#i know i'm worthy. i know.
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According to the Doctor Who Listened To Me, switching from my birth control to this new treatment could result in weight loss, if, indeed, my steady weight gain over the last decade or so was due to the birth control. I'm having severely mixed feelings about this possibility.
On the one hand, if I did lose all the weight birth control (presumably) made me gain, it would be much easier to interact with the world. Buying (and making) clothes would be much easier. Buying furniture, too, and cheaper besides. I'd be able to ride roller coasters again, sit in whatever seat in a theater, sit in booths in restaurants. I wouldn't have to ask for seatbelt extenders on planes, or worry about unintentionally invading someone's space because of how much I take up just by existing.
On the other hand...I've seen what happens when people lose that kind of weight. I've seen how much better they're treated. I am so desperate to protect the younger me who lives in my head from having it proven that it was her body that was incorrect, not the people around her. I don't want little girl me to have to know, conclusively, that they were right, that she would have had it so much better if she just lost the weight. I don't want to see just how much more desirable I would've been this whole time if I'd just been half the size I am. I don't want to know how many crushes would have liked me back if I'd just been smaller. I don't want to know exactly how unworthy I am now, as I currently am. And I'm terrified, because I know that if the weight does come off, I'll find out whether I want to or not.
#pedanticblah#dylan is sad#body image issues#weight talk#negative body talk#this isn't fishing for people to tell me how worthy i am now#i know i'm worthy. i know.#it's just hard to believe#and having it directly proven wrong would make it harder#if this treatment works it'll be worth whatever happens#but fuck am i conflicted about it#it's currently stuck waiting for a prior authorization#i hope that comes in before i run out of birth control#less effective birth control is still better than nothing
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The first woman I ever fell in love with should at least have a tarot card if she's not going to be in Veilguard
here's bethany
Edit!!! I’ve never been more happy to be wrong
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#art#da morrigan#the witch of the wilds#this is genuinely the first thing I've liked that I've drawn since I was a child... I keep looking at it unsure of what to say...#I'm...proud of it???#I signed it?? there's something I thought was worthy of a signature and a date??? guys I don't know what to do right now#I started working on this around 5pm and it's 2 in the morning right now and for the first time since high school....#I feel like it was worth it#oh i hope people like this#blows a kiss to the stars (bunabi)#dragon age tarot#bee’s art
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ok but for real now. since tiktok has so throughly disappointed on this trend. who is your strangest hear me out / most bizarre crush? freaks and headscratchers only edition
#please 👁👁 I am so fascinated by this.#also I need to know I'm not the only one with double-take worthy and more-than-a-little-embarrassing taste#hear me out#ask meme#polls#memes#original#blorbos#blorboposting#fictional crush#(they dont have to be characters or even people. skys the limit and not even really because space and aliens and stuff)#monster lover#tag meme#(I've posted about some of mine here before but none of you in a million billion years would guess who the newest one is. its not even that#creative or out there just. head in my hands how did I get here kinda situation)
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One of the lines in TOS that drives me the most crazy is in The Man Trap, when Spock is in command of the Enterprise. A death on the landing party is reported, and Uhura, upset that Spock doesn't display an emotional reaction, challenges him and reminds him that the death could be Captain Kirk. "He's the closest thing you've got to a friend," she says.
And that always sticks out to me.
It paints Spock as a pretty tragic figure, doesn't it?
Like - and this is disregarding new canon, sorry Disco and SNW I'm ignoring you - Spock is kind of implied to be, well. Pretty much alone. Kirk, his brand new captain, at that point, is the closest thing he has to a friend. We know that Spock was on the Enterprise before Kirk's Captaincy, and we know he was at least somewhat close to Pike in that time, but by that point Pike is disabled enough to barely be able to communicate, and it doesn't seem like Spock was close to anyone else on Pike's enterprise - at least no one who stuck around.
He's estranged from his family. Maybe he kept contact with Amanda, but frankly I can't imagine they were calling often. He has an unwilling fiancee who he has no real relationship with. He never seems to (willingly) date, wh He knew Leila Kalomi at some point, but it's blatantly obvious both that they haven't kept in touch and that Kalomi's interest in him makes Spock fairly uncomfortable, so she doesn't count. Am I missing anybody?
And then Kirk comes, and takes over the Enterprise, and, from the very start, looks at Spock with kindness and affection. Wouldn't that be. fucking life-changing? Kirk comes and, in a matter of weeks, single-handedly changes the entire trajectory of Spock's life, simply by liking him. Y'know?
It's genuine, too. It's not like Kirk is just playing nice for the sake of the command team. He's just - fond of Spock. Really, properly fond of him.
And it's more than a bit overwhelming for him, especially because he likes Kirk just as much as Kirk likes him, and he hasn't experienced that before, either. It's wildly obvious how important Kirk becomes to him from his words and actions throughout the show; from "when I feel friendship for you, I feel ashamed," in The Naked Time; to believing in Kirk's innocence when all evidence was against him in Court Martial; to breaking through the blood fever to beg T'Pau to forbid Kirk's participation, and also his smile in Amok Time; to Spock jumping in the path of a poison flower in The Apple; and on and on. It's obvious to the viewer, and it's just as obvious to other characters in the show. Spock treasures Kirk and his friendship.
Idk. I'm just regularly blown away by how astoundingly impactful Kirk was on Spock. From the very moment they meet, they're both irrevocably changed. Two halves of a whole indeed! I can understand how it would frighten Spock enough to make him flee to Kolinahr, unused to the sheer emotion brought on by Kirk, and I can understand how it would be compelling enough to cause him to return.
#i know i wrote this whole post saying friendship but it's love. i just wanted to leave it up to the reader which TYPE of love.#but it's love!! they love each other!!! so much!!!!#parallel post to this one about how kirk's life is irrevocably changed by spock coming when??? mm idk. maybe someday.#today's about spock tho because. it makes me feel things.#and THEN as a direct RESULT of kirk's friendship he gets even MORE friends starting with McCoy and eventually getting the whole bridge crew#but i genuinely think that without kirk's influence he would have stayed alone on that enterprise.#i am not convinced that even mccoy would have become his friend without kirk paving the way#and i'm not convinced spock would have let him had he tried. kirk had to be there to convince spock that he was worthy of love first.#tos#star trek tos#spirk#spock#james t kirk#the premise#k/s
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#i'm too tired & wired to come up with any vaguely funny tags#so just like. pretend i said something sorta laugh worthy here. flex your imagination a lil!! 🧠#pacific rim#pacrim#hermann gottlieb#newmann#(bc you know this would be directed at newt ofc)#k sci#k science#shitpost#meme
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I really appriciate how often Machete is depicted struggling and feeling like a burden, while still being loved and supported by Vasco. It gives the top tier angst of "i'm not good enough, I'm not worth it" but you frame it in such a way where it's clear that's just how he *feels* and is not how things really are, but also it's so nice to see someone who struggles quite often in a loving and unique relationship that suits them. The narrative of not being able to love or be loved unless you're consistently healthy is really tiring lol.
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#ah thank you! I'm so glad these themes come through the way I intended#this touches on something that I've been thinking a lot so sorry if this gets a bit ranty#but I have massive personal beef with the sentiment “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else/someone else can love you ”#I hate it with a passion#I know it's meant to encourage positive growth and I get that self-love and healthy self-image are something you should strive for#but it also sort of sends the message that people who struggle with these sort of issues don't deserve to be loved#not until they reach some external invisible standard of “okay I'm normal and well adjusted now”#“perhaps now I'm worthy of entering a relationship without the danger of dragging the other person down with me”#people who aren't in perfect health mentally or physically already feel like they're inconveniencing others with their mere existence#depriving them of the possibility or even the idea of loving and being loved won't make them better#it's just a stupid idiom it doesn't matter but to me it just comes across as unspeakably cruel way to think#and it rustles my jimmies#answered#anonymous
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only human
[ID: Two page comic in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The first page has a black background and the upper half, behind the panels, is splattered with stylized red blood, scattered bullets, and lifeless hands. In the first panel, it focuses on Vash's boots, showing him stepping through the panel and into the bloody scene. The second panel shows his bloody footprints and the third panel shows his face, his down-turned eyes looking downwards. It's a neutral, vague expression with confliction. At the bottom of the page, the back of Wolfwood's head and shoulder is seen, blood dirtying the white color of his shirt and side of his face. Vash's hand reaches out to him from the right side of the page.
The second page shows the entire scene in full, half the page in light and the other in solid black. At the center, Vash leans down onto his knees as he wraps his arms around Wolfwood's shoulders into a hug. Wolfwood's back is turned away from the viewer, his left arm holds onto his bloodied punisher and his right hand sits on his lap. Light casts from the left side of the page, showing the bloodied surrounding, but the held up punisher casts a shadow on the both of them, shielding them from the light. END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#<-- should i add that to the original post... if it's effective?#anyway this was a direct sequel to the previous post... i had a lot of thoughts when i drew it but my brain is failing me rn#something something about being granted that bit of mundanity and then running into some situation that whiplashes u back into the identity#u were built and trained to be. that at the end of the day its not possible to just be without dirtying your hands again#he's used to it but ww will forever be someone too kind too tender hearted to really be eased out of the cold lifestyle he's forced to live#and i personally dont think trimax vash could look at wolfwood with disdain or disappointment when catching him after the fact#he knows where wolfwood's heart lies he's seen the way wolfwood killed to protect and he thanked him for it too. i think him understanding#ww deeper in that way would just make his heart wretch so all he can offer is a comfort and arms to return to.#to reassure that he can still be loved even with the blood on his hands#i also think i drew an illustration when i first got into trigun depicting this same ish message....#i'm just very particular about this Subject. i need ww to be loved i need him to be reassured even if he'll still refuse to believe he's#worthy of it like AUGHHH. ok.#ruporas art
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You know why I love Feysand? One of the reasons is because there's a balance between them. In a way they complete each other.
Feyre is all forgiveness, love and a pleaser.
But Rhysand on the other hand is all revenge, hate and never forget.
Whenever he's drowning in hatred for himself, for people who wronged his loved ones, she's there to pull him up and shower him with love, respect and reminding him of goodness.
And whenever she is being too forgiving to the point she's forgetting herself or to put herself first, he's there to bring justice and be a shield for her from the injustice of it all.
That's why this is one of my favorite scene of them:
He's saying he can't forgive anyone who wronged her. But she remembers the ones who wronged him and notices he doesn't care about himself, his hatred for himself won't allow it.
She's saying he has to forgive at some point. He's there to remind her that maybe it's okay to admit that some people have made her suffer.
It's this back and forth between them. It balances them.
He's always self sacrificing himself to keep his loved ones safe, to make them comfortable, to be a shield. And Feyre came to his life, saw right throw all of them and let him to burden her with some of those duties he put himself up for them.
Sometimes it's a wrong trait but it's never out of malice.
And she is always too forgiving, putting everyone else first, always backing down when some times she needs to back up for herself and she let herself to forget them. But he won't, he will remember, he'll defend her if it's needed and when someone crosses a line, he's there to remind them to back down.
Sometimes she let people take too much from her and it might hurt her in the process. A wrong trait of her.
They're the definition of "I will give my love for the both of us" and "I will give my hatred for the both of us"... does that make sense?
#I wrote this with my half fried brain for being on traffic for better part of my morning lmao#feysand#pro feysand#rhysand#rhysand acotar#high lord rhysand#pro rhysand#feyre archeron#feyre cursebreaker#feyre darling#high lady feyre#pro feyre#pro feyre archeron#i saw something a few days ago#some of you might know what I'm talking about some of you may not#but yeah I wanted to answer them in my own way#and also not reblog them and bring hate on the main so...#I wish people would stay on their own lain#I don't need to read the takes of my fav characters of someone who's coming from hatred toward those characters#leave them alone if you have nothing worthy to say#and don't waste our time lol
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talking to normal people about mha is always so enlightening because someone told me they didn't like season six and i was like???? THE BIBLE??????? YOU DONT LIKE THE BIBLE??? BAKUGOU KATSUKI RISING?? THE APOLOGY??? THE CHASING AFTER HIM TO FIGHT SHIGARAKI, THE REVEAL KATSUKI HAS BEEN WORRIED ABOUT IZUKU, IZUKU'S FERAL RAGE WHEN KATSUKI IS STABBED, KATSUKI BEING THE ONE TO FIND IZUKU AND THEN THE ONE TO BRING HIM HOME??? YOU DONT ENJOY THE SACRED TEXTS?? and then i'm like oh right not everyone is a fujoshi high on that sweet, sweet bkdk yaoi
#bkdk#bakudeku#it took all of my willpower not to be like my brother in christ i'm a fujo i'm gonna like anything that bkdk appears in#i'm not here for the powerscaling or the pacing or if they should be third years#i tried to say it like “oh lol i know everything that's gonna happen hhaha i am one of the crazies who stays up for leaks”#but i wanted to be like listen man i'm really only here for the homoeroticism idc about whatever it is youre talking about#not that i dont love mha as a whole i think it's got such a fun sandbox world and cast#it just feels like someone being like omg tell me if that new restaurant is good#and i'm like what the fuck i'm in the kitchen doing cocaine with the cooks#i was a waitress i'm allowed to say this#like we are not consuming the same thing#i'm in the goddamn trenches my emotional state depends on how homoerotic mha is gonna be#i'm in the deep underbelly of bkdk hands and soulmates and yearning i dont even know what you're talking about#i like mha an annoying amount#i wanted to be like remember when i came into work skipping and singing that was because we got bkdk sunset/ptsd scene#i'm a little freak goblin dont ask me if it's good i dont care that it's good I CARE THAT ITS MINE but also fuck you its good#it's the best fuck off if you dont like it you arent worthy of it#hori this is why you should give in and make bkdk canon the fujos are the ones who really love you
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LOST: Season One
#lost#abc lost#lost one cap per ep#this was a project i was gonna do anyways but the timing worked out that i could post the first one on the 20th anniversary!#this is one cap per ep every season. from left to right. and this is important: its not a cap that sums up each ep#its a cap that REPRESENTS each ep. the way i choose them varies every episode#sometimes its an utterly iconic moment. sometimes it reps the theme of the ep. or it hits with a theme of the character themselves#sometimes the cap i use won't even involve the character whose centric episode it is. trust me. this makes sense#anyways i'll give a good example: for outlaws i was so tempted to use a shot of the judgemental soulful gaze of the boar#or perhaps sawyer in the rain after he shot that man#but! i used that shot of sawyer's dads legs as sawyer is hiding under the bed. i feel it worthy because this moment. this scene#is literally a core part of sawyer. it's a defining moment of his backstory. of his character. so yeah. makes sense yeah?#anyways some eps had Too Much going on (lord i could make one of these for exodus part 1 alone) and some not enough#or well they DID but like lacked in caps that Hit in the way im thinking. thank heavens charlie shot ethan cuz i was worried about that ep#i was like ''aw shit what am i gonna use'' and then an iconic lost moment happened kjhfdsjkhfd#anyways. there are 25 eps in season one. so im really glad that the last ep contains one of the moment iconic visuals/moments in all of los#oh i should add that these caps are unedited. i did not fuck with the colours or saturation in any way#i found 'em and i pieced them together. this is harder than it sounds. i browsed through all the screencaps of every ep of season one#and i will do so the remaining five seasons#some of these were super easy like i knew what cap i'd be using before i even started (eg. do no harm. the moth. in translation)#but some took some real Thinking. and some eps even had several caps that would have worked. this has all been quite interesting#also yeah. y'all already know damn well what cap i'm using for the very last episode
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here's a silly something that was going to be a thing of its own but i thought it was much better as a blurb <3
“kaeya,” you call, running your fingers over a midnight blue t-shirt with a cat and the word ‘meowlicious’ embroidered on it in silver. “come take a look at this!”
hearing no response, you turn, only to find kaeya’s hoodie-clad figure next to the hat section, where a wide variety of them sit on display. the trolley sits to the side, abandoned in favor of a ridiculously colored hat that now sits on his head.
“what?” he asks, a twinkle in his eye. “you don’t think i look handsome like this?” he poses like a model on the runway. with his midnight-colored hoodie, white sneakers, silver earrings, eyepatch and rainbow beach hat, he makes for a comedic sight.
the price tag dangles over his eyes, the cherry atop this absurd cake. a smile spreads across your face and laughter bubbles up in your chest.
“you look very handsome,” you tease. “i’d definitely pay—” you reach for the tag and flip it over. “five ninety nine for you.”
“is that all i’m worth?” one hand flies to the center of his chest in feigned astonishment. he catches your wrist with the other when you begin to move away. “i was under the impression that i’m worth far more than a meagre five ninety nine.”
“oh, you are.” you flick his forehead playfully. “but the standard rule of department stores is that i pay what’s on the tag.” you stick your tongue out at him, intertwining your fingers with his.
“touché. it looks like you’ve struck a bargain. take me home, then, my love.”
“we’ve got to pay for our stuff first, my love.”
#—💡#that's the blurb tag i've only used it once before jdshjsd#kaeya x reader#kaeya alberich x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin fluff#genshin x you#genshin impact x you#kaeya x you#le gasp mika posted something?#SDKJSKDJH SORRY GUYS I'VE BEEN WRITING BUT IT'S NOTHING POST-WORTHY#i'll salvage something soon (is that a lie? who knows not me)#and i have two events so i'm working on those too!!#AND YES I REMEMBER THE EVENT REQS I GOT LONG AGO I'LL WRITE THEM EVENTUALLY JSDHJH#anyway that's all for now bye ily#life do be life-ing
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played Mouthwashing and loved it, don't think I have anything that insightful to say about it though. I will say, however, that the fan reaction to it is incredibly disappointing to me. Like do whatever you want I'm not your dad, but I find it a little contemptable that a game clearly about sexual assault and gendered violence is being completely eclipsed by fucking yaoi posting. There's so much to discuss and explore about Jimmy and Curly (and Anya!), but I guess that's just too boring when you can hallucinate toxic yaoi!!! (BUZZWORD!! BUZZWORD!!). It's kind of incredible how Jimmy seems to just.. forget or brush aside the violence he's inflicted upon Anya in favor of obsessing over Curly, and a majority of fans seem to be eager to do the same!
#we love misogyny#I jest somewhat over the ''hallucinate yaoi'' part cuz I'm not saying it's unreasonable to read into Jimmy's obsession as being a lil gay#but that's kind of the thing isnt it? heterosexual misogynistic men DO obsess over other men#because men are more human to them. more worthy of their attention and obsession#to wrong your fellow man is unforgivable. to harm a woman? par for the course#it's notable that Jimmy's gameplay segments only show guilt for Curly and Daisuke and Swansea#THEY get to exist in his nightmares. Anya? barely present. only their unwanted child exists as a monster to ruin JIMMY'S life#whatever... maybe I'll make a longer post later (lying)#mouthwashing#saturn.txt#mouthwashing spoilers#also whatever i know Daisuke doesn't directly feature in the gameplay segments#but you see his pink flowers frequently. and his shrine in the ''no turning back'' segment#Jimmy mourns him but not Anya
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if you make posts about, e.g., trans men being seen as the worst of both men and women, denied the right to speak on either experience, and tag it as transandrophobia or something similar, you are making it very clear that when trans women talk about their experiences you either do not listen or do not care. Trans women also experience these things. It's not because you're a trans man. It's because you're trans. I know you're trans because you're a man but that's not the point, the point is all trans people are treated like this. Unless they either go stealth or gain high levels of social acceptance. Guess which subgroup of trans people that's easier for.
#Stop trying to act like there's institutional prejudice against men for god's sake#It's transphobia and misogyny esp oppositional sexism#I know there's a lot of discourse about transmisogyny but like. You don't need to coin a unique term for your experiences with transphobia#For them to be valid and worthy of discussion. You can just acknowledge that trans men are treated badly for being trans#I'm not interested in arguments either I don't care what the fucking imperialism defender said ABT it
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your talia in your newest comic is very pretty 💜 shiny hair save me….
AHH THANK YOU SM I didn't shade her hair originally when I was coloring cause I was trying to streamline things but it looked so incomplete without it...I can't help it if she has L'Oreal model energy. Anyway you're always really nice on my Steph posts so here's some misc Stephs I had lying around as thanks for this ask (feat one of those alt cowl designs i posted back when!)
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#batgirl#batgirls#asks#i have many wips that I don't feel are worthy of posting but yknow? these ones aint half bad#I've already done a lot of my essential steph reading so now I'm just looking for other stuff shes been in#she's briefly in the GA trade I'm reading rn! big win! I didn't even know that when i bought it but fate is fate#I'm gonna read batgirls at some point but i have to be in a headspace for it w/ the requisite amount of context#also i know it's one of those series you need to stick with to get the maximum amount of enjoyment with it#since every review I've read has said ''i know it starts off rough but PLEASE just get past the midpoint it gets better''#so i gotta be in that headspace too#(demons in my head saying 'or you could just reread cass' batgirl run' and I'm like STOP I NEED TO FINISH GA AND BB LEAVE ME BE!!!)#anyway thank you for this it was really nice <3#mine
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actors au ! lol
brusk told me about this au recently . we were talking about their actors for chapter 20/21 and she gave me the idea of drawing the two of them + todd interacting together . this is pretty enough to paint it , even ( but i won't )
brusk's post about this au is right here . i remember she said that the original idea was by sysig , though !
scriabin by zarla-s
todd and edgar by jhonen vasquez ,
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#zarla s#scriabin vargas#scriabin#doodles#this was fun to draw . look at them 💗💗#this is honestly color worthy but i'm too lazy to paint it lol#i need to work on some other stuff . still#i think this is really pretty . thats why i you know made some effort for the sketch to look decent#anyways ! i've been drawing a lot recently .#yesterday i went to sleep at 6AM#i could see the sky start to light up . kinda scary lol#i think that's pretty much all . too many tags for just a sketch#okay bye lol#okay ONE MORE THING#you can see this as the actors au or you know#chapter 20/21 edgar and scriabin interacting with todd for no reason lol .#any of those ideas is cute :3
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Do y'all think when Rangi was running around the estate, she had a literal rainbow flying behind her nyancat style? And that's how everyone could tell she was gay?
#she was just so happy to see Kyoshi~! :3#shit post#rangshi#rangi#rangi sei'naka#rangi seinaka#rangi x kyoshi#kyoshi x rangi#chronicles of the avatar#shadow of kyoshi#rise of kyoshi#'silly some things should stay in the vault. you can put a filter on' no. no i will not be silent!#what if I made a nyan cat rangi.....>w>#i mean it's possible with firebending....but jksladjfkajfk that's dragon's fire iirc#i know it's not 3 am but it's 3 am worthy uwu#i'm just stress blogging now because people keep calling me on my damn lunch break TT0TT#maybe kyoshi is colorblind (she's not!....but for the sake of this post.... jafskdljfk)
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