#i let the discord know in advance that I was SORRY
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hauntedhokage · 5 months ago
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kiss prompt: A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.
pairing: Nanami x Reader
word count: 518
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You hated when Nanami had to leave for work after hours. It was annoying when he wasn’t a sorcerer, but now that he’d returned to the jujutsu world you were more concerned than annoyed. He was talented, but he’d told you that nothing was guaranteed - typical of him, making sure that you were prepared for every possible outcome that could come out of this return to a dangerous line of work. 
Every time he had to leave he’d always stay at your side for a few minutes to brief you in the situation that required him to leave you. Most of the time he was relaxed, casually leaning against whatever surface to tell you where he was going and what he needed to do. This time it’s different; you can tell by the way he pauses before pulling his blazer, freshly pressed as it had returned from the dry cleaner yesterday, and he looks over his shoulder to where you’re leaning against the entryway to the kitchen.
“What’s the situation this time?” Your question is met with a sigh, and he leaves the coat rack without grabbing that coat. “Kento?”
“It’s quite serious, stay here at home for the rest of the evening for me?” His hands are gently gripping your upper arms, his forehead pressed to yours as he looks into your eyes. He actually looked concerned, rather than the usual bored expression he had when he needed to work overtime. 
You don’t know what to say, but you know better than to ask for specifics. You worried too much when you had the specifics, so you’d stopped asking and it helped you significantly. It also helped him, as he always worried about his career tainting you and your perception of the world around you. 
“When will you be home?” 
“I’m not sure, don’t wait up for me.” He never had an answer like that, even just a vague range of time was enough for him, and then he’d let you know if it was going to take longer. You know that he knows you’re concerned, but neither of you want to put that out in the open. There wasn’t time for consolation right now - not when he had to get going. 
He kisses you before you have time to compute that he’d started to lean in, large hands moving to hold your cheeks as you lean into him more. Your own hands hold onto his wrists, wanting desperately to keep him there - at home, with you - instead of letting him go out to face whatever was waiting for him. 
When he pulls away, it’s only just barely. His lips might as well still be on yours with how close he remained and the way you’d exchange soft, short, kisses as your eyes opened to see him looking at you. 
“I love you, and I’m sorry that I have to put in overtime tonight.”
“Just get home, the movies will still be here when you do,” you assure, kissing him one last time before you start to nudge him towards the door. “I love you, too, Kento.”
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uwublr · 6 months ago
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Pine's Ridiculously Long List of Free Japanese Study Materials
First Month Edition
All my current study materials, because sharing found resources is caring. These are not JLPT-specific and are for pre-beginners to beginners like me. I can't believe I have been studying for a month. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. I am a slow learner, but that's okay. Find a community because it truly does make a difference. Shoutout to Seitokai's Nihongo Discord, and to @tokidokitokyo whose post let me know about it and is just overall a great person too.
Main study material: Marugoto Online A1 Self-Study Kastudoo and Rikai with downloaded PDF and Wordbook (my original post about it)
Supplemental references:
A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar (The only NOT free resource in this list, sorry! The e-book sold on Amazon does not have good reviews as it's a scanned copy of the book, rather than a properly formatted e-book. A free alternative to this is JapBase which also contains Intermediate and Advanced content.)
Marugoto Plus which accompanies the Marugoto courses and includes videos, audio files, etc.
Apps: Anki, Renshuu
Anki decks:
Tatsumoto's Kana (Recognizing and Writing)
Tatsumoto's AnkiDrone Sentence Pack V7
Official KanjiDamage Deck (from the creator of KanjiDamage, crude language warning for both the deck and the site)
Marugoto A1 Rikai Katsudoo 2021
Dictionaries:
Rikaitan browser extension (installed JMDict English V4, JMExtra, 日本語文法辞典(全集), and Kanjium)
Takoboto app (with offline access)
Other resources:
Sukiruma for practice writing sheets
Reader Ttsu for reading Japanese materials on a browser (used in conjunction with Rikaitan, since I couldn't find an e-book reader that I can install a Japanese dictionary in)
Sousakuba for downloadable genkouyoushi without watermarks
Youtube:
Favorites marked with a ⭐️.
Comprehensible Input for what it says on the tin, in bite-size formats
Daily Japanese with Naoko for vlogs with Japanese subtitles
Dogen for the funny videos that you can learn from and/or relate to
Game Gengo because Japanese learning through games, and has JLPT geared content if you're looking for it
Gino Kei who has shorts teaching Japanese in a not so serious way
Hiro - Food in Japan for cooking videos, not in Japanese, but these make me crave for Japanese food anyway so that counts
⭐️ Japan Eat for Japanese food commentary in English and also makes me hungry. So, yeah, not in 日本語 but it's delicious so that also counts
Japanese Koro mostly for kana reading practice which actually helps you get short serotonin boosts for when you do actually get to read the words correctly
Japanese Quest which plays games in Japanese
⭐️ Japarrot! for fun, animated comprehensible input videos
Let's ask Shogo for culture content
⭐️⭐️⭐️ Matcha Samurai for delightfully unhinged culture content, debunking Japanese misconceptions one video at a time
Namba Tsuyoshi for no narration Japanese walk with me style vlogs, very chill and relaxing
⭐️ NihongoDekita with Sayaka for fun, short grammar content
ShekMatz Japan has videos/playlists where she teaches Japanese in Tagalog, so if you can't understand Tagalog, you'd better skip it
Sora The Troll because why not
⭐️ Takashii from Japan is honestly one of my favorites, even before I started learning Japanese. His interviews are just really good!
Taro's Sewing because my toxic trait is thinking I can sew the cool things they post. Also comes with short Japanese commentary on screen
Tokyo Lens counts as uh, immersion even if it's not in Japanese, but it's in Japan so that counts? Yeah, let's go with that
もしもしようすけ for Japan vlogs/walk with me with Japanese and English subtitles
Yomii Japan Piano if you like piano and the occasional trolling
Japanese Calligrapher Takumi because my other toxic trait is thinking I can write this beautifully
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kalims · 1 year ago
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ㅤdorm leaders being savages
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summary. basically some backstabber mf tries to 'steal' him and... this is where the savage part starts
featuring. dorm leaders
content. bad friend, gender neutral reader, brutal rejection 😭
note. a full post after a while :')
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malleus
I mean it's not like he would notice anyways, again. I firmly believe human and fae courting traditions are vastly different and c'mon... he doesn't even know what the fuck flirting is do you really think he'd get their intentions. 💀
when they start to slide up an arm in places he's quite bothered about, (cause guy is so whipped that he won't let anyone but him touch you.) he isn't even happy that someone is near his proximity anymore, not scared and whatnot.
just he no likey.
AND HES NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC HE JUST SHRUGS THEM OFF EVERYTIME. he's just a genuine innocent lil' dude who wants his lover to come and save him from this touchy, weird, human.
no child of man cause that's your name ‼️
while he may not get it, he's got a feeling, sixth sense of sorts and when he sees it he's backing tf up away. he's not gonna entertain the doubts.
also he still doesn't get it in the end lmaoooo, he's avoiding all their advances thinking it's a part of human... culture? that he wasn't made aware of.
if they start putting in the forbidden words in the same sentence as your name you know shits going down, suddenly he's not that confused, oblivious, cute guy that they saw but a much colder shell.
when his eyes darken, and it starts storming they'd had better run, he's been kind enough to stay even with their relentless annoying behavior but that is where he crosses the line fr.
don't even be surprised when they get hit by lightning and end up in the infirmary or something, malleus didn't even say anything to them cause he believes actions speaks louder than words... *sends touchy, weird human to the nurse.* see?
someone insults him: ?
someone insults you: 😠😡🤬👿🌩⚡
just goes: "your friend is very unpleasant, I'd appreciate it if you refrain from spending time with them."
something unsaid; spend all of that time with me duhhh
idia
you know what I'm surprised someone actually likes him tbh 😭 except us because we're all built different and we love disgustang discord mod behavior.
you know what's even more surprising? the fact that idia is actually seen by your friend group. I swear he comes out of his room like once a day and that's just because he's craving something else that isn't in his food stock and he's just gonna rob whose mac n' cheese was in the microwave.
and that's literally in his DORM ONLY.
he's like a vampire and allergic to sunlight, he's more willing to come out in the middle of the night because that's when the least 'normies' are scattered around like flies.
(if that counts for anything at all??)
but hanging out is more fun and if you somehow managed to convince idia to come with you with your friends for some well needed, 'socializing' then you're in luck!
besides that you had to bet one of your items in that open world game you played together... all is good!
im like 99% sure idia is disgusted by any other touch from other people, besides you? cause if you touch him he's just embarrassed... but in terms of the disgusted faction, you've been there before.
he immediately spots their intentions cause he definitely plays otome games and this is one of them cliche scenarios to 'spice up' the plot by invoking jealousy in it.
only difference is its him, you and this... random.
if they weren't already offended by the absolute mortification and disgust on his face, somehow continuing to 'rizz' him up.. oh boy. it's gonna get worse.
he's got the worst fucking 3rd grade insults like... "back away from me you noob, are you supposed to be their friend?" he scoffs, surprising them cause they thought he was gonna be that red flag discord romance experience.
"sorry but im not really sorry. i don't associate myself with lower levels such as yourself, try to come back when you're higher but I doubt they'd accept a fiend back."
LIKE WHO USES NOOB AS AN INSULT?
when you come back he's steering you away, pulling on the hem of your sleeves practically begging to come home with the promise of 'grinding that outrageous drop rate item you've asked his help with.'
something unsaid; doxxing them as soon as I get back
vil
ok this one I get.
who wouldn't want vil... it's not like I've made the entirety of the fandom known about my obsession with him as my favorite character or anything, not at all... jokes aside he's a very prominent candidate, he's hot and rich. you get it?
forget about the other qualities because we all known those two can carry someone in life alone, life in luxury and fame? sign them up ASAP.
besides your boyfriend being one of the superstar actors, models, the dream jobs for a dream man even your friends had a hard time believing you. you should be offended that they even considered that you were clinically.. delusional.
plus you didn't even seem to know about vil before so how are you dating him?!
they found out the hard way and safe to say they're flabbergasted because what even?
of course out of everyone here, vil has the most experience in terms of being approached on a baseless appearance only, he's iffed by how fast people get infatuated when they're barely scratching the surface of him.
well, you somehow dug your way deep with a shovel so you're the only exception he will allow...
at this point he knows what to expect the moment one of your friends gave him a look he's all the well too accustomed to. it's easy to ignore the ones he sees in crowds cause there's always some type of fence blocking them from fully proclaiming their love or something.
problem here is that this person has no obstacles and he can tell they're waiting for an opportunity to strike like a snake. *texts the pomefiore gc to tell them about this SNAKE!*
honey this is a big NO for him, you need to consider your circle of friends if one of them immediately starts folding around like this and wastes what? a longer friendship with you? please, he's known his stylists more and they literally get replaced every single day.
he's giving them the biggest, sassiest side eye ever. putting a palm up before they even get to speak because frankly, he does not want to hear it.
they open their knarly mouth. "i—"
he raises a finger. "no."
a frown. "but i—"
"shush."
he can do this forever.
when you come back he's still giving a bombastic, criminal offensive side eye, mentally thinking on how to ruin this person's life in media of course! his natural domain. just one word and the rest of his army will attack fr.
vil usually doesn't do this but seriously? that was another level of low.
also he's just by your side, you don't even have to say that he's your boyfriend because he's lowkey rubbing it in their face that he is in fact, taken.
"next time you try to see me again, might as well buy one of the tickets to my fan signings because you’re not seeing me again otherwise.. well, not like you can afford it anyways." *fabulous hair flip*
something unsaid; either way I'll kick you out if you try to get in
kalim
most safest person to flirt with, even if you're friends with their lover but also the most impossible to actually try and 'steal.'
the thing about kalim is that he's adorably stupid, not to degrade him in any shape or form but he's so oblivious about everything that you could consider it as one of his redeemable traits to be adorable.
he takes everything you say so seriously to the point where if you joke about wanting to water an entire continent he's just there with his carpet waiting for you cause he's gonna do exactly that.
"you're in luck cause I have a lot of water in me!" pops his non existent guns on his arms. (he is talking about his unique magic..)
it takes a remarkable mind to be like... that but you like him all the well about it, compliment his stupid-ness and he'll just grin, flush a little and laugh loudly as he compliments you back. not an ounce of anger in his tiny body.
red eyes but what a bright heart!
the type of guy that goes. "any friend of yours is a friend of mine!" so when he meets your friend group, casually just throws them a grand ball. they don't know whether to be flattered or.. concerned cause this is pretty weird.
not only was one of your friends awed over the mere value of many things inside the dorm he renovated, apparently his very huge bank full of gold was something to gasp over too.
and that's exactly what they did. (I mean get that bag sis but that bag is already owned by someone else and that's you... so that's not slay of you, random friend.)
here's when his nature proves to be quite relenting, even after many flirting, even using those cringe pickup lines from the internet, he just won't budge! it's getting irritating cause they're sure the people already heard the embarrassing words coming out of their mouth.
also that they were flirting with a non-legally married man. (to you ofc ofc.)
kalim either laughs at them because he thinks they were jokes, and just funny or laughs just because he's kalim.
he didn't really mind the casual touches at first, maybe it was friendly? he does it all the time after all but there was a stinking feeling that it felt weird and that alone was weird cause friendly pats were supposed to feel good.
not with you though cause those feel great!
accidentally shuts them down cause they're feeling like a third wheel when you come back after a bathroom break and it's like a total contrast to how he was treating them.
how do you seriously not notice kalim now unintentionally flirting with you?! are both of you airheads?!
he was literally all over you when you quipped up a "hi, I'm back."
and he was like; "welcome back :DDDD!!!!" if it wasn't already obvious they'd even add floating hearts emojis all over his head.
something unsaid; girl he didn't even notice anything was up...
azul
kinda a 50/50?
I'm not sure if most people really dig the whole 'bad reputation' thing. he's friends with the most terrifying twins in the entire campus, notably scammed a lot of people, can give wishes with an extreme price.
oh yeah he runs monstro lounge too but that just means he won't have time to spend with a lover.
that's their own imagination but azul's actually very sweet and gets some overworked junior to do the work for him, usually jade since floyd just leaves if he's given the job. JUST so he can go fret over which tie to use for your unofficial date.
despite him annoyed and losing sleep 24/7 because of the tweels he still asks them which one to use, jade's opinion is most trustworthy since floyd picks the neon, vibrant ones. (don't question why he even owns it.)
I doubt he actually likes people though, anyone else than you? hard pass. he's a simp through and through but unlike idia who can't mask the mortification and disgust on his face even at the cost of his life, good thing that masks are one of the many things azul is good at.
he slips up sometimes cause he genuinely thinks it's embarrassing that they're doing whatever this is to him, (well more of an attempt?) and to you, who is also their friend and his lover.
slip up as in his eye twitches, he flinches away a little too fast when they touch him, and his smile wobbles.
I mean no one would notice if he uses his magic on one, singular person...
mentally makes a note to remember whoever this was cause they're not stepping foot in octavinelle ever again.
+ an object of fun for the tweels. #gotormentthatlife!!
he's just a polite guy, so he won't just straight up insult them but he does warn them. the only thing holding him back from cooking a whole table is the crowd that would definitely spread the news of him going batshit.
like; "could you please, stop this? I hope you're not as stupid as you make yourself out to be because if you think I'm an idiot to not know what you're doing.. "
meanwhile his mind; "ugh this bitch. [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]."
I mean he's not that intimidating ALONE but when he gets all threatening like that (🥰) he could pass for an assassin fr.
just gets the tweels to deal with them cause he does not have the patience to deal with this backstabbing ho and it's wasting his precious time that should have been spent talking with you.
ugh he did not spend like 30 whole minutes picking out his tie and gloves just for this.
azul when he sees you coming back: 😇
something unsaid; [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted].
leona
oh boy, cover your eyes cause we're stepping onto another level of SAVAGE. you don't call lions that for NOTHING ‼️ beastman or just beast.
has the least filter out of everyone, as in he just doesn't give a single fuck, he's the chillest (agressive) guy on the twst planet so if the thought of wanting to insult some stranger that doesn't have a significance in his life at all pops up in his mind he ain't gonna change it lol.
gives the stinkiest eyes, even his tail and ears pause to synchronize with his thoughts cause if they had googly eyes they'd have a side eye too.
if he's laying down and they try pulling him upwards, tryna latch onto him? *just shoves them cutely.* problem solved.
leona's nice enough to let them off without losing something cause you really do mean something to him if he's holding back for your expense knowing that this is one of your 'friends.'
they don't even deserve to be called that!
like no one interrupts his peaceful nap times except for when he stands up to interrupt it himself just to drag you down with him.
wait so basically anyone but him???
he, really doesn't want to waste energy on this fool and to be honest they're really boring him since you went out to grab something you forgot. (but knowing this person for less than an hour in his life, they probably had something to do with that too.) so you aren't here to give him a reason to stay awake.
them rambling but in leona's eyes they're a blurry figure cause he's really sleepy.
then suddenly he's an iphone promax when he's looking at you 💀
if they already didn't take a hint from his earlier shove, the dirt isn't the only thing he's gonna shove someone into. there's a lake there for a reason other than keeping a home for the fishes y'know. never would know if they eat people too. /j
"would you shut up?"
yeah that's all he says but we all know how sharp it is to hear that from somebody so they immediately shut up. there's absolutely no need for any waste on energy of them, just one look from him and they're SILENT.
hopefully embarrassed too cause wtf was that??
unfortunately he can't fully enjoy his usually relaxing nap cause this random is corrupting the atmosphere even when they're silent, I swear they could shift and leona feels like one step closer to smacking 'it.'
ignored them every single time they tried to call out to him LOUDLY before but when you just silently step back on the field, he already peeks out an eye??? like no words needed.
what love does to a mf... sighs... another cold male lead we've lost to romance because of our mc <4
something unsaid; I was really questioning if keeping myself from strangling someone was worth it. took more effort than doing it literally
riddle
I'd have a crush on him too tbh.
unlike azul who already knew their intentions from the start, polite enough to kindly drop signs that he's not interested. riddle doesn't get it, he's just polite as well but also confused?
like he doesn't know they're tryna flirt, but he does think their actions are strange like c'mon. why are they trying to feel him up? he has no idea except the thought that he doesn't like it at all.
also it feels like he's betraying you so he just straight up pulls their arm away off of him firmly and shakes his head.
"stop this behavior."
he sighs.
surprisingly he's patient but also impatient???
consider this the first and last warning cause he WILL excuse himself if it ever goes on, riddle can wait for you browse through a whole store with him following you around and playfully commenting on your taste but can't wait for their attitude to get better.
he ain't gonna waste any more of his precious minutes on this period.
I don't know how to explain it, he's totally unaware of what they want, which is him ironically. but the reason he's rejecting their advances is because he's so devoted and a simp for you.
not a lot of people have the balls to converse or touch around him carelessly like that so freely so isn't it basic human courtesy to hold off all the physical affection till they're more acquainted?
well, not that riddle's not gonna let their current relationship advance any further from strangers at this point...
he's so loyal to you that it's cute jabskans.
riddle sticks to his principles, and he certainly has his own preferences for the personality of people. one of the traits he despises is when they don't understand his earlier warnings.
of course riddle isn't very forgiving, they're lucky they were even given a chance before cause even he, doesn't spare his dorm members a second chance when they break a rule he's been plenty lenient with.
so if you were given a chance, you better take it cause he's not giving you another.
like how since you did take your chance he's not gonna let you go now 😍.
isn't the type to be rude to people for matters he deems conflict being easily avoidable so he just makes up a believable excuse and walks away loool.
and they're like thinking; didn't he say he was tired and had to sleep since he stayed up planning the unbirthday party... why is he having a tea date with you???
suddenly he didn't look too tired at all compared to when he randomly slumped to look exhausted before??
something unsaid; 🥰🍵 what a successful unbirthday party *forgets about them immediately cause you're both having an unofficial date.*
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note. ok so something unsaids are basically that but don't misunderstand, it's something they didn't say.
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garoujo · 1 year ago
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saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk
CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.
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hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.
first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.
on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.
first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.
i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.
a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!
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so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.
this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:
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again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?
i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.
regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.
she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.
i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.
now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.
but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.
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anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.
the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.
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it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.
i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.
i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.
i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.
so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.
i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.
— emmie :)
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elaine19day · 18 days ago
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Alright guys, I'm here today to address the pictures of the alleged 'new merch' that had been circling around in the English fandom for a few days. See how I said 'English fandom'? Because nobody really addressed it on weibo and XHS yet… at least not to that extent. (Sorry, I have seen these screencaps on tumblr, insta, X and discord, and I have no idea who originally took them, I don't claim to have taken those screenshots, merely providing them here so you know what I'm talking about.)
So what happened? A few days ago a random shop on taobao created new listings that offered a new series of badges and prints/acrylics - not just featuring the 4 main boys, but also He Cheng, Qiu, She Li and… Cun Tou…..?! Now let's take a moment and sit back and think about this for a while. First of all: Why would a random shop that's NOT affiliated with mosspaca in any way post new 'official' merchandise? (Because we can see there's the mosspaca copyright writing on the badges and acrylics, just like it used to be on the previous badge series) Why would this random shop post these things while neither OldXian herself nor her boss, moss, have posted or announced anything via weibo/XHS? Don't you think this is sort of fishy? You don't find this strange, you don't question that at all? Sure, some people said: It's leaked and it will be available on the upcoming signing event on the 29th which OX announced on her weibo. Sure. There is a possibility, of course. They could have a leak in mosspaca studio and some person got their hands on some undisclosed merch and decided to make bank by making a new shop and listing the items for pre-order, hoping they could cash in. NOT a smart choice if you wanna keep your job because such incidents get investigated thoroughly and we all know by now that moss himself is very strict about these things and already has taken legal action against shops before when they sell fake merch as official merch. The other possibility? Old Xian's apple account has been hacked by an outsider and then the same scenario as before applies - that person wanted to cash in before it officially releases.
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Now. How has OX handled merchandise before? It was always announced before an event and sometimes even months(!) in advance when they were pre-order items. Also. Have you ever seen Old Xian making merch for Cheng, Qiu, She Li and Buzzcut? Sure, the first 3 have been on some old postcards way back in the day, plus they are depicted in some of the artbooks, okay. But actual merch with them separately? The last badge series had a very limited special edition button with He Cheng. That was super rare. And now OX suddenly makes merch of the 2 adults, plus She Li AND Buzzcut, who's a minor character which barely makes an appearance? (Sorry, Buzzcut fans, not trying to be mean, just wanting to drive home the point that OX creating merch of him is highly unlikely - unfortunately.)
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So what can we take home from all the stuff I just pointed out? Yep, there is a high chance that this is not official. It might be fake merch, sold by a random person who used generative AI tools and editing skills to create these things. I mean, sure, some of the pictures look highly convincing, I give you that. But then again, there are fanartists out there who can perfectly mimic Old Xian's style and edit/draw the boys in new poses that make it seem 'real' and official. But then there's THIS. Please take a close look at the way the faces are 'drawn', the way that the eyes are sort of smudged, same as some of the abs, the way Mo's face is contorted in a weird angle, the way the hands look chunky and unreal, and so on. (click on image to enlarge it and see it in more detail)
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Weird, right? Well, it's a very common, typical thing for pictures that are generated with free AI tools. Everyone who has tried one or the other and has fcked around with one of those tools out of curiosity will notice.
Also - have you noticed the sheer AMOUNT of things posted from this one random seller? 10 different badges, 12 different long bookmarks (acrylic boards?), 4 couple cards, plus a LOT of other random new things which all feature very old panels from the manhua… When has Old Xian ever released SO MUCH merch at once? Yep. Never. Plus the re-using of old pictures for new merch? Also doesn't make much sense. And there's a lot of the older illustrations being used for these supposed new things here.
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So if you take all of this into account, you might conclude that someone is tryna pull your leg here, selling fake merch disguised as official by even slapping the logo onto it to make it more convincing and mimicking how it looked the last time around. Of course - there might be the odd chance that mosspaca suddenly took a 180° turn and completely changed their modus operandi and decided to do things completely different compared to before and that it was leaked after all and meant as a surprise for the new autograph event etc etc etc. Yep. There's a chance that all this is true after all. But there's also a chance that I step out of my house tomorrow and an airplane crashes onto my head. Of course, that chance is *extremely* small. But the chance is there… So there you have it. All I'm asking you here, is to take a moment to think it through logically when you see these things online. And that you don't instantly believe everything that other people post who are always so eager to spread false information just for the sake of stirring up the fandom without ever taking the time to verify their sources. (No, I'm NOT taking a jab at anyone here who posted/reposted these pictures and was confused and/or asked about it. I was just as puzzled as you guys. But I am criticizing those who post it and announce that it's definitely new, official merchandise…) In conclusion: Might be true, but chances are very slim, all things considered. Let's wait until Tuesday when the event takes place and keep an eye on weibo and XHS - let's see which pictures the CN fandom will post when showing their autographs. Then you can check if there's new merch present. If not - well, then it's pretty safe to say that this was definitely fake. (And if this turns out to be real after all, I will make a follow-up post, regarding the AI-looking faces. But you might not like that 'lore' so I will not mention it for now, to prevent possible drama.)
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 10 months ago
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Dirty Work 13
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Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.
Characters: Loki
Note: Ew, Monday.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
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The taxi lets you out just outside the darkened estate. Your heart lurches as you stand on the curb, the car slowly rolling away as you stand in a cone of light beneath a street pole. You stare up at the ominous facade with its cavernous windows.
You want to believe it was just a faulty wire or some anomaly but you have to be sure of it. The gate is locked, just as you were certain you left it. You key in the code and shut yourself in. The hedges and looming trees lendthe property an unearthly feel as you creep along, aided only by slivers of moonlight.
You stop and look down at the phone clutched in your hand. You search for the flashlight app and shine it ahead of you. By habit, you go around the back, even as the chirp of crickets and hum of the night adds to your foreboding.
The beep of each digit pressed into the keypad pierces the night. The electronic chime is unceremonious is the nocturnal din. Inside, there is a haze of light from just down the hallway. Did you leave it on or did someone else?
You turn off the light on the phone and drag up the call app instead. Just in case you need to call for help. You proceed without flipping any switches, careful not to make a noise as you advance. You reach the entryway and turn to face the glow emitting from the broad archway.
You hold your breath as dread bubbles up to your throat. You stop short as the clink of a glass cracks the silence. Mr. Laufeyson’s back is to you as he sets down the short tumbler, a stray droplet clinging to the brim. He rescinds his arm and wipes his mouth with his cuff.
You could sigh. It’s okay. He’s only come home early. It’s not some sinister intruder or covetous criminal. It is only him.
You could go and he’d never know of your foolish panic. You lean back on your heel as you tuck away your phone. He strides to the tall glass cabinet and presses the door so it releases. He pushes it open and drags out one of the dark bottles. You sidle backwards, stretching an arm out to feel around you.
“What are you doing here?” He sneers and stops you in your tracks.
You gulp and blink. Speechless. Caught.
“Yes, you,” he turns and uncaps the round-shouldered bottle.
“Mr. Laufeyson, I…” you sputter and step out of the shadows, “the alarm.”
He fills the glass and clunks the bottle down heavily, resting the cap on top but not sealing it. He swipes up the tumbler and brings it before his mouth. His green eyes sparkle like emeralds in the low light of a single lamp.
“And you came oh so quickly,” he scoffs.
You rub your lips together, uncertain what to say. He seems unhappy. His early return is likely for unpleasant reasons.
He swigs and strides, his free hand patting his thigh in agitation as he paces. He spins and retraces his steps, mouthing to himself. You peer down the hall and back at him. You feel you’ve walked in on a very private moment.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Laufeyson, I’ll go,” you say.
“Hm, you do not want to stay?” He challenges as he halts and faces you, his sole scuffing sharply, “I’m certain this place is preferable to whatever sty you reside in.”
“I only came to make sure all is well–”
“And why wouldn’t it be?” He pauses to toss back the last of his drink, liquor by the looks of it. “Were you neglectful in your duties, mm? Shall I take inventory?”
“Mr. Laufeyson, I was only… nevermind,” you shrug.
“Bah,” he waves you off and twists on his feet, once more strutting away. He shoves his hands in his pockets as he goes to stand by the mantel, tilting his head as he gazes along the ornaments. Just where the camera hides. “While you’re here, pour me another drink.”
You chew your lip and wring your hands as you come forward. You break the threshold of the den and near the round table beside the armchair. You peek at him as he toys with the globe, flicking it around with one finger.
“Do take your time,” he hisses.
You grab the bottle and lift the cap. You tip it carefully but still hit it against the top of the glass. The liquid glugs out and the scent rises to tinge your nostrils. You set the bottle down and take the glass, wondering how anyone can stomach it.
You go to him as he leans a hand on the mantel, his other on his hip as he huffs. He shakes his head at some irksome thought. You stand nearby but don’t dare disturb him. He frightens you as he turns and snatches the glass.
“You know,” he begins, stopping himself to drain half the glass, “the last thing I need to worry about is this place. I hired you for just that and I find you looking at me as if this house should be aflame.”
You look down and take a step back. He clucks and pivots, stomping around the sofa. You stay as you are, rigid and uneasy. The anger roils off of him and you are the only one there to hear it.
“My father… of course, couldn’t be happy for my visit. No, never is. I swear he must’ve despised my very birth,” he snarls, “but my brother, oh, he can do no wrong.”
He empties the last of the glass as you peer over your shoulder. He grips the glass tight and bares his teeth at it. His eyes are drawn to yours as if he can sense them.
“You’re still here,” he growls.
“Mr. Laufeyson, sorry, I–” you hurry around the other side of the sofa towards the door, “I was only–”
“No, no,” he stops you as he waves his palm, “another.”
He presents the glass in his other hand. You stare at it. There’s a cloudy tint in his eyes. As you approach, you hear him exhale. You take the glass and his fingers brush yours clumsily as he drops his arm. 
You look at the empty tumbler and back to him. You don’t know how much he’s had or how much more he should. You don’t drink but you suppose he wouldn’t need more than a few glasses.
“Are you sure you should–”
“Are you questioning me?” He snips.
“No, Mr. Laufeyson, I only… it’s late and you’ve been traveling–”
“Don’t tell me what’s good for me,” he raises a finger to point in your face, “left alone for one day and you presume a bit much.”
“Mr. Laufeyson, not at all,” you swallow, “I will get you more–”
“No,” he grabs you before you can retreat, his hands on your shoulders, “why…”
His word dangles between you as his question remains unasked. Terror courses through you as he grips your shoulders tight, the size and strength of his hands locking you in place. You bat your lashes as you stare up at him. The liquor clings to his breath as it fans over you.
“Mr. Laufeyson,” you squeak.
He holds on to you, almost trembling. He steps closer as he draws you in. He is almost hypnotised as he glares down at you. His hands slip away only to grasp the bulk of your hood instead, bunching it in his fists. He leans, teetering on his feet, looming over you.
You are trapped in your own shock. You cannot pull away, you can’t push him off, you can’t move. You’re horrified as you wonder what he’s thinking. As you fear what he might do next.
He is drunk, that isn’t a question, but is he dangerous?
“The light plays tricks on me,” he whispers before he lets you go, swaying as he turns and finds his way to the sofa. He flops down, leaning against the backrest. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back. “You are correct, I am drunk.” He takes a breath and blows out with a groan, his lashes flicking open suddenly as he sits up, “go.”
You nod and put the glass beside the bottle. You march back to the archway and stop, glancing back at Mr. Laufeyson as he drops his head and cradles it in his hands. He looks almost pathetic as he slouches forward. 
“I said leave me,” he snaps without looking up, “now!”
🧹
The night is short and fruitless. Your sleep is splintered with anxiety and the morning sees you twitchy and uneasy. As you get ready to leave, you wonder if you should even bother. That rotten feeling in your gut assures you you’ll meet no different than the previous night.
Yet, Mr. Laufeyson hadn’t fired you. He only told you to leave and you can’t afford to give up, though for the first time, you're considering it. As Leslie gets your father’s coffee ready, you’re reminded that you can’t. No, he needs you, he is only too stubborn to admit it.
You set off as the knot in your stomach draws tighter. You don’t sit on the bus, instead standing as your nerves get the better of you. You rock, leaning into the motion of the bus and your stop comes too soon. You drag yourself off and shudder as you look down towards your fate.
You’re on time. Five minutes ahead of expected. The gate code works, that’s a good sign. Your usual trawl through the gardens is hazy and dull. You don’t notice the blue jay winging or the lady bugs crawling on the brick. You can only focus on what comes next. You’re completely blinded by the unknown.
Inside, the house is as empty as the day before. Not truly. You know Mr. Laufeyson will show himself eventually. You hang your bag and put on shoe covers and gloves. It’s Monday, a cleaning day.
You begin if only for the distraction. Down the hall, into the kitchen, room to room, until you reach the den. There is no sign of the previous night’s run-in. The bottle is neatly back in the cabinet with the rest, the short glass is gone, and all appears as it should be. So why does it feel so off?
You work through the room almost ritualistically. You have a pattern and you stick to it. The familiar has always been safest. 
As you near the table, something sparkles on the dark hardwood. You bend to pick up the small shard of glass, careful not to let it cut into your fingertips. You glance around to see if it broke off anything close by. No cracks, no chips. It’s clear and tiny. Almost indiscernible.
You cup it in your hand and take it to the kitchen to put in the bin. Something so small can cause a lot of pain. You shake off your palm and let the lid close.
“Ah, I see you are working hard,” Mr. Laufeyson’s voice rolls through you.
You tense and turn slowly from the bin. You keep your head down as you cross the kitchen, “yes, Mr. Laufeyson.”
As you try to pass the counter, where he stands, he steps out to block your path. You stop and back up, your gaze stuck to the tiles before his leather shoes. He stands close enough for his warmth to cloud around you.
“Coffee,” he states the single word and in an undeniable demand. 
He’s never asked for that before but you can figure it out. It must be a test. Or a lesson. He’s reminding you of your place. You can’t just barge in after hours, even if you are trying to help. Well, that’s the thing, he only wants the help he asks for so you better stop thinking so much.
“Yes, Mr. Laufeyson.”
You turn and go to the cupboard. You don’t know where anything is. You clean but you don’t cook or go through anything. You open one door; wrong. The second; wrong. On the fifth, you find a bag of coffee. 
As you unfold the top, you reveal aromatic beans. You stare at them. You make coffee for your father all the time but you buy grounds, not whole beans. You look around for a hint. You’ve seen people grind beans on television but they don’t exactly show the grinder; it’s always just a loud noise in the background before the balding blonde brings the metropolitan cast their wide brimmed cappuccinos.
You flinch as Mr. Laufeyson struts around the bend of the counter and slides a square device across the granite. He pushes it in front of you, crowding you again. You thank him and stare at the grinder. What do you do now?
You take the little scoop from inside the bag and spoon up a heap of beans. You hover them above the rest as you touch the grinder, turning it as you examine it. He sighs and taps a silver button. The lid pops up and reveals a compartment. You pour in the beans and close the top.
“Are you truly so ignorant?” He accuses.
“Sorry, Mr. Laufeyson,” you utter, not bothering with an excuse.
“It is a simple task. They train teenagers to do it,” he scoffs.
You nod and press the button that reads ‘grind’. You hold it, happy for the noisy reprieve from his criticism. When it’s done, you look around again. There’s a machine but it looks a lot different than the drip machine in your own kitchen. You go over to it and feel along the upper part, searching for a catch. Surely there’s somewhere to put a filter.
He nears again. He slides a drawer out and takes out a little metal canister. He pushes a button to open the top of the machine and wiggles it over it to say, it goes here. You open your hand and he lets you have it. You return to the grinder and scoop out the ground beans into the little canister. 
You return to the machine as he taps his fingers on the counter. You slip the canister into place and close the lid. The screen lights up and shows several options. You don’t know which one to choose. He huffs and selects ‘bold’. You stare at his tie in shame.
“How can you not know how to brew a coffee?” He sneers.
You shrug, “sorry, Mr. Laufeyson.”
“Mm, there is much you don’t know, isn’t there? Much I know which you wouldn’t,” he snickers, “oh but I know something about you. Something… interesting.”
You furrow your brow and look up, not far, just at his throat. His hand slips across the counter and he looms over you. His gaze bores into you as he hangs over you like a shadow. He pulls back and turns to lean on the counter, lifting his wrist to adjust his watch. He’s certain to turn his hand to show it off. 
“What I know is that you’re a liar,” he states, “and sneaky. And nosy.”
“Mr. Laufeyson, I only came last night because the alarm–”
“Last night? What do you mean?”
“Uh…” you blink and look him in the face. “You don’t remember?” 
“Ha,” he snorts, “of course I do. You were concerned after I triggered the alarm. So be it. I am not talking about that,” he faces you as he smirks, “you like to hide, don’t you?”
You frown and shrug. You don’t know what he means. He laughs and once more touches his watch.
“I know exactly how you came upon my watch that day,” he announces, “and I suspect you discovered a few other curious sights.”
You blanch and shake your head vehemently. Your cheeks are on fire and your whole body is buzzing. You could disintegrate right then and there. You almost wish you could.
“I didn’t– I didn’t see anything at all. I just– I just– Mr. Laufeyson, I wouldn’t ever– you’re my boss. I was afraid but I couldn’t see out from under the bed.”
“But if you could…” he hums.
“No,” you insist, “no, I wouldn’t want to.”
“Wouldn’t want to?” He echoes dully.
“I understand, I was wrong to not say anything but I was only trying to clean–”
“Wouldn’t want to?” He repeats even louder.
You snap your mouth shut and frown. You don’t know what to say. You’re embarrassed. You should’ve just told him yourself. Before you can apologise, he throws his hand up and sidesteps you.
“You may bring me my coffee,” he orders harshly, “be certain to knock.”
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h0neybane · 28 days ago
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HEY. ARTIST MUTUALS
i'm asking right now because i have some mass attacks planned and want to choose characters in advance! i will ask again in june i think
for those of you who DONT know what art fight is, here it is from the official website:
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the art fight event is only live from july first to august first, but the website is open year-round for account-making, character-uploading, and bookmarking! and the discord server is pretty lively too (from experience LOL i'm there all the time)
heres my attacks (art i made for others) and defenses (art people made for me) just to convince u a little more...
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essentially, what i'm getting at, is if this seems interesting to you, and you make an account, send it to me to follow, and upload your characters... i will probably make art of your oc without even being asked
LET ME DRAW UR TWST OC!!!!! and consider come doing art fight if you havent already its very fun
im just gonna tag all of my artist mutuals with twst ocs instead of my normal taglist (SORRY IF IM DISTURBING U):
@angelwishess @fell-e @viperbunnies @babyghoul138 @buttholesparkles
@kawaii-queen-kaiju @unity-obj @honesuto @scint1llat3 @moonyasnow
@screamintoad @ghostiidasponk @bunniehunn @taruruchi @jewelulu
@teighveepao @boopshoops @skibidibabygirl @gimmeurmoneyagh @honeyedpearcrushh
@raguiras @oya-oya-okay @cheerleaderman @skriblee-ksk @theolivetree123
@umburgrr @valse-a-mille-temps @shinysparklesapphires @beneathsakurashade
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rainybubbles · 8 months ago
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Silent- Gaz x plus size reader
Summary : Finding a way to relieve the stress of work in a DnD discord, Gaz meets Silent. A player whose microphone is always turned off, using chat only. Maybe he'll find a way to break the silence with them and finds why their mic is off…
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(Sorry in advance, English is not my first language, so sorry if it's bad or OOC.)
-TW social anxiety.
-"What a quiet kid you've got there. I wish mine was as calm at home."
-"Oh, you know, they're pretty mature for their age."
-The laughter faded into distant murmurs as I glanced over at the other kids.
-Yelling, chasing, breaking a vase or two—my eyes couldn't look away from them.
-They seemed to inhabit a world entirely different from mine.
-A world where scraping by at month's end, nightly dinners, locking up the house, solo bus rides, laundry routines, and helping siblings with homework simply didn't exist.
-Because, after all, they were just eight years old.
- But so was I…
-So why didn't I have the right to have fun, yell, chat, ask for sweets, act immature, or doodle on walls?
- My hand reached out briefly, hoping for a connection, but my mom's glance quickly reminded me to stay put…
-Being silent seemed to be the key to earning praise and keeping peace.
-So, I stifled that urge, withdrawing into myself, standing alone behind her legs, engulfed in a heavy silence.
____________
"Silent, huh?"
-My gaze drifted slowly to the chat.
-"Yeah, dude, they're usually a regular on Thursdays. Never says a word, their mic's busted, can't afford to fix it," one of the guys responded.
-The tone carried a hint of disdain.
-I felt out of place.
-Yet, I stayed put, unable to leave the server.
-It was the only place where I felt I could express myself.
-Through words, carefully chosen, controlled, retyped, erased, and sculpted to bring a story to life—a space where my imagination, so often overlooked, could finally roam free.
-By chance, I'd become enamored with Dungeons and Dragons.
- The only snag, of course, was the void in my social life.
-So, like figuring out how long it takes to cook broccoli, I scoured the internet.
- Discord groups organized sessions. I panicked at the sound of mics, voices.
- What would they think of me? What should I say? What could I do? And then someone asked if my mic was broken.
- Ever since, I'd stayed that way, and the nickname Silent stuck.
"Hi Silent, then :) I'm Kyle aka Gaz."
-Usually, I ignored introductions.
- People interested me little, their characters were the interesting ones.
-However, Gaz hadn't spoken those words aloud.
- He had written them. It was stupid honestly, but few people wrote back to me, few people responded to me in writing.
-Everything was done orally.
-Suddenly, someone was on my turf, reaching out.
-The campaign proceeded as usual.
-My thoughts were focused on my actions, the dice rolls, and the resulting outcomes.
- Yet occasionally, I let my eyes wander over Gaz's profile.
________________
-"Hello guys, I don't know if I've played with some of you before or not. "
-"Don't worry, we accept everyone. The days are rarely fixed."
-Gaz was back. It was Friday. It was my favorite group, the game master Ylias really managed to transport you.
-"Well, I'll start then-"
-Ylias started rambling, I followed the story when I noticed a notification in the discord. My finger brushed it, and then ignored it.
-What would he think if I clicked now? that I'm a friendless attention-seeker? But if I wait, they'll think I don't care about the campaign?
-So I waited 5 minutes, trying to find the right balance between the two.
-"Hey, Silent. I missed a campaign without you, the others keep on rambling about their athletics, last time I even had a guy mimicking a goblin with his mic, I'm glad to see you back in text :) !!!"
-Pressure flooded over me. What should I reply? A heart? Thanks? Ignore it? Tell him he's nice too?
-"Thanks."
-Too cold, too short. I thought it wrong, I should delete it, rephrase it, add a smiley, make it warmer, he must think I'm a monster.
-"I think we should try opening the door, are you coming with me? I don’t feel like going into the forest with the rest of the team."
-Oh. Usually in campaigns, I go with the flow, I heal and stay in the background. I never-
-"You need a score of 13 for that, folks". Ylias said.
-"Come on, Silent, roll the dice." Gaz replied
-Nervously, my mouse hovered over the virtual dice. With a score of 15 showing, I heard Gaz's laughter.
-"I knew we had to do it! Let’s go, plus with your stealth, impossible to get spotted. "
-"We'll see about that." Ylias replied, laughing.
-And just like that, Gaz made me smile. It was probably one of the worst campaigns, but it was the first where I could finally choose my actions.
__________________________
-"Back again :) ?"
-" Yes."
-Dry, too dry.
-"I was waiting for you. "Gaz replied.
-" Why? "
-"I don’t want to play a campaign without you, you bring me luck."
-" I'm not sure about that. "
-"Yes. I tried a campaign with colleagues, we died blowing up. "
-"Probably because of your colleagues. "
-"Okay, maybe my colleague set fire to a mystery barrel. But it was their first campaign. "
-"You're recruiting? "
-"Introducing them. He's trying to quit smoking, and I thought DnD could occupy his free time."
-I stopped myself.
-Curiosity, imagination, everything overwhelmed me.
-What was it like to be close to colleagues like this, to freely discuss your passions, to laugh…
-"And then?"
-" It's not his thing, he's more into action. "
-"I see. "
-"It's not for everyone. "
-"Is it your thing? "
-"What? "
-"To let off steam? If your colleague needs it, so do you, right?"
-Stupid. Too personal a question. Invasive.
-"Yes. It allows me not to think, to be someone else."
-" Me too."
-" Plus, being an elf is great."
-" You say that because I am one."
-" Maybe. "
-"Thank you. "
-"For? "
-"Talking in chat. People usually ignore me outside of campaigns, they don't respond by text."
-" They ignore the sexiest elf?"
-" There's no image, you don't know what I look like"
-". Hm, exactly! I imagine your elf tall, muscular like the Rock, hair like Gordon Ramsay's, and maybe makeup like Ru Paul's."
-" I'm not sure about the result. "
-"Sexy."
-I snorted at my screen.
-"Ok."
-" How do you imagine me? "
-"Your wizard? "
-"Yes. "
-"With long hair, maybe dreadlocks, white eyes, and a smile. "
-"A smile?"
-" Your voice sounds soothing. "
-"Really? "
-"Yes, sorry, it's weird to say that, I shouldn't have."
-" No. No. I've never been told that, I was just surprised, that's all."
-" I see. "
-"So, a sexy elf and a smiling mage.
-"Sounds like the beginning of a weird porno."
-He responded with a meme.
_________________________
-"So, what do we decide, Silent? Honestly, I don't want to raid the goblin but the vampire to face, I'm sure the score will be high." Gaz asked through his mic
-"It's your choice, not mine."
-"they're right, Gaz, this one's all on you," Ylias said.
-"Can't I even ask for help?"
-"Score of 15 in insight to spot an ally." Ylias announced.
-Gaz scored a 10. No one addressed me throughout the campaign.
________________________
-"Back, Gaz?" someone said.
-Three weeks of radio silence.
-My mind had been looping, wondering if my refusal to break the rules had driven him to find a more interesting group, a more exciting duo.
-But there he stood, his username glowing green.
-"Yeah, I finally got some days off."
-"Good for you, man."
-"So spill, I see some new names and all!"
-Strangely, his voice had become grating to me. I didn't understand why, so before he could reach me, I disconnected.
- Alone in my apartment, I held my knees to my chest.
-Why am I reacting like this? He's entitled to a life, damn it.
-I fet like he...gave me up.
-Shit it's stupid.
-I didn't understand. I tried to calm myself, but the deafening silence of my apartment seemed to slowly engulf me, and before I knew it, I found myself in a new spiral of anxiety.
____________________________
-There were no campaigns. I just liked reading. Reading what had happened. Living vicariously, imagining their voices, their reactions.
-"hey :)"
-The off-campaign tab was blinking.
-He was addressing me, I knew it, I was the only one online with him.
-My thumb grazed the notification, but I ended up entering the chat.
-"hey."
The period was too harsh, too dry.
-"It's been a while! Something happened?"
-"Work." I answered.
-That's a lie.
- But lying is like oxygen, it's easy to come up with excuses to avoid others.
-But harder to let go of it to face the potential risks of social suffocation.
-"I know quite a bit, just got back from mine."
-"At 1 am?"
-"Yep."
-"Cook?"
"Soldier."
-A shiver ran through me. Uniforms had never been positive in my life.
- As the long seconds passed, I hesitated.
-"Not a fan?" Gaz asked.
-"You could say that."
-"Military family?"he asked.
-"yes."
-"I see."
-"Sorry, that's stupid."
-"No, I understand, I mean, we all have red flags." He said.
-"It's not a red flag."
-"You'd been quiet for 5 minutes."
-"With everyone." I answered.
-"Everyone?"
-"I'm not the best at socializing."
-"Really? Yet when you blew up a castle instead of talking to the princess in a campaign, it seemed normal to me." He joked.
-A laugh escaped.
-"And you?" he asked.
-"Me?"
-"Your job?"
-"Proofreader."
-"For books?"
-"Yes, I read, annotate, and correct."
-"No humans."
-"Exactly."
-"Would you like to add me? I'm not super comfortable with everyone seeing this."
-"Why?"
-Stupid. I should have accepted without questioning.
-"To prevent everyone from knowing the secrets of the sexiest elf on the discord."
-Always there to catch my blunders.
-I accepted it even though suddenly there was added pressure, what to say when there's a pause?
_____________
-"A dragon arrives and—"
-My eyes glanced at my notifications. Kyle was in the campaign but—
-"The narration is terrible, isn't it? The guy has been stuck on the dragon for thirty minutes while Théis killed it."
-He was writing to me. Like someone whispering in your ear during class.
-"Yes, Roxanne is a beginner, but she'll get there."
-"So kind."
-"Not really, one day I insulted a game master."
-"Oooh, a gangster among us?"
-"Never, besides, you'd arrest me, wouldn't you?"
-The ellipses seemed to linger.
-"I wouldn't mind."
-Oh.
-"I don't want to end up in a secret government cave."
-"Caves are old school, we have containers now."
-"I don't know if you're joking."
-"Classified."
-"Gaz…"
-"I'll keep the secret, I think you won't have a choice but to be arrested by me someday."
-"… it won't happen."
-"Why?"
-"I haven't committed any crimes."
-"Not even indecent exposure? I thought you were 45 years old and hiding in bushes naked."
-"For that, I'd have to leave my house."
-"Quite the homebody?"
-"You could say."
-"I'm the same, I don't like going out much."
-It's different. I didn't know what to add, so I let him continue the conversation.
-----------------------------
-"Still into your nerd stuff?"
-Gaz looked up at Soap.
-"It's not nerd stuff." Gaz said.
-"Dragon, princess, elf, discord all mixed together. It's nerd stuff. "Ghost replied
-"Dressing up as a skeleton at Hot Topic too, L.t."
-"Ooh, I wouldn't have liked that. "Soap laughed. "But seriously, don't you think about doing it for real? I mean, gathering around a table."
-"They think about it, but we all live in different parts of the world."
-But it would be amazing. Maybe he could even hear Silent's voice, see them…
-"Hm." Johnny said with a smirk
-"What?"
-"It sounds like you have someone in mind."
-"I don't have anyone in mind."
-"Not even an elf you get along with, Garrick?" Ghost retorted
-"I- we're a duo, it
-"It's different."
-"I mean it, we just get along."
-"So if you check discord in a military bar at 11 p.m., it's not to reply to him second by second?"
-"Shut up," Gaz said as the two laughed.
__________________________
-"You're not participating anymore?"
-I ignored his message.
-Three months.
-Three long months of descent, of confinement, of discomfort, of crises.
-Everything was too much.
-Crowds, outside, errands, people.
-My lungs constricted at the thought of meeting someone's gaze. My eyes avoided every contact. My lips were dry from lack of words.
-"I admit that campaigns suck without you," he had written.
-That was two weeks ago.
-"I refused to play with Théo, he wanted to take your place," he had sent.
-That was three months ago.
-"The office GIF."
-Three weeks.
-He… Gaz had never stopped.
-No matter the views, the winds, his boldness didn't stop.
-I was confused.
-Usually, people quit after a month.
-They had better things to do, and I understood. The burden of my social anxiety was mine and shouldn't inconvenience them.
-So why was Gaz standing there carrying this burden unknowingly? Coming back every day, bearing a heavier load…
-"hey."
-Three letters.
-Too short.
-Too dry.
-"Sorry." I continued.
-For what?
-I didn't deserve his forgiveness, I knew it.
-"Glad to see you're back :)" he replied.
-A tear rolled down my cheek.
-"thank you." I replied by text.
-For staying.
-For not asking questions.
-For welcoming me.
______________
-"Sorry, I was at the hospital, do you think I can join the campaign or not?" he had sent.
-My eyebrows raised.
-"No. Wait, you're just out of the hospital and your concern is DnD?"
-"I should really stay by my favorite elf's side."
-"Gaz, seriously, are you okay?"
-"Fractured ribs."
-"Ouch."
-"Broken arm."
-"Wait, what—"
-"And a bullet in the thigh."
-"Wtf."
-"But I'm fine."
-"No."
-"I assure you, I've had worse."
-"And???? You need to rest, not focus on rolling dice to defeat Mindflyers."
-"…but I have no distractions."
-"I'm here."
-"You're in the campaign."
-"No."
-"Wait, what—"
-"I- I saw you were absent so I didn't…join that one."
-"But you only play on that day."
-"I know. But it's not the same without you."
-I didn't know he was currently smiling like an idiot.
-"Thanks, Silent."
-"No worries. Besides, I was also coming out of the hospital."
-"WHAT?! Why didn't you start with that?!"
-"It's ridiculous."
-"No, are you okay?"
-"It's awkward."
-"Oh, serious awkward or-?"
-"No, I'm used to it. I- I took the tram and I couldn't handle it, the crowd was too big, I passed out inconveniencing a hundred people, embarrassing."
-"That's not embarrassing."
-"Yes, I made people late, Gaz."
-"And??? It was for your health."
-"No, I should've known I couldn't handle taking the tram. It's been two years since I couldn't do it, I shouldn't have tried again."
-"Two years?"
-Shit. I said too much.
-"Forget that."
-"Wait, no. You help distract me when I'm on base, I can listen to you in return :)! "
-"There's nothing to say, I don't handle social stuff, that's all."
-"So, your mic, that's it?"
-"Yes."
-"My sister has it too."
-"Has what?"
-"Social anxiety."
-"I see."
-"I know it's different for everyone, but don't give up. Honestly, it's a huge step, right? Taking the tram after two years. Surely you wouldn't succeed all at once, I mean it's like rolling a 20-sided die hoping for a 35."
-I snorted.
-"Nerd."
-"You're a nerd too, Silent."
-"yes, I- I just thought I could succeed, tell myself I could do it."
-"You did it."
-"I passed out."
-"So what? next time can't be worse."
-"Yes, if I have another one."
-"Then you'll have another one, I'm sure you'll manage. Look, I can even show you a tutorial."
-I furrowed my brows and saw a video. A man in an apartment, a cast on one arm, his face cut off from the frame.
-"Quick tutorial for falling on a tram. So lesson 1, stand next to a tall person. We want a good pillow when we fall, so tall people are perfect. Then manage the fall. Fall on the person, not forward. We want to avoid a bloody nose. Especially if there are vampires on the horizon." Gaz said in the video.
-He lay on the ground pretending to fall.
-"Step three, play dead to see sexy firefighters and avoid stares, and step 4 get taken home while flexing in the truck."
-I snorted.
-"Wow, thanks for the tutorial."
-"I know, I know. Passing out pro here."
-"Do you often fall on fridges?"
-"Hm, considering the build of my colleagues, you could say that."
-"Are they as tall and wide as a fridge?"
-"My L.T. yes. With Soap, we even thought he was an android, I mean it's not human to be that built."
-"You look fit too."
-"Oh, a compliment?"
-"Gaz, I-"
-"But yes, honestly, I try to do his routine but I think his genetics play a big part."
-"Shame, no Fridge Gaz then."
-"No, you'll have to settle for Normal Gaz."
-A smile slowly spread across my face.
-"Thanks for the video, it was funny."
-"You're welcome. Plus, if I can flex with my favorite elf."
-"I'm not an elf."
-"Nothing proves me wrong."
-"Gaaaaaazzzz"
____________________________
-"Who are you posing for? "
-"No one."
-" So shirtless, sunlight, flexed arms for no one? Damn, don't tell me it's for your mom. "
-"SOAP!"
-" I'm just asking, man."
-" It's for Silent. "
-"Oh, your magical voiceless elf."
-" It's not— "
-"Yes, yes, not a magical elf, I know, no need to give me another DnD lecture."
-Gaz sighed.
-His selfie was good.
-Shirtless, in the sand, sun rising.
-He looked good.
-But he was nervous.
-What if it was too much?
-After all, this little game of sending each other sunrises or sunsets had started by chance.
-Silent had told him the view was beautiful and sent him a sunset from their window.
-Gaz replied with one from Las Almas, and eventually whenever he went to a new country, he would send a photo.
-But now… maybe it was too much?
-Sending his face.
-Price would kill him.
-But he wanted to progress the relationship.
-Maybe his face could appeal to Silent, they would send him a voice note or even a selfie back?
-"Is this too much? "
-"Hm? "Soap asked confused.
-"This photo, is it too much? "
-"For a thirst trap?"
-" To say hello."
-" It depends on the hello. "
-"Hello as in "I'm showing you my face for the first time." "
-"Oh, maybe. I thought it was a "hello, did you sleep well because look what I could bring to your bed" kind of thing. …But if I received this photo, I'd be happy. "
-"Soap. "
-"I mean, man, you're handsome."
-" Soap. "
-"Plus, who would say no to your abs? "
-"No need to- you know what, I'll send it. "
-"Also, you—"
-Gaz ignored him and sent it.
-Damn, he hoped everything would be fine.
________________________
-Beautiful.
-Too beautiful.
-My eyes scanned that smile not knowing what to do.
- How could someone like that end up playing DnD?
-I closed the conversation.
-I am…. Out of his league.
-So much.
-I could barely bring myself to look at my mirror.
-I knew what I would see there.
- My rolls, my thighs, my stretch marks, my horrible hair, this disproportionate face.
-I'm not ugly.
- But I'm not…I'm not like him
-. I'm the second choice, I'm aware of that.
-I don't get free compliments.
- Nobody turns back to look at me. I'm just…there.
-And him.
- He seemed so radiant, so kind. Damn, I wasted his time.
__________________________
-"So? " Soap asked
-"It's been two weeks with no response."
-" Ouch. "
-"It's not— Sometimes it happens, I think they are doubting."
-" Doubting what? "
-"Themselves. They…before every message, they take 5 minutes to rewrite it, every syllable is thought out and then I send this out of nowhere, I didn't handle it well."
-" You couldn't have known, Kyle. "
-"Yes. YES, I could and I messed up. They told me about their anxiety and then I send them a half-naked photo when I've never even heard their voice. "
-"Try to talk to them then. hmph."
_____________________
-"hey."
-My eyes hesitated.
-"hey." I finally replied
-" For the selfie, I can explain. "
-"No, I- it's not your fault."
-" Yes, honestly, I screwed up" he texted back
-". No, I've been looping again. "
-"You- "
-"seeing you, it was…good, really, but too good." I answered.
-" Too good?"
-"I feel- Illegitimate to talk to you. "
-"what- "
-"You're so- beautiful, and smiling and nice, and the only thing I do is disappear for days and turn up out of the blue. I-"
-" And it's okay, we talked about it." he said.
-" But you deserve better as friends."
-" I decide what I deserve, Silent. And no one beats you. "
-"…I- I don't know what to say. "
-"Send me your sunset :) I haven't had mine."
-Damn. A tear rolled down and I took my phone and sent my sunset. How can someone be so adorable?
-"Perfect." he replied
_________________
-He had continued to send his face on the sunsets. It was stupid, but I waited every time he could and I rewatched them.
-However, it had been three months of silence. I wasn't worried, he was probably on a mission somewhere.
-By a stroke of courage, I had put my phone down to take a photo with the sunset.
-He wouldn't see it. I would delete it.
-But for a moment, I felt beautiful. The sunlight on me warmed me, my outfit was cute, my curves were beautiful.
-I sent it. I would delete it tomorrow. After all, Kyle had said it could last four months.
___________
-"Hey, everything alright, mate?"
-"They're amazing."
-"Lasswell or tony ? For Lasswell of course, why do you think her wife is—"
-"Look."
-Soap raised an eyebrow and glanced at Kyle's phone.
-"Oh, oh."
-Kyle couldn't tear his eyes away from his screen
-. During the mission return, he had picked up his phone and seen a notification. Clicking out of habit, he saw it.
-their smile, their hair, their body. My god.
-"Lucky bastard." Soap said.
-They were perfect. And their belly, their hips, everything was beautiful. Kyle had always preferred curvy people, it was a fact.
-Sure, he had imagined that silently they could be one, but the fact that it was true… It filled his heart with joy.
-"They… damn. "he murmured, zooming in on every detail.
-Mole or freckle, he observed every pixel.
_____________________
-"So the elf wasn't the only one sexy." he texted.
-I raised an eyebrow at the notification as I woke up.
-"Hm?"
-"The photo. "he replied.
-Oh fuck.
-"You saw it?"
-"Yes, I shouldn't have?"
-"I thought of deleting it before, I—"
-"Oh."
-"But did you like it?"
-"Yes. you— I— honestly, I can't stop looking at it. you look radiant."
-He was lying. -No?
-"And that outfit is amazing on you, really."
-It hugs everything, why… why is he complimenting that?
-Usually, people say "those jeans make you look thinner than you are" "you look better in loose clothes" "hide your rolls".
-"Thank you."
-" I have to admit I'm so relieved. I mean if you ended up being a 40-year-old, I wouldn't have been so confident I think."
-"Oh really, wrinkles and gray hair aren't your thing?"
-"No, I'm more into curves and people my age."
-"Damn, I was about to confess that I was 70 years old". I joked.
-"I can make exceptions, but only for elves."
-"I'm lucky then."
-"Very. I— I hope to have more, or occasionally."
-"Of?"
-"Photos of you, it's more beautiful than a sunset."
"-oh."
-A warmth spread to my cheeks, a smile settling in.
-"ok."
-"ok?"
-"Okay."
___________________
-"Do you think I'll hear your voice someday?"
-It was late, or early for him and late for me.
-"I don't know."
-showing my face in a photo…
-I could control that, take back the photo, delete it, edit it. But talking…
-Talking is taking up space.
-"I imagine it smooth."
-"My voice?"
-"Hm, like a stream, it rocks slowly."
-"I might have a smoker's voice."
-"That would suit you too."
-"Maybe one day then."
-"I'm looking forward to that."
_____________________
-Those were the last words sent from him.
-No more contact.
-His absence wasn't due to missions, he had confessed to me that he was off the day before.
-So he had decided to stop.
-I tried to find excuses, before accepting the reality of it.
-Days passed and I hoped he would come back.
-Maybe he was like me, needing time to recover.
-Maybe he was hurt.
-Everything was silent.
-When four months had finally passed, I understood.
-He had grown tired of the silence. I held back a sob and closed the discussion.
-A stab wound would have been better I think.
-To ease the constant pain and intense questions in my mind.
-What had I done wrong? Was I too much? Did I ask the wrong question? Should I have kept quiet?
-Everything was spinning and I finally closed the app. damn.
_____________________________
-My feet led me to the publishing house.
-Today I had to make the final corrections for Madame Lasswell before her vacation with her wife Kate.
-Hesitant, I knocked on her door.
-An "enter" was heard and I entered the already crowded room.
- A mustached man in a beanie, a masked man, a mullet, Kate, and Gaz were watching me.
-My eyes betrayed my surprise at his presence. What was he doing here? Why now? How should I react?
-"Y/n, sorry for the crowd. I guess you have it."
-"Yes ma'am."
-My voice barely above a whisper was usual for Jocelyn. I handed her the manuscripts.
-"We're going to drink at the bar downstairs, do you want to come?"
-Come? To a crowded place, surrounded by drunk people, constant noise, blinding lights with the icing on the cake being a guy who blew me off for the year?
-"No, I'm busy tonight, sorry."
-"No problem."
-Slowly my heels turned, I took the elevator but I heard footsteps. Kyle was with me.
-"I was on a mission."
-"hm."
-"I know I told you no, but he… there were quite a few problems and I had to leave, I didn't have time to warn you, it dragged on, Ghost broke my phone by sitting on it with his stupid hard ass, and we just got back from the airport actually. Lasswell, Kate finally— she works with us so that's why I'm here"
-A silence stretched, he took a breath.
-"you didn't have to explain… I mean after the word mission, I understood I was wrong."
-"I wanted to be clear."
-"I should have asked and sent you messages."
-"No, it's okay, it must have seemed suspicious. I ask for your voice, you say no, and I disappear. The conclusion was logical."
-"but it wasn't the right one."
-"It's okay, we're here, aren't we?"
-"yes."
-The elevator rang, the door opened. Hesitant, I watched him.
-"I love it." -"hm?"
-"your voice."
-"Oh."
-"I… you're really busy tonight or…"
-"No, I just don't like…"
-"The crowd."he guessed
-"Hm."
-"I— I can invite you for dinner? At my place, we'll grab takeout, no crowds, no one to see us."
-"That sounds like the pitch of a serial killer."
-He widened his eyes. I snorted.
-"Okay, you got me." he chuckled.
-" At your place sounds good. Better than a restaurant." I admitted.
-"Cool, so…"
-"Shall we go then, yes". I murmured as he finally released the elevator button and we stepped out of the elevator.
_________________
-At his place, everything was calm.
-Not me.
-How should I stand? Too close? Too far? What to talk about? And what if I'm boring in the end? What to order? Does he like seafood or is he allergic? My eyes focused on every detail and…
-Everything's fine.
-His hand on mine, he took the initiative for the restaurant to order, asking me my preferences, and we waited for the delivery guy.
-Slowly, he asked questions about my work. I mastered it.
-And slowly everything unfolded naturally.
-Sitting on his couch, his hand not letting go of mine, he drew circles with his thumb while talking.
-I liked that. In groups, I liked… listening.
-People like to talk about themselves and I like listening to that, not participating, and Gaz understood that in such an impressive way.
-Occasionally, he asked questions in return, gauging my desire to speak, I answered and this back and forth held until the food arrived.
-Maybe everything would turn out for the best.
-Standing in front of his door, I didn't know what to add to this evening.
-A not-so-stranger, three years of virtual chat and now I was unable to figure out the right goodbye on his doorstep.
-Hesitant, we observed each other.
-"I hope we'll do this again."
-"Yes. "I replied.
-He stepped forward.
-I remained still, his face close to mine. -Kiss? Cheek? Goodbye? Whisper? -Which action would he choose? -I wished for a dice to decide, a title, or a "Gaz approves".
-"May I?"
-Oh. -I nodded. -His hands on my hips, he placed a brief kiss on my lips. -"I'm glad we managed to break the silence." -"me too."
-Perhaps, after all, I wouldn't return to my solitary silence tonight. His hands guiding me back to his apartment and the door closing behind us.
-I could easily guess that a die had just been thrown for a long evening and we both seemed to have the right score.
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missmaywemeetagain · 2 years ago
Text
Pink Scarf - Part 20 (Elvis/Austin!Elvis x Reader)
Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)
Requested: kinda
(Read more here--Pink Scarf Series Masterlist!)
Prompt: You are part of Elvis Presley's coveted inner circle, and the currently-disgruntled wife of one of the members of Elvis' famous entourage, the Memphis Mafia. After Elvis' dynamite first performance in Vegas, you find yourself in deep water when his magnetism finally gets to you after all these years.  [ Fem!Reader ]
TW: SEXXXXXXXX. Dom/sub stuff. Angst (as always). Fluff (finally)? Medication/drug use/overdose mentions. Dub con mentions(sort of?). Cussing. Infidelity. Historical inaccuracies in the Vegas timeline. Priscilla doesn't exist in this timeline.  
Rating: Explicit/Mature (NSFW, 18+, so minors Do NOT Interact)        ||     Word Count: 15.2k (CUZ Y'ALL DESERVE IT)
A/N:  🎶And now, the end is near/And so I face the final curtain🎶
Babies, we are at the end. I don't know what to say other than thank you all so very much, thank you for you patience, and I'm gonna miss the hell out of Reader and Elvis and their stupid, mutual pining asses. (I'm not crying, you are!) 😭 Oh, and I highly recommend listening to Without Love (I Have Nothing) (1969) before reading the middle section here. I've included the first takes to the final master version because the first takes are stripped down & give more of the intimate feel I was getting at, but the final master is excellent, so I wanted to give you listening options! It'll really give you an idea of what the moment feels and sounds like! (I'm such a nerd, I know. Also, only Elvis could nail a song like this in a few takes, lord have mercy.)
I will write a short Epilogue sometime soon, so stay tuned! Also, I am very seriously thinking about publishing a physical book of Pink Scarf (and a Kindle version, too) BUT ONLY IF people are wanting and willing to buy it! It would likely include new bonus chapters/material. Please let me know in the comments, asks, or DMs if this is something you want! Like I said, I don't wanna do it if no one wants it, so let me know!
I sincerely hope y'all will stick around for my next projects as I try to get my writing career off the ground. Y'all are the OG's and the best fans a girl could ask for! 💗
If you so desire, you should now have the ability to tip my blog or different chapters in the story! Some of you have been asking about this, and of course, no one is obligated to do so! If you do choose to tip, thank you so much! I've never had anyone want to pay for my work before, so this is a big step towards my romance novelist dreams. 💜
Finally, I am so FREAKIN' GRATEFUL for every single one of you babies, honeys, and lil' mamas supporting me out there, YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY! I didn't in a million years expect this kind of support and response for Pink Scarf, and your reactions, reblogs, messages, asks, and comments you've given me have been a blessing beyond expression. You all are the best community a writer could ask for! Thank you so much for your support. I am loving getting to know y'all better! I love every single reaction and comment and ask, and I'm sorry if I don't get back to them all as soon as I'd like but know that I love you all and am so excited to be making new friends! And a big "Hey, Y'all!" to our friends from Elvis Twitter, Elvis Discord, and Elvis Instagram--I see and appreciate you coming over to join us! 👀💋
If you feel so moved, please let me know what you think or how you're feeling (or send me asks)! I think I put everyone on the taglist who requested it, but please let me know if there are any issues or if I missed anyone. There seem to be some issues with tagging that I can't seem to fix, so please know I'm not leaving you out intentionally! Also, if you comment on a previous part that you want to be tagged, I might not always see it, so feel free to message me if I miss you!
I imagined this with Elvis in mind, but Austin!Elvis works here, too, whatever floats your boat! 
Apologies in advance if there are any grammatical errors or TW that I didn't catch. 
(I did start cross-posting Pink Scarf to my AO3 account, as well as my NEW Wattpad account. so if you are so inclined, you can check it out/support me over there with kudos and votes and whatnot!)
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Stop her, stop her, stop her…
The words echo in his head, but Elvis is frozen to the spot, watching your back as you walk out the door and possibly out of his life, feeling so raw he fears his heart might liquify and pour out of his mouth. The way you look so angry, more angry than he’s ever seen you, and so disappointed in him—it breaks his goddamn heart. Your vitriol paralyzes him, drying up the words that he can’t seem to tell you.
But he’s done it all for you, every stupid decision he made, he did in the name of love—and of keeping you safe and keeping you sane (you fuckin’ liar, you know that ain’t true, he lambasts himself).
“You screwed with our lives because you could. You and your fucking egomaniacal, insane, manipulative bullshit…” Your words cut like daggers into his skin. He wants those words to be utterly untrue, outright lies, but he knows—he knows—that you are not entirely off base.
And perhaps that’s been the problem all along: he doesn’t truly believe he deserves you. For all the reasons you spit at him and for the fact that he has ruined you in more ways than one.
But the one crucial thing you are dead wrong about is that he didn’t care, that he’d just fucked you and wanted to pretend it never happened. He may be many of the things you said—egotistical, manipulative, stupid for lying to you—but he loves you, more than he has ever been able to express.
If anything, he’s cared too much.
But you are convinced of the opposite and, stupidly, he didn’t tell you any different.
This is the thing that finally gets him moving. His heart thrums in his chest as he races out the door, desperate to catch up to you. He looks around frantically for you, barely processing the confused and pitied looks of the men around him and flies out the main door of the penthouse suite.
“Y/n!” he shouts, hoping he can salvage this because he needs you more than he needs air to breathe.
I love you, I love you, I love you! screams in his mind but not out of his mouth, for reasons he can’t entirely explain. He arrives in the hallway just in time to see the elevator doors close behind you.
He’s too late.
“Fuck!!” he screams, and without thinking turns and plunges his fist into the wall. Plaster and paint flake around the new divot and burning pain radiates up his arm.
He nearly collapses from the way his heart tears in two, the gravity of the situation hitting him all at once. He’s barely slept in days, what with taking care of you in the hospital, being wracked with worry, and then having to come back and give high quality performances as if life was normal. His heart is beating too fast and his limbs feel weak.
Suddenly, everything feels much too heavy.
His legs threaten to give way and he leans against the wall, furious at you for making him feel these things. But he is more furious at himself.
You didn’t even say you were sorry, you stupid fucker, a little voice berates him.
I have nothing to be sorry for, the stubborn part of him, the one driven by his ego, replies.
The inner voice laughs sardonically. You have everything to be sorry for.
“EP!” he hears Jerry’s alarmed voice from far away. But he’s beyond caring.
I’ve lost her, is all he can think as his vision blurs and narrows, After all this, I’ve still lost her.
Jerry rushes to his side, but the despair and fury within Elvis drives him back into the penthouse, causing destruction along the way. He barely registers tearing the rest of his room apart, only knowing that he needs some outlet, some release of these horrible feelings trapped inside of him. To purge himself of the fact that even with all he tried to do to prevent it, his worst fears had still come to pass. Distantly, he’s aware of the breaking glass and the ripping of fabric and the roaring sound coming from his mouth, but everything is unfocused and red in his mind.
Elvis does this until finally his body gives out and he collapses on the bed. As he comes back into himself, his heart is beating so hard and so fast that he’s actually a little afraid he will give himself a heart attack. Trying to steady his breathing, he looks up, and seeing himself in the mirror above the bed, he hardly recognizes the man lying there.
Self-pity descends rapidly. There’s no way she’ll ever love me after this. How could she?
Early in his life, he’d thought June had been his last hope of ever having a woman love him for who he truly is, stripped of fame, warts and all, but he’s long since realized that you are that woman. You are his last chance at having that kind of true love in his life. And now those dreams are dying right in front of him because of his own stupidity.
I’ll always be alone.
And with that thought, he closes his eyes and wishes he were anyone else but Elvis Presley.
*
The commotion outside his bedroom door has Elvis lifting his chin expectantly yet not hopefully. He’s spent the last three hours faking his way through his midnight show trying to push the horrified and angry look on your face out of his mind. Trying to forget that he let you walk out his door.
Needless to say, it wasn’t his best show, though bellowing out his feelings through the music was cathartic in its own way.
He’s not sure why he had frozen like he did. It certainly wasn’t like him to cow-tow in the midst of a fight, but he had promised himself in the hospital that he’d be gentler with you. Perhaps it was the shock of seeing you so completely furious. Maybe it was that you’d finally remembered what happened after so many years, unearthing his deepest, darkest secrets and mirroring them back to him in the worst of ways. Or maybe it was that so many of your words rang with truth, even though you’d misunderstood the core reasons behind his actions.
Either way, he feels like his heart was ripped out of his chest. Part of him yearns to do more self-destructive things, but instead he sits still on the edge of his giant bed, the one you should be in right now, trying to understand just how completely he managed to screw this up.
“Fuck you, Elvis Presley. It would’ve changed everything.”
Your words ring through his head again and again, like a broken record. What did you mean by that exactly? Because the crushed look on your face when you said it made it seem like you had feelings for him back then that if realized would’ve changed your relationship, and that sends a wave of heartache through him so strong that he feels like he might vomit.
“Jerry, I swear to God, if you don’t let me in there, you’ll be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future!” He hears Sandy’s voice through the door and closes his eyes, trying to prepare himself for what he thinks is coming.
The door bursts open and he opens his eyes to see Sandy storm in, Jerry looking incredibly apologetic and a bit mortified that he was unable (or unwilling) to stop his wife.
Elvis waves Jerry off. He knows he can’t stop the onslaught. Jerry raises his eyebrows in an, “Are you sure?” way, and Elvis sends him out with a look.
“You’re a fuckin’ idiot, Presley,” Sandy seethes, pointing at him once the door is closed behind her.
“Nice to see you, too, Sandra,” he responds wearily.
“Oh, don’t you ‘Sandra’ me,” she spits, then looks him over carefully, as if really seeing him. She surveys the disaster of the room, which he had completely torn to shreds after you left, then looks back at him. “You look like shit,” she adds matter-of-factly, almost as if she’s glad of it.
He can’t help shooting her a withering glare, but Sandy’s blood is up and does not falter under his gaze like most would.
“How is she?” he finally asks, dreading the answer.
“Well, let’s see…in the last three days her husband beat her up, her life imploded, and she just found out that her lover has been hiding some pretty crucial shit from her for over a decade. She sobbed for two hours straight and has been near catatonic since, so she’s just peachy, Elvis,” Sandy says sarcastically.
“Watch your tone, Sandra,” he warns, feeling his temper threaten.
“No, I don’t think I will, Elvis. Not when y/n is absolutely miserable and you are sitting up here doing nothing about it,” Sandy shoots back.
“This ain’t none of your business,” he says, vexed, standing and pointing a ring-clad finger at her. He likes Sandy, but he sure as hell doesn’t like her calling him out like this, not when he’s already been beating himself up about it.
Sandy laughs wickedly, “You made it my business the moment you let her tell me and started using me as cover for your lies.”
He can’t argue with that. Deflated, he runs his hand over his face. He is utterly miserable.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Sandy says, and this time, her voice is quieter, gentler. “How could you keep something like that a secret for this long?”
He doesn’t want to say and certainly doesn’t want to appear vulnerable, but the ache in him is so bad, he can’t hide it. And he knows for a fact Sandy won’t let this go. Finally, he relents.
“I-I-I was trying to protect her, to protect our friendship… I w-was terrified I’d hurt her, that I’d…taken her against her will, and I-I-I could barely live with myself. I couldn’t burden her with the enormity of what we’d done” he says.
“And what about pushing her and Jack together, all the interfering? How exactly does that line up, E?” Sandy asks pointedly.
Elvis clears his throat and looks down. That is not something he is proud of. He wants to say he didn’t mean for it to go that way, but it would be a lie.
“It wasn’t like that, not at first. By the time I realized how I really felt about her, Jack had already swooped in and asked her out. I had nothin’ to do with it,” he says defensively.
Sandy crosses her arms, not accepting that and waits for him to continue.
“Well, then…then I-I realized she’d be better off with a man who could give her the stability and the family she wanted. I couldn’t be there for her, not the way she deserved. My career was just takin’ off and I—well, hell, it didn’t even matter until that day at Graceland, and I was ready to throw it all out the window when I’d thought she felt the same way about me that I felt for her, but-but then she…the overdose, she didn’t even remember…How was I supposed to explain that to her, Sandra? How? How was I gonna look her in the eyes and tell her she came on to me and we made love on the floor and that it completely changed everything? Who was gonna believe that? You know as well as I that it would’ve ruined her!” he says, his heart pounding, voice quavering, and his blood up.
Sandy looks at him carefully. “You were afraid she didn’t feel the same way. And that she doesn’t now,” she states, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
His head snaps up to look at her, eyes wide and caught like a deer in headlights.
“I had to protect her. And I had to set her up so she’d always be taken care of. And if she was with Jack, I could do that for her, for them. They could be happy. I wanted them to be happy, I-I swear. I thought they’d be happy!” he yells, back off the rails, pacing the room like a caged tiger.“I-I-I could…w-w-well, if she wasn’t with me, at least with him I would always know she was okay, and I could see her and it wouldn’t be some random-ass man that I didn’t know or trust takin’ her away from me forever!”
Sandy stays quiet, her gaze intense and knowing, and just waits for him to continue.
“I-I-I needed her to still be in my life, Sandra. I didn’t know Jack would fall so deep into the hole that he’d throw everything away. I didn’t think he would ever, ever hurt her!”
The words of his confession ring out and then die. Silence sits heavy for a moment.
“Wow. I have to say, that’s some masterful denial there,” Sandy finally says harshly. “Did you really think it was gonna be good for their marriage to take him away for months at a time? To feed him women and drugs and then be like, ‘Ooops! I didn’t know! It’s not my fault!’? Really?” she adds cuttingly, but steadily.
She’s right and he knows it. And she’s pushing him to admit the one thing he’s not sure he can.
He wants to get angry. He wants to scream and throw her out for her audacity. Instead, he just feels a rock in the pit of his stomach, realizing the truth of what she’s getting at:
That he’d knowingly sabotaged your marriage and then, when it was really bad, he’d taken advantage of the situation.
“You need to own up to what you did and apologize, and then you need to tell her what you’re so afraid of, Elvis. I can’t emphasize enough how much she needs to know that you love her,” Sandy continues with conviction.
His mouth pops open and then closes again, wordlessly, at hearing his feelings shared out loud so easily when he’s been harboring them alone for so many years. “You didn’t see how angry she was with me, how betrayed she looked…There’s no way she feels how I do, not after this,” he shakes his head.
Sandy rolls her eyes and mutters something unintelligible under her breath. “Listen, I have a pretty good idea how pissed and betrayed she’s feeling. And I’m not gonna speak for her, but…” she worries her lip a little, “you two of you really need to talk about how you truly feel about each other. Without all the other shit in the way.”
Something in the way she says it gives him hope.
“You need to fix this, Elvis.”
“I-I-I don’t think I can,” he states, defeated.
“Oh, please. We both know you can do anything when you want it bad enough,” she smiles slyly.
Once again, she’s right. “Why are you helping me?” he asks.
“Because I love her, too, and she deserves to be happy. She deserves the best,” she says knowingly, “That and this mess has everyone on pins and needles. We all just wanna fucking relax.”
Maybe she’s right. Maybe he can salvage this. Just not right now. He is too exhausted and things feel too raw.
"Just...wait a little bit," Sandy adds carefully, as if reading his mind. “I think you both need a little breather.”
He nods.
“But don’t wait too long,” she says on her way out the door, her voice warning him of his worst fear: if he waits too long, he will lose her.
The door clicks shut behind her and silence falls once again. He glances at the bottles on the bedside table. As exhausted as he is, he’s still keyed up too much to sleep.
He doesn’t want to rely on the sleeping pills, in fact, he hadn’t needed them at all when you were in his bed, but his body craves them and he doesn’t have the wherewithal to resist at the moment. So, he pops a few down and waits for the drowsy effect to take hold of him.
When he closes his eyes, all he can see is you.
**
You are itching to play, yearning to feel the white and black ivories under your fingertips. It feels like it might be the only thing keeping you sane these past few days—this need to pour your entire heart into something beyond yourself.
Unfortunately for you, the only pianos you know of are in Elvis’ suite, on his stage, and in the rehearsal room. Two of those aren’t even options at this point. It’s bad enough that anywhere you go in the hotel, all you see is his visage, all you hear is his music feeding through the speakers. An ever-constant reminder of how stupid you are to have ever thought you’d be more to him than just a friend.
You can’t seem to escape him.
You are able, with little effort, to convince Sandy to talk Jerry into letting you into the rehearsal space. Both of them keep looking at you with kind yet sad eyes, as they’ve been witness to all your special humiliations these past few weeks. You suppose it’s good that you are not alone with this, but sometimes all you want is to scream bloody murder and get as far away as possible from Vegas, from Jack, from Elvis.
But you can’t go home, not right now. You learned that Elvis sent Jack back to Memphis to “get himself together” and that Red is his babysitter. But that means you can’t go back to Tennessee, not yet. You can’t face him with all this still up in the air.
So, you are stuck in the limbo that is Las Vegas. You have nothing of your own, no money, no way to get home even if you wanted to. You are exactly where you feared you would be: Alone and heartbroken and stuck.
You hadn’t counted on also being beat to hell, both physically and emotionally.
Which is why you are so desperate to get to a piano. It’s the only way you can get these awful feelings out of your system. You just need to lose yourself in music, in creating it.
But when Jerry lets you in to the large rehearsal space, you are not alone. Someone is already at the piano, their back to you, playing a mournful gospel-style ballad. Someone is already leaning into the keys and singing.
I awakened this morning, I was filled with despair All my dreams turned to ashes and gone, oh yeah
You frantically backpedal and look at Jerry in a panic, but he shakes his head only somewhat apologetically and will barely look you in the eyes as he closes the door, shutting you in with the very person you are trying to escape.
Damn him and Sandy both.
As I looked at my life it was barren and bare Without love I've had nothing at all
You lean your forehead against the door and close your eyes, not wanting to turn around and face him. Instead, you breathe shaking breaths and press your palms into the cool door in order
to not to let the intense waves of anger and sadness that are crashing over you drown you.
You’re not even sure that he knows you are here, his voice ricocheting and echoing throughout the large space. He sounds so consumed by the music that your presence may have gone unnoticed. You aren’t sure if you want him to know you are here or not, but either way, you are swept up into the music with him, your soul clamoring for any part of him despite your mind’s warnings.
Without love I've had nothing Without love I've had nothing at all I have conquered the world All but one thing did I have Without love I've had nothing at all
You don’t want to hear him, not at all (liar), but his melodic voice is hypnotizing, drawing you in with its rich baritone and crying tenor notes and possessed vibrato. And whatever headspace he is currently in has his voice sounding absolutely hauntingly beautiful. It makes you shiver. You are forced to listen, to hear the meaning behind the words.
Once I had a sweetheart who loved only me There was nothing, oh that she would not give, oh no
It's unfair, just how good his voice is at making you listen to it, more than just his words alone, making you hear his soul through the sound. You suppose that is his true talent: being able to pour emotion into a song in such a way that it transcends the music itself. With your eyes shut, it threads through your mind, simultaneously lulling you and making you want to weep. You know you are getting a window into his heart by listening, and it is telling you what you want to hear the most but are terrified to accept.
But I was blind to her goodness and I could not see That a heart without love cannot live
Oh god, oh god, oh god, your inner voice cries because you are suddenly and all at once bombarded with memories. His voice strips you bare, cutting through all the anger and fear and heartache, finally let yourself realize what your subconscious has been trying to tell you for a long time.
Echoes from both the near and distant past trigger inside your mind, your head aching with the residuals of the concussion. First, it’s your own voice, calling back to that moment on the lawn so many years ago, telling Elvis about how you knew Jack was the one: He’s there when I need him. He makes me feel special, like the only girl in the world. I know he’ll always take care of me. He is mine and I am his. Sometimes I almost feel like we were made for each other, ya’ know, like we were meant to be…
Without love I've had nothing Without love I've had nothing at all
Then, Elvis’ words flood your mind, flashing from one moment to the next:
“I just want you to be happy, baby. I wanna make you happy.”
“I take care of what’s mine.”
“You were made for me.”
“You belong here with me.”
“It’s meant to be…”
Your heart slams against your ribcage, making it hard to breathe. It’s like he’s been telling you all along, yet you’ve been too blinded by fear and guilt and the sheer impossibility of it all to truly see.
I have conquered the world All but one thing did I have Without love I've had nothing
 At all
The final phrase is nearly a wail in the most beautiful of ways, the last run falling away and leaving a hollow silence in the room.
The memories come quickly now, a barrage of feelings and images: A boy backstage nervous as hell and his smile as you made him laugh. His eyes searching yours oh-so-closely in a diner booth as you tried to get over Ted. His melancholy the night you got engaged. Dancing, no, clinging onto you at the wedding before his world changed completely, and then again that mournful Christmas he’d returned, when you swore that Elvis wanted you more than anything in the world.
It’s the same way he looked when you climbed into his lap and rode him that fateful, forgotten day at Graceland.
His words from the other day, the ones that felt so possessive and manipulative take on different meaning as the puzzle pieces finally click into place, one by one:
“You are all I’ve been able to concentrate on, ya know that? You’re all I fuckin’ think about. I want you. I want you to be with me. Be with me.”
“Baby, you have me, you’ll always have me. You’re mine, and I’m yours, and I’ll take care of you, no matter what happens.”
“Let me take care of you. Let me be your everything.”
“I thought I told you, honey—I always get what I want, and I think I’ve made it quite fuckin’ clear who I want.”
“I need you.”
You are nearly brought to your knees with overwhelm, breathing too fast as you cling to the wall, anything, to ground you.
Then, like a freight train, it finally hits you, finally clicks, the thing he’s still hiding from you.
You suddenly remember the blanket of Elvis’ warmth surrounding you as you turned cold, bleeding out in his arms. The way his crystalline blues were terrified and beautiful and pleading. He rocked you in his arms, begging you not to leave him.
“No, no, no! Oh, God, don’t—please don’t go…”
Your heart stops. And you finally remember.
“…I-I love you, y/n, please, I love you.”
He’s loved you all along.
All of his cagey behavior, his deceit, the manipulations, it wasn’t to mess with you. It wasn’t because he didn’t care. It was because he loves you.
Tears stream freely down your cheeks as you turn around to face him. And as always, he’s right there, right where you need him.
“I…I…” is all you can manage to eek out.
He grabs your tear-stained cheeks in his big hands, his azure eyes deep and soulful, looking at you imploringly, and he whispers, “I love you. I’m in love with you. I love you more than anything in this life. I think I loved you the moment you steamrolled me in the hallway at school.”
Shock courses through you at hearing the words come out of his mouth, right here, in the present. You let out a choked, tearful laugh. It cuts through the anger you still feel and banishes your heartache, letting a swell of warmth overtake you. Despite all your feelings for him, you hadn’t even let yourself truly hope that he could feel the same way about you that you do about him. And to learn he’d felt this way for so long without your knowing…it feels inconceivable.
“I-I-I…and I’m so sorry, y/n.”
Elvis Presley doesn’t apologize. He buys obscenely lavish gifts. He skirts around the subject and gets really nice with those puppy dog eyes, but he doesn’t apologize, so this in itself floors you.
“I-I-I shoulda told you…but I thought…,” he steels himself against the emotions that are so obviously plaguing him before continuing, “that I’d taken advantage of you when you weren’t yourself, that I’d hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself, y/n. The guilt was eatin’ me alive and goddamn if I was gonna subject you to that pain. And I figured God wanted me to take on that burden for you, that there had to be a reason you didn’t remember. You wouldn’t have to face your betrayal of Jack or your regret for bein’ with me. I thought I was protectin’ you, protectin’ us.” He stops there, voice trembling, eyes open and honest, and you know then that while it had been wrong of him to hide this from you, he had truly believed that he was doing what was best for you. As mad as you are, part of you hurts for him because he’d gone through it all alone.
“I knew I couldn’t give you what you deserved, so I went meddlin’ in your life in the selfish need t’keep ya close to me, t’have some part of you as mine,” he rambles, racing through the words, utterly focused on getting out what he needs to say.
“I just needed you in my life. And I-I-I need you now. I needja more than anythin’,” he keeps going, his voice still shaking and the pads of his thumbs caressing your cheeks before trailing down your neck and your arms. You can feel them shaking, too, a sweaty heat emanating from them as he grabs your hands in his. His eyes are stormy and grey and deep with emotion, pulling you in, forcing you to accept his words.
He takes a deep, steadying breath before continuing. “It w-was wrong of me to-to sabotage what you had with Jack. And then to swoop in when you were vulnerable—it’s unforgivable. And if ya can’t forgive me…well, I-I’m gonna hafta understand. But I-I-I hope you do, that you can. I know I ain’t always a good man, y/n. I try to be, but bein’ with me—well, you already know it ain’t easy, the way my life is…” he trails off.
Part of you wants to interrupt him, to shout your love for him to the heavens, but frankly, his words have you speechless. And you know by his demeanor that he needs to get this out.
Tears pool in his eyes as he struggles to go on. “I know it’s been hard on you, all this. And if you can forgive me, if you wanna be with me, I promise I’ll do better t’make this work for ya. You make me a better man, y/n. You keep me on the ground, and God knows I need that more than anythin’,” he chuckles a little at that before his face drops into something much more serious.
“Come back to me, y/n. Please, come back to me. I love you,” he whispers, eyes imploring you. He is so used to demanding, but this he begs of you.
You are outwardly quiet, though your blood rushes in your ears. You want more than anything to concede to him with these revelations, to fall haplessly into his arms, and any other woman might. Honestly, you would have, just a few days ago, but Elvis cannot erase the harm he caused you with these welcome words or soulful singing or puppy dog eyes. You cannot escape the feelings of betrayal that have permeated through you these past few days.
“Elvis, I…I want to trust you again. I really do,” you finally get out, “because…because I love you, too. I think I have for a long, long time.”
Saying the words aloud lifts a weight from your shoulders, making you feel almost lightheaded.  You were so scared to say them, to reveal this hidden part of you, and the way his face lights up in such a hopeful way, it almost makes you start crying again. He squeezes your hands so hard that it hurts. But you have more to say and can’t let this distract you.
“But my mind it—it made me forget. I don’t know exactly why or how. I think I was so afraid that I could never have you, that there was no way you’d ever in a million years have those kinds of feelings for me…I think I had to protect myself,” you explain.
An inner strength you didn’t know you had until this very moment allows you to keep going. You take a deep breath. “Elvis, I want to forgive you, and I want to be with you, I do. But I am exhausted. I am weary. And I am still angry at you, and at Jack, and at myself. I need a little time to figure out what my world is now, without the oppressiveness of Vegas pushing in on me.”
You look up at him, hoping he understands, hoping he is willing to give you what you so desperately need.
He blinks as if coming out of a trance, surprise and confusion and dismay playing out on his features so quickly. You know he expected something different from you, and as much as you want to give it to him immediately, you know you cannot.
“I need to leave Vegas, E. I need space. I want to forgive you, but I need to heal,” you say firmly, looking into his eyes, holding back the sob that wants to break through. You can only hope that he sees and hears the truth in you. “I can’t start a life with you like this, bruised and broken.”
He shakes his head, small at first and then in outright protest. “No, no, baby, please, I need you here. I love you,” he says with a mixture of frustration and pleading and hurt, grabbing your cheeks again.
Tears pool and fall freely now, but you stay resolute, grabbing his wrists. “No, right now you need to be Elvis Presley and finish this engagement strong. You need to show the world that you are back and to spread that joy of music and performing as only you can.”
“None of that matters, baby. No, I need to be with you. I’ll cancel the rest of the performances,” he says, leaning his forehead against yours, fighting you every step of the way.
“The hell you will, Elvis Aron Presley. That’s not what I want, not for me or for you,” you say fervently, pulling away to look at him, bringing your hands to his face this time. “You need this. Seeing you up there…you are more alive now than you’ve been in years. I know how much you love this and your fans—”
“I love you more,” he interrupts, and it both makes your heart soar and breaks it at the same time. You close your eyes briefly to center yourself before looking back at him.
“And I love you. But I need space, and you have to finish this. Once it’s done, once I’ve had time to heal and forgive, then you come back to me, you hear?” you say, unable to keep the emotion from your voice but keeping it resolute all the same.
You watch him struggle. You can see how young he looks all of a sudden and you know he’s afraid you’re abandoning him. You’re afraid, too, but if the two of you have made it this long, you can stand it a while longer. Ultimately, you know if you fall back into him now, you’ll always hold resentment and that will poison you both over time, and you can’t have that.
Elvis closes his eyes and nods once. “Okay,” he whispers, so quietly you can barely hear it. A lone tear streaks down his cheek.
“Okay,” you whisper back.
He kisses you then, so softly, so gently, that you can’t help but lean into it. The chaste kiss is mournful and longing and hopeful all at once. It’s a kiss that is laced with the possibility that it could be the last one. You desperately hope that isn’t true, but only time will tell.
When you both pull away, you can feel the tether between you, the one that has always been there, tighten.
“Will you go to Hillcrest?” he asks, raising his eyes to yours hopefully, but it is more an offer than a question. The house in Beverly Hills is his home away from home.
You consider this and realize, other than going home to your parents (who you don’t quite feel ready to face yet, either), it’s your only option. It’s also a concession that will keep you connected to him, and you are comfortable giving him that. With its gorgeous views and serene setting, it will be a perfect solace.
“Yes,” you respond, and he seems sated by that. “Thank you,” you add quietly, then before you can second guess yourself, you tear yourself gently from his grasp and walk out the door.
Graciously and swiftly, he has Jerry take care of all the arrangements. Sandy is set to join you, and once you are both packed and ready, Jerry takes you to the airport and sees you both off.
Before he leaves, Jerry stops you. “He wanted me to give you this,” he says quietly, then opens your hand and places something soft in it.
Surprised, you look down, and see the familiar pink silk scarf folded there. You haven’t seen it since Jack ripped it from your neck that horrible night. Your fingers close around it. The message is clear: The ball is in your court.
“Send it when you’re ready for him,” Jerry adds with a knowing look.
You nod. You put the scarf in your purse.
Elvis Presley loves me, you think as you sit on the plane, but that feels trite, knowing other women have been able to say the same at some point or another.
Elvis has loved me since we were teenagers. He’s in love with me and has been all this time.
Now that is something that sends a thrill right through you.
You reach into your purse and run the silk between your fingers.
When it’s time, I’ll know.
**
Four Weeks Later
The hot California morning sun beats down on the umbrella that shades you. You had been reading and wanted to get some fresh air, the cold of the air conditioning giving you a bit of a chill in your white sundress but you cannot help but close your eyes drowsily as the heat swallows you like a blanket.
The last month was restorative, to say the least. It had been such a relief to get out of the stifling cacophony of Vegas, and it had allowed your brain to rest and recover from your concussion. Your bruises healed, and Sandy was there to both listen and have a good time when you needed it. You talked and thought through all your memories, working to understand both your reasons and Elvis’ for the way things had gone for your entire relationship.
You hadn’t heard from Elvis, as he was taking your need for space seriously, but Elvis’ lawyer had visited a few times, drawing up divorce papers that surprisingly took you a few days to sign. Not because you didn’t want to, of course, but because you had to fully process all that had happened and what it all meant to you. Sandy sat through your crying and guilt and shame like a champ, supporting you wholeheartedly once you finally picked up the pen and signed away your destructive marriage.
Once the lawyer had called back a week later saying that Jack had signed the papers, you felt like a new woman. Like you could finally start anew. Part of you had expected more of a fight out of Jack, but you did not dwell on the reasons he might have signed so willingly.
Sandy had headed home to Memphis to join Jerry once the Vegas engagement and resulting celebrations were over. You sent the pink scarf with her, with instructions to give it to Elvis only once you called her to do so, once you were finally ready. She’d smirked and rolled her eyes but was happy to do it all the same.
“Whatever I can do to finally get you two idiots on the same page,” she’d said lovingly.
You’d called her last night.
You can’t help but feel nervous. Even though a month was certainly not the longest you two had gone without speaking, this time it felt poignant and heavy in another way entirely. Your thoughts ran away from you at times: What if he’s changed his mind? What if he met someone else in Vegas?
It was possible and even probable that he’d been with other women since you left. You know how he is, and a man like him is not liable to change overnight. But you’ve spent most of your relationship with other people, and he still loved you after all this time, so even if he had been with someone else, you doubted it meant anything at all.
Of course, it still sends a red heat of jealously through you all the same. You push the thought as far away as you can, swinging your legs off the lounge chair, puttering back inside.
The cool air hits you like a wall of ice, and you close the sliding glass door quickly, goosebumps raising on your skin.
“Y/n.”
The familiar drawling baritone freezes you in your tracks. As your eyes adjust to the darkness inside the house, his tall frame becomes apparent across the living room and goosebumps rise over your skin for an entirely different reason than the cool air.
He looks incredible, magnificent even, wearing a silky white button up, the buttons undone at the top to reveal his tan chest, a pair of perfectly tailored black pants flattering him in all the right ways. But most significantly, the pink and black scarf is draped around his neck.
“Elvis,” you whisper, your heart fluttering in your chest.
That tether that you’ve learned has always been subconsciously tying you two together yanks you towards him. Your book drops to the floor and your bare feet run for him before your brain can catch up to you.
He meets you halfway and you throw yourself into his open, waiting arms. Your lips crash together with fervor, thirsty for each other after such a long drought. Soft, sweet, pillowy lips drink you in as your heart races and he pulls you in tighter. His familiar scent and warmth engulf you in such a comforting way that it brings tears to your eyes.
When your kiss finally slows and you both come up for air, you whisper, “You came.”
“Of course, I came.” As if there was ever any doubt.
Elvis pulls you to the couch, cradling you in his lap as he showers you with gentle but intense kisses. The heat between you builds but unlike in Vegas, it is more patient—openly full of love and admiration.
“I missed you,” he says into your mouth, his statuesquely perfect nose nuzzling into yours.
“I missed you, too,” you admit with a smile.
“Good,” he smiles, that lip of his curling up almost shyly.
His lips find your cheek, then placing soft kisses over your nose and eyelids and your forehead, as if committing your bone structure to memory with his mouth. It is unhurried because, for once, you have all the time and privacy in the world. You sigh underneath the reverence of his kisses as they trail down your jaw.
“Baby,” you say, stopping him, “as much as I want to continue this, I have things I need to say before that happens.”
He gives you one last kiss before bringing his attention to you. His gorgeous azure eyes fix in on you in such a way that you feel overwhelmed. It’s amazing to you how, even after all these years, he still has the ability to completely render you speechless with his magnetism and beauty.
“Yes?” he says, steeling himself for what may or may not be coming.
You tear your gaze from him enough to refocus. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I need you to know that I forgive you, for all of it. I forgive you, and more than anything, I love you. I want to be with you, though I know we need to figure out what that looks like. I mean, if that’s what you still want, of course,” you fumble, looking away, not wanting to make assumptions.
“Oh, it’s very much what I want, lil’ mama,” he purrs happily and seductively, using his pointer finger under your chin to turn your head, bringing his lips once more to yours. Fire blooms in your chest and radiates down into your belly as his tongue dips into your mouth. “I love you. I want you to be with me. Always have, baby.”
“I signed the divorce papers, and so did Jack,” you blurt out, needing to make sure he knows and understands.
Elvis chuckles, the low rumbling vibrating under your hand on his chest. “I know, Satnin,” he drawls, his bedroom eyes sharp underneath the haze of lust you see in them.
“Of course, you do,” you laugh, shaking your head, taking the moment to run your fingers through his coiffed dark hair.
He looks at you deeply, firmly but gently grabbing your chin in his hand. “Let me be your everything,” he whispers. It is somehow both a question and a command.
Your stomach drops, but not out of fear this time. No, it is a tingling anticipation that wafts over you and makes your breath catch. You run your finger over his lips, pulling down on that full bottom one.
“Yes,” you nod. You unfurl from his arms and stand, reaching for his hand.
Elvis looks up at you through those long, dark lashes with something between wonder and eagerness. You pull him off the couch wordlessly, his fingers intertwining with yours as you lead him through the house to the master bedroom.
When you finally arrive, you look up at him almost bashfully. “I was wondering if we could try something new?” you ask. You’d been thinking about this for weeks now, all the different ways you want him, but this one thing had stuck in your mind after all you’d been through.
His eyes sparkle almost gleefully with curiosity and lust. “What’re you thinkin’, baby?” he purrs.
You take a deep breath before speaking. You’re not sure if he’ll go for it, but you figure it won’t hurt to ask. “I want to be in charge,” you finally say, matter-of-factly.
His dazed look at your request quickly turns to interest as his brow furrows with consideration. He doesn’t mull long, however, much to your pleasure, before uttering, “Hmm, why not, baby? Let’s try it.” He smiles coyly before bringing you in for a long kiss.
Your heart begins to thump in your chest. You’ve never done this, and you bite your lip, knowing that you have to change your attitude for him to take you seriously. You draw on the strength you’ve gained over these past weeks and take a deep breath to steady yourself.
“On your knees,” you command.
Elvis looks at you with amused surprise at the order. “What?”
“Did I stutter?”
His left eyebrow shoots up so far you think it may try to escape his pretty face and his brilliant blues go wide.
“No, ma’am,” he says, his voice getting breathy and quiet. His eyes don’t leave yours as he slowly sinks, his knees finally touching the floor.
A thrill shoots through you seeing him like this, humbled before you. This man who commands and dominates every room he walks into, brought to his knees for you. You doubt anyone in his adult life has truly had him like this. You relish in the way it makes your heart race in your ribcage.
“Say it again,” you whisper. He seems to know what you mean.
“I love you,” he replies quietly, his eyes open and shining up at you. There is an innocent and boyish quality to them.
With everything that has happened, you have a renewed sense of purpose and confidence which makes you bold.
You lean down and grab his chin in your hand firmly, feeling the light scratch of dark stubble under your fingers.
“Show me,” you command.
He nods furiously in compliance, that look of innocence tempered by sparks of lust in the depths of his oceanic blues. He is more than willing and up for the challenge, and the look sends a shiver of anticipation through you so strong that you can already feel warmth gathering low in your belly. It’s been over a month now since you had him last and each day felt like torture.
Elvis runs his hands up the backs of your calves, caressing your bare legs and resting on the backs of your thighs, his eagerness and yearning evident in his speed. He wants you, too, and he is oh so used to getting what he wants that it gives you pleasure to stop him.
“Uh uh,” you tsk, grabbing his chin again, “you’re gonna take it nice and slow, baby boy, and then maybe, if you’re really good, then you’ll get what you want.” It comes out like a purr, dangerous but alluring, surprising even you. But the look on his face is worth it, the way he nearly crumbles when you call him baby boy, the way his pouty mouth falls open slightly, the way he squirms on his knees, itching to take you but following your lead instead.
“Now, are you gonna be a good boy and do what I tell you?” you coo with an edge of warning. You’ve never in your life have done anything like this before, and you hadn’t planned this, but the control, the power just comes naturally, his responses fueling you forward.
He nods again, unconsciously wetting his plump lips with the tip of his tongue.
“Use your words,” you order.
“Uh-um, y-yeah, yes, I-I-I promise…mama,” he stutters out, picking up your cues and nodding, eyes are wide and becoming more yielding as he begins to submit to you.
Something about the way he does it has that warmth surging in your belly yet again.
“Good,” you say, running your nails up and through his raven locks, scraping his scalp and making his eyes roll back at your touch. You pull back quickly, leaving him a little breathless.
“No hands. Use your mouth,” you order with a smirk.
You watch his Adam’s apple bob with a gulp. “Yes, ma’am,” he replies, faster this time. He’s adapting quickly to your game, and the way he bows down to your feet, kissing the bare skin so softly as he makes his way slowly up your ankle to your calf has a thrill shivering through you. His pillowy lips and the tip of his tongue brush and lick their way up your legs, as he alternates one to the other. The sensation, especially after being deprived of his touch for so long, has you sighing softly, and his eyes roll up to yours, framed deliciously by those impossibly long and dark lashes. The blue of them has darkened with lust, but they remain compliant and eager to please.
That alone has the coil in your belly rapidly tightening, and you feel wetness begin to seep into your panties the closer his mouth comes to the place you want him the most.
Your breathing speeds up with this teasing when he meanders under your dress, peppering kisses along your panty line until his hot breath ghosts over the thin cotton of your panties. It puffs over your clit, and you pull your dress up with one hand to watch. His hands fly up to your ass of their own accord, squeezing and clutching at your panties to bring them down.
Using your other hand, you fist it tightly in his hair, yanking his head back and forcing him to look at you. “What did I say about hands, baby boy? I thought you were gonna be good for mama,” you tsk, shaking your head.
It’s a test. You relish in watching him quell the dominant urges he’s having by biting back a smirk of insolence, his lip sandwiched between his teeth so hard he could break the skin. The fire in his eyes almost dares you until he sees the serious look in your own and you tighten your grip in his hair. He winces a little and you watch him consider his options. You don’t let up during this battle of wills, unyielding and unbreaking of the eye contact that might usually level you.
No, after the last six weeks, this time you are going to get what you want.
Finally, he gets it, letting his arms drop to his sides. His face smooths, that innocence returning, and he submits completely to you.
“Good boy,” you breathe, releasing the grip on his hair and running your thumb over his lush bottom lip. His mouth opens and you push your thumb in, scraping at his teeth, then pushing into the soft warmth of his pink tongue. A low moan escapes him as his eyelashes flutter, and you allow him to suck it in, rolling his tongue over your thumb. A pleasured hum escapes your lips at the sensual sensation, and you feel it tingle straight down into your pussy.
“Try again,” you say, looking down at him, pulling out your thumb. You pull up your dress once more.
“Yes, ma’am,” he whispers eagerly, and you see the wheels turning for a moment before he continues. This time, he sits on his hands before he kisses directly over your sensitive nub, wetting the fabric with his tongue before kissing upwards. Then, he snaps the elastic between his teeth and slowly but surely pulls your panties down your legs. Your slick is already evident in the fabric, leaving little trails down your thighs. Gravity takes hold once they reach your knees, and they drop to the floor.
“There’s my clever boy,” you praise him, stepping out of your underwear, running your thumb over his high cheekbone. This causes that signature crooked, boyish smile to spread across his features, reminding you just how incredibly beautiful he is.
And he’s all yours.
As he lathes his tongue back up your thighs, cleaning the slick from them on the way back up to your core, your body shudders with delight and you feel him smiling against your skin. Looking down you see it is not a smirk, but genuine pleasure at making you feel good, and that sends warmth through your chest in addition to the heat rapidly building in your core.
You cannot help the moan of pleasure that escapes you when he finally reaches the apex between your legs and flattens his tongue over your folds. He drags it slowly, deliberately, ending with little flicks on your clit. Heat rolls over you, setting every nerve aflame, and this time when you grab his hair, it is to pull him encouragingly closer into your wet curls.
“Yes, good boy, just like that,” you sigh breathlessly as he begins to shower your pussy with attention, going slowly as you requested. He is soft and persistent, swathing gently through your folds, parting your labia with his tongue before rolling back to your clit. Oh, lord, he is so very versed in this, you remember quickly, as he suckles and presses soft kisses to that most sensitive place.
Your eyes fall shut as you grip his head and shoulder for balance. You cannot help the keening and panting that begins to emanate through you as the coil in your pelvis tightens. Even after only a short amount of time together, he somehow knows exactly how to play you for the most pleasure.
In a daze, your eyes open and you look down at him, his dark hair messy from your hands. That’s when you notice it: he is not touching you with his hands, as promised, but you see how he’s somehow undone his trousers without your knowing. You watch silently for a moment as one of his ring clad hands fondles and tugs at his cock, and it sends a thrill of arousal through you to catch a glimpse of him pleasuring himself like this when he doesn’t know you’re watching. Battling the swell of ecstasy that rockets through you, you curiously watch how his hand slides up and down over his length, pulling at the foreskin that mostly envelops his red tip, how his long thumb glides effortlessly over it, swirling the slick of precum around and over and down. It’s a well-practiced motion and it almost seems unconscious considering the way he is utterly focused on your pussy.
You gasp with pleasure as he massages your clit deftly with his tongue, and coupled with watching him jack off, you feel a desperation for more friction, more of him, building until you realize that it is you who is in control of this moment, not him. With a swell of need you push him back abruptly, his eyes bewildered, and lips shining with your arousal, hand still on his cock, wondering what he did wrong.
“Oh, what a naughty little boy you are. I didn’t say you could touch yourself. I didn’t say you could get yourself off, did I?” you say in a chastising tone.
And, oh god, the bashful look he gives you, dropping his cock, and how his cheeks redden at being caught as he looks down, those lashes fanning out, has you biting back a smile and more heat swelling under your dress.
“No, ma’am,” he says mournfully, shaking his head slightly. And then he’s blinking up at you with those deep blues, waiting for what you are going to do next, what his “punishment” might be, you realize.
“I guess I’m gonna need to teach you a lesson then,” you sigh with exasperation. But his disobeying you only serves to make you more aroused. You put your foot on his chest and push him down and backwards with a low growl. It’s like something primal has come over you, not only your need to dominate him, but also this flaming heat consuming your body and needing his mouth on you more definitively.
“Get on your back,” you demand.
Elvis scrambles backwards quickly and you are grateful for his flexibility as he easily untangles his legs from underneath him and falls back onto the thick shag carpeting. You step over him, sliding your dress up and over your head as you do so, leaving you in only your bra. When you look down, you see his blissed-out eyes wandering over your body with something akin to awe.
You lower yourself down to your knees, straddling his chest, which is already heaving from his arousal. He’s wearing the pink silk scarf, the one from your first night together, and it feels fitting, you think, as you lord over him and unravel it from around his neck. He watches you so intently in any other circumstance you might falter under his gaze, but while blown with lust, you can see by that bashful look in his eyes that he is committed to following your lead here.
“Hands above your head, baby boy,” you coo, running your hands up the underside of his arms, guiding them over his head. “Since you can’t seem to keep from doing naughty things with them, I’ll have to make you stop,” you admonish.
You sit fully on his chest then, feeling as the wetness of your cunt stains the front of his lovely silky shirt, and then you lean over, fully aware that it puts your breasts temptingly over his face. You hear him whimper, knowing he can’t touch you, and you smile as you use the black and pink scarf to tie his wrists together above his head.
You intertwine your fingers with his as you slowly pull back over his body, scooting your hips back as you go until your face is hovering just above his. He’s panting now, little puffs of breath coming from his lips as you ghost your own over his face. Tipping his chin up to try and capture a kiss, you pull back a bit.
“Nuh uh, baby boy. You have work to do first,” you shake your head, kissing the tip of his nose. Then you tempt him by flicking the tip of your tongue over the beautifully perfect cupid’s bow of his upper lip, and he fully whines and squirms under you.
You laugh at that, the fact that you are able to put him in this position, to make him want you enough to be vulnerable and needy like this. Then you become more serious, looking him in the eyes.
“Now use that wicked little mouth of yours to make me come,” you say in a low, sultry, daring tone. “And no touching unless I say so!”
“Y-y-yes, ma’am,” Elvis moans as you maneuver your body up and over his head, bracketing it in with your thighs. Your need for him is quite evident as you lower your already-soaking pussy onto his face and as his pouty mouth kisses your most sensitive areas, you know you are so wound already from this little game of yours that you fear you might come undone too soon.
You’ve never done this before and while part of you is a little worried about the mechanics and fears smothering him, that primal, instinctual part of you starts rocking your hips over his mouth.
“Oh!” you gasp quietly, unable and unwilling to contain the soft moans that his lips and tongue begin drawing out of you as you begin to ride his mouth. When he fully groans against you, the vibrations send a shockwave through your core, nearly snapping that coil inside you already. You steady yourself, finding a comfortable rhythm, and experimentally run your hands up your torso, using them to grope your breasts. You feel him moan again and look down to see him carefully watching you, his eyes blown black.
Sensing how it’s driving him wild, you lift your hips a little to give him air and reach down under the lace of your bra, using the pads of your fingers to lightly drag against the sensitive areola, taunting him and pinching your nipples to attention with a moan of your own.
“Fuckkkk,” he breathes out, the air tickling your labia.
“Language!” you hush him and plant back down on his face. His arms fight to come down and grab you, but between being tied and the way your weight is, he cannot, and groans against you again instead. He works you tirelessly now as you writhe over him and you feel that telltale tightening begin in earnest. You are nearly desperate as his tongue lathes against your folds again and again, dipping in and out of your hole, circling your clit and back again. He eats you expertly, willingly, and you ache for him.
“Good boy, there’s my good baby,” you pant quietly as your heart flutters and your breathing starts to hitch.
But when his tongue slips daringly lower, perhaps accidentally, perhaps not, you careen forward with a shocked gasp as it grazes your other hole.
“Elvis!” you gulp, clasping his hands with your own to steady yourself, stilling your hips. You aren’t quite sure how you feel about that slip yet, only knowing that it’s a place that has been forbidden before now. Your heart pounds so hard you hear the blood in your ears, your body on high alert.
“Hmmm?” is his only response before he tests you again, gently, letting his tongue circle that illicit spot lightly.
“Elvissss…” The moan escapes you before you can stop it because the unfamiliar feeling of his tongue there has your already aroused body teeming with the new sensation and you know you shouldn’t like it, you’re not supposed to like it…
“Yes? You like that mama?” he replies surprisingly bashful, submissively, compared to the sensual dominance that you are used to from him.
“I-I-I’m not sure, baby boy,” you finally stammer out honestly.
You feel him nod underneath you, as if understanding, and he goes back to suckle your clit, making you jump a little and roll your hips. And when his tongue travels back through your swollen folds and he goes a little farther to include that little secret spot, you can’t help but cry out in pleasure this time.
He smiles against you, and you respond by rolling harder on his face, effectively shutting him up. The carnality that flows through you banishes your prudishness and you let him kiss and eat you fully now, from hole to clit, letting the sensations consume you completely.
You fuck his face wildly. You don’t try to stop the keening noises crying from your lips, you just grip his hands for dear life as the coil inside you constricts, your body flooded with fire, desperate for the blast of release his talented mouth promises you. Frantic now, chasing that high, your body tenses over him and he groans loudly into your cunt, his tongue deep inside you, as your thighs squeeze his head.
The peak hits you incredibly hard and you cry out as you shatter above him. White stars flash behind your eyes followed by inky blackness. You can barely breathe for the way it hits you. He continues to lick and suck you through your orgasm, coaxing you, moaning into you in order to continue your pleasure for as long as possible. He devours every drop of your arousal. Shaking and shuddering and oversensitive, you finally scoot your hips back, allowing him to come up for air with his own gasp.
“Did I do good, mama?” he puffs, looking pleased, his face covered in your slick.
“You did perfect, baby boy,” you breathe out, kissing his cheeks, then his swollen lips, tasting your tangy sweetness there. Your body shivers with aftershocks as you come back into yourself, your mind concocting all the ways you want him tonight, all the ways in which you can show him your love and vice versa.
You look down at him, enjoying the sight of pussy-drunk lust on his boyish features, the vulnerability of his hands restrained above his head, the way his bedroom blues dreamily follow your gaze and your lead.
Your need for him feels insatiable. You want to wreck him, ruin him, in the best way possible. Biting your lip you roll your hips into his waist, feeling the cold of his belt sear into your bare core and Elvis’ eyes roll back a little as you drag your nails down over the part of his chest that is exposed above his shirt.
“You gonna continue to be good for mama, baby boy?” you lean down to coo in his ear, scootching your hips back just enough to feel the tip of his rock-hard length through his pants, and you can feel the shudder that ripples through him.
He nods furiously. “Y-yes, mama, oh yes, I’ll be good.”
“I’m so glad, baby,” you whisper, “Mama’s got somethin’ special in store for you.”
Elvis whimpers at that, and you can tell it is taking every ounce of self-control he has to keep from taking you right there and then, but he stays good and still and relatively quiet for you. You kiss down the shell of his ear, nibbling on the perfect lobe, and then you focus your attention on the divot just behind it where his jaw meets his skull. Lapping there for a minute, you take your time as he hums and tenses beneath you, turning his head the opposite direction to give you the access you want. You make your way agonizingly slowly down his neck, using your lips and teeth and tongue in all the ways you’ve learned he likes. By the time you reach his collarbone, he is practically writhing under you.
His breath is beginning to heave and become labored when you start down his tanned chest, the course hair there tickling your lips as you go. One by one, you pop the remaining buttons open, and with each, a pretty little huff escapes his pouting lips. Oh, how beautiful he looks with his cheeks all flushed and his hair mussed, those eyes alternating between peering down at you and looking up to the heavens.
Once again you move your hips back, this time hovering just above the erection raging in his pants. It’s enough that he can feel your heat, but you give him no friction whatsoever, and this is what finally has him bucking his hips up desperately, but you are prepared, dodging well out of the way before he finds any sort of relief.
“Now, now, that’s not how good boys behave,” you tsk at him, earning a huff in response. You use your nails to scratch down his now-exposed treasure trail, your lips following close behind and he fully whines by the time you reach the belt line.
“Please, please, mama,” he mewls at you, raising his head to look at you with begging eyes.
“All in good time,” you muse quietly, shooting him a soft smile.
You take your time with his heavy belt and zipper, causing him to spring forth, his cock hard and veiny, precum already oozing a sticky string between his tip and his abdomen, but you leave him there, untouched. Moving lower, you slowly, deftly, remove one shoe, then the other, doing the same with his socks. Then you pull his pants down his long legs, letting your fingers ghost over his sensitive skin. It’s torture, based on the way he squirms and sighs, and you find yourself full of emotions.
A small part of you relishes in making him squirm after finding out what he’d kept from you all these years, for all the time you may have lost with him because of his self-righteous ego. But a much larger part of you wants this with him, for him, because you know he’s likely not given himself to anyone like this. Not the great Elvis Presley, the man who strives for excellence and control in all things. You cannot imagine him letting just any woman bring him to his knees, tying him up, letting her have her way with him. At least you hope not.
But perhaps that is your own ego talking.
But a sense of unease, jealously perhaps, wafts over you, diminishing your confidence slightly.
“Baby boy?” you hum pensively at him, running your finger softly up the sole of his foot, causing him to jump and giggle a little.
“Yes, mama?” he responds softly, tilting his chin down to look at you.
You frown, worrying your lip a little, wanting to approach this skillfully as not to ruin the mood, but you have to know. Now that the thought is there, you must know.
“Have you ever let anyone else do this? Touch and tease you like this?” you ask, trying to keep your voice sultry and light, running your fingers up the underside of his arm, dragging across the pink silk that binds his wrists.
His brow furrows for a moment as he tries to interpret what’s going on underneath the bravado you’re showing, trying to glean your true meaning, and then his face softens and smooths with realization, his eyes wide and open for you. “Not like this, mama. Just for you. Only you,” he says genuinely, and you know it’s true, that he’s not just giving you lip service within the game you are playing.
“Good,” you nod, more moved by this than you want to show right now, your heart swelling with this new knowledge. You kiss him gently and softly on the lips. 
“Do you trust me?” you add more mischievously, your confidence returning.
“Completely,” he nods back.
“Then it’s time to get on the bed, baby boy,” you purr.
He brings his arms down in front of his abdomen, the scarf still taut at his wrists and his shirt open and flowing behind him, and you help him to standing. His eyes sparkle a little with what you think is anticipation. Once to the bed, he snakes his long, beautiful body backwards until he is lying up against the dark pillows.
Your mouth waters at the sight of him lying there, vulnerable and all yours. Getting between his legs, you start at his feet, massaging the ropey muscles with your hands, and alternately kissing your way over the arches, his ankles, and up his calves, up every perfect part of him. You pay attention closely to these spots you’ve never really explored before, listening and watching him carefully. When his breath catches, or he hisses in through his teeth, you know it’s extra sensitive, and of course, when his mouth falls open and his eyes roll back you know you’ve hit the jackpot.
You take your sweet time working up his muscled legs, bringing up and opening his knees to give you more access to what you are finding is the highly sensitive flesh of his inner thighs. Warmth rolls through you when you nip there, very close to his balls and he nearly jumps off the bed.
“Stay still and be good, baby boy,” you purr at him with a sly smile against his leg, and he whines in protest but stills himself. You think it’s high time you give him some well garnered attention to his large, heavy testicles. His musky scent fills your nostrils, setting your biological need for him on fire. You wiggle a little on your knees with anticipation but since you aren’t sure exactly what he likes or what his boundaries are yet, you want to make sure he has an out.
“Baby,” you say seriously, looking into his eyes, “if you really want me to stop, like really, I need you to tell me, okay? Say…” You stop, looking around for inspiration, something he would never say in the heat of the moment, and then your eyes land. Perfect.
“Say ‘pink scarf’ if you really want me to stop baby, okay?” you urge.
Elvis nods, looking excited and also a little concerned at the prospect of what you might do to him to require him to use such a phrase. “Pink scarf, got it,” he breathes.
With that, you feel better, and return your attentions down in between his legs. His cock is hard and buoyant against his pelvis, precum glistening the angry red tip that is peeking out from his lighter foreskin, but that is not what you’re going to focus on, not yet.
Using your thumbs, you apply gentle pressure to the insides of his thighs, massaging slow circles up, up, up, closer to his most sensitive areas. Lying on your stomach between his open legs, you test the waters by running your nails softly over the darkened, wrinkly skin of his ball sac.
He hisses in at that, his lower half tensing as you gently continue, using your thumb, pointer, and middle fingers to explore the area. In his arousal, his balls are pulled up tight to him, but it doesn’t detract from the fact they are still rather large compared to what you’re used to. His breathing becomes more labored as you roll his testes between your fingers, cupping them, then pulling gently.
His hips roll and wiggle. You love the effect you are having on him, the way he responds so readily under your touch, and you wonder if this is what it’s like for him when he plays with you. It sends heat of a different kind rolling through your body each time he jolts or gasps.
Which is exactly what he does when you nuzzle his sac with your nose before flattening your tongue against the seam and licking a long stripe from back to front. His hips rise off the mattress and running your hands over the crease of where his legs meet his torso, you push those famous narrow hips back down to the bed.
“Oh mama, oh mama,” he whispers quietly, almost like a begging prayer, as you continue lathing your tongue back and forth and up and down over his balls. He begins to writhe in earnest, despite your hands holding him, his legs pulling up and boxing you in.
“Be still,” you command, lifting your head, pushing his bent legs back open.
He obeys instantly, looking down at you with wild, shining eyes, nodding almost unconsciously in reply, as if preparing himself for whatever you deem to do next.
You use your hands again, one to push his legs up, tilting him towards you, the other rolling him like dice, before lifting his sac enough to lick the underside completely. Taking inspiration from his playbook, you then flick down over his taint, applying pressure with your tongue, his musky scent consuming you.
He moans long and loud at that, unable to contain himself as you shower this newly found spot with all your attention. As you lick and press and roll, he mewls and begins to shudder. Your heart beats faster against your ribcage at his reactions, how he pants above you, and you wonder what will happen if you press your thumb to that softer spot right above his puckered hole.
So you do. You press that spot over and over and watch him tremble and writhe until he looks damn well possessed.
“Please, oh please, oh GOD!” he cries out and eventually his entire body tenses, hips lifting as though he were coming inside you, and he shudders wildly before falling hard back onto the bed. Heart pounding, you lift your head to see a milky white leak from his tip. It’s not cum in the sense you are used to, but some sort of release nevertheless.
You’re not one hundred percent sure what just happened, but you are pleased you made him feel so good. You watch him lying there, gasping from pleasure, his hands clenching and releasing against their bonds, trying to recover from whatever that was. His face is flushed red, making the blue of his arousal-darkened eyes look almost preternatural, and tears leak, dampening his dark lashes. He looks positively bewildered.
“Good job, baby boy,” you praise him, kissing the inside of his knee.
“Wh-wh-what w-was that, mama?” he gasps, asking.
“That ever happen before?” you respond, curious, instead of answering him.
He shakes his head, his hair flopping as it lolls from side to side.
“Hmm…well, did it feel good, baby?” you ask because you aren’t entirely sure what happened, but you don’t let him know that. You don’t let him know about your own fresh arousal that’s leaking down the sides of your thighs or how your heart is fluttering in your throat at the sight of him such a mess before you. Not yet.
He nods furiously, eyes unfocused.
You smile at the blissed-out look on his face. You crawl up him to give his open lips a little kiss. “Mama’s not done with you yet, baby boy,” you whisper against his lips before pulling back.
His dreamy eyes go wide, but you don’t dwell, instead making haste to kiss down his chest once more, stopping to tongue and scrape his nipples with your teeth, making him jump underneath you once again. You kiss down the flat planes of his belly, detouring to give a little attention to his bound hands, sucking a digit or two into your mouth on the way down.
He fully shivers at that, moaning, sending a thrill of your own down to your toes. His belly is already heaving again with anticipation as you arrive at your next destination. His length bounces as his stomach moves, the milky white having leaked onto his belly, but whatever release he’d had did not affect the hardness of his cock, much to your pleasure.
Your goal here is to worship and tease, rather than the ways you’d had him in your mouth before. The way he’d fucked down into your throat both gently and harshly prior to this was not going to be his experience this time. No, this time is all about giving him a night he’s unlikely to ever forget. It is about claiming him as your own while showering him with love and attention on your terms. You’ve never had that before, not truly, and oh how sweet you are finding it already…
First, all you do is hover over his cock, so closely that he can feel your hot breath against him as you run your open mouth up and down his shaft. He squirms his hips from left to right, his hands fisting, and you can sense how it is taking everything in him not to buck up into you.
“Mamaaaa…need y-you,” he begs.
This makes you smirk coyly.
“Hush, baby,” you admonish him with a furrowed brow, stilling his hips again with your hands. “Be a patient good boy and you’ll get what you need.” Eventually…you think smugly.
He can only manage a whimper in response.
Finally, you place soft, barely there kisses up his shaft, feeling his rapid pulse through the throbbing veins. His foreskin awaits and you kiss gently around it, and it must be very sensitive because he’s fully gasping now, quiet “uh, uh, uhs” escaping his lips. Using only your tongue, you dip it into and under the foreskin, swirling it around the head.
“Oh, oh, no, t-too much, too much, mama!” he half moans-half cries, nearly levitating off the bed, but you don’t stop, instead sucking the tip of him into your mouth and soothing the head with your tongue.
You look up at the man you are in love with, in all his messy ecstasy, as tears stream down the sides of his pretty face, but he does not say the words, only sighing at this little bit of relief you give him. So, you continue, after this moment of reprieve, sending your tongue up and down his shaft, then kissing and tonguing his sensitive tip as though it were a dripping ice cream cone on a hot summer day.
“Please, please, please,” Elvis pants out of that wonderous and full mouth of his. By the time you use your hand to fondle his balls again, he is so fully enraptured, staring up into the mirrors above you, that you’re not sure he’s even on the same plane as you anymore.
God, it has you nearly coming undone yourself to see him like this, bringing him closer and closer to the edge without letting him fall over. You find yourself pressing your thighs together, desperate for your own friction.
His gorgeous eyes flutter down to you as you once again tongue his tip. “B-bein’ good, m-mama, please, needju,” he whimpers, his words slurring together.
“Bein’ so good, baby boy,” you praise him, then you take him fully into your mouth, pumping once, twice, and then you feel his entire body tense and shake.
“F-f-fuuuuckkk,” he groans gutturally, his hips bucking into your throat, coming completely undone nearly instantly. His eyes roll back into his head, beads of sweat mixing with the tears down his face, and the prominent vein in his neck pulses in time with his salty, thick release. It coats your tongue, and you swallow him down readily before gently lathing your tongue over the tip of his sex. He squirms under you, rocked and hypersensitive as you pop off him.
“Thank you, mama,” he whispers, looking so relieved and sex drunk that you are beside yourself now. Every nerve ending inside you is on fire. Before he can soften, you climb onto his lap, lining him up with your entrance and sliding him through your soaking folds and into your heat.
Elvis’ eyes widen in shock and he wiggles his hips down into the mattress as if trying to escape. little “ah ah ah!” puffs come from his lips, like he’s handling a hot potato.
“M-mama, ah, ah! I-I-I can’t,” he shakes his head before slamming it back onto the bed.
“Oh, you can, baby boy, you can, I promise,” you say breathlessly, relishing the feel of him filling you, even though he’s beginning to soften slightly. You roll your hips in his lap. “You’re gonna keep being such a good boy and make me come, right, baby?” you encourage demurely, hooking enough into his ego and his need to please you to keep him going.
All you know is that you need him, need to keep him inside you, to have him fill you up, even if you have to wait.
The noise that comes from him is somewhere between a groan and a growl, his eyes screwing shut for a moment as he tries to compose himself enough to continue. You still, placing your hands on his chest, and wait for his response.
“How about this? You’ve been so good for mama. I’m gonna take this scarf off you and you use those hands to show me some love while we wait,” you say.
That has him opening those glassy, pretty eyes of his and nodding.
“Mama’s gonna keep makin’ you feel real good, don’t you worry now, baby,” you tut at him, untying the knots at his wrists. The silk yields easily. You lean forward on top of his chest and throw it around his neck.
Elvis rolls his wrists a few times then wraps his arms around your back, holding you fast to him while he continues to breathe heavily. The feeling of being draped on him and held in his long arms sends an almost wholesome warmth through your body. Oh, how you missed being close to him like this. It’s almost as if you didn’t know it until this very second, that string that has been pulling you two together for so long finally loosening as you fall unencumbered into each other’s arms.
After a long moment, he calms and his hands start roaming slowly over your back. You can feel the cool of his rings against your fiery skin and it sends shivers through you. You feel starved for him, hence your desperate need to have him inside you and to show him with every fiber of your being that you will be all he ever needs from here on out.
You hum softly, pleased, when his hands find your ass, your hips, and you swivel them. He is soft inside you for the moment, at least, and you feel the sharp intake of breath at your movements, his hands gripping you to keep you still.
Still sensitive, you think.
His hands flutter up and down your sides then, softly enough to make you want more. You can hear his heart pounding in his chest, the rhythm beginning to match yours the longer you stay intertwined. This is what you’ve been missing, needing, all along. Him vulnerable and sated under you. Knowing that you are the only one he truly wants. Knowing that it’s been that way for almost as long as you’ve known him.
“Say it again,” you whisper into his neck, kissing his pulse points.
It only takes him a moment to understand what you are asking.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“Mmmm,” you hum, kissing your way up his strong, angular jaw to his lips. “Again.”
“I love you.” It rumbles in his chest so you can feel it vibrate into yours.
Each time he says it, it dances through you, lighting up all the dark spaces that were so afraid and convinced he would never feel the same.
You kiss his lips, softly at first, then deepening as your own love pours out of you and into him.
His hands are everywhere now, one tangling in your hair, the other snapping the clasp of your bra undone. Your mouths separate just long enough for you to rip off the lace and fling it to the side. The feel of his bare chest against yours makes you feel like you are melting into him. Your mouths are unhurried but intense, tongues exploring, devouring each other whole.
“I love you,” you say into his mouth, voice hushed and reverent.
He pauses for a moment, pulling back just enough for you to get lost in the oceanic depths of his eyes as they gaze at you adoringly, as if memorizing your features. “I’m yours,” he says. Then he pulls you back down to him, his mouth consuming you once more.
You’re not sure how long you lay there, kissing, touching, exploring each other as if it were the first time, but it is long enough that you feel him begin to stiffen inside of you once more, just as you knew he would. Slowly, you begin to rock on top of him, your hands and lips tracing his Apollo-like features. Your fingers rake through his raven hair, damp with sweat from the exertion.
Elvis’ hands cup your face, your neck, tangling through your hair, caressing your breasts. He touches you reverently, though as your passions increase, his hands light streams of fire over your skin wherever they deem to touch. A heated coil tightens again in your belly, more gradually this time, but deep all the same.
The room is quiet, save for the heavy breathing that has synced between the two of you, a hushed feeling that matches the intensity of your lovemaking. His deep gaze threatens to consume you from below as you ride him, and every cell in your body is being called to his.
He fills you in ways no one ever has and as no one ever could. Perhaps he was made just for you, you think, with how perfectly you align. You realize that this is the first time you’ve had him with all your memories intact. Every moment the two of you have had since the beginning now swells between you, a now shared history that makes this moment all the more poignant.
You are lost in the depths of him just as much as he is lost in you. You can see it now, so obviously, and you wonder how you spend so very long without him. Beyond his talent, beyond his gorgeousness, lies that both human yet ethereal man, and he is wonderful and he is flawed, and he is finally yours.
He expertly touches your sensitive bud, sending you careening towards the edge of an abyss that once frightened you. Because of course this was never just about sex, though your brain tried to trick you, making you forget that your love for him started so very long ago. But what terrified you six weeks ago now feels ripe with possibility. What made you feel trapped has now been set free. And as that coil snaps and you fracture above him, it allows your true self to emerge for the first time in a very long time.
“I love you, Elvis,” you breathe, locking eyes with him as you fall, knowing he will be there to catch you.
Your moan of pleasure, his name a whispered prayer on your lips, coupled with the sight of you has him following right behind you, all his years of fear and guilt splintering into pieces along with the most intense orgasm he has ever had.   
“I love you, y/n,” he returns in equal measure.
You collapse into his arms, unaware of the tears on your face until you feel them wetting the pink scarf that somehow remains around his neck. Elvis holds you to him, his fingers twirling the ends of your hair, not just with possessiveness and control, but with unfettered love. There is aways to go between the two of you in your relationship, now that you remember everything that has happened, but you have no doubt that the two of you will figure it all out, together this time.
For the first time in forever, you feel truly at peace.
Finally, you are exactly where you need to be.
With the man you love eternally, who loves you just as much.
Here, with Elvis.
*
Please let me know in the comments/DMs/asks if you are interesting in buying a physical and/or ebook of Pink Scarf (with bonus chapters/material)! 💗🧣💗
*
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greekceltic · 9 months ago
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FAQ Page
She/her | 38 | I like cats and rain. My comic: https://catswaycomic.com/ My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/greekceltic My Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/greekceltic Other links: https://linktr.ee/greekceltic Sorry in advance if you send me a message and I don't get back to you, I tend not to stress over messages/asks. I do try to read them though, and I'm always open to being asked questions about characters or my headworld/stories. I am already aware that my art is being copied. They're blocked. Please stop telling me about it. Rest of my FAQ is under the cut >
Can I repost your work? I don't mind as long as I'm credited. I'm less okay with my work being used as a pageviews grab, but it's probably not worth my time to care. If it's something I've selected to take down and don't have posted anymore, don't. If it's something you commissioned, go for it. You don't need to credit me every time you share it. Once in a while is cool.
Are you okay with fanart? What about OC interactions? Can I post it? Sure, just don't profit off of it and please credit me. If you want to draw my OCs interacting with yours that's also fine (and fun!)- though I prefer situations where their actions make sense. Alf wouldn't make your character cry, for example. He's grumpy but not cruel. Posting it is fine. Is it okay if I take inspiration from your art and concepts? I've been in a situation in recent years where another artist has taken far, far too much. It's a subject I'm pretty burnt out on. I recently saw another artist's take on this and it looked sensible to me. I'm just going to quote theirs. I have tried to find my own words, but right now I find myself more comfortable using someone else's. "Well, if you’re having to ask me for permission, either your design is too similar or you’re being overly nervous about a normal artistic process. You’re absolutely free to use my work as a source of inspiration but I’d strongly encourage you to think about the details from my design you like most, and remix them with other concepts into your own unique take."
Taking inspiration is something everyone does, but please don't become a shadow I get bi-weekly alerts about. Ideally your pool of inspiration will be many artists and concepts re-imagined into something unique to you- and that you're being honest with yourself about the result.
Your art is being copied! / Will you tell me who the copy cat is? I get a lot of messages about this and am tired. I'm sure if my art ends up somewhere it shouldn't be or there's something really worth my attention I'll find out through friends. Otherwise, I'm just sayin' get a second or third opinion before coming to my inbox. I probably already know about it.
I sent you a message and you didn't respond. Sorry about that. I tend not to stress about messages because it can be a drain. You're more likely to get a response if you let me know from the get go what you want, but nothing is guaranteed. Sometimes I didn't see it, sometimes I got busy or forgot, sometimes I plan to do it later, sometimes I just opted out. It's not personal. Where do you Rp? Are you looking for more partners? Discord mostly. Roleplay consumes a lot of time so these days I mostly only play with my buddy Thema. I probably wouldn't have time to play, but I like to hang around people that do and I don't mind being asked. Just please don't be sad if I never get around to responding! I'm most compatible with people who are comfortable with radio silence.
Can I use your characters in roleplay/as roleplay refs? Considering I actively roleplay my OCs and there's a potential for confusion, I'd rather you didn't. Though I think there's a difference between linking to my art and saying 'this is my character', and linking to it to say 'this has the mood I'm going for, but here's what's different about my character--'. The latter is fine.
Can I make Fan OCs for your setting? Thinking about this makes me tired. Maybe I'll get to a point where I'm more comfortable later, but for now I'd rather you didn't make something directly from my worlds. But lets be real, you don't need my permission to draw cat monsters and I take a huge amount of inspiration from ancient history. Many of my concepts are inspired by things that you can read about and be inspired too. If you see something and are curious if there's a historical source, just ask. Hopefully I'll remember.
Do I have permission to draw NSFW art of your characters? No, for a plethora of reasons, some easy to explain and some not, but I probably can't stop you. Just don't profit off of it or show it to me.
Do you have a website for your OCs? I have RP pages for them scattered all over the place and many of them are outdated, but as I type this I recently put some up on Toyhouse. https://toyhou.se/GreekCeltic
Do you have a website for your comic? Sure do. It's an expensive fuck. https://catswaycomic.com/ When does your comic update? Sporadically. I work on it when I have time. My income is solely freelance commissions and Patreon- mostly commissions.
There's other places you could post your comic! Yeah, I know. I may do that someday, but for now I like having my own house, even if it's an expensive fuck. (Not really, the renewal just hits around tax time, Lol).
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words-without-rules · 6 months ago
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So, last night my partner and I were goofing around and looking at MK1 Characters on Mortal Kombat Warehouse, looking at the skins n stuff. Then he decided to start downloading some of the character renders and editing them in IBS and the results were... well, let me just show you 🤣 (he gave them all names as well because he made them into Discord emojis)
First we have:
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ChadJohnny 🤣
Next we have:
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ShangHuh 🤣🤣🤣 I LOST MY MIND AT THIS ONE WHAT ON EARTH DID HE DO TO MY BOY??????
Oh but it gets better:
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This one is called 'Bigbrainmoment' 🤣🤣 Very fitting for him, I admit
As is:
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Biangy 🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣
This next one is so cursed but also so good:
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It's just called 'FACKYOUUUUU' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I DONT KNOW WHY I CAN IMAGINE HIM SAYING THAT SO PERFECTLY!!!!! 😭😭😭😭
Oh God the one after this. Is. My. Fucking. FAVORITE:
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Three words: 'ShangTsungsGYAAT' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY ITS SO FUNNY ITS SO DUMB!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Oh God and then he made this one (im so sorry in advance):
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...Yeah, the less said about this one the better, I think. It's just called: 'uwu' 🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭😭😭
We're down to the last 3, but they're all gems in my opinion:
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Here we have 'GiggaKuai' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Im sorry, Kuai, but it had to be done 🤣😭
Actually this next one might be my true favorite, just because it personally gives me so much joy:
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It's 'QuanCHEESE' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This has been an inside joke between me and my partner for such a long time, so seeing it fully visualized at last... A true masterpiece :')
And now, last but not least:
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'Nobitches' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This one was actually my idea. I can so hear him saying something like this 🤣🤣🤣
That's all for now, thank the Elder Gods lmao I was literally begging him to stop towards the end because my cheeks were starting to hurt so bad 🤣🤣🤣
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stylingedwarddd · 5 months ago
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hello, hi! writing this at 4:40am on June 20th.
back to writing after a hot minute away. i’m freshly on discord (will put my user at the bottom of this) and looking for some new/returning writing partners. long term.
i have 5+ years of experience writing and i tend to match my partners style but i am advanced Lit. i can write paragraphs so if that gets too much PLEASE let me know i’ll shorten it.
i am pretty open to everything and anything. i have a few hard limits and triggers which can be spoken about over on discord. I mostly write as Louis but can do Harry if needed. I do any ship, male/male and male/female. i don’t do original characters sorry. i always write from the males pov if it’s M/F.
please be at least 18+ as i am 20+ and i ask if we wrote smut that you’re 18+ too. i don’t have to include smut in my writing but if it’s spoken about and included in plot i’m happy with that.
Jeez, you’re still here get yourself a cup of tea love. so if this sounds like something you’re interested in hit the heart or simply message me on discord ask me for it
i look forward to speaking to you!
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trans-androgyne · 1 year ago
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I would appreciate if people read the relevant parts of this before sending an ask or following me:
Hi, I am an autistic transmasculine non-binary lesbian of color & mostly use they/them but he is fine. I do not identify as a man or woman, and calling me one is misgendering. I am fine with boy/most other masc terms. I first & foremost identify as an androgyne.
F.A.Q. Post
About the blog: This is a sideblog dedicated to discussing trans issues & the trans community, especially regarding transandrophobia & exorsexism. I am willing to engage in good faith discussion. || Block the “anonsense” tag if you don’t want to see me respond to people arguing in bad faith, misconstruing what I’ve said, & other things of that nature. || I am terrible at responding to asks. So sorry in advance. Always feel free to nudge me or send them again. || I hate the infighting within the trans community & love all my trans siblings. || Do not argue about the semantics of transandrophobia to me. I will no longer engage.
Interacting with me here: Do not call me pet names, especially feminine ones. I do not care what they mean to you or whether they are considered gender neutral where you’re from. || I’m autistic & use tone tags sometimes. Say anything ableist at all or support cringe culture & you’re gone. || Please don’t talk religion on my page unless it’s about advocating for marginalized religious groups (ex: Jewish folks).
“DNI”: Radfems of any kind. I do not care how trans-inclusive you think your radical feminism is. It isn’t. Genocide denialists; free Palestine. Zero tolerance for general bigotry (homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, antisemitism, ableism, etc.) and shittiness. If you think being mean is funny, something to be proud of, or your right as a minority then I do not trust you in the slightest and I don’t want you in my space. I’m pretty radically inclusive of all queer people and care a lot about destigmatizing misunderstood groups. So, if you’re shitty to any queer groups, people with personality disorders, people with low/no empathy, people with psychosis, systems of any kind, people with paraphilias, or anyone else for traits outside their control, get the fuck out of here. All this “DNI” means is that we will not get along, it will not stop me from interacting with you to call out your bullshit.
Accessibility: I do my best to tag triggering topics & provide all images with image descriptions in the alt text; if I ever have something with audio I will be sure it has captions. I put the underwater filter on posts to differentiate them from my words, but try to provide alt text. Please let me know if I miss anything or if you want to request an accessibility feature I’m not aware of! Thank you <3
My personal blog: @corezy
The transandrophobia discord server can be accessed by DMing me. Thanks!
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chezgender · 1 year ago
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Cha cha cha / It's crazy it's party comparison
@tmrwds post and @izpira-se-zlato addition gave me brainworms. @kylla-kylla also saw the connection between ICIP and CCC and I saw their post after I started writing this. So I'm definitely not alone in being insane. Thus here is my own rant about It's Crazy it's Party.
Notes:
ICIP lyrics transcript taken from @koppitules on twt, translation taken from a Käärijä discord
CCC lyrics and translation from lyricstranslate.com
Disclaimer: This analysis is purposefully exaggerated/dramatic in order to highlight contrast. I do think Jere loves his job and career, ICIP is definitely a fun song in which you can find (or not) a deeper meaning, it's up to your interpretation. I just love angst lol please don't come at me I'm sensitive 🤡😭
(ps. sorry to all the people I tagged. You don't have to interact with this, I just wanted to give proper credit)
Let's start. Bear with me being cringe.
First verse
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At the beginning of CCC, we see how partying is reserved for the weekend - it's something cathartic after a long week of responsibility and worries, it's an outlet for stress and negativity. The world can't scare him no more, as he mentions later in the song, now that he's having fun.
In ICIP, people have pointed out how the first verse reminds them of CCC, musically wise. This is definitely on purpose, the main difference lies in the lyrics. Here Jere reveals that partying now it's an everyday thing. It's an endless circus of traveling despite everything, he's the cog in a machine bigger than him. The world that seemed so tiny compared to the fun, is now scary - the party is now and tomorrow and 365 days a year, in Finland and even abroad. As if there was no safe place. He can't escape it and it's overwhelming to the point "you'll feel it in your hair and your ass" (honestly, weird phrasing, but it gets the point across I guess?). Either way, this party is almost ineluctable.
Chorus
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In the CCC chorus he says he wants to forget about the pains of daily life by getting wasted and drinking with both hands on as many drinks as he can hold, until he won't even be able to get up. Honestly, although this doesn't seem like a healthy coping mechanism (but I'm none to judge), it does look willing and deliberate - he makes the choice of getting drunk on the weekend. He's in control of when the party happens.
In ICIP instead the chorus is shorter, and quite tautological: crazy is crazy, party is party, and life is life, you know? (see @tmrwds for a cultural insight on the "elämä on laiffi" phrase). There's a different feeling in this chorus, the singing is soft and maybe even a bit sexy but the lyrics hold a touch of resignation in between. This party is not a deliberate choice anymore, Jere doesn't get to choose when his life is crazy/party and when he gets to rest.
CCC 2nd verse / ICIP Tommy's verse
Without need for lyrics, also because most people have a hard time understanding what Tommy was singing live, I'll talk about this in brief. I chose to include it because Jere himself sang some parts of it during the live - mostly echoing, but still.
In CCC, Jere parties almost alone. Well, it's implied that there's more people to that party but the song is about him, his own liberation from stress and whatever thing was keeping him bound and off the dancefloor. There are no explicit references to other people.
In ICIP instead, Tommy sings about a club in which they enter and people go crazy. They talk about sex in a rather crass way, probably for kicks, but as mentioned in @tmrwds post, it could definitely hint at the wrong kind of attention Jere is receiving. People in his DMs and probably even in person are making more or less explicit advances on him, surely unsolicited, but it's part of the party.
And Tommy invites Jere to party with him (that modulated voice parodically reminds me of the beginning of Barbie Girl by Aqua). Jere says yes, of course he wants to party with him, right here right now (no matter the day, or his condition, does he really have a say in it?)
Another thing I'd like to point out:
Jere in CCC mentions "it's hard to talk when this different side of me does its part" / Tommy in ICIP mentions how the alcohol makes it hard to think (obviously, but I'm clinically insane and I see intertextuality everywhere) - so, basically, the "side of him" Jere talks about in CCC renders him carefree, maybe happy, definitely free of burdens. In ICIP, this "part of him" seems to have taken complete control to the point Jere can't tell himself from it.
Last part of ICIP
"Let's go party" leads to a countdown - inexorable and short, leaving everyone little time to get ready. The song explodes like a bomb, reminds me of a breakdown in a Korn song. The bass hammers hard and everyone is jumping, hearts bursting, everything is out of control. To quote @izpira-se-zlato , there's an apocalyptic feeling to it. Jere can't do anything but let himself be engrossed without a chance to escape. Which he can't, lest he gives everything up.
Where CCC was party metal with a touch of eurodance, ICIP definitely belongs to an insane rave. It reminds me of Dutch hardstyle, dubstep and a touch of eurodance until the end, which screams industrial/nu metal to me, only adding to the concept of hammering and exhausting work/lifestyle.
We could say that It's Crazy it's Party is the Välikuolema to Cha Cha Cha's Viuliunkieli, in a way.
Jere is a storyteller in most of his songs, and it's clear he likes such narratives to carry on between different tracks (i.e: I think the Viulunkieli/Välikuolema narrative carries on to Morgan), so it's only fair to assume the two songs combined tell a whole story.
Further speculation: Jere has often said he's really tired in this precise moment - the relentless touring throughout summer is obviously taking a toll on him, no matter how much he can love what he does. It would be exhausting for anyone. Plus, the "ghost" of ESC follows him everywhere: sometimes I get the feeling many people perceive him as the CCC-guy rather than the complete artist he is, so maybe he's trying to change this.
As many people already said, the story Mikke posted with the grave being dug could hint at the burial of green-bolero-Käärijä. I don't believe Jere is denying the fame and good things it has brought, but he's probably willing to turn the page and carry on with something new (and probably take a long, well deserved break). Or maybe the MV will just be homoerotic softp-rn featuring a grave, WHO KNOWS. I just know I can't wait to see what's next. I love ESC-Käärija (without CCC I wouldn't even be aware of his existence, so I'm forever grateful) and that love will forever be a part of me, but I also welcome this change with open arms in hopes to see him grow more and more.
Conclusion: the speculation is very real and material and I am very very cringe <33
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 1 year ago
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Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows 3
Warnings: non/dubcon, clashing personalities, exclusion, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
Characters: moody boy Curtis Everett x bubbly, plus-size reader
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.
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You arrive early with your laptop. The meeting room appears occupied as you wait outside. You don’t knock for fear of interrupting and stand patiently in the hall.
You check your watch, the hot pink casio with the digital face. It’s getting close. You try not to worry too much. The IT tech will no doubt show up and realise what’s going on.
As you begin to build the upcoming meeting as more than it is, the door cracks open and a man pokes his head out. He wear frameless rectangular glasses and his blond hair is spiky and shiny with gel. He smiles as he lets the door fall open.
“Hey, sorry to keep you waiting, you must be our one o’clock,” he says, “I’m Jake.”
You shake his hand and introduce yourself. He welcomes you in as you ponder his words, ‘our’? As you enter, you are faced with the last person you expect. The man’s neutral stare turns to a chagrined scowl as your eyes meet. The very same moody lunch partner from the day before.
“Hi,” you say sheepishly as you sit down and place your laptop on the table.
“Curtis will be doing most of the set up,” Jake explains as he sits beside the other man, “I’m mostly here for moral support.”
“Shut up,” Curtis sneers under his breath.
“Curtis,” you beam brightly; you finally got a name for the face. You give your own happily, enunciating it as if he’s never heard it before.
“Let’s get this done with,” he reaches across the table and takes your laptop. 
You can only watch as he lifts the lid and starts typing. Jake looks over a tablet and offers a few words as Curtis fiddles around with your laptop. He’s met with grumbles and dismissive nods. They seem an odd pair.
“So, how are you liking it?” Jake turns his attention to you, “making any friends?”
“A few I think,” you glance at Curtis as his brows draw together, “pretty big company.”
“Yep, don’t let the corporate sea drown ya,” Jake says, “my tip, stick with the IT nerds, we mostly don’t care what’s going on upstairs. We’re all about the backend.”
The steady clack of keys underlines your small laugh. You’re nervous. You hate meetings and you just want to go back to your desk and pretend you’re reading policies.
“What is this?” Curtis grimaces and turns your computer to you. He points to the clock your installed on the desktop; Hello Kitty’s face with two clock hands ticking.
“It’s cute. It’s a clock! Oh, and the app also has a reminder setting–”
“Can’t have it on a work machine,” he grits.
“It’s fine, Curt. Won’t hurt–”
“This shit is from some Discord troll. Bullshit it can’t hurt,” Curtis insists, “policy; no third-party apps. Everything you need is already installed.”
“Okay,” you twirl your thumbs around each other, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
He looks at you above the laptop and squints, his lip slightly curling. Jake rubs his neck nervously and nudges him. You still your hands and bite into your cheek.
“He’s had a long day. Spilled coffee on himself,” Jake explains.
“Oh,” you round your eyes, looking at the wall evasively.
“We can show you how to use the system clock and reminders. You’d be surprised the features most people don’t know about,” Jake offers.
“Thanks, uh, sounds good.”
Curtis jams his finger on the touchpad harshly. He keeps his snarl aimed at the screen. You watch him, waiting for him to look up. He doesn’t. You don’t blame him, you’ve been a real thorn in his side. But you only meant well.
🌞
After the meeting, you swept up in a whirlwind of overthinking and guilt. You didn’t mean to ruin Curtis’ day. You never meant to be anything but friendly. Somehow, it rarely translates to more than a nuisance.
Still, you don’t like when people are mad at you. You’re not a grudge holder and frankly you don’t understand them. Why hold onto all that bad emotion? You need to to just apologise and let it all smooth over.
You go down to the cafeteria and grab one of the few leftover pastries. A cinnamon bun with icing, yum. You stop and make a coffee before you head back to the floor. You guess on a dark brew, he seems the type.
You wander past Research and Development and through Accounting. You don’t really know where you’re going. The further you get, the more your anxiety mounts. Surely, you can’t get lost in an office building.
You see a man with a headset and send a psst in his direction. He looks up, combing back his greasy hair with his fingers and smiles.
“Uh, hey,” he says.
“Um, is this IT?” You keep your voice down in the curdling silence of the department.
“Sure is. You need a repair?” He winks. Not exactly your taste. You shake your head.
“I’m looking for Curtis,” you say.
The man looks at your handful. He nods, deflating.
“Pretty boy’s over there,” he points towards the corner.
You thank the man and press on in your journey into the villain’s lair. You can only hope your offering is enough. Forgiveness, maybe that’s too much, but an understanding, possibly.
You turn down the last row of desks and see Curtis’ large hand brush over the back of his buzzcut, his rings twinkling in the fluorescent glow. He stretches in his chair, leaning back as he reaches his arms up. His set-up looks almost too small for him.
As you approach, he stands. You don’t expect it. The motion sends his chair back just as you get close and knocks the coffee out of your hand. The cup hits the seat and soaks into the mesh. Your squeak draws the man around in surprise.
“You,” he growls as you gape at him in shock.
“Hi,” you don’t know what to do so you hold out the cinnamon bun, “um, sorry?”
He glares at you. A deadly look that chills you to the bone. His eyes fall to his drenched seat and you cringe. You see the rage pale his face. His hands ball to fists.
“I was just…” you inch closer and set the dessert on the corner of his desk, “apologising but I see now that–”
“Go,” he grits through his teeth.
“I’m sorry, Curtis–”
“I said go,” he sneers as his grey blue eyes slowly move towards you, “before you ruin anything else.”
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olipopsoda · 4 months ago
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Hello, valued customers!
The OLIPOP Customer Relations Department has gotten a lot of questions about the events of July 4th, so the Official Statement is below the cut.
Ok, I'll add the Official Statement here if you guys really want it, but tbh it's one of those standard bullshit PR responses that doesn't actually say anything and just makes everyone more upset. So I figured I would just do a quick summary. (Update: several people asked, so Official Statement is at the bottom of the post. warning you in advance that it's not good, though.)
Most importantly: No one was killed or injured during the "warehouse explosion" on July 4th.
No warehouse was blown up at all.
It was a terrible attempt at a viral marketing campaign (this is mostly speculation on my part, but I believe they were aiming for an ARG type thing, were they would get people involved in the "investigation" but no one played along).
No, I was not in on it. All of my reactions were genuine.
This hopefully covers everything, but let me know if you guys have any follow-up queries.
Also, @muppetjokernonbinaryfan, I'm sorry for getting so heated and swearing at you. I was genuinely freaking out, but that doesn't excuse my rudeness; I should have just disengaged instead of continuing to argue. The interim admin was the one who blocked you, and they unblocked you before handing the reins back to me.
@descimatedcroakernightmares Sorry for being petty at you on discord. I only found out that everything was fake on Sunday.
Official Statement:
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