#i like genuinely worry about when i move out because theres like 4 ppl that fucking watch her through the blind from the smoking patio

[moodycarcass]

I am going to start killing people in my apartment complex if my mom gets cat called while walking the dog one more time be fucking normal about women you disgusting little pervert

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[minblush]

Youre one of the only fans I know that really makes me think “deep” haha. There would be times where I wouldnt want to read your opinions not that theyre wrong but because I start feeling negative towards the boys (cos you speak some real af shit) and it makes me feel guilty 🤕 just a weird feeling of disconnect. But I think its healthy to think about these things rather than eating up everything they throw towards us. (1/?)

smoljwimin said:I see fans be so oblivious and fight over petty things when theres actual issues regarding bangtan and BH. Like Alot of them were ok with the nicki issue. If it werent for you voicing it out I wouldve never known there was an issue. Ive never been one to think about these things, I just listen to music and keep it moving but because bts titled themselves as socially aware you cant look past their fuckups. (2/?)

smoljwimin said:Also Idk if its just me but I feel so annoyed when fans call them woke kings haha that to over tiny things. If they wear rainbow coloured clothes then theyre lgbt woke when its their stylists dressing them up and besides yoongi none of them have said anything on it. The list goes on. Regardless of it all, I love the boys and them only so much, like others theyve helped me get (3/?)

smoljwimin said:through my shit so I hope I can disconnect enough where these things stop bothering me but not so much that my love for them dissipate ykwim? Cos idk myself lol. Idk why im telling you this, I just feel like your blog is a good space to share ones opinion *sigh* hope I didnt say anything offensive. xxx (4)

my opinions are just my opinions honestly, i’ve said this many times but i’m just a dumb person with a blog, my opinions aren’t really that deep or anything, i just vent my feelings and i like discussing things with people! i’m a boring person i watch debates in my free time and junk.. but i appreciate that some of my word salad is valuable to you? in some way maybe, if i understand it right haha.. but i’m sorry that there is a feeling of discomfort, like that’s usually connected with cognitive dissonance and i experience it too :( i’m not immune to it… but yeah it’s the same for me.. i’ve stanned idol groups before and i never really held them to such standards because like, they were idols and they were fake and you took what you got, but bts built themselves on the notion that there is more to them, how authentic and genuine they are, socially conscious and outspoken and just real!! so when things happen that contradicts that, it’s just a bit painful, especially if you had believed in them before.. they also helped me through a lot but i feel like i reached the point where i can’t really look past all that stuff as much? i’ve been trying to like re-configure my relationship with them cause i still like them as people and their music, but then this whole issue happened again and it’s just.. hard.. really hard.. and don’t worry, you didn’t say anything offensive and i appreciate you sharing your opinion ;; ♥

Anonymous said:yeah tbh it always made me uncomfortable when people would praise bighit and look up to the company as if they were gods 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ they’re a company and that’s all they are. they care about their business first and foremost. idk i just stan bts and i couldn’t care less about bighit

yeah exactly, i think it’s because both bighit and bts have pushed for this air of family that surrounds them which makes people stan for both the company and the artist, which is what the company wants ofc it makes people more loyal and lenient to managerial mistakes, but yeah, companies by default are there to make money, bighit has shown that really clearly too so..yea

Anonymous said:As someone that was really like.. with them for a while. Almost 3 years starting around I need U I’ve come to a place where I literally can’t be a fan.. like they’ve lost all credibility and sense of just integrity to me. I wonder how u’re still a fan when u see this shit, is it compartmentalizing or? Genuine question btw I’m not judging I just wonder how some bts fans w critical thinking can still have this love for them as a band (not as people- that i get)

i have been with them for a long time too and i agree with you as well, and well yes i have been struggling with this, probably it is compartmentalizing? like for me, i love them as people but now i find it hard to support them as a band or what they stand for cause what is that really? like the day the nicki thing blew up, i got home and took down all my slogans and posters of them and i cried, i was really sad cause that to me was the final nail in the coffin.. and i was gonna stay away from them but also i’m really attached to them and they helped me a lot in my life, i met amazing people thanks to them, and they got me to leave a really toxic relationship after like 7 years of not being able to do so… so to me that meant a lot.. so it’s hard to sever those ties.. it goes very deep for me, ykwim? i like them as people but am hurt and disappointed by what they are as a group these days, right now i wouldn’t say i even stan anymore, casual fan maybe? i just keep an eye on them… kind of hoping that someday things could get better again.. even though it’s naive, i just feel like they are good and talented people.. still somewhere… and that their group and company decisions are bad.. all wrong..

Anonymous said:Dude, you probably have problematic friends too, and either don’t know about it or have forgiven them for whatever stupidity they’ve done in the past that maybe someone else who does not know them is still judging them for. If ppl are unfollowing it’s probably bc they don’t like that rigid and self-righteous world view you are advocating, and pointing fingers at others bc you think they don’t measure up. It is very unpleasant to hear, sorry. Pls reflect instead of faulting others all the time.

false analogy, the rest is an ad hominem fallacy, either way are you really criticizing me for having a strong opinion on things like glorification of pedophilia? mmm well i will continue to do so :) either way if you wanna discuss things critically let me know, i’m always open to discussion and i change my mind easily if new evidence is presented :3

[kyunsies]

hey mädch! how are you? sorry for taking so long to reply. i got a bit sick from overwork and my whole body kind of shut down? it got to the point where i couldn't eat or sleep and i ended up having panic attacks even just thinking about sleeping... like, no matter how well i was doing i just ended up feeling like i'd failed and idk i think i imploded. that big global launch i told you about reached thousands of people but it was like one of four jobs i'm also doing and with those stats idk i got myself so so pressured to keep it up (i'm really scared it'll end up failing tbh) and i think i went overboard with everything until my body decided stopping was the only way for me to stop - so i ended up having to take a week off to just kind to be healthy and alive?

thank you for being so kind as always, because i took time off i guess i ended up replying to my friends to just apologise for being so absent. i'm sure you understand how when you get overworked you can kind of end up just cutting things off and cutting everyone off and i think that happened with me a lot too? idk i think i just want to find a place that's healthier in general?

how is your job going? is it still going well? i hope you've been able to treat yourself with the money you're making as well what new albums did you buy? what shoes? i'm like you though! i get a bit obsessed with saving and i hate seeing my bank balance get too low as well.

i thought my favourite song was heaven but i'm really loving rotate more and more these days. but then i really like secrets... ah, there's no point picking haha! idk how i feel about eshy still working so much with them though. i'm so excited for their next english record cause aal was so good but... eshy? sigh.

i understand you very much - i was feeling like i deserved to be stressed all the time as well but i think that was me and that was kind of why i ended up a bit dead i think. you are so kind and aware and good and i am sure you will do amazing things. like, the fact you have doubts means that you're aware and considerate, and able to really push yourself as opposed to not thinking. one of my teachers used to say that the fact i was doubting meant that i was able to move up as opposed to just stand still so i believe it is the same for you and i am sure you will be able to do things that you want to do. i mean, you think far too well of me but you are so compassionate that i just think it's impossible for you to now succeed in your field! i had an ex who's dad was big in medicine and he used to say the best people in the field weren't like the most flashy or smart (though you are smart for sure) or academic etc but actually the best with people. so i believe in you!

omg ok that has been a whole ass essay!! ahhhhhhhh (sorry!) but <3 i hope you're super good. love you!!

- 💥

HELLO LOVE !!!!! <3 it's been a little while hasn't it ?? it's okay !!! i know u are heaps busy, i'm just happy when i'm able to finally hear from u again <3

oh god hun are u feeling better at least? u overwork urself so much ;____; you are doing so many amazing things, you will never be anything less than a fantastic person u know that right? i know i can't sit here and tell u otherwise bc i feel like we have similar tendencies, like no matter how hard we work or if we get good results we won't settle for it bc we are always looking at a flaw . but i really am proud of all that u do :( i could only dream to be as hard working at u are , i look up to ur work ethic . i hope the panic attacks have gotten a little better tho bc that's not healthy :( you are doing more than enough :( i am so happy u have decided to take a week off tho love really u deserve it after your hours and hours of hard work ;___; truly!! <3 i think everything will go well bc i know u gave it everything, with your dedication i'm sure the project will be just fine okay?

and pls i totally understand what u mean bub .... when things get a lot or even when things aren't so busy sometimes it's just hard you know? there are still ppl i need to message to make sure they know i think about them all the time but like i said last time i want to make sure that all the responses i give to ppl are genuine and not half-assed so i usually dedicate a message for them when i know i'm in a good headspace to answer ;____; but i don't think theres anything wrong with that :( as long as u eventually get back to ppl who care about u i don't think they care about how long it takes for u to get back to them as long as u do it at some point so they know u are still thinking of them :( ppl know ur busy love (hopefully) and they shouldn't look down on u or think of u badly if they understand ur situation <3

my job is going okay love they're re-organizing all of our files tho and i've just been trying to get everything all nice for them bc we're kinda getting rid of the old system and i want everything to be nice and in it's place before i leave to back to my final year of uni :') i've been making good money for me tho and yesterday i treally treated myself with some much needed nice clothes .... i might have dropped $200 hhh which isn't really much but when i buy clothes i tend to splurge on better quality stuff ,,, it's why i don't buy a lot of clothes in the first place LDKFJ bc i know it's going to be expensive whatever i buy :') i ended up only getting version 2 + 4 of the one of a kind albums !!!!!!!! i think i'll order the other ones later, i didn't think i should spend about $100 in one sitting sdlkfskd it just didn't feel right . and i did end up getting the shoes !! i got some nice white leather platform tennis shoes, i'm very happy about the purchase, i've been wearing them everyday :D we really are the same when it comes to spending money i see HHSDLFJLSKDFJ <3

also u are SO VALID about one of a kind lol in the beginning i was like omg rotate rotate rotate but like i said last time my fav is definitely heaven ;____; it is so dang comforting for me idk what it is but i have deemed it my top 3 emotional support mx songs so for me they are now amen, gravity, and heaven <3 AND OH MY GOD i agree with this so hard ...... i'm actually really excited about what mx has in store next ....... i dislike eshy with every fiber of my being but !!!!!! idk i'm always excited what mx has i really don't even care as long as they give them free range that's all i ask ;____; and i know ppl are concerned about them going overboard with working but ...... if they didn't want to do it they don't have to !!! i think they crave making music and i think the more opportunities they get the happier they are . they only get this life once u know !!! why not make the absolute most of it <3 just without eshy lol

and lastly ....... this last part got me right here ;_____; how are u so understanding ...... u know exactly what to say all the time :( i've really have been dreading this last year of uni, i don't feel like i'm ready for this . i'm scared to look for a job, i'm scared no one will want me, i'm scared that i won't be able to work int he NICU like how i want to ;____; i'm scared i'm going to screw everything up . i just want to be a good nurse, i want to finally have some confidence in what i do :( i always get so anxious about this stuff, i have so many classmates telling me just to calm down and that i worry too much so i often think something is wrong with me ..... but i worry bc i care about what i do and i want to do it correctly .. i don't know how to say this but u have given me so much comfort just reading this :( i put u in such high regard bc u work really hard and i can tell u are good at what u do for work !! it's crazy that YOU think I am something to be proud of when u are already out there in the working world, being a really damn good adult and being responsible when i'm just me being so insecure about everything i do and i'm not even graduated yet . i just blows my mind u think of me this way and that in it of itself is just ........................ u are so kind ;____; i hope u realize how good of a person u are and you are just one of those ppl i don't even hav to meet and i just naturally look up to u :( so thank u so much .... i really hope u are able to take care of yourself on this break . and remember i am here any time okay !!!!! no matter how many days pass i am always here happy to hear from u okay?? pls take care, i love u angel !!!!!!!! <3

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 6: “So Many Ways This Could Backfire” - Jennet

JENNET 

so the plan worked out great except jabari said that “now jake will know the truth” in front of daisy and the other tribemates🥺 i was hoping that i could pin this on lindsay so that once we merged i could lie about it and have lindsay be out next before the merge... this is truly sickening idk what to do

(a little later)

feeling really bad... is it my fault that jake forced me into a f3 with jabari who ive barely spoken with??? idk i feel like not only did i betray her but i betrayed a black woman and that makes me sick to my stomach.... hoping that i made the right choice and this propels me further in the game🥺 i honestly hated having to do that but maybe if ethan and sam have tribal connections left, when we merge, maybe we will be able to stick together and he’ll also help connect me

JESSICA

I GOT THE IDOL! It is good for 4 rounds and I still have my vote. And just in time as we are swapping into 3 tribes of 5 like I thought..... wow my psychic abilities! Jabari got voted out at tribal and I'm sad. I didn't know her but I think she was new to orgs and I really wanted to play with her! Plus she volunteered to do the tiebreaker for her tribe so I thought they'd keep her due to that. Time for a swap lets kick this game into gear!

JENNET

hoping jake isnt on the same tribe as daisy or lindsay

(a little later)

also hoping im on a tribe of winners so i never make it to tribal bc i DEFINITELY was/am the weakest link☠️

MIKEY

so. I FUCKING HATE THIS NEW TRIBE. THEY PICKING OFF ALL THE GOOD ORIGINAL CALUMMA MEMBERS AND MY GIRL JABARI LITERALLY JUST LEFT??? FUCK YOU JENNET. I KNOW THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOU! But anyways, its me and jake vs all OG (insert other tribes name) and i think I'm going next lool fuck ME. this is very sad indeed and idk im upset but ima try my mf hardest

JAKE

https://youtu.be/OzrGekDCG8I xoxo gossip girl

JENNET

jones and ethan on my tribe?? *blushes sm*

(a little later)

nervous about this tribe... ive pulled off three blindsides that ive helped orchestrate so if like if someone really wanted to look deeper into it.... they would be able to make a target out of me bc of it. definitely worried

(after cooking a fish)

this is basically an allstar team. everybody on here is a heavy hitter and that makes me worried bc if i wasnt the weakest link before, i definitely am now. wishing we had gotten rid of lindsay instead of jabari bc we just made another team stronger but it is what it is i guess

JONES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbTUvzatQrw

JESSICA

Today's song is "Ribs" by Lorde because I have played it on repeat all morning. Also I forget if I said for my last confessional but that song was "Sober", also by Lorde. Basically I love Lorde and my life is better because of it. This swap worked out super well for me! I really said in my host chat "Could I please be put on a tribe with Shane and Daisy?" and the hosts simply said "Okay". I have my final 3 back together and we also have Lindsay and Lovelis. Lindsay seems really cool so far and Lovelis and I have a good thing going so I feel very confident on this tribe. I really hope we do not lose because honestly? I don't want to vote out Lindsay at all. I like that she is active and she seems like someone who really is putting in effort whereas Lovelis, as much as I like him, just really hasn't been here. I would rather play this game with people who are more active so to me it's like.... Lindsay is absolutely not the obvious vote if we lose. Not even a bit! I'd love to do with her what I did with Mikey and make a separate f2 so that when we merge, she's someone who will keep the target off of me. I didn't tell my alliance about the idol because honestly I just don't anticipate using it at all. It expires so soon and I really only took it so that no one else would end up having it. Also.... I don't know, I didn't tell them right away because I was a bit busy at the moment we swapped and now it feels suspicious if I do tell them? Also who knows, maybe they would not find my story believable and think I have an idol up to final 5 which I just don't want! I'd rather throw the idol into the sea so it causes no problems. This immunity challenge is an interesting one. If I knew what was in the boxes, I would probably bet more, but I bet some of those boxes have bad things or nothing in them and I simply do not want that. If I had to guess, one has the other half to that idol, one probably has an idol clue, another maybe has extra idol searches.... maybe another has an idol nullifier? Or a vote peek? Really none of these are things that I need. They're all cool but I'd rather be immune thanks! As far as how I feel in the game, I really do want the Maples to be f3. I'd rather be at the end with my alliance and lose than flip and be there without them. Ummmm what other thoughts do I have.................... I think that might be it. My mind is empty but I'm still moving forward.

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1L5Nzch65XLD_njxnIxLKwqUs5vqXcYot/view?usp=drivesdk

JESSICA

Also if we lose this immunity....... I'll be mad because I bet 0 on everything and I am STAYING that way!

JENNET

feeling increasingly bad for voting out jabari /:: idk it doesnt sit right with me in the grand scheme of things. obviously its a game but the fact that i genuinely upset somebody to that extent is so sick. idec that we’re going to tribal, i want to be voted out

ETHAN

3 tribals in a row... I don't for a freaking second believe that Jones and Nicol "made a mistake" with their bidding. This feels like throwing, and if it is, it means that: 1. they feel comfortable enough with Jennet to have a majority 2. they feel comfortable enough with Pete to have a majority 3. it doesn't matter anyway, they now have 2 boxes and potentially an idol or two they could use Either way, this is a freaking sucky situation, and Pete is being super sketchy. People keep making bad play after bad play so honestly, it is hard for me because I keep assuming that they will be doing all of these things to throw the wool over my eyes when they actually aren't doing anything.

JENNET

im annoyed im frustrated and im angry... why were so many points used?

(a little later)

here i am... again... in the middle guys vs girls.... um this sucks bc like me ethan pete didnt use alot of points and nicole and jones did so thats like sucky bc initially i wanted pete gone but like now theres no reason for it to be him

(after soaking in the sun)

nicole says that pippa told her to wait to see whats in the box, so that could mean tribal or that could wait next round. or what if its a comeback power? i literally have no idea what to do

(after making a pillow out of leaves)

okay so the plan is, we get to tribal. me ethan and pete vote for nicole. jones and nicole vote for pete. nicole uses immunity on herself, pete goes home. there are so many ways this could backfire and honestly if it sends me home than im okay with that. i just hate going to tribal so many times in a row

MADISON

I AM FREE FROM MY BROOKESIA PRISON. Current tribe dynamic on Furcifer: me/Sammy have been on the same tribe this whole time, me/Sammy/Jake were just on swap Brookesia, and i know Sam from OG Brookesia so the only person i'm just now meeting is Mikey and that stresses me out so much less than if we had merged or something. My gut is telling me that the idol is long gone and searching might just get me annoyed before it gets me an idol. On the upside, i still have time to find one if it's it out there because i highly doubt I'll be in trouble anytime soon the way my tribe keeps winning everything. ALSO: i only said that i thought Calumma would lose because Shane was on that tribe and i just felt like he would go big or go home but that's an issue to address when our paths cross again. If our tribe ends up going to tribal sometime soon, i would hope it would be the obvious choice to vote Mikey seeing as how i know him the least but idk maybe thats wishful thinking i dont want it to come to that.

SAMMY

Mikey has my heart on this tribe....YUP I really just wanna keep all the fun ppl...im missing daisy:// umm I did not bid on a single thing and I kind of regret it but also??? At least I am safe from tribal...but damn I really should have bid huh? Anyways not much is going on...ready to start playing a more individual game tho hehe

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-WUq5wfYK3Xb1Y-KNZptfyagwvSff4cd

NICOLE

I cannot believe I risked being voted out only to NOT BE ABLE TO PLAY NEXT IMMUNITY!!!!!!! what a round, I'm so sad. But I hope I stay.

DAISY

from f15 https://youtu.be/-_meWPNctO0

PETE

it’s literally... dude.. why can’t i just float to a merge whyyYYYYYYYYyyYyYyyyYyYy does it AAAALWAYS have to be so COMPLICATED like this is it this is the time im mufuckin ouutttiiieeeeeee that challenge was clearly thrown so like ✌🏼 it was fuuuun i hope y’all liked me enough to bring me back for whatever the next chameleon returnees thingy is uwu

(after being attacked by bees)

i know i’m paranoid and every tribal i feel sick to my stomach but nobody has talked to me today, except ethan about how fucked we are, it’s half an hour before tribal and no one really seems like they want to work with me. i still haven’t heard a name

TRIBAL COUNCIL

PETE EXIT INTERVIEW

[chaekkung]

o wormie? u? in a lot of love? perfect i don't think i've asked u yet but (if ur free) could u talk about why/how you started loving changkyun/hyungwon (or both :-D) ?? pls ramble as much as u like!! read more exists 4 a reason and . i love reading ppl b soft and in love it's cute!!!!! i love u have a good night/day ! 💛💛

o holy shit thats a lot ok im gonna write about changkyun since i Havent... :( and ill copy pasta one of my hyungwon essays for u to read!!!! the changkyun will be under it :^) this is gonna be Super Long im sorrie in advance LMAO BUT HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT TOO!!!! :D (also theres prob gonna be a lot of typos bc im Dumb but.. bear w/ me)

mister chae:

honestly i don’t even know where to start?? uhh i guess with his looks first since,, this is describing or smthing,, anyways yeah hyungwon is just… fucking beautiful. he has the most handsome and visually attractive face ive ever seen in my whole life??? and i’ve stanned a lot of groups in my past before but hyungwon is honestly one of the best looking man i know :( im not even being biased,,, anyways yeah there’s that. and he’s like naturally a model, i mean he can legit wear anything and do anything and he’ll look like he’s posing for a high end magazine, not surprised if he’s been modeling since he was like, born. also he has the most beautiful and endearing smile and laugh…. when he smiles he really goes from :o -> :D like!! please!! you are too fucking cute,,, :((( he really lights up the entire room solely w his smile im jusT?? wow?? like when his smile lines by the sides of his nose down to the corner of his mouth come out i just,,,, really… need 2 calm my heart. he has like the closed mouth wide smile, and the straight up whole face smile!! and i.. love both.. so much,,, and yeah anyways his lips are like the first thing people notice about him and big mood?? they’re so plump and … kissable.. and soft.. but my favorite feature on him are his eyes tbh…. idk he has really beautiful eyes? idk how to describe it but like, they’re so…. kind? and bright.. it’s just i want to look into them all day long and im just… so in love with his eyes. like,, they really hold all the stars in my universe wtf!!! ��:( OH AND I DONT TALK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH BUT…. HIS EARS ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WTF I WANT A MOLD OF HIS EARS ON MY DESK,,, idk about others but i personally find his right ear cute as fuck?? like the extra folds in his ears.. i would d*e for them………. godksj why is everything about him so cute i just?? want to kno …

ok now im going to talk about him!!! so his personality, is what i really fell in love with,, (god this all sounds so.. cliche. but it’s.. true, also unrelated but every time someone talked about,, love cliches and shit i was always like ‘sounds fake’ but???? after hyungwon i really?? believe in all of that..) if i had to use one word to describe him it would just be ‘kind’… like he!!! is!!! the king of being considerate and compassionate and wonderful and he’s just a really good person.. :( he’s the one you can always count on and lean on. he’d always be on your side and makes you feel safe and comforted,, like he’s really full of love??? even the members said he’s a really good listener and they chose as him as someone they go to when they’re feeling down because he makes them feel better about the situation (god, i wish they were me,,) and he has the most beautiful heart… like, he’s been wearing the Sewol bracelet since as long as we’ve known and he has never missed a day. you can always see it during fansigns, vlives, whenever he’s out, and he even wore it when he was modeling under his clothes… :(( he went from the charm, to the rope bracelet thing, to the clip on and now he’s wearing the wristband!! :(((((( he says he will always wear it to remember the incident, and he has been for over two years… he’s doing it out of the kindness of his heart and not to show anyone… he said he felt so helpless during the time, and watching every thing unfold before him, and has worn the yellow bracelet which symbolizes ‘hope’ :((((((((( god,, real emo hours,,, i love my angel so much wtf !!! ok next,, (sjdhaj at this point im going to write a whole novel wtf but im gonna,, stop soon i swear .) hyungwon is really fucking hardworking and ?? he’s so dedicated to his career and making sure that we, his fans, are always satisfied and proud to stan him.. like he’s constantly saying he will work hard to show us something better next time, that he’s not going to stop trying to improve himself. every single stage he puts his all into it, but he pushes himself even more to show us a even better one. he’s always worried and thinking about his career as an actor and a singer. he wants to promote the group in any way that he can, whether it’s through modeling or acting :(( what a King… he’s… really always striving to do the Best and he won’t ever settle or be content with it because he’s just naturally an ambitious and super hard working person… like. he’s so dedicated to what he does, no matter what it is. uhh one more thing he’s actually a really sentimental guy!! not like in a bad way, but in the best possible way. he’s really sweet, and gentle.. (he would be the Best Boyfriend,,, im just saying..) he’s the type to give handwritten letters… and surprise gifts.. (he said so!!) he said he cant cook but he want to cook for his gf he will try his best and it will be full of love… god.. i wish that were me. he’s the type to keep quiet… but take silently notes on what someone likes/dislikes, and will reveal it unexpectedly with a gift or when he says something and it will! make the other person! so happy! :((( he doesn’t put his emotions Out There, he’s not rlly good at it,, but he honestly has so much love in him,,, he tries his best to show it ok!! it’s,, good effort it’s so cute when he does… ah.. pls.,,, he’s always like ah, i don’t know if i can properly show my appreciation and sincerity for you guys, but i hope you guys know how thankful i am for you. LASDHFJAK GOFD,S,,,, IM FUCKIGN EMO THINKGIN ABOTU IT AGAIN… HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND HE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART I JUST WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT.. :(( HE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND I REALLY HOPE ALL MY LOVE FOR HIM CAN COUNT AS SOMETHING FOR IT ALL.. UGHFJASHJSAALSJF yeah ok let me,,, stop… sorry to everyone who has to scroll past this LMAo,, :(

ok i was gonna stop but i forgot to mention how he’s so fucking talented!! i mean this boy does it ALL. the whole package or w/e. god,, i love my whole ass talented man wtf! he sings, dances, choreographs, models, acts, DJs, is multilingual, and a world class poet,, cmon. ANYWAYS he excels in all those areas nd,, no argument there.. his voice is angelic as fuck ,, just like his personality.. and his dancing.. god,,, like . his dancing his so on point, his every move,, and it’s so.. fluid.. and natural. and it’s harder for tall people to dance esp ones w like long ass limbs (hyungwon.,,) but he still looks fucking amazing and pulls everything off so perfectly????? gofdj,,, can he like . Stop being so…. perfect.. and lovable… :((( he just puts so much passion into everything he does!!! and his heart is pure Gold ,, i just.. love him,,,,,,, everything about him …. ok lmao let me stop !!! if u actually read all this wtf,, im sorry nd i’d die for u

mister changkyun:

okay wtf icb i havent talked about changkyun that much on my blog.... anyways this is gonna be a mess and unorganized bc im Dumb but here goes,,, ok we can start from the beginning kinda,, so originally wonho was my #2 bias and then mh i think like i love changkyun but i wasnt like IN LOVE you kno?? honestly i started to notice him more firstable bc he and hyungwon are so frigging cute together?? i just couldnt ignore it and next thing u know im IN Love w my lil koala :(((( hes sO CUTE ..... LIKE.. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT I REALLY JUST WANNA BE AROUND HIM ALL THE TIME!! his sense of humor and his personality in general is so?? positive?? and fun??!!! like i would spend every second of the rest of my life w him... and he’s so cheesy as we all know ,, and i find it so cute but also he makes me so stressed bc he’s so mushy aijsdgfhdjs but he rlly Love us wtf.. and hes so funnie... he makes me smile and laugh all the time :( and he genuinely Loves every single one of his fans so much... he’s so sweet with them and he makes them feel so loved and special, and like they’re the only person in the world at that moment :(((( this boy gives so much love and i only want to give him a million times more back... 

HIS LAUGH.. OK.. HIS LAUGH!!!!!! MAKES MY HEART MELT LIKE LAVA WTF SJDFUDJS HES SOSOSOSOOS CUTE WHEN HE LUAHGS HE LIKE.. PUTS HIS ALL INTO IT.. IT SLIKE HAHAHAHA FR... PLS,,, ESP WHEN HE GOES CRAZY AND ALSO STARTS CLAPPING,... LMAO MOOD.. HE SOS CUTIEJUJIiajsdfudj and WHEN HE SMILES THE CLOSED-MOUTH-WIDE-SMILE AND HIS CUTE ASS DIMPLES COME OUT.... HOTLT FUCKIDUFD THERE GOES MY SOUL AND GALLONS OF HEART NUT... ITS THE CUTEST SIGHT IN THE WORLD AHHH HIS DIMPLE ARE ADORABLE AND HIS CHEEKS!! I WANT TO SQUISH!!! i wanna . reside in his dimples. build a home there and alll....... omg.. :’(( every time he takes a selfie or smthing i rlly Lose it. every single selfie is his Best selfie. wtf.... king of angles fr... AND KING OF FOOT SELFIES TOOOSJFDK LLISTEN AGAIN HES SOSOOSOSO HANDSOME AND GOOD LOOKING OKAY!!! HES REALLY A VISUAL?? IDK HOW PEOPLE CANT SEE IT BUT LIEK THIS BOY IS F  I  N E ..... HIS FACE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AHHHhhhHHHHH  AND HE NEVER HAD A BAD ERA.. HE WAS HOT SINCE NO MERCY WTF !!!!! UGJFSUJDJS I HOPE HE KNOWS HES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! :( ANF HIS BEAUTIFUL NOSE,, AND HIS EYES!!!! OGM!!,,, GOD AND HIS PERFECTLY SHAPED LIPS.... HSI JAWLINE,,, BITUCSHJ,,,

OK HES SO LOVABLE IN EVERY DAMN WAY LIKE,, he’s Weird but its a cute Weird he’s so special omg there’s really no one else like him :(((( like...... he’s a treasure fr... he’s So Many things and once its hard to pinpoint his personality but like ??? i love it so much?? he’s a mystery and i dont know what he’s thinking like most of the time but.. i rlly love him omgdsj he’s so special :’( like fr !!! everyone LOVES him!! :(( most people wouldnt see him as the maknae if they dont Know,, but like he really is... and he’s really mx’s babie :-( they spoil him so much and love the heck out of him,,, he’s really the most loved maknae out there wtf... honestly... i love family... they really Adore him so much ugh what a big ass fking MOOD! :((

AND HIS VOICE!!!!! THE VOICE OF THE HEAVENS AND ANGELS AND HAPPINESS AND ALSO NUT!!!! WTF!! HIS VOICE IS SO SEXY AJSDFGDUJIS LIKE... PLEASE... NARRATE THE BIBLE TO ME HOLY FUCKSIFDU, YOU KNOW HIS VOICE ONLY V LIVE... HOLY SHIT MY EARS NUTTED SO HARD omg.... i just wanna listen to his voice All Day.... and dont even get mee started on his rapping .... he starts his bar and sets me on fucking fire w half a syllable . and did i mentioned he fucking amazing at rapping yeah . he Does That. and hes so charismatic, especially on stage... :((( ugh omgfisjd i wanan d*e when hes being so h*t on screen fucksdf,,, and like . his mixtapes he’s working on... king... pleas.e.... End me. just end me with ur talented ass wtf... 

SIJDFJD I NEED TO SHUT UP BUT LISTEN IM SO PROUD OF HOW MUCH HE’S GROWN IN THE PAST 2+ YEARS... LIKE HE’S COME SO FUCKING FAR!!!!! IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!! GOD,,,,, I LOVE HIM SOSOSOSOSO DAMN MUCHSJIDFUDS HE MAKES MY HEART CONTINUE BEATING... THATS REALLY MY BABIE !! MY FUCKING CINNAMON APPLE!!! :(((((((((((

ok let me stop thank u,,, also... if anyone actually made it here hi wow uh ur great ily wtf :--(