#i know these seasons cna be multiple years

[courtillyy]

tbh im v surprised that out of gem, joel & etho the ship ive become most into is joel x gem lmao

[richonnejustdesserts]

Yuletide Medicine (25 Days Of Richonne Tumblr Exclusive) by @blacklitchick

The joy of the Holiday is lost on both Rick and Michonne until the right medicine transforms their Christmas Eve.

It had seemed like the altruistic thing to do when Rick volunteered to take his aunt’s shift as a Salvation Army bell ringer after she came down with the flu. Most didn’t want the Christmas Eve shift, but the magic of the holiday season was lost on Rick that year. His kids would be two states away from him when they opened presents on Christmas morning. He figured it was better to do some good instead of moping around his empty house. But after two hours of ringing that annoying bell in icy temperatures, he was over it. The multiple looks of annoyance and aggravation he received as last-minute shoppers rushed past him and his frozen fingers made him want to pack it in early. The three dollars he collected after being on duty for two hours didn’t seem worth the hassle.

He tossed the bell and red apron into the bucket before reaching up to pull the Santa hat off his head. A split second before his hand touched his head he heard a small gasp and scream. His reflexes kicked in as he saw a body fall towards him from his peripheral vision. The new weight in his arms wasn’t as much of a shock to his system as the most beautiful yet haunting pair of brown eyes he’d ever seen, staring up at him.

It took it her being in waves: her dark skin, the long locs cascading down her shoulders from under a white knit cap, the matching white peacoat, the way her mouth slightly opened as she took in quick breaths that floated up into the air like smoke. The seconds ticked away as their eyes bored into each other’s and people continued to rush around them.

The small pellets of precipitation that began hitting his face jerked Rick out of their intense trance. His voice was soft yet rough as he opened his mouth. “You OK?”

The woman still stared up at him. A look of he couldn’t decipher crossed over her features before she shook herself and cleared her throat. “Umm..yes…I think so. I tripped over something on the sidewalk. Th…thanks…” The soft yet warm timbre of her voice trembled. She closed her eyes to regain her composure. When she opened them again she smiled up at Rick. Her whole face lit up. He took in a sharp breath as she looked even more beautiful than he first thought.

“Thank you,” she began again, “for catching me. Falling onto an icy sidewalk wouldn’t have been fun.”

Rick smiled back at her. “No. I don’t imagine it would have.”

The conversation trailed off as they caught each other’s eyes again. His gaze traveled to her perfectly shaped lips and back up again. Only a man roughly pushing into him while trying to get into the store they stood in front of broke the spell. Rick grabbed onto the woman tighter so she wouldn’t slip from his grasp.

“It would probably be a good time to let me up,” the woman said as her hands clutched onto his forearms.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Rick mentally chided himself for being so enamored with a stranger as he helped the woman to her feet. When she tried take a step she started to fall again before Rick caught her. “Steady now,” he said.

“Ouch…shit…my ankle.” Her voice was tinged with shock and pain.

Rick could see her right ankle had already started to swell in her suede heeled boots. “Looks like the fall was nastier than we thought.” He gestured across the street. “There’s an Urgent Care in the hospital over there. Let me take you to get checked out.”

The woman pulled away from him while almost falling again. She steadier herself by grabbing onto the red bucket. Tears frame her lashes as she shook her head vehemently. “No. I’m fine. I mean I don’t know you. I just need to get home and wrap and soak my ankle.” She tried to take another step, but couldn’t put any weight down on the ankle. She cried out in pain as the tears broke away from her lashes and ran down her face.

Rick grabbed onto one of her shoulders. “Oh, hey, hey. Shh, shh. Don’t cry. It’ll be OK. It’s probably only a simple sprain.”

The woman shook her head again. “I know but…,” she sighed, “I’m supposed to be on stage tomorrow dancing the lead in The Nutcracker. But now,” she gestured towards her ankle,” it’s probably not going to happen. Would have been the only highlight of my Christmas.”

Rick took in her graceful body. It made sense she was a dancer. Even her fall was elegant. “You never know until you have it checked out. You may be good to go for tomorrow’s performance. We’re go over to the Urgent Care and it’ll be fine.” He reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. “Here’s my ID and badge. I’m a Sheriff’s Deputy. Rick Grimes. You can trust me.”

The woman stared at his ID then looked closely back at him. “You work for Sheriff’s department?” Rick nodded. “So does my sister. She’s a deputy too. Do you know Sasha Williams?”

He crossed his arms and tilted his head as he put the pieces together. “Sasha’s your sister? She’s one of my good friends in the department.” He smiled. “It all makes sense now. That means you’re Michonne Williams. Her ballet dancin’ sister she’s always braggin’ about and praisin’.”

Michonne smiled showed her slight embarrassment. She knew how sister could go on and on with the praise. “That would be me.”

“Now you really have to let me help you. If I have to tell Sasha I left her injured sister in the cold on Christmas Eve she might punch me in the jaw.”

Michonne laughed. “Yeah she just might.” She sighed and wiped at her eyes. “OK. Take me over to the Urgent Care.”

Rick nodded. “OK.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and helped her limp slowly across the street.

****

Almost two hours later, Michonne maneuvered herself back into the waiting area on a pair of crutches. She was surprised to see Rick still sitting in the same spot she left him when the CNA wheeled her back to the exam rooms. He quickly stood when her saw her.

“You’re still here,” she said.

“Of course. I wasn’t gonna leave without knowing you were all right.”

She smiled. “Thanks, Rick. You’re quite the gentlemen. I called Sasha when I was back there and she confirmed that I was in very good hands.”

He smiled back. “Good. So what’s the verdict?”

Michonne eased her body down in a waiting room chair and Rick sat beside her. “It’s not broken, thank God. It’s a sprain like you said, but a pretty bad one. I won’t be doing any dancing tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Me too. I guess that’s why I started crying out there. I’m not quite feeling the magic this year. Only thing I had was dancing.“ She tossed her locs behind her shoulder and shook her head. “This is the first Holiday season since my marriage ended. I had our son, Andre, for Thanksgiving so my ex gets him for Christmas this year. First time I won’t see my Peanut’s face when he opens his gifts. I was looking forward to tomorrow’s performance because I knew it would feel good to bring some joy to the people in the audience even if I wasn’t feeling much myself. Now I won’t even have that, you know.”

Rick patted the knee on her non-injured leg. “I get it. My ex-wife has the kids this year. That’s why I was out here in the cold ranging that damn bell. Tryin’ to do some good while feeling low.”

Michonne put her hand over his. “Looks like we understand each other Deputy Grimes.”

“Looks like we do.”

Their eyes met again in what was beginning to become a habit for them.

Michonne broke the trance first this time as she focused her eyes down to her ankle. “I was out there rushing to find him a gift before him and his Dad leave for Savannah tonight. UPS lost the gifts I ordered for him. I wanted him to have at least one present to open from me in the morning.” She looked at her watch. “They leave in about an hour. I probably won’t make it in time.” She looked back into Rick’s eyes. “He may not think about me at all tomorrow.”

Rick stared back. “Well, we can’t have that. I happen to know that this hospital has a pretty nice gift shop. I’m sure we can find somethang for him there.”

She knitted her brow. “You think?”

“I know.”

“Do you know what ten-year old boys like for gifts?”

“Being that my son was a ten-year old only two years ago, I think I can make an educated guess.”

Michonne smiled at him. “Well, OK then.”

He smiled back. “OK.”

***

A half-hour later they sat in front of the large window in the hospital cafeteria, watching the snow that had been threatening to fall all day blanket the streets. Michonne’s foot was propped on a chair as they sipped hot chocolate.

“I know I keep thanking you, but Andre really is going to love this virtual reality game you picked out. He’s still so young, but already a technology wiz. This is right up his alley.” Michonne patted the wrapped box in her lap. It was just their luck the gift shop was offering free gift wrapping with all toy purchases.

Rick nodded at her with his lips slightly upturned in a smile. He basked in her appreciation. “I was happy to do it. I’m also happy you ex agreed to stop by here on their way out of town so you can give your son the present.”

“Yeah. Me too. Mike’s a wonderful man. A great father. And wasn’t a bad husband. We just weren’t meant to go the long haul in marriage.”

“Same with my ex-wife. I used to see divorce as a failure, but it doesn’t negate all the good the relationship brought to you. And it doesn’t mean you won’t ever find that type of happiness again. Or even somethang better.”

Michonne sipped her hot chocolate and nodded at him with a slight smile on her face. “Sometimes an ending is a beginning in disguise.” She pointed across the street. “Looks like your Salvation Army bucket is filling up with snow. Should you go rescue it?”

Rick shook his head. “Nah. My shift was a bust. I’ll just make a donation in my aunt’s name, and never volunteer again.”

“I have to admit though,” she said as she turned her attention to the top of his head, “the Santa hat looks better on you than it does Kris Kringle.”

He snatched it off with an embarrassed grin. “I didn’t realize I still had that on.”

Michonne laughed and looked back to the wintery scene outside the window. “You know they say if you witness the first snow of Christmas Eve all your wishes for the new year will true.”

Rick raised an eyebrow at her. “Really?”

She smirked at him. “No. I just made that up.”

Rick laughed. “Not a bad sentiment though. I have a few wishes I wouldn’t mind comin’ true.” He held the Styrofoam of hot chocolate in both hands as he looked down as his worn cowboy boots then back up at Michonne’s smiling face again. “You know there’s this restaurant about ten miles from here that makes a great pot roast every Christmas. It’s ‘bout the only place that’s open around here on the holiday.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“I won’t be dancing so my Christmas plans are non-existent at the moment. Since Sasha is working tomorrow, and our family is in Texas, I was thinking about hibernating in my apartment, eating frozen pizza and binging on 90s romcoms. But now that pot roast is an option I may have to reconsider.”

“It’s the best in town. Great apple pie too. The place has a jukebox that plays old Christmas songs. It’s the right medicine to get over the yuletide blues.” He winked at her.

Michonne laughed. She held up her cup of hot chocolate to “clink” it with his in a toast. “Maybe this Christmas won’t be so bad after all.”

Rick’s smiled big and bright enough to rival any holiday decoration. “I know it’s looking up for me.”

[robuttsinyourthighs]

So can you tell us your personal headcanons for mechpreg?

Ahhh hum I like to think it's different for everyone.Some bots can reproduce through gestation tanks, others from budding sparks?I really feel like I've been swept up in the fandom so admittedly not all headcanons I use are my own but I have accepted them as my desired fanon.I like seekers to be more otherworldly and primal (hence heat fics) and that flows along to my interest in insecticons and predacons being the same way. They have varied mating seasons, those with the ability to carry go into heat, those with the desire to sire persue them.Bots can be 'sparked up' through a combination of spike-to-valve with spark bonding. They carry in a gestation tank the beginnings of a protoform and their new spark orbits their own. The spark feeds off carriers energy and multiple spark bonds are needed to keep it growing nice and strong and multiple couplings with the spike and valve add more CNA for the protoform to keep developing.Grounders have a more infant or 'bean' like form that takes longer to develop and seekers, predacons, and insecticons have a more egg-like form.It shifts higher later in the gestation so the higher their bump, the further they are. They get more top heavy so seekers usually nest and have to lay down more and grounders just get restless. Both fluctuate wildly in moods as their new spark develops and they sort their emotions from their little one's. Sites usually do not enjoy this later stage.Finally the spark and the protoform will connect and there will be a 'drop' for grounders, where their bump lowers and they will give birth various ways depending on the size of their offspring. Either through the valve (which is least preferred due to all the repair work needed after), through the torso with a medic's help, or if they are so Primus blessed they will have a carrier code that activates and allows them to transform plating aside their lower abdomen and most anyone can help remove the sparkling and the carrier reseals and heals up for their next carry.Seekers have a shorter and more dramatic drop. They will also have mood swings as the spark develops along their own, but usually within only a few days of the spark and protoform connecting they will go into labor. 9 times out of 10 they will open up their chests and upper torso with a specialized transformation sequence that allows them to expel the 'egg' from their gestation cavity of sorts and incubate it in the nest for a few weeks while it finishes developing. 7/10 if they are a mixed breed (with done other form of aerial) they will birth the egg through the valve. Roughly the same statistic 7/10 goes for valve birth with seekers mixing it up with grounders. They may give live birth and have a very small sparkling which is extremely risky and hard to care for when they are so small. Seekers are known for snubbing grounders for this reason.Insecticons are very brash and quick so their gestation internally is short, usually birthed via valve, then self incubate once lain. It can be a few months (very rare) or many years until the hive mind calls then to hatch. Nests range from monogamous clutches to hive clutches that run they length of underground cities. If they breed outside of their kind they end up paying several small eggs in the carrier and it obsorbs the hosts cna. The hybrids range in develop led size and kind later but are always laid through the valve as larger eggs and then incubated by the insecticon sire or, if they nabbed one, the seeker or aerial carrier. They do not need to spark bond in any scenario and doing so is extremely rare.Predacons are the most fun. They mate in either beast or root mode. Regardless of who they mate with, their kind or otherwise, they lay eggs, usually only 1 to 4 depending on the carrier's size. They do not need to spark bond but enjoy doing so, even recreationally and beyond mating to strengthen bonds. If the carrier is a predacon they will be fiercely protective of their nest and eggs, and this drive can frenzy the sire in times of danger. After danger passes, due to the frantic need to protect and reproduce, they may breed again even with a clutch style incubating. The need to preserve and continue is so strong that they could end up with three clutches in three stages of development, meaning it isn't uncommon for a predacon pair to have little bitlets peeping at them while the carrier is incubating a clutch that is a few months their junior while still heavy with the next clutch.Polyamory is common throughout seeker society, some aerials, and fewer grounders. Insecticons are as one hive and can either serve a single queen or just continuously bred with one another to prepare their forces for when a written arrives.Monogamy is most common with grounders and standard aerials and predacons. Some Predacons have been known to have multiple partners but it is more in the concept of a breeding harem rather than shared open love.WELP it turned more into a ramble about romantic structures at the end but I hope that answers everything! Let me know what you think

[daehwins]

i’m sure you can do all of the kpop soft asks, right? 26 isn’t much, plus i’m curious

“26 isnt that much” listen here binch. jk. ilu.

1). What kpop songs make you feel at home?

these song questions r gonna drive me insane bcs i cna never think of songs??

idk if there r any specific songs... i have quite a few songs that calm me and keep me level headed so i guess thast the equivelant. the one i can think off the top of my head is “I Need Somebody“ - DAY6

2). What idol(s) do you associate with kindness?

quite a few idols? probably yoon jisung (w1) and  j.r (nu’est) off the top of my head?

3).  Has a kpop song or group helped you through some difficult times? If so, and if you feel comfortable, share how.

I was in a rough spot at the beginning of the year and BTS rlly helped me tbh. all of their songs and the boys i felt connected to and it helped me grow as a person and brought me closer to the people i love again. now, it is multiple bands that keep me grounded.

4).  What idol would you star gaze with? Why?

to be completely honest. no idea.i dont have some poetic answer or anything, i rlyy just dont know??

5). What your favorite ballad?

no ones gonna be surprised by “Spring Day“ - BTS

6).  What was your first kpop group that you stanned? Why did you stan?

the first time in 2012 i think was shinee?? it was the first group i was introduced to by friends and such and after i fell out of kpop for many years i came back to it at the end of 2016 with BTS.

7). Would you rather give or receive a gift from your bias?

i feel like being with them in person would be enough of a gift tbh, and i would probably try and give them something like a letter and maybe some food??

8). What are some cute nicknames you have for your biases?

Lee Daehwi - hwi, baby hwi

Kang Daniel - dddk, danny, niel

Yoon Jisung - jinnie

i could list more but id be here all night??

9). What idol(s) would you go to an arcade with? Why?

lol baejin and hwi after that episode of wanna one go from forever ago qdwdsdj.

10). What are some things you associate with your bias?

hapiness, warmth, comfort, youth, hope

11).  What idol(s) would you bake cookies with? Why?

like the star gazing one i have no idea??

12). What idol(s) would you like to share comfortable silence with? Why?

daehwi. idk hes.. hwi,,?? and he has his quiet moments when hes alone and so do i.

13). What idol(s) would you like to share your favorite food with?

all of them?? i want to share favorite foods back and forth

14).  What idol, when they come to mind, makes you feel warm, fuzzy, at home?

daniel.

15). Which idol would you like to have a long, deep hug with? Why?

daniel, hes so much larger than me i would feel comforted and secure.

16). What’s your ideal day with an idol(s)?

a lazy day tbh, just hanging out with each other.

17) & 18). What idol(s) would you watch the sunrise/sunset with? 

one again, no idea.

19). Has an idol or group said anything that has stuck with you?

i cant think of anythig directly off the top of my mind, but there have been quiet a few things ive taken a while to listen to and take in and carried ti with me.

20). What idol would you like to spend a rainy day in with? What would you do? (please keep it appropriate lmao)

daehwi, sit in comfy silence together and just stay by each others side.

21). Talk about why you love your bias so much.

my two ult biases make me feel unexplainable.

Daehwi is like the spring, new and young and excited. things are growing and are new and everything feels exciting and like butterflies are in your stomach, but at the same time there are moments of silence when theres nothinf but nature.

Daniel is like the fall, comfortable and nostalgic. things are slowly getting older and are ready to sleep for the year. everything is quiet and nothing stirs except for falling leaves. you dont feel butterflies anymore but you’ve been around long enough to know that butterflies in your stomach arent why you love the perosn but instead the experiences you have with them.

in the end, the cycle with constantly repeat.

22).  Would you rather go to Disneyland or Everland with your bias? What would you do there?

disneyworld?? idk like ride rides and eat food?? what does one do in public??

23). What do you imagine your bias to smell like?

no idea, maybe vanilla bcs its the only scent i can stand and its comforting

24). 24. What do you wish for your bias group or idol in the future?

to not be sad when the time comes to separate and head their own ways, but instead to rejoice in the times they shared and look towards their own futures.

25).  What season do you associate a group or idol with? Why?

i basically already answered this lol

26). What idol would you like to share childhood stories with?

yoon jisung, since my childhood would be different completely from his.

[remindersofgrace]

Reflection on the Decade

Recently, I was inspired by a blogpost by Justin Buzzard to take the time to reflect on and to share with others about my decade. After 4 hours of reading through old blog posts and scrolling through pictures, my heart is welling up with gratitude and awe at the ways that the Lord has been supremely faithful through the many seasons of my life. This post is a long one, but I hope these words can remind you that God is intimately involved in the details of your life’s narrative, and in His perfect wisdom, faithful love, and sovereign power, He takes every part of your story to show off His steadfast love.

2010: 

- I am a sophomore advisor for a hall of wonderful, rambunctious freshmen alongside Bethaney Herrington, and love it. 

- I lead VBS music at CBCM together with my sister during the summer and have an absolute blast. This year, the music is a western theme and the lyrics are so incredibly rich. I still remember all of the lyrics. 

- I travel with a group from Nurses Christian Fellowship to Kampala, Uganda as a vision trip to see what the Lord in doing amongst nurses in Uganda and to partner with organizations there like NewstART. I am floored by the believers in Uganda, whose faith is not flashy or eloquent, but strong, faithful, and committed wholeheartedly to their awesome Savior. 

-I start my first year of nursing school and for one of the first times in my life, am not able to quit something that I don’t feel immediately good at. I struggle with daily anxiety and self-condemnation, and the Lord uses it to reveal how much my hope was in my performance and success. 

- I find a home away from home at Veritas Church, and am frequently in the Slagle home. 

-Eden and I have one of our most stagnant years in our relationship in the midst of Eden working 100+ hour weeks with investment banking in NY, and me being too tired and self-absorbed to engage after trying days of nursing school. We are both struggling spiritually but not close enough to each other to realize how bad it is.

- My sister and I put on a in-home sushi night dinner for our dad and have a ton of fun dressing up as waitresses.

2011:

- I finish my first year of nursing school and start my second. I continue to struggle a lot in nursing school and struggle with what might have been a depression. 

- I become a leader at Emory Christian Fellowship and struggle a lot with fear of man and discouragement as the attendance is small and inconsistent. 

- I meet regularly with a wonderful, Spirit-filled, lover-of-the-Word woman named Skip McDonald who shepherds me in learning how to actually have a personal relationship with my Living Savior and is a vessel from the Lord to break down a lot of the legalistic ideologies I have been believing for so long. 

- I room with 3 amazing ladies named Mary, Kala, and Hannah. Our year is filled with lots of laughter, poorly done P90x videos, and dancing (some better than others). (BG02!!) 

- my family records our first ever 4-part Christmas carol together and it is an amazing and hilarious experience. 

-Eden moves to Los Angeles and finds a church home and a renewed faith at Reality LA, and he transforms into the godly man and spiritual leader that I want to marry. 

2012:

- I take my community health class and realize I have found my people. I find a mentor in Monica Donohue, a faithful woman of faith who leads my clinical rotation at a homeless shelter called Gateways. I find that my God-given yearnings and strengths lend itself to connecting compassionately with men and women who are on on the margins of society.

- I grow in my friendships with Bethaney, Kate, and Karen as we commit to lunch weekly together. We talk about everything under the sun and I am so blessed by their friendship. 

- I make the decision to move to Los Angeles after graduation to end the 3 years of long distance that Eden and I have walked through.

- I graduate from nursing school!

- I attend my first Christian Community Health Fellowship conference after much encouragement from Renee Lick and Skip McDonald, and uncharacteristically board multiple buses to get down to Tennessee. God answers so many prayers to meet the people I wanted to meet (including Dr. Katy White and Dr. Wayne Aoki), and I consider that it would be cool to volunteer at LA Christian Health Centers when I move to Los Angeles. 

- After many unanswered applications for jobs and much discouragement, God moves on my behalf. After emailing Isaac Voss from World Impact about working at their clinic, he informs he that they weren’t hiring but he could send my resume to Sharon Soper who worked at QueensCare Health and Faith Partnership, a small parish nursing organization. Out of God’s grace and a feeling that she had in her soul, she hires me even though I am a new graduate RN and I find my first job in Los Angeles. 

- I get the pleasure of living with the Les Mis ladies for a summer and see the power of Christian love in a home with some of the most godly and loving ladies I have ever met. I am bunk mates with Steph Denzer and begin a friendship with her. 

- God is gracious to basically hand me some amazing community on a silver platter because of the relationships that Eden already has. I love this Westwood community group and am blessed by the maturity of faith, the commitment to friendship, and the pursuit of prayer in this community of believers. 

- I love many aspects of my new job but struggle for months with feelings of inadequacy as a nurse without much support nearby. I learn a lot and make some incredible friendships with nurses like Brenda Cox and community health workers like Vanessa and Karina. 

- Eden gives me the proposal of the century on our 4th anniversary of dating, with my family flying out for the event, a meal prepared by me and Eden’s mothers, our close friends the Weiner’s waiting tables for us, and our church community swarming us at the end of the night. I skype with my closest Maryland girlfriends, cry reading the letters that people have prepared for me, and watch my future husband perform a song he wrote. It is one of the best nights of my life to date. 

- I become roommates with Meghan Prince, and suite mates with Allegra and Claire. It is a wonderful arrangement and I really come to cherish those friendships. 

2013:

- The wonderful and talented Megan Prince agrees to help me plan my wedding and we spend many delirious nights together. Krissy Bengtson designs some of the most beautiful invitations and artwork for my wedding.

- After a really difficult few months of feeling like I didn’t have what my patients needed, and feeling the need to grow my foundation of nursing knowledge, my nurse manager Sharon and I mutually agree that it would be best for me to leave my job at QueensCare Health and Faith Partnership and be part of a new graduate RN program in a hospital. I leave on good terms and am grateful to have learned so much from these amazing women. 

- I spend a few months unemployed before my wedding, which is humbling but also very freeing to focus on wedding planning. I apply for new grad RN programs without any response. And in another divine act of grace, Eden meets a new friend named Paul Song who is a prominent radiation oncologist, who has a relative who works on the oncology floor of Saint John’s Health Center. He sends my resume to Helen Blohm who sends it to Janice Frost, the oncology director. She brings me in for an interview for a CNA position but graciously allows me to interview for the new graduate RN position a few days afterwards. By God’s grace, she gives me the job! Because my honeymoon is during that cohort’s orientation period, I work for 6 months as a CNA before the next RN cohort and love serving my patients in a tangible (but low-pressure) way. 

- Eden and I have the wedding we have always hoped for, with a powerful sermon about Hosea and Gomer by Dave Slagle, a surprise flash mob dance planned by Meghan and Michaela, amazing friends that all pitched in sacrificial service, and our favorite people all in one place. It becomes my new favorite day of my life.

- We move into a condo in Culver City and begin our life together. Our first year is a sweet one filled with a lot of laughing and figuring things out. 

2014:

- I travel to Taiwan for the first time with Eden’s family and meet Eden’s uncle and grandma. 

- I start working as a new grad RN on the night shift, and have an interesting life sleeping from 9am - 4pm and spending time with Eden at 8am as I eat dinner and he eats breakfast. I thankfully sleep like a rock and it’s actually quite bearable. I learn a lot from the experienced nurses on my shift, and enjoy the sarcastic humor of my coworkers. I still struggle a lot with fear and feelings of inadequacy but it get a little easier as time passes. 

- we move into our home in South LA (you can read more about that here: https://bywayofreminder.tumblr.com/post/123100658544/its-not-safe-but-it-is-good) at the end of the year. 

2015:

- We go on a cruise to the Mediterranean with some amazing new friends and get to experience some breathtaking cities. 

- We officially part ways with our Reality LA family to pursue more intentional community with people in our neighborhood. We join a church plant called Cornerstone South LA and get to know a few families that have already made Crenshaw their home for a few years now. We get to participate in the kids camp they host every year called Love LA and get to see 80+ kids from the neighborhood get involved. 

- I struggle more profoundly with feeling like a failure this year but God gently reminds me of the sufficiency that Christ gives. 

2016:

- I start the year switching to day shift and although the daytime wake-sleep rhythm is improved, it stretches me with the amount of tasks and coordination that have to take place with my patients every day. Isaiah 41:10 is my mantra these days. 

- In the May of this year, I went to another Christian Community Health Fellowship conference and had a renewed sense of calling to community health and working with the underserved. I loved my oncology job in Santa Monica and it was a wonderful place to work, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were lines of people who would love to work in that hospital, and a much smaller pool of RN’s that would want to work in a clinic amongst the underserved. I tell my boss my thoughts and she is so gracious in her response to me. I start applying for community health jobs but nothing turns up for a few weeks. Then I get a phone call from my friend Debbie Waltman who is the director of nursing at LA Christian Health Centers, and they have an urgent need for a temporary RN to staff their Joshua House clinic in Skid Row. Though there isn’t a promise of permanent work after those 4 months, I felt an assurance that I should say yes, and quit my job at Saint John’s (with much kindness and blessing from my amazing coworkers) and began being the clinic nurse at Joshua House. (You can read more about this here) 

- We visit New Zealand with Fishermen Labs, and our marriage is tried as we drove from the bottom of the country to the top in a green Judy camper van. The country was breathtaking, the camper was not.

- I started learning calligraphy from a little handout from The Postman’s Knock. It isn’t pretty, but it’s something! 

- We start going to a church plant in the Crenshaw/Baldwin Hills area called Epiphany LA. We are refreshed by Pastor Tommy’s heart for discipleship and his passion for the hearts of people in his neighborhood, and grow to love this motley group of authentic believers seeking to lift up Jesus in the city.

2017:

- By God’s grace, I am given a permanent job as the second clinic RN at Joshua House and really enjoy my work there, with freedom to pray for patients and have heart-to-hearts with my patients as the Lord leads. 

- In September, I start in a new position of being the Charge RN for my department, a role that I didn’t feel ready for at the time but I’m glad that I agreed to. I realize that I actually love mentoring and shepherding the hearts of my nursing staff, and learn (often with growing pains) more about how to stay organized and have bigger picture vision. I am mentored by Shannon Fernando and am so encouraged by her sacrificial drive and passion for our staff and our patients. I am blessed by our weekly meetings and her prayers are powerful for the growth of my heart and mind that year. 

- Eden and I visit Yosemite and it becomes one of my new favorite places. 

- We go to Tokyo with Fishermen Labs and get to see Will and Chihiro get married! 

- We get to witness the beautiful weddings of Jackie & Charles, Sandy & Eric, and Stephany & Ricky

- Eden turns 30! 

2018:

- In February, I find out I am pregnant over FaceTime with Eden. I have an incredibly easy pregnancy until 13 weeks, when our world turns upside down with the news that our baby might not be viable and has an inexplicable sac of fluid in his or her pelvis. We are so blessed in those months with the love of our communities and the peace of our present God as we anticipate our little one’s birth. (You can read more about it here) 

- We visit Vancouver during our baby moon. 

- We get to visit Joanna and Dennis in San Francisco, and the Lord uses that friendship mightily in my life this year and the following one. 

- We get to see Shannon & Joe get hitched, as well as Jeff & Christy! 

- We meet our daughter Talitha Cumi Chen on 9/1/18. (More here)

 

- We are blessed with the love of our parents as they spend a month with us, helping my body to heal and keeping things afloat in the midst of a lot of chaos 

- I struggle immensely during the first 2 months of motherhood, unprepared for how emotionally, mentally, and physically tasking is the journey of learning to nurse and pump and just stay afloat. I often feel like Talitha is not connected to me and wonder if I’m cut out for this motherhood thing. 

2019:

- I transition to being a stay-at-home mom and working at my clinic once a week - mostly loving it but also struggling oftentimes with loneliness and a sense of meaning 

- Talitha has her 12-hour-long reconstructive surgery to correct her cloaca, and we experience such tangible otherworldly peace from God and overwhelming love from our tribe that fortified my faith in the Living God, our Refuge and Strength in times of trouble

- I see old friendships reignited as we walked through the furnace of suffering together

- I am part of a mom’s Bible study through Philippians and Romans 8 that teaches me about steadfast joy and my unshakeable identity in Christ

- We experience the blessing of health care practitioners who are excellent in their care, especially our surgical team and urologist who profoundly changed the trajectory of Talitha’s life for the better

- We learn how to catheterize Talitha’s bladder, with tears shed the first week but now it’s so easy it feels second nature

- Talitha has surgery to close her colostomy, and finally experiences life without any drains or bags attached to her 

- Talitha has her first poopy diaper ever and we take pictures of it while hootin’ and hollerin’

- We are cared for so well by my parents and in-laws who fly in for every surgery and take care of us and our home so that we can focus on helping Talitha recover

- I grow in deeper and invaluable friendship with 2 ladies from my church who are so beautifully different than me, learning how powerful it is to be known, accepted, and challenged with love. 

- I experiment with creating rhythms in my week so that my schedule can reflect what I say my priorities are

- I am able to leave Tali and LA for a week to fly and see my sister in Hong Kong to spend some sweet time together (thanks to my faithful hubby, Mama, and my dad who filled in the gaps while I was gone)

- Eden and I celebrate 6 years of marriage in San Diego

- We fly twice to Maryland and get to see Talitha meet her grandmas on both sides

- We celebrate Talitha turning 1 years old in Los Angeles with over 60 friends in our backyard

- We visit Banff and Kauai (traveling with a baby is a beast, ya’ll.) 

- I join a gym in my neighborhood called Thrive Health Labs with a recommendation from Jackie Hu and actually find myself enjoying going to 6am workout classes (focused on lifting weights, if you can believe that!) 

- We try out an Asian nanny from myasiannanny.com (and it does not work out)

- We hire my awesome friend Hya to help out with Tali and the house twice a week (and it has been life-changing)

- We almost finish our foster certification process (for the second time) but decide to withdraw from the process until we try to have another biological child first. We were advised to wait to finish certification until we are completely ready to open our home to a child in foster care right away. We are a little disappointed to put this off for a little while, but hope to reinstate our application in a couple years. 

It’s been such a faith-building exercise to recount all the deeds of the Lord. How faithful God has been through every season. The themes of His sufficiency over my insufficiency abound, and it’s something that I return to every year because my heart is so forgetful. I want to close with a hymn that I rediscovered while reading all my old blog posts that sums up this decade:

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater;

He sendeth more grace when the labours increase;

To added afflictions he addeth his mercy,

To multiplied trials, his multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources

Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits, his grace has no measure

His power has no boundary known unto men;

For out of his infinite riches in Jesus,

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

-Annie Johnson Flint, "He Giveth More Grace,”

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