#i like helping people and if it makes beers with the lads extra fun then thats just gravy

[white-cishet-snail]

38 and counting! If you can donate blood you should! It can save lives! (and it makes for an extra exciting night at the bar)

[dear-yandere]

& just drown with me.

yandere! beidou x reader. general headcanons. tw: kidnapping, implied dubcon. disclaimer: this is not a healthy relationship.

art belongs to jay ash (pixiv).

“come out, come out to the sea, my love and just drown with me...”

beidou is...

reverent, delusional, honest, lenient (RDHL) + doting, protective, clingy

— reverent is she the moment she sets eyes on you, her heart skips a beat. she doesn’t mince words or skirt along bushes; she’s enamored the moment she sees you, and she ensures that you’re well aware of her attraction. you’re quick to pick up that she is terribly handsy—and perhaps a little touch-starved—especially when it comes to you. her hands are on you at all times, sometimes friendly, sometimes on the cusp of something more.

she wants to hold you close and never let go, she knows that much. you’re just so frail, so easy to break if the slightest wind were to brush your sides a little too harshly. in contrast, she’s strong beyond compare, able to best sea beasts and part mountains with only her sword; and yet, gentleness is not lost on her. she takes extra care in handling you, beyond scared that you’ll break apart between her fingers if she’s the slightest bit too rough.

and letting go quickly becomes difficult.

she likes feeling your skin against hers. your hand entangled with hers, your fingers delicate and unused to combat; she is forever fascinated by the soft swell of your palm, the way your hand looks as if it can hardly hold itself against the world. your skin is devoid of callouses and tears unlike her own which carries the sword as big as her stature. your hair’s disheveled and knotty, and your clothes carelessly strewn across the floor. she likes you best this way; completely without covers, so that she may take you in to your fullest, so that she may hold all of you within her grasp and never let go. her fingers are always wrapped around your waist, lips pressing kisses onto your head.

you are a treasure beyond compare. 

— her thinking, you soon come to learn, lies upon the border of delusion, and yet her eyes hold an assurity when they look at you. you’re never allowed off her ship unsupervised. the decision was quick and painless, her voice doubtless and her intentions clear as the sea. she wants to flaunt you by her side, as she enjoys the way your body will grow warm with embarrassment when she walks into town with a pretty little thing by her side. pirates are known for their nonchalant approach to life, so for the great captain of the crux to show up in public with anything—or anyone—by her side apart from her trusty claymore is a curious sight. captain beidou isn’t known for her ability to settle in one place or with one person; the sea’s always been her true calling, after all. but to see her fingers gently settle on your shoulder as she pulls you close, the smirk on her reddened lips will quickly twist into a full-blown grin as the crowd she’s drawn erupts into cheers.

you know better than to make a scene in front of these people—people who look up to captain beidou, people who wouldn’t take you seriously if you explained the way she keeps you captive on her ship. you’re nothing more than a victim, you’ll say to them, and they’ll only laugh you off with a wave of their hand, certain this whole charade is some roundabout way for beidou to entertain herself. the sea must drive a man delirious, after all. no one can fault her.

and for that reason, no one can believe your pleads.

beidou is a free spirit enamored by the call of adventure, and yet her actions are anything but.

— dishonesty is something beidou hasn’t the time nor patience for. her words hold no lie when directed at anyone, but especially when directed at you. she couldn’t dream of lying to you—and she has, unfortunately. the moment she woke up from that terrible dream was the moment she shook you awake to apologize profusely, even if the language was colored with her own vulgar vernacular. yes... she apologized for a futile little lie she told in a dream.

dishonesty simply isn’t on the table.

she goes to great lengths to explain her day to you, taking the utmost care to not leave the slightest detail out. the main reason being her guilty conscience, really. there’s not much to do cooped up on a musty ship cabin—even if her quarters are decked out to the nines just for your liking. you weren’t keen on the idea at first, feeling more like a child being told stories before bedtime, rather than a fellow sailor and her beloved first mate. but her eyes will light up all the same, and she’ll tell you of her day and the new things she’s seen as if you were right there with her. you quickly learn to nod along and acknowledge her every so often, as the only alternative is to mope around in her cabin or on the deck—the few times she’ll let you accompany her out there. there’s only so many thoughts to think by yourself, and at some point, you grow to look forward to these fantastical stories every night.

— she doesn’t know fear—freedoms are yours for the choosing if you’re brave enough to set your sights on them. lenient and all too unfussed by the chance you’ll make it any further than the twenty feet from her person at all times, she’s well aware you won’t make it rather far. you wouldn’t call it much in the way of “freedom” really—and you start to envy the citizens of the ever-free mondstadt a few regions over. all freedoms are your for the taking; that is, all freedoms except a dismissal from her side. it’s where any good luck charm belongs, she’ll laugh and plant a wet kiss atop your lips. her good luck charm... she doesn’t need luck—not with strength rivaling a god’s—and yet she refuses to go anywhere without you close behind. 

it’s no surprise that her crew had once joked that you follow her around like a lost seadog—unaware that you do so per her directions—only for the poor lads to regret ever having said anything. their captain’s eyes are dark when she pipes up behind them.

“haven’t you got better jobs to do than mess with my lass?” she jeers, that usual smirk not quite reaching her eyes. from your position behind the crew—the men now all lined up in terror before the captain of the crux—even you start to break into sweat. it’s clear from her tone that she’s irritated, and the fact she’s clutching onto her claymore as if its the anchor on her anger scares even you. 

they were poking fun at you only moments ago, and now you can’t help but feel sorry for them.

“i’ll let you off the hook ‘cause you’re my dear brothers.“ despite her clemency, her expression tightens and not one man dares to let his tense muscles relax. “but i’ll only say this once, lads.” she explains, stepping down from the raised deck to saunter over to your side. all eyes turn to you two, a pair they’ve grown used to seeing day in and day out. beidou slings her arm around your shoulders, the curves of her body pressing into yours perfectly. “this here is my first mate; a jab at them is no better than a jab at me. the next time i hear a jab at them, i’ll do far worse than have you swimming with the fishes.”

— she loves drinking with you by her side, even if you can’t hold liquor down to save your life. her cheeks are quick to flush shades of pinks and reds, and you can never stop yourself from staring in awe, even when she slings an arm around your waist and pulls you close. her lips catch yours as if they belong there, a puzzle piece filled by its other half. her kisses are a hazy fire, fiercely warm and dangerously untamed; they always taste like strong beer, the beverage steeped in various spices that sit nicely on her lips.

you only wish she wouldn’t do so in public. her boisterous laughter and charisma draws the attention of the tavern-goers, most of whom know better than to interrupt beidou when she’s chugging down jugs of alcohol. her crew doesn’t mind the sight, nor do they mind your presence at the table—though, it’s not like they have much of a choice in protesting; although they don’t fully recognize you as a bonafide crew member of the alcor, it’s clear that captain beidou has something of a sweet spot for you.

still, they feel like they’re witnessing something they shouldn’t when she captures your lips with hers, her fingers drunkenly playing with the thin strap keeping your outfit intact. 

— captain beidou carries her heart on her sleeves and her riches in each hand. riches and spoils are fully within your grasp at all times, sometimes to the point of annoyance when she insists on adorning you with a piece of jewelry she picked up at port. ‘it reminded me of you, s’all,’ she’ll laugh sheepishly, already unclasping the necklace to set it around your neck. ‘wear it and think of me, yea?’

it’s an order more than a romantic sentiment; you have no choice but to think of her at all times.

it’s only when you learn of her past that you come to understand her near-obsession with providing you with the best of the best. from the moment she opened her eyes as a newborn, her life had been mired by misfortune, as if the gods themselves were curious how long she’d survive a life of ordeals. as confident as she is now, you would’ve never guess that beneath the surface, she is forever humbled by her past. having grown up in a family with little money and even less to eat, she was to pick up on the way of thieves, learning the schedules and habits of merchants at the local market so that she could swoop in to steal fruits and veggies from their unattended stands.

“don’t worry about it too much, lass; me telling you such stories is merely for your amusement,” she’ll laugh as she explains this to you, sparing you the grisly details of starvation and malaise. she doesn’t tell you how her skin would cling to her ribs for years on end, hanging from her skeleton as if life had given up on it. she’s been on hard times for most of her life, and yet the only side you ever see is the one blessed by fortune and power.

“life and i have never gotten along, so i had to climb my way up in this world.” her tone is cheerful; you see right through it. “my life’s been tough, i’ll admit that much, but i have no intention of making you live through that too.” 

— as much as she tries to run from it, she cannot outsail truth. as much as she’d prefer to keep you on her ship—where she can keep an eye on you, where you’re always free to join her in her quest for adventure and thrill—she’s aware that all things must come to an end; even the sea has an edge and an end.

this is just one of them.

 “hey... if you really don’t want to be here, i won’t stop you. it’s your choice, and whatever you decide is set in stone. i can’t change that no matter how hard i try, but... could you do me a favor?... just, could you at least give me a chance? 

i don’t like overstepping my boundaries where i’m not needed, but this is all i’ll ask of you. think long and hard about your decision. what you decide is up to you—and if you’re set on the idea, i’ll let you leave, no repercussions. sound like a deal?”

bonus.

— she isn’t herself at night. gone is the boisterous laughter that could raise the hair on a man’s arms. gone is the domineering aura she carries like a shield, its front aimed at a world that tries to hold her down. she craves adventure, but the moment night falls and she pulls you into the cot with her, she’s out like a light. the only time you manage to catch yourself every day is when she’s by your side rather than the other way around, her person quiet and gently breathing the sea-stained air.

the ship creaks, and you can hear it clear as night now that the crew is snuggled into their cabins and warm cots, and now that their even-louder captain has fallen asleep. you can finally hear your own thoughts. you have much to think about, having been spirited away to “adventure” against your will... and yet you only think of her.

you turn on your side and settle your weary eyes on your lover. her features are no longer sharp, no longer laden with the responsibility of power and might. nestled between a lavish blanket and the warmth of your body, she is no longer a paragon of otherwordly strength; she’s just human. this is just another side of the captain, just another beidou intended only for your eyes.

and it’s in these quiet moments that you realize you’re in love.

dear-yandere, all rights reserved.

[chubbyheroesworthyheroes]

Could you do a story with Wil and Dart from FE7, please? Preferably, it would start with Dart gaining weight unintentionally and Wil would then gain some weight accidentally as well. Thanks and sorry if I did this incorrectly.

Dart and Wil hadn’t really gotten off on the right foot when they first met back in the war. Wil had come off as a bit empty-headed, and had mistaken the pirate for someone he knew but had since lost contact with. Dart had been more than a little brusque with the young man, simultaneously seeming to want to brush him off and pound his face in out of sheer annoyance. 

But, after a few run-ins, they sort of found even ground with each other. They were able to fight alongside each other well, and even saved the other’s skin more than once on the battlefield. Dart might not have been who Wil thought he was at first, but a bond had still been created on the trust of comrades.

This carried over years later, when the war with Nergal and the Black Fang had been finished, and everyone had resumed their lives. Wil had gone back to Caelin, staying there in the archery division even after Ostia took over control of the area. Dart had, of course, gone back to Fargus’ pirates. The two met up as frequently as they could in Badon, sharing stories both old and new. Of course, with only so much time before one of them would inevitably get pulled away to handle their individual duties again, they tended to stay in Badon and catch up as much as they could. 

They tended to share a room at this pub that also had lodging -- if you knew the right people, or so Dart said. The room was cheap enough when split between them, and they only had to go downstairs for a drink or some food. It made it incredibly easy to just chat the days away, since they didn’t have to go running all over the port town for their needs, but it also made it very easy to, perhaps, overindulge a bit.

Whatever time of day it was that they were able to meet at the pub, they’d settle in for whatever meal was being offered at the time. Being a port town, more often or not it was some sort of seafood, but sometimes there were other offerings available. Plates piled high with all kinds of fried fish and shrimp, with equally loaded up sides of vegetables smothered in some sort of creamy sauce or heavenly soups that warmed them up from the inside out. And, without fail, there was always plenty of beer to go along with the food and their hours of talk. The more they drank and chatted the hour away, the more they could foolishly pack away into their stomachs before eventually, drunkenly, staggering their way back up the stairs to collapse into a deep slumber.

Only to repeat it the following day, and the one after that, until either Dart was called back to his ship or Wil back to Caelin proper. Several months would go by, and then they’d meet up again for the same old binge and chat routine.

Not seeing each other for such long periods of time, they completely missed seeing how their little get-togethers were affecting them until they met up again.

Wil had gotten into Badon first this time around, and as he sat back with his drink in hand, he couldn’t help staring when Dart finally swaggered in. And while it was a bit of a swagger, as he got a better look at the seaman, Wil thought it was more of a waddle -- and with the extra weight his friend seemed to be sporting, that wasn’t really a surprise. It wasn’t a huge amount by any means, but it was noticeable enough. It was most obvious in his middle -- which jutted out in a taught, round beer belly -- as well as around his thighs and ass; pert bubble butt bouncing with each step and his thick thighs fighting for space. The weight didn’t take away from how strong a man he was, though; Dart still looked like someone who could easily toss you over the side of a boat one-handed, but now he had added mass to make the threat look even more believable.

“Wow, you’re looking healthy!” the archer chuckled, not even meaning it as a possible insult. The other man did just look healthy to him! Being out to sea for stretches of time with only a small variety of food and a strict, physical schedule to keep was grueling. So, it was good to see Dart looking like he was living off of more than just salted meats and dry bread.

Dart grinned, flexing and showing off his powerfully muscled arms, honed by years living on the tumultuous sea. “Ha, I know! The crew’s been talkin’ about how much I’ve been bulking up recently! Can’t complain about having more muscle to help move things along when we’re out at sea.”

And this cheerful greeting quickly segwayed into their usual back and forth. Wil gave wandering, somewhat air-headed stories about the mostly peaceful life in Caelin -- how Kent seemed hellbent on teaching him knightly decorum if he was to remain a part of their forces. And Dart told awe-inspiring tales of sea travel -- embellishment highly likely taken with some, but greatly bought into for the fun of listening. And, all the while they talked and joked, they ate and drank and called back for more until they were both fit to burst. 

It was amazing to watch the pirate pack it away, and if Wil was more observant, he likely would have noticed how much more his friend could consume. How much more he also tried to eat in order to keep up, and to keep the night going on longer. Belts were unbuckled, all ceremony lost between old friends and plenty of good booze, and chairs pushed back on their squeaking legs in order to make room for over-packed bellies.

They hiccuped their way through some silly tunes, until they could take no more food or drink and could hardly keep their eyes open. The stairs creaked louder than times before as they lethargically climbed up to their usual room, Dart letting out a boisterous laugh when Wil went to lay back on his mattress, but misjudged the distance and ended up bumping his foot against a leg of the bed and tumbling backwards with enough force to send his stuffed gut swaying as he groaned.

“Ugh, didn’t-- didn’t know I needed sea legs here on land,” Wil burped out somewhat queasily, cradling his abused middle with both hands in an effort to calm it down.

“Ah, you’ll get used to it! Just gotta get you back into the swing of things!” Dart laughed, patting his bloated gut with a sense of pride, “Life in a castle has made you a li’l soft there, pal, you’ve forgotten how to have fun with yer best mate!”

Of course, being so stuffed full and pleasantly drunk as he had been at the time, Wil laughed along in total agreement, and that week in Badon was one of the wildest they’d had to date. But, later on, when all the food and drinking, late nights and even later mornings started to catch up with Wil, he had to wonder if it was really the castle life that was making him soft.

A year later saw them still maintaining this ritual of meeting up, and while not much had changed in their lives, their size certainly had.

Dart was ever the larger of the two, his physical life aboard Fargus’ ship helping to balance out whatever fat he put on with well-honed muscle. He had a presence that made him feel larger than life, and it was hard not to think he was when you saw this massive sea-faring lad shifting cargo on and off the ship with ease. While he had a gut that spoke of indulgence at the table, there was hard muscle to back up the ball of chub that hung there proudly. His arms were still thick with muscle, and though his legs were just as strong, it was obvious that they had a healthy padding of pudge to them; giving him a slightly pear-shaped but mostly boxy appearance to his frame.

Wil, on the other hand, didn’t do nearly the same amount of physical activity on a daily basis as Dart. Sure, being in charge of Caelin’s archery division meant that he had to run routines and training sessions with all the rest, but it wasn't constant, nor was it as demanding. So, when the weight finally started to sneak on to the brunette, it was more obvious on him. He was plush all over, with a doughy stomach than rested in his lap -- a top roll starting to develop and divide his middle into two, clear rolls of flesh -- round, budding moobs sitting nicely atop his belly when full. His ass wasn’t nearly as large as Dart’s, but it was pleasantly soft all the same, leading down to plump thighs that quivered when he walked. His face was cherubic, and though through his continued practice of archery, Wil’s arms had maintained most of their definition, there was some pudge starting to creep onto his upper arms as well by the time the two of them got together again to swap stories and indulge in whatever Badon’s port town had to offer them.

[creativestalkerrs]

Sunflower University 🌻 Prologue 🌻

The Last Night They Saw Cit Clementine

Summary; How can one night change everyone’s life forever?

Warning; sexual themes, angst, violence, swearing, drinking

Word Count; 4.1k

A/N; Part one will be up on Monday or Tuesday! I’m having so much writing this series so far 

Most universities have frats and sorority's were they party almost every night and hook up with the hottest one there. Sunflower University is no exception. In this school of six thousand students, of trust fund babies, famous celebrities and genius children, there is one main fraternity and one main sorority. Arguably harder to get in then the school itself. The Sunflower House and The Phantom House. Every spirt week, on that Friday, the Phantom House will pull the biggest and most exclusive party on campus. You’d have to be a celebrity, know someone in the house or win a ‘golden ticket’ to go inside. Although the headcount on campus was low, they didn’t want just anyone walking in those doors. They wanted the best. Due to the nature of the fraternity, they wanted all the girls in the Sunflower House to come and bring all of their hottest friends along. That included the smartest girl in the house, Cit Clementine.

Cit Clementine was a journalist for the school’s newspaper. She studied psychology, longing the day to get a job as a psychologist. She wanted nothing more than to help others. A heart of gold and sharp as a tack. Cit wasn’t one to party but she wanted to interview some frat members that night. Everyone wondered why Cit was even a member of the Sunflower House. Cit wasn’t anyone special. The leader of the house, Sadie Nyland said she was hot and smart and that guys would want to bang someone pretty in both the chest and the mind. That’s why Sadie wanted her in the house. Cit never complained, the house was nice and she didn’t have to pay for extra for housing. It was clear that Sadie never genuinely liked Cit. Sadie never really liked anyone. Sadie was brought up with no financial struggles and lived a happy life with everything handed to her. She was even handed a spot at Sunflower University, as Cit worked the hardest she could for this opportunity.

It wasn’t all bad living in that house. It never was. Sadie let her good friend be one of the sisters, Iren La Vila. She was smart, but not like Cit was. She would make out with the football team in the library as she did her cheerleading at games. She was fun to be around and Cit and Iren were lucky enough to go to the same school and even the same sorority. The sorority house was big, but there wasn’t a lot of members, considering its exclusivity. Like how I mentioned before, celebrities went to this school. Not a whole bunch, but just enough for this school to make people wonder what goes on. The Sunflower House had two celebrities. Zendaya Coleman and Billie Elish. A random two for a sorority, but a fun duo. Zendaya enrolled and got in after she found out her good friend and co-worker, Tom Holland would be joining with his friend Harrison and his two brothers Harry and Sam, she thought it would be fun to have some college life under her belt with her best buds and it turns out that they got in the Phantom House. However, Harry Holland, Tom’s younger brother moved out of the house only 3 weeks being there and moved into a dorm so he could study. What a lad. Peaches Carhart, Sadie’s best friend use to have a thing for Harrison but broke it off. Peaches were Sadie’s pet, her messager. If Sadie didn’t want to threaten someone or didn’t feel like asking someone to fuck off, Peaches would do it for her. It was no secret that Peaches was gullible. It was sad because, underneath the perfectly molded silicone, there once was a good heart that turned rotten and she is extremely intelligent as well, but throw it all away when Sadie told her she could get anyone she wanted, including Harrison Osterfeld. Venus Carlberg said she was cursed and it wasn’t one she set herself. Venus was an odd one, popular and pretty and slept with almost everyone in the Phanton House, but she was too odd for her own good. Sadie and Peaches swear she was a witch that got involved with black magic and voodoo, but they never asked nor cared just in case if it was facts. How could someone have such a good stream of luck anyways?

Due to the nature of the sorority, all the girls in that house got ready to get hammered, get laid and have a great damn time. Cit never bothered with spirt weeks, but she wanted to go to interview some of the frat guys for a project her professor, Dr. Jake Gyllenhaal assigned just a week before. Cit believed that this was a perfect opportunity to get the information she needed. Ask the questions, write the article. Cit winged out her eyeliner, pushed up her chest and tied up her converse. She was the 2nd person to be done as she waited around for all the princesses to look good. She knew their makeup would melt off before they got a chance to sleep with Tom Holland and or Dean White, the leader of the frat. 

She went downstairs to get a drink of water to see Zendaya sitting on the barstool, on her phone. Cit and Zendaya had this friendship. Zendaya was beautiful and sweet and not like everyone in this house. She was honestly the most real of them all, even more, real then Cit. Cit filled up her glass as she chugged the water down, Zendaya looking up and smiling. Cit put down the glass and sat next to Z.

“Spirit week is always the stupidest week that this university has to offer,” Cit complained, leaning her head on Z’s shoulder. Z began to pat her head, still scrolling down her dash.

“I know… but there will be free booze and Tom and the boys will be there so it won’t be that bad,” Z smiled looking at the positive side of this party.

“I need to interview Tom for my class. I’m planning on getting Mr. G’s project done this weekend so I can enjoy myself this week. Iren and I are going to go to Grece for vacation. Her family got a house there and it’s much needed,” Cit smiled as looked at what Z was doing. 

“You deserve a vacation and spring break is just around the corner… Filming all of those Spider-Man movies and school is too much. But hey, it’s fun,” Zendaya smiled, getting up from the barstool to get a glass of water.

The clinking of heels coming to the kitchen came closer. Cit looked up to see Sadia head to toe in designer. Her dress was tight and her chest was almost spilling out of it. Cit couldn’t deny that Sadie looked hot, but she still didn’t understand why she would wear all designer to a frat party. The room would be dimly lit and no one would see what bran underwear she was wearing and all those dumb frat guys would probably spill red wine all over her. “Everyone is in the car, come on sluts,” Sadie scoffed as Z finished her refreshing drink of water as Cit nodded her head and laughed to herself. Sadie turned on her heel and left, phone in hand as she was texting one of the guys that they were on their way. 

“Don’t want to keep princess bitch ass waiting,” Zendaya laughed as they both laughed and walked out of the kitchen and to the car. Cit still didn’t understand why they could have walked. It was only three blocks from their house. 

As all the girls talked, or lack of talking, Cit felt a bit dizzy. She looked down and try not to speak. “What’s wrong with you?” Peaches asked, with concern yet arrogance. Cit took a deep breathe in and smiled.

“I just feel a bit dizzy… I’ll be fine,” Cit smiled.

“You better be fine, Clit. If you fucking ruin this for me, you’ll be out of the house in only a matter of minutes. Remember, you represent me. All of you represent me. If you look bad, I look bad and I don’t want Tom and Dean to think I look bad,” Sadie barked. Sadie was more of an arrogant asshole when she’s stressed. Especially when its spirit week.

“Hey calm down, Sadie!” Iren barked back. “No need to take out your stress of Cit... “ Iren throw her arm on Cit, rubbing her back.

“Ah, whatever… sorry, I guess,” Sadie rolled her eyes as she pulled out her phone. 

“Why do you want to look good for Tom or Dean anyways?” Z asked.

“Dean is the leader. Two leaders need to look good, if he doesn’t think I look good, he can ruin me and all of you. We’re rivals, yet we need each other to even everything out. And with Tom, he’s mine. Have you seen us?” Sadie grind.

“Tom isn’t anyone's. What makes you think he wants you?” Venus asked as Z rolled her eyes at Sadie, knowing her friend would never date someone as bitchy as Sadie Nyland.

“Just look at me. I’m hot,” Sadie smiled and winked.

“Do you think that’s a bit degrading? Do you want to be more than a piece of meat for guys to droll over? I mean don’t get me wrong Sadie, you are hot, but you can also be witty and funny. I think guys would like that too,” Cit explained, trying her best to not tell her off.

“Witty and funny won’t get you anywhere. I’m a leader and I have to use everything to be on top… Thank god we’re here. All this chat is starting to make me dizzy too,” Sadie rolled her eyes as everyone began to exit the vehicle. Cit being the last one out. Iren helped Cit, walking her in to make sure she would be fine. Cit walked in the house, music blasting. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Iren asked at the front door.

“Yea… I’ll be fine. I’ll find you if I’m not. Enjoy yourself,” Cit smiled giving Iren a hug.

“Are you double sure?” Iren asked.

“I’m double sure. I’m going to find some of the frat guys to interview them. I don’t think I’ll be drinking much,” Cit smiled as she grabbed her note pad out of her bag. She looked around the crowd of people to find any member of the frat. It didn’t take long for Sadie to grind up on Dean White or Peaches to flirt and or fight with Harrison. Cit sighed and went to the kitchen to get herself some beer. 

Pouring herself a cup in a red solo cup, she became a wallflower, writing what she saw from the sidelines. She still felt dizzy but it didn’t bother her too much. Cit just though if she survived one hour of this bullshit and got what she needed, then she can leave without Sadie noticing or caring. 

“Why are you not dancing?” One member of the frat asked. It was Sam. Cit smiled as she took a drink.

“I feel a bit dizzy. I’ll dance a little later… Hey, you’re a member of this frat. Can I ask you a few questions? It’s for my journalist class,” Cit smiled.

“Yea, shoot,” Sam smiled back. Sam wasn’t like his brother Tom, although he still was kinder to others, he did hang out a lot with Dean and Dylan, but he got the common sense from Tom and Harry. “What is your project exactly?” Sam questioned taking a swig of his drink.

“My teacher wanted us to ask 5 questions about current events and see how 5 different people respond. You’d be my last person to interview,” Cit bit her lip as she put down her cup and flipped to a new page in her note pad. 

“Sounds boring, but interesting… wait I think my brother has that class. You know Harry?” Sam asked.

“Yea he sits in front of me. He’s a film major, right? Always see him with a camera,” Cit asked.

“Yep… he’s a good director. Anyways, ask away and I’ll take you to dance,” Sam winked. Cit nodded, unsure of how to respond. 

“How do you get your news?” Cit asked, leaning against the wall. She felt even dizzier than before but shook it off as she sat up straight.

“Usually Twitter… I try not to get political. I want to fix that but,” Sam said taking a drink of his beer. Cit wrote down his answer as she put her hand on her head. “You okay? You look kind of pale,” Sam noticed.

“I’m fine, just dizzy… Ah… What’s your major?” Cit asked.

“Unsure how it connects but whatever… I’m studying for Business management, something interesting. I hope to start a business of my own sometime in the future if being Tom Holland’s brother doesn’t work out,” Sam laughed making Cit chuckle.

“I like that… I never knew that about you, what does Tom study? Wait, I’ll ask him later. What do you think we need to do about climate change?” Cit asked.

“Reuse, reduce, recycle… Say, drop the questions and dance with me. You can finish up later,” Sam asked, pushing a piece of hair back from Cit’s face. Cit raised an eyebrow and leaned her body.

“Really Sam?” Cit asked with a smirk, crossing her arms.

“Cit… please. I had my eye on you all night and all the other nights. You just need to give me a chance,” Sam winked.

“Sam… please. I’m not into you. How many time do I have to say that? I’m sorry Sam, you’re cute and smart but Phantom House dudes are not my type. Say, if you whoa me, you can pick me up for drinks so time,” Cit smiled as she bopped his nose and walked the other way. Sam grabbed Cit’s hand.

“Cit… I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m sorry if I was a dick. I know I’m not Tom or Harry, but myself,” Sam begged. Cit sighed.

“You never hurt me. We were never together. Now if you excuse me… I’m going to find someone who can finish up my assignment. Goodbye, Sam,” Cit rolled her eyes and walked away. Sam wanted to chase after her, but he knew she would never feel the same way that he felt. Maybe he needed to let go, but he didn’t quite yet.

Sam looked around to find Tom. Tom could be the only one to talk to Cit. He knew deep down Cit would listen to him. “Tom!” Sam yelled as he saw Tom grinding up against Sadie Nyland and Friday Adams, who dropped out of the Sunflower House months ago. “Tom,” Sam said as Tom looked up basically fucking Friday. Tom rolled his eyes to see Sam.

“What do you want, I’m kind of busy,” Tom said, clearly annoyed.

“I need your help. Please, it’s urgent,” Sam bagged. Tom pushed Friday off and pushed Sadie off, who was too drunk to realize she was being a bit gay with Friday.

“What is it?” Tom asked, pissed.

“Can you please talk to Cit for me? No matter what I say or do, she won’t give me a chance. I just want to dance with her. Maybe if you talked to her she’d listen,” Sam asked.

“Cit Clementine doesn’t fuck with Phantom dudes, you know that. But since I am Tom Holland and your brother, I’ll talk to her,” Tom smiled in his drunken state. 

Tom pushed passed Sam to try to find Cit. Cit was upstairs talking to Venus and Iren. “Mind if I steal your friend for a minute,” Tom asked.

“Tom if Sam sent you, I swear I’m going to kick his ass. I’m not interested in him!” Cit shouted Tom looked at Cit. “Tom… you know how our relationship is. I can’t be with him,” Cit softly spoke.

“I just don’t understand Cit. He would walk miles for you. I’m his older brother, I hate seeing him like this,” Tom wanted to know why Cit was rejecting Sam. There was more to it then not dating Phantom guys. Sam liked Cit for being her own person. She wasn’t fake. Tom would want to be with Cit too if Sam wasn’t so eager to get her. A big flaw when it came to Cit Clementine was she had a hard time listing. Yes, she listed well to her friends, family, and teachers, but when it came to Sam Holland or anyone who tried to throw their love at her, she didn’t want to hear it. Cit never found her prince charming because of it. Iren saw the disaster that was Cit and Sam’s relationship and swears that Cit was philophobic. The thing was, Cit never had a real relationship before, so why was she so philophobic towards Sam? Even Iren could see how perfect Sam was for Cit. He was smart, despite popular belief, a good kisser (she would know; freshman year homecoming game), charming and a gentleman. If it wasn’t for Sam, Cit wouldn’t have landed an opportunity at the Sunny’s Writers Club. Was Cit being a bitch to Sam? She couldn’t be. Cit is nice. Maybe Cit realized this. She looked down the stairs to see the curly-headed twin smile at her as she crossed her arms across her chest.

“It’s called philophoba. Look it up,” Cit sighed as she pushed Tom out of the way and walked down the stairs. She stood in front of Sam, looking him straight in the eye. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “How would you describe our political party?” Cit asked Sam. Cit knew her dumb questions wouldn’t get her far, but Sam was just happy she was talking to her again.

“Fucking shit,” He responded. Cit smirked but it didn’t last long as it fell. She felt awful. Maybe it was the dizziness or the beer, but she couldn’t help but think Sam looked amazing from this angle. 

“Hey, look, I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole… I feel bad and apologizes aren't really my thing but-” Cit was cut off.

“But what? What is it then Cit? You’re impossible. I’d do anything for you and anything to be with you. Why can’t you see this? All these other guys treat you like shit, but I… I would kill someone for you if I had to,” Sam was frustrated and drunk and all he wanted was her. Cit Clementine, but Cit couldn’t love.

“Stop forcing it then,” Cit didn’t want to deal with Sam anymore. She began to walk away from this argument before things got worse.

“Maybe Gabe Miller was right about you… I didn’t want to belive that fucker… but it all makes sense. I defended you when Gabe said those shitty things about you last month. Now I think what he said was true… and your little stunt you pulled with him,” Sam pulled out the big guns as Cit turned around, hurt. Tom, Venus, and Iren were watching this unfold, unsure if they should stop this mess. It hurt the girls to see Cit be beaten on by Sam like that. She made one mistake and now everyone would know because Gabe Miller had a brain the size of a pea and only talent is drinking 8 beers in one minute, which is arguably not that impressive. 

“I was drunk, I barely knew you nor anyone at Sunflower Uni, and I just wanted to have fun. I was still living at the dorms, damnit! You can’t hold that against me, Sam. I said I was sorry, I don’t know what more you want from me… I’m leaving and if you want to, we can talk when you’re not drunk,” Cit protested as she rolled her eyes and went to Iren and Venus. “I’m leaving. Tom… get your brother under control no wounder no girl wants to date him…. I’ll text you when I’m back at the house and don’t tell Sadie I left. Goodbye,” Cit’s voice cracked, she sounded like she was holding back tears from the argument she just had.

--

The next morning was rough for everyone. Everyone was hungover, hungry and tried. Tom and Harrison after every party would go on a jog around Sunflower’s campus. Tom felt bad for what happened between Sam and Cit and wanted to apologize on behalf of his brother, who was passed out on the sofa of the house.

Jogging passed the park that was near Sunflower House, Tom noticed something unusual while passing the park. This route while jogging wasn’t unusual, they jogged this almost every morning and Tom noticed every detail from it. From the cracks in the sidewalk to the fenced flowers. Nothing could get in that bed of flowers, but he saw something was. Tom slowed down to take a look but Harrison, without words, pushed him so they could make it back to there house on time for breakfast. So, Tom pushed it off and he would look at it on his way back, being late for breakfast or not, he couldn’t wonder what got into the flowers, the tall sunflowers that grew. 

Seeing the house come closer as every step they took, they began to slow down, sweat dripping off of Tom’s nose, a piece of his curl hair stuck to his forehead, he pushed the doorbell as the two boys waited for someone to answer. Soon Zendaya greeted the two.

“Hey doofus, why are you here?” Z asked.

“I’m here to apologize to Cit for Sam. They had an argument last night and since Sam is too hungover, I thought I’d pass the message,” Tom smiled.

“Yea… sure, I’ll get her. Come in and get some water,” Zendaya smiled, Tom smelt her perfume and grinned. Roses and vanilla. Z was the only one up, due to the fact she didn’t drink last night. Z was surprised to see Tom and Harrison, sure they would skip their morning job after the party. Tom and Haz went to their kitchen, still shocked at how clean and perfect it was. Tom and Haz were familiar with the house, hanging out with Z and Peaches a few times as Tom and Z would watch a movie as Peaches and Haz basically had sex on the living room chair. Tom grabbed a glass for both of them as they took long drinks. Z came down, Cit-less. 

“She’s not in her room or any other room… She must have gotten coffee or something or somewhere to study. I’ll text you when she shows up. Sorry you guys,” Z apologized as they finished their water.

“It’s fine, I’ll come back later with Sam this time,” Tom laughed. “See you later Z,” Tom waved as they left the house. Haz and Tom jogged their way back, but when Tom made it to the park, he let Haz leave him behind. As he looked inside the fence he saw a shoe. One black conver. Tom, though it was unusual to see a shoe in the flowers so he looked deeper. He walked around the park to see if another shoe would show up. He walked over the bridge and looked at the ducks in the pound, only to see another shoe. 

Tom walked down to the pound to get a closer looked. He didn’t release that this very moment would change everyone’s life on campus. And for Tom Holland to discover, he’d be mentally fucked up for the rest of his life. He couldn’t believe it. 

It was someone, dead in the pool of their own blood. Their throat slashed and their face beat into the point where you couldn’t recognize it any longer. A gruesome scene to stumble upon on a Saturday morning. Tom wanted to look away but he was mortified. The show. The shirt. The hair. He recognized it all. He didn’t want to believe it. He pulled out his phone to call for help. And help he got.

At that moment, where everything unfolded, Cit Cleminetine was confirmed dead and the victim. Everybody wanted to know the truth on why and how and who. That was the last night they saw Cit Cleminetine alive. Now, how will everyone react when she’s dead? Everyone is a suspect. Everyone has a story. Everyone can lie, tell the truth or be the next one in this game because it’s only going to get worse from here. Welcome to Sunflower University.

[britishchick09]

Magical Tipsy Tour: A Beatles Fic

ladies and gentlemen... my first beatles fic! this idea came to me in a dream and it was so funny that i thought, “why not write it?” and thus, a new fic series was born! this took a day to write (march 17th to the 18th) and it was incredibly fun to write. enjoy my first foray into the world of beatlemania! :D

when john and ringo come home drunk af, paul and george must find a way to keep them (mostly) sober for the concert. will it work?

Paui fiddled with his guitar, a new tune flashing through his mind faster than he could play it. Through the sounds of his instrument, he heard something odd.

Silence.

George was taking a much-needed nap in the bedroom while Cynthia and Julian- John’s wife and baby son who lived in the other (much bigger and nicer) room- had recently departed for a two week long vacation. Ringo was probably doing something downstairs and John-

Where was he?

Paul frowned. With John around, the flat was rarely silent. The only blissful time was eight at night and later, when Julian went to bed (and even then it wasn’t silent sometimes).

As Paul looked around in confusion, George walked by.

“Have you seen John around?” Paul asked him.

“I dunno,” George yawned and ran a hand through his messy hair. “Went out, I think.”

“’Went out’? When?”

“What time did I crash?”

“Um… around five or so?”

“So he’s been gone that long, then.”

Paul’s eyes widened. “He’s been gone for almost five hours?”

“Oh, he has? In the words of John himself, ‘Oh shoot!’ The uncensored version, of course.”

“He better come home soon or he’ll hear the uncensored version from me.”

Not even a moment later, the door burst open.

“John!” Paul exclaimed as he rose from his chair. “There you are! Where the hell have you- Ringo?!?!”

“’Ello.” Ringo said through a chuckle.

“Were you out with him, too?” George inquired.

“Oot in a boot in Canadaaaa!”

Ringo skipped by, causing George to frown.

“Does he normally do that?” he asked.

Paul shook his head. “No, I-”

“Hello, you beautiful stranger!” John said in a high voice, cupping Paul’s face in his hands.

He kissed his mate on the lips, causing Paul’s eyes to widen in absolute shock and horror. John ran away with a laugh.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Paul blinked and took a breath to regain what little composure he had. “If you’ll excuse me for a minute, I need to scream.” he said quietly before rushing out of the apartment.

George walked backwards until his back touched the wall. All he could do was watch as John and Ringo skipped and chattered like madmen.

“What’s gotten into you two?” George asked them.

“Probably a girl.” Ringo said.

He and John burst out into schoolgirl-like giggles and they ran down the hallway.

Paul returned a couple minutes later and said, “If there’s anything I learned from that… ungodly kiss, it’s that-”

“John secretly loves you and is now confessing his feelings after six years of seemingly mutual friendship?” George asked.

“Oh god, I hope not! I think John’s been out drinking!”

“How do you know?”

“Does the strong taste of wine, beer and maybe whiskey on his breath tell anything?”

“What about Ringo?”

“If I had to guess, he’s probably been doing the same thing. I hope he didn’t waste himself like John, but you never know with him.”

“Is there anything we can do about-” George stopped as John let out a laugh mixed with a scream in one of the other rooms. “That?”

“All we can do is wait and-” Paul slapped a hand on his forehead. “Shoot! We have a concert tomorrow!”

“So?”

“So those mad lads will probably have massive hangovers before it starts. John especially.”

“Playing with a hangover? That’s rough.”

“It sure is. They’ll probably crash any minute now and maybe the effects will mellow down by the time of the concert. …Hopefully.”

...

 Much to Paul’s dismay, John and Ringo didn’t mellow down. The drunkards were noisy almost all night. Ringo banged on his drums while John screamed their songs, botching many of the lyrics. He was finishing ‘Twist and Shout’ when someone knocked on the door.

Paul stumbled out of the room he shared with George (and sober Ringo). He tied his robe before answering the door.

“No, I’m not giving out autographs.” he said sleepily.

“But you will settle down in here!” a woman snapped. “I can hardly sleep with all this ruckus!”

“You’re telling me,” Paul muttered with a sigh before telling the woman, “Thanks for letting me know, I’ll take care of it.”

After the woman left and Paul locked the door, he stormed into John’s room, where the drunkards were still singing away.

“Can you lads quiet down a little?” Paul asked.

John and Ringo ignored him.

“Excuse me?”

John continued to scream,

“’She loves me, yeah, yeah, yeah,

She loved me, ooh, yeah, yah,

She love meeeeeee-‘”

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” Paul yelled.

John stopped singing and Ringo stared at him.

“Go to bed, why don’t you?” Paul asked in a much quieter voice.

“’Mkay.” Ringo said before slamming his head on his drum set and instantly falling asleep.

John grinned at the sight of Paul and dashed over to him. “Come over here and kiss me, pretty boy!”

“I think we already did that, thanks.” Paul said, turning his face away.

John managed to kiss Paul’s cheek and giggled.

“Are you happy now?” Paul asked. “Will you finally go to bed?”

“Not until we dance the night away, if you know what I mean.” John replied, his words slurring together.

“I don’t think I want to know what that me- woah!”

Paul was swept away by John, who grabbed him and began whisking him through the room.

“Play us a tune, Rongles.” John told Ringo, who snored.

Paul noticed George standing by the doorway and reached out to him. “George, help me!”

“I’m callin’ him ‘Rongles’ now.” George said before walking away.

“Oh, for cripes’ sake! John, I-”

“Yes, I do wanna marry you!” John exclaimed. He and Paul fell onto the bed.

“Let’s kiss the bri-”

Paul jumped up and backed away. “Go to bed now.” he ordered menacingly.

He slammed the door and John simply shrugged the comment off.

George returned to bed a couple minutes later, where Paul was brooding.

“Thanks for the help, George.” he said.

“You’re quite welcome.” George replied.

Paul groaned and stuffed his face in his pillow as John’s singing started up again.

...

The next morning was full of renewed energy.

Paul, however, was not.

“Sleep well?” George asked.

Paul glared at him, putting his unkempt hair and dark circles under his eyes into full view. “Does it fucking look like I fucking did?”

“…I’m gonna take that as a no, then.”

Paul ran a hand through his hair as he asked, “How are John and Ringo?”

“Ringo’s still sleeping and your boyfriend’s in the bathroom.”

“He isn’t my boyfriend.”

George smiled. “I saw your little dance last night.”

Paul rolled his eyes and went to John’s room. He peeked inside, seeing Ringo fast asleep by his drums. He gave his friend a gentle nudge.

“Wake up, Ringo. It’s morn- Ow!”

Suddenly wide awake, Ringo had sat up with a start, smacking Paul in the face with one of his drumsticks.

“The walrus was Paul all along!” Ringo exclaimed.

“…I don’t think I’m a walrus.” Paul said with a confused blink.

“What if I’m the egg man?” Ringo gasped. “Or… we’re the egg men! You think I’m the walrus? Or maybe it’s still you?”

“I… I don’t- Sure. Make me the walrus. Whatever the heck that means.”

Ringo smiled. “Oh, good! You make wonderful mashed potatoes, by the way.”

“…Thank you…? Speaking of John, do you know where he-”

“HELLO!” John yelled, busting the bathroom door open.

“Oh, dear god, here we go,” Paul muttered before turning around to face his friend. “Good morning, John! Please don’t kiss me again.”

“Why would I kiss you?” John asked. “We’re married! Married people do more than just that…”

Paul quickly walked out of the room and rushed back to the other room, John following him like a puppy. He told his drunken friend, “How about we have a nice, uh… couples breakfast together?”

He cringed somewhat at the idea of him and John as a couple, but John seemed to love it. He practically skipped to the dining area, where he and Paul shared a breakfast of eggs, toast and waffles. John tried to mimic the spaghetti scene in ‘Lady and the Tramp’ more than once, but Paul wouldn’t allow it.

“Go get dressed,” Paul told him. “I-”

“Won’t that be fun!” John exclaimed, gripping Paul’s hand.

Paul jerked his hand away. “Go get dressed with Ringo, why don’t you?”

“But he’s not my husband-”

“Yeah, and I’m not either. So go.”

John lowered his head and trudged to his room, accidentally slamming his head into the wall at one point.

Paul sighed as he asked George, “What are we gonna do about this?”

“Ringo’s alright, I suppose,” George replied. “That extra energy will make his drums better or something.”

“But what about John? We can’t have him screaming on stage.”

“What about ‘Twist and Shout’?”

“Besides that song. If he’s crazy on stage, the fans will notice and the press might spread rumors and- …Well, I don’t want to think about it past that point.”

“I’m sure he’s sober enough now. That long night could’ve tuckered him out a little.”

“Sure tuckered me out,” Paul said with a yawn. “Here’s hoping it goes well.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“The Beatles might become the Drunkles.”

George chuckled at the funny name and smoothed out Paul’s messy hair. “Everything will be alright, Paul. You’ll see.”

...

The concert took place a couple hours later. During the ride there, the driver gave Paul and John funny looks. John kept snuggling up to Paul and fiddling with his hair. Paul ignored it for the most part and kept his gaze out the window, stopping to give John a glare when he pulled too hard.

“They say when a gal pulls a guy’s hair, it means he likes her.” John said in a mix of his usual and high voice.

“…I think it’s the opposite.” George commented quietly.

“It is,” Paul said. “And thank you for that, John. Thanks a lot.”

“You’re welcome, hubby!” John said, receiving another look from the driver.

They soon arrived at the venue.

“Oh god,” Paul muttered before saying, “Here we go. You ready, lads?”

“Readier than Canadaaaaa!” Ringo exclaimed.

“What is it with drunken you and Canada?” George quietly asked his friend.

Once the four were backstage, Paul took George aside.

“I know this is last minute-”

“Way last minute.” George said.

“-but do you have anything that might help John… relax a little?”

John was happily skipping with Ringo in a circle. Paul was glad no one from the stage crew was around to see it.

“I think so,” George looked through his suit pockets and found a pill, which he gave to Paul. “It’s supposed to relax you.”

Paul took the pill and said, “Nice one. Now I’ll just need to find some water-” He stopped as George handed him a bottle of water. “…How did you fit that inside your pockets?”

“As Ringo says, ‘tomorrow never knows’. You think that would be a good song title?”

“Yeah, it would. Speaking of Ringo, keep him at bay while I tackle John.”

“Don’t do it literally. He might think it’s-”

Paul rolled his eyes. “Oh, shut up.” he said, giving his friend a teasing smile.

He went over to John, who gave him a big hug.

“Hello, hubby!” he said cheerfully.

“First of all, don’t call me that. Secondly, take this.” Paul handed John the pill.

“Ooh, what is it?”

“Just a relaxing pill,” Paul frowned at John’s wink. “Not for whatever the hell you’re thinking of! Take it and-”

“We’ll go out on a date? I suggest the lake- Ooh! With a rose garden and-”

“-and we’ll get the show started. I can’t guarantee the date will happen.”

The Beatles’ manager, Brian, appeared backstage a minute later.

“You’re on in five minutes,” he said. “I- Ringo, what are you doing?”

Ringo stopped hitting his head with his drumsticks. “Exercise.”

Brian looked at the others.

“It’s not really his day today.” George said softly.

Five minutes later, the announcer said, “Ladies and gentleman… The Beatles!”

Almost earsplitting screams could be heard from past the curtain.

“Well, here goes nothing.” Paul muttered with a sigh.

To his amazement, the concert went just as planned. John only got drunkenly hyper during ‘Twist and Shout’ and messed up a couple verses, but no one noticed thorough the crowd’s screams. Ringo was more energetic than usual and pounded on the drums but it also went unnoticed. Overall, the performance was a success.

“My god, we did it!” Paul exclaimed through the applause once they were all backstage.

John gave Paul a kiss on the cheek, which Paul didn’t mind this time due to his immense relief.

“What did I tell you?” George asked.

“You said everything would be alright.” Paul told him.

“And it was!”

Paul laughed. “I guess them being drunk wasn’t too bad after all!” He frowned and dodged John, who wanted to kiss him on the lips again. “…Mostly.”

...

The four kept up their joyful spirits throughout the ride back to the flat.

But that all went away as soon as John and Ringo stepped inside.

“Lads… I don’t think I feel too well.” Ringo said.

“Same here,” John agreed. “I feel like I’m gonna-”

“Don’t say it. I know, too!”

John and Ringo rushed to the bathroom.

“Who do you think is using the sink?” George asked. “Can’t brush my teeth tonight without it.”

“Probably neither. Knowing John, he’s probably using the shower,” Paul shook his head with a smile. “I’m glad this is all over with.”

“I am, too. You think John would mind if we used the bathroom in him and Cynthia’s room?”

“Probably. I’ll use it just to spite him.”

“Even though he feels awful right now?”

Paul laughed. “He deserves it after snogging me in the kisser!”

“And it sure was a snog.” George muttered to himself.

A few minutes later, Ringo groaned softly as he snuggled into a sofa pillow.

“Are you feeling alright?” George asked his friend gently.

“I feel like I went on a submarine,” Ringo replied. “It was yellow and I think we stopped at a garden with an octopus.”

George soothingly stroked Ringo’s hair. “We all feel like that sometimes, don’t we?”

On the opposite side of the living room, John was groaning loudly, one arm draped over his eyes.

“Bloody hell, what did I do last night?” he asked no one in particular.

“Um… drank three types of alcohol and danced around like a mad man?” Paul guessed.

“Four. It was four types.”

“Really? I only tasted wine, beer and whiskey. What was the other one?”

“How the fuck should I remem-” John stopped and lifted his arm. “How do you know what I had?”

“Oh… let’s just say you may or may not have kissed me for five agonizing seconds last night. And professed your drunken love to me multiple times. And genuinely thought we were married. Did I mention the kiss already?”

John’s eyes widened. “Oh god-”

He cut himself off and ran to the bathroom, his footsteps pounding on the floor.

“Nice to have things back to normal, isn’t it?” George asked with a smile.

Paul smiled back with a nod. “I have to say it sure is!”

[jessiewre]

Day 52

Tues 25th Feb

#prawnsforBarry 🍤🍤🍤

We sat at breakfast excited to have our, sorry Phil’s, new mustard accompaniment. We even managed to convince Wendy the waitress to try it. She said she liked it, but it was hard to tell if she was just being polite or not!

As had become a daily occurrence, we began to discuss when we should leave Watamu and move on. When we would actually start travelling again. Whenever we had this conversation, we seemed to add on a day - and so far we’d done this at least 4 times. We had somehow ended up on holiday while on holiday.

With Phil’s run on the Sunday, we knew we had to move and agreed we should arrive in Moshi (Tanzania) by Friday at the latest. So when Philly Tours discovered there was a daily direct bus from Mombasa to Moshi, it was decided - we would go to Mombasa on the Weds to get the 7am bus the next day. Or the Thurs. Ok probably the Thursday.

Ok well with that plan in place, we went to see my little tailor mate to order more clothes didn’t we! They were so nice and cheap, it made sense to use this opportunity to replace the pair I lost while flailing about in the Nile. So Phil ordered an extra pair of shorts and I asked for two pairs, plus a pair of culottes style trousers. I personally wanted to get the same sizing Phil had for his birthday shorts, as they were soooo comfy, but Phil said they were a little too baggy and ill fitting. He had a point to be fair, so the man measured me up but I tried hard to make it clear that I didn’t want the clothes to be too tight and uncomfortable. Watch this space.

After that, we went to the pool and as we approached, I could see that Barry was lay on the far side. He had his shades on and hadn’t noticed us yet.

‘Barry’s over there Phil’ I whispered.

‘I know’ he said ‘But I can’t be arsed right now, I’ll chat with him later’.

But the attraction of Phil was too much for Barry and he could smell him for sure. Within 30 seconds, Barry was out of his lounger and on his way over. Oh we could see that he wasn’t happy from his walk. And he didn’t need to be asked why, so he saved us a job and launched right into it.

‘I was meant to go on that boat trip today weren’t I.’

We nodded along.

‘They pissed me off so I sacked it off’.

Oh shitt. There’d been some drama in Barrytown. Well we were in by this point, so we couldn’t help but dig for more. Not that we needed to ask, we would have definitely found out either way.

‘Oh dear, what happened??’

‘Well...’

Barry took a deep breath.

‘Some bloke met me at the front of the hotel, but there was no tuc tuc, so I said Where’s my tuc tuc? And he pointed to the beach and said Boat here. So we walked to the beach and there was no boat so I said Where’s the boat mate?? and THEN he pointed to the end of the bay. He was saying I had to walk to the other bay! So that pissed me off. That pissed me right off. I told him, I said, I don’t like walkin’. Ya know?So we eventually got to the other bay and there was a load of Italians sat about waiting for the boats and I’m looking at these boats thinkin’...I don’t fancy that. They were not even that big these boats and I thought Ya know what, I can’t be arsed with this. So I got up and walked back. Fuk it. Only lost $20, I don’t even care’

And that was Barry’s boat trip.

Being the great friend that he is, Phil got into the pool with angry Barry to cool him down and comfort him with kind words and a quick head rub.

Kiddddinnnnnnggg

They just chilled in the pool and actually had a lovely chat about food, Barry telling Phil about the food available at his local in Cyprus.

‘You’ve got your Pork chops, Lamb, Olive oil, Salt, pepper - its gotta be dun’ mate’

Yes Barry, quite.

Despite the inspiring meat chat, we had a cheap and simple VEGETARIAN lunch at our hotel consisting of rice, lentil Dahl, spinach and chapati and actually got ourselves organised enough to do an activity. Unheard of! I swear, the longer we had stayed in Watamu, the lazier we’d become, and an excursion out was a much needed rarity. We arrived to the Turtle Ocean Conservation and everywhere you looked were recycled items lovingly used to ingeniously build and decorate. The gardens were lined with glass bottles as flower bed edging and there were sculptures of animals & big displays made from plastic waste. It was one of those places that had a special feel about it, like it was made out of pure love and good vibes. Real wholesome like 🤓

Ruth, a passionate & knowledgeable environmentalist, showed us around the small centre and explained the many problems they (the turtles & sea life) were facing on a daily basis - pollution, lack of education, plastic waste, over-fishing, poaching - to name but a few. They had one resident turtle in at that moment. She’d been found in a fisherman’s net and was struggling with various health problems. They hoped to nurse her back to health and eventually release her back into the ocean. Luckily turtles never formed bonds or any attachement with their human carers, so once they were healthy, the release was easy - they swam straight off without looking back. It was even more important to get them better if they were a female turtle as they had the potential to reproduce. It could take months or even years before she was better - one turtle was in for 6 years before its release!

Female turtles can have over 2000 eggs in a lifetime, but due to all the obstacles they now face, it’s likely that only 1 or 2 of those eggs will go on to have their own eggs. People often think that turtles are doing really well as they see lots of pictures of them and they have so many eggs in their lives, but its a misconception. The population is rapidly decreasing.

We ended the tour passing past an entrance to a garden area and I asked Ruth if we could go in. She said yes, but she didn’t seem to think it was really worth a look. I don’t know why, as there were some amazing art sculptures in there. There was a huge jellyfish made from plastic bags and a massive turtle made of bottle tops, plus there was a sort of turtle graveyard with all the shells they’d collected from the poaching. The whole area was like a sort of secret garden, with winding paths and hidden corners and it was clear to me that this garden could be utilised and made more of a feature for the centre. It would be far more engaging by adding a challenge or treasure hunt type activity. I discussed it with Ruth and explained my idea, saying they could have a simple paper sheet with tasks & questions to answer. They could sell for like $1, and then kids could go round the garden finding the answers by using fact boards placed around the garden. SICK IDEA RIGHT!?
Well she thought so too, and said she was definitely going to make it happen when the next volunteers arrived! WOOP WOOP 🙌. Shame we were leaving Watamu and couldn’t stay to help. I would have smashed that. I decided I’d drop her an email afterwards to check up on the idea and see if she needed any help with it. And get a cut of the profits obvs.

The whole centre runs purely from donations and running their tours, so if you would like to donate to help the turtles, every little helps. I will post a link up after this post.

Phil had already planned to use our trip out as an opportunity to do a run and so donned on all his gear and headed off while I waited for a tuc tuc. The driver and I then overtook Phil halfway back and even the driver said Phil was ‘very fast’. I smiled proudly and agreed with him. I waited for him to finish that sentence with. ‘...for a muzungu’ but he didn’t. Wow it was a proper compliment.

We went for another late afternoon dip in the sea accompanied by a beach bar beer, and Barry the stalker appeared in the bar next to ours - it was the same bar he went to every evening to be fair. A man of habit was our Barry.

No point sitting on different tables though Barry eh...so he followed his hearts desire and came over to sit with Phil. I was there obviously, but we all know by now Barry only has eyes for Phil.

‘Someone’s sat in my seat tonight’ he said, nodding towards ‘his’ bar as he arrived.

Nightmare. Barry had rocked up to his bar and someone had sat in his favourite seat. What an absolute joke.

Phil and Barry discussed many things, one being Barry’s marriage and subsequent divorce. Why didn’t it work out I wondered? No doubt there were various reasons, but maybe Barry going to the pub 3 or 4 nights a week didn’t help. Just a thought. But for Barry it was ‘necessary’ to have his pub time. Essential. I asked whether his wife (sorry, ex-wife) ever went out, or was she just at home with their child, while he was at the pub and he said ‘I gave her every opportunity to go out with her friends’. I choked on my drink laughing as it reminded me of something Phil says sarcastically on a regular basis - ‘Thank you for the opportunity Jess’.

But my favourite topic of the evening was Barry’s ‘banter’ chat.

‘Phil, do you have banter with your mates?’

He didn’t wait for a reply

‘Cos I do.’

I interjected at this point to mention that we both enjoyed dabbling in a spot of banter from time to time, but Barry was a mans man and I’m not sure he heard me. Boys will be boys right.

‘Me and my mates used to go to this one pub a couple of nights a week and bloody hell the banter was ‘ilarious. One time, my mate went to the loo and we barricaded the door. Completely blocked it, he couldn’t get out! Oh we had sucha laugh. Another time, this guy started a fight with my mate, over nuffing, and we all jumped on, then the barman - he was a big lad - he just picked the fella up and THREW him out the door! Honestly it was HILARIOUS. Oh ha and once, we got a painting that was on the wall, took it off, and we screwed it to the ceiling. Oh god, the landlord didn’t find it for weeks! Honestly Phil, so funny mate....’

 

Listening to Barry’s bountiful banter tales of mischief and man fun was thoroughly entertaining (gosh imagine the thrills of it. I can’t wait to get home and do the painting on the ceiling trick at my, sorry, Mum and Dads house) but I decided to leave them to it and walk up to my tailor bloke to collect the items before he closed.

My plan was to try the new items on and give feedback if necessary. But by the time I walked down the beach and then the pitch black beach road at high speed, I was sweating so profusely that I wasn’t thinking straight. I lost approximately 3 litres of sweat trying on the various shorts and trousers only to discover they were FAR too tight for me - but the boss guy wasn’t even there and I was SO hot that I just paid up and ran out of the shack. As I walked back along the beach, I already decided I would have to go back the next morning to get the trousers changed at the very least.

By the time I got back to the lads, Barry and Phil had settled in for the night and had even got themselves double stacked chairs to sit on for additional support (Barry was not a small chap). My plan to eat at a nice restaurant I’d spotted was rapidly fading away and in a desperate attempt to entice me to warm to the idea of a romantic meal for 3 on the beach, Phil announced he wanted prawns for dinner.

Now let me tell you - Phil has never, EVER, in his life ordered prawns. He has occasionally eaten prawns off my plate, and ONLY when I have thoroughly de-shelled and prepped them as though he was a baby (or Roy McCusker). So I could hardly say No could I, and to be honest, I was impressed by his boldness and also intrigued to see how the hell he was going to handle de-shelling prawns for the first time in his life. All with an audience (ok, just Barry). This was going to be a sight to see.

After we ordered the food though, Phil decided to announce he was going for a quick shower, so Barry and I finally got some time to ourselves. Great. It’s what we’d both been craving.

I stuck with what I know and chatted about different countries etc and ended up showing Barry some pictures of Mexico on my phone. Easy win. But suddenly a WhatsApp message popped up on the screen and it was a video of Phil singing as he got into the shower. I VERY quickly swiped it away and thought PHEW, I’ve just about got away with that one. I continued to show pictures of Mexican cenotes when another message appeared. This one was something like this

🤪🥰😍

Ok well this one was also cringe, so I quickly shifted the phone away to turn it onto airplane mode.

And thank god I did, as the next message Phil sent me popped up on the screen just as I moved it from Barry’s view:

#prawnsforBarry

Ok so at this point, I told Barry the phone was no longer working.

Phil returned (THANK GOD FOR THAT) wearing the newly altered mustard shirt, but Barry pointed that the pocket was still on the wonk. Dammit he was right as well. During the hour wait for these prawns, the topic I’d of how we met was bought up. I happily told Barry we met in a gay club and that we both had best friends who were gay. That’s right Barry. GAY. Oooh how was this going to go down I wondered...

We started off ok. Barry said he used to know a guy at work and he invited him to some of his dinner parties a few times. How nice of you Barry.

Lovely. But where’s the ‘but’...?

Ah ha, here it is

‘I don’t have a problem with it...’

Yes Barry, go on...

‘I don’t have a problem with it...but...’ (there it was) ‘...but when it comes up on TV and there’s two blokes kissing, I mean, ya know I don’t wana see that’. Barry pulled a face of disgust.

It was my turn to jump in

‘But I suppose two girls kissing is ok to see?’

Barry raised his eyebrows and avoided eye contact.

‘Well...you don’t see so much of that do you, its always blokes’

‘Apart from in porn right? Lots of men don’t mind gay kissing when its women doing it and its for their gratification. Kind of ironic really isn’t it!’ I said.

What I also wanted to say was:

I hate to break it to you Barry but you DO have a problem with it.

People are allowed to be uncomfortable with it, that is their right, but they need to understand that therefore they DO have a problem with it. And if that’s the case, then it would be better for everyone if those people kept their prejudice and judgement on the matter completely to themselves. It is homophobic to say ‘I don’t wana see that’ and talking like that is not helpful to anyone.

But what I actually explained to Barry was that of course he was not alone in his discomfort and many men and some women of his generation, and other generations too, would feel uncomfortable. This was likely due to the fact they had not been bought up to see gay culture and had been surrounded by homophobic language, media and culture in their life. If they were conscious and aware about why they felt the way they did, they might feel more comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I’m not sure how much of it he took in. Things went rapidly downhill after this when I mentioned the plastic straw issue to the waiter and Barry forgot he’d already told Phil about his Greta Thunberg joke meme (he definitely didn’t know it was a meme, but it was a meme). I managed to hear properly this time. Are you ready? Apologies in advance for this.

He described it as a picture of Greta Thunberg and at the top of it, it said ‘F**k the climate’ and at the bottom it said ‘I’ve discovered c**k’..

Not only was it a bizarre and offensive, it was not funny.

What IS funny is how a 70 year old man was so uncomfortable with two men kissing, but completely comfortable making a gross sexual joke about an autistic child.

Phil spoke up in response this time and said ‘Wow I mean, its pretty rude and its not really very funny. Anything she does for the climate is fantastic really’, while I said something like ‘Wow, isn’t she like 15 years old??’. To which Barry awkwardly said he thought she was 16. COOL WELL THAT MAKES IT OK THEN MATE.

So anyway - #prawnsforBarry - Phil somehow dealt with the prawns completely independent of my help which was actually unbelievable and I glowed with pride. The pace at which he was able to consume his dinner was far slower than he would have liked due to the amount of prep work required, but he got on with it like a trooper. His achievements of combating prawns alongside not being a sexist homophobe really shone that night and we went back to the hotel agreeing that we’d have dinner just us two the next day.

[dimension20fanfiction]

Fantasy College

Written by AO3 Author outofthedormroom

Summary:

I love Dimension 20 so much. I wasn't done with the characters and wanted to write some fic. So this is the bad kids headed to college.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17365514/chapters/40862489

Chapter 1: Is it lunch time yet?

Chapter Text

Adaine clicked the locks on her suitcase into place. She looked around the small apartment she’d called home for the past two years. Since moving out of Jawbones’ place after her 16th birthday she’d made the apartment above the deli her home. Adaine was excited to go to Aguefort University of Violence; the university was only a year old. At the start of her senior year Professor Aguefort announced that since he had died, came back to life, and took back control of the Adventuring Academy he was bored and wanted to be a dean of a fancy university. Since none would take him he started his own university. Only 6 people died during the first school year so it felt like a safe choice. As Adaine finished taking her last look around Zadye floated into the room.

“God dammit Zadye, just because it is my last day here doesn’t mean you can break the not announce yourself rule.” Adaine said annoyed.

“Now that you’re leaving I need to prep this place for one hell of a haunting.” Zadye said very pleased. “What is scarier this…” The room became icey cold and sets of eyes seemed to fill every shadow “or this?” Blood starts to drip down the wall and the smell of death takes over the room.

“Still not over being kicked out of the theatre department?”

“It was a bullshit call from Ms. Jones!” Zadye took a pause. “Hey Adaine, this shithole will be my main haunt but would it be cool with you if I haunted your dorm room from time to time?”

“If you can follow the announcing yourself rule then yes. If my roommate is terrible then you only need to follow that rule if I’m home.” Adaine offered. She was going to miss Zadye not his mellow drama goth kid stuff but the person, while ghost, under that front.

“I will scare that bitch to death if she doesn’t meet your cleaning standards.” and puff Zadye was vanished.

“Zayde, just because you don’t want to confront your feelings doesn’t mean you leave the conversation.” Adaine yelled and a bloody middle finger appeared on the door. She rolled her eyes and left the first place that ever felt like her home.

As she closed the door a text came in from Fig.

---

“Fig, you haven’t packed anything! We have to move you in tomorrow!” Sandra Lynn yelled from stairs to the attic.

“Ugh Mom get off my case!” Fig yelled continuing to play her bass behind a closed door.

“Now Fig, I know I’m not your parent and it’s not my place to tell you how to live your life but it is my job to help get you college ready. And as a guidance counselor I can tell you, you have to pack your stuff before moving into your dorm room.” Jawbone offered. Fig could tell that he was standing by her mom.

“I have until 8am. I’m working on a sick song called I’m in College for a Great Time.” Little did her mom know that she wasn’t technically in college. Arthur was just letting her move into a dorm in exchange for her playing at the on campus coffee shop.

“I’m calling your father!” Fig hit a cord.

“Which one?” Sandra-Lynn didn’t answer but Fig could hear her calling someone. The crystal ran when a voicemail picked up. It was muffled but Fig’s keen ears could make it out.

“Hello you have reached Principal Gilear Faeth, I can’t come to the phone right now but….Ragh stop it! I’m not the lunch lad anymore, no need for the BBQ sauce. BEEP” Gilear had had that voicemail for nearly a year and he couldn’t figure out how to change it.

“One down, one to go! Either way, I’m not starting for a while.” Fig called out. She knew she pushed her mom too far when one of her arrows hit the door lock breaking it. Her mom pushed the door open with Jawbone behind her.

“Fig, it is 6pm the day before you start at AUV. Get it together. You don’t want to forget anything. You need to get started, I don’t know what you need.” Sandra Lynn looked ready to start a mom rant.

“Ugh, I have a plan!” Fig put her bass down and picked up her crystal. She send Adaine a text asking her to cast unseen servant to pack her bags. “I just texted Adaine to help!” A moment later Fig’s items start sort, fold, and pack themselves.

“Well you’re not always going to have a wizard around to help.” Sandra Lynn said, rolling her eyes. After they left, Jawbone and Sandra Lynn shared a laugh.

---

“I am Fabian Seacaster, Son of Hallariel Seacaster, and I am here to get my room assignment.” Fabian declared at what looked to be the weakling incharge of check in.

“Does Seacaster start with a C or an S?” The man asked. Fabian narrowed his eyes.

“Are you mocking me?” He flipped over the table and lifted the man in the air. “I can tell you right now you do not want too…” The man vanished from his hands. “Where the hell?”

“I found it by your first name, you’re the only Fabian of your class. You are living in The Hall of Our Fathers’ floor 2. And lucky you; a single!” The man had blinked a few feet away.

“Fabian, try not to kill the RAs.” Hallariel said coming up from behind. “Now my baby needs your finest suite.”

“Well, we have dorms not suite. Fabian has been asided our average-ist single.” The RA said. “I am Swaine Smyth and I will be you RA. Now I’m not going to write you up for grabbing me cause I’m cool like that but consider this an informal warning.”

“While Swaine consider yourself warn!” Fabian whipped around, paused for a moment and turned back. “Now how do I get to my dorm?” Swaine gave him direction. Fabian and his mother headed off for the dorms followed by pirates carrying all of his things.

Once they reached room D20 they were surprised to see Gilear. Hallariel greet him with a kiss. Fabian considered killing for the millionth time.

“Fig’s fake father what are you doing here?” Fabian said as he opened the door.

“Oh...well Fig and Gorthalax are running late. I think they went to hell to get some decoration for her dorm. I thought I’d said hello to you, your mother, and our future child.” Gilear said touching his mother’s stomach.

“I cannot believe you will be the father to my future awesome brother. He will have so much to overcome being half you.”

“Hurtful...well I will go see if I can find Fig. I believe she is in room D6.” Gilear left. As he turn Fabian noticed a single bean on the backside of his pants.

---

“Thank you so much for helping me move in. My parents are at a church fundraising and won’t be coming till later.” Kristen said to Tracker as she hopped onto her freshly made bed.

“No problem,” Tracker said joining Kristen on the bed “I can’t believe you got a single.”

“Perks of knowing the dean and founding a new region that is extremely popular among young people so I can afford a little upgrade.” Kristen said looking at her pride flag with YES! Printed over it.

“Hey, makes it easier to come and visit.” Tracker said as she snuggled closer. “Plus it makes it nice that you won’t freak out any roommate trying to convert them.”

“YES! Doesn’t want me to convert per say just ask people to care more.” A knock at the door or room D4. “Here come my folks, let’s be extra gay.” Kristen said getting up to greet her parents Mac and Donna as well as her brothers Bricker, Buckey, and Cork.

“Kristen; you missed a great corn cake breakfast. We raised 400 gold pieces for Sole!” Donna said excitedly.

“Mom, we both know that Sole doesn’t need money. He runs the most profitably chain of self tanning places ever. It’s the Fantasy McDonalds of sun tanning. The best thing that ever happened to him was falling from the heavens.”

“Kristen, don’t be like that Sole needs to to make sure Helio’s beer pong x-sports league gets off the ground...I see she is here.” Mac said looking at Tracker.

“Yes Dad, my girlfriend of 3 years is here to help me move in since you were raising money for beer pong sports.” Her brothers had gathered around Tracker.

“Tracker! Do the trick for us!” Cork begged. “Please!” Added Buckey.

“Okay but you guys need to make me mad.” Tracker said. The three boys started make funny faces. In response, Tracker turned her face into that of her wolf form. “Howl, howl, howl” chanted the boys. Tracker started making wolf noises to entertain them.

“I don’t love the boys playing with people like...while you know.” Her dad trailed off carefully watching Tracker.

“Gay people? Like me? I don’t know why I invited you. We can either go and have a nice meal at the family move in lunch or you can leave and keep being a homophobe.”

“Don’t call us that, we love all people but we don’t trust all people” Her mom shot back.

“Homophobes it is; hey guys” Kristen turns to her brothers who were still being entertained by Tracker. “Because mom and dad are bigots you have to leave and stop playing with Tracker.”

“Mom and Dad being bigots ruin everything!” Bickery declared as Kristen family left.

---

Riz hung up his PI license on the wall of room D8. It was truly the most beautiful thing he’d ever see.

“Ok Riz, you are unpacked. Sorry I can’t stay long but my case is taking up so much time. Here is a Baston Market gift card in case you get hungry. Gorthalax and Fig are stuck in hellish traffic but they should be here by lunch and he can help you with anything. Is there anything else I can do before I had back to HQ.” Sklonda asked.

“I get it mom. In four years I will have the same problem.” Riz said. “Plus I can text the other bad kids and see if they are free to do things on the green and other such college student fun.”

“I’m so proud of you sweetie and I know your dad would be too.”

“Thanks mom.”

---

Gorgug drove the car as his parents cried in the back seat.

“Gorgug, buddy we are so so gd proud of you! It seems like yesterday you died for the first time and now you are starting college. Before you know it Wilma” his dad started crying harder. “Wilma we will be grandparents.”

“Now Gorgug, while we are sad you are leaving the tree we are mainly proud of you for going to college and being an all around great kid.” Wilma said choking back tears.

“I know, you’ve been proudly crying all day. We missed check in.”

“Oh gosh darn it did we keep you from having an important college experience.” Digby added. His parents cried harder. Gorgug stepped on the gas. They were going to get to campus just in time for the move in family lunch.

[outdoorguyuk]

Granada!  It’s so Moorish (boom boom...Kill me Now)

Long before I got back into climbing, I booked a holiday with the fam along with Andy & Elaine (from the Brecon Beacons fastpacking trip) and their children Esmé (9) & James (5 months).  We booked an Airbnb to Otura at the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains near Granada in Spain.  It turned out to be an absolute gold mine of amazing climbing routes and hiking.  Kerching!

I bought a couple of local climbing guides (I’d particularly recommend the Andalusia - Guia de Escalada Deportiva (if you want it please click on the link and buy it so I get a bit of cash from Amazon too!) and spoke to a local guide called Nino from the amazing Club Cabraloca (the appropriately named crazy goat when translated - Seriously, if you want to climb in Granada hit him up, he’s an absolute legend and they do everything through canyoning, via ferrata to diving or caving).  We chatted by email in the run up to the holiday - Nino doesn’t speak English so it was a great opportunity to practice my Spanish (I’m terrible at languages but I’ve been trying to relearn since before our last trip to Barcelona with Andy and Elaine - I’m rubbish but getting there).

Lads Lads Lads - From left to Right; Antonio (interpreter & dog owner extraordinaire), Andy, Yours Truly and Nino (Club Cabraloca and all round legend)

I explained to Nino that there would be 4 adults (who apart from Sammy, climb regularly indoors, along with me having done a bit of rock climbing as a kid), Lenora (age 7 - an absolute beast), Esmé (9 - who has done a bit of bouldering indoors), Autumn (3 - who has done a bit of bouldering indoors but mainly will be climbing for our entertainment *please don’t call social services) and James (4 months, who most likely won’t be up for climbing but we would see how he feels on the day).

We wanted to climbs somewhere (in order of importance) 1 - That was in the shade (It’s brutally hot in Granada in August), 2 - (that had grades between 4-7 in the same spot so that everyone could have a challenge) and 3 - My Spanish isn’t particularly good so would he have someone that spoke English (I’m happy ordering a few beers or chatting conversationally, but don’t want to die because of getting a verb mixed up).  Nino was all over it and reassured me all would be taken care of.

For anyone that hasn’t been, I can’t recommend Granada enough.  It’s a small city that isn’t very busy (coming from London that’s a massive plus), there’s very little traffic, you’re right on the foot of the Sierra Nevada mountain range (which has Mulhacen, the highest mountain in Western Europe outside the alps as well as the most Southern ski resort) and some ace beaches (the lesser known Costa Tropical) which don’t suffer the hordes of people and Brits that other coasts nearby do.  Plus the Alhambra, Nasrid Palace & Generalife Gardens are truly spectacular.

The Nasrid Palace, presented to you by Big L

We spent a few days checking out the area, visiting the tourist spots, going to the beach, lounging around our pool and BBQing (with some drinking thrown in too), but also scoped out some climbing routes on a hike too.  For those not in the know, Los Cahorros is a fantastic trail of rope bridges, rivers and stunning views through a gorge and mountainsides.  It’s also famous for having some incredible climbing routes, so we had a good old hike around to check it out.

A hill at the start of Los Cahorros

It’s always a good idea to set off early when the days get so hot so we did most of our hiking in the morning to head home at around 2.  The hike is really fun and family friendly with plenty of access to mountain run off water (I always bring my Sawyer Filter with me wherever I go where I might run out of water, despite the several litres of frozen water we had with us, as it’s ace just to fill up whenever you need.  Super handy, very light, connects to a regular bottle and lasts forever. link on image below).

Los Cahorros only has about 300m of elevation across the hike so is family friendly whilst being hard enough work when Elaine was carrying James and I was mainly carrying Autumn.  

Lunch in a nice little cave

Anyway...it’s really cool with a load of rope bridges, stunning scenery, great access to water, lots of shade & amazing climbing routes.  Do it.

Next up on the list was hooking up with Nino.  Unfortunately Antonio, Nino’s buddy and translator couldn’t make the Thursday so we rescheduled for Friday.  No biggie, as we had a lazy day by the pool but come Friday we were all super hyped to get on some rock.  

We met Nino in the Lidl car park near the main Decathlon (I love Decathlon) and had a good laugh about my obscene amount of emails I had sent Nino.  He had been very patient and was just as nice in person as he was on email.  His mate Antonio would be our translator as Nino’s English was similar to my Spanish, and Antonio came with the added bonus of his dog who was epic.  She was a jet black Belgian shepherd and the kids were super hyped as they were missing Ripley (our Sproodle).

After a quick drive to Alfacar (there are loads of routes within a very short drive of Granada) we found our wall.  After a pretty steep hike up the hill through some trees (I was a little worried about Elaine as she had James strapped to her chest, but she’s an absolute machine and didn’t seem phased at all) we got to a really nice and shady ledge below our climbing spot.

Autumn kicking back at basecamp (poser)

All the gear, all the ideas (Nino & Antonio, at least)

Sammy, checking out the photos, being stalked by the dog

After setting up, Nino asked who wanted to go first - before he’d even had the chance to finish the sentence, Lenora was up and putting on a harness whilst simultaneously saying ‘I will’ in a manner that suggested this wasn’t up for discussion.  Within minutes, she had blasted her way up the first route (route 8 of el Sector del Esconchón in the Guia de Escalada en Alfacar Granada, if you’re interested) and cockily confirmed that it was easy.  

Lenora (just turned 7) before ‘warming up on an easy route’ - her words not mine

Esmé and Autumn found it a bit trickier and only made it half way up, but Esmé doesn’t climb as much and Autumn is only 3.  To give her credit, she got a good 8 metres up and it’s her first time climbing outdoors.  We all had a good laugh when Autumn rolled over onto her back, hanging from the rope and started shouting “I can’t roll over!  I can’t roll over!”.  Please don’t call social services.

Like a beetle on it’s back (Autumn, 3 years old)

I normally belay with a Black Diamond ATC Guide (linked to Amazon) but Antonio got me on a Grigri+ for the first time and it felt a bit odd to use.  Paying out the rope was a little more tricky but I appreciated the extra safety feature knowing that it auto locks if someone is belaying me and not paying attention (having 4 kids with us, that’s quite possible too).  I’m still in two minds about which I prefer to use, but then redundancy is key in climbing and the GriGri definitely offers a greater level of safety.

Esmé getting involved

Sammy had a good old crack at the route and managed to top out, but freaked a bit when she saw the view.  It’s a bit different to an indoor wall, when you’re already 1350m up, the 30m feels a lot higher.

Nino and Antonio started planning out the more challenging routes once they’d gauged our abilities on the warm up route.  They put up a harder route (route 5) which Elaine and Andy promptly powered through, followed by me.  It was a challenging route (a V+ in the local grades, which according to the guidebook and the UKC website which have a conversion chart shows the local grades being two lower than normal French grades, so this would have been a 6a+ apparently).

Andy!

Esmé having a crack at the second route with Andy on belay

Not one to be outdone, Lenora got tied in and had a shot at the harder route.  I wasn’t sure how far up she’d get as it wasn’t particularly easy and she’s still only small.  Of course, she flipped the beast mode switch and absolutely crushed it.  

She never fails to amaze me.  Big L went up the wall like a rat up a drain pipe & both our guides were super impressed by how brave she was.  Putting in all those hours at YonderE17 and the Arch obviously paid off.  Things were going really well until Lenora reached up into hold (in the side of the big rock in the picture above and got a nasty surprise.

Lenora topping out but getting a nasty surprise

There was a really spiky bush in the rock which Lenora put her hand right in to, so the pain combined with a sudden realisation that she was super high up freaked her out.  She wanted to come down right away, but was pretty gripped so lost her concentration.  Usually at the Reach and Castle climbing centres (which I think are about 15 metres) she loves abseiling down, with whoops of joy and wild/possibly real claims that she’s a ninja/special forces etc.  Things were a bit different here, with the wall not being as flat as in a climbing centre what with overhangs and the risk of other spiky plants.  It all got a bit much for her but we finally got her down.  Nino was great and climbed over to her, got her to relax a bit and then things were fine.

Nino helping Lenora find her Zen 

Meanwhile, Antonio had set up a much harder route (route 2 in the guide) along with changing the first easy route over a few metres into a similarly hard route (route 7).  Elaine had a crack at the hardest route and despite having the background noise of a crying 5 month old baby James being held by Andy, a mildly hysteric Lenora, along with Autumn and Esmé arguing over who was more of a unicorn, managed to focus and get on with it.

Elaine, getting stuck in

After Elaine got down, the kids were getting a bit grumpy so I helped Elaine and Sammy get them all back to the comfort of the air con in the cars (and iPads) so that Andy and I could have a crack at the last routes before helping Nino and Antonio Pack up.

Where’s Wally?  I’m on there somewhere (shots from the cars)

Me, topping out on route 2 - loads of fun & a bit of a challenge.  Great shot by Andy

The view over Granada from Alfacar

All in all it was a great day.  I thoroughly enjoyed the routes - the final two routes were the most challenging and in very different ways, but I think we could have pushed it up a grade looking back even.  The view over Granada was spectacular and the size of the mountains is really humbling.  To give context, Alfacar (a low to medium size mountain) from where we parked the car, was starting at around 1300m, which is roughly the height of Ben Nevis (the highest peak in the UK at 1345m) with the peak topping out at around 1400m.  

I’d love to get back to the area again for more exploration - apparently Autumn is ideal as it’s still nice and warm, but not so punishingly hot.  This opens up a number of walls that don’t have shade at the bottom, so that would be nice.

All in all, I can thoroughly recommend Granada and if you get the chance to go, make sure you hit up Nino at Club Cabraloca to save you lugging a ton of kit over whilst getting the benefit of a super experienced local guide.

[taeguboi]

BTS as... Punks

So hahahahaha idk why it posted my extremely incomplete draft earlier (bug with the app?) So consider that now deleted post as a preview hahaha

Requested: “BTS as Punks please!”

RM

activist

anything that's for a good cause

he's behind it

probably makes his own charity

for something close to his heart

and puts on punk events a few times a week

music

poetry

all kinds of food stalls

suitable for everyone’s dietary needs

the occasional street protest

quite laid back though

but the things he has done have had a huge impact on people’s lives

he feeds the poor at his music events

he takes in donations from people to aid the homeless

basically against those unfair imbalances you get in society

he wants to be in a punk band 

but at the same time it isn’t really for him

so sometimes he just grabs a guitar 

and busks with improvised lyrics 

things that are on his mind

things about the world at present

and the things the talks and posts about to people inspire writers of bands

kind of like a journalist

he knows everyone on the local punk scne

he’s been involved ever since he was a kid

smokes a fair amount like

“cool mate, cool beans... right, I’m just off out for a fag”

not many piercings as you might expect

like mostly his ears

and a few intimate areas...

always has colourful punk hair

probably a low key mohawk

several meaningful tattoos

because his family is everything

so is this one person in his life

some drunken tattoos also hahaha

couple of face tatts

always a gentleman to girls

if there’s a creep on the scene 

just tell him

that guy will be exposed 

and gone for good from this local punk scene

and beyond as far as his contacts can take him

he just wants a safe scene

will fend for anyone though really

has a local watering hole

go down to that pub on any afternoon 

and there’s 90% chance he is there

mostly just for the people

maybe buys only 2 drinks the whole time usually

but if he gets drunk

get your notepad and pen

he’s gonna throw 196489 contacts your way

so if your band are ever in need of a gig

you know who to call

Jin

at first, doing punk music is merely a hobby

but then it turns into something more

his pleasure in busking turns into a passion

a dream to make it with a band

so he gets together the best people he knows

and they fucking rock

no one can say a bad thing about Jin’s punk band

they rehearsed diligently for so long

so they sound so tight

he rocks the denim jacket

with all the patches

some badges too

a ton of badges are on his bag though instead

and stickers on his guitar case

a fan of every band he performs with

his guitar case is choc a bloc with local band stickers

so he doesn’t have a mohawk

but his bangs progressively get messier

occasionally he dyes them [example, like V’s green bangs in hyyh era]

he changes loads in little ways

like you leave school and he’s this ‘ordinary’ lad

but then you bump into him like 7 years later 

and wtf he’s stunning

like his aura changed

you thought maybe he’d go into like a business job

but he’s rocking the stage most nights a week

you can’t help but go support him more

and maybe something happens from there but that can be a story for another time

and so maybe he doesn’t get BIG with this band

but he earns a sustainable income

and that’s more than good enough

life is good

music, booze and girls

no drugs tho

wise in that sense, contrary to some punk stereotypes

kind of fluffy actually

some say he’s a poser

but he just likes to look good

and is aware how certain rougher looks just really don’t suit him

so that’s all there is to that 

actually that’s all there is to this

the end :P

Suga

probably a performer too

maybe more into the dub / ska kind of genre

full of stage presence and hype

when he has a message

he fucking gets it across

because he’s so assertive

as well as those catchy melodies

just messy af hair

doesn’t care for it to be any particular length or style

just keep it natural

in fact, fuck visuals

no dress sense whatsoever

like he has a green shirt on with pink jeans and yellow converse

sound is all that matters

so what else?

solitary

like he could be backed up by a band

but fuck that

if he has the equipment that can do it all then why not?

it’s easier to work alone

so he supports like 876 charity events

and has a big share of festivals

headline material

especially at the proper hippie festivals

great for people high af

great for drunkards

great for sober peeps too

you get it, great for everyone

apart from perhaps kids 

cos swearing

sometimes you need that bit of aggression in lyrics, right?

he’s not as aggressive as he might seem on stage

but something is pent up in there

and he is one rough boy

actually, a lot like badboy!suga

can handle anything

but can you handle him?

J-Hope

idk why I always imagine him as a skater

but here we go

in a skate punk band

bass player

can also do drums tho

backwards caps for life

that one band member you think is shy af

cos he seems so quiet

but the moment you say ‘hey’ and congratulate him on a good show

he can talk your ear off for hours

again no drugs

but plenty of beer

cos getting drunk is funnier

the world is a more enjoyable place with skate punk and alcohol

seriously it really is, take that from me hahah

graffiti projects

either for promotion

or to help like restless kids as a distraction or something

let’s just say that’s something he can relate to

may or may not be how he got into this whole skate punk stuff

so yeah will take any charity gig

doesn’t mind if venues pay him in beer

he would have spent the dollar on that anyways

all about living it up with his mates

bros before hoes

has a side band that’s like party punk

any excuse to get bros together

for a good old knees up

only bands of his close friends get played in the car

girls are quite interested in him

but lmao he’s having none of it

he just wants to embrace life

don’t need anything more than mates and family

but he writes really cool songs on the topic of love

you know without being too soppy with it being punk and all

but it’s fucking amazing

but no one knows where he gets the ideas from

no one knows where he gets his energy from either 

will jump off everything and anything

on certain days, he’ll climb everything and anything too

just a fun loving cool punk

Jimin

more or less that one guy you see everywhere on the scene

he’s not in a band

doesn’t really do his own music

but he’s a fan of his scene

every weekend, he’s somewhere to see punk music

be it the local pub for one of his faves

or a town centre for a punk charity thing

or even miles away to see someone he knows getting bigger

leather

with a few patches

piercings

all the ear piercings you could imagine

lips and tongue

used to have an eyebrow one

but decided he looked too generic

or like a chav

something or other

he knows he doesn’t have the most original look

but he can’t stand being too similar to someone else

if anyone in this room tonight is wearing a leather jacket and completely black clothing

he might just tear it off himself and / or burn it

abs and tatts are a good look anyone so doesn’t matter

probably works out to punk music

high school drop out

because he started to realize how useless it is

so he’s generally clever where it’s more relevant in life

saves money well

good paying job

can fund his love for punk basically

and each and every band he supports fully appreciates it

I’m sorry guys I swear there isn’t a not fluffy Jimin gif for me to use hahaha

V

so yeah I’m sorry if this turns out too similar to

badboy!V

because I literally made him a punk in that hc

I’m thinking he’s a lead singer of a punk band

that raspy voice works to his advantage

capable of hardcore punk genres

but prefers and sticks to a more rock n roll kind of punk

long hair

whatever colour he feels like this month

piercings galore

tatts galore

will put a needle anywhere on his body

lives on the edge

lives in the moment

yolo

arrests

protests

he’s done it all

cos fuck the law man

if something about society bothers him

he will speak up

fearless boy

will get his band a gig anywhere in the country

he has things he needs to say

thoughts to spread

only uses social media for punk

his profile is just of gig pictures of his own and sharing events

not your typical singer

kind of writes everything

the band just copy / pick up what he shows them

busks alone sometimes too

may or may not make extra dollar from sneaky acoustic gigs

but it’s not out of selfishness, no

he will always have a goal in mind

and good intentions

like he wants to band to afford professional recordings

or he wants to set up and event

that kind of thing

pay attention

to the things he talks about in his music

you’ll learn a lot

Jungkook

drummer

just needs to hit something

so as long as it isn’t people then great

basically the world screwed him over in some way at some point

and it made him rethink his views about the world

for ages it was restless frustration about it all

but then he discovered punk

the day he discovered his local scene

he wrote random poetry for days

the words had flow to them

but they were unconventional

and then a mate sees it

and he’s like “dude this is sick”

and a band is formed

likes a bit of everything

has friends he can go to the skate park with

has mates to mosh with at hardcore gigs

has friends he can chill with for ska

quite a late learner with the drums

but he must have a natural talent for it

because he becomes amazing in just under 2 years

can do any genre of punk

everyone wants him in their new projects

he’s the guy everyone needs if their guy quits

you know, the demand for Jungkook’s drumming is insance

fortunately he’s wise enough to just stick with the first 3 bands

cos like I say not only does he drum for them

but his creative input for lyrics is huge

just sit him down, give him a topic and bam

he’s just written you a verse and chorus

what else?

50% backwards caps

25% forwards cap

25% lost his cap

somewhat forgetful in areas other than drumming

maybe a bit of a stoner like

“oh yeah man! I forgot about that!

the way his cap is on does often depend on level of alcohol in his blood

forwards for business

backwards for sloshed party animal

breaks a lot of drum sticks by accident

breaks a few hearts by accident welp

I guess girls and guys just notice the muscle 

which he never hides well

cos of course as a drummer, you’re gonna wear a vest really

yeah, that’s pretty much it

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

In My Head

Hello, my lovelies! I’ve been working on this short multi-part story (about 4 chapters) off and on for a while but I’m finally finishing it up now, so I decided to start posting it before I got super busy with real life again. I’ll probably post 1 chapter per week unless you lot beg me to post sooner or I feel extra eager to get the next chapter up, but we’ll see hahah

Side note: This chapter is quite a bit longer than the others will be, but I didn’t want to leave this chapter on a cliffhanger and I needed to give enough of the plot in this chapter that my description of the story would make sense…so yeah, you can definitely expect the others to be significantly shorter than this one is.

This story may not be everyone’s cup of tea (if you REALLY want to know what it’s about before you read it, skip down to the Author’s Notes and give that a quick read before deciding if you wanna proceed) but I don’t write to please everyone, so if you decide to read it...I truly do hope you enjoy! ^_^

***

After yet another exasperated sigh from her best mate, Chloe set aside the fashion magazine she had been flipping through and sat upright on the bed she had been laying on while her best mate was distracted with something else on the other side of the room.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight, Rae? There’s a new movie at the cinema that looks pretty good, if you wanted to do that. We haven’t gone to see a movie in a while and I’d be happy to pay for your ticket, since it was my idea!”

Chloe sat on the edge of Rae’s bed with her feet hanging over the edge as she waited for Rae’s reply.

“Actually, I can only hang out for a little while longer,” Rae responded as she turned away from her closet to face Chloe where she was sitting on her bed on the other side of the room.

“Why? Is your mum making you do something with her tonight? She knows that you and I always have a girl’s night on Friday nights, so I don’t know why she’d make other plans with you. Your mum likes me, so maybe if I talk to her about it, she’d be alright with letting us keep our plans…” Chloe trailed off as she stood from Rae’s bed and began walking across the room to the door to Rae’s room.

“No, it’s not because of my mum...uh,” Rae added before Chloe stepped outside of her room, “I sort of have a date...with Finn.”

“Finn...as in Finn Nelson?”

“It’s not like you or I know any other Finns, do we?” Rae replied with a huff as she turned her attention back to her closet and continued rifling through every article of clothing that she owned.

“I suppose not...how did this happen? When did this happen?” Chloe asked as she took a seat on the edge of Rae’s bed again.

“I’m not really sure what brought it on, but Finn and I were just wandering around the record shop on Wednesday, like we do at the end of every month when the shop puts a lot of the records on sale before they get their new shipments in stock. As we were standing at the till waiting to pay for some stuff we both got, he just asked if I wanted to hang out with him tonight.”

“Well, the two of you hang out all the time, right? What makes this time a date?”

“Yeah, but normally it’s just common places like the Chippy or the Swan when the gang goes to pass time. Or the record shop. Sometimes either his place or mine if we’re just going to listen to music,” Rae explained. “This time he specifically mentioned that he wanted to ‘go out and do something fun’ with me and he suggested bowling...it seemed quite date-like at the time, but now I’m second-guessing myself. What do you think, Chlo?”

“Hmm, bowling...really? If it is a date, it’s not a very romantic or sexy one, that’s for sure. I mean, I take my kid cousin bowling when I want to keep him busy and his mum gives me money to get him out of the house for a bit,” Chloe replied with a slight wince when she noticed Rae look back at her with her eyes wide.

“Oh no!”

“Bowling is like a fun group thing with friends…”

“Friends!?!”

“But I’m not sure about bowling as a date, Rae...I guess it would just depend on the people involved. Some people might like more casual dates. Bowling is pretty inexpensive too, compared to a proper date,” Chloe added with a shrug.

“This is awful, Chloe! What if I got it all wrong and this isn’t a proper date!”

“Well, then...Maybe he just sees you as a friend? And wanted to go bowling with you...as mates only.”

“A friend? I don’t want Finn Nelson as just a friend, Chloe! Should I call and cancel so then I can save myself the embarrassment of showing up and trying to make this into more than what it really is?” Rae asked in distress as she threw herself face-first onto her bed beside where Chloe was sitting.

“Rae, calm down. You don’t need to cancel your date with Finn. If this is your first time together in a date setting opposed to just ‘hanging out’ I’m sure Finn just chose bowling because it’s relaxed and low stress...for both of you!”

“Do you really think so?” Rae asked, barely lifting her face from the pillow it was buried in to prevent her question from being muffled.

“Of course!”

“So I should go on the date?” Rae asked hopefully as she sat up on the bed and angled her body towards Chloe.

“Yeah, that way you can know for sure whether he wanted it to be a proper date or if it was something more...platonic. Now come over here, Rae-Rae, I’ll help fix your hair for you,”

“Thanks, Chloe! I’m so glad that I have you to be my voice of reason and to look out for me,” Rae replied with a smile as she followed Chloe across the room to where she was digging in her bag for whatever tools she thought would be necessary to help style Rae’s hair for her date tonight.

“Of course, babes. I just want the best for you and to see you happy,” Chloe replied with a tight-lipped smile.

Chloe helped Rae finish getting ready for her date while the two girls listened to music and continued chatting about any random thing that came to mind. By the time Rae was ready to leave for her date, Chloe decided to follow her out the door and head back to her house as well after wishing her good luck on the date.

As soon as Chloe walked through the door to her house, she picked up the phone and dialed one of the phone numbers that she has long-since memorized, hoping that the person she was calling would pick up.

“Hello,” a cheerful voice rang out after only a few rings.

“Hiya, it’s Chloe! Thank god you picked up the phone,” Chloe replied with a sigh of relief, “are you free to meet me down at the Swan in about an hour?”

***

Chloe sat at one of the small booths in the corner of the pub, idly picking at one of the paper beer mats as she waited for the person she was supposed to be meeting to arrive.

“Hey Chloe! I know it’s a Friday night, but try not to have too much fun alright?” Archie joked lightly as he took a seat at the table across from where Chloe was sitting and set down the drink he had ordered from the bar.

“Hiya, Archie! I’m so glad that you didn’t already have plans for tonight, because I really didn’t feel like drinking alone.” Chloe replied with a weak smile.

“I see…Is the rest of the gang coming too or did ya just want it to be the two of us tonight?”

“Well, Rae and I were hanging out, but then she ditched me for Finn because they’re going on some type of a date or something and I didn’t want my entire night to be ruined because of that,” Chloe explained, making no attempts to hide the annoyance in her voice.

“Ah, I think I see what is going on now...” Archie trailed off as he took a sip of his cider, “You’re jealous of Rae!”

“I am not!”

“Chloe...can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you are not interested in Finn as more than a friend? You certainly seemed interested in him when the two of you were kissing at the rave a while back…” Archie said and immediately noticed the subtle shift in Chloe’s facial expression at that unexpected reminder.

“I don’t see him like that, I swear! Well, at least not anymore…”

“So you did see him ‘like that’ at some point, right?”

“Well of course I did, Archie! When Izzy first introduced me to the gang he was just this fit lad that intrigued me because he didn’t immediately try to make a pass at me and I liked that. I thought that Finn and I might be good together—until the rave and afterwards when we both decided that there was something off about the kiss we shared and that we’re best off as just mates—but I’ve moved on. I just...I don’t know...I can’t figure out why I’m as bothered as I am, but I am…”

“I see...well, could you maybe be jealous of Finn then?” Archie asked in contemplation as he took another drink of his cider.

“What?!? Are you serious, Archie? I don’t...I mean, I’m not a...Rae and I are, uh, mates—best mates, that’s all,” Chloe hurriedly tried to explain.

“Relax Chloe, I wasn’t trying to imply nothing, I’m just thinking out loud to help ya figure this out. You may not see Rae in that sort of way, but you could still be jealous of Finn because he’s taking time away from the time you would normally be spending with Rae.”

“Huh, maybe,” Chloe mumbled after she had visibly calmed down a bit.

“You did say that you and Rae were supposed to hang out tonight, but she had her date to go on, right?”

“Well, yeah…”

“So that could be it! I’ve known Finn since we were both kids and even now sometimes I’ll get a little bothered when he chooses a girl over spending time with me or the rest of the gang. It’s fairly normal, you just need to learn to not let it bother ya,” Archie replied with a smile as he reached across the table to place a reassuring hand over Chloe’s.

“Maybe you’re right, Archie...I’m sure it’s not a big deal. I just...I just hope she’s enjoying her night out with Finn. She was really nervous and I know that she deserves the best, so Finn better not treat her as anything less than perfect.”

Archie looked across the table at Chloe as she lifted her drink to her lips and finished off the remainder of her glass, waiting for her to return his gaze.

“Trust me, Chloe,” Archie began with a small smile when Chloe looked up to meet his eyes, “Finn proper fancies her. I don’t know what’s going to come from their date, but I can tell ya that he’s not going to do anything to hurt her.”

Chloe gave Archie a small smile of relief and nodded, but was thankful when Archie offered to go get both of them another drink from the bar.

The two continued drinking and talking about college and their classes until well into the evening when they both decided that it was getting late and they should be headed home.

Although neither of them brought up the topic of Rae or her date with Finn for the rest of the night, Chloe could not help but notice how frequently her thoughts would linger on the idea of her being jealous of Finn.

***

College had been especially hectic for Chloe this past week, so when she finally had a few hours to just enjoy her afternoon Saturday without worrying about anything else, she seized the opportunity to treat herself to a relaxing day at home.

Chloe was sitting on her bed, three movies into her romantic comedy movie marathon and painting her nails, when she heard a quiet knock at the door of her room.

“Come in,” Chloe called before looking up from her freshly painted nails and towards the door as it opened slowly, “Oh! I thought you were my mum! What are ya doing here, Rae?”

“Don’t tell me ya forgot! We agreed to spend today together since our girl’s night plans last night were thrown off by my date with Finn. I’m a bit early, I know, but I hoped you wouldn’t mind,” Rae replied as she walked into the room and set her denim backpack on the floor against the wall before closing Chloe’s door behind her.

“Of course I don’t mind, Rae! I’m always happy to see ya!”

Rae sat down on the floor beside Chloe’s bed as Chloe continued painting her nails and the two continued watching the movie that Chloe started before Rae had arrived.

With her fingernails looking freshly polished and perfect, Chloe beckoned Rae to join her on the bed so they could both watch a movie together from a more comfortable position.

“So...how did your, uh, date go?” Chloe asked as she looked through the small stack of movies she had to choose from before choosing one that she knew they both liked.

“It was alright. I think maybe you were right about it not being a proper date, though. I had fun, but I always have fun with Finn and my other mates when I hang out with them. It didn’t feel particularly special, I guess.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Rae! I know you were really looking forward to it,” Chloe replied in an attempt to comfort Rae.

“No need to apologize. I should actually be thanking you for helping me look at the date more realistically so I didn’t set my expectations too high just for me to get hurt.”

“Of course, babes. I just want the best for you, so I’ll always be here for you when you need me,” Chloe reached across to grab Rae’s hand where it rested on her leg and entwined their fingers together, “no matter what.”

Chloe lost count of how many movies they had watched—or even what movies they had watched—but before long, both she and Rae were tired and struggling to keep their eyes open.

“Do you wanna change into our pajamas now? I’m actually feeling pretty tired all of the sudden,” Chloe said as she stood from her bed and stretched her arms and legs that had grown stiff from sitting in the same position for too long.

“Yeah, that sounds good to me,” Rae replied with a smile as she stood from the bed and walked towards the denim backpack she had brought with her to grab more comfortable clothes to change into.

“Alright, you can change your clothes in here and I’ll change in the bathroom down the hall, to give you some privacy.” Chloe replied as she stepped out of her bedroom with her pajamas in-hand and gently shut her bedroom door behind her.

Chloe took her time changing into her soft, pale pink fleece shorts and matching cotton shirt and pulling her hair back into a loose messy bun before walking the short distance back to her bedroom.

She knocked gently on the door to make sure that Rae was dressed and she could enter the room, but when she did not hear a reply, she quietly cracked open the door.

When the door was only cracked open slightly, she could clearly see her mate in the middle of changing as she removed her leggings and folded them neatly before placing them into her denim backpack.

Logically, Chloe knew that she should shut the door or turn away—or do anything except what she was currently doing by staring at her mate through the cracked door as she changed—but Chloe felt like she was frozen and the hand that remained gripping the knob of her door was not moving.

Trying to remain as quiet as she could so as not to alert Rae of her presence, Chloe watched as Rae pulled on a pair of short black shorts that left almost all of her legs exposed in a way that Rae seldom felt comfortable enough let anyone see.

As Rae straightened out her slightly oversized band tee that was only slightly shorter than the shorts she wore, she turned slightly and looked over her shoulder towards the bedroom door that was still cracked open.

“Oh, uh, sorry Rae! Is it alright if I come in now or are ya still changing?” Chloe asked nervously when she knew that she had just been caught.

“No, you can come inside. I don’t mind,” Rae replied with a smirk.

Chloe walked inside and removed the jewelry that she had been wearing that day and placed it on her vanity, trying to give herself something to do to keep herself busy because she was still feeling awkward about peeping on her best mate while she changed.

“Chloe,” Rae sing-songed from behind Chloe, causing her to look over her shoulder.

When Chloe looked back, she saw Rae laying on her side on Chloe’s bed with one arm propping her head up near the pillows and the other arm draped delicately along her side as she idly ran her hand along the line of her hip.

“Yeah, Rae?” Chloe stuttered out.

Why am I feeling so nervous all of the sudden? And why are my thoughts so incoherent right now?

“Come join me,” Rae said as she moved the hand that had been resting on her hip to pat the portion of Chloe’s bed that Rae was not currently occupying.

“Alright,” Chloe said as she switched on the small lamp beside her bed and turned off the other lights in her room using the switch on the wall—creating a much warmer, more gentle glow in the room.

Chloe climbed onto the bed and laid down on her back, leaving some space on the bed between her and Rae.

“So what did you end up doing last night instead of our girl’s night,” Rae asked conversationally, still laying on her side as she faced Chloe.

“Well...Archie and I met up at the pub for a drink,” Chloe said as she turned onto her side to mirror Rae, since laying on her back and just turning her face to speak to Rae was an uncomfortable position to maintain.

“Oh, that must have been fun! Was it just you two or did some other people meet you there as well?”

“It was just us two...Izzy and Chop had plans together as well. I guess it worked out because Archie and I could be pathetic and single together,” Chloe added with a quiet chuckle.

“Chlo! The two of you are anything but pathetic,” Rae chided gently.

“That may be so, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re still the only ones from the gang that were alone and dateless last night,” Chloe added with a shrug.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Chloe,” Rae began but continued when she noticed Chloe avert her eyes, “Babe, you have nothing to be jealous of. Based on my date with Finn, I don’t think that very much will come from it. And Izzy and Chop are part of the gang first, so they won’t forget about you. I could never forget about you either, Chloe, regardless of what boys there may be in either of our lives.”

“Thanks, Rae...It’s kind of funny to think that I might have been jealous that you and Finn were on a date last night.”

“Why is that funny to you?”

“Well, when I was talking to Archie and he said that I seemed like I was in a bad mood, he accused me of being jealous of you. When I assured him that I don’t think of Finn like that, he accused me of being jealous of Finn, because he was the one on a date with you,” Chloe replied with a small chuckle as she began absentmindedly inspecting her newly painted fingernails during the comfortable silence that was forming between them.

“Well, were you?” Rae asked quietly after a short stretch of silence had passed.

“Was I what?” Chloe replied just as quietly, as if speaking any louder would disturb the peaceful comfort that she was feeling as she laid in bed beside her best mate.

“Where you jealous of Finn because he was on a date with me?” Rae clarified.

“Oh,” Chloe looked up from her nails and noticed that Rae was looking directly at her, trying to read her reaction to the question as she waited for Chloe to respond.

“I don’t know...maybe a little bit,” Chloe muttered, unsure whether she wanted to look at Rae to gauge her reaction or look away out of embarrassment at what she had admitted out loud.

When Rae did not respond after a couple seconds, Chloe began to panic and began trying to figure out how to backtrack and take back what she had just said.

“I mean, I was just a bit jealous because we always hang out on Friday nights and he had plans with you instead and—” Chloe’s quiet rambling was cut off when Rae reached forward with one of her hands to brush a stray piece of hair behind Chloe’s ear and she gave Chloe a warm smile.

“Don’t worry, Chlo, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.” Rae reached forward in the space on the bed between their bodies and took Chloe’s hands in hers as she continued, “If I’m being honest as well, I would have much rather had been here, in your bed with you instead.”

Chloe was surprised to feel heart flutter slightly when Rae gave her a wink and began to ghost her finger tips over Chloe’s hand and wrist as the silence between them grew.

Chloe liked the feeling of Rae’s soft skin against her hands, perhaps a bit too much, but she still couldn’t bring herself to pull her hands away from Rae.

She continued watching Rae, unsure what else she could do or say for fear of disrupting Rae’s gentle caresses, and paid close attention to when Rae began humming quietly along to a melody that must have been playing within her head, a slight smile causing her lips to curve upward slightly.

Rae has such a pretty smile...so sweet, yet subtle, so you really need to know what to look for in order to notice the smile.

Such a pretty smile and such nice, plush, pink lips…

They look so soft. I wonder if they are as soft as they look...

When Chloe realized that she had gotten distracted staring at Rae’s lips and had even began angling her head the slightest bit closer to Rae, her cheeks tinted pink and she pulled her hands back from Rae, wrapping them around herself to try to hide and close herself off from the realization that she had allowed herself get carried away thinking about her best mate like that.

“Is everything alright?” Rae asked in a whisper and Chloe could feel the warmth of her breath on her cheek as she spoke, given their close proximity to each other.

“Yeah, I think I’m just tired. I’m gonna try going to sleep, I think…” Chloe mumbled.

“Alright. Good night, Chloe. Sweet dreams,” Rae reached forward and brushed a hand along Chloe’s cheek before tilting her head forward to place a small peck on Chloe’s cheek.

Rae pulled back after the brief kiss and gave Chloe a sweet smile, but Chloe was still too in shock from the kiss and the feeling of warmth that seemed to linger—as if Rae’s lips were still in direct contact with Chloe’s cheek—to return the smile.

Rae leaned her head forward yet again, biting her lower lip slightly and slowly glancing between Chloe’s lips and making direct eye contact with Chloe.

When Chloe gasped quietly, Rae chuckled under her breath and quirked an eyebrow up slightly, giving Chloe all of the power to make the next move.

What is Rae doing? Is this some kind of challenge?

Or...is it an invitation..?

Before Chloe could overthink things further, she felt herself subconsciously bring her face closer to Rae’s, closing the distance between them as their lips met in a shy, uncertain kiss.

Chloe pulled back almost immediately, but before she could stutter out the apology that she was trying to form within her head, Rae brought a hand up to Chloe’s cheek, coaxing her face closer to hers as Rae kissed Chloe this time. The kiss began just as gentle and shy as Chloe’s had been, but Rae deepened the kiss only a fraction when she noticed Chloe begin to relax into the kiss a bit more.

The kiss remained sweet and tender and Chloe began to feel more at-ease before long, so she allowed herself to actually enjoy the kiss.

In a sudden burst of confidence, Chloe drew back from the kiss slightly to gently nibble Rae’s lower lip and run her tongue across the spot before resuming the kiss as they had been before. To her surprise, this subtle action elicited a pleased sigh from Rae that made Chloe want to do anything she could to keep making Rae sigh like that.

As their kiss continued, Chloe and Rae continued shifting slightly closer to one another until they had removed nearly all the space between each other on the bed and their legs were slotted together as naturally as if they were meant to fit together.

Chloe brought her hands up to Rae’s face to caress her cheek before ultimately allowing her hand to linger in the back of Rae’s hair, gently pulling the two even closer as the kiss lost some of the initial sweetness and became more passionate.

Rae pulled her lips away from Chloe’s—causing her to pout slightly—and moved one of the hands that had been caressing Chloe’s cheek onto the bed on the opposite side of Chloe. With Chloe’s torso on the bed beneath Rae and Rae hovering over her for a moment when the pair both caught their breath, Rae leaned forward again, this time beginning to leave a trail of kisses along Chloe’s jaw and neck leading down towards the portion of her collarbone that was exposed by the neckline of her shirt.

Chloe sighed gently when Rae’s lips made contact with a spot just below her collarbone, surprising herself with the sounds she was making, but Rae took them as an invitation to explore further and to determine what other sounds she could pull from Chloe.

“Oh my god, Rae,” Chloe sighed as Rae found a particularly sensitive spot just below Chloe’s neck and proceeded to alternate between kissing and sucking gently at the soft skin.

Rae chuckled quietly against Chloe’s skin, taking Chloe’s response as a sign to keep going.

“Wait, Rae...holy shit! Please...stop for a second,” Chloe begged despite her desire for Rae to keep doing exactly what she was doing.

“What’s wrong, Chlo? Do you not like when I do this?” Rae asked quietly, giving Chloe a teasing kiss in the same spot.

“Fuck...no, I love it,” Chloe replied breathily as she tried to regain some semblance of composure in order to speak.

“What is it then?” Rae asked as she angled herself away from Chloe to give her a bit more space, despite her torso still being propped up above her.

“I just—uh...before this gets too far and we do something that we’ll regret later...what are we doing here, Rae?”

“We’re doing anything that you wanna, Chloe. I want you to enjoy yourself too,” Rae said as she leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Chloe’s lips before continuing, “so please tell me if you want me to stop or do something different. Or if you want more—”

“I want more,” Chloe said immediately.

“More of what? Tell me what you want, Chlo,” Rae said as she brought a hand to Chloe’s face and angled her head to look at her fully.

“I want you, Rae. I want...I want anything and everything that you’re willing to give me,” Chloe replied, surprising herself with the honesty of her statement.

“Alright, your wish is my command,” Rae replied as she leaned forward and resumed her exploration of Chloe’s neck and collarbone with her lips, avoiding the spot she knew would drive Chloe wild.

“Rae, stop teasing me! Please!” Chloe begged as she arched her back up off the bed and pressed her chest against Rae’s as Rae shifted her legs until she had a leg on each side of Chloe’s hips, straddling her as their lips met in a heated kiss that was nothing like the gentle, sweet kisses from before.

Rae’s lips returned to Chloe’s collarbone, finding Chloe’s favorite spot almost immediately, causing Chloe to gasp quietly as she wrapped her arms around Rae’s waist to pull her closer to her, desperate for any space between them to be gone.

Chloe continued panting as Rae kissed her neck and she began feeling her way up the soft skin of Rae’s back beneath her shirt, taking her time to reverently caress every part of Rae that her hands encountered on their path.

Chloe felt Rae’s hands drift down towards the hem of her shirt and begin to lift it slightly, and Chloe began to nod preemptively, in anticipation of the question she was likely going to ask.

“Chlo, Can I..?”

“Oh my god. Yes, please do…”

Rae grabbed the hem of Chloe’s shirt and slowly began to pull it over her head when Chloe pulled away from Rae and lifted her arms to make it easier for Rae, making sure to caress all of Chloe’s torso in its entirely.

Chloe was impatient and finished pulling the shirt over her head before tossing it across the room, not at all caring where it had ended up.

Rae raked her eyes across Chloe’s exposed torso as she laid beneath her on the bed wearing only a bra, lustily biting her lower lip as she appreciated the sight in front of her before leaning forward again to meet her lips with Chloe’s.

“Oh my god...you’re so amazing, Chloe.” Rae mumbled against Chloe’s lips between kisses.

During the heated kiss, Chloe brought her hands up to the smooth skin of Rae’s thighs and began to massage and caress every bit of exposed skin she could get her hands on as she worked her way up towards Rae’s hips.

Chloe panted between kisses, hands gripping wildly at Rae’s hips and thighs in an effort to keep touching her and desperately trying to catch her breath but unwilling to stop kissing Rae for longer than was absolutely necessary.

When Rae finally pulled away from the kiss and tuned to lay on her back beside Chloe on the bed to catch her breath, Chloe immediately climbed over Rae to straddle her hips and began kissing along Rae’s neck and collarbone, refusing to break contact with Rae in the heat of the moment.

“Hmm, yes…right there, Chloe,” Rae replied, still slightly out of breath, as Chloe’s kisses began to dip further below the neckline of Rae’s band tee.

Chloe smiled against Rae’s collarbone before continuing her alternating pattern of kissing and gently sucking on Rae’s perfect, pale pink skin, anticipating the scattered marks that her ministrations were likely to leave behind.

“Oh! Chloe!” Rae called out loudly as Chloe began kissing further down her body and one hand went to the back of Chloe’s hair to help steer her in the direction of where Rae wanted her most.

Chloe complied more than willingly and allowed Rae’s hand in her hair to guide her head lower until she was in the perfect spot to place gentle kisses on the inside of Rae’s thighs, making Rae’s other hand grip the sheets of Chloe’s bed tightly.

“Chloe!” Rae began panting in a prayer-like chant as Chloe continued kissing her inner thighs and worshiping the girl beneath her that was writhing in pleasure and anticipation.

“Chloe!”

“Chloe!”

***

“Chloe!”

Chloe’s eyes snapped open suddenly and she had to take a moment to look around her room and remember where she was.

Chloe sat up in her bed, flushed and thoroughly breathless from the dream she had been having, and her stomach dropped.

Wait...that was just a dream?

What happened between Rae and I...could I really have dreamt all of that?

It had all felt so real…

“Chloe Gemmell!” called a voice loudly from the opposite side of Chloe’s closed bedroom door followed by a loud knock.

“What, mum?” Chloe called through the closed door.

“I’ve been calling you name for ages! Did you really not hear me or are you just ignoring me? There’s someone on the phone for ya!”

“Oh, uh, sorry Mum. I must have been pretty deeply asleep. Who’s on the phone?”

“It’s Rae.”

As soon as Chloe’s mum said Rae’s name, Chloe’s stomach began to turn and a wave of nausea came over her.

“I’m not feeling so great, mum, and I don’t really feel like talking right now. Can you just tell her that I’m feeling ill or asleep or not here or something?”

“Are you and Rae fighting? Just the other day you two were inseparable and now you don’t wanna talk to her. I thought you two were best friends,”

Yeah...best friends…

But then again, a real best friend really wouldn’t dream about hooking up with their best friend.

Would they?

“No, we’re alright, mum. I’m just really not feeling well. Can ya at least tell her that I can give her a call back later? Please?”

“Alright, Chloe, I’ll tell her. If you’re not feeling well, I can bring you some tea. Do you want anything to eat with your tea?”

“Oh, no. I don’t need tea or food or anything, Mum. I honestly just want to be alone and I might try to go back to bed to sleep it off,”

Chloe’s mum hummed in acknowledgment from the other side of the door before walking down the hall.

When Chloe could hear her mum pick up the phone and explain to the person on the other line that Chloe was feeling ill and would try to call her back later, she sunk back down beneath the covers of her bed.

Why did I dream about that?

Rae is my best mate and I care about her…so why would my subconscious make me dream that Rae and I were more than just friends?

A quiet knock at the door signaled Chloe’s mum walking into the room with a mug of tea in one hand a small plate with toast and jam in the other.

“I think you’ll feel better if you have something in your stomach, so I just made you some tea and toast, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Thanks, mum,” Chloe replied as she took the offered tea and plate from her mum and set them on the small table beside her bed so she could sit upright on her bed.

Chloe’s mum took a seat at the foot of Chloe’s bed and looked at her daughter in concern.

“You really don’t look so well, Chloe. Your cheeks are flushed and you look like you may be running a fever or something. Were you feeling ill last night when you went out with your friend?”

“Not really, no. I think there is a flu going around at college, so I might have caught that,” Chloe explained, adding in a fake cough in an attempt to convince her mum.

“Okay, perhaps you’re right. Alright, I’ll let you rest now, dear. Let me know if you need anything,” Chloe’s mum said as she gave her daughter a kiss on the top of her head before leaving the bedroom and closing the door behind her.

As Chloe began sipping the tea and nibbling on the toast, her mind was racing with the same recurring question: Why?

Why did I dream about that?

Why does this dream bother me as much as it does?

And…

Why am I so upset that the dream was only just a dream?

A/N: So this short multi-chapter story explores the friendship dynamic between best friends when one friend thinks they might have a crush on the other. I’ve touched on it before with Archie/Finn so I thought it was only fair to tackle it from the perspective of Chloe/Rae as well.This story sort of takes place around the start of S2 and you can see some subtle and not-so-subtle references to early S2 events, but I took a lot of creative liberties when writing this story as well haha.

I drew a lot on my own personal experiences because I’ve had crushes on so many female friends and it’s caused heaps of trouble for me. I’ve also had my share of inexplicable sex dreams involving people I’ve never thought about that way before and I’m always so confused and shocked, so yeah...I put a lot of myself in this story hahah.

I was also inspired to write this story by a song called Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko. If you’ve never heard the song and wanna check out a talented pop artist that almost exclusively sings about her love for women and being shamelessly lesbian, then feel free to click the link and give it a listen. (Hayley Kiyoko is also highkey the love of my life and I got to see her perform live in concert back in August and she’s so cute and beautiful and talented and amazing and the entire time she was performing my heart and brain were just screaming “jfc Sarah!! You are very gay! You are oh so very gay!! GAAAYYYY!!! So so so so gay and you are especially gay for Hayley Kiyoko” so who am I to argue with both my brain and my heart when they are in agreeance like that!?! Lol)

I know what you all must be thinking “GASP, two stories posted within the span of only about a week?!?!? That’s so unlike you, Sarah!” And you sort of have a point, haha…I was gonna post this soon, but not necessarily this soon. Lucky for you all (but unlucky for me), I got incredibly sick last week and hardly left my bed at all for a few days because I felt like I had the plague and I was taking large quantities of cold medication. All of that means that I had a lot of extra time for writing in-between taking naps, drinking large quantities of tea, coughing my lungs out, and wishing for the sweet embrace of Death to finally take me rather than spending another day sneezing and coughing constantly. (Okay, I will admit, I am being just a touch dramatic, but still…being sick is no fun.)

As I mentioned, I have most of this entire story written and I just need to edit and put final touches on the next few chapters, but I can say with a decent amount of certainty that this story will not take me over a month to update hahaha…Anyways, until next time: Stay awesome, my friends! :)

[ritebeforeyoureyes]

Softie

This is a bit rubbish but it’s for the anon who requested a fic of Z comforting Tom after the football match. 

Also, as some of you may or may not know I am being sponsored by loads of generous donors to from Vienna to Budapest for a charity called First Story. I will be completing this venture very soon so my uploads and interactions may be very limited over the next few weeks! 

Masterlist - Plot: Zendaya watches the World Cup with Tom and his family and friends. 

Softie (One-Shot)

The night started off like any other when their friends and family united. There was a plentiful stock of beer, a soft flow of music infiltrating the room and smiles that could light up London till the new year. But, once commentators started speaking and the all mighty English national anthem was sung, everybody quietened down. It was like somebody had pressed a mute switch; the house silencing almost  with an air of comedy. 

Zendaya and Tom found themselves on a couch together, Z’s body pressed tightly up against him as he buzzed with an excitement that the whole country was feeling. With an arm draped across her shoulders and his face inches away from hers, Zendaya could feel Tom’s excitement radiate and she found herself getting engaged with the soccer game that she usually possessed no interest in.  Despite not knowing anything about the technical terms, she rested her head against her boyfriend’s chest and watched intently like everybody else in the room. 

And as England scored within the first five minutes of the match, Zendaya found herself being thrown out of Tom’s hold. Him, Harry, Sam, Tuwaine and the rest of the British lads jumped out of their seats in an uproar that could rally that at any Trump protest. They were screaming and embracing and Zendaya couldn’t help but chuckle at their overt patriotism. It was infectious and she found herself joining in; her logic instructing her that she had an affiliation with the country now that her boyfriend was British. 

But as the game slowed down a little, Zendaya found herself zoning in and out. She was still getting used to the time difference between L.A. and London and her head would lull downwards as sleep took over her. She was always in that in between phase, never really asleep but not one hundred percent awake and that meant that every little sound had her eyes flying open. The boys would scream at the TV and she’d jump up, somebody would call for a beer and she’s sneak an eye open. And gradually, the interruptions grew more frequent.  As the yells grew louder and louder, Zendaya forced herself out of her restfulness to join back in with the English festivities. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” As Z peeled her eyes open, she was met with Tom kneeling on the floor in front of her; Harry and Sam on either side of him. It was an amusing sight but from the look of pure fright on their faces, Zendaya knew now was no time to laugh.  “Come on, come on-” As she took in the sight of the scores in the top left hand corner of the screen, Zendaya realised why the Holland brother’s were so intently attached to their television screen. It was extra time and England were down by one with just minutes left on the clock. 

“We can do this.” Sam spoke with a nonchalance that nobody really had much faith in as the timer in the corner slowly drew to a close with Croatia in the lead. It was like watching the countdown to the New Year but in an alternate universe; everyone was sad about it. The numbers ticked unbearably slowly and the room’s previously buzzing atmosphere dropped to that of great mourning. 

“I saw it coming.” Tuwaine was the first to speak after England’s tragic lost and his version of ‘I told you so’ was met by an influx of protests and cushions to the face; everyone’s wounds still too fresh. “Hey, don’t hate the messenger!” 

“Ass.” Tom muttered jokingly as he got up off the floor with an empty beer bottle in his hand. He silently began to pick up the mess that had accumulated throughout the game and Zendaya instantly noticed his sullen mood. Despite his mocking tone with Tuwaine, Zendaya could see the frown lines in his forehead and she wordlessly followed him into kitchen. Even though she saw the match as just a game, she knew it meant more than that to Tom. Him and his family religiously followed the sport and had been doing so since they were children. 

“Hey.” As Tom set his bottles onto the counter top, Zendaya put a hand to his shoulder. “It’s okay-”

“I’m fine.” Tom shrugged her off casually and busied himself with fussing over dirty napkins and cutlery. Deep down, he expected her to ridicule him for taking the football so seriously. Zendaya was just like Paddy and Haz sometimes; she’d tease him whenever she got the opportunity. Sometimes there would be a snide remark about his height or his inability to talk about her without grinning like a Cheshire cat and now that he was genuinely upset about England’s lose, he wasn’t in any particular mood to entertain her witty (and sometimes ruthless) banter. “I’m fine.” 

“Tom,” Zendaya adjusted herself between the central island and where Tom was stood, immediately halting his movement. Even with their close proximity, Tom’s gaze refused to meet Zendaya’s and she knew he was taking this harder than he tried to portray to her. “Will you look at me-”

“Z, come on I’m just trying to tidy up-” 

“It’s okay for you to be upset, you know?” With a speedy movement of his chin, Zendaya forced his face upwards, their nose brushing as a consequence. She pecked his surprised lips tenderly, both of her hands cupping either side of his face. “You don’t have to lie with me, loser.” 

In that moment, with her hair all natural and a cheeky smile on her face, Zendaya and her Marvel Comic Universe character, Michelle Jones, were one in the same. And Tom couldn’t stop the small smile that ghosted across his features. Michelle was a misunderstood character who had such a depth to her that, on the surface, many people misunderstood and in a way, Zendaya was the exact same. Behind her celebrity facade, her Dad jokes and her devastatingly beautiful looks, she was a softie. He had expected her to make fun of him and yet here she was, trying to comfort him. She was a loyal, kind, humble person and her desire to make Tom feel better after the football was an example of the kind of person that she was - the kind of person that Tom was proud to call his girlfriend. 

“I love you, you know that, right?” Tom kissed her this time, his previously tense frame melting under her touch. Whether or not the football was coming home, he knew he’d be coming home to Zendaya and in his mind, that was all that mattered. 

If you enjoyed this piece and would like to help further me and my work, please support me whilst I get through university. The money you donate will go towards assisting me in my student fees, rent etc. It is one hundred per cent a voluntary pursuit and greatly appreciated, however, your lovely comments, likes and reblogs are always welcomed too. Thank you for being the greatest: https://ko-fi.com/D1D072V0

[shdwgambit]

Children’s Week

Alekxandar Winchester liked kids. He didn’t want any of his own, not just yet, kids tied you down and he wasn’t ready to be that responsible just yet; but other kids, orphans, children of friends and family, they were alright. They were honest, most of the time; liars come at all ages and he frequently scoffed about the notion of kids being truthful to a fault. They were honest when it came time to tell you how they really felt, or if you were different, or they disliked something about you. Ask who took that candy from the jar or if they’d eaten their vegetables, done their homework, stolen a playmates favorite toy and they would lie like anyone else. Alek enjoyed that duality; he remembered raising hell as a boy and how much fun it had been. He looked forward to children’s week.

Malikí Silverson loved kids. She liked doing fun things, she liked taking care of them and making sure they were fed and clean and happy. It never occurred to her that she herself was so childlike. It was her most redeeming quality, being so innocent and naïve. To her, kids were so much easier to get along with, they didn’t confuse her or make her feel lost and stupid. She got them and they got her. She looked forward to children’s week almost as much as Winter Veil or Hallow’s End…coincidentally, so did the children.

The very moment Children’s Week began she sprung from bed and got ready. She made sure that the bunk bed in the extra guest room was made, the new toys were set up so that when the door was opened so many surprised greeted you, some of the toys were hidden too, that was her idea. She smiled broadly. She quickly turned down the second floor hallway and began pounding on the door to Alek’s bedroom. “M’lord! Wake up!” she hollered, beating the door with her fist, “Children’s Weeeeeeeeeek!”

Alek grumbled and rolled over in bed, putting the pillow over his head and waving her away as though she could see him through the solid oak door. “Mal, what time…it doesn’t matter. It’s too early! No kid is awake yet! And it’s not like we need to pick through them to get the best ones before all the cute kids are taken.

Malikí pounded even harder and stomped her foot. “But they need breakfast! Aren’t you hungry? We can get pastries on the way and then surprise them! They would love it!” She had bent over and yelled through the keyhole, one hand cupped near her mouth like she was yelling some secret. He grunted and sat up in bed grumbling, “I’m gonna surprise you in about three seconds…” “What?!” she hollered, the pressed her ear to the keyhole. “I’m up! Go away, I’ll be out in a few minutes,” he said a bit louder then laid back down. It was quiet and he had hoped she’d went off to do whatever it is she does around the house, maybe he could get a few extra minutes of sleep…

The silence was broken yet again by her pounding on the door with both fists now, “I’m up! I’m up!” he yelled and jumped up from his bed and slammed his own fist into the door on the way to the dresser. He heard an audible “Eep!” and grinned as he got ready to go.

Each year Alek took the same little boy from the Stormwind Orphanage. Throughout the year he’d send a little money in secret and wrote to Matron to make sure he was getting a good education. Once Mal became his squire he thought it would be good if she too had a young charge and was delighted to find that little Jimmy had an identical twin brother, Graham. So now, each year they brought both little boys along on adventures and Alek did his best to impart his wisdom unto both young lads.

They learned quite a lot through his tutelage, they both wanted to be knights when they grew up, knights slayed dragons and kissed pretty girls. Knights could do whatever they wanted, even drink beer in the morning and they didn’t have to wear pants and could curse in front of old people! The Matron wasn’t fond of many of these lessons, but even she couldn’t turn a blind eye to how the twins kept bullies from the smaller children and made sure that anything extra they were given was shared among the less fortunate orphans. She wasn’t sure what kind of paladin this Winchester man was, but for all his faults he had a heart of gold and that grin of his sparkled whenever she tried to scold him.

They had breakfast, the four of them; Mal had stopped to buy all sorts of goodies and the three of them gobbled most of it up without stopping for air. It was a warm day so Alek decided that they could all go swimming in the pond afterwards since it would be easier than attempting to wipe up all the jam and sugar and sprinkles they had coated their faces in. Mal flew home quickly on her gryphon and came back with her bathing suit and a change of clothes. Alek and the twins had already stripped to their shorts and dove in. They had fun for a while and then the wind threatened to turn water a bit too cold Alek decided it was time for something else.

“Well then, guys, what’s next?” he asked, allowing himself to dry off in the sun. The boy’s reclined next to him and grinned like little demons. Graham tried to peek out of the corner of his eyes towards Malikí as she dried off and changed behind a large tree. He had a crush on her since he first laid eyes on her, she was prettier than the matron and all the girls at the Orphanage. Jimmy turned to Alek with a look on his face that the paladin knew well. “We want tattoos!” he cried, pointing at the few Alek had, “Just like yours! The other kids would flip out if we got them!”

Alek laughed and shook his head, then looked over at the two boys, “Hmm...how old are you guys now?” he asked. “We’re eleven,” the other boy said, now turning to grin at Alek like his brother, “eleven and a half!” “Three fourths!” Jimmy cried out, “practically twelve!”Graham nodded his head vigorously, “Might as well be twelve, we’re so close!”

Alek laughed himself as Mal joined them, fully dried and dress and wondering what was so funny.

“Alright guys, no one said there was going to be any math today,” he said grinning. “Looks like we’re getting tattoos, Mal!”

“Ta-tattoos?” Malikí questioned the three of them. All three grinning like jackals nodded at her. “Well I don’t know..” She had only started before the puppy dog eyes set in. Rough and tumble boys as they were they still knew how to work their childish charms, at least on Malikí. “But the Matron already gave me a hard time about sponsoring an orphan this year! She said she wasn’t letting Templars have children without extensive background checks!”

The boys were starting to turn on the water works and Alek was having a hard time hiding his smile as he could see her giving in. “They only let you come stay with us because Alek isn’t a Templar anymore!” She pleaded with them.

“Oh come on Mal, its not going to kill them!” As soon as Alek spoke up the two boys were nodding their heads and had cleared their expressions back up into brilliant smiles. Malikí continued to frown but looked to Alek who gave her a smile and a nod. “But I’ll get in trouble.” She finally pouted and frowned to Alek as her last line of defense. “Well,” he says with a wink, “if anyone asks, we made you and you fought tooth and nail the whole way. Besides, we’ll get ice cream afterwards and you can tell everyone it was my idea.”

“Fine.” She said only frowning a little. “Do you know what you boys want?” Their faces broke into smiles and they both nodded quickly. “Yes!” Malikí gathered up the wet bathing suits and hung them over a limb. “So what do you want to get, and when do you want to get them?” She asked turning back around to them. “I’m going to get one like Alek’s!” Jimmy said pointing toward the paladin’s back. “Yeah me too!” Graham grinned but didn’t point out any specific one. Malikí simply nodded and looked to Alek waiting for him to answer the ‘when?’. “Well today is good as any, besides they’ll need to get healed good before they go back to the orphanage, after a day we can help that along.” Alek grinned and nodded at the boys.

“Alright. While we’re still near Stormwind then? On no I guess we’d have to go somewhere else to I don’t?” she looked to Alek about where they’d have to go. “Booty Bay!” He explained. “I know this great little place...” He started explaining a little goblin run establishment that offered such services and didn’t ask questions. Malikí looked a little worried. “Oh don’t worry Mal it’ll be okay we’ll get you a disguise the goblins won’t even know you’re an Admiral!” He laughed to himself, he still had no idea how she’d managed it, and without even knowing. Maybe they needed a scapegoat or something.

They caught a gryphon ride from the flight master and soon found themselves in Booty Bay. The boys had never been there before but they had heard tales of pirates and treachery and goblin treasure hidden all around. Their eyes sparkled like gems themselves as Alek led them into a small shack in a middle tier. The proprietor, a heavily tattoo’d goblin himself looked up from the orc he was working on and nodded at Alek, then did a double take at the two boys he had with him. The boys looked around as the goblin finished his work and for a moment he looked as if he might say something, then shrugged his shoulders, money was money.

Jimmy lept into the chair as soon as it was empty and smiled his most winning smile at the goblin. “Alright, whaddaya need, kiddo?” he asked, as he prepared his little workstation. “I want a skull, like his,” the boy replied, pointing to Alek. The paladin grinned and obligingly pulled the back of his shirt up to his shoulder blades. “Yeesh, maybe a little better than his, huh, kid,” the artist grimaced. Alek turned around with a furrowed brow and nodded, “I was hoping you could touch that up for me, and uh, I dunno how appropriate a skull smoking a cigar is for a boy...” Jimmy pouted a moment, then grinned, “What if instead he has a monocle to match his tophat!?” The idea of that struck Alek as simultaneously hilarious and fitting. “I think that’s a fantastic idea,” he replied. He paid the goblin ahead of time, and surreptitiously cleansed the boy and the chair with a blast of holy magic as the goblin worked the till.

Even as the artists began and the look of shocked pain came over Jimmy’s face and then fell away to courage and finally pride Alek didn’t think this was a bad idea. To him, it was just another step in becoming an adult and these poor orphans had to grow up quick to be swallowed whole by the world around them. With no parents and no real opportunities, it might be a matter of time before these kids were on their own and Alek wanted more than anything for them to be prepared for that as much as possible. He smiled as the goblin worked, now and then inspecting the tattoo and nodding reassuringly to Jimmy and giving him a thumbs up. In no time at all it was done and the boy saw it in the mirror and laughed himself, “That was no big deal, I could get six more if I wanted!” Alek laughed and shook his head, “Whoah, whoah, slow down big guy. You gotta grow some more muscle first, or he won’t have any room!” The boy laughed and flexed his biceps, grimacing slightly at the soreness then hopped off the chair.

His brother jumped up and grinned coyly, rubbing his hands together. “Ya, whadda you want, kiddo? Skulls? Swords? Axes?” the goblin asked, changing out his tools for a second. “No way,” Graham said shaking his head with that same sly smile still stuck to his face, “I want a naked lady!” This time everyone laughed, even the tattoo artist. He looked to Alek who shrugged and was about to say something when the boy cut him off. “One that looks like her,” he said, pointing directly at Malikí. This only served to make Alek laugh even harder as Mal’s face turned a deep crimson and she shook her head, “What? Me? No!” She crossed her arms and tried to step back behind Alek who was now almost doubled over in laughter. “Mal,” he said in between deep breaths, “if it’s what he wants, who are we to argue? Isn’t his life hard enough?” he asked, then lost himself in a fit of laughter.

The boy, however, looked deadly serious and when it dawned on him that perhaps he’d pressed his luck and now they were all laughing at him and not with him he too turned red. Malikí was the prettiest girl he’d seen and he had such a crush on her, he thought she’d like the idea. Alek told him that ladies like feeling pretty and when boys ask them for dates! The goblin wiped his eyes and face and then held his hand out to Alek. “Well, thanks for the laugh, but it ain’t free pal, nekkid redhead’s don’t tattoo themselves.” The paladin nodded and looked at Mal, her face was still red and she still had her arms crossed in front of her chest, but it was true, this little boy’s life was very difficult. How could she deny him something that would make him happy? Her face scrunched up a second and she sighed, this was all Alek’s influence, other little boys wouldn’t ask for such things!

Alek handed the goblin a few more gold coins, “Tastefully, huh? I still have to bring him back to the orphanage and I’m already going to be in trouble. I don’t want them denying us when we come back next year!” The goblin nodded his head, “Sure, sure mack. Don’t worry about it.” He looked up at Mal for a second and she immediately felt scrutinized and her face reddened yet again but before she could say anything he looked back down at the boy’s arm and set to work. Jimmy was going a mile a minute in the shop, looking at everything and exclaiming how jealous the other kids would be and Alek has his hands full keeping him occupied and not touching things. Before too long the goblin looked up with a grin and winked at Malikí, “There we go, how’s that?”

Alek came over and was surprised, his eyebrows arched and he let out a whistle. The tattoo was impressive, a red headed woman in profile, though her torso was turned away and she looked over her shoulder back at the viewer. Though she was nude, it was very tasteful, nothing inappropriate showed and it was fit enough for a gallery. “That’s absolutely great,” Alek said, “Mal, come look at this.” She begrudgingly stepped over and an audible sigh of relief was heard as she finally uncrossed her arms, it was better than she expected, and looked just like her. The goblin grinned a big toothy gold and truesilver capped smile and nodded his head as he cleaned his tools. “Of course it’s great, I’m an artist!” he said with a knowing nod, “What you think just cuz I work in this dump I cut corners?” Alek laughed and shook his head, “No, and thanks! Now how about we fix this on my back, huh?”

The goblin sat him down and took a look at his back, “Drunk, huh? Well it’s gonna cost you, I might be an artist, but I’m not a miracle worker.” Now it was everyone else’s turn to laugh at Alek as he grinned and began shelling out more gold.

[notwithout-mymuse]

Fic: Misfits and Wanderers (1/8)

Fic in which Robert and Aaron accidentally become secondary dads to almost every kid in the village. No mentions of the current SL because positivity is fun.

AT LAAAAST. I finally finished it. Split into 8 smaller one-shots because my thoughts ran away with me. (I may expand this verse again at some point, who knows?)

All future parts with be tagged fic: misfits verse.

With huge thanks to @mrshiftysugden for letting me borrow her ideas - keep an eye out for part 8 in particular ;) Also thanks to @portinastorm for inspiring the original idea, and @stulot for being such a lovely cheerleader!

Part 1 - Noah

The first time it happens, it’s early evening on an otherwise unremarkable Wednesday, Robert working on his laptop at the kitchen table and Aaron on the sofa with a beer, his feet up on the coffee table, channel-surfing as he tries to put off the fact that it’s his turn to load the dishwasher.

The doorbell rings and Aaron answers, surprised to find Noah on the doorstep, still in his school uniform with a backpack slung over his shoulder. If Aaron was puzzled by his presence, he’s even more confused by the words that came out of the young lad next.

“Hiya, is it alright if I come in?” Noah asks casually.

“Uhh, yeah…course.” Aaron says, moving aside to let him pass “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah s’alright. Maths homework is driving me mad though.”

Before Aaron can think of a response, Robert’s voice rings across the flat.

“I’m in the kitchen.”

Noah slopes over to him and tosses his bag down by the floor, before pulling out a chair. As he takes a seat, Robert starts shuffling his papers and folders into piles to make more room, before moving his laptop aside and giving the boy his full attention.

“What is it today, fractions again?” Robert asks, shuffling his chair closer to Noah’s as the latter starts pulling a workbook and pencil case from his school bag.

“Nah, linear equations. Whatever the hell they are.”

Aaron returns to the sofa, but he’s not remotely paying attention to the TV now. Instead his attention is on the two blond heads hunched over Noah’s maths book, sheets of equations and graphs taking precedence over Robert’s profit projections. He wonders how this happened, and how on earth he didn’t know about it.

He hears Liv thundering down the spiral stairs before he sees her, because wherever she goes she sounds like a heard of elephants. Unlike Aaron, Liv doesn’t bat an eyelid at Robert and Noah, instead heading straight for the freezer and digging through it for the cookie dough ice cream stashed in the bottom. Liv has perched herself on the kitchen worktop, digging into the tub with a spoon, before she acknowledges them.

“Maths or Science?” She asks, clearly not at all surprised by the impromptu study session.

“Maths, do you know anything about equations?” Noah replies.

Liv’s only response is to snort into her ice cream.

“You know, you could always join us and get yours done on time for once!” Robert tells Liv.

“Nah, I’m good thanks.” Liv says in her usual dismissive tone, getting to her feet now to move into the living room, nabbing the remote from beside Aaron as she curls up on the other end of the sofa. Aaron decides it’s time for answers.

“Hey, how long’s this been going on” Aaron asks Liv in an undertone, not wanting to disturb Robert who is now mid-flow, explaining something complicated about gradients and perpendicular lines. Aaron must admit that it makes absolutely no sense to him (Liv gets her hatred of maths from him it seems), but Robert is sketching something on a blank sheet as he talks, and Noah is nodding along, following Robert’s every word and soaking it up like a sponge.

Liv’s face is blank, so Aaron jerks his thumb towards the kitchen table, then she seems to get it.

“Dunno, since you were in prison and Chas and Charity went to Prague I ‘spose. He likes Robert for some reason.” Liv shrugs.

“Does Charity know?” Aaron asks, curious. Which makes Liv pull an unimpressed face.

“I’m pretty sure Noah could grow an extra head and Charity wouldn’t notice.” She mumbles quietly, and Aaron thinks he hears empathy in her otherwise sarcastic voice.

Aaron feels a pang of guilt when he realises that it never even occurred to him that Robert would have been left with the responsibility of caring for Noah as well as Liv, in addition to worrying about everything else. He never once complained, or even mentioned it, always more concerned with Aaron, and Aaron’s problems.

It warms his heart, watching the two of them. Robert is incredibly patient with Noah, and seems to have developed a balance between helping, and letting Noah work things out for himself where he can.

Aaron also realises that this is the most he has heard Noah talk in ages, the young blond boy usually quiet and withdrawn. He ponders Liv’s comment about Charity not noticing Noah, and wonders how much his quiet nature is because very few people actually listen to him.

It’s that thought that prompts Aaron to act once Noah’s homework is finished, pulling out crisps and popcorn from the cupboards, and encouraging Noah to stay with them for a four-person Xbox tournament.

Noah is unsure at first, mumbles about getting home before his mum gets annoyed. But Aaron is quick to reassure him, firing off a text to Charity to let her know what’s happening (and he tries not to get angry when it takes her nearly two hours to respond).

By the time they’re three games in, Noah has lost all sense of shyness. Hyped up on coke and popcorn, playfully bantering and laughing with Liv as they battle it out over the game. Aaron had beaten Robert, but then been crushed by Liv, who stayed on as the winner, but Aaron doesn’t mind because it allows him a few minutes to lean back on the sofa, curling into Robert slightly.

“You’re really good with him.” Aaron tells him quietly.

Robert looks surprised, and a little bit embarrassed.

“It’s only homework. He’s a clever kid, he just needs a bit of a confidence boost sometimes.” Robert whispers back.

“Still, it’s obvious that it means a lot to him. And it means a lot to me too, that you take care of my family…” Aaron trails off, didn’t mean to get this emotional.

Robert just smiles, and kisses Aaron’s temple.

“Oi soppy git, you’re up” Liv’s loud voice bursts their little bubble. She tosses her Xbox control into Robert’s lap. He slides down onto the floor to play the victorious Noah while Liv, ever the sore loser, drowns her defeat in a bag of Doritos.

And if it ends up being late when Aaron walks Noah back to the Woolpack that night, the excitable glow in his cheeks makes it more than worth it.

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

1st September 2017

Friday! The end of week 3. We totally got this - only 10 more to go! We need to really start planning our East Coast trip but Mel is doing it as we speak (type? read?) so I'm waiting for tips and tricks from her before we book anything. We're unsure whether we want to hire a camper van and drive down ourselves or to get a Bus pass and book hostel accommodation. It's going to be fairly expensive either way but so worth it! We got up and ready for work. We allow ourselves an extra half an hour lay-in because we don't need to make lunch. Shame that we both woke up at 0535 naturally... What a pain in the behind! We had to jump into B3 today which is not our normal van. We go in B2. The B3 is for the sea farm workers but they've finished. The van itself drives better and has much more power, and a radio! But the backpackers have made it quite a state. Broken glass bottles everywhere, beer cans, packets of food and bottles of what not all over the floor. The smell was a mix between seafood and sick. We all couldn't wait to get into work to get out of the van. We got out of the puke machine and saw that there were only 5 trailers left to do because we done so many yesterday. A trailer is carries heaps of banana branches on and we can do about 8 trailers in one hour. We would have all 5 done in one hour easily. We can't be cleaning for nearly two hours because there isn't that much to do. Hopefully we'll get sent home early! We did end up finishing the bananas by 0830 and there was loads of bananas left. Tristan said we had enough for the order so we had to throw away the rest! What!?  Throw perfectly good bananas away? I'm not having that. I hate wastage. One of the Chinese girls ended up crying because we had to throw out loads - I have no idea why she cried, but maybe she's sensitive, more so than me (which I thought was impossible). We all boxed up the bananas and put them aside to take home. We're allowed one box a week to take which is great. You can only take the ones that can't be sold though, so the ones that are too big, too small, have weird marks on or have 3 bananas in one skin. It's all cosmetic. I took my box into the plant room and sprayed it with a spray that makes them ripen quicker. Mine should be ready in about 4-5 days. I have 16kg of bananas so I'll let anyone have some. We're not going to be able to eat them all. It's dangerous. I put my box next to our bag in the break area and went back to work. Time to clean. We done all the cleaning that we need to do around our area by 0900. Tristan came around and sent most people home. He didn't send Steve or I home and we had to stay until 1040. Why? Why? Why? I was the only girl left out of all the backpackers which was rubbish. Luckily, Maggie was still in. Maggie is a local girl that's married to one of the lads - Matt, that works in the shed. She's only just started working there but Matt has worked there for 4 years. Maggie is an Aboriginal girl, 23 years old and lives here with Matt. The rest of her family are still in PNG (Papua New Guinea). It must be really difficult being Aboriginal because they're so unbelievably racist. It's really big in Queensland to only call them by the 'N' word and treat them like rubbish. I hate it. Aboriginal history (and present) is actually very sad. There are massive gaps between aboriginal people and Non-Aboriginal people in things like education, housing, health and employment. In 2012, the life expectancy of an aboriginal person was about 10 years less than a Non-Aboriginal person. There are loads of people out there that are trying to help change the way aboriginal people are viewed, but Australia is very far behind in the 21st century. Aboriginal people weren't allowed the right to vote, weren't allowed citizenship rights and they were also not counted in the census. Things have changed over time and things are still changing. Hopefully, in years to come, they will be viewed differently. After all, there's a vote happening at the moment about allowing same sex marriage. It's all over the radio and TV except they are saying "We don't want same sex marriage. Vote NO!". Fingers crossed Australia changes for the better soon. I spent the next couple of hours with Maggie talking about her life and mine. We ran out of jobs in the shed so we were sent outside to pick up all the rubbish on the floor. I like being outside so I wasn't bothered. I also hate litter so if anyone has to pick it up, I'd rather just do it. After that, we had to clean all the sinks and the freezer. Tristan said to do these jobs very slowly... Which was easier said than done. There were two of us and we were bored as anything. Mind you, it was very nice being able to move around and not do the same job over and over. Maggie invited me out on the weekend to Wallaman waterfalls with a few of the work girls for a swim and a BBQ. It did sound really good but I had planned on having a lay in and a relaxing weekend doing nothing. I had my heart set on it. The girls would be heading off at 0900 tomorrow morning and I just couldn't be bothered. I would need to go and buy BBQ food too which I wouldn't necessarily need normally. Lucia was going too and she grates on me. The weather for tomorrow is meant to be raining too which would make the trip rubbish. We told Tristan at 1000 that we had finished everything. He gave us a knife each and we had to sit on the box machine and scratch all the glue off the rollers. The rollers were metal and it's just where the finished boxes are moved down on. It was the worst job in the entire world because of the noise it made. We were scratching metal on metal. It was like pulling nails down a chalk board. I had goose bumps the whole time. I've even got them again now thinking about it. I decided that I was finished by 1030. We just sat there chatting away. Tristan was chatting, too. He even let us go 5 minutes early which was nice. Steve came over and asked what I was doing because he had finished his cleaning jobs. He had a go at getting the glue off the rollers but I took the knife off him. I couldn't deal with the noise any longer. Steve had loads of jobs to do, including going out and washing the tractors. The bell went and home we went. Weekend time! I carried my box of bananas and put them outside of my room. Hopefully by next week, they will be ripe enough to eat. I was thinking at work earlier, that the bananas we cut and packed on our first week, will now be in stores being sold! What a weird thought. Steve was told what to look out for on the bananas to know when they're from our farm, but he forgot. I jumped into the shower and got dressed. I had some strawberries and yoghurt to eat for lunch, even though it wasn't even 1100. At around 1200, Betty put on the group that they were going over the park to play cricket if anyone wanted to join. We have a big Facebook messenger group for everyone here at the hostel which is really useful. Steve and I got dressed and joined everyone for cricket. We got to the park and we ended up playing rounders. There were 11 of us and two of the lads were captains. Now, I have never felt my heart drop so much in my life. I realised that they were picking names, not anonymously. I literally stood there and said to myself "Nobody is going to pick the big girl for their team". I was gutted. I was stood there, last to be put on a  team, as expected. I was also offered to the other team which really, really hurt my feelings. It's a very school thing to do and feel but I had never been picked last like that before. It actually was one of the most embarrassing things I have ever felt in my life. I got over it and we started playing. We batted first and got to 20. We decided to retire after that and change over. The other team got to about 7. We changed teams again and then played another game. We batted second and fielded first. I was the bowler which was quite fun to be fair. I caught a few people out which was fun, as did Steve. We were on the same team both times. When we were batting, Steve and I were the last two remaining in and we had to get the whole way round to continue. We were knackered by the end of it. We all laid down on the grass, knackered as anything. A few people kept asking me why I was so red and sweaty. We are all very aware that I am unfit and haven't been able to do exercise or gym since we were home. I don't know why they ask questions when they know the answer to it? Clearly, I'm unfit. Steve went off with the lads to play football and I laid in the sun. Some went off to Annie's Kitchen to get food but I wasn't hungry.  The lads came back over and said it was too hot to do anything. They were all sweating. Steve and I left to walk back as I was still quite sad about what happened earlier, as silly as it seems. We got back to the hostel and I went into my room and cried. I don't know why it upset me so much but I was hugely embarrassed. Steve laid with me and said I was being silly. He told me not to worry and we'll be home soon so I can go back to Slimming World. 

I had another shower and made us some lunch, late lunch. We made scrambled egg, with spinach (of course) in a wrap which was actually really delicious. Everyone was getting showered to go to the entertainment room to drink for the night. I sat on the bed after my shower and I felt dead. We were both too tired to do anything. I ended up falling asleep until around 2000. I told Steve that I wasn't going to be able to get up and go drink. He agreed and turned the light out for me. I was gone for the rest of the night.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Worth leaving your park for? Carly: fun Carly: he likes you more but its k cuz so do i Ali: nah Ali: he was so 😍 for the whole sitch I thought he might genuinely explode on sight Ali: it was fun tho, you were so good Carly: that would've been disappointing Carly: he was better than i thought hed be Carly: lads that cocky dont usually come through Carly: youre always good Ali: yeah, i'll give him that Ali: obviously overhyped himself but all lads do Ali: worth it to see my baby work it Ali: and i hope not 😉 Ali: though u can tell my Ma that, get me off the hook, like Carly: not just lads me too Carly: never seen you play someone like that before tho Carly: we gonna try this on caleb next or Carly: she scares me more than your ex but still would Carly: for you my baby Ali: how can you, you're perfect Ali: i know, crossing lads but not each other back then, babe Ali: not mad, not exactly my finest hour but wouldn't hate having met you sooner Ali: idk if it'd work on him Ali: he's not as dumb as Drew, bless him 😘 Ali: felt weird being at his house, woulda died if any of them had come back, like 😂 Ali: never mind my Ma, have you ever seen his? Carly: you're too sweet Carly: i kno cuz you wanna treat him nice like you do me Carly: not how you did drew hot as that was tho Carly: nah thats the first time ive been there & mas w sons give me space like Carly: sorry we should have brought him back to here my bad Ali: blah shut up 😏 Ali: obvs I wanna ride him too but idk Ali: gives off #loyal vibes to me so probs not a goer Ali: Well you know, had to show you what a real girl on girl on boy threesome was all about, boo Ali: nah, it added to the experience Ali: whatever it was, it wasn't boring Carly: i kno that he gives off 😍 for you Carly: & you like him Carly: catch you in his room collecting hair or w ever to put a spell on the boy Carly: when you could just do it the easy way Carly: aw never boring when im w you girl Carly: youve shown me a lot Ali: There's definitely attraction but I don't really know him Ali: Only see some people at parties, he's one of 'em Ali: like you said, we didn't properly SEE each other 'til now, did we? same kinda vibe Ali: my rep proceeds me 💀 Ali: where's the fun in easy? Ali: besides, I'm with you, and you're so fucking cute Ali: who else I need Carly: k but if you want him to see you you've gotta get out there Carly: if you can turn me you can make him forget your rep Carly: got the magic baby you kno Carly: you're cuter Carly: making me blush Ali: you're right Ali: work on being MORE extra Ali: the world ain't ready 😉 Carly: me either Carly: you're also so hot Carly: unfair Carly: if you get more Ali: baby Ali: making me miss you already Ali: that's what's unfair Carly: can i be at yours later tho Carly: my parents are fighting about me & think idk Carly: bitch its a caravan Ali: That's fun Ali: about parenting styles or? Ali: Of course you can Ali: I share a room with Ro though remember, so, best behaviour Carly: ha Carly: theyve got no flair Carly: about to throw this washing up bowl at my ma as my contribution to the convo Carly: shit i forgot Carly: maybe i shouldnt come over then Ali: trying to think of a witty one-liner for when you do Ali: all i've got is 'this convo is as dull as dishwater' lemme workshop it, hold fire boo Ali: nah, please come Ali: lmao, flashbacks to Drew there but forreal Ali: we can sleep on the sofa if needs Carly: lads are so funny Carly: i thought he was gonna cry w he thought we'd changed our minds Carly: good stash tho Carly: only reason my ma still running her mouth about me Carly: well zen Ali: another night crywanking Ali: gutting Ali: yeah, and you see all that fancy shit in his room, clearly on his big badman hype Carly: cant ever bring him here Carly: never hear the end Ali: gonna have trouble keeping him away now, babe Ali: 💦 Carly: only if youre here Carly: you speak the local lingo yea? Ali: Gabh mo leithscéal? Ali: 😏 Carly: wtf Carly: you could've just said yea babe Ali: could've but i'm a showoff Carly: cant act like i dont love it now Ali: can but it'd be a blatant lie Ali: right tongue workout, Gaelic, like Carly: thatll be why you bothered & i never Carly: very gay of you Ali: odds already stacked against me being 50% scum Ali: had to do what i could, babe Carly: help me out then Carly: my da's trying to start a fight w ronan's da who dont even speak english Carly: funny or fucked that he thinks thats where i go Carly: guaranteed his da is calling me a slag while my dad does the same Carly: ha Ali: 😒 Ali: fight for your honour or gtfo Ali: So stupid Ali: want me to rock up translator cum where you've been wasting your time? Carly: i told em all ive been too busy having 3ways w you & the golden god but they aren't having it Carly: gonna have to give you all a show, am i lads that aint what you want da but its what ill do k Carly: walking away before they start kissing themselves Carly: the tension Ali: Oh, middle-aged straight men Ali: never far away from a crisis or homoerotic awakening Ali: Join the club Carly: grab another beer lads itll be alright Carly: im not knocked up or running off with your lad Carly: do wanna get out of here tho Ali: Oh he is not potential baby daddy material at all Ali: Please Ali: come over or you wanna go somewhere else Ali: think my Da is firing up the BBQ, another staple of manliness Ali: sure we can keep him from brawling and strictly on the burgers tho Carly: who is Carly: get me on the ferry before you get me down the aisle Carly: k im walking Carly: keep me company babe Ali: valid Ali: benefits of being a gay is no awkward hush hush trips to England Ali: of course Carly: if only my parents believed i like you Carly: get back to slagging me off for other shit Carly: irish at me again. i liked it Ali: Bit offended, like, have you seen me guys? I'm a sensation Carly: i dont think they know who you are sorry Ali: Tá tuillte agat ar fud an domhain, Carly Walsh Ali: at least I can dramatically ask 'em then and really fucking mean my shock horror Carly: if you don't live on site you don't exist Carly: do i need to be offended at what you're saying about me in that gay tongue twister Ali: everyone got their own bubble Ali: i found out the world extends beyond the end of my street tho but you do you lads, it is easier that way Ali: tho not safer, ask ginge 😈 Ali: i hope not Ali: was nice, promise Carly: i wanna see more of it than this Carly: like you said wheres the fun in easy Carly: shit yea shes your ronan like Carly: she gonna show herself at the bbq Carly: i believe you, you don't kno how to be anything else to me even if you should Ali: You will Ali: Make sure of it Ali: I've shown you the stars, gonna show you the wonders on this world too, scout's honour Ali: omg, so is Ali: although she doesn't occasionally come by when she's horny Ali: so we're safe Ali: she'd never trust me serving her a bevvy, like 🧙‍♀️ #witchesbrew Ali: why should I? don't be telling me what to do woman 😜 Carly: maybe she should Carly: she might be less sad and mad once she's had a ride w you Carly: you gonna play like you don't like it now Carly: just in the bedroom k hear you Ali: I'll put it out there Ali: get ready to cover my bruises this time Ali: 😏 Ali: time and a place, baby Carly: if you're showing her what real magic is she can't be mad Carly: but if she is she can go through me i got you girl Carly: wont beat me a second time like Ali: my lil million dollar baby Ali: into it Carly: your sister would be too Carly: not in the same way but would get her on side Ali: she's so on side Ali: now she knows you ain't tryna be my bosom bud like that Carly: she still dont vibe w me tho Carly: i kno it wasnt just that Ali: she's just shy, don't worry Ali: no one out here you need to impress but me and i already am Carly: what about your ma and da Carly: i kno they arent shy Carly: how do you want me to play that Ali: just be you you don't gotta do anything more or less baby Carly: im scared Ali: you don't have to be, I swear, Ma's not as bad as she 👀 and my Da's a big softie Ali: you can just come as my friend, they aren't gonna pry Carly: k Carly: i trust you Carly: itll be fun yea Ali: s2g Ali: you can meet Tommo, you'll like him Ali: and your fave will be dying for your attention, obvs Carly: mystery boy Carly: is he hot like your other brothers Ali: i'm not gonna confirm or deny 'cos bit weird Ali: also potentially rude if I nah it 'cos I reckon he ain't your type Ali: I cannot promise hot brothers making an appearance but you might get 🍀 Carly: hot sister then Carly: I dont mean my fangirl but the older one Ali: package deal with the freckly one Ali: not rock, weirddd Ali: but see, so ready with the compliments they're gonna 💚 u Carly: he's hot too Carly: & you kno i think the littlest is such a cutie Carly: but i dont wanna compliment anyone but you Ali: I'm not gonna complain about that Carly: better not cuz im almost at yours Carly: its too hot to turn around & walk back Ali: yay! Ali: lemme come get you Ali: i wanna kiss you before we have to be social Carly: i want you to kiss me whenever you feel like it Ali: might just take you up on that Carly: do cuz it means i can too Ali: deal 💚

[meetingmuppets]

CATFISH BLOG

“If they seem too good to be true they probably are”

The meaning of Catfish

Wikipedia

lure (someone) into a relationship by adopting a fictional online persona.

BLOG

 So, I decided a few weeks ago to dip my toe back in pond of the dating world, I‘d had a 6 month break, done a lot in that time, joined diverse social groups, learnt African dancing, Drumming, Kizomba, Meditation, all kinds of weird stuff really,   Met lots of great new people and did lots of socialising but never came close to meeting that special someone.  I‘d had the time to get over the trauma of last year’s dating and was ready to throw caution to the wind,

Unfortunately, what started as a dipping my toe in the pond turned into the biggest Tsunami dating disaster I ‘ve ever had, I found the worst type of guy no woman should ever have to experience, to sum it up in one word  I met “ CATFISH’

As I am writing this blog there are some common words I know I am likely to use and In order to make reading this blog easier I am putting some abbreviations in place for these words to stop repetition

CF The guy (never got his real name so I will just call him CF – Catfish)

AB Absolute Bollocks -referring to most stories he told me 

ABR Alarms Bells ringing

PAP Psychotic and Paranoid – referring to me and my frame of mind ie whenever I questioned his stories which were not adding up I was made to feel like I was crazy, and was imagining everything. :”Babe why you being so paranoid and negative, you need to chill… “

Anyway I found this guy on Tinder (oh no not Tinder I hear you moan) Yes Tinder, Advantages – free, quick and easy to use, Disadvantages – a hunting ground for catfish, you can float around in cyberspace with no digital footprint so hard for anyone to catch you if you are on there for anything other than a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that Tinder is also used as a cheap hook up at the end of the night, based on finding someone in close proximity to you.  I do not judge anyone who is into extra marital affairs.  What does piss me off in the dating world is not declaring what you are on the site for (or downright lying that you are single and after a relationship which is clearly not the case.)  Like for example POF (Plenty of Fish) you can opt for a Relationship or admit you are not after a Relationship – just after a bit of fun. It easy, just click the option you want.   

  As long as you are open and honest that’s fine.  But when you are lying about your situation and making out you are single when you are actually married that’s when it becomes a nightmare for the other person, who is using the site for serious purpose. 

So back to my CF story.

I noticed since I last used Tinder there was now a new added feature to help you find someone quicker rather than having to go through the cumbersome process of getting a Match.  THE SUPERLIKE BUTTON

Just to explain a bit about SUPERLIKE, if you know about Tinder, you will know that if you like the look of someone’s profile you swipe left and if you no likey you swipe right.  However the Match process only happens if that person also sees your profile and happens to swipe left also.   It can take weeks for that to happen, it may never happen and I don’t have time to wait around! However, the Super Like button bypasses all of that waiting game.  If you Super Like someone, they get an instant notification, they see your profile and if they accept you, IT’S A MATCH  Get your coat lad you’ve pulled!!

You only get one SuperLike a day, you can pay for more if you want, but believe you me, with the PondLife you get on Tinder, one Superlike a day is more than enough. I decided to use my Superlike Power when I did surprisingly find a guy I liked the look of.   Hit the button and yippee within 10 minutes he liked me back, we had a Match.

Indeed The Superlike button has great powers, but with great powers comes great responsibility

I opened his message to a very excited ‘I am so happy that you have chosen me, I have read your profile and you seem the perfect kind of woman I am after’…!!

Well that was flattering,

I responded and we swapped numbers and started to text, they was a lot of banter and I decided he had passed the first test (the Text Banter) and we started to discuss meeting up for the FIRST DATE.

I must admit I do not have time to text and email guys for weeks and weeks,  I prefer to just arrange a meet up pretty quickly and decide over a quick drink if I like them or not.  Which is probably my downfall as I do not research the person I intend to meet or ask many questions.  As long as they have a decent job, and can make me lol on a text message that’s about the only criteria I need initially.

Anyway the date was set up that weekend, a Saturday afternoon in a beer garden.  I got there first got myself a glass of wine and when he turned up I was not disappointed, nice to look at, Well dressed, easy on the eye, Dapper clothing,  Tick, Tick Tick.

We chatted about a lot of interesting topics, he told me about his job, he was a trainee solicitor for Immigrants.  He helped people stay in the country who arrived here with no paperwork from war torn countries. 

Said he found his job very rewarding.

Spoke about his high morals and that he would never go out and sleep around with different women, his church values would not allow it.  He was a one woman man.

He then had to cut the date short because he said he had a church meeting in his local community about supporting immigrants.  (BTW All of the above turned out to be AB)

I did query before he left the fact he had De-matched me on Tinder pretty quickly which was a bit strange.  The ‘De- Match button’ is when you are matched with someone but then change your mind.  By ‘De matching them’ you are throwing them back into Cyber space so you are not connected anymore on Tinder and it’s a strange thing to do if you are planning a date with someone.  You tend to keep them there,  as a sweet reminder of how lucky you were in the first place to be matched with that person.

He said that he had 14 other Superlikes on Tinder (That is a lot – I get 1 Superlike a year) and all the women’s profiles were cluttering up his inbox.  And he decided he liked me the best out of all of them, and wanted to see me,  so he did not need them anymore. 

I left my date feeling quite uplifted, but also sensing this guy may not be all he seems.  Did I really believe he had deleted 14 Superlikes (including mine) before he even met me??

Anyway, having both accepted the first date was a success, the second date was set for a drink and meal the week after at my local.   He came to my house first of all with a present, 2 bottles of my favourite Red Wine, he certainly knew how to impress.  I did pour out a lot of my insecurities to him as well as the wine, my previous dating disasters, men promising everything but giving nothing, the ghosting horrors.  He said he would never ghost Me, that he could see us together in a year and if anyone was going to end it, it would be me.  That he could really see us in a long term relationship. 

  WARNING

“ If they say that they care about you and they act like things are getting serious after only a short amount of time, you might just have met a catfish”

When we later had a meal, he did mention he had a bad and serious allergy to prawns, I joked that if he wronged me I would come to his house and sew prawns in his curtains.

By 11pm the date was ready to end, and at this point he mentioned ringing a taxi to see his brother (ABR).

At this point I immediately sensed he was lying I mean why would you have to meet up with your brother or to go to his house at this time of night???.  I tried not to be PAP and instead joked about the fact he was going to meet another woman

Being a polite host I then offered to ring him an UBER which he accepted. 

Now my main reason here apart from the fact I love the UBER magic of a taxi turning up within 1 minute of ordering it, is because UBER tracks the journey and saves you a record of the exact journey taken.  (I am not sure he knew this, so this was to my advantage).  If he was lying to me as to his whereabouts I was going to find out.

When he got in the taxi I poured a glass of wine, and sat down to watch his journey home, SAD I know, but I wanted to see if he was really going to the place he said he was going.  The taxi ride home took about `10 minutes and did go to the area he said,  although I am pretty sure at some point there was 3 minutes stop at the University.

That was a bit strange, had he picked someone up another woman perhaps???? (PAP).

Reassured myself it was just the bottle of wine making me a bit squiffy, as soon as he got out the taxi (Yep you can even tell that) he text me to say goodnight and rest assured there is no woman here.  All ok, went to bed feeling relatively happy.

What a difference 24 hours makes. 

Saturday

I woke up the next day and looked at my phone. Now for the past week or two CF normally sent a good morning Text but there was nothing. Never mind, sure he is still in bed I thought   I went to Whatsapp to text him good morning.  Half an hour later I went to check he had got my message to see it only showed one grey tick (undelivered) which was strange, he tended to respond really quickly.  In addition his timestamp and picture had gone. 

I did not panic too much as sometime I remove my timestamp if I don’t want to get back to people quickly but I still felt uneasy.  Had he blocked me?  Surely not. . ???

Just to make sure I was not blocked I called him, he picked up straight away and said he was sleepy and I would call me back.  I did question ‘Have you blocked me on WHATSAPP??”.  Did not want to sound PAP but felt the need to ask.  He assured me he had not blocked me “No, I do not have Wifi here that is all, I am not online I will call you as soon as I get up”

17:00 I had still not heard, and I was really feeling a bit annoyed.  There was something not right here, call it my instincts I just knew.  My jovial morning message was still not delivered and according to ‘4 steps as to how to tell if you are defo blocked on WHATSAPP’, I was 90% blocked. 

I decide to confront my fear, I text him and said “There is something not right here and I know you have blocked me, I have a really bad feeling about this”

Two minutes later he called, assured me again he still did not have WI FI and had not blocked me.

Said he knew I was going out that evening and that was why he had not called.   I was not really convinced but I was getting ready to go out and just decided to put my PAP thoughts behind me and enjoy my evening.  He even text me saying “stop being so negative about this, lol you are so paranoid”

  Sunday

By Sunday afternoon I was getting really annoyed.  More Google Searches about ‘How to know if you are blocked on WHATSAPP were carried out with an additional test you can do to prove 101% if you are blocked (I was 101% blocked) I get a flashing message from Google now– Hey - accept it GAL you ARE SOO BLOCKED, get over it and move on.

And now my phone calls to him were going straight to voice mail. 

Leading to more Google searches ‘How do I know if someone has blocked my calls “If it rings only once and goes straight to voicemail you could be blocked”

The test to check this for certain– ring immediately after from another different phone and if it rings as normal then that will prove you are 100% blocked.

 I did the TEST and now know that I am 100% blocked from calls !!!.???

Hours and hours of Google and Quora searches about whether or not I am blocked from calls and messages were started to take their toll.  

By Sunday evening I was tired, confused and at the end of my tether. I wearily sent him a text, ‘I’ve had enough, you are lying to me, I don’t want to see you anymore”

CF- “Well you certainly made your mind up about me, I told you that you would be the one to end it “

Me  (annoyed at his smugness)  Texting – “You were obviously fully aware of how untrustworthy you are and knew you would let me down”. 

Me - Looking up at the unfinished bottle of RED WINE

Texting back “And the irony of this “The bottle of Wine has lasted longer that you have “

CF - LOL

 Monday,

Spent morning feeling a bit miserable about the fact it was over, without me even knowing the truth.

11.00  - WHATSAPP text appears suddenly his profile and time stamp are all back.  He asks if we can talk.  I agree (not sure why) and when he calls later he says again that I am imagining it all and being paranoid. 

And still insisting he has no reason to block me.  That he reinstalls his WHATSAPP for certain reasons and that must be causing the problems.  I argued my point and all my research on WHATSAPP and the 4 ways to discover you are blocked,  to which he says   ‘What are you, an FBI agent or something??”

For the next two hours I start to question my own sanity, maybe I wasn’t blocked, maybe his ex- girlfriend has synced his computer and is messing with his head, maybe there is a  WHATSAPP fault just between our two phones that is causing this ????

15.00 I check my WHATSAPP again and cannot believe it

He has blocked me again.

17.00 I wanted the truth now, CODE RED.    I was not going to rest until I get it.

I decide to ring him but know I am blocked.  Another Google search -How to adjust my phone settings so he does not know it is me calling.

It shows me a video how to hide my profile ID so when it called him it says private number.

I did this and make the call, and he immediately picks up (GOTCHA)

When I say ‘Hi its me’ I can tell he is not sure who he is speaking to, his brain was frantically trying to work out which out his 14 Tinder Matches he was dealing with.  

I could hear music in the background from his TV but he started spluttering he was in a shop and could not speak, muttered some rubbish about trying to call me all day and would call me back when he got home. The lines goes dead. 

Right, am done with this, I am really angry, the fear in his voice when I called confirmed there was a secret here. I will use my own detective skills to work out what the hell is happening.

I go through my phone and all the pictures he had sent me to try and get some clues about him. When we first matched,  he sent me about 20 pictures of himself, some pictures are beside his house some are beside his car (of which I can partly see the registration plate).  Along with the address from UBER I am pretty sure I can find this man, hunt him down and expose the truth.  I start to get excited, I know what I can do, I can buy some prawns, find his street his car and dump them all around it.  I have a long conversation about this with my friend, who seeing me on the verge of a meltdown says she will get her boyfriend to drive me there.

I then worry this may be extreme, I don’t want the police involved after all.

And then I have another idea,  I think back to our conversations and remember he told me the club hangs out most weekends, it is in a certain area of Leeds and it’s a club one of my girlfriend goes to, maybe if I send her his pic she will recognise him?? Lightbulb moment 

I send her a text

 Me “Hey how you doing, I think I ve been CATfished and there is a chance you may know him, he goes to the same club as you, if I send you his Pic can you have a look?”

Her: OMG did he take your money?

Me “God NO” (you can have a go at taking my heart and my mind but I am a Yorkshire girl, you aint getting my money that’s for sure)

Her “Ok send me the pic”

I then sent her one pic to identify him and as I was about to send her picture no 2 in case picture number 1 was not clear enough I could see her typing back, Message flashes up :

YEAH I know him

 OMG I was about to get my answers,

I nervously rang her and told her I had been dating him

Is he single I asked – “No he is married ” (Bugger, slightly freaked out at this point, but to be honest I not overly surprised)

Is he a Solicitor I asked, “No he is unemployed” she laughs (I am quite upset about this revelation. More so than being married, all those conversations about those immigrants he saved and text messages saying he was at the Crown Court defending them (AB)

Does he have a Car? I ask, - No that must be his wife’s car.

Is his name “CF”     “No that’s not his name “she said.

Does he live in LS….. I ask, NO he lives in LS…..  (the address she confirms where he lives is the address I have got him the UBER too)

With a sinking feeling I realised my £8.50 taxi fare had taken him back to his marital home

  Apart from being shocked and sickened by my new found knowledge I also felt slightly euphoric.  I had managed to get all my answers without even leaving the house,  I did not have to get my friends boyfriend to drive me round his estate whilst I wear a headscarf and dark glasses and then sprinkle prawns all around his car, trying to avoid any CCTV.  I had brought him down in 48 hours, years of guys lying to me was finally starting to pay off, I now knew the signs and how to reel them in.

Lady Detective Agency here I come. YEAH

So what do I now do with my new found knowledge?

I decided immediately I wanted him to know that I knew.  To make him sweat a bit that I had knowledge that could damage him.

Still feeling slightly euphoric and well as a bit nervous, I decided to leave a voice message

When it clicked to Voice Mail my message started, (I really should have prepared more for this.)

I had not meant it to sound threatening but it went into  a creepy and strange Liam Neeson mode ( I know who you are, I know where you live and when I find you I will….)  No,  I did not want to threaten him, he knows where I live after all.

So half way through I changed my tone to a more upbeat and preppy, ‘I do not intend to take this further, you disgust me and I just feel sorry for your wife’ I HANG UP.

I slept really well that night, there is something about knowing you were right all along that fills you with a sense of calmness, all my worry about the fact I was turning into a PAP girlfriend was not the case, I was right all along.

CF did call me the next day, no doubt having received my strange voice message.  I picked up quite intrigued as to how he was going to worm his way out of this one and if he was bricking it a bit, WHAT DO YOU WANT I said?  In my creepy voice.

There was an uncomfortable pause as he cleared his throat.

“Errmmm”, I just wondered, he said, “If your new found knowledge has changed our friendship/relationship””????!!!!!!!    

OMG was he frigging kidding me  “You mean the fact you are married and unemployed “ I retorted???”

After a few expletives, I confirmed I wanted nothing more to do with him. 

He then said he was disappointed that I had sent his private photos on to other people, said he found that very disrespectful!!!!!   That he would never disrespect me by showing my photos around.   (So I am the one disrespecting him now!!!!???)))  How do guys have a habit of turning things around when they are in the wrong, making us to be the bad guy????????.

I mean Dude- you disrespected me the moment you put your dodgy Catfish Profile out there and then accepted my Tinder request.   I thought I was seeing a single solicitor, I had in fact met an unemployed, married, sick Fantasist. 

After a few long awkward pause it then got to point where there was nothing left for either of us to say and I just told him he disgusted me and hung up.

I have not heard from CF since, but I did feel worried about the 14 other Tinder Matches he was involved with, they should not have to go through this.  I feel a need to protect them.

I decided to send a strong worded email to Tinder about the type of men that are using their website and gave as many accurate details about him as I could.  (Well his phone number which was about the only thing that I did have on him, that was not false)  I also had his Postcode thanks to UBER. 

To be fair Tinder did take it seriously and said they would launch a full investigation.  24 hours later they confirmed they had dealt with it, but for privacy reasons they could not disclose what happened.  I have no idea what they did, hoping they took him down and took action to ensure he does not prowl on their site again.

Moral of this story – apart from the fact there are many dishonest people on these websites, always trust your gut instincts, if something does not feel right, there is a good chance that it is not.   If a relationship seems hard work in the very early stages, it is probably not meant to be.

“If it walks like a Duck and Quacks like a Duck, it is a Duck.”

I did read last year about a woman who wanted to make Catfishing illegal having been involved with a married man for over a year who was in fact leading a double life. 

At the time I found this amusing but I do see now how woman can deem this act to be a crime, you are left feeling very raw and violated. 

You can just as easily meet a guy in the outside world who lies and cheats, you can hardly make it a crime, where does one draw the line?

Maybe Dating websites should have more controls in place to prevent people lying on their site in the first place, getting them to fill in some kind of honesty disclaimer, and making it very clear that there is a report button is anyone abuses the intentions of site.   Persuading people to be honest about what they are after rather than tricking people.  We need to take more action to make it harder for these douch-bags to get onto these sites in the first place.

In the meantime I will carry on with the dating lark I will not be defeated by my Catfish. You will not break me, “Come and have another go guys if you think you are hard enough”…..

I now have the skill and experience to bring you down in 48 hours, I may not tell you wife, but you can be 100% guaranteed that a very uncomfortable voice message and then an even more uncomfortable blog may be coming your way…….