#i know that's kind of a copout but in a situation like this you really can just... pick what you prefer

[paimonial-rage]

I have a character analysis ask! :) (Although, it's not from the list you shared.) What would it take for Albedo to get really angry? Like a huge outburst? I have some ideas but I'm curious about your insights. - @mimi-cee-genshin

[Character Analysis Ask Meme]

This is a really interesting ask and I’ve been thinking about it ever since you sent it. There are three answers I have for you, but two are copouts and the last doesn’t satisfy the requirements.

The first two scenarios deal with the same thing: you scare him in some way. This can be achieved two different ways: Klee facing imminent danger that he can’t immediately mitigate and, if he cares about you, doing the same to yourself. Nothing scares a calculated person more than a sudden situation they have no control over. What this accomplishes is putting him into a state of panic. And, should everything be alright in the end, you can rightfully expect him to snap in fury before pulling you in for a hug.

However, the reason why I consider this a copout is that I think this kind of scenario would get most people to react in this way. And while he would be angry and have an outburst, I don’t really consider this scenario “anger.” It’s more panic, you know?

So that being said, I don’t really think it’s exactly possible to get Albedo angry to the point of having an outburst, at least in the typical sense. Albedo is not a burning fury kind of person. He is cold fury. When he gets truly mad, his emotions shut down and he turns into a heartless machine. Think of Scar killing Mufasa, except without the smile and glee. He’d look down at you with ice-cold eyes as he ever so casually pushes you back to lose your grip.

To get him into this state, though, I think it would take work. One possible scenario would be betraying him and then having everything go wrong. Not a cold calculated betrayal (he’d sense your untrustworthiness), but maybe one from fear? For example, he treated you as a friend, but upon getting threatened by the Abyss, you betray Mondstadt in fear of your life, and then whoops, people get hurt and/or killed. In that case, you both betrayed his kindness and ultimately disappointed him. He was wrong about you. You are no better than the dirt beneath his feet.

[a-s-levynn]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

so i'm gonna attempt to answer all 6 of these in one go under this one but wow.. 30? hooo boy.. let's get to it, and see how many i can manage to scrounge together

ps. up front: It took a bit actually to finish it, it kinda consumed my past day and a half but y'all this was such an exercise in self reflection because you really have to think what is it you actually like or are proud of about yourself not just list 2-3 surface lvl copout. And it turns out can be a lot more than expected. It can be small things and weird things and unconventional things. Just things. It also was such an unexpected morale boost, like.. yo.. i actually don't hate myself as much as i thought?

(also sorry for typos in advance i didn't have the mind or time to correct them, maybe later)

1. Let's start easy. My hair. The natural curls it has. I hated it for so long but by now i enjoying them so much, especially the past year or so when it got longer. (imagine will ramos type curls. it's dead on i just don't have that thick of a mane) I stil lstraighten it occasionally but not nearly as much as i used to. Also in the summer the ends go red 'cause of the sun lightening it up, which ends me up with a real fun natural kind of ombre.

2. I'm a good problem solver. I can be awful practical at times but it helps with situations that needs solving instead of panicking.

3. I kinda like the fact that despite my loath of cooking/baking and all foodmaking in general, i am a pretty good cook.

4. I'm a good listener. At least i like to think i'm a good listener.

5. I'm a fast learner especially if it is shown prolerly step by step once.

6. I'm not the most creative person on the planet but i'm fairly decent and i like that.

7. You know what, i'm actually proud of the effort i make to be judgemental as little as i can. Because nobody is perfect but i actually do try and for most part it's going great.

8. This ties into the 2nd one but i like the fact that i can be objective to a degree that i'm able to emotionally detach from situations to the point that i can assess them level headed.

9. And on that note i'm stupiddly self aware. Of my faults and shortcomings as well as my capabilieties (however limited they are) and it helps me a lot to work on myself to be a decent human being.

10. I'm really good at eyeballing things. Like for example back when i did cosplays i usually didn't had to do any sort of mental gimnastics or calculations to figure out how large my props should be. 9 out of 10 times the first draft was perfectly sized.

11. To think of it i like the fact that i not just realized but accepted that i'm not perfect, never wíll be but that is okay.

12. I'm proud of the fact that i know i'm not the smartest person in the room, ever. I'm not smart academically speaking. I'm more practical-smart, but i'm not all knowing and the knowledge of that makes me want to learn shit. Ther eis always room for improvement and learning.

13. High pain tolerance.

14. Honestly i like that i made it up until now in life and still going. It wasn't always a sure thing but for the most part i'm liking the fact that it happend. That i made it.

15. I like being on a good path with being unapologetic about who i am, what i like and why am i the way i am.

16. I'm actually good negotiator if i make an effort. I'm fairly good at diffusing arguments.

17. This is a funny one but i like that i can identify people i know by their movements from far away. See, my eyesight isn't the best so i usually memorized bodylanguage faster than faces since i was a teenager. So it lead to some fun situations like me and someone else waiting for a third and i was like yeah they are like 500 m away so you can't see the face or anything but i already knew it's the person we are waiting and people go like "wow how did you know?"

18. As messy as it is i like how my handwriting can be so varied. I learned to write tilted cursive but my grandma forced me to learn non-tilted cursive and later i started to use non cursive and it became this weird amalgamation and now i can write in a lot of different aesthetics and i like it. Also made me the go to person for forged singitures back at school but that's an other story..

19. I like the fact that i don't hold grudges. I feel like they are a waste of time and energy and just weigh you down. So i can just.. go past them. I know shit happend, i acknowledge it but i'm not agonizing over it.

20. I like the fun fact that for elementary school i wasn't put into the music specialization because i had good hearing and a decent voice but because i had unusual rythm sense for my age at that time. Than i learned to sing okay but it was so funny. Everyone around me got in because they could sing and i was just riddiculously good at replicating rythmic excercises. (crying shame my father sold out the drumkit from under my ass before i could have really gotten deep into it.. i might've ended up on a different life path.. i mean i did play bass for a time but it wasn't the same, altho i kinda feel the itch to pick it back up again for a few years now just for amusing myself at home)

21. I like the fact that dispite the school system's damnest efforts i still do a lot of thing with my left hand. I was ambidextous since birth but out ancient education system think it's better if every kid is right handed. But my parent's didn't gave a shit, just let me do my stuff however it was comfy for me. So i use for example knives with my left but write with my right, that sort of mixups. It's fun how it can confuse others when they don't know the bg story for it.

22. Honestly i joke about my eyecolour being the literal colour of goose shit but i say that because i find it extremely funny and i like weirdly funny things in general.

23. I like the fact that (as per my knowledge) i'm not allergic to anything. With the level of nihilism i sport on the self-preservation front it would have been an interesting thing.

24. On the artsy and craftsy front i can work with multiple mediums which is fun. When i feel like drawing on paper i can, when is feel like paintig i could, i can do papermashe, amateur jewellery making, sewing, i can also do paper forlding, photography, and as you saw if i have the fancy to dabble in sculpting i have a decent shot for it not turning out terrible. I'm not amazing in any of them but i'm decent enough that i'm not just enjoying the process but i actually like a fair amount of the end results.

25. I'm good with maps and navigation in general. It's very rare for me to get lost at all. (only exception is large buildings.. i'm practically direction blind in closed spaces)

26. I love the fact the i learned english essentially by playing online video games, reading comics and watching movies. Now i have an official exam paper thingie but it was an aftertought for my resumé more than anything else.

27. I like that i'm basically friends with my mom.

28. An other funny one but i find it amusing that if you talk to me about something, even if i have no idea about what you are talking about it, but if you are excited i'm going to mirror you level of excitement without conscientiously trying to do it.

29. I like my sense of aesthetics in general.

30. And i like the fact that i can pick up on the most random small details and be unreasonably excited about it. I like being excited about stuff. You know, child-like wonder and all that i guess. Dunno, i just like it.

And that is it. It was a lot but yeah.. Have a bonus cozy sleeping cat if you chew all this text:

[serenaberngraves]

this or that? tag game

I wasn’t tagged but I’m tagging along with @rownanisntwriting who left the floor open :) You can read their answers here!

historical or futuristic

The fantasy genre has been so dominated by Tolkien that I basically default to historical settings. It requires a lot of googling since I’m not the kind of person that really cares about history, oddly enough. I try to balance being somewhat accurate and hoping the reader is more invested in the events than the setting :’)

I think another part of it is that I don’t feel very confident in my ability to design futuristic technologies; whenever I try, I end up trying to draw my own blueprints and getting lost in the sauce. I find it more comfortable to rely on stuff that has already existed so I can focus on my blorbos

the opening or closing chapter

Oh my GOD how I love beginnings! I get to seduce the reader and oh how I like to play coy.

Closing chapters are wonderful in their own right, but it’s a goodbye. I poured my heart and soul into this piece and I never want it to end. Sometimes I actually cry

light & fluffy or dark & gritty

As much as I try to surround myself with nice, pleasant things, all of my work has to include a heavy dose of grit and strife to get that sweet, sweet payoff of relief.

Yes, I’m that guy who puts their blorbos in situations just for the narrative

animal companion or found family

You really made me choose.

It’s in my DNA to create a cast of characters that complement each other. There’s something so compelling about someone feeling like a black sheep, and then meeting people that show them love in a way they’ve never felt before. And that’s probably an insight about me but we won’t talk about that

horror or romance

Well I’m currently writing a romance…

Both genres can have a similar structure of suspenseful buildup. I just prefer the release of a romance climax hehe to a horror one. I feel that I can be far more self-indulgent, too >:}

hard magic system or soft magic system

There need to be rules

I often feel like soft magic systems are a copout but don’t take personally bc I know they have their place it’s just my silly little opinion

standalone or series

Whenever I start a standalone it always turns into something more whether I like it or not. I’m either too attached to the world or the characters — or both — to let them rest. I have to keep poking around in there…

one project at a time or always juggling 2+

Bruh I have so many. But I’m only actively working on one at a time.

one award winner or one bestseller

Awards don’t mean anything to me.

I’d much rather my work reach a wide audience that enjoys my story <3 also awards can’t buy me a new couch

fantasy or sci-fi

DRAGONS AND WEREWOLVES AND VAMPIRES AND HIPPOGRIFFS AND MAGIC ALL DAY BABYYYYYY

character description or setting description

I’m trying to be better, but describing people has always been tough for me. “He’s tall with blond hair and has the correct amount of limbs. Also he’s wearing clothes.”

Whereas describing a setting I find it much easier to delve right into the mood.

Realistically the two aren’t so different — something in my mind just blanks when I’m trying to tell you what a person look like. I think part of me wants the reader’s imagination to fill in the blanks; your image of the villain based on his demeanour, dialogue, and actions is the most compelling version.

first draft or final draft

Again — I have a hard time with goodbyes!

The first draft is filled with emotion: frustration, enthusiasm, novelty, disappointment, desperation, epiphany! The roller coaster is not an easy one to ride, but dear god it makes me feel alive

love triangle in everything or no romantic arcs

…I love a love triangle, but in everything? No, there are too many ideas and concepts to explore than has nothing to do with romance.

But I mean, it would be funny to insert a love triangle in every work. It would be a running gag. It doesn’t have to be the main characters — make it some tertiary characters. If I had a following, I would go feral waiting for my readers to guess who would be in the triangle this time

constant sandstorm or rainstorm

I think a constant rainstorm would be kind of dreary in a setting but having to think about how crusty a sandstorm is would make my skin itch. I couldn’t possibly endure

We’re at the end! I also don’t have anyone in mind to tag, so if you’re up for it tag me in your responses! :)

[dynal]

Can I cheat and tell you to answer ALL OF THEM... i love hearing about altai.

this is DEFINITELY a big cheat but you know what i love you and any opportunity to talk about my ffxiv guys i will take. so as a bonus you'll also get gaius.

HERE COME THE BOYS! i'm putting it below a readmore since it will probably. get long.

🪷 what gives this character inner peace?

For Altai, prayer, definitely. At least at the beginning. As the story continues he feels he can't connect with his god as well and thinks he's losing his mind. That's when sticking around the Scions helps him feel a little better.

For Gaius, staying close to his personal hero (Altai). And reminiscing on the few happy memories he has. But reminiscing on those memories can also bring melancholy or could send him spiraling so it's a difficult balance.

🪰 what is the worst thing this character has witnessed but not experienced?

For Altai: Ugh. Look at the MSQ. Every time one of his allies dies he grieves. Even when strangers die he grieves, whether they're meant to be the "good guys" or the "bad guys" because he's not really sure where they "go" when they die. In his religion they would at least find some semblance of peace, but what about here, in this world he's hardly known?

For Gaius: Basically anything he may have heard/seen while he was trapped in the stone. Without the power to physically influence the outside world he was helpless.

🐁 how are this characters ethics?

You know Altai, he's a pretty typical "good guy" but there's a lot of extra quirks that separate him from a typical hero. Being an older man and being a follower of religion will do that to you. He deeply dislikes prejudice and reductive thinking, and believes in the freedom of all, regardless of who they follow. So whenever some kind of subjugation is happening, his brow furrows a little further and his speech gets a little more sharp--a little more old world one could say.

Gaius will just start eating people if someone doesn't stop him. He's seen the horrors of the world, witnessed the uprising of Garlemald. He's done with the bullshit and done with being trapped and unable to help.

🚬 smoking/drinking habits? signature brand or drink?

For all the jokes I've made about Altai rolling cigars I'm not sure if he genuinely smokes. It may be a more spiritual, every-once-in-a-while-for-a-ritual thing. He did often imbibe in the Utter Poison that was the centuries-aged liquor in the temple's cellar.

Gaius doesn't really get any bodily effects from drinking or smoking, but he does enjoy a good ale with friends. It's a social thing.

🌫️ how does this character feel about lying?

Altai doesn't like to lie. He'd rather be honest about a situation than have to keep up a lie. He's not the kind to think some topics are "off-limits" (like talking to a child about death) because everyone has to learn at some point (and perhaps subconsciously, knowing that he was essentially orphaned and was relentlessly bullied by his peers probably makes him think "hatred can be taught at any age, so can any other topic").

Gaius will skirt around the truth or keep quiet about something. He doesn't like to reveal his own cards (especially regarding his whole shapeshifter "I dunno if I can actually die" situation).

🐦‍⬛ fursona?

Altai is a Takin, a sort of goat-like creature that is more closely related to sheep.

Saying Gaius would be a wolf would be a copout, and he's a shapeshifter, so I guess he could be whatever. Maybe a wolverine.

♟️describe how they would play chess, if they would.

Altai would know how to play chess, but it may be a regional variant. Gaius would know too many regional variants, and would know a variant that would make a historian go "hang on a second, nobody's used this variant for over 500 years".

🎲 are they lucky?

Neither of them really believe in luck.

🐌 do they carry their home with them or is it a place?

they carry their homes with them(they carry it in their hearts)they are never without it(anywhere they go,home goes,they fear;and whatever is done by them is their home's doing,such tragedy)

🦤 are they particularly smart in any way? how so, or not?

Altai is a religious scholar--at least for his religion! He's pretty logical though so he figures out situations well.

Gaius was a scholar of astrology when he was alive, and learned a lot of stuff while he was stuck in the stone. He ends up using a lot of historical evidence to navigate situations.

🪽does this character believe in a higher power?

Altai: Yes, he follows the god Lupus (and by extension, his three blood-bound consorts).

Gaius: Can't remember that which he worshiped in the past but I've been toying with the idea of him following Thanatos. Something about following the embodiment of death but being unable to die.

🦪 how would this character describe their gender, if asked?

Altai: I suppose I'm a man. Have I experimented beyond that? Hmm, well, my god, Lupus Therion Alsaab Kekkuon, praise his name--he had invented himself into the form of man and was punished for it, but lived out his future immortal life as a man. So I suppose it would take some self-invention to make myself a man... But in a way, I've done that... Hmm... Though there was that one time I was transformed into a female succubus. It was interesting.

Gaius: When my body erupted into this world, it may have been deemed of another sex, but I am all man! After all, that's what I've carved this body into. I have the scars to prove it. I don't believe I was disgraced for this choice in my mortal life. At the very least, the people who mattered most to me, they knew I was a man. Well, that doesn't mean I can't shapeshift into something else if I feel the urge. I've been known to turn into women--actually, let's end the conversation here.

🫁 yuri or yaoi?

Altai has the big-hands-big-guy nature of yaoi but Gaius has the inherent tragedy of yuri.

👛 what is always with this character?

Altai: Basically always seen with his satchel (tome, inks, pigments, brushes, pens). Gaius also hangs around with him often enough to count. Also keeps wearing the stone as a memento.

Gaius: After the woman he fell in love with disappears, he keeps her bandana with him, always.

🦇 biggest material fear (ie heights, bugs etc)

Altai doesn't like it when things pop up out of nowhere and scare him. He's got a bit of a weak heart for that. Gaius has a dual fear/attraction to long, golden hair. It makes him think of his old best friend, who he loves, but he also misses dearly. Fear and desire are intertwined you know.

🪱 would this character move a worm off the pavement or save it?

Yes. Altai would feel bad for it if it was drying up, and would try to saturate it with some of his water before finding a suitable mud patch for it to burrow in. Gaius would briefly consider eating it but then would choose to save it.

🐞 does this character have any notable accent or dialect? what about other languages?

Altai: He's from the Isle of Raum in the New World. He has a deep accent that isn't really similar to any found in the other continents (I'd equate it to a Slavic accent). He knows an ancient language that was used in his tomes and can speak it fluently. This also means he can understand old-speak characters like Urianger very well.

Gaius: He's from an unknown place. His accent is a bit of a neutral mish-mash of all the places he's been (ending up with a vague, rough-American equivalent).

🦑 any pets?

Altai has Edme, his personal Chocobo. He makes good friends with all sorts of critters and is sometimes secretly spotted taking care of strays.

Gaius doesn't have any pets. He is the pet.

🛡️how does this character protect themself and others?

Altai is mainly a tank. You already know how this goes.

Gaius will sacrifice his own mutated flesh for others. He can't die.

🪓 would they make it to the end in a horror movie?

Altai would hopefully survive. If not, he'd die protecting others. Gaius would be genre-aware and become a bigger threat.

⚖️ how do they seek justice?

Altai will try his best to go the reasonable route. Gaius is the one who takes Altai's true heart and will forcibly rend justice from the hands of the oppressors if he has to.

[cptn-m]

One Piece chapter 1113 review

Hooray, it's really happening! This is very much a build-up/anticipation chapter most of the way through, but Oda makes a smart choice to drop the first bomb at the end instead of leaving us waiting, so it won't feel like a total copout even if the broadcast is shut down before it's complete. And now that the ball's rolling, the momentum for post-Golden Week is going to be unstoppable.

We start with a gorgeous colour spread full of fun details, perfectly synced to the title of the chapter. I love having Robin as a chessmaster, Jinbe as a rook recalls his time in Big Mom's crew (remember her using that as a rank?) and the designs of the Chopper pawns are all adorable. Weirdly, they're numbered up to 16 (despite there only being seven in the image), which is the total number of pawns on a chessboard, but across both sides. Are there some enemy pawns on the Strawhats' side of the board already? The process video for this one is a treat too. I love that it's not just building up from rough sketches, they show the moment Oda pauses, goes to a new page to just line up the pieces and develop who is going to be what, then even maps out a chessboard and plans out the moves so that no one's in an impossible position for the finished artwork. I love that kind of attention to detail for things absolutely no one would have thought to check otherwise.

"Well, it's been such a short time…" Vegapunk you fricking tease, no it has not. But hey, if the Vegacoffee really stays warm for two months maybe there's something to it.

I expected a brain in a jar for Punk Records, but I was picturing a Mother Brain kind of situation, having it just be Vegapunk's giant misshapen forehead is hilarious. And I love all the tubes and cables in the reveal panel. I keep looking at it and assuming the detached portion of head is the same size as it was in the flashbacks to post-Ohara earlier in the arc, then I look down to Mars and realise its true size. Can you imagine if Vegapunk still had this thing attached to his dome?

Seeing so many locations connected to the Strawhats as the broadcast builds up really makes it feel like the world is drawing a breath for the big news. Oda wants this moment to breathe, as frustrating as it can be as a weekly reader. And hey, is that a Thousand Sunny beast in the Baldimore segment? Franky was busy while he was there.

And man, speaking of the scale issue with Vegapunk's brain, I'm also taken aback by Nusjuro towering over Franky's group. I know the reveal spread for the Elders' yokai forms showed them being enormous, but in my mind, Nusjuro's centaur form somehow ended up proportioned to the human half, not the horse half. The fact that until now he was mostly shown next to the towering Pacifistas definitely didn't help matters. Sanji's blow to his jaw is an extremely cool moment somewhat undercut by Sanji's fixation on Bonney. He doesn't know. I just have to tell myself he doesn't know. But it's still offputting. The depiction of the transformation back to horse mode is unique, with the human parts seeming to burn away, lingering in the background as the hose head snaps at Sanji. His transformation to the centaur mode was depicted as a much more fluid morphing. He also leaves trails of flames as he goes back to human in Oimo and Kashii's grip a page later.

I'm still not a huge fan of these distorted futures. They really stretch the limits of where it feels like the fruit's rules should be. The callback to Luffy's descent through the clouds during the Kaido fight is fun though, I guess.

The true highlight this week is Saturn's attack on the crew's weakling squad. We get the 'bringing things full circle' reveal that he was the one who spoke to Clover and ordered his death, followed by a truly heart-warming moment of the whole squad forming up around Robin. As someone whose favourite One Piece moment is probably "I want to live" I love these moments where either the crew stands up for her or she affirms her faith in them. And it's a great page besides, with a ton of moments compressed into a single panel, the flurry of attacks and counterattacks developing as your eye moves over the page.

Oda's building up that we're still going to be given a solution to the transponder snail dilemma through Mars and York's continued search. This probably means that we won't hear the full backstory to the reveal on the next page. I'll maintain that even with a decoy in place, I don't trust Vegapunk to have made his deception too extreme. The man has been characterised through this whole arc as naive and perfectionist. He does not have the social skills for a chessmaster manipulation of career politicians and their whole military, and he'd go all in on his first idea come to fruition rather than having numerous redundancies and backups. It would be out of character for him to suddenly be able to bamboozle the whole world, so I do think they'll find the right snail on the island eventually.

And almost to prove this point, Vegapunk refuses to call the World Government and its leaders outright evil, thinking that because he can't understand their final intent there is no call to be made about their actions. That is a lot of benefit of the doubt in my opinion. While I don't disagree that extreme circumstances can justify extreme actions, I've yet to see the circumstances that justify the World Government's multiple genocides. Vegapunk believes that whatever other mystery he hasn't solved yet, it must make the cruelty of these people slot into place and finally make sense. It's a nice thought from a very understanding heart, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that's made it so easy for them to fool him time and time again.

And then the bomb drops. "The world as we know it will to sink into the sea!!" A fitting apocalypse for an ocean-covered world, and just the kind of lategame reveal I'd expect from Oda. Just at a glance, it makes a lot of worldbuilding pull together, from the desirability of the Redline to the strange sinking issues of Long Ring Long Land and Water Seven, the impact of the Mother Flame test on the level of the ocean, and even possibly the height of Wano's walls and the choice to build Zou on Zunesha's back. We know there's a lot that Oda can change on the fly, but I'm ready to fully believe this was one of those things that was planned from the start.

Interesting too is the panel of merfolk at the very end of the chapter. They don't appear to be listening to the broadcast or otherwise connected to the scene at all, but of course they have a symbolic relevance to a flooded world, especially if it turns out a cleansing flood has come and gone already in the past. And let's not forget the plainly significant to this scenario Noah and Poseidon back at Fishman Island.

So we've got one big reveal that sets the course for the remainder of the series already. Anything else Vegapunk manages to get out before being shut down is just gravy. Plus we've got a lot of strawhats in rough situations with some escaping to do. The Egghead climax is so far proving to be worth the wait.

[crossdressingdeath]

1/3 Just wondering if you have any opinions on the Lan parents? Frankly I think Qingheng-Jun is a pretty terrible parent (when you compare his and LWJ’s situation with WWX, they were both mourning, but took very different approaches to life) but what about his actual relationship (or lack of relationship) with his wife? I remember the first time I read about them in the novel I just got very uncomfortable because I immediately thought about him forcing this woman to marry him, when I’m

2/3 pretty sure I remember LXC saying that she’d hated him? Maybe I’m remembering that wrong. But then no one in the comment section of the translation I was reading seemed to see a problem with it, so I wasn’t sure if I was reading into things to much. And once I joined the fandom, it looked like people had very different views on the situation. And I guess we really know barely anything about it, and the Lan parents themselves. LXC might’ve said their mother didn’t like their father at first,

3/3 but that could have changed later on since we don’t know how long they’d known each other for before she killed his teacher. We also don’t know the whole story behind the whole murder thing, and the Lans do tend to see things in black and white. And LXC, his perception of these events is shaped by what he was told by his uncle and the other Lan elders. I doubt his mother ever would’ve told him about what happened from her perspective. 

The thing with the Lan parents is that... we really don’t know enough about their situation to say for sure. It’s possible Madam Lan was forced to marry Qingheng-jun and have children against her will; it’s equally possible she agreed to the marriage to save her life and genuinely wanted children. Everything we hear about them comes from biased sources; it’s clear that the Lan elders didn’t approve of Madam Lan and likely passed their views on the situation down to LXC and LWJ. Qingheng-jun was definitely a bad parent (no matter how much you’re grieving you can’t just abandon your children!), and all evidence suggests Madam Lan was a good parent when her children got to see her, but beyond that it’s... really hard to tell. Did Qingheng-jun take advantage of the situation (or even manipulate events to create the situation) in order to force a woman who hated him to marry him and have his children? Maybe. Were they in love, and he proposed the marriage and subsequent imprisonment out of a desperate desire to save her life, with the children following as a natural result? Also maybe. Personally I prefer the latter, just because I don’t like the whole “forced marriage and marital rape which has no real impact on the plot that can’t be dealt with in a less unpleasant way, involves characters who never show up, and doesn’t involve any of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort that I crave” thing, but with the information we have there really isn’t a correct answer to pick. You kind of get to decide based on how you view what little information we’re given and what you’d prefer it to be.

[stillness-in-green]

Say, do you follow Vigs at all? Because there’s some interesting parallels that could be drawn between Six and Dabi going on in both of the latest chapters

I do follow Vigilantes!  I think everyone (who follows BNHA) should also follow Vigilantes!  I think Vigilantes is the superior—

Okay, well, I’m not prepared to go quite that far.  I think they have different strengths, and there are absolutely places Vigilantes is the better execution of the central conceit. 

I legit think it’s got a better main character—I can’t even express how much more I like Koichi than Deku, how much better he does the “I wanted to be a hero but [X]” plotline, and how much more I buy the “incredible drive to save” coming from him.  God.  God.  I dream of a climactic fight with Shigaraki that’s packing half as much emotional punch.  But also, if it uses that “two boys playing hero together” angle, even if it’s got some foreshadowing from the vision of the crying five-year-old, I will never accept it because Vigilantes got there first and Deku has not goddamn earned it.  Also because I persist in thinking that saving “Tenko” without acknowledging everything Tomura stands for is a fuckin’ copout.

Anyway, I’d also call out Vigilantes’ worldbuilding as far superior, mostly by virtue of existing on the street level day-to-day, building the image of a solid community, rather than having to hop around from one world-shaking plot to the next with ever-decreasing time to let the characters breathe.

As to the Dabi/Six parallels...

Certainly that whole “proof of existence” thing is noticeable! One wonders to an extent if it’s another case of planned concurrent chapters coming out that hit on the same theme. 

They’re different in that Dabi’s drive is to leave a mark that Endeavor will never be able to disregard again.  Indeed, for all that Dabi had quite a lot to say about one person with conviction being enough to change the world, it’s always seemed to me that his beef with heroes and his admiration of Stain ultimately comes from a place that’s…self-serving sounds a little harsh, but it’s not wrong.  Dabi certainly has issues with heroes and Hero Society, but they ultimately all boil down to Endeavor and the kind of person Endeavor is/is allowed to go on being, I think.  He even says himself, “I’m not saying everyone has to be pure and selfless.  Just you.” That his fixation is on hurting Endeavor is a situation purely resulting from Endeavor's own actions, a tragedy in the works from the day Touya was born.

Six’s issues, by contrast, feel a lot more purely existential.  He never really even had an Endeavor figure in his life; even his admiration for O’Clock is something he chose off a menu and was then encouraged to pursue.  He is, at his core, a “no one” desperately striving to become someone with his own identity, his own motivations, even his own mind. 

Dabi knows good and well who he is; he just wants it acknowledged by his most important person.  Six lacks even that much; he wants to become the person he admires—a Toga parallel!—and when that proves impossible, he turns his ire on the person who he saw as the most persistent obstacle to that dream, one who he saw as stealing it from him.  That his fixation is on O'Clock is entirely independent of Knuckleduster's actions; that it shifts to Koichi is a result of Koichi's stubborn butting in. Six's desire to leave a mark on Koichi that he will never be able to forget isn't really about any wrong Koichi ever did; it's about Six resenting what he had.

Of course, Dabi and Six both clearly have personalities of their own, emotions, desires, all that.  Dabi’s desire to annihilate everything Endeavor cares for in order to leave that indelible scar speaks to a profoundly dependent mindset he was never able to free himself from: the need to satisfy/earn Endeavor’s regard.  In that sense, he doesn’t really acknowledge an identity outside of what Endeavor feels or will be made to feel about him.

Six feels a little more difficult in that regard, because his struggles with identity don't stem from abuse and trauma, but rather a physical defect in his brain: the agnosia Ujiko diagnosed him with.  The closest immediate equivalent I see among real life varieties of agnosia is prosopagnosia, face blindness, though Six seems to experience only blindness related to his own face, not those of others.  There isn’t a cure as such (so while Dabi could get counseling, there aren't such simple answers for Six), though there certainly are approaches to managing it. Mostly these boil down to giving patients descriptions of people by distinguishing features, such that patients can intellectually match those descriptions to the faces they’re seeing and deduce, as it were, that this face must be the person whose description it matches.

Six might not ever have been able to truly recognize himself in a mirror, but he could be told, this is what your hair looks like, this is the color of your eyes, this is the shape of your nose, and from descriptions like that, be able to tell himself, "Ah, that must be me."

AFO, being evil, instead just goes straight to, “Well, if you can’t recognize your face, clearly the thing to do is just pick a face you do like and adopt that one.” Which is certainly the more direct approach!

In any case, current signs on Vigilantes are not very hopeful for Six, though I think not entirely hopeless quite yet.  Dabi will, I trust, fare somewhat better.

Side note I didn’t find room to fit elsewhere: I tend to assume the children-playing sequence in Chapter 119 is largely paralleling the “real” events of everyone except Koichi running away from Six.  However, there is a distinct possibility that he’s filling in those details from his own childhood memories—up to and including any time he spent in his own Evil Orphanage.

On the other hand, the Evil Orphanages we've seen look like they're decorated to match the part. Six's surroundings in his Chapter 111 flashback, on the other hand, look a lot more like the bare metal walls of a lab, fitting the lack of a name and the designation of "test subject." Who even knows where he was before that? In an indirect way, it's a pretty damning sign that some innocent kid with a cognitive processing issue wound up in Ujiko's hands without even having to "die" first like Oboro or Touya.

Thanks for the ask!

[conduitandconjurer]

What does Klaus think of Lila? Did he have a chance to meet Patch beforehand, does he have a preference for either as a partner for Diego?

The tricky thing about analyzing Klaus is that you have to examine him under many layers of manufactured "contentment" and "easygoing happiness," practiced skins he dons to buffer himself against literally relentless trauma triggers (in the form of childhood memories, in the form of combat ptsd, in the form of losing Ben, Dave, and Rachel, in the form of his own powers, and now in the form of the existential trauma that is knowing he has died over 50 times at that hands of people he should have been able to trust).

I say that because knowing what Klaus "thinks" about Lila or Patch or anyone connected to that trauma, even like, adjacently, has to be filtered through his highly artificial--but highly reliable--facade of "everything's okay." As Robert Sheehan has said more than once, Klaus is more vulnerable, more fragile, than he appears, and he survives through means of adaptability.

That adaptability includes an ability to welcome new people, who are far from ideal or objectively "good," into his life, should they be important to his loved ones (eg, his siblings) or useful in keeping him afloat a little longer. Klaus stuck up for Lila to Viktor as a knee-jerk reaction for the former--Diego loves Lila, and as far as Klaus knows at this point, Stan really is their kid--and for the latter--Klaus remembers how Lila was able, in S2, to mimic each Umbrella's powers, which could come in handy in an ongoing conflict with the remaining Sparrows. He refers to her as "family now, kinda," for Diego's sake, and out of a valid impulse that there's strength in numbers during a crisis. He adapts. Lila, who also knows exactly when to bury hatchets to survive, recognizes and appreciates this ("thanks, kitten").

However, not only do I think Eudora Patch would have been a better partner to Diego--she would not take his shit, and she often could persuade him to talk a little more candidly about his horribly toxically bottled up feelings of rejection and inferiority--I also think Klaus would have ultimately liked Patch better, too. I don't just say this because she literally saved his life, and indirectly sent him to meet Dave. I also say it because Patch is kind, caring, and courageous: traits Klaus has often vocally praised in other people (such as, again, Dave, and Viktor--"s[he] used to cry when we stepped on ants as a kid," defending Viktor against allegations of intentionally harming Allison).

Ultimately we can't know, and frankly, not to copout, but I think Klaus has a unique ability to get along with almost anyone (often putting himself in horribly painful situations in the process) and he will support Diego's decisions without judgment.

I also adored him with Stan--he was surprisingly responsible and cool, lol--and think that he's going to really enjoy being an uncle, if Lila is even still pregnant after the "Reset."

[tataswish]

❝   at the rooftop  /  myg.

━   ・  paring:  aspiring rapper!min yoongi x reader. ━   ・ genre:  neighbors au, smut, fluff, with a pinch of angst. ━   ・ word count:  5.0k.   ━   ・  contains:  mutual pining, dirty talk, unprotective sex (wrap it before you tap it!), rooftop sex, and a little bit of sadness at the end. ━   ・  summary:  in which you look back at the memories you’ve made with yoongi, the neighbor who you once fell in love with. heavily inspired by the song ‘the one that got away.’

author’s note:  i had a dream about this so... here it is. LMAO. it’s been i while since i last wrote so excuse my rambling but happy reading! i thought about making a mini series out of this but... we’ll see. <3

The day you first met Min Yoongi was a memory you always looked fondly back at.

It happened one gloomy afternoon. After another tiresome day at work, you decided to find solace on your apartment building’s rooftop—a place that easily became your go-to whenever you wanted to spend time in solitude. No one ever really was up there (with the exception of the parties thrown by residents from time to time), so it was always strange seeing someone else who wasn’t you up there.

There was something about that place that brings you so much comfort. Maybe it was the string lights that hang perfectly across the ledges, the mixture of house plants displayed around the area, or the inviting smell of vanilla greeting your nose from the candles on almost every surface—it was nice. If the chance presented itself, you would be there for hours on end doing nothing and be content with it.

Making your way towards the rattan sofa that sat right beside the ledge, your tracks were suddenly put to a stop upon seeing an unfamiliar face sitting at that very same spot. He was leaning back on one side of  the off-white cushion, legs slightly spread apart, chilled bottle of beer in hand as his eyes gaze absentmindedly at the view of the city skyline beside him. He must’ve been so lost in thought, because even with you standing in front of him, he didn’t move.

“Is that seat taken?” you asked amidst the silence while feigning a warm smile.

That was enough for him to finally snap out of his trance, because you could see him jump from his spot and immediately straighten his posture. You couldn’t help but stifle a soft laugh. “No—no, yeah, no. It’s not. I was getting ready to leave anyway, so—” he was already beginning to stand from where he was sitting, obviously flustered at the situation he’s been put in.

“I don’t mind sharing!” you interjected before impulsively placing a hand on the stranger’s arm as some sort of reassurance. At the realization, your eyes began to grow two times its size, and you retracted it at an instant with your cheeks flushed.

It was silent for a moment. Between you trying to gage how he felt about the sudden contact and him wondering what the fuck just happened, it clearly triggered some sort of fight of flight response. Your mind was scrambling, trying to find the right thing to say, but before you could even open your mouth—

He laughed. It was a low, yet bubbly laugh—one that you never thought would eventually fall in love with. As the lights above perfectly illuminated his features, that moment was also the first time you saw him smile. There was something stirring up within you, a feeling that gave you so much warmth from merely watching this stranger express happiness, even if it was for a brief moment.

In fact, it was so contagious that you began to laugh too.

You didn’t think you’d enjoy being comfortable with silence until you met Yoongi. Despite the fact that you spent a majority of that evening sitting in silence, it didn’t bother you at all. In most instances with others, you almost always felt obligated to say something, anything after a while but you didn’t feel that pressure with him—this stranger that you’ve only met three hours ago.

Still, you basked in the moment. The two of you sat together on that large couch, sharing the view. You were sitting with your legs criss-crossed, both arms resting over them, while Yoongi relaxed by sinking deeper into the cushion, one arm resting on the couch’s back—which was also right behind yours. You immediately learned that he, unlike yourself, wasn’t much of a talker. In the few hours you’ve spent with him on the rooftop, you’ve only learned: his name, age, and the fact that he moved into this building just today. Why? That was a mystery you’ve yet to discover. You also didn’t want to be that person who practically interrogates the new guy, trying to discover his whole life story in the span of one night. If he was living in the same building, you were confident you’d see him around from time to time anyway. Besides, it was evident that the two of you were already comfortable with each other’s presence.

“What kind of music do you listen to?” The question took you by surprise. From staring at the skyline, he then glanced back at you, eyebrow slightly cocked.

It took you a minute to think of something. If Yoongi was the type of person who took people’s music tastes seriously, you wanted to make sure you’d give a solid response—but then again, you wanted to avoid an obvious copout answer either. Truth be told, your music taste was all over the place. Shuffling any of your Spotify playlists was a dangerous game, because it could jump from contrasting genres that wouldn’t make any sense.

So you kind of… panicked.

“I like anything,” you blurted out, already regretting your choice of words. Deep inside, you were cringing, because it left a bad taste in your mouth.

You knew he was going to be disapproving of that answer, but he surprised you with a different reaction instead. Instead, he let out a small chuckle. “Anything, huh? What about rap? I have something I want you to listen to.”

Intrigued, you adjusted your position on the couch, eyes watching him as he shuffled to get his phone out of his pocket. The black, chunky headphones that hugged his neck were then offered to you, and you flashed a small grin upon taking it before putting it on yourself. At this point you were curious. So, your prying set of eyes continued to watch his phone’s screen as he scrolled through a list of what seemed to be recordings until selecting a file that was named Trivia 轉: Seesaw.

You weren’t sure what to expect. Initially, you thought this was some random song recommendation that he wanted to share with you, but it was much more than that. The moment you heard the artist of this track begin to sing the first verse, you were left in shock. “Is this you?” you mouthed quietly over to him, who to your surprise, was now sitting incredibly close to you. It took you a minute to notice the way that your knees were pressed against one another, faces inches apart.

He smiled bashfully with a nod. Truth be told, you didn’t expect it. Yet, you were sitting there, head nodding to the beat as the melody graced your ears. Despite only knowing him for only three hours, you knew that there was something about this song that… suited him so well. You weren’t sure if it was the eloquent rapping or the deep lyrics behind it, it all screamed Yoongi.

And you were in love with it. It became one of your favorite things to listen to.

“I can’t believe…” you trailed off once the song finished, gently lifting the headphones off of you to give them back. “I went on with my life without being blessed by this song until now. Yoongi, that was fucking amazing. If I knew you longer, I would’ve started crying but… I spared you the misery tonight.”

He rolled his eyes with a smile, flattered—but feeling shy at the same time. “Relax, ____, you don’t have to kiss my ass. I can take criticism. It hasn’t even been released yet; I just wanted to get your opinion on it.” Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he looked at you expectantly. “Tell me the truth.”

“I’m serious, Yoongi. I swear on my life,” you assured softly, a smile growing across your lips as your hand raises to swear by it. “It’s definitely one of those songs that people are going to play on repeat. Everyone’s going to love it.”

“Yeah?” he asked, attempting to hide his widening grin.

At this point your gazes were locked with one another, and you could’ve sworn he could hear the rampant beating of your heart. “Yeah,” you confidently answered back.

Later that night was the time you discovered that Min Yoongi was actually your newfound neighbor. It all happened by accident—the two of you meant to part ways after leaving the rooftop, but ended up taking the same flight of stairs down, walking through the same hallway, and stopping right next to each other after saying “bye” at the same time upon reaching both of your doors.

“Stalking me already? Really?” you quipped playfully, looking back after opening your door.

“How do I know you’re not stalking me first?” he joked in return, suggestively raising an eyebrow. He finished unlocking his own door too.

“I mean, I lived here first, so… pack it up Joe from You.” And your answer was enough for the two of you to fall into a giggling fit after.

Yoongi was the first to say goodbye. He continued to stand before his door, hand on the knob despite not wanting to step inside any time soon. “Thanks for letting me crash your alone time today... and for listening to my shitty music. It was nice.”

“Of course,” you replied warmly. “I won’t argue with you, but know that as of today, I’ve become Suga’s #1 fan. Expect me to be in the front row of your shows from now on.”

Even with the roll of his eyes, you could clearly tell that he was amused. “Night, _____. Just don’t fall in love with me, alright? I don’t date fans.”

“Sweet dreams, neighbor. And don’t worry, I don’t plan on falling in love with you any time soon.”

Yet somewhere along the way, you found yourself falling in love.

He’d been your neighbor for a few months now, and the two of you practically became attached to the hip. You later learned that when he first moved into the city, he didn’t expect to make any sort of friends. Yoongi only planned on making music 24/7—hoping to kickstart his music career after some time. Apparently, before he moved into your building, he was working in some financial firm crunching numbers for eight hours straight. He was engaged too. But, when he revealed to his fiancée (now ex fiancée) that he wanted to quit his job and pursue music… she didn’t take it very well. So, they later separated and Yoongi searched for a new beginning in a city miles away from everything he once knew.

Unlike his ex, you strove to become extremely supportive of his music career. In fact, he was supportive of your teaching career too. On Wednesday mornings, he would always volunteer to come into your classroom and sing a few songs in front of your kindergarten students during circle time. He’d also stay to read a book or two before heading out to get lunch—only to wait for your break so that the two of you could eat together. Then on Friday nights, you would be standing front row in his shows. While his venues were mostly at nightclubs and the city nightlife wasn’t your thing, you were still there—singing along to his music and at times making the best attempt to rap as fast as he could. You’d wait for him by the back after his set, and it became a tradition to head to the nearest convenience store to fill up on ramen, alcohol, and shrimp chips (a staple for every night in).

It was hard not to fall for someone like Yoongi. There was just something about him that you absolutely adored, and even though you were sure he didn’t reciprocate those feelings in that way, you were okay with that. Having him be a part of your life was enough.

The two of you always joked about it though, how you were each other’s soulmates. How one would always complete the other; plus, sharing this sort of mutual understanding that doesn’t need to be talked about. You’ve never felt this strong pull with anyone else, and he’s admitted it too.

“There she is,” you heard the familiar voice coo from afar. Looking up from your phone, you spotted Yoongi leaving through the back door of the nightclub, approaching as if you were the one who just finished performing a show. Still, the grin on your lips couldn’t stop spreading at the sight of him.

“Oh my god, Suga! I’m like, your biggest fan! Can I get a picture?!” you shrieked, attempting to put on your best impression of the teenage girls who’ve been approaching him often lately. Even with all of his shows taking place in venues that only allowed people over the age of twenty, he still harbored a lot of young fans. While they weren’t allowed to watch his shows, they showed their support in other ways.

He rolled his eyes but attained the beaming smile swept across his lips. In all the time you’ve known him, you’ve discovered that Yoongi was never really one to crack a smile with others. But with you? You were the only exception to that.

His skin was glistening from the beads of sweat that trickled down after performing, and you took it upon yourself to gingerly sweep his coffee-colored bangs off of his face with your fingers. He was staring at you at this point, and you were desperately trying to keep it together without melting into putty in his hands. Because one thing’s for sure—the way he looks at you will always be your weakness. “What?” you challenged, now using a tissue you pulled from your bag to lightly dab his facial features. Your voice was faint, quiet enough to still be heard with your faces only inches apart.

“Nothing,” he replied lowly, stifling a small laugh. “I like looking at you.”

After another successful trip to the convenience store, you and Yoongi went back home to change into more comfortable clothes before meeting back up at the rooftop. It was nearing midnight, so the city was getting ready to turn in. The buildings gradually began to turn their lights off, which only made the stars littered across the night sky shine brighter than before. The rooftop was well-lit thanks to the string lights and candles around you, and even with the cool December breeze sweeping through, you were comfy underneath the plush blanket that wrapped around both of your bodies.

It was nights like this that you held special to your heart.

“Be honest with me,” Yoongi brought up amidst the comfortable silence. He placed the plastic bowl that held his ramen onto the coffee table in front of him before looking back at you. “Do you think I made a mistake? You know… leaving everything in my old life behind to do this? I mean—don’t get me wrong, I love it, I just… feel guilty. There’s always this voice in the back of my head that’s yelling at me for being selfish. My life was fine before, you know? I screwed it all up.”

You blinked slowly. It wasn’t the first time he’d shared his doubts with you, but it was always concerning how much it lingered in his head. At the end of the day, what’s done is done. No matter how many times he feels guilty, he shouldn’t look back anymore. This was his life now.

But how could you put it into words that’ll make him understand?

Finishing your food after setting your own bowl down, you took a moment to process everything and think of an answer. You knew very well that you weren’t some licensed therapist capable of giving credited advice, but you were fairly decent at providing comfort to others. “I don’t think so,” you finally replied, keeping your gaze on him steady. “You have to think about it this way, Yoongi. Yeah you were fine before, but… were you happy? Like, actually happy? And are you happy now?”

Those questions left Yoongi speechless. He really took the time to ponder on it, chewing on his bottom lip in thought. You tried to read his expressions, though, it wasn’t any help. It was quiet. Aside from the soft music playing in the background from the small bluetooth speaker that sat on the ledge, the silence that simmered between you two was piercing.

“I guess I wasn’t,” he breathed after a short sigh. “I was miserable.”

You felt his pain at that moment. There was something about the way he said it—how it made your heart wrench and your stomach churn. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, it’s not your fault,” he waved it off, and you could sense the slight frustration in his tone. “If anything, meeting you made everything better.”

Biting back a smile, you instantly began to feel the heat rush through your cheeks. Your chest was pounding and your head was dizzy—shocked at how those little words could make your head go haywire. Still, you did your very best in keeping it collected. “Yeah?” you asked, sounding hopeful. Your glistening eyes met his, shifting your body a bit to fully face his.

“Yeah,” he reassured, unable to keep his smile any longer.

That very night was the night Yoongi decided to be bold. He brought a hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind ear, only to lessen the distance between both of your faces. Even with your head spinning, you were still able to admire his soft features—the way his eyes literally sparkled when they looked at you, the way his rosy cheeks from the alcohol became more prominent. “You make me so fucking happy, ____. I thought you were just going to be another face I’d see from time to time when we met that night, but… you became more than that. I think I’m in love with you.”

And at that moment, it felt like time had stopped between you two. That nothing else mattered in the world aside from the fact that Min Yoongi—the neighbor you fell in love with—felt the same way.

“Be honest with me,” you decided to match his boldness by using a free hand to gently sweep his bangs off of his face. They were trembling a little, but he didn’t seem to notice. His eyes kept its focus on you and you only, feigning that same look that always makes you crumble.

He nodded, egging you to continue.

“Would you kiss me right now if I asked?”

Your lips were immediately met by his. It was sweet, and you could taste the hint of ramen broth and beer that lingered. The way his lips felt matched the way that he kissed you—soft, and tender. His hands found their way on your hips beneath the blanket your bodies shared, while yours rested perfectly on both sides of his jaw. With chests pressed against one another, you noticed that his heart was pounding too. And that only made you smile in between kisses.

At this point, neither one of you wanted to pull apart. Instead, your lips were roughly colliding in full-force, the intensity of the kiss amplifying. Yoongi’s hand began to trail down further until his fingers reached the inside of your thigh. Your breath hitched at his touch, desperately wanting him to explore further. But he chose to stop. “Yoongi,” you said his name in an unintentional soft whine after pulling away, practically begging for more friction.

Rational thinking was thrown out of the window tonight. You were riding from the high of Yoongi practically confessing his love for you, and all you wanted to do was have him. All of him.

“Hm?” he let out a quiet hum, fingers dancing closer and closer. His lips continued to wander across your skin, peppering kisses all over your neck and down to your exposed collar bones.

“Touch me,” you whispered into his ear. “Please.”

He didn’t waste another moment. He reached over to slide your pajama pants down in one quick pull and you assisted in kicking them out of the way. It gave him leeway to use the pads of his fingers to gently massage your clothed core, pressing just enough to provide pressure that had your lips leaving quiet moans that were thankfully, still masked by the music in the background. “Take this off and spread your legs for me,” he demanded lowly.

You’ve never seen this side of him before—but god he knew how to turn you on. If the blanket wasn’t over you right now, you would’ve felt exposed from the wetness pooling in between your thighs. But you did as you were told without any hesitation, sliding your panties down until they hugged your ankles, kicking them off entirely, leaving your bottom half bare beneath the warm fabric.

Yoongi took it as a cue to slide his fingers between your legs and prying them apart. You’ve never felt more vulnerable than at this moment. Even with the blanket hovered securely over your body, the way his gaze was on you was more than enough to make you feel like he owned you tonight. And you were okay with that. Slender fingers dipping into your dripping core, he used it as a way to collect the overflown juices before using it as a lubricant to massage your throbbing clit. His pace was agonizingly slow, but it still made your back arch off of the couch in pleasure.

The sight only made him mumble profanities under his breath.

“Do you think about me when you touch yourself, ____?” he asked, dark eyes still locked on yours. He was still close, and you could feel his hot breath tickle your skin at each word. Slowly inserting two fingers on the get-go, your eyes impulsively roll back at the way they stretched your walls in the best possible way. His pace soon began to quicken without a fair warning, and you couldn’t help but whimper each time they pump into your g-spot. “Do you think about me fucking you like this?”

Your headspace was such a euphoric state that you couldn’t even find the right words for an answer. Rather than saying anything, you only nodded feverishly to let him know that he was doing everything right. The thought of having Yoongi’s fingers fucking tirelessly inside you was more than enough to rile you up and near your orgasm.

You’ve thought about it multiple times before. Every time you see him on that stage, swiping the sweat off of the back of his neck that left his fingers glistening, your mind begins to wander into dangerous places. It was hot—there’s no denying it.

You were close. But as soon as you were about to finish, the momentum was put to a stop, because you took it upon yourself to remove his fingers out of you on your own. Confused, Yoongi began to look at you as if he’s done something wrong, though, you hoped he’d get the hint the minute your hand found its way to palm his hardening erection through his sweatpants. “I wanna finish inside you,” you breathed, planting kisses that began from his neck and worked its way up to his lips.

“Then do it.”

Using both of your hands to pull both his sweatpants and boxer briefs down, allowing for his length to spring free. After he successfully kicked them both off of him, you stood from your previous position to straddle him, putting both hands on his shoulders to support yourself. His eyes carefully watched you as you slowly unzipped your hoodie, revealing that you wore nothing underneath.

He was mesmerized. And it was all for him—with the blanket still covering both of your bare bodies, he was the only one who could see you like this. No one else.

A devilish grin laced your lips at the sight of him speechless as you helped remove his sweatshirt. Slowly but surely, you lifted yourself up slightly to line Yoongi’s erection up before sinking in.

The two of you both let out a satisfied moan in unison, and Yoongi’s hands began to wander around your warm body—hands stopping at your ass to dig his fingers into your flesh as you rocked your hips at a steady pace. His mouth on the other hand was busy with your breasts, tongue flicking against each hardened nipple even as they bounced.

“Do you think about me fucking you like this?” you mimicked him in a playful yet sultry tone, using both of your hands to lift his face up in order to make full-on eye contact with you while you continued to ride him. He threw his head back in response, all while still keeping his gaze on yours. From his expression alone, you could tell that he was wrapped around your fingers.

But instead of giving you any sort of real answer, he rolled his eyes and pulled you in for a kiss, satisfying his craving for your lips once more. Before you knew it, your positions had switched, and you were fully lying down on the couch with Yoongi on top of you. The blanket had been partially discarded since Yoongi couldn’t care less about it, only draping over the bottom half of your bodies. You let out a small shiver as you felt the cold air, but it all seemed to disappear the minute you felt his length fill you up once more.

“You’re my weakness, _____,” you heard him say softly once your foreheads touch, his lips brushing against yours. His thrusts were at a slow pace, but it was still enough to hit your g-spot each time. “After meeting you that night, I knew I was fucked.”

It was unfair—how Min Yoongi knew how to tug your heartstrings in any situation (literally). There was nothing more intimate than this, though. The two of you were left vulnerable, and he found the perfect moment to say it. “I feel the same way,” you whispered, hands lifted up to cup his flushed cheeks. “Because I think I’m in love with you too.”

Yoongi began to pick up the pace upon hearing you confess. With one hand gripping tightly on the couch’s arm rest until his knuckles turn white, another snuck in between your bodies to have his thumb rub your clit, matching the intensity of his thrusts.

“Yoongi, I’m so close—” you whined quietly into his ear while he continued to fuck you senselessly, walls fluttering and tightening around him. There was that familiar feeling building up inside you, and you were so close to coming undone. Yoongi continued to snap his hips into yours while tracing quick circles around your sensitive bundle of nerves until you felt yourself let go. Your body jolted as you cried in please, and even then, he didn’t stop. He milked every last drop of the wave of pleasure he’d given you that left you out of breath. There was this buzzing that refused to leave your ears, and your eyes were watery from the overwhelming feeling.

Smirking in satisfaction, each thrust became more sloppy and erratic. It didn’t take long for him to follow suit, pulling out to finish on you. He groaned as you felt his warmth spill across your frame, panting from the intense session the two of you just shared.

“Damn, I made a mess,” he said playfully after reaching out for a napkin on the table to wipe your body clean, which earned a soft slap on his end. He only laughed once you were able to sit back up, leaning in to steal a quick kiss on the lips.

Once the two of you were finished getting dressed and cleaning the area, you both decided to stay on the rooftop for a few more minutes. Both of you were nuzzled against one another for warmth, your back pressed against Yoongi while he had an arm wrapped around you. SUGAR by BROCKHAMPTON was playing in the background, and Yoongi was singing softly to the chorus while you quietly admired his small performance.  

“Remember when you said you wouldn’t fall in love with a fan?” the words left your lips with a smile, recalling the memory like it was only yesterday. At this point, you were just there to tease him. “Tsk. Can’t believe I’m into a hypocrite.”

He laughed, nose digging into your hair. “You’re different. I’d do anything for you.”

↳   PRESENT DAY.

“Ready to go, babe?”

You’ve spent the past hour sitting on the rooftop’s sofa in solitude, admiring the blue sky in front of you. You were quietly humming to Suga’s Trivia 轉: Seesaw to yourself as you watched the view, until you were interrupted by the familiar voice entering your ears. The smile on your face widened as he approached you, offering a hand to help you up.

It’d been months since you’ve last heard from Yoongi. He was off doing bigger, better things—and you were proud of him for that. After spending hours and hours of going back and forth with one another one night, the two of you had the realization that the long-term goals you both had didn’t align. He was asked to commit to a world tour for the next year and a half, and you wanted to stay where your life was. Here.

Yoongi was more than willing to drop his entire career to be with you, but you knew it wasn’t right. So, no matter how painful it felt, you had to let go. He’s made so many sacrifices to get to where he was, and you refused to be the reason why he couldn’t live his dreams. No matter how much you both loved each other.

Deep inside, you’ve always hoped that he’d come home. That one night you’d find him sitting in that very same spot on the rooftop, legs sprawled apart, absentmindedly staring at the night sky. But it’s been months. No calls, no texts—only a meek dial tone at the end of the line.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but Min Yoongi was simply the right person you’ve met at the wrong time.

“Yeah,” you answered Jungkook softly before taking his hand to lift yourself from the seat. A quiet giggle left your lips once your boyfriend pulled you closer to pepper kisses on your cheek, and the two of you began your walk out of the building. “Let’s get out of here.”

[icyxmischief]

So, with that episode of What If, it really feels like my relevance as a Loki artist and writer has come to an end.  He, as a metaphysical being, doesn’t need my love or my advocacy anymore, and almost everyone who valued what I had to offer has moved on, leaving thousands and thousands of new young people recapitulating my metas without even realizing they came from me, and others in my “generation” of Loki’s fans.  Time is burying us and our relevance. 

I’ve noticed there are people who get angry if you like all the new Loki content, and there are also people who get angry if you dislike it.  I’m tired of all the anger.  I’m tired of holding it together and being a tempered voice of hope. I’m tired. 

What you don’t understand is, it’s not that I don’t want Loki to be happy. I’m so glad that he’s happy, in at least one would-be timeline (an easy copout, ey Marvel writers? a minimal commitment and a great return revenue, the endless variant lokis, “collect em all!”...but let’s not even go there).  But Loki is who he is through certain plot developments that are being erased.  His flaws and his darkness are a part of the entity that I adore, too.  Experimenting with would-be’s and could-be’s feels so coldly detached, like an emotionally uninvested thought experiment, or a capricious child’s pretend game, from honoring the mettle of a character who is also, to so many, a symbol of doggedly surviving unjust hardship, and coming out the other side with compassion for the Othered and the Underdog, the Aberrational and the Liminal. 

 A jocky twenty-foot-tall Loki who talks like a Valley Boy and sings stupid bonding songs with his casual acquaintance of a would-be brother cannot be that symbol.  Cannot be that comfort.   The reason why Loki means so much to people like me is we DID go through all kinds of shit. We didn’t have a pruning situation, or a what-if situation, to help us escape that. But we’re still here, living and fighting and loving, even so, and that’s what he is to us. The inner voice saying “I understand fully by experience how hard it is to keep going, but try.”   

Loki, either as a god you actually worship or as a fictional character, is so powerful a comfort because he HAS experienced suffering that is nearly inconceivable, but he endures.  He is the loving whisper of, “I get your pain. I am down here in the dirt with you.” 

It’s been an amazing ten, nearly eleven, years, but maybe it was just a chapter that’s ended. I’m really not sure, but I owe it to myself to be honest.  I don’t feel inspired anymore, and I don’t know what will fix that. 

[izzyliker]

Hey, asking you this as nicely as I can but can you give the immediate victim blaming a break. The absolute lack of respect you have for the people tmc abused is genuinely disheartening. Yes, he’s a shitty person, you’re entitled to hate him but immediately going “well you should’ve seen it coming earlier lol we’ve been saying this” is just ASTONISHINGLY shortsighted and cruel. Have your opinions about him and the situation all you want I would just ask that you please keep it to yourself due to the many many people he’s hurt that are still on here and can see you disparaging them.

ok, that is not what i have been saying. "well you should've known" is not an accurate summary of my feelings on this matter but apologies if thats how it came across. i have been in an abusive relationship where the person did a lot of the same things and i, too, defended that person without considering how it impacted other people. i almost lost my best friend because of how i acted as a result of keeping him in my life while people around me kept telling me to get tf out. i know.

what i am is im frustrated and annoyed by how long people were willing to publicly and passionately defend this guy while apparently fully aware what kind of shit he was doing to other people, many of which is detailed in the callout itself, and how this is now being framed as news. before the document itself was published all me (or anyone) had to go off of was vague posts that amounted to a "callout trailer" and almost all of the information on it was shit that was 100% completely public knowledge. 20+ people being aware of all that goddamn stuff and not one of them publicly stopping associating with him is frustrating. it comes across as spineless and yes, like one anon told GD, gaslighty (although i have my own issues with this being used on a large scale instead of in interpersonal relationships but i understand where they were coming from). his lesbophobia, transphobia (strange that none of the transphobia towards trans men was mentioned?), and panphobia/aphobia/biphobia were widely documented and seeing that on a callout post as if it were news was extremely tiring.

ive since read the callout. the interpersonal actions seem to have been horrible but sadly im not surprised (by which i dont mean "and neither should you" but rather. my spidey senses for this sort of behavior are pretty accurate most of the time and i did see this coming. this isnt me saying im Better than these people or that they shouldve as well but rather that i have learned to identify people of this genre.) by any of them.

also im 75% sure this is tumblr user GD. hello. if not then apologies, its just that the typing here is very similar. if it is, i think you trying to both take accountability for this and process whatever it is youre processing at the same time on tumblr is a bad idea and going to just lead to people feeling hurt and betrayed because while i truly do see where the reaction is coming from (like, truly, i understand, believe me), if you say "i take responsibility for how i acted while being manipulated" but then when people voice their negative feelings you tell them theyre victim blaming you it is going to reflect poorly on you. i dont think you understand how many people were absolutely hurt by the enabling you and your large, massively popular group of friends did for him, including the MASSIVE defense rant you typed up in defense of him when someone sent an ask to the bi jon event about him being panphobic and aphobic. whether its fair for people to expect you to immediately go into depth about it is questionable but dont invite people to do this when you obviously cannot handle it (i dont mean this in a bad way like "oh you should handle it". i mean genuinely this is how you get burnt out and possibly worsen possible future trauma. by trying to immediately placate people without having the mental resources to do so.)

i think the "we dont condone these views and never did!" without ever specifying what they were or doing any other work there is a lazy fucking cop-out. your circle was/is massively popular and a lot of people took all of you as authorities on stuff like headcanons and respectful portrayals of certain characters or identities to the point of accepting your meta as canon (something you havent really dissuaded ever), and associating publicly with someone who would constantly do this kind of shit and then defending him publicly while also positing yourself as an authority isnt something you can just "oops! we never agreed with him!" yourself out of. GD & TF specifically, you are massive blogs. you are babys first TMA blog. people in your askbox hurt and betrayed by this shit are not necessarily there to victim blame you. they are there because they trusted your word when they said "hey seraf reblogged anti pan and anti ace and weird transphobic posts" and you said "seraf is one of my dearest friends and would never do any of those things and im personally offended youd even imply that." i think you dont understand the real life consequences of the massively popular posts and sentiments he made & published and that you helped spread (despite apparently knowing that he was being a massive hypocrite and bigoted towards those groups or identities in his personal life). obviously interpersonal abuse/conflict is going to be "worse" but dear god i hope you collectively understand that "oh btw we never endorsed his views" is a massive copout and a shit apology for the hurt this association and endorsement caused. tmc has been terrorizing this fucking fandom for months with his bullshit and bigotry and you have not been passive bystandars but active enablers.

anyways, hope everyone involved gets to uh, heal i suppose, but i think expecting the people who seraf suicide baited, the groups of trans men he misgendered, the people who he targeted and harassed, the genuine fucking long lasting dysphoria he caused real people to have over his shitty takes re: transness and dysphoria, and the general shit behavior he was allowed to keep up with zero pushback from anyone in his circle of the fandom to drop all the anger or frustration they have for the people who enabled him and defended him aggressively is... unrealistic. and makes you look bad. especially when the doc doesnt even clarify which opinions you still support.

[nohkabukihere]

Ringu - Nakata

Ringu is a horror/thriller film from 1998 directed by Hideo Nakata. From what I’ve heard about it before watching it’s one of the big horror movies, and is generally regarded as a must see. I’m not a huge fan of horror movies myself, I tend to find them a bit silly and the protagonists tend to always make really stupid choices. Wow was this movie no exception. 

I was bored for the majority of the runtime of Ringu. I couldn’t get very invested in the story for some reason. This may be because it is such a famous movie I already knew the general plot or it may be because I hate the characters. For real, Asakawa really made me hate her so early on and so easily. I get it, she’s a journalist and she wants to find out about this mysterious tape that killed her niece. So what does she, the single mother do? She watches the tape that killed her niece. How dumb are you? In my opinion, even if you don’t believe in superstition, that’s dumb as hell. After that, what does she do? Shows it to Takayama. Why? They want to solve the case, but I just can’t get over how dumb this is. The final nail in the coffin was the fact that she just left his tape lying around the house apparently? Like, dude, you have a CHILD. I’m starting an Asakawa hate group, you’re all welcome to join. 

I thought the flashbacks and Takayama having some weird PSI powers was strange, but it didn’t take me out of the movie. If there’s a killer tape with someone’s rage trapped in it, I guess I can believe that people can have psychic powers. After all, that’s kinda what got the Shizuko and Sadako in their situation to begin with. The flashbacks themselves felt kind of weird, especially since Asakawa seemed to get transported into them instead of them just seeing them, but this wasn’t a major issue for me. 

One thing I really didn’t get was the point of the whole “storm keeping them on the island” plot line that lasted for a total of 3 minutes, had no real impact, and just kinda felt like a filler bit. Yeah, I guess it showed the old mans change to be willing to help them, but like, ultimately it did nothing different then if they had just left easily. 

I do want to say that the scene with Sadako coming out of the TV was actually pretty good. It looked pretty good and was definitely creepy. But this also leads me to what I think was the ost annoying and frustrating thing about this movie as a viewer. Earlier in the film Asakawa interviewed a few young girls about the tape. We get some basic information about what happened and that’s it, not much we as an audience didn’t already know. HOWEVER, apparently there as more information that she got that we just didn’t, and it plays as voice over at the end when Tamayaka dies. It mentions that the only way to get rid of the curse is to copy the film and have someone else watch it. So it’s implied that ASAKAWA KNEW THIS? One, wtf, that feels like such a stupid copout. Two, Asakawa is an idiot. Three, now she’s gonna go kill her dad, so that’s fun. 

Ultimately, I think if I didn’t hate the main character I would have enjoyed this movie. I just felt it was boring and since I didn’t care about Asakawa I couldn’t really get invested. The very beginning of the film was good, so I’m really thinking the character issue is what killed it for me. At least the movie looked nice from a cinematography standpoint.

[mysoftboybensolo]

I don't know why, but, I need to ask you this. For you, is Laszlo a dom or a sub? And why? (For me he is a soft dom, but, I don't know, that man confuses me because when he kisses Mary he is in a sub mode, but, when he confesses to John his feelings for Mary, I feel he does it from a dom mode. I don't know if I'm making myself clear) I would like to know your opinion. Stay healthy. I love you. Bye.

I saw your ask while I was at work and you certainly gave me something to think about.

Personally, I wouldn't say dom, simply because he is filled with insecurities and it would take a lot for him to even attempt more intimate things, much less any kind of hardcore things. As Daniel said in an interview, around Mary he's like a teenager and whatever intellectual power he has is gone and makes him more "vulnerable and fragile". But in the same token, he often is seen relying on Mary to express his inner most thoughts, such as in the case when he is talking about getting in the mind of the killer, which is pretty dark. Yes, he likes to have the upper hand on people, but that is usually in moments when the other person needs to be taken down a peg or he feels out of control of a situation, but never to anyone that is in a position where they are unable to fight back, like Cyrus, Stevie or Mary. Which leads me to not believe he is a hardcore sub either.

I know it may sound like a copout, but I feel like Laszlo is somewhere in the middle of the road, more of a switch. He doesn't mind surrendering a little, but he also doesn't want to be incapable. To me, Laszlo would be the kind of lover who would take some time before really being comfortable doing anything outside of the norm simply because he takes it so seriously. He'd have to be convinced that a little laughter is ok, that whatever that funny noise came from is actually pretty funny and not a mood killer. And just as I had wrote in one chapter of my fic, I doubt that Laszlo is also some sex god, but that he is more willing to learn to be better at it, which that alone puts him pretty high in most people's books. But I definitely see him as a virgin, partially because of my headcanon of him being demisexual, and partially because Daniel said in same interview as mentioned above that he didn't think Laszlo had any experience either.

Thank you very much for the ask, hope this helped out in any way and I appreciate that you were interested in my opinion, since not too many people usually ask me for my opinion on, well, anything. I hope you stay healthy and happy, thank you and love you too, whoever you may be!

[teenwolffanclub-me]

Season 1, Episode 6: Heart Monitor

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader (eventually)

P.S. Scott and Stiles are back to being terrible at keeping secrets, Jackson is en route to creepyville, and Derek is super duper probably dead.

                                                    -----------------

“A spiral.” I said slowly, to make sure we were on the same page. 

Scott nodded frantically, his fists tightening around the straps of his bookbag. “I-I thought it was Derek, but it wasn’t.”

He’d practically bolted toward me the second I walked into the school this morning. After yanking me away from Allison, who was very confused might I add, he proceeded to tell me about the events of last night. 

“Then who was it?” I asked, even though I could've guessed the answer. 

He leaned toward me and looked around before whispering harshly. “The alpha. It had to be him. But why didn't he kill me?”

“Wait. He?” I stopped walking. “Do you have any suspects?”

“No. No, I’m just saying...” I quirked an eyebrow at him and he rolled his eyes with a sigh. “He or she didn't kill me. Which is weird, right?”

“I guess.” I shrugged, continuing down the hall at his side. I honestly had no idea what the alpha’s deal was. It had killed before, almost randomly, and according to Derek it was after Scott. So maybe it was weird that he was still alive, or maybe it wasn't. “You’re apart of it’s pack, right? So maybe it wants to kidnap you, not kill you.”

“That’s reassuring.” He huffed and returned his attention to the hallway in front of us. 

Stiles turned a corner a few feet away, his gaze trained straight ahead. Scott’s face lit up in recognition, a relived smile pulling at his lips. “Stiles, dude. You didn’t answer any of my texts. You have to hear...”

His greeting trailed off when Stiles continued walking past us as if we didn't even exist. I winced, watching as Scott turned on his heel to follow him. I had no choice but to join in, because I’m nosy. 

“Stiles. Come on!” 

He kept his face blank, aside from his lips which twisted into an annoyed frown. 

“You can’t ignore me forever.” Scott tried again, his voice growing desperate. 

Stiles hadn't spoken to him since the parking lot incident two days ago. He was beyond angry with him for disappearing with Allison for a full day, plus having his phone off. I kind of understood both sides. Scott just wanted a normal day with his girlfriend, on her birthday no less. And Stiles is a spaz who freaks out if his friends can’t be reached in a timely fashion. 

Not to mention, his dad had somehow been hit by a car in the middle of the shitstorm at the school, and he was worried about him. There were a lot of dangerous things going on right now, so it honestly wasn't ideal for any of us to be M.I.A.

“Can you at least tell me if your dad’s okay? I mean, it’s just a bruise, right? Some soft tissue damage? Nothing that big.” Scott prodded, only making the situation worse. 

Stiles’ nostrils flared as he dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek in frustration.

“You know I feel really bad about it, right?” His eyes twitched, but he otherwise showed no reaction. “Okay. What if I told you I was trying to figure this whole thing out? And...and that I went to Derek for help.”

My head whipped in his direction. That was news to me. Did he just conveniently leave that part of the story out? He avoided my gaze with a sigh. 

“If I was talking to you.” Stiles spoke up suddenly, surprising us both. “I would tell you that you’re an idiot for trusting him. But obviously, I’m not talking to you.”

“I second that.” I added with a raise of my hand. 

Derek was just straight up bad news. He may know more about being a werewolf than Scott, but that didn’t mean he was trustworthy. A few tense beats of silence passed between the three of us. I watched as Stiles had an internal battle with himself. His lips rolled inward and his head tilted to the side, his eyes pinching shut for a brief moment. I knew he was about to crack. He turned to Scott with a jerk, practically causing a traffic jam in the hallway. 

“What did he say?” He sighed, seemingly disappointed with himself for giving in. 

Scott smiled gratefully. “He said I could learn to shift by tapping into a primal animal rage.”

“Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but every time you do that you try to kill someone. And that someone’s usually me.” Stiles started talking with his hands like he usually does, a good sign that he was back to normal.

“Wait. What?” I looked at the two of them with wide eyes. How did I know nothing about this? They shared a secretive glance before Scott sighed, his shoulders hunching in defeat. 

“I kinda lose it when there’s a full moon. I’ve only been through one before and it wasn’t pretty. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Derek said he won’t help me unless I stay away from Allison.”

My brows furrowed in question. What does she have to do with any of this?

“Because of her family?” Stiles asked, coming to a more logical conclusion than me.

“No,” Scott shook his head, looking troubled. “He said that she's a distraction. She makes me weak.”

“You know, the whole women make you weak thing is a little too spartan warrior for me.” Stiles rolled his eyes with a huff. I couldn't agree more. That was one of the biggest copouts I’d ever heard. “It’s probably just part of the learning process.”

Just then, the warning bell rang through the halls. We all went our separate ways, and I made a mental note to confront them about their habit of keeping secrets the next time I saw them. 

                                                    ----------------

I walked through the halls, glancing between my phone and the floor in front of me. I was supposed to meet up with Allison and Lydia in the library during our free period to study. I was waiting for them to tell me they were ready. I sent them another text in our group chat and decided to just head in that direction without them. They could catch up.  

I narrowly missed running into someone, but looked up just in time to stop before faceplanting into their broad chest. It was Jackson, looking sick as ever. His green eyes were bloodshot, as if he hadn’t slept in days, and he was covered in a thin layer of sweat. I took a tentative step back to put some distance between us.

After a few long moments of him awkwardly staring at me, I cleared my throat. “Hey Jackson. You have a free period?”

“No,” He chuckled, although it didn't reach his eyes. “I just don't like sitting through chem.”

“Understandable.” I sent him a small smile and, when he didn't respond, sidestepped him to continue on my way. 

The few other people in the hall had wandered off by now, leaving us alone. He moved in front of me, blocking my way, and once again only stared. There was something weird swirling in his eyes. I couldn't quite place it. It was like he wasn't completely himself. Maybe he had a fever, sometimes that can cause mood changes. 

“Did you...need something?” I asked slowly, beginning to get a little creeped out. 

“Actually, yeah. I wanted to talk.” I glanced away from him, the intensity of his gaze making me uncomfortable. “I realized that I've been a jerk to you. And Scott, especially. I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

My eyebrows rose in surprise, and he huffed out a laugh. “I’m being serious.”

“Okay...” I really didn't know what to say. He had been a huge jerk since the day I met him. But that was just Jackson. That’s how he was. Why he had the sudden urge to apologize to me, I had no idea. 

“Do you know what it’s like to be the best player on the team? To be the star, to have every single person at the game chanting your name? And then some kid just comes along, and everyone starts looking at him instead of you. Do you know what that feels like?”

I just blinked for a long moment, surprised by his sudden outburst. It was obvious that he was talking about Scott. He’d recently been named co-captain along with Jackson, effectively knocking him down a peg. The distaste he had for Scott wasn't subtle, but he’d never seemed remorseful about it until now. 

“No, I don't.” I admitted, not sure what else to say. 

“Well, it feels like something's been stolen from you. And then you start to feel like you’d do anything, anything in the world...” His eyes slowly trailed over my face as he spoke, and I shifted away a few inches. He was seriously being weird. “To get it back.”

“Haven’t you ever heard the saying there’s no I in team?” I quipped, trying to lighten the mood. I took a miniscule step away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice. He’d gotten way too close to me during that monologue. 

“But there is a me.” He barked, and my shoulders immediately stiffened. Then, he laughed. But it didn't exactly sound genuine. “That was a joke.”

I forced a chuckle, just wanting this weird conversation to be over. 

“Gosh,” One of his hands came up to rub at the back of his neck. “You must really hate me.”

“I don’t.” I reassured slowly. It was the truth. I may not particularly like the guy, but he was dating one of my best friends. He was mostly harmless and I could put up with him when I had to. 

“You sure? Because I’m not a bad guy.” His eyes danced around my face as he spoke, and he’d somehow gotten way too close again. “I mean, yeah. I make stupid mistakes. A lot. But I’m not bad.”

My lips twitched into what I hoped looked more like a smile than a grimace. I glanced down at my phone, praying that one of the girls would text me so I had an excuse to walk away.

“I really like you.” He said suddenly, and my eyes snapped back up to his. My breath caught in my throat. He likes me? He cannot like me. He’s dating Lydia. And I have...okay, no. I don't have anyone. But he still can’t like me. That is so many types of wrong. “And Scott. I really like you both. And I want you guys to like me.”

I relaxed slightly, but still felt majorly weirded out by this whole thing. I also noticed that he hadn't mentioned Stiles at all and wondered if he had ever even acknowledged his existence. I guess he was more aware of Scott because he saw him as competition, and he was dating his girlfriend’s best friend...but still. 

“I want to get to know you guys better.” I just nodded, hoping he was done talking. I’d never wanted to crawl out of my skin more than I did right now.  

I felt my phone vibrate with a notification and silently thanked the heavens. I lifted it up and tried to smile regretfully as I stepped around him. “This has been...nice. But I gotta go. I’ll, uh, see you later.”

I walked away briskly, feeling his eyes watch me the whole way. Once I turned the corner, I felt a shudder move through me. I was so put off by that whole conversation. Had he always been that weird? I remembered him being a charismatic asshole, not whatever that was. I tried my best to forget about it as I walked into the library and immediately found Allison and Lydia at a table. 

I sat down quickly, running a hand through my hair to collect myself. 

“Where have you been?” Lydia asked, and I paled. She had this glint in her eyes that said she somehow knew I had just been talking to her boyfriend.

“Uh...” I wracked my brain for a believable lie. “Just had to stop at my locker.”

“Whatever. Guys, listen.” Allison’s full attention was on a small book in her hands. “The Beast of Gévaudan was a quadruped wolf-like monster prowling the south of France in the years 1764 to 1767. La Bête killed over a hundred people, becoming so infamous that the King, Louis XV, sent one of his best hunters to try and kill it.”

“Boring.” Lydia sang, but Allison continued unfazed. 

“Even the church eventually declared the monster a messenger of Satan.” Her eyes lit up in excitement as she read.  

“Hmm,” Lydia hummed, pretending to think. “Still boring.”

“Cryptozoologists believe it may have been a subspecies of a predator—”

“Slipping into a coma bored.”

“While others believe it was a powerful sorcerer who could shapeshift into a man and a monster.” I stiffened at that, my breath catching in my throat. That sounded familiar. What were they even talking about?

“Does any of this have anything to do with your family?” Lydia pressed impatiently.

Her family?

Oh. 

Oh no.

“This. It is believed that La Bête was finally trapped and killed by a renowned hunter, who claimed his wife and four children were the first to fall prey to the creature. His name was Argent.” She looked up with a triumphant smile, and I cleared my throat while trying not to give anything away. 

Did she already know, and this was her way of telling us? Or was she just now starting to put the pieces together?

“So your family killed a big wolf...” Lydia drawled, clearly not understanding what she was trying to say. 

“Not just a big wolf.” Allison shook her head and turned the book around so that we could see inside. “Take a look at this picture. What does it look like to you?”

My heart nearly stopped beating in my chest. It was a werewolf, clear as day. And it looked just like the alpha. Same glowing red eyes. Same terrifying teeth and claws. Same black fur atop bulging muscles. Lydia’s face dropped at the sight, her lips parting and eyes going wide. I knew she was remembering what she saw outside the video store. But how much had Allison seen?

“Guys.” She huffed, her brows furrowing in concern. “Guys?”

“It looks...” Lydia trailed off before seeming to collect herself. “Like a big wolf. I’ll see you guys later.”

She stood abruptly, and we both watched her until she turned out of sight. My eyes found Allison again and she opened her mouth to say something right when the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. She began collecting her things with a frown, and I shook my head. 

I had more questions now than ever, but I couldn't just outright ask her. If she didn't already know, I’d be exposing not only her family’s secret, but Scott’s. She mumbled a quick goodbye and went on her way. I sighed and rubbed a hand down my face in frustration. I hate secrets. So much.

On my way out of the library, I stopped at a nearby table where Scott and Stiles had been eavesdropping the entire time, using books as covers. 

“You two aren't subtle.” I stuck around long enough to see their sheepish expressions before walking out the doors. 

                                                    -----------------

I pressed my head into my pillow with a sigh, trying to get comfortable. My luck hadn't changed when it came to sleeping. Aside from the one night that Stiles stayed over—which I have decided to never speak of—I’ve been plagued by bad dreams and visions. I’d been laying here for what must’ve been hours now, and I was no closer to sleep. 

There were so many things weighing on me, and I had a feeling they’d all be coming to a head soon. Like the alpha. What did it even want and why was it killing people? And Allison. I was feeling more and more guilty everyday for not telling her everything I know. Then there was Scott and Stiles, who were still keeping things from me, apparently. And Jackson. He was just...off. 

With a frustrated huff I turned over onto my other side, but froze when I felt hard ground beneath me. My bed wasn't hard. My eyes popped open and I bolted upright instantly. I wasn't in my bed anymore. My fingers flexed in the soft grass around me as I tried to get my bearings.

My heart pumped harshly in my chest while my eyes scanned my surroundings. I was sitting in front of the high school, in the grass. My brows furrowed and I shook my head. I had to be dreaming or something. I was literally just in my bed a few seconds ago.

I froze as the sound of growling echoed through the building behind me. It was so loud that the doors and windows were actually shaking. It went on for several seconds, then stopped. I huffed out a breath, more confused than ever. I squinted my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness of the night. I caught sight of Stiles’ jeep, along with another car, across the parking lot. 

Great. What had they gotten themselves into this time? What had I gotten myself into?

“I’m gonna kill both of you!” I nearly jumped out of my skin as a sudden voice boomed from the dark.

I turned to see Scott and Stiles walking casually out of the school, as if it were normal to be here after hours. Derek emerged from behind one of the cars, putting a face to the angry yelling. 

“What the hell was that? What, are you trying to attract the entire state to the school?” 

“Sorry.” Scott shrugged, not sounding the least bit genuine. “I didn't know it would be that loud.”

Okay, so the growl had come from him. That was honestly impressive. 

“Yeah, it was loud. And it was awesome!” Stiles sang, clearly excited by the whole thing. 

“Shut up.” Derek hissed before shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. 

“Don't be such a sour wolf.” Stiles chuckled and threw a hand up dismissively.

They were talking so casually, as if they were friends...

The last time I saw Stiles and Derek interact, he was terrified of him. What changed?

“Hey, what did you do with him?” Scott suddenly asked, his voice becoming serious. 

All three of them looked at Derek’s car, inspecting the back door which was sitting wide open. What, did they kidnap someone or something? He whirled back around to face the guys quickly. “I didn't do anything.”

Then, without warning, a spine-chilling growl sounded from behind Derek. I just barely had enough time to see a pair of glowing red eyes before he was lifted into the air. A fountain of blood spilled from his mouth and I covered my own with a harsh gasp. It was hard to see in the low lighting, but I’d bet all my allowance money that the alpha was the cause. 

Scott and Stiles instantly bolted from the scene, running at full speed toward the school. I was still frozen in place, fear paralyzing me. Just before ripping the doors open, Stiles’ head jerked in my direction as he noticed me sitting there. 

“Y/N?” He was beside me in the blink of an eye, wrapping a hand around my bicep. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I...I don't...” I stammered, watching as the alpha threw Derek against a wall and stalked toward us slowly. 

Stiles dragged me to my feet painfully fast, and I had no choice but to run with him as he sprinted to the school. We ran through the door that Scott was holding open for us, Stiles releasing me so he could help hold one of them closed. 

“What the hell are you doing here?!” He yelled at me, his chest rising and falling with each quick pant he let out.

Both his and Scott’s backs were pressed against the metal doors, keeping them closed with their weight. It was a good idea in theory, although it would never hold up if the alpha decided it wanted to come in. They looked at me expectantly and I realized I hadn't responded yet. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly cold now that some of the adrenaline was wearing off. I really needed to start sleeping in more than a t-shirt and shorts, seeing as this was becoming a habit of mine. 

“No, not gonna work this time.” Stiles shook his head angrily. “This is so not okay. You can’t be here.”

“Seriously, Y/N. What, did you follow us?” Scott added, his tone sharp. 

Okay, they needed to chill the fuck out. It wasn't like I meant to crash their weird after hours meeting with Derek. 

“By the looks of it, you shouldn't be either.” I huffed, my annoyance at an all time high at continuously being kept in the dark. “Since when are you guys talking to Derek? And coming here at night? What are you even doing?”

“Not important.” Stiles glared at me before turning to peer out one of the windows in the door. 

“Very important!” I raised my voice as anger shot through me at his dismissal. “You two better start telling me everything you’ve been hiding. Right now. Or, I swear, I’ll—”

“This is not the time!” Scott interrupted, suddenly panicking. I’d nearly forgotten that we were hiding from the alpha. “We need to lock the doors.”

“Do I look like I have a key?” Stiles barked, voice rising with his own anxiety. 

All I could do was watch as they started bickering. 

“Grab something!” 

“What?”

“Anything!” 

Stiles suddenly stopped fidgeting and lifted his head to look out the window again. Scott stood from his hunched position and did the same, before whipping his attention back toward our spaz of a friend. 

“No.” He breathed, seemingly understanding what Stiles wanted to do.

“Yes.” He shoved a flashlight that I hadn't even realized he was holding into Scott’s chest and popped open one of the doors. My eyes widened as I realized what he was going to do. 

“No! Stiles, don't!” Scott whisper-shouted, but Stiles didn't even hesitate as he squeezed out the door. 

I instantly ran to the place he had just been standing in so I could look out the window. My gaze landed on a pair of plyers laying on the ground. 

“Is he crazy?” I whispered, my heart hammering painfully in my chest. Those were so not worth his life.

Scott and I watched with baited breath as he jogged down the concrete steps. He had barely touched the plyers when the alpha suddenly emerged from behind the Jeep. Scott instantly started pounding on the doors and calling Stiles’ name to get his attention. He looked at us, kneeling on one knee, and swallowed slowly. 

He turned back around, and must’ve seen the alpha barreling toward him, because a second later he was back inside. We slammed the doors shut, and Stiles jammed the plyers between the handles. A moment of tense silence passed, the only sound our ragged breathing. 

We all shared a wide-eyed look, knowing we were in for a long night.

Episode 5, Part Two              Episode 7, Part One

[quickspinner]

H, J, T and Z for the fanfic writer ask, please?

H. How would you describe your writing style?

I don’t have a great answer here. It’s just...me? I feel like it’s way easier to describe someone else’s style than one’s own. I’m so sorry Airi I’m drawing a complete blank here. 😆 Introspective, maybe? I tend to focus more on thoughts and emotions than actions for sure. I like to explore my characters’ inner lives and emotional experience, and plot and setting and everything else are just a means to that end.

J. What’s your favorite fanfic trope? Have you written it?

😆I always feel stupid with questions like these because I need like, a list of tropes to choose from lol. As soon as someone asks me a question like this my mind goes completely blank and it’s like I never knew what a trope was. Ummmmm...I really like soulmates and meet cute type AUs, and I have written both. Honestly I used to hate AU fics, but then I realized...I’d only read ones that weren’t very good ones that were not to my personal taste. I used to wonder, what is the point of having two characters who are nothing like their canon selves except in name, in situations that are nothing like canon? Why not just write original fiction at that point? 

Obviously, my viewpoint’s changed--I really enjoy the challenge of putting two characters in a different setting, considering what that setting would change about them, and trying to craft a narrative and emotional arc that’s still true to the characters within the parameters I’ve set for myself. Super fun, especially when there’s only limited canon to play with, or canon is unsatisfying. Canon fills out the characters for me, and then I pluck them up like little action figures and put them in my own universes.  

As for soulmates, I know they’re kind of a love-it-or-hate it thing, but here’s my view: real life relationships aren’t like that. But sometimes I find comfort and joy in the fantasy of What If Things Were That Simple. Except they’re never actually that simple, it’s just complicated in a different way, and it’s interesting to me to think about how soulmates being a thing would change the world’s attitude towards love and coupledom. I also really love fics that explore a wider meaning for what constitutes a ‘soulmate.’ I could go on forever about how interesting I find the worldbuilding of it and all the interesting directions you could take it. I totally get people who don’t like soulmate AUs, I also think relationships, even between soulmates, are still work, and it doesn’t have to be a copout. I think of it like a neon sign that says “this person is very compatible with you” but you still have to put in the work to build the relationship. 

Although treating it as a ‘you love this person immediately no matter what, even if you can’t stand them’ could also go interesting places, come to think of it. 

T. Any fanfic tropes you can’t stand?

Not exactly? Almost anything can be fun if done well. I tend to be more leery about enemies to lovers and slow burns, because they’re so easy to do badly (or at least, in a way not to my taste) and bad ones drive me really nuts, and I’m not a fan for Unrelieved Angst, especially if it’s not purposeful. 

Z. Is there a story you’ve written that doesn’t seem to get much love?

Honesty Indelible isn’t getting a whole lot of love right now, but I’m hoping that will pick up when it’s finished. I did splash an angst warning all over it, so I understand if angst isn’t something people want right now, or if people don’t want to venture until it’s complete (although we’re at a cheerfulish place right now, so you could probably read through the current chapter and be okay at the end of it). I get that people follow me mostly for fluff and cuteness, and I take a risk when I venture outside my brand, so to speak, but that’s okay. I’m still invested in the story and the people who ARE reading it are awesome and beloved, so it’s all good. 

Thanks Airi! 💜

Ask meme

[newmayhem]

Reading and ranking the entire Den of Shadows series

Check out my other Den of Shadows reviews HERE.

After a year such as this one, I wanted to close it out with something fun so I spent the past month marathoning the entire Den of Shadows series- rereading the original quartet and then reading for the first time the new TDOS books. I was originally going to post reviews/reactions for each book, but that got too cumbersome. Instead, I’m doing one big post of my personal ranking so I can discuss each book and talk about the series as a whole.

Spoilers for the entire Den of Shadows series below.

Personal Ranking

I based it on several different criteria but mainly: 1) How much I enjoyed it, 2) Writing/storytelling quality, 3) If there was anything glaringly ‘problematic’ (which I’ve found is usually a big factor in how much I enjoyed it), 4) How it fits in context of the entire series.

9. Shattered Mirror It hurts to put this one last on my list because Shattered Mirror was my intro to The Den of Shadows and to ahar’s work. Reading this again as an adult was frustrating because I can see why I loved it the first time around and how most of that doesn’t hold up today. Sarah was a great main character who deserved so much better than the ending she got. It was just wall to wall rape culture and misogyny. I hated Christopher and how he was a creepy pedophilic stalker framed as a romantic hero, I hated how Nikolas got some copout backstory so he would look like a good guy even though he beat a girl to death for rejecting his brother, and I hated how Nissa was enabling both of them. I really hated that this was meant to be a racism/prejudice metaphor because that doesn’t work out when the ‘oppressed’ group does actually harm innocent people. Aside from that, I felt like the pacing was really off- the events unfold over the course of a little over a week and we’re supposed to believe that after hanging out with them twice Sarah’s developed a bond with these vampires strong enough to override the prejudice she’s been raised with since birth (and that Christopher’s in love with her). And then there’s that whole anti-climax when it turns out that the ‘villain’ was Kaleo all along, but instead of having the book end there, there’s another 20 pages where we have to watch Sarah get attacked and changed against her will and then have it framed as a happy ending. I did like that she decided to not stay with Christopher in the end, though.

8. Midnight Predator I was actually surprised by how much I liked this one because I didn’t remember anything from it at all except for like, two scenes and some character names. It felt more mature in writing style, thematic content, and aesthetics. I also liked that we got a main character who was a little older and that the world was, for the most part, very removed from the human world. It was a good way to close out the original quartet in that it touched on a lot of the themes that had been explored in the books previous. That said, I had a lot of problems with how the issue of slavery was handled and also with how victim-blamey the moral of the story turned out to be. It just didn’t sit right with me that at no point did anyone bring up the idea of, you know, ending slavery at Midnight, which Jaguar had all the power to do. I hate that we were supposed to be sympathetic towards Jaguar and treat him like a good guy because he doesn’t abuse his slaves (for reasons that center on him) like everyone else does when he easily could just...not own slaves. Tying in with the victim blaming stuff, it felt like we were supposed to be satisfied with Turquoise freeing herself but being ok with letting slavery continue. And the big character arc that leads to her getting revenge on Daryl was framed as her ‘not letting herself be a victim anymore’, which is an objectively terrible take on this issue. Aside from that, I also had issues with the pacing here. We were promised a story about Midnight and a mission to assassinate Jeshickah, but all of that goes out the window in an anti-climax about two thirds of the way through the book (and two days into the timeline), and then the rest is a plodding montage leading to a very abrupt end. I also didn’t like how Daryl was supposed to be the real villain of the story but was also portrayed as a snivelling idiot that no one liked anyway, because that lessened the impact of Turquoise finally getting up the courage to kill him.

7. Demon In My View This was a good followup to ITFOTN in that it struck a balance between being standalone and having ties to the previous book. That said, I found the tone to be surprisingly more immature. I mainly didn’t like how the main character and the antagonist were handled. Jessica, while being a great reader insert/power fantasy, wasn’t very interesting because she didn’t go through any character development or have to sacrifice anything, but still got everything she wanted in the end. Fala was too much of a buttmonkey and her motives were too weak to be taken seriously. It also didn’t sit right with me that she’s the only canonical woc so far and she’s being portrayed as this incompetent cartoon villain even though objectively, like, she does have a point. But I do love the introduction of my favorite underappreciated side character, the ultimate MVP: Caryn Smoke!

6. Token of Darkness This book had a lot going against it, mainly in that it’s the most disconnected from the other TDOS books in terms of not only characters and setting, but also with introducing beings that hadn’t been mentioned before (in text, at least). I think especially as one of the new TDOS books, it would’ve helped to at least offhandedly namedrop some people/events/places. My second problem with this book was that everything felt very underdeveloped. I loved the new characters that were introduced, but I was disappointed that we didn’t have a lot of time to get to know them. I would’ve liked to see Cooper actually start training under Ryan, I would’ve liked to learn more about the LeCoire family and what it means to be a sorcerer. I also just wanted more Delilah because she’s such a fascinating character (I loved her reckless and unapologetic ambition). Kind of like ITFOTN, I felt like this lacked an Act 2. I think the story should’ve started earlier so we could see more of the investigation part of it, so we can get all the characters together earlier and have them working together (while Delilah has her hidden agenda on the side) to figure this out and build towards that climax. Even with the pacing and development problems, this is higher on the list because I just really enjoyed it- it was light and fun and I hope we get a chance to see these characters again.

5. Poison Tree This was something that I really wanted out of a new TDOS book- it delved deeper into parts of the world that had been mentioned before- the Bruja Guilds, SingleEarth, the Mistari, and all of that serves to set the scene for Promises to Keep. The concept was this cool deconstructed/reconstructed whodunnit story. It was more complicated than the typical TDOS plot, so I appreciate the ambition. That said, the execution wasn’t great- I often had to pause and go back in order to keep the facts straight and figure out who knows what, which was distracting. Another reason why this didn’t rank higher was that for some reason, I didn’t connect as much with these characters as I have in other books. The pacing was odd, I didn’t like that it came to a point where everyone had figured the main part of the mystery out, but instead of going directly to the climax, it took a detour into relationship drama, which slowed down the momentum. I think it would’ve made more sense to put Sarik and Alysia into a situation where they were forced to work together (rather than that brief but drawn out thing with Sarik and Christian). There would’ve been more tension, conflict, and forward momentum, and because they’re the two leads that were supposed to be focused on, it would’ve felt less like a detour.

4. Persistence of Memory This was a very good return to TDOS. It feels very familiar in how the new characters fit into the world. It struck a good balance between introducing new characters and having them coexist with concepts and characters that we’ve heard of before. I felt the same spark while reading this as I felt when I first read the original quartet. Like, this entirely new book made me feel nostalgic, and that’s not to be underestimated. I really loved the two protagonists and I was very invested in both of their stories. I particularly loved Shevaun because her struggle with her fear of becoming human again is one that we don’t often see in vampire fiction. I also think both she and Adjila are the perfect embodiment of beings who’ve been around for centuries and just don’t have the same morals and boundaries that humans do. I don’t normally read these books for the romance, but both canon ships here were really well done and believable, and also paralleled each other in an interesting way. And I loved the oddly wholesome focus on found/chosen family. Also, this gets extra points for everyone dunking on Alexander every time he’s mentioned.

I didn’t rank this higher because I wished Erin was more involved in figuring out what was going on with her. I didn’t really like that after a certain point, it felt like Sassy took over as protagonist. Still, I really enjoyed it, the ending was very satisfying (I loved that it was a straight up happy/optimistic ending instead of a bittersweet or abrupt one like most of the TDOS endings had been so far).

3. Promises to Keep This was a bold ending to the series. It took a lot of guts to basically blow up the world that you spent nearly 20 years creating and I admire that. It was a really engaging story that truly showed the full extent of what ahar was capable of as a writer at that time and the full extent of what a TDOS book could be. I think this time ahar really nailed the pacing (which was something that had always been a bit shaky in the past). We got to spend enough time with Jay and get to know him (it was a good choice to have the protagonist be a character we’ve met before but could still get to know more). I liked seeing everything we’ve learned from all the previous books come together and come into play. And I especially loved that our MVP Caryn got the HEA she deserves. The little epilogues at the end were fun to read (only, I’m mad we didn’t hear anything about Risika. Especially because she does get mentioned (and we finally know that 1) she found out about what happened to her mom, and 2) she and Kaleo have active, ongoing beef over it)). It really felt like a finale, but at the same time, it felt like a new beginning and I can’t wait for new books in this post-Promises world.

This could’ve ranked higher, but I did have a problem with Brina. In terms of personality, etc., I loved her and she was fun to get to know, but I can’t get past the whole slave owner thing and how that aspect of her was handled. I wished that her character arc was more about realizing that enslaving people is objectively bad rather than having her keep pointing out Jay’s incidental hypocrisy as if it weren’t a false equivalence. Her happy ending just felt a little unearned- the only real ‘penance’ she performed wrt being a slave owner was a tacked-on apology during the ritual and a sentence about how she freed her own slaves (again, no mention of whether or not all slavery has ended), and even though she was turned human, it’s not framed as a great or permanent loss, and on top of that she also gets witch powers.

2. In The Forests of the Night I admit, this ranking is mostly based on nostalgia...but it’s still a very solid book to kick off the series, set the vibes, and introduce us to this world and what kind of series this will be. It’s not the best of the series in terms of writing quality, plot, or scope, but of the original quartet, I think ITFOTN holds up the best. For a YA book of that era, especially one written by someone of its own target demographic, this felt very mature. It wasn’t trying to talk down to its audience and that meant a lot to me. It showed me that YA could be dramatic without being overwrought, serious without being an ‘issues’ book. It tackled questions of identity, morality, faith, power, and freedom, all framed within a fast-paced revenge story. Most of all, Risika is such an interesting, complicated character and her journey was both relatable and entertaining. Of all the endings in this series, the ending of ITFOTN was the most satisfying for me in that the main character had to change and sacrifice, and in the end she got what she truly deserved even if it wasn’t entirely happy. My only complaint is that we don’t see more of Risika throughout the series, especially when there’s clearly more to her story.

1. All Just Glass The TDOS books are fine as standalones and it’s cool that each one makes it feel like whoever you’re reading about is just a small part of a bigger world, but All Just Glass shows how good it can be when we go deeper into a particular story and give it more time to develop. That said, I don’t think it would’ve been as good as it was if it was written right after Shattered Mirror. There’s a very clear improvement in writing quality and storytelling that can only come from 10 years of experience.

While it didn’t fix all the problems I had with SM (mainly, I would’ve preferred it if Sarah didn’t go back to the Ravenas in the end), AJG made a great choice in shifting to a different, more cohesive theme and illustrating it across a compelling ensemble cast. It cleverly plays on our expectations of the Vida line that were based on the limited scope of SM in order to show that contrary to what we’ve seen previously, this is actually an institution that’s in decline. The Vidas aren’t this great power ruling over the rest of the Macht witches- they’re actually these fundamentalist/extremist outliers who are on the fringes clinging to the ‘old ways’ while everyone else kind of does what they want and their decline is directly related to their obsessive adherence to tradition at all costs. What’s so great about this is that it’s not just a sequel, it’s a subversion of SM that also sets the tone of the new TDOS series in anticipation of the inevitable end.

General Notes

I loved reading these all back to back and watching ahar grow as a writer, watching the world unfold right before my eyes.

It was interesting to see the difference between the two series. I found most of the books in the new series to be generally more engaging because they’re based around a central mystery (What’s the connection between Erin and Shevaun? Who is Samantha? Who attacked SingleEarth? Who’s the shapeshifter?). I also liked that rather than shy away from mentioning technology and trying to pretend that it doesn’t exist or that we’re still in the early 2000s, ahar really leaned into it and in doing so, made the stories feel more realistic.

The original quartet was very aesthetically cohesive, it was a series of vignettes that purely aimed to explore a particular piece of the world. The new series, however, felt cohesive in that each of the books is building towards the end and showing a piece of the puzzle that sets the scene for PtK (PoM gives us more about the Tristes, ToD gives us the elementals, AJG and PT are about groups that are on the decline with their fates based on whether or not they choose to align with the rising power of SingleEarth).

On kind of a petty note, I wanted to mention how much I hate all the new covers (both for the new TDOS series and for the re-release of the original quartet) and I was really disappointed in how low-effort the marketing was for the new series. Even just reading the synopsis for PT and PtK was painful because they seemed slapped together at the last minute like no one cared. I think it was a real missed opportunity to draw in a new audience because they were coming out just as the YA boom, particularly in vampire fiction, was happening.

The biggest takeaway I got from this marathon is a huge respect and appreciation for this extensive world and cast of characters that ahar built (and then had the courage to entirely upend). I know mainstream attention isn’t everything, but I just really hope ahar gets their flowers because this is a great (and highly influential) body of work that’s so different and even ahead of its time.

Anyway, that’s my take on the series. I might make this re-read an annual thing because this was fun. Also, as I was reading, I made sure to note factual info about the world and the characters, so I’ll be making new additions/edits to the reference materials soon.