his fly and grabbing the surgical lube for improper use.

From then on they start hooking up whenever it pleases both of them. Sometimes handjobs, sometimes frottage, occasionally one will penetrate the other. But most importantly, Newt never stops calling Hermann “man” or “dude” during the act, and keeps talking as if Hermann was just doing him a mundane favour, or he was doing a favour for Hermann.

It isn’t until they sit on the sofa in Hermann’s room one night, cuddling up and making out after a taxing workday, with no signs of anyone unclothing or unzipping, that Newt thinks maybe affection has something to do with it.“

Jackpot, by notastranger

People say some strange things when coming out of anesthesia.

Cleaning Days, by jotc

All Hermann Gottlieb wanted was a clean lab space of his own.

Feels Like Reckless Driving, by lakehymn

“Did you just say I’m right about something?” Newton asks, feigning shock. Then he lightheartedly elbows Hermann in the ribs and adds, “I always knew you loved me.”

everyone needs a place (it shouldn’t be inside someone else), by orphan_account

His brain goes a gazillion miles an hour in loopy misdirectional circles, and when he dreams he dreams of kaiju biology, of being back in their lab, of sharp elbows in a small bed.

Chatter, by berlynn_wohl

“What do you think? Is today going to be a good day?”

Unhappy Campers (or Why You Can’t Perform CPR on Someone Who’s Still Breathing), by Jenni_Snake

A summer science camp field trip to the mountains. What could be more fun? Probably anything, especially for a group of nerdy science kids.

Hermann Gottlieb’s Stacker Pentecost Obsession Trapper Keeper, by what_alchemy

Hermann has a giant man crush on Stacker.

Newt finds it delightful. Herc, not so much.

what’s your rush, by Byacolate

Summary by me: An elaboration of Hermann and Newt’s relationship before and after the closing of the Breach.

Baby, You’re Hotter than my Bunsen Burner, by SkysongMA

They argue like they breathe—but that’s not all there is to it. Newt flirts, and it’s disgusting.

It’s not that Hermann minds flirting. The Kaidonovskies have propositioned everyone in the PPDC, or so it seems, and Tendo has intimated more than once that he wouldn’t mind spending some time in the lab, “talking numbers.” The Shatterdome is a small place. One has to practice somewhere.

It’s just that Newt is so bad at it.

Becoming History, by Scientia_Fantasia

Sure, the phrase “crotchety old man who obviously pays no attention to the current scientific community” may have snuck its way into one of the letters, but hey, that’s what you get for calling Up-And-Coming Scientific Rockstar Newton Geiszler “some kid.” Like, the guy had it coming. Really.

It Is not Heaven, It Is Home, by bravinto

Finding the love of your life is awfully anticlimactic.

Fleece, by berlynn_wohl

Newt and Hermann enjoy a day of terminally fluffy domesticity, with maybe a few minutes set aside for shenanigans on the sofa. Also, monsters (duh).

For What It’s Worth, I’d Do It Again, by callmejude

Between finding Newton seizing on the floor and running to get Pentecost, Hermann needs to make sure Newton is okay.

The Stretch and Pull of Disused Hearts, by billiethepoet

Newt notices that the move to the Anchorage Shatterdome is affecting Hermann’s leg. So Newt builds him a hot yoga studio out of spare parts and an abandoned storage closet. Obviously.

Best Cock On The Block, by hobbitdragon

They’ve been so close and yet so far for fourteen years now, but the drift is the pebble that starts the avalanche of change. (By which we mean sex)

This started out as a short ficlet and quickly grew beyond ficlet status into a full-blown fic. I guess I really wanted to write more trans smut.

The Seconds In Between, by orphan_account

Sort of a day in the life of Hermann (and Newt, always with Newt). Mostly, I had a lot of tiny little headcanons and then tried to spin them all together in a fic.

hallo mutti, hallo vati, by classyfanperson

Newt and Hermann visit the Gottlieb family after the Breach is closed. Some are happier to see them than others.

The Cost of Craving Dark Instead of Light, by sonnie

Summary by me: Monica Schwartz and her son, Newton. 

The Two Weirdos Who Work In The Lab, by berlynn_wohl

Two vignettes about the worst kept secret in the Shatterdome.

he’s thunderstorms, by mundaneanarchy

Wherein Newt maybe possibly has a teeny tiny itsy bitsy almost microscopic crush on a certain grumpy old mathematician and Hermann falls and can’t get up. Angsty pining ensues. (explicit for chapter 2)

Never Done with Killing Time, by orphan_account

In between one day and the next, there’s always some time for some loving.

Quantum Degeneracy, by trell

Newt makes a sound from where he’s hidden behind his kaiju, behind his arms, and then he croaks, "I can’t play anymore.”

Hermann’s eyes flick to the electric keyboard sitting near Newt’s desk—a paper-covered, disorganized disaster of a thing—and he says, quietly, “Ah.”

the best laid plans, by liginamite

The plan, you see, was to totally sex Hermann up immediately after the world was saved. But you know that old saying about well-laid plans.

Generated Affects, by trell

Twelve is you washing your hands ten times up to the elbow in the space of the half an hour you spend prepping kaiju entrails for long-term cryo. It’s him that stops you, him that struggles over to the sink on his cane and grabs you by the wrists, hands fitting perfectly over the open maws of Hundun and Yamarashi, and he says “Stop,” and “Newton, think, this isn’t like you, it is like—” and the me hangs unspoken but you get it, let him guide you over to a bench in the lab and force you to sit still long enough to tone down the compulsion.

five times newt proposed to hermann and the one time he said yes, by mundaneanarchy

title is self explanatory.

alternate title: the fear of falling apart

warning: cheesy and kinda dumb

macho dudes in lace undies, by mundaneanarchy

Summary by me: Newt, Hermann and a lingerie kink.

one last kiss while we’re far too young to die, by mundaneanarchy

Newt and Hermann meet, fall in love, hate each other, lose each other, find each other, kiss drunkenly, save/destroy the world, and get married. All in that order.

it is one way to live, by fuckener

Newt would stay stuck in the wartime if nobody tried pulling him out of it.

Black Velvet Rabbits rockstar AU, by spirogyra

Summary by me: In which Hermann is the number one fan of Newt’s rock band, The Black Velvet Rabbits.

Sea Swept, by cypress_tree

A high seas fantasy AU in which Hermann is a ship’s navigator and Newton is found washed up among flotsam.

there are no atheists in foxholes, by liginamite

Newt and Hermann have been feeling off since they helped to cancel the apocalypse. They’re losing time, long black-outs, periods of aggression. The feeling that there’s something else, something they can’t pin down.

The thing is, the Kaiju drift left something behind in the both of them, and it’s determined to get out.

Can’t Wait for You to Shut Me Up, by callmejude

written for the kink meme prompt: “Hermann tells Newt to shut up, Newt tells Hermann to make him. They make out. That’s the prompt.”

(That may have been the prompt but I admit to it going much further than that.)

Dead Letter Chorus, by QuokkaFoxtrot

It’s if you’ve never heard anything true. But we will try 'til the next time or the last time. Dead Letter Chorus - You Am I

Newt owns a coffee shop. Hermann is a tenured professor at the local university. Their relationship has its ups and downs.

Also: Chuck is a champion barista, Mako is a world travelling Direct Trade negotiator, Stacker and Herc play a lot of chess, and Tendo owns Shatterdome Records.

Much coffee is consumed. (Except by Hermann who is a priss about how his tea should be prepared.)

bones, sinking like stones, by mundaneanarchy

You don’t love him. You don’t love him even though you do, you know you do, you know you do so much it hurts, but you don’t.

have yourself a merry little christmas, by classyfanperson

Hermann isn’t going home for Hanukkah, so Newt insists they both visit his family back home. They continue to not talk about their feelings.

Or: A Very Geiszler Christmas.

Newton Geiszler’s 11 Ways to Save the World, by kaijukonjou

Keep to yourself, keep your chin up, and maybe you’ll make it out in one piece.

Five Times Newt And Hermann Kiss While They Are Drunk, by luceluceluceluce

A brief timeline of the apocalypse from the perspective of a pair of nerds: a story of science, alcohol, and love.

Become What We’ve Always Been, by irisbleufic

Hermann doesn’t have enough time to experience a crisis over Newton’s response to his unvoiced request; he’s drifting into that self-same lethargy, eyelids heavy, his arm across the cane gone slack.

it wouldn’t be make believe, by infinituity

“By the way, dude,” he says, and he reaches down both to grab his notepad as well as to avoid looking at Hermann, “my parents think we’re dating.”

Instead of the expected angry yelling, he gets only silence in response, so he looks up to see Hermann opening his mouth to speak, reconsidering, closing it, and repeating. After several more repeats than strictly necessary, he sighs and slumps down in his seat.

“Of course they do,” he says.

sweet as anything, by classyfanperson

Newt is embarrassed about certain aspects of her body. Hermine is considerably more enthusiastic.

The Statistics of Touch, by WheresPeebs

Alternate Title: If You Would Just Stop Interrupting Each Other, Everything Would Be Worked Out in the First Friggin’ Paragraph.

Hermann is uncomfortable with public displays of… well, anything. It causes problems.

First, by cypress_tree

Newt and Hermann’s first time is Newt’s first first time.

Roses are red, and if that’s kaiju blue so help me Newton, by unnecessary

Summary by me: Newton and Hermann have some communication problems. 

point me in the direction of the last setting sun, by orphan_account

They were two women standing against the end of the world.

Urine Trouble, by kinkitsecretkinkitsafe

Hermann has a thing for watersports. Newt finds out.

breathing free and even, by classyfanperson

He’s working on it. They’re working on it.

High-Five for Hatesex, by kinkitsecretkinkitsafe

Summary by me: Newton has a thing for Hermann and justifies it as hate!sex. He might be wrong.

Counterpoint, by kinkitsecretkinkitsafe

Summary by me: Sequel to High-Five for Hatesex.

a thousand spiders down the drain, by Byacolate

Children can be so cruel to boys who pick flowers.

Secret Agent Scientist, by Malteaser

Written for the prompt: Hermann, secret badass; He has something cool like a fencing saber installed in his cane and when someone fucks with them he kicks their ass and keeps talking like nothing happened.

A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way, by patster223

Newt liked to purposefully annoy Hermann in order to get rough sex. Which worked out great, until Hermann found out about it and decided to punish Newt by giving him excruciatingly nice sex.

cross my heart and take me with you, by drashian

The first time Hermann meets Newton Geiszler, they are pleasant with each other for about 10 minutes until suddenly they’re duking it out about Hermann’s theories of transdimensional transport.

The second time Hermann meets Newton Geiszler, they just start yelling.

The third time Hermann meets Newton Geiszler, it is in the toxic blue haze of the Drift.

Anthology ‘Verse (& Related Errata), by irisbleufic

Summary by me: a study of the relationship between Hermann and Newt, from the beginning to the future.

Parallax / Perihelion, by irisbleufic 

Parallax—the apparent displacement of an observed object due to a change in the position of the observer; from the Greek, παράλλαξις (“alteration”). / Perihelion—the point in the orbit of an asteroid, comet, planet, or other celestial body where it is nearest to the sun (again from the Greek, περιήλιο).

One-Week Rule, by irisbleufic

Somebody’s got a stick up his theoretical vortex. Starting this off with a bang?

We’re Revolutionaries Now, by AxolotlQueen

One really shouldn’t attempt to cut one’s own hair.

(Or, Hermione Gottlieb gives herself a bad haircut and Newton Geiszler helps out.)

Newton Geiszler and His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Interns, by cambion and casdere

“I know, it’s all a bit silly,” he admits.

“You always get a bit silly about your crushes, yeah?” She teases easily, and Hermann nearly spits out his mouthful of soup. Jasmine gives him another concerned look, but he waves her away.

“Vanessa, can you please not,” he hisses under his breath, and she laughs with the phone pulled away from her face, sounding like distant bells, and he feels taken back to high school, and remembers the fumbling idiocy of his crush on her, and knows immediately she is right, and he ought to give up the fight. He has a crush, an honest to God crush, and at his age! He knows, surely, it started with his fascination of the man’s intellect, but he also knows how quickly and easily he was drawn into his off-kilter charisma, as well.

or: hermann and newt are college professors, newt is working on his sixth doctorate, hermann is nursing a nasty crush, and i fit way too much into one chapter

scene after scene, by drashian

Everything had been banking on the world ending.

It doesn’t end, though, and that leaves everyone with this big hole where the future they didn’t plan for suddenly stretches ahead of them.

Newt struggles and reaches to fill that hole, and comes up with two things: Hermann Gottlieb and a cross-country road trip.

Chalk It Up To Love, by patster223

Newt replaced all of Hermann’s white pieces of chalk with pink ones. Or: the one in which chalk is a form of courtship, Hermann is head-over-heels, and somehow the entire Shatterdome gets involved.

The Apple In Our Hands, by irisbleufic

Summary: 1950!AU in which Newt is a cryptozoologist trying to find the Loch Ness monster, Hermann is more or less the same, and they have to share a cabin in Scotland.

Ice to Meet You, by patster223

Hermann is eating a rather phallic-looking popsicle and Newt is pretty sure he might actually die from sexual frustration.

In Sweden, and Elsewhere, by rillrill

Newt had just thrown down his end of the half-assembled bookshelf and shouted, “Whatever! It still makes no sense that two acclaimed and accomplished scientists with the combined brainpower of four average adults can’t put together a goddamn shelf!” Because, seriously, he can build an improvised neural bridge out of old lab machinery and an ancient Mr. Coffee, but he’s undone by three missing pegs? Fuck this.

Newt and Hermann rebuild, relocate, accept the Nobel Prize for Physics, fight over furniture, and strive to carve out a space for themselves in a world where they’re inextricably linked - in the the press, in their personal lives, and in their own heads.

Magic and Progress, by patster223

The Hogwarts AU in which Newt is a wizard, Hermann is a Muggle, and somehow they manage to save the world and love each other anyway.

Self-Destruct, by pinkmoon

“He learns how to never be wrong. He learns how to be indispensable. He realizes it makes him unstoppable.

Newton Geiszler is one tick away from self-destructing for the rest of his life.”

A character study of Newt’s lifetime of risky behavior and predilection for taking risks of the “rock star” sort. (Spanning many years, continents, arguments, and accidents, but landing, unexpectedly, in a happy ending.)

Today Your Barista Is: Hella Fucking Gay, by unnecessary

Hermann is a professor. The barista at the coffee shop across the street is cute and very, very single.

It is inevitable, really.

Predictable, by cypress_tree

It’s a movie date, but they’re not really watching the movie.

Adventures In Knitting, by decadent_mousse

Newt decides to knit Hermann a sweater, with… mixed results.

You’ve Taken A Pizza My Heart, by decadent_mousse

Hermann and Newt are so busy with work, they don’t get much time to go out to dinner, so Newt decides to improvise.

Fear of a Name, by uhnonniemiss

Newt and Hermann never could decide on how to define what they are to each other. It takes several years, thousands of kisses, a vat of acid, a big fight, and a sunny Boston evening to help them choose.

every day I fight a war against the mirror, by thekaidonovskys

“It came at a price,” he says. “To understand them, I had to learn how to fear them.”

Cut to the Chase, by patster223

Hermann needs a haircut. He does not need the cute hairdresser to flirt with him, he does not need a scalp massage, and he does not need anything trendy or stylish done to his hair.

Thankfully, these are things that happen anyway. Barbershop AU, featuring hairdresser!Newt and smitten!Hermann.

The Sublime, by Lucretius

The waves are coming closer to them now, and yes, the tide is coming to them with crescendo crashes.

The white fringe of sea is mere fathoms away.

“Can we?” Hermann asks.

And it is the question that one asks because, the choice having been made in what feels like another lifetime, now, for the first time, there is someone here, here, right here—who can see a way of being and seeing long dormant under so many layers of performing and seeming.

Recover, by irisbleufic

You’re my new favorite blanket. Come inside?

Untoward, by LemonScience33

Newton licks his bottom lip. “Maybe, um…” he says.

Newton doesn’t continue. Hermann wills his breathing to remain steady. “Yes?”

Newton shrugs casually. “Maybe we could give each other a hand,” he says. “Just two friends… you know, helping each other out.”

Knocking Socks, by decadent_mousse

Hermann and Newt go sock-shopping.

Listening, by cypress_tree

Newt has a dirty talk kink, and Hermann has a really nice voice.

Act Together, by irisbleufic

“You know I’m only a liar when it matters, right?”

You + Me = Happiness ², by steviekat

The thing is, Newt had never really put much thought into the future. The future of K-Science? Sure! Her own? To be fair, this probably better than anything she could have imagined.

Got Your Back, by Doooooooom

The workload is taking its toll on Hermann’s shoulders. Luckily, Newt is a dab hand at shoulder massages.

That’s one way to shut you up, by offensiveagentpie

Based on this fanart by pixiepunch.

Hermann tries a new tactic to get Newt to be quiet for once.

wash us away, by thekaidonovskys

Thank god Hermann undresses after he’s entered the bathroom, or else walking in to find Newt sitting on the bench top would have been much much worse.

visions are seldom what they seem, by mundaneanarchy

Hermann likes Tchaikovsky. Newt likes Hermann.

The Sun On Your Face (I’m Freezing That Frame), by irisbleufic

“Hate to break it to you,” Newton whispers, kissing Hermann’s neck with a happy sigh before letting his head drop to rest against Hermann’s shoulder, “but we’re busted in five, four, three—”

“Your ass is mine, Geiszler!” shouts Officer Hak, barging into the lab. “You too, Doctor Gottlieb. If you think you can get off so easy—”

The Good Old Days, by decadent_mousse

Hermann and Newt go scavenging for supplies during a blackout and get more than they bargained for.

A Proper Family Christmas, by uhnonniemiss

When Hermann ends up in the medical wing, he looks all set to spend Christmas by himself. Not if Newt gets a say in it, though.

Or, in which adopted and blood family save the Holidays

The Friendmas Ficlet Collection, by cypress_tree

A collection of five unrelated ficlets written as Christmas gifts for friends:

geniusbee: Hermann hurt/comfort patster223: Hermann wearing nail polish thehorrorinsymmetry: Hermann in lingerie bravinto: belly rubs decadentmousse: Harvest Moon AU

Aftershocks, by tastewithouttalent

“Hermann has to stumble away because the Drift is still too fresh and he can’t tell the heat of Newton’s body apart from his own anymore.” The impact of the Drift hits Hermann, and he and Newt don’t make it back to the laboratory.

Au Naturel, by decadent_mousse

Newt gives Hermann a wake up call during a very boring meeting.

Fortune’s Favor, by tamerofdarkstars

In which there is kissing, the end of the world, the subsequent salvation of the world, and more kissing.

Fills Trope_Bingo: Round 4 - Celebratory Kiss

Bump in the Night, by unicornsandbutane

Newt’s made a mistake, and it’s really a subjective matter whether it was a poor decision altogether or just a mere miscalculation. Regardless, he is forced to phone Hermann in the middle of the night, to deal with the consequences.

But the Gesture is Ruined, by cypress_tree

Five times Hermann tried to be romantic, one time he succeeded without even meaning to. A K-Sci romcom, basically.

Strange Bedfellows, by decadent_mousse

When Hermann and Newt first arrive at the Hong Kong Shatterdome, a paperwork mix-up forces them to share a room for awhile.

followed your ashes into outer space, by parpar

The numbers of the War Clock ticked down to zero, and the resulting euphoria was thick as smoke in the air. The assortment of PPDC members and civilian contractors were in an uproar, and Hermann and Newton made their way down the LOCCENT steps to stand in the midst of it.

When Tendo had finally managed to get Mako and Raleigh to stop hugging and cooperate with the rescue team, Newton had leaned his forehead into the curve of Hermann’s shoulder.

“We actually pulled it off,” he had whispered. “We did it, holy shit, it’s over.” Hermann had gracefully ignored the tears soaking into his collar and patted his colleague on the back while he pulled himself together.

Occupational Hazard, by decadent_mousse

Hermann overworks himself and gets a migraine.

In Space No One Can Hear You Mop, by decadent_mousse

Hermann and Newt are janitors sent to a derelict ship to clean things up after a group of aliens massacred the entire crew… but are they the only ones on board?

Liminality, by what_alchemy

What we know, after.

Fortuna Favet, by Mipeltaja

Newton seemed to think one could invoke good fortune simply by being bold enough or loud enough, a notion Hermann found utterly ridiculous.

It wasn’t that Hermann didn’t believe chance could on occasion work in his favour, it was just that life had taught him not to rely on it.

Brainspace and Kinkspace, by Emmalyn

Summary by me: Newt and Hermann exploring some of the delights of kinky sex.

Desperate Times, by decadent_mousse

Newt finds Hermann in a terrible state.

Matchsnaking, by patster223

There is a snake in Hermann’s apartment. This is not how he wanted to start his day.

Apartment neighbors AU where Newt’s snake keeps sneaking into Hermann’s apartment.

Put a Pin in That, by unicornsandbutane

Newt tries to convince Hermann to participate in a charity event. What ensues might be classed as ‘hijinks’, ‘shenanigans’, or ‘hilarity’, depending upon your perspective.

Remains, by berlynn_wohl

Newt and Hermann wrap Christmas presents and talk about death.

You Love Me Not, by mundaneanarchy

A story of love and coping with love told from the second-person perspective of Newt.

Newt loves Hermann and Hermann loves Newt but sometimes it’s not that easy.

Statiscally Significant Other, by unicornsandbutane

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Or, the fic computerbaby on tumblr requested, in which Newt compliments Hermann and Hermann is really really into it.

Pasta Aisle, by cypress_tree

Hermann and Newt meet for the first time in a grocery store. Hermann helps Newt grab something off a high shelf. Newt takes offense.

Disconnect, Connect Again, by cypress_tree

Raising Newt Geiszler has never been easy. Seeing him fall in love can be harder.

The development of Newt and Hermann’s relationship, from Jacob Geiszler’s point-of-view.

Spaces Between, by adropofred

Newt had not realised, somehow, that the world not ending would mean it would stubbornly keep on turning without waiting for him to catch up.

So what? He’s a scientist. He’ll do some catching up of his own and lose himself in the labyrinth of his and Hermann’s brains and their bodies.

This is absolutely not to be considered hiding, not that they can hide much anymore.

The Six Million Pillows Man, by adropofred

As it turns out, Hermann’s room is nothing special. His bed, on the other end, is very, very special.

Of course, Newt wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t find a way to turn this revelation into a situation where he could put his foot in his mouth.

Time For You and Time For Me, by patster223

A collection of Newmann prompts that I’ve filled on my tumblr. Contains: AUs, pining, flirting, bickering, several chapters of Hermann’s filthy exhibitionist kink, and two nerds learning to love each other in as many ways as possible.

The Beholder, by ItsClydeBitches

Written for the Newmann-uendo Hurt/Comfort challenge.

Hermann is feeling pretty insecure about his body. He’s unattractive. That’s a fact. Luckily Newton Geiszler’s number one law is still in place:

Hermann Gottlieb is ALWAYS wrong.

we’ll leave our tracks untraceable, by confused_android

When she steps off the plane in Logan International, something tight in her shoulders cracks, loosens, and she shakes free the last barb the PPDC had through her spine, through her brain, keeping her tense and wary for most of a decade. She yanks her heavy suitcase off of the carousel, identifiable by the years of layered duct tape repairing a seam that could once have been stitched, and flags the first taxi that will stop for her.

Permanent Ink, by mundaneanarchy

Inspired by this piece of fanart (http://rockstar-ologist.tumblr.com/post/126950663313) by rockstar-ologist

Newt gets Hermann’s initials tattooed on his hand. A month into their relationship. Hermann isn’t too happy about it.

Castaways’ Window, by Chancy_Lurking

“There are no words for the thoughts he has in that moment, because they are not his thoughts.”

Rings, by perniciousLizard

Three scenes, post movie. They’re happy.

Right Hand: Heart, by QuokkaFoxtrot

Two beers. That was all it took these days.

Dance In The Graveyards, by LemonScience33

As they round the next corner and lights come on, Newt’s first thought is, This had better be worth it, because we’re definitely gonna get caught.

His second thought is, That is the skull of Otachi’s baby, with lights strung over it.

His third thought is, This is definitely worth it.

Sweater Wars, by paenteom

Hermann takes his fashion illiteracy to new, festive levels. Newt is forced to retaliate.

Die Musik Kommt, by romangold

Maybe everyone’s drowning in the day, the night, memories and regrets and guilts, in relief, in pure, unadulterated happiness. Maybe they’re all dying.

Hermann finds Newt after the apocalypse is cancelled, and the two realize that perhaps they aren’t so toxic together after all.

Nigel, by uhnonniemiss

A particularly harsh snowstorm has brought the boiler- and Hermann- to a standstill.

(My piece for the 2015 Pacrim Holiday Swap!)

Etude, Op. 25 No. 12, by romangold

The climax always resolves to major, no matter how many times you play the piece. And the heroes always win, despite the amount of times you rewind to the beginning or fast-forward to the end.

sharing half our genes, and nothing in between, by getmean

“Christ, Hermann, is this a letterman jacket?” Newt cried, spinning and holding it up with a level of glee he hadn’t reached since he got that salivary gland from Mutavore. “How cliché can you get?”

Plausible Possibility, by cissues

Newt and Hermann experience some odd post-drift effects.

mountains sunk below the sea, by getmean

Newton has been, and always will be, what his father calls a ‘tough nut to crack’, but has an element of horrifying vulnerability that makes Hermann’s skin crawl. He selfishly likes Newton best when all his walls are intact.

netflix and chill, by w0rm

Hermann does the Netflix, Newt does the chill.

How to Deal with Accidental Neural Oversharing and Other Scientific Conundrums, by yourguardianangel

The world has not ended. Operation Pitfall is successful. Celebrations are had. But how are two snarky scientists meant to cope with having way too much of each others internal monologues retroactively overlaid with their own memories?

(with smut, that’s how.)

It’s All Good, by spirogyra

Thoughtless words, hurt feelings, cryptic statements, the drift makes things easier and more difficult, but in the end… it’s all good.

追伸, by lamphouse

“If I recall correctly, this is the man who confessed to wanting a pet Godzilla for his twentieth birthday, is it not? Glass houses, Dr. Geiszler.”

It takes two months for Newton Geiszler to fall in love. It takes thirty months, around two hundred letters, several time zones, and two missed-ish connections for him to actually admit it.

it’s alright, don’t you let it inside, by areunasty

They’re taking Gipsy Danger out for a trial run, and Newt watches with mild interest as the mech slices cleanly through the ocean. He thinks that if he was that big anything would be easy. Loving someone difficult, being loved, the quiet and painful twist of Hermann’s mouth whenever he looks at Newt recently.

The Price of Ghost Drifting, by confettiinmyhair

Newt is home early. Hermann has a surprise.

concentric circles, by lamphouse

It’s times like these that Hermann finds himself checking and double-checking his list of reasons why he works at the library. It’s also times like these that prove why nowhere on said list does it mention the people he works with.

The Boyfriend Experience, by berylnn_wohl

In the Shatterdome, Hermann confesses his disappointment that his and Newt’s relationship lacks romance. After the war is over, Newt vows to spend one year righting this wrong as they travel the world together on a lecture tour.

Everything We Never Said, by JennaCupcakes

Newt has a few regrets about his drift with Hermann. Namely, that he’s had a crush on the guy for a while and really doesn’t want him to find out.

Echoes in the Well of Silence, by unicornsandbutane

Hermann can hear Newton through the ducts.

Wishbone, by cypress_tree

Hermann doesn’t have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so Newt invites him over for food, family, and a little bit of flirting. Just a warm, fuzzy college AU to get you through the holidays.

Do Scientists Dream of Cloned Sheep?, by paenteom

Newt fumbles with the key card before he finally manages to swipe it, throws the door open and freezes.

There’s only one bed.

It’s massive, and covered in the fluffiest blanket he has ever seen, but it’s undeniably singular.

“Uh,” he says. “Awkward.”

Laughter, Confession, by cypress_tree

He’s nervous and awkward and he’s afraid he’ll mess up, but god, he wants this so bad.

Proving a Point, by steampunkepsilon

Newt thinks Hermann is a shy, reserved, vanilla kind of guy. Newt is wrong, and Hermann has sources.

Slumber Sequence, by strigine

Summary by me: Newton and Hermann’s sleeping habits.

Clean Clock, by cissues

'“So, you’re that guy, huh?” The man says, finally. He has his back to the newly emptied and even more newly dirtied sink and Hermann’s gaze is fixated on the encrusted plates and wine-stained glassware.’

Or, where Hermann is a hermit and also a clean freak with messy roommates.

Linguistics, by cypress_tree

Literally just a thousand words of Newt masturbating while listening to Hermann give an interview on a podcast.

i ain’t holy, i ain’t close, by queenofthestarrrs

The end of the world feels like home.

tell me you’ll love me for a million years, by buckgaybarnes

Hermann is working late, so Newt decides to be a great husband and tackle their chores. He mostly succeeds.

lost connection, by orphan_account

When the Shatterdome stays open for continuing research, the K-Science team realizes they’ll actually have to deal with the after-effects of their Drift.

Trial and Error, by cypress_tree

A romantic comedy of errors in which Newt and Hermann try to spice things up….and fail spectacularly.

Mixed Signals, by SkysongMA

After the Drift, Hermann starts having sex dreams.

Newt’s sex dreams.

That are all about Hermann.

Oh Mein Me, by junkiechurch

You wonder how a heart like his could ever love a man like you.

clothes (or a lack thereof), by orphan_account

Once the war is over, Hermann and Newt move in together. Newt realizes how little clothing they actually own.

[violetsystems]

personal

I’ve been able to sleep until six the last few days.  I’ve been on this miserable eight to four sleep schedule.  I ordered a silent vortex coffee grinder specifically to be less annoying in this regard.   Even if I could literally just grind the coffee the night before.  I also bought a rug cleaner for the first time in my life.  It’s amazing the things you don’t realize you need for a home let alone an office.  Last night I received an email from LinkedIn asking me to weigh in on a conversation about higher education.  The only public facing social networking site I really use actively I pay for.  They bought a service called Linda.com years ago.  It was probably the most important site to me for instructional videos.  These days it is included on the platform so I spend a fair amount of time keeping my job skills plausible.  I learned pretty hard the last six months that my professional network had all but evaporated.  A hard thing to face when you worked with your friends for over twenty years.  But people have to move on.  I sometimes make decisions that seem smarter in retrospect.  You could even mistake it for premonition but I just call it good judgement.  I made the decision to start the process of becoming a LLC.  It was pretty easy to do once you paid the four hundred dollars.  There’s services out there online that will do the legal part for you.  I chose VS consulting as the name which becomes real around mid December if the Secretary of State accepts it.  They asked me to cut the ribbon virtually.  I congratulated myself in silence but this is pretty much the first place I’ve shared the news with.  My mom didn’t quite understand what I had done and my dad is an accountant.  I haven’t told him yet either.  I got the idea seeing some of the people who still work at my old job starting their own side businesses.  Crazy to see people still employed having extra jobs in this economy.  But for the most part I don’t really compare my experience to anyone’s anymore.  So I just look forward.  There are a lot of ways I generate income.  Some of them aren’t very lucrative.  I released another ep Monday.  Three of my friends from across the world I never really talk to bought it immediately.  It makes sense because my music is how they know me.  So that’s how they keep up with me.  From there, Bandcamp revenue share Friday passed with little or no fanfare.  It still doesn’t change the fact I owe taxes on the income above a certain amount if I report it.  We all know how the rich hate paying those taxes.  And the whole world now knows that I work for a LLC on the premier professional social networking site.  It’s a win win for me because I can still look for a job but I appear employed.  It’s also a nice buffer in these times for your resume.  In retrospect, every article I read says the end of December is a perfect time to start your own business.  Mostly because January 1st allows you to start with a fresh balance sheet and good accounting.  So if anything my New Year’s resolution is to be cleaner and more concise about everything.  Even if the rest of society’s ethics and accountability gets muddier as COVID-19 and the election process drags on.  The only things I really have to worry about this next year are documenting my spending, opening up a business checking account, and deducting business expenses.  Sounds like a job to me.

There are tools you need for a job.  I bought a year long subscription to Creative Cloud.  I had it for free for years.  I worked in a visual communications department for ten years.  I saw the most amazing work every morning hung up outside my office.  It inspired me to learn about print making and screen printing.  I even owned Adobe stock at one point because I realized Microsoft Office wasn’t doing my resume much justice.  I shudder to think how many jokes were cracked by the Workday staff over my Chanel submission.  Truth is nobody called back for interviews at any of the places I applied.  And this doesn’t really stop me from keeping my eyes out for a position anywhere.  But if we are talking about generating income, I can do that all by myself.  I can also hire people and deduct more business expenses if I felt that was an option.  Which starts to get into the meat of why the job market and economy is so fucked up in America.  A lot of people didn’t fall in line on a balance sheet when COVID-19 came crashing down last February.  And when the fiscal year came time to start fresh, they thinned their liabilities.  Companies are now thinking in quarters rather than years at this point.  And small businesses like myself also have to think the same because I now owe the IRS money every three months.  The accounting side of it doesn’t really bore me.  I’ve done every IT role in the business pretty much over twenty years.  I guess that’s why LinkedIn calls on me to offer an opinion.  I’ve never had to be this hardcore about the finances.  Another great reason why I spend so much time in spreadsheets aside from writing on the internet.  It’s much easier to approach a professional consultant with twenty years of experience with an invoice than it is to tether them to your payroll with benefits.  I’m always having to think six months ahead myself.  This has an advantage to it insofar that I don’t often look back.  You pay your taxes and you move on.  There are many things I could do to generate income.  I could make a zine and sell it quarterly on bandcamp along with shirts.  I could post flyers around the neighborhood offering after christmas tech support.  I could scour the net for opportunities to audit galvanized IT departments.  I could do all this with more confidence if I could say I am employed.  I could also hire someone to help me.  But I could do none of this and deduct expenses without applying for a sole proprietorship.  And truth be told I already have to claim this for the New York Stock Exchange.  So if you had to put a label on what I do now it isn’t really that much different from any other business.  The state’s richest men started as LLCs.  They’re also the biggest pricks who pay the least taxes.  Trickle down economics is a funny concept.  Businesses offer jobs they deduct from their income therefore paying less to the pool.  This would be fine for small income generating businesses.  But Ken Griffin would say otherwise as he and other rich people benefit from this structure.  They say the American Dream is owning your own business.  So welcome to my personal nightmare.  I hope you don’t mind me taking the itemized deductions after how I’ve been treated.

I don’t actually know how it’s going to work out.  I just know I don’t want to appear unemployed while corporate America expects me to wink and make them more money.  There are investments that have worked out for me as volatile as they might be.  One Chinese company I invested in has made the CEO twelve times richer.  I own four hundred and twenty shares of that company in a brokerage.  My intent is to hold on to them for the long term possibly making someone richer at my own risk.  I could short the entire next year to my heart’s content.  My credit scores have gone through the roof.  Nobody has had any answers for me on what to do.  Nobody has coached me.  I read.  I think.  I come up with solutions to my problems.  And I put money in the right places.  That doesn’t mean anything is a sure thing.  Especially when my government finds it more advantageous to punish other countries while forgetting about it’s own people.  I am absolutely in the dark about everything.  Everything except running my own business in America.  I already have income I have to report over the next three years due the CARES act.  So that is income I will deduct.  This is how it works here in America.  You seize the means of production and you go to work.  If it seems backward for me, you wouldn’t know the half.  My life is so fucked up in terms of how hazy and confusing other people have made it.  People invaded my life on pretenses that I can’t even begin to explain.  And part of being a strong, responsible adult is engineering your way out of these problems.  And for the most part, I’ve engineered myself into a fort that overlooks the CTA train.  And a small portion of that fort can be written off as an office.  Which in some ways if you do the math makes rent and utilities cheaper in the long run.  I don’t make the rules.  This is how America works.  A LLC gets a tax id number.  It allows you better options for retirement savings with a SEP IRA.  You can apply for business accounts and waive taxes on business purchases.  Even the family dollar around the corner has a sign in the window reminding me I can apply for tax free status.  Maybe they’re mostly to blame for planting the idea in my head.  I’m the one who made the call to apply.  Nobody held my hand.  You could also get audited by the IRS.  And I’m sure the IRS would have to figure out how I got into this situation in the first place.  Maybe they’d offer me a job. There’s other fantasies in my life I could imagine happening more than that waking nightmare.  Like actually having money to retire.  I could be travelling around the world cleaning up the mess mark to market accounting has left on big business.  The scars on economies the rich have pock marked on the middle class.  Or I could just keep generating income and be my own boss here in my kitchen.  The one thing I do know is that is sexier to be confident enough to move ahead with your own plan slowly than to short a bunch of stocks disruptively and brag about it on the internet.  You could call it my three year plan.  Don’t ask me how bonds factor in that equation.  I’m not a spy.  What I am is a guy that is trying to be the solution and not the victim.  And that guy doesn’t ever want to be a burden on the people I love.  So that guy is going to keep doing what he does.  And I’m not going to lie that you inspire me to do so.  As sexy and confident as I’m born to be.  <3 Tim

[guiltyhearts]

Snow-Capped Cocoa

Now that the @twosidesfanzine zines have been shipped out, and we’ve been given the green light to share our completed pieces online, here is mine! It was so much fun to write this, and I am beyond excited and happy to be part of a project with all these talented creators. 

Summary: At a ski lodge two boys will meet two girls, and it’s the start of something new.

Pairings: SoKai, RokuNami

It was suffocating in the lodge. Were it not for this insufferable cold he had so clearly recovered from, Roxas would have joined his friends out at the slopes. By all accounts, he was much better than he was a week ago, when his cold immobilized him and left him bedridden. Axel, of all people, ganged up on him with his brother Sora, and forced Roxas to stay in, lest it “aggravate the bacteria any further”, according to him. But he would stand for being the only person in their group of friends who would be alone and bored at the lodge resort. Fortunately for him, he brought his camera. He would indulge in this hobby if nothing else. And so, appropriately bundled up with the camera around his neck, Roxas stepped out of the main resort and welcomed the crisp, cool air.

 He set about trudging through the snow and taking pictures of whatever caught his eye. The snow-capped trees and slopes in the distance, the winter sun cast over the lodge and mountains, kids having a snowball fight, a young woman drawing in a sketchbook. From his vantage point some meters away from the resort, her focus didn’t seem to stray from the book on her lap.

A hundred pictures later, Roxas made his way to the benches just outside the lodge to take a break and review the pictures taken so far. All the benches were occupied, including the artist from before. The space next to her was occupied by a Styrofoam cup that was topped with an excessive amount of whipped cream and silver sprinkles decorated together like H2O molecules.

“Is it okay if I sit here?” He asked the girl, who looked up at last. The lower half of her face was covered by an oversized scarf, so only her blue eyes were visible. The girl nodded, removing the cup to make room. He thanked her and settled comfortably. He set his camera to review the pictures taken so far, and deleting the less-than-perfect ones.

“That’s pretty.”

Roxas looked up at the sudden voice and its source. The girl next to him had taken her scarf down. 

Yeah, that is pretty, he thought, taking in the full face of the girl and her gentle smile. 

When he didn’t answer right away, the girl continued. “The picture. It’s good.”

Roxas snapped back to attention and looked down at the picture on display. It was of the mountains over them; he timed the shot so that it created the illusion of the sunlight spilling through the gaps to illuminate the snow.

“Thank you. I like it too. I’m Roxas, by the way.” 

“My name is Naminé.”  

“It’s nice to meet a new fan.” Roxas joked, which elicited a light giggle from her.

“Can I be honest and say, you sound… off. Are you recovering from a cold?” Naminé asked with a look of mild concern.

“Actually, yeah,” Roxas admitted abashedly. “But I’m much better. I actually wanted to go snowboarding with my friends, but they kinda forced me to stay back until I was fully recovered, by their standards.”

“So it’s safe for you to be out here.” Naminé pointed out warily.

“Well…” Roxas’s eyes darted to the sides, before leaning forward and whispering like a conspirator, “they said nothing about me going outside. All they said was I wasn’t well enough to go snowboarding.”

Naminé let out another giggle. “You sure showed them, then.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Hey, I’ll have you know this is a bonafide act of rebellion.” Roxas shot back with a playful grin. Naminé laughed harder, covering her mouth with her hand. His chest swelled delightedly at the sound. It seemed like he took her by surprise, but not in an unpleasant or unwelcome way. 

“What about you? What brings you here?” Roxas asked in turn.

“I suppose it’s the same as you. I’m here with my friends. They wanted to go skiing and snowboarding, I didn’t, so here I am.”

“Here you are.” Roxas grinned. Was he glad at this turn of events.

 Naminé toyed with a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “You know, a little part of me wished I did join them. But…”

“...but?”

“...but now, given the present company, I don’t mind as much anymore.” She bravely held his gaze for a moment before she looked down at her lap. She missed his bright, hopeful smile.

“I couldn’t agree more.”  

This time, Naminé didn’t miss Roxas’s smile, and gave back one just as bright.

“Can I see what you were drawing?” Roxas nodded down at the sketchbook on her lap.

“Of course!” Naminé scooched closer to show off her latest sketch of tiny figures descending a white slope.

----

Just as Sora made his way down the slopes on his third trip, another snowboarder cut through his path at lightning speed. He didn’t recognize the rider from their group of friends, and soon it became an unspoken challenge to race to the finish line.

The rush of wind against his ears. The icy wind against his form as he slid down the clear slopes. The adrenaline did not diminish at any point, as if strengthening him every second he slid further down, down down. The sensations felt as he rode down the slopes were unparalleled. Even as the other snowboarder barely beat him to the bottom of the slope, the adrenaline could only diminish lightly, but not entirely. Nothing could compare or come close to the thrill of the ride.

That was what Sora thought. Then the snowboarder took off their goggles and he got a proper look at her face for the first time. In hindsight, he couldn’t be sure what made him more winded.

“You’re amazing!” Sora breathed out.

“Sorry?” The girl frowned, her eyes creasing.

“I-I mean!” He stuttered, suddenly aware of himself. “You-you are amazing! At the slopes. At snowboarding.” Smooth as the slopes he was.

The girl grinned, propping her hands on her hips. “Not bad for a rookie, huh?”

“You’re a rookie? I couldn’t tell.” Sora said as he took off his beanie and his wild hair was freed. Had he been looking closer, he might have noticed how the girl stared at him, her fingers twitching as she wondered what his hair felt like.

“Thank you.” She stammered with a flush in her cheeks.

“I’m Sora. It’s nice to meet you.” He offered his hand to the snowboarder with a jovial smile.

“I’m Kairi.” She shook his hand in response.

They held the other’s hand perhaps just a little longer than was normal. And they could never say for sure.

“Kairi.” She immediately liked how her name sounded coming from him. “How’s about another race, Kairi?”

“You must really like losing then.” She grinned at the challenge.

“Oh-hoh, we’ll see about that. Best two out of three!”

“You’re on!”

And it became a race back to the ski lifts, even as they eventually realized that running would only tire them out more, not to mention nearly impossible to do in heavy snow gear. That didn’t stop them from goading each other along the way. They reached the top and before they knew it, they were racing down the slopes again. This time, they were fueled with competitive spirit, and (though they wouldn’t admit it yet), the desire to impress the other. Even if Sora wanted to win so badly, his wounded pride was a non-issue as he heard Kairi whoop triumphantly.  

They made their way back to the ski lift at a much slower pace as the fatigue started to settle in.

“I don’t know about you, but I could really go for some hot cocoa when we go back.” Sora was wistful at the thought. 

“I second that. You know, the restaurant sells this cocoa where they top up the whipped cream like one of the mountains.” Kairi added.

“I wanna see that!” Sora practically hopped at the thought.

“Yeah! We can get some together later… maybe?” Kairi asked nervously.

Sora beamed. “Definitely!”

 --- 

When the group of boys came back to a Roxas who was less grumpy than he was earlier that morning, they didn’t stop to ask how or why. They were still preoccupied with teasing Sora, not that he or Roxas paid much attention to them. It didn’t take long before their friends noticed that both boys shared similarly smitten looks. Not that the brothers knew, nor were they ready to share just yet. Both were taken with the promise of warm, sweet cocoa, and even sweeter company.

~Fin~

[ray-the-fanatic]

Personal posting tw//blocking

I had made a choice to cut out a very toxic person from my past. Said person was harrassing me over it since I had done so. At first i just made the simple choice of unfollowing them and not talking i figured that all thats all I would need todo.

Said person was an ex of mine and the realtionship was highly abusive. To a point they had me isolating myself from friends and even family. Eventually I ended it. I kept our "friendship" out of fear because they had me believing so much that they were the only person who cared about me. I lost my love for doing the things I loved because of them, it's why I took so much pride is graduating from Rocky Mountain college of art + design. Because despite my loss in passion I manage to do it.

After sometime, after the break up, thier behavior was the same. But they were the only friend I felt I had because of how closed off I became. They just dragged me down more and more even when not in a realtionship. I stopped interacting on social media and just kept to myself. After some time they started to stop talking to me as well. I had a major break down one day with my mother and just like a child cried my heart out over everything. Eveutally thanks to her I got help i needed and I repaired my broken realtionships with family and friends I became distance towards. But social media i stayed away from for about 3 years.

Last year around the holiday season i was catching up on ducktales 17. I had fell behind around the DWD epsiode. And just loved seeing a charater that was such a comfort to to me come back.. ended up reading drakepad fanfiction between work breaks and started to follow others who made content or just reblogged stuff cause Disney ducks was something I always liked. I was inspired by some of these people and decided to draw some fanart, got interested in the ships, worte my first fanfic in years. Started to interact with others even revived two old ocs of mine.

My art was just some basic stuff but someone started to reblog it, gave me a heart attack each time xD. Then I made a post asking to borrow someone's oc for a drawing promt. I never expected a friendship to come out of that. Which lead me to talking and interacting with another mostly for ask memes on here but everytime I saw these two usernames it made me smile. Since we just tended to reblog stuff between the three of us often. Eventually I started to use Twitter again too where I saw some fanart for a au I thought was a cute idea and got invited into a discord from the artis of that. Where some of the first people I followed were in and gave me a chance to get to know them more. Thanks to a epsiode bringing back a charater from the show I got to talk more to that second person mentioned before that I was just following/admiring and now we're in a discord with the person who took me up on the oc thingy.

I was stand of ish and scared outta of my mind but these people were just so nice to me? And it helped me see all the things this toxic person put on my head was maybe wrong? So I decided to cut them out. As stated before at first it was mild but I slowly had to take bigger steps in the process blocking them and such which is whu im glad social media makes it so other's don't know. I blocked them on anything they personally interacted with me on, but they kept harrasing me beyond that. Screen shotting posts I was making claming they were about them finding accounts of mine they shouldn't be able to (big reason my nsfw Twitter is locked and why I dont give to much attetion to none of my tumblerblogs outside my art one) I've had to take futher action because of them.

Its been well alot but these friends I have made especially two who have become very dear to me dorky and kezzie, had really helped me through all this. I unfortunately am a very private person, and keep things to myself. Not out of any reason. so I haven't talked about this alot and I'm getting better about that. But these friendships I made I really appreciate no matter how small our interactions may be to just Twitter interactions or sharing art or yelling in discord haha. It's been a major blessing to me. I love doing art again, I love writing fanfiction and I even went and tried to get into a zine (which I did!) And its thanks to the support I've been receiving that im where I am now. All because I wanted to read drakepad fanfiction haha.

[stormofblue-blog]

submit | storm of blue press

We want every unsent text you wish you were brave enough to send. Consider this an open phone plan.

Below is a snippet from our editor-in-chief; it includes a list of things we're always interested in reading more about, primarily feelings and ideas that excite & break us like waves against the shore.

GIRLS, electric loss, pink + blue + neon colors, unsent text messages + sent ones that blink back as read, vodka, dancing in the street at night, sloppy mouths, the day after, regret, plastic flamingo lights, 4:17 am, ruined cuticles, murmuring both ends of a conversation because I find myself talking to you through every orgasm, bathroom sinks, whole foods green hair, rewriting texts 6 different times bc I can’t bear to mess this up, pink drinks, glow in the dark stars, taking hours to fall asleep because it’s so easy to picture you sprawled out against this warm body, crying over “Someone Great” on Netflix, blaming everything on astrology, or timing, or me over you, sunsets, drinking just for an excuse to spill my guts, when a heart breaks does it echo, Boston accents, smiling into a kiss, New York, the state almost touching it just as much as I’m never touching you, empty spaces that make me choke, bright, half hideous stuffed animals won from claw machines, that moment when someone smiles + they put their hand over the camera lens, wishing I could make out with my phone and somehow transfer it like a Venmo, throwing dumb shit across my room to feel in control, eating Cheetos and nothing else all day, more alcohol, not remembering anything about that dream except knowing you were in it, pining, standing in the pool for hours and not moving, music videos in my head spilling out onto pavement, colored smoke, hazy boundaries, lines that slip like Crayola chalk in the rain, touching myself and wishing it was you instead, screaming sounds instead of words bc what do I even say, begging for a release bc this body can’t hold it all in, every single “I love you” + “I’m sorry” + “do you think we will ever be able to work” + all the in-betweens, a compilation of snapchat messages + insta DMs + texts + Spotify songs played right when you log on just in case you’re still watching me + the day we first met, digitalized 4ever, heartbeats sent through iMessage, voice memos recorded at 3 am & never sent to you but sometimes played back to myself years later to remind these fangs that there was a time I still fucking cared about something [anything], fisticuffs, friends to enemies to lovers to emotional tag as an Olympic sport, concentrated want like orange juice but it hurts more when I swallow, unobtainable vulnerability, balloons after a party when they fall really slowly and it’s like watching you leave all over again but in slow motion [funny bc you’re always running], birthday cake, 6 years of cards, candles which remind me of fire, remind me of your hands, remind me of that Buffy episode where she & Spike fuck & the whole goddamn house falls to the ground, absence, missing flights, missing chances, + missing you

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As an author, you are considered a collaborator not only regarding royalties, but also in relation to artistic liberty. If accepted, our team will edit, guide, and format your manuscript while respectfully considering your vision. Because our team values your partnership, we share 50% of all manuscript profits with our creators and will pay to commission your book cover. Blue is composed of poets, writers, and artists with strong social media presence and dedicated readers/viewers. If accepted, said team will foster and promote your work via social media, help generate engagement, and potentially arrange for public readings. Blue remains a small, independent publisher, so we are able to give personalized attention to all of our authors, while guiding them through the literary world.

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[aconim]

Many thanks to @flintandfuss for tagging me! I don’t write much, so I don’t know how accurate this will be, but I will try!

1) What’s your favorite genre to write?

Fluff, usually. Slice of life type stuff is my specialty, mostly because I don’t have the concentration to write longer fics. I like hurt/comfort too, and a lot of AU’s are super fun, but it depends on the fandom itself. (I say, acting like I know what I’m talking about when I’ve wrote 5 posted fics total, and all are fluff)

 2) Do you pull inspiration from real-life, or do you pull things from other books/ fanfiction you’ve read?

I pull inspiration from anywhere! Books, fics, real life interactions, anything. 

3) Do you tend to write one-shots, short stories, or longer things?

One-shots and short stories, usually. The longest I have currently is an original short story I’m about half done with.

4) Do you prefer to write description or dialogue?

Description! Most of what I write is prose and long descriptions, and writing dialogue fells awkward and clunky.

5) Favorite fic/book of all time?

This is a really tough question to answer! I have so many...

6) Favorite trope?

Is ‘all of them’ an acceptable? I love magic aus, secret friend aus, and pining. Actually, I think Pining and Oblivious is my favorite trope. (probably why I like Snowbaz so much)

7) Are you the kind of person to work on more than one wip?

Yes. Absolutly. I have more than I can count right now, including-

-a nightmare hurt/comfort AFTG one on ao3

-my AFTG Found Family Zine project (coming out soon!)

-AFTG Big Bang

-COBB Big Bang

-AFTG Spring Exchange

And sooo many original things. 

8) How long have you been writing for?

I think the first fic I ever wrote was a drarry one when I was about 10. It was understandably cringey. (I got into fandom when I was 9, so.) I wrote a couple PJO ones a couple years later, on an account that is now orphaned. On general writing, I’m the second oldest of my cousins and the default babysitter, so I started making up stories to entertain them when we were younger. I don’t remember most of them, but I remember that they were little tales to explain how things worked-like how leaves turned colors, how water fell from the sky, why the sun was there, etc.- they were not very scientific, to say the least.

9) Do you tend to write more during the morning, afternoon, or evening?

Whenever I have time! I’m generally busy, but with this quarantine, I’ve been having more time than usual! 

10) Do you prefer to post and update your wip chapter by chapter, or do you prefer to wait until your wip is 100% finished before sharing it.

Chapter by chapter. I do not have enough patience to wait long enough to complete it beforehand.

That’s enough of my rambaling! I shall tag my only mutuals, despite the fact we have never exchanged a word, @akazani09, @annabellelux, and anyone else who wants to do it!

[icypantherwrites]

Fic Preview: Icy's Season 8 Fix-It Fic

Whatttttt??? Yeah. I'm only working on this in the background but I'm a few chapters in now and wanted to share it ♥

Other than this sneak peek, this will be a Patreon exclusive fic preview segment. I'll hopefully be able to share a snippet ~week (depending upon other projects and how crazy swamped I get) on Patreon so if you’d like to follow along you can subscribe to the page as low as $1/month.

I have absolutely no idea when this fic will finish or when I'll be posting it, but it's been something I've wanted to write since December and I'm just... very excited.

No title yet (gasp, horror) so it will just be listed as "Season 8 Fix-It Fic.”  It is taking into account all events (or the ones I remember, I refuse to go back and rewatch it xDD) of season eight so yes, Lance does have his Altean marks and yes, they will play a major role in the fic. It is going to be primarily a team and friendship fic but it will also be Allurance ♥ There's not really going to be any romantic scenes but the relationship is there and I do ship it so... although unlike the show and despite my gen leanings for VLD I can indeed write romance ;p (better than VLD writers and Stephenie Meyer at least jajaja)

Okay, I'll stop rambling. If you enjoy it feel free to drop a comment ♥ And subscribe to the Patreon (just $1/month AND currently in the Mer-May event drive even too!) to read further previews and snippets!

xxx

Lance dreamed of water.

That in itself was nothing unusual. He often dreamed of rain and thunderstorms, of the ocean and its rolling tide and crashing waves, of childhood memories spent at the beaches of Cuba and then the pounding of rain on the roof of their Arizona home and playing afterward in puddles during the monsoon season.

Even now that he was back on Earth and water was far more plentiful and homesickness not striking as it had out in the deep recesses of space he still dreamed of water.

But this time the water was on fire.

Lance stared, transfixed as deep blue waters and white foam of the ocean surf mingled with bright orange and red flames, crackling and hissing and yet somehow never being doused by the rolling waves.

It was beautiful.

He sat down on the beach, sand warm and coarse beneath his hands while his toes sank into the heavier version that the tide brought in. The flames warmed his face, the water cooled his feet, and somehow, despite how dangerous and wild both elements were, Lance felt only safe.

It was a calming sort of dream and he sank into it gratefully, as even here he felt as tired as he did when he was awake these days, but at least the pain was gone.

He hoped he didn’t wake up for at least a little while.

He hoped he remembered it.

PREORDER FANFICTIONS (ZINE AND SIN) | AO3 | KO-FI | PATREON | DISCORD

[abkdkzine]

Important Message About Recent Concerns

Hey there! Thank you so much for tuning in. This is Mod Ari. I want to apologise in advance because I wrote most of this around 3 AM and didn’t finish most of it until around 9 AM on Wednesday, so I’m afraid I may not be as articulate as I probably would have been hours beforehand. Since then, I’ve been trying to sort out all of the information I’ve gathered from people as well discuss everything with my mod team. I also apologise because this message is going to be very long. But, I come to everyone to address a concern that has been present since the very beginning of this project, and that is the presence of our finance mod Fiama/Fif.

Now, before I delve deeper into this topic, I want everyone to know that the issue I spoke of in a Twitter post I made a while ago isn’t exactly a true issue because it is more of a heavy concern found among a few people. I hope to defuse that by the end of this long message. The real issue is that I have failed to communicate to everyone about my decision to let her stay and that I have let these concerns grow until people have become uneasy with our zine’s management. In this message, I will discuss about the steps my team and I has taken in order to (hopefully) clear everyone’s doubts. Please bear with me and know that I speak with certainty, utmost honesty, and with respect to many people’s feelings about the matter.

First of all, I want everyone to know that this zine is the first one I have ever started on my own. I dove into this project while only being in the BNHA fandom for around 7 or so months, absolutely enamoured with the KatsuDeku relationship, and with no online zine modding experience other than being an artist in a few. The only experience I have comes from real life volunteer work as well as from my part-time job, so I opened moderator applications in hopes of getting some help and advice while being open to letting a few newcomers learn with me. But please do not think I was not capable of organising small projects and reviewing finances before this project because I was and I am. I learnt a little bit of financing from my own mother who is excellent at budgeting (as she has been through many hardships as a result of living in poverty), from my schools and classes throughout high school and current college career, and retail job (which is also where I learnt how to ship lots of packages and keep up with orders). It just never hurt to have another person, or a few others, who have previous experience help me along the way because zines are run very differently and I didn’t know how financing in zines usually worked. So, I joined other projects as moderators to see if theirs were done similarly and I wasn’t disappointed.

If I recall correctly among all of the mod applications, only two people had experience with handling finances, so I chose the one whom I thought was the better choice, which was Fif. Now, please remember that I was very new to the fandom especially in this ship (wherein back then, I only knew a group of people who I was comfortable talking to, and now I know whole communities!); and so at the time, I had no idea about who Fif is and the history she has with the zines listed in her application. This is relevant because when I revealed that she was a part of our team, two people immediately came to me and warned me about the zines she used to be a part of, what her behaviour is said to be like, and what is said she has been known to do.

I humbly ask everyone to understand that I was blissfully ignorant to the happenings within the zine scene because I was brand new to it all, but please know that I still heeded their warnings with high regards and proceeded to tell my editor/beta mod, Maj, about it (who was the first person I appointed as a co-mod and is a dear friend whom I know I can trust with everything). Both of us became cautious, but because I wasn’t sure what to believe (and I partly wanted to see for myself if the behaviour they warned me about is true), I allowed Fif to continue being in my team—but not without strongly reaffirming my position as the head of this zine. I asked for everyone’s cooperation with as much honesty as they can give me, and I told them they will receive everything I have to offer and more in return.

I believe it was at that point that everyone developed a sense of respect for one another because while we work in different areas, we all have the ability to interfere with each other’s works without needing immediate help from other people. We all had initiative and enough individual skill to make up for someone else’s errors. From then on, we communicated very often, and everyone follows the tasks I give them. We’re an efficient team with good communication, but the only unfortunate situation that had us scrambling about is that our schedules started to get out of sync due to us all being college students, which has caused us to delay completing the feedback emails (of which I personally apologise for because I am in charge of writing them).

The reason why I let Fif stay is because she has done nothing suspicious or has said (or done) anything to affect this fanzine in any way to make me believe that she is everything that people have been warning me about. I say this with complete honesty: I have seen nothing but genuine intentions on her part, and while I find it true that she is sometimes inactive, I never expected her to do any of the work I had already assigned to the rest of my team and she has always communicated to us all about the reasons why she has to be away for certain periods of time. She’s done as I have told her, answered anything I asked of her, gave her opinion when I needed it, completed the financial sheet decently, has explained to me her thought processes, let me review and check the numbers on my own, and that is all I needed from her. The rest is under my and the other mods’ control. Madin, Maj, and Grim can all attest to this, and if need be, we will provide evidence to anyone who does not believe it to be true. But after a long discussion with all three of them, we have come to a conclusion with an extremely difficult decision.

Fiama will no longer be a part of our moderator team. We have asked her to leave our project, not without remorse, and she has been removed from the server and all of our accounts.

I’ve thought about the necessary precautions in case we decided to keep her, with all the initial warnings in mind, but recently an acquaintance of mine who I also co-mod with in another zine has come to me about his experiences and is extremely worried that this zine will also be affected by so many possibilities. He has given me enough information about the zines Fif used to be a part of and how they were all handled, so I respect his opinion very highly because he was in the direct line of fire when Hallowzine happened. 

A few of our contributors has also expressed their worries to me, and now that a potential customer has also done the same, I wanted to assure everyone that we have already discussed our decision with Fif herself. The information I gathered from my own research and from talking to a few sources held enough weight for all of us to become reasonably wary. So, I have communicated my own suspicions to Fif herself, and she undoubtedly understands, and I hope that everyone currently reading this message does as well, that I do not tolerate malicious intentions of any kind and that I am a woman of my words—that while I may be an amicable person, I am not weak and I will always persist in my decisions.

That being said, I want to give everyone some insights, and although small as it is, I hope it brings anyone who reads this message a sense of comfort that we are running our zine as smoothly it can.

For starters, I had established in the beginning that I will be the one handling money in this project. The payment systems I have created are both connected to my personal bank accounts, but I am allowing my entire team access to it so that they, as well as everyone else involved in the zine, can have the reassurance that I do not hold any malicious intent with the money sent to those accounts. However, if anything suspicious happens to the money at anytime during the pre-orders period, rest assured that anyone in the team or I will be closing the accounts immediately and freeze this project momentarily until we find a solution to whatever issue that may arise. I highly doubt that any of my moderators have the desire to steal money for personal and evil purposes, but I want everyone to know that I can be trusted too.

Secondly, I have contacted an acquaintance and a colleague from my part-time job, both of whom are accounting majors, to help me look over the financial sheet. My acquaintance and I have reviewed it together a few days ago, and we did not find anything suspicious or wrong with it; and before that, I had reviewed it several times myself to see the progress made on the sheet. My friend has done so as well yesterday and shares the same thoughts. So, I believe it is safe to say that the budgeting is done correctly, but because we have officially removed Fif from the project, we will have to make slight adjustments to the sheet. It is still under discussion, but one of the options I presented to my mods is that we can invite my acquaintance and help us out for a bit, at least to re-organise the sheet. It’s only an option however because we have yet to see if she’s needed or not. As previously mentioned, the team and I are all capable of handling the job ourselves, but we’ll definitely give out more information about what we’ll decide on doing.

Lastly, in an ask I had answered previously, an anon wanted to know if there were any funds saved for emergencies or for the contributors, and I want to relay what I said in here too: I have $800 saved up for this project, or more specifically for the contributors, but I can and will use it to cover anything lost should there be any unfortunate events in the future. This $800 is my investment and testament as to how seriously I treat this project, and I know that the rest of my mods (as well as close friends) will do their best to pitch in with anything they can offer.

In the end, we have done all we could to ensure the safety of this project, our contributors, and our potential customers. I support the absolute validity of all their concerns just as I fully respect everyone’s opinions. The rest of the team has their own reservations about Fif’s zine history, but we were absolutely prepared and had precautions set just in case we decided to let her stay. Either way, even without her aid, Wanderlust will continue to run strong because I believe that the team I chose is capable on their own feet and are versatile enough that I believe they can handle everything even without my presence in this project. 

It shakes my morality to the core knowing that Fif did not do anything wrong during the course of this project, that it is not entirely fair of me or the rest of the mods to do so; but we will always hold the safety of our contributors and future customers with the highest priority.

To end this long and arduous note, I can only humbly ask everyone to place their trust in us—in Madin, in Maj, in Grim, in ME. Because while I know we have our own faults to improve on, being in this team has already helped teach us things we need to know in any future projects. We will continue to be as transparent and honest as we have been since the very beginning. We’re just so, so sorry that this has and is causing so many people to doubt us, but I cannot blame anyone for it. I can only place that blame onto myself for not knowing her background when I should have been more responsible and researched it. For that, I want to apologise for ever causing such a feeling to surface. To the people who has seen and felt the consequences of the fallout regarding Hallowzine or any other zines that ended in a similar light, I want to apologise as well because I’m sure that those situations must have been incredibly difficult to deal with, and it must have been uncomfortable knowing that the possibility of history repeating itself again was plausible.

I hope that you all may have the heart to forgive my oversights and that you do not place any blame onto my team. Know that I will take full responsibility and accountability in the event that our project fails for any reason—however, I am absolutely certain that it will never happen because I trust my three co-mods with all my heart. It’s only up to you now to decide whether we are still worthy of your trust, and whether I am worthy of that trust. 

I’ll end my statement with this: Wanderlust will remain strong so as long as I or the rest of my team are here to run it. 

If there is anything else we can do to reassure you, please let us know and we’ll try our best to address this.

In behalf of my moderator team and with great sincerity,

Mod Ari