#i know theres a way out but it requires patience and im so so fucking tired of being patient and waiting till this ends

[rockandrolldisgrace]

sometimes lifes is cruel to you for no fucking greater meaning but u still have to go through it and just endure

[clonehub]

i mean part of the reason why arcane is as good as it is, besides the stunning visuals, is because it was in development for 6 years. they had six years to go back and forth on the look, the style, the story the story the story. 6 fucking years. that requires patience. that requires cooperation from all writers and directors. that requires seeing the culture change and responding in kind to reflect what people would like to see.

you notice how there's so many female characters, and while even though some of them are on thin ice a little (jinx/powder being that mentally unstable wide-eyed violent young woman/girl who doesn't really wear a lot) they've got beautiful stories that connect deeply with one another's without being centered on a man at all. look at vi's body shape. look at the range of body shapes for female characters, the range of faces. even how they walk (I love Vi's walk). you have a the tale of two cities, political depth and manipulation, meaning displayed in the way character's dress, stand, walk, how they're designed, what their hobbies and interests are, etc. all these things that would take time to figure out. that's partly why arcane is so good. they had time.

anyone who's been following me for a while knows where this is going. im sorry but the reason so many star wars shows falls flat for me is because these stories do not have the time to develop. i see development in the singular. one year here. one year for another show. maybe the concept existed for a while (with DF and GL, it seems they always have concepts that exist for a long time) but because they're concepts and because they basically go in the freezer until they're needed again, they don't really have the time to develop both deliberately and organically. the misbalance of the book of boba fett. whatever is happening with the mandalorian. the general mess that is the bad batch.

arcane is fundamentally a show about politics. you can't have a council, and oppressed class, the rich/poor divide, and all the ways that the class divisions have affected people (vi's incareceration, silco's manipulations, the lack of children in the undercity, viktor's disability) and not have the show be about politics. the writers understood this.

in the bad batch, a show about that takes place during the post-war rise of a fascist regime that has just speedily and aggressively replaced not only an entire republic, but also succesfully committed genocide and now spreads its terror throughout an entire galaxy, hunter, a soldier, says he and his team never cared about politics.

and indeed, theres a clunky way that the bad batch handles the inherently political existence of the clones, the empire, etc. politics should be permeating the interactions that the batch has with greater galactic society, but instead they relegate political discussion to specific episodes or scenes, and then say "okay we'll focus on that later, let's get back to X and Y". the extrajudicial execution of civilians is a political act. running from the empire is a political act. joining the empire is political. having one episode and a handful of scenes dedicated to the political side of their lives doesn't cut it.

its probably because i majored in political science that this is bugging me as much as it is. i know ive moved very far away from the thesis of this post, but bear with me lol. figuring out the political structure of a world and how it affects the characters within that world is hard. like. its not easy. it's not as simple as making a government and slapping a few laws onto it (and notice how even in the well-done political fantasies, there rarely is a government structure that hasn't already been seen in the west specifically). arcane's works as seamlessly as it does because they took the time to figure that out WHILE being aware that there would be large swaths of the audience that know nothing about league of legends (me, all my friends, etc).

people who wanted to watch the bad batch asked if they needed to have seen tcw or any other part of star wars to watch it. most bad batch fans said no. ive seen the bad batch and even i would tentatively say no. but then you watch the series, and nearly every episode has a cameo that you can tell is significant story wise, but if you've never seen tcw and have no idea who anyone is, you'd be really confused as to why everything grinds to a halt to dramatically reveal a character you've never seen before. and then they take two episodes to focus on the development of a character from another series. anyone watching can tell that they're filling in gaps and closing arcs or opening stories for people you will never see again. the bad batch wasn't written with non-star wars fans in mind, as much as people would like to insist otherwise. the main characters want to be apolitical in a politically tumultuous time, while living politicized lives. the political world is not set up very well.

(although i dont know that the "Right" amount of development would have changed much. DF and GL seemed dead set on having their little Trope Troupe, so they may have been doomed from the beginning)

so i know ive contradicted myself in some ways. if the bad batch had time they'd be better but also they've existed for a while and they're still bad and also theyve been doomed from the start. i think all of these are true. conceptually, as characters, doomed from the start--but at least an inch of thought and consideration for the current sociopolitical climate would have undoomed them at least a little. worldbuilding, not doomed from the start but the writers definitely needed more time to consider all their options and write a clear beginning, middle, and end to bridge through, if That Interview with Rau and Corbett signifies anything.

its time and its intent, and arcane takes the cake

[tyvian-whaler]

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[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[morinokunikara]

👀☁️💕👑🌗📚💎🔪🏡🏞️🥀🌼💐🦋🍂☕🍼🕊️❤️🔥❄️🌙☀️🌟 (for Kokoro

 swputting this one under a readmore

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

yuuki. she trusts him more than anyone else. usually doing exercise will help her mood, she just loves the feeling of a good workout so much and it provides a good distraction. also sometimes just seeing yuuki smile. she loves him and she knows hes been through so much and honestly his happiness means more to her than her own.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

yuuki makes her more happy than anything else, although her clubs and friends in them do as well. winning games or a really good performance in a play will always bring a big huge smile to her face. she feels more at home in her clubs than at home, because most the time she cant get in a word with yuuki bc her parents are hogging her. 

happiest she ever was was when her family went to destinyland and they let her and yuuki walk alone together. they got some real bonding time, riding rides and getting dinner together, and then watching one of the fireworks shows. its the most time she ever got to spend with him without their parents getting in the way and she treasures it forever. 

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

for her parents to pay attention to yuuki more, or just really. him being more loved in general. theres pretty much nothing that would make her regret it, and nothing she wouldn’t pay. she cares about him so so much and would give everything if it meant he was happy

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

any kind of failure, feeling like shes hated, hell sometimes just her parents praising her too much because she just gets so overwhelmed, and it makes her think too much about how ignored her brother is all the time. she usually goes out and practices her soccer or whatever show shes doing for theatre. she hides her sadness pretty well, but any of her family would be upset by knowing she’s sad (hence why she hides it)

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

not at all. shes very patient and can put up with a LOT, but she will snap if someone is too mean to yuuki. i feel like she would eventually snap at her parents but she really tries as hard as she can not to bc she worries itll make things worse. bc shes so patient, when shes angry she gets so angry it can take awhile to calm her down

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

her one requirement is “respect me and my family.” shes not picky, but she does like athletic/buff types a bit more. 

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

she has this big fancy idea of a dream wedding at destinyland, with a theme centered around classic romantic plays. 

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

she does want kids, and she plans to name them all after extended family. with her strong value towards family and disappointment in her own parents, one of her biggest dreams is to raise a family with someone

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

shes actually kind of miserable emotionally. she  it all up until she’s on her own, and then she just completely breaks down in her room. she’s had to lock herself in the restroom in public a few times bc one small thing will happen and it’ll just be the straw the breaks the camel’s back

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

she HATES summer but loves spring. its too hot in the summer to work out as much as she’d like. she doesn’t like winter much for the opposite reason of it being too cold, and is kind of neutral on fall. she thinks spring is prettier.

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

oh yeah she’d def change a lot. give herself better parents that pay attention to their children equally, make herself less talented, anything that’ll get her less attention and yuuki more attention

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

she loves flowers!!! her and yuuki have a garden together in their backyard... her crown would be azaleas (patience), hydrangeas (pride),  and spider lilies (sweet)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

(dont have the brain power for a drabble rn but) im 90% sure itd start with her accidentally kicking a soccer ball in someone’s face and then being like “oh fuck theyre cute”

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

not physically, but she got really hurt by yuuki once because of a misunderstanding. she talked about wanting to play volleyball at shujin and yuuki panicked because oh god know i cant let him get to her i have to protect her and she took him objecting to it as him being jealous and they got in a huge argument over it. she was so upset that, in her mind, yuuki was so bitter and jealous he wouldnt let her follow her dreams

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

brazil!!! she’s heard a lot about amazing brazilian soccer players and wants to see it for herself. she would never want to live there though, or really anywhere outside of tokyo 

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

a moderately-sized house for a small family of four, like the one she lives in. it’s decorated with the achievements of her family (trophies, art, etc). a kitchen big enough for the family to cook together, and a fancy dining room. lots of family photos on the walls and any available surface, and a family garden in the backyard. 

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

shes never been through any of that fortunately 

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

she collects playbills and a few different sports trading cards!! the playbills started when she saw her first play at 5, and the trading cards at 8. she has several large folders for her cards and a big huge box for her playbills

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbiddon knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

shed keep it super super super secret... would do everything in her power not to use it at all, but if she did she’d use it for good. 

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

early mornings!!! she goes for a short jog every morning before school, and then helps her dad with breakfast and sometimes drags yuuki out of bed if he oversleeps 

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

shed be a very kind ruler, and try to listen to and solve all the problems she possibly could. so ofc shes very very loved. she doesnt like it though. she doesnt like having that much power, she feels its unfair. 

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

she loves to cuddle with people, physical affection is one of her main love languages. she hugs yuuki every time he walks through the door. she doesnt want much beyond that though, at least at her age 

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

she wants to forget her biggest screw up in her mind- when she was so nervous for a play (her biggest role at that point), when she got onstage she panicked and totally forgot her lines and just. completely froze. 

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

ofc i gotta do yuuki 

she’s an adorable and caring little sister he loves so much. he’s a bit jealous of her, but he doesnt blame her for anything. he just wishes he could be as good and loved as she is. 

[babysxbreathe]

Clearly, i love deeply. Unapologetically. Loud and proud.

I cant sleep right now. I had a dream about Ricky last night and ive just had a ton of them recently with him so i’ve got to thinking all day today on it. I dont want to reach out because i dont wanna do what he did to me when he messaged Fran on separate occasions and i found out about.

I remember he would tell me ‘’he didn’t” and that he got hacked and all these other bullshit lies 😒 so i totally stopped trusting him. And in a lot of ways I know I didnt provide a safe space for him to tell me the truth. We were also kids. But i know he had a good ass heart. My family loved him and to this day my grandpa asks about him and where he went 🙄. But yeah. If he’s still with the girl he left me for then i have no intention of messaging him again. I dont wanna disrespect her and cross any lines. But i do hope one say we have that conversation. Especially since he didnt even face me when he broke up with me. I think i got ptsd from that relationshp but ive learned a lot from it.

He taught me love. Like that was my first love. First EVERYTHING. I think i still have the note of our “first underwater kiss” lmao we were so toxic jesus christ. On and off on and off. From that relationship i learned that im huge on honesty. Its the biggest thing i look for in a person. Also, he was able to provide what i want in a relationship like being shown off and being protected and he was very secure about himself. Like he NEVER told me he thought he looked ugly. He had this confidence that i always wanted (and now i do have) he got along with all types of people and didnt give a fuck about what others thought of him. He just wanted to live life and love hard.

Those are the exact types of people i surround myself with now a days anyway. I finally got to that level but i know i can still improve and continue to tweak things out so im proud of myself of how far ive come.

Enzo…. Honestly my dude, u didnt teach me MUCH except like knowing how it felt to have someone being needy and love bomby too soon and why its a red flag. Im sure you’ve gotten better now that you’re married and i def wish you the best but i dont think i was ready for a relationship with you at the time lol. Im sure theres a few more but our relationship didnt impact me till you gave me herpes and told me i probably got it from Ricky 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Jose. This one is very much still fresh. I have love for you, but i dont love you. Im sorry i tried to change you. You’re not a project but i was very much correct to have broken up with you in the first place and i wish i stayed broken up with you so this second ending wouldnt have been so intense as it was. I think during the first breakup, i was just depressed. My body and mind really only saw the good in you because we were friends for so long first. And now i look back and i wouldnt even want a friend like you. Not because you arent funny and cool to hang out with but your priorities are so out of wack. With the whole Sam Claudia and Hillary situation like i feel compelled to say that i genuinely believe you’re going about it the wrong way. I think you were so polar opposite to ricky that i thought it would help make me feel like you can help me fix myself. But we just were not compatible in any way shape or form.

I thought you were quiet because you were respectful, turns out you just dont know how to communicate or confront people correctly. You did teach me patience. You gave me the opportunity to learn who i was and what i want and what i need and require from people and helped be there for me and gave me the push to go to therapy. Now that ive been going to therapy for over a year, im so happy that i found myself. I sometime miss you, i cant lie. But your friends arent all great people, you guys always have some drama going around and you don’t have boundaries. You’re very much a people pleaser but i guess i was like that too before therapy. We def mirrored each other a lot until i started going to therapy and then i felt like i was trying to carry you ahead with me hut you decided to stay behind. I hate how you would disrespect me when you were mad, how petty you got and how when you were angry you would give me sarcasm and raise your voice. I hate that you would stop talking to me for hours on end during these times when communication was needed the most. I hate that you would never post about me, compliment me on your own, plan dates, or understand me. I hate that you would always keep me at arms length, you never asked me out officially again, you would get mad at me for things i wasnt allowed to get mad at. I hate how you would only bring up your feelings of resentment when i would express mine first then trying to make it about you. I hate that you wouldnt really listen, you would just try to fix the conversation. I hate that i never felt understood and that so many of our photos i would remember crying at least once. I have so many photos of me crying with you. When you would prioritize your friends before me and me before your family. Like cmon jose, you’ll understand when you’re older but yeah jeez. You were really mean when you got mad. Super duper mean. I meant it when i said you were the most disrespectful boyfriend i had. Genuinely. And i wish it werent true but jesus i never felt so humiliated than when you ignored me crying while we were all together with your friends. While you laughed and talked to them knowing i was crying right next to you and they would ask me if i needed tissues. Also the time during the disney trip with my friends and how you just looked at your phone on the couch while i was crying in sammys room and she had to bitch at you because everyone could hear i was crying but you didnt care to do anything. I dont get it. I never understood you. Theres just things you have to figure out for yourself like i did with myself.

I know i wish ricky wouldve still been my friend because he was a good guy in general and enzo was JUST a good friend but when i think about jose im like damn, you are not a person i would want as a friend in general. Im just at such a different place in my life and im looking for specific qualities in people. You got a lot of growing up to do. I apologize for my own mistakes in our relationship. I know i wasnt perfect but i know i def tried harder than any other ex i was with. This relationship was a very much more real love for me. Like a self aware love. And ill always be grateful for what i learned with jose and how ill never put up with the things jose put me through ever again.

[toytulini]

Do ya ever feel like getting "better" might require undoing some of the mess of overlapping Anxieties tbat ultimately prioritize themselves in such a way that even makes it possible to masquerade as semi functional bc like,,,

Like, sure, ultimately, i might like. Yknow, eventually recover or learn ways to cope that have me actually being semi functional not just, pretending anymore, but like

I dont have the patience to deal with falling apart to rebuild properly, yknow? It would be such a pain

Like i wanna go to college at some point? But i might seriously need to like. Do A Therapy, beforehand bc theres no way i get thru otherwise, like its almost basically a guarantee that if i do school again i will have, at least, one(1) breakdown but like the question is, would i at least manage to drag myself to graduate before i totally lose it? Whereas if i Do A Therapy i feel like ill end up having to put it off as i do the whole "worse before it gets better" thing so idk. Who knows.

Then also im like. Too paranoid and exhausted to Look for a therapist,, it doesnt feel realistic for me to find one that is trustworthy early on, and the process of Looking for one is such a fucking Task of its own honestly, like god i dont have the energy for that, i dont even know if itll actually help, bc that requires a majority of the work on my end and like??? How. I just. I dont fucking do shit and i dont. Know how to get myself to do shit. "Well u start small, little baby steps" aye yeah thats been the fucking plan from the beginning really, no way in hell was i considering full steps, i fucking know what im like. Thats the problem! I cant even get self to take a goddamn baby step i just. Get endlessly frustrated with my position, my situation, and then myself, for not being able to even take a fuckin baby step! Whoo! Which in itself, as a Self Hate(tm), just feels like a Baby Step Backwards, which causes. More frustration and self hate, for being so self hating, which is a super duper fun ourobouros of hell. That is not going anywhere except in a little tiny circle, that maybe Slides Backwards Sometimes in its frenzy. Guh.

So uh,,,, yeah. Im wallowing still if u were wondering. Super frustrated abt it, i want out of this fuckin pit so bad but uh guess thats not happening anytime soon bc im Terrible or smth and probably, like, "anti recovery" lmao. I really dont mean to constantly shoot down the well intentioned helpful advice for Baby Steps Out Of The Rut that everyone has to offer but thats just. Where i am rn.

A Vicious Cycle of guilt, anxiety and self loathing masquerading as way closer to semi functional than i actually am using an assorted, carefully prioritized Pile of Irrational Anxieties to balance things out and keep everything under wraps, using occasional hyperfocus on things and an excellent knack for escapism into my own brain to hide it even more!! :)