#i know people talk about like. toxic positivity on x reader tumblr or whatever but like… i truly am so grateful and i do worry that

[saetiate]

cora sleep now zzz

[softpascalito]

javier peña x f!dea!reader - we got your back.

Summary: You work as a new DEA agent alongside Peña and Murphy. A not-so-kind colleague reveals more about you than you would like. Protectiveness and fluff ensues.

aka

my friend wrote me some hurt/comfort headcanons and i turned them into a small something :)

Relationships: Javier Peña x FemReader (can be read as romantic or platonic)

WC: ~4200

Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mention of Canon-Typical Violence, No beta we die like Colonel Carrillo, Family Issues, They arent specified but reader is implied to be from a dysfunctional family, Steve is here too

AO3 LINK // PART 2 // PART 3 (on tumblr)

Notes:

hello!

there is a mention of the readers dysfunctional family in this story. if you relate to that in any way, please always remember that you are worthy of healthy love. it exists. seek help or advice if you need it. toxic environments arent forever. if you need to talk, my inbox is always open.

i havent written anything in a while and english is not my first language so please be kind and leave a comment if you like it <3 _______________________________

Chapter 1

You had been in Bogotá for less than three months and while the past weeks had been filled with too little sleep, too much coffee and the daily fear of being targeted by a sicario , you had developed somewhat of a routine in the new environment. This was in large parts due to work at the Embassy. With Bogotá traffic being, well, Bogotá traffic, there'd been several days where you'd just bunked down on your office floor instead of going home to your bed which eventually had led to both Javier and Steve and now you always keeping a spare pillow and blanket around the office to make it slightly more comfortable. The most homey part about the Embassy however, were the people. Not just the two agents you were assigned to assist, hell, not even just the DEA department. Everyone helped each other out wherever they could. Being a gringo in Colombia with a drug lord promising a nice sum of money for your head was impossible to bear by yourself. And only almost impossible to bear with a bunch of people who were in the same position as you. You got along with almost everyone at the embassy. Almost everyone . The harsh contrast to your other, kind colleagues was a DEA secretary: Raquel Vázquez. She had been throwing obstacles and hateful glances your way as soon as you had arrived. You weren't even sure why she hated you so much. She was the wife of another agent and as spouses were not allowed to work anywhere but the embassy, she was stuck with her desk job, spending the day signing off letters, faxing intel to Washington and her favorite pass-time: taunt you for whatever she could come up with. “Hey, are you even listening?” Steve is crouched down in front of your desk and waving his hand through your line of sight, trying to grab your attention. Almost immediately there is a dramatic, loud sigh from the other side of the room:” How do you expect her to function on a job like this if she can't even manage to function within her own family?” Raquel snaps before rolling her eyes and pretending to look at the documents in front of her. Your head practically whips around as your brain processes what she just said. How the hell does that bitch know about your family situation? “I- I need to get a refill,” you mumble as you get up abruptly and grab your coffee mug, your old chair screeching as it is pushed back. Suddenly you're feeling a lot smaller as you navigate your way through the desks and flee to the small kitchen down the hall. You almost collide with Javier, who is just getting back from a meeting. You squeeze past him, not even giving him a chance to tease you. If one more person gets on your nerves, you are surely going to cry and you do not need that in front of your colleagues. Least of all in front of Raquel.

“Is everything alright with her?” Javier asks as he walks over to Steve, who is still kneeling in front of your desk and staring at the doorway you just left through. He slowly stands up and turns his attention towards the secretary, casually leaning over your now abandoned desk with crossed arms as his angry gaze bores into Raquel's skull. His eyes not leaving her, he turns towards Javi:” Do you know Y/N's family?” He asks bluntly. Javier seems somewhat taken aback by the question. He ponders for a few moments, his furrowed eyebrows forming a deep line on his forehead as he slowly shakes his head:'' I don't think she's ever mentioned them. Didn't come up. Why?” Steve's gaze is still on the secretary, knowing that she is listening in to every and each of their words:” Raquel mentioned them.” He raises his voice slightly:” How did you put it? Dysfunctional ?” Javi clenches his jaw as he turns to the woman as well. With a few quick strides, he approaches her desk and almost slams his hands down on it.

“Señora Vázquez.” His voice is barely more than an angry, deep grumble. The woman jumps slightly as she looks up at him as he towers over her. Before she can even open her mouth, he continues:” Don't you think the higher ups would be interested in the fact that you prioritize the private life of your coworkers over your actual work?” At the implication of his words, a panicked look appears on Raquel's features:” I don't know what you're talking about.” Giving her a warning look, Javier turns on his heels and follows you, muttering a “gonorrea de fea” under his breath.

You are standing in the small kitchen space, your elbows resting on the counter as you hold your head in your hands. The empty cup that had served as your makeshift alibi is standing next to you, forgotten. You hear the footsteps just in time to scramble back up and clutch the empty mug in your hands as you try and put on a nonchalant face. Judging by the way Javier is looking at you, you're not doing a very good job. He has been leaning against the doorframe and is now slowly stepping towards you:” I didn't mean to startle you.” You notice he has activated what Steve and you always call his “puppy face”. There is a softness in his brown eyes that you know is reserved for those closest to him as he leans against the counter next to you. “I- It's fine I just …” You stumble over your own words, too upset to find a quick excuse for your behavior and lie to him. The truth is, you're not entirely sure you want to lie to him. Not when he is standing so close to you, looking at you with that stupid, heart-melting look in his eyes. “I heard about what happened,” Javi interrupts your rather unsuccessful attempt at explaining yourself. So whatever excuse you have ready, I don't need to hear it.

He gently reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before stepping closer and taking the empty mug out of your hands. He notices that it's empty. He doesn't mention it. Instead, he reaches around you to place it on the counter before gently pulling you into his embrace. Javier isn't really a hugging person. Hell, you aren't either. But he holds you close, gently stroking your back and you feel whatever resolve you had left about allowing him to comfort you evaporating into thin air.

“You know Steve and I always got your back, right?” He mumbles, his voice low. You can feel his lips on your forehead as he ever so gently places a small kiss on it. You know he is expecting an answer but you feel as if opening your mouth will also open the floodgates so you simply nod your head. He sighs softly:” Good, good. I also want you to know that if you need someone, you can come to me anytime. Day, night, fucking lunchbreak, I dont care.”

Leaning back just enough so he can see you, Javi gently lifts your chin up with his hand, forcing you to lock eyes with him to make sure you can see that he actually means his words.

“I'm here for you, cariño and I'm not going anywhere, okay?”

“Yeah,” you manage to breathe out, your heart bursting with love and appreciation for the man in front of you. Smiling, satisfied, Javier presses another small kiss to your temple before letting go of you to pour you a new coffee. He adds a large splash of milk, just as you like it and insists on carrying it back to your desk for you. As you make your way through the hallway, just before you walk through the large door that leads into the DEA office, he stops in his tracks, turning to you with a smirk on his face.

“You also know that I'll put everything into getting Raquel fired if she ever bothers you again, don't you?” A laugh escapes you before you can help it and you gently nudge him to go on:” Im counting on it.”

You could swear it's the biggest grin you've ever seen on his face. _________________________________

thank you for reading, you lovely people. and a huge thank you to my friend hannah who wrote me the headcanons that i made into this small story. she is the true genius behind it and an absolutely amazing person, ily <3 comments or feedback are always very appreciated and truly make my day <3

[fangdokja]

Gonna use this poll to decide if I'll open Anonymous Requests. I doubt I'll open it, but let's see...

And, announcement, yes, I'll keep Anonymous Asks open for now. To be honest, I've gotten both positive comments and hate mail from people in general, both in Tumblr and Ao3. And, I was like, "It's starting." hahahaah

But I'm keeping my Anon Asks inbox open, because I want you all to be comfortable and welcome here. To have a safe space and not have to deal with annoyances of people reprimanding you or something.

I honestly aim to create a community where you can be yourself without fear of judgment as much as possible, to have a place that can comfort you and help you grow better. To process emotions, traumas, hardships, or even just having reading as a form of relaxation, in a safe environment. That's what I aim for.

I'm telling this now, because hate mail is starting already. Ofc automatic delete and block. But for me, what makes me mad (and I rarely get mad) is when people are put down, or their feelings are invalidated; just because you don't understand who they are, and what they're going through. I could care less what happens to me. But for all you Readers, to protect you all; I put my foot down, when it comes to people invalidating others, just because you don't understand them.

I never planned to do this at all. But, comments like this:

I wanted to say, that this is genuinely such a good description of emotions, abuse, and especially on the side with parent and child. This definitely had me relating to my past trauma's, but in a good way that I can recognize it. I never comment, but I genuinely wanted to let you know this and you as a creator are definitely one of my new favorites. Please keep this book up, it's giving me the courage to want to write yandere original character x reader fics. Which is very niche but this helps, also I'm just going to gush that I love your writing style. It's so descriptive without being overly wordy. It's clean and cut like a polished diamond. Clear, concise, with depth.

Or this:

This shit had me almost crying half way through lmao. Had to take a damn break to recover n then I cry in my dream😭I was nvr that mad at a character. This woman is an excuse of a mom. I usually don't comment often but this shit got me heeeated

Such comments give me new perspectives on this blog and my writing. It's not flattery, but a sense of responsibility and empathy for others.

I don't talk about what I've gone through; but I do understand what it means to go through darkness everyday of your life. To walk with death everyday of your life. (yes, Chrollo is extremely relatable to me)

And, I want you guys to know, whatever you're going through. Yes, as cliche as it sounds, you're not alone. Most may not understand, but dark content can be really therapeutic for certain people. To process things in a safe environment without fearing judgment.

And, I refuse to let people who do not understand that, who devalue and discriminate the hardships of others, to fester toxicity in this blog. I know everyone is going through something. I'm not mad at them either, and I pray that every one of you will see God one day. He's the only One worth living for anyway.

But, that doesn't mean I will allow toxic behavior here, actions and words meant to undermine another human's dignity.

Fiction and reality is different. Just because I write about it doesn't mean I condone it. It's like how thriller authors write about murder, but it doesn't mean they killed someone. Or how certain literatures like Shakespeare are read in schools, but that doesn't mean people want you to commit double suicide or incest.

Anyways, these haters don't read my content anyway, at least in actual context or maturely. And, I'm also non-confrontational in nature. I don't like fights nor arguments.

So I'd also appreciate a lot if you Readers also focus on just enjoying this blog without having to deal with toxic stuff. I'll handle it. Don't worry. :)) Just be the bigger fish as they say. No need to stoop down to their level, because these prideful people just crave attention and drama in reality. So, best to not engage them.

I'm telling this now for future preparations and references. I do not want any fighting in my blog, whether you're a long-time reader or a new reader. Those who disobey rules will be automatically blocked without question.

Ok, I'm saying this now, as a new promise to you all.

I hope you and I will stick together for a long time, to grow and develop to become better people. And, for all of us, together, to create a community where Readers can enjoy their stories without fear of judgment and toxicity.

New vision statement? haha, maybe.

Kind of a somewhat heavy real topic; but you know me, I want to be transparent about my intentions with this blog, writing, and community.

I hope you all understand. And, thank you all for the support thus far, this community wouldn't have grown without each of you pitching in to help. So, thank you, and God bless everyone. :))

[marvelouslizzie]

unconventional methods - chapter 1

Summary: Bucky Barnes has a big problem: he is too anxious to date and too old school to enjoy porn. But he needs some kind of relief, and he needs it right now.

After getting an accidental boner during a mission, Natasha suggests him an application that seems to be exactly what he needs.

Will your content solve the problem for him? Or will it create new problems?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader (SHIELD Agent Bucky Barnes x Adult Content Creator Reader)

Word Count: 5.7K

Warnings: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI, sex deprivation, adult content creation, sexy lingerie, sexy photos and videos, male masturbation, self-doubt, overthinking, flirting, sexting, sending explicit content to each other, pet names, mutual masturbation, jealousy, feeling possessive (nothing toxic), hiding the real identity, no mention of y/n.

A/N: This was such a random idea but as I started to think about it, more details came to me. After a point, it became impossible not to write.

In this story, Bunny is the reader but we view most of the story from Bucky’s side so there’s no use of you during the story. We don’t know what the reader is up to, how she feels about stuff. Only as much as Bucky knows or sees. That’s why the reader is mentioned as she mostly.

>> indicates incoming messages and << indicates outgoing messages in this story.

This story is not exactly how it seems but I don’t want to spoil it by revealing things too soon. Just stick around, if you wanna know how things will turn out to be.

Again, a big thank you to @notafunkiller for helping me every step of the way. She helped me the moment I felt stuck or something felt off, beta read the whole story and turned this into a readable piece. Thanking her won’t be enough. I would literally add her as a co-writer if that was possible on Tumblr.

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.

Every like, comment and reblog is highly appreciated. Don’t hesitate to message me or send me a question regarding the stories I write. I would love to talk about it and no, it would never bother me as long as it’s not a hate comment. They are never welcome.

Read more tag starts after the first paragraph of the story.

Bucky wasn’t sure if he should do this. He looked at the paper Natasha handed him and then back at the screen again. The internet browser was open for a while, but he couldn’t decide what to do. It felt weird to be in this position. It didn’t feel right… but why was it wrong again? She was sharing her own content: whatever she was comfortable with. They were all there for people to see if they wanted to, right? He took a deep breath, started to type the link Natasha wrote down for him, and pushed enter quickly before he changed his mind.

The page loaded quickly, but all he could see was her profile picture and the header. There was a huge subscribe button and under it, he could see how many posts she had, different subscription options, etc. He scrolled back up to look at her photos. They were not clickable, but her profile picture was her in blue lingerie and cute bunny ears, which made him smile for a second. Then he looked at the header. She was on all fours, staring directly into the camera. It was a different look. Not that “I’m trying to look sexy” look that usually turned him off when it came to porn. It felt genuine somehow. How genuine it could be under these circumstances…

He looked at her profile picture for a while, thinking what could go wrong? A lot of people were doing this, weren't they? Some people were making money, some were paying for it. It wasn't that different from buying a dirty magazine. No, actually this was better because she had all the creative control over her own content. She was the one putting it out there. If that was not consent, then what was? He quickly created an account for himself, using a new email account like Natasha suggested. He didn’t need anyone to find out about this.

The next part felt like falling into a rabbit hole because dear god… She looked gorgeous! She had some free content that didn’t show much. Different poses in different lingerie. The photos were serving their purpose, making you want to subscribe and see more… of her. So he kept looking for a while.

There was something about her that made her so much more attractive, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He clicked next, looking at her pic in front of the mirror, with her legs wide open, but not actually showing anything. The slight smile on her face was warm and inviting. He knew he had no other option than to subscribe and see all of her content. He needed to see more.

The process didn't take long. After unlocking the special content, he just stared at the screen. How can she be real? He palmed his face, feeling nervous like he was on a first date with this attractive woman. He knew he wasn't. She was way out of his league, but he still felt nervous and intrigued while checking out all the content. There were so many different options and he didn’t know where to start.

At first, he decided to go slow and just check a couple of nude photos. The pics were in order, showing her getting rid of one piece of clothing with each new shot. It started with her fully dressed, looking super sexy: short skirt, modest cleavage, looking all cute. First, the skirt was gone, then her top, and she was left standing in her pastel pink lingerie that covered her chest completely, but it was lacy and see-through. It was fitting her like it was custom-made. He couldn’t stop himself and kept swiping, finding different concepts. His cock was pressed against his pants, aching for attention as he was unable to look away.

After spending god knows how long on her profile, Bucky finally couldn’t take it anymore. This was the point of all this, wasn’t it? Creating the need at the right time to please himself, so he wouldn’t get random erections during the missions… He unzipped himself and finally freed his cock. Still, his hands didn’t go there directly. He kept looking at her profile, discovering other features: like videos she uploaded while getting off!

“Dear god…” He gulped after seeing the thumbnail. She had a dildo in her hand. There was no way he was not going to click on this. No way!

He watched her taking her sweet time, teasing herself and, of course, the viewers, then getting really wet and adding lube on top of it before she pushed the dildo inside. The moan she let out sent a powerful jolt through his whole body. It was so beautiful and felt so fucking authentic, nothing like those fake, unrealistic porn moans. They were always a huge turn-off. This, on the other hand, was too much to handle. His cock was dripping so much precum, begging him for some attention. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this turned on. Either it never happened or it was so long ago, it doesn’t matter anymore.

He finally reached for the lube, poured a generous amount into his flesh hand, and quickly grabbed his cock. 

“Fuck.” It felt so sensitive. Like he had been edged for the last hour. Maybe he had been… after all the content he went through.

His fingers were loose, moving up and down slowly while the most beautiful girl he ever laid eyes on was pleasing herself on the screen. He didn’t want this to end too soon. He wanted to take his sweet time and maybe imagine she was the one doing this to him. That was a nice image: her between his legs, looking up at him with those big eyes while she moved her hand up and down slowly, torturing him, not letting him come until she said so.

His breath shuttered at the thought, his fingers moving faster than before, like they have their own mind. His cock was grateful, but no, he didn’t want to come before the video was done. Somehow it felt like disappointing your date during your first sex.

Luckily, she started to shatter, moaning as she came on the dildo she was riding. And the noises she made immediately sent him over the edge. 

“F-f-fuck,” he slurred as he started to come. It felt good, really good. He lost himself in pleasure and kept stroking until he emptied himself. Until he felt that overstimulation creeping in. That was when he noticed he closed his eyes. When he opened them back up, the video was done and the black screen with a play again button welcomed him. 

Disappointment washed over him. She wasn't there with him. Even if he came before the video was done, she wouldn’t know. There was no one to disappoint. He was alone in his bedroom, jerking off to a computer screen, but in his defense, the girl was hot. Really hot.

He took a deep breath, letting himself enjoy the afterglow. That was the point of all this: enjoying small stuff like satisfaction without going through the tedious process of meeting new people. He reached for the wet wipes and cleaned himself quickly. As he clicked the exit button on the video, he saw another one. It must be old because she looked a bit younger, and her hair was a little lighter. Also, it looked like a short one so he clicked on it.

“Hey. Thank you so much for subscribing.” This was the first time he heard her voice. It was soft and calm. “I know this isn’t conventional, but I enjoy sharing content like this. Don’t judge me if you don’t wanna be judged, okay?” She winked and god, it was adorable. “I'll try to share new content every Wednesday. I hope to see you here. Feel free to message me if you like. Take care.”

If he hadn’t come thirty seconds ago, he would have gotten hard again after hearing her voice. He was glad even the super soldier serum had some limits. Before his body could recover from his intense orgasm, he closed the window and decided to go take a shower.

-------

The next week passed in a blur. There were missions, briefings, and someone’s birthday… He didn’t care whose. It was not someone from the main team, that was all he knew. He was eating his cake in the corner, minding his own business when Natasha sat next to him.

“Hey.” She tried to sound as casual as possible.

“Hey.”

“You look better.”

Bucky looked at her confused.

“Does that supposed to be a compliment, Romanoff?”

“It’s a simple statement, Barnes. It looks like you took my advice and gave yourself a break.” Bucky averted his gaze from her. “No accidental erections during missions, congrats.”

“It was one time, Natasha. One time. When will you let it go?”

“Whenever you tell me about your… experience.”

“My experience?” He looked back at her, with the same confused expression all over again.

“I wanna know if you liked her or not. I don’t need details.”

“Why do you care so much about it? She’s just a random girl.” He lied to her. She wasn’t. At least not to him. He had been checking her account anytime he got a chance. This whole week, he had been masturbating more than he ever did before. Sometimes even the thought of her was turning him on so randomly, he was starting to get worried, but at the same time, he couldn’t stop himself from checking for updates.

She was sharing content very regularly. Sometimes they were new photoshoots, and sometimes just random cute photos in pajamas. He didn’t know which content he was looking forward to the most. All he knew was he loved how genuine it felt she was.

“I’m just noisy. So tell me…”

“Yes, Natasha, I like her. She’s cute and hot, exactly what I was looking for. What do you want, a thank you?”

Bucky really had no idea how Natasha managed to hit the bull's eye when she suggested this girl to him. She was absolutely his type, so he could say thank you for this, but nothing more.

“I wouldn’t mind.”

“Thank you.” It was Natasha’s turn to feel confused because in all the time they spent together with Barnes, he never once thanked her. This was a first.

“Wow. You really like her.” She sounded proud of herself.

“Hey, Buck!” The moment Bucky heard Sam’s voice, he jumped off the couch. He didn’t want to spend another minute talking about his irrational crush with Natasha. It was pointless.

-------

As the time passed, Bucky felt like he was addicted to her content. He was checking his phone much more often than before, just to see if she shared something. He didn’t notice it until Sam pointed it out and asked if he got a girlfriend or something. He quickly denied that possibility, finding a lame excuse. He wasn’t sure if Sam bought it or not, but he definitely needed to check his phone less often. 

When he came back home, he felt so tired. The whole day was full of meetings and he let himself be consumed by the details just not to think about her. It was Wednesday, which meant new content,  yet he still tried to stay away from his phone. 

He literally consumed every content she ever shared. There was no photo or video on her profile he didn't see. There were some he masturbated to more than once. He just wanted to take a step back and if he could manage this, he would feel less of a creep. The problem was he was home and he had nothing to do.

He tried to distract himself with food at first, and it only worked for 15 minutes. Then he took a shower, which took even less. Watching television didn’t even last more than 5 minutes, so he decided to go to sleep, but his mind kept wandering to her. He wanted to know what she shared and how she looked. Finally, he gave in and opened her profile… to see nothing. Since yesterday she shared literally nothing. That was so unlike her. She shared something every day and she never missed Wednesdays. He didn’t care about the lack of new content. It worried him that he doesn’t know if she was alright. Why wouldn’t she be? Maybe she was busy. He tried to calm himself down but falling asleep was impossible.

Then he made a promise to himself: if she won't share anything by noon the next day, he would message her. That thought calmed him down a little.

-------

The next day, Bucky forgot that he was trying to avoid checking his phone in public. His body was at work, but his mind was stuck on… her. He kept looking at her profile to see something, anything to assure himself you’re alright, but there was literally nothing. Complete silence. When it was finally noon, he had no patience left. Normally, he wouldn’t even consider sending a message, but he was just worried. And it didn’t occur to him that it was not his place to be concerned about this woman. 

He opened her profile and clicked on the direct messages feature. His mind was completely blank. He had no idea what to say, looking at the screen for a couple of seconds as he trying to collect his thoughts.

“Hey.” That’s all he could come up with. How to say you are worried about someone who has no idea you even exist? It was ridiculous, but there was no way he could just wait and do nothing. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I hope you are alright. You have been absent lately. It could be something totally personal, I know that, but you never miss Wednesdays. So I wanted to check in to see if you are fine. I really hope you are.”

He took a deep breath after he pressed send. It was a long shot for sure. He didn’t really expect an answer. Maybe a seen. And that would be more than enough.

-------

An unfamiliar chime got Bucky’s attention. It surely came from his phone, but he never heard that sound before. When he took his phone out and saw the notification, his heart skipped a beat, just for a second. It was a message from her. The nervous feeling spread through his body like poison, sweat pooling on his forehead before he even clicked on it.

>> Hey, handsome. Thank you for checking in. I have been a bit busy and sick at the same time. Not the best combo. Sorry for missing the content day. I will make it up next Wednesday.

Bucky looked at the message, a bit confused. He wasn’t interested when the new content was gonna drop. He just wanted to know if she was okay. Being busy and sick at the same time didn’t look so. Content should have been the last thing she should be worried about.

<< I’m not worried about the content, darling. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

He definitely didn’t expect her to respond this quickly, it didn’t even take a minute.

>> Really? I thought you’d miss me.

She was talking like she knew him personally. Like they have chatted before. It was weird and comforting at the same time.

<< I did miss seeing your cute little face, I’m not gonna lie, but I didn’t message you for that. Content can wait until you feel better.

>> My cute little face is a little bit unpresentable and I appreciate your concern. It’s refreshing to see someone actually cares how I am feeling instead of why I did not share anything lately.

<< I’m sure your cute little face is still the cutest thing on the face of the earth. I wouldn’t worry about being presentable.

>> Get ready for a jumpscare. 

He had no idea what that meant, but the text was followed by a selfie: her, in bed, looking rather exhausted, with a messy bun, cute pajamas, and a cup of tea in her hand. Bucky quickly googled what jumpscare means and came back to the messaging screen.

<< You clearly don’t know what jumpscare means. It would be me, in a dark hallway or an alley. That’s real jumpscare. This is a cute lady who needs a bit of time to recover.

>> First darling, now cute lady. Are you sure you aren’t 60 years old?

<< Why, do you have an age limit?

>> For my content? No. << And for other stuff?

>> The answer is still no, but are you?

<< 60? No. I’m 107.

>> How do you know how to use the app at 107? 

That question made Bucky laugh a little, but he chose to be honest.

<< If I don’t know something I just google it.

>> Shouldn't you be semi-dead at 107?

<< I should be fully dead yet I’m still here.

>> Your profile says 33. Why are you lying handsome?

<< Believe me, my body and soul are older than 33.

>> I kinda believe that because you are talking differently.

<< Is it why you are answering my messages?

>> That and I feel a bit lonely. Your message sounded cute. I usually end the conversation before it gets too far.

<< What’s too far for you?

>> When they start demanding private pictures or try to sext.

Bucky had to google once again what sext means, just to be sure, and it was exactly what he thought it would be.

<< But you sent them to me.

>> Just one picture. A sick selfie and you didn’t ask for it. I thought it would turn you off really badly and you would say take care and end the convo.

<< I still think you look cute.

>> I am starting to believe you might be cute as well.

-------

Bucky had no idea how things got this far with her. After that message, they were literally sending texting each other daily. Just checking in, asking random stuff, or getting to know each other. It was not the same every day. Sometimes it was just a couple of messages and dead silence. Sometimes they communicated all day, non-stop, but Bucky didn’t mind. He didn’t mind not talking to her every day. Knowing that she was okay gave him a bit of peace. Just a good morning or a good night message was enough to ease his anxiety. 

>> Good morning, handsome.

That was the text he woke up to, that made him smile almost all day. Every time he remembered her calling him handsome or taking time to send a message to him, it made him happy. It made him feel different than others. He knew that was not the case. Maybe she kept talking to him because he didn’t make her uncomfortable. Maybe she talked to others too. He had no idea, but whenever he thought about her messaging someone else, he felt a faint pain in his stomach. He knew this feeling was irrational, so he avoidedto think about it as much as possible.

<< Good morning, bunny.

<< Is your favorite color pink? He randomly asked as he had been doing all week. The question came to him because he noticed she wore that color a lot.

>> No, it’s light blue. Why?

<< You wear pink a lot, that���s why I asked.

>> That’s what they like. Most men still think blue is a manly color.

<< You look divine in blue. It’s their loss really.

Her answer was a picture of her in blue lingerie. It surprised him because that photo was not on her profile. He remembered seeing this set, but not this exact photo. He kept looking at the pic for much longer than he should have. Another message woke him up from his trance.

<< I take that as you like it.

>> This photo is not on your profile.

<< No, it’s not.

>> But you feel fine sending it to me.

<< You said I look divine in blue. 

>> You do. I’m just surprised you sent me a photo you didn’t share before. I’m glad you feel comfortable.

<< I’m pretty comfortable talking to you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t talk to someone whose name I don’t know.

>> I don’t know your name either, bunny.

<< You are a smart man. Most assume this is my real name.

>> Using your real name would be an unnecessary risk.

<< Is that why you don’t call me Viv?

>> Maybe. I wasn’t doing it on purpose. Why are you calling me handsome?

<< I don’t know, I never really thought about it.

>> Yeah, exactly. You don’t know what I look like but you are calling me handsome.

<< I would love to see what you look like, but I don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable.

>> I’m sure what you are imagining is much better than the reality, bunny.

<< Why do you call me bunny?

>> Because of your profile photo. The bunny ears. You look really cute.

-------

Bucky was in the middle of debriefing. After a really long mission, he was finally back in New York. He wondered if Bunny messaged him. That was what he’d been calling her in his mind for a while and suddenly, he realized it might be too weird. Was he getting too creepy? Too comfortable? They didn’t even know each other properly. The last time they talked, she asked him why he didn’t use Viv. Maybe that was a signal for him to go for the fake name instead of his nickname.

“Barnes.” Fury’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you want to add anything else.” His voice was firm.

“No, no. Romanoff covered it well.”

“Good. Rest for a couple of days. We will be going back to finish what we started.”

When Bucky finally reached out for his phone, Natasha was smiling in the corner.

“Does he have a secret girlfriend?” Sam asked.

“Maybe. I have no idea.” She lied.

-------

>> Good morning, old man.

>> Busy day?

>> I got a funny story to tell you, but you aren’t around.

>> Please tell me I didn’t offend you with the nickname.

>> I am messaging you a lot, aren’t I? I should leave you alone.

>> I’m sorry…

Bucky’s heart was racing as he read the messages. He should’ve warned her about not being online for a while. Instead, she thought she did something wrong. He looked at the message screen, trying tocome up with a good response to assure her that he wasn’t offended. He was an old man after all. What was there to get offended?

<< Hey. I’m sorry. I was away for work. There was no signal. I did not see your messages before. 

<< Just know that you never bother me. You can message me as much as you want. Whenever you want and I will answer when I can.

<< And you know I should be the one to worry if I’m bothering you or creeping you out. Not you.

<< If you still wanna tell me that funny story, I’m here to listen, Viv.

Bucky wasn’t sure if she would reply. After all, she didn’t get a message from him for a while. Maybe he’d already lost his chance… But then his phone chimed.

>> Viv? Where did Bunny go?

>> 🐰

<< You want me to call you Bunny?

>> I got used to it.

<< Okay, Bunny. If that’s what you want.

This made him feel better. Maybe he was just overthinking. She didn’t seem to mind half of the things he was thinking about.

<< Should I get used to being called old man?

>> Does it bother you?

<< It doesn’t. I am an old man.

>> You are 33 if you didn’t lie while creating your profile.

<< Biologically, yes.

>> But you feel older, so you don’t mind.

>> I’m glad you are back.

<< I’m sorry that I didn’t warn you about work.

>> It’s okay. You don’t owe me anything.

That last message broke his heart. He knew she was right. He didn’t owe her anything, but that wasn’t the reason why he was explaining himself. He was doing it because he wanted to, and a small part of him wanted to owe her an explanation. He also wanted her to owe him an explanation. Yet he knew that wasn’t the case.

<< Is that how you feel?

>> Isn’t that how I should feel? I don’t know who you are. I don’t even know what you look like. I just know I like talking to you. If that’s the only thing you are willing to do, then it’s fine by me. I mean you could be married or engaged and I wouldn’t know. So it’s fine, you don’t have to explain yourself.

Bucky looked at the message for a while, digesting what she was saying. She was right. She had no information about who he was while he had access to her all of her content and now private messages. She was completely exposed, and he didn’t even share his name with her. Why would she trust him? Why would she owe him any explanation at all?

<< It’s James.

>> Nice to meet you, James 🐰

>> You have such a beautiful name. 

-------

After he shared his name with her, something changed between them. Something subtle, but it meant a lot to Bucky. It felt like she was more open, and more curious now. 

>> What are you wearing?

Bunny’s question caught him off guard. He looked at himself in panic. He was sitting on the floor, only with his boxers on, so there was no way he could tell her the truth.

<< Pajamas, you?

>> What kind of pajamas? I’m guessing old man pajamas but…I never saw an old man in old-school pajamas. Maybe you can show me.

Shit, shit, shit.

Lying to her was a huge mistake. He had no pajamas to put on. He only had a couple of pants, and henleys, and maybe three jackets. Natasha always made fun of him for wearing the same stuff over and over again. She was trying to hit a nerve so he would go buy something new, but it didn’t work, of course. Now, he wished it did.

He started to panic a little, looking around to find a solution. I could cover my body, a voice in his head said. And that’s what he did. He laid down, covered himself with his blanket, and took the picture. His face wasn’t in the frame, just the tip of his chin. Since he shaved this morning, his dimple was showing. He used his vibranium hand to take the selfie, and in this way, it looked like a normal photo.

It was too late when he noticed the fact that he laying on the floor, not in bed was visible. He cursed to himself while waiting for her answer. There was no way she wasn’t going to comment about the absence of the bed. No way.

>>  I am not seeing any pajamas or your body, old man. It is that bad?

Bucky took a breath of relief. Maybe she did not even notice. After all, she wanted to see him. Maybe she didn’t even pay attention to his surroundings.

Or maybe she just didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. That thought changed his mind. He literally saw every part of her body. Sending a picture back in his boxers shouldn’t be a big deal, right? He stood up and extended his vibranium arm. The new selfie was quite similar except this time he was showing a lot of skin. Starting from the tip of his chin, he showed his upper body only. He looked at the photo before sending it: upper body and black boxers. No bare legs and no face.

>> I see no pajamas. And this body doesn't belong to an old man at all. Are you lying to me, James?🤨

He might have made a mistake by sending this picture. There was no way he could prove to her this is actually him. Especially after all that old man talk. While he was thinking about what he’s gonna do next, he got another message.

>> Cat got your tongue?

<< A bunny did actually.

>> You look good, James. Really good, but you don’t seem excited.

Her response confused him. 

<< Excited?

>> Maybe you need a photo to get excited.

Before he could ask what that means, she sent him a pic of her. Definitely not professionally taken. It’s her in front of the mirror, wearing only shorts and covering her naked breasts with one of her hands while taking the picture with the other. 

>> Hope this helps.

>> But if you wanna see more, you gotta share more.

<< You're very beautiful, bunny, but I hope you know this was not my intention. I was waiting for you to tell me that funny story.

Her response was another photo: a close up on her covered breasts. She looked like she was about to drop her hand and reveal it like he did not see them before.

>> I know.

>> So does this mean you're not excited? I was trying something here…

>> I can tell you the story if that’s what you’d rather do.

“Fuck…” Bucky cursed out loud. He was really good at this before. Flirting and finding the best possible response were easy back in the 40s, but it didn’t feel like that anymore. He was constantly worried about doing something wrong or creeping her out. He wanted to hear the story, but he really wanted to see her breasts too.

<< What do I have to do to see more?

>> I’ve just told you. Share more to get more.

Oh, so she wanted more photos of him, and he literally had no idea how to take flattering pictures.

>> Maybe start by showing me if the photos worked or not.

He looked down at himself and saw his rock-hard cock. How is he supposed to show her? Maybe I should mimic her photos. He touched the outline of his dick, making it a little more visible before taking a picture.

<< Is it clear enough?

>> Oh, you got really excited, didn’t you Jamie?

>> Not an old man after all.

He loudly groaned when he saw what she called him. Jamie. God! He felt a jolt of arousal the moment he read the nickname. He was sure he got even a little harder if that’s possible. 

Before he could find an answer, Bunny sent him another photo. This time her palm was stretched on her breasts, fingers not hiding much anymore, but still, her tits weren’t completely visible. Yet he could see how erect her nipple was. He already had a lot of dirty thoughts: like taking her nipple into his mouth and torturing her before giving in. He just didn’t know if he should voice them or not.

<< Oh, that nipple…

>> What about it?

<< You wanna hear what I am thinking about?

>> Well, since I’m trying to tempt you here… What do you think?

<< Fuck, Bunny. You have no idea what you are doing to me.

>> I am dying to hear it though.

Instead of telling her, Bucky decided to show her. He tried to position himself in front of the camera and take a good photo of his erection. He tried a couple of different angles, but it was a dick after all. Nothing he tried seemed to make it seem more appealing in his view. When he finally sent the picture, he added a small text.

<< How about I show you instead?

>> Oh my god!

>> You were hiding that from me all this time?

>> Damn, I feel robbed.

<< Does this mean you like it, doll?

>> Oh, that’s new.

>> And I like it.

>> Maybe even better than Bunny.

>> And yes, I am actually drooling right now even with that horrible angle. 

<< Horrible angle? How should I do this then? I never...

>> Do you want me to teach you, old man? Because I can.

<< I’m always open to learning new stuff. That’s the only thing you can always rely on.

>> Ohh, I love that. Open-minded, doesn’t mind taking criticism, no fragile masculinity. All very hot. 

>> Try taking a picture in front of the mirror maybe. Don’t take the picture from above or too down. Try to use eye level if you aren’t particularly doing something. That works better.

Using a mirror wasn’t a good idea for him. He could imagine the photos looking better like that, but there was no way he could hide his metal arm.

So instead of positionin his camera above, he tried to level it down, showing his full length and thickness. A photo didn’t seem to work so he decided to record a short video of him playing with himself: his flesh hand going up and down slowly on his full length. He couldn’t help but let a low moan when his hand brushed against the head. Fuck, imagining her seeing this… The idea turned him on even more. He got so excited that he forgot to check the video before sending it.

>> Fuck, James.

>> Fuck fuck fuck.

>> Your voice is so fucking hot.

>> And you are so aroused. Is it all for me?

<< It’s all for you, doll.

<< This is what you do to me. All the time. 

<< God, I wish you were here.

Bunny or Doll, he had no idea which one suits her better, sent a video as the response: her fingers, two of them, going in and out inside her. She was going pretty fast, indicating she had been doing this for a while, and there was a faint moaning in the background, which Bucky couldn’t get enough of. He watched the video twice before answering.

>> You are gonna be the death of me.

>> Are those fingers enough? Do you want a third one or maybe you would rather have a big dildo inside?

<< I would rather have you inside me.

After this point, everything felt like a blur. Things got out of hand, they kept exchanging photos and videos until they both got pretty powerful orgasms. Yet James found himself wanting more. So much more than she probably wanted to offer.

>>> Next Chapter

[lalahbug]

Guidance - Zuko x Reader Chapter 3

Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender Word Count: 4,140

My Masterlist

Warnings/disclaim: General Author’s Note:  under story ___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 3rd person Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting. 

Story under cut, 3 of 8, Guidance Masterlist

         ___ and Zuko had stayed and helped everyone in the village for about two weeks. The Long’s seemed like they’d be okay without any more outside help with Reo being grown. Fay had an infection that ___ was able to heal. But today was their last day, as ___ went to say her farewells to everyone, letting them know she may not be coming back, moving to another area. The farewells were long and sorrowful for the villagers, but ___’s smile never

         While the time there was full of learning and hard work, Zuko couldn’t be more pleased with his progress in being helpful to his girlfriend. He even earned the pendant from Himari, which was safely hidden in his backpack, identical to ___’s. They got money and supplies for both of them to be on the road for a while. Even sold Gray to the Long’s to ensure they wouldn’t need to worry about the feed.            As permanent goodbyes wrapped up, Zuko took ___’s hand and started to walk beneath the afternoon sun.            After walking for a while, Zuko could feel the earth vibrating beneath him, and from the glance, he stole at ___’s face, he could tell she felt the same movements. She pulled him into nearby bushes before looking up at the sky with a shocked expression.            Zuko followed her eyesight to see the Avatar’s bison falling out of the sky before crashing to the ground, all the happiness he’d felt for the past few weeks was muted as he glared at the group of kids in front of him.            The squeeze on his hand brought him out of his stupor. He glared at her for a moment before seeing the confusion and worry in her eyes, dropping his own to the ground.            ___ pulled him a little further away from the gang as the girls started to fight. Before whispering to him.            “The ground is still trembling, whatever it is, it’s not an animal. It’s likely a machine, do you have any idea what it could be?”            Zuko thought for a moment thinking of the weapons of war at the Fire Nations disposal. What would they send after the Avatar now that Zhao was gone?            “Azula.”            “Okay. So, your sister is behind this but I doubt she’s the machine. But it’s likely a Fire Nation vehicle of some sort. We should lie low and wait to figure out our next move.“            “What do you mean wait and figure it out? There’s my chance of getting back home.” He gestured to the Avatar.            The anger and pain that stroked across ___’s face alone almost sent him reeling. She pressed her fingertips to her temples rubbing them exhaling angrily.          “I could go home; we could live in peace and luxury.” Zuko pleaded with her now.            “What peace?” She spat. “Your peace of home meaning the suffering and deaths of more innocent people, especially if the Avatar is gone or locked up or whatever you plan to do if you happen to catch him.”            “Me going home and earning my honor and the throne back means one day, I could end the war and release the Avatar too.”            ___ stood up fuming at his selfishness and ignorance. She closed her eyes tightly trying to not explode at her love. She knew he still didn’t know who he was, he still felt the need to prove himself to his toxic family.            “Please, ___. Come with me, don’t leave me.” His second plea broke her heart and tears started to fall.            “This is wrong Zuko.” She cried softly before cupping his torn expression in her hands. “But I’m here, to love and guide you, just please,” she begged. “Promise me, Aang doesn’t die, and try to surprise me with the goodness I know is within you.”            Zuko hugged her tightly. It felt so right and wrong to be able to keep his understanding girlfriend in his corner no matter what. But he didn’t have the strength to leave her behind and be alone again.           “I promise.”

         They followed after Azula on her mongoose-lizard, Zuko wanted to ignore the small glances his love kept giving him, but a sense of worry she had made him not say anything.            Reaching a small abandoned town, Azula and Aang were talking. ___ took off her backpack and stretched her arms.            “What are you doing?” Zuko questioned while discarding his bag and putting it next to hers.            “Making sure my shoulders aren’t stiff, we’re about to fight, it’ll be better if I’m limber.”            “No,” Zuko hissed, putting his hands on her shoulders. “This is my fight; I just need you here emotionally. I know you can protect yourself and you’re an amazing fighter. But Azula can shoot lighting, and the moment she realizes that you’re with me, she would use you against me in no more than a blink of an eye.”            ___ glared at the dirt, knowing what he said was true. “Fine, but if I think you or Aang needs help, I will be there. This may be your fight but I won’t allow either of you to die.”            Zuko knew that was the only way he’d get her to stay put and decided to not argue her stipulation.            “Okay,” he agreed before kissing her gently. “Stay here as long as you can.” She nodded and with that Zuko ran off towards the brewing battle.            Hiding between two old buildings, ___ watched them fight. Zuko was right about one thing. The only thing he truly knows is fighting and he fought with bewitching smoothness. She could barely look away. But she had to, to keep an eye on Aang as well.            She was getting tense as the fight went on, when Zuko fell on his back, she was about to rush over when she saw Iroh and the rest of the Avatar’s friends show up. She knelt, watching intently, closer to the opening of the alley, unknowingly inching out again and again.            But her twitching feet moved towards the group quickly as Azula struck Iroh with lighting. Rushing to his side she quickly started to try and heal Iroh, the explosion behind her barely registered in her mind as she focused on the glow.            ___ glanced at Zuko as he kneeled next to her, the distressed look he had was twisting his face. Katara tried to speak but he lashed fire at them telling them to leave.            After a few more tries at healing Iroh, she let her hands drop. “I’m sorry I can’t do better,” she whispered to Zuko. “I’m just an average healer.”              He didn’t reply, he just focused on Iroh’s face which seemed to relax a bit.           She patted Zuko’s shoulder tenderly before getting together materials around them to shape a gurney to carry Iroh.

         The next morning Iroh awoke and Zuko explained what happened, but ___ was asleep in the corner exhausted from healing, cleaning, and cooking. While Zuko watched over Iroh.            “Who is this?” Iroh gestured to the sleeping figure in the corner, with a gentle smile.            “Oh, um,” Zuko blushed softly. “That’s ___, she healed you a bit before helping me carry you here. She’s my girlfriend.”            “She’s a waterbender? From the North Pole?” Zuko nodded. “Why isn’t she home, safe from the war?”            Zuko took a deep breath before explaining her story and including her trip to the spirit world.            “She must feel conflicted being with a man who believes he needs to capture the Avatar.”            “Yes, but somehow, she loves me and supports me nonetheless. She just asked me to promise that Aang doesn’t die. And that I surprise her with the good she knows I have. She seems to know something about, that she isn’t sharing. Like she knows the cause of my internal conflict.”            “Hmm, she is wise and has been through a deal herself. It would be unwise of you to doubt statements that come from her.” Iroh eyed her for a moment, silently thanking her for being there for Zuko. “She looks exhausted, you should lie her down properly. Sitting up to sleep isn’t very restful.”            Zuko nodded and got up to lay down a blanket on the ground before laying her down carefully. He stared at her rested features for a while, something he’d grown to love doing and accustomed to.            “What is that delicious smell?” Iroh chimed.            “___ made some soup and prepared some tea, before passing out. Would you like to try both?”            “Of course!”            Zuko stroked ___’s cheek gently before standing up and getting some soup and tea for himself and his uncle.  

           ___ hummed softly to herself, trying to wake up, but the comfort of sleep tried to lull her. Huffing out softly she forced her eyes open and sat up, to find she was alone. Curling up softly from her makeshift bed. “Zuko must have laid me down,” she whispered with a smile playing on her lips.             Stretching and getting up, she headed outside to find her love. Only to see him and his uncle doing movements like waterbenders. She raised an eyebrow at it before turning to make tea for all of them.  

         A few weeks had passed and they were now in Misty Palms Oasis. Zuko was waiting for his uncle to come out of a room, leaning against some wall. ___ was softly sketching some of the flowers in the room before glancing over at Zuko, noticing he looked more sullen than usual.            “Babe?” She called out softly. “You okay?”            “I’m fine, just bored of waiting,” he huffed.            She walked over and stood in front of him. “Are you a bit upset because it’s members-only?”            He huffed softly, not giving her a yes or no, but a soft smile spread across her lips, and he knew she’d figured it out. She pulled his arms free from the cross they’d been in. Pulling him into her arms and resting her head on his shoulder.            He sighed before wrapping his arms around her securely. “You know me too well.”            “I just pay attention. If you want, we can hug for a while.”            He cleared his throat, “um actually…” he trailed off.            She pulled back a bit to see a faint flush on his cheeks. “Oh, sorry did I make you uncomfortable?”            “What? No, no. I actually would like to sit down, with you, in my lap.” He mumbled the last words. ___ heard him clearly though and stepped back so he could position himself on the floor.            She debated mentally how to sit in his lap without making him nervous. Zuko sighed a bit, seeing her apprehension, and grabbed her hand to tug her down to him. He didn’t say anything but kept adjusting her until she was sideways with her shoulder to his chest and legs spilling over the side of his thigh. Pulling her into another embrace, she rested her head on his shoulder.            “We were sitting like this, sort of, while riding Gray, when we became boyfriend and girlfriend.”            “Maybe that’s why I wanted to hold you like this. It brings back good feelings.”            “The main difference is now; we both know that we love each other.”            “I still don’t know why you love me,” Zuko mumbled.            She sighed softly, “it’s been hard for me to explain, I keep telling you that. But I have been thinking about it and I think I might have it now.” Clearing her throat, a bit before cuddling into him more. Drawing light circles on his chest with her fingers.            “You accept me for me. I don’t have to hide. You let me be myself, no matter how sassy or hard-headed I am. It feels amazing to be loved by you. And I see how you’ve had to fight to learn and succeed, but you never give up. I believe in you so much, because I know whatever comes at you, you won’t give up. You’re smart and thorough. And I just have this wonderful feeling when I’m with you. I feel at peace, without even meditating. Like I can just trust you, I could lie my life in your hands, and know you’d do everything to keep me because you actually want me as I am.”            Zuko’s heart was hammering, he’d been wanting this answer for so long, and now that he had it, he was grateful and speechless. He could feel himself tremble with the passion and love she confessed to him. He pushed her up a bit before pressing his lips to her forehead tenderly before invading her lips and mouth. Earning a softly moan from her, his hand traveled up to the back of her neck. Tilting her head back and deepening the kiss, she pulled back softly with a pant.            “I love you, ___.”            “I love you, too.”            While staring into each other’s eyes the door to the room Iroh was in opened, causing both of them to jump and sort themselves into an upright position.            “Sorry to interrupt your moment but we’re ready to go.” Iroh chuckled at the young adults’ flushed cheek.            "Everything is taken care of,” stated Iroh’s friend.            "Where are we going?” ___ asked.            “We’re heading to Ba Sing Se!”            “Ba Sing Se? Why would we go to the Earth Kingdom capital?” Zuko demanded.            “The city is full of refugees. No one will notice 3 more.” The friend chimed.            "We can hide in plain sight,“ Iroh said with hope.            “I’ve got my passport; I’d just need to buy a ticket. But what about both of you?”            “Don’t worry about it, my dear. Our good friends have provided us with 3 passports and tickets. Mushi, Lee Jr, and ___. My dear nephew and his wife. I didn’t know your last name so I gave us all the same one.” Iroh laughed as Zuko started to blush at the word wife.            Iroh knew of Zuko’s small secret, the engagement pendant he had, and kept hidden at all costs from ___.            “Uncle, you can’t just expect us to act married!”            “You’re already dating, just be more open about it. It’ll be fine!” Iroh smiled lovingly at the two, as Zuko just burned more.            “I don’t think it’s a big deal. If anyone we don’t know ask, we’ll just say we’re together, no reason to give them a label. I doubt anyone will care about our last names or status, other than employers, maybe. We’ll be safe, that’s what matters.”            Her complete disregard of the situation as she calmly picked up their bags, dumbfounded Zuko while Iroh chuckled at the sight.

         Walking through the streets of Ba Sing Se, while Iroh held a potted plant which Zuko was giving an annoyed glare.            “We have a lady with us, we should spruce up our place!”            “Iroh, that’s so sweet of you, but you don’t need to spend money for my sake. Let’s just settle and do our best.”            “I don’t want to make a life here.” Zuko spat.            “Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not!” Iroh chided.            ___ grabbed Zuko’s hand and entwined their fingers. “Hey, at least we’re all together and we’re safe. Right?”            Zuko stopped his moping for a moment before smiling at her softly. “Right.”

         A week or so had passed while the three of them worked diligently at the tea shop Iroh got them jobs at. Zuko had been less expressive in his emotions other than anger, ___ tried talking to him, but he wouldn’t open up.            Zuko was working in the back with his uncle while ___ waited on tables and brought back orders for them.            “Another jasmine tea, please!” She called out before placing a note on the counter with the order and table number.            Iroh chuckled as she seemed to be enjoying herself. “She really loves to help and serve; I find it admiral.” Iroh placed a previous order of tea on the counter with the corresponding note.            “Lee, I don’t mean to pry. But it feels as though you’ve been avoiding her lately. Even though she doesn’t bother you or voice her worry anymore. It’s very easy to see under the façade she’s using in public.”            Zuko huffed and glanced up at ___ who was talking with customers and taking orders. She looked happy without him.            “I can’t place how I’m feeling, but when I see her like this, it makes me angrier.”            Iroh looked over at ___, although she seemed happy if one paid attention along enough. They would see the way she shot glances of wariness at Zuko and the soft sigh she’d exhale on the way up to the counter.            “I think if you watched her, the way she watches you, that anger might dissipate,” Iroh whispered to Zuko as she approached them.            “It’s so busy. I blame you, Mushi,” she expressed with a fake sigh but a small smile followed afterward.            “Doing what I love and giving great tea to others is not something I’ll apologize for!” Iroh smiled back at the young woman.            “Babe?” ___ called out to Zuko.            “What?” he looked up from his task to meet her worried eyes.            “Are you okay? Do you need to take a break? We could take one together.” Offered with a smile, making him look back down at his task.            “I don’t need a break, I’m fine.”            “My offer still stands, let me know if you change your mind.”            Iroh’s heart pinched at the fretful look she gave Zuko before glancing at Iroh, asking with her eyes to watch out for Zuko. Iroh nodded and she left with a fulfilled order.            “Lee, look.” Iroh gestured with his chin at ___. Zuko looked up just in time to see ___ looking at him with heartfelt concern. The look melted his heart as their eyes met and then she blew a kiss at him with a wink before returning to work.            “She loves you and your apprehensive mood has made her worried. She’s always stealing glances at you. Whatever anger you have, I hope this knowledge helps you.”            Zuko kept his eyes on his love, “it does. Thank you, Uncle.”            “I believe the anger you felt, was jealousy. I think a date night would be beneficial to both of you. I will be out late tonight. I’ll be paying Pai Sho with some nice fellows in town.”            Zuko nodded, before taking his eyes off of ___. “What should I do for a date night?”            Iroh chuckled at the anxious look his nephew gave him. Before starting a plan for the couple.  

         “Goodnight you two. I’ll be home late.” Iroh waved at them.            “Be safe!” ___ called out after him, she turned to Zuko with his favorite smile. "Would you like to head home? I can make some congee and some hot chocolate.”            "No,“ he blushed before moving the picnic basket out in front of him. "I thought we could go out too, do a small date.”            The look of shock and blush that ran through her cheeks gave him more courage, he offered an arm to her.            "Shall we?“ He gave her a soft smile as she took his arm and they started walking.  

         Upon a small hill, the couple smoothed out a blanket to sit on along with the contents of the basket. Some iced tea and appetizing sandwiches along with some snacks. They sat down together, closely, leaning against each other.            ___ watched the lights of the city and would occasionally look up to the stars then towards the bush line.            "You seem,” he trailed off a bit. “Distracted.”            "I’m just enjoying your company while we eat and I look around. I haven’t been to this spot before.“            She sat up a bit to get a drink before settling against Zuko again.            "I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately. I guess I was jealous, seeing you be happy with customers, without me, like you don’t need me.”            "I don’t need you, but I want you more than anything. We should live and grow together, be able to be dependent on one another when needed. But I don’t want either of us to be codependent, as that’s not healthy for a relationship if it goes on too long.“            "So, you love and want me, but don’t need me?” He furrowed his brow not really understanding.            "I do need you, but as emotional support. I want us to love another without losing who we are in the process. If life and time allow, I would want nothing more than to be able to be close to you, hold your hand, as we both live out the rest of our existence.“            Zuko hummed a bit in reply understanding a bit more, she wants him forever but still wants to be independent too.            "So best friends for life with the emotional bond of love and passion. My lover, my best friend, my forever.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek gently. “I love you, Zuko.”            His heart was hammering the moment she said, lover. She’d never called him that before. Although they’ve only been passionate a few times and never made love, she still saw him as her lover.            "How can I be your lover when we haven’t been intimate?“            "I don’t know about you, but I don’t see myself ever being with another person. No matter if we ever have intercourse or not, it honestly doesn’t matter to me.”            "You don’t care to have me, sexually?“ He whispered; he felt a bit hurt.            "Not at the risk of making you uncomfortable or making a mistake.” She whispered back; he could hear the anguish in her tone.            "You still worry about that?“            "My last relationship was only physical, I have impulses sometimes, and I can’t let them ruin this, I love you too much. I can’t lose you because I fucked up. I just can’t.” She whispered before kissing his cheek softly. “So I’ll wait forever if I have to.”            "So, you put all the pressure of making first moves on me?“            "No, if you say you want me to do something, I’ll do it. I just don’t want to assume anything or push you too soon.”            Her words hung in the air. Zuko didn’t suspect that answer and he didn’t know what he wanted. How could he know what he wanted if he’s never experienced it before?            "There is one thing I want.“ He wrapped an arm around bringing her as close as possible.            She leaned against him fondly. "Name it.”            Zuko’s confidence plummeted as her voice rang in his ears. “Uh, well, I can’t name it, it’s more of a question or um I have some to ask you.” He stuttered over his words and a heavy blush covered his face and he moved away from her a bit before facing her more directly.            "Zuko?“ She questioned as he fumbled onto one knee tapping his pockets before quickly presenting the pendant, he’d kept from her. For what seemed like forever.            ___’s eyes went wide, she knew this necklace and she could already feel herself tearing up. She kept glancing between the necklace and Zuko’s golden eyes as he held it delicately in his hand.            "Will you be mine? Or um, will you marry me, someday?” Zuko watched her as she situated herself onto her knees and gently brushed her fingertips over it. She closed his hand into a fist and held his wrist. She finally met his eyes; he could only see her tears before she rested her forehead against his closed fist.            "I’m not good enough for you.“ She sobbed softly. "You’re trying to do things right; I would be all of your first and all of your last. But I can’t offer that back to you.”            Zuko smiled softly as the love and sorrow rolled off her.            "I’m not good enough for you. I’ve done some really bad things in my life. If you’re willing to accept me. I would be honored to be all of your last.“ He brought her head up gently with his fingers under her chin. When their eyes found one another, he opened his fist again.            "Will you accept me?” He asked softly and she sobbed before tightly wrapping her arms around his neck.            Embracing each other. She finally whispered a yes before kissing him deeply then rested the top of her head onto his chest.            Zuko was trembling as he moved her hair out of the way and fastened the necklace around her neck. Once he was done, she sat back, the tears had stopped. But she glowed with happiness as the tears still glistened in her waterline.            Under a crescent moon, he couldn’t help but smile at her. And never before this night had he noticed how barren her neck looked without his necklace resting tenderly on her skin.

Author’s Note: After this chapter, smut, drama, angst all starts. So this is the fluff you get for now to cushion the ride to come. If you’re uncomfortable with smut, angst, cock warming kinks, this might a good place for you to stop and just let the happiness and fluff be.

[revengerevisited]

i found this vanqua fic the other day, it’s only a couple chapters but i like it so far. :3 it does have a ‘creator chose not to add warnings’ label though, so please be cautious. also baby-xemnas aka kotbysleep (nsfw) aka nekokat42 (also nsfw) is a much better vanqua artist than me so please check him out. X’D (heads-up those twitter threads are way longer than you think so make sure you see eeeverything~).

anyway, more wip art below the cut, plus my endless rambling (i talk about 18+ topics, just a warning)—

i’m still working on venqua week and i’ve got 2 more prompts to go, one i haven’t started yet and one i’m halfway done with—

~aaand yeah i’m re-using it for a vanqua pic too... X’D am i lazy, or just resourceful? you decide. ;P

but yeah, both of these pics will have an 18+ version as well. i admit i’m super anxious about posting it next week, as i’ve seen just how absolutely toxic fandom is on twitter. like, you thought tumblr was bad? i’ve spent the last few days preemptively blocking literally hundreds if not thousands of antis just so i can feel a little safer posting my content without some asshat calling me a pedo or telling me to kill myself over cartoons. XU i somewhat worry that i’ve accidentally blocked some people who were just joking around and weren’t actually harassing anyone, but it’s just so hard to tell sometimes. if i’ve accidentally blocked anybody here, just let me know so i can unblock you. :3 (idk why that sentence came out so sinister sounding but i’m legit being sincere X’D).

but seriously, idk when fandom suddenly got such a stick up its ass (around 2016-17 from my guesstimate) and decided aging-up a fictional character by a year or two is such a crime, but i guess that’s just the state of things. :T i could draw vanitas as a centaur or make him blond or whatever and no one cares, but aging him by one year? suddenly big problem! yeah, right. XP like, i know i said every character in kh is 17+ as of khmom (ignoring any weird timeline retcons of course), but heck i could make an honest case for the wayfinder family all being adults. hear me out—

it’s been 13 years since bbs, right? and for 12 of those years, aqua was in the realm of darkness, terra had some awareness while being possessed by xehanort, ven experienced some of sora’s life when he was in a coma, and vanitas was almost certainly in ven/sora’s heart as well, so all four of them could be said to be 31, 33, and 29 respectively. it’s not like their character models were any different when they were young teens as opposed to older teens, so can we really be sure they’re not all 30~ by now? heck, since ven is from the age of fairytales i could say he’s 1000 years old if i wanted too! (psst, it’s almost as if these are all fictional characters living in a fantasy world with time travel and whatnot and their ages are completely arbitrary numbers nomura made up on the spot, numbers which he has retconned before! :P).

now i don’t actually think they’re that old, but if people are gonna hassle me over a goddamn 2-year age difference, i might as well say fuck it and have fun with it, right? ;P it’s not like antis even know what the canon character ages even actually are, like when they try to say that skuld is underage when (assuming she’s subject x) she’d be around 28~ by now, or axel and saïx’s age. (maybe i’ll draw some saïx x skuld art and watch the antis lose their minds. ;P it wouldn’t even have to be nsfw to rile them up).

anyway, i do admit i’m feeling a little burned out on art recently. XP i’ve been trying to get one art piece out per week plus venqua week, and yeah it’s kinda taken its toll. i know this really isn’t anything anyone wants to hear, but i’ve been kinda thinking of moving away from fandom projects to work on my own original work. now, i’m not saying i’m abandoning a heart and a half nor anything as drastic as that! but i have spent like 2 years of my life on it just to get to the halfway mark, and i’m not sure i can spend 2 more doing only that.

i’ve got an original story idea that i’ve been working on-and-off on for the past 7 years or so, and i’m thinking of going back to it again (it does need a pretty big re-write). its main pairing is actually pretty vanqua-ish, now that i think about it. like, imagine the realm of darkness but instead of the heartless it’s infested with demons, and the main characters are the demon-slaying duo of a serious yet kindhearted half-angel and a feral, snarky half-demon. i even aged them up from 14 to 18 so none of my potential fans have to suffer the same anti bullshit that i have. XP

what else can i ramble about... oh, i got these super cute pins for christmas! :D the heartless is by xkirakira, and vanitas and aqua are by maxxmerch. they’re just so cute! X3 i hope everyone had a merry christmas and a happy holiday! i’ll see you guys later. ^3^ 

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*looks around sheepishly* ó3ò alright... confession time. spoilers for a heart and a half for the rest of this post—

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sooo~ i’ve kinda hinted at this before, but yeah i’ve always planned on adding a sex scene to a heart and a half; when i started writing back in 2018 i hadn’t realized how hostile fandom had become compared to only a few years ago, and it worries me that some readers might drop the fic because of it, or be angry with me over the underage aspect. :(

idk, i could go on about how i just wanted to explore every aspect of a romantic relationship, or how other disney/square enix characters married or had kids young (ariel, sarah hawkins, héctor, claudia strife, possibly jasmine), or how attempting to apply real-world rules to a videogame fantasy setting is inherently silly and pointless,��but really it’s just ‘cause i love vanitas and aqua to bits and i just wanted to write a cute and funny mild sex scene between them (this fic is rated mature, not explicit, so much less graphic than confection affection), and at the end of the day they are just fictional characters, after all.

i guess all i can hope for is that i’m a skilled enough writer to pull it off in a believable way, and that my audience won’t be too put off by it. >_> i know vanitas and aqua have technically only known each other for about 2 months so it might not be ‘realistic’ for them to go so far into a relationship so soon, but i think it’s important to remember that ultimately this is a romantic fairytale, and other canon disney couples haven’t seen nearly as deeply into each other’s hearts as vanitas and aqua have (and this video also helped me feel better about it).

i also wanted to finish that nsfw venqua fic i started a few months back, it’s set just before the mark of mastery so yes ven would be 16. i suppose it’s a way of testing the waters to see what kind of reception i’d get (hopefully positive) before i get to that part of a heart and a half. i was also thinking of including some of the uh, ‘keyblades as erogenous zones’ aspect from this terraquaven fic as well... w-why are you looking at me like that?! it’s funny! *sweats nervously* o3o’

in all honesty, i’m probably just overthinking all this (which, knowing me, is almost a guarantee >_<) and i should just *ahem* let my heart be my guiding key, and just write what i want to write without worrying about it all the time. i just get so anxious so easily... buuut that’s not really news to anyone, now is it? ;P well, i think that’s the end of my endless ramble, thanks for reading if you got this far. X’D and i really hope i didn’t actually upset anybody about a heart and a half. ;_; i just felt like i needed to vent a little, but don’t worry about me, i’m doing fine. anyway, i really should stop typing and get back to work on venqua week, sooo... bye! X3

[coplins]

(1/3) Thanks for responding. I totally see the queerbaiting/kill your gays criticism - it's clear from Misha's comments after the fact that he really thought he was doing something supportive and didn't get how it was the opposite. I wasn't upset with ignoring Eileen because that whole plot was so badly written, and I didn't mind blurry wife because that was a story they'd never have time to tell, so leaving it to be your choice of wife/co-parent (Jared's words) worked for me.

(2/3) I don't see Dean's lack of reciprocation as a problem because Jensen and the showrunners have continuously said that is not their intent in writing/acting that character, so anything folks read into it is subtext. Again, Misha thought it would be better rep than it was. It was a bad call. John isn't canonically a child abuser, just a lousy parent. Both Dean and Sam have done so many crappy things as well that honestly, they shouldn't be there by that metric either. 3/4) But I don't think the finale (awkwardly written as it was) cancels out their character development at all. They are different people - back at the starting point, but not the men they were when they started. Dean is emotionally open; he's dropped acting tough and can talk about his emotions. He can be alone and be okay. Sam is no longer afraid of his blood or turning into John; he can be a good dad. I wish we'd seen Jack and Cas, or heard them at least wish them well, even just a prayer. (4/4) But even though that was crappy to leave out, I don't think it negates the show or the characters. 19 added Cas and Jack's names to the table, and I can be happy with that as the final episode. I was prepared to pretend it didn't exist before it even aired. I AM really glad you're anti-harassment. The shit that even folks like Kripke have been getting on their pages has made me so sad. Dabb posted something about baboons and folks even thought it was about them, not his new show! (Also, sorry to dump like a huge text thing in your inbox. It's totally fine that we disagree on things. I've just seen so many crazy things like people blaming Jared and saying the episode was an ad for Walker and to boycott Walker - a ton of Jared hate in general, really. Or saying Jensen "Destiel Isn't Real" Ackles is secretly a heller who's been viciously silenced by the powers that be for years. And now Misha's getting dogpiled for trying to interact and understand how he fucked up.)

It's fine, Nonnie. :)

Okay, so, just to make one thing clear. If you enjoyed the finale, then I think it's great. For everyone who didn't get their joy sucked out of them, that's awesome! I got to see the Wincest side of my Tumblr dash go apeshit from happiness and I'm happy for them. I've since had to unfollow some of those blogs when they turned bitter and hateful towards those of us who didn't like the ending. I curate my Tumblr (internet in general) experience to avoid seeing hate thrown at ships, actors, characters, fans, or people in general. I unfollow people if they post too much toxic stuff no matter if they're Destiel shippers, angel fans, or whatever part of fandom they're in.

I try not to reblog too much angry/bitter crap either. There are a lot of posts on my dash that I wholeheartedly agree with but don't belong on my blog. And I've written my share of wank and rants over the years but seldom hit post because I don't want to ruin someone else's positivity. When I do hit post I tag it "spn wank" so it can be avoided. If I need to angry-rant I do so in chat. Sometimes I mess up. There are undoubtedly some less than nice posts in the Buckleming wank category on my blog.

Generally speaking, my M.O. is disengaging and/or vote with my wallet. I will never condone cyberbullying. No matter how famous the person, or how nasty they are, harassment isn't okay. Actions have consequences and I try to think of what they are before I act. If I vent hurtful opinions about an actor, it'll be kept in chat, with someone who understands that particular frustration. (Not related to the current situation.)

When it comes to canon, it doesn't matter what showrunners or actors tell us about how it's meant to be interpreted or how they meant to act it. Canon is what's shown on screen, period. As curious as I am about what the actors have to say about things, it isn't important regarding canon at all. I'll stan my boys no matter what their characters get up to on-screen. <3

Yeah, I've seen the theories and the dogpiling. Luckily, I've avoided seeing the Jared hate but I knew it would be there because the internet is a cesspool of people lashing out aimlessly or misdirecting their anger. Even IF they wrote the finale in a way that they thought would put a spotlight on Jared's upcoming series, HE was nowhere near a position of power to make that decision and should be left out of it. I just figured, if it was true that that's what they thought, then the Wincest bunch was their target audience for the new show. *shrug*

Interesting to hear your take on the finale. If I follow people who have your take, they're not vocal about it, or I'm simply missing it because I don't stalk Tumblr. All it takes for me to stop scrolling and go back to my writing is 3 unknown anime posts in a row or one reader-insert fic and I'm nope-ing the hell out of here. X)

I'm not going to argue against any of your points. It's great that you saw it that way. Fuck, I wish I did too.

I kinda feel like I need to address the child abuse comment I made, though. Some separate neglect and abuse like those aren't the same, some only count physical abuse, others include verbal abuse. Too many of my loved ones (both close friends and family) have experienced all three of those categories and the one who was left alone to care for her little sister as a child, definitely has a lot of mental scarring from it, so I'm counting neglect as abuse. That said, I fucking love John Winchester. So it might be Jeffrey Dean Morgan's charisma, so sue me. But John canonically neglected the hell out of his sons. We got proof of that even in this season when John drops his son off for days in a town where kids have gone missing recently. So, yeah... But, on the other hand, of course both he and Mary should end up in Heaven. Like, that wasn't even a question.

I think my strong reaction against it was how every part of the found family the Winchesters had gathered over the years was erased from the narrative as soon as Dean died. The only one who is shown as important is Bobby, a found-family member that initially was connected with John, not someone the brothers had found and connected with on their own. Bobby is also the only non-Winchester in the photos Sam has over his bed when he's dying. I don't know, man, "Everyone's here," simply doesn't do it for me.

"Family ends with blood" like the finale implied, only works if the greatest monsters in life haven't been family members, and my best friends (twins) growing up, just like my mother, were abused, mentally, physically, and sexually, by parents. I've seen the aftermath of those hellfires, how long it takes to assemble the fractures of your being and become, if not whole, at least functional and happy. For them, it was the friends they made along the way, those who loved them when they couldn't, who really mattered.

And that was one thing I really loved about SPN (and still do). Team Free Will. Wayward Sisters. All the people that they met along the way and connected with. I've loved to see Sam and Dean develop their bond by taking it from unhealthy, destructive co-dependency to step by step with several setbacks become their own individuals with lives outside of each other, yet still having the strong bond full of brotherly feels where the love they had for each other was rooted in respect for each other's differences and not who they "were supposed to be for each other". And unlike you, I can't see anything but regression in how the finale played out.

Okay, I gotta stop talking now. ^^ I have one scene my betas told me I need to rewrite in my next chapter, and another chapter half done, and I'm itching to post so I need to get on with it.

I hope I didn't put too much of a dampener on your enjoyment of the finale. My opinions don't matter. We all come from different life experiences and therefore find different things compelling and important. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness. <3

*Hugs*

[thesunnyshow]

Name: Ezralia Vali, but all my friends call me Elv

Writing Blog URL(s): @ezralia-writes (@haylo4ever was my OG writing account 5 years ago)

Age: 19

Nationality: Asian American

Languages: English and un poco Espanol

Star Sign: Aries

MBTI: INFJ

Favorite color: As of now, red

Favorite food: Pasta

Favorite movie: The Golden Compass, but Howl’s Moving Castle and The Girl Who Leapt Through Time are close choices too

Favorite ice cream flavor: Vanilla with chocolate syrup or caramel

Favorite animal: Narwhals

Go-to karaoke song: Uh, Who Do You Love (Monsta X)

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): TBH, my dream job is being a manager/CEO of a tech job (realistically) or a backup dancer for kpop groups (unrealistically)

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? Neither, hot coco (coffee in the future to keep me sane)

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? Mind-read 

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? Sengoku Japanese period or in England when kings and queens were bloody powerful 

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? Yes

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? 100 chicken-sized horses

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? Please, I wanna be in the nerdy girl and jock romance but honestly, I’m probably just the side, hermit character.

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? Yes but I know they don’t exist 

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? Uh, I talk a lot about myself but I have trypophobia - there should not be holes in things that are supposed to be whole.

What fandom(s) do you write for? As of now, I write for BTS, GOT7, NCT, Monsta X, and Stray Kids

When did you post your first piece? May 26, 2020 (Dec 7, 2014 was my OG post on ff.net haha)

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? I write fluff, angst (lots), and sometimes crack. While I can rec some awesome smuts, I don’t feel comfortable writing explicit smut as of yet, although I will elude to some smexy time. I do have a WIP that I will one day write that will definitely include smut because it’s part of the story.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? I have some OG OCs and my starter fics on Tumblr were third-person female reader. However, recent works include x you (reader) and I find that really fun and easier to write! I don’t really write any ships for Kpop.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? Having read so many awesome works on Tumblr made me want to write and hopefully have other readers experience the same feelings I do when I read that great piece. However, my original goal was just to write for Monsta X since there aren’t a whole lot of fics for them but also because I have too many ideas running in my mind. Lastly, I just write for myself.

What inspires you to write? The groups I write for, other things I read (like mangas and/or shows), and especially songs!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? I write best fluff for established relationships because otherwise it’s all just angst, which is a lot of fun to write while keeping it not too toxic unless stated otherwise for plot. I also love silly fics for giggles. As for Au’s I enjoy regular day to day life with a spin or fantasy based Au’s.

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? I hope they just feel a strong emotion - depending on the genre. I hope that they get to the end and find all the nuances I try to sprinkle throughout the story hinting to clues or plot devices. That’s always what I try to aim for.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? Cry. Jokes aside, I take a break/breather to refocus and take time for myself. I also read professional works to take my mind off things or get inspired. 

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? My personal favorite of my published works would be my Han Jisung x reader, Promise. It was my first kpop fic and a gift to my friend. I think it’s a hallmark of my return to writing and I look forward to publishing more of my favorite plots! My most successful is Spiderling, a Jeon Jungkook x reader fic, not surprised at all that my first official BTS fic would be the most popular one of my current works haha.

Who is your favorite person to write about? Honestly, I have so many ideas for Changkyun haha. I feel like he’s totally boyfriend material and can fit different roles from a total fratboy to a soft boyfriend. But I’m trying to expand both my writing and pairings and it’s a fun challenge to write for the different boys.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? I actually do! In my honest opinion, fanfiction is work about an already established character/person/universe. It’s easier for me to think up ideas for characters already prepped because I personally get lost in the details already of thinking up terms/universes to place the story in. I have a character that’s already established and people know about without having to elaborate on those finer details.

What do you think makes a good story? Proper formatting goes a long way. While I don’t judge on grammar and spelling mistakes, it is a much smoother read if people follow basic narrative-writing skills. I feel like anyone who can embody their own style and ideas (without being discriminatory or mean), then they’ve really got me hooked.

What is your writing process like? A mess. I know a lot of people outline, and I try that sometimes. But, normally I just get straight into writing what I’ve brainstormed, maybe adding some notes for future events here and there. If I get tied up at a certain part, I make a messy line break and start another scene.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? Yes. Funnily enough though, I repurpose my original storylines for fics, but if I could, I would write an original story.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? I can’t stand cliches but I WILL cry over them if they’re well-written and/or have a spin on them. So, ultimately I’m down for anything. Enemy to lovers isn’t always my favorite but @gukyi​ does a great job, since that’s her renowned trope.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? A lot! I have a few lovely mootz that always have something nice to say, but I would love more reader interaction! Of course, I’m a newer writer and haven’t blown up so it is to be expected that I’m a little lonely right now. I hope that’s not a long-term thing.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? Who I write for. I hate to be blunt about it, but certain members and/or groups truly are more popular which is a shame at times. Plus, interacting with more mootz and authors as well as joining discord chats and networks helps by meeting new people who will interact with you and your content.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? Yes, at times and with certain topics. We all know people will go on anon and tear anyone down for whatever reason.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? Definitely! Writing for the public,(especially fanfic and reader-based fics) especially in these times, means you have to adapt and adhere to the ever-changing times. We have a role to play in how people perceive things, whether that’s regarding an IRL person or how we view others with representation.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? Huh, as of now, I feel like I’m writing for myself. Without a lot of interaction, I don’t feel pressure. I do want to write for other groups, but as of now I’m trying to pick up speed with certain groups. I have a lot of WIPs, so we will see where I end up.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? Not that I know of, haha.

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? No, haha.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? I love you!

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? Don’t be afraid! It’s scary, but the worst that can happen is not writing!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? HAahaha, only because the site’s interaction roles have drastically dropped and a lot of the features suck. But the people I’ve met… priceless. I love them all and a lot have impacted my life so positively.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? Yes! All of them!

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

Stan yourself first! <3

[solastia]

Author Interview : underthejoon

((If anyone wants to make a cool banner for this, please do. I suck at them))

Today is the debut of a new project. Whether it sticks around for long depends on you guys, but for now the plan is to interview one author a month. Creators are often underappreciated on here (or anywhere, for that matter), so this is me doing my part to connect our readers and writers in a meaningful way. Our first interview is with @underthejoon​, someone whose work I myself have enjoyed for many years now. If you enjoyed this interview, please be sure to send in authors you’d like me to talk to for future editions, as well as any specific questions you’d like answered (except for questions about updating, that will get you a ban). 

Where can your work be found?

I’m kind of a mess and so while I attempt to cross post, I’m not always great at it. All of my work can be found on my tumblr masterlist but some of my things are on Wattpad and AO3. I’m also underthejoon on both of those platforms.

Links to where readers can donate:

I made a ko-fi account ages ago that I never shared with the public because I’ve always felt guilty. Which is silly, idk why I do. But there it is!

Main bias (and why if you’d like) 

So!! I have always been a Namjoon bias. From the very first time I saw them/the very first song I heard I was like yes, you. You are the one, I’m a goner!! He’s so wonderful and unique. He’s very mindful and creative and such a beacon of light to me. Plus, he’s very open with his humanity, if that makes sense? Like he is open about his therapy, his feelings about his perceived shortcomings, his excitement about finding place and things and works of art that inspire him. ALSO THOUGH, in the last year or so I’ve also become a Hoseok bias. He is just so dedicated and loving. He’s insanely talented and vastly underrated, in my opinion. And through all the back breaking work, he is kind through and through. He’s seriously just so warm and makes me really happy.

Hogwarts House : 

Okay, the very first time I ever took it I was a slytherin. A few years later, I took it again and got hufflepuff. I like to think I’m a combination of the two but can see myself as more of a puff. 

Describe yourself in five words:

Creative, Extroverted, Empathetic, Intuitive, Inquisitive 

Current favorite BTS songs: 

SO MANY, but I’ll pick 7 for 7 members. Some of these are old as hell but still currently my favorite lol. Love Maze, Love is Not Over, Outro: Her, Dimple, Tomorrow, Like, 2!3!

What was the defining moment when you decided, “Yes! I am going to write the thing!”? 

For like fanfic in general? I feel like I had been reading a lot of it after “discovering” k-pop and then after a few months I was just like fuck it, I’m doing it!! I was always super into writing poetry and never thought I would be any good at anything like this but it sounded fun so here we are now. 

What do you most enjoy about writing BTS fanfiction specifically? 

I think it’s the community of writers. When I started my blog, I met a lot of really amazing supportive writers that I’ve managed to stay friends with and I think that makes a really big difference when you have people that can relate to you and what you’re doing.

Any tropes or au’s that you want to explore later? 

I would really like to try writing some sort of supernatural creature fics. I’ve had this werewolf love triangle universe planned out forever that I would like to eventually write. Maybe like a workplace romance? 

Which of your fics would you suggest for new readers? 

For a completed series i’d say Piece by Piece. My WIP series, Love is Not Over is another one. For a one-shot I’d say, For You. Maybe the sweetness/make it right drabbles too. 

Which of your fics is your favorite? 

Piece by Piece, no doubt. I really feel proud of it and I have a hard time admitting I like anything I write. 

What other fandoms do you wish you had the time to write for? 

I used to write for EXO, Got7 and sometimes Monsta X and I miss it sometimes but also, I feel pretty contented in just writing for BTS. There’s a lot of inspiration there and I always felt I was being pulled in too many directions by my readers when I wrote for multiple fandoms.

What are your writing goals for the upcoming year? 

I’d like to finish three series I have planned, get caught up on my collab fics and at least finish an outline for my original fiction piece I’ve been putting off!

Which writers do you read religiously? 

There’s so many amazing writers on tumblr and I try as hard as I can to keep up with my mutuals when they put stuff out but sometimes it’s hard! I’m gonna be really brief because otherwise my list could go on and on. Okay, first and foremost, Shanna (@kpopfanfictrash) - she’s my best friend and a fabulous, wonderful writer. I would just like to give her a special shout out because not only does she entertain me for hours with her writing, she is very supportive of mine. Other authors I adore as humans and content creators and keep up with most regularly are @floralseokjin and @lamourche !

What is the weirdest thing you’ve had to google in the name of writing?

LOL. Hmm… I’m really boring and feel like I don’t really google that much when writing except maybe like different sex positions when i need a visual or synonyms to certain words. I’ve found some good porn though? Because visuals do help me.

Reader/OC fics within this fandom are often still looked down on and we all have to work hard to make them good enough for readers to look past their reputation. How do you combat the cringe? 

TBH, I don’t think that responsibility lies on us as writers. If people don’t like certain types of writing, that’s on them and they can avoid it. Reader insert/oc fics are just as valid a genre as any. I’ve read some of the most beautiful, creative stories on this platform, some of which could be published if names were changed/reader was switched to a named OC. There’s something out there for everyone and it’s all subjective. While I might find certain things super cringey, others love it. To each their own as long as they aren’t shoving it in the faces of the people they’re writing about or being disrespectful, you know?

What is your personal guilty (or not-so-guilty) pleasure trope? 

MUTUAL PINING/FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I feel like it’s so basic but I fucking love that trope and I think so many people do it so beautifully it is my absolute favorite. 

What is something that you see often in other fanfics that drives you insane? 

I think the only thing that really bothers me is when people romanticize abuse or other toxic/triggering topics. 

Are any of the boys or ships more difficult for you to write than others? 

I think I have the hardest time writing for Jimin and Taehyung but only because I feel I am the most similar to them and for whatever reason that deters me from writing about them often.

We all think we are the most hilarious person there is (even if we won’t admit it), so what is one line or scenario of yours that you like to go back to and giggle over? 

Okay this was actually really difficult for me because I don’t write like any humor and don’t think I’m good at LOL. I think my only attempt at humorous writing was The New Guy in which the reader is high off her ass lying on the front lawn and thinking the world is ending then accusing Namjoon of being the Grim Reaper when he comes looking for her.

ONLY IF YOU WANT TO - A scenario as long or short as you want. Maybe 250 words or less. Godzilla is attacking the city and BTS is your rescue crew. How screwed are you? 

“D-danger, you say?” Seokjin stutters.

“G-giant lizard monster headed this way?” Hoseok chokes. 

The pair exchange glances then turn their focus towards you. Seokjin jerks his head towards the door and you nod in return. 

“I hear what you’re saying, gentlemen,” Hoseok says as he stands on shaky legs. He grabs your hand as if to instruct you to do the same. 

“And as much as we would LOVE to help you…” His grip is tighter now and you know what comes next. 

Before he can finish, Seokjin shoots up from his chair and makes a mad dash towards the door. “Now, now, run, holy shit, NOW!”

Hoseok joins his friend in his haste to evacuate, dragging your nearly petrified form behind him. “No way in hell are we getting anywhere near that thing!”

Seokjin and Hoseok babble horrified nonsense between them but you can’t really decipher much of it. Your heart is pounding in your ears as you replay the name “Godzilla” in your brain.

They wanted you to rescue the city? What were they thinking?

When you reach Seokjin’s car, you have a brief moment of clarity. There are lives at stake, after all. How can you really just abandon the city when it needs a hero?

“What about everybody else?” you ask, voice small and fearful.

“Everybody else?” Seokjin huffs, putting the car in gear. He hardly gives your question a thought before he peels out of the parking lot. “Jungkook can handle everybody else. I raised him on my back, you know? It’s the least he can do!”

[ofhoneyandrosepetals]

Aarhus Universitet - Ansuz Raido Ravens (5)

Pairing: Modern!Ivar x reader

Description: Y/N is a freshman in Aarhus University and, being the roommate of both Torvi and Margrethe, that gives her some privileges and intel on the university, as it on the leading fraternity as well, Ansuz Raido Ravens, the Ragnarssons’ fraternity. Eventually, she gets engaged up with Ivar, who happened to gather a suspicious reputation among girls.

Warnings: swearings, violence and triggering content.

Word count: 5.332

A/N: due to Tumblr’s links problems (that sincerely I don’t know if it’s fixed already), you can catch up with the fic in my masterlist, which is in my bio!

You were getting ready for Hvitserk’s birthday party, combing your hair when Margrethe entered the room. Even if you haven’t looked at her, you could tell that something was wrong with her - you could feel it.

“All cool?” You asked her casually, getting back to your hair. There wasn’t much you could do anymore but leave it that way. Your hair wasn’t a thing that you cared about that much, especially for a party; you only wanted it to look clean and nice.

It was looking clean and nice.

“No, it’s not all cool,” you sensed some mocking in Margrethe’s tone. You turned at her.

“What…” you try to start a question, but the hushed you.

“You are…” you felt a tremble of panic on her voice. “You are pregnant of his child,” she whispered the pregnant word and you froze. How could Margrethe know? “How could you?”

You made a quick mental list of who knew about that whole drama: you, Ivar, possibly all his brothers, Torvi…

“Torvi told you, didn’t she?” You ask harsh, jaws clenched.

“Damn straight, she did! What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking, okay?” You snap at her, feeling a storm inside of you. What was Torvi’s purpose on telling Margrethe this? “I wasn’t. I just slipped, and so did Ivar, but I’m not pregnant, Margrethe. I’m not,” you watched as her eyes changed.

“Even so…” she was whispering. “How could you do that to me? I tried to warn you…”

“I know, babe, and I’m so sorry,” you get up and try to reach for her, but she pushed you away.

“Don’t call me like that, and don’t come any closer,” you did as she asked. She was biting her lips. “She’s trying to mess with my head,” Margrethe cried out as she sat on her bed.

“Who?” You sat on your ankles and touched her knees.

“Don’t touch me!” She shoved your hand out of her knee. “Who do you think? Torvi, of course!” She covered her face with her hands. “How could you do that to me, knowing what happened?”

“I never had the intention to hurt you, Margrethe, I mean it…” she shook her head. “And… I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but it’s my life…”

“I was trying to help you!” She uncovered her face. “When you first came in, I liked you! I thought that maybe I could have a friend in this hell place…” she sighed.

“And you have.”

“No, I’m all alone. Ivar terrified me; he still does. Stay away from him, Y/N, he’s bad news.”

“I think it’s a bit too late for that,” you said gently, smiling without happiness.

“I…” Margrethe tried to start. “I want you to keep distance from me. Please. This whole shit isn’t healthy for me, it’s toxic, and I want distant from all of this.”

You got her point, she was right. This whole situation was toxic, especially for her. You were toxic. And Ivar too. And Torvi. And all that environment. You don’t dare to tell her that you talked with Ivar about their situation, otherwise she would have accused you of protecting him, of being on his side.

And maybe she would be right.

You nod at her wish and your phone starts ringing; it’s Ivar. You get up, taking a deep breath.

“I hope everything goes good for you, Margrethe. I really do. But I’m the type of person…” she raised a hand.

“I don’t really wanna hear it. You should go to your party, I’ll be okay.”

You nodded and left the room.

*

You and Ivar were walking to his place while you told him what just happened. You saw he wasn’t feeling touched for Margrethe’s situation.

“They always disliked each other, but we never knew why,” he said in a logical tone. “Maybe they don’t work together to share the same room and that started it, or maybe it’s Ubbe, I can’t tell,” he shrugged. “But that doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does! Torvi made Margrethe turn against me, and she got a reason for that. And I wanna know why,” you said determined.

“You like her, don’t you? Why?” You shrugged.

“I don’t know, I just do. I kinda… feel a little pity about her.”

“So you want to protect her.”

“Maybe it’s that. She looks so vulnerable in this place, like a gazelle among lions.”

“Did you just called me a lion?” Ivar looked at you, hungry eyes and a cocky smirk.

“Oh, I did,” you pecked his lips. You could already see Ivar’s place and hear the loud music.

“I think I gotta something to tell ya.”

“What do you mean with ‘I think’?”

“I know you had drinking problems and I don’t know your position on drugs, but…” Ivar scratched the back of his head, as he thought on how to deliver you the news.

“But?” You pressured.

“You see, Hvitserk’s birthday party is a little bit different than the freshmen’s…”

“How different?” Ivar bit his lower lip and frowned his nose.

“The freshmen’s party is kinda related to college - the council - directly, so we gotta keep the drugs low profile for people to buy it. But when it’s Hvitserk’s birthday party, he bears all the drug costs, so what I’m trying to tell is for you not to freak when you see waiters around serving blow, weed, all kinda meth shit.”

You froze when Ivar told you that. You could handle the alcohol, but drugs were another section of your mind and body.

“You brought me to a fucking triggering party,” you whispered not looking at him, but around.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I forgot to tell you earlier…”

“But I agreed to come, didn’t I?” You said abruptly.

“What you mean?”

“It would be… all on me, not on you. I can make my own decisions, I can handle the consequences.”

“I don’t want you to get all fucked up.”

“I’ll be alright. Let’s go,” you got his hand and started walking.

You didn’t want Ivar to feel guilty or whatever shit; that was his life. He was a drug dealer, he had a drug empire at college, and you couldn’t change that. Of course you had a choice, but you chose to be with him, meaning that you would be around shit like that, and it depended on you, not Ivar, if you wanted to get drowned by it. You made a choice and, among and between that choice, you had a lot more to take.

As you got closer to the house you could see the colourful smoke all around the place, dense, the heavy music pouding fitting the view. Ivar opened the door without knocking on  it. When he opened it you saw that a girl was hired to open the door, and she was about to do her work, worried that Ivar hadn’t knock, dismissing her work.

“Don’t worry, I’m hosting it, you don’t have to open it for me,” she nodded, focused on her job, closing the door.

“Why can’t you sit?” You heard someone screaming over the music, trying to be heard. It was Hvitserk, completely wasted - already.

“Dude, what you’re doing?” Ivar asked him.

“Trying to tell her that she can sit! She’s like that for hours - don’t you ever get tired?” He directed the last part of his sentence to the girl. She ignored him like a robot. “C’mon, sit, why don’t you sit?”

“Bro, are you alright? What have you used?”

Hvitserk ignored Ivar and went to get a chair, coming back with it on his hands. He placed it beside the girl and was pushing her down by her shoulders, trying to make her sit.

“C’mon man, leave her alone, let her do her job, she was hired for that.”

“Yeah, I know, but she can sit, right?”

“She was trained for that, you dumbass, she won’t sit.”

Hvitserk pointed a finger to Ivar, then that same finger pointed to the girl. “You can sit whenever you want, honey. That chair won’t go anywhere,” she ignored him.

“Hey,” you started at Hvit. “Happy birthday, man,” his eyes wide opened as he realized it was his birthday.

“Oh, right, yeah! Thanks, cool chick!” He hugged you tight. “What can I get ya? We have Jell-O shots - with father’s special -, we have father’s special, vodka, beer, whiskey, liquor, all kinda drinks, we have dope…”

“I’ll just… walk around…” you dismissed drunk Hvitserk and pressed Ivar hand once to tell him that you were cool. You two split and you started to wander. You could hear Hvit saying to Ivar: “Man, that new crank I got? I’m way too high up the sky, that shit’s good! I’m fucking hallucinating, people are gonna love it!”

You hoped with all your strength that all the booze was drug free, because whatever Hvitserk had taken, you didn’t want it. His eyes were red, injected, his pupils dilated. You could say it was terrifying.

You found the Jell-O shots and took one, the familiar taste of Ragnar’s special drink. You took one more before asking the bartender for a Cosmo and started wandering around again.

People danced around you by the heavy music, people played beer pong, people played strip poker, people were betting and people were doing lines and more lines of coke. Sometimes you would see waiters serving ecstasy and LSD.

You took a deep breath.

I can control myself, I can stay out of this, you tried to calm yourself down. You weren’t really into crank - anymore, you hoped -, but it wasn’t that easy to control yourself when you were surrounded by it.

As the lights went on and off and the smoke got lighter in some spots, you could see Torvi in the middle of a hundred bodies, dancing closely to Ubbe. She dropping it down close to him, almost giving him a blowjob, then going up again, rubbing her body, her tits, on him. His hands were all over her body, her ass and boobs. You watched them a bit while you sipped your drink.

Torvi’s reasons on turning Margrethe against you, that’s what you were thinking about as you watched Torvi and Ubbe in the crowd.

The house was dark except for the heavy dark lights, red and blue, flashing.

“Hey,” you hear someone saying behind you. You turn to see a waiter serving joints. You looked at the skin and the weed inside of it. You pressed your lips against each other.

A flood of Manhattan memories came over your mind, and you wondered if the weed would make some effect - in the beginning it was like hell, but as time passed, you didn’t felt much things anymore, and you needed more if you wanted to get higher. You took a joint without thinking about the consequences and quickly forgetting how you got when you started to smoke it.

It’s been years, actually, since you stopped it, but you truly believed you wouldn’t be that bad.

“Do you have a lighter?” You screamed over the waiter. He handed you a black Zippo.

“Take it,” he screamed back. You smiled at him thankfully and lit it. You puffed. The taste felt familiar, yet a bit different. You puffed deeply as you saw the white dense smoke.

One joint wouldn’t hurt, right?

A little bit more of alcohol wouldn’t hurt, right?

A single line wouldn’t hurt, right?

You were used to it, it wouldn’t hurt, of course it wouldn’t. It was your choice. What could go wrong? You were used to all of it. Your body was used to it.

The dark flashing lights and the colourful dense smoke weren’t doing any good to your burning neurons. People’s shapes were changing. More people kept appearing. Sometimes disappearing. What you saw it wasn’t exactly what you saw and at some point a plant got too much of your attention. You felt heavy, ethereal.

You asked a waiter for water, and after you drank it you felt a bit better. “Do you have any candy?” You asked him. You weren’t yourself anymore, at least not your current self; you were the self from Manhattan.

You were the girl who got way too wasted and killed a guy.

The waiter showed up with your candy, a pink little heart. You smiled at him and put it in your pocket, texting Ivar. I need you, now, you texted.

Ivar took some time to find you, but he did it.

“You okay?” He asked worried.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, moving your body at the music’s rhythm.

“I’m fine,” you said smiling. “And I want you.”

“Okay,” he said carefully, a hand on your waist as the other was caressing your cheek. “What did you take?”

“What?” His voice was fading.

“What did you take?!” You laughed.

“I smoked, Ivar. I smoked and now everything is twisted.”

“Okay. What else?” Ivar could tell when people took more than one shit, of course; it was all his job.

“Blow.”

“You shitting me, right?” You shook your head.

“I don’t feel like that for years, Ivar. I feel awesome.”

“Awesome will be if you don’t od.”

“I never oded, Ivar, and I took way more than that back at US. Now join me,” you took the candy out of your pocket, showing it to Ivar.

Anyone could tell that he was trying to fight the urge to take it, but being surrounded by all of that was turning it a difficult task.

“We could split it! We won’t even feel it!” You said.

“So what’s the point if we won’t get high?” Ivar asked.

“C’mon…!” You put the candy between your teeth and bit it. Ivar took the other half, carefully, as he deeply kissed you.

The music got louder and your arms got tighter around him. You put one leg around his thigh and Ivar got you by your ass and pulled you up, so you could place your legs around his waist.

Holding you by your ass, the kiss grows deeper as your body moves against Ivar’s by the music. You feel him groan as he squeeze your ass and you tighten your legs around him.

“I’m gonna need you to come a little down so you can make that little dance over my cock, yeah?” He mumbles against your lips and you nod, your legs going to his waist from his hips. People were dancing around you as you were making out. Ivar was moving, trying to find somewhere where he could place your back against.

Your hands were wandering under his shirt, feelings the strong muscles of his back and chest, his smooth and hot skin against your fingers.

You felt Ivar’s phone vibrating on his pocket, but both of you ignored it, but whoever was calling, they were insisting.

“I should probably get it,” he said out of breath on your neck and you sighed, rolling your eyes. Ivar pressed you more against the wall so you wouldn’t need to come down.

You couldn’t hear what he was saying, but all that make out session definitely got you a little sober - it fucking won the drugs.

Ivar looks at you with eyes that you have never met, saying: “I gotta go.”

*

You insisted to go with Ivar; he resisted a bit but his boner let you go with him.

Now all the Ragnarssons were reunited at the pantry - a space way too little for all four big guys and you. Torvi wasn’t with Ubbe.

“Magnus plans a hit on us tonight,” Sigurd started.

“How do you know?” Ubbe asked.

“Connections, you moron,” Sigurd says impatiently.

“Why tonight?” Hvitserk asks drinking of his water, a quick way of getting sober. It wasn’t working that much, but at least he wasn’t acting like an animal.

“Because they would get us off guard. You got any more intel?” Ivar asks Sigurd.

“It’s not a big group, six guys maybe.”

“I think they will try to blend with the crowd so we won’t notice them,” Ubbe says.

“Six guys is a low number for a hit,” Hvit comments.

“Not if they don’t want to harm anyone who’s not involved. It’s a low profile hit. One guy for each of us, and two more backups. They’re counting on Hvitserk being completely wasted, so one guy could handle him. Sigurd’s not as big as us, so one big guy could do it. The backups would be for me and Ubbe.”

“The Big Ubbe,” Ubbe said cocky.

“And Violent Ivar,” he said with deadly eyes.

“What shit is that, some kind of street name?” You ask.

“We hacked their system some time ago and we found their archives on us,” Sigurd explained. “We discovered that the “Violent Subject” is Ivar; Big is Ubbe; Junkie is Hvitserk and I’m the Little.”

“Subjects?” You mocked.

“They’re from the technology college, they like to show off,” Hvitserk said.

“And what do they want?” You asked.

“Our drug empire,” Ivar said, pulling out his Glock 42 and checking for ammo. “They’re gonna need more than two men to stop me.”

You tremble at the sight of his gun.

“Do you… I never saw that you carry a gun with you,” you said carefully.

“Yeah, I pack all the time, I need to; but not with you around. I didn’t want you to be anywhere near guns, but…”

“But I’m with you and that means I’ll be around them.”

“Unfortunately. I was expecting something like that for tonight, they’ve be holding themselves down for quite some time. I’m sorry if you don’t like it…”

“No, I’m cool,” you wave a hand at him.

“I want you to be here, close to Ubbe,” Ivar asked as he put his gun on his back again. “Ubbe’s gonna stay here to make sure nothing happens. I’ll take Sigurd with me.”

“What about me?” Hvitserk asked.

“Man, are you serious?” Sigurd said to his brother.

“Yeah, of course.”

“You hold your shit together,” Ivar pointed a finger to Hvitserk. “Go check if that girl sat,” Hvitserk’s eyes shined and he got out of the pantry.

“What was that?” Ubbe asked.

“Nothing important, just Hvit being Hvit. C’mon, Sigurd,” and so Ivar and Sigurd left the pantry, but not before Ivar kissed you and whispered that he would be back soon.

You and Ubbe were left alone, meaning that you would be around Torvi, and that wouldn’t end well.

“Do I have to be by your side all the time, like…?” Ubbe started to laugh and shook his head.

“Nah, go have some fun, I got it. I was prepared for something too, that girl at the door isn’t a simple girl. She’ll hold any shit until I get there.”

You nod as you went back to dance with all that strange people.

Some good minutes had passed and, at some corner, you saw women writhing around a pole.

If at least Ivar was here…, you thought to yourself.

Then, keeping a watchful eye at the poles, you see someone familiar. Of course that woman was Torvi, upside down and legs all up.

You couldn’t tell if it was the curious and angry side of your brain talking or if it was all that drug, but suddenly you felt an urge to discover why she made Margrethe turn against you. You cared for that chick and she didn’t deserve all that shit.

You get to the pole near to Torvi and ask the girl there if you could try it out. She smiled and nodded. You passed by at pole dance - perks of a past life in Manhattan - and screamed over to Torvi.

“Hey!” She looked surprised at you.

“Y/N? Hey, girl, what’s up? I didn’t know you were coming! And I definitely didn’t know you knew how to pole dance; that’s so cool!” She was way too drunk, you could easily tell.

“Wanna grab some drinks?”

“Yeah, why not?”

You two headed to the bar, Torvi babbling all the way. While she ordered for her drink, you start: “You know, when I decided to come to Aarhus, I had no idea I would be dealing with nosy people. Especially bitchy nosy people,” Torvi looks at you with the corner of her eye.

“Is that supposed to be directed to me?”

“That’s exactly directed to you, sweetie,” you get closer to her when she turn around with her drink, her back touching the bar. Torvi can feel the tension coming from you. “I’m just missing one point in all that pregnancy story.”

“What pregnancy story?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” you slap her, her face turning to the right. Some people around looked at you two, but nobody really cared. The bartender ignored you two. “You know what I’m talking about, you’re the reason why Ivar knew and you’re the reason that Margrethe asked me to keep distance from her,” Torvi started laughing.

“So all of this is about Margrethe? Really? Why do you care for that dumb bitch anyway?” You get Torvi’s drink from her hand and throw it through the bar, the glass hitting the wall behind her, then you pushed her against the bar, hitting her.

“You had no right to tell your boyfriend that you saw the positive test in the trash that day,” you said pulling her by the collar of her glittering shirt. “And you had no right to tell Margrethe about it too. It was my shit to handle, not yours,” your nose was almost touching hers. She didn’t say a word. “What’s that shit between you two, huh?”

“Not of your business,” she tried to shove you off but you grabbed her by her hair.

“It is of my business in the moment it affected me. This quarrel of yours affected me, Margrethe was my friend and now she’s gone.”

“It’s not of your business, you crazy bitch!” She cried out trying to get your hand out of her hair. You slapped her again and grabbed her chin so she could look at you.

“Why did you tell her?” You said slowly in a low voice. Torvi’s eyes were terrified; you were scaring her. She said nothing. “Why did you tell her?” You screamed. She closed her eyes as she talked.

“I want her to go! Okay? I want her to leave my room, but she wouldn’t go because of you! I saw, I knew how close you two were getting and, if you two became friends, she would never leave!”

“Why?” You said in shook.

“Isn’t it obvious? She hates me because I took her place! She hates me because I got to be Ubbe’s exclusive, she wants to take my place! That’s so obvious! She goes around campus and badmouth them, waiting for me and for other girls to get away from them so she could have all of them just to herself!”

“You’re crazy,” you whisper. “Margrethe doesn’t want anything to do with these guys, she hates them…”

“And of course you believe in her story.”

“I’m not pregnant, okay? You started this whole shit over a lie, a misunderstood. You’re a self-centered bitch, Torvi, do you realize that? Margrethe needs to go not because you hate her, but because of what you’ve done to her. She’s miserable now, and she needs to leave to get a new fresh start. For herself. She needs to leave for herself, and not for you. You just… you get your shit together and stay away from me,” you give her you back and starts walking away when she says out loud: “Get my shit together? I’m the one who got attacked! You know what? You and Ivar deserve each other, you’re perfect, you’re two murderous…”

That word messed with your nerves. She was offending not only you, but Ivar. You turned, looking at her eyes. “What did you say?” You started getting closer.

“Nothing,” her voice trembled.

“Nothing? So now you don’t get the guts to tell that to my face? You’re such a coward… I want you to repeat it.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, you crazy bitch…” and that was enough. You don’t know how you did it, but you lifted Torvi to the bar, making all the bottles and glasses to drop on the floor. You get on top of her, holding her with your knees as you searched for something in your pocket. “You’re gonna fucking regret it.”

You pulled out what left of your joint. Torvi was lifting her head but you drop it down back on the bar with strength. Holding her head, you say: “You’re gonna eat my fucking joint, you cunt!”

You forced the joint down her throat, making her gasp. She was grabbing your arms, but you’re stronger. You punched and slapped her, and if someone asked why you were doing this, you weren’t sure if the whole gossip and Margrethe situation was a good  excuse for such behavior.

But no one stopped you.

And so you kept hitting her.

*

Ivar was back with Sigurd, complaining about the situation.

“What the fuck was that? Was that supposed to be a hit? Magnus wasn’t even there and they ran like headless chickens,” Sigurd laughed.

“Yeah dude, maybe they had other intentions. If it was a hit, or a big one, I think that would be a big shit.”

“Maybe it was a distraction,” Ivar stopped.

“No, it wasn’t a distraction. If it was, it would went down pretty different. You could tell by their eyes, they were outnumbered in forces.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Let’s get inside by the back, okay?”

Ivar passed through the pool, hoping to see you there. People were playing some basketball under the water, girls on boys’ shoulders. Hvitserk lowered his guard and was now in the middle of the Chicken Wings Challenge: 20 hot chicken wings in 120 seconds.

“Up for a swing?” Sigurd asked him. Ivar looked baffled.

“A swing? Really?” Sigurd nodded. “Sig, my bro, trust me when I say this,” Ivar’s arm was resting on Sigurd’s shoulder. “You don’t want my girl. You wouldn’t keep up with her,” Sigurd shoved Ivar’s arm off.

“Fuck you, Boneless,” he said laughing. “I’ll just ask Ubbe, then,” and Sigurd left, screaming over his shoulder: “You have blood on your eyebrow, by the way!”

Ivar tried to clean the blood when he felt a little more concentrate crowd, and not a dancing one. He sensed trouble.

He followed the screams and the view got him surprised.

Y/N on top of Torvi, at the bar, fighting.

“I go out for one hour and that happens?” He says to himself. Ubbe shows up, losing his shit.

“You better control your pussy,” Ivar gave Ubbe a petty look.

“I don’t think I have one, brother,” he said tapping his cock.

“You know what I meant, now go break those two apart.”

“Why? I don’t want to; let them fight. Everyone knows that girls fighting are a bad thing by people’s eyes, we should let them have some fun.”

“Y/N will kill Torvi!” Ivar’s features turned harsh and his tone got deadly.

“In that case, we should let them continue.”

“What? Ivar, are you crazy?” Ivar kept his eyes on his girl and Torvi. “I tried to take Y/N out of there, I can’t!”

“And if you, Big Subject, can’t do anything, what can the little Boneless do?” Ubbe sighed.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

“Oh, I’m unbelievable?” Ivar turned to Ubbe, furious. “I just risked my ass out there to stop a possible hit while you got to be here and have all the fun. Maybe next time I’ll let us be all fucked up by Magnus, what you think of that?”

“I think you’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting?”

“Little Ivar overreacting, as he always did.”

“You say that again,” Ivar pushed Ubbe by his chest.

“Little Ivar overreacting, as he always did,” Ubbe repeated. Ivar nodded with pressed lips and punched Ubbe’s head, wrapping his arms around his neck and making him turn down, punching his stomach.

People around them started to cheer and that got your attention. You looked over the noise, briefly forgetting about Torvi, to see Ivar and Ubbe all tangled together, fighting too.

Getting advantage on this, Torvi pushes you and you two fall on the floor. You reminded of Torvi and hit her head against the floor, making her body stops and her eyes shut. Your eyes are wide open and you don’t feel any more response coming from her. “Torvi?” You try. Nothing. You shake her shoulder. Nothing too. You try to hear her heartbeat: it was there.

“Oh god,” you mumble and get distant from Torvi. You made her pass out. “What did I do?” You started crying, not being able to breath.

You get up, hands up your chest. All you wanna do now is leave. Getting to the entrance hall, you see the door girl and the chair at her side. “Are you going to use that chair? No, right?” You ask her and sit. “I feel that I can’t breath,” the door girl looks at you.

“What are you feeling?” She asks professionally.

“I feel like I’m fucking panicking and I can’t breath,” you said desperately.

She started to make breathing exercises with you which, after some time, helped you to get better. You saw Sigurd running through the house and after a couple of minutes the cheering noise stopped.

“What happened?” You asked the girl.

“I don’t know. Are you okay? Are you feeling better now?” You nod. “Okay, good. Just rest, I’ll come back in a minute.”

She came back with a glass of a water. You thanked her and sipped the liquid, slowly.

And then Ivar came in, a bloody mess.

His hair was loose and messed, his knuckles were bruised and he got blood on his eyebrow, nose and lips, all cracked open. You got up in a jump and went for him to hug him. “Ivar!” You sighed against his chest.

“Come, let’s go to my room.”

You gave the door girl a thankful look and she smiled at you.

*

Ivar was sleeping by your side, quite peacefully, his chest going up and down in smooth moves. Once you two were in his room, he helped you clean yourself and you helped him. He told about Magnus hit - or the lack of it - and you him about your fight. “Don’t take it too seriously, you were high, it was the meth talking.” You wanted to believe in his words, god knows you wanted to.

But that was just you.

A fuck up.

He told you about his fight with Ubbe. “Just a normal shit, that happens a lot.”

Once you two were clean from all the sweat, dirt and blood, Ivar took the big spoon spot and held you close to him, you letting his body heat take care of you.

“I’m so sorry for that, I’m a fuck up,” you whispered kissing his knuckles.

“I’m a fuck up too.”

You two were silent for minutes and more minutes before you asked him: “What will happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“With Ubbe and Torvi.”

“With Ubbe it doesn’t matter, we always fight, it’s not a big deal. But Torvi? Damn, you showed her a point, she’ll definitely be out of your way. Maybe she will even move out.”

“Will she… press charges?”

“What? No, she’s not crazy; we can’t have police involved, mainly in an event like tonight. The INCB and SKAT would have a fucking party, really. Don’t worry, you’re safe. Though she’ll probably move out, but it’s fine, really. Don’t worry about that, you need to rest.”

You wanted to ask Ivar one more thing, but he fell asleep. And you couldn’t do the same.

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