#i know that ppl are like oh then move out with roommates but I'm such a pathetic fool the idea of living with strangers

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

[haku23]

Heugh... Don't feel good today. Probably because I didn't do anything yesterday but 🥲

I am just so fucking tired of being in this place bro. I just want to be on my own 😭 but I feel bad for thinking that bc of Anxiety I'm literally like. Oh so u want your family DIED?! Like .. no I just want to be able to choose when I interact 🙃 and become my own person and be able to figure things out outside of my family not in a bad way!!! But heugh. I'm also like you're just romanticising the idea of living alone etc but idk!!!!!!!

[dragonji]

before I even begin speaking let me preface this with the fact that I Know I am being entirely unreasonable and very much overreacting about what really does not need to be an issue but my fuse was already short and this just happened to trip the wire for tonight<3 anyways if my roomies don't cease making completely unannounced massive changes to our shared living space im going to go Fucking Ballistic :) <full of rage and agony

[kaisacobra]

need a part two !! all about revenge but with a happy ending😭 this would’ve such a good series. readers dynamic with mindy and sam is so interesting to me. both mindy and sam loving tara so much but knowing how much tara hurts reader.. PAIN. i see ppl in the comments talking about sam and reader being a possibility but i feel like that’s kind of out of left field. i totally see sam and reader being more like family because of tara and sams just really appreciative of reader and seeings her as another little sister she wants to protect but it’s hard because she has to protect her from tara so mindy does it. and mindy and sam totally give each other looks whenever something particularly unfair goes on between r and tara. it’s like a car wreck where they just can’t look away. i think it’d be cool to see the aftermath though. maybe reader finally gains self respect and tries to move on (even tho i think it’d be difficult after loving someone for so long). i wonder how tara would react to it, the regret she’d feel would just tumble over and she’d want to think she was right in everything all along but no one’s backing her up and she’s likes oh shit i made a mistake and do need help. also think it’d be interesting to see reader and quinn maybe develop a relationship even if it isn’t serious. like them just fooling around do reader has a distraction and quinn would know. god knows reader isn’t ready for anything serious and quinn, being ghostface, well this would be a perfect opportunity to drive the relationship between tara and reader even more into the mud. quinn would totally be like “she never appreciated you. and you deserve so much better” to reader and r would be agreeing with her but still defending tara. and tara would be all jealous and she’s forced to see it cause r has a roommate so they can’t go to their room and quinn lives with tara so she cant escape seeing them together. and when quinn reveals herself she’d totally make fun of the relationship and be like “and don’t even get me started on r because even when we were together all she could talk about was u, tara” and she’d spit taras words back at her and be like “you’re right she is pathetic. there’s no wonder you kept her around with how she’d follow ur every move/i get why you’d be tired of her bc she was so obsessed with you” and tara would be shocked at the cruel words and hurt because she realizes that’s exactly what she said to reader. i feel like i won’t be seeing a happy ending cause there’s so much angst but i will be rooting for a happy ending ! sorry i’m rambling but it came to my head and i had to let this out. lmk ur thoughts idc if u think it’s bad lol

was this based off anything ? i kept thinking of second best by laufey but a million other songs ran through my head

Okay, first of all, i absolutely love long asks and I'm gonna make sure to answer this with the same energy🤠

I see people are starting to want happy endings too, huh🤨 While I don't think second best is gonna turn into a series, maybe I could make alternate endings for y'all

I do love Mindy and Sam's relationship with R because they balance each other out. Mindy stays by R's side because she knows Tara has Sam and Sam feels relieved that R is getting support from Mindy because she can't leave Tara

And yeah, i don't really see R getting with Sam on part two. However, since I love mixing characters from different universes that I've watched, I considered a lot putting Enid Sinclair (at least a version of her) as Tara's new "competition".

But I also have to say I love your idea of it being Quinn! Although I would make her more of a Tiffany Valentine (if you've seen Chucky) killer in a sense of being a passionate lover who's not afraid of hurting her partner

About it being based off anything, it's not really, at least not intentionally. Second best was actually supposed to be one of those "4 times and 1" where we would see the 4 times Tara put R second and the 1 time R had enough. I'm glad with the outcome though.

And I loved your thoughts! Honestly, you make great points and I'm happy that people seem excited for part 2🥰

[neonstatic]

re: housesitting at my ladyfriend's. i told my mom and she seemed resigned at first but then later started praying and crying abt it??? which is so... i've always known her to be the dramatic, emotional type, but oh my god, that is a new record. and then she called my dad to tell him, which prompted a sermon from him abt trusting ppl and their intentions (which may or may not be malevolent and involve spirits) and like ohhhhh my goddd!!!! oh my god why this it always gotta be evil curses and mean ppl w these ppl!

trust me, i know how uncommon that is. i'm aware that i don't go abt relationships like your average person and that this proposal is quite unorthodox between ppl who aren't related or long-time friends. and i can think of a billion ways that it can go wrong but i don't want to let fear stop me from trying things, however rational that fear sounds. i'm already living a life ruled fear as it is.

"it's ok if she gives you the keys so you can feed the cat or water the plants, but she can't offer you to sleep over" why not. it's her place why tf not. ohhh my god. and sure i don't know her as much as i know my high school besties, but why must i wait to know ppl for 10 yrs before i can just go over to their house and sleep over? how is it any different from moving out on my own or living w roommates

it's also a big deal for them that she's not family. they're v family-oriented and they don't understand how i could feel closer to "strangers" than a blood-related relative. to them, it would be more natural to fly me to haiti for a week w cousins i've never spoken to. i get it, right, but i disagree. my sister says my frustration w my parents' reaction shows that i don't understand their concern but no, i do. i see where they're coming from. i can rationalise all of it. i'm just choosing not to let their fears decide how i live my life. they're the ones who don't get it and think i'm weird for it.

she also asked me if it was worth fighting over and i mean, no, it's not a big deal. i don't need to go. i could go next year. but i'm starting to think there is no small or big battle to pick when it comes to overbearing parents. you gotta wear em down even for insignificant stuff, until they learn not to have their noses in your business. if it makes me a stubborn, crazy-looking person, then so be it.

(MIND YOU, i would be gone for 1 day and 1 night. just 30 minutes away. i've been gone for longer in farther places than that, including a religious camp where a man in authority was later arrested for possession!!!! hello!!!!!!)

[fvck-around-find-out]

Also, on the subject of these ppl, they are so. Like I don't know how to describe them except for fucking mean. Like our roommate system and our sister's system are fucking mean.

We might be moving altogether to this house in another province. It's not that far from here, but like we've never been there. We've never seen the house.

Lou was talking about potentially going biking around midnight tonight, and one of them (roommate, some of my sysmates are dating members of this roommate's system) was like oh isn't that dangerous?

Which like. It's not. We live in a safe area, and we go out after dark often. They go out after dark occasionally. Before they moved in with us, 90% of the time we were hanging out it was three in the fucking morning. I don't know why they're pretending like it's some strange concept and why they're acting like Lou is being stupid.

But like whatever, moving on.

Later, our sister made a comment about how we wouldn't be about to go out biking at night in the new house, because our roommate's dad said it wasn't the best neighbourhood. Lou said "we'll see."

That's it. "We'll see." Because? We'll literally fucking see. We'll see when we go to the showing what kind of neighbourhood it is. We can look around and ask the showing agent and what the fuck else.

And they literally fucking just started dog piling him, acting like he was stupid. Telling him that it was close to downtown and no he wouldn't he able to go out at night and it's dangerous and whatever.

They stressed him out and upset him so badly by not listening to him and treating him like an idiot that he had to leave the room. One of them started asking if he was annoyed, but he obviously fucking had to say no because if he said yes they'd make it into a big fucking deal. The roommate would get hurt and be like oh no I'm a monster and be all clingy and sad, and the sister would get fucking annoyed back or triggered or whatever.

And he was googling it, saying the area ranked high for walking and bike-ability, and that he couldn't find anything dangerous about the area except that there could be petty crime like vandalism. The wide area, he said, had some drug use and prostitution, but they didn't fucking know that. Lou didn't fucking know that. He literally just said that we would see if going out at night was safe.

And they weren't being nice about it. If they were telling him their concerns that's one thing, but they were cutting him off and being rude and telling him he was wrong when they did not know anything about the location at all. They literally didn't fucking know anything. They just decided that.

They're not fucking safe to express any negative emotion to. They make it entirely about themselves every fucking time. It's so rare they listen, and they literally only listen if Lou is actively crying which is fucking rare, or if he delivers it so calmly and concisely to them like they're fucking children. Or someone in my system tells them off, which we are almost never permissed to do.

And like this isn't even the first time they've done this. It won't be the last.

A couple of months ago, Lou was talking like literally joking about traveling to Mongolia and camping there. Because he'd always been interested in traveling there and there are laws that allow you go settle anywhere. And my fucking god the way it blew up into a full on debate.

They were acting like he was moving to Mongolia the next fucking day. They kept telling him that it was so dangerous there and they'd human-traffic him?? Because he's white???? Like what the actual fuck. They would not understand why he wouldn't just believe blindly that this foreign Asian country was inherently just so fucking dangerous for no reason. Like he literally researched it on the spot and it wasn't any more dangerous than like. The United States. They wouldn't understand why he wouldn't just be like yeah babes youre so right Mongolia is so dangerous and scary ill never go there. Because that felt fucking needlessly racist to him. They even brought up the fact that Mongolia has a history of colonialism, like that's even fucking remotely relevant and like we are not living in a fucking country that's colonialist and loves fucking genocide.

And he doesn't want to bring it up because theyre not going to fucking listen to him! Mark my fucking words, they're going to pretend it's about being worried for his safety. It's not about our safety. We are not going to fucking Mongolia, we are 22 and poor and disabled and living in fucking Canada. We are not walking our bike out the door of our new house at 3 am as we speak.

Choosing to be fucking awful to your friend/partner/boyfriend or brother over a distant fucking HYPOTHETICAL that was not even brought up in a serious, considering manner, is not something that happens out of fear for someone's safety. It happens when you want to be right. This was about their want to be right, and for Lou to be wrong. There's no other way to look at it.

And when your want to be right comes before your want to be kind, then you've made a fucking mistake and I don't want you around us.

[itsjaywalkers]

hello laurie!! <3 insane commute nonnie here (again) omg i read oby yesterday omw to class (ended up staying at my friend's again bc his roommate was still out. sadly he's back) and i should not have done that bc OMG?? BABE I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABT THEM THE WHOLE TIME UT GOT SO BAD I SAW MY PROFESSOR (he doesn't even look like james. he's just fit in a 'Hear me out guys...' way)N BLUSHED I WAS ACTUALLY GIGGLING AT RANDOM TIMES THINKING ABT THEM also like. sirius n regulus in this😭😭 regulus cursing sirius out for being a good brother is so real to me as someone with 12 year older brother bc he spent my entire childhood terrorizing me n now he's the sweetest person Ever. not even in an evil way he's just genuinely nice to me so if i ever complain abt him everyone goes ??? YOUR brother??? its so annoying (i love him). just reg veing grumpy<3 he's my fav little purse man and ok oh god never thought i'd say this. i have NEVER gotten the whole daddy thing but now im just🧍‍♂️bc i need to call james potter daddy while he fucks me what who said that also like. extreme apologies for how extremely inappropriate this might've gotten i was up all night studying for a quiz we have today (cannot catch a break w these ppl istg) n i swear my brain refuses to function and i have no idea!!! (please pray for me) also i hope you're doing great<3 sadly i do know work and adult things but im glad to know that nothing bad's going on!! you deserve the best<33 also i Absolutely get being funnier in your mother tongue sometimes i have these sudden thoughts n they're soo funny but i have to translate them which is like. okay but the vibes change istg!! i usually end texting my siblings abt it bc someone deserves to know how absolutely funny i am!! (all i do is make dad jokes) and (im actually so sorry bc ik you prob dont mind the book-long asks but its still!! so embarrassing!! like girl why are you yapping sm!!) i haven't read the 2nd part yet (i read the first part n just stared ahead blankly for like an hour after i read the 1st part. it did things to me) but im gonna read it after my quiz as a little treat<3 thank you for writing them sm!!!<3

HI BABE <333 sorry it took me so long to get back to u, life has been soooo hectic istg

AND OMG IM STILL SO SHY ABOUT U READING OBY but i'm so glad u enjoyed it and that it had the desired effect, it's definitely not the type of story u should read in class or just like . in front of ppl . i don't blame u for getting all flustered around ur professor even if he doesn't look anything like james. it's just the vibe yk??? you're literally so real for that

sirius and reg in oby are !! so important to me !! i feel like they have the best relationship in all of my fics, bc they're on good terms on nothing happens too but they argue . a lot . and they're gonna have some issues down the line. and they're also very close in the boxer au but there's still gonna be a lot of angst regarding their relationship. in oby, tho, they're just brothers <3 they love each other so much <3 and i'm so glad i'm portraying their dynamic accurately bc a lot of their convos are based on stuff me and my sisters have talked/fought about lmao

LISTENNNN I ALSO WASN'T INTO THE WHOLE DADDY THING like i didn't mind it and i read it occassionally but i didn't seek it out. but now that i'm actively writing it . well . i guess i kinda get the appeal (girl who doesn't even have a daddy kink) SO I GET U I REALLY DO

u don't have to apologiseeee i'm always happy to open horny hours especially if it's for james potter <3 and also i know it's been a few days but i hope the quiz went well and that u never do that again bc u need to rest!! i mean it!!

i'm doing quite well actually!! work's been a nightmare but apart from that i'm great!! i recently moved into a new flat with two friends and the place is soooo nice i'm in love with it i can't believe it's ours <333 AND SAMEEEE i always complain about it to my sisters or my spanish friends bc it annoys me to no end like . i'm literally soooo funny and it pains me that you'll never realise bc it's only when i speak in my first language ugh

I REALLY DON'T MIND THEM BABE IN FACT I LOVE THEM NEVER STOP and don't apologise again i'll kick ur ass!!! and god you're so very sweet to me, i hope u enjoyed/enjoy it and i'm sending u the biggest hug + forehead kissie in the world MWAH <3

[lighthousegod]

Hiiiii this was over a year or 2 ago I think but I have an update !!Huge giant tw, this is a Vent Post and a huge bummer!! I am focusing on negative interactions with one person and a decline of my mental health (not bc of the relationship, but definitely not helped by it). Depression can make you think your friends don't give a shit about you, but remember this isn't everybody. If you're depressed or generally insecure, I'd click off of this, fr. Official trigger warning ⚠️

-

I was reading my old post abt this person cause I remembered it, and I wanted some perspective.

To the person who reblogged,

Thank you for the advice!

Seeing your advice now, I kinda wish I would've seen this and taken it more to heart. I'm not sure when you reblogged, but our situations WERE(are?) Weirdly similar (hope that worked out better on your end, btw). Only thing different was that my friend is ALL about cutting ppl off. If someone does something, anything, deemed toxic and abusive to her or somebody else, she can just start hating them. Like a switch. Crazy shit, but anyway-

So. I did not get rid of the friend. And I'm still having issues with her. Surprise fucking surprise. Except, get this-

WE'RE ROOMMATES NOW. ROOMMATES.

IM SUCH A DUMBASS, MAN.

*Thomas Sanders Voice* Storytime!

Here is a timeline of the last year or so

-we both have a shitty encounter (not criminally shitty) with a guy from previous university. She gets a lot more hateful about it than me. She lies to me to go hang out with friends the day after who give her a shoulder to cry on, while I sit alone in my dorm the whole rest of the weekend. I tell her she's an ass for that, and she apologizes. I forgive her.

-me and friend's major gets cut from our university, forcing us to leave and find somewhere else to go. I had just made new friends.

-I move back in with my parents and my mental health takes a dip. (I'm transmasc and closeted, and they are very much unsupportive/conservative/alittlebitinsane)

-I hang out and sleep over with her frequently through the summer, and she claims to be a safe haven from my religious and conservative family (her family is supportive of her lgbt identities)

-I apply to a diff university for an animation degree and get in. She applies way later, for a different degree, and gets in as well.

-I tell her my depression is getting really bad and into suicidal ideation territory, so I need her to give the constant complaints a rest. She says shes sorry and agrees. She says she will try to be more considerate (this is the third time she's said this to me so far). She doesn't.

-one night before we leave for college round 2, at a sleepover, as we discuss our respective bad father figures. She drops an "oh, but mine was worse." I make an annoyed face and she immediately backtracks. Says she didn't mean it and that she actually thinks mine is worse (??). I tell her I forgive her, but I'm lying.

-we decide to get an apartment with a couple in a complex near the university. There's a shuttle that drives to the school, and I drive myself to night classes. Friend can't drive, doesnt have her license. She's 22. I take her everywhere else she needs to go as long as she asks.

-its okay at first. Made some friends, but they're her friends too. My depression is somehow worse. She doesn't really know. I stopped talking about my issues after the summer. Her complaints are worse because she's unable to find a job.

-our relationship turns into one where she brings me food at work (part time at uni) and barely speaks to me for days besides that. She randomly becomes very friendly at times and I soak it up like a fucking sponge, until we stop again. Goes back to one word replies.

-my new friend I met thru a classmate looks at her the wrong way and she tells them they triggered her ptsd at the fucking dennys dining room table. We're all uncomfortable. I tell her that was fucked up on Halloween night and she cries in my car. She says she's spiraling because she can't accept when she does something wrong. So she's at least a little bit aware. We go watch rocky horror at midnight.

-I go home for Christmas. I have a huge falling out with my dad. I start having what I call "grief episodes" where I mourn nothing for days at a time. I don't tell her. I visit her for her birthday and hang out a few times.

-one night, me and her go to meet up with some ppl from out of town. It's raining heavily on our way back and she has the map. I run right up on a median, where the road split. I couldn't see anything and already have bad anxiety around driving, she is aware. She didn't have the map up. She was texting when it happened. I stop letting her navigate.

(She did ask me if I was alright the day after. I tell her no, but there's nothing she can do about it, so "its whatever". I don't want her support anymore, but im still angry i never had it. I want to leave her, but I don't want to be alone. A standstill.)

-i get a good psych appt. Before driving us both back for the next semester. First few weeks are fine. Friend gets a job waiting tables at a new spot a mile down the road from our apartment. I drive her to and from every chance I get. She pays for gas every other refill.

-i tell her she could walk to work during the day, since theres sidewalks all the way there. She won't. She gets rides from coworkers when I'm not available, and complains about the ride when she sees me next.

-i ask if she's still saving for a car. She's been giving me gas money, and occasionally covering the 10 pm "dinner" we have after her late shifts, since the job started, so I'm not pushy about it. She says no, and that her dad's getting her an electric bike instead. I know I will be giving her rides until we graduate, unless I just stop answering texts. She continues to give me little to no notice before she needs rides despite me asking for it.

-she complains about walking, biking, and the job itself. She brags about how she's androgynous when I try to bring up gender dysphoria. She goes on rants about my own parents even though I haven't talked about them in months. At this point, I'm very short with her most of the time. I don't like getting to comfortable.

-I start new meds and start having bad nightmares again. I still pick her up on nights, but I tell her I can't go get food every evening because I have to fix my sleep schedule. She says "that's fine." She tells me I should try a new medication. I've tried at least 6 in the past year, but she didn't remember. She says "I think it's depression."

-I start going to group therapy for depressed/anxious college kids. I connect to them more than I ever have to friend. She's going too, a different session than mine. "Time management" or something. I don't ask about it. She doesn't ask about mine.

-she sent me a text saying "did you eat" last Sunday after she gets home from a morning-afternoon shift. I replied "why are you asking me that." I Hadn't. She knows I struggle with food, but she's never asked that, so I was taken aback. Almost offended that she'd try to care, and then-

"cause if you don't actually need food rn i'm not gonna ask you to drive somewhere for me only"

-i take us to dennys to eat again, and think about the Halloween before. I'm not sure if anything has changed.

- sometimes we laugh and it's like we're back before, when I didn't know she was this way. So selfish and focused on being liked. She's shown me how fake she really is over these years, and I'm desperate to have a real friend. I don't trust a word she says. I'm really reluctant to trust any of my friends and acquaintances anymore when they say they care. I worry they just want to seem good, but they don't actually care about me. She's said that to me before. "I care the most about seeming like a good friend to people."

-im dreading summer again, but I'm not letting myself run to her like I did last time. No fuckin way.

I don't say this for sympathy, and I don't really consider it a full on vent (it's more coherent, I hope). I don't want pity, even tho this post is a total fuckin bummer. It's more for me to remember how this was. And how a hard time showed who I could and couldn't rely on.

To the person who reblogged this, I really hope you got some better friends. If you're still around that person, do not base your whole being on them. Don't let yourself revolve around them. They are not a baby, or made of glass. If you can separate, do it. Please try to build up a real support system if you don't have one.

And that goes to whoever else is reading this. Fr, if you relate to my ass you prob do need to seek our a professional, but also.

This is a genuine fucking cautionary tale. If you have friends that seem legit, please hold onto them. Tell them what's going on. Make sacrifices for them, stay up at night when they're sad even if it's gonna make you tired the next day, tell them you love them even if it feels weird, go get them if they have car trouble, give them hugs as often as you can. If they can't do the same, don't wait. Don't let them talk you into second chances.

And if you have any advice on how to change- be more friendly, more open, less bitter, and able to build real supportive friendships and relationships- drop the recipe pls 🙏 I got a lot of work to do

This isn't miraculous related, just a vent. Using this site like reddit cause reddit sucks.

So like. Hear me out here.

I've had some shit friends before. Like, the gaslight, gatekeep, getawayfromme kind. And I ended that relationship, and the friend I have an issue with now is WORLDS better than the toxic ones I've had in the past. So trust me when I say I know this could be worse.

However,

Every time I talk to this friend I just get SO pissed off. She has PTSD, as well as OCD, and she just got taken off of some medication a few weeks ago, which has made things really hard for her. And I've been trying to be patient and be there for her. But I'm about to be at my mf limit y'all.

So the main issue is the complaints. Usually, I dont mind complaining, I'm pretty pessimistic myself so I do understand. It's hard not to. But god, every conversation we have is about how horrible her life is. Any time we talk, it always wraps back around to how "her brain hates her" and she can't catch a break. It's exhausting.

It's pretty clear that shes not lying, though. Something really is wrong. She has been missing class cause she has trouble making herself get out of bed, and her grades are steadily dropping. I know she doesn't want that and really beats herself up about it. And I have empathy for her, because I really do understand. I'm diagnosed with depression myself, and man, it takes me a LONG time to get myself ready in the mornings for that very reason. I take a lot of steps to make sure I have no other choice but to get out of bed. I even tried to share some of those strategies with her, like setting your alarm or phone far away from where you sleep so you have to at least get up to turn it off. Of course, she provided an excuse to why she cannot do that.

Now, more recently its gotten worse. I can't tell if I'm fed up or if she's gone downhill, or both. To preface, we spend a LOT of time with each other. We're both in college, and we're basically each others only friends. We knew each other in high school, so this isnt a new friendship. I could go on for another essay length post ab how I wish I would've forced myself to make friends at the beginning of the year instead of relying on her, but that's not what this is about.

So, she has OCD. She also has a lot of health issues, like allergies and asthma and all that. Pre-serum steve rogers comes to mind, except not that severe, of course. So, with these things combined, she's become a bit of a hypochondriac. Any time she has a cold, it's basically the end of the world. She'll convince herself she has a fever even if she hasn't taken her temperature, and hole herself up inside her room saying she's too sick to walk. Of course, when it all comes down to it, she usually doesn't have anything specific wrong with her, just a bad cold. Or maybe nothing at all. Now, I should preface that with this pandemic, I am certainly not saying she shouldn't be cautious. However, at this point, she has been tested and she is indeed negative for covid. She didn't even have a fever. And yet, I am still eating lunch alone, like I have been for days. I'm still receiving texts about how miserable she is for having to do her laundry or attend class in her state. I'm not her, so I can't say that this sickness is being blown out of proportion or not, but man is it exhausting anyway.

This situation where she leaves me to fend for myself for days, complaining the whole time, only to come back and have me by her side to keep her company, has become a trend. It's hard to let her wallow in her dorm alone like I do, because I'm usually so sick of sitting with my own thoughts that I take any opportunity to have some human interaction. If she's done self-isolating, I'm there. Even if I leave her company feeling worse than before. This is a weird issue to deal with as an introvert, so I'm navigating is as well as I can.

The last issue I have is the one I'm the most unsure about. This is because, as much as I've been complaining about her, she is actually a good friend to me most of the time. She is one of the only people that has ever let me talk to her about my problems, and recognized them as real problems instead of dramatics. For a while, I thought our relationship was strong, considering how many times we had talked about our respective traumas to each other. I truly can't thank her enough for letting me talk through some hard times over message with her.

But it's been a lot different lately. When I talk about my issues, it always circles back to hers. Her past is horrible, and the reason for her ptsd, so I completely support her talking about it openly instead of internalizing it. But man, she talks about it a LOT. I think its partly my fault, as I have trouble controlling my tone when talking about my mental health, past, etc. Its hard for me to be vulnerable like that, so I usually have a sort of neutral, emotionless tone. Even leaning towards the lighthearted side sometimes. Because of this, I assume she thinks its fine to talk about her problems too, because I dont sound upset. But when she brings up her issues, it does usually end up with her being sad or angry and me replying with a lot of "yeah, that's awful" and "man that really sucks, why would he do that to you." Its not that she DOESN'T listen to me, like I said, I do talk about my problems to her. It just feels disingenuous when the conversation always ends in us talking about her trauma, even if I started it by opening up about my own. And because I talk about mine some too, it feels wrong to tell her I'm not in a good place mentally to talk about hers. I'm really not in such a bad place that I cant handle her talking about her past, or even her present struggles. But it feels like mine are just- idk, overlooked? (Not to mention, any time I've confronted her about these things she apologizes profusely, but ends by telling me she's already internalized what I've said to her, and that she needs to talk to her therapist. Of course, she covers it with a lighthearted, self deprecating tone. But I still feel like shit. And somehow, she's the victim again.)

I've been struggling a lot lately, with a lot of similar issues (depression especially, although I have mental illnesses that she doesn't share, and vice versa. I realize our situations are not the same.) And I've even told her, or tried to. I know that people deal with depression in all different forms, but it's hard not to feel a bit of resentment when she complains about not being able to get out of bed. Like, god, I know. I really, really do. I have to scare myself awake with my alarm and force myself out of bed to turn it off. I have to wake up such a long time before my class starts because I get stalled with every step I take. So much of my mornings are spent staring at the floor in a loop of thoughts about how badly I want to get back in my bed and pretend I don't exist. But, lo and behold, I get to class. I cant afford to miss. And I know skipping class isn't good, it feels awful, I know that guilt well. But still, listening to her complain about not going to class feels like listening to someone complain about not being able to run into fire because they're not fireproof. No one's fucking fireproof. But still, here I am, covered in burns every day. Listening to someone whine about how horrible it is to watch everything burn from their window.

No, I don't feel the guilt of not trying. But that doesn't mean it's easy. That doesn't mean I come out unscathed.

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (preview)

series masterlist

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 674

"how do you guys think seoul people are gonna act like? are all the rumors true?" yunho speaks from beside you; he's another blessing that came with the package.

shortly after forming somewhat of a friendship with mingi, which solely consisted of him pestering you and sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, he introduced you to yunho, his best friend.

and what were the odds that the only kid who actually bothered with you, would be your next door neighbor as well.

it was then that you met his parents and it very much explained where mingi got his mannerism from. though he has his moments.

"yeah. are they as stuck-up as everybody say? do they drink until morning--"

''--mingi, almost everyone drinks until morning. even back in that old town of ours," mr. song cuts.

mingi spares his father one glance and scoffs.

"yeah tell me about it, father. tell me how you grew that big belly of yours that is two months past due."

you and yunho chuckle quietly in the backseats, accustomed to their father-son banters.

mr. song hisses under his breath and snaps a quick headlock at mingi before moving his eyes back to the road.

"if i wasn't driving, i'd slap that mouth of yours," he says, "why can't you be more like yunho?"

"what!?" mingi voices in disbelief. "he was the one who started it!"

"oh..." he continues, "i know what this is about. it's cause i'm gay and you want a daughter-in-law after seeing minji and yunho."

both you and yunho roll your eyes at the boy's dramatic act.

it was something mingi had told you only a couple weeks after you got to know him. it's still mind-boggling how fast he trusted you, but he said he just did. something about you.

and a year later, he confessed to his parents. afraid at first of course, who wouldn't be. only to get a slap on the head by mr. song, not because he was gay, but because he had snuck out with you after mr. song specifically told him to watch the stove.

safe to say, he almost burned their house down that day. but the constant stealing of mrs. song's makeups and the hidden collection of boy band posters under mingi's bed kind of gave it away.

"yeah, sure," mr. song replies with a dry sarcasm. mingi rolls his eyes.

"anyways! about the dorms, i'm excited!" he diverts.

"i don't know..." you mumble.

you had wanted a lone room to yourself--those were an option. but neither you, nor mingi and yunho, knew very much about the process. everything is new to you all. so by the time you guys had signed up, there were only leftovers.

meaning you're going to have a roommate; possibly one that's gonna have to put up with you for the next four years.

you don't know how to feel about that. especially a stranger.

so while mingi and yunho are esctastic about the mystery of their new roommates, which you're sure they won't have a problem becoming best bud with within a week span, you on the other hand, is dreading it.

"come on, y/n. it'll be fun," mingi attempts to lighten from the front.

yunho nods along. "yeah. and maybe even if your roommate turns out to be a major buzzkill, think about everything else. you're in a new city now. it's a fresh start."

"right," mingi agrees, "you need it, y/n. after everything you've been through. this is going to be great, i already have a feeling."

and for once, mr. song is onboard with his son. you see a smile on him from the rearview mirror.

"you're going to have a good time, sweetheart."

"i can't wait to see who's the hunk that i'm gonna be sharing a room with," mingi suddenly says, like his father isn't just right next to him.

mr. song shoots him a glare and mingi clears his throat, drawing back.

"i mean--"

you and yunho erupt into a fit of laughters.

a/n: i tagged the ppl that wanted to be on the taglist 4 this too. i wasnt sure since its not the full thing but i just did sorryyy

taglist: @sorryimananti-romantic @revehosh @cookiechristie @avantalem @atiny68 @belletiny @shibera @mochibabycakes

[urboymutual]

unfollowed you again because i wanted to ask about your favorite buddie headcanons please good sir i'm starving

hiiiiii seeing u refollow me like 🔎 ahh goat has come to ask me a question heheh

but ok literally ive been marinating on this ask for the whole day bc like my buddie thoughts r soooo messy and im def gonna forget a few hcs but

im sorry to give into heteronormativity bullshit or whatever but i WOULD LOVE for buck to take eddies last name i know most ppl like to hyphenate bc gay rights and stuff but mr. and mr. diaz PLEASE

also speaking of that, more of an eddie hc but i like the idea they go to LA pride every year and like eddie gives out "free dad hugs" bc i saw this one latina mother giving out free mom hugs and it brokeee me like sobbing on my hands and knees 😭 but also id love for them to be affectionate (they'd def be more lowkey about it bc eddie's more of a . "silent keep it in" type) and just like queer latine kid at pride being like "wow so love does exist for people like us?" and eddie just looks at buck with a soft smile like "yeah."

expanding a little bit on the diaz last name thing tho like i read this one fic where buck wore a jersey (cant remember what sport) with eddie's last name on it and it was sooooo 😳😵‍💫 idk just sharing clothes is so cute and i think they would basically have like One singular wardrobe bc they just mix their clothes so much

ALSO WHEN THEY MOVE IN TOGETHER THEY BUY A LIKE BROKEN DOWN HOUSE AND REBUILD IT TOGETHER BC POWER OF GAY LOVE AND THEY JUST 😭😭🫶🫶 also idk if this is a popular opinion or not but i think they would have more kids not necessarily like adopting or even surrogacy but maybe like how hen and karen foster kids bc like they work so WELL together as fathers and it be so nice for chris to have a little sibling 😭 (also latino urge to have a big family)

i really really like the hc that like they are literally in love with each other and everyones aware but THEY DONT KNOW IT. like obviousness to the max like buck discovers that he's been hiding in the closet for too long or smthin true happiness stuff and hes like "Let me date men now" and they all throw him a coming out party and like him and eddie have plans r something and hes like "oh sorry eddie :( i have a date with. Glen (idk) rain check?" and eddies like "yeah thats chill..." but later "hmm my tummy hurts when i think about buck going on dates with men oh my god am i homophobic?!?!?" (that one reddit post straight guy thinks hes being homophobic to his gay roommate... turns out hes in love with him) but like eddie mistaking his jealousy for homophobia basically . and idk i want them to be two oblivious motherfuckers until someone knocks some sense into them. (idk whether im pro one of them gets in danger and the other confesses their love or it's literally Mundane thing like buck teaching chris a task and eddies watching them and gets an "oh shit"  ephinany )

also for their wedding im stuck between maddie being buck's best man or walking him down the aisle but also bobby walking him down the aisle 😭😭 chris would be THEE ring bearer (probably a little grumpy abt it as a preteen) and jee would be such a cute flower girl 😭😭 idk but i do know eddie's tia and abuela are stealing the wedding table center pieces! (flashbacks to hispanic weddings and parties ive been to where my moms made me steal the table centerpieces 😭 that shit was so embarrassing) also carla is DEF invited to the wedding luv her <33 also they'd probably do padrinos and madrinas stuff (basically someone is the madrinas of the cake and is in charge of the cake and stuff its a mexican wedding/party (?) thing bc they do it for quinceañeras too)

HC. They r gay

[miekasa]

bestie this is completely unrelated except it sorta is bc doctorxdoctor is scrumptious except i cannot with med school so my go to is professors at the same uni who are married

i think you drabbled a bit about this before??? correct me if i'm wrong lol 😭

Oh that’s hot, too and I’m on board. I probably have 😭😭 but it’s a fantastic au, so I love it when ppl wanna talk about it. Some quick ideas for both that have been in my rotation lately

Some cocky new resident bursts through the doors to the office space where you, Levi, your residents, and a few co-workers typically reside, frantic, and  demanding to speak to Dr. Ackerman. Levi only looks up from his notebook with a blank expression in his eyes to question, “Which one?” All of the kid’s confidence wavers, “Um... aren’t you Dr. Ackerman, sir?” Levi only shrugs, and points a weighted pen in the student’s direction, to an office door barely open wide enough to see a sliver of your profile as you type away on your computer, “Yes, I am, but so is she.” 

You should have known better, or at least been a little more thorough—for someone completing their MD-PhD, you’d think you’d do a quick Google search on the guy you’re seeing at least once to see if anything important pops up—because Jaeger really isn’t that common of a last name. Because not only is your boyfriend of nearly a year the younger brother your least favorite TA/supervisor, he’s also the son of the medical director of the hospital you’ll be working at next semester; and word on the street is Dr. Carla Jaeger doesn’t take lightly to her baby getting hurt. 

After taking residences in facilities nearly four thousand miles apart, Jean couldn’t care less about being a fully fledged doctor—the only thing on his mind is getting home to you, and never leaving. So, when he finally gets to your place, there’s not a single doubt in his mind when he drops his bags, cups your face between your hands, and asks you to move in with him. 

Connie really needs to stop calling you down to his office for “urgent” matters concerning the x-rays and images of your patients, when his only urgent concern is that he misses you. And that the x-ray table was freshly sterilized, so if you wanna... relieve some stress, he knows a place. 

Mikasa always had a soft spot for kids, and at one point considered pediatrics as a specialty. Even though she went down another route, she’s reminded of her love for children when Sasha asks for her to cover at her clinic for last few hours of the day. It reminds her that while doesn’t regret her speciality, but she does envy Sasha sometimes. So much so, that when she comes home to you later that evening, she can’t stop herself before she blurts out, “What do you think about adopting a kid?”

And for the professor/university side of things: 

Hange can’t help but cackle in the corner of the classroom as Levi’s student finish their presentation—a fourty-four slide powerpoint defending their belief that you and him are 100% dating—because while they compiled some pretty convincing arguments, Hange thinks it’s hilarious because Levi’s only reply is, “We’re very close with each other, as roommates should be.” 

You and Levi have a very special end-of-semester ritual. After all the exams and final papers and projects have been turned in, you like to sit on the touch with a glass of wine, and look through your course evaluations together; and they’re anonymous, but you two like to place bets on which students wrote which review. Most are positive, and you think it’s funny that 90% of Levi’s follow the general vibe of “Prof Ackerman is kind of cold-hearted on the outside and not an easy grader but he’s a good teacher.”

It’s only like the freshman think they have a chance with you—for one, you’re a senior, and secondly, you’re their lab TA and you can very easily fail them if they tick you off—but they have to admit to feeling a little crushed when they find out that not only are you not single, but you’re dating Armin, the other lab TA everyone has a crush on.

A rare au in which Levi does admit that he is married, but doesn’t disclose any information about you until the very last day of the semester. His students are practically bouncing off the walls on the last day of lecture before exams, ready for the big reveal. Imagine how dumb they feel when Levi finally tells them your name, and they realize that he’s been talking about you all the time, because your name is listed well over twelve times in the citations for the articles they’ve been reading all semester. (Eren has you sign his syllabus and his first midterm of the year, because you’re basically a celebrity at that point).  

[lunebinnie]

(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste?  🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh. 

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually. 

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities  you know). 

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool. 

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

[bluupurr]

I‘m a little unhealthy right now; I‘m having a hard time breathing lately. My anxiety usually pops up and I’ll have to catch my breath, even if I’m not speaking, but lately it’s been worse. I think it’s bc I haven’t been eating properly; I haven’t been running and even though I still workout, my metabolism has slowed down. I have a bunch of gunk still in my stomach bc I’m eating more than I poop, and it’s been affecting my breathing and it’s been making me insecure.

The other day I tried to alleviate this by taking a ginger shot, so that I could get a bowel movement. (Disgusting, I know ❤ (don’t you even think about making fun of me)). I’ve also been running at the end of my workouts to try and help, also to lose some weight, I had some kinda an formation before the holidays and now it’s gone a little. I’m also realizing that my self control is lacking. I’m trying to eat more fruits. I’ve been eating out since my new roommate moved in bc he keeps begging me for attention; and I needed to get away from those ppl. I had that ginger shot like a couple days ago but I’m backed so much that the gas in my intestines is still trying to force its way out; and I’ve been involuntarily pooting. Homegirl came on my boat today, we say hi, but now I'm self conscious of these farts. Also, I don’t really know her so I don’t want to glorify her. Especially, now that I think our situation was kinda guided. While I’m on the boat, I see this guy getting bagged on. He gets mad, like red in the face type of mad. I have a job to do so I don’t get involved, but I’m still trying my best not to laugh bc if I do then I’m for sure going to let some stink in the air. As we get to our stop I go downstairs to prepare to let the passengers off, as I go downstairs I’m out of breath so I unconsciously let out a sigh but it was kind of a sexy sigh so the girls in the area kinda all get up in unison, grab their bags and give me weird looks as they walk away. This makes me self conscious, but, I gotta job to do. I start tying up the passenger area to block it off and I kinda let out a teeny tiny poot (oh no 😳). I guess I can eat. I try to act normal, hoping nobody heard it, she didn’t hear it. We let the passengers out and she closes her eyes as she walks out, and I tell her goodnight. Everything’s kinda built up at this point, the anxiety, all of it. As I see her leave I realize I’m kinda putting her on a pedestal. I understand the situation, but I know I shouldn’t think of her so highly. I realize this and I just look up realizing what I’m doing and I just have this sigh; like I know I’m doing too much.

I mentioned I didn’t want to glorify her. The situation is unique, and I get that but I also need to ground myself. I haven’t really gotten the chance to know her. I know I still need time; time to get to know somebody, who they are, before I even think about allowing myself to get feelings. I get I’m just gonna have to shake the hand for now. I’m human, and I kinda crave companionship, but I gotta be careful.

She got off and I knew everything was in my head; I wasn’t as weird as I felt. I think she’s doing a good job of maintaining her composure; she’s probably winging it too and that‘s ok. Something else weird did happen though, the dancing girl got off the boat and one of the passengers that got on kinda gave me the same look that she gave me. I’m not sure if it’s a thing but it was interesting; maybe she’s hip, I‘m not really sure about the situation, but I know I don’t want to rush myself.

I’d still be pissed if I find out she has a boyfriend though; I definitely got led on.

[thepsychicclam]

HELP! So I've been an avid sterek shipper for the past 2 years and they are definitely my self-proclaimed OTP, but recently, I have begun to lose interest in it, and I'm sadly becoming numb to it... is there anything I can do to respark that love for them???

//Anon, I am sorry to hear that :( Sometimes, that happens. We move on, even from things we love. But if you want to respark your love, I will try to help. 

The main thing I do to keep my love alive is to separate the pairing from the fandom and the show. That helps me the most. I love Stiles and Derek. Sure, I love TW and the other characters, but the reason I’m obsessed with anything is Sterek. I love Derek’s stupid face and his grumpy eyebrows and his tough exterior and his soft yet resilient interior. I love Stiles’ stupid face and his beautiful eyes and his ramblings and his idgaf attitude unless he loves you, and you better watch out if he loves you bc he will burn down the WHOLE WORLD to protect you.

Maybe you need a good fic. When I get on a string of blah fics, I lose interest. But a good fic, that period where you are pulled in and you can’t stop reading about these two idiots falling in love for the 239802394th time…it’s magical. I can rec you fics if you want, fics that make me love the pairing. Or you can go trope hunting, which is what I do a lot. I want…historical! I want sports! I want coffeeshops! I want college! I want kids! I want deputies, prostitutes, slaves, amnesia, magic!stiles, human!derek, high school…there are so many possibilities. Find fics instead of relying on rec lists. Read outside of your comfort zone. I think sometimes ppl get stuck reading only what they like and don’t branch out and find new fics that can be exciting bc it’s different. I read two fics recently that are not usually my thing. One had a lot of pot smoking, the other was hate sex/enemies to lovers. Neither are my tropes and I usually avoid them. But they were recced to me highly, so I gave them a try. And I LOVED both of them. They were different than what I usually read, but it helped me get excited and think about the pairing in a different way. Read a long fic, esp if you avoid them. I avoid long fics a lot of times bc I’m a slow reader and have limited time. But some of the best fics I’ve read are over 100k. Read short fics. I don’t read much under 10k, but there are some great short fics that can give you a quick fix.

I guess where I find the most feels for Sterek is when I think about them together in ways I want to see. I write fic, so I do this a lot, but I have friends who don’t write fic who come up with ideas all the time. I just love thinking about Derek and Stiles’ lives, in so many different ways. 

Like, I like to think about them being domestic, coming home from long days at work and bickering over who didn’t do the dishes the night before and what to watch after dinner. Taking baths together and washing each other’s backs and pressing each other against slippery bathroom walls and dropping to their knees to blow each other right in the shower. Derek helping Stiles keep from getting too obsessed with anything and practice moderation, and Stiles helping Derek learn to open up and accept that he deserves good things, like a partner and a house and a Pack and a family. Waking up together and snuggling together, maybe lazy morning handjobs while they’re kissing and don’t even care about morning breath. Derek being there with Stiles in the hospital when his dad goes in for something, and Stiles going to Derek’s family’s plots to put flowers on their graves. Derek sitting in the car while Stiles goes to his mother’s grave and refusing to listen as Stiles talks to her. Stiles and Cora ganging up on Derek when they play board games, watch television, choose a restaurant, or do anything really, but Derek doesn’t mind bc he loves that Cora loves Stiles and just stares in awe as Stiles interacts with her like he’s known her his whole life. He thinks about how his mother and father would have loved Stiles, and how he wishes his family could have known him. He thinks about Stiles laughing with Laura and running through the woods with his human siblings, imagines his mom watching them with tears in her eyes bc she’s so happy for them. Stiles sometimes hovers in the doorway when Derek and his father are standing in the kitchen cooking together, or sitting on the back porch drinking beers, or sitting in the living room watching baseball games. Stiles knows that Derek can sense him, but Derek never lets on, just keeps talking to the sheriff. And Stiles can see the love and pride that the sheriff has in his eyes when he looks at Derek, and there was a time he thought he’d be jealous, but he’s not jealous, oh no. He’s so fucking happy because he loves Derek so much and Derek deserves someone to be a father figure, even though he knows it’ll never replace his own father. But he sees the way Derek almost craves the sheriff’s touch on his shoulder, his approval, the way Derek’s chest almost puffs up when the sheriff calls him “son” and the way Derek just lights up when the sheriff hugs him. He never thought his dad would accept Derek, but he’s adopted him like a second son. And they grow old together, get gray and get wrinkles, and they’re still sneaking off to blow each other in public bathrooms and pulling over on the side of the road for a quick handjob at 50 bc if anything, they’re more in love at 50 than at 25, and they’re both in such good places, with adopted kids and a strong Pack and it’s good, and Derek’s accepted it.

Or maybe Derek shows up in DC after Stiles moves there for school. He’s there bc he’s been making his way across the united states and now he’s stopping in DC, and he catches Stiles’ scent on the street and thinks, no, this can’t be Stiles. But he follows it one day, and sure enough, sitting at a table on the quad of a college campus, surrounded by stacks of books and clicking away on a laptop is Stiles. And Derek watches him like a creeper and feels something he can’t put into words- is maybe too scared to put into words - and then he leaves bc he doesn’t want to disrupt Stiles’ life. But Stiles, of course, befriends the wolves on campus and ends up at a full moon pack party and guess who is there? Derek fucking Hale, all long limbs and Henleys and scruff and Stiles is just fucking angry, but happy to actually see him, so he acts cool and sarcastic, and the other wolves are confused about what’s going on, which is to say NOTHING about the confusion Derek and Stiles feel, and they aggressively snipe at each other for weeks when they HAPPEN to cross paths (bc Derek just happens to go to the coffee shop and public library near campus, and Stiles just happens to pester his wolf friends to invite him to things) and after weeks of being sarcastic shits and angry at each other, Derek ends up pressed against the brick wall in a side street bc Stiles pushed him against it and just kisses him stupid and they’re pretty sure they would have rubbed off on each other right there against the brick wall if someone hadn’t said something as they walked by. But they end up kicking out Stiles’ roommate and fucking each other into the mattress and Stiles doesn’t even care when his roommate comes back and gets an eyefull of Derek’s glorious ass bc he just tapped that ass all night long.

But maybe you want to think about them in AUs, like Derek as a baseball player and Stiles the batting coach, and they spend hours together training and have sweaty sex in the locker room. Or maybe they’re both turn of the century lords in fancy houses who need to get married bc it’s their duties, but they’re in love with one another so they’re sneaking around at London balls just to have a moment to kiss each other or to hold hands. Or maybe Derek is a mermaid and Stiles is a marine biologist who saves him from a net he’s been caught in, and Derek is terrified of him, but Stiles is like “dude, I just want to observe you for science!” and they fall in love as Stiles learns about merpeople but he never betrays Derek’s confidence, even when Derek introduces him to all his merfamily and Stiles could change science forever.

You may be ready to move on. You may pick up a new fandom or love, but you can still love Sterek. My first otp was Harry/Ron from harry potter, and I still love them though I’m not as active in the fandom.I still read fic sometimes. I’ve currently been obsessed with Downton Abbey and took a sterek reading/writing break, but I plan on writing again soon. Sometimes we need a breather just to renew our love.

Most of all, just remember that you love that grumpy werewolf and that rambling human, and despite all their bickering, they love each other and care about each other and will protect each other.