#i know when a lot of you followed me you weren't expecting all this emotional shit BUT i am maudieMOODS

[maudiemoods]

Yayyyayyayay I have a studio tour tomorrow!!! I'm trying to not get my hopes up but I really really want this to work out for me

[harunovella]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ every thought I'm thinking of is you; t.f.

synopsis: you never knew your parents had this much worry when it came to your college life, hiring a bodyguard for you, you just never expected to fall in love this quickly… let alone, let him be your first... content: fem!reader, bodyguard!toji, age gap, older man/younger woman, one sided love, slight obsession, reader is a little bit dramatic but she wants what she wants and what she wants is toji, love confessions, guilt, loss of virginity, pwp, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, aftercare (he is the king of after care ok), toji is a boob man, ambiguous/open ending, not beta read! note: okay but the concept of bodyguard!toji came to me a as a dream way before I wrote my leon fic where he basically becomes reader's guard... anyway, pls enjoy! I love dramatic endings, oops- title inspo (pls listen!)

Being a professional bodyguard meant being hired to protect those important, those who were wealthy. The array of politicians, actors, musicians—you name it—that hired him made his resume endless. However, this was a first. You were a first. Hired by a pair of rich folks to watch over their daughter who enjoyed her college years a little... too much. 

Being careless was quite the understatement. Sure, you were doing fine academically, excelling in your classes to get one step closer to your degree... but that didn't stop you from having a full college life. Even if you weren't in a dorm. What, with the success of your parents, you lived in a neighborhood near one of the country's most finest universities. There was no need to live on campus, you could stay home. 

Which is why you were always out at the wee hours of the night, not returning home until the sun rose. That was dramatic, but that was how your parents felt. You stayed up late, partied, got home at an ungodly hour and yet managed to be booked and busy the following day. No one knew how you did it, you just said it was you enjoying your youth. You thanked the universe for being blessed with beauty and brains, you weren't sure how you'd survive the life you were living. 

You just never expected your habits to be this concerning that you had to have someone watch over you like the others watched over your home and parents. You were used to bodyguards... but never one who almost always showed up everywhere you went. 

Toji felt like a glorified babysitter, and if it wasn't for how much your parents paid him, he would've never taken the job. He took his role seriously, he was a bodyguard and that's exactly what he did, especially when his salary was high, he had no questions. Just to protect. Even if the job was anything but easy. 

He had been through a lot in his career, the many death threats, nearly taking god knows how many bullets... the scars he's earned. Yet, nothing seemed harder than watching a young woman who wanted to live her life freely and carelessly. Especially a young woman who was nothing but a flirt and a tease. Wanting nothing more than to have his attention rather than ignore his existence. 

You, of course, never expected your personal body guard to be the sexiest man alive. Through and through. From head to toe. The dark, fringed hair. Those piercing green eyes that looked as if god got the exact colors of spring grass and replicated them in his irises. The build of his body, bigger than any man you had ever seen... so burly and strong. Arms so thick, muscles so wide. He was so broad, it made you salivate. You never liked men that were overly large. However, Toji? He was on another level. You wanted him. You needed him. No man ever made your mouth water or your body tingle the way this man did. All he did was watch after you, drag you home, and literally put you in your place. With the most indifferent expressions ever, almost never showing emotion even if there was a hint of annoyance in his tone when he scolded you. 

Yet, you looked up at him with hearts in your eyes, his words entering one ear and exiting the other as you gazed up at him. Your focus would settle on the scar that decorated his lips, you licking your own as you itched to kiss him. He had no clue the power he had on you. You were love drunk, completely smitten, he was the man of your dreams. As pathetic as it sounded, you wanted to even marry him. He could yell at you all he wanted, saying how you worry your parents and that he isn't your babysitter, but you'd still gaze up at him with the most loving eyes. 

Toji didn't know what he was going to do with you. 

It's probably what got him in this situation in the first place. 

He had stepped out to get some fresh air, processing the events that unraveled before him moments prior. Gathering his thoughts, trying to understand his feelings... trying to manage through all that had been going on that lead to this. He wasn't gone for long, just took a walk around the neighborhood to ease himself... he didn't expect to come back to your home with you completely missing. 

He called your name several times, searching every inch of the house once he found your window open in hopes it was all a ploy. You were an actress, quite the attention seeker when it came to him. You lived to make his heart race and play with his head. You enjoyed the cat and mouse chase, but something told him this wasn't that. This wasn't a joke. This was serious. And he hated it. 

"Cmon, answer me..." he grumbled, calling your cell phone, only to hear ringing coming from your bed. Shoving some of your pillows and plushies around, he growled. You left your phone behind. Did you actually leave out the window? It wasn't the first time... but you never left your phone behind. 

Rubbing his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose and huffing, Toji recalled the events that lead to this very moment. 

Your parents had been out of town for the weekend and you invited some of your friends over, sneakily stealing from their stash of liquor that wasn't so hidden. It was meant for gatherings or when either of them needed to lay back and relax. Your mother's best wine stacked up, your father's favorite whiskeys shelved. You couldn't recall how much you had consumed when Toji found you, kicking your friends out before handling you. 

You were a bit of a klutz while tipsy, a clingy mess who couldn't seem to let go of Toji. Like a leach, latching onto him and giggling. Hiccuping as you slurred your words. You were quite the lightweight—or at least drank a little too much. Toji had dealt with a drunken you before, always handling you to make sure you didn't go home like this. He was your savior, quite the massive angel when he sobered you up enough to avoid your parent's disappointment and wrath. Another reason why you fell so hard for him. 

Personal space wasn't a thing for you, you were all over him, hugging his arm, squeezing his bicep. Batting your lashes up to him, pressing your breasts against his side while dressed in that cute outfit that you'd sleep in. You had hoped to have your friends sleep over, but that didn't work out when Toji dismissed them. They were all used to him and never questioned him. Slightly annoyed, but they'd never cross a man like him. He was big and terrifying (and they knew you were head over heels for him).

It took everything in his power to keep things civil, asking you how much you had, trying to keep you from doing something you'd regret. However, that didn't stop you from pushing. You were persistent. You wanted what you wanted, and when you zeroed in on something, you'd stop at nothing. 

Settling you down and giving you water, making sure you chugged it all as he went through his usual routine to get you sober, you just sat there, happily. Gazing up at him and beaming with the brightest smile, you thanked him for caring for you. Going as far as calling him a true gentleman. He knew what you were doing, it was nothing new. Sighing and running his hand through his hair, he took your hand and pulled you up to your feet, leading you to your bedroom to get some rest. 

"Get some sleep, you need it," he said but you only whined. 

"I'm not tired," you frowned, shaking your head stubbornly and crossing your arms like a child. 

"You need to," he said sternly. 

"Nuh uh! Not unless you join me," you grinned but Toji shook his head. 

"No," he said your name in an almost warning tone. 

"Why not?" You pouted once again. "Why are you so dismissive of my advancements, huh?"

"Because I'm a gentleman," he said, using your own words against you. This making your pout deepen as you huffed. 

"I want you, Toji," you confessed, still frowning but looking away now. 

"You're just a kid, you don't know what you want," he dismissed as you rolled your eyes. You've heard that plenty. 

"I am not a kid, Toji. I know what I want and what I want is you." Without a second thought as Toji watched you stand on your bed, you grabbed the collar of his button down and tugged him in to you. Your lips slammed against his, not lasting any longer than a couple of seconds before Toji pushed you back. 

He was in shock, heart racing and eyes wide with confusion. Not that he never saw it coming, but a part of him almost nearly didn't want you to stop. And that was dangerous. He couldn't even have an inkling of desire for you. You were his assignment. Nothing more, nothing less. You were a child compared to him. A young woman with her whole life ahead of her, barely in her 20s and kissing a man in his mid 30s. "Don't ever do that again," he warned as you blinked a few times, frowning and eyes watering. "Get some sleep, you're not thinking straight," he said before storming out, shutting your door a bit roughly behind him. Leaving you there hurt, confused, angry and heartbroken. 

Snapping out of his thoughts at the not too distant memory that happened less than an hour prior, Toji cursed under his breath. He shouldn't have done any of that, shouldn't have handled the situation the way he had. Truth be told, he enjoyed your presence. He enjoyed your infatuation towards him. He liked that you were clingy and needy of his attention. It filled the void within him that he had struggled with for so long, using other women and gambling to cover it up. Who was he to have a girl like you by his side when he wasn't man enough? He wasn't the man for you. You deserved better. So much better. He wished you put the energy and effort you put into him, on to someone else. Someone more deserving. Someone more age appropriate. Not your bodyguard who was just a tamed assassin. A man who could kill and not feel an inkling of remorse. 

Yet, here he was, blaming himself and chasing after you. He couldn't let anything happen to you. Couldn't let you get hurt. Not only would he lose his job and possibly his head, but he'd never forgive himself if something were to happen and he never saw you again. Wouldn't forgive himself if he never had the opportunity to clear the air. God, what were you doing to him? Never did he care this much about a client! Let alone, a woman!

You couldn't be too far, he came back right when it began to rain. If you were smart enough, you were hiding out somewhere to avoid him. 

At least, he hoped. 

Of course, you, in all your dramatic wisdom, were walking in the rain. Arms clutching to yourself, trembling at the cold and the lack of layers on. In nothing but your pajamas and slippers. You were being over the top, but your mind was so clouded. Not only by the alcohol, but the fact that the man you were madly in love with rejected you. Sees you as nothing more than a child when you weren't. Just because you liked to have fun in your youth. Why did you have to fall for him? 

Crying as your head throbbed, barely able to focus on your surroundings, especially at a late hour like this one. You should've stayed home and just cried yourself to sleep. You were just so angry! You just wanted to leave and never see him again!

Suddenly, the sound of a booming voice shouting your name caught your attention. Looking over to see Toji exit his car and run after you, you quickened your pace. You wanted nothing to do with him, you didn't want to see his stupidly handsome face. You just wanted to be left alone, why couldn't he understand that?! 

Yet, here you were, being chased by him. You knew you wouldn't get far, he was too skilled and you may have ran from him a few times in the past only to be snatched up each time. Of course, even with that lingering in your head, you still hoped maybe this time you could escape him. Even if all those other times you ran with the desire of him catching you. This time? You wanted to be as far away from him as possible. 

Only to trip over uneven pavement. Lovely. 

Grunting and whimpering from the sudden impact, you were ready to force yourself up and keep going, only for him to snatch you up. 

"Are you crazy?!" He shouted in your face, hands gripping your upper arms as he shook you. "Do you know what time it is?! Do you know what could've happened to you?! You could've been kidnapped or killed!"

Feeling your blood boil as you panted, you pressed your small palms against him, shoving him off of you. "Get away from me! Don't touch me!" Continuously trying to push him away, Toji wouldn't budge. Growing frustrated and antsy, you acted before you even thought, your palm meeting his cheek as you slapped him. 

With a low snarl, Toji glared down at you, grinding his teeth. He couldn't understand why you were behaving this way, his denial towards you shouldn't have been such a big of a deal. It was a stupid crush, he was sure. Something shallow. So why did you continue to fight him?

Capturing your wrists and pinning your hands down as he pressed you against the light pole behind you, Toji hissed, "you need to start acting like a damn adult, not this childish bullshit—"

"Make me," you spoke through clenched teeth. You were shaking from both anger and the coldness of the late night showers. You looked deep into his eyes with, what could've been read as, deep hatred. He knew you didn't hate him, but you were furious. 

Feeling his heart race from the adrenaline, skipping a sudden beat from your threat, hating how they suddenly triggered something within, Toji snarled. He felt pathetic knowing he was feeling something he shouldn't towards you, fighting everything in him to suppress whatever it was, being why he reacted so roughly. Like he always did. "Stop behaving like a fucking brat. Grow up. You're a 20 year old college student. Not a 15 year old girl with a crush on her teacher. Act your age and stop thinking the world revolves around you, like you're invincible, when there are those who care and worry about you—"

"Fuck you!" You snapped. "You don't care about me!"

"Who says I don't?! I'm literally right here!" He shouted. 

"You're here because it's your job and so you can get paid!" You snapped back. "You don't care about me, not one bit! You never did! I was always just a paycheck! I hate that I fell in love with you!" Instantly regretting your words, realizing what you just said, you panicked. Looking absolutely mortified, you felt Toji's grip tighten around your wrists. You wanted to melt, puddle up and evaporate. Disappear from this universe. How could you let that slip?! Sure, you had an obvious crush but never love! At least, you wouldn't dare admit that!

Suddenly, you tried slipping from his grip, thrashing around to escape, punching his chest and telling him to let you go. Practically begging him to. Instead, he loosened his grip on one of your wrists and grabbed a fistful of your hair, angling your head as his lips collided with your own. 

It was far more intense than any other kiss you've ever had, the way he was practically eating your face. Tongue nearly down your throat, stealing every breath you had, saliva spreading in a sloppy manner. You didn't even think, your body acting before you could as your hands reached into his hair. Gripping and tugging at the dark locks roughly. Biting his lip hard enough until he bled, Toji hissed and landed a harsh smack against your ass, earning a yelp from you. 

"Is this what you wanted?" He asked in what was possibly the lowest voice he could muster. As if it was filled with anger, annoyance, worry and... lust. 

You couldn't even look at him, ashamed in yourself as you shook your head, speaking in the saddest voice, "I just want you to love me back..."

For once, Toji felt off guard, his eyes widening as his grip on you instantly loosened. His chest heaved as his heart thudded against his ribcage. It wasn't even pathetic the way you spoke, far from it. If anything, he felt bad that you wanted someone like from him. And he hated that a piece of him—a big one at that—wanted to give that to you. You did a number on him and you didn't even know it yet. Even in the rain his body felt like it was on fire, as if his skin would melt off. His mind was a mess, thinking about your confession and desires. How attached he's grown to you without truly realizing it. The interactions you've shared and the small advancements made. He hated that... a part of him knew he's fallen for you, too. Quite possibly since the first interaction when he told himself you were nothing more than a spoiled brat and to suppress those feelings... when, in reality, you were nothing but kind. A little wild and youthful, but you never did anything to make him hate you. Never did anything to make his job boring. You were a lot to handle but, he liked it. He enjoyed the thrill of the chase. He enjoyed you. But, god, did it feel so wrong for you to want a man like him with such a troubled past. With almost nothing to offer. 

"Fuck..." he cursed under his breath as you suddenly looked at him with pure confusion. Blinking in bewilderment. "I'm taking you to my place." Without a second thought, he lifted you up and took you to his car, driving you to his place and knowing very well this could end terribly for the both of you. 

But, he couldn't stop now, not with his hand on your thigh as he drove and not when he pulled you into his place when you two arrived. And definitely not when he stood before you, towering your figure as you looked up at him with those doe eyes that made him want to fucking melt. 

"Do you really want me?" He asked. "If you're not sure you can take it I rather you just shower and take my bed before I do something I'd regret."

"Toji, I want you so badly, it hurts," you nearly whispered in desperation, not wanting to lose any chances of having him. He had no idea how fast he made your heart race (or made your inner thighs ache) in deep need for him. 

Stalking towards you and cornering you as your back collided with a wall, Toji asked you once again, "are you sure?"

Nodding, you looked up at him with a shaky body, desperate to feel his touch. "Yes, please..."

Toji's hand instantly wrapped around your neck, thumb and pointer finger pressing against your jaw as he pulled you in. He lips smashed against yours, shoving his tongue past them with no hesitation. It felt like he was trying to consume you, exploring every inch your mouth had to offer, moans slipping past your part lips every time he'd sloppily kiss the corners of your mouth. The shared salvia smeared as you felt yourself becoming lightheaded. Your knees were just about to give out, your heart pounding in your chest and humming in your ears. Toji's grip tightened as his free hand slipped under your now soaked camisole. Groping and squeezing at your left breast, thumb brush against your hardened nipple before he pinched it. You moaned slightly into his mouth, panting against him as his tongue intertwined with your own. 

Easily lifting you up with one arm, he brought you to his bed, dropping you on it and wasting no time with undressing. He unbuttoned the dress shirt he wore, nearly tearing it off and doing the same with the shirt underneath. His shoes long gone as he tossed your slippers to a side. You sat up on your elbows, trying to catch your breath as you watched the god of a man strip before you. Sure, the suits he wore while on duty hugged his body painfully so, you knew this man was ripped. It was obvious with his towering size and broad shoulders... but to see him shirtless before you? Every line and curve, the shapes of his muscles bulging, the deep v cut and trail of hair that lead to what you needed most. You swore you were going to pass out. This was the man of your dreams, your soulmate, you knew it to be true. And now... you had him, nearly bare before you as he slipped off his pants and wore nothing but his black boxers. 

Toji gripped your ankles and tugged you close as you looked up at him, wide eyed and lips parted. Your chest heaved as he crawled over you, hand pressing against the back of your head, pulling you into a slightly gentler kiss. He still chased after your lips, still desired to taste you, but he wasn't trying to swallow you whole this time. Not that you would mind.  You'd give him everything if you could. 

His large hands gripped your waist as he adjusted himself, straddling you and leaning on his heels before reaching for the hem of your top. Eyeing you and the haze that fogged your eyes, he took in a sharp breath. "Are you sure about this?" Hearing you hum, he shook his head. "No, I need to hear you say it."

"Yes, Toji... Please..." you begged, voice nearly cracking in desperation and need of him. 

Taking in a deep breath, eyeing you once more, he lifted your top a bit to reveal your body, stopping midway before he could expose your breasts. "I won't stop until you tell me to."

"I won't," you shook your head stubbornly. "I need you."

Letting out a small huff as his head dropped, grip tightening around your top, itching to just rip it off and tear you apart, Toji bit down. You weren't like the other women, never would be, he wasn't going to just fuck you without a care. He had some decency. At least, when it came to you. He'd never admit to himself why. 

Lifting your top off and dropping it to a side, Toji took your body in, your curves and every little mark that were unique to you—whether it was a scar or freckle—it was as if he was mapping your skin. You were squirming, whether it'd be desperation, anxiety, or insecurity, Toji dove in. He gave your breasts the attention they deserved, taking one in his mouth and the other occupied in his bear paw of a hand. He licked at the skin as his fingers teased your other nipple, biting and breathing against the wet skin, making you tremble beneath him. 

He switched positions, moaning into your mounds in a sound you've never heard before. If you had to guess, by the way he gave your chest so much focus, how he sucked at them as if they were his life force, and the way he was basically humping you... you'd say Toji was a boob guy. Through and through, no matter the size, he just loved the feeling of the supple flesh in his hands, in his mouth... his aching dick between them, even. If you knew any better, and if Toji lost all self control, he definitely would've fucked them. 

But not now, not this time. It was his first time with you, he needed to learn your body. Explore every inch of it. What turns you on, what makes your eyes roll back, what has you seeing stars. 

Toji gripped at your shorts, tugging them down and tossing it onto your matching top. Kissing down your belly, nibbling along the way and leaving marks in his wake, Toji found himself nestled between your thighs. God, if there was something he loved more than boobs were a woman's thighs. Thick or not, he loved them, loved having them wrapped around his neck, suffocating him. If he had a way to go, it would be by them. 

Kissing your inner thighs, making it to the apex of them, the scent of your arousal was driving him insane. It felt as if he couldn't control himself, grip tightening around your waist as his finger tips dug into your flesh. Not seeming to care of you had a barrier blocking him, Toji buried his face further into you, nose nudging your clothed clit as you shuddered. The shock that was sent throughout your body made your heart race faster as you watched him. It was like he was in a trance, even with your panties still on. 

Burying his nose further into you as you trembled, Toji couldn't help but lick against the cloth, tongue nudging your bundle of nerves as your legs shook. "You better not muffle your sounds, I wanna hear it all," he warned as he looked at you, you instantly nodding. Grinning, he yanked your panties off before he pulled your thighs over his shoulders. Your pussy, in all its glory, bare before him. He couldn't help but grin at the sight, the scent driving him mad as he found himself rutting against the mattress. Truly, a woman's body was his ultimate weakness. 

Purposefully tossing your panties in a different direction to keep for himself (for future—personal—use, of course), Toji dove in. He didn't even bother to give a single warning. Open mouthed, practically making out with your pussy, your head fell back as you began to squirm. Your moans grew louder the further Toji teased you. With every lick and every suck of your clit, to the prodding of your hole with his tongue, you felt as if you forgot to breathe. 

Your thighs were clenching against his head, Toji's grip tightening to prevent you from suffocating him (even if he wanted to welcome it). The sounds were disgusting in a way that turned you. It was almost painful, how good it felt. The way he worked you open with just his tongue, slurping every bit of your essence that leaked. It didn't take Toji long to figure out how to make you come. It wasn't going to be the only time, anyway. 

You felt completely spent, lying almost limp before him. You should've known this man was an expert, but a part of you... that was rather innocent, had believed it was going to happen once when he was in you. Of course, you should've know once wasn't enough. No. Not when he introduced his thick fingers, spreading you open, pumping deeply into you as he watched you squirm. He was nearly getting off to it, the way you panted and moaned his name, smaller hands gripping at his sheets as your toes curled. He grinned to himself, licking his scar as he pushed your legs further apart, pumping his fingers faster into you, proud of himself for making you come a second time.

"Look at me," he demanded as your eyes fluttered open. Hooded and exhausted. You watched as he slipped his two fingers out of you, soaked in your release. He watched them in awe as you squirmed in embarrassment. Toji only made it worse when he brought them into his mouth, sucking with an obnoxious groan. It was then you noticed the painful bulge tenting in his underwear, an obvious wet spot that had formed. Did he get off... to you getting off?

"Fuck... 'm not gonna get used to that. Best I've ever had. So fucking good," he breathed as you took in deep breaths. "I think you're ready f'r me."

Gulping as he stood up to strip his underwear, an audible gasp left your lips as you eyed his cock. The tip red and leaking. Oh, you definitely weren't going to handle that. It was monster sized, there was no way no amount of prep would prepare you for the girth of his size. 

"Don't worry, I'll make it fit," he smirked, the twitch of his scarred lip making you let out an uncontrollable moan. He was hot and he knew it... and somehow that made it all the better. 

Kneeling before you and gripping your thighs, parting them and aligning himself with you, he reached in between and coated his length with your juices, pumping a few times before pushing into you. A gasp got caught in your throat as you nearly choked. Just barely in and you were squirming. "It's— Too big!"

"Too big? You were so desperate earlier," he nearly whispered, voice low and sending a chill down your spine. He pulled back and pushed further in, the stretch stinging and bringing tears to your eyes as you bit your bottom lip. "You can take it."

"Too much— 's too much," you breathed, hand gripping his forearms as if it would stop him. 

Instead, Toji laughed, pulling back and pushing in. Thrusting in and out at a steady peace to let you adjust to his size—until he began to reach deeper. Feeling as if you couldn't breathe, Toji leaned into you. Fucking you slowly and deeply, he left open mouth kisses along your neck and shoulders, biting the skin and leaving his mark behind. He couldn't help but lick at you, the sweat that was beading on your skin. You were intoxicating, he couldn't seem to have enough. All the little sounds, how you moaned his name. The way you begged. How your legs wrapped around him, keeping him in deep even if you cried that he was too much. 

He lifted his head enough to kiss you, tongue meeting tongue as he moaned into your mouth. God, it was all so much, yet... not enough. You wanted more, your body craved him. Your nails clawed at his back as your heels dug into him. He bit and sucked your bottom lip, lifting himself to look at your fucked out face. Swollen lips, teary cheeks, sprawled out hair soaked from the rain. You were an angel straight from heaven sent to him. He couldn't get enough. He needed more. More more more. 

Licking your tears away, deepening his thrusts as he grunted in your ear, your eyes rolled back, seeing galaxies the way his cock reached so deeply into you. You were sure he was going to mold himself against you. "Toji— I— I'm—" you were at a loss for words, mind going blank as you felt that chord within you snap. You came so hard, body trembling and overstimulated that you cried out while pulling at his hair. Toji rode it out, caressing your head and praising you as he continued to thrust in and out of you. 

"You did so good, so good. My good girl. You did so good," he praised as you trembled beneath him. Feeling his own orgasm building up, Toji eyed you and nearly came at the sight of your fucked out face. He fucked you dumb, he was sure there was no thoughts in that little head of yours. "In or out?"

"In— In..." you breathed, eyes barely able to stay open as your hands fell limp against his back, lost in his locks as you tried catching your breath. 

"Look at me," he said as you gulped, eyes fluttering open. He kept his focus locked on you, thrusting a few more times before stilling, coming deeply within your womb without looking away. It was almost the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. You weren't sure how he did it, so enthralled by those emerald eyes, you were afraid that you'd do whatever he said with how hypnotized you were. 

Staying in you for a moments worth as his forehead pressed against your own, breathing each other in, Toji pulled out, earning a whine from you. Nearly flopping on his back, catching his breath as his heart raced, he rolled to his side and snuck a hand in between your legs, feeling the way his come was leaking from you before he gathered it and plugged his finger into you. You let out a small cry, turning your face to hide into his chest. 

"Can't let any of it go to waste, can we?" He asked as you shook your head. Toji moved to leave kisses down your thigh as he pulled his hand away, lifting your legs enough to eye the way his seed pooled beneath you. All the guilt was out the window with how clouded his mind was. Having you this way, you giving yourself to him even if it was all so very wrong. 

He hated to admit, he doesn't remember the last time he had sex like this that wasn't a way just to fulfill himself and only himself. Instead, he was getting off to you. Getting off to the way he made you feel. Especially that blissed out expression on your face... If only he could fuck you again and again and again until—

Toji stopped himself there before the thoughts got worse. You were spent, exhausted and probably unable to move a single limb. He had to clean the both of you up. "C'mon, can't stay like this, as much as I'd love to." Patting your thigh as you groaned, he leaned in and left a few more kisses against your lips, you lazily reciprocating them. 

Toji lifted you in his arms and brought you to his shower. Your body was shaking and legs were surely weak. He made sure the water was warm enough for the two of you, helping clean one another in sluggish movements (more from you and your exhaustion). Toji dried you up after, wrapping a towel around his waist as he helped ruffle your hair with the towel and dress you in one of his shirts. He sat you on his couch with a cup of water as he changed his bedsheets. Bringing you back to the bed, cuddling up against one another as you tried to morph into him, desperate for his warmth, you nuzzled his bare chest. His scent was intoxicating, your eyes falling heavy as you felt your body being carried away into your world of dreams. 

"I'm so thankful you're my first," you mumbled sleepily. Toji's once droopy eyes shot open. 

"I was... your first?" He asked with all sorts of hesitation. You were a virgin... and he took your virginity? 

"Mhm... I was saving myself for someone special enough. Guess that was you," you said before falling asleep, deep enough to not have an inkling that your words would be the reason why Toji hardly slept that night. 

Toji took you home the following day bright and early before your parents returned from their business trip. You freshened up and felt a sense of ease and happiness that you've never felt before. Ready to return back to Toji to say your goodbyes as he spoke to your parents, you found yourself hiding behind a wall as your heart skipped a beat and smile dropped at his words. 

"I apologize for the late notice but I'll need to take a leave of absence. I already have a few people lined up that can take over my position," Toji said. "I'll give you their contacts."

"What happened? Is everything alright?" Your father asked. 

"It's personal reasons I rather not disclose, but I assure you these people can watch over your daughter at a level almost nearing mine."

"I hope all is well, thank you for all you've done for us. Will we be seeing you again?" Your mother asked. 

It was what felt like hours before Toji spoke up again, leaving you with a heavy heart that dropped to your feet at his last words, "I am unsure," he admitted. "I wish nothing but the best for you."

Those last words weren't directed towards your parents, it was almost as if Toji knew you were listening. Was he really abandoning you after last night? Did your confession mean nothing to him? Did he... use you? Your bottom lip began to quiver as your eyes pooled up at his last words:

"Take care."

[explicit-tae]

Hey can you write a jk fic about a world where people can't express anything like they can't laugh,cry or feel any type of emotions and they don't know about these and then jk feels something after seeing oc like that ...

Actually I don't know how to tell you 😭😭

Since there's not really a lot to go off of, I just did what I could with what you gave me 😅 hopefully its similar to what you were intending to say 🫶🏽

Cosmic Balance

Every universal realm has a positive and negative - good or bad. Jungkook manages to cross the portal from his dystopian world to your utopian one and decides that he'd do anything to stay with you.

Word Count: 8.786

Warning: dystopian world, sex-work/brothel, protected/unprotected sex, mentions of cheating, kissing, virtual reality sex, nipple sucking, oral sex, riding, creampie, slight dirty talk, fingering,

Alternate Universe

“Just try it…” is all Jungkook can hear in his mind. His eyes flash to the large digital clock flashing outside his window - he was supposed to be asleep now, as was everyone in his world. “It’s a portal to a whole different world. Just make sure you’re back by 6 am.”

Jungkook’s hands tremble as he grasps the cover on his mirror. It’s one - of many - forbidden rules, completely unforgivable. He never questioned why all reflected areas should be covered as night came, but then again, it was a question that should never be answered.

Jungkook’s world is dark and dull - gray. He was raised upon these rules - he and millions of others. There were rules that were meant to be followed and going against them meant dire consequences - death always an option. 

Jungkook removes the cover quickly and swallows the lump in his throat. He stares at his reflection - the terrified look in his eyes and his heaving chest. He licks his lips, the thought of his breaking a forbidden rule has the hairs on his skin rising.

Jungkook looks closer at his reflection, his finger reaching out to touch. There’s a rippling effect in the reflection that when Jungkook touches, he visibly is horrified when his hand falls through the mirror.

Jungkook snatches himself away from the mirror and quickly covers the mirror with the cover once more. He falls onto his bed, heart thumping that they were right - his friends were correct. There was a whole different world besides the one he’s in now and the thought scares him.

Jungkook often wished that there was a different world he could live in. A world where there weren't strict rules for being excited - he could laugh freely in public when something was funny and not risk being arrested and fined.

Was there truly a world that allowed their people to be free - where the atmosphere was carefree and loving. Did the other world allow their people to laugh, smile - even cry - in public and not the confines of their own room. Did the other people only arrest those who were actually committing heinous crimes, and not because they were a minute late on curfew?

Did the other world allow their people to love and marry whoever they wanted? Jungkook thinks how in a few years at the age of 28 he would be married to whoever his government chose - based on status - and he would be expected to have a child no later than a year. Women who couldn’t bear children would be forced to be alone and provide for themselves. They were encouraged to be whores and work in brothels - “it’s not like you could bear a child anyways” is the harsh words the government would speak to them.

Men would oftentimes be ridiculed, losing job opportunities and their status in life lowering. 

Jungkook thinks how his life would be if he was in another world where he could love who he wants to and not who he was chosen to.

It’s what Jungkook thinks when he sees you, the same work attire as his. You were soon destined to marry someone else just like he was and he knows that he could never have you. There was always a possibility that you would be chosen for him - but Jungkook doesn’t allow himself to think about it. He isn’t an idiot and he understands that you were going to be taken away by some other man and married - and you’d have that man’s child instead.

Your eyes meet Jungkook’s for a moment and he glances away. He was staring again, he thinks. You’re a smart woman and you know how he feels for you and understands that he could never act upon them. You weren’t a barren woman - and a relationship - sexual or not - prior to marriage to an unbarren woman is one of many forbidden rules.

“Still looking at Y/N?” 

The seat beside Jungkook is taken by Taehyung. His friend opens the laptop and begins to type, continuing his work. He speaks in a low tone to not disturb the peace - doing so could lead to arrest.

“She could report you for harassment.” 

You could, Jungkook thinks. Women have reported men for harassment all the time - harrassment being even glancing their way if they didn’t appreciate the act. 

You could, but you never did.

“Have you gone to the brothel? Maybe you need to let off some steam.” Taehyung glances his way a bit, his typing not ceasing. “Staring at her isn’t going to make things easier.”

Jungkook doesn’t respond - because he knows Taehyung is correct. The last thing he did want was for you to report him for harassment. He could go to the brothel, sure, but there was no real connection there. He could fuck for as long as he desired, but there was no true connection to the women he was fucking nor did he ever know what these women looked like as their upper and lower body are separated. 

Sex shouldn’t be so quick nor easy - so one sided. Jungkook wants to know did these women feel the same as he did - even if it was a quick high. Did they enjoy the way he fucked them or did they want him to be slower - or faster, go deeper. 

“There you go,” Taehyung murmurs, his fingers typing fast. “in your head again. Did you do as we told you?”

Jungkook sends a e-document and shakes his head. “Freaked out.” he murmurs. 

Taehyung snorts quietly. “I knew you would.”

Jungkook sighs. “It isn’t that easy.”

“How so? You walk through the mirror during an in-between and make sure you’re back on time.” Taehyung shrugs. He glances at you for a moment, noticing how your eyes are upon them - mainly Jungkook. You appear to be surprised that Taehyung catches you and quickly, you turn away. 

“What are you afraid of?” Taehyung murmurs.

What was he afraid of?

There was a lot to be afraid of. He had never broken a forbidden rule before - uncovering a mirror after hours  was an unforgivable one, and now he understood why. There was a whole different universe out there that was seemingly different than his own - he wouldn’t know how to navigate it. His friends had told him stories that appeared to be just that, stories. Something fictional and unbelievable. 

Jungkook was afraid that if he went to this world, that he’d never want to return to his own.

Jungkook is disgusted with himself - disgusted in how he finds himself in the brothel.

Not only Jungkook - but many unmarried men starting at the age of 21-27. This was the only place where it didn’t matter how loud you were. You could scream, yell, curse - hell, cry. You can display any type of emotion inside the brothel.

The brothel had color and life to it - not the sad beige and gray of the outside world. It appeared to be like a dream - was this what the other world was like? Colorful? Cherry? Maybe that’s why his friend visited at night. It was like a vacation away from the reality in which they lived.

“Kook!”

As arm wraps around Jungkook’s shoulders. 

“Not surprised to see you here after the way you acted at work.” Taehyung says loudly, his natural state booming inside of the brothel. “You’re late. We have to all be gone in an hour.”

Jungkook knows this - he never intended on coming until the last minute. It feels like he���s doing the walk of shame coming inside the brothel, but no one cares. All of these men inside of here were looking to get away; to let off steam from the world they lived in.

“You look depressed.” Taehyung snorts. “You know we don’t judge here.”

“Exactly, Kook.” Jimin places a hand on his shoulder, seemingly appearing from thin air. “I think you should try virtual reality.”

Jungkook scoffs. “It’s bad enough I’m in here.” he murmurs.

“Tae told me the way you were looking at Y/N.”

Of course Taehyung did.

“She’s a fertile woman. Meaning she will be married off to whoever the government chooses as would you.”

Jimin was never the one to sugar coat anything. Jungkook could only respect it.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t pretend.” Taehyung slaps Jungkook's back. “I’ll pay for it.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “That’ll be expensive.” he says with a shake of his head.

Casual sex was free and paid by the government. At first it’s weird - surrounded by men who were all taking turns on fucking multiple girls in the wall that you couldn’t see. But after a while it got easier and Jungkook only was there to cum and go.

Virtual Reality, however, was not free. It costs to have a private room, a girl and the virtual contact lenses to alter reality. You could choose whatever reality you desired for a price - and Jungkook already felt shitty enough about coming here.

“You’re never going to have Y/N unless fate is on your side.” Jimin says. “And fate is on no one side in our world.”

Meaning, Jungkook had to give up on having you chosen as his partner; an act he already gave up on. 

“But just for an hour, you can pretend to be with her. It’ll feel good. I promise.”

Taehyung’s words ring through his ears. He’s done this before, Jungkook thinks. He only has a few months left until he’s set to be married, the woman he once wanted far from his reach.

“Okay.” Jungkook murmurs sullenly.

Jungkook is disgusted with himself already - and even more so. But he was a man and he couldn’t hide what desires he had for you.

All the desires he did have for you were taken out on the woman who’s name or face he did not know - he moaned for you. He called you pretty and beautiful and in his mind, he was fucking you.

Jungkook likes to think that in another world, he and you could be together. That you and he could talk freely without others speculating he was harassing you - a fertile unwed woman. But as of right now, he would pretend he was fucking you and not another woman in the brothel during virtual reality.

Jungkook’s eyes watch the way your face contort with pleasure as he fucks deep into you. There was only an hour until he had to leave and he took full advantage of it. He isn’t sure how many times he came, filling the condom he wore completely - but he never wants to stop. 

Jungkook doesn’t want this reality with you to end - even deep down he knows that this wasn’t real. Those weren’t your moans nor was it your reaction to him but it’s what he has to deal with to feel closer to you.

“Ah, look at you.” Jimin smirks as he eyes Jungkook exiting the room. His eyes are slightly red due to having to remove the contact lenses. “Feel better?”

No, Jungkook thinks, but he only nods his head. 

 “What are you afraid of?”

Jungkook places a hand towards the mirror, his eyes widening as it begins to go through just as it did the night prior. He has to coach himself to do it - this was okay. He could do it - he could make it through the portal just fine.

As long as he was back before 6 am, he was good. No one would have to know that he was committing a crime that could be punishable by death. 

The portal sucks him in completely - it’s dark and cold. Jungkook’s mind races and he opens his mouth to scream, but he can’t. The feeling is as if he’s jumped from a high surface, gravity completely taking a toll on him.

Jungkook falls onto the ground with a thud, his hands not able to catch himself. He releases a low groan at the impact he’s faced crashing to the floor. He grumbles and pushes himself off of the ground. 

Jungkook’s eyes open and it’s then he realizes that he isn’t where he should be. This isn’t his room - even if it was nearly identical. The room had personality - not like the dull one he had back in his world. The ceiling was just as high as his back in his world but the bed is larger. He notices that the headboard - block - has a strange glow behind it and beneath the bed. It glows multiple colors that Jungkook finds fascinating. The large window - where outside displays a large digital clock for not only him, but for the surrounding homes to see - is covered by a long, dark curtain, blocking out the outside world. The closet is on the far right of the room and Jungkook’s curiosity peaks - his world, clothes weren’t expressive. They were bland and more of a uniform that most citizens wore.

Jungkook gasps, having strolled towards the closet and opened it. Even the clothes in this world had personality - different colors and textures. Long, short, tight or loose - it amazes him how people in this world could express themselves freely. 

“Does your girlfriend know you have me here?” a voice sounds from right outside the door that Jungkook leaps into the closet and hides, only sliding the door close a bit to see.

Jungkook is flabbergasted upon seeing himself - or, this new world version of him. Did this man have the same name as him, or was it just a look alike?

“Y/N’s not going to be here tonight.” Jungkook hears his voice and he stiffens. “She’s out with her friends.”

Y/N.

You.

You were in this universe, too. 

You and him - could Jungkook call this different version of this man “him”? Regardless, you and he were together.

You were his girlfriend in this universe.

And he was cheating on you - Jungkook wants to faint at the revelation alone that in this universe he had you. He had you - the person he wanted. There were no rules on sex outside of brothels here - nor did it appear that a government was controlling every aspect of life.

Jungkook had you in this universe - and he was cheating on you.

Jungkook couldn’t stay here any longer and watch himself be with another girl. He wouldn’t notice himself creeping out of the room - it's dimly lit and the only lights are that of the changing colorful ones. He’s slow with opening the door and closing it discreetly behind him.

The rest of the home is just as amazing as the bedroom - full of this version of him. There’s artwork displayed on the walls that catches Jungkook's eyes, but he doesn’t have the time to stop and appreciate it like he wants to because something else catches his eye. It’s in the hallway as he’s walking by.

A picture of you and him - together. You were smiling, arms wrapped firmly around him, your cheek pressed against his own. You looked beautiful; happy. He did, as well.

Jungkook touches the picture - were you different in this universe? Is this why he was cheating on you? There had to be a reason as to why this version of him would go against everything he wanted for one night with a woman when all he wanted was you.

Jungkook hears a muffled voice and his head snaps down the hall where his front door would be. He contemplates running, but he doesn’t. The door opens and his heart stops.

“Kookie.” you tilt your head and offer him a smile and then a confused look. “You’re still up?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say and it’s like his breath was taken away. You’re in front of him - you’re speaking to him.

You called him Kookie.

Your clothes are something he’d never see you wear in his world. Your dress is dark and tightly fitted and it shows a great amount of cleavage. Your skin looks so smooth and soft and his hands tremble to feel it beneath his palm.

“Are you okay?” you take a step forward, your heels clicking against the floor. You reach out to touch his forehead and Jungkook knows now that he isn’t okay. “You don’t feel hot-”

“Y/N.” Jungkook says, and this is his moment. He touches your face fondly, thumb pressing itself against your lips. 

You snicker. “What’s gotten into you?” you ask. “I know I said I would be out all night but I wanted to come home to you.”

Jungkook releases a shaky breath at your words. You wanted to come home to him - but not him, your version of him. The same Jungkook that was cheating on you now and expecting not to see you.

Jungkook doesn’t want that for you - even if this was his last time seeing you in this world. He doesn’t want to be the reason for your pain. “Let’s go out together.”

“Together?” you knit your brows. “Dressed like that?”

Jungkook looks down at his own attire - basic black t-shirt and jeans that would only be acceptable for him to wear at home back in his world - but maybe in this one it was exactly that; basic. 

“I just want to be with you.” Jungkook murmurs truthfully and you smile - a bright smile that causes his heart to sink. He would have to go home eventually, and he wouldn’t be able to see it anymore. 

“Okay.” you nod slowly, taking his hand in yours. “You hungry? We can go to Late Night Slice.”

Jungkook is shocked to see how crowded the streets are. Back in his world, no one was allowed outside past 9 pm. Even during the day, citizens had to walk in a straight line, no more than three people standing side by side. 

It was past curfew but yet here everyone was. People were laughing, littering the streets without a care in the world. There was a melodic tune playing, something he’s never heard before. 

“You act like you’ve never heard music before.”

You say it as though you can read him, Jungkook thinks.  “Music…” he murmurs, trailing off. 

There wasn’t any music where Jungkook was from, and now he’s realizing that his world was Hell compared to this. It was night time but yet, everything was so bright. The laughter from everyone surrounding them, the music - the atmosphere in general. 

Jungkook feels his skin erupt with goosebumps.

“Come,” you yank him lightly to get his attention and you fully have it. You take him to a small shop where only a few people were inside. The smell makes Jungkook’s stomach rumble and his mouth salivate. “I ordered ahead already, so it should be done.”

Order ahead? Jungkook wants to ask what you meant, but he doesn’t want to appear any more dumb than he was when it came to you and this world.

“I can take that.” Jungkook says as you go to grab a large tray of pizza - it smells as delicious as it looks and Jungkook cannot fathom how someone can be open and cook amazingly this late at night. 

“I’ll go get our drinks.” you smile at him brightly that it nearly causes Jungkook to drop the tray of food. “Go find us a table, okay?”

“Yes.” Jungkook nods, licking his lips. He wants to hurt himself - not really. Hurt this version of him. As you and he sit here and eat as a couple, he was cheating on you with another woman - one not worthy of his attention. 

Jungkook finds a table farther from everyone else and sits down, placing the tray of pizza onto the table. He watches from afar as you come back with two drinks in your hands and his lifts form into a small smile.

“What’s funny?” you ask him as you sit down across from him, placing the drink in front of him. 

“I’m not laughing.” Jungkook knits his brows. “You just look very beautiful.”

Jungkooks cheeks are red as he speaks.

You’re taken aback by the compliment. “Ah, really?” you snort. “You only ever call me beautiful when you’re fucking me.”

Jungkook’s throat tightens at your words and his breath hitches. You can speak so freely in this world, he thinks. There doesn’t need to be a hidden conversation of whispers or hushed murmurs. “I-I…” he doesn’t know what to say. On one hand, the thought of him being with you outside of virtual reality has him excited - but the other part of him finds this version of himself highly selfish. He cannot think about only calling you beautiful when he is intimate with you - especially in a world in which he doesn’t have to hide his love. “...You’re very beautiful to me, Y/N. Even outside of…sex.”

You blink a few times, watching Jungkook intently. Slowly, you begin to smile. “Thank you.” you say softly. “I think you’re beautiful, as well, Kookie.” you say teasingly. “Now let’s eat!”

Jungkook never wants to go back to his world. He doesn’t want to leave you behind with the version of him that doesn’t love you. You and he eat and it mainly consists of you talking to him while he listens closely - he isn’t sure of what you are talking about. He isn’t from a world where “clubs” or “bars” are normal - but they seem fun. 

Jungkook takes a sip of the drink you gave him and he immediately coughs. 

“Kookie? You okay?” you rush to place a napkin in his hands.

“W-What is this?” Jungkook smells the clear drink and his eyes widen as it begins to fizzle.

“Sprite…?” you tilt your head. “Does it taste funny?”

Funny wasn’t the word - it tasted strong. He hasn’t tasted anything like this before, the taste feels as if it’s stabbing against his taste buds and fighting against his throat.

It was a weird taste that Jungkook liked.

Jungkook begins to chug the rest of the drink entirely, his body shuddering at the amazing taste. It brings a rush through him.

You watch wide eyed as Jungkook slams the cup down against the table and burp. He places a hand over his mouth at his crude actions. “Excuse-”

“You’re so cute, Kookie!” you laugh at his actions, a sweet melodic laugh that he wants to hear for the rest of his life.

Jungkook finds himself never wanting to leave you, but needing to each time he’s visited and coincidentally managing to not come face to face with himself while doing so.

The first time he had to go through the portal, there was a longing feeling holding him back - the euphoric sense that this new world was better. It was colorful and full of life - returning back to his world left him with deep sorrow. He was coming down from a serotonin high and he realized that each time he did so, he was growing more and more depressed.

But Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to care. He would go through the drop of serotonin if it meant he could see you every night - and each night he did. He would visit you, somehow managing to avoid himself, and have an amazing time with you in this Utopian world. Each night was something different - you took him to midnight festivals that played “music” - an amazing tune with people singing and dancing and it’s something you forced him to do with you.

And Jungkook loved it - he adored dancing with you. He enjoyed being carefree and not feeling judgmental eyes upon him. He tried different foods that his world would never allow, drinks that caused his taste buds to go crazy and such sweet snacks that at times would cause his teeth to hurt.

This utopian world was amazing and each time he would return home, he hated it. He was exhausted from the lack of sleep but wouldn’t stop from returning the next night because it was worth it to get away from his world and to see you.

On his 12th day of returning to the Utopian world, Jungkook isn’t alone. He hears screaming coming from further into the home. He ventures outside of the room stealthy to see what’s wrong - mainly because he hears your voice. It’s strained and filled with pain - as is your appearance when his eyes catch you. His heart drops when his eyes catch your face - you’re crying, a black streak streaming down your cheeks. It’s makeup he now knows, having watched you put on the products and astonished when it enhances your beauty even more.

“Where are you planning on going, Y/N?” Jungkook hears his voice say, his tone far too aggressive for his liking. “You live here. With me.”

“You had another woman in the same bed that I sleep in Jungkook.”

Jungkook sighs to himself, his heart falling once more. It was a matter of time until you found out, he thinks. It wasn’t something he wanted to happen for you - you were someone he loved, even if he wasn’t from this world. He wanted you to be happy and live an amazing life, even if it wasn’t with him but with the version of him that didn’t deserve you.

Jungkook watches you push him away with a huff when he tries to bring you closer to him.

“Fine.” Jungkook then shrugs with a scoff. “I’m leaving. If you want to pack everything and leave then you can. But I’m not forcing you to go.”

You snicker with a shake of your head at the audacity of Jungkook.

“You’re going to throw everything away because of one mistake?”

“Was it only once?” you ask him with folded arms. You’re waiting for him to respond to the question you know the answer to already. “Your silence tells me everything I need to know.”

You feel Jungkook’s eyes watch you storm away. He bites back a remark and instead decides to let you cool off. You weren’t going to leave him - where would you even go? You didn’t have anyone but him.

Jungkook watches himself leave out the front door, slamming it behind him as you’re making your way towards the bedroom. Jungkook saunters back inside the bedroom and hides inside the closet, a sense of deja vu coming through him.

You slam through the door and fall onto the large bed. You’re crying again and the sound makes Jungkook want to hurt this world's version of him.

An affair wasn’t allowed in his world and it’s a punishable offense. Of course, very few men loved their wives that they’re set upon and vice versa. Only few come to love one another - but it’s rare. He had to look at his own parents as evidence of this. As he and you would walk the busy streets the past weeks, he noticed people of all ages and genders together - two older couples sitting side by side enjoying one another's company. Two men holding one another while taking pictures - it’s nice to see and experience.

This version of Jungkook didn’t deserve you or this world, he thinks - he took it for granted.

“Y/N.”

You flinch at the sound of Jungkook’s voice. Your eyes widen at him, not hearing him come in. “W-Why are you in the closet?”

Jungkook swallows.

“And when did you change…?” your words trail off, hands wiping your tears.

“I’m sorry that he hurt you.” Jungkook murmurs, his tone lowering. His eyes are sad, you note, sad for you. He comes closer, his demeanor soft unlike the cocky and narcissistic one of that prior.

You stand to your feet and tilt your head, your eyes focusing on his face. “You just got a piercing earlier.” you murmur, more to yourself than to Jungkook. “Where did it go?”

Jungkook stiffens when he feels your fingers on his lips. His hand reaches up to touch yours on his face and he sighs. “I hate the way he treats you, Y/N. He doesn’t deserve you.”

Your head is spinning at Jungkook’s choice of words. You’re confused at how he’s wording everything - as if he’s a third person in this situation.

“Kookie…?”

Jungkook kisses your fingers then your hand. “I wish I could stay here with you. Forever.”

You aren’t sure how to feel, your emotions are spiraling. Jungkook speaks as if everything that went down between the two of you hasn’t happened - and your mind is beginning to fog; contemplating if it did or not.

“I’m not from here, Y/N.” Jungkook speaks once more, lowering your hand to your side and entangling his fingers with yours. “I wish I was so I could treat you better than him. I wouldn’t take you or this world for granted.”

You don’t speak, unable on what to say in response. You aren’t crying anymore, your cheeks stained with tears and puffy.

Jungkook tugs you deeper into the room and towards the mirror by the closet. You’re unsure what’s going on and where he’s getting at.

Jungkook’s sure he might regret this - that you would be freaked out to the point that you wouldn’t want to talk with him anymore, but he had to show you.

Jungkook stops in front of the mirror and turns towards you. He lifts your hand that’s holding his and slowly, brings it towards the mirror.

Your eyes widen in shock when your hand sinks into the mirror, a cold, windy feeling causing your hand to tremble.

“J-Jungkook-”

“I’m from a different world. I was just as scared as you are right now.” Jungkook says, bringing your hand out of the mirror and letting it go. His hands grasp your face. “I came here and everything's so…euphoric. It’s nice that everyone is accepting. There’s no strict rules enforced by the government to control you all.”

Jungkook’s thumb rubs along your lips.

“You…in my world you and I can never be together. Not unless the Government allowed it and I’m positive they aren’t. You are free to be in love with whoever you want here, Y/N. And I’m sorry this version of me is taking you for granted.”

Your heart is beating at an alarming rate. Your eyes are wide with shock at his words.

This Jungkook was not your Jungkook - not the man who cheated on you and left without as much as acknowledging your feelings. This Jungkook came from a different world - and as unbelievable as it sounded, it was true.

“Why can’t we be together?” you murmur, still unsure if this was reality or a dream - everything felt real at this point.

“The Government chooses who we marry based on ranking and status.” Jungkook explains. “You’re a woman who can bear children, so you’ll be married to someone of their choosing.”

Your eyebrows knit. “Why does it matter if I can bear children or not?”

Jungkook smiles sadly at you. “Barren women cannot be married.” He recalls wishing that you and he were both barren, then maybe the Government would see the two of you as useless and allow him to marry you - but life wasn’t that cruel to either of you.

“It must be a cruel world.” you murmur, and Jungkook agrees. “How long have you…”

Jungkook knows what you’re speaking of. “Close to two weeks. I’ve been coming to you every night.”

Your eyes widened and now, everything made sense. How Jungkook - well, not the one before you, but the other one - would be confused about the night prior, but you’d just thought he was either faking or too tired to. But no, you and this Jungkook from a different world were the one spending it together.

This is why the connection between the two of you suddenly has changed. It became bearable to be around Jungkook. He smiled and laughed more. He was willing to hold your hand wherever the two of you went and would sneak kisses at random times. He took more pictures with you and appeared overall happier than before.

But it wasn’t the Jungkook you know - it was a different version of him.

You snicker, your eyes swelling with tears.

Jungkook shakes his head. “I-I’m sorry for taking advantage of you, Y/N. Please don’t cry-”

You hand your head. “I’m not upset with you, Jungkook.” you say, blinking away the tears that are forming. “I’m upset that you and I can never be together because you aren’t from this world.”

Jungkook’s chest tightens at your words.

“And I…I can’t go to your world, either.” You didn’t want to, Jungkook thinks. He doesn’t want to see your demeanor and personality change if you went to a world so different from this one.

“I’m sorry-”

Jungkook is interrupted suddenly by your lips on his. He’s taken aback by your sudden actions, but he doesn’t push you awake.

“If there’s a world,” you remove your lips from his for a moment. “that is an alternate realm where you and I are in, that means…he can’t die.”

Jungkook isn’t sure where you’re getting at.

“Jungkook can’t die because then you’ll die.” you say, your hand caressing Jungkook’s cheek. “I-I don’t think you and he can be in the same world, either. It would probably cause some type of unbalance.”

Jungkook nods. “The in between opens at 12. I make sure I’m back before 6.”

You nod slowly.

“I want you to stay with me, Jungkook.” you murmur to him, as if it was a secret that only he can hear. “Wouldn’t you like that?”

Jungkook nods his head, doe-like eyes widening. “I do,” he admits. “but I don’t think-”

“SShh,” you peck him on his lips once more and Jungkook melts into the kiss. “we have a few hours before we can figure out what to do. I just want you to stay with me.”

Jungkook nods.

Kissing you had to be his favorite thing to do. And touching you, feeling your smooth skin against his palm.

Your back hits against the bed, legs wrapping around his waist to pull him closer. This Jungkook was different from the one you’ve known. He was gentle and kind. He cared for your feelings and truly wanted what was best for you.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you.” Jungkook manages to push himself away from you just as your hand dips underneath his pants. “You’re already hurting from what he’s done to you.”

“You aren’t like him.” It’s weird to speak of a different version of himself as if it was a whole different person with a different face. “I want to be with you.”

Your hands do make their way into his pants and you proceed to grasp his hardened length. Jungkook hisses. “O-Okay.” he nods hastily with no other argument. He caves far too easily - but he’s wanted you for so long. The virtual reality he had was an embarrassing moment he wanted to forget - but now he was going to have the real thing. The real you.

“I-I want to pleasure you.” Jungkook’s cheeks are tinted as he speaks, but it’s like a dream of his. Coming from a world where pleasuring a woman (before marriage) isn’t a priority, he wants to do this - especially with you.

Jungkook kisses your neck, inhaling your sweet scent that starts to drive him wild. His hands roam your body, grasping the hem of your shirt and lifting it over your head.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” Jungkook murmurs, his lips kissing down your collarbone to between your breasts.”So beautiful and all mine.”

Jungkook doesn’t want this moment to end - he wants to savor every bit of it. He wants to sit and stare at the beauty that’s your body for hours if the universe would let him.

You feel Jungkook's hand dip behind your back to unclasp your bra. It’s left discarded, his hands roaming your back entirely. He shudders.

“You look scared.” you teased with a hushed tone. “As if you have never done this before.”

“I’m not married, so no, I have not.” Jungkook speaks. “Every man goes to the brothel but that isn’t pleasurable for the woman. I don’t even see their faces.”

You swallow, your eyes widening slightly.

“My friends often come here, too…” Jungkook begins, his hands slowly gripping your breast in the palm of his hands. “...and they told me how free it was here. What they’d do when they were pleasuring women here.”

Jungkook’s friends - you ponder if it’s the same friends in his world that Jungkook has in this one.

“And I want to try it.”

You yelp when you feel Jungkook’s mouth wrap a nipple into his mouth entirely, suckling as if his life depended on it. You weren’t complaining, enjoying just how needy Jungkook appeared. Jungkook groans in your breast, his free hand gripping your breast entirely while he sucks on the other. He’s unsure why he appears so stuck on your breast - or why he enjoys doing so. They didn’t have a particular taste to them - it only tasted like skin.

Jungkook’s positive that it’s your reaction to him doing so. Your moans - so sweet and velvety. The way your legs wrap around his waist a little tighter and your hand rests on the back of his head.

There’s a string of saliva connecting your nipple to his lips when Jungkook finally comes up from them. He licks his lips, eyes dark and full of lust.

You eye Jungkook has his lips place warm kisses upon your skin, dipping down to your stomach. His hands reach your shorts, tugging them down just as he gets lower and lower.

“Y-You don’t have to do that.” you say, embarrassed when Jungkook pulls down your shorts entirely.

Jungkook looks up at you for a moment before down at your exposed underwear - purple and cotton. They were cute, he thinks, especially as he witnesses the slight wet spot directly in the middle of them.

“Why not?” Jungkook places his fingers on your clothed clit, rubbing gently.

You swallow back a moan, thighs twitching. “Y-You never have…not you but. The other Jungkook.”

Jungkook wants to shake his head. The audacity of this other version of him - if he had the chance to ravish you at every given moment, he would. He didn’t understand why this world took everything for granted - being allowed to roam the streets after 9 Pm was a luxury alone that this world provided.

“But I want to.” Jungkook hooks his fingers between your panties and pushes it aside. He licks his lips at your wet clit and he hums. “So beautiful.” he murmurs.

Jungkook lowers himself to your heat and your eyes widen - he was really going to do this. You don’t have time to react, either. His tongue pokes out of his mouth and it’s already swiping along your clit.

“S-Stop…!” you yelp, jerking at the unfamiliar feeling.

Jungkook catches your legs just as they were about to crush him. “Relax, Y/N.” he laughs gleefully. “Just let me take care of you, okay?”

You bite your lip but nod. Your legs are trembling with nerves and slight embarrassment at how close Jungkook was to your sex - vaginas couldn’t look that appealing for him to appear ready to risk it all at just a taste of it.

But to Jungkook, it was. His nails dig into the skin of your thighs as he holds you into place, his tongue flat and his head shifting from side to side.

Your stomach bubbles with tension and pleasure. You aren’t aware that something like this could feel good for you - you imagined it whenever you went down on Jungkook, but there was a difference between the two genitalia.

Now, it was like Jungkook was getting rid of an itch you never knew was there. You couldn’t contain your moans any longer, nor did he want you to. There was no pleasuring any women from the brothel and in the end, even after he came, he could never feel truly satisfied with himself.

Now, it’s different. It’s more intimate - pleasuring you the way he wants to. His demeanor changes entirely from that of the soft man she’s come to love to be around - to a man hungry for what's between her legs.

“K-Kookie!” you yelp once more at feeling fingers pierce through your entrance. Even then, he doesnt stop sucking your clit.

Jungkook hums, the vibration felt throughout your lower region. His eyes dart up at you and it causes him to groan. So beautiful, he thinks. The look of pure bliss on your face, eyes fluttering closed as pleasure shoots through you.

Jungkook leans back to watch intently at the way your pussy tightens around his fingers. He pumps in and out, your juices coating not only his fingers, but down his palm and to his wrists.

“I wish I can stay here with you forever.” Jungkook says, adding another finger to fill you even more. “I would treat you better. I would never make you cry.”

Jungkook is such a smooth talker, you think . But even so, you believed him. His eyes are much softer and even now as he’s fucking his fingers inside of you, he’s still so loving.

“Kook - shit!” Jungkook connects his lips back onto your already swollen clit and is determined to make you cum.

Your hands grip along the bedsheets, your thighs trembling. It was all too much to handle right now. Each time your hips would buck, Jungkook would just push you back down onto the mattress and plunge his fingers even deeper.

“I know you’re about to cum.” Jungkook purrs, then goes back to lapping your clit, his eyes watching your every emotion. His fingers are hitting your spot so sweetly that you can’t hold it back anymore, releasing the tension from deep inside of you with a shriek.

Jungkook’s chest is soaked entirely, but he couldn’t care any less. Instead, he removes his fingers from inside of you and licks them clean.

Your thighs are trembling even more now, your eyes closing and your chest heaving in an attempt to catch your breath.

There was no way Jungkook never done this before. Even from a different world, Jungkook had to have some similar characteristics of the other Jungkook - determined to make you cum regardless if it was never his mouth or tongue, not stopping until he had.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks you, kissing your lips gently. You tasted yourself on him.

You hum a lazy response.

“So cute.” Jungkook smiles. “Are you tired? Hungry? “ he tilts his head for a response. “I can go get those sugar things you like with the chocolate filling-“

“I want you to fuck me before we think about eating.” you sigh, tone serious. Your eyes flutter open until they’re no longer blurry.

Jungkook’s cheek flush at your words. “You don’t even look like you’re capable of-“

Jungkook’s left stunned when you manage to flip him on his back, hovering right above him. “Just needed a few seconds is all.” you say to him. “I really want to taste you, too but…I’m really impatient.”

Jungkook nods hastily as you go to remove his pants.

“I will next time. Promise.”

Jungkook isn’t upset about you not returning the favor - he didn’t expect you to. Having the opportunity to do anything with you was what he truly desired.

“Don’t we need some form of protection?” Jungkook asks when you’re hovering above him, ready to bring him into you entirely.

“I’m on birth control.” You shake your head with a giggle and Jungkook only appears more confused.

“What’s that?”

You tilt your head. “There’s no birth control in your world?”

Jungkook shakes his head slowly, trying to ponder how anyone can control something like-

Jungkook gasps, feeling you entirely. You’re so warm and wet and his mind is going crazy at feeling you entirely raw.

“The chances of getting pregnant are low when on birth control.” you explain, placing both of your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. “So it should be okay.”

Jungkook was going to take your word for it. His hands find your waist and it holds on it for support.

Your hips begin to rise and fall at a rhythmic pace, wet skin slapping against his own. Soon moans filled the room, both yours and his - and Jungkook wasn’t going to hide how good you were making him feel.

“Feel…so…good…” Jungkook huffs with each bounce on his cock. His eyes fight to focus on something for longer than a few seconds, but he can’t. Your breast bounces in his face and he tries to catch a nipple but fails a few times. Your face is so beautiful, contorted with pleasure as you take him.

“Does it?”

You lean back, your palms on his thighs. Your feet are pressed firmly onto the mattress and you continue your bouncing.

Jungkook hisses, the next position allowing him to go a bit deeper in you. You knew what you were doing, knowing exactly how to pleasure him just right. Jungkook wants to harm the other version of him - how could you go elsewhere when everything he needed was right here?

Jungkook opens his eyes to look at you and he grunts all over again. Your pussy is dripping all over him, creaming his cock so lovingly. There’s a white ring around his cock, evident of how much you were loving this.

“You’re so-“

“Beautiful?” you finished the sentence for Jungkook, giggling. You clench around him and Jungkook hisses.

“It’s true. You are.”

Your heart swells at his words - they aren’t just sex words. Often he would tell you how beautiful he thought you were and of course you were smitten. You thought it was your Jungkook, not this new Jungkook from a different world.

Jungkook allows his hands to roam your naked skin, goosebumps running along his arms. He hisses with a slight shake of his head. “You’re too g-good at this.”

“So were you.” you giggle, grinding against him. “Surprised you never pleasured a girl before.”

“I learn fast.” Jungkook licks his lips, pressing a thumb against your swollen clit, satisfied when you flinch.

While Jungkook's right hand plays with your clit, his left places itself on your ass and squeezes.

Jungkook flickers his eyes up st your face to find that you’re already looking at him. He gives a slight grin - the thrust upwards.

“Fuck, s-stop!” your body flushes with heat. “I was supposed to make you cum this time!”

“You are.” Jungkook hooks both of his arms beneath your thighs and then on your hips to keep you steady. “This birth control means I can cum in you?”

You bite your lip and nod and that's all the confirmation Jungkook needs.

Jungkook begins to pound into you, his pace entirely alarming and there's no build up to it. All he knows is that he’s wanted you for as long as he could remember and in this world he had you - you and whatever birth control was.

Soon the room is filled with wet squelching of your pussy being stuffed so full mixed with Jungkook’s grunts and your whimpers. Your arms wrap around Jungkook’s neck for support and this has Jungkook peppering your skin with kisses.

Jungkook doesn’t stop his pounding, not even when you're trembling and scratching along his back. He only snickers at your actions, far too enthralled in this moment that he doesn’t care what pain you might cause him.

“I-I don’t think-“

“Sshhh,” Jungkook presses his lips on yours to silence your whining. His teeth clap on your bottom lip, tugging slightly. “I know you can take it, baby.”

You came - an embarrassing moment for you. You didn’t hold in the shriek as you do so and it was entirely Jungkook’s fault - his insane stamina, his soft kisses on your skin and the dark whisper of a pet name.

Jungkook groans, your cum dripping out of you and onto him entirely. He could never get enough of you and each thrust has him hating the version of him that left you here crying.

“Gonna cum,” Jungkook huffs, kissing your face entirely. Your eyes are closed tightly and a few whimpers are releasing from your lips due to the overstimulation.

You clench around him as tight as you could to get Jungkook to cum and it works. A few sloppy thrusts and a deep moan later, Jungkook’s cumming deep inside of you - a wave of emotion shudders through his body.

You fall limp against Jungkook while your eyes flutter close. “So tired.” you murmur.

Jungkook places a kiss upon your forehead. “You don’t want those sugar things with the filling?”

You grumble, “It sounds like you want them.”

Jungkook does.

“I’ll put an order for them to be delivered.” you lift yourself and sigh. “How about you just take my phone and go get it? You remember the way?”

Jungkook nods his head and soon, you’re sleeping soundly on the bed.

Jungkook licks his lips as he gets dressed. Currency was different in your world. Though he worked, there was only a certain amount he could ever earn from his job, the rest went towards whatever the Government saw fit - funding the brothel and new technology to advance the world. Even being able to go somewhere and eat was a luxury - it was something the Government also controlled; when and how they got their food.

Jungkook opens the door to the room and stops dead in his tracks.

Jungkook blinks at the familiar face of himself. There’s a piercing on his eyebrow and lip and it causes Jungkook to tilt his head at it.

“What the fuck-“

Jungkook reacts entirely too fast, even before his mind can think of what to do. He watches as the version of himself falls back and holds his nose, blood pooling from his hand.

“You don’t belong here.” Jungkook murmurs , his voice dangerously low. “You don’t deserve her.”

Jungkook is surprised that you don’t awake - maybe you were that exhausted. He doesn’t stop punching until the version of him is unconscious and he’s covered in an alarming amount of blood.

Jungkook huffs. He grabs the versions of him arms and begins to drag him inside the room. He glances at your sleeping figure and feels an emotion go through him. He wants to love you the way you deserve - to care for you like he should be able to.

And with this Jungkook here, he never could.

Jungkook pushes towards the mirror, the ripple effect telling him that there was still time.

There’s a moan - he was waking up. Jungkook curses mentally to himself and pushes as hard as he could to this world’s Jungkook until he’s fully through the mirror.

Now, all he had to do was wait until it was time for the portal to be closed.

Jungkook’s eyes open, shooting straight up. His eyes look around his surroundings - where the fuck was he?

This wasn’t his room - no, it couldn’t be. It was so dull, dark. Plain - where were the lights he had on his bed? Where were the mirrors he placed up?

Jungkook’s eyes the large window outside, noticing that lights were peaking through. There was a digital clock flashing red numbers. He shakes his head. “What the hell…?”

Jungkook turns towards the mirror in front of him, eyes wide as it begins to crack. He shields himself with his hands as mirror pieces begin to fly on him suddenly, the mirror breaking out of thin air.

Jungkook releases a deep breath, hammer in hand. His chest heaves, the mirror shards surrounding him entirely.

“Kookie?!”

You run inside the room, head flailing around to see what the commotion was. “How did the mirror…” your eyes glance down to the hammer in Jungkook’s hands.

It was now 6 A.M, Jungkook notes, and it was time for his world to wake and go on with their lives - without him.

“I thought you said you were gonna go shower?” Jungkook drops the hammer and turns towards you. “Sorry if I disturbed you.”

You sigh, shoulders relaxing. “It’s okay.” you say. “Is…is the portal gone?”

Jungkook nods his head, for now at least. He’s positive there was a way for him to return through a different mirror - but he had no intentions to. As long as the Utopian world Jungkook didn’t know how to return, he was satisfied.

“Good.” you smile at Jungkook, a genuine smile that warms his heart.

Good - it was good. Now Jungkook could have you like he always has - no strict rules, no Government forcing him to marry a woman he didn’t want.

Just you and him - you & this Jungkook - forever.

@seokjinkismet @bloodline1632 @babycandy111

[hoshinasblade]

hoshina found you in the rooftop of the training building.

the lights from the skyscrapers miles away from the base looked like beacons from this distance, hoshina thought to himself. you were however looking at the moon, crescent-shaped in the sky, dark clouds swallowing some of its luminescence.

hoshina knew he would find you here. he would have dropped by sooner, but the close-door meeting of high-ranking officials in the force took longer than he expected. even now, his top uniform unzipped and both his hands in his pockets, hoshina can still feel the tension and fatigue from the discussion earlier.

"i'm thinking of quitting." your face is indecipherable, but your voice betrayed the emotion swirling inside you. "i'm no good here."

the commanders of the anti-kaiju divisions met a few hours ago - an emergency session to discuss possible strategies on how they're going to handle kaiju threats going forward. it has not been a week since the attack in the tachikawa base where several officers in your platoon had died protecting each other. the image of people you'd trained with, worked with, even shared a meal with, dying under your command is forever etched on your memories, unable to be erased.

the truth is you cannot even stomach looking at yourself in front of the mirror without feeling like a complete, utter failure.

hoshina stood beside you, the cold breeze blowing the stray strands of his hair away his face. he wanted to offer his jacket to you but settled on putting his arm around you instead. "it wasn't your fault", he said, because it really wasn't. he faced the strongest entity in the horde of monsters that attacked the third division base that night and survived by the skin of his teeth. his only consolation is he didn't lost you in the whole ordeal.

you sniffled. "i'm not like you, soshiro. i'm not... strong." hoshina wanted to assert that what you said is a lie but decided against it. "tell me what i need to do," you pleaded, "cause i don't know anymore."

hoshina wished he could take away your pain even if it means he'll have to be the one to bear its burden.

"as your vice-captain, i am going to ask you to stay," hoshina said before turning to look straight at you. "we've lost a lot of people already, we cannot afford to lose any more." i cannot afford to lose you, he wanted to say.

your scoff surprised him. "and as my boyfriend?" you presented your follow-up question.

"as your boyfriend, i need you here," hoshina answered too quickly. he reminded himself to slow down; the last thing both of you need is an argument. he let the silence enveloped you for a few seconds, just enough to calm his own erratic heartbeat. hoshina, watching you from the corner of his eye, started to speak again. "you remember when you said you wanted to be a defense officer? we weren't even dating back then," hoshina pointed out. "i wanted to be one since i was little, but you, god, i have never met anyone else who wanted to protect people so bad like you do. honestly that's part of why i love you," he told you.

hoshina understands all too well how you feel - the horror of knowing you could have saved people who laid their trust on you but didn't. there are a thousand reasons why he wakes up each day as the vice-captain of an anti-kaiju division, and one of it is because he has to make it up for the people he's lost along the way - he's decided to continue on his mission of eradicating kaijus because if he stops he's scared everything and everyone he's lost will be in vain.

"look, if you really want an out, we know i can't stop you anyway", hoshina said matter-of-factly. "but if you stay, i'll be here for you." his hand lightly touched yours. "i'll protect you. i'll take care of you so you can take care of other people too. i'll protect you."

you did not reply. you did not have to.

[dixonsbrat]

𖥔 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𖥔

summary ; after being rescued, emotions are high when jj finally comes to terms with what happened between you on the island.

notes ; jj x best!friend reader, ANGST, profanities, eventual fluff, kissing. let me know if i forgot any !

do not transfer, translate or share my work to any other sites.

nobody in the entire world had ever made you feel so unapologetically yourself as jj maybank did. from the moment you met him, you knew he would become a constant in your life. just talking to him felt as easy as breathing. it was comfortable and warm, and he made you feel seen - jj made everything feel easy with you. 

and yet, as you stood on the lawn outside his house, you had never been so afraid of doing just that as you did now. 

ever since you got back from the island that jj had dubbed ‘poguelandia’, things had been significantly different, like, something had shifted the dynamic among the group. john b was acting weird, sarah was nowhere to be found, kie and pope were on lockdown, cleo with him, and jj… well, jj had been distancing himself, but specifically from you. 

it all felt so wrong. you were pogues, you were meant to have each other's backs through everything, so why did you all feel so disconnected?

with each and every step you take, your nerves only seem to intensify, knowing that you were only a few seconds away from seeing jj. the way things had been left with him you weren’t expecting him to be excited to see you, but you wondered if he would even care that you were there.

making your way around the bend of the house, you're immediately taken when you catch sight of the yellow tape and eviction notice stuck to the front door. do the other’s know about this? you think to yourself. is this why he’s been so closed off from the rest of us?

you all knew that it was going to be the hardest for jj to come back to kildare. he had no one to welcome him back or tell him how worried they were, and now his home was being taken away from him. it hurt your heart to know how much he was dealing with, and there was very little you could do to help ease the burden. 

sure, he may not like the place as much anymore, but it was all he had left after luke bailed on him. everything other than the pogues, everything other than you - which, at the moment, you weren't so sure about either. 

you hear him before you see him, the sound of metal clanging together followed by an array of curse words filling the air, and your heart sinks as you turn to see him over by the marsh, working on his bike. he looked so peaceful, despite the swearing, and in his element, unaware of your presence and the fact that you were only a measly fifteen steps behind him. 

had you not already seen the eviction notice, you would've been arguing with yourself to leave, but there was no way you could do that now. you were there to check on jj, and if anything, he was going to need you now more than ever. 

a lot had happened on the island, and so many memories had been made – ones that you would cherish forever, while others you wished you could forget altogether – but you never once imagined how different things with jj would be now. 

as you slowly approach the blond, you try to think of something to say to break the ice but come up short when you eventually reach him, deciding on, “do you need a hand?”, instead.

jj takes a quick look at you before returning his attention to his bike, “what are you doing here?” he asks in a way that makes you believe he doesn't want you there. 

the bluntness of it catches you off guard, immediately setting off a panic inside you, and you fumble over your words for a moment before settling on what to say next. though you were sure from the way he looked at you, that he didn't really care. 

"well, we haven't really spoken since we got back and i just... i wanted to make sure that you were okay," you lift your shoulders into a small shrug, hands fiddling with the hem of your shirt as you offer him a friendly smile - a smile that's fast to fade when he finally turns to look at you properly. 

“i’m fine,” is all he says. 

you thought that after spending an entire month together, he would know better than to lie to you. you could tell that he wasn’t fine, that something had severely changed in jj. the light that once filled his eyes while you were on the island, spending your days in the sun catching fish, going for late-night swims and making coconut bras, had surely vanished. replaced by dark circles that encapsulated his eyes, proving that he hadn't been getting much sleep either. 

“are you sure? because i just-”

“i’m fine,” he repeats, cutting you off in the process. “in fact, i’ve never been better.”

you gesture back to the house where the front door was covered in police tape. “what’s going on, j?”

this time when he speaks, he purses his lips with what you can only assume to be irritation as he continues sifting through his tools again, “i said i’m fine, y/n. just leave it.”

you don’t push him any further, knowing just how stubborn the maybank boy was. he wouldn’t let someone help him unless he was tied down and forced to. jj hated handouts, he hated feeling like he owed someone, so he preferred to do things via his own methods. 

“okay. i’ll get out of your hair then,” you nod, burying your hands into your pockets now. “just let me know if there’s anything i can do.”

if he hears your words, he doesn’t bother to show or acknowledge it, too busy tinkering with his bike to pay you any mind. though, you don’t make it very far, only a couple of steps, before he’s opening his mouth to speak once more. 

“haven’t you already done enough?” he mutters, scoffing as though he couldn’t believe the audacity of you wanting to help him. 

a mix of emotions floods over you as you take in his words, the comment setting a pang off in your chest, and you turn back to him with disbelief, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

there was a bitterness to his words that lets you know his attitude towards you was about so much more than just wanting to know if he was okay. he spoke as if he was blaming you for something, and there was only one thing you knew it could’ve been. 

one thing that you knew jj would be willing to use against you. 

the cool night air nipped at your skin as you and jj lay on the sand, heads resting in your arms, as you stared up at the starry night sky. you didn’t think you would ever get used to this – sharing such a serene moment with jj – but it had quickly become a nightly ritual in your new island life. if you weren’t watching the stars, you were sitting by the fire, or on nights when the water was still a little warm, you’d be sneaking in a late-night swim. 

“would you stay here forever if you could?” the question comes from him so abruptly. “i mean, if you had the option to go back to the obx or stay here, what would you choose?”

“it depends, am i staying here alone or are you guys here with me?” you roll onto your side, resting your head in the palm of your hand as your view changes from the night sky to the blond who seemed to hold the entire galaxy in his eyes. 

jj chuckles to himself, “we’d be right here with you, always.” he scrunches his nose at the end, though it feels like there’s a secret weight to the question you don’t know about. 

“go back, obviously,” you roll your eyes, watching as jj’s face contorts into an expression of faux sadness, and you playfully tap him on the shoulder, before sitting up, “i’m kidding. i’d choose to stay. if it’s where you’ll be, then so am i.”

a small silence ensues as jj thinks over your answer, and just as you had predicted, there was more to the question than he was letting on. he didn’t care so much about whether you would go or stay, he cared about whether or not you would leave him. 

“what about you? if i were back in kildare, would you stay, or would you come back?” you twist his question.

his brows meet in the middle as he sits up to join you, and he pouts his lips as he pretends to be thinking really hard about it, “i’d go… wherever you are.”

“yeah?” 

“yeah,” he nods, sharing a look that seemed to only be reserved for you. his eyes dancing over your features and his lip tugs up into a smirk, “after all, what’s paradise if you can’t share it with the people you love?”

you knew he didn’t mean it the way you wanted him to, but hearing him say it, and hearing him say that he would follow you back, ignited a feeling in your tummy that no one else ever had before. there was something about the way he spoke with you as if nothing else in the world mattered, and with the way the moon and the stars were shining down on him, you couldn’t help yourself. 

you lean forward, but where you expected him to pull away, he meets you in the middle. there’s an urgency to the kiss, like, he had been waiting for it just as long as you had, and the second your lips touch, you feel sparks exploding inside your chest. 

if anywhere in the world is worthy of being called ‘paradise’, you think, it must be this moment right here. 

he tries to deepen the kiss, pushing into you more, but before he can pull you closer, pope’s voice calling out to you both causes you to pull apart, and you’re left breathless. your chest rises and falls dramatically as you try to regain your breath, while jj coins his fingers through his hair. 

“we, uh, we should probably go,” jj swallows hard, but something in him has changed. he refuses to meet your eyes, refuses to show you any sort of emotion. he doesn’t even wait for you to answer before he’s dusting off the back of his pants and heading back to the group, leaving you bewildered by what had just happened. 

“wait, jj,” you follow after him, but he doesn’t bother to stop, his mind solely on getting back to the others. “jj, stop, can we just-”

“no, y/n. we can’t… we can’t be doing shit like that,” he looks disappointed as he stops dead in his tracks. “just… it never happened, okay?”

that was your last night on poguelandia and had you known it would be the last, you certainly wouldn’t have let it end the way that it did. you had tried to talk to jj the next morning, but with the events that followed over the next few days, your mind had been elsewhere. 

it was hard trying to get used to being back home, to not waking up with your friends, but eventually, the kiss with jj was all that you could think about; consuming your every thought. 

it’s jj’s voice that cuts you from your thoughts, filling you with the same guilt that had been riddling you for the past week or so, “look, i really don’t have time for this.”

“just like you don’t have time for me anymore?” you retort, earning yourself a pointed look from the blond. you didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but it was the truth.  

he snickers, dropping the tool in his hand on the table, before leaning against it, “no. it means, i don’t have time for this. look, you don’t need to worry about me anymore, okay? just… go, y/n. go back to your family, and your home, and let me be.”

the sound of your heart thrumming rapidly in your chest fills your ears as tears prick at the corners of your eyes. this wasn’t the jj you had spent the last month with, he was rigid and cold, and there was a look in his eyes – a twinge in his gaze as he looked at you – that made you believe that this was all your fault. 

jj had never been so ruthless with you before, and seeing your best friend in such a way had you sick to your stomach.

“where is all of this coming from, j?” your voice is shaky, and yet, the only answer you’re met with is silence as your biggest fear manifests before your eyes.

you felt so small – small enough that you hoped the world would open up and swallow you whole – while jj busied himself with his tools once again, moving on as if he didn’t have a care in the world. like, everything that had happened that night, and everything he had said, was because of you. as if he hadn’t played a part in it too. 

deciding that you weren’t going to take all the blame for this, you walk to the other side of the table so that he has no choice but to look at you, “you can’t just shut me out like this, okay? you’re my best fucking friend, j, and i’m not going to let you push me away.”

for a split second, jj closes his eyes as his head falls between his shoulders. you wondered what was going through his head, if he even cared about how you were feeling, or if he was just thinking of a way to get rid of you. but the words that leave his lips aren’t what you were expecting at all. 

“please… just go home, y/n.” he lets out an exasperated sigh, but when he sees the determined look in your eyes, he knows that you’re not going anywhere. so he takes matters into his own hands and starts to walk away.

“jj, please stop. if i could take it all back, i would. i would take it all back in a heartbeat, but i can’t,” you feel a weird sense of deja vu as you follow behind him desperately, much like you had that night on the island. “i see the way you look at me, how much you resent me for it, okay? i see it. and i’m sorry. i’m sorry that i ruined everything.”

there’s a falter in jj’s movements as he hears the last bit, knowing damn well what it felt like to be the reckoning of all chaos in your own life; to continue down a path that he knows he shouldn’t, but does anyway.

jj looks sad as he slowly turns back around to you, clearly regretting how he had reacted to everything. he starts toying with his fingers, anxiety and worry written all over his face.

“y’know, i keep trying to tell myself that what happened between us meant nothing, that it shouldn’t have happened,” he pauses, heaving a deep breath. his movements become jittery, one hand slightly balled as the other clenches at the air. “but no matter how hard i try, i can’t stop thinking about it and about how badly i wanted it to happen.”

“so why do you keep pushing me away?”

“because it was wrong, and i knew that it was wrong but i still did it anyway.” 

“was it wrong because we’re pogues or was it wrong because it was me?” your question lingers in the air for a moment, the silence almost torturous. 

all that could be heard was the gentle rise and fall of the waves in the distance. 

jj opens his mouth to speak, but he closes it before he does, giving you the answer you needed. you had tried to brace yourself for his answer, but nothing could possibly have prepared you for the hurt you were now feeling. 

“got it,” you nod, drawing in your bottom lip and clamping your teeth down to hold back the tears that were begging to see the daylight. 

you knew that being a pogue was important to jj – you were the only family he had – so much so that he would end a friendship over it. you knew that there was no getting through to him now, and after everything you’d heard, you didn’t want to stick around any longer. 

turning around, you bury your hands into your pockets and start to walk away, not caring about holding back the tears anymore as they slowly start to roll down your face. your vision blurring and eyes glazing over as you trudge across the overgrown grass. 

“it was wrong because we’re pogues,” jj’s voice causes you to turn back. “and being a pogue means that we stick together, but i can’t… i can’t lose anyone else, y/n. especially not you.”

confused, you take a step back in his direction, wiping away at the few tears that had fallen, “jj, i’m not going anywhere. you know that, you know -”

“-no, i’m dead serious. i’m not going to risk losing you or fucking this shit up like i do everything else. i won’t do it,” he grits his teeth, hands reaching behind his head before falling back to his sides out of frustration. “and i don’t know why everyone leaves me, but they do – maybe i’m cursed or something – but i sure as hell am not going to let that happen with you.”

“that’s not going to happen, jj.”

“you don’t…” he pauses, a pained expression on his face before it softens. “...you don’t know that.”

you could see that he was in just as much pain as you were over this, his baby-blue eyes glazing over with a mixture of fear and despair. you take another step towards him and, at first, he moves to take one back but stops when you reach for his hand. 

“do you remember what you said to me that night? about staying on the island?” he nods. "you said you'd go..."

"... wherever you are." he heaves a deep breath. 

"i meant what i said, j, and i know that you meant it too," you move closer, close enough that you could feel the warmth of his body suffusing through him. "and i mean it when i say i'm not going anywhere."

“you promise?” he feels almost stupid for asking it, but he was craving the reassurance.

and you give it to him, “i promise.”

with delicate movements, he lifts your hands to rest against his chest, his eyes not daring to leave your gaze for even a second. he gives you a warm smile, and you smile back, the pad of his thumb rolling over your knuckles before he drops them to caress the sides of your cheeks. 

a seed of fear had awoken in your tummy, but when he raises his brows at you, you know that he was certain about what he was doing. you nod, giving him approval and he meets your lips as everything you had been holding back erupts into a long, passionate kiss. jj’s hands move to the back of your head where he pulls you in closer.

this kiss was nothing like the one you shared on the island, it was full of promise. a promise to each other, that no matter what was to happen between you both, you would never leave the other because you were pogues for life, and pogues stuck together.

[sunnylua]

loml | G. Satoru

angst, arranged marriage;

-

You had to excuse yourself from the table. The sight of a woman, who’s now the fiancee of the man who swore he’d give you the stars and the moon, intertwining her fingers with his. It made you want to throw up. Your heart clenched in the worst way as you stepped out of the café.

Such an idiot. He really thought it was a good idea for me to meet her.

You left for a few years and you came back to this. The love of your life marrying someone else.

He had to excuse himself too, following you outside. He gently tapped your shoulder once he reached you.

“Hey, is everything okay?” He asked, his signature smile on his lips, which immediately faded when he sensed something was off.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just needed some air.” You replied.

“You’re a terrible liar.” He leaned back on a wall next to you.

A dry chuckle escaped your lips. “I hate that you know me well.”

His expression continued worried. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?” He was still your best friend after all.

You sighed. “I don’t know, I just don’t feel very comfortable.” Uncomfortable was an understatement. You felt like your heat was being ripped out of your chest.

He nodded. “You don’t feel comfortable seeing us together.” You didn’t want to admit it to him, but he already knew.

“Can you blame me? How was I supposed to expect you were going to marry someone… and so suddenly.” You looked away from his eyes, you felt ashamed.

Satoru let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you like this. It's just..." He took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts and articulate what he wanted to say. He knew that there was no easy way to explain the situation.

“It's just... my clan. They basically forced me to marry her. They wanted someone from another powerful family to continue their bloodline. It's a stupid tradition, I know..."

He paused for a moment, his eyes searching your face for any sign of understanding. He wasn’t trying to make excuses, he just wanted you to understand the difficult position he was in.

You sighed. “I can’t even be mad at you…” As much as you wanted to blame him for it, you couldn’t. You knew it wasn’t his fault, or hers.

Satoru’s shoulders relaxed, relieved that you weren't angry at him. He took a step closer to you, his hand gently reaching out to touch your shoulder. He looked into your eyes, his expression filled with guilt. "I never wanted this, you know? I never wanted to marry someone I don’t even love...”

You took a deep breath, looking away from him. “You look good together, might be convenient.”

Satoru's jaw tightened as he clenched his fists at his sides. He knew deep down that what you said had some truth to it, but hearing it out loud made him feel a pang of frustration and anger. "Is that all you see it as? A convenient arrangement? Do you think I actually wanted this, that I'm happy to marry a woman I don't even love?"

“I know you don’t, but that’s what it is now.” You were saying things you didn’t mean, your logic fighting with your emotions.

Satoru's expression softened once again. He knew you were right, but hearing it from you stung nonetheless. He let out a defeated sigh and leaned against the wall. "Yeah... you're right. That's what it is now. A convenient arrangement that I'm forced into."

You looked at him, seeing his sad eyes made your heart ache. “I’m sorry this is happening…” You sighed.

Satoru shook his head, his eyes falling to the ground. He appreciated your sympathy, but it didn’t make the situation any easier to bear. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. I should have told you about this sooner..."

After a short silence you spoke. “Don’t invite me to the wedding.”

Your words hit Satoru like a punch to the gut. He flinched slightly, his mind spinning. He hadn't even considered the wedding. And now, hearing you refuse to attend... It hurt. A lot. "You... what?”

You press your lips, your eyes were getting teary “God, don’t even tell me the date or the place.”

As your eyes filled with tears, Satoru's expression turned pained. He hated seeing you like this, but he knew he was the one who caused it. He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke quietly. "I... I won't tell you the date. But... Damn it, yn. Will I even see you again before that?"

“Would it make sense to?” Your tears finally ran down your cheeks.

Satoru's voice caught in his throat. He knew the answer to your question, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his composure. "No... it probably wouldn’t make sense. But damn it, I don’t care. I want to see you."

You slightly shook your head. “It’s not fair… for me or for her.” Your voice cracked. You wanted to tell him that you loved him and you’d wait for him. To run away with you.

Satoru frowned at your words, his brows furrowing. "Since when were you so concerned about what's fair? Since when has life ever been fair to us?"

“You’re right. Nothing is fair.” Your voice became firm as you looked at him again.

Satoru took another step closer to you again. "Exactly. Life's not fair, and we've both been through our fair share of unfairness. But that doesn't mean… that doesn't mean we have to give up on the things we care about."

“So what will you do, huh? What, Satoru?” You were getting irritated, this whole situation wouldn’t have been happening if you didn’t leave for that stupid mission. “Are you going to ignore the fact that you’re getting married and meet me behind them all?”

Satoru let out a frustrated exhale, running a hand through his hair. He knew that what he was about to say next was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. "Yes. That’s exactly what I want to do. I want to ignore that I’m getting married and continue seeing you. I don’t want to lose you."

You looked at him in the eyes that were now tearing up despite looking angry. “You know you can’t…”

Satoru’s heart sank as he watched the tears well up in your eyes. He knew you were right, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept it. "Damn it yn, I know! I know it’s stupid and selfish, but I can’t help it. I can’t bear the thought of losing you."

“I don’t want this either… but you’re losing me.”Those words escaped your lips hurting both the both of you. Those words resounded loudly as if they were the only words that could be heard.

Satoru’s heart squeezed in his chest as you said those words. He took a step back, his arms hanging limply at his sides. "You’re right, I did. But I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want to accept that I can’t see you anymore. That I can’t touch you.”

“It’s time to start facing it, Satoru.” You said quietly looking away.

“Easier said than done… how do you expect me to feel when I’m losing the woman I love the most in my life.” He said irritated.

“And how do you think I feel? Coming back after two years to see you hand in hand with the perfect woman?!” You almost cried saying this, feeling like you had a knife twisting in your chest.

Satoru took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He hated seeing you so upset, and it was killing him knowing that there was nothing he could do to change the situation. "I wish things could be different. I wish I could choose who I wanted to be with. But the clan…" He trailed off, his voice filled with bitterness.

“It’s always the clan…” You said under your breath. “There’s no more today say. You… you should go back inside. We’ve been here for so long.” You wiped your tears with the back of your hand.

Satoru looked conflicted. He didn’t want to go back, he wanted to spend more time with you, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. He reluctantly nodded, his expression resigned. "Yeah, you’re right. I should go back."

He looked at you, his eyes red and tear stained cheeks. “I’m sorry, yn. I really am…”

“I am too…”

The both of you parted ways. Walking back to your new lives without each other. It turned from calling the love of your life to loss of your life.

-

Lua’s note: damn

[etheralsweetheart]

MK Characters with a breeding kink

Might make a part two (you can write in the comments who else could have this kink) MDNI (Breeding, Pregnancy kink (?), Degradation, Somnophilia)

Liu Kang ❤️🔥

Look at him. This man would definitely want to have kids, even if he's a god with little time on his hand. He feels dirty whenever he looks at you and the only thing on his mind, is fucking his cum into you. But he can't help it whenever he sees his lover. He enjoys putting his forehead on yours as he's in missionary. Something about this gesture feels so soft and intimate. Sex is impossible for him if there isn't a loving gesture. He hopes to get you pregnant, he just wants to see you carrying his child. "Dear, you're doing so good for me…” He would whisper into your ear while slowly and softly fucking into you. “Such a beauty…”

Bi-Han 💙❄️

Bi-Han is mean. He almost sees you as his personal fleshlight. Just a hole for him to fuck. He doesn't care how worried you are about getting pregnant, he's coming inside. You can't even talk with how hard he's fucking into your already abused hole, how puffy it has gotten from the overstimulation. But even with how sensitive your poor cunt is, it can't stop pulling him in. And whenever you whine and tell him to stop, he just comes with a "Is that so? Because I can feel your pussy milking my cock." He's expecting you to give him a heir. Bi-Han trust you enough to do the job and give him a son. Everytime you guys fuck, he makes sure to cum multiple times inside your cunt. He has to make sure you're completely stuffed with his potent semen.

Kuai Liang 💛🦂

Man has insane baby fever. Whenever he's in a store, he'd stare like five minutes straight at the baby section. He just finds the clothes adorable and hopes to get you pregnant, so he can buy these clothes for his baby. Oftentimes he would ask to start a family and get sad, whenever you felt you weren't ready (idk how, I'd immediately jump on his bones). But whenever you guys have sex, he can't help but think about breeding you. He has this need to fuck his cum deep inside you. He also enjoys after cumming inside you and then watching all his cum oozing out of your poor abused cunt. “You did so good… good night, honey” he says softly while wrapping his strong arms around your body. Please let him breed you, he'd be a great dad trust me

Fujin 🩵🌪️

RAAAA FUJIN. That one interaction between him and Sonya

Fujin: You must like having a daughter

Sonya: Still getting used to the whole idea

Fujin: It is a joy I will never know

But after meeting you, he wants to try and make this reality. You both fell in love and Fujin brought it up one time. When you agree that you are ready to start a family, he gets ecstatic, as well as a feeling in his lower stomach. He was laying on the bed, his long white hair free from the braid. You were riding him, hands gripping his shoulder. Obviously he would never hurt you, but he can't help accidentally leaving little crescent shaped marks on your hips. "My Love... You are so so.. beautiful" He pants out while he fills you up with his cum for the third time. "My Dear... So good just for me..." Fujin groans out. 

Syzoth 💚🦎

The thing with Syzoth is that he isn’t human and that he experiences a breeding season. You’d notice how much bigger he’d make himself whenever there are other men near you. He gets more clingy, you can forget privacy, with him following you everywhere. You’d ask what’s wrong and he’d denied it, as if whatever it was, was shameful to admit. You dropped it. But you can’t ignore these weird changes getting stronger each day. Until one night you woke up when you felt something rubbing against your ass. When you turned to look, you gasped a bit. There was Syzoth, dry humping you, eyes closed and he was biting his lips to keep quiet. “Syzoth..?” You mumble, not even fully conscious. Suddenly his eyes snap open and he looks at you. His eyes looked different, it held a lot more emotion in them. Suddenly he pushes your head back into the pillow. A small yelp escapes your mouth, but Syzoth was already on you. He’s tearing down your pants and without warning pushes his whole length inside you. It stretched you and you can only bury your face in the pillow, as he fucks with no remorse. “Mate… need to breed mate…” he whispers. Then he leaned down, his bare chest touching your back, as he kissed your ear. “I’m… so.. sorry.. Fuck!” He hisses out the last part. You can only moan as he uses your body for the rest of the night.

[writing-in-the-impala]

Secret Smokes (Part 16)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, drinking, teacher-student relationship, angst, jealousy, fluff, smut.

Word Count: 2000

A/N: knock, knock, anyone still here? We're back baby! Let's continue this emotional rollercoaster.

 | SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |

Previous Chapter, Part 16, Next Chapter

The truth is you weren't sure if setting such strong boundaries between yourself and Remus was a good idea, you knew in your words you shut off any opportunity for dates but at least you stopped arguing. It was almost as if removing pressure and expectations relaxed you both, a bit more excitement showed up as you now didn't know when you would spend time together. This increased the tension during your tutoring and when you bumped into each other in the hallway. If you wanted to see Remus you would go and knock on his office door and usually he would be in, but if he wanted to see you he had to put in more effort, he would usually find you using his Marauders Map, and he'd "casually" bump into you and inform you that he needed to discuss an essay with you.

The first week after your discussion was quite drastic you only saw each other two evenings out of the week, Remus only waited for you to show up but by the second week he was initiating the invites too. Your tutoring days turned into default Remus days as you chose to stay after your lesson was complete, it all felt very healthy and balanced. Neither of you owed each other anything and in a way you finally fell into the pattern Remus always wanted of not being in love just being together. However what you didn't know is Remus ached the past just like you did, you both didn't know what to do with your evenings anymore hoping the other would speak out and initiate an evenings together. Yes you did spend more time with your friends you began building friendships with more fellow students like Oliver Wood for example but the emptiness and longing remained and only disappeared as soon as you were back with Remus. On Friday you decided to go visit Remus's office with a gift that your parents sent you for your "friends" birthday upon your request. You knocked on his door only to find him in his usual position, he was hunched over his desk writing, his hands slightly stained from the ink of his quill.

"Marking or just for fun Professor?" You asked as you entered with a light nod and he looked up at you with a warm smile.

"For mental clarity. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He collected all the parchment and put it back in his desk drawer as you sat down opposite. He didn't stand up to embrace you as he was recently taking a more reserved approach towards your relations.

"I've got you a gift." You said with a smile revealing a small present wrapped in brown paper and tied with a tweed string.

"Thank you but how come?" He looked confused as he stood up and came to sit besides you.

"Your birthday, I know it's a bit late but you didn't let me know your birthday in advance so next year it'll be on time."

"Oh you think they'll be a next year?" He said shyly.

"Well no matter how close you are to a friend at least birthday wishes are always in order don't you think?" You asked and he nodded.

"You really didn't have to, you spend too much money on me." He said holding the gift in his hands but not opening it.

"Just open it." You said rolling your eyes and he followed your instructions opening it slowly, attempting not to rip anything. He pulled out a hardback penguin classics editions of Blake's Songs of innocence and of experience. "To help with the moral battles going on inside your head."

"How utterly topical, thank you dear, it's absolutely beautiful." He said with a warm smile going in to kiss you at the end of his sentence you welcomed the kiss as it felt like how he kissed you before the argument happened. "However it was actually the proverbs of hell that I quoted to you."

"I know, innocent and experienced wouldn't say something so evil to me."

"You were the one who called it off not me." He said with a playful wink.

"All thanks to your verbs from hell Remus." You said throwing a sofa cushion at him jokingly and he laughed.

"So do we thank William Blake or do we hate him?" Remus asked.

"Well let's see what happens when I finish school than we'll know." You said moving to sit closer to Remus and resting your head on his shoulder he put down the book on the coffee table and put his arm around you.

"How's revision going?"

"It's going, I'm stressed and I feel like I can't focus it feels like the common room and library are so packed with people and no one is ever really that quiet and I feel like they're all so far ahead of me."

"Darling you are so much further ahead then most of them, trust me I mark their work. But if you want to come and study here again you can, even if I'm not here just use my office, if anyone knocks while you're in here you can just say you have detention or you can explain that I allowed you to work from here."

"Thank you, but it's okay. I'll let you know if I need it. For now I think I just need a break my head feels like it's on fire." You explained closing your eyes slowly.

"Walk with me?" He asked standing up and reaching out a hand, you nodded in return standing up with him. He picked up his blazer and locked his office as you both left. You began walking and talking not knowing where Remus was leading you but you quickly left the castle grounds and began walking in the direction of Hogsmeade.

"How do you feel about us now?" You asked quietly as soon as you left Hogwarts grounds.

"I think you did the best thing for us, something I didn't have the guts to do." He replied, hands in his pocket, eyes looking down at his feet.

"What do you mean?"

"You hit the breaks on us, something I couldn't get myself to do, but we both knew we should."

"I think I regret it." You admitted not looking at him but in this moment he looked at you with a hurt face. "Not you, not us, but slowing us down, I miss what we had already." You elaborated.

"We still have it, just more controlled." His voice was very controlled like each word was thought out.

"But it's not the same, it's like I'm constantly reaching to stroke your hair and then pulling away as I know that's too much for what we currently are. I just want to skip to the end of the year and click play, I don't like this time on pause thing."

"Don't waste these last few months, when you leave you'll realise how much you miss it. These will be some of your best years. The freedom almost disappears, the friends move away and money suddenly becomes a problem." He explained and you nodded.

"I don't even know what I'll do next year." You admitted.

"Do you want my advice or just for me to listen?"

"Advice." You said appreciating he asked.

"I think you should teach muggle studies."

"Where?"

"Here at Hogwarts." He said enthusiastically.

"Here with you?" You asked.

"Not necessarily here with me, just here in the best school in the country. Hogwarts needs someone as passionate as you. You can help make young witches and wizards understand the muggle world, you can introduce them to music, literature. You can spend all day talking about things you love."

"I never thought of it that way." You admitted.

"It's just a thought, I think you'd make a great teacher. Plus in what other job can you geek out about Bowie to a room full of people and call it work?" He said enthusiastically.

"I don't know the first thing about teaching." You admitted.

"I'll teach you." He said casually.

"You just want to stay as my teacher forever and then we can never move on." You said with a small nervous laugh.

"Don't be stupid, then you'll be my peer and we'll have more freedom as to see where our lives go." He said.

"Won't it be just as taboo? We'll be back in limbo of not being able to date as we'll be working together and then we'll be waiting forever."

"No I don't think so, the problem is right now you're young, you haven't experienced the world, I don't want to be the blockade. You need to be free to do whatever you want and when you are no longer my student we can talk and see what we are." He explained once again, it felt like you both had this conversation memorised.

"But," you began again and Remus sighed anticipating what you're about to say. "How does this constitute as freedom, if I want to date around I can't, not that I want to, but if I did we said we're exclusive, it's like this is a relationship with none of the feel good parts just the sex and longing." You whispered bits just incase anyone was around.

"You asked for this Y/N." Remus emphasised.

"I don't think I did, I asked for more and I settled for this." You explained realising all you ever wanted was more dates but somehow your argument that day led to you asking for less everything, less feelings, less love and less time.

"Dear, have you read The mill on the floss by George Elliot? In it Phillip says "It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we're thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good and we must hunger after them. How can we ever be satisfied without them until our feelings are deadened?"

"I think that feels like an instinct I share." You said not understanding how a quote about seeking love is relevant when he's saying not to seek it.

"It's the romantic manifesto. There must be something more than this, something more intense. Something to let you out of the washing up and making your bed."

"Exactly." You said.

"Well it scares me to say I may have found it, the something more intense, but I don't want to mess it up, because if it exists it's the most beautiful thing I've ever stumbled across and I don't want to loose it by messing it up. Therefore let's let it take time and nourish in the feeling of longing for a little longer before we find comfort in it, let's not risk it before we are sure we can have it."

"I feel you're right but I don't want you to be."

"I don't want to be either." He said as he stood still and you looked puzzled at him as he looked around. "Coast is clear, aparate with me." He said and you grabbed on to him. You were in an alleyway in London you knew that immediately. First thing he did was crash his lips into yours, you kissed for an extended moment as it felt like finally you could, once he pulled away he grabbed your hand. "Where are we going?" You asked.

"To visit a friend, if you'd like?" He said as you turned the corner to see the familiar steps of 12 Grimauld place.

"Really, you aren't scared?" You asked.

"Terrified, but there's no meeting and no need to have a meeting therefore the only person home today will be Sirius and no one else should arrive especially who on earth would come on a Friday with no news, they don't like to hang out here." He explained as you approached the house.

"I'm so excited to find out everything about teenage Remus." You said and he laughed as he knocked on the door waiting for Sirius to open it.

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[writeforfandoms]

Run Wild 5

Find the series masterlist

Your pack insists on making your life both easier and harder, and you're not entirely sure how to feel about things. The situation doesn't improve when you and Horangi go on an op together.

Warnings: Swearing, allusions to animal cruelty, Mink is having a hard time with her emotions, pack dynamics, shifter dynamics, flirting.

Word count: 2.8k

The next few days passed in a blur. You couldn't have recited what you did if someone held you at gunpoint. 

But you didn't spend a lot of time with your pack. The two men. 

You weren't avoiding them, really. Not intentionally. Not really. 

You just…

Your cheeks puffed out as you dropped to the dirt, going through a training exercise with a squad. No König today. No Horangi today. 

Just training exercises.

You just needed to clear your head, that was all. 

Breathing slowly, you focused on your task. Just a little longer and you'd be done for the day. 

At least, that was the plan. 

Until Horangi met you at the end of your exercise, arms crossed loosely over his chest, sunglasses as impenetrable as ever. You blinked at him. 

“Come with me.” He uncrossed his arms, fingers twitching briefly. You nodded, falling in behind him, absently brushing yourself off. 

He led you inside to the offices, though he didn't slow down even as your nose twitched in curiosity. You hadn't been in here often, and you wanted to explore. But Horangi didn't give you any time, just turning down a hallway, expecting you to follow him. 

Which you did. Of course. 

He stepped into a conference room and shut the door after you. König was already there waiting, leaned back against a wall, gaze fixed on the two of you. 

“How are your recon skills?” Horangi turned to you as he asked, removing his sunglasses. The better to watch you, eyes dark and just a little narrowed. 

“Good,” you said slowly, gaze darting between your two packmates. “Better if I can shift.” 

Horangi nodded once, holding your gaze for a long moment before you blinked and looked away. “Good. We'll be going out on recon.” 

“When?” You stood up a little straighter. 

“Tomorrow. Briefing is officially in half an hour.” Horangi took one step closer to you, fingers closing around your wrist gently. “We will be the only two going in.”

“Two?” Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. 

“I am not as skilled at recon,” König rumbled, faintly embarrassed. “I am too loud.” 

Horangi chuffed, amused and fond. “Two,” he confirmed, still watching you closely. “Will that be a problem?”

“No, sir.” You refocused on your alpha, head tipping slowly to one side. “I can do it.” 

His eyes crinkled the smallest amount, like he was smiling under the mask. “You don't even know what it is yet,” he teased. 

You shrugged. “I can still do it,” you asserted with a brief flash of teeth. “I can do quiet.” 

“Hm.” Horangi nodded again and released your wrist. “Get cleaned up, meet back here in twenty-five.”

You nodded, though for a moment you stood still, just looking at him. His eyes would be covered again for the briefing, you knew. So you soaked in the trust he showed for a moment longer before you stepped around him and left.

You had to clean up, after all. 

But you made it back with two minutes to spare, sinking down into the seat next to Horangi. König was gone, though you didn't have a chance to do more than shoot Horangi a questioning look. 

The briefing was, well, brief. Shorter than you'd expected, actually. You were being sent in to find some information, very quiet. Just you and Horangi, as he'd warned you before. 

You didn't mind. You were good at recon. 

The building was isolated, meaning a trip in a helo, then a drive. The two of you had a few hours before you'd leave, which gave you time to grab a few necessities. 

The knock at your door startled you, and you paused with your hoodie in your hands. But you opened the door after a moment, curiosity winning. 

König stood in the doorway, filling the entire thing, looking even broader than normal. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, seeming uncertain. 

“König?” You blinked up at him. “Can I help you with something?” 

He shook his head, hood shifting with the movement. “Here.” He thrust one hand at you, gloved fingers curled around a piece of fabric. 

You took the fabric carefully, surprised at how soft it was. An old bandana, blue and black. Curious, you lifted your gaze to König again. 

He shrugged, now-empty hand reaching back to rub the back of his neck. “Just in case,” he mumbled, gaze dropping. 

“Thank you.” You pulled it closer, rubbing your thumb against it. “I'll bring it back.”

He shook his head again. “It's yours,” he said, speaking faster now. “A gift.” 

Your lips parted, because that? Was very different from something borrowed. 

“You will be late,” König fussed, taking a step back from the doorway. “Don't keep Horangi waiting.” 

Before you could gather your thoughts to say anything, he was gone, long strides carrying him down the corridor and away from you. 

You blew out a breath, letting your cheeks puff out. Well then. 

He'd given you a gift. Something personal, given how soft the bandana was. And judging by the fact his scent had permeated the fabric entirely, as proven when you lifted it to your nose. 

This was… unexpected. 

But he was right, you didn't want to make Horangi wait. You hurried through getting ready, throwing your hoodie on last. Since this was a recon op, you were dressed down, no longer in uniform. Which suited you just fine. 

Horangi was waiting for you at the helo, dark eyes giving you a swift once-over before he nodded his approval. He motioned you in first, settling next to you for the ride. 

It felt odd to see him without his sunglasses - he wore them constantly, even sometimes in the pack room. 

You only realized you'd been looking too long when one dark eyebrow arched at you. 

“Something on your mind?” The words were almost teasing. 

“Eh. Sort of.” You shrugged, forcing yourself to look away. “Just not used to seeing, y'know, that much of your face.” 

He snorted softly, one hand landing on your knee. “If you spent more time in the pack room you'd see more,” he murmured, definitely amused now. 

You huffed, playing at being indignant. “Yeah, sure.”

He eyed you but didn't push. For once. Instead he kept his hand on your knee for the rest of the flight. 

The drive was a couple hours, and he wordlessly got in the driver's seat, leaving the passenger side for you. You briefly debated laying down for a nap in the back… but gave up on that immediately. You'd rather spend the time with Horangi.

“König gave me a gift,” you blurted, without really meaning to. 

Horangi nodded. “I know.” 

“He told you?” 

“He didn't need to.” 

You eyed him but he didn't look at you, hands steady on the wheel. “Did you talk about it before?”

Horangi hummed softly, gaze flitting to you. “Briefly, yes.” 

You weren't quite sure how to feel about that, and so simply huffed softly. 

“If you came into the pack room more often…” He trailed off.

“You've mentioned.” You blew out a breath. “I guess I'll have to.” 

You almost missed the flicker of his lips into the barest smile. Almost. 

But that humor was nowhere to be found when the two of you reached your destination. Horangi parked the car, and you took a moment to stretch. Dawn was still a few hours off yet, giving the two of you plenty of time to get this op done. As long as things didn't go totally sideways. 

The last section of the journey was on foot, Horangi taking the lead. When he glanced back at you, you could just see the reflection in his eyes, undeniably green. Your lips twitched. What a cat, indeed. 

The smell hit you first, and your nose wrinkled against your will. Filth and waste left to sit too long, the faint tang of rusted metal overlaying it. The animal musk seemed out of place, but then again, this far out from a city any number of critters could be living around the building. The building was long and squat, single story, no lights on. 

“Here.” Horangi stopped at a window that had been left open a crack. “This will be the bathroom.” 

You nodded, recalling the map the two of you had gone over hours earlier. “Ten minutes,” you agreed. 

No more words passed between you as he boosted you up, and you pushed the window the rest of the way open to twist through. It was easier without gear in the way, but also left your shoulders and back tingling with the knowledge that you had nothing but fabric between you and any potential attack. 

But you were good at being quiet and sneaky, as proven when you made your way through the building. Nothing moved around you as you crept down the hallway, checking your doors and corners as you went. 

The smell got worse the further into the building you went. You opened the door at the end of the hallway and paused for a long moment, swallowing hard. 

The big empty room you'd seen in the plans was not empty. Instead it held a dozen or so metal cages, each one housing a small furry critter. A few of them moved as you did, eyes opening and feet shifting. 

Intel had been wrong about this room, and you wished you'd never seen it. But you had to push through to finish your task. 

You swallowed hard and crept around the outside of the room, focusing only on being quiet and avoiding any cameras. You couldn't worry about the animals, not right now. 

The office, at least, was exactly where it was supposed to be. It took moments to find and grab the documents you needed, lips curling. Well. At least Horangi would be pleased with you. 

Doing one more check of the room to be sure you had everything, you turned to go. 

Soft chittering made you stop. 

You couldn't understand the animals in the cages, no more than any human versed in body language could. But you could feel more empathy towards them. 

They didn't deserve this. But you needed to get out without leaving any sign of your passage. 

As much as you wanted to, you couldn't loose the animals in the cages. 

Jaw clenching, you forced your feet to move. Maybe you'd see if Horangi would let you come back and take care of the animals later. That was the best you could do, right now. 

The trip back through the dark building was silent, and you hoisted yourself up to the window, hanging half-out to hand the documents to Horangi. He looked amused when you slithered the rest of the way out. 

“Well done,” he murmured with an approving nod to you. Warmth filled your chest at the simple praise, and you basked in it for a moment. 

“Seemed pretty easy,” you murmured cautiously as the two of you snuck away again. “I mean, for us.” 

Horangi chuckled, dark eyes glancing at you. “Sometimes things are easy,” he murmured. “We're not paying for it.” 

You shrugged. Something still seemed wrong, but if he wasn't concerned, you weren't going to make a fuss about it. 

“You could sleep,” Horangi offered, even as he turned on the car to drive the two of you away. 

“Nah. I'll wait.” You stretched out a little in the seat, head leaning back against the headrest. The sky was just beginning to lighten with the first hints of sunrise, promising more. “Where are we stopping?”

“Safehouse,” Horangi answered, even though you were pretty sure you were supposed to remember that from the briefing. “In case we need to go back.” 

You hummed acknowledgement of that, glancing at him. Time alone with your pack alpha. You weren't entirely sure how to feel about that. 

“Promise I won't bite.” He flashed you a grin with teeth. 

You laughed, quiet but amused. “Ah yes, very reassuring.” 

He smirked, fingers flexing on the wheel. “Nervous?”

“Not particularly.” You grinned. “You had your chance to murder me in the middle of nowhere.”

He chuffed at you, briefly letting go of the wheel to pat your knee. “Won't be my only chance.” 

You laughed as his touch retreated again, leaving you warm and more relaxed than you should be. But you were learning to trust him, to give him bits of yourself. 

It was a heady feeling. 

The safehouse was boring, as most safehouses in your experience were. But it was warmer than outside and had blackout curtains, which would come in handy since the sun was up. 

You left Horangi in the main room to scout the rest of the place. Not that there was much to see - a single bedroom, a bathroom that König would have been absolutely squished in, and a hall closet with spare supplies. Nothing glamorous. But it would do. 

“Get some rest,” Horangi told you, sprawled along the length of the couch like a, well, cat. “I'll be up for a while.” 

You eyed him for a moment, debating how much you could push. “You'll rest soon?”

“Yes.” Far from appearing offended, Horangi smiled, just a little. 

You blinked at him, startled, warmth building in your chest at the sight of that smile. And promptly fled back to the bedroom. 

You absolutely should not like the sight of his smile that much. It wasn't that big a deal. It really wasn't. 

You were still trying to convince yourself of that when you dropped off to sleep. 

You woke before Horangi, sneaking past him to get some water. He'd managed to fall asleep on the couch, legs dangling over one arm, head tipped at an angle and torso twisted into some weird position that only a cat could enjoy. Shaking your head, you twisted the top off a water bottle, guzzling half of it in one go. 

Hopefully the two of you would get to head back to base today. Not that you minded being in a safehouse with him, but… it felt weird. Just the two of you, and no König. 

It was odd to leave a pack member out. 

Which was weird for you - it had been a long time since you'd been part of a pack, and longer since leaving someone out was even an option. All these realizations made you antsy, eager to do something, just so you weren't trapped in your own head. 

“You think too loudly.” 

You absolutely didn't jump at Horangi's voice behind you. You definitely didn't drop your water. “When did you wake up?” You asked him, eyeing him over the back of the couch. He hadn't moved at all. 

“I've been awake.”

“Liar.”

His lips twitched into another smile, small but very much there. You had to look away as heat suffused your face. 

“Any updates this morning?” You cleared your throat, picking up your water bottle and tossing it from hand to hand. 

“Not yet.” Horangi swung his legs around the side, sitting up and cracking his neck. “We'll hang tight a little longer.” 

You shrugged, wandering around the room aimlessly, too restless to settle. 

“Sit.” Horangi patted the couch next to him. “You can answer a few questions for me.” 

Well. That wasn't ominous at all. But you sat anyway. 

“What do you need in the pack room?”

You blinked at him, mouth dropping open a little. That… was not what you'd expected. “What?”

“You heard me.” His lips twitched again, eyes warm with amusement. 

Surprised, you leaned back against the couch, watching him. But he didn't change the question, didn't restate it. Just waited. 

“Not sure,” you settled on, a little cautious. “I don't need much.” 

Horangi made a short, dismissive noise at that. “Everyone needs something,” he insisted, head tipping to one side, gaze fixed on you. 

You blew out a noisy breath. You'd never given it any thought, if you needed anything in the pack room. “I don't… really know,” you admitted slowly. 

Horangi nodded slowly, never looking away from you. “Then we will figure it out.” 

You swallowed hard, the implication that he wasn't going anywhere, that he and König would help, bringing both a rush of joy and trepidation. You honestly weren't sure how to feel, now. 

Fortunately, you didn't have to figure it out. The phone rang. 

You moved away as Horangi made a face, reaching over the couch to grab his pack and the phone. You went back to the window to look outside, only half paying attention to the phone conversation. 

You needed to get your head on straight. Or move. 

“Time to go.” Horangi stood, shouldering his bag. 

You followed him silently back to the car, looking out the window without really seeing anything.

[meowmeowriley]

Elder Emo

Ghost had been lost in thought, planning out his lessons for the following day, when he'd passed a room in the barracks and faintly heard music. Paramore? Normally he'd hear rock, pop, or occasionally something in Japanese. Not emo. Not what he'd been expecting, but a pleasant little throwback for him. He smiled to himself as he made to walk away, taking a mental note to pull up his old playlist and get lost in nostalgia later. But then he caught a bit of the conversation happening in the room.

"No she didn't tell me what it was all for, I stole it, dipshit."

"Why does she need 700 different eyeliners?"

"Are they different? Or is she just a hoarder?"

"Nah, mate. Some are like sticks, crayons, others are liquid. This one says eyeliner, but it looks like the eyeshadow stuff."

"That eyeshadow stuff is useless. Comes off too easily."

The two men were crowded around one's bed, it had been littered with a bunch of makeup, and they didn't seem to know what each was for.

"This is stupid."

"You said you wanted to finally have your emo phase, this is where it starts." The second man picked up a bottle of liquid eyeliner and leaned in close to the mirror, posed to paint his lower waterline with it. Ghost could no longer keep quiet.

"That's a mistake." His voice cause both recruits to jump, scrambling to salute. He rolled his eyes, but returned the gesture, if only to release the two.

He approached the bed scattered with makeup. Ghost couldn't say that he'd ever spoke to either of them, but he'd be damned if he didn't set them on the right path before they fucked themselves over here. "The liquid is for around your eyes, gives a bolder look than the stick. It's not for your waterline, you'll give yourself an eye infection like that." He handed the first soldier his choice in liner from the menagerie before them. "The liquid is bolder, but it smears, not smudges. If you're going for emo, you'll want a smudged look, the stick is better. Lay it on thick, and use your fingers to spread it around and smudge it out. And if it says waterproof, believe it. You'll need makeup remover to get that off." He said that last bit pointedly. If it weren't for regs, he'd let them just leave it like he had. Day old eyeliner that you slept in after a concert always looked so much cooler than when it had been freshly applied, at least in his opinion. Then another thought occurred to him. "Who'd you steal all this from?"

"Uhm... my sister... sir." The first man admitted sheepishly.

"Hmmm." Better a sibling than another soldier. "Give it back. You're in the army. You've been issued war paint, use that." He shrugged. Then added "I do."

The pair were quiet, clearly still not quite sure what was happening. "As you were." Ghost nodded and started to take his leave.

The second cleared his throat. "Uh... ahem... any uh... any music recommendations?"

Ghost turned in the doorway. He thought for a moment, and then "Well, you're listening to Paramore. If you want music from the same time, there's always Hawthorne Heights or Blink-182. You want something heavier look into Breaking Benjamin. Or more upbeat go for All Time Low. If you want something newer, Twenty One Pilots just released some new songs, or there's TX2, who draws a lot of inspiration from the greats. That's a start."

Both men smiled. The first spoke up. "Thank you, sir. This'll be a lot easier with an elder emo around."

Elder emo? Who- oh. Ohhhhh. When? How did that happen? He wasn't supposed to make it this far. Huh.

"Anytime." He nodded as he left them. He tried not to let his emotions show as he made his way down the hall, but internally he was brimming with pride. He'd made it so much further than anyone had ever thought, especially himself. It took a couple of baby emo's for him to see it, but he'd made it. He was still here. Despite the odds.

[omvsv5]

🥀// "listen to me, could you?"

Manjiro Sano x reader

word count: around 1100

an: this feels so awful dude i can't

Warnings / angst, hurt/no comfort?, mention of guns, mention of death, hinted death, fem!reader in mind (can be read at anything, just being reffered to as 'girlfriend' once), ooc manjiro, very ooc manjiro propably lol, that's all i think?

Dead silent.

That's exactly how the room was, dead silent, no words were spoken between the only two people that were present.

You were shaking, not able to control how much your body trembled or how tears appeared in the corners of your eyes. But how could you? How, when you had a gun pointed right at you? Especially since the person holding it was the very man you fallen in love with all those years ago. You loved him when you were in highschool, he loved you, so what happened to this feeling now? What happened to him?

╰── ⋅ ── 🥀 ── ⋅ ──╯

The last thing you really expected on a normal Thursday morning was getting a mail from your ex lover, Manjiro Sano. Just a message asking you to see him, along with the adress and a date, nothing more. It wouldn't be this unsettling if it wasn't for the recent incidents that were happening to your old friends in highschool. One after one was being killed, the suspect being no one other then Manjiro. And maybe that should be enough reason for you to ignore the letter, burn it, do whatever but meet him where and when he asked you to. But could you really do that even if you tried? Propably no, not with all the memories and feelings that you shared with him. Something in you wanted to know what happened to him, what possesed him to do all the things he had done, if he even ever did them in the first place.

So that was probably the main reason you were standing in front of a ruined building in another country right now. When you entered this very ruined place you were met with silence and a lot of trash, but Manjiro wouldn't lie to you, so you entered the space, deciding to look for the person your heart still cherished.

╰── ⋅ ── 🥀 ── ⋅ ──╯

Now, not even a moment in after you entered a secluded room on the second floor, being greeted by the sign of a black-haired man standing before you. At first he had his back turned to you, but before you could even get a single word out he turned around, not even letting you take a good look on his face before you had a gun pointed at you.

Your heart stopped then, you knew what you were getting into, you knew it well. What other outcome could you expect after he was suspected for killing all of his friends? Why wouldn't he also plan to kill his ex girlfriend? What was the difference?

It felt like your eyes were locked for longer then it was in reality, but looking into his eyes always felt like that for you, even if now they were washed out of ang emotion they could have, cold and dead.

"I didn't expect you to come here," a cold, yet painfully familiar voice broke the silence, making an unpleasant shiver run up your spine. When you didn't answer, way too aware of the fact that you were at gun shot right now, a small, barely noticable smile appeared on Manjiro's face, "Right, that's not what i wanted to do," he said before he lowered his hand, allowing you to take a breath.

"I wanted the complete opposite actually," he added before the gun he was holding before landed at your feet, your body making you take a step back without even realising it. "I have one thing i wanted to ask for," another wave of silence followed after this statement. You didn't know what to say, didn't even know if you should say anything right now. Your body started to tremble, either from the cold or the fear you felt in the moment, or both.

"Kill me, [ ]," you think your heart stopped beating. You weren't sure if it was completely silent now, or you just couldn't hear anything around you. A lot of feelings bubbled in your heart, fear, disbelief, and maybe a hint of longing. "What?" you asked back, feeling in deny of whatever he said just a moment ago. Your voice sounded a lot calmer then you expected it to, but it was better then crying out right now.

"You heard me, kill me, or else i'll kill you, pick up the gun," he repeated, his words making you feel lightheaded and almost dizzy. "Im not going to do that." you said, "Why would you even say that?" your words started sounding desperate, it was stupid, but you were too aware of the situation you found yourself in right now. Too aware of his eyes on you, the gun at your feet, another gun in his pocket, and too aware of how serious he sounded. It wasn't a joke, you met him after 12 long years, only to hear this?

"Can't you just do what i said?" was all you got as an answer after another long moment of silence. Silence that was making you feel like you're drowning on land.

"Of course i can't, why would you-, why? Did you really just-,"

"Don't come any closer," made you stop halfway through a step you tried to take, trying to get closer to him, reason with him, only to be met with the view of a gun in his hand once again.

"You don't mean that right? You don't, im sure you don't," you said, trying so hard to hide the truth from yourself, because you knew, you knew that he was serious about this. "Please tell me you don't."

"I do, why do you need to be so difficult? Im asking for one thing, don't make me do this," he placed his hand on the trigger, your body frozen in place, leaving you only able to watch. "One more word and i won't hesitate [ ], pick up the gun."

Silence filled the room once again.

You were shaking, not able to control how much your body trembled or how tears appeared in the corners of your eyes. But how could you? How, when you had a gun pointed right at you? Especially since the person holding it was the very man you fallen in love with all those years ago. You loved him when you were in highschool, he loved you, so what happened to this feeling now? What happened to him?

You didn't had any answers, and he wouldn't give you any, as it seemed. You were given two options, and you knew which one you could never pick, not even when your own life was in danger.

You didn't even realised when the tears started wetting your cheeks, your lips quivering and nails dugging into the palms of your own hands, desperately trying to stop them from shaking.

You didn't had much choice.

"I loved you, still do," were the last words that left your lips. You didn't need to hear it back, you knew just from the way his own eyes filled with tears and pain after hearing your last confession.

Right as the gunshot was the last thing you heard before the world went black

╰── ⋅ ── 🥀 ── ⋅ ──╯

[its-all-papaya]

wait i have to add: "I'll write that injury landoscar for you down the road as an apology" NO IT WAS PERFECT THANK YOU !!! but i won't say no to injury landoscar so if you want to write it 👀 (i would be happy!) that's an ask i'd like for the I wish you would write a fic where... ask game tbh!

maybe like. one of them hears that the other crashed or sees it happen and finishes the race on autopilot, frantically asking if the other is okay over the radio and not getting a straight answer (like ferrari: we are checking) and after the race not giving a SHIT, running directly to where he's told by someone the other is although maybe having a podium finish? or media duties?, ignoring everyone on the way there and then seeing they're alright and just. taking the biggest breath ever known. and being overwhelmed? and then just. kissing him in front of the medics? idk. but! it could also be soft, finding the other after all the media duties and after the other was cleared for visitors and they're sitting there under shitty hospital lighting, one of them cracking jokes about being not life-threateningly injured and the other just shaking because he could've LOST him and it all suddenly shifts and makes sense in his head and there's never been a world in which losing the other wouldn't break him. and then it's the most important thing in the world to be able to taste the breath in the other person's lungs and feel his heartbeat quicken and have PROOF that he's alive and warm and not dead. is this too much? probably. but i'm DYING to hear your thoughts on how YOU would write it PLEASE!!

Okay, yeah, Landoscar injury fic lfg, let's do this. Here's how I'd do it:

The thing about me is I always have to have An Angle. I can't write straight-up fluffy comfort, I've gotta make the characters THINK first. So this is kind of not the exact same as your description, but I think I'd write it from the POV of injured Oscar. Hear me out, hang on.

tell me what you wish I'd write

So Oscar gets hurts in a crash and he's sent to the hospital, obviously. The whole way out of the car and on the way, he's like... not panicking, but not feeling well at all. Nothing makes rational sense in an ambulance, everything feels high-stakes and scary and serious and the shock is still setting in, so he can't process that well. Oscar obviously isn't very open about how he's feeling, usually, either, so being noticeably affected by things is just more stress on top as he fights to keep the cool, calm demeanor people expect out of him.

See, generally, Oscar tries not to need too much from anybody. But he's hurt and a little scared and lonely and the lingering shock combined with whatever's in his IV drip is making his emotions stronger and closer and not anywhere near as manageable as normal. Kim is there, but Oscar wants Lando telling him jokes and giving him soft eyes and holding his hand and telling him it's going to be okay, because Lando always knows how to handle new situations Oscar hasn't been in yet. And Oscar's trying so so hard to be normal about it all, but he's actually Not Okay.

I wasn't around for Vegas '23 (ironic because I was accidentally in Vegas hours after the GP, but I didn't follow F1 yet, so) but I've read a lot of post-vegas fic and it's all cute and needy Lando, which is a great genre. But I think I'd set that as Oscar's mental backdrop for this. Because they weren't even them yet in Vegas, weren't like they are now, and even still Lando asked for Oscar in the hospital and had no problem reeling him in by the hand and taking comfort from him when he needed it. And they're much closer now! Lando definitely cares a lot about him! Oscar knows that! So why is he so nervous to just ask for him?

Oscar would spend a decent amount of time trying to figure out how to ask Kim to get Lando there: thinking up excuses for why he needs Lando for something specific, reasons it makes sense, or why it might benefit everyone, but when he finally gets up the nerve to just ask, Kim is like "?? yes? Lol. Obviously Lando is coming. He's been asking about you nonstop, drove both Will and his press officer up a wall asking for updates every five seconds. He's texted me 400 times in the last 20 minutes. Lando is for sure coming, you actually don't really get a say in that one. Silly goose."

Oscar is usually so unbothered, but as soon as Lando shows up, he knows it's going to be a struggle not to lose it, because like... Lando's in the door looking adorable and concerned and Oscar NEEDS Lando so much closer. Immediately. He needs Lando holding his hand and petting his hair and whispering to him even though they don't even really do those things normally.

And Lando's worried, so he gets to Oscar's bedside and is restless. Hand on the covers, eyebrows pulled together, trying to straighten things and fluff pillows and asking about Oscar's pain levels and where he's hurt and eventually he just goes "Fuck, Oscar, can I just- I need to hug you. Please. Is that okay?"

Lando's so gentle with it, trying not to hurt his boy, but Oscar like... cannot hold it together. And so he starts breathing a little funny in his effort not to cry or do anything to show how everything is hitting at once, how he wants Lando, but Lando of course notices that something is wrong. Probably assumes he's hurting Oscar, so he pulls back, but that's the opposite of what Oscar wants. So suddenly, horrifyingly, he's tearing up, and that makes Lando panic more because he's probably never seen Oscar cry. Didn't think that was a thing Oscar did. And Oscar's shaking his head, and his heart rate monitor does not sound normal, and Lando's like "...shit. Fuck. Do you need me to call the nurse?" and Oscar is like "no, just come back. please, lando."

Lando goes, obviously, sits on the side of Oscar's bed and picks up Oscar's hand in both of his own and starts rubbing his wrist a little and saying "hey, it's okay, buddy, I've got you, I'm right here. Deep breaths, you're gonna be okay, I'm not going anywhere."

It should feel patronizing, being talked to like that, but instead it takes the anxiety back down a few notches, outside the range of imminent panic. Oscar feels like a little child again, needing to be held after scraping his knee, but he does. Need to be held, that is. So he's fighting this internal battle between needing comfort and wanting to be good and normal about the situation, and his control is softened by his pain meds so he can't school his expressions as well as normal, and soon Lando’s asking “What is it? You need more pain meds? Kim? What do you need, Osc?”

SNIPPET TIME CONGRATS !

Oscar can’t look at Lando when he says it, but he finally manages to mumble “can you come lay with me?” at the ceiling. Lando doesn't spare him a moment to second-guess before he's kicking off his shoes and climbing up, arranging Oscar's limbs a little so they’ll both fit. His arm’s around Oscar’s shoulders in a blink, and everything’s a little less overwhelming when Oscar can turn his chin just a little and smell Lando’s body wash, can twitch his fingers and touch the soft hem of Lando’s sweatshirt. Reality gets a little more tangible again, and Oscar thinks it's funny, how he feels a fraction more himself when he's pressed to Lando's side.

The beep of the heart-rate monitor fades back into ambient noise as it settles towards normal. Or normal for them, Oscar supposes. In the middle of his contemplating, Lando starts tracing the vein on the soft side of Oscar's arm, wrist to the crook of his elbow. Two fingers, one on either side, raising goosebumps across the exposed skin. The disconnect the crash had rattled into Oscar's brain shifts a little under Lando's attention, gets a little floatier and a little less disorienting. He's getting sleepier, and it's probably the last of the IV bag dripping steadily through the back of his hand, but it's nicer to believe it's Lando, chasing the drugs up towards his heart with those same two fingers. Oscar gives up one more piece, a little more control, as he snuggles a little deeper into Lando's side. He's allowed to, he thinks. Here. Like this. Lando must agree, because he hums happily at the movement and hugs Oscar even closer. Through the fog in his brain, Oscar thinks he feels lips at his temple.

"Thank you," he mumbles into the collar of Lando's t-shirt.

"Of course," Lando says, and "thank you. It's nice. To lay like this. Was worried about you."

And then, after a long moment of silence, "It's okay to need things, Osc. From anybody, but especially from me. There's not a lot I wouldn't do for you. Okay? You can always ask."

Oscar frowns, because "I don't need anything, it's not like that." His forehead wrinkles as he bats the exhaustion back. The excuse is sitting at the tip of his tongue, but he can't quite feel it out.

Lando gives him a second, then takes over again. It's a reversal, Lando finding Oscar's words for him, thumbing worries away like sweaty hair from his temple.

"It's also okay to want things, Oscar."

Oscuh.

Oscar, feeling a little braver or maybe just a little less afraid, palms his way across Lando's stomach, curls his hand around Lando's side, taps his fingers against the warm space below Lando's ribs.

"What do you want, baby?" Lando asks into the skin above his ear.

Oscar lifts his head a little, blinks through his lashes up at his teammate. He's hallucinating, or the concussion is worse than they thought, because there's no way that those words are coming out of Lando's mouth in that tone with nobody to hear them but Oscar himself. Lando's fingers drag a bit firmer against his wrist, the catch of nails sending little shivers through Oscar's limbs.

Oscar remembers Las Vegas, remembers how the same fingernails had left little white half-moons in the back of his hand, how they had taken hours to fade, and he gets it, finally.

Lando's fingers come to rest in the middle of Oscar's wrist, right over his pulse.

"Stay? Please?" Oscar says. The lips on his temple are firmer this time, impossible to explain away. "Until I can go," he adds. Lando's still pressing little kisses down the side of his face, so Oscar sums up the rest of his courage and finishes with, "And tonight." He doesn't say forever, but it's only a breath away.

And then Lando takes him home and takes care of him and it's soft and cute and Lando falls asleep listening to Oscar's heartbeat and kisses him awake in the morning and makes sure he takes his pills and he heals up and they become boyfriends the end <3

Thank you for the ask !! And for the compliments in general !! Hope this was nice for you even though it was STILL not desperate. I'm too Soft (TM).

[tulipe-rose]

Day 2 of me backing up my platonic skk agenda: (long post ahead)

It would be pretty hard to convince people with my point of view on this one, I almost gave up lmao, but I'm relentless when it comes to proving myself as right so I'm putting this out there ✊🏼 I'm not expecting many to agree lol

We all know, and love/hate/have complicated/no feelings for Beast!Dazai, right? I won't be focusing on him either way since he's too unstable/not really focused or have the time for love atm, so any romantic emotions would've been dispelled way too early on due to his unique situation. (Honestly it's less 'dispellled' and more suppressed until supposedly numb)

At least I'm sure we all love Beast!Chūya. What separates between him, and his canon self is how outwardly protective Chūya is of Dazai, but it isn't exactly out of nowhere. A lot of people in the fandom just think of it being the result of Soukoku spending more time together, which isn't far removed from what I believe, but not exactly it either.

I believe that the key reason why Chūya is like this is because of Oda's absence.

Oda was such an important part of Dazai's life, he treated him like the child he was, while upholding the appropriate boundaries due to the drastic difference in their positions, and eventually gave him a purpose to keep going. Oda was arguably the older brother Dazai could've had if it weren't for the circumstances, Oda's untimely death, and the Port Mafia's tight hierarchy system.

In this lifetime, Oda wasn't present, or more precisely, Dazai didn't give him the chance to be present, which ultimately led to Dazai being much more withdrawn, outwardly sadistic, yet inwardly vacant, his self proclaimed apathetic self ever present. Chūya witnessed his steady decline in both health, and mentality since Dazai returned from that mission; the day I picked up Dazai never happened as in canon, and Oda never knew Dazai beyond his facial features until their reunion.

Oda isn't there, so Chūya had to make sure that Dazai's self destructive behaviour didn't destroy him, subconsciously looking out for him more, and paying more attention to him by the day, but disguising it behind threats, and insults; It's rightful with how Dazai acts to be honest.

He was there during the time where Dazai rose to the Boss position, and it must've been paranoia inducing for Chūya, not because Dazai can't protect himself from the assassins, (that man will not die unless he allows you to kill him) but because he could very much allow them to kill him if they were trying a painless approach such as poison; this is what probably made Chūya stand so closely to Dazai, he needed to be close by to deflect any incoming attacks, yet far enough for his ability to not be nullified, and even then I think he only resorted to such close proximity because of an incident that threatened Dazai's life too much. The following panel is what somewhat backs up what I've been blabbering about for the past sentence.

Chūya did it out of care, and worry for his partner, but was it ever romantic? Well, no opinion is ever right in such situations, but I'll humbly say that it feels somewhat familial-ish/closest+only friend-ish from Chūya's side. HEAR ME OUT ON THIS OKAY–

I feel like the way Chūya is reprimanding, and absolutely forbidding Dazai from this despite their positions could be interpreted as a concerned brother/friend yelling at his ignorant younger sibling/best friend. Chūya went on a rampage after Dazai's suicide, and wouldn't a brother or a friend do that too? Yes, a brother or a friend would, the proof being Chūya's course of action after finding out about the flags' death, and Verlaine's talk about them being brothers in inhumanity. (ik how different both situations are, but they both have people that Chūya cared for die, the former being more painful because of how long they knew each other, and because he tried so hard to prevent this from happening, yet it happened either way. This isn't the first time Chūya lost someone important to him, so it's bound to hurt a lot more.)

We didn't see enough of their current dynamic to rule out any familial/platonic relations, so I don't see why this wouldn't be valid. There could be hundreds of interpretations, but all of them sum up to Chūya caring about Dazai; it's up to you, and how you choose to view it.

Exasperated exhale I rest my case, and god the hate I might get for this simple opinion is on sight lmao-

[jgnico]

How do you feel about Gojo saying Sukuna was holding back and the people saying that this is out of character? Because to me it doesn’t seem out of character in the slightest considering how Sukuna didn’t actually go all out??? He didn’t use any of his techniques and relied on ten shadows. Which is great btw!! I think Sukuna using ten shadows is a nod to how ingenious Sukuna can get during battle and in general him solely relying on ten shadows doesn’t discredit him or anything it just shows that he is still got a lot up his arsenal. Also Gojo saying he put his whole soul and body into the fight is true he gave it his all and that’s all that matters idk why people are saying that the writing of this specific part is off because it was very clear that Sukuna was holding back on using his original form and techniques? I could be missing something idk

Short answer? I think it's silly. I've seen people call Gojo's scene in the airport outright character assassination and all that that tells me is that either a) they weren't following the fight very well or b) they don't give Gojo as a character the credit that his writing deserves.

As often as I rag on Gojo for fun, I do genuinely think that he's one of the best written characters in the manga, and his conversation with Geto, Nanami, and Haibara only adds to that. There's nothing wrong with Gojo acknowledging that Sukuna's strong, because he is. Likewise, it's not ridiculous for him to say that Sukuna didn't give the fight his all or that he might have lost even if Sukuna didn't have Ten Shadows. All of that is true and Gojo, out of anyone, would know that.

Long answer?

I think that a lot of the confusion over Gojo calling Sukuna strong comes from Gojo's confidence in the fight and people's own emotions toward Sukuna. We've all seen the fraud memes and Gojo did an expectational job showing his own fighting prowess during the second half of the fight, but a lot of people seem to be forgetting that Sukuna almost killed Gojo as soon as the fight started. Up until the fight flipped in Gojo's favor (after Sukuna was hit by Unlimited Void) Gojo was struggling. If Sukuna hadn't been holding back his other techniques to a) keep them a secret from spectators and b) ensure that Mahoraga adapted to Unlimited Void out of sight, it's very possible Gojo would have died after their first Domain Clash ended in Sukuna's favor.

Quick Explanation: In chapter 226, after Gojo's Domain breaks and he loses his technique for a time, but before he uses Simple Domain to save himself from Malevolent Shrine, Sukuna could have used his fire arrow in the same way he did against Mahoraga in Shibuya. With the amount of damage Gojo was taking at the time, we don't know if he would have been able to survive it, especially when all of his CE was being focused on healing the slashes Sukuna was dealing and likely couldn't have been spared to reinforce his body. (But once again, Sukuna was holding himself back, so neither us nor Gojo will ever know if he could have eneded their fight there.)

This is why I personally don't see anything wrong with Gojo being unsure if he could have beat Sukuna even without Ten Shadows.

But moving on to the less combat focused section of what I want to talk about. What was up with Gojo's confidence up until the literal end, only for him to doubt himself after the fact? I have two points for this one:

Gojo has to be strong for his students.

I touched on it in my response to one of your previous posts, (read: here) but I can't stress enough how Gojo's strength and, by extension, his confidence in his strength is for his students' sake. He teaches through his actions, but more importantly, he never shows them his own doubt.

The first time he fights Sukuna, he points out that Megumi is watching and, in his own words, "shows off."

Then, going into their actual fight in chapter 222, he looks serious in a way that we never really see from him. At least, up until the point where Yuuji reminds him that he and all his other students are there, that they're confident in him, and we see his entire demeanor going into the fight change. He's smiling; he's not worried in the least. He says, "Yeah, I got this," with a grin on his face, and that, more than it'll ever be for himself, was for his students.

There's another shift after the opening stage of their fight in chapter 224. What always stuck out to me from that chapter was Gojo noticing that their fight was being broadcasted. I won't go so far as to say he was less confident before that point or even that he wasn't trying as hard because that simply isn't true. But after he realizes that his students can see the fight as it's happening, Gojo's approach to fighting Sukuna changes almost entirely. Before, he was visibly having fun. Before, he was treating Sukuna as an equal to cut his teeth against. Was he getting on Sukuna's nerves intentionally, yes, but there was an aspect to it that felt more similar to how he spoke to Geto in their teenage years. Still antagonistic, that's just how his personality is, but not degrading in the way that he is later. (I'll expand on this thought in another post. For now, let's get back to my original point.)

After he spots Mei Mei's crows, Gojo never, not once, for the remainder of the fight expresses doubt in himself in any outward way.

We see frustration, we see anger, we see surprise, but never doubt. Never worry. And what does he say as soon as he get's the upper hand in the fight?

But why? Why is making sure that his students remain confident in him so important? Well, what's the answer to almost any question when it comes to Gojo's motivations?

Hidden Inventory and losing the person that mattered to him the most: Suguru Geto.

The same confidence that Gojo shows as an adult is what we see here, with one important distinction. He shares the place of being the strongest with Geto. "We're the strongest" isn't about them individually holding the title; it's about them together. They as a unit are the strongest. But here, Gojo tries to shoulder the burden of his fight against Toji alone while he sends Geto off with Riko and Kuroi. He seperates them and that duality of strength becomes weaker. Gojo loses, Riko dies, Geto loses, and they fail.

In the aftermath, Geto takes the guilt from that loss onto himself, and it only widens that separation into a chasm that Gojo is never able to cross. But we spend so much time talking about Geto's guilt over Hidden Inventory that I think we overlook Gojo's.

Even in a state where he'd feel nothing over killing a roomful of people, where he can't feel anger toward Toji over Riko, he feels like he messed up. He places blame on himself for their failure. Not just because he had lost but because Geto --someone that shared the position of being the Strongest with him-- expressed doubt in him shouldering so much of their mission at multiple points, only for Gojo to give him confidence in return and have that confidence ultimately be misplaced.

But isn't he making the same mistake with his students? Yes, and no.

Yes, in that he's giving them reassurance that is tragically (for lack of better word) misplaced, but no, in that they never expressed doubt in him. Not just because they aren't on his level when it comes to strength like Suguru was, but because he never gives them the chance to doubt him.

From the very beginning, when Yuuji first becomes his student, he makes sure that Yuuji doesn't have any doubt in him winning against Sukuna. And even when he's asked again at a time where none of his students are present, he thinks of this exchange with Yuuji. And his response to Kenjaku now was the same that it was to Yuuji.: "Nah, I'd win."

This isn't to say that Gojo didn't have faith in himself going into the fight or even through the majority of it. It would be at least disingenuous and at most outrageous for me to say that Gojo's confidence in himself was an act only for his students sake. What I'm saying with all of this is actually my second point in this post:

Gojo only expresses his true feelings to himself and....

I'm quickly running into the photo limit for this post so I'll be using quotes, but in chapter 233, we get, "Even though the opponent was the King of Curses, said to be the strongest in history, a thought nobody considered possible began to spread; Satoru Gojo could lose. Gojo himself was aware of that prospect. Yet, along with the signs of defeat came an undeniable feeling of satisfaction."

I've read through the entire fight multiple times now, and this is the only time that we see Gojo express doubt in himself. But instead of it feeling like a loss, as we'd expect, it's written as a positive. Gojo isn't upset at the idea that he might lose. He embraces it. As was stated both in chapter 233 and again in chapter 236, he's satisfied. Not just because he gave this fight everything that he had, but because him losing means that he'll return to the person that understood him --and the burden of being the strongest-- the best.

Much like Suguru couldn't smile from the bottom of his heart until his last moment with Gojo, Gojo couldn't be truly happy in a world where no one understood him. If Geto had been there with him, if Geto had been alive and by his side to share the burden and isolation of strength in the jujutsu world, he could have been truly happy with his life.

But that wasn't the reality that he lived in, nor was it something he could ever hope to accomplish.

Gojo's dream was to raise stronge allies, but that was never so that they could share the burden of strength with him. It was so that they could share it with each other. So that they never experienced the isolation of being strong alone the way that he did for the majority of his life. He wanted them to have their own Geto in each other.

It's not that he changed up his attitude regarding the fight and Sukuna after he died, but rather that his death brought him back to the person that he could finally (finally, after so long of being a pillar of strength rather than a person) express his true feelings to.

Or, to continue the quote from 233: "Being the strongest came with a sense of isolation. So the source of his present sense of fulfillment was..."

[misshoneyimhome]

Cause I'm not ready | Auston Matthews 

Tags: jealous!auston; Austonxreader;

A/n: I don’t know why, but I feel like Auston would be the kind of guy that isn’t good at showing his emotions and admit his feelings to himself 😉

*

Cause I'm not ready; To find out you know how to forget me I'd rather hear how much you regret me And pray to God that you never met me Than forget me

”Forget me” - Lewis Capaldi

*

Dating Auston Matthews was no walk in the park; however, it had been the best three months of your life. It was just after New Year's, when Auston had made his move. You were a friend of a friend of a… you weren’t even sure how you became part of the group hanging out with the hockey players of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Nonetheless, you and Auston had grown close and formed a relationship, the more time you had spent together as a group.

So, one cold January evening, Auston had decided that he'd want to spend some alone time with you and get to know you better. And oh, so did you. It had been a classic: starting out with a coffee chat, then dog walks with Felix while talking, then evenings at his place simply watching your favourite shows. After a few weeks, it turned into make-out sessions on the sofa, and not long after, heated sessions in the bedroom followed.

It had been truly amazing. Not to mention the sex; oh boy, did that boy know his way around a female body. He had made you feel incredible. The first times had been slow and soft; he took his time to make you feel good, to please you - he'd always make sure you had at least one orgasm before continuing to make himself feel good inside you. Then it got a bit more heated; to which you couldn't complain. Auston had a bit of a rough side to him - nothing BDSM kinky or alike, but he simply liked to dominate in the bedroom - and the kitchen, and the living room, and the bathroom… okay, his entire condo and maybe even yours. But again you didn't complain. He was amazing. Full stop.

But then the playoffs came closer, and Auston had to prioritise his time and energy on hockey. It hadn't been a bad breakup - if you can even call it that. He had been honest with you, which is more than you can say most other guys had ever been, and a part of you had sort of seen it coming. You had been spending quite a lot of time with the hockey players and their significant others, so you knew how much time and effort the players had to put into training and the games. So when Auston said he couldn't find the time to see you, you were okay. A little disappointed, but okay.

Honestly, you probably hadn't even expected it to become anything more serious. Auston wasn't exactly known to be the marrying kind of guy who'd want to settle down ASAP and have a family. He might want to someday, but for now, he enjoyed his youth. And with his charming personality, flirty smiles, and devilish demeanour, he could probably have anyone he'd like. Auston enjoyed the freedom of being a young bachelor, but there had been something about you that had made him enjoy the closeness of someone. Something had triggered within him to reconsider the whole idea of a relationship. But for the time being, he'd want to focus on hockey.

So now that the new season was about to begin, and everyone was slowly coming back to Toronto, you knew you were eventually going to see him again. And you didn't mind at all. You had had a great time over the summer; you'd visited your family, gone on a few trips with the girls, caught up on sleep and your favourite TV shows… it had been a great summer - and oh yes, you'd also started seeing someone.

Dean was sweet; a couple of years older than you, worked in banking, and was an overall good guy. And he adored you. He'd do anything for you - even come along to the first home game of the hockey season, even though he knew nothing about the sport.

Auston had expected to see you during the friendly games, but when you weren't there, he'd felt a small tinge of disappointment. During the off-season, he'd missed you, but he didn't want to reach out, seeing on your Instagram how much fun you were having. And he also knew that he was the one who broke it off. But nonetheless, he missed you.

So when he saw you for the first time in months, after the winning home game, where he had played amazingly by the way, he was thrilled. Well, at first. Until he saw the guy standing next to you, with an arm around you. Auston never thought of himself as the jealous type - but that was until the moment he saw you smile and laugh when engaging in a conversation with the other friends and families. A laughter that was music to his ears and a smile that lit up his entire world, even on a grey rainy day. A smile that usually he'd be the one to put on your beautiful face and a laughter that was usually caused by one of his idiotic jokes.

You seemed happy.

"Hey Aus," you smiled. "What a great game!"

Auston simply smiled back at you.

"Thanks," was all he managed to reply.

You were even being nice and friendly towards him. You greeted him as the friend he was to you, and congratulated him on the win as well as praising his wonderful play. Couldn't you just at least be mad at him? Or something? It just seemed like you'd forgotten all about what had happened between the two of you. Like it was nothing. But it was not nothing. Not to Auston at least. Only he'd just realised that now.

"Dean, this is my friend Auston - Auston, this is Dean," you introduced the two lads. You figured, why not - Auston had broken up with you, and you'd decided to stay friends, so why couldn't you introduce your new flirt?

"It's nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you," Dean said, offering Auston a friendly smile.

"Can't say the same about you - I mean, that I've heard about you… but great to meet you too," Auston blurted out.

There was a slight awkward feeling among the three of you, but you handled the situation nonchalantly, and you all went back to chatting with the group.

**

Between that game and the following home game, you and Auston had barely talked. Not that you'd talked much during the off-season - it had mostly just been occasional snaps of whatever you were doing, wherever you were, and liking each other's Instagram stories and posts.

But these days had been killing Auston. Knowing that you were in the same city as him, talking to the same people, and going to places where he'd be, was killing him. He'd want to reach out to you. To spend time with you. To make you laugh and talk to you like you used to. But you were with Dean.

And honestly, you didn't even think of Auston. You were happy with Dean. And just overall happy to be back in your everyday life routines. Nothing could get you off course.

So you thought.

After the home game, yet another win for the Leafs, Auston quickly noticed you standing with the group of significant others, chatting. But this time you weren't wearing his jersey, like you used to. And Dean was there as well.

As Auston came out of the locker room, he moved towards you to greet you. You were smiling as your eyes locked and took a little step forward to meet him. And that's when Auston couldn't stop himself - he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you in for a kiss. It wasn't an intense kiss nor just a peck on the cheek - it was a soft and gentle kiss on the lips.

Without saying a word, Auston pulled away and walked back to the other players. You were baffled. Stunned by his actions. Yet a certain, familiar sensation of pleasure filled your body.

"Wow… somebody wants people to know that you're not available…" Dean nervously chuckled.

"Oh no… that's just Auston being…" you trailed off, unable to fully articulate what had just happened.

"I think I get the message," Dean softly said, offering a friendly smile. "He likes you."

You were unable to reply. So you just simply nodded.

"…and you like him," Dean added.

Again, all you could do was nod.

**

After Auston had finished up in the locker room, he walked out and immediately saw you standing alone.

"Where's your date?" He asked, coming over to you. You couldn't help but smile a little.

"He left," you said with a calm and soft voice.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why…" you gave him a slight puzzled expression. "Because of you."

Of course, Auston knew that. He just wanted for you to say it. And he simply let out a sigh.

"I don't get you, Aus…" you tried your best to remain calm. "You broke it off with me… but then you go and do something like this?" You spoke with a soft voice.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what to say, y/n," Auston simply replied.

"Just tell me what you want?"

Auston was unable to formulate a proper sentence. Something that was unusual for him. When he didn't say anything, you let out a sigh and slowly began to walk away.

"Well, let me know when you've figured it out…"

You were almost by the exit, when a hand grabbed yours and pulled you into a large body. Auston had run after you, and still unable to articulate his feelings, he pulled you in for a deep kiss.

The kiss was good - wonderful even - and only when needing to breathe for air, you both pulled away.

"You," Auston softly spoke. "I want you."

[save-the-villainous-cat]

I ordered an empanada at a restaurant and do you know what they gave me? A FREAKING MEATLOAF WITH THE SHAPE OF AN EMPANADA 🤧

Anyways how’s your day ma’am? Can I ask for a mind controlled hero whumpee? Feel free to ignore if you don’t want

The villain tilted their head, clearly amused.

They sat in front of the hero who was well-behaved and listening to every word they said. It was true, they could be quite charming when their rebellious side wasn't constantly getting in the way. This version of the hero was much more manageable.

"Isn't this fun?" the villain asked. "We're having fun."

No answer, as expected.

"I could tell you to break your hands in front of me and you would do it without hesitation. How romantic." The villain scrutinised them. Their hero didn't look like they missed anything. They got food. They got time for themselves. The villain considered themselves a kind captor. "The loyalty, I mean. Takes me back, really."

They smiled to themselves softly. When they looked at the hero, they were still the same person. Still the former best friend they had had a crush on. Still the same eyes, still the same scars. The villain didn't know what to do with it, didn't know where to put their feelings. It was such an old wound, long surmounted but never forgotten. A deep scar that would never really heal.

"You followed me like a dog. I can't really blame you, can I?" The villain started to play with the seam of their shirt. An old habit they could never get rid of. "I played that part pretty well."

Their gaze wandered to the window. It had been grey all day.

For the past few weeks, the villain had perfected their abilities to manipulate the hero, controlling their mind and taking it apart. It had been fun, indeed. Until it wasn't anymore. Once again, they looked at the hero who was listening, yet not responding.

"All these years I had to let you humiliate me. I had to watch when they cheered for you," the villain mumbled. They were talking to themselves rather than to the hero. However, some part of themselves wanted the hero to listen to this.

"Is it too much to ask for? Some silence? Some peace?" they asked the hero. They knew no answer would come and no reaction would follow. "Is it too much to ask for, truly?"

The oppression they had endured had been crueler to their heart than they wanted to admit. The whole world was against them. They had been abandoned, betrayed, tortured. They didn't even have words left for their own actions. Although they wanted to be protected again, the villain knew they didn't deserve it.

Eventually, they sighed and stood up, walking around the table. They sat down next to the hero and remembered that awful night when they had kissed. For months, years even that memory had become a nightmare. Once the only thing that gave them comfort, now a painful thought.

But the hero...they were still beautiful.

The villain moved some strands of hair out of the hero's sight.

"Sometimes I wish you weren't here anymore. Sometimes, I want to wake up and see that you're gone. You've been hunting me, haunting me for years and I..." The villain swallowed. "And I want you to leave. I thought imprisoning you and treating you badly would give me peace but...I'm not sure how I can kill these feelings."

They felt themselves become more emotional than they usually allowed. They took in a deep breath and closed their eyes, counting till five. Their hand was shaking. Tears gathered in their eyes.

"I lied a lot back then. But I never lied about my feelings for you. That wasn't a game to me."

They took the hero's hand and squeezed it. The villain wasn't surprised when the next morning, they found themselves alone in their apartment.