#i know my teacher would be so sad if she found out that i've been stressing myself over her assignment and writing the email

[juliamccartney]

i've finally written and sent an email i've been meaning to send for two weeks and was sooo brave about it

[writing-blog-iguess]

Online Matchup 12

Summery: Something seems to be going on with Jason. Instead of pushing him, Y/n lets him be and talks to friends.

Warning: swearing

I Tag list: @teapartydreams @adorabluesposts

ao3 Series master list

A/n: Happy holidays! Have a filler, it’s a little angsty but it ends in a happy. I know I've been just posting just this pic. I'm having a bit of a hard time ending the other fics but hope to get them done in January. That is my goal.

—————

March 22

Y/N (7:37 am)

How’d it going today?

Y/n (8:58am)

I burnt my breakfast

I don’t even know how that happened

I looked away for a minute and the next thing I know

The smoke detector went off and there’s smoke in the kitchen

D:

I’m so sad

Now I don’t have anything to eat and I’m late for school

Y/n (10:00am)

I am not sure why I thought getting my engineering degree was a good idea

Nothing my teacher is saying is making sense

I want to go home

Y/N (1:28pm)

So, classes are done but now I have to work

With the amount of sleep I didn’t get

Work is the last thing I want to do

Y/n (3:43pm)

I made another fire again today

Downside, they docked my pay a little

Upside, I get to go home early today

So there’s that

Y/n (4:39 pm)

I hope you’re doing okay

Y/n (5:04 pm)

Hey Steph?

Is Jason okay?

Stephanie

What do you mean?

Y/n

I don’t know

I haven’t heard from him today

I just want to know if he’s okay

Stephanie

He hasn’t talked to you at all today?!.

Y/n

No, and we didn’t get into a fight

Did something happen?

Stephanie

Yeah, but I don’t think I’m the one who should tell you

Y/n

Yeah I understand

There are some things he hasn’t told me

I know that much

Stephanie

I’m sorry

Y/n

No worries

But could you tell me if he’s doing okay whenever you see him?

Stephanie

Of course

Y/n (5:14 pm)

Do you think you’ll see Jason today?

Roy

Um, I’m on my way to him now

How’d you know?

Y/n

Wild guess

I know he’s dealing with something but I don’t know what

Could you tell him I’m here for him if he ever needs me?

Roy

Why can’t you tell him yourself?

Y/n

He hasn’t been talking to me today

And I didn’t want to push if he doesn’t want to talk

The last time we went no contact, we both pushed each other away

Roy

That asshole

Y/n

Just be nice when you see him

Roy

I was

But now I should give him shit for what he’s putting you through

Y/n

No don’t

This is nothing compared to whatever Jason is going through

Roy

If I didn’t know better

You already know what’s he going through

Y/n

But I don’t

I just know that it’s bad if he’s not talking to anyone right now

Roy

You really care about him huh?

Y/n

I’m not afraid to admit it

Roy

Good

Jason needs someone like you on his side

I’m glad he has you

You threw your phone on the couch after reading Roy’s message, and bit your thumbnail in thought. Roy’s words had a deeper meaning now then before you knew the whole truth. And wondered if they would hold the same weight after they realized you went behind Jason’s back to find the truth.

It wasn’t something you needed to worry about now. There was something more pressing and you weren’t sure what to do but wait.

Sighing, you stood from the couch and made your way to the kitchen. After eating supper, you retrieved your laptop from your room and set it on the table.

Staring at it for a good minute or two, you made up your mind and turned it out. Once logged in, you went through the motions and found yourself in the Batcomputer again.

There was nothing for you to do but watch and wait. And that’s what you did for the rest of the night, you watched and listened as they talked out plans and watched as Oracle fought against the Calculator.

Scared of being discovered, you were debating whether or not you should leave. But you couldn’t, not until you knew Jason was okay.

But the decision was made for you when Oracle forced both you and Calculator when she rebooted her system. You gave her credit and wondered why she didn’t do that earlier.

With nothing to do, you slumped against your chair and hoped everything turned out in their favour.

“Jason you have a minute?” Roy called as the Outlaws made their way out of the building with Riddler in tow. Jason nodded, and the two of them branched off from their friends.

”What’s up?” Jason asked when they were far enough away from prying ears.

“Have you talked to Y/n lately?” Roy asked, and Jason flinched at the mention of you. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Are they doing okay?” Jason asked, rubbing the back of his neck. Roy shrugged and said he didn’t know. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“Exactly that, I don’t know,” he answered, “I just know that they’re really worried about you and wanted you to know that they’re there if you need them.”

“I’ll always need them,” Jason said without a second thought.

“That’s probably something you need to tell them, not me,” Roy said and looked towards their friends. “Look, everything seems to be okay here now. And I doubt Batman needs our help right now.”

“Probably because he’s being a stubborn asshole,” Jason muttered and Roy ignored it with a shake of his head.

“Why don’t you go see Y/N?” Roy suggested, “it would ease their mind a bit.” Jason shook his head at the thought.

“Not yet,” he said, “not until we deal with Joker. The last thing I need or want is for Joker to find Y/N.”

“Fair enough. Then at least answer their texts,” he said, “that’s something you can do without Joker knowing.”

“Suppose you’re right,” Jason said, sighing in defeat.

“I’m always right,” Roy said, gaining a laugh out of his friend.

“Not always,” he said and walked off towards his bike. He pulled out his phone. Scrolling through his messages, he couldn’t help but laugh.

Jason (12:35 am)

You set two things on fire today

One might think you’re a pyromaniac

Y/n (1:09 am)

:O

I am no such thing

i set ONE thing on fire and burnt my eggs

There is a difference

Jason

No I don’t think so

It’s the same thing

Y/n

Well then I guess your seeing a pyromaniac

Jason

I’ve dated worst things

Y/n

Ex-fucking-cuse me?

What could possibly be worse than a pyromaniac?

Jason

A serial killer

Y/n

YOU DATED A SERIAL KILLER?

Jason

Okay, not technically

Y/n

What does that mean?!

Jason

Means she was apart of the league of assassins

And given that their job description is basically their title

It's the same thing

Y/n

I can feel you shrugging like its not a big deal

But it is

And I worry for you and your taste of women

Jason

There’s nothing wrong with my taste in women

Y/n

Says the guy who dated a women who kills for a living

And me, who’s and I’m quoting here

a ‘pyromaniac’

Jason

Nothing wrong with a little arson

Y/n

My goodness

Judging by that statement alone, I think you’re the pyromaniac

Jason

Well, I mean I have done a little arson myself

So I’m not one to judge

Y/n

……

Jason

Wow, six dots

I must really made an impression

Y/n

You’re lucky your pretty

Jason

I knew it

You’re only into me because of my looks

Y/n

-_-

I’m going to bed

Jason

No, no no wait

I went a little to far, I’m sorry

Y/n

You’re forgiven

Can I call you? Or are you too busy for that?

Jason

Not busy persay, just I’m with my friends and I’m not yet ready for you to meet them

Y/n

Afraid I’ll run away?

Jason

Something like that

Sometimes they can be a little too much

And protective

Other then that, I wouldn’t mind hearing your beautiful voice

Y/n

Oof, maybe I should go to bed

I’m red like a tomato

Jason

Sounds like a sight to see

Y/n

I’m sure it is

…

Are you okay?

And don’t just saying something cheesy like

Jason

I’m better now that I’m talking to you

Y/n

You son of a bitch

I told you not to say something like that

Smooth fucker

Jason

But I am telling the truth

Something came up last night that triggered something

I had to leave town for the day, but my friends showed up and we talked.

Roy said something about you being worried

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you

I just, I needed to deal with it before I could see you or talk to you

Y/n

No I get

Probably didn’t help with all my messages

But I’m glad you’re feeling better

Still dealing with it?

Jason

Yeah

But once it’s done, I’ll come and see you

Promise

Y/n

Take your time with it, I don’t mind the wait

I’m just glad you to hear from you

Jason

I’m so glad I met you

Y/n

Me too

[greeneyed-thestral]

I MET MICHAEL SHEEN. 16/03/24, National Theatre

So, if you've read my post about booking tickets to see Michael, you know all about my what-ifs. But the day was finally here.

I arrived at the National Theatre, followed all the Nye signs and here's the Olivier Theatre. I made my sister buy me the show's programme, hoping I would be able to get it signed.

I find my seat, I'm not in the centre but the stage still feels very close and you can see everything (amphitheatres are always the best).

Lights out. The audience is in religious silence. Can't believe I'm actually here, this is happening.

[skip this part in smaller font, if you want to avoid spoilers] In the words of Staged, he really loses himself in his roles. First of all, it's great to hear him speak in a Welsh accent.

But then we also see him turning back into a child, and you can totally believe he's young and innocent again. His stutter feels so real, his struggle and sadness too. The entire ensamble is great during the classroom scene, where they all help Nye against their bullying teacher (using those big canes to make him look scary really works). Hearing young Nye confessing that at times he thinks he 'shouldn't exist' because of who he is was a gut punch; Michael's delivery of that whole part is incredible, in that moment he really becomes a little boy that allows himself to feel vulnerable and says something dark to a friend. The way he jumps while saying "I can visualise and enunciate!" made me wanna jump too, he was ready to give up and then he found the solution through books, it's the joy and relief you feel when you realise that there is another way and your life is not over.

Now, I've watched musicals all my life and let me tell you that man is meant to be in one. He opened his mouth and all I could see was someone that had been waiting a long time for the occasion to show his talent, truly showstopping. He was so free and happy and confident, singing and dancing spectacularly. I couldn't stop smiling and giggling, we all clapped.

It's clear he means every word he says, and when he points and shouts his political arguments at the audience, those who feel called out must be shaking; I thought 'This is how people in Ancient Greece must have felt everytime they went to the theatre'. His Nye is inspiring, passionate, someone you'd want to follow, he stands up for what he believes in and lets nothing get in his way.

We get to watch him flirt, on all fours, waggling his 'tail'; everytime we think we've seen all he's capable of, he does something like this and surprises us.

But most of all, we see him being scared, first of having to do something, and then of not being able to do enough for all of us. At one point everyone has requests for Nye and I was expecting him to shout "Heal yourselves!" like Jesus in JCS, it totally conveyed what it must have been like to be in his role at the time, overwhelmed with daunting responsibilities.

In general, I appreciated the fact that it wasn't a linear biography, they chose life moments that have universal situations everyone can relate too, like they do in bio-musicals. I loved the staging. The colour palette is so recognisable; the curtains and the beds are used in many different ways so everything is explored at its full potential.

He is on stage basically all the time for more than two hours (sometimes twice a day, can you imagine?). Also barefoot and in his pajamas from start to finish, he looks like a teddy bear you just want to hug and protect.

He bows, looks at Nye's achievements, then leaves the stage.

Standing ovation, applause. I go back to the theatre lobby, I was supposed to wait for my sister, but she's late. Meanwhile, a fan asks me how to get to the Stage Door. I start too fear that I'm going to miss my chance if I keep waiting inside, so I decide to go on my own. After no more than 5 minutes, he's outside with us. Forget Nye, I am living my fever dream. He has just finished his second show of the day and yet he's smiling and listening to each and every one, signing and taking pictures. I know many have said this, but he really is an angel.

My sister arrives, and as soon as I'm sure she has the camera ready, I make my way to him. The two girls next to me who were speaking to him needed a pen and I lent them my sharpie, so I got my chance to look generous in front of him.

And suddently it was my turn. This is as much as my scrambled mind allows me to remember: I tell him I'm Francesca and I'm from Italy, he asks me how long I am going to stay, I confess that I had arrived that morning and just to see him, that I would be leaving already the following morning. I can't even focus while he's signing my programme, I just want to find the right words. I manage to say how I enjoyed seeing his passion, all these different sides of him and how watching him sing and dance has been the highlight of my evening. We take a picture together, I feel his hand on my shoulder and I realise my arm is around the waist of this person I love. I had to thank him again, telling him that he only deserves good things and that we are so lucky to have him. He wishes me a safe trip home, and I melt. I leave and I can't stop trembling. On my way back to the hotel I hold on tight to my signed programme and the sharpie that was in his hands just moments earlier. Only later I will realise that he's also written 'Ciao!', 'love' and 'X', without me asking for it or anything! Seeing him act live was a big gift already, but what followed outside was beyond my dreams. I can't look at the photos without blushing, the way he looks at me in the video and then also strokes my arm for a moment, I mean pinch me now.

The more I think about it, the more I can't believe it happened.

I want to thank everyone that under my first post pushed me and encouraged me to see the pros of doing this, I share this beautiful moment of my life with all of you. <3

[dyns33]

Strange way of life

No, it's not about my sweet Pedro (I'll let Silva be happy with his cowbow), it's a new Cooper Howard story, yaaaaaay !

Her cousins ​​had gently teased her when the name had appeared on her wrist on her eighteenth birthday.

It was nothing unusual, it happened to everyone, even if what was once a joy was now the memory of a lost world. It was very rare for two soulmates to be in the same vault, very rare indeed. Legends.

And unfortunately for Y/N, she was no exception.

If Lucy and Norman were snickering, it was because of her reaction when they read the name.

"… Cooper Howard ? My soulmate is the actor Cooper Howard ?! The famous Cooper Howard ?!"

"Uh, no, I don't think so."

"He would be over two hundred years old. Sorry, Y/N, but he's long dead. Maybe he's his descendant, or a guy with the same name."

"But I love Cooper Howard ! I've seen all his movies ! That would make sense !"

"Not really, no." Norm said, visibly a little sad at his cousin's excitement.

Sure, maybe the great Cooper Howard was still alive, in a hibernation chamber, in another vault, and waiting for her.

But even if that was the case, there was little chance that they would ever meet. There was no indication that it would be possible to come out soon, and so the rule was to ignore names when choosing a partner.

If not, humanity would have died out long ago.

Unfortunately for Vault 33, most of the young people were quite romantic. Her brother could try to be reasonable, Lucy stopped mocking to hug her cousin, saying that it was wonderful that she was destined for such a wonderful man.

They had been fans of the cowboy since childhood. At the same time, there weren't many other movies to watch.

A few years later, Lucy had her name, which wasn't that of an actor. At least, not a known actor in the vault, even if it was special. Titus Maximus.

Norman noted that it sounded like a name from Ancient Rome. He joked that his sister and cousin probably had soulmates who could travel through time.

While Y/N wanted to wait as long as possible before making a decision about her love life, Lucy sadly accepted that she would probably never meet Maximus, asking to meet a man from Vault 32 to get married. This pleased neither young Norman, for security reasons, nor Y/N, for emotional reasons. Besides the fact that he could be a dangerous cannibal, ugly and mean, there was nothing to say that Lucy and him would love each other. She could wait for her Titus.

"No, I don't want to wait anymore. I want love, real love. I can't keep dreaming and having fun with Chet…"

"Chet ? Your other cousin ? That's disgusting, Lucy !"

"I know ! That's why I need a husband. And if I ever meet Maximus, I could always divorce him. You can wait for your Cooper if you want, cowboy or whatever. I understand and I don't judge you. So don't judge me either."

That wasn't enough to prevent the massacre that followed. It was only because she had retreated to her room that Y/N escaped death, not seeing Overseer MacLean being kidnapped either.

More than this idea of ​​marriage, she found that leaving the shelter to go looking for him was very bad. She had never really loved her uncle, finding him strange. Her parents had also always been wary of him, even more so after the death of her mother's sister who they followed here before the plague.

But Y/N loved her cousins, both Norm and Lucy, and so there was no way she was going to let her go alone.

The poor widow drugged Chet because he would have been a burden, she already knew that her little brother would only help her get out, and when her cousin insisted on coming, she couldn't say no.

They were probably among the smartest, bravest and most skilled people in the vault. Together, they had a better chance of surviving outside.

However, nothing could prepare them for this devastated world. It was nothing like what their teachers had said. The sun was hot, the air full of dust, the earth barren, and the people rude.

The worst was that mercenary in the city of Philly, who started shooting at everyone while laughing, ready to kill Lucy because she was defending the poor man whose leg he had blown off.

Y/N didn't really want to get involved. She admitted that the treatment inflicted on the one who seemed to be a doctor and his dog was not normal, and that in other circumstances she would have intervened.

But they were not there for that, and if they wanted to find Lucy's father, it was probably better to avoid trouble.

This misadventure was not in vain, however. Because not only were they saved by a man named Titus Maximus wearing a huge sparkling armor, but they also recovered the doctor's head which could be used as a bargaining chip against Henry MacLean.

And above all, they had crossed paths with this ghoul dressed as a cowboy, exactly like in Cooper Howard's films, who spoke exactly like in Cooper Howard's films.

Since the atomization, meetings between soulmates were very rare. So double meetings ? Impossible.

Until a monster ate the head, Lucy kept jumping up and down like a child, terribly happy, immediately forgetting her failed marriage and a little bit about the reason for their presence near this radioactive lake. Even if she hadn't had time to give Maximus her name, there was little risk in saying that their savior was made for her.

"It's him ! I know it's him ! I only saw his face for a few seconds, but he's so handsome, so brave ! Did you see how he didn't hesitate for a second to jump in front of us and take the bullet for us ?"

"Yes, I did."

"I wonder why that horrible mercenary wanted to take that poor man, and what he was going to do to him. Do you think he has a soulmate ? Oh, do you think the doctor had a soulmate ?!"

"I don't know." Y/N sighed, trying to convince herself that it wasn't because the mercenary looked and talked like Cooper Howard that he was the actor, or her soulmate.

She could have asked him the question, when he caught up with them without too much difficulty, while they were wondering how to get the head back. Because without the head, there was no way to save Lucy's father.

Her poor cousin tried to explain it to the Ghoul, while he plunged her again and again into the water, while Y/N could only watch and beg, tied to a pole.

The plan he had put in place to attract the beast worked well, too well, and in the end, in addition to losing what he was looking for, the mercenary had his bag snatched, which obviously contained important things.

"Fuck… Fuck !" he yelled, pointing his gun at Lucy, as if the poor girl was responsible.

He didn't shoot. Visibly changing his mind, he took them both, forcing them to walk without water or food for days, to an unknown destination.

Several times, Y/N hesitated to give her name, to see his reaction. When he asked them after putting a bullet in Roger's head, her cousin answered first and he jumped, not giving Y/N time to speak.

He had understood that they were cousins. He must have thought that they had the same name, MacLean. Not Y/L/N.

She could have said it. Several times. But saying it was getting an answer, and she didn't know which one she wanted.

Either this man wasn't her soulmate and they were going to die. Or they were destined. And Y/N couldn't believe that this abomination, this heartless monster, could be for her. Even less that he could be Cooper Howard, the good sheriff who punished the bad guys and saved damsels in distress.

No, it couldn't be him. She was almost certain of it when he cut off Lucy's finger with a smile.

Arriving in front of the Super Duper Market, it was a surprise to be untied. Then he announced that he was taking two women in more or less good condition, in exchange for vials.

He hadn't killed them, just sold them.

No, he couldn't be her Cooper.

It was totally impossible.

But as Lucy walked through the store trying to stay dignified, holding back her tears, Y/N couldn't help but turn to the Ghoul. If she was going to die, she had to know.

He frowned, waiting to see what she would say, probably in an attempt to gain his pity.

"Are you Cooper Howard ?"

The question surprised him for a moment. Something flashed in his eyes, indicating that it had been a long time since he had heard that name. But he quickly resumed his closed demeanor.

"Not anymore, sweetie."

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N."

The doors of the Super Dupper automatically closed before Y/N could say anything else or see his face. It probably wouldn't have made much difference anyway.

[apieceofmi]

STRANGERS… or not

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: a stranger in a train that captive her heart, never seen him again… but his face was familiar, maybe that was more than just a connection, maybe she already saw him somewhere. A lot of research and… oh, yeah, she really sees his face before, her and millions of people… it's just sad that he seems so untouchable. Right?

Author’s note: Okay, so part 2 was unexpected, but It's here!! And now I have a few more ideas for this same couple and context… I think there are more coming. Anyway, hope you like it! xx

Part One (You don't have to necessarily read the first part to understand this one, it's up to you)

__________________________________________________________

Just when I thought that my chances are over, I found him. The stranger I’ve met in a train coming back from my hometown months ago, talked for hours and I left without knowing his name.

I took the same train and visit my parents more times than is good for my mental health, I sat there and wait for him, but got nothing. Then I searched in social media, everywhere I could think of, but it is so difficult to search for something - someone in this case - that you know nothing about. I have an image in my mind, the sound of a laugh, and nothing more. We shared so much that day, but as the days passed it seemed like nothing. Then, when I gave up and convinced myself that I was making it bigger than it should have been, when I accepted that it had become just a great memory, exactly how I wanted it, I found him.

Screaming in my phone, I'm not the only one that think he's a cool guy. I feel kind of stupid when I realize that he's not just an ordinary person, and that's probably why I thought I already knew him that day on the train.

Not a surprise, just me romanticizing my life again.

And maybe that is the reason why I'm doing it again, because I swear that I feel something more around this - him. In my delusion mind, you don't meet someone by chance. You don't screw up the chance you have to really know someone when you feel a special connection with them. Not like I did. Maybe that's the reason that I feel the necessity to just see him again. I don't know what I expect of this, and maybe I should just let it go, but I have friends that are delusional like me, and they support me with this crazy feeling… So, yeah, I listened to all of his band's albums and came to a show - just because it was in my city. It's not like I fight for tickets when I found out that they would be here. Not at all. 

Everything was good, and I was already feeling that coming to the show was the closure that I need to this history when my friend Anna, that came with me, grab my hand while we're exiting the venue.

“Let's wait outside. I know some fans do it, sometimes they stop to take pictures and talk to them.”

I get nervous immediately. I've already seen him, discovered who he is and for me that's enough, I don't have the courage to be in front of him again. I don't want him to think that I'm stalking him and make this role thing uncomfortable. It was supposed to be something nice, just it. Actually, it was just supposed to be a memory. Everything that happened after I left that day shouldn't have happened, I didn't say my name because I didn't want anything to happen. I'm going further than I should, I'm exceeding the limit I drew for myself. It's more than enough.

“No! We can't wait for them!” I protest, thinking in an excuse when Anna looks at me, her eyes narrow, knowing me well enough. “I have to work in the morning.”

“You can miss one rehearsal.”

“I have class tomorrow. I can't miss it, I'm the teacher.” I say, but Anna doesn't take me serious, she knows that I'm having a meltdown right now. “What if they don't even came out? We’re just going to lose time waiting here.”

Squeezing my hand, she smiles at me.

“Then at least you tried.”

So we wait, talk with some people that are waiting there too and it's cool. It's nice. But I can't stop feeling that I'm doing something wrong being here. I don't know, betraying the universe, maybe? I made my choice that day and just because I regret it now, can I just switch sides? 

Uh, no, I don't think so. 

Maybe it's supposed to be just like it was, some nice exchange in the train between strangers. Maybe it supposed for me not saying my name.

I'm almost given up and going home when I see them coming in our direction. Anna has a big smile in her face, her eyes shinning, and I almost can hear her saying - he's here! He's here! - but I just look at her and then at him approaching the others, and I freeze, taking a step back. 

There's another member of the band with him - with I know now that his name is Nicholas - and they start to talking with the little crowed waiting for them. I stay in the corner with Anna, without a clue to how to start this interaction without being a weirdo.

I'm still considering running out of here when his eyes catch me one time. Two times. A little frowning in his face in the third time. What if he doesn't remember me? 

“I know you” he says, his eyes studying mine, coming closer.

“We met at…” But I don't need to finish when his faces changes. He recognizes me. 

“Yes, I remember” he smiles. “You found me.”

I let out a small nervous breath, forcing it into a weak smile.

“It took long enough, but yes. I did found you.”

There’s a grin that won't leave his lips, and I cannot stop staring at it. 

“What's your name?” Yeah, here's the million dollars question.

I finally tell him my name, answering the question I should have answered months ago when I had the opportunity, then had to beg the universe for another chance.

“Well, I’m Noah” he says next.

“Nice to meet you.” I chuckled nervously.

I already know his name, but him saying it to me feels more legit. I think I can finally stop referring to this man in my mind as him or the stranger.

He finally has a name.

“You liked the show?” Noah asks.

“Yes! It was so great!” I rejoiced. “You guys are so talented! I was shocked when I was listening the albums, I'm just… I became a fan.”

The smile in Noah’s lips grows and the shy look in his eyes makes strange things happen in my stomach. I really hope that's not butterflies. It's like something frozen at the moment, at the same time suddenly I'm well aware of the people still around us, hoping for a little more time with the members of the band they came to see. 

Noah gives me a little embrace, catching me off guard when I hear his voice so close.

“You found me, now it's my time” he whispers in my ear.

“I follow you” I replied, the words coming out my mouth like it's an urgency. 

“Great.” he says, stepping back and giving attention to the person next to us.

I look around for Anna, who I didn't even see leaving, she's back at my side in a second.

“How it was?” she asks as we leave. 

“He said he's going to find me” I chuckle. “ I think on social media? I don't know.”

“It would be suspicious if he asked for your number in front of everyone.” She considers. “Or even invite you for, I don't know… their bus” Anna makes a funny face, giving me a side look. “I wouldn’t let you leave with him like that anyway, he’s cute and talented, but he’s still a man.”

I laugh, loving her a little more for taking care of me.

“I wouldn’t abandon you like that.” I say. “Thank you for coming with me.”

"Of course. As if I would miss the chance to help my best friend meet her train crush, who happened to be a fucking rock star." She rolls her eyes, getting into the car.

“It don't even make sense.” I let out a disbelief laugh. “Did you see how many people were there today? This is like impossible, he's famous, a celebrity, I'm not the kind of person…”

“Stop it right now.” She interrupts me. “He's a person just like you are. Yes, he's talented and is in a band that obviously is getting bigger every second, but it doesn't mean anything. He's human. You're human. It's all we need.”

“You're right, I'm thinking too much again.” I say, starting the car. “At least I tried.”

I'm already home getting ready to sleep when a notification came on my phone. A message on Instagram from an account with a peculiar profile pic. I don't make a ceremony and open it right away.

“I can't believe that I spend two hours talking with you that day and don't ask your name first thing!” 

“I swear, I'm not like this in normal situations”

“You got me nervous”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to stop myself from smiling.

“I'm sorry for not saying my name when you asked. I regret it every day since I left.” 

“Two fools”

“How did you found me? I tried to look for you but get nothing”

“Well, I'm not as popular as you”

“A video of the band randomly appeared on my timeline, I think I talked about the guy on the train so much to my friends that the algorithm took pity on me and threw it in my face.”

“For once social media did something right”

“So… You're going to stay in town or…?”

“No. We already left”

“I didn't want to expose you out there earlier, but if you get me your number, I can let you know when I'm around?”

“I'll understand if you don't want to, my life can be a little crazy sometimes.”

There's no hesitation in my answer.

“I really want to know better the guy that I met on the train three months ago and can't stop wondering about, so… Yes, If that's okay for you.”

“Great. I've searched for you in every city that we go to since that day, can't wait to properly get to know you too, stranger.”

So I sent my number.

And God, I should have known I was in trouble the moment I got that first message from him. As the days went by, I realized that I was crazy to think that Noah was untouchable just because of what he does for a living, he has become the funniest and sweetest person I know.

We're definitely not strangers anymore.

Not when we talk every day now.

Not when I learned all his favorites.

Not when I’m counting days to see Noah in person again.

[shoyosoneandonlywife]

Yoshida Shoyo's Origin and his Path to Salvation

I will be covering a lot of topics pertaining to the character and events that took place in Yoshida Shoyo's life, from birth till death. This will be a very long post and I hope you enjoy it. I've tried to NOT make it as sad as possible and pertained to a practical approach.

Note: I know there will be people who raise doubts before completing this(personal experience) so let me say this, if you have any questions, there is a 99 percent chance I've already covered it in this essay itself, so please do try to read the whole study if you would like to build on this subject. If you would only like answers to a specific topic, you can lmk and i will try to highlight that certain segment for your convenience. And if you do read this and still have questions, do feel free to lmk

Yoshida Shoyo's Birth:

I would like to clarify that in my previous posts, I had discussed that Shoyo may have been born a human and then infused with Altana somehow by naturally being exposed to it. But afterwards, I had some more discussions and revisited the manga several times to get a better picture of his origin. Based on the facts from the manga itself, here is my research.

You can refer to the last Silver Soul arc and the Rakuyo arcs in case you would like to see them for yourself. I think they explain his origin very clearly. I draw many parallels from old folktales, myths, and history—whatever you choose to believe—but beings that have been born from the Earth herself are, in fact, a lot of recurring stories, which I’d like to point out (I’ve included just one example; otherwise, it would take too long to explain every single one).

So here it is: Yoshida Shoyo's creation began in the dragon veins running throughout the Earth. It’s established in Gintama how there are various dragon holes/outlets throughout Japan. Shoyo was born directly from Mother Earth and had been pushed out from one of these dragon holes.

I had previously tried to theorize how Shoyo's genesis began, and I came to the conclusion that this is the way he was born. These panels from the manga in the Silver Soul arc state that he had been reborn from one of the dragon holes governed by a temple. In this panel, it shows that at first, he had sprouted as a mass of meat out of the ocean and then had generated to become a human.

Nonetheless, this may have been how his life originally started as well. OR, he could have sprouted as a fully formed infant, like how a human is born from their mother's womb. I’m including this idea as well, as "Takasugi's Rebirth" had also been like that. Matako had found him as an infant floating in one of the water bodies in a dragon hole at the end of Silver Soul.

I still consider Shoyo as a human, though he may not have been born the normal way. More than human, I think the most accurate term to describe him would be superhuman. In the Silver Soul arc, when Nobume reveals the truth to Yorozuya and Katsura, she explains how the Altana, which is the life source of the planet and is vital for survival and advancement, is what led to the creation of their teacher, whose blood is Altana itself, and he is the literal embodiment of Altana, the Earth's life source.

So how did these dragon veins, the Altana running through the East, suddenly have the capability to produce a whole human baby with superhuman qualities? One theory is that every planet in the universe with life on it produces at least one such being. This can’t be backed up with confirmation for now, as the only other being like Shoyo is Kouka from the planet of Yatos.

So I can’t say this for sure since we only have little data. Maybe they are special cases since the Yatos are considered a very strong species in the universe, and the case for Earth can be a different reason altogether. Or simply for the plot. Either way, this is how his birth came about.

Another example of the same case is a hindu folktale/myth/history is Sita from the Ramayana(a mythology, whether it is historical or mythological is up to everyone's opinion). To summarise it quickly, Sita's adoptive father, who was a king, was struggling to solve the problem of his land suffering from having no rain and the crops of his kingdom were suffering.

After some advice from scholars, he attempted to plow the land in hopes of it being the start of his solution. He had struggled to move the plow for some reason or not been able to move his plow at all, and then dug up the ground to see what was holding up. It was a child in a burrow.

That child was Sita, and her mother was the earth herself. So, Sita was born directly from the earth, which resembles the origins of Yoshida Shoyo, who was born from the earth, but via the dragon veins and with the altana as his base.

And rather than being found in the soul, he had sprouted from the dragon holes, in a body of water. There are many interpretations to how she ended up in a furrow in the first place, but this is the most widely accepted interpretation.

Alike to Yoshida Shoyo, Sita had immense strength right from infancy, an event where she had displayed superhuman strength was when he kingdom held onto an ancient bow that was once utilised by a mighty god. It had been laid to rest in her kingdom.

When a accomplished saint had come across Sita, playfully lifting the bow effortlessly as a child, he was surprised by this brute strength of hers, as even the gods in heaven were not able to wield that bow other than the highest level of god who had originally been its owner.

Of course one of the reasons behind her skill is due to being a blessing from the gods, specifically from the the goddess of the earth, however, even though she was considered and looked human. She had still possessed qualities that surpass the average humans, and even mighty warriors and deities.

Now i want to clarify that I'm simply drawing parallels, and that such cases of interpretation of beings born directly from the earth has happened before, I'm sure this isn't the only example akin to Shoyo's origin. So take it with a grain of salt.

I believe Yoshida Shoyo also possesses the same magnitude due to the nature of his birth. His parent is Mother Earth and the blood running through his veins, his DNA all stems from the altana and dragon veins, which contrasts the brith of humans who carry the DNA, genetics and bloodline of their ancestors.

Shoyo's ancestor/parent/origin comes from the Earth herself. TO reiterate, he is the child of Mother Earth, yes all of us are made of the earth, but we descend from humans, while he had directly descended from the source herself.

My theory can further when he has been said to be, its not a direct relation to him but it does attribute to how his strength is akin and massive like that of the very earth herself. His superstrength can be attributed to the fact that he wasn't born normally and is the literal embodiment of the life source of the planet, So his power should be no surprise. (refer to manga panels below)

This was supposedly said by one of the strongest characters in the verse. Many others have said something along those lines as well. As for these strongest characters, they may accumulate an immense amount of strength, travelled and gain many things to build on themselves. But in the end, they were still descending from people of their own kind, their strength, their body has limits, depending on their ancestors.

As such, a being born from the earth herself, the planet that can swallow up these strong people without hesitation, as people, humans depend on the planet itself for sustenance, for protection, for resources, for life.

So imagine if the very thing you had relied on at least unconsciously turned against you so suddenly, even the strongest person alive wouldn't stand a chance against the very ground they stand upon. That's my take upon Shoyo's strength, as far-fetched as it may seem. But I think there are many many parts in gintama which elude to his undeniable brawn.

To summarize, Shoyo is a child of Mother Earth, and I would mainly label him as a superhuman. As to what makes a human, I'll be exploring it a bit more later on as well. (Immortal beings being produced from the planet herself is also mentioned in the manga)

Traits similar to the earth

Going by the connotation of him being a direct representative/offspring of earth, we can observe all the undeserved torture, abuse, ostracization, KILLINGS, he had faced just because he was discovered to immortality, to which he was subjected to by none other than his fellow humans.

I would see the theory of humans treating anything they do not understand or anything stronger them as something to be feared/demonic and finding ways to kill/ make them weaker somehow, mostly I'm adhering to the fact that humans would carelessly hurt or destroy anything they can't handle or understand. Which is what has been going on for the last few centuries, such as pollution, global warming, ecosystems being destroyed.

Basically torturing earth is someway right? which is kind of the same treatment Shoyo has been receiving, as he had been docile and had not retaliated when being subject to such abuse by humans, he had tolerated it, held the weight of it, like earth actually. Which is why I would say he has traits that are familiar with the earth herself.

Now this is just me drawing parallels and it doesn't mean that Sorachi did this with this idea in mind, is what id like to clarify. This is just an observation of mine, and it can be purely coincidental. And is purely speculation

Docile nature during torture phase

Since I'm on the subject of his docile nature during his torture phase(approximately 500+ years), I've always had the question, why did he not fight back?, For 500 years he had remained passive, let himself be subjected to cruelties beyond what any person would ever be able to handle. Why? He has super strength, super speed, he's superhuman, so why did he stay quiet? What was the reason behind his actions of not resisting? As far as I have seen, he was discovered by humans when he was a young child, a few years old, able to walk and act independently.

Or, another theory is that people have been seeing him ever since he was an infant, but had discovered his immortality when he was a few years older. For example, he could've died and then people witnessed him come back to life, thus coming to the conclusion that he's immortal. During the silver soul arc, the priests monitoring one of the dragon holes had discovered Shoyo reborn as an infant and took him in.

Until Gintoki had come to collect Shoyo, so possibly, when he was originally born and came out one of the dragon holes, a few priests might have taken him in, and raised him for a while, and when he was around, well I'm guessing definitely above 6 years old, his odd origin and traits would have been noticed by the people around him, thus leading to the fear and ostracisation, ultimately leading to centuries of torture.

Now begs the question, he has enhanced capabilities, inhuman strength, and speed. Yet, why did a man of such strength get tortured for so long, or to be more accurate why did he remain docile throughout his centuries' worth of agony, there are many points that I can backup this segment with.

One, humans are not violent by nature, mostly at least, Shoyo being subjected to extreme mutilations and tortures had been happening to him since he was a very young age, so one fact is that he had become indoctrinated to accept it, the way people treat him so cruelly had become the normal for him, in the final in that one flashback of Shoyos past, it can be shown how as a child and while growing older, he had stood with fear or was seen trembling in fear.

The depressing truth is due to the fact that as a child you would not be able to comprehend or understand how to save yourself from such problems, especially when in his case, the whole world apparently was out to get rid of him or villainise him as a demon.

After those two phases, we see him sprout as an adult, but this time he starts running away as much as he can, signifying that as a child he was unaware of how to handle his situation, but after reaching adulthood he had started thinking of ways to get out of his situation.

So he started to run, hide, anything to get away from humans, but as you can see he was cut down, burned and scorned once again, or to be accurate, the torturous cycle continues regardless. Now going back to my question, why did he not fight back? Granted he was more than capable of getting rid of or stopping anyone from even getting close to him, let alone viciously killing him repeatedly, so why?

As mentioned before, humans are not born violent, it is nurtured, even if there are times where we may act in times of dire needs or for survival, self-defense, etc, that is due to our evolution of over a billion years, from the stone age all the way to the current era. So that would explain our need to protect ourselves or rid of what we may label as danger in dire times.

However, if we go by that logic, Shoyo should have been fighting for his life everyday, killing or at least immobilising people left and right everyday to save him selves. Yet he didn't, yes he was unable to know how to do so as a child while growing up when he was first born, but after adulthood, why did he choose to run, when it would rather have been much easier to rid of his problem once he found himself capable?

He is afraid, he's tired, he's not violent by nature, even when I am able to say that humans, that have gone through survival and evolution for millions of years, when we have such ancestry and are not violent by nature, it's important to note that Shoyo is human, but was not born and did not come into origin the way a human being does, he came directly from the earth, from the planet's life energies itself.

The planet's energy, its life source, the altana, is something that every being in authority, every organization, was out to get from their own planets after discovering its existence.

The planet's substance that could possibly grant immortality, cure diseases, wounds, any physical problems, enhance your physical prowess and many other healing properties. As shown in Gintama itself. Some of its properties include, rejuvenation, regeneration and of course as we know, unlimited energy.

That very life force of the planet itself, had created a man from its very essence, coming directly from the altana itself, the very essence of the earth, the energy of the planet, comes Yoshida shoyo himself, every pore exudes altana, every single atom in his body is from altana, it is not alien, it is depicted to be as the very substance that allows planet earth to persevere and flourish till today.

As aforementioned, the life force of the planet. That every energy, has taken on a small form of a man known as Yoshida Shoyo, or to be more accurate.

The life force that has given life to every being on the planet, including humans, has produced Yoshida Shoyo as a special phenomena. He is generated from the very altana itself, the bloodstream of the earth I could even say.

He comes from the altana, the water bodies, and thus is pushed out via one of the dragon holes, that can be found all over the world, especially many in Japan, which is how he was born in (probably) Heian era Japan(which era he came into existence is a convo that should be discussed but as far as I can salvage I can gather than he has lived up until 1700+, [give or take] years old till the Gintama finale, as per the calculations I've made).

After the centuries worth of damnation, he then gets imprisoned far away, on some mountain perhaps, away from civilisation far away from humans, for the humans safety I'm presuming.

The humans of that time would have finally come to the conclusion that Shoyo just cannot be killed, after centuries of torture, wow a very bright and intelligent group of people aren't they. So they lock him up, he stays at the same one cell for 500 years, he never bothers to walk out, to break free, to escape.

As I have discussed, why would he do so? he will be persecuted just for the sole reason of breathing, so of course it explains why he chose to stay within his cell for centuries, away from humans, away from society, away from cruelty, away from agony.

I don't want to hear anyone saying oh did they give him food or something everyday as a prisoner... bro he was incarcerated for just breathing, they labelled him as a devil, do you think they're gonna bother whether a devil gets his daily bread or not? Especially one they've continuously KILLED every day? I don't think so, and it definitely isn't so. He was seen and treated as a literal demon that should be feared and chased away, or even not let him walk on this earth, because he was seen AS A DEMON.

People did not want him to be alive, as letting him even live or given the minimal amount of space, or even being in the same area as him, would pose a risk to their lives.

Hence they actively tried to get rid of him, but they couldn't, they didn't understand what his real nature was and what he had actually been born from. They were trying to destroy the embodiment of energy that comes form the very core of the planet that they walk upon and depend on to survive.

I don't know how many times I want to emphasize this, they did not want him to even be alive, much less even try to go anywhere near him unless they were attempting to end his life, as repeated many times in Gintama, his mere existence caused fear and anxiety to take over all of their senses, you can even see this as an example when Okita started to tremble by the mere presence of Utsuro, who was still much farther away.

Him being in the same vicinity had already struck a chord of terror in everyone. They either wanted to run or get rid of the problem all together.

So yes, he lives in isolation for over 500 years in his little cell, tucked away in a cave, that's in some mountain range, no humans, no words, nobody, just the man born from Altana. Like they have shown in Gintama, he doesn't choose to leave, he is forced to leave his abode of centuries after the jail cell fucking ROTS AWAY...

So it goes to show that his home I guess, has collapsed, he has no proper shelter, hence he is forced to leave, and walk out into society yet again. Now before we move onto him moving out, let's discuss what went down during those 500 years when he was all alone, secluded, isolated, yea everything that concerns loneliness.

I want to start off this whole theory by quoting that "an idle mind is the devil's playground" now I want to make this clear, I am NOT saying Yoshida Shoyo being diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, going on killing spree, does NOT mean he was possessed by a demon or the devil. NO. That's not what the quote means in my eyes.

That is very much his own actions and choices, as much as he was mentally unwell. He was secluded, he was stuck in a little cell, for CENTURIES. Human ourselves, if we were locked in a room or cell with nothing to do, no entertainment, nothing to keep us occupied. We will without a doubt go crazy within a few days.

Now this man was locked away for centuries, just imagine the magnitude of what he was subjected to, what he had to experience. If we can go crazy, then for a man that was locked for centuries, he's bound to lose his mind.

When the mind is not kept busy, all sorts of thoughts will come in and inconvenience or upset us, and given the agonizing life Shoyo has lived, I'm positive of the fact that literally, not even a single thought of his was able to make him happy or peaceful, it will only serve to make him spiral into madness further along with his traumatizing past.

Now going onto why he had become the victim of multiple personality disorder, I mean of course its given he will be subject to mental illness after what he's going through in his life without a doubt, but why specifically MPD? Multiple personality disorder stems from the branch of dissociative identity disorder.

Due to his repetitive abuse from childhood, is one of the reasons that led to it. Moreover, despite his physical strength, he did not defend himself, or at the very least, could not defend himself, as he was unaware of how to do so. I mean come on he was persecuted from the very age he gained conciseness and was never taught anything, all he had was himself to learn and grow, and his ever-persevering altana body of his.

His stress, his fear and rage and not being able to change his situation for himself, to be finally allowed to live I peace, also caused this man to spiral into disassociating to a certain extent. "the disorders form in children who've lived in environments where they went through frightening times or they never knew what to expect. The stress of war or natural disasters also can bring on dissociative disorders.

When you go through an event that's too much to handle emotionally, you may feel like you're stepping outside of yourself and seeing the event as if it's happening to another person. Mentally escaping in this way may help you get through a shocking, distressing, or painful time." Well, this perfectly explains's shoyo's past doesn't it.

He was subjected to killings and torture ever since he was young, and he was only able to escape this treatment when he was locked away from civilisation, alone and rotting away, mentality wise. So he truly was unable to reach any environment or situation where was at the very least comfortable or content with the way he was living, it was pure anguish everyday.

As they have mentioned in Gintama itself, he had developed multiple personalities as a way to coper with his extreme trauma. And it was not just 2 or 3 personalities, it was hundreds of them. Which is fitting that if a person, that has an average lifespan can develop 20 or more personalties, as such cases actually exist. It makes sense that an immortal man who's ONLY ever experienced pain throughout his life from birth till incarceration, had resulted him in developing hundreds of personalities.

To quote my paragraph from another post of mine to provide a little more relatable and just a basic understanding of MPD and how it starts and develops:

"To help provide an easier understanding, The average human has many voices running in their minds, and are always contradicting one another like there are different personas living in our heads, however it is to a controlled level and we are able to distinguish these to a certain extent when making decisions and taking actions.

Multiple personality disorder stems from that same phenomena of the brain but multiplied by many many more folds due to psychological trauma, PTSD, and repression of emotions as a method to cope with said trauma."

Another theory is that he has been subjected to various methods of mutilations, like he himself says, at one point he had his eyes gouged out every day for decades, which is what forced him to adapt his senses to perceive his surroundings, even without his eyes. which is what causes him to accurately move around and be precise in his actions like swinging his blade or walking/running/ defending/attacking etc.

So due to this various torture treatments from humans, I'm sure he had thought of various ways that he wanted to escape or stop it as in the act or humans themselves.

Like stopping them forcibly, cutting them down, talking to them, crying for help, simply running away, scolding them, killing them, and various other ways he would have wished he could have done to stop his unfair treatment. But he wasn't able to do so, he had to bottle up his emotions and thoughts, and it ate away inside of him.

Eventually, when he was incarcerated all those emotions, all that trauma, all the pain, agony, rage, desperation, that was bottled up, had bubbled up to the surface, or to be more accurate, erupted completely, due to how he was always constantly killed and tortured for CENTURIES, ON END.

But now suddenly. Nobody is around, not a single soul, it's just him, his cell, the cave, the wind, and the little insects crawling around.

That drastic change itself is also just a fucking slap to the face, which serves the purpose of his bottled up emotions of rage and agony exploding much more faster and in a destructive way for his state of mind. So the various ways that he wished he would help himself, the ways to escape, to stop, to find peace. This can also explain why he had developed HUNDREDS of personalities which is such an extreme amount, to of course with his said extreme trauma.

So when his cell finally rots away, he walks back into the outside world, to civilisation, with all of these personalities warring within his mind, but even with all of these personalities, what his brain knows, what every single personalities of his knows, is pain, murder, torment and violence.

This was all of what he was only subject to for as far as he can remember since he was born, he was not allowed even a moment of peace, his sudden seclusion in a cell after being subject to such horror did no good in helping him become peaceful, as by then all his trauma would never let him stay at peace, would never let him get a wink of a good rest, a glimmer of happiness, a spark of hope, he was deprived of all of them, to be more accurate, he was not even given the chance in the first place.

His history is truly unfathomable with the way it was crafted. So when all those personalities within him, are struggling to find an outlet to quell his rage with, he comes across society once again, and this time, he puts his natural capabilities to use destructive use. Like how this also was discussed in Gintama, he simply displayed the nature of what he was exposed to throughout his whole life, death and violence, terror and misery.

Which is why this explains why before his incarceration, he was a very docile creature, letting his larger-than-life body with astounding physical capabilities, be subject to abuse, as I have explained before, due to his exposure and cruelty being the only thing he was faced with, and the label that he himself is a demon.

Which was the label for him the humans had used to justify their behaviour. Hence, this explains why such a docile and mild man, had suddenly turned into the beast of killing with amazing physical prowess that he finally chose to use.

I mean given how he had 500 years to grow into this type of man, maybe it isn't a very sudden change, but for the others it will be a very drastic change and unexpected one, as Shoyo has now truly turned into a monster. Or we can also say, the beast finally shows its fangs. And then when he goes on a killing spree, truly wishing to kill every human in sight, he then heats captured by the soldiers and is dragged to the emperor.

Now he could have easily broken free as we all know, but maybe after being alive for so long and becoming numb to literally everything, he wanted to see what they were going to do or let him see since he was continuously killing people, maybe he just wanted to see what else they were gonna do now, just for his curiosity, since it would be a contrast from the cruelty and horror he had faced up until that point. Not saying he was finally given peace, no, the problems were just starting when he was brought to court actually.

But for him it was just a change of events, and he was just going to let them act to see what going to happen. I strongly suggest this as he is very much immortal, and he is already beyond what the average human does or goes through in life.

So being brought to court was just another Tuesday for him or something, and he was just playing along because why not, if he wanted to he could easily break free and make a run for it. But the problem lied in the fact that if eh did run again, they would again repeatedly try to kill him and persecute him.

Only this time he's different, he won't take it like the docile man he was anymore, he would fight back, kill, and slaughter, anyone that came to harm him.

Working for the Naraku

It is said that the Naraku was founded by Utsuro (Shoyo) himself, I want to make it clear that yes by name, the naraku did come into existence after Shoyo was brought to the monarchy, however they were the ones that had assigned Shoyo to become a "grim reaper" or an assassin. They had seen the crimes Shoyo had committed and had realized a means to an end had become available to them, to destroy or slaughter their enemies in a way that won't tarnish their name.

The Naraku is literally a secret crime organization that's working for the government all along. Which is canonically stated. So yes, by name, "Utsuro" founded the Naraku(hell), since he was known as a devil himself. However, the idea and the execution of Naraku being implicated was done by the government of that time, by the monarch of that time. If Shoyo was the leader, it guaranteed that Naraku would stand for a very long time due to his immortality as well as his physical capabilities that further proved to enhance his skills in murder and assassinations.

Thus, in name Shoyo is the one in charge, however, he simply had become a pawn in the government's hand. Now I know people will say why did he let himself be restricted to such authorities.

In spite of that, I need you to understand that he had no concept or care for higher authorities or morality, he simply wanted to give back all the pain he was given, he wanted to eliminate humans if he was given the chance. If he had refused the government, he could kill people but he would still be chased and hurt again and again, maybe even more so than he was in his past, for defying the government. So if he could continue to take out his wrath on humanity, which he was expected do to, as by the government, for a long time, don't you think he would just take the easier option.

He can continue to hate humans and yet spew his hate onto them when the occasion arises. SO at the time he would have let himself become the government's grim reaper due to the convenience at the time.

It is canonically stated about the assassination group Naraku, that "They consist of lawless people or orphans that were thrown out from society and were taken in by the group and trained." Now there are so many things that can be inferred from this statement itself.

Humans that were considered outcasts/ had no one to protect or take care of them/abandoned/ ostracised, were all taken in by the government secretly to train them as assassins instead. in a sense they took in humans that were treated the same way as shoyo, OF COURSE not to the extent to which he had been treated, but treated very badly or had nobody to back them up nonetheless. People that very similar to Yoshida Shoyo fundamentally.

Oboro was an orphan as far as we know, going by how he talked about his past as a kid, he was a working as a child labourer/ servant for a clan/family. Most likely a family in power, as they were powerful and troublesome enough that the government had sent the naraku to get rid of them fully.

At that point is when Shoyo had met Oboro and revived him by giving him his immortal blood. Making him semi-immortal (and his first blood related son lmaooo)

Nobume was also an orphan taken in and trained by the Naraku, as well as Hitsugi who had worked for Oboro and Shoyo, where he was also semi-immortal, making Hitsugi another son of Yoshida Shoyo technically.

The member off the naraku were trained to act like Yoshida Shoyo when he was an assassin, when you watch/read Gintama, the Naraku is seen as people who are emotionless, lifeless, and follow orders robotically, basically being devoid of emotions, being empty, so it would be safe to assume that Yoshida Shoyo was taken as a role model in how they should behave as an assassin(slave to the government).

So to be clear, over this span of 500 years, the people taken in to be work for nark were already traumatised or in extreme struggle as mentioned before, and had nobody to take care of them, which could explain why the government was successful in making sure these kids disappeared from society without a trace, and were then trained to become robot-like. Im not even exaggerating as in Gintama itself, the members of Naraku simply act as mindless and emotionless assassins, and have always been killed left and right, like dolls, pawns, robots, devoid of life, this is due to the tenets they would have set in the beginning which allowed the Naraku organization to be longstanding for over 500 years, up until it was dismantled finally after Shoyo died and Edo was being rebuild under a new government.

Many characters from Gintama can be seen killing or cutting down the members of Naraku without any hesitation, as that's just how much these people of Naraku were detached from their lives and were simply trained an indoctrinated to follow orders and numbly kill as told.

A very sad predicament for the people who have no one in society and were orphaned as a whole if you think about it. Fated to have your basic humanity and qualities sealed away to become a soulless, lifeless, dumb pawn, until you are eventually cut down by someone, or even by your own organization if you defy them, and then to die nameless, the fact that is isn't even an exaggeration an if anything, its an understatement. Gintama itself is a good example of displaying the dark sides of the monarchy as well as capitalism.

The Naraku were indoctrinated to reject their humanity and only have killing as their profession, without any discrimination. Like when Shoyo escaped to start Shoka Sonjuku, he was chased down despite being their leader for centuries, as that is what their tenet was, whoever betrayed must be cut down. And it does make sense as they are the ones who do the most horrifying murders and dirty work of the government (the dirty work is just slaughter and wiping out whole families, clans, maybe even towns, judging by how vital they ere to the government)

SO it makes sense that Shoyo was hunted down, he was their leader, he has seen and witness every single crime of the Naraku, and in connection, the government itself, so he had to be put down, importantly. Even if they were indoctrinated, maybe the Naraku members had some semblance of humanity, but them being constantly sent on missions to murder so many humans, authorities, families, could have ventrally lose that little hope of humanity too.

Which is what essentially leads to them being seen as the soulless machines they have become in Gintama.

This explains why when Shoyo came cross the townspeople about to attack his kids, he had interfered and said he would topple the government itself had anything happened to the children.

This is because he knows the government has been the root of all the problems, bloodshed, slavery that was deep-rooted into the country, and the branches of theirs was widespread and everywhere, even in the small spaces.

Cutting down the branch won't stop the tree from growing another one, so for a man who has seen just what the government, the monarchy, the injustices they have been committing behind the screens, he realises if the country were to flourish and truly become a space where every civilian regardless of their background can live well, the roots will have to be crushed first. And those roots are the government itself as I have alluded to.

Resurrection and buddhism

Now we come to the bane of Shoyo's existence, his ability to resurrect. And BOY, does he hate it, yes it is no secret that Gintama and especially Shoyo drew many references from Buddhism, and his life in a way is a representation of the cycle of life.

Consequently, I'll be talking about a few parts of the cycle and how he was an inescapable victim of this miserable cycle of life, and how he managed to escape it, at least for a certain while (or did he?) This cycle of life is called samsara, and this whole ordeal is known as the wheel of samsara/ the wheel of suffering(Living itself is suffering).

Breaking this wheel of samsara is what is called nirvana/salvation. Let me give a brief rundown of this cycle before I explain. Samsara is something every living creature is held under, everything that breathes will come under the laws of karma. All of those beings, and their worlds, are categorised in this wheel, each with different representations. Those are The Realm of 1. Gods, 2. Titans, 3. Hungry Ghosts, 4. Demons, 5. Humans and 6. Animals.

This whole cycle is controlled by Yama, the God of Death. Suffering is prevalent in our lives, and it is believed that the reason for our sufferings is our attachments, whatever they may be.

So by detaching, in turn our suffering will lessen and in due time allow us to break the cycle of samsara, this is a very, very watered down summary. And in order to go beyond our suffering, or in essence stop our suffering, it is said for us to realize the Four Noble Truths, which is said to be one of the most important teachings in Buddhism. These four truths are

Truth of Suffering

Truth which is the cause of suffering

Truth of the cessation of suffering

Truth of the path that leads to ending our suffering

And now very importantly, The Noble Eightfold Path is automatically connected to these 4 Noble Truths, as it serves as a guide to terminating a human's suffering.

The 4th Noble truth, which is the journey to the cessation of suffering can also be called the middle way. During this middle way, adhering to the Noble Eightfold Path is what will lead us to our ending of suffering. As said in the name, there are mainly 8 aspects to follow to embark on this journey.

Wisdom

Right understanding

Right thought

Ethical Conduct

3.Right speech

4.Right action

5. Right livelihood

Mental discipline

6. Right Effort

7. Right mindfulness

8. Right concentration

Adhering to these rules is believed to lead us to resolutely end our sufferings and achieve enlightenment and/or break the samsara cycle. Now in the first place, what are these attachments that cause suffering this life we call samsara? Yes there are many but in Buddhism it is mainly categorized into 10 shackles that tie us to samsara.

Drishti

Vichikitsa

Silabbata-paramasa

Kama-raga

Vyapada

Rupa-raga

Arupa-raga

Mana

Udhacca

Avidya

These are mainly called the 10 fetters, its important to keep in mind that the first five mentioned are known as the Lower fetters, as they are tied to the realm of senses/sensuous world. While the next five are called the Higher fetters as they are oriented with the immaterial world in mind. I will try to expand on these without taking too much time afterward.

For a better understanding, individuals who have crossed a certain umber of fetters each have a name attached to them, fro example, One that is free from 1-3 is called a Sotapanna, One, who is already beyond 1-3, and has now overcome 4 and 5, is called a Sakadagami.

And, One who is fully freed from 1-5 fetters is known as an Anagami. Lastly, One who is freed from all 10 fetters is called an Arahat. under these circumstances, as I have briefly explained, Shoyo (I mean the whole man himself, I'm not differentiating at all, Shoyo, and Utsuro are all the same man and mind, which I will delve into more specifically later on), fit into the category of Anagami.

Now as much as i would love to explore all of these manacles of samsara. I am mainly going to focus on the chains that strongly binds Yoshida Shoyo specifically to the wheel of samsara. And these fetters are Vyapada, Arupa-raga, Udhacca (most predominant fetters in his life) and some little dabbling into Mana and Avidya(essentially the Higher fetters).

To start off ill explain these terms, Vyapada in summary means ill will, or wishing harm upon others. Vyapada can also go hand in hand with Dvesha, which literally means hatred. Displaying vyapada includes, killing, destruction, ruin, evil design and malice. All of which this immortal man has done for centuries on end. Vyapada typically has 3 categories of varying vyapada, and is also considered as "wrong intention" in essence.

Those 3 are Vyapadasankappa(intention of ill will), kamasankappa (lust) and vihimsasankappa (intention of harm). NOW I CLARIFY, Shoyo had only committed to vyapadasankappa and vihimsasankappa, NOT kamasankappa, im emphasising this as i will explain why this anomaly is done so. Shoyo did have vyapada prevalent in his life but it was only the 2 aspects i had mentioned, excluding the kama one, like i said, i will explain after i briefly flit through the other shackles of samsara in Shoyo's life.

As mentioned before, this comes under the implications that in the 10 fetters found within the wheel of samsara, only the higher fetters were the challenges Yoshida Shoyo had to overcome, this leap in fetter can be contributed to the fact that his life was not allowed to be normal as he did not live like how the average human should, both in lifespan, social acceptance and treatment, as well as inability to live on his own terms.

Now, Arupa-raga, in a nutshell is defined as the craving for immaterial existence... yea i think you can see where im going with this, call it death, samadhi, moksha, nirvana. You name it, in essence, its the end of the cycle, or desire to attain heaven, dissolving the soul, salvation, there's many terms for it.

But to wrap it up in short thats what arupa-raga is. Rupa-raga is a fetter which is one step below arupa-raga, like how their names are similar, both are the cravings for the unknown, or samadhi, heaven, whichever interpretation you may have. Rupa-raga simply defined means the craving for fine-material existence. To summarise, it means the want to have a peaceful mind, with tranquility and serenity to become one's core.

And for the mind to become one-pointed, or more focused to a purpose. In this regard, its possible that we would try to conclude that Yoshida shoyo is suitable to this category, due to the way he lived his life in around those 15 years of time he was Yoshida Shoyo. However, it should be clear that even when he was Yoshida shoyo or all of his previous years before that, and afterward too after his "execution" in the war.

But yet, he had longed to become human, and wanted to embrace his humanity, despite his origin, so that can be considered his quest through rupa-ruga He had explicitly, stated he wanted to become human, embrace his human nature and compassion, but it did prove to not be fruitful as his journey with shoka sonjuku did not last very long. This is before he crosses the threshold to arupa-ruga.

Moving on, throughout his whole life, his Arupa-raga had always remained strong, however, due to his immortality, atleast when he started shoka sonjuku he had to adjust to being one fetter below, rupa-raga.

The difference is, that arupa-raga is not the end goal, it is still a fetter to overcome, so his arupa-raga was one of the strongest fetters in his life.

Nonetheless, staying stuck to it will not lead him to his salvation, which could explain why it was put off for thousands of years. Because at the end of the day, even though it is a non physical craving, it is still a mental image conjured up, thus it leads to an illusion, which is why arupa-raga is also a fetter to overcome, not indulge in.

His path as Utsuro proved to be an obstacle as even though his end goal was salvation, his craving for samadhi, freedom from samsara, desperation to end it all, it is also what caused him to get stuck in arupa-raga for a certain period of time.

Which explains his grandeur plans to end himself, the universe and vice versa. In simple terms arupa-raga is the yearning for bliss and crossing your physical limits, aligned with spirituality and the soul, possibly, it can also point to wishing for enlightenment.

I'm going to digress a bit to explain something important. If, speculation that this is, if yoshida shoyo demonstrates the path through rupa-raga, arupa-raga which is the next stage, is where utsuro, the final boss, extremely nihilistic personality, was born.

Now bear with me, if you rewatch/reread the Silver Soul arc, you will realize that in the instance where Utsuro goes to meet the space elders or whatever u wanna call them, the Harusame geezers, Utsuro had clearly stated that throughout his whole empty life, now has come to this form, this personality, born from him to finally and resolutely put an end to it all.

In essence, Utsuro is mainly his mantle, more than his name, as it was used throughout his time in Naraku. However, as much as all the personalities he took on during were violent and wished death towards, well anything in general. All those personalities didn't wish for the extreme end of the world and the universe, nor were any of them trying to speed run his death and finding options to kill himself.

Utsuro however, the moment he rises after the joui war, had actively worked towards securing the route of ending everything. In the scene of Yoshida Shoyo's beheading, Utsuro shows up among a pile of Shoyo's corpses(executed personalities) and tells Shoyo," There is no need to suffer anymore, I will put an end to everything".

So in short, Utsuro is truly the grim reaper he created, the all-encompassing destroyer that had risen within himself to finally end everything that caused him pain. I need to explain this more elaborately so ill do it in another segment below sorry.

Now back to Arupa-raga, so it goes to say that arupa-raga was the undoing that had more resolutely began Shoyo's path to salvation and nirvana.

Even though it was self-destructing in many ways. i say this as his desire to go beyond his body, to finally wear off his lifespan and end himself, is what had sealed the absolute nature of him finally attaining nirvana. As through this heavy yearning and rush to end things no matter what anyone or anything comes between his path, is what solidified his absolute end, after over a millenium of reincarnations.

After Arupa-raga, comes mana, mana means conceit, pride and arrogance. i realise that the more i elaborate on each of these steps, we can realise it also comes in line with how Shoyo had behaved until his death. If Shoyo is rupa-raga, utsuro is arupa-raga, and after that the next fetter is conceit, and as you may realise, yoshida shoyo, at the very least, did not show himself to be a gloating arrogant man, he was very much down to earth.

Nevertheless, after his birth as Utsuro, Utsuro is often shown as conceited and smug, especially when he was arrogant in the finale that he had deceived the students of Shoka Sonjuku, but his arrogance and impatience are what ultimately lead him to lose miserably to Gintoki and Takasugi (i HATE saying this cuz he is literally my majestic goat).

See how these fetters align with his life? mana along with arupa-raga is what sped up his demise, which is what he was wishing for, but the nihilistic side of Shoyo's did fail, as Earth had survived. Alas, Utsuro did come to terms with himself and finally stopped hiding from embracing humanity, in his last moments.

However, the contrast of mana is that this superiority complex also stems from inferiority complex, it can also mean, how can you think you know more than me? This can be shown when during the silver soul fight, Utsuro said something along the lines of "Can you defeat this dragon tho?"(LMAO) where he was referring to himself.

NOW BY ALL MEANS, he is truly a dragon, and the strongest man in the verse. But his blatant statements and goading during this fight goes to show that he had grown arrogant when his plan was very close to fruition. Thus this concludes his crossing of the 8th fetter, mana.

Then comes the 9th fetter, udhacca, restlessness and worry is the simple definition of it, it also defines guilt and regret. Udhacca is also a hindrance to nirvana, as it diverts the mind from reality, this is a truth for Shoyo, as his whole ordeal of multiple personality disorders, was ultimately his undoing, and is what led him to lose all the things and bonds he had built.

MPD is just ONE of his problems, his regrets, his sins he wished to wash away, his bloodthirst he had abandoned, as Yoshida Shoyo, can also be seen plaguing his mind as Yoshida Shoyo, as Katsura had explicitly stated," looking back, the vacant look he would sometimes have in his eyes, might have been him staring at the giant shadow of his past." another event that took place before this when Oboro had suggested opening a school and Shoyo had stated that he has nothing to teach, and would rather learn along with the students, of how to wash his bloodstained hands.

This shows how he demonstrated immense guilt and regret for all the murders he had committed for centuries along with how he had said that even though his sins are immense, he will try to atone for them as long as he lives(happened when he escaped from Naraku and was talking to Oboro of how he would lead his life as Yoshida Shoyo, his true nature).

Next it showed to be predominant... remember how i talked about Utsuro being very conceited during the silver soul fight especially, yea, and right after that, he had such a big inner turmoil when he realised that gintoki would be able to bring an end to him, as lo and behold, Utsuro, or more to say Shoyo, was the one that enabled Gintoki to become capable enough to end his life of hate and suffering.

Utsuro struggles and loses focus of a fight 10 v 1 that he absolutely had in the bag (still held up like a champ against the strongest characters) while thinking back on how his life as Yoshida Shoyo, such a small time spent compared to his thousands of years of living, is what had resolutely led him to almost be defeated and have his universe destroying plan busted,all because his life as Shoyo, in those 15 years approx., crafted all these students capable enough to stop and end him.

Moreover, in the silver soul fight, his inner conflict, is what led his udhacca, his worry, his anxiety to skyrocket once again, as Shoyo he was calm and collected till the end, as Utsuro he was smug and cunning, he was only ever anxious and restless before he was Yoshida Shoyo, where he was living in guilty and worry over the murders and agonizing life he has lived. An emotion that had remained dormant for over 15 years and more, finally returned during his fight in Silver Soul.

As he realized just the magnitude of his deeds and the small smile that he had unwillingly let slip, created such a wave of changes in so many people, from Shoka Sonjuku all the way to Edo. And by that, his own deeds to change himself, even though he returned to emptiness afterward, is what ultimately halted his plan of destruction.

Blatant examples are when he had hesitated to fend off Gintoki when he reminisced of him when he was a child and was teaching him, and also when Nobume had confronted him and he finally started hesitating. Yes he mostly was taken aback by the tenacity of the human spirit, but Nobume was able to stunt him for a while too, she has due credit that should be given to her.

And by that explanation, his udhacca is what stunted his success, and had let him to falter and eventually give up and jump into the dragon veins to at least get one upper hand and recollect himself. To then return in the finale and attempt to destroy the planet once more. That is how Shoyo had crossed the threshold of udhacca, the 9th fetter to reach the last fetter, the 10th manacle, Avidya.

We have finally reached the last stage, the last obstacle, shoyo's last hindrance to nirvana, and it was longggg overdue. In buddhism, avidya, or called ignorance to make things easier for us, points NOT towards lacking the knowledge to know things, but rather means our misconceptions/misunderstandings of reality. Like assuming that the wrong things are right. In this regard, ignorance is considered one of the biggest fuels for the three poisons demonstrated in buddhism. By this flow, ignorance is considered one of the, if not the hardest obstacle to overcome before attaining nirvana.

This is due to the fact that this ignorance is extremely common among humans, and is indoctrinated into us since young, a person's ego also contributes to this. Ignorance is without a doubt the most difficult manacle to break, as it involves shaking the very fundamentals of our thoughts, our personality, our morals, our ideals and beliefs. Overcoming ignorance or abandoning avidya, can very much shatter one's existence, which is tow is what nirvana also means when it points to breaking the wheel of samsara, and thus freeing ourselves from rebirth/ reincarnations.

Now, where did Shoyo demonstrate avidya? Where did he show himself to be ignorant? One such instance is well, of course, back to the Silver Soul fight. After showing Udhacca, in the end when he jumps back and talks while everyone is distracted, with only Gintoki listening in, even though he admitted that he knew the strength of humanity and that it was even capable of erasing his eternal hate.

Along with how his short life as Yoshida Shoyo is what led him to realise that that aspect of him is what he truly was and that his hatred becomes a mere fragment in front of the life of Yoshida Shoyo, no matter how cut short it was. This goes to sow that he had come to terms with himself, and was very well aware of the truth.

But yet, he still chose to go ahead with his plan, risking everything to accomplish it. When he starts losing the upper hand, mere moments before jumping into the dragon vein, he says that the humans can cry and be anguished over this state, he says that this isn't the end, and eventually, they will also be experiencing agony beyond measure, and all will be for naught. Pointing to how he also wants to make them feel the sadness and emptiness he did.

His ignorances becomes clear her as he had clearly reflected upon himself and realized humanity cannot be defeated, but yet, chooses to stick with his beliefs that humans are horrible and irredeemable, despite his sudden introspection. This goes to show that even though he was aware of the truth, very much so with first-hand experience, still chose to believe that no, humans are not worth living, and they should suffer in sorrow and then perish along with me.

This clearly shows us how he chose to stick to his nihilistic beliefs and was adamant in his hateful judgement of humans, refusing to back down from his planet-destroying plan. THIS is the ignorance that contributed to his ultimate loss. This ignorance is what made him stir up such chaos in line with killing himself along with the world, when in the instance that he didn't fall victim to his ignorance, he may have attained a much more peaceful and honest solution where he could finally attain his goal of ending his life.

Therefore, ignorance, the most troublesome ordeal to come out of, was what was stopping Shoyo from reaching nirvana long ago. I say this as of course, there are ways to overcome this ignorance, a few of them being ethical conduct, where you put the wellbeing of others beyond yours and cease doing harm to others and ourselves.

Second is Meditation, where we balance out the emotions and turmoil within ourselves, one of them is learning to let your anger go, or stop being enslaved to it, and practicing patience. Meditation essentially helps to cultivate our perception and clarity. Overall, it just makes our mind more relaxed and our life easier.

Thirdly, wisdom also plays a role in defeating ignorance. This is training the mind to be mindful of our speech, actions, thoughts and experience. Can you see where im going with this lmao, Yoshida Shoyo is a clear example of how, in his short time of running Shoka Sonjuku, had strived to overcome his ignorance.

All these traits are predominant in the character that is Yoshida Shoyo, he was by far the wisest and most broad-minded individual, and was also extremely self-sacrificial and caring. Hence, this elaborates how he DID attempt to overcome his ignorance, the last fetter, before finally attaining freedom.

Now your question may be, then how tf did he become such an evil character, Utsuro? Simple, despite his efforts to overcome his sorrow, it was just too immense for a person to handle, even though he isn't ordinary, the abuse and torture he faced for SO LONG. Is what deflected him from staying true to this path.

Even though he was very much aware of his nature and his soul, he was still a victim of Multiple personality disorder, and it is very unpredictable and uncontrollable, for the average person. Hence, even though mind-wise he did attempt to change, his pain was just too immense, that his MPD had reacted when he was executed.

Now to put things in perspective, imagine you lead a life of hate, and then you realise, that you don't want to live like this anymore, you want a life of light and happiness, and mostly peace. And you did that so, you tried your best to be kind and considerate, changing lives for the better as you go. But it only lasted a short while, before your past caught up to you, before the ignorance and ego of humans caught up to you. Now for the problems of some damn government and other species, now YOU are the one paying for their crimes. By having your children watch you die, knowing that you will cause irreversible trauma to them.

And whats worse, the child you raised, the child you wanted to do better for the world, for himself and his people that he cares about. Now he is the one who has to behead you, and god knows what damage that will cause to him. How would you feel? Hopeless? Tired? fed up? Angered? Saddened? Mostly negative emotions isn't it.

EVEN THOUGH it clearly shows Shoyo turning to smile and thank Gintoki, it also shows that he knows his mind would not stand for this insolence, this absolute bullshit that even though he tried to be true to himself and turn over a new leaf, the world didn't let him, it still spat at him, still persecuted him, and is now also torturing the people he took under his wing, innocent lives also now suffer.

Even though he was wise enough to know that Gintoki and the rest would eventually be better, From his personal perspective, deep down, wouldn't he feel wronged? that all his efforts were in vain? That he wasn't allowed to live a peaceful life even when he tried his best to?

Thus, comes the birth of Utsuro. He vanquishes all the other personalities conflicted with turmoil and finally puts down Shoyo, stating that even his kindest side, couldn't reform these arrogant humans. He finally comes to the conclusion that no matter what he tried, including overcoming these fetters, it ultimately didn't help him, and his hate for humans sparked again. This hate eats away at him, and finally, Utsuro rises(literally, from the ashes).

In my opinion, i think Utsuro would have gone about destroying the world even if the Naraku didn't accept him as their leader again, He is very much capable of acting alone, but as the cunning and shrewd man he is, he probably thought of the bigger picture, what if the surrounding forces turned on earth and humans, destroying them, wouldn't that satiate his hate for them? and in turn the universe will also perish in the war he will orchestrate. It would be a win-win for him.

So, he then embarks on this journey, enjoying his own nihilistic beliefs and turning away from the noble eight-fold path, abandoning his efforts to overcome ignorance and attain freedom, rather choosing to indulge in his hatred and fuel to destroy whatever exists. Now bringing an end to the universe itself is also pointing to breaking the cycle, he clearly does so nobody will suffer. So it was more of a universal nirvana lmao.

And even though he chose to fall back into hate, apathy, nihilism and ignorance. HE had still yearned for freedom all the same.

Which is why it is important to realise that multiple personality disorder is just one aspect of this man, regardless of the extreme spectrum of his personalities, they all stem from one mind, one brain, and hence, are all just parts, puzzle pieces that build up Yoshida Shoyo's soul. A human is made up of love and hate, apathy and compassion, light and dark. Shoyo is the example of the extremes of a human's psyche, and how his experience can orient how they live their lives through out time.

Thus, With these 5 higher fetters his only obstacles, i hope i provided better understanding of how he struggled with each of these and tried to overcome them. As for the lower fetters, they are known as sensuous fetters. As I've discussed many times before, they were no problem, as Shoyo was always yearning for death, to leave his body and wasn't the least bit concerned about physical indulgence in anything, that just how his character is crafted and made into. Sensuous points were just useless to him and he had no interest in any of them whatsoever.

The only indulgence he did however have was food, now food is the most vital thing for humans, so that is an exception, along with the fact that he has a very advanced and strong body, with the stamina that can rival the earth, it can explain that he also has a big stomach. There are actually many monks, saints, or heightened beings, who have crossed many fetters, but still favour food largely and love to eat.

So, Yoshida shoyo, had no trouble with the lower fetters, scratch that it wasn't even a concern for him, he had knowingly or unknowingly already crossed them during his first few years when he was persecuted and tortured unfortunately. As him dying repeatedly will just make him detached from his physical body.

Which is why I have said statements like Yoshida Shoyo is truly a virgin, and theres an essay for that too I'll link it here as well. Now in vyapada i had mentioned how he did not in any way indulge in kamasankappa, this is because he has already crossed the wants and needs in physical ways, which includes lust, so yea there you have it. Ive already made many posts about this so i will link it below.

Also, he has died way too many times like he died multiple times in one day, especially during his first few centuries. So his libido stays dead too. In short, lust is for those who hold a strong attachment to their bodies, so the average human, however, Yoshida Shoyo strays much much MUCH away from it. So yea there you have it.

For a more clear explanation you can refer to my post here. It isn't extremely elaborate and is much shorter, but i do get my points across. Do refer to it as necessary as you find it.

Monk attributes

Now comes my favourite part lol, Yoshida Shoyo definitely acts like a monk, and i would even say he strived for it, exempting the bloodshed lmao sorry, he did strive to live like a monk, and man do i have so many examples for it. Oboro was also aiming to act like a monk, i have short post about it but delving into the topic anymore regarding the students of Shoka Sonjuku will be done another day. For now lets focus on this monk, Yoshida Shoyo LMAOO. In a literal sense, I'm not saying he was a full fledged official one, mostly I'm adhering to the fact that his characteristics were that of one, is what I'm getting at.

One of those conditions is that he recollects his past lives, for humans it normally means of remembering your past incarnations, as much as it may vary, this itself takes practice, however, Yoshida Shoyo did get reborn multiple times, but not in the same way humans did, it was the same physical state, same body, and same conditions, as his body can regenerate regardless of whatever death or destruction he may face.

Therefore, with this upper hand, along with his immortality through out these phases, recollecting his past lives is no issue for him. As much as monks can also be views as priests, saints, people who prioritise god in their lives. In many cases, monks can also be seen as people who try to cross the boundaries they have in their lives, striving for a higher purpose, or simply set themselves free. In Buddhism, nirvana is considered the highest priority, as experiencing the wheel of samsara, the wheel of suffering, is expected to strive to break that suffering.

Hence the come about of nirvana. In short, the goal of buddhism is to reach salvation/nirvana, or enlightenment. Or both, but usually if enlightenment comes nirvana will also follow. This is a whole conversation for another time. yes of course there's the obvious fact that Shoyo wished for a definite end, which is essentially nirvana. This is one of the qualities expected when becoming a recluse, ascetic, monk, whatever you name it. Since it has already been discussed, I'll try to focus on the characteristics now. Very basic qualities are wisdom, humility, and compassion, all of which I believe Yoshida Shoyo displayed everytime we see his life as Yoshida Shoyo.

Moreover, for a man that resorted to murder for over centuries, had suddenly dropped his weapons and violence when he ran away from Naraku. For example, when he was telling Oboro of how they would deflect the Naraku members chasing them, he strictly said they will not resort to killing. This shows to go his discipline and his conscious decision to step away from violence and brute force.

Even though Naraku members were indoctrinated to be emotionless and not care about themselves, as i had discussed a few segments ago. even for those emotionless, soulless, dead inside beings, Shoyo had decided that they shouldn't be killed, even though they were at the receiving side of violence. This shows that Shoyo, despite his past, had turned over a new leaf and decided, that no matter who they may be, a life is still a life, and that life force should not be harmed.

That is one of the fundamentals of buddhism. And when he does find Gintoki, he suggest he strives to protect his soul, rather than his body or defeat his enemies. This displays the notion that one should always strive to remain true to their soul, without finding the need to put down others. Shoyo's teachings were considered radical during that era, as he advocated for individualism and free will, rather than adhering to social norms, and only finding purpose in serving a master, a clan, or a higher authority.

This would end up in posing a threat to the government, as it will destroy the submission people give to the government, and can incite rebellions, due to the mistreatment and docile nature they are expected to have.Which is why Shoyo was branded a traitor and accused of spreading propaganda, which was the excuse they used to subdue and arrest him for before the war.

Coming to Shoka Sonjuku, its no secret that in Gintama, Shoka Sonjuku was said to be a temple school, Shoyo himself had stated it a few times. This is of course, referenced from history, as a temple school, or also known as Terakoya, was something that came up during the period of Edo, the literal definition of Terakoya is a temple school, which is categorized as a private school too. Which was also said to be what Shoka Sonjuku was, where Shoyo was running it for free.

Temple schools branch out from buddhist temples and were educational facilities which descended from them. While samurai were expected to learn in a public school, other groups of people were more oriented towards going to temple schools, now at the time some samurai ran temple schools, a fictional example is Yoshida Shoyo of course.

And temple schools did last for a while up until they were abolished in the Meiji period, where public schools were then made compulsory. With the historical context, it can point to how Shoyo chose to run such a school given that the rules were strict and that he could only have some leeway to teach what he wanted to teach after establishing a private school, which was also completely free, and welcomed any type of individual regardless of their background, which was considered radical during that period.

However i would also like to believe as i mentioned in the first segment, that when Shoyo was born he was most likely taken in by one of the shrines monitoring the dragon holes, and grew up there till a young age, which could possibly explain his reason for leaning towards Buddhism and its connections when it came down to him wanting to lead a simple life.

His past experience with buddhism and temples is what could have made it much easier for him to choose to establish a private school, a temple school, rather than fighting against the laws and confronting the rigid and strict public schools that were domineering at the time. So his connections to temples, buddhism, to spirituality from the get-go, considering dragon veins were also a big spiritual belief way before its existence was established in the Gintama verse, goes to show his deep-rooted connection to these aspects.

Moreover, as a educator adhering to the branches stemming from buddhist temples. He is also expected to dedicate himself to his work and improving the lives of others, teaching them the ways of life, and prioritising the wellbeing of others, especially the upcoming generation above his. Especially in a. time of war and crisis at the time. With propaganda and indoctrination soaring and dominating the field.

Thus, this makes me see it as that Yoshida shoyo's life did resembles that of a monk in a very similar way Hell, I think that if he came back or somehow lived after the finale he would just go back to being a recluse and running a quiet temple school yet again, this time really becoming a monk to detach himself from all the unnecessary problems he had in his life and with people frl.

Crossing worldly desires

Ive already discussed this before, but the gist of it is that throughout his whole life we can observe that he never really shows a care for anything materialistic or banal, of course due to the life he lived, which contributes to this. His whole character arc shows him striving for something more, or to become something more, which many people in the verse itself couldn't really grasp and it took them a long time to understand how he was the way he was. So since I've already explained it previously this is just a short summary.

Unable to cross over MPD

This was also discussed before, as even though he had so much wisdom and knowledge given his age and more. It still leaves a blank to the audience for a while on why he regressed to such a hateful personality. Like i mentioned, before, it could be due to the fact that deep down he felt wronged yet again, he may have been hateful, vengeful and violent at first, which would explain his consequences, but now, when he finally changes for the better, quells his rage and tries to walk the noble path.

He gets shunned yet again, ending up in ending his life yet again, regardless of what cool demeanour he may show outside, emotionally he would have still been in a whirlwind. Which explains why his hate burst out yet again to consume him and in turn point his rage towards everything in existence.

MPD basically starts off when a person tries to control their emotions and thoughts too much, bottling up these feelings will eventually burst out in some ways, this is a very much watered-down definition of what MPD is, but you get the gist.

However he does not have MPD the same way victims usually do and is incredibly self aware and remembers himself.

Multiple Personality disorder is very much uncontrollable to a human, it also includes not remembering what your personalities do if it takes over. A common sign is that one personality may not remember what the other personality did, so basically memory loss or amnesia. However, in this regard, Yoshida Shoyo differs. As he can clearly remember all the events in his life, as long as it may be. There's proof of this in literally almost all of his appearances in Gintama.

The first one literally being when he fights Gintoki in the Farewell Shinsengumi, and he says the exact same lines he had said as Yoshida Shoyo decades ago, to taunt Gintoki and make him realize it is truly his teacher that stands before him yet again. It was also to catch him off guard to cut him off. So he had known exactly what words to use due to his memory. So the difference im bringing here is that usually, victims don't remember what they do, however, Shoyo remembered it all, regardless of which personality he was.

Next example is when he is on a spaceship observing the Joui 4 students and he tells Oboro how he would have to teach his students(children) a lesson yet again, now this can serve as mockery, but it also goes to show that he is still very much familiar with them, even though they never knew this vengeful side of him. Oboro also realises, as he also bids his farewell as his student(child) from Shoka Sonjuku before heading off to fight off Takasugi and eventually die.

Another blatant example is during the silver soul fight yet again, when he reminisces about Gintoki as a child when Gintoki rushes to cut him down. It's literally how parents view their children when they do something in Infront of them, they can't help but see them as the children they used to be, since well, they are the children he raised. And no matter how many of them change or may drift apart, their bond and history will still remain the same.

Like this there are many more examples, and i hope i can compile them together soon to make a post.

Shoyo is a smile Utsuro let slip

This was in fact a very well-know dialouge from Gintama, said by Nobume, Shoyo's last student from shoka sonjuku. As this suggests, this line encapsulates of how utsuro(shoyo) did not intend to let the wish to be happy deep down, to seep through the cracks and show itself.

He wished to keep it buried and fuel his hate for as long as he could, and give back all the bloodshed the humans had caused him. All the deaths to hit them back. However, he could only hold it back for so long, as this yearning for peace had also bursted through at some point, leading him to abandon his life of Naraku and pursue his own path.

Shoyo was a glimpse of happiness that had slipped through his endless agony called life, and since it was held down for so long, his smile lasted for a few years, and it would have lasted till the end, had the war not happened, and had the government not intervened in his path again. Which is why i constantly want to drive the point home that Shoyo and Utsuro are no different, it is all the one and same man.

This displays the complexities and extremes of what a human can do and feel. And completely disregarding that to treat hm as two different people, completely misses the whole point of what his character stands for.

Why it is lowkey incorrect to call Shoyo as Utsuro(in terms of legitimate name) or Shoyoutsuro and why I always call him Yoshida shoyo even when he is Utsuro

You would have noticed that i called Yoshida shoyo as Shoyo even when he was working under the name of Utsuro. Fundamentally, it should be understood that Utsuro means emptiness, void, hollow and vice versa. However, it isn't a name truly. It can be seen as more of a mantle.

It goes to show how he has abandoned his humanity, or more so of wasn't even able to embrace humanity, due to his nature and life. However, the whole thing of his smile slipping and Yoshida Shoyo suppressing his centuries worth of hate, shows how he had finally had enough of himself, choosing to change himself for the better. So it is a journey of self-discovery, and learning, despite his bloody past.

After which he chooses the name of Yoshida Shoyo. He himself blatantly states this in silver soul when Gintoki raises him for a short while. He says that he has taken on many names, but this is who he was truly who he was. You heard it from the man himself everybody. And in other parts too it suggest how Shoyo was his true self and his fundamental self. Detaching all of his past and actions too in some instances.

So when people call him Utsuro, it really just refers to his mantle, it shows how he wants to make the universe void too, make it empty after destroying it. It mostly adheres to that goal, and himself at the moment when he renounces his entire existence to achieve his deadly goal.

There are people who call him shouyoutsuro, which is to likely drive the point home that its the one and same man, however, i feel like calling him Shoyo would suffice. As even during the end, when he returns to destroy planets and earth, I see it as the man named Yoshida Shoyo taking on the mantle of Utsuro to solidify his role as the grim reaper of the universe. This is mostly because Yoshida Shoyo was specifically a name he chose for himself.

Significance behind Utsuro parting his hair

This is just a small fun detail to think about, from the beginning up until the end of his life being shoka sonjuku's teacher, Shoyo had his fringe covering his forehead. However, when the final boss Utsuro is born, he pushes back his messy fringe, leaving his forehead bare. Now this could pertain to the fact that he wanted to show that he wasn't the same anymore, he was no longer going to be nice to humans, nor was he going to be out for blood and start killing like the assassin he used to be.

He resolved to destroy earth in a more orderly manner, and by having earth destroyed completely, instead of settling for more smaller ways to execute humans. It shows how he was truly done with his previous ways of life and wanted to end everything as soon as possible.

An interesting way we could see this is that the third eye is located on the forehead, so him finally uncovering forehead and pushing back his fringe, could also possibly mean on how he thinks he is no longer blind to the truth anymore and that he is finally clear on the true nature of things and humanity, which explains his unshakeable resolve to end life itself. A bit of a thought-provoking thing to ponder about hmmm.

Fight with Gintoki

As Yoshida shoyo, we never see him fight anyone seriously, and as utsuro, we have the fight with Gintoki (backed up by Nobume and Okita), the fight with Umibozu, and then the silver soul fight, Edo vs Utsuro, and then 10 v 1). In this fight against Gintoki, its his first immediate fight after he reveals himself as the final antagonist and gintoki fights against Utsuro. In this fight Utsuro almost kills Nobume when Gintoki rises from the rubble to fend him off.

This does serve as his purpose to rid himself of loose ends, as Gintoki and anyone else from shoka sonjuku are the ones who can truly find out his weakness and bring him down. This is just speculation of course.

He also showed himself to be a smug and cunning man, taunting Gintoki as much as possible while also sneering down on all of them, ridiculing them of their weak wills and how predictable they were. However, for the strongest man in the world, and has remained unmatched thus far, he seemed invested in the fight against Gintoki, given how he was the one that trained Gintoki and now it has come to a time where his child himself will have to try and cut him down seriously, there is no more sparring anymore.

Fight with Umibozu

The fight with Umibozu did seem a bit shallow to me, mostly because Utsuro wasn't really locking in like it was life and death akin to Umibozu. Yes it did show a lot of introspective from Umibozu, stating his regrets with his wife and how he had still not gotten over her. he still calls her his wife, and he is her husband. So that was one thing that made Umibozu stand out, as he was a very much dedicated husband, who was trying to atone in ways to pay back his wife for all the pain he had caused her.

Even though she willingly left her planet with him. He tries to salvage what gift he had for her to try and bring down the immortal who posed a danger to earth, and in turn his kids, especially Kagura, his daughter. Yea Utsuro was gonna destroy the whole universe too yes thats a reason too of course.

And i digress, about that whole boner thing its kinda obvious that it was for comedic purposes and to show how endangered the Yatos were, from my reading, i mostly read that Umibozu already had a boner when fighting the Orochi, before meeting Kouka, and when he did meet her his ding dong stood up again, but this time with a more conscious reaction lmao.

So his fight with both Orochi and Utsuro was just a survival instinct for the Yatos due to them being an endangered species, Umibozu does view Utsuro as a unfathomable and fearful monster as stated by himself, much like the Orochi, or even more terrifying than the Orochi themselves.

Given how he was very much sure he was going to die and was describing Urusro as this unpredictable phenomena who was much too emotionless and monstrous. While kouka is the anomaly here as aforementioned as Umibozu deeply valued her from the get-go and literally worshipped the ground she walked on.

Since Umibozu fell in love with Kouka immediately. So in this case the Orochi and Utsuro are in the same category, Kouka being the exception and becoming his wife. Now back to the battle of these decomposing corpses, Utsuro is be shown acting nonchalant, aloof, and smiling half-heartedly, once again taunting Umibozu.

I feel like his actions were more of like trying to see if he could actually "kill" him. Given how the last time he "died" was when he was beheaded by Gintoki and then burnt on the pyre, after which he rose out of the ashes. So it would have been more than a decade since he last had his body die. When Umibozu wrongfully assumes that the altana crystal will kill him, he tricks Umibozu and regenerates to cut him down again, in which Umibozu finally becomes immobilized.

Not going all out in one or both of these fights

I will stand by this and will die on this hill, Utsuro was not going all out in his fight with Umibozu, yes umibozu is very strong, considered the strongest, but with the way Utsuro was acting it seemed like he was still unserious about the whole fight, while Umibozu as prepared for the consequences of dying.

He was aloof and smiling through out the whole ordeal, even when he was killed, and regenerated. He finally says that he's grateful that he was able to die again after so long, a mere glimpse into what the end of the cycle would look like for his immortal body. And then speaks in a complacent manner about how he would meet them all in the afterlife, considering Umibozu was very close to being dead.

As it shows right after of how he was ready to join Kouka, his love that he has never gotten over of and dearly misses, but she didn't let him, which is a metaphor for how his duties as a father isn't done yet mostly. ANOTHER fact i have to back up the claim that Utsuro did not go all out on the fight is once again during the silver soul arc fight, when he is fighting off both Umibozu and Kami, and he still fends for himself like a king(yes I'm glazing).

Even the strongest Yatos could only act as a cog in this whole organization of bringing down Utsuro along with many other people like Gintoki and the gang, Shinsengumi and his other two children, who were also extremely powerful, even all of them combined struggled to bring down Utsuro.

SO, this solidifies my statement that Utsuro INDEED was not serious during his fight with Umibozu, just like his fight with Gintoki, The only place where he did lose composure and felt like losing was in the silver soul fight, before that all his fights were simply battles that were a guaranteed win for him or just took it as an opportunity to make them suffer or taunt them, mostly to sneer down on them.

Shocked with Gintoki, not shocked with Umibozu

In the first fight against Gintoki, Utsuro was shocked to see Gintoki come back to fight him. This could be due to the fact that Gintoki will soon become aware of who he is and how their lives have already been connected. He’s literally his dad in a sense and taught Gintoki everything he knows.

Meanwhile, Utsuro is unserious and aloof until the very end, brushing it off like nothing happened, just as he acts in every other situation. The only scenarios where Utsuro was actually caught off guard were those involving his students. This could reflect that even though his personality as Utsuro was present, there was still inner turmoil going on—his different fragments fighting against each other and his past still haunting him despite his resolution to destroy everything. This is just my observation.

Fight with everyone in silver soul arc

This fight was the one where we finally got to learn more of Utsuro's thoughts, as before that, it had been stated that no one could predict or understand his actions or the reasons behind them. But when his plan came close to fruition, his arrogance caused him to fumble, which led Gintoki and the gang to crack down on him and foil his initial plans of exploding the planet, lmao.

This is the only fight, before the one in the finale, where he slips up and hesitates. He was such a formidable and unpredictable opponent before; he was considered someone against whom it was useless to fight, as it felt like kicking down on the Earth itself.

But now, he was weakened and having second thoughts, doubting himself once again and becoming agitated after realizing just how much all these humans and his past bothered him. This led to the crack down and his trying to save face by jumping into the dragon veins to regenerate and come back with a better plan, riddled with cunningness, in the finale.

Gintama Finale fight

Utsuro obviously didn't have the upper hand here, his consciousness was in Takasugi who was actively rebelling and throwing off Utsuro, along with Oboro's little help. Takasugi taking over control is what allowed Gintoki to finally defeat Utsuro. If it was Shoyo's original body, it is without a doubt that he would clear out anybody.

Which is mostly the reason Sorachi made Utsuro get stuck in this situation, so that his ignorance and arrogance cane be shown of how it led to him messing up and finally using that crack to defeat him finally. Gintoki himself states how Takasugi did the most work in defeating Utsuro as he was the one reining in control over his own body and threw Utsuro off his senses.

Only let his guard down with his students

Utsuro was caught off guard by both Gintoki and Nobume, who were students of his, in terms of dialogues they were the ones that strongly challenged Utsuro's beliefs and brought back the same self-confident energy that Utsuro displayed. The others were trying their best to bring him down and was more of a way to rid themselves of the danger that could destroy them, and overcome their fear of the form of death himself, Utsuro.

Yearning for inclusiveness and happiness

This Silver soul fight also drives home the point of how Utsuro, no matter how much he tried to hate humans, he still deeply wanted to connect with people and wanted to be included, he wanted to allowed to be human and wanted to be treated as such, but he had never once gotten the opportunity even as Yoshida Shoyo he was shunned and ridiculed, chased away from towns for his "radical views", only people who were also abandoned and shunned like him, Gintoki, Oboro, Takasugi, Katsura, and Nobume, and his other students, were able to see him as the human he was and gave him the respect he deserved.

They valued him as their guide and teacher like how they normally do in their cultures, and that is what alllowed him to be human, for a short period of time. He was content with leading a quiet life, raising his children, and taking people under his wing who suffered injustices and outcasting as well as poverty like him, But he was only able to attain peace for so long.

Significance behind different birthdays for Shoyo and Utsuro

Shoyo has two different birthdays, one is on August 4th(Shoyo) and another is on October 27th(Utsuro). I think that neither of these are the dates where he was actually born, as in where he was born as a baby through the dragon veins and being popped out of the dragon holes near the shrines.

I think august 4th is the day "his smile he let slip" and he changed his ways, abandoning Naraku and starting Shoka Sonjuku. While October 27th is the day he was beheaded as Yoshida Shoyo by Gintoki, or to be more accurate, removed by Utsuro, his hateful side of him, taking over and Utsuro being born after destroying all his other personalities.

So it was the day his hate was born anew returning back a hundred times stronger to finally put an end to it all, nothing worthy enough to stop him anymore. SO, Utsuro was born on the day his body was beheaded at the end of the war.

Proof is the silver soul arc where he says he is neither Shoyo nor Utsuro now

In the end, Yoshida Shoyo is his true self, but according to other people's views, shoyo was just a teacher, while Utsuro the Shinigami. So in the finale when Takasugi asks him to return as their teacher to Shoka Sonjuku. he states how he is neither Shoyo nor Utsuro now, this could be because even though he had been a teacher before, after his execeution, his mantle as Utsuro and the crimes he did during that time was just too immense, riddled with blood and pain. So it would be very difficult for him to return as their teacher when he was so close to ridding the entire universe, and in turn, killing his students too.

So it shows how that regardless of all these identities, he was just a being that came from the earth. he says this when the Harusame or Tendoushuu capture him and find out his past, he says the same line there too. That he is neither Utsuro nor Shoyo, or both at the same time. Regardless of his name, he had no name given to him and was only called a devil at first.

Him repeating this statement at the finale goes to show how he believed he was truly at the end, and that there was no going back for him, he just felt remorse and regret for causing hell and chaos for his students, his children, that he cared about the most, to also be the ones to suffer the most because of him.

In the end, he was just a human who had the misfortune of immortality, and had tried to make the best out of his suffering for a while and had also committed genocide afterward, which goes to show how he was unforgiving of himself and refused to let any of this problems go any further when he sacrificed himself and apologized to his child.

His consciousness is able to spread just like the dragon veins rooted into the earth

In the movie, Gintama the final, the animation shows Utsuro looking up at Yoshida shoyo when he takes over Takasugi's body, however this differs vastly from the manga, in the manga it shows his shadow being shown behind takasugi, so the more accurate showcase would be Takausgi smiling an evil smile at Shoyo before Attempting to stab him again. As this was the scene that gave many misconceptions to the audience of Utsuro and Shoyo being two separate beings, because at this scene>>>

Utsuro was simply a shadow, his conciousness was acting, Takasugi's body had still remained the same. Even in the final fight against Gintoki, physically Gintoki could only see Takasugi as he was fighting. Showing Utsuro there was just to make it easier for us to understand it was Utsuro acting out in Takasugi's physical self. Only Oboro's depiction was shown accurately, where he was beside Takasugi and helped him push back Utsuro for a while.

So i think this is where the movie screwed up, i made a small post about it too here. Discussing how he has this skill can strike up a whole new debate, so we will just assume it's one of his many supernatural, abilities and move on.

Majority tend to forget that this single man can only have one physical body at a time

As mentioned in the scene above, it was depicted inaccurately in the finale. I'm emphasizing this as Utsuro didn't change Takasugi's appearance and only showed himself to have his consciousness remain active in Takasugi's blood. The only physical body that was actually there at the time was Yoshida Shoyo's—his true self's body. I mean to say that Shoyo can only have one physical body at a time, contrary to the common misconception.

For example, in the Rakuyo fight, after his heart was stopped and he dropped dead, his decapitated arm, which was detached from his body with his heart that stopped functioning, allowed him to regenerate his body again. We can see him standing by his dead body; there was only another body, but it was already dead. This goes to show that only if the current body drops dead can he regenerate again.

Another example is in the Silver Soul fight when he willingly cuts off his arm to throw everyone off and focus on destroying the arm while he regenerates out of sight again to jump-scare his opponents.

Finally, in the finale, Utsuro was not physically Utsuro; it was simply him taking over Takasugi's brain, and Takasugi still looked like himself throughout the whole altercation with his teacher and Gintoki. Now, even though he is the same man, why did Shoyo get caught off guard by Utsuro's consciousness in Takasugi's body, and why did Utsuro trick him and try to kill him?

From Utsuro's perspective, since his consciousness has spread by getting rid of his original body, if he successfully kills Gintoki, he would have blown up the Altana core and, in turn, also destroy Takasugi's body and Edo along with it, accomplishing his goal. Now, how did both of his personalities war with each other?

Simple: at the time Utsuro's consciousness had possessed Takasugi, he was the nihilistic personality, Utsuro, while Yoshida Shoyo had literally regenerated over two times—one being born out of the Dragon Hole again, and then sealed in a chamber in his child form, regenerating very fast yet again in the finale. Since he was reborn, he stepped onto the land as his true and original self, Yoshida Shoyo.

The consciousness of Shoyo that runs in Takasugi's blood predates back to the Silver Soul arc, which is approximately 2-3 years before going by the timeline of the Gintama verse. So Utsuro's personality is the one that retained itself in its unoriginal and salvaging way in the blood of his student, while Yoshida Shoyo was born anew in his own physical body like he always was for the last few times.

Now, the consciousness in Takasugi wasn't exactly strong nor useful, given how Utsuro had remained hidden for all this time—3 years—and yet he could only get the upper hand for a few minutes.

He believed he killed himself, his original body, but it was an illusion orchestrated by Takasugi taking control again. He lost the fight against Gintoki when he wasn't even able to see clearly.

So his consciousness is outdated and weak; this is also due to the fact that his original body has risen, thus explaining the weakening of control. But I think he never had that much control to begin with, since it was just a small blood manipulation to extend Takasugi's life, and Utsuro himself was waning out and dying. So i'm sealing the canon idea and reminding that Yoshida shoyo(Utsuro) is indeed one and the same man and both are only the 2 extremes of the one and the same man. With further proof that he can only have one physical body or regenerate one single body for himself since he only has one brain and one soul

Attaining nirvana despite trying to be saved by students

Oboro died, and soon after Takasugi finds out the truth and attempted to free Shoyo from the hands of the world, as that was the time immortality was rising as a religion, and Shoyo was starting to be heralded as a god, basically a cult was rising fast. Gintoki also finds his own way of learning the truth about Shoyo, as he was the last person who saw him, and he was the only one who saw Utsuro willingly jumping into the dragon veins, while everyone remained oblivious. Takasugi and Gintoki both use their own methods to get to the bottom of this centuries-lasting problem. Soon they both band together to free their teacher from his suffering, Katsura joining in, and Nobume also aiding.

Now this is where interpretations can become more than one. When Gintoki and Takasugi talk about saving their teacher and putting him out of his suffering, did they mean to save him from the cult and bring him back as their teacher(and parent more like) and family, or did they mean that he can finally die.

I think they mostly were ready for both paths, as when Takasugi saw Shoyo, he talked about making Yoshida Shoyo reunite with all of them again and going back to being their teacher, however, he must also have been aware that death was the only way Shoyo could finally be given some freedom and salvation from all these people vindicating him.

But i think all these students of Shoka Sonjuku had small hopes, of a better more happier world, where they can all reunite together as Shoka Sonjuku. However that wasn't possible at the moment, given how Oboro died, Takasugi was going to die regardless, and Shoyo's sins were too heavy fro him to forgive himself and go back to his old life like nothing happened.

A parent's sins will soon torture the children they raise. And Shoyo must have been well aware of this, as his kids had already suffered enough. If he did somehow manage to return, they might have been happy, but the world would not let Yoshida Shoyo live in peace once again. It's either death or persecution and propaganda. And Shoyo knew that sacrificing himself and empowering future generations was the best solution.

Hence why he chose to rip out his heart and save everybody when none of them expected him to sacrifice himself. By putting the wellbeing of humans, of his loved ones, his family, and future generations above his own survival, and his final admission of all his crimes and inner turmoil. He finally returns to the noble eight-fold path, fulfilling all the conducts mentioned in this path sprouting from buddhism.

And thus, being able to finally, FINALLY, die in peace, with the comfort that at least the children of his that still lives, and all the future generations of humans, will be doing fine, and that he has made up for all his world-destroying methods and goals by saving humanity, most importantly the people that came together because of him in the tower, by sacrificing himself and all his ignorance, his restlessness, his ill-will, and his grief and hate. Most importantly, his remorse and regrets.

He was finally able to lay them all down, lay down all of his personalities, his identities that spanned for over a thousand years, he had worn down all of these identities, these false conceptions of reality and nature. And by ridding himself of all these thoughts and ignorance, the storm in him finally calms and he lets go.

Finally and at last, being able to reach nirvana and break his wheel of samsara. Going out with a smile on his face. That despite his agonizing life, there were moments where he shined through, and he finally acted out successfully by saving the planet from which he was born. This is what ultimately let this man riddled with sorrow and bloodshed and pain, finally reach salvation, attain nirvana, and freeing himself from the cycle of birth and death.

Going back to the source, the earth

After Shoyo subdues the exploding altana with his heart, we can see the altana flow back into the earth from the terminal, and since Shoyo was a child of the earth herself, meaning his existence literally sprouted out of the earth and the dragon veins, I'm assuming his body crystallizes and disintegrates, and eventually joins the altana flowing back, while his soul dissolves and frees himself from the wheel of samsara, which is what nirvana essentially means.

Helping Takasugi to be reborn

Sakamoto says saving the students is simply a teacher's duty, and isn't a miracle, which just points to the fact that Takasugi's body must have also fallen into the dragon veins and been destroyed, And with the dragon vein which is capable of regeneration and curing diseases and rehabilitating life.

When it is shown that Takasugi is reborn once again it gain pertain to the fact that he was able to have a rebirth due to falling into the altana veins, as well as with the blessings of his dad/teacher/guide, Yoshida Shoyo, as he himself would have been depressed that both Oboro and Takasugi had died in lieu of trying to save their Mentor/Dad. So if any of the upcoming projects in Gintama features Shoka Sonjuku, I hope Oboro and Takasugi come back. And that they will grow up fast at the same rate Shoyo did when he regenerated in the Silver soul arc. For the reunion.

Can be considered a deity considering he had a whole religion threatening to spread universe wide due to his nature

This is ME just dickriding, but Shoyo was turned into a deity and treated like one in his absence when the cult was rising an a religion getting popular with him as the catalysts directs us to the fat that he was on his way to being truly immortalized as a deity, given his immortality mostly and his superhuman abilities. They did briefly cover this in silver soul, which is why the students of Shoka Sonjuku were pressed for time and had to act fast to quell this rising cult and save their teacher's name and free him from this misery. And they did succeed in the end.

However, there are countless cultures where a human who has showcased outstanding qualities during their time have also been worshipped as deities long after their death. Considering Shoyo's immortality and his superhuman qualities, along with his longstanding mental qualities and tenacity, I wasn't surprised when they were planning to make him a deity or see him as one, he definitely deserved such a title, but he had no need nor wishes for such things, he just wanted freedom. But he is basically, built different (yes im glazing).

Not humane but has human qualities that make him human

I am reiterating my statement here for reference, Shoyo is human, yes he wasn't born like how ordinary humans are, but all humans body is made up of the earth, and he is all the same. The difference is that he was directly born from the dragon vein's the life source of the planet. He is the embodiment of this energy, which explains his extreme superhuman strength, speed and vice versa. Supernatural abilities along these lines too. However, he was still every bit as human as the next in my opinion.

"Humanity is not a physical state but a mindset" given how many non human characters in Gintama have also been portrayed as having humanity and compassion

As much as he was persecuted as a monster, he displayed immense compassion and humanity for a certain period of time. His pain and sorrow, his agony of being unable to cope with the life he was living, were further proof of just how human he was, despite being such a special being with a much different origin.

All the aliens, Yato, or even animals, like Sadaharu shown in Gintama, also display humanity. In summary, being human isn't just a physical condition; showing humanity and compassion isn't something only humans do. If anyone has a heart, they are considered human—not in a literal sense, but more in a metaphorical way, as they can display heart-touching humanity and care.

Essentially, the point is that humanity lies in the heart, and compassion and enriching each other's lives is a choice anyone can make. Even though Shoyo displayed his humanity for only a very short amount of time, that spark caused a domino/butterfly effect, changing the lives of so many people for the better and altering their views on how their once strict and cruel world had been. He became a light of hope for a better future and present when we are willing to change ourselves and enrich the lives of those around us along with our own.

P.S: This essay got longer than expected but i did try my best to cover as many topics as possible, i still think there are many more scenes to breakdown on so i'll see if i can work on a different essay. Writing wise, this only took me a week, but this took months for me to finish as I wanted to do my research and had to find enough time to sit down and grind on this. Which explains the delay.

I hope this helped provide a clear dive into Yoshida Shoyo's character and made things easier to understand as in some parts his actions are difficult to get or just overall not explored on.

I know i linked some posts above already related to Yoshida shoyo so i'll link my other analysis posts below just for perusal. Don't worry they are much much more shorter than this essay lol, Cheers yall.

Gintoki & Lake Toya

Oboro Analysis

Takasugi breaking down in the finale

Nobume the goat

[herbs-and-poultices]

A few nights ago I had a random thought, and it accidentally spawned a ficlet. Oops?

Fandom: RE2-ish? (I only know these characters and their stories from the h/c fanfiction and a cursory glance through the fanwiki, but they keep sticking in my brain)

Efforts towards accuracy of any kind (canonical, medical, realistic, etc) were minimal

A little hospital bedside vigil. Very soft, mostly comfort, because that's what I've been needing lately.

CW: child pov

“Alright,” Claire murmurs, voice muted to match the efficient quiet of the post-surgical ward. “I'll be there in twenty.” She closes the phone with a click, then looks down at Sherry. 

“Its about my brother. I have to go for a few hours. But you can stay here, if you'd like.” As she speaks she leads Sherry through the door and into the hospital room. Sherry unconsciously sticks to the mahogany-haired college student at the same distance of two plastic chair armrests that over the past hours has come to feel natural - or as natural as anything has lately - as they step around the bed towards the chairs beside the curtained window.

Side by side, Claire wraps an arm over her shoulder and gives a gentle squeeze. Sherry looks up into her warm, sad smile. “You could come with me if you’d rather, but I'm afraid you'd mostly be sitting alone in the office reception. There's a vending machine and a coffee machine and a couple decade-old magazines, but not much else.” Sherry leans in a little bit closer. Of all the things she could want right now, what she least wants is to be alone. Alone with the lumbering hordes of zombies, ghastly imitations of the men and women they had once been; alone with the masses of misshapen flesh that mutated before her eyes into grotesque monsters beyond her wildest nightmares; alone with the terrible shrieks and snarls, the rasps and moans, the sickening squish and menacing shuffle of footsteps that haunted their every movement through the shell of the city she once called home. “The doctor said Leon should be waking up in an hour or so. I'm sure he would appreciate having some company.” 

Leon, Claire calls him familiarly. Leon S. Kennedy, RPD, at your service, he introduced himself to her when they first met; his voice and half-smile were wry, but the nod he gave her was solemn as an oath. All the grown-ups Sherry knows, aside from Mommy and Daddy, are “Doctor”s or “Professor”s or “Mister”s or “Misses”s. She’s probably heard some of their first names in passing, overhearing her parents chatting casually with their colleagues or teachers greeting one another in the halls, but in her mind first names are only for kids, playmates. Even college students like Claire are pushing it. Adults have important grown-up titles for their important grown-up business. So to her, he is Officer Kennedy.

Outside the partly closed door, there is a soft click-clack as a nurse rolls a cart past, followed by a knock and a cheery greeting at a door across the hall. A bird chirps in the tree outside the window. She swallows and bobs her head in a nod. Not really alone, here.

“Good.” Claire pats her shoulder, then releases their partial embrace to back her into one of the thinly-padded chairs. “I'll be back before the end of visiting hours.” On her way she pauses at the bedside, tucking the thin blanket up a little higher and smoothing it out, leaning in to murmur something inaudible; then with a whisper of air from the doorway she is gone.

The flat faux-leather cushioning would be an improvement on the bare hard plastic of the waiting room furniture, if everything didn't feel cold and menacing. The clean sweatshirt Claire found for Sherry is soft and pleasantly dry against her skin; any other contact, other than the hands of her new friends, still feels as though it could dissolve into a hunk of gelatinous writhing flesh or sprout razor-sharp fangs or explode in a spray of gore under her touch. Curling away from the chair back, she pulls her feet up onto the seat and wraps her arms over her knees, resting her cheek in the crook of her elbow. 

Her view is a narrow window between her forearms and blonde bangs. Blurred reflections of blue and teal and lilac slide under the door, keeping time with brisk steps. Now and again another cart goes by with a whirr. Nurses. Doctors. Regular people. Sherry tilts her head to glance around the little room, stopping at the monitor by the bed. On the black screen, colorful lines trace out neat rows of mountains and valleys, up, down, up and down. She doesn't understand the numbers that blink beside them, but the steady dance of the lines is soothing.

After a time, it could have been minutes or it could have been an hour, her eyes start to roam again, tracing the loops in cords and wires coiled behind the screen. Most of them end in empty plugs dangling in the air. A few seem to lead into the wall out of sight. The last one she traces down, down, eventually running alongside a clear plastic tube from another nearby machine with some bags of liquid, over the heap of blankets, and finds herself for the first time properly taking in the figure on the bed.

The cord from the monitor ends in a sensor taped to one finger of his right hand where it lies open at the edge of the mattress; the clear plastic line disappears under the back of his hand. Officer Kennedy is laid on his right side to keep pressure off his injury, one knee bent, right arm stretched out at an angle, face tipped slightly towards his chest as he has unconsciously curled in on himself. His left arm is immobilized at a right angle in a sling strapped over his good shoulder and around his back. The black padded fabric is stark against the cream-colored blanket, the robin-egg blue of the hospital gown, the washed-out tones of his skin. The white edge of a surgical dressing is visible where the strap tugs at the neckline of his gown.

A head taller than Claire, at his full height he towered above Sherry; his squared shoulders and firmly-planted feet stood between her and so many blood-crazed hollow-eyed zombies and horribly mutated monsters, wicked claws and gnashing teeth and slashing knives that would have torn her in two. He was a grown-up, the only one in their little band of survivors, a person who knew things and did things, full of decisiveness and the weight of responsibility. And with the heavy tac vest and duty belt that added bulk to his frame, the gun that fit so naturally in his hands, and his once-sharp uniform emblazoned with the insignia of the Raccoon City Police Department, he was more than that. He was the arm of the law, he was Order and Protection personified. She never felt so small before as she did during those terrible days, and Officer Kennedy was larger than life.

Now, though, his face is nearly level with hers, his medium height not so imposing lying down. In the thin hospital gown and light blanket, without his tac vest and holster and belt, his frame is strong but lean, not quite so unshakably solid as a brick wall the way she remembers it from just early this morning. With his sharp eyes closed and his features relaxed in rest, there could almost be traces of teenage boyishness in the curve of his jaw, the cant of his head, the mop of tousled hair falling across his face. A handful of years back, and she might have imagined him at the local highschool, next to the middle school she attended, shooting hoops on the shared multi-purpose courts during his free periods, waiting on the curb for the 5 o'clock bus with a heavy backpack slung over his shoulder by one precarious strap. And she wonders, for a strange moment, if he might have felt… scared.

A flicker of movement catches her eye, and the outlandish thoughts are gone like a leaf on the breeze: a twitch of eyebrows, followed by a few slow flutters of eyelashes. She waits, nearly holding her breath. For several minutes all is still again, and she wonders if she imagined it. But then his brow wrinkles again and he opens his eyes halfway. His gaze is cloudy and unfocused at first, slits of gray-blue flicking about the room - to the window, over the bed, in the general direction of the door out of sight diagonally behind him, then around again, and yet again more deliberately as though it requires effort to take it all in.

Finally his eyes come to rest on her, fully open now, gaze sharpening into focus.

“O- Officer Kennedy.” Her breath comes out in a rush.

Leon, he mouths a correction. 

She can't bring herself to say anything more around the hard lump growing in her throat. 

He curls the fingers of his outstretched right hand, inviting. His lips move again, this time accompanied by broken fragments of a whisper, rough and painful-sounding but kindly. “C’mere, Sherry.” She stands and crossed the few steps to the bed, shaky on half-asleep legs. Atop the blanket, she tucks herself cautiously into the space between his arm and bent knee, wrapping her arms back around her folded legs. A grunt escapes his throat when her sweatshirt catches momentarily on the velcro of the sling immobilizing his left arm, but when her gaze snaps to his face the wide-eyed look he shoots her is so horrified and apologetic, like he startled a sleeping fawn, that she freezes where she had started pulling back and forces a shaky smile instead of the apology brimming on her lips. His expression relaxes, bit by bit, as she settles herself onto the mattress. She tips her head into her knees and closes her eyes, feeling the subtle warmth from his body inches from her own wrap around her like a shield.

Officer Kennedy's hand traces along her back to rub small soothing circles over her shoulder blade. His chin comes to rest on the top of her head, breaths stirring her hair in even, regular huffs. Tension drips out of her muscles, and a soft sigh worms its way out of her lungs. Her cheek sink to the mattress, and she slowly, carefully, lets herself relax into his chest. If she holds her breath, she can hear the steady beating of his heart.

He hums softly, and the vibrations brush her skin where she leans against him. “You're safe now, kid.”

Safe.

[chriscdcase95]

Wednesday Addams doesn’t cuddle. Doesn’t snuggle. And doesn’t like to be serenaded. Not in public at least.

It’s something she saves for special occasions, but it’s a promise that she made Enid. And Enid intends to hold her to that…

Or because AO3 doesn’t allow full lyric song fics. 

Authors Note: The main song here "Could I Be Your Girl ?" by Jane Arden - lyrics reworked for a Sapphic context.

— — — —

In their dorm, Wednesday is at her typewriter, finishing up a segment in her latest chapter.

Her story features a vampire protagonist who was born on December 24th, and she has spent over half the day researching how Christmas was celebrated in the 17th and 18th centuries.

Behind her, the door opens and Enid steps in looking proud of herself.

“I did it!” Enid exclaims, tossing her bag on the bed.

“Killed your mother ?” Wednesday doesn't even look away from the type-writer, a ghost of a smile on her face “Well, I'm proud of you, but announcing it so brazenly-”

“No silly,” Enid walks up behind Wednesday, wrapping her arms around her from behind, resting a chin on her shoulder “I not only passed the history exam, I beat it!”

Wednesday tries to remain sober, she really does, but her snarky declaration of being proud becomes a lot more genuine.

The past week, Enid had to do a history exam regarding the Civil war and accounts of how confederate raiders in Evermore.

For her assignment Enid was trying to prove the often disputed accounts of the “Red Bath” siege - something Evermore's historians usually don't seriously consider. Notably, the accounts of Addams' ancestors at the time, Ezekial "Tanhide" Addams and his sister Morrigan, holding Evermore's fort during these raids.

Anyways, Wednesday's tutoring of Enid helped her prove the authenticity of these accounts, and further debunked the claims of “reformed” confederate Captain Normanmeyer, whose atrocities were similarly downplayed or dismissed by Evermore historians.

Bottom line, Enid not only passed with flying colors, but drove the history teacher and even local historians into an existential crisis. And for that, Wednesday was extremely proud.

So much so...that before the exam, she promised Enid she would let her-

“Soooo,” Enid says, a sly grin washing over her face, as a look of realization washes over Wednesday's “About my reward...”

A little flustered, Wednesday has a rare uncertain expression on her face, when she looks at an expectant Enid.

“Can-can this wait, you know, until tonight ?”

“Oh, but Honey Badger,” Enid takes one of Wednesday's hair braids, and twirls it around her finger “I've been waiting all week..”

Wednesday exhales deeply through her nose.

She did promise Enid. And Enid has been patient.

“Very well,” Wednesday says, getting up and away from her chair and Enid, making her way towards their window, preparing to close the blinds.

“No.” Enid says.

“No ?”

“I want them open.”

“Enid!” Wednesday didn’t mean to raise her voice, nor could she help the flustered blush that washed over her.

But Enid’s request and how brazen she was being caught Wednesday off guard. She honestly didn’t know what came over her.

“I want the window open too...” Enid grins.

“But-”

“Please Wends ?” Enid gives a sad puppy dog look, pushing out her lower lip.

Wednesday takes a deep breath. 

Were they really gonna do this ? Was she really going to let Enid cuddle and snuggle her, to serenade her for the world to see and hear ?

Sweet Morrigan, Enid was going to be the death of her! And Wednesday found herself loving Enid more for it.

And if that annoying voice in the back of her head was any indication…she wasn’t opposed to letting anyone hear Enid’s sing to her. 

Wednesday let Enid cuddle her like this three times before; she let Enid sing to her three times before. No self respecting Addams would admit to it, but it did things to her.

But this time, letting others know that Enid snuggles her and sings to her…it meant something far more intimate. It let the world know she belonged to her.

Composing herself, Wednesday tries to remain sober as she opens the window.

“If that’s what you want,” she says “It is your reward.”

Blushing with excitement, Enid takes her place on the bed, waiting for Wednesday, who takes her time making her way to their bed.

“Although…” Wednesday says, trying to delay the inevitable “I had other ideas-”

Wednesday makes a noise like a yelp, as Enid takes her by the wrist and pulls her into the bed. In what was about ten and eight seconds in real time, felt like forever as Wednesday was pulled onto Enid's lap, and she felt herself freeze. 

Enid giggles as she feels Wednesday tense and shiver. To relax her, she gingerly moves her hands up and down Wednesday’s shoulders and arms.

“Ready ?”

Wednesday closes her eyes, taking a shaky breath.

“Just…just do it.”

With a small smile, Enid wrapped her arms around Wednesday’s stomach and gently pulled her in, snuggling her from behind. Wednesday takes several deep breaths, before she feels Enid gently rocking her from side to side. 

Enid is humming a tune, which gets her to relax a little.

After a moment, Enid rests her chin on Wednesday’s shoulders, putting lyrics to the tune in a soft singing voice.

“Hide your heart under the bed/And lock your secret drawer/Wash the angels from your head/Won't need them anymore,” Enid begins to sing “Love is a demon and you're the one she's coming fooor/Ooooh my Lord...”

Wednesday is flushed, she opens her eyes to look out the window. She can hear students outside. Which meant they could hear Enid.

But if she keeps her voice at this soft volume–

Wednesday’s hopes and silent prayers were shot down, as Enid raises her singing voice to a greater tempo.

“She's bringing sweet salvation/Let temptation take you in/She's every fear and every hope/And every single sin/She is the universe, the love you've been imaginiiiing/Ooooh myyyy Lord/Oh my, my/Oh myyyyy Looooord/Oh myyyyy, my Lord...”

Wednesday opens her mouth, about to verbally object that they could be heard. But Enid’s singing voice had an effect on her that humbled her. Divina is clearly some sort of influence on Enid, but she doesn’t know if that is a good or bad thing.

“And I am ashes/I am Gaia/I am precious/Could I be your girl ?/Could I be your giiiirl?” Enid hits the chorus.

Wednesday opens one eye to the window. The voices outside have stopped. Either they’ve all gone indoors…or they could hear it.

They could hear Enid, and they would know…some might want to investigate — confirm their suspicions — and they would know for sure. They would know that Wednesday Friday Addams, daughter of Gomez and Morticia…allowed her significant other to cuddle and serenade her for the world to hear.

“Put a chair against the door/And turn the lights down low/Write a letter to yourself/No one will ever know/Tell them all about the girl who just refused to fall/Ooooh my Lord-”

At the start of the school years, Wednesday would get so mortified at the very thought or idea, that she would sooner go a week in all pink. And yet…Wednesday find herself liking it. 

“She is the very breath you feel inside your lungs at night/She is the bitter wind who's drying up your appetite/She is the darkness that seeps into your fading liiight,” Enid continues, affectionately nuzzling her nose into Wednesdays hair “Ooooh myyy Lord/Oh my, my, oh myyyyy Looooord...”

Outside the dorm, several students are listening, with mixed expressions of disbelief, and embarrassment.

Everyone’s eyes are towards the dorm, and the open window. Vampires are paying attention. Gorgons are paying attention. Werewolves and Sirens are ESPECIALLY paying attention. Bianca is looking away, covering her mouth with a flustered expression.

“And I am ashes, I am Gaia/I am precious/Could I be your giiiirl?/Could I be your giiiiirl?/ Ooooh.” Enid continues to sing.

Across the courtyard, Yoko and Divina are coming back to the school grounds. The latter with two ice cream cones in hand.  Between them is four year old Pubert Addams, who Yoko and Divina have taken to get ice cream when Wednesday dropped babysitting duties on them.

A mortified Yoko crouches down, protectively covering Pubert’s innocent ears, while Divina nods towards the dorm with an approving expression.

“And I am worthless sounds compared to all your perfect words/Could I be your giiiirl?/Could I be your giiiiiirl?”

As Enid hums the instrumental, Wednesday tries to formulate any lucid thought, her fluttering eyes still to the window. Her breathing is heavy through her nose. She bites her lower lip, and couldn’t stop her blush if she tried. 

And she did. She really did.

It’s only when she thinks she can breathe, that is when Enid hits the final chorus.

“Wash the angels from your head/Won't need them anymore/Hide your heart under the bed/And lock your secret drawer/Love is a demon, and you're the one she's coming for/Ooooh myyy Lord!”

“Oh my lord…” slips past a flustered Wednesday’s lips, and she really hopes she is mouthing. But she can feel Enid smirking against her neck, and had the sinking feeling that she heard it. And the others heard it from outside.

Wednesday thought she could die…and yet. It made her feel alive! 

She can certainly understand why her parents are so cuddle/serenade happy when they think she, Pugsley or Pubert couldn’t hear them. Morticia’s “talk” with her was right. It did feel natural. And with that, Enid brought the final verses to a close. 

“Oh my, my lord/Oh my Lord/Could I be your girl ?/Oh my Lord)/Could I/Could I be your girl…”

Enid brings her voice lower and softer, a gentle hush and she feels Wednesday squirm a little.

“Oh, sorry!” Endid releases Wednesday, and gives her some space.

Wednesday, still catching her breath, doesn’t even care if her face is red. She adjusts her hair and waves her hand to fan off her face, before placing it on her forehead. For a moment she doesn’t say anything, as she tries to compose herself.

“I’m sorry I–” Enid tries to stay, but stops when Wednesday holds a finger up to silence her.

Wednesday takes another moment, before looking at Enid.

“Could…?” Wednesday tries to say, before her face turns a mild pink. 

She bites her lip and takes a deep breath, and it dawns on Enid what she is trying to say.

“Could…I…try that…with you ?” Wednesday winces, not believing she was actually saying this. 

“Yes!” Enid says excitedly, before trying to calm herself, and okay it cool “I mean- I mean sure.”

Hesitantly, Wednesday inches her way towards “Just gonna…”

She reaches forward with shaky arms, wrapping  them around Enid’s waist and pulling her in close. It’s a little off, but it was more or less the same position Enid held her moments ago.

Wednesday wasn’t used to being the big spoon and it shows.

“Are you sur-?”

“Yeah. Just- just don’t patronize me, okay ?” Wednesday says, still a little flushed as she flickers her eyes at the open window.

Going through the motions, Wednesday begins rocking side by side. It’s awkward, stilted and clearly out of her comfort zone, but Enid’s relaxed exhale tells Wednesday she’s doing something right. 

Already, Wednesday was humming a tune, and she didn’t even realize it until she realized she had to put words to it now. She opens her eyes, looking at Enid and that bright encouraging smile. With a friendly pat on the head, Enid silently tells her to go for it.

Licking her lips, and taking a deep, shuddering breath…Wednesday puts lyrics to her tune.

“Sometimes the snow comes down in June/Sometimes the sun goes round the moon,” Wednesday begins “I see the passion in your eyes/Sometimes it’s all a big surprise…”

Enid wants to say something to the effect of “Atta girl”, but doesn’t want to break her stride.

“Cause there was a time when all I did was wish/You'd tell me this was love,” Wednesday continues, her eyes briefly flickering at the window “It's not the way I hoped/Or how I planned/But somehow it's enough…”

[juststoriesintheend]

What would an au where Sol lives look like?

ohohohohoh boy howdy have i been thinking about this

i have a couple ideas, one for my horny brain that is in love with him and one that's more logical. since i've already kind of summarized my horny thoughts into a vague fic idea, i'll focus on a more logical string of thoughts

when vernestra finds him, he's barely clinging on to life (it's giving palpatine + vader parallels quite frankly)

they get him back on the ship, get him an oxygen mask, and eventually return to coruscant, but all the medical assistance in the world can't un-do the power of the force wrapped around your throat

his voice is permanently changed, much more hoarse and painful for him to talk. he has memory problems bc being deprived of oxygen for that long gave him brain damage

he stands trial for what he did on brendok 16 years ago. i feel like he might be able to be talked into taking the fall for every single death on khofar too, but if not then i could vernestra waving it away as "osha attacked him to save her own life & now he's delirious w/ grief and has lost his grip on reality"

maybe he's exiled? maybe he's sent to prison on coruscant? i think either way, he is no longer a jedi and he's going somewhere to rot for his crimes, and he goes willingly bc he feels like he deserves it

if he's aware that mae is with the jedi, he'd probably be torn between letting her be and being obsessed with reconnecting with her - to ease his conscience? to beg for death? he probably doesn't even know what he wants

all sol knows is that he made a mistake and he (and everyone he's ever loved) paid for it at osha's hand. he's plagued by flashbacks and nightmares. when he talks to other jedi or prisoners about a sith villain who threatens the republic, he's written off as a crazy old man

and maybe he is. osha choking him snapped his mind, it utterly broke him. if he had died there, it might have been enough to heal him, cleanse him of his sins. but surviving has only allowed his guilt to thrive. bc death would have been his penance

basically, he's still scapegoated and he probably loses his sanity over the years. i do not see anything happy or good for him in this scenario

which is why i don't like to think about it lol

alternatively, in some happier universe:

i like the idea of sol being able to escape. maybe vernestra thinks he's really dead bc he's quite literally on the cusp between life and death. and when she starts to drag him off for a sad, lonely jedi funeral, she realizes he's alive and mostly an amnesiac, so she decides to help him

she does what she can to help him heal in whatever short time she has and then she sends him off in an escape pod, gives him this second chance to go somewhere and live out the rest of his life in peace

the jedi he once was died on brendok, at his daughter's hand. now he can just be sol. no guilt or trauma to weigh him down. he can be a farmer. or a tradesman. a teacher. he can live

i think sol always wanted to be a father but couldn't bc of the way the order is structured/the jedi tenets, so maybe in this alternate life he can adopt some other orphan (amnesiacs sol and mae becoming found family for each other, anyone??)

maybe he meets someone his own age that he can love and become attached to in a better, slightly healthier way. someone he can wake up beside and dote upon. someone who makes him want to be the best person he can be

pls for the love of god, let this man have something happy for once in his life

[nikethestatue]

Hello! I just found your blog today and really enjoy it! I'm new to Sarah j maas. I just finished Cc after reading acotar this summer. Then I came online to the fandom this month and I've been very confused. I see all this claims that az will be with bryce or that az and gwyn are mates. Completely ignoring elain like she doesn't exist and ignoring what az wants which is what sarah wrote. I thought gwyn was nice, But gwyn is a very new character right? And I remember az maybe talking to her in the training group a few times and he was often grumpy and quiet and sometimes quite happy with their improvement, and a little calm and friendly. Just normal and professional like a teacher. Didnt think much about it. I never thought about az and gwyn in the same thought. It makes no sense to be mates from that. Very strange. I thought it is a fandom ship, like dramionie, but it was serious.

Did i miss somethint?. I don't understand where it comes from but i dont want to be mean. I found azriels bonus chapter last week because a gwynriel person told me about it. I was even more shocked they think azriel and gwyn are mates when I read it. I knew azriel and elain would be a couple but I actually didn't know azriel was already that obsessed. I really liked it for elain. After what men did to her I want that kind of love for elain. Someone who really really wants her. Azriel has always been kind and good to elain and I'm very happy about elain and azriel even more now. He and nesta are the only ones that defended elain out loud by saying that elain doesnt want lucien, which is true. The necklace is mysterious and made me sad that rhys interrupted but it makes sense. It is like Nesta kicked cassian in their chapter when they almost kissed. Some interruption and obstacle. Did I misunderstand the books? I hope not because I loved elain and azriel in the books. They slowly became my favorite. I became sad after coming into the fandom and hearing many cruel things about elain.

I read acotar slowly and in peace on my own and i slowly and steady became sure elain and azriel would be next book. It was how Sarah wrote. did I misunderstand everything? Sorry, maybe all this fandom claims that hit me this month has made me too confused since i just read all the books recently. I read all books in English but it isn't my language so maybe I missed important things. I understad english very well but dont express myself well. I think i became a little sad when I came into the fandom. I dont enjoy this fandom. It is very aggressive but I want to talk peacefully and just enjoy the books. Sorry for writing so long. I hope i didn't sound mean. Sometimes I express too bluntly in English.

Hey Anon!

Thank you. And no, you didn't misunderstand anything. You read the books and you got exactly what you were supposed to have gotten out of them.

I've been in this fandom for a long time, and I'll be honest, to this day, I am baffled by how some people misconstrue the text so badly. SJM is not a complete writer with themes and language that's difficult to understand. She is pretty basic, actually. So anyone who claims that there are all these shocking SECRET things in her books about couples or word is either willfully ignorant or tries to pull the wool over people's eyes.

And while I can sort of, kind of, understand where Gwynriel came from--a new female in the series, dislike for Elain, Azriel and Gwyn being single, Emerie being hinted at as a lesbian, them being in the same vicinity, etc. To this day, I CANNOT understand Bryceriel. I think it was born on Reddit. But it's one of the more bizarre ships out there, not only because they are from different worlds, with very different roles in their worlds, but also one is mated and another is in love with someone else. Do I understand Gwynriel? Yeah, I can understand. Bryceriel? Not so much. Because if bonds don't matter, if love doesnt matter, then why not just pain Azriel with Nesta???? It makes more sense than Bryceriel.

I don't think that you need to worry--Elriel has been set up consistently, SJM never wavered from them, she only pushed Elriel even more in ACOSF. They are also the two characters who are entwined with numerous storylines and can push the plot of the series forward.

It's hard to shut out the noise about GA and Bryceriel, but it's been very muted and minimized in the past 2 years, and especially this last year. Be thankful that you weren't in this fandom in 21-22. It was rough.

All we can do now is sit back and wait for the book to be announced and published.

[theoceantot]

Chapter 9

Since the moment Y/n was born she was already rejected by thr world. She had two loving parents that worked good paying jobs and spoiled her to death. That was until the diagnosis. When Y/n was two she all of a sudden wouldn't respond to her name whenever her parents were talking to her, started biting them, and had tantrums when things were too loud.

Worried about her daughter they took her to a doctor where they figured out she was on thre autism spectrum. Both her parents were disappointed and started treating her differently since then. There was no more warm hugs and "I love yous" just angry glances and quick snotty responses. School was no different. The bullying was awful and the teacher did nothing about it. By the time she was 11, Y/n would start to act younger to cope with not having a childhood. Sometimes voluntary others involuntarily. She didn't know why she did this until she was in the library reading a psychology book and the term "age regression" was mentioned.

Since then you'd steal some adult pacifiers, coloring books, and stuffed animals to hide in your room. This helped with your school and home life becasue you finally had a way to cope with the abuse. Then the night the demon attacked and ripped your mother and father to shreds. You sat in the corner of your room holding your stuffy close while you cried.

Muzan heard you and slammed the door open. He's never seen any of his victims act like this. He was intrigued. Not intrigued enough to let you go though. He kneeled down to you and you started hitting your head against the wall. Muzan chuckled and stuck his finger in your stomach releasing his blood into you. He left as you screamed in pain. You would have died if a spirit with hanafuda earrings didn't help. He held you in his lap as he petted your hair.

You were confused becasue you couldn't physically feel him but spiritually you could. You haven't seen him since but every night you wished he'd come back. Instead of seeing your savior again you've been getting night terrors that would result in panic attacks. Shinobu knew the other girls needed sleep so she asked the other hashira if she could stay with them for a week to try and solve your night terrors.

To her shock and disbelief Sanemi said you two could stay with him. When she asked why he just said.

"Its my way of apologizing"

That was enough for her so she took you two to Sanemis estate. She knocked on the door until Sanemi opened the door. Shinobu was wearing her usual attire while you were wearing the demon slayer uniform with a matching harori. Mitsuri had it custom made for you saying how it would be so cute for you two to match.

'Fuck she's cute' Sanemi thought.

"Salami!"

'Nevermind..'

Y/n quickly embraced Sanemi in a hug. She was so much shorter than him so the embrace was barely at his waist. Shinobu had to cover her laugh with her hand while Sanemi glared at his fellow hashira. Eventually, Y/n let go and went to explore the house leaving the two colleagues to chat.

"Are you sure about this? I can't promise you're going to get a good night's rest"

"I figures as much. Let me take care of her while you rest. Your eye bags say it all"

Shinobu twitched her eye. How rude! But he was right. She was exhausted and needed sleep if she was gonna keep caring for her baby.

"Are you sure about this? If you need me don't be afraid to wake me up"

"I've got this just get your ass to bed"

Shinobu nodded and headed off to a guest bedroom. Now that left you. Sanemi knew he was way over his head but he needed to earn Shinobus forgiveness. He grumbled and walked around trying to look for the regressor. After some time Sanemi found her sitting in the shade outside looking up at the butterflies. Her eyes seemed like she was thinking about something sad.

"Why am I such a freak" Y/n whispered and then cried into her teddy

Sanemi wasn't sure how to comfort you. You'd probably freak out if he touched her so he tried a different approach instead. He quickly went to the kitchen and made some ohagi. As he finished up he turned around to see your purple tear stained eyes clutching your stuffie. Sanemi awkwardly handed her some ohahi which she took with her hand and shoved in her mouth quickly eating.

"Nummy!"

Y/n eyes glowed brightly when suddenly a pair of purple butterfly wings appeared on her back. Sanemi just stood there mouth open trying to process what he was seeing.

A little that could fly...

A lot of trouble

"No fucking way.."

"Fuck?"

Oh god, now he was really fucked

"Brat, you can't say that?"

Y/n cocked her head to the side in confusion not understanding what she did wrong. All she said was a word that uncle Sanemi said. How was that bad?

“It’s a bad word that you’re not aloud to say just leave it at that”

Y/n nodded her hand and kept eating the ohagi. After eating the five more that were on the tray Sanemi offered to take her on a walk around his estate which you happily agreed to. On the condition that he carried you which led to a long sigh but did it regardless. After 10 minutes he felt a small bite in his shoulder. Sanemi then remembered that this is how the little one showed affection and admiration to the people she loved.

“I’ll let it slide just this once”

Y/n giggled and hugged his neck. Sanemi stopped walking and froze. When his little siblings were still alive they’d cling onto his neck when their father would beat his mother. He’d hold them close and tell them everything would be okay and that’d he’d protect them.

Y/n thought something was wrong so she put her hand on his cheek and was about to cry. Sanemi snapped out of it when he heard her sniffles.

“I’m okay brat calm down” Sanemi softly said and started to bounce her on his hip. This caused Y/n to start laughing and start swinging her legs. Sanemi smiled at this since nobody was around to see him. Not only that but Sanemi was actually happy. It was like being with his little siblings all over again.

“Wanna fly kid!”

“Yaa”

Sanemi threw Y/n high in the air and then catches her. The third time Sanemi throws the baby in the air butterfly wings come out of her back and she starts flying.

“Kid come down” Sanemi orders

Y/n tries too but she keeps going further higher and higher in the air. At this point she’s freaking out and crying. Sanemi uses one of his wind breathing techniques to launch himself in the air so he can grab her and return her safely to the ground.

Y/n was shaking in his hold trying hard not to cry but some tears managed to escape.

“It’s okay kid you’re safe” Sanemi softly said and rocked her back and forth. Right now you just wanted Shinobu. Of course you loved Sanemi but he wasn’t your caretaker.

“Mama!”

‘She has been sleeping for awhile now hopefully she’s well rested now because I don’t know how to deal with this’

Sanemi carried you back into his estate being shocked to see Shinobu sitting on the couch.

“Oh my poor baby! What’s wrong?” Shinobu worryingly asked.

Y/n reached her arms out to her and Sanemi sat you next to Shinobu.

“We were playing and when I threw her in the air those damn wings came out”

“What wings?” Shinobu asked curiously

“The brat has butterfly wings and can fly on top of having all those damn insects around. Pretty annoying if you ask me”

Shinobu was secretly dreading you now having wings. Flying around her estate crashing into things and knocking stuff over. She prayed to the gods none of that would happen. Sanemi continued to chat with Shinobu about things mostly about missions and how her poison was developed while you were falling asleep with a small smile on your face.

[acourtofthought]

About who MC of the next book will be....I honestly agree with you. I mean, taking out ship discourse, all the arguments I've seen to support Az being the MC for the next ACOTAR book are using points from the CC series. But guess what....I've never read CC! I don't know what the heck a Starsword is or whatever connection that has to Bryce or whatever. And I bet there are plenty of people who've only read ACOTAR. (1/2)

Happy Saturday!!

I have found, not just in the book world, that people struggle to think outside of what they know.

For example, I remember getting into an argument with my mother who had been a teacher. Two years ago, my kids school announced that in two weeks time, the teachers would be getting a day off for a mental health day and I was discussing how that is inconvenient for the parents.

I know how hard teachers work, I truly do, But around here, children are expected to go to school 180 days and as parents, they plan on their children being in school as scheduled. So it's very difficult for a working parent to suddenly make plans to keep their children at home outside of the already "budgeted" for sick days, snow days, etc. It's an extra day where a working parent either can't be present for their employer or they need to pay for childcare.

But my stance upset my mother because she thought I wasn't respecting how hard she worked (even though she had retired so it was a moot point), that parents should be expected to take care of their own children.

I wasn't arguing against the fact that teachers worked hard or that parents shouldn't be responsible, just that it did put working parents in a difficult situation that they hadn't been expecting. But she was only focused on what she knew as a teacher and not how she might have felt as a working parent who lost income by this surprise mental health day.

When it comes to the fandom, I think there's a bit of that mentality because the fandom thinks in terms of what they know because they are in the fandom. Understandable but I do think it's important to step back and remember the many people who aren't immersed in the world of SJM in the same way. Something you understand with not having read CC.

Yes, there was a bit of buildup for Az's future story in SF (his name was mentioned often but that doesn't equal buildup, it simply means he shared dialogue and Cassian's plotlines). Hell Emerie was mentioned 421 times and no one is claiming she's getting the next book.

But it's not just about SF or even the crossover which happened months after SF. It's about the ACOTAR series in it's entirety (something I think fans forget when they focus only on SF) and there has been SOOOOOO much buildup for both Elain and Lucien. Two characters with unexplored powers. Two characters with an unaccepted mating bond that snapped. Two characters who haven't found a court to call their own. Two characters who have not gotten to share their traumas though their traumas happened on page since books 1 and 2 and beyond (versus both Az and Gwyn where we were told of their traumas after the fact. I'm not saying that lessens their traumas, simply saying we didn't experience them with the character in "real time", at least not Gwyn's trauma that was the reason for her going to the library).

We watched Lucien nearly killed by Rhys and almost killed again in the second trial, saw that he was whipped for helping Feyre, watched him being pushed down by Tamlin, read as he was forced to flee Spring, witnessed his SA by Ianthe, we witnessed his sadness over Elain and his past when Feyre slipped into his mind and he was given a POV (actually, SJM had Feyre slip into his mind on three different occasions in the actual book, that means just as much as an Az bonus), we saw his brothers try to kill him yet again, it was revealed that he has an unknown father, he met Elain's father and has untold stories with that, he developed a friendship with a female who, at the end of SF was about to be called back to Koschei, was living in the human lands but then was permanently stationed in Spring.

With Elain, she was taken against her will and forced into a Cauldron. Changed into an entirely new species. We had the chance to read how traumatic that experience was for Nesta but some do believe SJM is just going to skip over Elain's experience in favor of Az. Skip over Elain finally being able to talk about the loss of her father. Skip over Elain finally making a decision about her bond and her fiance and Az's rejection. Skip over Elain finally proving that she is capable. Skip over Elain finally finding her home.

I understand that SJM wanted to tell Nesta's story first but Nesta is also an Archeron sister. SJM has always spoken of wanting to tell the stories of these three sisters. So why would she skip over the final sister in favor of Az who the fandom knows is a capable warrior, who knows he belongs in the NC despite his struggles? Who isn't even fully aware that he has a mating bond?

Does it really seem like SJM would bench a FMC in favor of a guy? That Az's story is more important than the 24 year old who was violently taken from the life she knew and forced into a new one, where she recently lost her father and her friends and her fiance, is possibly struggling with her snapped bond and she just doesn't get a voice until Az has his story told?

This isn't meant to sound Anti Az because he deserves his HEA too, I'm just not sure his story is more important to tell than Elain's at this moment. Or even Lucien's.

Because regardless of what we learned of Az in SF or the CC (like you said, some won't read the crossover and from a publishing standpoint that means the next ACOTAR book still has to make sense for those readers), that doesn't erase what we were told of Lucien and Elain long before that.

The layout is:

Elucien bond plot introduced in 2016

Lucien being abused by Tamlin in 2016

Elain being made introduced in 2016

Lucien having to flee Spring /Koschei / Vassa / Helion as Lucien's Father / Lucien meeting Papa Archeron / Eris showing sadness over his relationship with Lucien introduced in 2017

Graysens Rejection / Seer powers Discovered / Elain killing the king / Elain's fathers death introduced in 2017

The IC needing Spring's borders protected / Lucien living with Vassa and Jurian introduced in 2018

Elain's powers gone dormant / Elain moving quietly being mentioned / Elain mourning Graysen and her father introduced in 2018

Elain's powers still dormant / Elain starting to stand up for herself / Rhys and Amren saying others have underestimated her / Elain reminding others of her trauma / Elain not fitting in with the NC / Elain being made for Spring, her scent a promise of spring / Reminder of Elain wanting to travel to the continent / More mentions of Elain moving with stealth introduced in 2021

Lucien commanding Cassian with a single word / Lucien being permanently stationed in Spring to be their eyes and ears because they need a strong ally / Lucien's "father" wanting to ally with Koschei / Lucien's friend Vassa ready to be called back to Koschei / Mor not able to get the peace treat signed in Valhallan / Lucien's brother becoming a character heavily involved in the plots and visiting the human lands where Lucien is living introduced in 2021.

Az got buildup in SF (2021) and he is part of the crossover (2024).....but she's playing catchup for him because he didn't have a lot setting him up to be an eventual MMC before that.

His newly introduced plots (of which they are still a little unclear outside the Illyrians) don't automatically take precedence over Lucien and Elain's plots. It doesn't mean she's pushing Elucien to the side in favor of Az.

It could just mean she's planning ahead for what comes after Elain and Lucien's story and the crossover isn't necessarily some sort of trump card when we have no idea exactly when or how SJM plans on introducing what happened in the CC into the ACOTAR series or when the next ACOTAR book will start on the timeline. The crossover doesn't eliminate the very real threats they were facing in their world in SF and if people are saying that she can "shelve" Elain and Lucien's stories regardless of the buildup they had in books 1, 2, 3 (etc), then why can't Az's story also be temporarily shelved regardless of the page time he got in SF / the crossover so she can first tell us Elucien's story and take us to other courts outside of the NC? Wouldn't the series ending in the NC make the most sense?

Shouldn't they deal with threats on their own world before they really start worrying about threats from outside their world?

You're right though (in regards to your second anon), whatever story she tells next is fine. But the arguments saying why it has to be Az don't make sense to me because if she could sideline Elucien then she can do the same to Az.

[thelreads]

I've been taking notes on the spypocalypse so I can keep my thoughts in order and actually I ended up noticing something:

First, a lot of other slice of life sitcoms don't have character development because they need to keep the characters the same for the format. But as a result the characters can end up feeling stale because they don't develop and thus the creators fall back constantly on the same jokes. But what I like about spy x family is that the characters are slowly growing, even if that means sacrificing the jokes. Like, Endo is letting Anya slowly get better at studying and Yor slowly get better at cooking, so even though we still have jokes about how Anya is not the best at school or that Loid is a better cook than Yor, we also get to move past it so the jokes don't become old.

Second, in other manga that have serious and funny moments, I find that there isn't often a lot of crossover, character-development wise. Like, in SxF, Fiona running off to the mountains to train in tennis is a gag... And then it saves her life during the mole arc. Likewise, there's gags about Yuri being indestructible because of Yor, and then during the Yuri v. Twilight showdown he is actually really able to keep getting up.

So that probably means that the next time Twilight and Yuri go up against each other, we'll see a return of Yor-fu.

And last thing: even though there haven't been a lot of chapters that let us see it, I think Yor is definitely getting a lot more feelings for Loid. When she first moved in, Yor didn't even know if she and Loid would be sleeping in the same room. She was a bit bashful around him, but it was really only when she was super drunk that she went tomato-face mode (when Yuri told her to kiss Loid, when Loid tried to honey trap her, and then later the welcome home kiss). However, when they went to the murder ski lodge, even though she was completely sober and Anya and Bond were *right there*, she went super blushing flustered mode at the idea of sleeping in the same room as Loid. Ah, yeah, it's all coming together.

Ok for real last thing: also I think the reason why Sigmund's tutoring worked better than Yuri or Loid's is because those two focus on one thing and get through it. They're both determinators who have no problem with snapping into focus on one thing at a time. Meanwhile Anya's mind has a tendency to wander. However, look at how Sigmund deals with it: when Anya turns Yuri's "whole enchilada" into the "swole Chihuahua", Yuri tells her to forget it and go back to focusing on the grammar. But when Anya takes Sigmund's "eureka" and turns it into "eucalyptus", Sigmund encourages her ("oh, you know so much about koalas! You'll ace your biology test!" And she may not have gotten a Stella star for it, but given that her only bolt was from math, she at least passed her bio quiz). Sigmund works with her wandering train of thought while gently pushing her back to the task at hand. Anya is a force of nature who conquers all in her way; Twilight and Yuri don't stand a chance trying to fight against her head on, but Grandpa Siggy knows how to work with the Lord of Storms.

Grandpa's are great, I'm gonna be so sad when it turns out Sigmund is a founding member of the Apple Project.

Oh, I like that slow development. It's so subtle and gradual you don't really notice it until something major happens and it all clicks together.

Yor is definitely getting more feelings. Yeah, she was not as embarrassed at first because she didn't really liked Twilight the way she does now. He was a handsome man and she was bashful, but now that she does like him like that, now that she's getting aware of her own feelings, oh now the fun begins...

And Sigmund there was definitely the right choice to teach Anya, and he does manage to get in her head because he has a lot of experience on the subject, he was a teacher for years, he understands the human brain because of his work as a researcher. Also because he knows how to handle test subjects from project apple after all.

[lej222]

Hello.. I am actually afraid with the recent jisu miae centered episodes also the case with the flyers.. Like you said the fate thing is trying to set her up with jisu. do you think soonkki will actually do something like breaking up the main characters? Normally the webtoons don't have sad endings. On the other hand in soonkki's previous work it feels like she likes to play with various emotions and shows like the mcs gonna break up but they DO NOT. Also making the fl ends up with second ml is totally a huge thing to do. There's certainly more cheolmiae shippers than jisumiae. And isn’t it like cheol has more potential than jisu in every way? He has her pink book there's a photo of theirs which is now in miae's room which miae is still not aware of. But there's also this point how not a single photo in the whole story is with miae. Soo,,, what's your opinion in all of these?

Hi! This is indeed the most difficult question to answer!😃 I'll share my own opinion, and it's totally subjective so please be kind to me🥲

So, lately I've been thinking this series might not be targeted at teens. As I was writing my meta on supernatural clues in the story, I found so many little details that would be easy to miss. Like the synchronicity theory I wrote about, the things the parents keep saying in the story, or you could just look at Jisu's character and how so many people misunderstand his actions. As an adult, when I saw the scene of him getting hit by a teacher, I felt a sense of dread. I started thinking about why he provokes the teacher, why he seems so disengaged, etc. These things are easier to notice if you're an adult. Which takes me to my next point.

The ending of the webtoon heavily depends on the message the author wants to convey. If she wanted to tell a simple love story there was no need for supernatural clues in the story. Jisu's involvement and the way he was introduced also required a great deal of effort and pre-planning. Ominous signs have been present since the start. Even in the latest chapters, Miae thinking about how they will have time to talk in high school or Cheol imagining their life together - they all feel like promises that might not be fulfilled. Every time I've read about a character imagining their future in a story, it never really came true, like I've been keeping up with Firefly Wedding which is a beautiful manga, and the moment I saw them daydreaming about their future I knew it would never come true.

Reading ASLFUA, I cannot help but agree with a Korean commenter that Miae lives in a dream world. It's not a bad thing, don't get me wrong. She is still a child so it's expected, but she hasn't had her own arc where she matures. Cheol's story in the first half was all about him opening up to new people and experiences. If you compare Miae to how she was at the start vs how she is now, she hasn't really changed much. But we know that she must, even the narrator pointed it out. Living in a fantasy world is not a bad thing, but one day she has to step out of it. Life is not always kind and there are things that might not be under her control. Her parents are a good example. Her mother had to give up on her passion because of the financial crisis. Her father works tirelessly to make ends meet. Soonkki presents this story through a child's eyes, but she doesn't ignore the harsh truths of growing up. Miae's mom is watching the news about how adults should help their children to have a healthy view on sexuality. Miae has no idea what being in a romantic relationship means. These are all messages to the adult readers of the story.

This doesn't mean there's no possibility of Cheol and Miae ending up together. If Soonkki's message is that their love is so strong it can overcome fate itself, that's one possible route. For this ending, I think all the supernatural elements would be a little bit pointless, but it's a likely outcome. Or she can go the bittersweet route, where the emphasis would be on the growth story. For me, the supernatural involvement makes more sense in this scenario, but it's just my personal opinion. As for Cheol's popularity, I would say it would be more of a problem for international readers. Most Korean readers also love Jisu, people on the KR side are more open to multishipping in general. Take Operation True Love for example, most top comments are about how no one would be mad if the ML switched to Dohwa after the timeskip. Whatever happens though, Cheol is the ML of the story, because it's partly his own growth story.

Yes, the book in her dresser is still a plot point that needs to be addressed. Other than that, we only have one countyside memory we haven't seen, but we've already had lots of coming-to-full circle moments, like Miae touching Cheol's scar, them acknowledging their feelings, Cheol's POV, etc. We know almost nothing about Jisu and Miae only remembers two things about him. Why did he single her out? He did not ask to be helped and when he transferred they were wearing winter clothes. Miae became his friend after summer break. That's a big gap we don't know anything about. Why did Jisu not give her the accoustic guitar? Why did he look surprised when she said she wanted to study together? What is his wish? There are still a lot of questions that need answers.

I'm not saying I'm sure Miae and Cheol won't end up together, but I believe it's a possibility. At the end of the day, I'm obviously not the writer and what I wrote here might be all wrong, but I wanted to look at all sides of the argument and you are obviously not wrong to believe in a happy ending🙂

[odtherat]

I actually really like "The Giving Tree" sm. Like, I've always loved it sm, even when I was younger an first found it as a kid. I kind of remember my teacher asking why. It had no color and ended in such a sad way. I didn't have an answer then. And idk if I really have an answer now? Ig I just like the idea of the story in a sense?

But honestly, there's so many ways you can interpret the story, so many ways that have already been interpreted too.

I jst wanna take abt it for a moment so. Ah. This post will be everywhere btw coz I have so many thoughts that I can't word right. Hhh sorry.

Gonna be a kinda long post :3

The tree gives because she loves the boy. She just wants him to be happy. She loves him, even after he's taken everything he can from her. And she was only ever Not happy when he used her trunk to make a boat and leave. She wasn't truly happy. Because he was no longer there to see her, even if asking for something else

She let him use her over and over again to keep him happy, because his happiness was her happiness.

The boy.. He never changes from boy to man, no matter how old he grew. He was always The Boy. I really like to think it's not because that's how the tree saw him still, as that same little kid she would let play in her leaves, but because.. He never truly grew up. He never realized that his taking and taking and taking of the tree was like a child asking of their mother for more and more and kept receiving because he never learned "No".

He loves the tree. We can tell because he keeps coming back to her in times of need.

He needs money. She gives her apples for him to sell. This is a point many people have said, he should have planted some of the seeds for her to have friends. But she already lives in a forest with other trees. She said "The forest in my home" after the boy asked for a home to live in with a wife and children of his own. So planting more trees won't bring her the happiness she gets when around the boy, as there are already many around(we just don't see them since it's centered around these two)

Even in the end.. He's still using the tree, now only a stump for him to sit and rest upon. Maybe neither of them realize they are using/being used by the other, as they've technically been with each other since the beginning.

Now. We don't know if the boy ever succeeded at the things he wanted. We don't know if he made money from those apples. We don't know if he ever got a wife or had children with someone. For all we know, he never got those things that he thought would bring him happiness. So he kept going back to the tree for her help, the one person(?) he knew he could get help from, who he knew would help him in some way to make him happy.

She gave him his leaves as a child so he could play his favorite game with her. They'll grow back anyway! And she's happy.

She gave him her apples to get money to live on. They'll grow back anyway! And she's happy.

She gave him her branches to build a house to call home. They won't grow back.. But she's happy.

She gave him her trunk to build a boat and.. leave? It won't grow back, maybe not the same anyway.. But.. she's happy? Is she happy? He left.

He comes back.. And she tries to say she has nothing left to give. Everything she's had, gone and taken by him. Yet she apologizes for not having anything left. And yet, the boy said he doesn't need anything more than a spot to sit and rest.

She sits her stump up right, as best as she can, and gives him that to rest upon. He sits on the old stump. And she is happy.

They. Are happy.

One who gave too much, the other who took too much. And yet. Just being together has made them happy.

Idk what else I can really say abt it tbh. I just wanted to talk abt it. But! If you want even more of an explanation, and to know a bit more abt the author and the other stories the guy made, check out this video :]

Ok that's all byyyeeee

[lynaferns]

I wish my teachers from back then in school didn't take too much into account the age rating of books and choosed books for the class to read based on the kids interests in said class.

I'm not saying to read mature rated books to kindergarten kids. I mean in highschool or even primary school, taking more into account what could be a read good enough to make the kids want to start reading by themselves. Don't choose a book base only if it's age appropriate and if you liked the title, but about the story. I know the books the teachers course are actually from an approved list by the school, but those books are always shit.

I don't like reading, I've hated or gotten bored of every book a teacher has made me read. Fantasy, mystery, slice of life, hated them all.

The worst was when the book was in basque (hi, I'm from Basque country, it's in Spain, in case you didn't know I'm from there, now you know), those books- listen, there is a whole thing going on with the current basque that is talked here, with the thing of being an artificial amalgamation of what was the OG language. We don't have a nice catalogue of basque books to read... specially because they are all recently written, and I mean this century. The basque authors have to start somewhere, but that's all we have.

(something something people being haunted decades ago for talking basque, parents not teaching the language to their kids to protect them, losing the language, trying to bring it back by ripping out words from Spanish and the little they could save from the lost one, something something, and now there are only a few villages that can talk the original basque and can't understand shit from the new basque and that's fucking sad because the new one is so clumsy and awkward and the old one was so much pretty but anyways this could have been its own post)

This stupid book, I remember crying because I didn't want to read that book. It was so bad, so fucking boring but had to do a resume of the whole book and I only had a chapter left and I was pulling at my hair because I couldn't bring myself to read it. It wasn't even a long book, in fact, one of the shortest I've read in my life. Must have been less than 100 pages around 10 short chapters, BIG FONT FOR KIDS. I hated it with all my soul and I made sure to express that in my resume. You have no idea of how relieved I was that it was over and that my brother and mother didn't have to convince me anymore to read it.

A few years ago my brother tried to get me into Terry Pratchett's books but I got bored fast. I had people around me try to recommend books to read. Any time someone started talking to me about a book they've read my brain would shut down and I would be just like "yeah cool 🙂(<-trying really hard to fake having interest)".

Once I tried to find ways to get me into reading the books assigned from school, like 30 minutes read a day. I would put timers in my phone and try not to look at the clock. When my father found out he got really mad at me and scolded me for some reason I to this day still don't understand. My mother wasn't mad but she told me that if I had to read a number of chapters assigned, I had to read those chapters. And I dropped the book. Completely. I didn't submit the resume we had to do at the end of the year.

The concept of picking a book to read and actually reading it... I can't do that. The times I tried to read a book because someone really wanted me to read it, my brain has just stopped a few pages in, like "yeah no, this isn't happening buddy, we are not reading today."

One day suddenly, I started reading. A lecture that caught me enough to read the first 4 chapters in a row. Another time I read the equivalent of 4 books in a week. And suddenly it's not as hard as before to pick up something from the list to read and know that I'm going to read it later. It was a fanfic who made me think "Oh shit! Wait! Reading is fun!?!?!?!"

But I'm only reading because I'm familiar with the characters that are in the fic, and I want to see more stories about that specific character.

I can start watching a show, a gameplay, pick up a fanfic... I can't pick up a book and read it without losing interest.