#i know in the eyes of others my scars are already bad.ppl often tell me so. but im not satisfied with them they need to be worse imo
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even tho i am covered in so much scar tissue, it never feels like it's enough
#personal#gonna talk about self harm in tags. not in graphic detail obv but heed the warning#i often wish i lived alone so i could self destruct fully but i cant do that. cant afford it plus i wouldnt be allowed to#i know in the eyes of others my scars are already bad.ppl often tell me so. but im not satisfied with them they need to be worse imo#idk. i dont hate myself for being like this or anything but i know its not normal to want to completely destroy yourself. im not normal#and it sucks cuz no one gets it. i cant talk about it or i will get punished. i will get locked away and become a project to fix again#there have been times recently ive needed stitches but i dont get them cuz i know what will happen if i do#i get why ppl get concerned sure but that doesnt change that i enjoy it. i enjoy having control destroying myself#idk how many ppl understand this cuz most ppl i know sh for various other reasons but at times i feel as if im alone in this#right anyways. sorry about that i prefer to just yell shit out into nothing cuz ill feel like an ass venting directly to someone#always feel like im being manipulative or trauma dumping etc. im being melodramatic i know
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