#i know this makes him look citeh but if you really think about it and the 5-1 he's saying coys

[heartwoodventures]

Four adventurers enter a stinky, vine infested dungeon at the behest of Ecir Coyacir. Treasure lies within, he claims! But would it be worth the reek? Immediately upon entrance, the party is taken aback by the foul stench emanating from gold puddles scattered across the floor. None are pleased, but it was too late to turn back...

".....This has bad idea written all ovah it," Nazyl says. "This smell...it couldn't be, right? Does goldbile grow in othah places...?"

Khora’s head sinks to the stench growing within his nostrils. A sigh carries his words forth, already sounding defeated, "What did I volunteer for...?"

“The quicker we do this, the quicker we can wash all the smell off....I hate this place already..." N’ana grumbles.

Amid ample complaints, the group pushes forward, traveling through abandoned halls where wild life has long taken over. With just a map to guide them, they carefully navigate the old thieves' hideout one corridor at a time. Not one second passes without someone reminding the others about their distaste for the place.

In between dispatching monsters, Aiswyda steps into the yellow liquid, and watches in horror and...curiosity as it fizzles at her heel. N’ana giggles, the smell temporarily forgotten. "Hehe, go on and jump in! Looks warm!"

Before they can find out, the group reaches a room where the doorway is covered in writhing vines, as if alive. A boom is heard and they hear a voice rasp against their ears. 

"I have rivers without water, forests without trees, towns without houses."

Khora's eyes widen to the flow of air as it brushes against his ears. "Huh?" He grows a touch confused, ears flickering over his head as his stance loosens up. "What in the hells...?" Eyes wander in every which direction, words spoken beneath his breath over and over. His company of three are similarly bewildered.

"Ye, uh...got aneh ideas? Kinda drawin' blanks here" Nazyl Tharazyl says.

N'ana Firesong taps her chin. "I think I might know what it is... but I don't want to jump in front of you all..."

"Well, a guess is bettah than sittin' here in this stinkin' hole in silence. Throw somethin' out there," Nazyl notes.

Meanwhile, Khora went back and forth between the members of the group, repeating the whispered words over and over. Aiswyda stands there dumbfounded, a tall and clueless backdrop to his pacing. He begins to wander on his own, before his ears stand on end.  "Oh! Oh!"

"Has the rock finally got an idea?" N’ana asks. Khora steps in place as a rush takes him over, like an excited puppy watching its owner return home. He begins to blurt out answers.  "A painting! A map! A picture?"

“Go with the first one. No, the second!” Aiswyda makes a pained expression. “No wait, the first one. The first one!”

As Khora blurts out his answer, the corner of the map starts to fade...but once his second answer comes out, the vines of the entryway part to let the group through. Khora clenches his hand into a fist while a cocky grin spreads to his lips.  "Hell yeah!"  He raised his hand to the air in a triumphant manner.

"Well, whatevah ye said worked. Glad it don't punish multiple answers..." Nazyl notes. "I can't say I approve of whatevah's still lingerin' here. Twelve ferfend it's a bloodeh spirit. Simple thieves don't just animate vines n' speak in the wind..."

Khora continues down the path, weapon drawn at his side in case any more trouble tried to make itself known. "Well if all these creeps and blockades are in our way, then maybe that is good tidings. Means the treasure might still be intact."

As the party makes their way deeper, the foul aura grows stronger still. Gone is even the faintest breeze of fresh air. N'ana stares into the room ahead for a moment, and then looks to the group with flattened ears and a pale face. "I don't want the treasure anymore..."

Nazyl Tharazyl rallies the girl. "Pull it tagethah lass. Yer strongah than that. Just keep yer wits about ye."

"Well let's hurry to the next one...Just seeing these....things make me worried and the smell is making me sick," N’ana curtly replies. "I just want a bath after this...I would give up my treasure just for a nice lavender bath....or for this place to smell of lavender."

Khora's ears stand up straight as his lips curl to form a round o-shape.  "OOohh...A bath does sound good right about now."

"If all monstahs n' treasure were found in fair-scented gardens n' houses, we'd all be 'venturers eh?" Nazyl jests.

They step it to the next room, and yet again, the voice from before booms around them. 

"Iron roof, glass wall. Burns and Burns and never falls." 

It echoes throughout the room and the walls around them shimmer. The coming of another riddle inspires great anger in the party.

"NOT ANOTHER RIDDLE!" N’ana yells.

Nazyl and Khora react more calmly, and take note of the strange behavior of the walls. Aiswyda, on the other hand, jumps at the sound of the voice, and throws a punch at the nearest teammate....Nazyl. The height discrepancy between the two means that the punch sails harmlessly over his head. 

“Thal’s balls, so bloody loud! Would it hurt to not be so mysterious?” Aiswyda groans. Thankfully, Khora offers an answer quickly, though he didn’t sound so certain this time.

"A... Lantern?"

"Now open up and no more riddles!" N’ana demands immediately after.

"Yer quick on this one lad. Givin' me a diff'rent outlook of ye,” Nazyl states.

Khora blinks as his stance shifts awkwardly. "What was your outlook on me before?" Worry carried those words forth, Khora unsure if he even wanted to hear a response.

N'ana gives Khora's head a light tap with her fist. "Just take the complament you dummy!"

Nazyl Tharazyl continues. "Loud, brash, too quick ta irritate." He was blunt at least. "Traits I tend ta dislike. But yer sharp, I'll give ye that. I ain't no riddle solvah, n' Twelve know me talents don't lie in me smarts."

Khora's shoulders slouch as his head hangs forward, ears dropping over his head. "I'm not always like that...Just on jobs..."

"Ah, don't beat yerself up ovah it. Some jobs it's perfectleh fine ta be that way, just not when a more subtle touch is required." Nazyl snorts, walking towards the next room, "Looks like the gas is taperin' off."

Khora's demeanor is quick to shift when the path opens up. "Oh yeah!" Disappointment and self-deprecation quickly melt away with excitement as they had done it again. "Excellent!"

The party quickly enters the following passageway, which is absolutely riddled with morbols. The scent of it all is enough to bring even the proudest warrior to their knees. But through complaints and nausea, they carry on, and finally make it to the last room. A square pedestal with four holes on each side, adorned strange markings, stood at the center of the opening. The voice roars even louder around them.

"I cover cities and destroy mountains, I make men blind, yet help them see."

Nazyl reaches for his ears, the voice all but shaking his whole body, "Gods! Now what, a third one?"

Khora Velaceras freezes in place. His eyes went wide and a look of complete cluelessness washes over him. "Yeah... I have no idea on this one.  The Sun? Though the sun does not really destroy mountains..."

“It would appear another measly riddle blocks our path,” Aiswyda says, as she looks to Khora expectantly, as if waiting for a magician to repeat yet another magic trick. This time, however, he would not supply the answer. Nazyl thought hard to himself, staring at the pedestal, gears going overtime in his head. "Covahs...citehs...Sand upon the wind erodes rock. Two whole nations rest beneath the Sagolii."

"OOooo! Makes sense!" Khora’s head raises slightly and a shine appears about his expression - as if a lightbulb ignited above his head. Aiswyda, on the other hand, is left in the dark. As Khora tries to explain it to her, the ruins start to glow around the pedestal. One of the openings starts to glow, as if it needed something to be placed within. 

"I am something you feel, but cannot see. I can be held, and touch you, but you can not touch me."

"Oh hells it's not ovah!" Nazyl felt his victory rush taper quickly with the addition of a new question. "Bah. This one is a bit diff'rent."

Khora blurts out. "The air!" 

However, the pedestal doesn’t react, and its hole continues to glow brightly. Aiswyda examines the pedestal and stares at the glowing opening. "What, do we blow in it?"

Khora Velaceras shakes his head. "I mean if you want to blow on it, then by all means go ahead. Won't catch me doing it."

Aiswyda shoots Khora a dirty look and blows into the hole. “Gods I feel stupid.”

The hole closes, accepting the offering. On the other side, another begins to glow, and the voice echoes through once again.

"Shines like the stars, filling the halls. For naught but rocks, a city falls."

"Color me s'prised...Who wants ta guess this one at bein' fire?" Nazyl offers.

N'ana reaches in her bag and takes a fire shard out. "I guess put this on it?" She places the shard onto the pedestal, letting the heat inside glow. "I hope this works." The moment it’s placed in the pedestal, it shoots out like a rocket, smacking her silly.

Khora shakes his head as he casually approaches the pedestal and walks beside N'ana. "Well...  Allow me then." He reaches into his pouch and lets the jingle of coin rattle in the air.  "Shine like the stars. Filling the halls. For naught but rock, a city falls." Khora pulls out three gil coins and sets them onto the pedestal. "Money."

The hole to the pedestal closes up and the third hole starts to glow. 

"Don't see me move, but still alive. Feet firmly on the ground, but reach for the skies."

This one comes to N'ana quickly. "Trees?"

Khora winks at N'ana with a cocky smirk on his lips. "Why not go get a branch for us since you got the answer?"

N’ana steps over to one of the vines, and chops a bit off at the tip. She then places it on the stand, with some trepidation. "Trees or plants."

The hole closes up and the pedestal starts to hum as the last hole glowed. Would they get their prize after it? 

"Still, a mirror the gods can use. Swift, a mountain one day moved. With none, you die, all alone. Too much, you die, in another's home."

Khora Velaceras nods approvingly toward N'ana. "Nice work! And by the sounds of it, I am going to assume the last is water."

N'ana pulls out a gourd from her bag. "Well I have some water... want me to try that then?"

The rest of the party takes a good step back. Nazyl mostly wishes he could -see- what the pedestal is doing. N’ana undoes the cap on her gourd, and pours clear water onto the stand. The final hole closes up and shakes as it falls into the ground, leaving behind a hole. A moment later it comes back up with a treasure chest, along with a longsword made of glass and silver, a staff topped with a caged flame, and a tri-bladed dagger adorned with three ominous crystals that glowed red.

The group had done it.

Three voices whisper around their heads. The word 'Worthy' repeats over and over, along with 'Show your worth'.

Nazyl Tharazyl narrows his eyes, keeping his sword gripped tight. "Wait."

Despite Nazyl’s reservations, N’ana reaches out and takes the blade in one hand. "This does look valuable..."

"H-hold on, I ain't sure-" Nazyl stammers. "Dammit, didn't ye listen ta the voice? Show yer worth...we proved our cunnin', now I'd say it seeks ta test our strength."

Meanwhile, Khora raises a hand to facepalm. "Have you not read the books or heard the stories?  Y'never just take the treasure 'cause it is almost /always/ boobytrapped!" 

"But... we cleared the trials.... and this is what we came for, isn't it?" N’ana says.

After a long, uneventful pause, Khora bows his head with a sigh. "I hope you are wrong Nazyl but..." The Seeker steps forward and takes the staff presented before them. "But I will admit that this is nearly not as much treasure as I thought we'd find."

“Well..." N’ana looks around. "Nothing is happening...let's take the treasure and leave! I want a bath!" She swings the sword over her shoulder and begins to walk out. With a shrug, Aiswyda picks up the treasure chest, and Nazyl takes the dagger.

“Phew, doesn’t seem booby trapped! Let’s get out of here,” Aiswyda says, the chest held securely in her arms. The thing is incredibly heavy - dropping it would send a smaller creature to the lifestream. However, in some ways, she had the lightest burden of them all.

Those who held a weapon eventually felt an immense heat. The words 'Show your worth' echoes around them with increasing fervor. Nazyl couldn't help but feel...wrong, once they made their way outside. The heat, the voices....the thing must be cursed. They all must be. His hand shifts while holding it, wanting to simply throw it onto the ground. The lalafell grips the knife in a vice, the voices drowning out all other sounds. Not again, don't fall for its words, he repeats to himself...and even then, his thoughts seemed distant and almost unintelligible.

"I really don't like this..." N’ana held the sword over her shoulder, tense. "I wonder if I can trade this for gil..."

"Gods someone silence the whispers...Anyone else hearing that?"  Khora’s eyes remain drawn to the weapon, looking to the flame that flickered within the cage and letting it glint in those silver eyes of his. In a moment's irritation, Khora slams the butt end of it to the ground before channelling his aether's forth. He feeds his energy into the weapon, and wisps in the air form as black clouds dance before him. The clouds spark and erupt into a bright and mighty flame. "Shut up!" The Seeker sends a surge of flames forward, as if he himself exploded in anger. The flames swirl around the staff and get sucked into the cage on top.

Unable to hear the voice, Aiswyda is shocked by Khora’s outburst. “Gods, what’s going on? Get a hold of yourself!”

Khora grits his teeth as he darted a feral gaze toward Aiswyda. "You do not hear the bloody voices? The whispers?!"

“Nay, since the last riddle it’s been all quiet now. At least, the whispers have been quiet,” she answers, as she ushers the group out with an increased sense of urgency, until the four of them were no longer deep within the ruin’s bowels. Unfortunately for them, the troubles didn’t end there. As the group steps out, they notice an area over by the client with a HUGE burn mark in the ground, and a knocked out man off to the side.

"...Guess they've been buseh entahtainin' guests...." Nazyl manages.

An unfamiliar Miqo'te looks toward the arriving party, and then back to the Hyur. "We'll have some more fun in the future, love. Promise I'll work on the pre-game just for you." She holsters the gun and blows a kiss toward, making a break toward the unconscious man (Kevin) and throwing a smoke bomb down. The client, and the strangers, were gone by the time the cloud expanded.

They had missed quite a bit.

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW35+

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Kane and Calvert-Lewin

IN (for -4 points): Firmino and Benteke

Welp, Kane and Mou hooked me again - nothing new there.

DCL I still love and it is quite upsetting that I didn't own him this season when he was getting all his points and did own him for a strand of just straight blanks and nothingness since the restart. Oh well. I'm sure this is not the last of DCL in my team, and I will look forward to owning him next year. If anything, maybe this barren spell is a blessing in disguise as it may keep his price down a bit and prevent him from having much preseason buzz...

As shouted on the pod, it seems like its a nice time to reunite with old friends. Benteke picks himself, love him so much and maybe he bangs in the revenge game. Just a fun punt.

Bob has been pretty fucking bad for FPL but I love him and haven't owned him all season. I can stomach a few blanks from the lad, but at least I don't have Kane anymore. It's probably not a good sign for my rank that I'm using the tv guide as a significant factor in my decision making process but hey, whatever brooo. I am definitely worried a bit about him starting against Burnley but he did just rest against Villa so maybe he'll be good to go for the duration. Another old friend and someone who I get a lot of xJOY from watching - there is nothing that I've seen from him that leads me to believe he'll get in the points, and I don't think there is some hidden gem here for the run in by any stretch, but I like him so I'm getting him. Basically I figured it's more fun to have him than to start a third Wolves defender..again...and also seems cooler and more fun than any other defender so let's do it :)

GK:

de Gea (SOU)

DDG didn't have to do much so he got a clean. Great job by him and United. It's a good sign that when Ole makes his five subs he's bringing on Fredrick and other shithouses and kind of killing the game dead which doesn't make the last handful of minutes feel so nervy.

Soton are good, though, and I could see them scoring, but with the way United have looked they still feel like a good place to back for cleans. He's not making any saves really to speak of but 3 cleans in 5 from the restart is right about where I thought they'd be.

DEF:

Maguire (SOU)

I am going to roll with the slab over Saiss to keep my shares at 2 for United and 2 for Wolves cleans. Same kinda shit with DDG, he's been individually bad as per but the team is dominating and I see that continuing against Soton.

Dock & Boly (EVE)

Really, really, really, really, really good fixture for a clean.

It's always hard to imagine where an Everton goal could come from and this fixture is no exception. As long as they don't get caught on a counter ping long ball, which they shouldn't do with the extra CB, they should be ok. I expect them to be in cruise control for this game and fully dominate and control it. Whether or not they themselves score, fuck if I know or care, but clean sounds good.

MID:

Sterling, De Bruyne, and Foden (bha)

Besides Raz, no clue if the other two will play 30, 60, or 90 but either way I expect this game to be an absolute fucking.

Rolling with the three City friends till the end seems good, and they are good.

Harry Potter plays some insane stuff and if he rolls out something similar here as he did do against Livp it could get silly. An early goal and the weed hanging their heads could mean many more to follow. That's the hope, anyway.

Bruno (SOU)

Ya, ok bro. Shitting points at the moment. Cool.

Pulisic (shu)

This is suddenly back to being a rough attacking fixture, but with the way Puli has been going recently I'll always back him to return against anyone. Sheffu midfield seems like it could be problematic and they as a team should beginning to feel it in their legs. Chelsea still need to win every game and Sheffu are kinda done for the season so hopefully they are on it and Puli running at Basham et al is too much for them to handle.

FWD:

Benteke (avl)

Back to his old stomping ground with Villa absolutely needing 3 points in this one I could see some goals for us. Just a fun play for me and again gives me something extra to cheer for on Sunday when I wake up to watch the game :)

Firmino (BUR)

He did put them to the sword in the reverse fixture..not that I usually put any stock in such a thing, but hey, it did happen so just reporting the news.

Without Mee I could envision him being difficult for them to contain with his movement so maybe he is going to get in there with some points. It wouldn't stun me to see him on the bench for like Minamino or some shit but hopefully not. Also is nice to have one of Alon's favorites in there to boot. Go get em Bobby.

CAP:

Sterling (bha)

Raz never in doubt.

Didn't start last game...and Jesus has just started a few in a row...so there's a reasonable chance he's playing striker. Love the fixture here and the stars seem to have aligned for the cap shout.

He's been playing really well lately so it makes this a really easy decision for me.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Alexander-Arnold and Calvert-Lewin

IN: Saiss and Vardy

Off with the hyphenated names they’re banished from my team for rest of season no hyphens fuck it.

Dropping Trent feels akin to dropping Kevin: I’ve probably made a big woopsies here and he’s gonna start 4/4 or 3/4 and haul because he’s the best but... maybe not? Maybe he gets rested/rotated for Burnley as we expect and maybe Liverpool don’t clean rest of season as I personally expect and then I’m doing ok?

Maybe... maybe... 

I’m also just going partially with gut on Vardy vs. Bournemouth more then anything else. Form is some sort of mystical lover and every time she’s in our grasp she slips away and every time we think she’s gone forever she reappears... Hoping the form angel pegs Vardy’s butt-hole this weekend and he hauls.

GK:

Ederson (bha)

Was Eddy worth the funds out the gate? Probably not... But I also know my own weaknesses and I’d’ve probably somehow have talked myself into some shit-can like Foster on no cleans and alas here we are.

I’ll take the points and genuinely expect a clean in all four remaining matches from Citeh.

DEF:

Doherty & Saiss (EVE)

Sheesh this feels yuge. Double Wolves into Everton come on Wolves. Don’t have anything to say I’m just on my hands and knees praying for this clean man...

Maguire (SOU)

Tough one for me to read.

Part of me thinks that the chaotic style of Southampton’s attack will have The Oaf on toast but also part of me thinks ManU will just strangle them to death with their elite possession and passing breaking the press all the time and Soton will be huffing and puffing by 45′... Not sure how this goes but yeah I duno.

Go get’em big guy.

MID:

De Bruyne & Mahrez (bha)

It’s very realistic that neither of my City dudes start and that tilts me off so hard just thinking about watching City do The Seaweed 6-0 or something and not be a part of anything fuck meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee REEEEEEEEEEE!

Martial & Fernandes (SOU)

I still think that these two are the best two ManU guys to get. Tony looked great despite not scoring and what can we even say about the lad Bruno he can’t not run into points right now.

Pulisic (shu)

Gonna be tough to break down but also the possession and pressure should be relentless from Chelsea here.

Hopefully Pulisic taking 9000 touches in the box leads to some FPL points that tricky little fucker I love him.

FWD:

Vardy (bou)

Come on Vardz.

Not a thing I often say but come on you Vardz. Take the Cherries apart baby.

Jimenez (EVE)

Walsh talked me into this (keeping Jim) on the pod and it made a whole lotta sense to me.

Sometimes in life you just need to talk it out with someone you trust like your pod partner and then you can see more clearly and here we are. I actually feel great about a Wolves bounce-back against an Everton side with no midfielders.

Jim should be getting lots of chances and touches in the box and get the fuck in there. Overdue for a pen too maybe Keane or Mina does some mad shit? I haven’t given up on you yet Jim. Let’s go.

CAP:

Vardy (bou)

Whatever, right?

I mean I think capping either of my City guys is completely unreasonable this week (for the record I would cap Raz over anyone this week) so it’s between basically Bruno, or Vardy for me this week...

Why would I cap Bruno there? What’s to be gained? He’s owned by everyone and will be capped by everyone. It’s not fun and it’s not how I play the game.

I see weeks like this as an opportunity to both have more fun and to go for a maybe under the radar cap shout huge chunk rise if he hauls and Bruno is held relativlely in check... No pressure Jamie no pressure at all... Just... save me... Plz...

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW36+

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: De Bruyne and Benteke

IN (for -4 points): Salah and Giroud

In another episode of things you hate to see, Benteke is ineligible for the duration of the season so I'm transferring out the best player of this foursome but it had to be done.

Having some fun here with Mo back in against Kola and Tierney lol banter time ok. Basically just feeling Kevin is not going to be starting this one so for what life is this if not for having fun. I've been having fun so I will continue to have fun. Mo still put in an insane xG game versus Burnley and so I'm back in on chasing the hauls. Arsenal and Chelsea suddenly seem like insane incredible attacking fixtures and Livp.....well my sense is that the front three will go for the rest of the games after each one of them has had a game off since the restart already. Mo looking on it every game he still might have some double digit hauls left in him.

Was very wishy washy feeling between Giroud and Ings for this spot and in the end figured that Ings is just a bit better for the next two combined and will not require an additional transfer / benching as I wouldn't want to start G again after Norwich...in which we also don't even know if he'll start since Franklin seems to hate him (he's from France). If you thought this was a defense for picking Ings it's the indictment against picking Ings - I'm in wild man mode so I'm going for the max perverse pick clearly. Giroud is fun and it's fun to be able to experience him even if it is for one game only. If the leak comes in, though, and Tam is in...I'll prob just get Ings :)

GK:

de Gea (cry)

Joke fixture hopefully Paul doesn't fuck up the world to concede another goal in this one. Should be a very easy clean we look like there is no possibility of scoring from anywhere right now in only 90 minutes.

DEF:

Maguire (cry)

The double defense goes again. 3 cleans from 6 so far...ok..fine. Hoping that settles up on 5 from 8 with this game and then wet spam in which case I'd be well pleased.

Doherty & Boly (bur)

Wood is prob ready for a start so probably not a clean here. Wolves been playing good stuff and they still have a lot to play for so they should be well focused for this one. Hopefully Burnley drag them down to their level and it is just a shitfest game. Dock stopped attacking, but whatever, the cleans are flowing.

MID:

Salah (ars)

Mo just coming and going from my team with my every whim. Well he's back for the next two so we'll see how that works out. Talked enough about Mo...just going with what I'm seeing. Livp look good and I believe he'll play basically the first team in these next games. Trying to exploit the goons here with barely anything to play for and head's potentially hanging low.

Foden & Sterling (BOU)

Little bit nervy about Raz starting but Fodeninho looks primed and ready to do the things. Should be a lot of goals in this one.

Pulisic (NOR)

Banter fixture....Norwich been beaching it up for a little while now. Hopefully this opposition is what Chelsea need to snap back into gear. If they let Antonio score four off them then who knows what Chelsea can do. Should be a crooked scoreline here.

Bruno (cry)

The shitting of points continues. March on.

FWD:

Firmino (ars)

Bob good friend looked nice last game and did everything but get in the fpl points. Hard to imagine how David Luiz and friends will be able to cope with his movement my body is ready for a bob fest.

Giroud (NOR)

Unless there is a leak with Tam in it..I'll prob just go for the higher xJOY and fun pick here with Giroud. Hopefully he gets points in the 70 max mins he will get in this one. Old friend G in for the fun banter game against the joke team...what could go wrong?

CAP:

Foden (BOU)

Another easy cap week. Fucking love Phil get in Phil. He looked so good in his last start if he is able to replicate that performance he could be in there with a double return or something around that. Bournemouth are a mess, and if Ake is out....well then they are even more of a mess. Maybe this is actually the game that he lets Foden play the 90....woah. That would be something.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Vardy and Mahrez

IN (for -4 points): Jesus and Willian

*Gonna also, like Walsh, be waiting for a lineup leak before actually punching in the move so you know, might not do Willian for sure depending on him and also depending on if Giroud starts (makes Willian a lot better) but these are the planned moves*

Vardy in Vardy out.

Mahrez in Mahrez out.

I don’t know if it’s correct but it’s honest work.

Trying to find the hauls I’m basically playing minesweeper out here and looking to spike a big one and I duno, is this worth a hit? Probably not but if Mahrez is benched and Vardy/Leicester suck then yeah maybe it is??? There was a lot of thought of different moves and safer moves and shit but I ended up here and I’m happy enough with it.

The season’s almost gone just do fun shit and follow your gut and yolo.

Come on boys.

GK:

Ederson (BOU)

Looking like another day another clean this week for Citeh and Eddy.

Yeah the huge upside of the attackers will probably have all of them above Eddy in proj3kt restart points but also he’s been great and extremely cheap compared to the big boys so I duno... would I do it again in hindsight probably not but has it been bad no for sure not I don’t think...

DEF:

Maguire (cry)

I mean Harry is just so fun to watch... the way he marked AWB out of the corner was *chef’s kiss* ... they’ll probably clean but if I were presented with the options of:

A. clean or B. Harold / Manchester United calamity

That’s hard. Like splitting children really...

Doherty & Saiss (bur)

Scared of Jrod and Wood but still gotta back Wolves for a clean here... Come on you Wolves.

MID:

Martial & Fernandes (cry)

Expecting a dicking here. In my head this match is more of a Bruno match but maybe it’s just an everyone match lol Palace are so bad...

De Bruyne (BOU)

Kevin been an actual disaster for me and looking reasonably likely to get benched/rested this week so yeah just loving life with my 2-3 points per game 10.7 priced midfielder... that said if he starts he might quintuple return vs Bournemouth so come onnnnn Peppppppppppp.

Pulisic & Willian (NOR)

Attacking the bounce-back and the Norwich fixture. Nothing more and nothing less.

Both of these guys been really impressing me a lot lately especially when Giroud is in there to bounce 1-2s off of and hold up and occupy the CBs... And they both have the stats to back the eye-test... Hoping they just shred.

FWD:

Jimenez (bur)

Holding Jim was a shining light from Walsh on last week’s pod and here we are again; after one good attacking performance I feel a lot better about holding Jim in what is another great attacking fixture.

Don’t let Pope and cleans fool you - Burnley loves to concede lots of chances. They’re overdue for a fucking.

Jesus (BOU)

Hoping that managing his minutes by subbing him at like 60′ every match will allow him to play this one and still be fine for FA Cup. We’ll see I guess.

If he starts he gets points.

CAP:

Willian (NOR)

I duno I mean I spent like probably an hour of the live Twitch stream last night talking about Willian and Willian vs. Puli captaincy options and this was the result...

I should say I do NOT think Will is a better cap over the United guys but I do think it’s pretty fucking fun and it’s a massive differential which makes my dick move a little bit.

I mean maybe Chelsea just score six vs. Norwich? Norwich fixture is what dreams are made of...

United should still destroy Palace but at least Palace will TRY to defend and park. Norwich don’t even try... Norwich play open and attacking no matter the fixture no matter the situation and they get destroyed with such insane regularity.

Come on Chelsea I need this!!!