#i like how Addict didnt even care people are hunting her down

[h0rr0rsaxo]

So imagine this! Vince is faced with a tough decision. He's a hitman so he obviously gets paid to take people out and want not. Usually he doesn't even care about his victims until he see's Addicts picture. He obviously doesn't want to kill her and so he doesn't. A little while later Addict decides to go for another walk in the underworld hoping that he would run into her again but instead she finds him in a alley way, badly injured by his boss because he refused to kill her. So she takes him to her apartment in the underworld and takes care of him and even goes as far as to let him live with her since he's going to be hunted down once they realize he isn't dead...

(it's the least Addict could do since he lost his job and his life over her)

Anyways I'm sorry this is really long....don't do this if you don't want to and if you need any help or inspiration then feel free to ask question or talk to me about it!

[ It was for you - Simp Party ]

SYNOPSIS; Vince, and Addict reunite in bad circumstances.

PAIRINGS; Vince x Addict

GENRE; Fluff, angst if you squint.

CONTENT WARNINGS; Slight gore, mentions of violence.

TAGS; @insane-horror-movie-addict

NOTE; Sorry it took a bit longer to post, my laptop decided to piss me off once again right before posting this...geez. The unnecessary amount of effort my laptop made me put into this gave me a headache..

CHARACTER COUNT; 14,923.

It was beginning to get darker under the winter weather.

A light snow descended upon the ground and Addict stared up at the sky, seeing an ominous looking cloud upon the horizon closing in on them. Her eyes narrowed and she looked back down to her level, turning when she heard different creatures casually pass her by. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her heavy jacket as they began to get cold, following the trail that was already laid out. Addict looked up, her brown hair flickering against a cold wind that decided to course itself through the compound. A cigarette dangled from her lips; smoke curling up in the air above her face as she breathed.

She only enjoyed the nicotine comfort of a cigarette every now and then to relieve her nerves or excitement in the time being. She never wanted to get too attached to the cancer sticks; they were all the reason why multiple people were now six feet under grave stones. Taking one last inhale of the nicotine, Addict breathed it out slowly and flicked it to the ground, smashing it into the concrete of her driveway with the tip of her boot. She craned her neck and pushed a strand of loose brown hair that flickered along the line of her vision. Her fingers secured it behind her ear, as she shoved her hands back into her jacket.

The warmth soothed her freezing from the snow endlessly descending. Addict let out a held breath slowly, her heart beginning to quicken at the thought of her adventures ahead. Her eyes trailed up to the sky, icy wind blowing from different directions.Visible stars twinkling high in the night's sky, competing to out-shine the full luminous moon. The way the hue of crimson overlapped the entirety of the under-realm's breath-taking atmosphere, for a moment, she'd almost forgotten that demons roamed this world. Even if the streets were usually bursting with crowds of the creatures, this night had been different, with the occasional passing demon here and there, but otherwise, the streets were nearly empty.

As she waltzed leisurely to the nearest bar, only to discover someone she considered a friend motionlessly lying against a dark alleyway wall, beaten to a pulp. Her stunned orbs holding a torturing stare-contest with Vincent, She kept her body low as she rushed towards his side, falling to her knees as she crouched down next to him. Her hand yanked out a black handkerchief from her pocket and she pressed it down on the stab wound in his stomach.

“What the hell happened to you?!” Her voice wavered as her mind scrambled on what to do. His breathing was labored and with each breath Addict heard him gargle on his blood. Her heart pounded, "I'm gonna get you some help, hold on!" As she about to rush to get EJ, something told her to stay.

Addict turned to see Vince's head hanging over his lap, his bangs slightly masking his face. She rushed back to him and knelt down, tilting his head back up and smacking his cheek lightly, “...Come on, stay with me.” Vince's eyes barely opened and ne didn’t protest against her. Sheknew she didn’t have much time before he would completely pass out, “You just have to walk a little further. My apartment isn't far from here.."

Addict grabbed his arm and Vince tried to lift himself, squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth as he finally got to his only good foot. The two slowly made their way out of the alleyway. Vince eyed the down demons as his boots connected with the cold, dirt ground of the streets, Addict leading him towards the back of her apartment complex almost encased with snow. Vince sighed with relief upon sitting down and leaning against the cool wall behind him, his eyes closing in slight bliss.

"Let's just stop here for a moment." She said in a hurry as she noticed he had been getting increasingly tired.

“Where’d you get shot?” He felt Addict move his bloody hand to try and observe the wound. Vince's tired eyes opened and stared at her face,

"My thigh....” His voice was low and he tried to look down at the wound with a smile, grunting to himself, “I forgot what it feels like to get shot... hurts like a bitch.”

“What about your ankle?” Addict moved back down to his boot and began to untie it. Vince pulled his foot away from her,

“Don’t worry about it.” Addict's eyes slowly fell back upon him and his condition, her eyes closing and her fingers digging into them as they rubbed her lids softly,

“So persistent...” Vince whispered and Addict tossed the strap of his gun over her head. She then grabbed his arm and pulled it around her neck, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him to his feet. He stumbled for a moment and regained his awkward posture, Addict turning towards the doors and looking up into the snowy light above them.

“Come on... we’re goin’ home.”

— … —

The door opened and Addict stepped through, a large bowl in her hand. She stopped upon seeing the bloody sight before her on both sides of Vince, glancing back and forth from his thigh to his foot. “He sure got the worse of it, didn’t she? Poor guy.." Addict set the bowl of water down next to the bed. Addict dipped the rag into the water and rung a bit of it out, putting it around his ankle and wiping softly. She cringed at the sight, having to look away as flaps of skin from the laceration flipped up every time she passed it with the rag.

Almost two hours had passed.

Addict wiped her hands with a rag and stood up, staring at her not-too-shabby work. With her hands still a bit bloody, she looked at him with sympathy. With a grieved sigh, she turned towards the door and pulled it open, stepping out to smell a rather delightful scent wafting into the air. After the couple hours it took to stabilize Vince, Nightmare had stopped by and cooked up a large meal for them both after she had heard what happened. Addict's lips drew into a thin line, once again, she just had hoped Vince would be okay. There was wounds littered all over his body, and she could barely help, especially she didn’t know what happened.

— … —

Vince staggered out of bed.

It took another moment for his pounding heart to slow again, his hand gently sliding to the back of his neck and gripping at himself to keep steady. Vince tried to relax his tense shoulders, but the movement this caused -as well as the movement from sitting up so suddenly- made a stabbing pain shoot through the roundness of his shoulder. He cried out a bit, his hand swooping around from the back of his neck and to his shoulder. Teeth bit into his lip as he tried to bare with the persistent pain, slowly turning his head to look at his shoulder.

Crisp white bandages wrapped around his injured chest, and down to the middle of his left forearm, even around his legs. It wasn't just his injured shoulder that had been treated, the rest of his scraps and bruises had been gently tended to smaller bandages. He could smell herbs coming from his body, most likely from ointments and medicines applied to him. What had happened to him? He couldn't remember anything from the point where he had been beaten up, and left in an alleyway. So then who had tended to his injury? He looked around the room he was in, it was small and the walls were made of panels of wood and smooth walls, it almost looked luxurious. He then looked down again, his right arm still crossed over his chest and barely holding his injured shoulder. Someone had changed the leather jacket he had adorned too, but that was about it, his other clothing was kept on. After examining himself he decided to try and have a better look at the room, try to figure out if he was in the hands of friend or foe.

His legs slowly slid off the bed, pulling himself up a bit more so that he sat on the edge of the bed, and this allowed him to get a better look at his full body. Serious scrapes and cuts had been bandaged and wrapped on his legs, and ankle. The one that truly worried him was his thigh, it had brutally been shanked by one of his ex co-workers.

The creaking of a door caught his attention, looking up from his slightly hunched position and meeting the eyes of a pretty woman. "Ah-! You scared me! I thought someone had snuck in to finish you off!" Addict said flustered. She walked over, leaving Vince staring at her blankly, and she seemed to have no reservations as she reached out and felt his forehead. "Your temperature has finally gone down! Seriously, you're such an idiot, when I saw you in that alleyway, you scared the shit out of me!"

"You're…the one who saved me?" Vince asked, slightly flustered as his pink dusted his cheeks. He shook his head, trying to get rid of his embarrassment, "Well…if I seen a mighty handsome stranger in the alleyway, I wouldn't be able to resist myself either. You have good taste, darlin,"

"Oh shut up.." She chuckled, "Lay back down, I still have to clean the wound on your stomach, that you somehow forgot to mention."

“So….mind telling me what happened?” She looked back down, grabbing a small bottle of rubbing alcohol, a needle and thread, and gauze and medical tape. Vince stared down at her, chewing on the inside of his cheek while he watched her slender form moved with utter simplicity and flawlessness. He was knocked from his thoughts when she looked up at him, raising an eyebrow and waiting for his question,

“Well…I got into a little argument, you see,” He sighed right through his teeth and leaned back, lying down on the bed. He held back a groan as his abs countered against him with pain from straining his muscles. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hearing Addict moving towards him as she readied to fix his wound. He felt his shirt being pulled up to his mid stomach and then Addict's warm hands move to his wound, making his eyes open and look over at her.

He smirked, and changed the subject, "Bet you've been waiting to do that, to see me shirtless, darlin', and I don't sure as hell ain't going to blame ya."

"It's not like that you dork," She chuckled. Her brown eyes dulled as she looked over at him, “I’m not going to lie… this is going to hurt.” She said as she uncapped the bottle of alcohol, “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital now or something? I'm sure they can numb you up…” She manned a rag in her other hand as the two stared at each other for a moment. Vince nodded,

“Yeah, just do it already and get it over with. I don't trust them damn demons anyways.” Vince laid his head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling of the apartment. She let him take one last breath before she draped the bottle over his stomach, letting the medical liquids hit his skin. His body lurched up and he arched his back, hissing through his teeth as the alcohol ate away at the bacteria in his flesh.

Addict quickly squeezed the rag down on his abdomen, putting pressure on it to ease and relieve the pain. Vince panted from holding his breath too long and put his body back down on the bed. The pressure from the rag dimmed the pain and he could feel his puncture wound heating up and becoming numb. He took a deep breath and looked over at her, seeing her pulling the broken stitches out of his skin.

“I hate that god damn alcohol.” Addict looked up through her bangs as her hair was becoming dry. She smiled and yanked out another stitch,

“I know... this stuff sucks to use. But it’s the only thing we have right now so you’re gonna have to deal with it.” Addict yanked out the last stitch and she heard Vince grunt. She smiled and looked over at him as she pulled some thread through her needle, “Oh, stop being such a baby.” She felt his eyes dart over to her and she couldn’t help but smile to herself at the comment.

He scoffed and looked out the window of the home as he could feel his skin being punctured by the needle, poking at the holes he had made in it earlier, “Bet you been waitin’ to hurt me. Stickin’ that needle in my skin and watchin’ me jump round in pain.” He teased her. Addict shook her head as she concentrated on the task at hand, carefully weaving the needle back and forth through his skin and pulling it tight along the way to close the wound.

"If I wanted to hurt you, I would have done it already. Trust me." She smiled endearingly, her head tilting slightly, "Now…about these wounds. What caused them?"

"Well," Silence. The man stared at him blankly for a moment, she gulped awkwardly as she waited for him to reply, and observed him placing a hand on her chin thoughtfully. After a minute he looked up at her, "I have this job, wouldn't exactly call it the safest business. I'm a bounty-hunter, I kill whoever got the cash for my services. This one job though, I couldn't bring myself to do it, I dunno why, but I just couldn't. Even lost my damn job over it,"

"Who did you have to kill?"

Another gap of eerie silence took over the both of them, as if he had carefully contemplated his next words. "You."

"Egh, I'm not really surprised to be honest," Shrugging it off, and letting out an exasperated sigh, "I'm probably Slenderman's best proxy, the bounty on my head is unfortunately pretty big. The only thing that really surprised is the fact you didn't take the opportunity,"

"Now you sure as hell know I wouldn't ever be able to hurt such a little pretty thing," Vince playfully grinned in a teasing way while sticking out his tongue at her, "Now doll, are you plannin' to let me stay over, or?"

A light chuckle from deep within her throat made its way to the surface, as she pushed back a loose strand of hair, "Well, on one condition, you tell me your name. Even if I met you just a few months ago, you still haven't told me."

"Guess I've been keeping you waitin' too long," he sighed, "It's Vince. Vincent Smith,"

As he spoke she stared at the man, sudden recognition crossing her mind as she heard the last name. "Smith..." she whispered quietly. "Wait a minute…isn't that—"

"My dear little brother." Addict looked down at the man quickly as he spoke. "Varrick, I mean. Yeah, he's my little brother. We don't…talk. All those years ago, he thought I died of some tragic accident, and even held a funeral for me, that little shit." Vince was a mysterious guy full of surprises, that was a thing she'd always have to remember.

“Hey Vince?” She asked quietly, causing Vince to look over at her once he heard her voice breathe his name. Her gaze set on his rugged appearance once again and she paused for a moment, wondering whether or not she should ask her question. But her interests won the battle, “Those scars you have... how did you get them all?”

The one question Vince dreaded finally had been asked and his body suddenly became overbearingly hot. His jaw tightened and his teeth began to nervously gnaw on the inside of his cheek. Addict noticed his fingers started to twitch, as well as his overall demeanor take a dive down. She shook her head, “You don’t have to tell me, I was just curious, is all.”

“I’d rather not talk about it.” Vince said plainly and Addict nodded,

“Fair enough. Just forget I asked.”

[xodarbiox]

OKAY OKAY OKAY!

so hi tumblr, long time no see. im now obsessed with yellowjackets and as of lastnight have seen all the eps to air so far.  SPOILERY.. so if your not caught up... read at own risk Although a little creepy for my liking (the eye episode) im loving the show.  what im mainly obsessed with is who the antler people are.  so ive shared a bunch of posts from that scene and similar.  theory time. and please add yours too if you have some or add to mine.  Mari is the one in the pit... i was trying to find black haired girls and there are only a few. My first through was Lottie. but in recent episodes since shes embraced her visions shes become more confident and powerful which makes me think shes the leader, especially more since doomcoming.  now if i am wrong and it is lottie, then maybe its a vision of what is to come? now to the theory about how they select the next victim.  perhaps most of them voted that it will be random, and to give the person a chance they are to run? put in next to nothing and then kinda hunted.  ORRRRR there is 2 groups now. and this girl was separated and put into a hunted situation and let go and this is the results?  along with the scenes where the antler tribe get up to leave.  We already know misty is the one with the long fur drape over her face. she is to the left in the gif i posted.  If lottie is center Queen (because she has visions so Van and the others put her as leader) i think van is to the right, the face coverings the way she had it in Doomcoming maybe is done like that for a reason.  in the promo shots. I thought maybe the little brother is in that too.  I think Van will side with Lottie (the queen in my theory) and Tai is on the other team. separated by survival and a willingness to do what they need to do.  Akilah is someone i havent really factor in due to me not really remembering them in much of the story.  Now to who got out alive.  So far we see Nat, Shauna, Tai, Travis, Misty. --we know misty is on the Antler tribe, but the others...? We know Jackie gets back, according to a reddit post i read, in her journal that Shauna reads through on the birthday, there is movie references from years later. so unless someone wrote in things she might have liked years later, she likely got out of there, and either Committed Sui___, vanished off like travis did but didnt tell her folks, maybe Shauna is responsible. I dont think the little brother is alive in the future or someone would have told him about Travis (misty was all for tracking them down) ORRRRR he is the one behind the murder... (he did go to the séance late to “see what everyone is laughing about”) Shauna is my main suspect for all things odd. We have Tai with her sleeping thing thats been passed onto the son. so shes got an obvious issue.  Nat and her addiction, again, another obvious issue. Misty is all kinds of fucked up nutty, but her reasoning is she does shit so people need her and rely on her. she needs to feel needed. She might be crazy, but its again, obvious.  Shauna killed someone, she sliced into rabbits and deer and isnt too phased at all. She is the silent type you generally have to look out for, ANDDDDD she was the first to be cast and the first on the credit thing on the intro. (if im not mistaken) just makes me think she was cast first because she is secretly leading the entire story.  however it all went down. much like on lost. at the end of it all, no matter what happened while they were there, they all come together to protect eachothers secrets even if they didnt actually do anything bad. thats why even if some of the 2021 women didnt actually cross that line they are still in contact. (think of the attitude the 3 woman have in the later season episodes where they are there for eachother but really arent friendly, but still care)  --one more theory about the 2 group thing, maybe in the beginning someone went missing, groups split up to look, dead of winter, one group finds the missing person and they are dead or close to it, they figure there is no point wasting good meat and only bring back the meat, feed the other group but then its revealed how they got the meat and thats how the 2 groups part... if you have read to this point. thanks. i hope you add to my theories and share some of your own. if not then this is just a way for me to write down my throughts of the show. coz i dont know anyone else who watches it. nor becomes obsessed with shows like this. all the questions and clues to follow.  till next week when i hope they actually expand on the opening scene a bit more. 

[modern-vellichor]

Withdrawal

Chapter One

Summary: Shes broken and bruised, and so are they. But at least she can't remember when shes sad; but god can they.

Warning: Substance abuse, alcohol, cigarettes, smoking, implied smut, self deprecation, self hate, destructive behaviour

Pairing: Steve x reader

"Trust me, Rogers", Tony sighs into Steve's ear as they push and shove through the crowd of stone-drunks and druggies.

"If you're finding her in a place like this, I don't think we should trust her", Steve states back.

Purple and blue light dances around them, and so do the nearly naked bodies of the 20-somethings surrounding them. The air reeked of sweat and cheap vodka, crushed pills and fine white powder dusted almost every surface, and smoke wafted all around them.

They really needed help. Something was coming, and they couldn't figure out how to stop it. Every day was the same: wake up, new theory, failed theory, repeat. Tony got so fed up that he decided to finally call on an old friend for help, except she didn't answer. She never called him back, or answered his texts, or his emails. And so he hunted her down, and now they were pushing their way through a sweaty and drugged up crowd of young adults in a sketchy bar.

Then they reached it, a doorway covered with a thin mesh curtain. A group of people, younger, all in their early twenties. A girl who was very clearly in charge sat in the middle of all of them, one hand gripped a cigarette loosely, it looked at home between her fingers, the other was latched around the back of a petite boys neck, small and blonde and so desperate to please her - to please you.

Your skin has a grey tinge to it, gaunt and daunting. Your eyes were dull and hazy, dark circles prominent. You looked ill, but you grinned nonetheless.

You brought the cigarette to your lips, inhaling with a small grin, unaware of the three men towering in the doorway, Bucky had joined them on the mission. They watched as the blonde boy passed a violently green pill to you, and you opened your mouth for him, sticking your tongue out, and playfully biting his finger before you swallowed the drug whole.

Tony coughed. He looked at home, and Bucky showed no emotion, but Steve was wildly uncomfortable, and apparently it showed.

You downed the last of the amber liquid in a glass on the small table, before gently shoving your boytoy away and standing up. You swayed for a moment before steadying and making your way to the group.

"You shouldn't have brought blondie over here, Stark. This isn't his scene, look at him", you scolded softly, the corners of Steve's mouth lifted slightly. You turned to him before speaking again, hazy eyes meeting his. "Let's go somewhere a little more quiet, yeah?"

The group nodded and you lead them through the crowd until you descended a staircase and made your way into a sleek looking room, and silence settled comfortably over the group. You discarded your cigarette along the way and so you made yourself comfortable on the leather chair behind the desk and lit another.

The three men got comfortable on a little leather couch. Tony sighed.

"How bad is it gonna be tomorrow?", he asked softly.

"Real bad", you chuckled dryly.

Steve wasn't so sure what Tony meant, but he was almost sure that he was talking about the aftermath of whatever you had taken. Bucky still stayed emotionless.

"How much have you had?", Tony asked again.

"Enough that if I have any more I think I might just die", again you laughed, you had an air of clear nonchalance about the whole situation. You seemed completely aware of everything, yet your pupils were dilating rapidly, and you were slurring your words, and swaying when you stood.

"So, Tony and the Golden Boys", you chided. "What do you want?"

"We need your help", Steve pleaded. You looked as if you would have argued relentlessly if Tony had asked the same, but your hazy eyes met his baby blues and you smiled.

"Tomorrow", you said, and Tony nodded.

"C'mon, Y/N, let's get you home, yeah?", you stamped out the cigarette and nodded, gladly falling into Steve's arms. The men carried you out of the bar and into the car they had come in, and took you back to the compound. Steve had let you stay in his room, tucking you into bed and sitting awake on the uncomfortable plastic desk chair he never used, just in case something happened in the night and he slept through it.

It was three in the morning when she began to shake lightly and broke out into cold sweats. Steve got a little nervous, but simply sat himself against the headboard and left you alone. After a half hour, you were shaking uncontrollably and drenched in sweat. Steve was trying desperately to calm you down, he had a cold face cloth over your forehead, and was running a hand through your hair and cooing softly. And when that didnt work, he scooped you into his arms and ran until he found Tony. The panic only really set in when Tony couldnt stop it either. Tony feigned calmness and dialed an unfamiliar number into his phone. Steve narrowed his eyes when the blonde boy from earlier waltzed in.

He surveyed the scene with mild interest before pulling a familiar orange bottle out of his pocket, he slipped one into your mouth and you swallowed instinctively. Less than twenty minutes passed before you had fallen back into a peaceful sleep.

"What's your name, kid?", Steve grunted as the boy turned to leave.

"Luca. Oh, by the way", he turned and threw the bottle at Steve. "These are for when she gets antsy"

"How do I know when to give her one?"

"Oh, you'll know", and with that he was gone.

When Steve woke the next morning, you and Tony had already started working in the conference room. Papers and Manila folders scattered across the table.

You worked in silence, the three of you together, until you found a lead, and the three of you gathered the necessary people and set off.

You drove in silence, dusk settling over the city. It was well near dark by the time Tony stopped outside of a sketchy looking club.

"You sure this is the place?", he said to you, surveying the building with care. Bucky was in the backseat next to Steve, and he watched you intently, Steve noted this.

You pulled out your phone, double checked something typed into your notes and nodded, getting out of the car.

You took one last look of the building before pulling off your sweater throwing it into the car. You unbuttoned your shirt and tied it up, pulling your sweatpants to your hip bones and smudging your mascara. Then you turned to Bucky with puppy dog eyes; "Bucky, can I borrow your jacket?"

He shrugged the heavy leather off without a second thought, throwing it gently around your shoulders.

"Why is it so important for you to look the part?", Steve asked, he came off more hostile than intended, thrown off by Bucky's gentle actions.

"Because if I look the part", you shook out your hair until it was messy and wild. "You don't have to"

You lit a cigarette and waltzed in like you owned the place, Bucky close behind, Tony and Steve keeping their distance. You were at home in the atmosphere, taking everything and anything offered to you as you pushed through the crowd, until you were shaking your head 'no', and leaning on Bucky for support. But still, you had a clear head and a mission, and made your way to the tall man with dark hair who dominated the back section of the club.

"Duke?", you asked sternly, he towered over you, but you crossed your arms and kept a straight face, Bucky looming behind your shoulder.

"Who's asking?", he shot back.

Steve watched from a distance as the two of you talked and eventually argued, and then followed you out of the club when you turned on your heel and stormed out. He was also the first to join you in your room after you had left for the evening.

He knocked gently, peeking around the corner and shuffling in. He sat at the edge of your bed, and when you patted the mattress next to you, had gotten comfortable against the headboard. You curled into his side. He hesitantly threw an arm around your shoulders and you only nuzzled further into him. You fell asleep like that, wrapped around each other.

Over the coming weeks you became dependant on him, and he worried about you. He worried when you came home drunk out of your mind or stoned to the edge of oblivion, but you always sobered up. It was the late nights that scared him, when you had already fallen asleep and begun to shake, and the only thing that seemed to stop it was the little green pills that he kept on him at all times.

He had been taught from the very beginning that addicts needed help, so slowly but surely he reduces your dose, crushing the pill and only giving you fractions of it. Until it was half, and you still seemed to be fine.

The weeks went on and your work piled up. You hardly ever left your desk, you and Tony working side by side, day through night. Steve spent his nights cold and alone and longing for you back in his bed. With your nights spent huddled up under dim lamp light, you hardly had any time to go out. You stole a few minutes for a cigarette on the roof every few hours, but that was all. Steve couldn't help but smile knowing how much better you were.

You looked constantly tired, but your smile was brighter and wider. Pictures of you and Tony lined the walls of your cramped little office.

Every few days you disappeared, saying your were checking up on your cramped little apartment. You always came back with a fresher air about you, happy and doe eyed. Steve longed to be invited on your little day trips to whatever life you hid from him. He didnt want to only be your night life, to be the only thing you could depend on when stash grew low. He dropped subtle hints here and there, little suggestions. He wondered if your house was anything like you. If its walls were bright and it was clean, or if it was unorganised and dark, curtains drawn permanently shut.

One day he found out. You couldnt find your car keys and asked Steve for a ride. He was more than eager to help, talking nonstop the short drive there. Your apartment was small, cramped. It was neat. Plants littered every surface, all alive and thriving.

"How are your plants still alive?", he pondered aloud.

"Luca waters them for me"

Steve sighed internally. Although Luca hardly ever came up in conversation, his existence plagued Steve. He couldnt get the image of how eager he was to please you, of how you held so much power over him. He didnt dare to imagine what the two of you had done previous to your introduction. He was lost in his self destructive train of thought the entire visit. When you grabbed his bicep and gave a reassuring squeeze, he was pulled back to reality and you returned to the compound.

You slipped into his room that evening. He could smell the hint of old whiskey and smoke on your breath, but he didnt mind. He drank you up, swallowing you whole. He crowded you into the mattress until you sang a song that was only for him. He was sweet and soft, but so distant once it ended. You could never forget, thighs rubbed raw from the scratch of his beard, lungs aching from lack of breath. But he simply rolled over and fell asleep. Some evenings, he would hold you close and tight and never let go, keep you tight there. Most, though, you had to curl against the broad expanse of your back and hope for some attention in return. And it never came on nights like this, but you tried anyway.

You were gone in the morning, as per usual, but he couldnt find you elsewhere. Not could he find Tony or Bucky, and that's when he realised that they had left without him.

[saints-row-2]

film watch day 11: The Crow

id somehow never seen The Crow before, which i think is probably for the best, because if 13 year old me had seen this movie he would have been so overcome with desperate goth longing hed have been even more fucking insufferable than he already was, which is saying a lot. 

anyway, The Crow is about guitarist Eric Draven, who comes back from the dead to avenge his own murder, as well as the murder of his fiancée Shelly. Over the course of one night, Eric murders every criminal involved with the attack he can find, hunting down their boss, crime lord Top Dollar.

i wasnt really sure if i was going to actually like The Crow that much. its an incredibly iconic movie, but with movies like this its hard to dissect how much of that is quality and how much is 90s nostalgia. i gotta hand it to The Crow though, its a pretty fucking good movie. 

the thing i wanna praise above all else is the strength of the aesthetic in this film. holy shit. whoever was in charge of set design and location shooting deserves to be fucking given a medal. every scene of this film looks like its being shot in the nastiest, grimiest place on earth and it works so fucking well. the dramatic architecture of the sets is great too. this film looks like shit and i fucking love that about it. its beautiful.

it has to be said. holy fuck this film is goth. jesus christ. like i knew it would be but fuck me. 

i dont enjoy a lot of the editing choices in this film -- choosing to put all the flashbacks under a heavy red filter was really bogus -- but they feel so quintessentially 90s that who really gives a fuck. you cant change anything about this movie; its aged ways is such a part of its charm. 

the plot is simple but i felt there was real effort put into it to try and characterise the world a little more. it left me asking more questions than it did clarify things though; what the fuck is Top Dollar’s deal exactly? hes a landlord who wants to destroy the tenants’ union Shelly was organising and some kind of crime lord but he also really cares about the fact posers are ruining Halloween for the real Halloween fans like him. is he magic? was his weird sister magic? they give so little fucking explanation for what her deal is.

Eric himself is a wild character. i think how much you like him depends on how much you enjoy the concept of ‘clown who murders people’, which personally is a great fucking idea. i didnt enjoy the overought angst scenes so much, but every scene were Eric lets loose and just starts murdering people? i was having a blast. Brandon Lee himself, and Michael Wincott who plays Top Dollar both really seem like theyre having a great time and its hard to not enjoy their performances. i think my favourite character is probably Sarah though, a little girl that Eric and Shelly looked after, who spends the entire film skateboarding around and talking shit to everyone’s face, which is fantastic. 

The Crow is a trashy movie, but its fucking good fun. for some reason it hit the same mental buttons for me that Sin City does, where a film’s aesthetic and action are powerful enough to sell me on it. except Sin City always makes me feel like shit so maybe The Crow is good fast food, like from Leon or something, and Sin City is like a three-day old burger you eat cold at 5am. this simile has gotten away from me. 

what The Crow does well is just having its tone right. it knows what kind of fucking movie it wants to be, and thats built into every part of it. its a dark, gothic, incredibly edgy movie that has just enough honestly heartwarming moments to balance out the dark shit and make you feel like the movie was worth it. 

i cant talk shit about The Crow, not really. it just made me immensely fucking happy when i was watching it. i think its fair to call it a classic, because it really is. The Crow is a good movie, even if theres a scene where Eric somehow cures someone of morphine addiction by touching them, which made me for real laugh out loud. i guess what makes it a good movie is that after that scene i was genuinely touched by the mother-daughter bonding moment it led onto.

[idontwantshitanymore]

TW everything maybe?

i want to rant to myself, i genuinely am tired of this. the notes app is fine but i mean this is my notes app now. im tired, of people, of dealing with things and emotions, of myself, of reality mostly. i always feel out of place, always literally every single time, i hate how its always as if im wearing a mask, waiting for the mask to fall off, then sitting in my room alone at night sad, because why couldn’t anyone see me? since this is a long rant and im a spoken essay addict, as im speaking this to myself, i will section this into ranting sections:

1) i hate myself. i hate everything about me, and not in a quirky outcast way, and not in the way that i Dont Acknowledge that im “loved” or whatever no, i hate myself because i know that whenever im “loved” it’s because im pretending to be what people like but in reality im disgusting and bored. i hate the way i talk and what i talk about how awkward i am. i hate that i stand in no where and fit in no place and i am as temporary as a stupid dress for some occasions. i hate how i look like and like aside from body like my smile sucks it’s wrapped to the side, my eyes are too small and my voice is too squeaky and breaks and gets too high sometimes. i hate that i only notice it when im back home. i hate where i live and how lazy and frustrating i am.. too bossy too hazy too weird.. im too much. too much.

2) i hate reality. i feel like im always less. and that feels shit because i also feel ungrateful because im not technically broke poor or unbearably ugly or in a completely broken family.. but they are also shit. i cant buy a single tshirt without contemplating how that will affect my budget. i though have to sit and watch people buy shit like money is water. i cant stand confidently or take a normal picture and will consider sewerslide if someone took my picture because i cant bare how ugly i am but to normal standards im “fine”. my parents are still together and they are alright to each other but i havent had a conversation with my dad like a full conversation apart from hello in approximately idk 5 years?? more? and we live in a 3 bedroom apartment together i see him everyday. i just dont actually see him do i? and my mom just shouts all day everyday until no end and then showers me with “care” then calls me selfish when i dont give it back or am not as active and happy as she is.. mental illness doesn’t exist here and i forget about that but reality is reality. not just mental health but actually everything doesnt exist here, dreams are wack and if i ever came out id be most definitely hunted. i cant travel anywhere because visas are actually a thing and i never can get any plus im broke. so my reality is.. forever alone in the closet wearing things i dont want to wear and saying things i dont mean and never having a family and never getting out of here.. i really should just d1e

3) i hate food. i hate myself before i hate food but i also hate food. i hate that im not skinny enough im not boney enough.. but im not sick enough i never was never will probably cuz im a coward. all my mental shit is in my brain, and sometimes i lay down just to imagine myself taking my insides out just to feel empty.. because im weak and i cant st@rve properly. i also dont taste food.. its been 3 and a half.. and food tastes like plastic to me.. i havent enjoyed a single meal in 3 and half years or even more honestly.. i cant fucking eat properly i just binge on plastic tasting things i want to rip myself apart.

4) i partially hate people around me. they arent bad people they are just good until im not what they want. until i dont play the role. until its no fun. good until im too mentally ill but no im faking that shit why such a bad mood, good until im too angry why am i such a rude person.. good until im not good enough. i also hate how jealous i get if they lose weight or if they are suffering because no i want to be the one that suffers the most.. i most probably deserve to just for thinking that. i like them i do and i care for them but it gets too much when im faced with my own ugliness that comes with dealing with people.

5) i loved my best friend. until she said that it never fucking mattered because it wasnt romance. i broke her heart but i too fucking hurt.. she liked me and thats alright and flattering but its not my fault i didnt feel the same. not my fault i dont want romance i can barely love anything. i dont want a girlfriend or the commitment or anything. it hurt because then was all her care and love just because she thought i liked her too.. just cause she thought she’d earn a lover? is this how it works? unconditional love my ass there was a condition they just trying to hide that cuz its too ugly to see the truth. i tried helping and being there and talking and communicating just because i never wanted to hurt her but no im the bad guy.. im the ugly ugly person and the toxic manipulator.. who also has their most known info about them that they never fall for friends and never take hints.. but ig no She Had To Be The Exception.. whatever im actually disappointed beyond belief.. i thought i can trust someone but ha ha fool is me.. no more trusting anyone everyone wants the mask on Everyone.

6) i hate my anger issues. it would be fine almost fine until something as minor as my brother touching my teddy bears and my anger rises like a fucking monster. why am i so angry all the time.. angry enough to st@b myself through the heart.. and it starts.. those stupid trials to stop being so angry that i get angrier and someone points it out and i get even more angrier and boom time to add barcodes to myself because i cant deal with the fucking anger.. and ok it would be fine at least if the anger was justified but no im just a bitch to everyone and moody as fuck and never can do anything because my brain doesnt work like ever.

in conclusion.. i as a whole am a creature that should’ve been de@d at least 3 years ago but didnt.. and now im just dealing with the fact that i wasnt. what a fucking nuisance. my whole existence is and the fact that im complaining in Parts about things mostly my own fault is insane. so ungrateful so unoriginal i must fucking end it i genuinely have to cuz this is too much. too fucking much and the future wont get me anywhere i should save my family the money.