#i like how this also implies that he didn’t learn his lesson the first 999 times

[budd-ie]

“The average person has been inflicted with corpse poison about 500 times” is actually a statistical error. Xie Lian, who has zero regard for his own well-being and has been poisoned by corpses over 1000 times, is an outlier and should not have been counted.

[luvrspetal]

Being the Darling of a Mafia Boss with Albedo, Childe and Kaeya

♡ Pairing: Kaeya, Albedo, Childe x gn!Reader (seperate) ♡ Genre: fluff ♡ Warnings: mentions of blood, corpses, threats, implied stalking and basically average mafia content... ♡ A/N: sorry for the lack of posts! i just wasn’t in the mood to write... i hope this makes up for it.

♡ ♡ ♡

「 Kaeya 」 ♡ ⇢ Probably fell in love at sight. ♡ ⇢ When he first met you, you were at his knees, being dragged by two of his subordinates. Apparently you had caused some trouble, when you merely claimed that somebody was getting a little handsy and you needed to teach them a lesson, not even realizing they were a lieutenant of the strongest mafia hidden deep in the underground civilization. ♡ ⇢ At first, he treats you like any proper gentleman would; sympathizing with your issue, promising he’d get things straightened out with your harasser, but on the way outside would accidentally show you dead bodies, just to see your reaction. ♡ ⇢ When you stare at it for about two seconds before continuing to walk forward without much notice, he covers his mouth with his hands, hiding his wide grin. ♡ ⇢ After letting you go, Kaeya can’t help but be infatuated by you — walking out of one of the main mafia bunkers like you just stepped outside the door of your house. ♡ ⇢ Giving you gifts, taking you out on dinners, he seems like perfect boyfriend material. He does his best to try to stray away from the fact he’s part of the mafia, even though you’re well-aware of his job. ♡ ⇢ When you both finally start dating, he will definitely show you off to the world. ♡ ⇢ When torturing people, he will always smile in sweet bliss and show off pictures of you to them, as if they aren’t tied and beaten up. ♡ ⇢ He’ll sometimes ask them to rate you, and if it’s anything below 999 out of 10, they’re immediately going to die. “Aren’t they the best lover ever? Hey, I didn’t cut your tongue off just yet, so respond.”

「 Albedo 」 ♡ ⇢ Thinks of you as an ‘interesting’ specimen. ♡ ⇢ When you were capable of beating three of his men at once without even breaking a sweat, he wonders more about your power and strength. ♡ ⇢ “It’s merely curiosity,” he assures himself. Yet he does background checks on you and everybody in your life, gets people to report your every move to him and thinks about you every single moment. ♡ ⇢ “One day, I’ll get bored of them.” He chides in himself, as that was the case with everything else. Albedo usually looked for somebody interesting that were captured in his claws, but in less than a week were killed and thrown out like trash after he lost entertainment in them. ♡ ⇢ But a week passes, and so does another. A few months pass by, and he is even more interested in you. ♡ ⇢ Decides to slip into your life through an acquaintance. They want to introduce you to a friend, and it so happens to be Albedo. Coincidentally, they can’t come along through the hangout, but it’s fine, since you both hit it off instantly! ♡ ⇢ He will probably eventually tell you about his identity, partially because he doesn’t want to lie to you and also because he’s curious about how you’ll take it. When you don’t treat him any different, he’s even more interested in you now. ♡ ⇢ Don’t expect to be able to leave his side after this. You’ve caught his attention, and he’s never getting bored of you. “Are you not fazed by the thought that I am a very dangerous person? How peculiar. It seems I have a lot to learn about you.”

「 Childe 」 ♡ ⇢ He at first treats you like a challenge, wondering how long it will take for him to conquer you.♡ ⇢ When you first meet him, he pops into your life as a hero, saving you from assailants, you’re completely unaware that he had known you for months. ♡ ⇢ He’s always there for you, no matter where you are. He manages to find a way to help you when you’re in need, wherever you may be. ♡ ⇢ Unless you’re extremely perceptive, you’ll probably never figure out that he’s part of the mafia, much less a leader of an organization. ♡ ⇢ Knows everything about you, your favorite color, what food you like and even your ring finger size. ♡ ⇢ Remember that guy who bumped into you in the store and argued with you about it? No you don’t, he’s gone now. You know that lady who purposely turns you into a laughingstock at work because you got a promotion and she didn’t? I guess she just decided to leave the city. ♡ ⇢ Spoiler: Childe was the reason they disappeared from civilization. ♡ ⇢ Doesn’t try forcing your relationship with him, since he doesn’t want you to see the worse side of him. ♡ ⇢ Everybody bows at him with utmost respect, so being called Ajax, his birth name, and being treated like an actual human being makes the wait of gaining your heart worth it. “Hmm? Oh, blood on my shirt? Don’t worry, it isn’t mine.”

[writers-leir]

prince!jeonghan

prince!jeonghan

aka part two of prince!vernon

should probably be named “in which jeonghan finds his nap buddy”

he’s lowkey still salty about his nap buddy leaving him for vernon

but he’s happy for them so he lets it slide

he tried to get chan to be his nap buddy but chan flat out rejected him

after that he went to seungcheol who was like l o l i know i’m your second choice don’t try to fool me

awihgskjlfsadgxcbn he tried

ANYWAYS he naps alone for now cause he doesn’t like any of the women (and men because,,,,have you seen jeonghan he’s such a pretty person) who like,,,,,throw themselves at him SO

introducing: you

you’re a simple gardener at the palace

by simple i mean the only gardener because his parents trust you like 999% with their garden and unless you also trust someone 999% you refuse to let them hire a helper for you

so you’re super busy

you rarely see any of the other people who work at the place much less the prince

jeonghan’s mom is always like ;~; we’ll hire the nice lady who works at the flower shop in the town you trust her right? cause she’s so worried you’re gonna work yourself to death at such a young age

but you’re like no,,,,i only trust her 998% with my flowers,,,

and like while you know what jeonghan looks like you’ve never actually seen him so you,,,,,don’t realize who he is when you find him sleeping on one of the flowerbeds

all you see is this ONE IDIOT WHO IS RUINING YOUR HARD WORK

the work that you put your literal blood sweat and tears into

you can’t even count the number of times you’ve cut yourself or almost fainted from the heat trying to make the flower bed perfect

one time it rained really hard and the left side of the tarp ripped open and half of the flowers were destroyed and your heart broke

you refused to do anything for the next week while replanting all the flowers

the rest of the palace staff felt so bad for you during that week they kept bringing you freshly baked bread or that really good tea secretly

and while jeonghan’s parents knew what the staff were doing they didn’t say anything because they loved you like another child

(and they lowkey would wish that jeonghan would propose to you someday BUT THAT’S A STORY FOR LATER)

anyways back to jeonghan sleeping in the flowerbed

those flowers are basically your children

and so you can’t even beGIN to describe the horror you felt when you saw this one LANKY IDIOT NAPPING IN THEM

honestly you didn’t even realize he was wearing a very expensive white dress shirt and black slacks that CLEARLY looked royal

plus his family emblem was on the blazer thrown to the ground beside him

you’re sooOOoooO ready to give this flower killer a piece of your mind

and as the gardener of course you’re carrying a bucket of water and you’re just,,,,,,SO ready to go fight this person who’s destroying your children

and how else but to dump all the water on him?

at first jeonghan’s like kSDHGAKLJDS what the

and then he looks at you and he just kinda,,,,,,,,,,,oh what,,,,,,,,,,,,

and now you’re like kAKJSDHGAKJSDHG because did you really just pour like three liters of water onto the PRINCE

and jeonghan WANTS to be angry because now he has to go back to the palace to change and the time he has for his naps has been reduced

but he just,,,,,,,,,,can’t seem to get angry because you look???? so scared asdkhgkasd

you immediately get on your knees bowing like asdkjhgkljsHDAGSD IM SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS YOu and you’re rambling on about how you got a lot little annoyed at how someone was ruining your hard work without a second thought

jeonghan’s like IT’S OKAY i’ll just go get changed pls get up;;;;;;; i didn’t realize how important these flowers were

your eye twitches because,,,,,,,,,did he just imply that those flowers are unimportant,,,,but you don’t say anything because you already almost lost your job

jeonghan knows all the palace staff by name and face so,,,,,he felt pretty disappointed in himself when he realized he couldn’t put a name to your face

he asks his mom about you that night and she’s just kind of like celebrating with his dad because  F I N A L L Y they meet

(jeonghan in the back: what)

she tells him that you’re the only gardener so you rarely have any free time

she also mentions about you being childhood friends with butler!joshua

jeonghan almost runs joshua down the next time he sees him but joshua’s like I’M HOLDING YOUR MOM’S BEST TEACUPS D O  N O T  TOUCH ME

when jeonghan asks joshua about you during his break joshua’s just like //insert suspicious face// why do you want to know

and then when jeonghan tells him about what happened josh’s like LOL you called their flowers unimportant man rip your chances with them

jeonghan: but they’re????just flowers/???????

joshua: don’t say i didn’t warn you

joshua advices jeonghan to offer you some help (even if you might reject it,,,cause it’s the thought that counts right????)

at first jeonghan’s like,,,,a little hesitant because his already limited break time is being cut even shorter and he knows like,,,,,nada about gardening

and the suspicious look in your eyes didn’t help his confidence at all

you end up agreeing anyways, and to start off, you have him fetching water for you

he’s like lowkey shocked at how heavy one bucket of water is but you’re just?????carrying two with no problem (and he swears that there’s a skip in your step like,,,,where do you find the energy to do this all day???)

his parents are also like !????? because a) that’s the crown prince,,,,,,following behind this gardener carrying buckets of water and b) did you really just,,,,,,agree without hesitation or putting thought into it????

they’re supportive of it though

like you’d think that the king and queen would be super against the crown prince doing any manual labor?

but no. not jeonghan’s parents. they’re super supportive because!!!!!their favorite (only) gardener can finally take it a little bit easier!!!!

at first you honestly feel like jeonghan’s not going to do as well as you expect because your expectations are sooooo high but then???? by the third week he’s able to start naming the types of flowers and their meanings, or even knowing exactly how much water the flowers beside the oak tree need (and by exactly i mean to the millilitre)

eventually you allow him to actually start managing the flowers (pulling out weeds, planting more, etc…)

and his parents are,,,,,,quite shocked to say the least

jeonghan actually finds himself enjoying every second he spends working on the garden (it’s totally not because you’re there)

he’s not going to lie, the first week was Stressful seeing as you refused to take your eyes off him

but he also lives for those moments when you thank him for helping you out or when you compliment him on his knowledge on gardening

in reality, he actually goes to joshua every evening for a lesson (but since joshua’s knowledge on gardening is limited, he eventually hired florist!jihoon from the town to help him out)

when seungcheol found out he straight out laughed in jeonghan’s face, telling him that he was super whipped for this person he barely knew

“i am not whipped!!!!”

“you’re literally taking an hour every day out of your rest time just to learn about gardening to please this person. are they that cute?”

jeonghan’s ears are turning red because yes you are that cute

of course his old nap buddy finds out too since they are childhood best friends

his old nap buddy was like a w e when they found out because “does jeonghan have a crush??”

“we’re not in middle school p l e a s e”

it’s highkey cute though because he eventually becomes comfortable enough with you that when he sees you he literally c r u s h e s you into a hug (you don’t complain because 1: it’s the crown prince asdkgjaskdf and 2: you may or may not have a crush on him,,,,,,,)

after the first time you allowed him to do something other than carrying water you forced him to get older clothes that no one cares about getting dirty

but,,,,,,he didn’t have any because they threw out his old clothes as soon as they became too small so he ends up going to joshua who was like i,,,,,,literally have only my uniform and these jeans and a shirt,,,,,you can go ask seungcheol though?

he ends up going to the town to get some stuff and accidentally binged out and bought four bags worth of clothes

so you and jeonghan end up getting into this routine where he joins you after lunch to work on the gardens and then leaves again in the evening to go eat dinner and do his work

you two don’t spend a lot of time together (the most having been 4 hours), but you get to know each other a little bit from that limited time

you find out who his former nap buddy was and you’re like o h my god. that’s the person who killed their succulent plants every time they got a new one

jeonghan: that’s the one yep

jeonghan actually starts enjoying the time he spends with you so much that he sometimes ends up skipping lunch and dinner (and then at like 8pm when you ask why his stomach has been growling non-stop for the past half hour he’s like NO REASON nope none at all)

he just really likes spending time with you like he doesn’t even care that he’s getting mud under his nails, or scars from the thorns on the roses

“scars are manly!!!”

“jeonghan you cried for half an hour and refused to use any bandaid other than the spongebob ones that joshua carries around”

you always feel really bad because now jeonghan refuses to let you do the hard work but you’re just like jeonghan i’m the gardener this is my job i get paid to do this work

suddenly though jeonghan just stops??? coming???

you think that maybe he’s just sick but after a week you’re like ?????????????

they even closed off one section of the garden and you’re like ))): because that was the section that you had wanted to save until you could decorate it to your own style and now they’re going to renovate it ))))))):

except no they’re actually not

it’s actually a surprise from jeonghan for you because he knows that you wanted to make that section your own little personal garden but you just never have time

and the past two, three months that he spent with you was enough time for him to figure out what you wanted

he recruits the help of seungcheol, chan, jihoon, and joshua (when they’re not busy) and the five of them are spending literally hours upon hours trying to perfect it

when jeonghan placed the orders with jihoon he almost fainted because !!!!! it’s literally impossible to find bird of paradise flowers in this part of the world

but jeonghan was firm with what he wanted and he told jihoon to just place the order under the king’s name (to which his dad was like “why did i receive three truck loads of flowers yesterday???”)

his dad was okay with it though,,,as long as jeonghan paid for it

you kind of,,,,,give up trying to find jeonghan after the second week because the rare chances that you did see him he literally sprinted the other way and you were like,,,,,,what,,,,,

you tried asking joshua about it but he refused to tell you anything and you were like!!!!!i grew up with you what do you mean you CAN’T TELL ME JOSHUA HONG DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME

a month later you’re approached by seungcheol and joshua and you’re like ( ≖.≖) at joshua who’s just like LISTEN you gotta trust us

you follow them outside and towards the area that was closed off and you’re like ???? why were they building a glass -oH THAT’S A GREENHOUSE

and you’re sooo confused?? until you get inside and realize,,,it’s a mini palace

literally because there are ROOMS for each of the types of plants like,,,there’s a room for the tropical ones where the humidity is kept higher than those that need a drier environment

you’re like watching joshua and seungcheol try and hide their smiles and you’re just like teLL me what’s going on aksdhgaklsdf

they lead you through the maze of flowers (you swear that it did not look this big from the outside) and you get to the end and jeonghan’s there

and he’s like,,,,,,,dressed up as if he’s at a party

and you suddenly feel super underdressed cause,,,,you’re wearing an old oversized shirt and muddy overalls,,,

seungcheol and joshua leave you two and you’re just like ??is something the matter

jeonghan tells you that he knows how much you wanted to make your own little garden but you never have time so,,,,he decided to do it for you

and at first you’re like aksdhgkjSHLGADSGJ what and he’s like oh,,,,did you want to do it yourself????? )))):

but you’re like nooo!!!! that’s not it,,,,i’m just shocked,,,,

you’re just like a mixture of confused and also lowkey kinda touched because,,,,,he really paid attention to the details and he remembered what flowers you liked,,,,and went out of his way to get them too

you ask him why he did this and he turns red like his ears are so red that you could literally hold a tomato up beside it and it’d be the same color

for a minute it looks like he’s trying to find the words to say and you’re like,,,,,is something the matter?

but then he says “will you be my nap buddy from now on?”

and you’ve known jeonghan long enough to understand exactly what he means by that so you’re like alksdhgakljsdhgKJLSDHAGLDS i would,,,,love to,,,,,except you know i can’t actually take naps,,,,,,right?

and throughout the entire conversation jeonghan just seemed really tense

but as soon as you said yes his entire body just relaxed and he smiled reaaaally really wide like y’know that really pretty smile? yeah that’s the one

when you see that smile you’re like “even with all these flowers, you’re still the prettiest”

and jeonghan’s so red he’s literally STEAMING at his ears asdhgkajlsdf

the next day when you run into joshua he’s like grinning really wide and you’re just like i’m still mad at you >:(

the king and queen hear about it like that very day because,,,,,it’s not like they had to deal with the massive amount of flowers that were ordered or anything,,,,,

jeonghan basically forced you to let him hire jihoon to help you out with the garden because “i can’t be having my future spouse dying early”

despite jihoon having been one of the people who originally helped jeonghan with the greenhouse, he’s actually not allowed to help with taking care of the flowers inside it

it’s kind of like yours and jeonghan’s little secret (even though it’s not a secret but it still feels,,,,nice to have that one spot for just the two of you)

and o f course jeonghan,,,,managed to sneak in a mattress and some pillows and a blanket to put in the corner for the two of you to nap at

when you officially meet jeonghan’s childhood best friend (aka vernon’s partner), you give them a giant book titled “Easy Plants for Beginners” and a ten minute lecture on how not to kill them (you even had notecards and everything prepared)

jeonghan on the side: that’s the love of my life right there

even though you keep telling jeonghan that you refuse to take naps during work he still manages to convince you to take a 20 minute nap

which ends up turning into 2 hours

he’s honestly willing to do anything for you,,,,i mean he gave up sleep to build you an entire garden askdghaskldf how much softer can someone get right?