#i know im probably being annoying if anyone still follows the alias tag and im sorry

[lilsam96]

Towards the end of 1x07, it's Thanksgiving, and Sydney has friends over when she gets a knock on her door.

It's Jack. And he outright tells her Shepard was the one that killed Danny (she already found this out while on her mission). And then this exchange is what follows.

"I'm telling you because I don't want you to think its my mission in life to keep things from you." "Then why do you?" He pulls something from his jacket. "FBI report, signed by the deputy director under Carter, clearing me of having any involvement with KGB. Sydney, you have to understand it was the height of the Cold War. After they caught Boyce and Lee in '77, everybody was under suspicion. So, I suppose in a way… Your mother's… accident was my fault…" Sydney looks at him with tearful eyes. "Since the FBI was after me." He pauses, shakes his head slightly. "If I could give her back to you, I would." They look at each other, Sydney gob smacked. "Take it." "I don't need to," she quietly says. He puts the paper back in his jacket. "You should stay." "Work." His response is abrupt, to the point. She nods her head. "I'm glad your trip went well." Another awkward pause. She knows he's avoiding hanging out with her. "Happy Thanksgiving," he says cordially. "You too," she replies through tears and a smile. He simply turns and leaves.

IT'S ALL KINDS OF COMPLICATED BETWEEN THEM. HE'S TRYING TO GAIN HER TRUST, SO HE CAN HELP PROTECT HER, BUT HE KEEPS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH AND IT'S PAINFUL. The FBI wasn't after him, they were after his wife. But he can't tell Sydney that because that's a can of worms that has so many complicated issues that will only lead to more questions than answers and he can't deal with that right now. At this point, he's doing everything in his power to keep his daughter safe! 😭 But him admitting fault and wishing he could give Sydney her mother back feels like a half truth-- on one hand, yes, he probably feels responsible just because he fell for her and her deception. And he probably does wish he could give Sydney back her mother-- or at least Sydney's version of her mother. The one who was loving and kind and nurturing. And this half truth (coupled with the proof of his innocence of working with the KGB) alleviates Sydney's suspicions and vitriol of him. And that's good enough for him.

AND THEN HE USES THE EXCUSE OF WORK TO NOT JOIN HIS DAUGHTER FOR THANKSGIVING. 😭 And really, its because he just doesn't know how to be a father. He's out of practice. He's scared he's going to get it wrong and that he won't live up to Sydney's expectations. BUT! He knows how to protect from the shadows. That's where he works best. That's where he's most comfortable. And so, he avoids another opportunity to spend quality time with his daughter and learn how to be an actual father... And it's all very sad and frustrating. 😭