#i like big frocks and i cannot lie

[the-pancake-writes]

Snippet: Prince Yugi/bodyguard Atem AU 2 - The Forbidden Little Book

Sequel to “New Year’s Ball”

For a complete overview check the contents page

If you saw this post you already know about this AU of mine. The title basically says it all. Prince Yugi, body guard Atem, forbidden love, drama. ;D

Since the last snippet turned out to be pretty popular I decided to write a sequel. I love this AU, even though I’m still busy with plotting the brothel story. :D Special thanks to my friend @lovecraft-barbie (who is also a duck) for beta reading. Love ya, sweetie. <3

Contains some sexy themes but no sexy actions as of yet lol.

This time: The New Year’s Ball is over and Yugi has to tend to his duties as a prince again. He has to face the possibility of a war, deal with his feelings towards his bodyguard, and also comes upon a book that contains knowledge that is forbidden to a prince…

“My prince? Are you all right?”, Atem said. His gentle baritone voice sent a shiver down Yugi’s spine like it often did. Yugi looked at his bodyguard beside him in the gently rocking carriage.

“Just a little uncomfortable. I don’t like…this sort of thing. And they know”, Yugi said and played with the silvery ribbons that held together his blue, fur-lined cloak.

“Don’t worry, my prince. You’re still their future king and they will honour you as such”, Atem said with a smile that Yugi couldn’t help but return.

The sound of fanfares grew louder until the vehicle came to a halt. Atem checked his sword and pistol before he got off. Even though Yugi couldn’t see it, he knew what was happening. Atem circled the carriage, made sure everything was safe and stopped next to the footman at Yugi’s door. Only once Atem gave the sign, the servant opened it.

A cool breeze blew inside. Yugi took a deep breath, adjusted his cloak and gloves, and stepped outside. Soldiers in blue frock coats lined the path to a big building of grey stone. A small orchestra was playing the national anthem.

A group of high-ranking officials, as Yugi knew by the small medals attached to their uniforms, was waiting for him. Leading them was a tall man with a grey beard and the same gold-brown skin as Atem. He and the others saluted Yugi.

“General Aknamkanon Sennen at your service, your highness. It’s an honour to welcome you at Military Headquarters Alpha 12”, he said.

“Thank you, General.”

“I will show you around”, General Sennen said and gestured at the building behind him. Inside, he walked Yugi past paintings of former officials and introduced him to some of his colleagues. Yugi listened to introductions and shook hands while an assistant of his stood near him and took notes of everything that was being said.

Afterwards, they entered the inner courtyard. A unit of soldiers surrounded them in a square formation, replacing the usual squad of royal guards around Yugi. A few snowflakes were falling and being whirled around by the wind.

They passed soldiers who were training in sword fighting, shooting, and hand-to-hand-combat. General Sennen listed the techniques they were teaching and pointed out the instructors who were serving with their experience. They reached a tower.

“Have you ever witnessed a canon being shot, your highness?”, General Sennen said as they were ascending.

“No, never”, Yugi said a moment before they reached the top. A gust made everyone’s cloaks flap around.

“We would like to change that if we may”, General Sennen said and presented Yugi with one of the engineers who had helped build the canons, of which there were five on the tower. He explained how they worked and gestured at the field before them that was covered in craters from the numerous exercises.

Everyone but the engineer and a few soldiers stepped back. They loaded the canon, accompanied by the engineer yelling commands.

“Fire!”

BOOM.

The ground below them trembled, a cloud of smoke emerged and Yugi stumbled backwards. Almost simultaneously, he was caught and shielded by a blue cape. Yugi looked up at Atem and didn’t know if his knees were wobbly because of the impact or his bodyguard’s beautiful, crimson eyes.

“Is everything all right, my prince?”, he whispered with so much gentility it warmed Yugi from the inside.

“Y-Yes, I’m fine”, Yugi said. Atem loosened his grip and stepped back. Yugi still felt his arm around his shoulders. Oftentimes, Atem was so silent Yugi forgot he was even there. But he was and he was always ready to protect Yugi…

Yugi cleared his throat and looked at the new crater the shot had created. Everyone had a smile on their face and Yugi knew they were waiting for his appreciation.

“Thank you for the demonstration. It was very impressive”, Yugi said politely but lacking the enthusiasm everyone had expected.

After a few more conversations, General Sennen offered to return to the main complex with Yugi. Yugi accepted and a little later, they were once more making their way over the inner courtyard. The soldiers around them were armed with swords and muskets. While Yugi had seen royal guards with weapons all his life he hadn’t quite comprehended that they were designed to take lives, not only defend, until…

“You don’t seem pleased, your highness”, General Sennen said. Yugi gulped. Did this sort of attentiveness run in Atem’s family?

“I know you’re doing excellent work, General. I’m as pleased as a pacifist can be.”

“I understand your concerns, your highness. If it calms you, we’ll be using our equipment and resources to protect Dareia. Not to invade another country”, General Sennen said. “And I’m afraid that not all conflicts can be solved with diplomacy is a fact, even if it’s a sad one.”

Yugi chewed on his bottom lip. He knew he wasn’t here to engage in any discussions. Yet, his thoughts refused to be silent.

“Actually, a few months ago there was a gathering of philosophers at a university in Eurodokia and they came to the conclusion…”

Yugi stopped walking when he felt something different under his boot on the otherwise smooth ground. He looked down and saw a little, blue book under his shoe. Everyone else had frozen and gasped. Even Atem’s eyes had widened.

“Whose is that?!”, General Sennen hissed at the soldiers that surrounded them. He stomped towards a young man with dark, curly hair and a face as red as a strawberry. “Is it yours, cadet?!”

“Y-Yes, General”, he said, too scared to even try to lie.

“You dare carry such filth with you in the presence of the prince?! Apologise!”, General Sennen said.

“I’m deeply sorry, your highness!”, the soldier said and bowed. Everyone looked at Yugi. He had no idea what the little, blue book was about but it seemed to be a bad thing. He crossed his arms.

“I will look over it this once. But this better not happen again”, Yugi said to General Sennen.

“Of course not, your highness”, he said and turned to the soldier. “You better thank the prince for his benevolence!”

“O-Of course. Thank you, your highness”, the soldier said and bowed so deeply his hat almost fell off.

“Now back to the living quarters with you! I will decide on your punishment for disgracing us like this later. Dismissed!”, General Sennen said and the soldier marched away with wooden moves. General Sennen gestured at the building before them and they continued their way towards it. “I cannot apologise enough, your highness. Please believe me when I say that this doesn’t reflect our soldiers’ behaviour at all.”

“I would hope so.”

They walked inside, upstairs, and into the general’s office rooms. One of Yugi’s servants took off his cloak and Yugi handed him his scarf and gloves. Only he, Atem and his father entered the general’s main office. Yugi sat down across from him at his desk while Atem closed the door behind them. He would silently remain in a corner as usual.

On the walls hung different maps, one of them showing the continent and the countries surrounding it. A fire was crackling to Yugi’s left.

“Your highness, feel free to skip the social niceties and get straight to the point of your visit”, General Sennen said with folded hands. Though Yugi had expected it from Atem’s father, he wasn’t used to such directness.

“Thank you”, he said. “Well then…if it comes to a war with Thanos, how long would we last?”

Cold hit Yugi’s core at those words and the fact that he was required to say them. A line had appeared between General Sennen’s furrowed brows.

“In best case: a year. In worst case: six months.”

Yugi gulped. That was the answer he had feared.

“I see.”

“May I ask you: How high are the chances that it’ll come to a war with Thanos?”

Yugi glanced at one of the maps. To the north of the continent lay Thanos, a nation five times bigger than all the countries of the continental alliance combined. He looked back at the general.

While his eyes were brown and not red like Atem’s they shared the same clearness and determination. They were another indicator, beside the family’s history of loyalty to the crown, that Yugi could trust him with the truth.

“I’m afraid it’s a likely possibility”, Yugi said. “My mother, the queen, is corresponding every day with our allies of the continent and overseas. Even with the leader of Thanos, trying to solve the conflict through diplomacy after all. Sadly, that endeavour doesn’t seem to bear fruit.”

General Sennen took a deep breath through his nostrils.

“I’m worried to hear this. I’m sure the queen is doing everything in her power.”

“That she is”, Yugi said. The rings under her eyes and her tired smile were only a few proofs of that. “But there’s still hope. I will soon travel to Kallias and try to convince the empress of aiding us. She has a better relation to Thanos than all countries of the continental alliance. If I can convince her to be on our side, we can still prevent the worst.”

“So nothing is sure as of now?”, General Sennen said.

“Yes. For good and for bad.”

A faint smile played about General Sennen’s lips.

“Thank you for your honest answer, your highness”, he said and turned to a small table behind himself. Yugi’s gaze wandered to the map once more. A group of islands, ranging from tiny to big, to the continent’s south east was labelled Kallias. It’d be a long journey…

“Here are the documents you requested, your highness”, General Sennen said and slid a thick folder to Yugi. General Sennen took a monocle from his breast pocket, placed it between his eyebrow and cheek bone, and began to talk Yugi through the different sections. He explained the factors they had considered and how they played into the calculations. Yugi had to suppress a shudder at seeing so many human lives being treated as mere numbers.

How many soldiers would die? How long would the supplies last? When would the city walls fall? The bad results only tightened the knot in his throat.

“I’m sorry it looks as grim as it does”, the general said when they had gone through everything within almost two hours. He placed the monocle back in his uniform’s pocket and closed his copy of the folder.

“Well, there’s no use in being afraid. Whatever comes, we’ll face it with courage and dignity”, Yugi said. “Please hand the documents to one of my assistants. Is there any other issue that should be brought to my attention?”

“None, your highness. Thank you for your time”, General Sennen said. “But before you leave, may I have a word with the Royal Protector?”

He gestured at Atem who had been standing in a corner all this time. Despite that, he looked as alert as ever.

“You may”, Yugi said. General Sennen rang a small bell on his desk and a moment later a subordinate entered. While General Sennen gave her instructions about the documents, Yugi returned to the room next door. As soon as he entered, his servant brought his cloak, scarf, and gloves. Yugi peeked into the office as he was getting dressed. Atem and his father were standing across from each other.

“I assume you will accompany the prince to Kallias?”, General Sennen said.

“Yes, father.”

“Do you think you’ll visit your mother?”

Atem’s shoulders drooped slightly.

“Yes, I think so”, he said with a sad undertone. General Sennen’s eyes shifted over the floor.

“I know her family takes good care of her grave but please bring her a bouquet of lilies. You know they were her favourites. And tell her…I miss her.”

“I will… I’ll tell her that we both miss her”, Atem said. General Sennen patted Atem’s shoulder.

“I’m proud of you and your services to the prince. And your mother would be too”, he said. Atem smiled.

“Thank you.”

The servants gave Yugi’s coat a quick brush and wiped his boots. A little later, he left the building with General Sennen and Atem at his sides. Again, soldiers lined the path to his carriage. When they had reached it, Yugi turned to General Sennen one last time.

“Thank you for the tour and for aiding us with your knowledge. You proved once again that you provide the country with strong and competent soldiers. Of course the latter is something I’m reminded of every day”, Yugi said and gestured at Atem. General Sennen’s face lightened up. He saluted Yugi and so did his subordinates.

“It’s an honour to serve you, your highness. Have a pleasant journey.”

Yugi entered the vehicle and Atem joined him from the other side. Once more, fanfares played as they started moving. Yugi leaned back and sighed, relieved that the appointment was over.

“You didn’t need to say that to my father”, Atem said and only now Yugi noticed the pink stains on his cheeks.

“The truth needs to be said. I’m very grateful to have you by my side. You’re the reason why I still feel safe despite…everything”, Yugi said. Atem turned to him with his eyes of a red that would warm Yugi in the deepest of snowstorms.

“I will always keep you save, my prince. No matter what happens”, he said and his voice was both as deep as thunder and gentle as velvet. If only it could be the first thing Yugi heard in the morning and the last one he heard at night…

Yugi cleared his throat and watched out of the window. They were passing a small forest of barren trees and a sign that pointed towards the capital where his next appointment would take place. In a small compartment one of his assistants had placed a file that contained the most important facts about that meeting. He took it out and opened it. It was blue, which reminded Yugi of something.

“Atem, the little, blue book that soldier dropped…what was that all about?”

“You don’t know…?”

“No, I bluffed”, Yugi said and scratched his cheek. Atem rubbed his neck.

“It was a convincing bluff then. But of course it’s beneath you to know such things…”

“To know what?”

“Well…these blue, little books…they’re sold everywhere in the capital… They’re really cheap and low-quality…”

“What’s inside?”, Yugi said. Atem played with the small gold medal on his chest. He avoided Yugi’s gaze.

“Well…pornography. It’s really cheap pornography.”

A hot wave of embarrassment swept through Yugi. His eyes widened.

“Oh…! Now I understand why everyone… I feel so silly!”

“But your reaction was appropriate! Everyone knows that nobles and especially royalty are above such…vulgarities…”

“Y-Yes. Of course”, Yugi said and hid his face in his file. But his knees still felt wobbly at the thought of having been so close to a piece of pornography. And those were sold everywhere in the city? It had to be really easy for a commoner to acquire such a thing…

Yugi shook his head. What was he thinking?! He, a prince! It was more than indecent! It was a sin! He took a deep breath and began reading the words in front of him, preparing for the next item on today’s schedule.

~~~

The usual fanfares played when Yugi got out of the carriage. The crowd around him applauded and cheered and Yugi waved at them. A woman in a forest green skirt and grey blouse received him. Her black hair was pinned up and she wore a white lab coat like the six people around her. They all bowed before Yugi.

“Welcome to Red Leaf Hospital, your highness. Your visit is an honour. I’m Doctor Ishtar, chief of medicine”, she said.

“Thank you. I apologise for the tumult my visit is causing. I hope I’m not disturbing anyone’s rest”, Yugi said but Dr Ishtar gave a calm smile.

“Don’t worry, your highness. If anything, the anticipation for your visit has caused more smiles than usual.”

Inside, more beaming faces awaited him. Surrounded by royal guards, Dr Ishtar led him through a few wards into a research area. She explained some theories that had helped them find a cure for certain viruses and would be helpful for potential breakthroughs. Yugi looked through microscopes, watched some experiments and listened to explanations, even though he understood only little of the medical terms.

Everyone he talked to dropped hints about how a separate building for their research would be “most beneficial”. Yugi didn’t decide this sort of thing by himself but after seeing how dedicated and professional the scientists were he was inclined to favour the idea.

As soon as they left the research area Yugi noticed a group of three young women with red scarves among the other onlookers and a few journalists with notepads and pens. The girls squealed, giggled, and pointed at him. Yugi ignored them. He was used to this sort of admiration from women, even though he never boasted about it.

Dr Ishtar was telling him about the history of the wing to their right. They passed another ward and through the glass doors Yugi could look inside. The patients were either sleeping in bed or being examined by doctors and nurses with surgical masks. The patients all had tired looks on their faces and their skin was covered in greenish and yellowish bumps. The sight caused a feeling of nausea in Yugi.

“A highly contagious area. We best keep going, your highness”, Dr Ishtar said. For a moment they walked in silence. “I’m sorry you had to see this.”

“When I walk into a hospital I know I have to expect seeing illness”, Yugi said. He wished he could have done something for these people instead of just walking by. But he also knew that a doctor could do a lot more for them than a prince, no matter how much his visit might boost their spirits.

“The lack of antibiotics is especially harmful in these cases. We ration them already but since we can’t expect new shipments from Thanos any time soon…”, Dr Ishtar said. Yugi’s organs tightened at those words.

“I understand. I, the queen, and everyone in our service are doing what we can to ease the tension between our countries.”

Dr Ishtar stopped and so did her colleagues, Yugi, and the royal guards. They, the onlookers and even the scarf girls were silent for a moment.

“Your highness…do we have to fear a war?”, Dr Ishtar said. The hallway was silent. Yugi saw the fear in the eyes of everyone around him. He knew he couldn’t cause a panic by giving them the same answer as General Sennen. He put on a smile.

“Of course not”, he said. “Yes, there are a couple of disagreements but nothing that can’t be solved through diplomacy. All we need is a little help from the empress of Kallias. And I’m sure you heard that I will journey there soon to take care of the problem.”

All the sighs and little laughs around him were both relief and a stab in the gut for Yugi. Dr Ishtar’s expression softened as well.

“Please know that the people will miss you”, she said and they continued to walk. “If you still have time, may I show you the rest of the hospital grounds?”

Yugi glanced at his assistant behind him. She checked her pocket watch and nodded at Yugi.

“Please do”, he said. They left the building through a set of double doors. A breath of fresh, crisp air filled Yugi’s lungs. The trees, bushes, and flower beds were barren and capped by snow, yet Yugi noticed the creative patterns they were arranged in. In spring the garden had to be full of colour and life.

Only few bushes were blossoming, among them winter roses. The pink petals reminded Yugi of his and Atem’s almost-kiss a few weeks ago at the New Year’s Ball. He rubbed the back of his hand and looked straight forward.

Yugi waved at a nurse and his patient in a wheelchair. They gasped in surprise and returned the gesture. The three girls with red scarves were still following the group as closely as the royal guards let them.

“Do you like cats, your highness?”, Dr Ishtar said as they passed a frozen pond.

“Uhm, yes. Why?”

“We have a cat house over there. Besides being excellent mousers, we found that many patients benefit from their company. So we set up a few rooms for them where people can visit”, Dr Ishtar said.

“That sounds wonderful. I’d love to see it.”

Royal guards secured the little redbrick house and entered it with Yugi, Dr Ishtar, and the others. They reached a hall with tall windows that let the sunshine in. Three shelves contained one cushion per compartment that served as cat beds. On half of them, cats had rolled up or were sleeping. Others were sitting on one of the couches, drinking from bowls or playing with small balls or ribbons. Most of them looked up when the group of people entered, others didn’t care. There was something calm and peaceful about the room that Yugi noticed immediately.

“The ones on the sofas are usually the ones that enjoy attention the most”, Dr Ishtar said as the guards were positioning in each corner, at each window and each door.

“I see”, Yugi said and sat down next to a brown one with black stripes. It gave Yugi a curious look with its green eyes. “Hey there. May I pet you?”

Yugi slipped off his gloves and offered his hand. The cat sniffed it and when it didn’t object, Yugi let a palm run over its soft fur.

“Aww, look at that. The cats love him too! And how couldn’t they?”, one of the scarf girls said and giggled with her friends. Dr Ishtar took seat next to him and a moment later, a fluffy, auburn cat jumped on her lap.

“Seems like you’re pretty popular here”, Yugi said.

“I admit, it’s not only the patients who consider this place relaxing”, she said. For a while they chatted while more cats assembled around them, demanding attention. The green-eyed one soon sat down on Yugi’s lap, purred, and hissed at every cat that came too close.

Some tried to get the royal guards to pet them but they either ignored the cats or gently pushed them away. A few guards kept glancing at them, biting their lips and suppressing the wish to cuddle them. Atem was one of them. A black one nudged his legs over and over and Atem gave a silent sigh of unhappiness.

Yugi knew Atem loved cats. He had owned one as a child in Kallias. It had even been present in one of the family photos Atem had shown him once. If only Yugi could tell him to sit down next to him and enjoy the animals’ company with him. But like so often, they couldn’t be together despite being so close…

Atem stepped in front of one of the scarf girls who was trying to walk past the guards with a small box in her hands.

“Not one step further, miss”, Atem said.

“I…I just have a small gift for the prince.”

“For safety reasons, the prince can’t accept gifts that haven’t been thoroughly checked. We have neither the time nor have we brought the personnel to do so now. So please, step back.”

Her face turned red in anger.

“What’s the big deal?! It’s just a few cookies I made!”

“That could be laced with poison. Miss, these security measures exist for a reason. Please, step back.”

“Listen, I spent all afternoon yesterday-”

“And I don’t care”, Atem said, louder. The other onlookers turned their heads and stopped their conversations. A few royal guards stepped closer in case their assistance became necessary. “As the prince’s Royal Protector I’m responsible for his safety. And if I deem you a risk for that safety I will take measures to remove you from his vicinity. I’m asking you one last time: Please – step – back.”

He didn’t move a muscle. The girl stared at Atem, her nostrils flared. Like most people, she couldn’t counter his dominant presence.

“Fine!”, she said and stomped back to her friends. All three twisted their faces and whispered to each other, yet they were loud enough for people to hear them.

“Why does someone as kind and sweet as the prince have such a horrible person as his bodyguard?!”

“I don’t like him one bit! Why is someone that rude allowed to be near the prince?!”

“I heard his father is a general, so there you go…”

Atem didn’t react and just returned to his spot from before, as did the other guards. But Yugi clenched his teeth in anger. They had no idea how much hard work it had taken Atem to be allowed to become his bodyguard! How hard he worked every day, always alert and ready to save Yugi’s life any second! That he had saved it before he had ever thought about becoming Yugi’s Royal Protector! How dare they say such filthy words about someone who was both so strong and affectionate?!

“Excuse me. I need a breath of fresh air”, Yugi said, placed the green-eyed cat on a cushion beside him and stood up. The girls were still gossiping as he and Atem left the house through a back door. They reached a small backyard, enclosed by a red brick wall.

“Are you all right, my prince? You seem worried”, Atem said. Yugi hugged himself.

“Not worried. Mad”, he said. “They’re the horrible ones! They have no idea what you do for me every day!”

Atem’s eyes widened. He scratched his head.

“You don’t need to be bothered, my prince. They just don’t understand the concept of security.”

“But it does bother me! You’re the kindest and most caring person I know! And they say such things about you…”

Yugi’s cheeks glowed in indignation.

“My prince…I’m touched by your concern but I don’t care what anyone says as long as I can serve you. Besides, scaring people away is part of my duty.”

Yugi chuckled. Warmth radiated from his chest like so often when he and Atem had a moment that only belonged to them.

Clank!

The sound came from around the corner. Atem placed a hand on his sword pummel and gestured Yugi to stay where he was. Atem sneaked around the corner but his posture relaxed.

“It’s just another cat, my prince”, he said. The black one from before appeared around Atem’s legs and meowed.

“Well, go ahead and pet it before it eats us. I know you love cats”, Yugi said. Atem couldn’t suppress a grin.

“Thank you, my prince”, he said and knelt down. The cat closed its eyes as Atem’s hand ran over its head and back. Yugi sat down on a bench and watched how gently Atem chucked the cat under its chin. It purred and Yugi couldn’t blame it. Atem’s touch was always so tender and careful, yet it made one feel so safe…

Yugi’s eyes shifted over the floor. His jaw dropped when he saw something in front of the trash can beside him. It couldn’t be…!

In the snow lay a small, blue book, the same kind the soldier from earlier had dropped! How did it get here? Who had wanted to throw it away? A doctor? A nurse? A patient? Did people really carry this sort of stuff around in a hospital? It didn’t matter!

Yugi looked at Atem whose attention was still directed at the black cat at his feet. His heart was thudding against his chest. An idea came to his mind and he had only seconds to act on it.

He snatched the little book from the ground and stuffed it into his vest pocket under his cloak. A moment later, Atem rose and turned around.

“As cute as the little guy is I don’t want to steal your time”, he said and furrowed his brows. “Are you all right? Your face is all red, my prince.”

“Y-Yes, I’m fine”, Yugi said and took a deep breath to calm himself. But the blood in his veins was still tingling. He stood up and adjusted his clothes, making sure that the book wouldn’t fall out. “Let’s go back inside. I don’t want to keep anyone waiting.”

~~~

“Are you really all right, my prince?”, Atem said. They were sitting next to each other in the carriage.

“Y-Yes. Like I told you”, Yugi said, keeping the trembling in his voice to a minimum. He didn’t understand it himself. Even during heated discussions that took place in public, Yugi always managed to remain calm and rational. But now he couldn’t help but fidget with his gloves and cloak and despite the cold, a few drops of sweat ran over his temple.

Maybe it was because now he was doing something forbidden. He might as well be smuggling a bomb into the palace! It’d be a scandal if anyone found out! Why did Atem have to be so watchful and notice that something was different?! Then again, he couldn’t be mad at Atem for being his usual loving self…

Yugi looked out the window and saw how they were passing the golden gate to the palace. The U-shaped complex had four floors, pale yellow walls and a dark red roof. The carriage came to a halt at the entrance. Again, Atem got out first and when the door to Yugi’s left opened he stepped out as well. Almost done…now he only had to bring his little secret into his rooms and then…

Yugi’s knees wobbled, he tripped but was caught by Atem’s arms. Yugi thought he had a sudden fever.

“Careful”, Atem said and Yugi felt his breath on his face.

“Th-Thank you”, Yugi said and ended the accidental hug. He checked his vest pocket. The book was still there. Phew…! “You’re always so quick. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Nothing a good bodyguard shouldn’t be capable of”, Atem said and adjusted the small medal on his chest. The strong, well-trained chest Yugi had leaned against a few seconds ago… Yugi cleared his throat.

“Thank you for your service. You may retreat for now.”

Atem bowed with a hand on his heart.

“My prince.”

Yugi walked inside and upstairs into his personal wing. Servants opened the door for him and in the first hallway, two maids in grey dresses were already waiting. Yugi raised a hand to keep them at a safe distance.

“Just a moment. I need to take a few notes before I forget”, he said and rushed past them into his study. He closed the door behind himself and leaned against it. His shaky finger pulled the book out if his vest pocket. The thin cover had a few dog-ears and it was a little wet and muddy from the snow it had lain in. But that was nothing that wouldn’t dry.

Yugi gulped. Could he risk it…?

He opened it slightly but shut it a second later. His pulse quickened. He hadn’t seen much, only a drawing of two people, their naked bodies wrapped around each other. It really was…!

He dashed towards his desk and stuffed the book into back of one of the drawers. No one would find it here, right? No servant was allowed to enter unless it was to dust, sweep the floor or bring him a cup of tea. Not even his assistants were allowed to touch anything without his explicit consent. It was safe, it was safe…!

These thoughts calmed him enough to return to the maids. They took off his cloak and Yugi handed them his scarf and gloves.

“Lord Shada is already waiting for you”, one of the maids said. Lord Shada taught Yugi the languages of the continent and the countries beyond. Nowadays they mostly focussed on Kallian in preparation for his mission. Despite its complicated grammar, Yugi had grown to like the language over the years. Time to focus on that!

“Very well. I’ll see him immediately”, he said.

~~~

In the evening, Yugi sat at a round table with his mother, grandfather, Lord Shada, and a few other nobles. Everyone was holding cards in their hands. Some sipped at their wine glasses or nibbled on a pastries. Yugi played his last card and lost. He sighed.

“It’s unlike you to lose that often, Prince Yugi”, his grandfather said three seats away from him.

“I’m afraid the prince has been rather distracted during his lessons as well”, Lord Shada, a bald man with blue eyes and mostly a serious expression, said. Yugi scratched his head. In his thoughts he had been with the little, blue book all day. He had even found excuses to return to his study to make sure it was still there.

“Is something wrong, dear?”, the queen beside Yugi said. He couldn’t look her in the eyes.

“Y-Yes. I guess I just didn’t sleep so well”, he said. If they knew…!

Yugi watched the rest of the game while eating a little raspberry tart. One player after another dropped out until his grandfather won. Finally…!

“Congratulations. Good game”, Yugi said like all the others. He stood up and pushed the chair against the table. “Good night, lords and ladies. Mother.”

Everyone wished him a good night. Yugi left the room. He’d rather go straight to bed and spend time with his secret. But there was one last appointment waiting for him, one that he didn’t want to give up despite his impatience.

He entered the library next door. Atem was sitting on a couch in a corner, surrounded by shelves that reached the roof. Even though he was wearing casual clothes, he stood up and bowed when Yugi approached him.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting. It was a long game. I’m sure you would have enjoyed it too if those matches weren’t exclusively for nobles”, Yugi said.

“I don’t mind. Waiting for you is worth every second, my prince”, Atem said. Yugi’s heart fluttered like a hummingbird. They sat down and Atem picked up the book from the low table in front of them. Tonight it was his turn to read and Yugi would get to listen to Atem’s wonderful, deep voice…

“Last time the two sisters had met in the abandoned castle, right?”, Yugi said.

“Yes, and discussed what to do about that hunter”, Atem said and opened the book. He cleared his throat. “Chapter 8. On the following day…”

Yugi placed his elbow on the arm rest and leaned his cheek against his palm. He didn’t pay much attention to the novel and enjoyed the view on Atem instead. He watched those perfectly shaped lips form words, marvelled at his handsome face, got lost in those eyes of the same colour as roses… If only Yugi could look at him forever… No person at the palace was more attractive than Atem…not only for his outer appearance but also for his loyalty and patience and tenderness… If only Yugi had no other duties and could spend all day with Atem…

The grandfather clock in the corner struck ten and made Yugi flinch. Already?

“What a shame”, Atem said and shut the book.

“Yeah…I’d love to know what happens next”, Yugi lied. “I’ll read the rest of the chapter tomorrow night then.”

Atem left the novel on a window sill. He accompanied Yugi to the door to his chambers, even though his own were in a different part of the palace.

“Good night, my prince. Sleep well”, Atem said.

“You too. And thank you for reading”, Yugi said and for a moment they just smiled at each other. “Good night.”

Once inside his chambers, his servants helped him change into his pyjamas, washed his face and combed his hair. He lay down in bed but he had no intentions of falling asleep yet. He waited until the last servant had retreated and everything was quiet for half an hour.

Yugi got up and put on his slippers and dressing gown. He sneaked through the corridors into his study, conscious of every little sound he made. He took the little blue book out of the drawer, stuffed it into his dressing gown’s pocket, and stole back into his bed room. After closing the door behind himself Yugi took a deep breath.

No one had seen him. Everything was quiet. He was still alone.

He turned the key in the lock and lit a candle on the bedside table. He sat down on the mattress with his legs crossed and pulled out the book. He held it in his trembling hands. By the gods, he really had it! A nervous laugh escaped his throat.

For a moment, Yugi thought about how wrong and sinful his actions were. He was a prince and had the duty to resist the temptations of the flesh! If he just tore it apart and threw it into a fire now, he could still maintain a clear conscience. But instead, he opened the book.

Yugi would almost have dropped it. Eyes wide, his heart thudded against his chest. The picture showed a naked man and woman. She was on all fours while the man was kneeling behind her. The page was titled “position of the week”. “Try it tonight!” and other, more vulgar lines were written around it.

Yugi gulped. So commoners knew different positions…? He had only learned about one when he had been educated on the matter: woman on her back, man on top of her, as little physical contact as possible. Yugi knew he should be disgusted at the thought of humans behaving like animals like this…but he wasn’t. His breath deepened. If there were no expectations for him and his future wife to always remain calm and rational…why not forget about any sophistication for a night and become an animal…?

Yugi leafed through the rest of the book. The drawings were only messy sketches and nothing like a real painting. Many features didn’t even seem anatomically correct. Then again, the buyers of these books probably didn’t care.

Some pages were damaged or missing. There were three sections, one heterosexual and two homosexual but Yugi only cared for the first one. The drawings did it in several positions, some so unexpected it made Yugi’s head dizzy. Some pleasured each other in ways that couldn’t have anything to do with reproduction.

Instructions and tips were written underneath or beside the pictures. They used many words Yugi had never come across and he could only guess what they meant. Was there an entire language dedicated to this sort of thing…?

Heat pooled in Yugi’s nether regions and despite the exhausting day he felt awake. He flinched when he felt his pants shift. He looked down on himself and covered his open mouth.

“Oh no…! Dammit…!”

He was sweating, both in excitement and embarrassment. This had happened regularly a few years back when his body had been in the middle of change from child to grown-up. He had believed this phase was over…! But he hadn’t come upon anything like the little, blue book since then.

He knew what to do now, right? Step outside onto his balcony barefooted, tuck his hands under his arm pits, and endure the cold until it that urge went away. But the book in his hands made the alternative so much more appealing…

He silently asked the gods for forgiveness and felt ashamed for a moment. He then turned to the candle and blew it out, engulfing the room in darkness.

[blamebrampton]

Eurovision 2018, Semi Final 2

I’m watching on replay and it’s getting late, so this is going to be as swift as possible. We open with a gorgeous montage and I really do feel like going to Lisboa after this week, were I not broke as a broke thing. The women are back and they look great. The NCIS one has come in an assassin’s cocktail dress, the saintly one is dressed like a tasteful wedding cake, the blonde has come over all black swan and the little one has picked up on last semi final’s sci fi villains theme and is cosplaying Servalan. They are doing nautical allusions again and I will continue to ignore them wherever possible. And also their jokes. They are lovely people, but I am here for the singing. 

1. Norway, Alexander Rybak, That’s How You Write A Song. He’s back! With the air fiddle this time. In fact, a raft of air instruments that are animated in. Look, he’s still cute as a button and charismatic as a puppy, but this song is reminding me of Cliff Richard and that is not something I wish to be reminded of. It’s no Fairytale. ACTUAL violin has just appeared! About bloody time. He nearly transcends the song, but the song is well meh. Watch it win now. Backing dancers exist and are perfectly fine. Let’s move on.

2. Romania, The Humans, Goodbye. White dress, drink. No, it was a fakeout, the lead singer is wearing purple. She’s surrounded by band members in white with creepy white masks. And mannequins in in gimp suits, also with creepy white masks. I’ve got a real Bonnie Tyler vibe here, which is at least a step up from the last song. BIG power chords into the main body of the song. She’s exhorting the mannequins to live their best life and I cannot bear to break it to her. White dress girl is back, she’s the cellist and I respect a band with a cellist. BIG HERO NOTES! ooh, her purple frock has matching shorts. Nice. Song was OK, band was great.

3. Serbia, Sanja Ilic and Balkanika, Nova Deca. Pipes and wailing vocal intro and I am sold already. If I was up this morning, this would have had my vote. Soz, kids. Three girls wailing mystically with a man looming behind Rasputinly. Seriously, his whole outfit is mad monk. Big Taiko style drums with an enthusiastic man beating away — erm, on the drums — and now some dance beats to lift it. I have to say that I would love this on the club floor late at night when you want something a bit slower and trippier. The girls’ outfits are sort of earth goddess meets debutante. I’m not going to lie, I flipping loved this one.

4. San Marino, Jessika, featuring Jenifer Brening, Who We Are. Lead singer in a lacy red frock over undies. Two human girl dancers and a set of robot dancers. Look, Ive seen worse. Jenny B has just stonked out down the walkway rapping determinedly and it’s all … fine. It’s a perfectly fine song and there will be some young folks who love it. A robot is holding up body positivity messages, actually, the poor wee thing just dropped it, but now he’s holding hands with the singer. It’s a bit community centre talent night, but they’re enormously likeable and I wish them well.

5. Denmark, Rasmussen, Higher Ground. Sudden plunge into darkness. Faint mystic chord as of pipes over water. Dry smoke. Backlit bearded man standing on a ramp. Square sails and more bearded men. Yes, we have hit peak Viking for the night and there is chanting and stomping and more beard pomade than is probably safe in an environment with pyro. We’re singing about men laying down their swords and making their mark and it’s all very Scandirevival, but I have to confess I rather like it and they can all bloody well sing. I have a nose full of North Sea wind and my cheeks feel windbitten at the end of this song, Oh, look, a white flag of peace. Sure. Key change! Snorri Sturluson would love these guys. The boy Aussie commentator has just said they remind him of when Durmstrang walked into the Hall in Harry Potter and he is right on the money. Definitely a contender.

6. Russia, Julia Samoylova, I Won’t Break. Set design is from the cousin of whoever did Estonia, so it’s nice to have two iceberg singers in the one contest. Super dancers: ballet this time, with Russian technique, which is always lovely to see. Look, I disagree with her politics and her country, and the song’s another meh one, but I wish her well. Moving on.

7. Moldova, DoReDoS, My Lucky Day. They have brought a whole miniseries in the staging of this song. She’s seeing blue suit, but red suit behind his back. Now she and red suit are official, but blue suit is getting some on the side. Lots of comedy from the dancers in the background, who are working within a white box set. It’s silly, it’s saucy. it’s a lot of fun. It would absolutely be the theme song of a sex comedy from 1959 starring Sophia Loren.

8. The Netherlands, Waylon, Outlaw in ’Em. Steel string guitar, pulsing lights and wailing vocals. I’m sorry, I’m allergic to wailing dead dog country that uses gun metaphors, They’re very talented, just not my thing. I’m sure he’ll make a fortune in America and good luck to him.

Short presenter is down with the audience and why?

9. Australia, Jessica Mauboy, We’ve Got Love. Cards on the table, I love Jess. She is a super lovely person as well as a great singer. I don’t the song is quite as good as Dami’s Sound of Silence, but she can perform like a goddess. She is bringing her inner Beyonce with the hair and squats, and selling the lyrics, which are basically, ‘don’t give up, we’ve got love’ and look, sure, but this is a country that numbers Sia, Nick Cave and Kate Miller Heidke among its leading lyricists and I just feel we could have done better for our Jess. But she is putting it all out there, and getting the crowd in on side. The drapey bit on her minidress is a bit distracting, but who gives a proverbial, she’s a champ and she should definitely go through to the finals.No matter how absurd it is that we are there.

10. Georgia, Ethno-Jazz Band Iriao, For You. My first question is whether that is actually the group’s name or if they added a little descriptor for the booking agent once and it’s stuck. It matters not. Lovely quiet jazz piano opening, then classical vocals soaring over the top, dry ice already, and a chanting backing vocal that is somewhere between Gregorian monks and Il Divo, but entirely pleasant to listen to. The vocals are very tight and the arrangement intelligently spare and restrained in parts to show off the voices. I approve! There is a lot of eyebrow emoting, but I don’t mind that in a dark Eastern European man, it’s like queueing if you’re British or buying sausage sandwiches at hardware shops on weekends if you’re Australian. That was a good three minutes for me, I hope they get through!

11. Poland, Gromee, featuring Lucas Meijer, Light Me Up. They are wearing ridiculous hats. More Pharrel than Devo, but the sort of hat that will stand in for a personality when you’re young and nervous. Fair enough, some of them look about 14. Good performers, strong backing vocals and the sort of winning stage performance I would have loved the first 250 times I saw it. It’s not your fault I am old and jaded, Gromee, but I am. There is pyro, there is hand dancing, he is dancing with the audience, he is counting. It’s all fine. OK, bye.

12. Malta, Christabelle, Taboo. She is standing inside four big screens and now a heart is glowing against her black dress. People writhe on her screens and the world spins out from her hands. She is singing about the need to respect and support each other in a world that can be hard and cruel. I… I really like her. I’m not sure whether I also like the song or if I just find her so committed to it that I think I like it, but it doesn’t really matter. There’s a real dancer inside the screens now, and Christabelle loves us all. I love you too, Christabelle. I would totally invite you to my barbecue with Jess.

13. Hungary, AWS, Vislát Nyár. Going for the risky Lordi without masks vote, they drum their way in and then launch straight into rich, angry, headbanging lyrics that are upset about something but my knowledge of Finno-Ugric languages begins and ends with a song about little piggies. Another performance with sincerity rather than just polish, though, and that counts. CROWD SURFING GUITARIST! He’s been returned safely, bless you lovely Eurovision crowd. Angry shouting, epic pyro, lots of drumming. There we go.

14. Latvia, Laura Rizzotto, Funny Girl. Another red lace minidress, with a train this time. Actually, it’s more a shorts dress. A playsuit with train. She looks lovely whatever it is. Her song is apparently about a girl who just a wee bit of a stalker. You know you can tell a chap you like him and not just hang around waiting for him to notice you, yes? Some nice bits of tricky tempo and big hair singing. It’s not my cup of tea, but it is well brewed.

15. Sweden, Benjamin Ingrosso, Dance You Off. Brief moment to mention it is bloody freezing in Sydney tonight, for the first time in forever. This is another very polished performance from a skilled performer and it’s doing nothing for me. Might go and find a blanket for my wee toesies.

16. Montenegro, Vanja Radonovic, Inje. Man at piano, women in background, intense man in front, who is Vanja. He is upset. Possibly because some bastard has bedazzled the crap out of his suit. Nice vocals in the ballad, though. The girls are striding, the piano is staying still, which is as it should be. Ooh! The girls are playing statues. Nice. There is a lot of emoting, but the girls’ costumes and facial expressions make it a little unfortunately close to ‘help us, we have been enslaved by vampires and need you to stake us to free our souls’. Lighting and key change, but otherwise much as before. The girls are still suffering. It’s probably a complex retelling of current politics.

17. Slovenia, Lea Sirk, Helva, Nei. She has pink hair so I like her already. Backing dancers are muscular and fast, I like them, too. Do not bother any of these women or they will make you regret it almost immediately. Her frock is another curtain over undies number, but with more plastic than most others. Who can explain it, who can tell you why? Their music cuts out at one point and they get the audience to clap their beat and I am not certain that was real, but it was nicely handled. Confirmation that was a faux error on the music. Whatevs. As no-one says anymore.

18. Ukraine, Melovin, Under the Ladder. Before I hear a word, I learn he likes horses, David Bowie and Verka Serduchka, so we’re basically friends now. He opens the song in a crypt, which opens up in a cheerfully cheesy Hammer Horror way. He’s dressed like an old-school vampire and the crypt is really the inside of a giant piano at the top of a set of stairs. Clearly Dead or Alive were 30 years too early for this chap, but I am glad YouTube will let him experience them. As everyone guessed, he is back up the stairs to play the piano, soulfully. And now the stairs are on fire, and there’s random pyro everywhere. Of course there is. Vampires love fire. At least dress your backing singers as avenging villagers, who have finally arrived to free the girls from Montenegro.

And we are done! Voting is about to open. I am fast forwarding through this bit because life is too short. ESCLOPEDIA IS BACK! Hello bearded man! More clips from past songs, and an allegation that there is a link between Eurovision and fashion. That is A LIE. You know, Portugal, you’re no Sweden and the women are no Petra and Mans, but I respect that you have kept these interval bits short and cool.

I spoke too soon. Presenters are back with costume changes. NCIS is in a short blue cocktail dress, Blondie is in a pink line dancing dress, Saintly is wearing a costume from my Grade Two Tap exam and the little one is cosplaying Severus Snape. They are doing dance moves from Eurovisions past. The Little One is actually pretty funny, but you will have to download it as I am not up to describing that much physical comedy. There is a Riverdance moment. Which I believe is obligatory for every third Eurpovision.

They run through the acts again, and Denmark’s lead singer has brows you could crack nuts on. Walnuts. Not the other kind. Though he looks as though he would be against toxic masculinity, so perhaps that would also be OK.

Votes are closed. We are touring through Portugal. It is very lovely. The acts are ding the bits that have preceded every song and coming out through their doors and visiting locations and generally cocking a lot of it up, bless them. They look as though they are having fun.

Little presenter has just turned up at the Aussie table and is handing out pastéis de nata a la Oprah and Jess looks as though she is in heaven. Custard really is that good.

Saintly presenter is talking about Eurovision’s role in Portuguese politics! 1974, the year Sweden won with Waterloo, was the year that the Portuguese entry was chosen to be the signal for a revolution. It was played on the radio in the early morning as a signal to take to the streets and by the end of the day there were carnations in gun barrels.True story.

Black swan presenter has found British fans and I think they may have been on the drink, but they say lovely things about Portugal (and Jess), so well done, kids!

Bridal cake presenter is introducing the tracks from France, Germany and Italy and Little One is with them. The French performers are cute as, and sing last years’ winning song in French. Suck ups. But lovely voice. Ooh, NCIS has taken over with Germany. who looks a little like Josh Widdicombe. He’s doing a ukulele cover of Fly on the Wings of Love and I confess I liked it. The entry is nice, too. Look forward to the full version in the finals. And now it’s Little One again with Italy, who really look 100% drunk. But they have spectacular hair. And do a chorus of Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu, ‘Volare! Oh-oh. Cantare, oh wo-oh-oh’ They are SO VERY drunk. Or just exhausted after sitting through 17 hours of this.

Jon Ola Sand says the votes are in. Thank Zeus!

The winners are: Serbia! Fair enough. Moldova! Excellent. They were hilarious. Hungary, because all those Norwegian Death Metal fans were there for you. Ukraine, sure. Sweden. Really? Look, you’re a lovely country. Australia! YAY JESS! Norway, meh. Soz Sasha. I love your country. Denmark, which is entirely fair. Slovenia, which is good news. Last spot goes to The Netherlands, which is fine, the country and western people need something. That’s it till Sunday morning, Which will probably be Sunday night, let’s be honest.

[homosexualisopod]

Donald Trump is a secret virgin. His giant hand never plunders the sodden honeysweet hormone folds of woman or man. No sex germs ever leap from the perfect angel penis of Donald Trump, bumblebee, into the electric rosebud of a beautiful lady who is singing while astride a crescent-moon, lowered from above. He never deposits a check for fixed semen assets into the asshole of a broad-shouldered middle-class knowledge worker nor does he dump a gallon of warm-but-not-expired sex milk down the pants of a woman that he "merely" meets on the street and takes a shine to on account of her Gumption and Stride.

Because he is a virgin.

Me and Donald Trump were chowing down on a hambone together, kicking back in our overalls and passing back and forth a thermos full of black coffee after a hard shift of Work Bizness, sitting on a steel beam inside a skyscraper, legs dangling.

“Hey there, my favorite man,” I tell him in a ribald fashion. “How do you like your sex? What is your preferred sex situation during an intimate time?”

But he does not answer. Instead I can see the bashful computer in his perfect mind clicking away. He is red with exertion, perhaps embarrassment. Am I mocking him? Do I know his shame?

“Sex is quite the act,” he tells me, growing arch but morose. “I enjoy it and it feels like singing straight from your heart directly into the heart of another...it is like punching, but punching with love.”

“You are exactly right,” I tell him, putting him at ease. There is brown skyscraper grease on both of our faces from another day of hard labor. “You have hit the nail on the head about sex, thus proving that you are not a virgin.”

I prefer to lie to Donald Trump. He is a painted eggshell tumbling along a conveyor belt into the smashing machine, and his pain is my pain.

He relaxes, but it is not the tranquil unknotting of concubitus supreme. It is barely relaxation at all, sans spurts, sans triumph, sans attainment of loosened repose. His face retains its angelic rictus.

For he is a virgin. He is a secret virgin. No one knows about his unravished flanks and glands. He must hide his non-crime from sinister America. But there is no shame in such a man! He is a soaring vestal, a sexless raptor, circling imperiously over unplowed fields, spying defenseless quivering prey from afar, which he must ignore, instead soaring majestically in the opposite direction to avoid being soiled by the false fluids of Another.

One time his butler tried to console him: "All heroes are virgins," he said, offering him a plate of summer sausage and yellow cheese. "To be strong, one must never come of age. It is not shame! It is a badge of merit to be so pure and to be made of so much white light that other people want to bathe in your very name the way that native women might bathe beneath a waterfall."

But Donald Trump could not be so easily consoled.

He cried forlornly, weeping secret tears of secret shame, because his mighty heart was hurting. His heart is the loneliest of his organs but not the least used. That distinction belongs to his pristine penis, which might as well still be in its original packaging: unblemished, untasted, unhandled.

He eats his husk of summer sausage while staring at yet another beautiful woman he has purchased but who must be made to stand in another room behind a sheet of one-way glass and disrobe for him in what amounts to a self-created mockery, a temptation, a woman he can never touch and who must never see or know him. She does not know why she is being paid to "remove her top" and to "smile like she is in love." He must remain continent as the pressure mounts inside him, must not reach out, smash the glass, try to grasp her long hair as his gift bubbles forth. His abstinence is not necessarily a choice, but it is his by unshakable disposition. When he is finished, his gift is scraped from the smooth one-way window by his butler and deposited with the others, and the woman is taken to the "old elevator" and given kindhearted advice about investments by his strategic manager.

He is a virgin in an identity way. It is as much a part of him as his perfect face. And yet it is a secret. No one can know.

His stubby, snuffling penis, like the wet nose of a blind hound, has never burrowed into a vagina to get out of the cold world, digging and digging a shallow hole and then collapsing into it, only just penetrating the surface membrane of alien flesh, paws over eyes, too timid and too stumpy to nuzzle any further.

He has never even done this. He has never even nuzzled his knuckle of a peesnout into a woman or man for even one instant of neritic relief.

The closest Donald Trump has ever come to completing a sex act inside a person is the time he accidentally ejaculated in his sports car while rounding a deadly curve (he was not driving, but his eyes were closed and he Forgot) and a woman tried to Own his semen from where it dried against his wide leg (it was a pleasant day and he wore a man's cargo shorts), wiping it with her camisole and then attempting to take it into herself by dabs and thrusts. Never again does he ride in cars with women who might try such a thing. Now he only rides alone.

Normally, his gifts are kept in jade jars that he purchases directly from trusted antiquities traders in modern Qatar, filling one a month and storing these emoluments away in his family vault, the way that other members of his proud family have stored treasures taken from the sea and trophies of war. The gifts harden into a smooth paste in the jars, and then a glassy calculus. Does Donald Trump make jewelry for his friends and admirers from this smooth, frosted shale?

What careful hands craft this rare jewelry? What powers of ensorcelment and magnetism might these pieces contain?

His children were made in America. They are not imports, as has been whispered. They were made by powerful and strong American artistry and science, ripening in office buildings standing proud and alone on suburban greenswards. His children are native to this land. No one must question this. They gestated inside the bellies of American breeding cows, cows that had all four legs amputated so they might be comfortable laying on giant purple silk mats, being fed grapes and fine finger sandwiches and delicious brie. These wombcows gave his big, lumbering fetal Trumps room to grow and play. No women were harmed, and Donald Trump remained chaste and unruint.

Would his Trumps be like him? Would they look like him? Would they have his grace and intelligence?

His Trumps were manifested from special gifts he created for the specific purpose of passing on his best traits, squeezed forth while staring into his own eyes by way of a video machine. He chose the women who would combine with these gifts lovingly and purposefully, manfully, using real executive vigor and decisiveness.

The process you don't even want to know about! There were races and wrestling matches and world challenges. A competition at the klavier might become a disputation in Ancient Greek that might last all night long.

The frenzy! The fevers of competition!

He never ceased inspecting these prospective Mothers. He was unsparing with the calipers, seeking perfection, knowing that to combine his gift with a woman's gift...her Blood Clot full of Frail Humors and Sensitive Touches... would be a dangerous thing, and yet he knew he must not hoard his essence, his excellence, his light.

Alone, away from the vicious throng, he is free to be as simple and honest and innocent and full of virtue as any other virgin. Alone, in his tower, he removes his suit and puts on a simple sailor's frock, an honest shirt with modest shorts. He pulls up his knee socks and puts on a humble cap with a special ribbon and he dances and sings and practices learning new facts about the world. He tells the world how he feels...brain to brain...finger to phone...watching the television and speaking to the television.

He has a virgin's simple trust. He loves the world and the world loves him.

He watches himself on the television and he sees something more than even you or I might see. His butler gives him rubs and tests his blood and skin to make sure he is still perfect. He is still perfect.

Does he wonder, wistfully, what he might become if he gives in to his darkest longings? If he risks infection and injury to slake his unholy passions inside a woman or man the same way you or I might do?

Me and Donald Trump are eating fried oysters from a red pail while laying on our backs on a raft made of logs and floating lazily down the mighty Mississippi river, our nation's hardest-pumping muddy artery.

He tells me his hopes and fears, telling me of his noble purpose in fulfilling the destiny of our great land, of protecting us from infection and disease, from being penetrated by outside penises, from accidentally lowering ourselves by commingling the skin dirt of the high people with the skin dirt of low people.

I am listening, but I cannot stop staring into his perfect ice blue eyes. I am lost in them. How has he avoided the probing of a glistening mons pubis by his muscular and swarthy cock nubbin, a nugget as hard and strong as an American silver dollar (I have felt it against me when he has become too excited, discussing his plans for our country, and has fallen over with delirium and I have steadied him)? How has he avoided concupiscence for so long? I feel myself drawn toward him, hypnotized, opening to him, and I can sense his discipline, how hard he must work to stay celibate, to keep away from the needs of admirers like me.

He pays the women prime wages to tell the television that he is not a virgin. He pays them better than celebrities are paid to pretend to be real.

"Oh yes, Donald Trump has definitely done the business," they say, averting their eyes.

"He has definitely mounted me and I have definitely felt the sweat from his jowls fleck my backbones as he grunts his way to victory in my belly, in my hand, in my anus, in my mouth. I have definitely had his penis and I am definitely not the only one."

He has watched others mate, of course, many times, even encouraging this, urging his wives to express themselves; to explore. But he can never join in such a way; never, never, never. He would lose everything...himself, his maidenhead, his answers, his virtue, his light. Build the wall. Build it high.

When he is with a woman in public, he must pretend to dominate her, to be above her, to prove that he "could have her" to the People. His wife must be of such attractiveness that it is "obvious" that he has had sex with her and will do so again. No one must question this. There must never be a Time of Testing. He will never pit his fantasies against the reality of her body, and so the sport is good and the People cheer. But it is exhausting to wonder, to know if his domination is correct, if the sham of his brutality is done with the proper rhythm and anger.

The way that he loves his land...America...is the only intimacy that he truly knows. The way that he speaks to his people...America...is his only erotic poetry. But he will never melt inside his true love...America...as he drifts to sleep beside his only mistress...America...because he has never done such a thing with anybody and he never will. He wants to have America because she is the most beautiful, but then what?

America will never be aseptic enough for Donald Trump to actually sub-agitate and smash out. Donald Trump will never hitchhike South and gag America's meat hole, IRL. His fat, glowing cherry--as jolly and eternal as Santa--will continue to fuel his legendary endurance, but he will never seal the Deal: he does not want to; he does not know how.

He is a secret virgin. He doesn't have to be a virgin and it doesn't have to be a secret. But he wills it so with his enormous soul.

It is his shame, but he should not be ashamed about the one thing that makes him Great, that makes him different, that makes him strong, that keeps him compelling in a world full of flaws and weakness and boring withered skeptics who have been drained by their own vices.

There is one holy truth that his fans and acolytes and servants whisper to each other in the furtive penumbra of his glowing heat as they orbit around him, basking in his healing radiation.

They whisper to each other, proudly and in awe.

They whisper:

Donald Trump is a secret virgin.

[cheapeveningdresses30]

You don't requirement to go shopping thirsty vintage wedding headpieces)(*yuhjd

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Little Red Flowers [first, possibly only, chapter]

Does anyone remember that one excerpt of a fem!Harry fic I was working on? I had the entire first chapter written out almost two years ago, but knowing myself, I decided not to post it until I’d at least written the second chapter. Lo and behold, that... never happened, and also I realized that I really don’t have much plans for the future of this fic anyway, so here is that first chapter for your perusal. Please don’t expect a continuation, because one won’t be coming. I do have a lot of ideas for this, but I’m not going to write them here because I may salvage them for another fem!Harry fic that @glowssary​ annd I are idly playing with. So, without further ado:

LITTLE RED FLOWERS

CHAPTER ONE

It is both alarming and not when the child is found on their doorstep, with irises of deep teal and wispy hair the vermilion of sunrise. Like a prophecy, she can already foresee that those eyes will brighten into a brilliant green in a few years, and she needs not even glance at the letter clutched in tiny fingers to know whose child this is, because she knows, she knows, and she also knows exactly what this means. She bends down and snatches at the envelope left atop of a pile of soft blankets, carefully avoiding the gaze of the infant who stares at her with those too familiar eyes.

Petunia Dursley née Evans, 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, is written on the back in slanted, looping calligraphy that tugs at a memory she has long since banished, for it is mired in the humiliation and resentment that fills her to the brim wherever magic is involved, wherever Lily is involved. The paper is an unbleached off-white, thick and pulpy between her fingers, and skimming the contents tells her little more than what she has already determined for herself.

Lily is dead. Lily, her little sister, her only sister, is dead. And she must be, for there is no other reason for this child, obviously the offspring of Lily and that Potter boy, to be laid out in a little woven basket and left on her doorstep.

Petunia takes a carefully measured breath. She blinks, once, twice. She takes another breath.

Her little sister has been taken away by magic once again, but this time, this time there is no potential for second chances and apologies, this time there is no future for reconciliation, this time she is irrefutably, irrevocably late, no do-overs, no take-backsies Lily is gone gone gone and Petunia never had the chance to tell her why she had been so cruel to her, not even once, and suddenly she is angry, suddenly she is furious, because how dare that girl, how dare she die before Petunia was finally ready to ask forgiveness, how dare she leave Petunia alone as the last of their family, how dare she hoist onto Petunia the burden of caring for her stupid little infant -

Remembering herself, the blonde cants her head to the side and stares into the solemn scrutiny of Lily’s child, fascinated by what must be her little sister’s baby pictures brought to life all over again. The child’s face is wet with silent distress. Salty moisture trails paths over plump cheeks and a pert nose and a puckered little mouth. Petunia brings a hand to brush soft fingers over the child’s brow but it is shaking too badly, and she fears she may catch her nails across those beautiful eyes. She brings the trembling hand instead to her own cheek and when she brings it away it is damp with something like dew.

It takes a few moments, but Petunia is startled to realize that the child is not crying at all; it is an illusion caused by her own tears, crawling down her skin and dripping onto infant features. Somehow, she finds the image too comforting to move away: it seems almost as if Lily herself is crying for Petunia, for her misfortunes and her resentment and her bitter, bitter heart. She never could quite figure if Lily would have forgiven Petunia for everything she had ever said, for every hostile jeer and cutting barb, for every moment she had hurt the redhead and smiled about it. And now she never would. But surely, surely, this child is more than enough to wash away the regret that drowns her lungs, thick and heavy. If it was Dudley in this position, she knows Lily would have taken him in as her own, would have cared for him like her own son, so maybe if she does the same...

The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living, she thinks, lifting the child in her thin arms and holding it close. Its breaths are sweet and warm against her skin, which has begun to chill in the brisk November air.

“Holly Euphemia Potter,” Petunia says into the empty wind, tasting the words on her tongue. Lily has followed the maternal tradition of naming baby girls after flowers, and this soothes her a little. “I’ve always wanted a daughter.”

The door slams shut at her heels as she turns inside. It wouldn’t do to linger outside too long; after all, what would the neighbours think?

Holly Potter is a very ordinary little girl. Or at least, she tries very hard to be an ordinary little girl. Not because she finds ordinariness to be particularly compelling, but because Aunt Tuney says there is nothing better than being ordinary and of course Aunt Tuney is right; in her experience, Aunt Tuney is always right.

Except when it comes to Dudley.

Aunt Tuney loves Holly, this is true enough, but she utterly adores Dudley, who equally adores making Holly as miserable as he can. Unfortunately Aunt Tuney refuses to believe any such thing about her Darling Diddlykins, and the few times Holly bothers to truthfully report the origins of the scrape on her knee, or why her pretty new smock has dirt smeared messily on its skirt, or the reason why there are drying tear tracks on her cheeks, a few words from Dudley quickly clears up the issue.

Often, the situation unfolds as such:

"I didn't do it!" Dudley will say, following Holly's accusation.

"Holly Euphemia Potter," Aunty will then respond, her voice sharp. "I did not raise you to be a liar. You must tell me the truth, right away."

Thus Holly is often forced to lie in order to avoid being punished for lying when she only wants to give the truth. And Dudley, having never been told off for bullying Holly, continues to do so without qualm or worry, for he is secure in his mother's trust.

This is how Holly finds herself being chased around on the playground by her large, fat cousin who is brandishing at her a long stick. On the end closest to her there is a snake coiled up tight and hissing angrily; the afternoon sun gives its grey-black scales a menacing sheen.

She is especially afraid because she can hear him - for it is a him - threatening to bite and tear and hurt whichever human he can land his fangs on first. She doesn't want to be hurt, not at all, so she runs and runs as fast as her five-year-old legs will take her.

Eventually, Holly knows she will tire.

She takes a quick glance over her shoulder to gauge if Dudley has begun to sweat through his shirt yet, and shrieks when she sees how close the snake has gotten.

"Stop it! Go away," she cries out.

It is not Dudley who answers her plea, however. Rather, it is the snake who irritably snaps, "Believe me, you moronic little monkey, if I could leave I would in an inssstant."

Holly almost stops to gape at the mean creature, but at the last moment remembers she must keep running if she wants to avoid being bitten. "You said a bad word!" she manages to squeak out through heavy breaths. "Aunt Tuney will wash out your mouth with soap!"

"Foolisssh creature, your threatsss ssscare me not," it hisses back. "I will sssink my teeth into your flesssh and revel in the tassste of your blood. My venom will make you writhe with pain until the life drainsss out of your sssoft, weak body - "

Holly claps her hands over her ears and shakes her head because she cannot bear to hear the cruel thing's threats. She is scared, so very scared - no, no, she is terrified, she's really going to die and go away forever, like her mommy and daddy did, she's never going to see Aunt Tuney again or eat delicious trifles and bombes or wear pretty frocks that make her feel like a princess or even start Primary School and make even one friend, though she's supposed to begin attendance this very September.

I don't want to die, she thinks to herself with desperation that fills her to her toes. Let me get away from here, I want to get away from here, please, please, please, take me away...

Holly squeezes her eyes shut and wishes as hard as she can, expecting nothing to happen.

When she opens them again, she is very, very surprised to find that something, in fact, has happened. And this something is a rather big Something indeed, for she does not recognize where she is in the least.

Holly sneezes messily.

For one, never has she ever been privy to such filth in her short life. This is in small part due to Aunt Tuney's constant crusade for cleanliness, but mostly because of the impossibly thick layer of grime that coats every surface she can see.

The place she has found herself is a hovel in the truest sense of the word. The walls are composed of worn, rotted bricks riddled with holes; the original colour of the stone is indiscernible underneath all the moss and mould that monopolizes it. There is light enough to see but it streams in not through the tiny windows, which are an invariable murky gray-brown and thick with scum, but through the gaps in the tiles of the roof. The building itself seems to sag with age and neglect, as do all surviving articles of furniture. Carcasses of various creepy-crawlers litter the dust intermittently, dried out husks with wings made too heavy for flight and abandoned shells with too many little legs pointed into the air.

Holly glances down and sees that her own feet have made a pair of straight indentations in the grit. The dust rises all the way to her mid-shins, and to the left of her knee is a small green-bodied creature with large filigree wings. It is dead, as is everything else in this little shack, but she's never seen such a kind of insect before.

‘A lacewing fly.’

The words flit through her thoughts, nearly silent and quicksilver fast; she only just manages to catch and hold onto them long enough to make sense of what has been said. The distinct feeling of being not-alone slams into her like a trainwreck, but a quick survey of the shack once more reveals nothing, and nobody, that had not been there previously.

"Hello?" Holly calls out curiously. "Is somebody there?"

Her only answer is a thick silence.

The redhead tilts her head and considers the insect. It certainly does look like a fly, and she supposes that its wings are rather lacy. It's possible that she could have made the name up all on her own, but just as she is beginning to attribute the noise to her imagination, the silence is broken once more.

‘You can hear me?’

Despite the wording this is not so much a question as much as a demand. Holly is caught between the compulsion to give a prompt answer and the desire to keep quiet just to be contrary, because Aunt Tuney always tells her that rudeness should not be rewarded.

But in the end, curiosity triumphs, and Holly replies, "Ye-es? But where are you, mister? I can't see you."

‘... For lack of a more appropriate description, I suppose I am in your head. So to speak.’

In her head? How could he have possibly gotten into there? Holly means to ask, but the voice continues on in a musing sort of way that is not at all conducive to a conversation.

‘How curious,’ says the stranger in her head. ‘The child was not conscious of me before - what was the trigger? The snake, perhaps? Parseltongue is an ability she must have acquired from my residence within her; to my knowledge the Potters are not bound closely enough to Slytherin's line for it to be inherited, and the girl's mother was a muggleborn. The use of an ability so deeply entrenched with my presence, then, may have incited awareness…’

And Holly knows he must be talking to her, for there is no one else for him to be talking to, but oddly it seems to her as if he is not speaking to her at all, not least because she hasn't the slightest inkling what the disembodied voice is going on about. Perhaps he is speaking to himself. In which case she must distract him from his insanities, which Aunt Tuney says is the Proper Thing To Do when she sees somebody acting in a manner that is Not Ordinary and therefore Embarrassing. Of course, Aunt Tuney also said that the preferred method of dealing with Not Ordinary people is to remove herself from their company, but she does not know how to remove herself from her own mind.

"Who are you, then, mister-in-my-head? What's your name? I'm Holly."

'Tom Marvolo Riddle' drifts across the surface of her subconscious like a whisper without sound or words without letters, coalescing into a vague not-quite memory of a thin woman looming over her, graying hair tightly drawn back in a bun and sharp features set in the most hostile expression Holly has ever seen.

'Tom,' the woman snaps. Her voice is cold to the touch and the way she forces out the word makes it sound like the worst sort of profanity; far, far worse than when Uncle Vernon stubs his toes on the kitchen doorway in the mornings. Holly thinks she should be frightened of this old lady with eyes that freeze her through - except how can she be, when it is only too clear that the woman is masking her own fear?

But Holly blinks and the woman is gone. She is once more alone in the dirty shack.

‘I am Lord Voldemort.’

Exempting, of course, the stranger in her head.

"That sounds stupid," she tells him truthfully. "I like Tom better."

There is a loud silence and suddenly her head hurts it hurts it's splitting in half -

‘Do not dare presume to call me by that name,’ says Tom, who sounds so very calm even though she can feel his anger like a knife through her skull.

"Okay," Holly manages to hiss through gritted teeth, bent forward with her hands pressed tightly against her temples. "Okay. Not Tom."

The headache lifts as suddenly as it had come.

"You're really mean," Holly mumbles to the ground with a petulant scowl. "And Voldemort still sounds stupid."

‘You are an irritation and a taint on your blood who doesn’t deserve the Gift,’ rumbles Not-Tom, the cold fury in his words lashing against her nerves like a whip. ‘Always simpering after an "Aunt Tuney" who does not even consider you an actual person as opposed to a reincarnated doll of her sister, and allowing that fat, stupid little oaf to trample all over you, and bending over backwards just for the slightest indication of acknowledgement from the fatter, stupider oaf that damned aunt of yours married, God knows for what reason. You let them use you like a rag and instead of becoming enraged that they dare treat someone magical in such a way, instead of punishing them like the insignificant worms that they are, you find pleasure in it. You bask in whatever attention your darling Aunt Petunia deigns to give when she's parading you around like a show pony in front of her acquaintances, leap to whatever inane chore your imbecilic uncle tosses to you, and do absolutely nothing as your dim balloon of a cousin drags you through a puddle of mud and blames you for getting his clothes dirty.’ As the tirade winds down, Holly is left taking shallow breaths and trying her best to keep at bay the stinging high in her nose. In a final measure of spite, Not-Tom hisses, ‘You, Holly Potter, are a house-elf to muggles, and it disgusts me.’

She doesn't understand why this stranger hates her so much, doesn't understand how his words hurt so deeply. Slowly, through the sharp heat behind her eyes and the ache simmering deep in-between her lungs, she manages to respond, “Aunt Tuney loves me.”

‘She does not, you little fool. She is using you to allay her own guilt towards your mother, and does not care for you personally one whit.’

Holly bursts into tears. Big, wet sobs wrack her body violently, and she wails into the air without abandon, free to cast away years worth of suppressed emotion because there are no Dursleys here, no one to tell her be-quiet and what-would-the-neighbors-say and I-don't-want-to-hear-it. And because Not-Tom must be right, everything he says just feels so right and she doesn't want to think this to herself, not ever, but his words ring with truth and she cannot deny it and it hurts her on the inside.

'Stop it,' the voice snaps frantically. 'Stop your caterwauling this very instant, or I'll - '

Another headache pounds at her temples but Holly only cries harder and stumbles forward in confusion, pressing palms against her closed eyes in an attempt to ease both the pain and her tears. The throbbing in her head quickly withdraws but the dust scattered by her movement does not, and Holly cannot stop from sneezing heavily. Compounded with the tears still blurring her sight and the trembling of her limbs, any sort of balance abandons Holly utterly; she trips over her heels and falls onto her rump.

Unfortunately, she lands on a certain patch of the wooden flooring where the earth underneath had been made hollow years before, with the intention of hiding a highly precious object. Decades of rot have left the floorboards of the shack frail and thin and even the impact of her weight, slight though it is, is enough to crumble what remaining strength there is to be had into dust. Holly falls into the floor with a short shriek, and the result of her misadventure is a massive cloud of dust that rises into the air almost angrily, attacking her eyes and nose and throat with all the ferocity of a dragon roused from slumber.

Holly begins to sneeze uncontrollably, and tears stream down her cheeks for an entirely different reason. Her hands flail at her face in an attempt to bat away the dust, and when this fails she gropes along the dirt underneath her to propel herself up, only to graze something that burns her fingers with a shock of electricity.

'What was that?' Not-Tom demands tersely. 'Open your eyes, I need to see.'

‘I can't,’ Holly thinks at him. She cannot breathe, let alone speak, and she is most definitely unable to do any seeing. ‘The dust…’

‘Get rid of this wretched mess, then. Do you have magic or don't you?’

‘Magic?’

'At your age, accidental magic should not be overly difficult. Merely will it to happen - wish the dust out of existence.'

‘Go away,’ Holly thinks fervently. ‘Go away, go away, go away.’

Nothing happens.

‘You made your way here, somehow, what did you do then?’ says Not-Tom, his voice edging the boundary of impatience.

What had she done earlier? Well, she’d just…

‘Make it go away, please.’ The words are a faint susurrus curling in the corners of her mind, but they thrum down her spine like thunder, like ebullition, like power, thick and heady and entirely hers.

Holly takes a calm breath and opens her eyes.

All around her, the shack looks almost exactly the same as it had before. It looks just as dull and dilapidated as when she had first opened her eyes here - only, all the dust is gone. All the dirt and grime and the carcasses of unkown little creatures have disappeared, as if the rafters, the floorboards, even the air itself, have been scrubbed clean during the interval of a long blink.

‘You...’ Not-Tom begins, only he seems to think better of it and instead continues, ‘Look down.’

She pushes herself to her feet and does so. Within the crack in the floor is a small, rectangular case, plain and black but for the small gold-gilded letters inscribed on the lid - T.M.R., it reads. Unlike the rest of the shanty, the box looks untouched by age, its edges straight and crisp, its paint gleaming and unfaded. Plain though it is, the case is... oddly compelling. It seems to beckon to her, wordless whispers of secrets and her greatest desires granted and the return of lost love. The jolt of pain from earlier all but forgotten, Holly crouches and reaches for the box with stubby little fingers.

‘STOP.’

Holly stops. Her hand hovers midair as she is brought back into herself.

‘You were lucky the first time,’ her disembodied passenger chastises. ‘You will not survive second contact. I have no desire for electrocution, so do not touch the artifact again unless I say.’

The child nods frantically in agreement, too disturbed by the brief loss of self-awareness to have done otherwise anyway.

‘How did you find your way here, of all places?’ murmurs Not-Tom, once more speaking at her, rather than to her. ‘It explains why my presence is magnified enough for coherence, but the questions this situation poses… they do not sit well by me.’

His voice fades off and Holly sits in silence, bewildered and a little scared. She knows that Not-Tom is thinking deeply on something because her mind feels heavy with the weight of his thoughts, intangible to her but for the unfamiliar strain between her temples. She's not sure what she's doing here, and now that the novelty of the situation has worn off, she can feel confusion and fear crawling to the forefront of her emotions, both warring for primacy.

She… she wants to leave. She wants to go back home. Dudley had witnessed her display of strangeness and she'll probably get a thorough scolding for it, maybe be sent to bed without supper, but that prospect is still eons better than staying here, alone in this dilapidated hovel without a single clue where she is and only a cruel, disembodied voice for company.

‘Yes,’ Not-Tom interrupts shortly. ‘Yes, that is a wise decision, present circumstances being as they are. Repair the floorboards and then leave this place, and do not return for as long as you are able.’

That sounds like a perfectly valid plan to Holly. She determinedly imagines the broken flooring beneath her being set to rights and, as politely as she can, asks her ‘magic’ to make it reality. The largest lath of floorboard floats level with the rest of the ground, and shards of wood, thin and grayed with age and use, piece themselves like puzzle pieces along the sharp edges of the break until it seems as if the boards had never been cracked at all.

Once the repairs are finished, she begs to be brought home. Her magic is only too happy to comply, and the moment her feet touch the plush grass carpeting 4 Privet Drive’s front yard, she springs into a dash straight into Aunt Tuney’s apron skirt with a bawl caught in her throat.

Later, when she's up in her room with only a single piece of toast for supper, she realizes that the voice from earlier is nowhere to be found. Her mind feels quieter. Lighter. Emptier. Quite honestly, she isn't sure if this relieves her or not, but she puts it out of mind as a singular occurrence and resolves to never think of it again. That night, her dreams are vibrant and bizarre.

… a snake with filigree wings rebukes her for trespassing into its castle of dust, saying she should have known better… after all, TMR is inscribed in gold on the black banner out front… oh no, why hadn’t she seen that earlier, so sorry… only, the room had been lit as luminously green as her eyes, and it had been so hard to see anything, you understand… if you bite me, mister snake, I will scream, except someone is already screaming…

Holly wakes up the next morning, and remembers little of the previous day’s misadventure. She goes down to breakfast, has fruit and cereal and orange juice, and plays with her few toys before Aunt Tuney calls her to attend a social gathering of the neighborhood children. Life goes on as normal.

And then, on one sweltering afternoon several years later, Holly meets Tom once more.

ORIGINAL NOTES —

What is this. What am I doing. Who am I. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH THIS //AGONIZED SCREM

Unlike the common fan misconception, James Potter’s parents were not Charlus and Dorea (née Black) Potter. They were actually named Fleamont and Euphemia. Honestly, I was going to make Holly’s middle name Lily, but my friends @our-brightest-stars and glossary (sidenote - please go check these people out they are wonderful authors and they helped me figure out my direction with this story so much mwahh such great friends) both gave a great big “No” to that, so Euphemia it is. It's definitely pretentious enough to suit the only heiress of an old pureblood family, and Lily was an awkward fit, in any case. I also struggled between the first names Holly and Harriet, but for the purposes of this story, a flower theme seemed more suitable to further ingratiate Harry to Petunia.

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