#i know its not dbh and this blog is mostly dbh but my hyperfixation has shifted for awhile now so

[calliecopper]

Ok this isn't gonna be structured at all but I'm thinking about season 9 of Shameless and specifically about Fiona's departure from the show; A majority of the fandom takes this as a positive moment for her character and as a victory for her, finally putting herself first after years of self sacrifice. But I'm just thinking to myself: is this not exactly what Monica did?

Monica continuously left the kids on their own due to her own mental struggles, often justifying it like she does in season 1 by blaming Frank, or in season 2 by saying that the kids are better off without her. She is held accountable by the fandom for this, rightfully so, because she had a responsibility to those children, and regardless of personal circumstances, she should have been there for them. In season 2, she even acknowledges this, stating that she wants to stay in the mental hospital so she can get better and be there for the kids. This seems to be a constant struggle for her character; wanting to be with her children but struggling with her mental health, drug addiction, and her personal relationship with Frank. All that being said, despite her character being sympathetic, her actions are condemned by fandom.

However, Fiona leaving in season 9 is not seen this way at all. Now, to be fair, most of the children were adults by this point, so she wasn't leaving a minor to take care of five other minors whilst dealing with an abusive alcoholic father. However, Liam was still very much a child, and legally under her guardianship, yet she still leaves him in the care of Lip and the other kids, despite then all having lives of their own as well.

Throughout the early seasons, specifically 1-3, it is brought up continuously how Fiona taking care of the kids is going to come at the sacrifice of her own life. In season 1, she has the opportunity to leave with Jimmy to pursue her own happiness, but she turns it down in order to stay and support the children. In season 2 she reluctantly puts her trust in Monica to assist in helping with the kids in order to pursue a higher position in her work at the club, but ultimately returns to the status quo when Monica suffers from an episode. In season 3 she gains guardianship of the kids, despite the judge telling her outright it will come at the cost of her own freedom, and she will be obligated to care for these children over herself. She KNOWS that she is giving something up in these moments. She KNOWS it is a sacrifice, and she still makes the decision to move forward with shouldering that burden.

This isn't a complaint of her character, I actually find this struggle of hers to be one of the reasons I find her so compelling. She is only 21 in season 1 and is the main provider for her siblings, who at this point would be lost without her. She is only 22 when she gains guardianship. It is valid to look at her situation and realize that she is sort of backed into a corner. How could she in good faith leave her siblings to fend for themselves? How could she pursue something for herself when all she's known since she was 9 is self-sacrifice and putting others first?

However, I think it's also valid to criticize her actions after she gains guardianship. Even as soon as season 4, her shortcomings of being a guardian make themselves more known. Because, before she gained guardianship, she had no obligation to look after these kids, and her attitude, as seen when discussing Karen's pregnancy with Lip, of "I'm not their mother" held weight, because she wasn't their mother. She had every right to put her own wellbeing above others in seasons 1-3 if she wanted to. However, in seasons 4-7 especially, you can see this start to deteriorate.

Her lack of concern for Ian being missing in season 4, despite him only being 17, as well as her carelessness with having coke in the house when there's a toddler wandering around unsupervised. Her stating to Sean in season 6 that she doesn't want to be the one to raise the kids anymore, or her willingness to not support Debbie in her pregnancy despite Debbie only being 14/15 and still legally being under Fiona's care. Her wishing to no longer be top of the emergency contact list in season 7, even for Debbie and Carl who were still minors and legally under her care, and suggesting to put Kev and V above her despite them having their own children.

Her being legally guardian of these children changes the standards for how she should care for them, and I think it's compelling to watch her crack under that unexpected pressure. However, I think it's valid to find her care of the kids after gaining guardianship less than ideal. Most of the fandom seems to disagree, though.

Then, come season 9, she leaves. After suffering an extreme downsprial and struggling with alcoholism, she decides it's best for her to leave. To be honest, this would be the happy ending to her character people make it out to be if it weren't for Liam. Because all the other children are adults, she has no legal obligation to look after them. (Unless Carl was also a minor, but I forgot, I think he was 18, but the ages are so wonky on this show I can't be sure.) However, Liam is legally still her responsibility. Still, she leaves him behind and asks Lip to look after the kids, despite him just having had a baby of his own and struggling with his own personal battle with alcoholism. Debbie also has her own child at this point so she can't properly care for Liam, Ian is in prison, and Carl is too young (and too Carl) to reasonably take on the role of caretaker here. And, of course, Frank is out of the question. So, really, it was similarly unfair of her to leave that responsibility on them, as it was for Monica to leave it on her. Less so, of course, but still unfair.

I just can't help but think that this is at least similar to the ways Monica would leave. Obviously, to a less severe degree, but Fiona still backed out on an obligation she had to a child legally under her care. Although Liam was in a far better position than any of the kids were when Monica left, Liam did still struggle with the loss, as seen in season 11 when he starts sleeping on the streets, unsure of who is supposed to look after him.

I love Fiona. She's in my top 5 favorite characters on Shameless, but I find a lot of the fandom puts her on a pedestal and refuses to acknowledge her shortcomings or the way that she perpetuates the cycle of addiction and poor parenting once she becomes guardian. Her leaving in season 9 didn't feel like a girlboss win moment despite the show portraying it as such, I found it to be more her continuing the cycle set by Monica, just as throughout the season she had been continuing the cycle set by Frank with her addiction problems.

I honestly find her character to become a lot more rich and interesting when you acknowledge her flaws instead of believing she's justified in all her actions or by removing her accountability and blaming her poor actions on the way she was raised. As she says in season 4;

"It's me, Lip. Not Frank, not Monica. Not nature, not nurture. It's all me. I'm 23. Can't be about how much they screwed us up anymore."

And as Lip tells her;

"You're not perfect, Fiona. None of us are."