#i know you guys (neutral) take this very seriously in the community so i am truly beyond sorry

[chaoticgoodcaptain]

today, i've heard "best friend" by juice wrld and it makes me so happy that patrick stump sounds so happy on that song like i know he loves music but before the fob tour he sounded professional yet there was just this slight hint of apathy, now i swear he's living his best life truly enjoying his work

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hii there! :)

can i b a trans guy without medically transitioning? i cant for a good many years, but also,,, i dont want to (i have several adjacent health issues that would make it difficult, also i’m neutral abt my body - i dont really have dysphoria over it and it doesn’t bother me). but i’m terrified that i’ll never be taken seriously. i don’t mind being misgendered by strangers or acquaintances (i’d actually describe myself as genderqueer if i technically had to, it’s not the label i identify with but it makes the most sense like objectively. i’m happy w/ he/him but ok with they, she, etc), but i would like it if my friends would see me as a guy. but i’m also scared to even like, ask that of them. bc i really really don’t look like a guy, or even slightly androgynous, and i kind of have this sucky internal mindset that i won’t be seen as a real guy unless i make an effort to look like one, even though that’s not what i want. i’m working on it, but it’s also… my romantic life plays a big role in it. i’m currently identifying to a lesbian to my friends bc i like girls. and it’s just girls that i like. so if I live true to myself and do say that i’m a guy, I’m also like… who would want to date me, because i’m a guy who uses he/him pronouns and ‘male’ terminology like boyfriend, but physically, i have a lot of ‘girl’ features, like big boobs, and i don’t want bottom surgery either (neutral abt my body), so i just really don’t know. it’s really hurting me bc when i realised I was queer i thought I’d find a home in the queer community and i did, for the first time ever, but as I’ve thought about my identity a bit more all my queerness causes me is stress bc I’m constantly worried that no one not even other queer people will ever take me seriously or allow me to use the labels I use or will ever want to date me (bc… like, I’m not straight, but also how can I call myself a lesbian if I consider myself a guy? It’s all complicated, to me, but I feel like I’ll be ostracised from lesbians for not being enough of a girl — even though my gender is complicated and trans guy is just the best way to explain it and the best label that fits for me — and ostracised from trans people for not being trans enough and ahhhh I’m just. Really stressed about it all, and am constantly wishing I could just be true to myself, even within the queer community, but don’t know how to…

Hey, listen to me. You have a place in the queer community, okay? If you say you’re queer, you’re queer and we love and accept you.

Yes, you can ABSOLUTELY be a trans guy without medically transitioning! I understand with health issues it can be difficult for some people. However, you do NOT need to justify your choice to me, or to anybody, okay? If you don’t want to medically transition, then don’t medically transition! That’s the end of it. Being trans is about just being Not Cis. Transitioning medically is part of it for some people, but maybe it’s not for you, and that’s okay! You can still be trans.

A lot of queer AFAB people who start to realise they might be more masc aligned start feeling guilty, wondering if they’re predatory. I also experienced this. I used to identify as a bisexual girl, then nonbinary, then I started realising I felt more like a guy. I was terrified. I didn’t want to be a creepy straight guy, I didn’t want to make the women around me or women I was attracted to feel unsafe.

Eventually I realised, it’s not BEING MALE that makes you creepy, it’s being a CREEPY guy. It’s a mindset that’s a bit hard to put into words. Being male and being attracted to women is not inherently creepy. It’s only creepy if you’re weird about it, and it’s very easy not to be.

Some lesbians might ostracise you, that’s true. However, the vast majority of the lesbian community has a long history of transmasc and trans guy lesbians. The queer community is about love and support no matter your identity. You are loved.

Seeing someone as a certain gender because of their body parts is something people can get over. I might look feminine, but I know my friends and partner see me as a guy because that’s who I am to them, a friend, a brother, a boyfriend.

If your friends can’t see you as a guy because of something as unimportant as your body, then that’s on them.

“Who would want to date me” there’s people who would, trust me. Look, when you have low self esteem, especially if you’re trans and your self hatred is related to that, it’s hard to believe you’re loveable, but believe me, you are.

I still struggle with dysphoria and wonder why anyone would love me when I’m a guy but I feel like I don’t look like one, but my partner always assures me I’m loveable, and you deserve that too.

Trans people can find loving, caring partners who love you not inspite of your transness but because it’s part of who you are and they love YOU.

Kid, be yourself. You’re welcome in the queer community. Be true to yourself, be who you are, and you’ll find the right friends and the right partner.

I hope you have a good day/night, and I’m sending so so much love. May a ray of sunlight shine upon you sometime soon, my friend. Sending warmth <33

[tactician]

A VERY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE.  REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG, with the information of your muse,  including headcanons, etc.

pawn and arisen edition!

TAGGED BY: @sangre!! THANK YOU BREE i am so sorry it took me 1000 years to get around to this!!!! TAGGING: @godzillaahh, @famewolf and @killdragons since i know you guys have dd2 ocs and i'd love to learn their #lore! if anyone else wants to yoink this from me, feel totally free to say i tagged you, too!

the arisen

name: aurelien. nicknames: "rel" is the main one! he actually introduces himself as rel more often than his actual name. age: 32. race: human. gender: male (he/him). orientation: he's gay!!! zodiac: leo. giggle. moral alignment: chaotic neutral, but he tends to lean into goodness more often than not as his journey progresses. he can just be a total brat, so, you know. class/subclass: rel is an EXTREMELY skilled mage; healing magic and holy magic are his absolute fortes. he devotes a lot of time to studying defensive spells in particular. (he's a skilled healer in a general sense - not squeamish in the face of gore and very good at crafting medicines, antidotes and the like. naturally, he's very knowledgeable of herbs, too.) i think that he'd see success in pretty much any vocation that doesn't require him to like, face is enemies head-on, and prefers to be Far Away from the front lines. he would NOT do well as a warrior or fighter. do NOT touch him!!!! don't do it!!!! background: rel was dumped off at a temple as a baby and raised by the clergy there. it takes a village, etc etc. he was named aurelien by the head priest due to his golden blond hair. rel had a pretty good childhood within the temple, but he had a flair for the dramatic and was quite obnoxious; he never wanted to join the priesthood or practice a life of modest restraint. he got up to a LOT of mischief and was in trouble pretty much constantly with the rest of the clergy.

(and he was seriously a handful; stealing alms for personal use, pulling pranks on others, running away for days at a time, not adhering to the dress code, etc. contrary to his rather angelic appearance, he was quite the delinquent with one hell of a selfish streak.)

but there was still a lot of familial love there, and he took his studies within the temple very seriously. as such, he was a very proficient healer from a young age and helped out often, particularly with aiding ill worshippers and the like. i also definitely see him as kind of a 'leader' amongst the other orphans at the temple - and arguably quite the bad influence... but he was their champion in a lot of ways, who never backed down from speaking up for them. upon coming of age, he left the temple - because, again, him becoming a priest was a laughable concept and he really wanted to See The World - but he still sends everyone funds, medicines and gifts very often during his travels. he tends to keep this secret from others, tho, because he doesn't want to put a target on the temple, so to speak - or, worse yet, to appear 'soft.' he is also quite pious despite his ostentatious demeanor and prays often. i associate him with gold and everything it symbolises. interests/hobbies: he LOVES reading fairy tales; he loves tales of gallant knights and heroism!!! he can't RELATE to those heroes, but he thinks they're dreamy. lmao. he often dreamt of one such knight whisking away from his routine days in the temple for a grand adventure filled with excitement, which... sort of happened? kind of? vaguely? ...anyway. he is also a skilled medic and would probably do well as an apothecary. furthermore, he loves fashion and tends to want to buy all sorts of fancy, impractical clothes. lmao. he has a certain fondness for feathers and gold; a very 'angelic' sort of aesthetic. spoken languages: common! and he can communicate with dragons, ofc. profession: he is the arisen!!! he embraces his destiny to become the sovran to a pretty naive degree at first. (his initial reaction was very much like 'yes, yes, that makes complete sense - i knew i was destined for greatness!' once the more serious aspects of the role come to light, he's significantly less ridiculous and cocky about it. were it not for his main pawn, slate, and the sights that they see during their journey together, he'd probably do his best to worm out of any sort of duty whatsoever. height: ~5'3" colors: GOLDS and oranges. warmth, warmth, warmth. fruits: cherries and peaches! drinks: he likes anything sweet - juices and the like, especially if alcohol is involved. alcoholic beverages: (points at the above answer) LMFAO. i think fruit wines and sweet rums would be his drinks of choice. smokes: yes; as a teenager, rel would hide behind the temple with a pipe and would scramble to hide the smoke when one of the stricter nuns approached. fdlkdjdfkg he isn't a very heavy smoker as an adult and eventually drops the habit entirely during his travels thanks to a Certain Someone's pestering. drugs: ...yeas:) he claims it's all medicinal. it is not all medicinal. drivers license: LMAO. NO. AND THANK GOD FOR THAT. ever been arrested: every time rel gets in trouble with the law, he pulls the 'umm what? little old me? im an angel. im a Man of the Cloth!' (<- is not even a man of the cloth) and he manages to get out of it. he is a menace. but no, he has not ever been arrested. lmfao.

the main pawn

name: slate. nicknames: rel occasionally calls him 'stone,' 'stony' or 'sir stony' lmfao; it started off as an insult whenever slate was being a particular stick-in-the-mud (in rel's eyes), but it's eventually a term of teasing endearment. slate allows this from rel but will side-eye anyone else who calls him one of those stone-related names LMFAO. age: he appears to be in his mid-thirties, but... pawn moment. race: ...again, pawn moment. gender: male, he/him. orientation: definitely some form of aromantic; he has very little interest in romance and will react with total taciturnity to being flirted with by, like, 99% of people. rel is the 1% exception to this, and even that took a while and was very confusing for him. zodiac: capricorn. moral alignment: true neutral. whatever rel says, goes. class/subclass: fighter, as he is highly skilled with a shield and with adopting a more defensive fighting style - but he's fine with any vocation which allows him to get up close to the enemy and brawl, so he'd excel as a warrior, too. he doesn't do well when asked to keep at a distance, as he wants to tank hits that would otherwise be directed at rel. he would also prefer if rel didn't get in melee range as he does NOT like to see rel get hurt in any capacity. they definitely have a certain synergy. (ftr, he would probably be Okay as a thief, but he tends to be bad at stealthing - again, he is a TANK, he wants to have the enemy's attentions on him and him alone. kind of the opposite of what a thief should be doing. LMAO.) background: everything happened very quickly in regards to slate's summoning. when prompted to reach into the rift for a pawn, rel thought back to classic stories of heroism and knighthood - the sort of fairy tales and manuscripts that he read during his time in the temple. because... well, if he was to be sovran, he'd obviously need the most powerful knight to ever exist. so he wanted someone HANDSOME!!! who could serve HIM!!!! first and foremost!!! with the utmost loyalty.

...and it was actually extremely childish on rel's part!

because he didn't consider how their personalities would mesh at all in reality. rel can be a pretty selfish person, and he basically wanted someone who was selfless to an alarming degree, you know? and so this juxtaposition between his and slate's respective personalities was a hugeee issue during their initial time together. slate would go along with rel's whims without a single complaint; he would literally injure himself terribly if rel commanded it. naturally, this frustrated the highly opinionated, headstrong rel, and, for a time, he took an absolutely horrible approach to slate where he'd basically shove slate into bad circumstances in an attempt to have his loyalty break. (spoiler: it never did.) it was a source of genuine worry for rel eventually, going much deeper than him simply having a guilty conscience. the first time slate fell in battle and left rel alone, rel felt completely gutted and sick with worry; he blamed himself for pushing slate too hard and for not having the healing prowess to back him up. he knew that he could just bring slate back and scrambled to do so, but he didn't realise just how much he had come to rely on his knight and was beyond relieved to see him again. meanwhile, slate really just... had complete faith in rel, lmao. he was chilling. shit happens. he approached their relationship with a cold professionalism and he'd remind rel that he was his pawn and that his loyalty was simply part of his charge. as rel's initial frustrations gave way to genuine care and encouragement for slate to voice his honest thoughts and feelings, slate begins to defrost and come into his own. like i said before, i associate aurelien with gold; the extravagence and malleability of it. slate, on the other hand, is practical. it represents staunchness; balance and strength. those are pretty much characteristic of slate as a character. anyway, eventually, they have a very classic 'healer and tank' sort of relationship, except... very... 'someone will die!' / 'someone will definitely die.' interests/hobbies: slate is like... comically into archealogy and history. his enthusiasm for some particularly impressive ruins breaks through his usual stoic coolheadedness and it's pretty funny. he's great at foraging and really enjoys exploring the natural world. he also absolutely loves sparring, especially if rel is watching. and especially if he wins. teehee. spoken languages: common. profession: holy paladin knight-captain vibes for sure... (tho he has a #dark aesthetic lmfao) ... but he is pretty much fixated on keeping rel safe. he doesn't trust anyone else with him. NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!! height: around 6'3"! colors: where rel is warm, slate is cold. silvers and blues. fruits: he has a particular fondness for blackberries. drinks: slate likes strong, bitter drinks! he doesn't really like anything sweet, though... he will just give those drinks to rel. alcoholic beverages: slate has incredible tolerance when it comes to alcohol; he enjoys whiskeys in particular and can practically down multiple glasses of it without so much as flinching. with that said, he prefers to keep a clear head at all times, and if he feels his focus begin to wane, he will stop drinking immediately. smokes: no. he doesn't see the point of it and, when they're close enough for such things, will admonish rel for smoking anything lmfao. drugs: occasionally, but, again, he has insanely high tolerance when it comes to the influence of herbs and the like, so it's pretty much a waste to offer him anything. he'll really only Partake to humor rel, but, even then, he usually ends up being the one taking care of rel when he's zonked out. flkdlkgdfh drivers license: he can drive a carriage but isn't fond of it. again, he likes the natural world a lot, so he'd rather wander in the wilderness and stay off the roads. ever been arrested: no, but he'd like to see someone try.

[gas-station-chai]

VS the World AU: Some notes on a few of Jack's exes that I had laying around

Benji:

Jack met Benji when he was in college and dating Jerry. Jerry had dragged him into this camping club/cult thing (he didn’t know it was an extension of the cult at the time) and brought him along for a “quick hike through the forest,” where Jack quickly got lost/separated from the group (it was a good thing, too. Jack thinks if he stayed with them, he might’ve been sacrificed or something).

Benji, who had been camping out in that forest for the past week, found him at the bottom of a cliff with a broken leg and quickly (begrudgingly) took him back to his spot to fix him up (meet cute idea: “Haha thanks for saving my life and shoving my broken bone back into my body. I’m sorry I thought you were a bear when you first showed up and threw a rock at your face”) 

They kept in touch after that. B kept visiting him in the hospital to check up on him, and Jack eventually broke things off with Jerry and used Benji as a rebound (which he’s a little salty about, but doesn’t take it to heart too badly. 

They probably broke up when Jack realized what an ass he was being to Benj for using him like that. Their relationship didn’t really change much throughout the entire thing tbh. Neither of them were very touchy/romantic/communicative with each other in the first place. True neutral relationship (in Jack's eyes, that is)

"I do really like the idea tho that Benji took it a lot more seriously than Jack was aware of. like Benji wasn't a super touchy feely or romantic person but he did really like jack, and he loved that jack was similar. he liked having someone he could protect and care for, and also someone who seemed to rely on him without being too needy.

and then things ended, and Jack made the right choice but Benji is still bitter." -Xavier

Rosa:

They’re way too cute together (both romantically and platonically). Probably met in high school, she helped him with Spanish classes and he helped her with literature classes, and they started dating from there <888 in the present whenever they talk/meet she still quizzes him on Spanish to see if he still remembers her lessons. He doesn’t, but he tries <8

There’s probably still romantic feelings there for each other but, Rosa’s the one who broke things off because of the whole “Dark God” thing (guardian angel type thing? Family religion? She’s still a conduit somehow for supernatural shit) to keep Jack safe. Jack was reluctant at first but for some reason Shhhhh really hates him so it didn’t take that much convincing for him to stay away from her

Rosa’s technically not even in the Evil Exes club, it’s just Shhhhh. She’s just there along for the ride lol

Tony’s a jealous loser abt their relationship (can he tell they still like each other or does he not like them being friends still?) and Rosa can see it. She’s really polite to him in front of Jack but she’s very clearly trying to hint to him, “Seriously? This guy?” with her eyes. Ofc Jack is immune to nonverbal communication and she knows that, but Tony doesn’t, so it only pisses him off more. (Xavier note: "the world needs more subtly petty/bitchy rosa and i am THRIVING HAHA")

Jack doesn’t help with the way he’s asking him not to hurt her too badly. “SHE’S ATTACKING ME WITH PLANTS, JACK. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE”

JACK JUST LIKE "HEY I'M ACTUALLY STILL FRIENDS WITH HER PLEASE BE NICE" "JACK I AM FIGHTING FOR MY FUCKING LIFE OUT HERE." (-X)

Jerry:

Jerry counts as Jack's 6th ex despite having met him before Benji due to the fact that they kept dating off and on again for a while (with Jerry being a rebound between a few exes)

Pre-cult Jerry had long hair and got it lopped off about a month after he joined the Mathmetists, so Jack associates his short hair with this fucked up, brainwashed version of his (ex)boyfriend. 

After the first few on-and-off breakups/getting back together's, Jerry realized this and started growing it out again. He stopped wearing the uniform around him, too; started dressing in his old clothes (the terrible fashion sense ones) whenever he hung out with jack. 

Ofc, Jack saw it as a sort of "recovery" and they started dating... again. Jerry keeps acting like the old him (funny, spontaneous, flirty), but sneaking in tidbits and quotes of their beliefs into normal conversations. Jack tries to ignore it.

Jerry's smarter than he looks, he knows what he’s doing here: He’s lowering Jack’s guard. But he can't help but get excited at the idea of Jack joining him in this important mission, so he ends up pouring too much cult-stuff onto Jack all at once. Jack realizes that Jerry’s still into the whole “destroying the world” thing and breaks it off with him again. The cycle repeats multiple times 😔 

Jerry might be hellbent on convincing Jack to end the world’s suffering with him, but he’s still a sweetheart. He’d never force him into this, that’s why he keeps trying to talk jack into it. (Jack has his number and every social media he has blocked, but Jerry somehow keeps reaching him through alts and new numbers)

[rivetgoth]

what do you think of cursedindustrialconfessions on instagram? and other fandom style confession accounts?

personally i don't find much issue with the accounts themselves but some of the comments and confessions are truly cursed 💀

Been sitting on this ask since I woke up trying to figure out why it doesn’t sit right but yk, here— I don’t have any interest in name dropping specific accounts or pages and talking shit on them (OR conversely praising accounts who I think are the "right" kind of fan). I obviously vagued a few specific instances I’ve seen of behavior I found inappropriate from online “industrial fans” in the original post I made but even then kept usernames out of it and even then I was trying to emphasize that all of these are examples of a larger problem, not that One Particular Guy is the harbinger of inappropriate industrial fan behavior lol. I already shared the bulk of my thoughts about “fandomizing” real life musicians and real life music subcultures/communities and my distaste for it, but ultimately every single topic (especially things that are ultimately not life threatening and I’d even go as far as to call a First World Problem) is going to have plenty of nuance and grey area and I think it’s counterproductive and even hypocritical personally for me to start making lists of the Good and Bad industrial fans/pages. That just as much goes against my view of the industrial scene as a community as the stuff I was bitching about to begin with.

I’m honestly a little nervous about the post I made getting a decent amount of notes to begin with because it’s not like I was trying to write the absolute manifesto on Correct or Moral fan behavior, though I think sometimes my posts are mistaken for such because I write a lot and very passionately (sorry), I was just complaining about trends I’ve seen in online industrial music spaces that feel disrespectful or rub me the wrong way, and ultimately was just trying to strongly emphasize that this subculture is an incredibly important real life community for me full of people I absolutely adore and I don’t like seeing the music or the people who make it fandomized or treated like weird quirky characters, with their experiences and traumas not taken seriously. Obviously there is a grey area to any of it, and ultimately I think stuff like memes or jokes about these guys, fan creations ranging from DIY’d clothing to fan art to fan edits to cosplay to whatever else, and even expressing sexual attraction towards them is generally harmless and normal when it’s done respectfully and thoughtfully, keeping in mind these are real people with real traumas, who are not that famous, who can and do look themselves up online and see what’s going on, or have friends who do and then send it to them. Like, I was planning to make that post BEFORE Ogre spoke up about how he was reading comments online about people complaining about the show not being as bloody as prior ones and how it upset him because the older shows were an expression of authentic pain and suffering and even literal self harm and this new show was an intentional movement towards something new and the fact that he’s in a better place in life now… He said that because he saw firsthand what people were saying about him online!

So idk man. But ultimately if you really really want my thoughts? I think any time something is described as “fandom style” in the context of real people or an active real life music subculture all of my hair bristles like a scared animal and my fight or flight response kicks in lol. And I ultimately think that y’all are gonna have to decide for yourselves what you’re okay with rather than ask me, because Lord knows I am not the keeper of all that is objectively right and true. I think some of MY opinions for what is or isn’t okay might actually be more extreme than others (like I said in my previous post—I’m much more neutral on RPF than many I’ve seen, which I think is a controversial take? I just think like anything else there is lots of nuance in that conversation. Idk.), I just encourage anyone calling themselves an industrial fan or viewing it as a fandom to try dipping their toes into an IRL alt music scene and start talking more to old timers and going to shows and clubs and making friends and connections that way with other people who are devoting parts of their life to actively engaging with the community surrounding this music face to face because I think it can very quickly change your perspective for the better and kinda demystify some of the more fandom-y mindsets that these guys are larger than life caricatures to be memed on the same way you would talk about like, Herbert West or Will Graham or whatever.

[anaktoria-of-the-moon]

I touched on essentially this topic in the tags of a recent reblog, and my issues are broadly thus:

Maas reuses mythological names and terms with very, very little respect for their origins. That isn’t necessarily a fatal flaw. However, firstly, she has enough experience and success by now that this particular habit is something she surely now has the time and resources to improve. Secondly, I feel that she ought to improve it because, being as popular as she is, she is now a gateway for many of her readers into some of these cultures from which she’s borrowing; she's doing those readers a disservice by giving them highly inaccurate first impressions of what the original namesakes are like.

Take nagas. In Maas’s world, these are depicted as fully humanoid, highly malevolent fae monsters with scaly skin. Real nagas are either divine or semi-divine, regal, and powerful, and - though they can be deadly to mortals - they range from beneficial to neutral toward mortal designs. Most importantly, they’re always at least half serpent in appearance (i.e., no bipedalism). One naga in particular was instrumental in Vishnu’s creation of the world, and there is a line of the kshatriya caste today who claims descendance from nagas. All this to say: I’m not saying you only ought to depict nagas as good guys in fiction, but come on, there’s such a gulf of difference between “throwaway evil, entirely man-shaped scaly forest monster” and “massively powerful and intelligent demigod with a snake body” that I don’t understand why you’d bother to use the naga label to begin with.*

Suriels in Maas’s world are similarly depicted as ugly, evil humanoid fae who have little role in the narrative beyond delivering convenient plot info to Feyre whenever she captures one (and the way she captures them is such an insult to their lore, in-world or otherwise; you’re telling me to take seriously a monster who’s foiled by a teenaged mortal with bit of dead chicken?). Suriel (just the one Suriel, not plural) in actual Judaic mythology was one of the few named angels (and thus we can surmise he was probably pretty important and powerful within angelic hierarchy); he was neither evil (well, disregarding the fairly non-canonical bit in Enoch about lusting after mortal women, but that’s a separate thing) nor corpse-like in appearance, and his canon doesn’t suggest anything regarding Maas’s device about being forced to answer mortal questions truthfully, at least as far as I know. So again, with this little similarity to the pre-established entity from real-world religion, why bother to use the same name at all?*

*(Probably because the names sound cool, but frankly, that’s bad writing. The point of using names and words is to communicate via their common meaning, and if you throw away almost any semblance of that previously established common meaning then you’re undoing the whole aim of language in the first place.)

Am I also suggesting that certain authors owe it to audiences to write well? Yes I am. Don’t get me wrong: Some books are simply good, trashy, meaningless fun, and writers have every right to produce those, and readers have every right to unconditionally enjoy them. I am not saying Maas (or writers in general) can’t or shouldn’t produce poor writing at all. I am saying that because she has become such a popular and seemingly admired author, she now owes it to her readership to improve the general quality of her work beyond what it currently is. I do in fact fully believe that one is obligated to (at least try to) lead by example through competent work once one has acquired a sufficiently great reputation.

Does this also make me a snob and also a huge nerd and a pedant and a spoilsport? Yep. Sorry. But what else did you expect on Tumblr, really? 💀

So, I have a question. I am planning a new series with following a certain mythology. I know a lot of readers drag sjm through the mud about stealing names from mythologies (including myself), like the names of gods/goddess & places, and not coming up with none on her own.

How should I combat that?

Is it a tad bit better to come up with all new names and places but keep the mythology lore?

I am trying to avoid being like sjm. (Also, I am asking a bunch of other tumblrs this question so you might see it around).

Hi anon!

So for me personally I don't really care about her "ripping off" mythology, nor do I think that's really a thing? Storytelling is as old as humanity itself; some myths are going to be retold over and over. That being said I have seen some people getting upset about this because they're from a certain background/culture and they feel Sarah is misusing their holidays/mythical creatures and whatnot. For example a few months back I saw a post by a pagan who was offended by how Sarah portrayed Calanmai because that's a legitimate holiday she celebrates irl and she felt Sarah warping a real holiday she celebrates was offensive. So there *are* legitimate criticisms made in good faith by some people. I just am not one of those people who particularly focuses on that type of thing.

But I do take issue with Sarah stealing exact quotes and original characters/creations from other modern writers and passing them off as her own, though. So I would simply suggest you avoid stealing exact lines from other movies/books. That's all I really have to offer, I'm afraid.

[visceravalentines]

Dilf!Bo Sinclair NSFW Alphabet

This past week Fireworks, my original dilf Bo fic, surpassed 1k notes. I am absolutely blown away. I stumbled completely by accident into this community and met so many creative, thoughtful, wonderful people who are down so bad for this bullshit mechanic and his recluse brothers. Thank you thank you thank you for all of the support and sweet words and reblogs and discussions. I really, truly have so much love for you guys.

So here is a little thank you: 1800 words about what Mr. Sinclair likes in bed. And although there are some references to events in past updates, the majority is self-contained and gender neutral.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Bo has long been accustomed to low-stakes hookups with acquaintances (or dubious trysts with unfortunate victims), so he's not particularly snuggly after sex.  He likes to sit with you and smoke, outside or in bed with the window open.  The exception: if your activities were particularly…strenuous, especially for you, he can’t leave you alone.  Wants to clean you up, wrap you up, hold you close and press kisses to your forehead.  He’s so proud of you for trusting him.  If he feels like he got too aggressive, he’ll get moody and you have to shower him with praise and reassurance.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his face including that killer jawline; it’s proven time and again to be one of his greatest assets.  He also likes his hands, likes to see them wrapped around your neck or wrists or his fingers laced through yours.  He likes your hands too, and he’s an ass man through and through.  Squeezing, spanking, biting, he’s a nuisance.  

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Really likes the way you taste.  Will happily lick you off his fingers.  Doesn’t mind the way the two of you taste together either, the kinky bastard.  His favorite place to cum is inside you hands down, but if you’re not comfortable with that, he’s happy just to aim in your general direction.  

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s waiting for the right time to ask you to peg him.  He’s a power bottom, but not for everyone.  He almost trusts you enough to suggest it, but not quite.  Not just anyone gets a piece of that ass.  

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

You know he knows what he’s doing.  He knows what he likes and he’s got some tricks up his sleeve.  However, he’s patient with you if you’re less experienced, and in fact, he kind of likes it.  He likes expanding your horizons, wants to be your first and only in some respects, but he’ll never turn down a worthy counterpart who knows a few tricks of their own.  Sometimes he assumes you’re more innocent than you are because in his mind, he’s corrupting you beyond saving (and he’s so into it). 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He’s a sweetheart, he likes missionary so he can be as close to you as possible, full body contact, your pretty lips right by his ear.  He does have a soft spot for letting you be on top though.  He likes watching you think you’re in charge.  

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s a goofball in the leadup, likes teasing and flirting with you, but he’s all business once you get down to business.  He takes himself kind of seriously and is focused on making sure you’re both having a good time.  Funny enough, the more intense the scenario (strapping you hand and foot into a chair as a random, non-specific example), the more jokes he’s got.  

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Keeps everything below the bellybutton at least trimmed if not completely shaved.  He’s not naturally very hairy aside from his chest.  All his hair, including on his head, has lightened some with age from that lovely dark walnut to a softer, more golden brown.  

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

God, he’s so into you.  You’re the only thing in the room.  He cannot take his eyes off you, and why would he want to?  He doesn’t want to miss a moment, not one microexpression.  He’s obsessed.  He’s never been so enamored with someone before.  Sex he’s familiar with, but intimacy?  Intimacy is new to him and he can’t get enough of it.  

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Once a day keeps the urologist away.  Really likes thinking about you, especially if your relationship is still a secret and it’s the middle of the week and he’s not going to get to spend any quality time with you for a few more days.  He will never tell you this, but he also has a library of previous experiences that he pulls from regularly, ones that are a little less soft and sweet than you are.  Ones that involve tears and screaming and desperate bids for mercy.  He burned most of the polaroids, but you can’t burn memories.  

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

That daddy kink tho.  He did not know he had a daddy kink until he met you.  When you sprung it on him at the farmer's market, he was so focused on the fuckboy hitting on you that it was like walking into a clothesline.  He played it cool but hearing you call him Daddy gave him butterflies.  Enjoys enacting bondage on his partner; it’s a hard limit for himself.  He’s less about shibari (that’s Vincent’s territory 😉) and more about harnesses and cuffs.  Loves edging you, especially if it gets you to plead for him in explicit detail about what you need from him. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Is it on planet Earth?  He loves it.  He beat you there and his pants are gone.  The world is his bedroom.  The thrill of maybe getting caught never gets old for him.  

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you show any amount of skin.  When you do something thoughtful for him.  When there's a chance someone might catch you or see you doing dirty things to each other. When you show him you trust him, that you’re not put off by his age or his scars or his proclivities or the fact that sometimes he gets gruff and stormy.  Also loves when you beg for anything in any context.  Even just saying his name in the right tone of voice riles him up.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

As previously stated, you will never be able to tie him up.  Has zero interest in sharing you with anyone else; you’re all his and only his.  He likes pushing you out of your comfort zone, maybe even overwhelming you a little, but he does not want to push you to the point of tears because part of him would be absolutely wrecked by this and part of him would be so into it that it genuinely scares him.  

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He’s a giver, darlin’.  Loves that he can reduce you to nothing but nerves with just his mouth.  Genuinely enjoys giving head and is damn good at it.  Also will never turn down a blow job, especially in a semi-public place.  

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Bo really likes taking his time with you.  He’s in no rush for the moment to end.  He likes a slow build, kisses and touches while shedding one article of clothing at a time.  That’s not to say he’s opposed to impromptu fucking on the kitchen table or a ride in his truck on the way home.  Just that he considers you more of a meal than a snack.  

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’ll take what he can get, especially when you have to keep things a secret and often don’t have a lot of alone time.  There’s something terribly appealing about taking you hard and fast on his lunch break or in the last few minutes before your parents get home.  

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Bo’s taken enough risks for several lifetimes and he really thought he’d grown out of it until you came home for the summer.  Being with you, being anything to you is a huge risk to the life he’s built.  But he loves it; you reminded him how much fun it is to lay it all on the line.  Especially when the reward is something so worthwhile.  He took a serious gamble when he hit on you at the block party, even moreso when he followed you up to your bedroom, and it’s paid off more than he could’ve imagined.  

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He’s got one, maybe two rounds a day in the tank.  He’s not quite as hot-blooded as he used to be.  But that’s okay, he’s creative and he never gets tired of making you squirm.  He’s got great stamina (unless you whine too pretty too soon).  

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

You don’t even gotta ask, you already know. 😈

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Bo is a horrible tease, but he always delivers.  He only enjoys withholding what you want long enough to make it that much sweeter when he finally lets you have it.  He gets no pleasure from actually denying you, but it sure is fun to torture you.  

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Muttered curses under his breath.  Filthy expressions of desire that barely make it off his tongue.  Grunts that transform midway into helpless whines.  Terms of endearment that he whispers like prayers for absolution.  

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Would love to do a boudoir photoshoot of you.  Thinks about it a lot, actually.  Has plans in his head for pictures of you in various states of undress, in his clothes, in lingerie or fetish gear he chooses for you.  His concepts range from classy shots with a digital camera to grainy polaroids of you with him in your mouth.  He’s gonna turn the idea over in his head for a while longer before he suggests it to you.  He really hopes you say yes.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Bo’s dick is as pretty as his face.  He’s a solid six inches, straight as an arrow, circumcised.  He boasts a fair few scars on his body from the first two-thirds of his life, but nothing compares to the glowering pink bands around his wrists and ankles.  He’s active and in decent shape but he’s got that middle-aged-man dad bod that makes him good to cuddle.  

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He’s always had a high sex drive and even if it started tapering off as he got older, you’ve reawakened something in him.  More than just sex drive though; physical touch is a love language he is particularly receptive to and he communicates his feelings for you in the way that he always has a hand on you any chance he gets.  

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

So fast.  Bo works hard and plays hard and his conscience is just clean enough that he passes right out.  Of course, the bed is too big on the nights you don’t stay.  He most definitely sleeps better with you beside him. 

If you enjoyed this and want more sweet and sexy Southern goodness, there's about 22,000 more words where these came from (linked below) and many more to come! Please note the regular fic updates feature an AFAB reader. Up until now, this fic hasn't had a title, but from here on out I'll be calling it A Gentleman and a Scoundrel.

Fireworks

A Place of Business

Insatiable

Peaches & Strawberries

All the Time in the World

[vyeoh]

this is your chance: wax poetic about an Empires or DSMP character of your choice to a fan who is new to both. Explain why I should love them. I need guidance in this new and meme-populated land.

okok this is a lot of pressure haha. Spoilers for EmpiresSMP and DreamSMP below, obviously. I wrote a lot so prepare yourself, anon

I watch a lot of empires POVs but the ones I most anticipate every week are Scott and Sausage.

c!Scott (I'll call him Smajor for the sake of simplicity) starts off the series chilling, not really getting involved with the rest of the server, and staying aggressively neutral. After all, he's an elf. He has lived far longer than most of the other rulers already, and will most likely outlive them for many years. So, the best thing is to stick to his mountains and not get invested in the dealings of mortal affairs, maybe sometimes causing problems on purpose and dipping because what's life without a little spice right.

But then, this demon comes to the server, Xornoth. He's going around causing havoc and wants to send the world into an eternal winter, but he doesn't bother the kingdom of Rivendell much so Smajor stays tentatively cautious but ultimately unbothered. But then, the puzzle pieces start falling together. The first thing that the audience noticed was was Xornoth sounded like Smajor, but we mostly thought that this was just due to cc!Scott voicing both of them and there was nothing more to it. However, then, the people the demon starts possessing start chanting in elvish. The demon hates mortals, and the elves are conveniently one of the two confirmed not fully mortal races in Empires.

This culminates when Smajor stumbles across a cave that contains the backstory of the patron god of Rivendell, Aeor. Basically, there's two opposing forces, Aeor and Exor, and both have a champion. In a previous life, those champions were two brothers, where Aeor eventually prevailed and banished Exor. In this life though, the champions are - you guessed it - Smajor, and the demon Xornoth.

So now Smajor is like. Well fuck. It's my literal god-given destiny to be responsible for defeating this demon who is technically my brother, and if I fail the server gets plunged into an eternal winter. And I have no fucking clue what is happening because I've just been here on this mountain actively trying to stay out of the issues outside my kingdom. We watch him panic and teeter on the verge of spiraling for an entire episode, and when the followers of Xornoth go to the End to kill the dragon, releasing Xornoth's full powers, he fails to stop him. Smajor is a character who was used to being the smart one, the prepared one, the one who has the least deaths on the server. But he's also a character who runs away from his problems and ignores them. Before and during the dragon fight, we hear the desperation in his voice, as he's thrown into a situation he is wholly unprepared for, and it's bigger than him going to the Cod Empire to kill their king, or assisting in other people's plans to kill the codfather. He can't run from this. cc!Scott plays this scene so well as well, as I've said before, one of the best parts of Scott's acting is how he's never super dramatic, but he's so effective in the little things like inflection to make you feel, viscerally, the panic and dread.

So after the dragon fight, Smajor realizes, I can't do this on my own. I've tried and failed. So he gets allies. We watch him, someone who has so strongly been an isolationist, learn the benefits of allies and watch him learn to trust others and watch him learn how to get that trust in return.

My favorite thing about Smajor's characterization is that he's an incompetent protagonist, but not in the way of the "plucky young adventurer". He's capable skill-wise, and fairly jaded and very pessimistic. However, his issue is that up until recently, he did not care about the rest of the server at all, and by the time he learned to, it was way too late.

Also, in 3rd Life, cc!Scott and cc!Jimmy were canonically married and they reference it sometimes in Empires. Like, Scott goes over to the Cod Empire every so often both in and out of character to kill and/or flirt with Jimmy, the ruler of the Cod Empire, which may develop as a secondary plot into the future who knows. So ty Scott for giving the gays what they want o7

Now onto Sausage: his is a story of Icarus, his hubris and ambition being his downfall. He's one of the two followers of Xornoth, who promised him endless power in exchange for his servitude. He started the series being eccentric, but not outright unhinged, but slowly gets more and more extreme as the series progresses, as he gets brought more and more to Xornoth's side.

One of the best parts of Sausage's character, in my opinion, is how his gradual corruption affects the people around him. Initially, he got into a conflict with the Cod Empire and was allied with two other people in the Witherrose alliance. They were allies, but also close friends. The fandom liked to joke that the three had sibling energy, and I'm pretty sure the ccs played to that even more lol.

It was painful to watch the other two members, Gem and fWhip, watch Sausage get corrupted right in front of them, and see them desperately clinging on to this old idea of Sausage in their head because if they faced the truth, it would mean that their friend was gone. Eventually, they do finally cut him out of the alliance, leading him to fully commit to the side of the demon. Sausage felt very clearly betrayed by this, and declared the remaining two Witherrose alliance members to be enemies.

He gets more and more possessed, and we even see the other Empires, his enemies even, slowly realize that something is very wrong with the ruler of Mythland. He starts doing more and more evil things, like killing people more, making sacrifices to the demon, and eventually helping to kill the dragon to free Xornoth. So things are good for Sausage, for a bit. He won, and is more powerful than ever. Then he finds out: he's going to die. Xornoth's possession is slowly killing his soul, and eventually, his body going to be fully taken over and he himself is going to be trapped in the spirit realm. So how do you react to this? Over the next few episodes, we watch Sausage struggle between "the demon is literally killing me" and "the demon has given me so much, and I love it", all while Xornoth takes over more and more of him. We hear him exclaim that "don't worry!! I'm still about 15% there!" while trying to downplay every time Xornoth completely takes over his body. We watch him willingly oppose anyone who is trying to end the thing that is killing him.

My favorite thing about Sausage is that he is undoubtedly evil and proud of it, but he's also undoubtedly human. If you like to watch evil characters go absolutely feral, he's the guy for you. He makes the deal with Xornoth in the beginning, knowing and fully embracing the evilness of the demon, but at the same time he knows what he's doing is detrimental to both himself and everyone around him, but he's gotten in way too deep at this point, and to be fair the demon has held up its end fo the bargain, right?

Also, I would be damned if I don't talk about cc!Sausage's editing. Every one of his videos is like a movie. The way he does camera angles and uses music is so skillful- every lore scene feels like something out of a high fantasy action saga (think: LotR). Every big lore event I always wait in anticipation for Sausage's ep because his editing truly takes lore to another level.

I'm just generally very excited to see where this series goes. Empires is such a good mix of talented builders and good lore. Part of the reason why the series is so immersive for me, beyond any other lore smp, is that they have the settings to back it up. There is a certain charm to the DreamSMP's objectively terrible builds (with a few exceptions) but in Empires, the settings help sell the plot so much.

Another part of why I love EmpiresSMP is how much the ccs are involved with the fan community. I'm sure you've seen the memes about Scott being on tumblr, and Sausage regularly goes through the EmpiresSMP fanart tag on Twitter and likes art, even ones not related to Mythland. Most of the ccs, in fact, have brought up tumblr content on stream at some point or another. Like, several ccs have said that they read tumblr lore theories and hcs and stuff and sometimes take inspiration from them. Fun fact: Rivendell's church was inspired by my pinned drawing; confirmed by Scott Smajor himself. It's just such a good cycle of ccs and fans being excited about each other.

As for DreamSMP, I'm gonna be honest here, the only person I really am invested in in Technoblade. I started watching when he joined the server, and he's the only person whose lore I keep up to date with.

Techno's fun to watch because he's like the Deadpool of DreamSMP. Virtually unkillable, very skilled and scary, but consistently cracks jokes and breaks the 4th wall during plot. His POV is just fun. Like, he does wild plans and gives speeches and some of the stuff that happens to him should be called deus ex machine if it wasn't for the fact that Technoblade is the one who's doing it, and all the stuff is grounded in the fact that cc!Techno is just that good at the game.

However, the fact that he rarely takes anything seriously makes the few times Techno is 100% serious so much more impactful. His whole character has a basis in being perceived as inhuman and being treated as such, and therefore in return trying to hide his humanity. So, when he shows that humanity, whether that's fear, anger, or genuine love for his friends, it really makes you go "oh shit."

Techno's often said not to have character development, but I'd argue that while he remains steadfast in his moral code, he develops leaps and bounds as a person. Like, at the beginning, he's brought onto the server to help Wilbur and Tommy overthrow a government; them knowing he's 1) an anarchist and 2) very very powerful. His character was more of a plot device at that point and was treated as such in the canon. Wilbur and Tommy straight-up lie to him about their plans to establish another government after they overthrow the current one, while he was led on to believe that they were abolishing all governments in the area. But he isn't a plot device. He's a person, as much as he only shows the terrifying, blood god side of himself.

After the establishment of New Lmanburg (the new government its a long story), his friend Phil joins. And for the first time, we see him be fully human with someone and we see someone treat him like a human. Like, we saw glimpses before, with Wilbur and Tommy in Pogtopia, but Phil is the first person we noticeably see he trusts 100%. Then Doomsday happens, and Techno essentially retires to the tundra. During this time, we see Techno learn to be more human, first with Ranboo, then Niki when he establishes the Syndicate. In fact, the two of them, along with Phil, canonically throw him a birthday party, which is a far cry from his treatment in Pogtopia.

Techno's development is one of a god learning to be human, and I just think he <3

[mandana-the-service-pup]

The Cat Saga continues…

(Opinion post // hot take?)

I’ve talked about the cat colony that lives at our apartment complex and how frustrating it can be when cats dart across your path every time you go outside with your dog.

Admittedly, Mandana has run after them when on a freedom walk before. When she gets to them she just stops and comes back to me but I still take it very seriously. It has only really happened on freedom walks when she’s on a longline and engaged with the environment. When she’s on a leash she may or may not be excited to see them but she’s pretty easy to redirect. Ideally we want her to be cat neutral and that’s something we are working on but it takes time.

Recently there was a bully mix that killed one of the cats and their owner approached me today while we were outside playing in the same area where the cats hang out. He was upset because management is going to make him get rid of his dog or make him move and he wanted me (I’ve never met this guy or seen his dog) to come to his defense and give testimony that the cats go around attacking dogs and it was killed in self defense. My heart goes out to anyone who’s put in a situation that stressful, but there’s nothing I could say that would help him out. It’s a controversial topic and maybe I’m the one with the hot take but here it is…

If you own a dog that you know is predisposed to killing other animals then you have to take responsibility when they kill something. If you aren’t willing to accept that liability then you need to invest a lot of resources into managing the situation so that it doesn’t happen and train them out of that behavior. The alternative would be getting a dog that fits your lifestyle. There are plenty of breeds that have very low prey drive and/or are small enough that you could probably maintain physical control of them in a tense situation. I have nothing against bully breeds but they are in the terrier group for a reason. Terriers are bred to kill animals and bully breeds are some of the strongest of the terriers. If you don’t want a terrier to kill then you need to be proactive about it. That goes for any dog (regardless of breed or mix) if you know they will chase and harm an animal.

So yes, Mandana has chased a cat and she has barked at a cat. She has chased a squirrel and she has “caught” a bird. She has prey drive. I know it and I am actively working on it (professional trainers are involved). But there is a difference between what she does and what this guys dog did. When Mandana catches up to the animal (cat, squirrel or bird) the game ends. She immediately loses interest. She MIGHT bark a couple times but then she walks back to me. If I notice it before the chase begins then it’s easily avoided. If the chase has already started then I may or may not be able to call her off mid-chase depending on the situation. The one time she has caught an animal (an injured crow that could flutter a distance but not fly) she didn’t do anything to it. She caught up to it, sniffed it and when I asked her to leave it she did so with enthusiasm. There is no reason to believe she would kill an animal (she won’t even kill bugs after she catches them) but I treat her as if she would because that’s what it takes to be a responsible dog owner.

Our apartment complex is breed restricted. Bully breeds, shepherds and similar breeds are not allowed unless they are a service dog or ESAs. ESAs do not require training but can be removed if they are deemed dangerous or  destructive. This guys dog got loose, killed a cat and then proceeded to pull its intestines out and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Even if it is an ESA the landlord has every right to remove the animal. I empathize with people who have to choose between their animal and their home. I’ve been in that situation and it’s awful. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Unfortunately for this guy, he put his dog at risk by moving into a breed restricted community and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it now.

[onebizarrekai]

v3′s art is comically terrible for a professionally distributed game in a series: a compilation

in this not-essay I will list all of the mistakes and problems I have spotted in v3′s art. don’t worry, it’s entirely for fun and I’m doing this on a whim, so please feel free to not take this seriously but also it’s hilarious and embarrassing how ridiculous this is like what happened did they speedrun the whole production or what

see, there are some things you can take as meta like “they made it bad on purpose to allude to the downfall of tv shows that have been on air for much too long” but I have a very strong feeling this is not the case due to the nature of some of these errors

disclaimer, the more I study this art, the more I fear that the artists were underpaid and underslept, so if this is in fact the case, I am so sorry to all of them but also I’m going to make fun of the art anyway

anyway let’s get started!

if you study this image for longer than 5 seconds, you will see that kaede is the only one fully shaded and keebo is literally just his normal sprite pasted into the image. every other character is just an ordinary ref, hence most of them facing the exact same direction with neutral expressions on their faces. it looks like a bad edit, and is probably one of the worst pieces of art in the game. it kind of gets better from here on, but my roasting will not.

with that out of the way, here’s the problem that officially bothers me the most and clarifies my viewpoint of “this is not meta and an actual lack of company communication”

this freaking cg, which seems normal at a glance, but some wiseass was like “oh, kaede is a girl, so obviously she’s going to be shorter than the Male Protagonist™” ah, that’s funny. because if you look at the character bios, kaede is, in fact, one inch taller than shuichi and not like 6 inches shorter as she is shown here.

also shuichi’s shoulder is disproportionate and horrendous and he looks vaguely like a jojo character, but I wasn’t even thinking about that until right now.

thanks guys, 50% of the fandom who has never bothered to check these bios thinks that kaede is like 5′3 (did the developers really put so little thought into her to the point where drawing her correctly in the game didn’t even matter??)

also I would like to point out that, even though this isn’t related to the art itself, yes, a character kaede’s size being only 117 lbs is unfeasible, but this applies to literally every character in danganronpa ever and it’s not new news that it’s unrealistic

update: someone in the tags informed me that in versions of the game that use centimeters, like the japanese version, kaede is actually shorter than shuichi, which just adds another thing to the list of weird decisions the localization team made for no reason. that said, after confirming this, kaede is 167 cm in the original, while shuichi is 171 cm, which are approximately 5′6 and 5′7 respectively, but one inch is still nowhere near as drastic as it is depicted above. (in spite of this, I would rather depict kaede as slightly taller, so I’m probably going to keep doing that.)

the journey continues!

bro if you want kaede to have shoulder length hair then stick to it to begin with

you can pretend this is at an angle all you want but they definitely committed the shorter kaede sin a second time

wait a goddamn second.

DO YOU SEE THIS

no………… it wasn’t kaede who shrank. it was shuichi who got taller

speaking of which, can we talk about how shady the perspective is in this elevator pic? look at shuichi and kokichi in comparison to kaede. kokichi, who is canonically 7 inches (edit: or 5, if you’re loyal to the original) shorter than kaede, looks taller than kaede. he’s growing too. what steroids are these gays taking

running into the room, electric boogaloo: I don’t think tsumugi is supposed to be the same height as kokichi

gonta… gonta you’re lookin a bit like a jojo character there

I love how kaito’s head looks kind of like it was pasted onto his body. why is he the same size as shuichi? shouldn’t he be high school bully size or something? his torso is teensy

ah yes, white angie.

I love this cg but why is shuichi’s right hand so much bigger than his left hand

I also love how this cg looks like they literally took pictures of trees and pasted them into the background, especially on the left. the shadows are so weird, especially closer to the ceiling, it’s difficult for me to believe they didn’t do exactly that.

return of Enlarged shuichi

puberty update: kokichi is now taller than shuichi in spite of shuichi never missing leg day. what crimes will he commit

I have to mention it, guys. this has to be one of the worst danganronpa cgs. kokichi’s facial proportions look atrocious. look at the way his face sticks out like his jaw is in the wrong place. his scarf is a pasted texture. that’s it. this moment was so iconic but the cg just looks so… so… off. like something is terribly wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

you know what? let’s get into that ‘pasted texture’ thing.

let’s imagine you’re an artist working on a professional game. you’re assigned to draw cgs of kokichi ouma, who has a checkered scarf from hell. sure, it will be terrible to draw, but you only have to draw it once at a time! plus, perspective is pretty important, right? can you be bothered? nah, actually. let’s just copy paste a checkered pattern into the cg, because I’m sure nobody will notice. it’ll blend right in with the other cgs that someone actually put effort into drawing his scarf in, right?

no. the answer is no and I very much noticed. this genuinely looks terrible and I would understand taking a shortcut like that in fanart or even an indie game but this is a full price pc and console distributed game

(an addition: look at kokichi’s TINY HANDS in that last one)

meanwhile, they straight up forgot to color in kokichi’s scarf in this cg.

dude. I forgot about whatever the hell this cg was. anyway look at keebo please just look at him

lovin kaito’s baby arms

real talk, maybe you could argue that he’s missing muscle because he’s deathly sick, but most of his cgs don’t line up with this, and his arms just look disproportionate to his torso size (granted this is a consistent problem across all danganronpa games and a lot of characters have this weird problem, like hajime, but also kaito is bigger than hajime so I kind of have higher expectations of him) maybe it’s his stupid goatee and the way he reminds me of yasuhiro?? it creates this illusion that he’s older than he is and so I keep expecting him to look more like an adult

oh, also rantaro is missing some of his accessories in that video he made–you know the one–but I don’t wanna go back and screenshot it

also you may have noticed that I’m skipping all of the monokub cgs because I literally do not care about them and I’m not even bothering to check and see if they have artistic mistakes in them

JIMMY NEUTRON???

hey um uh kaito you seem to be missing your neck

hey guys do you like my pregame fanart

so, that done, the sprites are also pretty terrible at times. they’re not as interesting to go through, however, and downloading the full sprite sets for every character and studying every single one of them will drive me insane, so I’ll just sum some of the ones I noticed up. I made things for kaede and shuichi before deciding I wasn’t going to get into it, so here are these.

that said, other mistakes include kokichi missing his purple highlights in all of the sprites encompassing a specific pose, stray pixels all over the place on everyone, and everyone also has heavily inconsistent shading, but literally all I think about is how pregame shuichi is unshaded and two of kaede’s pregame sprites have glaring outfit change mistakes in them

anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my ridiculous ramble. in all seriousness, there’s this looming presence of some lack of communication in the development team, like with all the art and design inconsistencies, pieces and sprites that look rushed, stray pixels, and missing basic proportional stuff. these are the kinds of things that you supposedly have to pretty much have in the bag in order to get jobs in professional businesses, so it’s really weird to me that this game suffers from so many of these problems. it’s like they tried to make the art so much more crisp than the other games, but it fell on its face as they realized it was going to take longer to draw everything and they started to rush. it’s weird, because the coloring itself looks normal–it’s just sloppily drawn, and the proportions are a mess once put into the context of perspective. many of the cgs look like they were drawn by different people, and I’m still not over the fact that half of kokichi’s cgs have his scarf pasted in as a texture.

the moral of the story is that if you’re selling a game at full price that also happens to be in a series that has had 3 very good games in it already the stakes should probably be higher than this. v3 has been out for more than 3 years and it’s still $40 (did it cost more than that before? I sure hope not), and the overarching quality of the game is just not as high as the other games. I’m not saying that the other games don’t have any problems with their art at all, they’re just not as glaringly obvious and every artistic choice in those games feels intentional.

regardless, I had a blast roasting the art at 2am, so maybe you got a kick out of all this chaos.

[hansoulo]

how will I know; walk slow

Pairing: Din Djarin/Reader (gender neutral, no Y/N)

Word Count: a humble 1.4k

Warnings: cursing, light angst, a kiss (sorta), spoilers for chapter 15 of the mandalorian

Gif Credit: (x) by @/bestintheparsec

A/N: hello bros and hoes it is me and i am back with another oneshot this time set right after chapter 15 with a title from this song by james blake

You bounded down the hangar ladder and stood toe-to-toe, heart stuck in your mouth and lodging up in your tonsils until the word came out thick and without eloquence. “Hi.”

“I’m sorry,” the Mandalorian offered. He didn’t really have anything to be sorry for. Sometimes the guy was just polite to a fault.

“It’s alright.” The words left your chest hushed, conscious of the footsteps up and around you that echoed tinny on the walls of Slave 1. Soft assurances. Gentle platitudes. “You’re here now, yeah?”

Mayfeld was “dead” doing Maker knows what. Fennec and Cara were both off in the ship somewhere, probably polishing blasters and trading war secrets with each other as intimidating Outer Rim women tended to do. That or in the communications monitor room below deck, doing far more risque things. Boba was piloting and making sure none of you died. And the Mandalorian was here. Standing in the cold metal cargo hold. In front of you.

His chest, in beskar now, not that shoddy Imperial shit, shook with a sigh. “Yeah,” the helmet rasped. It sounded like he was speaking more to himself. “Yeah.”

Why do you do that?

   Do what?

You’re very… monosyllabic. It’s unsettling.

   Unsettling.

You know you’re just continuing to prove my point, right?

   Mhm.

Maker, you’re infuriating.

   Yes, I am.

Hey that was three words! Progress.

Your throat tightened with a swallow when you realized you still stood only inches apart from him. Feet shuffled backwards in the small hangar until he was left at a larger, more friend-appropriate distance. “That’s good. I’m… I’m glad.”

The air in the ship was thick, with relief and with another heavy thing. Regret, maybe? But what did he have to regret?

“Mando,” you called out as he turned to step up the ladder. Names were sacred things. You didn’t want to use his here. To dirty it by sharing. “Hey,” your hand met the cold metal of his pauldron, urging him to face you again. He was still. Always so still. “Did something happen?”

   I’m fine.

You’re hurt.

   It’s nothing serious.

Let me help. 

   I’ll take care of it.

Or let the kid help. Somebody.

   I said I’ll take care of it.

Let me take care of you. Please. 

His words came almost too quick. He was like that when he tried to convince you of things. “No. No, we… we got the coordinates. Everything went-”

“According to plan,” you finished for him, though your brows were still furrowed.

What’s the plan?

   We get the kid back.

So… what you’re saying is that there is no plan.

   There is a plan.

What’re you gonna do?

   Whatever it takes.

You’re so dramatic.

“Mayfeld wouldn’t tell me anything about what happened before he fucked off, though, which is weird because usually he never shuts up and I just...” you sighed, wiping a hand across your face and letting it drop unceremoniously beside your hip. “Are you sure you’re alright? You look,” and here your voice paused, waiting for the words to fill themselves in. “Rattled.”

You look like shit.

   Thanks.

Welcome. You good?

   You just said I look like shit.

Well yeah, but I’m trying to redeem myself. Throw me a bone.

   Then yeah, I’m good.

You’re a horrible liar.

   Hey, you asked.

Yeah, I guess so. Take it easy for a bit? Can’t have you falling asleep piloting.

   Glad to know your only concern is for your transportation.

Don’t forget the paycheck.

   That too.

Seriously, though. Go get some sleep. I’ll be here.

There was a pregnant pause, only filled in by your quiet expectance and the sounds of beskar shifting on fabric. He moved his weight from one foot to the other. Looked down, then up.

And then, before you could go to actually leave, not wanting to pry a thing open that the man wanted to keep shut and done with having to reach the words out of his mouth, you were picked up and turned around. Like a sack of ration flour. 

In literally any other circumstance this would’ve made you seethe but Din’s hands, although surprising, weren’t unwelcome. The furthest thing from it, actually.

There were two warm palms on your sides and your feet stumbled on top of each other until they both left the floor again, suspended above the metal sheeting as you were lifted up and crushingly close to a man that smelled like blood and sweat and someone else’s clothes but who still held you until your ribs cried out for breathing. 

You were set down after a moment, but not let go. Silent words seemed to fracture in the way his fingers dug into the skin of your hip, almost bruising in their insistence. He couldn’t tell you what happened, but something obviously did. Something ugly and beating loud in the two-inch gap between your chests and really, really bad.

There were only about two things in the galaxy that he was afraid of. Losing the kid was one of them. Breaking his Creed was the other.

So what’s with the helmet?

   What about it?

You can never take it off?

   No.

Like, never? In front of anyone?

   Not unless it’s family.

And what happens if you do? Take it off in front of someone else, I mean.

   You can’t ever put it back on.

Oh, right. Sorry.

   It’s okay.

No, it’s not. I- I shouldn’t have asked. I dunno. It just seems…

   Bad. 

No, not bad! Not if it’s something you believe. Just… different. 

And suddenly you knew why he was holding you the way he was.

The words were hitched, almost keening as your arms wound around his neck, over the thick fabric of his cape until his hands reached around the lower slope of your back to steady your ground. You could feel the indentations of his metal vambraces against your skin. You couldn’t have cared less about it. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. He only let out a breath, the sound so rattled and tremulous you could almost taste the salt dew gathering in his eyes. Eyes that someone else saw.

The muscles of his arms grew firmer around you still and your body sagged, heavy in its aching realizations. “I’m so sorry,” you repeated.

To someone else more ambitious this would probably be a good time to do… a gesture. Of the sentimental variety. Neither of you lacked courage in the traditional definition, but this kind of stuff was messy. Uncharted. 

“Din,” you whispered. His helmet shot up at the monosyllable, nearly knocking you in the chin and you stumbled backwards, shaking off his apologies. So the charting of said uncharted stuff was going swell. “I,” you began, your eyes shifting around the walls and floor instead of meeting his visor. “I care about you. A lot. I hope you know that.”

There was a loud whirring overhead when the ship lurched forward, righting itself with an awkward turn and giving you a good excuse as to why you suddenly felt nauseous. Maybe you overstepped or he didn’t hear you because he hit his head? Holy shit, did he get a concussion? Was that why he was-

“I know.”

Oh.

So no concussion.

You only realized you’d been biting the bottom edge of your lip when a gloved thumb came up towards it, pressing against the soft flesh and pulling it gently out from between your teeth. A breath choked in the bottom of both your lungs. And you waited.

You couldn’t kiss him.

At least, not now. Not here. Not yet.

You were both thinking about it.

So you did something decidedly ambitious. You leaned forward and pressed your mouth to the crest of his helmet.

It wasn’t a kiss, not really. But he still tilted his helmet up to meet it with two broad hands and you still left a smudge of mouthmark where your lips were damp and tender and so somehow this imitation kiss, this substitute in between a moment that was over and a moment that was coming, was real. 

Your bounty hunter echoed his reciprocation after you’d turned away, the rungs of the ship ladder icy in your palms. You always did like to one-up each other.

“I love you.”

[thefanficmonster]

Begone

Streamer Gang & Asexual Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Acephobia, Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently come out as asexual, Y/N faces some less than pleasant or appropriate responses in their chat during their stream with the gang. Luckily, they’re not alone in battling the haters this time.

Requested by the lovely Anon who told acephobes to begone, yeah you know who you are hehe. Thank you so much for the request darling! Let’s show these acehobes who they’re messing with! Love, Vy ❤

Boy is this nerve-wrecking or what? Sure, I maybe woke up with a ton of confidence, I listened to motivational and uplifting talks and listened to mood boosting music. I had a healthy breakfast and a cup of coffee. Damn it, I went on a run, all in an attempt to convince myself that dealing with the online world again is but a piece of cake for a badass like me. Well, low and behold, that feeling didn’t last very long. Here I am, chewing my nails off at the though of hopping in the Discord call and Among Us lobby with my friends and starting my stream. It’s not like I’m not expecting my friends and fans to support me - of course I am! I know they’re gonna give me a ton of love and appreciation and support and uplift me no matter what. But then again, there’s still those people who believe me and other people like me to be invalid and broken and whatnot.

Those are the ones I wanna avoid. 

It’s not like their words mean much to me but I simply don’t wanna see em, you know? It’s not only about me - it’s least about me actually - it’s more about all those wonderful people they are insulting when they say shit like that about asexuals and all the people on the ace spectrum. I can’t help but flare up and get angry on the behalf of all my ace friends and even people I’ve never met.

It’s also my first time being directly thrown into the fire instead of getting caught in the crossfire seeing as how I came out to my fandom via a tweet and an Instagram post a week ago, telling my identity’s truth: finally bringing my asexuality to the surface to shine its brightest so I can be be my best and reach for my full potential.

But damn am I afraid to see how everyone took it. 

My friends were quick to jump in and take me offline before I start refreshing my own posts to see the comments under them. Lord knows that without them I would’ve driven myself insane, I’ll forever be grateful for what they did and the lengths they went to to keep me offline and whatnot. One word to give you an idea of how invested they were in this: origami. All of us might as well have been born with two left hands and yet we still tried doing origami. Freaking origami.

Damn do I love my friends.

But now I don’t have sheets of paper and my friends to distract me. I have a fanbase to entertain and another friend group I haven’t talked to in a while. I don’t wanna get any predictions in already so I don’t jinx myself, so I’m just gonna say it’s gonna be...interesting regardless of what happens.

Then again, when is it not interesting when the streamer gang’s involved.

Deep breaths, Y/N. You got this

Listening to that encouraging little voice inside my head, I finally equip my headphones and in one fluid motion turn my camera on, officially starting my stream and unmuting my mic as I hop in the call with everyone.

“Hi guys! Guess who’s returned!“ I exclaim cheerfully, desperate to hide the nervousness of my voice.

“You really missed your opportunity to say ‘guess who’s back...back again’ didn’t you?“ Charlie is the one who greets me first, sounding rather disappointed in me in his usual jokester manner. It’s nice to hear, it makes me feel like nothing’s changed in the week I’ve been gone. Like I’m still the same person to these people. I really am the same, I just now am a lot better version of myself. Almost as though I’ve reached my final form. It feels empowering really. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Charlie laughs again, “Congrats, by the way. You keep proving you can get cooler and cooler.“

“Careful there Charlie, I can only handle so large of an ego.“ I joke back, rolling my eyes playfully as a wide grin spreads across my face, “No, but seriously, thank you so much, man. It means the world to me that you support me.“

“Um, how could we NOT?“ That’s very clearly Rae, “Hun, you are so brave and amazing and wonderful, how could we ever NOT support you?“

“Yeah, we’ll always support you no matter what, Y/N. We’ll always be your friends, through thick, thin and beyond.“ Poki too interferes, her words only making my smile wider.

“Alright, alright, y’all are gonna make me cry and I haven’t even read my chat yet, hold on.“ I say, fanning my face to dry the tears I hope the webcam isn’t spotting, “Darn, you guys are the best. Sorry, give me a sec to gather my composure, I’ll be right back.“

I quickly mute my in-game mic as I turn to my chat where I see the same amount of love and support in the form of comments and emojis flooding in from my viewers. A warm feeling spreads throughout my chest, making me feel the most comfortable with myself I’ve ever felt. The most loved I’ve ever felt. The most seen and understood. To finally be you feels like you are finally really living in this world, not like you’ve been already living in it for God knows how long. It makes me so freaking happy and fulfilled to finally be living as me, as the real me.

Unfortunately, in life, nothing can be 100% pure and good. There’s always at least 1% there threatening to ruin all your happiness you worked so hard to build or obtain. It may be one in a hundred, but fuck it’s powerful and effective.

And in my case it comes in the form of two comments that stick out to my eyes. Acephobic comments saying my identity’s fake, claiming I’m faking it, saying us acephobes are immature creatures who refuse to grow up, or attention whores. Or just saying we’re delusional and in denial, confused about who we are.

I hadn’t even realized I was clenching my jaw and fists but when I do, I slowly relax my muscles and crack my knuckles before addressing the two people who spat out that nonsense.

“Ok, listen here, shooterpro69 and yourmom_lol. For starters, I want to apologize for your ignorance and lack of education on the matter of asexuality. In fact, for you especially, I plan on making an educational video, explaining asexuality to people who need or want to learn more. You, my friends, are in desperate need to be fed some knowledge cause damn, God knows how many people secretly think you’re hella stupid. Not that they’re wrong to think so but anyway. Unless you have anything nice or positive to say, begone from my chat. Actually, when I think about it, begone from every chat. No one needs you polluting their communities with acephobia and hate.“ I say, all spoken in a calm tone despite the boiling anger within me. People who know me well would probably be able to tell I’m fuming underneath the calm façade, but at least I got my message across loud and clear.

“WOO HOO, You tell em Y/N!“ Toast cheers, clapping his hands and whistling as more cheering arises from each my friends, leaving me in a state of mild shock and confusion.

Wait, what?!

“Um, wait, you guys heard that?“ I ask, my eyes darting to thein-game mic symbol that shows an not crossed-off mic, meaning it was enabled during the entirety of my speech.

“Hell yeah we did! You slayed them, Y/N! Damn goddamn!“ Rae whistles too, her enthusiasm wafting over me like a breath of fresh air.

“I second that!“ Corpse joins in, “And remember what we said - we’ll support you through anything. Need to bury an acephobe’s body, we’re the people you should call.” He says, confident as heck.

And I just can’t hold it in anymore - I burst out laughing, doubling over from the intensity.

If I thought I was happy and fulfilled before, this has to be the closest to paradise I’m gonna get on Earth.  All thanks to these wonderful people. Friends are really something else aren’t they: they come into your life - often unexpectedly - and change it completely. Suddenly you’re not alone, you’re not forced to deal with everything and face everything on your own. Someone’s got your back and you’ve got theirs.

Through thick, thin and beyond.

And it’s so fucking amazing.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari

[mthvn]

Post-”Chaos Theory”: A Conversation with Flavia Dzodan and Metahaven

Metahaven Flavia, we've been talking about the Chaos Theory script even before the pandemic started. At the time it was a way of finding a voice (as every script is). Our friendship and collaborations have been major encouragements in completing the film the way it did. What do you think about the film now that you've watched it?

Flavia Dzodan I loved it! Chaos Theory made me think of some of Alexander Kluge's ideas about the artist as a seismographer, someone who anticipates what's to come through subtle, almost imperceptible changes on the ground. At the same time, Kluge talks about the artist as someone whose reactions are observed (like one observes a seismographer) to anticipate what is to come. In that sense, I see Chaos Theory as presenting us with a potential future, where the interdependencies are not merely acknowledged but central to the way we relate to one another and to our surroundings and ecosystems. I see the relationships in the film as not just from human to human but also in relation to the outside. To me, this is a film made of textures and invocations, a film about love yes but also about the kind of future we want to build.

Metahaven We've often talked about Tenet (Christoper Nolan, 2020) and its many quirks and features, including the female lead who, whenever it is announced that the entire world population will die, exclaims in despair: "AND MY SON!" Any thoughts? :)

Flavia Dzodan I've been thinking a lot lately about how narrating can often be a distraction from "feeling things." What I mean is that films are sometimes very preoccupied with the narration (i.e., telling a story) but such narration operates as a way to avoid dealing with the emotions or the feelings themselves. Since "feeling" is passé, sincerity has practically become an artefact or a curiosity rather than part of the process of telling a story. I do not think that Tenet is guilty of "ironic detachment"-that would maybe make the film interesting (or at least slightly funnier)-but instead, I believe Tenet is the guy at the bar who takes himself so seriously and will explain to you all the ways in which he is smarter than you. That's what makes Tenet tedious and stuffy and quite honestly, devoid of any kind of emotion. There was a point in the film when I was wishing for this supposed apocalypse to finally take place so that we could be free to go and do something else. I'd love to see Nolan attempt to make a comedy, something that doesn't need to constantly remind us how smart he is. Maybe Nolan shouldn't be so worried about saving the patriarchy via "BUT MY SON!" and instead should worry more about coherent storytelling that doesn't require a dozen forum posts to be understood. Who has time for that kind of sleuthing these days?  

In a lot of ways, and I think I've said this to you, I see Chaos Theory as a sort of anti-Tenet manifesto. Not only because there is no son to save from the end of the world but also because Chaos Theory is not structured as a narration to distract from emotions. On the contrary, Chaos Theory lunges at the sentimentality with a refreshing shamelessness. I am sure some might see this as a weakness but at a time when we mourn collective losses counted in the millions, I celebrate emotional sincerity as the only worthy form of engagement. I refuse to continue this pretension that we are objective creatures imbued by rational thinking. Capitalism and, specifically the neoliberal administration of life which is so dependent on budgets and accountancy practices, benefits from our emotional detachment: if we remain cool and ironically detached in the presence of suffering and cruelty, we are less reactive to injustice. Instead, I advocate for a radical sentimentalism that forces us to deal with the immense grief of this collective loss. I need more art that makes me cry rather than art that makes me shrug.

Metahaven What can be redeemed about emotion-and even about sentimentality-in the face of its constant use by conservative agendas?

Flavia Dzodan I don't know if "redeem" is the word I'd use. I believe it's worth making a distinction: not all sentimentality is created equal or is identical (even if the appeal to emotion might a priori appear to be so). Emotions can be evoked to connect us to one another, drawing out our best qualities. They can also be evoked to alienate and exacerbate exclusion. I'd be wary of condemning sentimentality as a whole just because conservatives made better use of its potential. In fact, I'd rather wonder why the more progressive or leftist side of the spectrum decided to eschew emotion and instead, attempt to appeal to a faux neutrality or detachment that are not even such. The problem is not "feeling things," the problem is how those feelings can be manipulated for a political end that is not inclusive or even caring but rather divisive and cruel. Just as much as the right can evoke rancid nationalistic sentiments, we should be able to remind ourselves that shared emotions are what connect us to one another.

Metahaven "The music that you heard, the poetry that soaked your soul, it is in no way ornamental. It is in no way decorative. It ought to be constitutive of who you are," Cornel West has said. How do you feel about these words?

Flavia Dzodan Again, I need to go back to this notion of humans as creatures guided by emotions. Poetry, music, beauty itself, then not as entertainment or distractions but as the core of who and what we are.

--- Amsterdam, July 1, 2021 This conversation was previously published on the Instagram profile of Boilerroom 4:3 It refers to the film work Chaos Theory, Metahaven, 2021

--- Flavia Dzodan is a writer, media analyst and cultural critic based in Amsterdam. She is a senior researcher and lecturer at Sandberg Instituut. Her research focuses on the politics of artificial intelligence and algorithms at the intersections of colonialism, race, and gender. In her research Dzodan examines the ways in which technology is created and deployed to reproduce historical patterns of social control. Her current research about beauty and ethics attempt to understand how cultural analysis may operate vis-a-vis semiotic codes, particularly in regards to teaching machines to identify highly subjective and culturally dependent ontologies such as those surrounding fashion and art. This work is a continuation of her previous research about "the coloniality of the algorithm," which situated Linnaean taxonomies at the heart of both colonial history and contemporary uses of technology. Dzodan is interested in ephemeral forms of publishing: she is the editor of the intermittent blog This Political Woman, where she has written about the rise of the alt-right, Big Data, networks, algorithms and community surveillance. Her work was published at Dissent, The Guardian, and The Washington Post, among others.

[commonwealthoccurences]

Fluffy Relationship HCs for Oswald, Kent, and Post-War Vault Tec Rep

Quick author’s note: I can’t get across how appreciative I am of everyone’s response you guys are seriously so kind. Small reminder: I always write Sole as gender neutral even with requests so that everyone can be included! I’ll be responding to an ask as soon as I start working on it that way you guys know what’s coming. Also, requests are being completed on a first-come first-serve basis so if I haven’t gotten to your ask I’m not ignoring you! There’s probably just a few people ahead of you. Thank you guys again.

Request: “ Could you do fluffy relationship hcs for Oswald, Kent Connolly, and (post war) vault-tec rep 👉👈 “

Oswald:

Traditional and old fashioned (and a lil dramatic about it)

His love language probably ties into this via small acts of service

Opening doors for you, pulling out your chair, etc

Definitely makes sure ya’ll have a date night every week

Actively planned quality time is v important to him

His favorite thing is hearing you talk about your day over dinner

Highkey protective? Not in a gross toxic way but with what happened to Rachel he wants to make sure you’re safe

This also means he enjoys casual contact

If yall are sitting together he probably has his hand on your leg, is holding hands w you, or is trailing his fingertips down your arm

It's not particularly flirtatious just a reminder that you're there and he's there and everythings okay

One of the ways to get him to smile is to do sleight of hand magic tricks

Is so enthusiastic over the simplest tricks

Incredibly proud whenever you master a new one

If you flirt with him by doing stuff like hiding a card behind his ear and leaning close to retrieve it you’ll probably short circuit his brain for a second ngl

No thoughts head empty, all his attention is on you

Kent Connolly:

Gets flustered easily lets be real

If you come over and lean over his chair to hug him with your head on his shoulder he forgets what he was going to say

Causes problems if he’s on the air but he literally doesn’t care he loves when you do that

Literally beams if you bring him coffee while he’s working

Just listen to him talk about the Silver Shroud, it makes him so happy

Similarly, if you start talking about something you’re enthusiastic about he puts everything aside to listen

He just wants to see you happy and hearing about the things that bring you joy is extremely important to him

One of his favorite parts of his routine is the way things just are first thing in the morning

You, half asleep, cuddled up to him? *chefs kiss*

There’s no expectations from the Commonwealth or even his radio show, and he can just lay there and know he’s loved in that moment

Loves when ya’ll have coffee and tea in bed and have a long, lazy morning

Abrupt, random acts of affection while you guys go about your day make him so happy

Kiss his cheek while you pass him in the kitchen, take his hand if you sit next to him and read while he runs the radio show, etc

May feel inclined to propose if you start talking about the Silver Shroud first especially if you know something about it that he’s never brought up before

You being either enthusiastic enough about it to research/read it in your own time or enthusiastic enough about how enthusiastic he is to read more so you can understand what he’s talking about? Automatically makes you spouse material I don’t make the rules

Vault-Tec Rep:

Definitely is relieved to know someone from before the war because very few people get his references to pre-war life

He’s been through a lot. Like a  l o t. He considers having a small house in Sanctuary with you and a steady life with a sense of duty for the community a massive privilege and never takes it for granted.

He could be quite pessimistic in the beginning about post-war life compared to pre-war but grows to love his place in the world post-war

He and Dogmeat best friends

Fun fact: definitely wanted a dog pre-war but never got to adopt one because he did so much travelling

Wherever he is, Dogmeat’s right next to him

If you ever recreate a pre-war food that’s hard to come by nowadays with post-war ingredients he gets a little emotional

If you make his favorite pre-war food? It’s game over the first time you make it will stick in his memory forever

One of his favorite things to do with you is to go on walks about Sanctuary.

Helps you into your coat and offers you his hand or arm before you head out

Loves to go in the evening so ya’ll can look at the stars as you walk

Since not many settlers are out at night he asks you to tell him stories

You guys just walk slowly about Sanctuary telling each other pre and post war anecdotes

These moments are really when he feels at ease with life

Every time he looks at you and you’re looking up at the stars he falls in love all over again and as cursed as the war is, he’s glad he ended up in a world where you two could meet again.

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH.5

A scream shocks you out of your fuzzy thoughts. You look around and notice Connor sitting alert and looking like he wants to run down the hallway this very instant.

“Connor?” the head snaps to you immediately and before you can even question his presence in your home he jumps up and barks then walks in circles near the door.

Great a dog who has no sense of horror movie tropes. Since the scream did come from inside your house you should go find the person who made it and see what's wrong. Also maybe get clarification on why they're in your home. You aren't dead and are still in the same clothes so you figure you're alright around them. You follow Connor to where Toby is, in your kitchen staring out the window standing at a very odd angle. Like he caught himself before he fell backwards but hadn't bothered to get up.

“What's up....oh.” is all you can say as you see Chonk's head whip towards you and Connor before he books it for the tree line. Damn that fat raccoon can run fast, good to know if he ever wants to chase you down in the future. Which he might if you don't leave his slice of pizza out today.

“'oh' 'oh', that's all yo-you've got to say about a giant fuck-ing ra-mrrow- raccoon!?!” maybe thinking this guy was composed and unphased was a misconception, if seeing Chonk has put his world views in question.

“I mean he probably just eats a lot of pizza.” to put it simply you never gave much thought to the fat little trash thief, he was just fat and he existed. Visiting your home for the slice he deemed his every other week. Probably had other homes in Kepler he terrorized for the same reasons. God knows Leo would never put up with a raccoon trashing his store for his pizza. Or even his home for that matter.

“He's nearly half the size of Connor!” looking down towards Connor you tilt your head.

“Are we talking about with his legs or just his torso?” you could maybe see the size comparison with the dog's body but with his height it was a different matter all together.

Toby rolls his eyes before going and sitting down at the small breakfast table where he seemed to have found your fidget cube and had been well fidgeting with it. You take the seat opposite of him, it's weird having a guest over especially when you didn't invite them in. Well now that removes the chances of him being a vampire you suppose.

Perfect not a kidnapper, nor a vampire, and he's helped you out twice now. The two of you might well be on your way to becoming best friends. That is if he could get past this episode of yours.

“I still don't know what happened last night, but I'm done with the freak out.” you say as you idly pet Connor.

“...What?” he's squinting at you trying to get a read on how anyone bounces back from something like that so calmly in a matter of hours. Especially when he'd been checking up on you and Connor only to see you still staring off into space.

“Oh, uh... I have Autism. Isn't good for much but helps me rationalize events quicker and move past emotional and mental breakdowns pretty quick too.”

“Is that an Autism thing?” you shrug at his question as he jerks his shoulders forwards a few times.

“Probably more of a me thing, but I've read the trait tends to be more common in those of us who are neurodivergent.”

You hear a murmur of telling someone later later. Filing that away to take note of another day you stare at Toby who in turn stares back. This goes on for a bit, you couldn't even classify it as a staring contest since you are both still blinking occasionally. You aren't really sure if you should say 'thank you' first and then ask the man what he's doing in your home or wait for him to break the silence. But as you stare at Toby, into his eyes, you get the feeling this man is more of a zombie than anything else. The type to drag along and go at a snails pace rather than get into the messy bits in one go...ironic choice for comparison.

“Thank you for driving me home...but why are you still here?” you hear a huff of laughter?

“You weren't really in a position...” knuckles pop “to be left alone. What if you got back into your car again?” his eyes cut and there's a bit of bite to his words...it wasn't directed towards you, you can feel that much.

“Fair enough.” you glance at the stove and see the clock shine a little before six. “Would you like some breakfast” his neck snaps to the left triggering your own to snap as well, “or a ride home?” you finish asking.

“Can you make something for Connor too? Don't trust you behind the wheel yet.”

“Oh sure! What does he normally eat?” Perking up at the thought of the dog being off duty, that means actual pets!

“He-mrrow- normally gets oatmeal with some fruit or veg and anything raw I can find.” He finishes with a whistle for Connor's attention, and then a pointed finger flipping down in front of him. The dog trots over and sits down, while Toby takes off the vest you look through your cupboards to find the rolled oats you'd gotten as incentive to eat in the mornings before realizing you only liked them on certain days.

“So what does Tobias normally eat?” you call out as you look for some honey you know you threw in the cupboards.

“Anything really. I don't do slimy textures or anything watery.”

“Watery? Like soups?” Found a can of pumpkin, it's still in date too, perfect.

“Watery like...when you put too much water in oatmeal.” He nods when you silently show him the can of pumpkin asking if that'd be fine for his boy, who is sitting down drooling from his smiling face as Toby tussles his ears.

“Ahhh, thin watery got it.” You hear movement and a few grunts from Toby as you assume he tics, trying to ignore them so they won't trigger your own you look through the fridge. You suddenly take a deep breath, while looking for a meat in your fridge, and let out a shrill trill. Kinda sounds like a Togepi's cry from the cartoon. Shaking your head your eyes catch the eggs and turkey sausages you have.

“Will turkey sausage and eggs work for you two?”

“Never had turkey sausage but it should be fine.” he's leaning forward resting his head in his arms on the table as Connor lays by his bouncing feet.

You set the eye to medium heat and put the sausages on first, leaving three out for Connor. He is a big dog after all. You turned your focus on preparing Connor's oatmeal while the sausages cooked. It was kinda nice having company over even though the circumstances weren't the best. Your neck jerks to the side three times before pulling back. There's more on the way your neck didn't crack and your body doesn't let up until it does.

“So what disorder do you have?” You turn to give Toby a confused look you hope he can read through your mask.

“...I have a few..you want the list?”

“No, the tics. Lower level Tourettes or what?”

“Oh, they stem from my” head jerking twice to the side before cracking “there we go.” “Sorry, they stem from my Autism, at least that's the best I can gather without seeing a specialist. Virginia doctors suck big time.”

“Tell me about it.” that perks you right up, you knew you caught a transatlantic accent, it's pretty much the lack of an accent that gives Virginians away so easily. You already have two guesses on where Toby came from.

“I knew it, you're from Halifax aren't you?!” Since you've turned around to face him you see the exact moment his face drops. Eyes shocked wide open.

“How...did”

“Oh it's easy once you know what to listen for, in fact it was the total lack of any distinguishing accent or use of slang that gave you a way. A lot of people don't notice what they take from their communities linguistically speaking. And for us Virginians it's what we don't take. It's such a bland neutral midpoint it's why it had been so coveted during the radio era and while we might've lost the in-fluctuations as time went by, no longer needing them for our voices to be heard over various frequencies....am I talking too much you can tell me to shut up, really you won't hurt my feelings.” you give Toby a minute to process everything you've just said.

“Special interest?”

“mmm, more a...an interesting factoid.” you hope he registers your smile, hell you hope he doesn't think you're weird. You know how much you can be sometimes, especially when you info dump or overshare information. He manages to nod along with you before finding his voice again.

“Lemme guess NOVA?”

“Pfft, seriously.” you really need him to at least register the disgust on your face if he hasn't been able to read you before, “Listen the Beach isn't much better but I'd probably off myself if I was from NOVA.”

“A public service really.”

You both stare at each other before breaking into a fit of laughter. It's nothing huge but it does seem to put Toby more at ease you noticed. In the time it took you to make breakfast for all three of you you've found out a little bit more about Toby.

He's uncomfortable talking about his hometown, at least you assume, so instead he mentions that he recently came to town with his friends, Brian and Tim. Talks mostly about Connor and you learn he's to help alert Toby of his Tourettes when driving and he can even detect seizures with Brian. That's amazing, service dogs have sure come a long way! And you love hearing what a silly puppy Connor is off duty, it makes you smile. Toby in turn asks about you, and you are such a well of stories. You tell him about your family back on the coast, about your recent move to Kepler, give him a little info on Kepler to help him adjust to his stay, and even get on the topic of your extensive work with animals.

“Sounds like you were working towards being a trainer, why didn't you?”

Making a sound that sort of sounds like a jumbled 'I dunno', “Sort of don't like people that much. Dogs are fine, less complex and less likely to complain when you do something in a different way. But a trainer doesn't train the dog, they train the people.” You're placing Connor's food in front of him as he sits patiently.

It's quiet for a moment as you place a plate in front of Toby and set yours down as well. Not tense just quiet, it's very calming really. Until Toby ruins it.

“Thanks Connor.”

Like he's a voice actor who is over exaggerating the sound effects of a dog munching away at their bowl. Connor inhales harshly before diving head first into the bowl. The dog is ferociously tearing into his breakfast and you can't help the laughter that spills from you at his enthusiasm. Hands coming up near your face and shaking as you shift from foot to foot. It's a happy stim, cute dogs are of course a trigger, someone can complain later you're happy to see a happy excited pup any day.

Taking your seat and turning your attention to your food, you see Toby hasn't touched his own. He's staring at the plate with a furrowed brow, he glances up to you as you remove your mask. You feel a bit vulnerable to be honest.

“Oh is something wrong? Do you want something else?”  He's a guest who's helped you twice now the least you can do is make sure he leaves your home full.

It takes a moment but he gathers his thoughts to explain, “I have a scar...it's pretty bad.” he looks away from you.

You tilt your head not quiet understanding what he means, “Cool story, do you want me to look away?”

He stalls at this, you just keep throwing him for a loop since you met the other day. While he thinks on it you scoop some of your eggs on your spoon and into your mouth. Perfect texture and prefect flavor, today will be good.

Toby seems to have made his decision and without any show he takes his mask off to begin eating. You can see the scar he was talking about, and while the currently red and bleeding'?!' scar on the left corner of his mouth was bad it wasn't much compared to the gaping hole further up that side on his cheek. You can clearly see the even whiter, how this boy is so pale is beyond you, skin around the edges suggesting the wound was older and had started to heal at some point. But you could see most of the teeth on the left side of his mouth. You've never seen these teeth while they were still in the head. A skull or 3D model yea. But never a living breathing person's head. It's fascinating really, you hadn't even noticed that you finished your breakfast as you watched him eat, you were so enthralled.

“You know your lip's bleeding right?” eyes never leaving the boy's teeth as you see them grind down the eggs into the tiniest particles. Neat!

“Rwhatf?” the way he can talk with his mouth full without spilling it from the hole is fucking magic and you won't hear another word on it.

He takes a drink of water, again it doesn't spill. Then you notice the slight tilt of his head...oh he's had practice doing this. Impressive honestly.

“That's what you choose to comment on?” his eyes narrow at you're still gawking form.

“I'm sorry I've just never seen those type of teeth still in head, normally muscle and...and skin cover them. So this is really cool to see them in action!” gosh you're so damn weird. By his stupefied expression Toby seems to think so too.

“Plus the wound looks healed but the lips look fresh,” you get up and grab a few paper towels bringing them over to offer to Toby, “Not to mention it's bleeding and you haven't once wiped it.”

He doesn't reply as he takes the napkins from you and dabs at his scarred lip, looking back and seeing blood just as you said. He was right when he thought he'd been biting himself a few hours ago. He'd totally forgotten to check after getting you home.

“Well I don't feel it so I didn't know actually.” he just resumes eating as if this conversation didn't happen.

“Didn't, didn't, didn't” you get stuck in a loop for a bit before breaking out “you didn't feel it? What do you have congenital insensitivity to pain?” you ask incredulously.

“I haven't heard it called that since I got diagnosed.” still eating he looks at you through his long eyelashes.

This dude could not be a real person. You had to have been imagining your dream friend. Everything you learned about Toby was more interesting than the last...at least for you it was.

“Medical history podcasts are interesting.” you shrug, “should I get the first aid kit?” at his shrug you get up and go to your bathroom to retrieve the kit.

Coming back into the kitchen you catch Toby lowering your plates for Connor to lick clean. You don't see a problem with it but you will wash everything twice since the pup has slobbered on nearly everything anyway. When you don't say anything he lets Connor continue before placing the dishes in your sink.

“Such a big help” you say patting Connor's head as you pass him, “Yea I really am” Toby says as he sits back down. Propping his arm up on the table to rest his head on his knuckles, it was such a fluid and casual motion. As if he's sat at this table everyday of his life, like this was his home and you were his guest. Tied in with how comfy he is man spreading at your kitchen table you'd say he made himself at home just fine.

You smile and scoot your chair next to him first aid kit in between you on the table. Toby looks between you and the kit before leaning in closer for you to work. Grabbing the antiseptic cleaning towels you go to wipe Toby's lip when he flinches away. Probably faking to see your reaction.

“Oh, fuck off you have CIPA.” you laugh grabbing his chin to keep him in place. He rolls his eyes “And you're weird.” The vibrations feel weird against your fingers.

“I know.” you continue cleaning the small bite mark? Well he does have CIPA he wouldn't be able to feel the pain if he was gnawing at his lips. Would he be able to taste the metallic tang of his blood or were taste buds effected by the disorder too? You might need to do another deep dive on this, it just became relevant. Maybe an anxious tic, judging from the larger wound it could be possible. Wearing a mask must help to hide it but not not to stop it getting worse if no one can call you out on it.

“That wasn't an insult...” he says making you look up into his eyes as you dry the wound, “I know.” You smile down at him, knowing this time he can see it on your maskless face.

When you finished cleaning his wounded lips, you drove Toby and Connor back to their home. Which turned out to be the RV at the forgotten entrance of the forest. Toby had been a little wary you knew where he was talking about but seemed to shake it off just as quick when you mentioned hiking a lot and using that entrance because it was the closest to you.

He had put Connor's vest back on and hopped in the back with him. You noticed from the review that Connor's full attention was on you.

“This set up let's him focus on the driver, so he'll tell us if something will impede your driving.” Well that explains Brian's position the first time you four met.

Nodding you sync you phone with the car's bluetooth and pass it to Toby with spotify open.

“Rules of the road, passenger picks music.” you say simply when he questioned it.

He quickly clicked your last playlist. Probably either too lazy to find something or trying to get a better read on you. Music says a lot about a person even if not everyone thinks that way. And unfortunately for you this playlist screams mental illness and a need for therapy. But you have folk punk. So who needs therapy when you can just scream cry these lyrics.

Toby doesn't comment on it, either just totally apathetic or maybe he likes it. He's a bit of an enigma, he's open and honest for the most part but saves his opinions unless directly asked.

Even after making it to the RV without incident Toby tries to distract you for a bit and tempt you out of the car with the possibility of playing with Connor. As fun as the idea sounds and as much as you don't want to be rude, you're very tired and drained. Probably more from “hanging out” with Toby this morning than your actual episode last night. Plus you understand Toby's just trying to be nice and maybe ensure your safety.

“Could I maybe rain-check? I'm actually really tired.” you say with your most polite smile, though he can't see it through the mask  you know he sees the crinkle of your eyes.

“Sure, just get home safe.” you feel that's less about you, but you aren't sure what the hanging subject is. So cryptic.

“Yup,” you chirp, “See you later Tobias!” as you start to back out back onto the road you hear Toby say “ Later YN.”

Driving off you can't keep the smile off of your face. Toby's a nice guy, you hope you get to spend more time with him. And this time the thought isn't centered around also hanging out with Connor. Just about enjoying Toby's company.

Getting home and locking your door you strip your jeans and flannel, leaving you only in your muscle tee, and curl up in your unkempt sheets. You'll do laundry later, right now was time for a little nap.

[yetanothertaylor]

Fuck it, honesty hour

Since I really don’t have anyone in my life to talk to, let’s go to my gooooood friend Tumblr to deal with my inconsequential homosexual bullshit. So.

On top of working from/living at work (however you view current affairs because both feel accurate) and an ongoing pandemic impacting our lives and our normal way of coping through life, I’ve just been either meh as hell, stressed or sad.

Work is stressful. I’ve been hearing “it’ll get better” like I’m a bullied thirteen year old closet case who can’t walk to the choir building without fear for his life again. That’s a fun feeling to experience again. Who needs Agatha Harkness to relive past trauma?

Because of the pandemic, my stress relieving hobbies are nonexistent now. I can kind of still do theatre, but the stress of trying to produce shows during a pandemic and unknown restrictions neutralizes any stress that is relieved.

But most of all (and trust me, I fucking hate that this is what’s controlling my sadness) is how mother fucking lonely I feel. After my last relationship ended with getting socked in the face by my ex and the majority of the LGBTQ+ community in the area taking his side because he’s from here, I’ve felt really fucking shitty for over a damn year. I feel like I haven’t been able to express that feeling without getting attacked on social media for saying “I feel like shit and fuck my ex and his friends for making me feel this way.” It’s as if any ties I had to our community, and I use that term loosely, are severed and burned. They’re done. So yeah, we’re in a pandemic and we should all be suffering through bouts of loneliness and lack of sex right? Wrong. I seem to be the only person in (what’s left of) my friend group not fucking multiple people a week or talking to someone with mutual interest. That is just more fuel to the fire of insecurity. Am I that unappealing and unattractive that nobody wants to talk to me? And I say that at the risk of sounding shallow as hell. Because it feels like the only people who want to interact with me I have zero interest in. There’s no physical attraction, no sense of intellectual connection, and ZERO personality that makes me want to have a conversation with them.

So why am I bitching on Tumblr instead of talking to a friend? Hmmm... let’s see. None of my female friends I feel close enough to to disclose this type of information without concern that I’m talking about a mutual friend. Any of my gay friends (with one glaring exception, stay tuned) that still like me, just wanna fuck me. They’re my friends for one reason or another. I either value the friendship too much, don’t have a romantic connection, or don’t want to pursue a further relationship with them. That’s stressful because I feel like there’s no way to express that stance without sounding like a dick even when they’re being as subtle as an elephant in a minefield about wanting me to fuck them or date them. So I can’t say woah is me to any of them because for SOME REASON they think “I’d fuck you” will make me feel better about feeling unloved and unwanted. Maybe I’m just a fucking asshole, but that just comes across as selfish on their part using my insecurity for their gain. I don’t know.

Oh yeah, the glaring exception. So my roommate is my best fucking friend in the world. We’ve been friends for 7 years, and that’s the longest friendship I’ve honestly ever maintained. So all has been good the past few years we’ve lived together. Our friendship started as FWB in college. For a minute, there was dating potential but neither of us were at a place to seriously consider it. Flash forward a few years, and we’re now housemates. I’ve always secretly harbored feelings for him and used that as a gauge for if it truly liked a guy. I figured it was a safe metric since we’d never be more than friends again. But then he starts flirting with me around the house and we start having random hookups. That titillates stupid Taylor’s feelings. I start hearing the things I’ve dreamed of hearing from him for years. But it’s so infrequent. I know he’s fucking multiple random people when I can barely get a “hello” for someone on Grindr/Tinder/Scruff/Hinge (I’m trying y’all). I’m sitting here in bed after too much Crown feeling down. I feel like my low self esteem has made me his sex toy whenever he can’t get anything better because I’m 15 feet away. It’s just a sucky feeling, and I know I need to address it with him. I just don’t know how to handle it because we’ve never talked about our hookups outside of the heat of the moment.

So yeah, just needed to get that off of my chest. I doubt anyone read that, and if you did I am so very sorry. Maybe sober Taylor will read this and feel some type of way. If you could DM him some positive words of encouragement, I think he’d appreciate it. Sorry.