#i like 5 but the textures in 7 have bewitched me
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mahler 7 has entered my top 3 mahler symphonies uwu
#i say top 3 mahler but really its top 3 symphonies period i think#mahler 2 3 7 then rach 2 ..... then mahler 5#i like 5 but the textures in 7 have bewitched me
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nice guys finish last | m
synopsis. you thought you were over yoongiâs dick move of ending your engagement through his parents - not even a text when he disappeared out of your life. thatâs why you agreed to the newly arranged marriage with his brother, namjoon, but on the brink of your wedding day, it becomes apparent that you havenât really let go of the past as you tear up in front of your soon-to-be husband at the back room of the church.
âalternatively, âwe entered into this marriage for a mutual reason. not dreading to come home is more than i can ask for. so itâs okay if you want to see yoongi just... keep out of the spotlight like many in our shoes who found love outside of it have.â
pairings. husband!ceo!namjoon x doctor!reader x ex-fiance!producer!yoongi
genre. arraged marriage au. angst. fluff. smut.
word. 16.2k
content: age gap factor (namjoon is 5 years older than oc and yoongi is 7 years older than oc). pining. teasing. hoseok cockblocking.
warning(s):Â heavy adult content. mentions of cheating. hospital scenes.
verse. knj. ksj. myg. kth. pjm. jjk. jhs. story time.
x
âi donât want to marry you at all. the person i love is someone else.â there are tears brimming in your eyes but if thereâs anything the years of etiquette class namjoonâs parents forced on him taught him - heâd say he turned out okay - itâs to not mention to the crying lady that sheâs crying. but he canât help stare a little longer. admire a little too much.
the rays flooding through the window paired with the prettiest ivory dress heâs seen you in gives you an iridescent halo. you look like an angel descended from the top most heavens.
but not for him.
âi know,â he lets out a drawn out sigh, hand on his neck. heâs always been the awkward one between the two. if it was him - if it was his brother, he would say it without any ounce of self-reproach. but then again what does namjoon have to be sorry for? for being born? for being the second choice son to step into his brotherâs shoes when the aforementioned man threatened to disown the family name if their parents refused to let him marry a girl of his choice who, according to the workers��� gossip, âhe suddenly woke up one day and decided he was in love withâ?Â
âitâs yoongi, isnât it? you love yoongi.â
your eyes are prettier when youâre looking directly at him. the tears give them a kind of glow that makes him want to gather you into his arms and keep you there. the flushed cheeks affirms - despite saying it with full confidence, it was just - his hunch.
oh.
the ceremony proceeds rather smoothly. youâre still sniffling when your father passes your hand to him at the end of the aisle. the older man himself looks distraught. either he knows youâre against this marriage and hates himself for failing to put his daughterâs happiness before the guaranteed wealth that comes from marrying you off to the kim family or youâd gotten into a fight with him in a last ditch attempt to convince him to call off the marriage.
either way, youâre here now. the pastorâs words are muddled in your ears but itâs enough to take note of the end tone and the steely silence that ensues which could only mean itâs your turn to say those words.
âi do.â theyâre the easiest to get over with.
after endless fights with your parents, going on two hunger strikes and running away to paris for a year - you know youâre in the endgame. and youâve painstakingly and sorely lost.
he lifts the veil off your face, taking his time with setting it over your head. itâs no secret that kim namjoon is handsome. the kind of thick, textured-fabric-suit-wearing and sleek-back hair kind of handsome. yoongi was more of the hoodie-and-jeans and messy-in-need-of-a-trim hair kind of handsome. but he isnât yoongi.
you screw your eyes shut, refusing to let the memories of your own wedding vows embed in your head. those beautiful pink full lips are as soft as they look. but theyâre not kissing you on your pressed-into-a-straight-line lips. betrayed by your curiosity, your eyes flutter open only to gaze upon the smooth cream skin that wraps around his neck and just the gentle protrusion of his adamâs apple as he pulls way.
your newly-wed husband has just kissed you on the forehead.
x
adjusting to married life is as easy as slipping on your favorite shoes. itâs perfect. almost unsettling even. the beach house off the coast of the private island namjoonâs family owns is breathtaking. the sound of waves crashing against the shores is your constant companion as you work on your research. itâs a project you had to put aside when you graduated. the first year at the hospital is the busiest, or so your senior colleagues say.Â
namjoon strides into the kitchen sometime past noon, all fresh and showered with a fitting long sleeved shirt and trousers. itâs the most dressed down youâve ever seen and yet for some people you know, itâs the fanciest they can get. sometimes you wonder if the standards have hit the ground or if namjoonâs so well-adapted into the routine of dressing up presentable enough to go to his office on an off day in case something calls for it.
âgood morning.â you greet first, traces of the embarrassing tear-jerking wedding ceremony still lingers in the back of your mind - youâd tried to explain yourself on the way here in the boat but namjoon had easily blew your worries away with a light chuckle and a âiâd do the same too if i loved someone and had to marry another person.â
itâs not unusual for you to already be perched on the elegant gold sofa adjacent to the sliding doors that has the best view of the sea. the master bedroom is the other part of the beach house with spectacular view - youâd been entranced when you stepped into the room on your first day. but namjoon suggested you stay in the guest room, knowing thereâs no way you would share a bed with him -
âor you can take this room and i take the guest room,â he added a moment later, probably because he saw you staring out the balcony, bewitched by the sea. that had broke you from your trance and youâd shook your head so much in protest, you were surprised it didnât fall right off your neck. ân-no! i mean - iâll take the guestroom.â
his parents had been nice enough to lend their private beach house for you honeymoon. you werenât going to step over their son and conquer the master bedroom - even if technically, you���re now part of the family.
âmorning.â he fixes you with that half-smile. the kind of smile you give to someone youâre in an complacent relationship with but nothing more.
at least youâve got that going for you. and thatâs a rarity coming from the gossips youâve heard here and there about marriages found on the ground of convenience.
his eyes swipe over the ipad in your shorts-donned lap from his spot, leaned against the counter in the kitchen, pitch black mug of coffee with wafts of smoke coming out of it, âhowâs your research going?â
âwell,â you set the ipad down on the glass surface of the coffee table, itâs bare of anything besides your phone thatâs been lighting up from the notifications. one from your mother, another from the group of friends you found in college, and the rest is from your strictly-women group from the hospital, âthe world wide web is resourceful and all but it canât beat the information in actual books - papers, you know?â
âah, the traditional way of researching.â he chuckles, dimples digging into his cheek, enhancing his handsome features. you never knew he had dimples. not that you knew much about him - youâd only properly talked on the day of your wedding, in the back room and the first thing you said was -
you suppress the memories further down your thoughts. it works for the most part, but you canât help the flush that spreads across your face. so the laugh you let out is a little strained and if he notices, he doesnât show - like he pretends not to notice a plenty many things.
but alas, he knew your secret crush - was it still just a crush you had for yoongi? youâre not sure.
âwhat can i say? iâm raised traditional.â
x
that was two weeks ago. now, youâre back to working your ass off at the hospital, being grilled to the bones by your supervisor, getting reprimanded over being one minute late and then being told to run to the cafe five minutes from the hospital to buy your supervisors their favorite strawberry smoothie topped with sprinkles.
âkim seokjin, that dickwad.â jennie huffs, her cat-like eyes making it appear as though sheâs plotting the manâs death. âheâs working you to the bones as soon as you get back.â
âhe probably thinks iâm not that serious about my residency since my family has enough fortune to sustain me for my whole lifetime,â you can only laugh at that, her anger has sucked all the tiredness and annoyance you have for your supervisor right out of you. it feels refreshing, âall the more reason to prove him wrong.â
âenough about that asshole,â jisoo waves a dismissive hand off and you know whatâs coming is far more terrifying: she blinks, eyes filled with stars and cherry red lips curling into the kind of smile that can only mean one thing, âhow was it? the second son of kimcorp. were there rose petals on bed? candles lit around the house? a romantic, sizzling-â
âsorry, jisoo, i gotta go get ready for the dinner. iâll buy you lunch tomorrow, okay?â you clasp your hands together apologetically when your phone buzzes with the reminder you set a week prior:Â 8am annual kimcorp dinner.
you breathe a sigh of relief as you shake off your white coat, draping it over your recliner before escaping to the washroom with a bag of makeup and the dust-proof cover bag of the outfit youâre wearing for tonight. by the time youâre touching up on your nude lipstick, your phone buzzes again but this time, the screen lights up with namjoonâs name on it.
âhey,â his voice is deeper through the phone - itâs the first time he calls you. there was never any reason for you to call each other but you suppose, heâs calling to make sure youâre not forgetting the dinner -
âiâm in front of the hospital.â
or maybe not.
âwh-what do you mean?â your cheeks heat up from the thought of namjoon waiting for you in his audi. the image, too domestic for your liking.
âwell, you canât drive so i thought iâd pick you up.â he says it like its the simplest equation to understand.
ânamjoon,â the name feels foreign on your tongue regardless of how many times you taste it when you need to tell him something - to set the line straight, âi didnât know you were gonna pick me up so i already told kyungsoo to pick me up. heâs probably already here. sorry i didnât tell you sooner.â
âi know,â he says simply.
âe-excuse me?â while youâre beyond confused.
âi told your parents iâd pick you up so kyungsooâs driving them to the dinner.â
âoh.â
wait. what?!Â
x
namjoon is confident in his driving skills - as he is with everything he does. heâs almost perfect. the line of his shoulders seem at ease as he stirs the wheel with one hand and the other rests on the gear, inches away from your scarlet clad thighs.
âwhy isnât hoseok driving you?â the aforementioned man sticks to him like glue. everywhere namjoon goes, he goes. itâs a given since heâs the head secretary but anyone whoâs seen them interact could tell thereâs more than boss-employee relationship between them. they seem like close friends which is unlikely be given namjoonâs too-serious nature and hoseokâs joke-cracking every five minutes - but not impossible.
his face remains the same as he keeps his eyes on the road, humming briefly, âhe had a thing.â
âcan secretaries have a thing and leave their boss to drive for himself like that?â that doesnât sound right. you may not be actively involved in fecam industriesâ affairs but mr. jung, your dadâs secretary, spends more time with your dad than the two men do with their wives - thatâs how demanding the business world is. but could hoseok get a free pass because of his and namjoonâs friendship?
namjoon chuckles, dimples and all and you canât help but blush at the side profile. if anything, he has a sharp jawline and beautiful neck-
you push the thought as soon as it comes. neck? who finds necks beautiful?
âhe had a date but itâs not until a couple hours,â the tone he uses is light and playful but underlined with a sort of bashfulness that you donât know kim namjoon was capable of, âi told him to go home because i wanted to pick you up myself.â
your cheeks heat up all over again as you stare at him a little too long. so much so, the hand thatâs been comfortably perched on the gear goes to the back of his neck in an unsure manner.
âi just needed to talk to you about something.â he explains, just as awkward as he was in the back room at the church.
âokay.â eyes turned to the road too, you can see namjoon breathing a sigh of relief from your periphery. that couldnât have been because of you could it? was he nervous because you were watching him? âwhat did you want to talk about?â
he clears his throat, that natural ease in his tone returning, âif it gets uncomfortable - if anyone asks, we met because you were yoongiâs fiancee and we couldnât help but fall in love. but you wanted to intern at a hospital in paris so thatâs why weâve only gotten married now.â
you take awhile to digest the information until something in your stomach doesnât sit right with you, âyou want me to... lie?â
his bottom lip gets trapped between his teeth just for the briefest moment as he thinks about it. he probably didnât expect you to disagree but he admits his mistake faster than half the people you know your whole life would, âiâm sorry, i didnât think it would weight on your conscience. i was thought itâd be hard on you if some ass- someoneâs going to start a rumor about you but i didnât ask how youâd feel about it.â
âi see.â you simply nod. itâs true that youâre the pass-up fiancee who got between two people who fell in love in college but the other is the son of a renown family and engaged while the other is an arts major from a normal working family. unable to let bygones be bygones, you decide to marry the younger brother to your fiance - or so the story goes. âbut they already know i was yoongiâs fiancee and i ended up marrying you. i donât need - no, i donât want to explain myself to anyone.â
despite that big talk, your can feel the prickle of tears in your eyes. namjoon steals a glance at you and he never mentions the glassiness of your gaze - if anything, he smiles. itâs different than the usual smiles. this one, though wordless, says heâs following your flow. do what you like and if and when things get though, you can count on me.
x
dinner has yet started when you arrived. guests are still arriving and waiters and waitresses are carrying trays of champagne glasses around. in a distance, your friends wave at you to come over. you smile, hand falling away from namjoonâs since you needed to at least do that in front of the paparazzo that were waiting outside. eager, hungry for gossip about the wedding that shook south koreaâs business world.
âgirl, you are glowing.â yerin literally screams. itâs a secret to no one that sheâs hinting on your recent marriage and private island getaway. but nothing happened.
âhow are you girls? itâs been so long.â you side hug eunha, letting her arms wrap around your waist as you stand huddled together.
you havenât seen them since you got back from paris. the wedding was attended by thousands of people - all of whom, your and namjoonâs familyâs associates. but you had your hands full shaking hands and smiling next to your husband because these people matter to namjoon. or at least he has an interest over them. business deals. merges. trades. kimcorps carries out every kinds of business they can get their hands on. namjoon passingly mentioned about the work-in-progress for a private hospital.
you dread the likelihood of having to leave the hospital youâre working in right now for family-run one but you know itâs quite impossible to not get involved when you, yourself is a doctor.
âwe werenât the ones who went under the radar and came back and got married to the second son of kimcorp.â yuju huffs sulkily, cheeks pinked from the champagne sheâs had but she isnât that far gone when she clamps her mouth shut a second later, eyebrows furrowing in guilt.
sowon nudges her side anyway, mouthing her something as your gaze falls on the light caught in your black gucci heels.
âi-iâm sorry, ___ that didnât come out right.â comes a heartbeat later, she sounds just as sorry as her words as you offer her a small smile.Â
âitâs okay, itâs the truth anyway.â
âstop that,â eunha suddenly gripes, her gaze boring into you and rips apart the barrier youâve tried so hard to maintain, âweâve been friends since elementary school, we know how whipped you are for that asshole so-â she sniffles while youâre left wondering if itâs her who had an ex-fiance break if off and had his parents relay the news on a bi-weekly dinner.Â
âsheâs trying to say you can cry or get mad or curse that dipshit around us. donât hold back.â sowon finishes, lips twitching as she enjoys watching the vulnerable state of the otherwise fiercest one among you.
something in your chest feels light. like a weight being lifted off your shoulders as you study the girlâs face one by one. sowonâs and yerinâs smirk, yujuâs nodding and eunhaâs teary eyes.Â
âyoongi, heâs-â you take a deep breath and it feels almost dramatic as the second stretches on while you build up the hurt, the anxiousness, the disbelief that the man put you through, â-a fucking idiot.â
âyou bet he is,â yerinâs basically screams, swiping a glass for you and holding hers up, âthat fucking idiot.â
you tighten your side hug on eunha in an âiâm okayâ gesture as you clink your glasses together.
itâs a few moments later that murmurs start to spread around. the tension that comes with the latest arrived guest thick enough to command every attention in the room.
âsheâs ballsy. coming here.â sowon offhandedly comments, eyes trained on the girl who has her hand on yoongiâs arm like an iron clamp. âright into the lionâs den.â
she may not have her parentsâ money to groom her into the women you and the girls are. but maybe thatâs why she has her own air. her poised steps, coupled with a cocktail creme laced dress and relaxed smile easily gives her an innocent cloak. someone friendly and good-tempered and can adjust well to her suddenly-plunged-into-money circumstance when she married yoongi. that must have been why you never heard any bad rumors about her even though thereâs almost always at least one gossip enthusiast in these socials.
âugh, i hate her!â yuju hisses, eyes more focused as she places her glass onto one of the waiterâs trays.
âi-i think iâm going to get myself some snacks.â with that, you slip past the guests until youâre at the end of the room, standing in front of the everything-you-can-eat table lined up with pastries only from the best bakes.
that moment, when you looked from her to yoongi, your eyes met. his hair is a little longer than you remember it, flowing in light blue tresses until just a few centimeters above his eyebrows. the first two buttons of his shirt is undone. her doesnât wear a necktie - he despises how suffocating they feel. but heâs managed to keep on his blazer - he used to say they were hot and took them off and left them in the back seat of the car when you arrived at an event. he used to attend these events with you. just the two of you. for four years. you thought youâd keep doing so for longer after you got married.
âyou know, theyâre not plastic and made for display.â a voice breaks you from your train of thoughts.
âp-pardon?â you blink once. confused.
âthe pastries,â namjoon lulls his head to the side where towers of tarts, macaroons, pavlova and sliced cakes stand tall and proud, âtheyâre edible.â
it takes a moment for you to register that he was joking - kim namjoon? cracking jokes?
his smile tilts higher when you chuckle. itâs brief but the look of relief oh his face lingers. he must have seen you escape from your group of friends. and this is his own way of checking up on you.
âthank you, namjoon.â you murmur low enough for only you and him to hear, lips tugging in the corners. âbut iâm fine - i just - seeing him for the first time like this - itâs just unexpected. even though this is an annual dinner held by his family and he has every right to be here.â
âthatâs her? the ex-fiancee?â a guest asks in a hushed tone somewhere a few feet away. but sheâs not very discreet as she thinks she is.
âyeah, she couldnât get the older brother so she went for the younger one.â
apparently, her company needs to attend classes on how-to-whisper-101 too.
âhow mortifying. and the brother just goes with it?â
âhe must have felt compelled to save her face. you know how nice and well-mannered he is-â
the low noise namjoon makes under his breath catches your attention. the muscles on his face is strained and twisted. it barely shows. just a crease between his eyebrows and the lack of smile. he hardly ever smiles from the tabloids and interviews youâve seen of him so people might not notice the displeasure. but after a whole month of knowing namjoon, if thereâs anything you can say for certain about the man, itâs the stockpile of smiles he has to offer.
ânamjoon, itâs okay. i donât care.â you smile, itâs forced and you know he notices it right off the bat but sighs anyway, shoulder line falling just slightly as he runs a hand over his sleek styled hair.
his lips move and you hear the words he uttered but somehow your mind couldnât comprehend the information without going blank. âs-sorry?â
âit agitates me that theyâre freely spewing bullshit like this,â he huffs, cheeks tinted pink at having to repeat his words. âitâs taking everything in me not to go over there and tell them their husbands have at least one business deal with kimcorp. and i can end it and itâd plunge their family into bankruptcy.â
âwh-why would you do such a thing?â the question comes out almost dumbly but if it did, he doesnât say. he just... keeps looking at you.
youâre barely able hold yourself from squirming under his scrutiny, the smile now awkward in all places.
âif you donât mind, can i kiss you?â his eyes widen just the slightest bit as he corrects himself, âon the forehead i mean.â
he clears his throat, eyes straying away from you as if he couldnât bear to look at your face after that mistake. âjust so i can prove to them i wasnât forced to marry you.â
the light pinkish blush spreads to the tip of his ears and neck as he shifts his weight from one foot to another. youâre not sure why, but the sight in front of you is endearing and you find yourself saying-
âokay, kiss me.â
you didnât specify where. and maybe, as the heat flares across your own cheeks when his arm band around your waist and a warm hand presses up against you cheekbone - maybe you want him to kiss you somewhere else.
the chatter stops and so does time. but itâs only for as long as namjoonâs full lips are on your forehead, kissing you for the second time. then, time resumes and murmurs begin to spread louder than when yoongi made his arrival. when the gravelly voice speaks from somewhere behind namjoon, you know why.
âget a room, will you?â yoongiâs tone is light - youâd taken a whole year getting used to it to know heâs being playful and not condescending.
âyoongi.â namjoon greets, unlike the elder man, his sounds better natured but thereâs a sort of underlying detachment. his arm is still on your lower back almost as if he needs to feel that youâre here or heâd be completely detached. âi didnât think youâd show up. you hate these events.â
the aforementioned man draws out a long sigh as though heâs been found out over a poorly told lie. âi donât but naeun wanted to go - you know how things are with mom and dad. she thinks itâs gonna make them open up.â
itâs no secret your father and mother-in-law doesnât talk about yoongiâs marriage - they never do around you but you thought they were being considerate. but what yoongiâs saying right now could mean his relationship with his parents are far more strained than you thought itâd be. especially since they had let him marry the girl of his dreams whoâs clearly below their standards.
she - naeun - is standing somewhere near the exit, conversing with the notorious older generation that yerin duped âthe wickedsâ. for their ways of gaining wealth, for their poor treatment towards their employees, for socially shunning a young man - new money, for addressing one of them casually. she is ballsy.
âitâs been awhile,â yoongiâs directly addressing you now. the tug on his lips as playful as an old friendâs greeting. you donât know how he can look at you like nothing happened. âyouâre finally a resident now, huh?â
âyeah, finally.â you smile, the kind of smile that celebrates her triumph. the celebration part is true but the smile is every bit unnatural. but it seems to fool yoongi as he nods, proud.
somewhere in your chest, the strings on your heart clenches at the unchanging personality of this man. no wonder you like him.
before the conversation can tread further down memory lane, thereâs an announcement to have the guests move to another room where dinner is being served.
âweâll get going first then.â namjoon announces, guiding you by the waist as yoongi nods, waiting for naeun to come to his side before going in himself.
x
 dinner went smoother than expected. yoongi and naeun showed up uninvited and were placed in the back seats where the people socially displaced guests are. you felt bad when you saw naeunâs distorted expression as waiters bring in chairs to the table for the both of them. but thereâs nothing you could have done.
âyou have an 8am shift tomorrow, right?â namjoon asks as you slip your heels off, wincing at when one of them brushes against the blisters. theyâre gonna be a bitch to deal with tomorrow.
stretching your arms out as you walk up the stairs, you hum in confirmation. âmhm, and you have dinner with ms. yoo, right?â
itâs ironic how you know each otherâs schedule despite not being anything more than two people sharing one house and happens to be married. guess youâll chalk it up with the fact that you both respect each other enough to be aware of each otherâs whereabouts - not the creepy kind of way but the share-me-your-live-location-so-i-know-youâre-safe kind of way.
namjoon was quiet until you take a left to where the guest bedroom-turned-permanent-bedroom is, âit got rescheduled.â
your hand hovers over the door handle as you crane your neck to look at the man on the top of the stairs. his bow tie is loosened, the button to his color undone and his blazer is draped over one arm - a telltale sign of a final end to the night. âi was hoping we could have dinner to together. after work.â
yes but you donât usually go straight home after work. you usually spend time at the library either at your previous college or at the hospital. youâve decided to continue your research no matter how taxing it may be since you came back from the honeymoon. namjoon knows and the fact he asks you to dinner anyway - itâs unlike him.
heâs the kind of person that would ask if you had free time and match his schedule to yours. not ask for your time.
âyeah, sure.â you say and you think you see his shoulder line sagging as if heâs just let out a long-held breath, âpick me up at 8?â
âyeah.â he nods, dimples showing as his lips curl at your answer, âat 8.â
only when the door closes behind you, do you let yourself slide down to the ground. heels lying next to your thighs and dress in need of being sent for washing. your cheeks are and neck and ears are hot. dinner? just you and namjoon? like... a date?
x
jisoo isnât around when lunch rolls by.
âa patient got rolled into er this morning - couldnât contact any of his family members. suho decided to go ahead with surgery but he reacted badly to the anesthesia so she had to make up for her suhoâs mistake and monitor his patient.â jennieâs face scrunches at the other womanâs supervisor pushing the task on her. shoving a forkful of the cheese cake, she sighs as the medical professional side take over, âthank god the surgery went smoothly though despite all that.â
you hum in contemplation, comparing the well-established crazy bitch seokjin who pushes those under his supervision to their limits and suhoâs less-than-extreme approach. you used to envy jisoo and jennie for getting suho as their supervisor but at the end of the day, with every push from seokjin, you get out of it stronger and wiser. âi hope she doesnât forget to have her meals.â
the day ends faster than usual. of course with rounds and surgeries you have to assist with, youâve always find yourself barely realizing the setting sun - the sign of that your shift has ended.
but you could have sworn it was 5pm when you last checked the time. an car crash patient had arrived at the er and you forgot youâd left your phone on your desk, running out to assist the critical patient. itâs only when youâve plopped into your recliner, head thrown back in fatigue, do you notice the vibration of your phone.
namjoonâs name flashes across your screen. your eyes almost bulges out of their sockets as you swipe to the right.
the deep voice from the other end is as calm as ever, âhey, ___-â
ânamjoon!â you almost scream with guilt, phone pressed between your cheek and your shoulder as you shrug the coat off one shoulder before using the free now free hand to hold the phone and shrug off the other shoulder, âwhere are you?â
âiâm at the parking lot. i couldnât wait at the lobby because i was obstructing the other cars - i called you a few times.â he sounds almost concerned and your heart clenches tightly in you chest at the thought of him waiting for you for over an hour.
you burst onto the parking lot - searching for the sleek black audi until a red bugatti rolls over. youâre about to take a step back seeing as youâre almost standing in the middle of the road - when the driver on the other side of the car steps out. his usually gelled hair is mussed from the amount of times he ran his hand over it, cuffs rolled to just below his elbow, revealing the dark veins that run just below the skin on his arm.Â
namjoon fixes you with that eased smile, going around the gently purring vehicle and opening the door to the passenger seat for you. the arm which hand he uses to hold the door open pulls on the thin fabric of his button down in all the right places. so this is a the normal end-of-the-day look.
you always get back a bit later than him and by the time he looks up from his work thatâs laid out over the coffee table, he would usually already have bathed and changed into one of those long-sleeved shirts.
x
the restaurant he initially booked for dinner had cancelled. naturally. so you end up in a barbecue place five minutes away from the hospital. this is where you and your colleagues go when to celebrate a birthday, promotion or finally-having-a-boyfriend/girlfriend.
the slices of meat sizzles on the grill, its marinated aroma wafting in the air. but your stomach churns with a different kind of sensation - guilt. âi-iâm sorry. because of me you had to wait an hour and got cancelled by the restaurant.â
then, he chuckles. itâs the same kind of good natured chuckle that reverberates every time you say something amusing - but you canât see how any of this is.
his says your name. the syllabus rolls out of his tongue in waves but you chalk up the blush spreading on your face with the heat of the grill so close to you. he leans back against the backrest, sleeves filled out to the brim as he crosses his arms over his chest. âyou were the one saving a life. all i did was wait.â
ây-yeah but still.â no emergency is foreseeable, otherwise you could have saved more lives than you do now. and itâs still not enough. âi forgot about you.â
namjoon nods, taking your words into consideration - as if he never thought about it that way. as if he truly doesnât mind wasting his time over some woman he has to tolerate because heâs married to her. âcook me dinner then.â
âwh-what?â
âi donât want you to beat yourself up and i know whatever i say is going to come off as me being nice.â the corners in his lips tugs upwards, âso make it to me by cooking dinner.â
once your brain is done registering what he said, you clutch your hands in your lap as though youâre clinging onto this one time chance to make up for your fault, âyes! i-i mean yeah, sounds fair.â
the smooth sound of his chuckle isnât lost to the sizzle of the meat. to him, it must be a small matter but to you, itâs a matter of pride.
âthis saturday then?â you offer, a bit too eager.
almost as if remembering something, he releases a long drawn out sigh, âbusiness trip to tokyo.â
ânext weekend?â
âmomâs home sweeter home fundraiser for the orphans on saturday. sunday?â
ânight shift. how bout breakfast?â
âgolf with seollyuâs director.â
a heavy pause lapses in the room. after a moment, namjoon reaches for the chopsticks, flipping the slices of meat over.
your shoulders sag, lips pursed in a pout. this isnât an unusual occurrence in your years of being the daughter of your family. your father is devoutly involved in the family business and your mother is busy with her charity work. youâve celebrated birthdays with the staff more than you do with them.
the glint of the chopstick thatâs placing a piece of meat on your plate catches your eyes. you study the long nimble fingers to the vein that runs from the back of its hand and disappear somewhere below his arm before you gulp, meeting his eyes - did he notice you checking out his arm?
âweâll figure something out.â if he did, he doesnât say as he fixes you with an assuring smile, âbut right now you need to get some food in you. eat up dr. ___. you did great today at work.â
this time, you really canât blame the grill for the blush.
x
âyou couldâve told mom you couldnât do brunch.â namjoon tells you in the elevator to the 15th floor of your in-lawsâ house. itâs been three days since that night. heâs left for work but prior to this morning, heâd already made it clear that it was no problem at all picking you up from home.
heâs probably saying this because of the lack of makeup youâd put on. some pats of compact powder and bright red lipstick canât hide the bags underneath those tired eyes. youâd spend extra hours reading about the defective genes and the fix to remodel them so every child born from parents from a history of relatives with inheritable diseases could live a life without the risk of said disease.
âiâm fine.â you wave a dismissive hand before stretching in the compact space in a last ditch attempt to wake yourself up and hopefully look fresher by the time you reach the floor. ââsides, iâve been so focused on work, itâs nice to see mom and dad every once in awhile.â
youâve gotten used to referring to mr. and mrs. kim as if theyâre your own parents - in a way, they are. youâve known them for as long as you can remember.
âyou have to be at the hospital by noon, right?â
you hum in confirmation. though you insisted on grabbing a cab to the hospital since itâs on the opposite side of the office, namjoon had insisted better. âmhm, oh weâre here.â
a ding! echoes throughout the elevator when it stops, doors opening to a hallway with black and yellow walls and ceiling, paired with honey marble flooring. it takes a few seconds before the black door at the end of the hallway to swing open but instead of the warm smile of the elderly lady, a bring and vibrant naeun beams at the both of you.
âyouâre here. come in.â she steps aside, the hem of her sundress fluttering as she moves.
your body tenses at the proximity of the woman who you thought you could avoid until a much later time. and from the barely noticeable lifted brows that namjoon does, you know he wasnât expecting his sister-in-law too. if sheâs here, so is yoongi.
âwe picked these up on the way.â you hand her the paris baguette paper bag. youâd ordered a mix of fruit tarts, cinnamon rolls and macaroon. all of which you remember mrs. kim mentioning to be her favorites.Â
âoh! you shouldnât have but thank you.â up close, naeun is much more prettier with a natural pinkish tint across her cheeks that makes her seem dreamy and glossed cheery lips that complements the gentle air she carries around. she passes the bag to one of the staff thatâll probably unbox them and plate them.
you offer her a smile - though a bit strained. and she must have noticed when she sighs softly, eyes darting to her fuchsia flats before looking back up at you with a furrowed brows. but even when sheâs frowning, sheâs pretty.
âiâve been wanting to meet you and properly apologize for not being able to attend the wedding - i had an exhibition that day in prague and yoongi wouldnât let me go by myself even though i thought at least one of us should go to his brotherâs wedding.â she chuckles at the last part as if replaying the heartwarming scene of her protective husband choosing his wife over his family. you can feel every fiber of your body coiling and writhing - it takes everything for you not to leave through the door. would yoongi have done the same for you?
âthis must be awkward for you, isnât it?â her lips tug into a half-smile - a telltale that sheâs equally uncomfortable to talk about this topic. âwith you and yoongi being engaged before but now iâm the one married to him. but i hope we can put everything past us and be a family.â
but something in the way she talks - itâs as if she sympathizes. as if sheâs saying itâs okay, you shouldnât feel ashamed. but what are you supposed to be shameful of? of being engaged to yoongi before? of marrying his brother when said engagement fell through? perhaps you should have gave mrs. kim a hard ânoâ when she pleaded with teary eyes for you and your parentsâ forgiveness when she and mr. kim had to break the news over dinner two years ago. so you wouldnât have to develop a hard skin and pretend you didnât care about the ruthless rumors that have spread far and wide after your marriage to namjoon.Â
âoh? yeah, it was a long time ago.â you offhandedly say - itâs that moment, when her eyes twitches just the slightest bit that you realize it wasnât all just in your head. she did mean to make you feel embarrassed when she started mentioning the engagement.
you join namjoon and mrs. kim at the garden while naeun follows suit a second later, taking the middle among the three seats. the elder womanâs eyes light up at the sight of you, her heels clacking against the wooden flooring as she crosses the distance and engulfs you in a hug. you hug back, smiling at the womanâs motherly warmth.
â___, my favorite daughter, what happened to you?â she cups your cheeks, brows furrowing as she seem to examine your complexion.
you shouldâve used concealer.Â
âthe hospital is working you to the bone isnât it? why, itâs been awhile since i had lunch with chairman lee, maybe i should give his wife a call.â
thatâs how it works when you have connections. if someoneâs daughter or son fails to get into college or a job through regular exams or interviews, a dinner or lunch with the director of the institution will get the child admitted overnight. thatâs probably why seokjin was harder on you than usual when you got back from your honeymoon - he must think youâre not serious about being a doctor. itâs not a secret he came from old money but heâd cut off all ties with his family when he started working. he has more ethics than half of the people you know.
â___ doesnât like it when you do these things, mom.â yoongi grumbles - always the painfully honest one. the chair screeches as he pulls it and plops between naeun and namjoon while their father occupies the seat next to mrs. kim. it looks like they just came from mr. kimâs home office. and judging from the stiffness of their posture, the talk must have been a serious one.
namjoonâs shoulder line tightens just the slightest bit - you almost thought it was just a figment of your imagination but when you steal a glance at his face, you know heâs not too keen in having yoongi sit next to him. so you werenât imagining it when he seemed like he was escaping yoongi by not waiting for naeun to come and walk with you to into the dining hall.
youâre not lost to yoongiâs familiar tone when he spoke on your behalf. but youâre not happy either. forcing a laugh, you push a strand to the back of your ear for the sake of doing something, âi-itâs not the hospital. iâve been staying up late to work a bit on my research.â
a worker comes with the baked goods you brought. theyâre plated on perfectly polished ceramic - you can easily see your forced smile in its reflection when the woman sets them down the table in front of you.Â
âresearch?â yoongi lifts one eyebrow at you. too casually. and it takes you back to those times when you used to visit him at his collegeâs library and youâd bring your homework with you whilst you slip in a few âwhat i didâs as he typed away on his mac but still managed to keep up with you and asked questions here and there. a sign that heâd been present and listening.
â___���s been working on researching how segregate defective genes during the fetal stage so the fetus wonât take on their parentsâ inherent diseases when theyâre born.â namjoon explains the simplified version almost as though itâs part of his day-to-day line of work. he grins at you, the corners of his lips tugging with pride - a gratification of being able to show you off.
âthatâs good. youâre making a difference in this world.â mr. kim is the first to break the silence. and in the years youâve known him, it means the highest level of flattery youâll ever get from the man.
your cheeks are flushed red and you know well enough itâs not because of mr. kimâs compliment than it is his sonâs. âitâs still just a research draft but th-thank you. mister-â the elder man raises his brow and you quickly correct yourself, âi mean, dad.âÂ
he nods at the word, the slightest hint of smile disappearing under the cup of tea he brings to his mouth.
âbut still, donât push yourself too hard. working as a doctor takes up a lot of time already.â naeun fixes you with a worried gaze but something about her tone makes your stomach churn - itâs as if sheâs playing down the time and effort youâd invested in your research and reminding you to focus on your paying job. even if you did downplay yourself when you were responding to mr. kim. before you can sort out the wave of emotions clashing inside you, namjoon seems to beat you to it.
ânot everyone can do what ___âs doing. itâs okay if she wants to do more,â a hand slips under yours in your lap, reverting your gaze from the beautiful woman to the apparent difference in the size of yours and namjoon before you turn your cheek to him. it was a mistake because now youâre holding your breath as you come face to face. his body is leaned into you as he speaks, âiâll just take care of ___ better.â
he turns to naeun, lips twitching upwards in a brief smile as if to enforce it more and putting a finality to the topic. but youâre left staring at namjoonâs sharp jawline until mrs. kim makes a squealing sound as she clamps her mouth shut in an attempt to tease you.
âgosh, is my baby all grown up now? heâs saying heâll take care of his wife!â
the chuckle you let out is nowhere near natural or entertained. not when your insides are burning and you think your heart is going into overdrive from how fast itâs beating. and it doesnât help that namjoonâs too casually playing along âof course, i only have one wife.â
x
ânamjoon,â you take a second to gather yourself, hands fiddling in your lap as the car rolls to a stop in front of the lobby. the man fixes you with an inquisitive gaze. of course, who wouldnât be wondering whatâs up if their name was spoken with so much weight in them like you did with namjoonâs? âwhat was that? the wife thing?â
he stares into the street as he sifts through his memory before he fixes you with a gaze clouded with guilt, âiâm sorry. i got carried away - it wonât happen again.â
and thatâs the thing. namjoon is too fast in admitting his fault. but you didnât bring it up because you wanted an apology-
âno, i donât mind.â you shake your head almost too eagerly before back tracking and clearing your throat, âi mean, itâs true. weâre married - i am your wife.â
the corners of his lips upturns at your last words and he doesnât bother to hide it as he waits for you to finish - but how can you when heâs looking at you so tenderly like that?
âitâs just - too soon?â you curse yourself for sounding so meek but any louder, your heart might just jump out of your throat.
namjoon nods, that contemplative look settling on his face and takes away that smile only to return it with a dimpled grin. one hand slides in between yours and guiding the back of your hand to his lips.
âweâll take it slow then.â
you can only nod, afraid that if you tried to speak, you would forget how to. the light rap on your side of the window catches both your attention. itâs the parking management. stealing a glance at the cars that are beginning to queue up behind you, you hurriedly gather your bag and hop out of the car.
cheeks flushed, you barely register waving back at namjoon when he leans over the passenger seat just to shoot you that dimpled smile and a âsee you at homeâ.
you turn on your heels. the sharp click bounces against the white walls. a small smile spreads across your lips as you think about namjoonâs words.
yeah, the penthouse does feel like home.
x
this isnât slow at all. youâre barely progressing.
it feels like everyday is passing by too fast what with the abundance of functions youâve told namjoon you wanted to go with when youâre not working, to cramming some time for research and trying to find the time to at least make breakfast when youâre not on morning shift. though on some mornings, heâd beat you to breakfast and youâd wake up to the delectable smell of omelette or bacon.
âyou must be thrilled about the new hospital, mrs. kim,â mrs. hwan is generally an agreeable woman along with her husband, the president of a small startup firm. theyâre the first couple to approach you and namjoon since you arrived at the party. but thatâs just it - the smiling, the talking, the eagerness doesnât show in their eyes. itâs all about building connections while maintaining a good enough acquaintanceship. âare you going to be managing it directly since youâre a doctor yourself?â
ânaturally,â the tug on your lips and the smoothness of your response is almost effortless. youâre no stranger to this scene - except back then, you would be standing next to yoongi. though your hand wouldnât be tucked in his arm like yours is with namjoon. âthough i still have a lot to learn, i hope the next two years will help me prepare to for eden.â
two years is the estimated time that eden hospital will be able to run. youâd finish your residency by then. all thatâs left is to take the next step. just like your parents had planned for you as theyâd planned many things. you never had the power to object.
mrs. hwan goes on to sprinkling empty praises while her husband laughs in deflated humor. they say the way to a successful business deal is through the wife.
once namjoon gets swamped by more people, you gently pull your hand away from his arm. you donât miss the pleading look he fixes you when he notices your intention but you can only return a âyou can do it!â smile and slip away from the limelight.
the balcony area is dark, illuminated only by the fading light the pours over the floor past the door frame. you donât expect the air to be this chilly at the beginning of summer but then again, namjoon did suggest bringing a coat - you were just too stubborn to because it would ruin the off shoulder look of your dress.
a sneeze escapes you a moment later as you hug yourself in an attempt to retain your body heat. but the warmth that engulfs you seems impossible to have come from just your puny palms - heck, your fingers were starting to feel prickly cold. thereâs a sort of weight on your shoulders that wasnât there before-
âidiot, youâre gonna catch a cold.â yoongi tuts from next to you - he has his hands in his pockets, all donned in crisp white shirt and checkered grey trousers and vest. all thatâs missing is a matching blazer - the one that he placed around you just now.
somewhere in the recesses of your memories, you remember him taking off the muffler he had on and wrapping it around your neck when you showed up for your âchristmas dateâ with a pink nose and pinker ears - you could barely feel them. yoongi was that kind of person - the kind that acted like everything is a whole load of inconvenience and yet went to greater length to inconvenient himself for you.
âthanks. i thought i was going to freeze to death if i have to hide out here for another hour.â you tug the thick material of the blazer closer - the warmth of his heat feels just right.
âthen you shouldnât have come in the first place.â he must have noticed the higher-than-an-octave tone he uses before ruffling his hair - itâs the first youâve ever seen him so unsure. is it really because of you?
âitâs fine. besides, what kind of wife would i be if i let namjoon get eaten by the pack of wolves by himself?â you chuckle at the fact that youâd done just that when you escaped the growing crowd of businessmen.
but when you notice the lack of humor on yoongiâs face, your own dies down. heâs staring at you with an indecipherable look. itâs not the bored expression he usually sports - not also the anger from the outburst just now. before you can say anything, namjoonâs lean silhouette appears in the doorway. you canât see his face but his tone is strained. âweâre leaving, if youâre both done catching up.â
âso soon?â you know for a fact it probably hasnât even been fifteen minutes - and youâre supposed to linger for at least two hours before leaving. thatâd be enough time for namjoon to scout any potential business associate - the worthy ones at least.
âhey little bro.â yoongi waves, the disinterested look now returning but the way he phrases his next words oozes with revulsion. itâs no surprise. while yoongi hates these events - heâs probably here because of naeun, you heard the director of seoulâs annual art exhibition is here - namjoon strives off it. garnering attention and making the best of it by bringing in stockholders. âhad enough of ass licking?â
you never understand the tangibility of the tension that feels the air when these two brothers are in the same room together - theyâre barely able to remain civil in the presence of mr. and mrs. kim. anywhere without their parentsâ watchful eyes, a fight would always be at risk of breaking out. whenever you were around, youâd be the one to interfere, whether itâs to tug on yoongiâs sleeve and tell him youâre hungry, or step in front of him just so heâd remember youâre here or right now-
âthank you, yoongi.â folding the blazer in half, you hand it back to the man - only that heâs not taking it back. momentarily, you wonder if youâd stained it with your lipstick or foundation but the lapels never touched anywhere above your neck. but deep in the crook of your conscience, you know itâs when his mind retracts back to you, to the present.
the sigh that escapes yoongi is a telltale of fatigue - you wonder if this is the first time of the day he came out of his studio. taking the blazer from your outstretched hand, he slings it over his shoulder, âdonât get too caught up with these functions. focus on your goal.â
your goal meaning what comes next in your career: the fellowship. you thought that information was lost on him, buried among the many things you told him just because you were comfortable telling him everything.Â
and as you watch him walk back into the lionâs den, you wonder, how didnât you realize he was in love with someone else during the visits you paid while he was doing his masters and phd?
x
namjoon doesnât say anything about yoongi in the car. but both his hands are on the wheel. knuckles a little paler from holding onto the wheel.
âyou donât have to be part of edenâs board of directors.â he huffs, as though annoyed but from the way he continues, you know heâs not annoyed at you. heâs annoyed at himself. âyou donât have to do anything you donât want to - i donât want to force anything on you.â
and you know - you know more than anyone how conscious namjoon is of things. from the change in your mood to the people that tries to get close to him because of his status - thatâs also why he didnât kiss you on your lips that day. but a kiss was the prerequisite of a vow so he kissed you on the forehead. the area where his lips landed burns your skin as your cheeks flush from the memory.
âi know.â you hesitate for a heartbeat but reach out to cover one of his hands on the wheel still. to let him know that youâre not just saying that to ease the guilt.
when you pull away from the thought of how risky and distracting what you did was, the hand that you were lightly caressing pulls at yours, intertwining your fingers as he keeps them on his thigh. your entire body burns from the contact yet youâre sitting frozen in your spot. itâs the gentle squeeze on your hand that brings you out of your shell-shock state. a smile tugs on your lips subconsciously as you squeeze back.
x
the following week, you almost got into a fight with namjoon when he caught you dressing up prettily. he told you it was okay not to attend these functions anymore - the ones your tight schedule barely allow you to. fight was an overstatement. your feelings were hurt when heâd kissed your temple and said, âitâs okay, you donât have to push yourself.â
well, you were but he wasnât seeing the bigger picture. âcanât you see? i wanna spend more time with you and the only way i can is if we attend these functions together.â
in hindsight, you probably shouldnât have thrown your strapless black diamond purse at him out of frustration.
but the following functions, you did spend more time together. heâd declined the usual advancement of business people the way only kim namjoon could pull off - with a dimpled smile and a hand around your waist as if to indicate that they were interrupting - and they were. theyâd come up to the both of you while you were telling namjoon about a new skillet spaghetti recipe youâd wanted to try making for the long overdue dinner you owe him. and youâd expected someone to approach namjoon and take his attention away but you didnât think heâd decline them.
âhm? i donât think we have tomatoes or beef. should we go grocery shopping?â he suggests calmly as though he didnât just turn down the chairman of tvn broadcast. the man had to do a double take in case he had mistaken namjoonâs smooth rejection.
you place a hand on his chest, restraining the urge to pull your hand away as if youâve touched fire. you knew he goes to the gym for an hour after work and his shirts always seem a size too small around his arms but you didnât expect anything beyond that underneath that shirt of his. you clear your throat when you realize his neck is craned so he could look at you - give you all the attention in the world, âyou know, we can discuss dinner some other time - when youâre free.â
but neither of you are free. you barely see each other at home because of your unpredictable schedule and his thatâs set in stone.
âthen what would you rather us talk about right now?â a corner of his lips tugs upwards. if you first met him, you wouldnât easily dismiss the smile as nothing more than because of his amiable nature. but youâve been married for almost five months now and you clearly pick up on the playfulness that lights up his eyes.
âthe desserts.â you announce too quickly in an attempt to avert his attention from what heâs thinking - one thing youâve realized is that namjoon is painfully aware of your blushing fits and your avoidance to look him in the eyes. âtheyâre nice, arenât they?â
all of a sudden, heâs scooping a forkful of the chocolate souffle heâd picked up from the desserts section while youâd opted for the luscious almond torte. a small smirk tugs on his lips as he holds the fork to your mouth the way he does during breakfast. he knows you have no objections of being fed like a child but he also knows where you stand with public display of affection.
âsay âaaaaaâ and iâll give you a treat, doctor ___.â and he loves to tease you. heâs taken to calling you that because of that one incident where heâd seen you discuss about a patient with one of the nurses while you were on your way to meet him. in his own words, heâd ânever seen you this scary before.â
in your defense, it was five minutes till lunch break so it was still working hours and you were acting the way you usually did at work - but youâd understand. the person you are with friends and the person you are at work are two separate entities. suppose youâve mastered separating personal business and work. namjoon seems to take pleasure in making that steadfast side of you squirm and blush like a tomato.
your fingerpads gently grazes the back of his hand as you hold the fork in place before taking it in your mouth. your eyes flit over namjoonâs for the briefest moment before taking a step back, licking the residue of souffle off your lips.
âthey really are nice.â you murmur as you throw your gaze at the stage where a man sits at the piano before flickering back to namjoon.
you wonder why heâs so quiet all of a sudden -
the man in question still has the empty fork in the air, eyes wide and staring at you, you wouldâve thought heâd seen a ghost. until you notice the dust of pink across his cheek and spread to the tip of his ears.
oh?
x
mrs. kimâs fundraiser is held at the school where the children attended. about four canopies were set up on the field. one for the childrenâs activities - you remember reading something about coloring, origami-making and storybook reading. the volunteers - possibly college students hoping to earn the graces of kimcorpâs presidentâs wife for an internship - already have the children huddled up in groups of three or four.
one canopy is specifically set up for a table of wide range of food - if thereâs anything you like about these functions, itâs the abundance of food they never fail to prepare. as if spending a lot of money on a fundraising event is something to flex about.
the other two canopies are for the people of interest - acquaintances of mrs. kim and those who come with an ulterior motive be it to get sponsors for their own project, a business deal or simply to regain a higher social hierarchy by falling into your mother-in-lawâs graces.
you press a light kiss on namjoonâs cheek before heâs whisked away by the second category. business men who jump at the sight of your ceo husband who got a fair warning from mrs. kim to âplay nice. whatâs gotten into you all of a sudden? these days i keep hearing things about you turning chairmen down! your father didnât work this hard just to raise a stuck up son that could ruin his business in a matter of days.â
once youâve had a slice of red velvet and tiny macaroons, you decide to hide yourself from the few people who try to do the same to you when namjoon is too preoccupied by the ones who claimed his attention first. just like preys on the top of the pyramid sinking its claws, the lower level preys couldnât come close.
but one manages to follow you into one of the classrooms.
ânothingâs changed has it?â yoongi stands in the doorway, tuxedo and brown loafers and all. hands tucked into both his pockets, he strides across the room and stops in front of the window that overlooks the light pink canopies and the people underneath them. âsame old assholes using a charitable cause to proliferate their influence.â
the muscles on your face pulls your lips into a disapproving frown, âthatâs how our parents manage to give us an education. a good life.â you donât agree to the way they go about it but you give credit where itâs due.
yoongi scoffs, his shoulders jolting slightly. you canât see his face as he stands with his back on you but you know heâs smirking that condescending smirk. the first time you saw it was when you were in your senior year of high school and yoongi was doing his masters in business and accounting. heâd looked down on the man who approached the two of you like he was scum just because everyone knew his company was wallowing in debt and heâs desperate enough to ask the lion who hates the jungle for help.
âalways finding a middle ground. if you like what they do so much, why did you become a doctor? why didnât you follow their footsteps, huh?â
you canât help but let out a tired sigh. youâve been here before. youâve seen this. yoongi hates the world heâs born in and you understand why but you can never feel what he feels. âwhy are you here, yoongi? shouldnât you be with naeun?â thereâs a pause. a heartbeat before you decide to let yourself free. say what you want to say. âbefore the wolves get to her.â
âsheâs fine.â it's almost offensive how haughty he sounds. he must either be aware of nauenâs innocence that makes the wolves eliminate the possibility of her being a threat or he just doesnât care. the latter presumption makes your stomach churn.
did he also not care about you when you were together? when you went to these events as a couple?
âwe should head back. it would be bad if anyone saw us alone like this even though weâre just talking.â and thatâs that. you turn on your heels, making way to the door but before you can even take another step forward, lithe fingers wrap around your wrist.
âwhat?â it comes out harsher than you intend it. funny how you put on a face of a woman made out of steel when your knees can barely hold your weight the moment you feel his warm hand on your skin.
âi knew - i knew but i didnât want to tie you down.â with his head lowered and his long hair, you canât see his eyes for an idea of what heâs saying.Â
âyoongi, what-â
âi knew how you felt.â at that moment, his grip on you loosens. itâs almost as though itâs an overdue confession and the weight on his shoulders has finally lifted, âyou only knew me - you turned down every boy that tried to ask you out in high school and college. you -you were only looking at me and i didnât want that on my shoulders - i didnât want you to turn down every opportunity to life - to dating, to heart break to - to sex with someone - several someoneâs just because we were engaged.â
his fingers traces down your index finger before falling away. but you wonât tell him - you can never do it to namjoon - that it took all of you not to twine your fingers with his just because it felt like he was letting go.
your breath hitches in your throat when you turn your cheek towards him. the sight before you is something youâd never thought youâd see in your entire life. yoongiâs pink dusts his otherwise snowflake skin. the bored expression he usually wears is gone - almost as if heâs never worn it his entire life as something akin to desperation pools in those dark eyes. his soft pink lips are agape as though he wants to say something. and you wait, wait, wait but he never does.
so you turn your back on him, heels clicking against the ground as you slip past the door without a word. only when youâre at the end of the hallway, do you turn the corner, back pressed against the wall because your buckling legs might not be able to handle your weight.
those unsaid words - you can hear them clearly: i fucking regret letting you go.
x
the following week, you spend by drowning yourself in work and later working on your research until the library closes. by the time youâre pressing the 20th floor to the penthouse you both shared, you know for certain namjoonâs gone to bed. he values his sleep time. says itâs essential to keep himself in a good mood so others who work with him would be at ease. sometimes you want to tell him itâs okay not to think about others for once but the words lay buried the depth of your heart because youâre exactly like him. suppressing your feelings, smiling and saying youâre okay even though youâre not. the only difference is thereâs a side of you that wants to lash out, do something worse to those who hurt you while namjoon does it from the good of his heart.
âitâs hard, being nice.â he says in between the clink of the stirring of the spoon in his coffee mug.
you look up from the peanut butter youâre spreading over your toast. âhm?â
he shakes his head, as if to say itâs nothing, iâm just thinking out loud. but the words he says next is enough to make your heart drop right to the ground. âyoongi told me.â
âwh-what?â itâs denial in your tone - the combination of those three words are simple enough to take you back to the school nine days ago. in side that little classroom.
âyesterday. he came over to the office.â he shrugs as if itâs no big deal but the tensed line of his shoulders is apparent no matter how casually he brings the mug to his smiling lips - that too. his lips are smiling but his eyes are not.
you donât know when or how you started noticing the little things. sensing namjoonâs moods - his reactions and his retractions. you never realized you were so in tune with the things he does. all you realize is youâre already able to read him like a book - thick, best-leather book that was safeguarded by a lock.
ânamjoon,â the clink of the butter knife being set on your plate resonates like a pin drop in a vacuum room, ânothing happened. i promise.â
âi know - i know youâd never do anything like that so thatâs why iâm telling you itâs okay.â something in the way he looks at you make you bite your tongue - as if heâs asking you to listen even though youâre bursting at the seams. youâd do anything to prove that nothing happened even though you knew he knew. âwe entered into this marriage for a mutual reason. not dreading to come home is more than i can ask for. so itâs okay if you want to see yoongi just... keep out of the spotlight like many in our shoes who found love outside of it have.â
he chuckles but itâs strained and tense, dumping the coffee into the sink because he couldnât bear to stay in the kitchen any longer. you slip out of the high stool, feet padding around the counter and before you know it, your arms around his body. you feel him freeze under your touch and this is wrong - wrong on so many levels because he would have asked if he could touch you and youâre not reflecting the same amount of respect he had for you.
but for some reason, you canât let go - youâre afraid if you let him walk out of the door, youâd never be able to grasp even a shadow of his existence.
âi donât want to.â the words are muffled from your cheek pressing against his back.
a pause lapses between you when you donât say anything else. no explanation. no reason. because you donât know it yourself. you donât know why your heart clenches in your chest at the sight of namjoonâs dismal smile. you donât know why you acted on your instincts and hugged the man.
you donât know.
âokay.â he sighs softly as a warm palm rests above your fisted hand. you wish you can see him - wish you can see what kind of expression heâs making because itâs killing you to not know what heâs thinking. âyou donât have to, if you donât want to.â
thatâs when the sniffle escapes you. internally, you curse yourself for being so emotion-driven. itâs not a good trait for a doctor to have.
namjoon calls your name. the syllabus rolling off his tongue makes your stomach churn with butterflies. âare you crying?â
you donât expect him to say that. donât expect the teasing undertone either. naturally, your respond comes a heartbeat later, ân-no.â
the body under your touch shifts. all of a sudden, youâre eye-to-eye with him. thereâs a sparkle in them that almost makes you forget how to breathe. his dimples dig into his cheek as his lips curl into a smile whilst his large hands frames you face.
âwh-what?â you feel your brows furrowing, lips pursed.
âyouâre too cute.â his thumb grazes your burning cheekbone feather light, âi want to kiss you.â
âthen do it.â you donât know the reason behind that angry, pressed tone but namjoon doesnât seem to mind - or he knows something you donât.
you donât have the time to ponder on that when a pair of lush lips meshes with yours. the scent of the coffee he had engulfs your senses as one hand finds its way to the back of his neck and the other rests on his accelerating heartbeat. time seems to stop when namjoonâs kissing you. somewhere in the back of your mind, you distinctly remember something perpetually important but you couldnât be bothered as his hands fall away from your face and finds the dip of your lower back and pull you closer until your bodies are pressed together.
somewhere in a distant, you hear the beep of the front door. hoseokâs voice booming across the hallway that leads to the living room and the kitchen where youâre at now.
ânamjoon? you here? did you oversleep? man, i never thought iâd see the day our ceo is late to work.â hoseokâs footsteps stops at the end of the hallway, âoh great, youâre all dressed.â
he blinks, surprised at the sight of his boss whoâs leaning against the edge of the sink - hands pressed on either side of the edge, doing absolutely nothing while you dip a butter knife into a jar of peanut butter and jelly but equally as out-of-it as his boss appear to be.
ây-yeah, let me grab my blazer.â namjoon pushes himself off, going around the counter and heading towards the stairs where his bedroom is until -
âitâs here.â hoseok points out.
âwhat?â
âyour blazer. itâs this one, right?â the secretary loyally scoops up the thick maroon blazer off the couch and hands it to his boss whoâs just barely recovered from what seems to be a trance.Â
heâd went down and tossed the blazer on the couch before making his coffee - before the kiss.
namjoon clears his throat, refusing to look at the manâs scrutinizing eyes as he thanks him and slips the blazer on. but he loses those eyes when he peeks over the manâs shoulder, mini-waving at you, âhey, morning, doc.â
you return the greeting, refraining a blush as you feel the ghost of namjoonâs lips when you fix his secretary a smile, âhey, hoseok. care to join us for breakfast?â
the man shrugs, eyes flitting over his boss who now seems ready to go, âthanks doc but i had some cereal and cold milk.â
he bids his farewell and escapes out of where he came from, letting the two of do what newly weds do before the other goes to work. itâs in that moment that he realizes with a chill running down his spine as he sat in the driver seat - that namjoon isnât a bachelor anymore and he couldnât come and go as he pleases and that he might have interrupted something. come to think of it, both you and namjoonâs cheeks were flushed...
âh-hey boss,â hoseok steals a glance of the man at the backseat through the rear view mirror. he almost chokes on his next words when the manâs eyes meet him but he persists like a man on a mission to not get fired , ây-you know, iâve been with kimcorp. f-for a long time. i-itâs like my family a-and iâll work harder from now on.â
confusion flashes across namjoonâs features for the briefest moment. he doesnât know what makes hoseok say something so out of his character and shakily at that but itâs not the first time that his employeeâs said something like this to him - of course, minus the stutter and all.
âthatâs good to know, hoseok.â he says simply.
x
itâs been a week since you told namjoon you didnât - wouldnât see anyone. yoongi or not. when you told him you were going to meet yoongi at a cafe near his studio to give the man an answer - a hard no, thereâs still some needling doubt in namjoonâs gaze as he reverts his eyes away from you. as though he was afraid that the illusion would fade away and heâd end up catching the smolder of passion heâd always seen you look at the man with.
heâs not lost to your feelings - in hindsight, it was pathetically obvious how smitten you were for the elder man. even your and his parents could see. and theyâd foreseen many things but not having to plead and then beg and then finally, force you into a marriage you didnât want with the brother of the man you loved.
your only regret was leaving without kissing namjoon goodbye - but it also felt like anything you said, any sort of assurance you offered would just be an act. until you tell his brother to stop.
âcome to think of it,â you set the warm cup of latte down. it would have tasted better if the circumstances were different, âwe never properly ended things. the only way i knew the engagement was over was through mom and dad.â his parents you meant.
he tilts his head to the side as a response - an indication that heâs listening. heâs dressed in plain white shirt and the darkest jeans. the bags under his eyes is an indication that he hasnât slept in days - either itâs because of working late nights trying to make music or because of what heâd said to you.
you know heâd do this - detach himself from reality when things gets tough or when heâs stuck in a situation he doesnât have control over. but you still had hope. still held onto the past seven years youâd spent together for him to regard you with enough respect to offer closure.
âdo you love naeun that much?â and yet you still ask.
you meet his hollow gaze, not knowing the intensity yours hold until your fingerpads wrapped around aches and he lets out a heavy breath.
âshe was different.â he says simply - almost tiredly, âshe caught my eyes. we started talking and we found out we had some things in common. i thought sheâs what i needed to get over you.â
âdonât.â the churning starts from your stomach and spreads across your body like a poisonous fog. âdonât use me as an excuse for leaving. you loved me as much as i loved you and you got scared.â
a lump forms in your throat as the memories, the inside jokes that built up over time, the comfortable silents spent - everything comes crashing in like tidal wave. you knew he loved you deep down. that was why the news of him getting married took a toll on you - so much so, you decided to leave everything behind and fly to paris.
âyou couldâve pushed me away if you truly had no feelings for me but you kept me around and let me think we were going to have a happy future together.â his image is distorted from the prickles of tears in your eyes but you blink them away, âbut you didnât really know you were in love with me back then, huh? thatâs why you got scared shitless and decided to leave.â youâre not sure if youâre choking on your words or if youâre actually scoffing. maybe both.
in that moment, you watch as yoongiâs expression switches from that signature boredom to realization and finally unbridled sorrow. he must feel suffocated - like heâs drowning in emotions the way you did in that suite you spent for two weeks in paris before you decided to buy an apartment and stay for good. and you would have if your parents didnât call you back - recounted all their sacrifices for you to make you guilty enough to agree to the marriage with his younger brother. heâll spend the same amount of time sleeping and waking up in his room and realizing he canât turn back time.
âi fucked up big time, didnât i?â he laughs dryly as he presses his palm to his face, hunched over the minute round table.
the latte is still half-full when you swipe your phone off the table and stand up. he doesnât spare you a glance - he probably couldnât bring himself to face you now.
âyouâre a fucking coward min yoongi.â is what you want to say but for some reason, you leave the words to die on the tip of your tongue. you wonât - canât wish him a happy life and propose to put everything past you. itâs not that simple and youâre not that forgiving. but namjoonâs easy smile flashes at the back of your head at this moment of all time and makes your heart clench painfully in your chest. their relationship is already strained and if you insist on prolonging this, itâs only going to end up hurting namjoon one way or another and the cycle will just keep going on with naeun getting hurt if she found out.
âyou did.â your hand is trembling around the strap of your bag, âbut itâs all in the past and i donât blame you. things wouldnât turn out the way they do otherwise. so just... live for the present, yoongi.â
his shoulders rise and fall a little faster than normal but thereâs nothing you can do - and itâs better if you leave him to collect his thoughts. the censor at the door beeps as you pass through. it takes a moment for you to feel the morning air brush your cheeks and sunlight to seep into you. your chest still feels tight but in due time, you know itâll lighten.
x
âhey, boss. you have a special guest.â hoseok peeks into namjoonâs office like the slyboots he is. the wiggle of the manâs brows before he disappears gives namjoon all the more reason to prepare for the worse.
âsend them in.â he sighs, not bothering to hide his feelings in front of hoseok. theyâve been working side by side for a long time and friends for longer he knows his friend is aware of the contrasting definition of âspecialâ but this once, as he sees you walk through the door - he admits that him and hoseok may finally be of the same mind.
namjoon shoots up from his seat, clearing his throat and buttoning his blazer together the way heâs so used to doing it when he receives an unannounced visit from his father. âwhat brings you here?â
instead of shooting him one of your brilliant smiles, you drop your bag on the crisp white leather couch and run right into him. arms wrapped around his torso, he can smell your favorite floral shampoo from your hair but he canât bring himself to hug you back. his heart is palpitating inside his chest and he can only pray for some miracle that you canât hear it. which is most unlikely what with your head coming up just a few centimeters above his shoulder line and your ears being the same height as the beating organ in his chest.
if you notice, you're not saying anything about it.
âi met yoongi just now.â
namjoon doesnât say a word for the longest time - itâs so namjoon of him not to. but itâs also not where you stand now. that day, when you partially admitted to liking namjoon and youâre pretty sure he felt the same - youâd seen a side of namjoon you never thought youâd saw. vulnerable. fearful. all because he thought he was going to lose you - and it felt like heâs always been prepared for it. it was just a matter of time.
the muscles in your arms contracts at the thought of namjoon being so ready to let you go - is it like that too, right now? is he expecting you to go back on your words and tell him youâre going to have an affair with his brother? you donât know and thatâs driving you insane.Â
and just when the muscles in your arm contract, just when youâre about to pull away, namjoonâs arms band around your body and a kiss lands on top of your head.
âdid you tell him what you wanted to tell him all this time?â his voice is velvet and smooth and you can hear that easy smile as he speaks.
you nod against his chest. âitâs over. i told him to get lost.â
the chest vibrates against your cheek as rings of chuckles tumble out of namjoonâs mouth. it makes your body light up with a sort of fire. and for once, you welcome the heat spreading across your cheeks like an old friend.
he knows the last part is a bluff - itâs comforting that he knows without having you say it.
does he also know...
âafter that i came here because i wanted to see you.â you crane your neck to look up at him.
true enough thereâs that smile and gets wider when he meets your gaze. a hand comes to rest on your neck while his thumb grazes your chin as he presses his lips to yours. you think your heart might explode at any moment now as you kiss him back, your hand snaking to his shoulder but he stops your right hand, holding it on his chest. his heart beats the same rhythm as yours. his shoulder line heaving the same way yours do when the back of your thighs hit the couch and you finally break apart. but before you have the chance to gather your thoughts, his lips are on you again. the hand on your lower back pulling you closer until your thighs press on either side of his legs.
âletâs go home now.â he murmurs between breaths, âi might really go crazy if i touch another part of your body thatâs covered in clothing.â
itâs in that moment that the door swings open.
x
hoseok bursts through the door with the photostatted files in his hand. thereâs a skip in his step.
âhey boss! hereâs the files you asked for.â
he looks between you - well your back - and namjoon. the ceo is fixing his tie with a hard expression while youâre standing facing the ceiling-to-floor window that overlooks the streets and several stores in the area.
d-did he just walk into you two fighting?
âthanks, hoseok.â namjoon swipes the files from his hand, walking back to his seat around the desk and dropping the files with a sharp pap!
ân-no problem boss.â he takes one frightened step backwards before turning around but before he manages to escape the lionâs den, you stop him.
âhoseok wait.â it comes out a bit rushed. granted, youâre not in any position to waste time. you dropped by even though you know you canât afford being late to work but somehow you ended up at namjoonâs office anyway. the secretary seems to physically turn into a rock before shakily turn his cheek to you with a smile.
âuh, yeah doc?â
ânamjoon, do you mind me borrowing hoseok for a bit?â the heat comes on full force as you turn to namjoon. heâs burning a hole through the files heâs flipping through but you donât miss the pinked tips of his ears and the way his adamâs apple bobs at the sound of his name on your tongue, âmy shift is starting at noon so i need to be there by,â you check the watch on your wrist, ânow.â
the way namjoon doesnât even look up from flipping the papers is how hoseok know for sure youâre fighting. âsure thing. oh and hoseok, no detours. come straight back once you drop ___ off.â
but to you, itâs because heâs flustered beyond imagination - you know, like you know how heâll condemn himself for not being able to control himself like that. your whole body heats up as you slip into the back seat when the image of namjoonâs hooded eyes, reddened cheeks and half agape lips flash at the back of his mind. a part of you - the reasonable one - chides yourself for even thinking about ditching work and actually going home with him but another part wishes to indulge in the endless possibilities of what will happen if you did.
x
â____,â your name tumbles out of namjoonâs mouth in a breathy huff. naturally so. he hasnât even caught his breath from when he finds you crawling over him like a woman in on a mission. now, the same exact woman his cuffing his wrists and holding them over his head with one hand while the other is undoing the buttons of his shirt while she kisses him in all the right places.
âwh-where did you even get cuffs?â his headboard is one of those pristine white cushioned ones meaning there isnât any rails for you to hook him on and keep him in place. but you donât need that because namjoon can barely move - all that time he spends at the gym has gone down the drain as invisible threads tie him down.
âoh these?â you let one corner of your lips tug deviously. itâs been six months since you got married and you and namjoon has never gone past the occasional cuddles and light kisses. the morning after that day when you dropped by his office after meeting yoongi, namjoon had declared his intentions to âdo it rightâ - like dates and getting to know each other better before anything else.Â
it was sweet of him. until you realized you barely had time for dates - only late night conversations that ended up with you on top of him but before things could progress, heâd do everything he could to avoid bedroom affairs. but over time, it gets a bit discouraging. so this is the last straw - thereâs no wine or champagne for him to use as an excuse to carry you to your room. youâre both sober, and if he doesnât want you -
ânever mind where i got these.â the low sound emitting from his throat makes your heart skip a beat as your lips brush against the shell of his ear, âdonât you want me, namjoon?â
trailing hisses down his smooth jawline, you let your lips hover over his - it only lasts for a heartbeat before he closes the distance and starts kisses you like a famine beast.
âi want you,â he confesses when you pull away just to reinforce your control. he may be the one lying down with his hands bound but it almost felt like youâre the hopeless one here - almost. the a feral glint in his eyes sends hot waves down your core - you have to tell yourself to breathe. âof course i fucking want you ___.â
you hum in contemplation - taking just enough time to sit straighter and let your fingers undo the rest of the buttons and stopping just above his belt. the few times you laid together and he lets you lie on top of him - you knew he was brains and brawn. but you didnât expect a perfectly sculpted body of adonis himself to be lying beneath you. the ridges of his abs heaves helplessly as he drawn in deep breaths.Â
somewhere on the edge of the bed where youâd tossed it, your phone vibrates - someoneâs calling but that can wait.
you lean down, soft tresses brushing his skin as you kiss that spot that illicit a delicious sound from him the first time you discovered it. somewhere in the junction between his shoulder and neck.
âfuck.â his voice is raw and desperate and carnal as his body yearns for you. his legs bent at the knees, feet ground into the bed as he grinds his hip into you - the signs of his arousal painfully obvious.
you canât help but giggle at the way he so vehemently yearn for you. somewhere on the bed, your phone starts vibrating again.
ây-your phone.â he manages to stammer out. itâs the third time itâs vibrating.
âdonât worry about it. the only people who would call me at this time is jisooâs drunken butt dial or the hospital-â you sit back up, heat still pooling in your stomach when your hips grind against namjoonâs arousal in the process but the urgency in the way you swipe your phone off the sheets has stolen your attention.
clear as day, it is one of the two possibilities youâve mentioned and it isnât your quirky colleague.
x
when you first started working, you were of the ripe age and eager to help those in need. you loved your job despite the long arduous hours, missed meals and ungodly hour roll calls because at the end of the day, it was what you wanted to do - it was the one thing you wouldnât let your parents take away from you. you fought blood sweat and tears to get where you are now.
and doctors donât usually start a family until theyâve at least finished their residency - but you had to get married early to keep your end of the bargain. of course, you didnât expect to commit to said marriage. you didnât also expect to fall for namjoon either. and you certainly didnât expect for him to still be here in the waiting area when you walked out of the emergency operating room, head lulling to the side as sleep begins to take him, arms crossed over his chest. he didnât even get the chance to change when you hurriedly uncoffed him, informing him about an emergency at the er. heâd offered to drive you since you couldnât drive and waiting for an uber driver to accept your request this late at night would take more time. youâd rushed out of the car with a âthanks, namjoon. i owe you one!â thinking heâd go home and get some rest - thereâs no telling how long these surgeries take after all.
when he leans too far to the side, his eyes flutter open softly before noticing the turquoise-clad body in his periphery.
â___, youâre done? did the surgery go alright?â heâs always had a way of saying your name. it makes your heart warm and your chest full as he stands up to close the distance between you - to cup one side of your cheek with his hand. though your delayed response may have been the reason for that.
âthe surgery was a success.â you finally say, your smaller hand covering his, lips curving softly. guilt creeps up the creeks of your chest but gratitude washes it away. it wouldnât have been very namjoon of him if he didnât consider everything: how youâd go home once youâre done. if thereâs even any uber working this late of an hour. your heart is swelling - you donât think you can ever love him more than you do now but namjoon being namjoon, heâll make you fall in love with him more and more until your heart is filled to the brim, âthank you, namjoon.â
and he gets it. just like that. the words that youâre saying without putting them into words because there are many ways to say it and a plethora of intrepreting it but namjoon gets it because his heart beats the same rhythm as you: i love you.
a dimpled smile curls over his lips as he places a kiss over your forehead, âshould we go home?â he leans down to whisper into your ears, his tone changing dangerously, âand pick up where we left off, yeah doc?â
#bts smut#namjoon smut#yoongi smut#namjoon#bts#bts fic#namjoon fic#bts fanfic#bts scenarios#bts x reader#namjoon fanfic#namjoon scenarios#namjoon x reader#bts namjoon smut#bts namjoon#namjoon fics#bts au#namjoon au#bts fluff#bts angst#namjoon fluff#namjoon angst#yoongi scenarios#yoongi fic#yoongi x reader#husband!namjoon#ceo!namjoon#doctor!reader#arranged marriage au
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9 Places You Should Not Miss On Your Trip to Assam
Assam is a stunning land known as the tea capital of India. You may love the proximity with nature and texture fresh air when you set foot in Assam. A land blessed with 5 best national parks in India as well a shocking historic importance and rich heritage.
 Assam is a land of pure bliss having a large number of wild animals, migratory birds and lush green gardens. If you are planning to pay a visit to Assam in 2020-21 here is a list of Assam Tour Packages. Experience the world-class Tour to Assam and explore the best destinations in Assam. Here are 9 areas you don't need to miss in your Assam tour. Let us start our list of top places to go to in Assam with the only hill station in Assam Haflong.
  1 Haflong
 Haflong is not just a breathing area but it's also known for a great number of migratory birds. Standing at an elevation of 2,300 feet above sea level, situated in Dima Hasao area of Assam Itâs well known for the phenomenon of birds committing suicide at the Jatinga valley during moonless sleepless nights.
  It also offers a couple of amazing waterfalls and ethnic tribal villages. Needless to say, you may enjoy trekking at the Boral mountain and fest yourself using a traditional meal in one of those tribal villages together with the business of a traditional dance group which are all set to perform. It's possible to bewitch a few specular waterfalls in Assam such as Panimur waterfalls and Kaka Waterfalls on the solution to Haflong. Umrangso is just yet another stunning place located on the bank of Kapili River 112 km from Haflong.
 2. Dibrugarh
 After visiting Haflong it is time to research some wonderful tea gardens of Assam Lush green pastures and adventurous dense forests, this high range place is a fantasy land out of fairy tales. I made the decision to explore the first tea garden at the Assam Chabua property. Most small and large tea estates are sprinkled around this region. The major tea factories and employees plucking tea leaves at a little bucket tied in their head is a frequent scene in this area. Assam tea is famous particularly for black tea and its powerful aroma. You can even go for a tea tasting tour in Assam. Visit us for Dibrugarh Tour Package.
 3. Digboi
After the tea garden see it's time to explore the oil field in Assam. I led to Digboi that is just 84 Km away from Dibrugarh.
   I was astonished to see the very first refinery in Asia Digboi Oil refinery and also the beautiful museum where older artefacts associated with the petroleum plant and antique things are kept preciously.
4. Tai-Phake village
   Tai Phakey village or Namphake village is situated 37 kilometres from Dibrugarh. My second stop was Namphake monastery one of the earliest monasteries in Assam. That keeps and decorated auspiciously from the community which originates from Myanmar from the 18th century practicing their culture, habits and dress in its ancient glory. You may even test mouth-watering Thai food here or elect for a night stay in an Eco-camp or home stay.
 5. Sivsagar
It had been the bygone capital of the Ahom dynasty. Dotted with a number of old palaces, temples, ponds and amphitheatre throughout the right time of Ahom dynasty is still sprinkled everywhere in its original glory. This city is attractive to carry you right back. Few Important monuments from Sivsagar are Rang Ghar, Kareng Ghar, Talatal Ghar, Joysagar Tank, Sivsagar Tank etc.
  I devote a fabulous day here sitting on the bank of Sivasagar Tank (Borpukhuri) watching fish and eating food. You can glimpse the buildings on the opposite banks of the pond such as a tiny miniature city. I can witness the densely populated temples from the complex.
 Another most interesting place worth a trip in Sivsagar is Charaideo Maidam situated 30 km from Sibsagar city. This really can be the burial ground of Ahom kings and queens. It's a myth that the sailors of kings and queens also buried living together in the maidam to help the departed king after death.
 6. Majuli
It's time to visit the most exciting area in Assam. Crossing the mighty Brahmaputra by ferry can take you to Majuli Island. With the Assam Holiday Package you can explore the best destinations in Assam.
 To begin with we visit Aunisti satra, the largest satra in Majuli with over 300 (Vakats) disciples. Afterwards we see Garmur satra, Kamalabari Satra and the mask makers Satra Samaguri. Mask making art is a most special art from practising only with a bunch of monks in Samaguri satra which grabs everyone's fascination with its unique way.
   While in Majuli it's mandatory to find a devotional dance performance and dance play. The time we see was November before the beginning of Raas festival in Majuli. We appreciated the rehearsal for your Raas festival by Mothers of all ages.
 Besides Satras, the vibrant green rice fields, lakes full of a large number of avifauna and scenic setting are captivating to make you spellbound.
  7. Kaziranga National Park
 Located 194 km from Guwahati and 252 kilometres from Dibrugarh, Kaziranga National park would be the prime attraction in Assam. When we hit Kaziranga, a feeling of calmness touches my mind. Away from bustling city life, it is a tranquil place surrounded by tea gardens and forest.
   Complete Kaziranga Tour Packages trip with a Jeep Safari as well as an Elephant Safari from the jungle. We spent the afternoon with a trip to Kaziranga Orchid Park and little the chilly night enjoying a bonfire and watching local dancing performance. Though my heart craved for longer and cried from inside saying I wish to stay longer here but because of lack of time I have to leave such a heaven.
 8. Guwahati
 It's a riverine city flecked with many temples.
   If I state Guwahati is a frequent city just like any other contemporary cities in India, I can't justify the virtues of Guwahati city. So I have to list it in a few of the fascinating town in India. The night time is the most charming in Guwahati and when it's accompanied with a gentle drizzle then you lost yourself. I forget all of my laziness by enjoying such a beautiful evening sitting around the bank of the Brahmaputra River.
 I spend the entire day seeing Assam state museum, Umananda temple (the temple situated on a little island) and also Kamakhya temple. Kamakhya temple can be found on top of a little hill. Book North East India Tour and enjoy the scenic view of the entire city.
 9. Manas National Park
Located 140 km from Guwahati, Manas national park is still just another charming federal park in Assam. It is not much commercialized as Kaziranga but you can delight in staying at a wild hotel inside Manas National Park. It is possible to listen to the giggle of the river passing by and observe the sound of creatures at night. It's an out of the world encounter.
 The night we spent Manas was the very exciting one. We stayed in a bungalow in the park. It is called Mathanguri Forest Lodge constructed during Britishers period. My Safari in the park was also very exciting. We saw peacocks dancing beautifully in their whole grandeur and a herd of wild elephants which become very furious after missing one baby elephant. They hunt for the baby here and there in complete distress. Afterwards we spot the young goddess a few kilometres away looking tirelessly to find their family. All these innocent stories forced me to go back to the jungle again and again.
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Adding a little Classroom Magic for learning
Dr Kathryn Murray
Education Specialist, Author, Global Speaker.
Do you remember Bewitched, the 1970s TV show? Samantha the good witch could wiggle her nose and change any situation possible. What about Tinker Bell from the classic childrenâs story, Peter Pan? She could sprinkle magic fairy dust to make people fly and the world a different place. When my children were younger, I would stealthily sprinkle âfairy dustâ into their school shoes at the beginning of each school year to give them confidence and remind them that magical things could happen at school.
What if we could wave a magic wand and give our classrooms a make over that meant learning was enriched and all teachers and children were engaged and connected. Â What if behaviour issues were reduced, literacy and numeracy skill development was increased, childrenâs interests linked them to the curriculum, strong relationships were built, responsibility and ownership was encouraged?
While we donât have a magic wand, we do have research in neuroscience and development that explains the importance of activating the brain through the design of our learning spaces. The learning environment includes inside the classroom, the veranda/patio, the playground â anywhere children use in the school day.
In his book, Brain Rules, John Medina describes 12 brain rules to explain what children and adults need to stay focused, motivated, engaged, stimulated and in love with learning. For example, Brain Rule #6 âwe donât pay attention to boring thingsâ and Brain Rule #12 âwe are powerful and natural explorersâ are just two of the 12 that relate to how we set up and use our teaching spaces.
Designing classrooms and outdoor spaces that are non-institutionalised, warm, inviting, related to childrenâs interests and linked to the curriculum promotes engaged and individualised learning. Having open ended materials in each of several learning spaces inside or outside the classroom, allows children to expand their thinking, problem solve, use language or literacy to communicate ideas, negotiate, plan, imagine and direct their learning with the guidance by the teacher.
Children need to:
- move around the classroom after short periods of sitting;
- calmly engage in rich, non-threatening learning spaces so that any performance based anxiety is reduced; and
-be provided with opportunities to repeat skills several times to build long term memory and skill acquisition.
These few strategies relate to research in neuroscience with links to Brain Rule #2 âmovement and exercise boosts brain powerâ, #4 âstressed brains donât learn the same wayâ and #7 ârepeat skills to rememberâ. Â
As teachers, we need to consider the research that explores the nature of learning and whether it is performance or process based. Performance based learning has the undercurrent of fear â there is pressure to succeed, get a good grade, win the race. On the other hand, process based learning focuses on the learning that occurs during the activity â what is the thinking behind the answer to the maths problem, what was learnt getting 5/10 in the spelling, how did it feel when you ran and what might you do next time? Providing a learning environment that is non-threatening and offers a range of relevant and interesting materials to supplement the learning from the curriculum addresses John Medinaâs approach to looking after the brain and the process of learning rather than focusing only on the product.
The classroom and outside environment is a springboard that allows us to link our explicit teaching and learning to childrenâs experiences. Neuroscience plays a key role in the design and planning of your room and outside space. If we could wave a magic wand and set up our learning spaces differently to the standard classroom or outside space, then these top ten strategies may be what we would see.
Top Ten Classroom Magic Design Strategies.
1. Use layers and textures to make each learning space interesting so that it invites the child into the area and engages their curiosity and wonder.
2. Lower the roof line of your classroom or outside area with draped material, streamers, lattice hung horizontally, beach umbrellas.
3. Make small, home like, cosy spaces with floor rugs, table and floor lamps, cushions and soft materials.
4. Define small spaces for 1, 2, 3 or 4 children with mats, lattice, hessian, trellis, organza curtaining.
5. Pay attention to detail and have tidy organised spaces with a feature point for interest and stimulus.
6. Become an âop shopperâ or frequent the $2 shops and always be âon the look outâ for natural resources (seed pods, leaves, feathers).
7. Select developmentally appropriate items for the learning spaces that reflect real life, eg., china crockery (from the op shop) instead of plastic for the Kindy room.
8. Ensure that there are clip boards with paper and pencils in every learning space around the room to promote literacy and numeracy opportunities.
9. Plan for skill development in every area based on child, centre and community interests by adding extension materials.
10. When defining spaces make sure that your view of the children is not totally obstructed - use trellis or lattice from Bunnings/hardware store, sheer curtaining, open weave hessian, positioning of partitions.
Donât forget to ensure that there is a mat somewhere in your classroom for small and whole group meetings. A gathering space to share learning and teaching successes.
possibilities for learning are opened up when we think a little differently about our teaching and learning spaces. Having a warm, home like environment helps children to feel secure and open to building relationships and taking a risk in their learning. An interesting classroom or outside area inspires us as teachers and does the same for children. I invite you to join the Classroom Magic Movement and try the top ten strategies. Let me know how you go!
Where to from here?
If you want to know more, then Iâd love to connect with you! Contact me through my website www.futurestrongeducation.com OR join me on our Facebook page â Future Strong Education.
Dr Kathryn Murray has worked with children and families for 35 years as a teacher, researcher and university lecturer. Kathy is the CEO of Future Strong Education supporting parents and children through workshops and speaking engagements.
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QUEEN LIZZYS ASCENSION
ITS QUEEN LIZZY BABY!!! Iâm QUEEN LIZZY and my new album LIZZY just dropped!!! xxxx THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE FOR MY NEW ALBUM LIZZY. THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. I MADE THIS FOR YOU GUYS!!! THANK YOU TO EVERY COLLABORATOR. THANK YOU FOR TRUSTING ME. THIS IS THE BEST ALBUM EVER. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! đđ [1] Another light oâ love! [2] Polish! Polish! Polish! [3] Baby, iâm candier than candy more chrome than chrome will [4] love you [5] more [6] than your [7] girl! [8] (than your girl) i will bring you home (bring you home) im more sparkle than sparkle im lovelier than love come on baby, i will get you off (get you off) Another light oâ love! [9] And i will sparkle when broken [10] absorb the glaze! [11] You see it shine? [12] absorb the glaze! [13] youâre so damn fine! babe, iâm all sugar for you [14] I am polished [15] I am polished [16] I am polished [17] I will make your head go swirl! Baby, iâm candier than candy more chrome than chrome will [18] love you [19] more [20] than your [21] girl! [22] (than your girl) i will bring you home (bring you home) im more sparkle than sparkle im lovelier than love come on baby, i will get you off (get you off) Another night oâ love! [23] CHAMBERS Alexis was listening to his favorite Popstar QUEEN LIZZYâs new single âCandyâ as he saw the notification in his inbox. âMY PRETTIEST ANGEL! YOUâVE BEEN SUCH A LOVELY BOY! YOU EARNED YOUR SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART AND I WANT YOU TO BE THERE AT THE BANQUET BEFORE MY CONCERT TODAY! XXXX YOUR LIZZYâ âyou are now in posession for an exclusive access code to QUEEN LIZZYâs ceremonyâ Alexis was rapturing in joy. He closed the doors to his room. After all this time, he could finally be there as well. Be at the ceremony with everyone else. See the things he only heard myths about. Alexis put on his glasses and scanned LIZZYâs gift. Alexis wanted to see her for real this time. While the livestream was loading he hummed along the refrain of LIZZYâs newest single âCandyâ and joy filled his soul.  When he opened his eyes he instantly felt, that, when standing outside the stage, aura is affirmed absolutely. [24] Alexis sensed, that life inside this building is fractured to the extent that it could not conceivably be part of a single scenario: on the 82nd floor a donkey shrinks back from the void, on the 81st a cosmopolitan couple hail a plane. [25] The expected pyramidal composition was reversed; the center, a void between the masses on either side, which became a âsplit pair.â [26]One could speak of this pair as a diamond. [27] Inside the stage, a void that is not a nothingness but a virtual, containing all possible particles and drawing out all possible forms, which spring up only to disappear immediately, without consistency or reference, without consequence. Chaos as an infinite speed of birth and disappearance. [28] But These dynamical models unfolded the Baroque void, or infinite determinism, into specificity. [29] All sensation is composed with the void in composing itself with itself, and everything holds together on earth and in the air, and preserves the void, is preserved in the void by preserving itself. [30] The absolute emptiness of the absolute plenitude that fascinates from the outside, to be the circular, voluble vertigo of that nothingness and that being, to be at once the total abolition that is an enslaved consciousness and the supreme glory - that is a stage for QUEEN LIZZY. [31] When Alexis slowly walked forth, with his back turned to Notre Dame and facing QUEEN LIZZYâs stage, an entrance as pulchritudinous as a Sirene, emerged itself out of seeming nothingness.He entered a great, radiant space, with diffuse light that is slowly revealed in it and that reveals that easy simultaneity of distinct perfections, synthesis of the vague with the precise. [32] The Baroque fold unfurled all the way to infinity. [33] Countlessness was part of the point: he was dizzied by infinity. [34] Alexis stared Into the void. [35] Looking for holes, looking for openings. ButâHolesâ only indicate more subtle foldings. In that instant, he started to understand the principle, that there are no voids, that here everything is included in a single expressive continuum. [36] Alexis felt, that the myriad of things started to project themselves into the evolving space around him. He started to feel space. In the beginning, there was only darkness. But out of the darkness a light emerged. He felt, that it was her - but not yet. Slowly the light emerged and it got brighter when she slowly moved through space. He started to see silhouettes. He started to see colors. It was the queensâ most baroque fantasies of glamour and stardom. [37]Light crystalline notes seemed to emerge out of the silence which accompanied the Queens glide. Somehow out of nothingness a choir as perfectly clear cut like colorful marble in the most beautiful patterns emerged. Alexis saw her gliding along the ground from far away, although he felt like he saw one short glance of her eyes going to his direction. He glared at the fabric falling down upon her like a thin, ultra light continuous skinâclearly visible. What was especially miraculous was that especially from inside he saw the building move towards a "textile like" definition of architectonic space. [38] The ornament felt like folded embroidery encapsulated in astonishing ecstasy of colorful marble and indistinguishable textures of golden and platinum figures illuminating the fabric upon they seemed to be appended. Everything seemed like it was flickering. Flickering like a soft but strong candlelight, giving the structure a pulse. All colors seemed enhanced and the details exaggerated which made it even more dazzling in Alexisâs eyes. In the midst, his queen. Adjacent to her path there were two banquets, with shining pearl-white layers of fabric. Filled with all the plenty of things. She seemed to be absorbing the banquet, while Alexis now knew. These heavens do not proclaim the glory of God. [39] But the heavens of his Queen. QUEEN LIZZY. He listened closely and let these heavenly halls enter his heart while he witnessed her, slowly vanishing the chamber. She seemed to have ingested everything she needed for todays concert, as she ascended into another chamber. For the next chamber, Alexis knew, he was not worthy enough yet. He could only imagine the things that lied beyond these magnificent gates. Alexis knew, that he needed to see her again tomorrow. And now he finally had the access code to the banquet, so he knew it was possible to see her whole ceremony, to really get to know her. And maybe. Maybe he will see her on stage someday. The magnificent stage next to the Seine, seemingly born from one of Boschâs paintings seemed to set everything around into a dreamlike state of exuberance. Leaving even the most polished buildings around it appear to be rusted. United with all his fellow Angels, Standing in front of Notre Dame. See his QUEEN LIZZY face Notre Dame, while he, Alexis faces his LIZZY. And perhaps, he longed. Perhaps one day. One day i might meet her in reality. âTHIS STREAM HAS ENDED! WITNESS QUEEN LIZZY AGAIN TOMORROW!â Somber but ecstatic, Alexis takes off his glasses and puts on his favorite music, while leaving his flat for an evening stroll at the Seine. Queen Lizzy is breathless at the bacchanal bewitched, senses submerged, her image mirrored, her mind magicked, her emotions modulated magnified unmoderated and maybe immodest, herself multiplied [40] Music sprays an anaesthetic cloud over things and drug used to spare us the terror of the real. [41] It is these traits that enable it to go anywhere, to go everywhere, into site and psyche alike, to appear ever fascinating yet ever harmless even as it plies its undermining subterfuges and sly deceits [42]. Forces come and go, from and in all directions. [43] Where do we want to go? [44] Remember: Icarus flew away, toward the sun. [45] One sees the burning heat of the sun scorch the wings of the wretched young man, as the blazing fire smokes, and one can almost hear the crackling of the burning feathers, while death can be seen sculpted on the face of Icarus, and on that of Daedalus his emotion and sharp pain. [46] Historically, thousands of subjects have done so, suffering, killing themselves, dressing, perfuming themselves, writing as if they were Werther. [47] The baroque dramatist clings fervently to the world. [48] We are expecting a move toward a falling in sync with the architecture of the Baroque, but on different levels of abstraction. [49] Contemporary time, however, can sustain these baroque illusions. [50] Today, Maximum is the ultimate ornament, the most self righteous crime, the contemporary Baroque. [51] the whole building is the decoration. [52] And Delicate bronze allegorical figures adorn the case. [53] We have seen roofs made of copper, glass, and gold, and elegantly decorated with ceilings gilded or coffered in gold, and picked out with sculpted crowns and flowers, and even statues. [54] We are in excess. [55] And excess produces virtuality. [56] By the early twenty first century, our time, a mythic time, we are all chimeras, theorized and fabricated hybrids of machine and organism; in short, we are cyborgs. The cyborg is our ontology. [57] Whereas the musical call rises from noise to meaning while avoiding both. Vibrating softness and the hammerâs hardness. [58] Life is excess. [59] This surplus of absence, the place of nothing, when exaggerated threatens all meaning with indifference. [60] But the lights have to go on again. [61]Exactly, In indifference, the excess becomes manifest. [62] A modern ritual, a modern Bacchanalia, escalation, excess. [63] So here we go. [64] This is Queen Lizzy. If you want sex, why not go get it? [65] If dolphins go extinct, why worry? [66] If weâre all going to drown, why not jump from the highest heights and feel the rush of adrenaline? Weâll learn diving eventually. And The point turns into a baroque pearl. [67] flashes of inspiration fascinations colours, glitter decadences balls: exuberances festivals and congregations, close communions travel at the speed of sound, lightspeed communication instantaneous pools of commonality the vibe and exultation, the euphoria the sharpwit razor of precision, the ingeniousness the shared experience the climactic joy, the sacred orgasm of life [68] When will we stop apologizing for being romantic? Why not now? Here and now? Right now. We populate the desert with singing trees and unruly blackbirds. We leave the cynical laughter behind and no longer hesitate to be naive. The clichĂŠ is not kitsch, it is simply beautiful. [69] Let's follow the hedonism creed, kick the whole world off, get out of work, go to bed, and join together with your "great Louis XIV" to shake this hypocritical world into a bright sky. [70] Ah, bless the very âfalse windows,â so valued as decoration and so useless in a building of artificial light and ventilation! [71] This possible world is not real, or not yet, but it exists nonetheless: it is an expressed that exists only in its expression â the face, or an equivalent of the face. [72] Then, we built churches in excess for a common belief in an artificial persona. God. Tomorrow, we will build in excess because it represents living in a world where the power lies within the plenty. The plenty is excess and she give birth to it by giving it a face in physical space. From nihilism, hedonism emerges and they will dance together in euphoria like Dionysus did with his followers. She will acquire the plethora and give the acceleration a purpose. It is time to stop holding on to flag poles standing in the current. We should start to accept the drowning, to then be fulfilled by the current teaching us how to swim. Excess is accepting. Excess is giving the power a face. She says: Come, live with me. Watch me exist. Because, we are part of it: we are a part of everything, every thing is part of us we were made by gods, but we create them we were made by the universe we were created by energy we were created by code we are the probability we are the failure and the hope and the despair we are the triumph of existence and that is what she is: she is Queen Lizzy [73] [1] Charli XCX Reddit AMA [2 ] Hugo, Notre Dame de Paris [3] Alberti, 10 books of architecture 1755 [4] Cicero, Tusculan Disputations [5] Sedlacek, Economics of Good and Evil [6] Aristotle, Poetics [7] Leibniz, Theodicy [8] Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra [9] Hugo, Notre Dame de Paris [10] Bacon, Novum Organum [11] Alberti, On the Art of Building in Ten Books 1988 [12] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology [13] Alberti, On the Art of Building in Ten Books 1988 [14] Bacon, Novum Organum [15] Alberti, 10 books of architecture 1755 [16] Alberti, 10 books of architecture 1755 [17] Alberti, 10 books of architecture 1755 [18] Cicero, Tusculan Disputations [19] Sedlacek, Economics of Good and Evil [20] Aristotle, Poetics [21] Leibniz, Theodicy [22] Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra [23] Hugo, Notre Dame de Paris [24] Purdy, On the Ruins of Babel Architectural Metaphor in G [25] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968 [26] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968 [27]Harman, Towards Speculative Realism [28] Deleuze Guattari, What Is Philosophy [29] Hovestadt Buehlmann, EigenArchitecture [30] Deleuze Guattari, What Is Philosophy [31] Foucault, History of Madness [32] Blanchot, The Book to Come [33] Kaup, Neobaroque in the Americas Alternative Modernitie [34] Moore, Why We Build [35] Deleuze Guattari, A Thousand Plateaus [36] Rajchman, Constructions [37] Goldsmith, Capital New York Capital of the 20th Century [38] Acocella, Stone Architecture Ancient and Modern Construction Skills [39] Tsoukala, Intersections of Space and Ethos Routledge Resear [40] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Quantum City [41] Serres, The Incandescent [42] Sykes, Constructing A New Agenda [43] Spuybroek, The Sympathy of Things [44] Serres, Hominescence [45] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968 [46] Vasari, The Lives of the Artists [47] Barthes, A Lover s Discourse Fragments [48] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968 [49] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Coding as Literacy [50] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968 [51] Sykes, Constructing A New Agenda [52] Ockmann, Architecture Culture 1943 1968 [53] Saunders, The Art and Architecture of London [4] Alberti, On the Art of Building in Ten Books 1988 [55] Zizek, Less Than Nothing [56] Schumacher, The Autopoiesis of Architecture Vol 2 [57] Haraway, Cyborg Manifesto [58] Serres, Statues [59] Negarestani Mackay, Collapse Volume VII [60] Doyle Savic Buehlmann, Ghosts of Transparency [61] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968 [62] Doyle Savic Buehlmann, Ghosts of Transparency [63] Serres, The Birth of Physics [64] Hofstadter, I Am a Strange Loop [65] Spuybroek, The Sympathy of Things [66] Morton, Hyperobjects [67] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Symbolizing Existence [68] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Quantum City [69] Camille de Toledo, in: Goodbye Tristesse, 2005 [70] Louis XIV Show [71] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology [72] Deleuze Guattari, What Is Philosophy [73] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Quantum City
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Costumed Craving...
part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16
Not long after Marianneâs wound had healed, leaving the same red mark on her that marred Bogâs pale skin, the fledgling incubus sluggishly raised himself to gaze down into her eyes. Â She adored how his new nocturnally favoring biology made the exquisite blue of his eyes even brighter; they almost glowed in the dim light. Â Mesmerized and divinely sated, she nearly missed his rumbling whisper:
âHi.â
Smiling, she pressed a simple, but no less loving kiss to his bloodstained lips.
âHey.â
He touched his forehead to hers, nuzzling her affectionately and a low, purring sound passed between them for a few seconds...
âŚuntil Bog reared back in surprise, realizing that the noise was apparently coming from deep within his own chest!
Marianne giggled and stroked his cheek.
âYeah, you can do that now too.â
Bog blinked and slowly nodded his understanding. Â Still, the interruption had perhaps not killed the mood, per say, but it had surrendered to the march of the clock and grown more focused. Â
Holding in a mewl as Bog pulled out and sat by her hip, facing away from her, Marianne sat up, stretched and reached for him-, but stopped short. Â
Maybe it was the slight change in the airâs texture, or the faintest hint of tension she noticed in the chords of muscle in his neck, but all at once she was frozen and like a broken faucet, worry began to drip into her stomach all over again as she waited for him to speak.
.
.
.
âI guess I was a bit overeager.â Â Bog said at last.
âSâalright, pretty sure I was on board the whole time, and leading.â Â Marianne quipped, shifting somewhat for a better view of his bowed profile. Â âHowâs your craving?â
âGone; completely.â
Relieved, but not knowing what else to say, she just absentmindedly rubbed his arm for a moment. Â Eventually, Bogâs fingers came up to cover her own, ceasing her movements. Â
âThis canât happen again, Marianne, not fer a while.â Â
The leak in Marianneâs gut turned into a veritable flood of dread, and she wouldâve recoiled had Bog not held her hand fast and met her stricken expression right away with hard sincerity.
âI love ye, Marianne.â He stated in a gruff voice that was free of doubt.  âDornât ye dare ever think otherwise.  I know what it meant to bite ye, anâ I know exactly why I did it; I was in control of all myâŚLilin faculties, but I havenât lost my human reason.  Yes, I dornât wanna feed off anyone, but more than anythinâ, I do know I wanna be with yeâŚIâm jusââŚâŚnoâ ready yet.â
Marianneâs lips pursed to keep her sorrow reined. Â
âI need time to myself, to get used to this; to learn everything I can,â Bog explained gently, âbut I have to like it without yer influence.  I should embrace it all fer itselfâŚanâ noâ because yer some kinda predestined prize that comes with it.  Itâs only fair.  Do ye see what I mean?â
She certainly did, and in more painful ways than one. Â The trust between them had been damaged; thankfully, not destroyed, but it needed healing. And the very least she could do for him at this point was respect his wishes. Â Even if it was excruciating to do so. Â
How ironic; sheâd kept the truth from him, and now he was keeping himself from her. Â Â
âOkayâŚâ she croaked, ââŚIâŚI understand.â
âDo ye?â
âYes. Â I donât like it, but I understand it.â
Bog brushed some of her hair behind her ear. Â
ââŚIâm noâ tryinâ to punish ye, Marianne.â
âI know that.  I say Iâd deserve it if you were anyway, butâŚwe both know Iâm dramatic like that.â
He pecked her temple, and she felt her tears clambering for release, but she managed to keep herself together. Â She needed to be strong, for both their sakes. Â
Eventually, they stood up together and redressed in silence until she excused herself to go into the locker room to retrieve his dried pants. Â Holding the warm Leviâs in her hands, she paused and allowed herself to be ridiculously sentimental by pressing her cheeks against the rough material, inhaling his scent deep into her lungs for fear of forgetting its bewitching aroma.
Come on, Tough Girl. Â You know it wonât be forever. Â Besides, youâve got your own life and responsibilities. Â Youâll be busy replacing your ring floor, for starters. Looks like you let a pack of wolverines loose in there. Â
Steeling herself, she returned to the main part of the gym where Bog was waiting for her.
âHey, quick question.â He said as he put on his jeans. Â
âYes?â
âDid Dawn make Sunny like you made me?â
âYeah, she did.â
âI see.  Would ye mindâŚtextinâ me Sunnyâs number then?  If heâs up fer it, Iâd like to have him around fer advice, since heâs experienced the transformation firsthand.â
âOh, s-sure; thatâs a good idea. Â Iâll let him know.â Â
âThanks.â
ââŚI love you, Bog.â
He folded her into his arms and kissed her fiercely.
Wanting to stretch her final minutes with Bog to their maximum, she almost offered him a ride home, only to remember that that would be quite impossible, since sheâd flown to the gym tonight. Â Having wings was a great way to save on gas, a helpful fact she never thought sheâd find herself cursing one day. Â
All too soon, they were standing together in the open front doorway, unbothered by the chill of the final dark hour as it died for the morning. Â The city was incrementally stirring to life around them, a stark contrast to the supernatural coupleâs aching but necessary gloom. Â
They did not speak. Â
They did not share a glance. Â
Just three words before he stole into the empty streets...
âGoodbye, Tough Girl.â
The sun rose on her weary and crestfallen eyes, still watching well after her soulmate had vanished into the fading shadows. Â Â
#strange magic#butterfly bog#bog king#marianne#hall0ween#m0nster#fic#romance#angst#part 17#don't hate me#epilogue to follow
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Happy (rainy) Wednesday, Penny Darlings!
We are bewitchingly close to the big spooky day, and as All Hallowsâ Eve approaches â I am doing all the things Iâm supposed to be doing. Iâve watched Hocus Pocus, drank ALL the PSLs, stocked up on candy for trick-or-treaters, and most importantly: got some costumes!
Now, if youâre like me, then Iâm sorry.
Ha! Just kidding!
But seriously, I have CURLY CURLY CURLY hair and it is TOUGH to style. It doesnât hold style very well (itâs also SUPER fine and silky!), it gets frizzy the second I start sweating or thinking about humidity, and it deflates to being totally flat in under an hour.
Iâm also not that great at doing really inventive hairstyles â but I love an excuse to do my hair up nice and fancy or to get to experiment with something new. I knew that I definitely needed something to beat the heat, humidity, frizz, and last my whole Halloween party long: so obvious choice is: Not Your Motherâs Sheâs a Tease Volumizing Hairspray!  (which you can shop at your local Ulta, CVS & a million other places!)
If you donât have curly hair, donât want curly hair, etc. these tips and styles should still work (with some slight variations) and you can totally just ignore step one!
 Step One
For my hair looks, I started out with âday to dayâ hair treatment to get my curls looking fly with my Not Your Motherâs line! I did a whole post on this back in the spring â so check out my step by step process here!
A little mini-review for the TL;DR-type-readers:
After washing (or rinsing) my hair until it is totally wet, I wrap in a cotton t-shirt (SO much better for curls than a towel!), then spray some Beach Babe Texturizing Spray near the roots. Next, I scrunch my hair from tip to root to give it a little boost. Next, a decent dollop of Curl Talk Defining Cream followed by more scrunching. Third, you guessed it, another scrunch with Curl Talk Curl Activating Mousse. Then I let it air-dry!
 Cinderella
This is one Iâve been wanting to tackle for awhile now!
So for this look, I had all the ingredients (like a dress and shoes!), but I was trying to get an easy bun with a bit of a bump in the front for the classic princess look!
how to get that royally perfect bun
Step 1: Listed above. Follow it. Believe. Step 2: Once hair is dry, apply a healthy layer of Sheâs a Tease Volumizing Hairspray Step 3: Take a comb (I used a regular comb, but a teasing comb with have worked better) and comb on your top-most layer of hair. Step 4: Put your hair in a ponytail. Step 5: Loop the ponytail halfway through the holder, creating a messy bun. Separate * fluff to desired bun size. Step 6: More hairspray Step 7: Take your index fingers from your hairline back to the bun, lifting a small section, but not so much that it falls out of the bun to create a small bump or lift in front Step 8: More hairspray Step 9: Finish with a ribbon (or scrunchie, like I did) for that royal bun with the bump Step 10: One last layer of hairspray all around the hairline (for any frizz or flyaways!).
Fun Fact: while taking this photo, a group of probably 30-40 Italian & French tourists walked by Preston & I at the exact moment I kicked off my shoe (pictured below). They all stopped and took pictures and videos on their iPad and phones of us! #MortifiedButLaughing â And a lovely young Italian man with bleach blonde & yellow hair wearing a leather vest yelled: âSlaaaay Queenâ in the HEAVIEST ITALIAN ACCENT of all time. I cannot express how awesome it was! (hence my intense laughter in this pic!)
 Bew*tched!
I grew up totally obsessed with Samantha on Bewitched. I thought she was so rad and her costumes were totally envy-inducing. I was forever trying to wiggle my nose and see if any magic happened.
For this hair look, I wanted a softer, more brushed out, and looser blonde curls to pair with this retro dress & vintage sofa!
Step 1: I literally just told all of you what step one is. Scroll back up, ya nerd! Step 2: Wait for hair to completely dry! Step 3: Spray (dry) hair with Sheâs a Tease Volumizing Hairspray & let dry Step 4: Brush out curls â STOP 1-2 INCHES BEFORE THE ENDS! Donât brush THROUGH your hair. Step 5: More Sheâs a Tease Volumizing Hairspray Step 6: Repeat brush process from the under side of hair, leaving tips unbrushed. *When you split the ends, thatâs when the frizz gets crazy for me and the âbushyâ hair starts â by not brushing the tips, it only softens the curls in the middle.* Step 7: Spray underside of hair
You are on your way to a nose-wiggling good time!
Britney Spears
Obvi, a 90âs queen had to make this list â so I went ALLLLLLLL the way back to the most iconic music video of all time* â Hit Me Baby One More Time
*not a fact
I wanted to do her iconic pink hair scrunchies mixed with pigtails. My hair is a little too short to make the braided version work â so I did a variation with pigtails!
get those iconic 90âs pigtails
Step 1: Listed above, for real, get it together. Step 2: Separate dry hair into two sections and gather towards the shoulders. Step 3: With small elastic bands create two ponytails just above and behind your ears. Step 4: When tightening them, pull at a wide angle to create some volume. Step 5: Spray with Sheâs a Tease Volumizing Hairspray Step 6: *OPTIONAL* braid both pigtails and tie at the end with small elastic bands. My hair CANâT do this, so I modified and thatâs totally fine! Step 7: Obvi, spray that hair â braided or unbraided â itâs gotta survive your Halloween plans! Step 8: Accessorize! I got my pink scrunchies at Claireâs in the mall, and when I told the girl what I needed them for (Britney Spears costume) she went, âWho?â and I nearly DIED ON THE SPOT OF OLD AGE. Step 9: One last spritz of Sheâs a Tease Volumizing Hairspray for hold & for good luck! Ha!
 TA-DA! Those are my Halloween hair looks.
âŚfor those of us who are only okay at doing our own hair, welcome friends. Ha!
Double bonus: I can pick these up at CVS or Ulta, just around the corner, without breaking the bank!
I find my hair to be such a big part of my confidence and my femininity that I love to take care of it and find products I can stick with for a long time and use again after Iâm done being spooky. I hate buying products that I use once and then end up sitting around until theyâre crusty â get some supplies that last!
Seriously, switch out your hair towel for a tee and thank me later!
Everyone â be safe & spooky & awesome & haunted & make good choices & look cute & donât forget to put an extra coat of hairspray on & eat candy.
CHECK OUT NOT YOUR MOTHERâS ON SOCIAL MEDIA
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 *this post is sponsored by Not Your Motherâs Brand, however all thoughts and opinions are my own!*
SO HEREâS THE âEND OF BLOGâ SPIEL!
If you are at all interested in doing a collab or working with me â please feel free to check out my new Contact Me! page!
Follow me on Instagram: @thepennydarling
If you want to follow my darling, Preston â you can click here!
Like my Facebook page here!
Follow me on Twitter here!
Subscribe for updates!
If youâd like to donate to help me keep Penny Darling going â click here!
Thank you for all that you do. You are truly extraordinary.
Love all you wonderful ladies (and gents!) out there!
How Very,
Abby
3 Super Easy-DIY Halloween Hair Looks Happy (rainy) Wednesday, Penny Darlings! We are bewitchingly close to the big spooky day, and as All Hallows' Eve approaches - I am doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing.
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Text
QUEEN LIZZYS ASCEND
ITS QUEEN LIZZY BABY!!! Iâm QUEEN
LIZZY and my new album LIZZY just dropped!!! xxxx
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE FOR MY NEW ALBUM LIZZY. THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. I MADE THIS FOR YOU GUYS!!! THANK YOU TO EVERY COLLABORATOR. THANK YOU FOR TRUSTING ME. THIS IS THE BEST ALBUM EVER. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! đđ
[1]
Baby, iâm candier than candy
more chrome than chrome
will love you more than your girl
i will bring you home (bring you home)
im more sparkle than sparkle
im lovelier than love
come on baby, i will get you off (get you off)
I'm hard on the outside
But if you give me time
Then I could make time for your love
I'm hard on the outside
But if you see inside, inside, inside [2]
Red and chrome All the broken glass sparkling I guess we're partying [3]
I got Chrome Hearts hangin' from my neck
(I got Chrome Hearts hangin' from my neck)Â
[4]
That soft pink matter
Cotton candy, Majin Buu, oh, oh, ohh
Close my eyes and fall into you, you, you [5]
I got my red dress on tonight Dancin' in the dark in the pale moonlight
Done my hair up real big, beauty queen style
High heels off, I'm feelin' alive [6]
And a lust for life, and a lust for life And a lust for life, and a lust for life Keeps us alive, keeps us alive Keeps us alive, keeps us alive [7]
You want a real taste At least I'm not a fake
You want a real taste At least I'm not a fake [8]
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh [9]
Baby, iâm candier than candy
more chrome than chrome
will love you more than your girl
i will bring you home (bring you home)
im more sparkle than sparkle
im lovelier than love
come on baby, i will get you off (get you off)
You want a real taste At least I'm not a fake
You want a real taste At least I'm not a fake [10]
Alexis was listening to his favorite Popstar QUEEN LIZZYâs new single âCandyâ as he saw the notification in his inbox.Â
âMY PRETTIEST ANGEL! YOUâVE BEEN SUCH A LOVELY BOY! YOU EARNED YOUR SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART AND I WANT YOU TO BE THERE AT THE BANQUET BEFORE MY CONCERT TODAY!
XXXX YOUR LIZZYâ
âyou are now in posession for an exclusive access code to QUEEN LIZZYâs ceremonyâ
Alexis was rapturing in joy. He closed the doors to his room. After all this time, he could finally be there as well. Be at the ceremony with everyone else. See the things he only heard myths about. Alexis put on his glasses and scanned LIZZYâs gift.Â
Alexis wanted to see her for real this time. While the livestream was loading he hummed along the refrain of LIZZYâs newest single âCandyâ and joy filled his soul. Â
When he opened his eyes he instantly felt, that, when standing inside the villa, aura is affirmed absolutely. [1]
In the beginning, there was darkness. But out of the darkness a light emerged. He felt, that it was her - but not yet. Slowly the light emerged and it got brighter when she slowly moved through space. He started to see silhouettes. He started to see colors.Â
It was the queensâ most baroque fantasies of glamour and stardom. [2]
Light crystalline notes seemed to emerge out of the silence which accompanied the Queens glide. Somehow out of nothingness a choir as perfectly clear cut like colorful marble in the most beautiful patterns emerged.
Alexis saw her gliding along the ground from far away, although he felt like he saw one short glance of her eyes going to his direction.Â
He glared at the fabric falling down upon her like a thin, ultra light continuous skinâclearly visible. What was especially miraculous was that especially from inside he saw the building move towards a "textile like" definition of architectonic space. [3]
The ornament felt like folded embroidery encapsulated in astonishing ecstasy of colorful marble and indistinguishable textures of golden and platinum figures illuminating the fabric upon they seemed to be appended. Everything seemed like it was flickering. Flickering like a soft but strong candlelight, giving the structure a pulse. All colors seemed enhanced and the details exaggerated which made it even more dazzling in Alexisâs eyes.
In the midst, his queen.Â
Adjacent to her path there were two banquets, with shining pearl-white layers of fabric. Filled with all the plenty of things.
She seemed to be absorbing the banquet, while Alexis now knew.
These heavens do not proclaim the glory of God. [4]
But the heavens of his Queen.Â
QUEEN LIZZY.Â
He listened closely and let these heavenly halls enter his heart while he witnessed her, slowly vanishing the chamber. She seemed to have ingested everything she needed for todays concert, as she ascended into another chamber. For the next chamber, Alexis knew, he was not worthy enough yet. He could only imagine the things that lied beyond these magnificent gates.
Alexis knew, that he needed to see her again tomorrow. And now he finally had the access code to the banquet, so he knew it was possible to see her whole ceremony, to really get to know her. And maybe. Maybe he will see her on stage someday. The magnificent stage next to the Seine, seemingly born from one of Boschâs paintings seemed to set everything around into a dreamlike state of exuberance. Leaving even the most polished buildings around it appear to be rusted.
United with all his fellow Angels, Standing in front of Notre Dame. See his QUEEN LIZZY face Notre Dame, while he, Alexis faces his LIZZY.Â
And perhaps, he longed. Perhaps one day. One day i might meet her in reality.Â
âTHIS STREAM HAS ENDED! WITNESS QUEEN LIZZY AGAIN TOMORROW!â
Somber but ecstatic, Alexis takes off his glasses and puts on his favorite music, while
leaving his flat for an evening stroll at the Seine.
Queen Lizzy is
breathless
at the bacchanalÂ
bewitched, senses
submerged, her image
mirrored, her mindÂ
magicked, her emotionsÂ
modulated
magnified
unmoderated and maybeÂ
immodest, herselfÂ
multiplied [1]
Music sprays an anaesthetic cloud over things and drug used to spare us the terror of the real. [1] It is these traits that enable it to go anywhere, to go everywhere, into site and psyche alike, to appear ever fascinating yet ever harmless even as it plies its undermining subterfuges and sly deceits [2]. Forces come and go, from and in all directions. [3]
Where do we want to go? [4]
Remember: Icarus flew away, toward the sun. [5] One sees the burning heat of the sun scorch the wings of the wretched young man, as the blazing fire smokes, and one can almost hear the crackling of the burning feathers, while death can be seen sculpted on the face of Icarus, and on that of Daedalus his emotion and sharp pain. [6]
Historically, thousands of subjects have done so, suffering, killing themselves, dressing, perfuming themselves, writing as if they were Werther. [7]
The baroque dramatist clings fervently to the world. [8]
We are expecting a move toward a falling in sync with the architecture of the Baroque, but on different levels of abstraction. [9]
Contemporary time, however, can sustain these baroque illusions. [10]
Today, Maximum is the ultimate ornament, the most self righteous crime, the contemporary Baroque. [11]
the whole building is the decoration. [12]
And Delicate bronze allegorical figures adorn the case. [13] We have seen roofs made of copper, glass, and gold, and elegantly decorated with ceilings gilded or coffered in gold, and picked out with sculpted crowns and flowers, and even statues. [14]
We are in excess. [15]
And excess produces virtuality. [16]
By the early twenty first century, our time, a mythic time, we are all chimeras, theorized and fabricated hybrids of machine and organism; in short, we are cyborgs. The cyborg is our ontology. [17]
Whereas the musical call rises from noise to meaning while avoiding both.Â
Vibrating softness and the hammerâs hardness. [18]
Life is excess. [19]
This surplus of absence, the place of nothing, when exaggerated threatens all meaning with indifference. [20]
But the lights have to go on again. [21]Exactly, In indifference, the excess becomes manifest. [22]
A modern ritual, a modern Bacchanalia, escalation, excess. [23]
So here we go. [24] This is Queen Lizzy.
If you want sex, why not go get it? [25]
If dolphins go extinct, why worry? [26]
If weâre all going to drown, why not jump from the highest heights and feel the rush of adrenaline? Weâll learn diving eventually. AndÂ
The point turns into a baroque pearl. [27]
flashes of inspirationÂ
fascinations
colours, glitterÂ
decadences
balls: exuberancesÂ
festivals andÂ
congregations, closeÂ
communions
travel at the speed of sound, lightspeedÂ
communication
instantaneous pools of
commonality
the vibe and exultation, theÂ
euphoria
the sharpwit razor of precision, theÂ
ingeniousness
the shared experience
the climactic joy, the
sacred orgasm of
life [28]
When will we stop apologizing for being romantic? Why not now? Here and now? Right now. We populate the desert with singing trees and unruly blackbirds. We leave the cynical laughter behind and no longer hesitate to be naive. The clichĂŠ is not kitsch, it is simply beautiful. [29]
Let's follow the hedonism creed, kick the whole world off, get out of work, go to bed, and join together with your "great Louis XIV" to shake this hypocritical world into a bright sky. [30]
Ah, bless the very âfalse windows,â so valued as decoration and so useless in a building of artificial light and ventilation! [31]
This possible world is not real, or not yet, but it exists nonetheless: it is an expressed that exists only in its expression â the face, or an equivalent of the face. [32]
Then, we built churches in excess for a common belief in an artificial persona. God.
Tomorrow, we will build in excess because it represents living in a world where the power lies within the plenty. The plenty is excess and she give birth to it by giving it a face in physical space. From nihilism, hedonism emerges and they will dance together in euphoria like Dionysus did with his followers.Â
She will acquire the plethora and give the acceleration a purpose.
It is time to stop holding on to flag poles standing in the current.
We should start to accept the drowning, to then be fulfilled by the current teaching us how to swim.Â
Excess is accepting. Excess is giving the power a face.
She says: Come, live with me. Watch me exist.
Because,
we are part of it: we are
a part
of everything, every
thing
is part of us
we are the gods
we are the universe
we are the energy
we are the code
we are the probability
we are the failure and the hope and the despairÂ
we are the triumph
of existence
and that is what she is: she
is
Queen Lizzy [33]
[1] Charli XCX Reddit AMA
[2 ]Lady Gaga + Blackpink, Sour Candy
[3] Lorde, Dynamite
[4] The Weeknd, Escape from LA
[5] Frank Ocean, Pink Matter
[6] Lana del Rey, Summertime Sadness
[7] Lana del Rey, Lust for Life
[8] Lady Gaga + Blackpink, Sour Candy
[9] Lana del Rey, Summertime Sadness
[10] Lady Gaga + Blackpink, Sour Candy
[1] Purdy, On the Ruins of Babel Architectural Metaphor in G
[2] Goldsmith, Capital New York Capital of the 20th Century
[3] Acocella, Stone Architecture Ancient and Modern Construction Skills
[4] Tsoukala, Intersections of Space and Ethos Routledge Resear[1] Serres, The Incandescent
[1] Serres, The Incandescent
[2] Sykes, Constructing A New Agenda
[3] Spuybroek, The Sympathy of Things
[4] Serres, Hominescence
[5] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968
[6] Vasari, The Lives of the Artists
[7] Barthes, A Lover s Discourse Fragments
[8] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968
[9] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Coding as Literacy
[10] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968
[11] Sykes, Constructing A New Agenda
[12] Ockmann, Architecture Culture 1943 1968
[13] Saunders, The Art and Architecture of London
[14] Alberti, On the Art of Building in Ten Books 1988
[15] Zizek, Less Than Nothing
[16] Schumacher, The Autopoiesis of Architecture Vol 2
[17] Haraway, Cyborg Manifesto
[18] Serres, Statues
[19] Negarestani Mackay, Collapse Volume VII
[20] Doyle Savic Buehlmann, Ghosts of Transparency
[21] Hays, Architecture Theory since 1968
[22] Doyle Savic Buehlmann, Ghosts of Transparency
[23] Serres, The Birth of Physics
[24] Hofstadter, I Am a Strange Loop
[25] Spuybroek, The Sympathy of Things
[26] Morton, Hyperobjects
[27] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Symbolizing Existence
[28] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Quantum City
[29] Camille de Toledo, in: Goodbye Tristesse, 2005
[30] Louis XIV Show
[31] Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology
[32] Deleuze Guattari, What Is Philosophy
[33] Buehlmann Hovestadt, Quantum City
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