#i know i should. also add like. whatever those are called uhhh perspective?

[xx0yeet-everything0xx]

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN

I DIDNT REALLY THINK THIS ELABORATION PART THROUGH SO IM JUST GOING WITH IT NOW OK IM SORRY ITS SO LONG

okay so. you know the main suspense in the original was the last two lines!! to save or raze olympus or something idr

the hoo prophecy had SO much potential with that line to storm or fire the world must fall. like. this isn't even olympus anymore this is the WORLD. if the gods were wary with the first prophecy then... imagine this one??

that line wasn't a surprise as it unraveled because piper had already said it. and they all decided it was final, but like. it would've been so cool if they'd gone into the destructive side of it.

ESPECIALLY that scene in the beginning of BoO when jason meets beryl. that is the only time we've seen him come close to snapping, and even then (alas) he reigns it in. maybe if we saw a little of it from someone else's perspective. or when he calls zeus 'unwise.' there could be more tension because they wonder if he's going to turn.

and i've stated this before but just make leo's fatal flaw revenge it works so fucking well. he kills the primordial who ruined his life. he meets the goddess of revenge. seven years later and he still has fresh hate for aunt rosa (understandably). just... yes.

throw in percy too actually. everyone's worried about percy definitely being it-- esp. with tartarus-- until jason loses his shit with beryl (i changed my mind he should go batshit then. give us a character rick please.)

just. piper accurately predicting the prophecy all the way in HoH is so annoying. i want to be in suspense. thats what made pjo exciting! piper should predict something completely different to throw us all off actually. like. storm or fire refers to one of them killing the other IDK.

not to mention i do wish jason was a bit more involved with the ending rather than just a foil to leo (as much as valdez bbg deserves that) because in BoO there is literally a thought he says where "whatever i am, im the blood of olympus." which should be foreshadowing for something because thats the goddamn title of the book & also demigod blood is pretty important here in general (helps gaia raise, right?). but it wasn't. 'storm and fire' at this point give us a valgrace boss fight (leo + festus vs jason) and make them kiss too

i do 100% love that leo finished off gaia because that just makes sense to me but. would've been fun if the plan went wrong. if there wasn't a guarantee. HIGHER STAKES PLEASE. I DONT WANT A SECURE BACKUP PLAN I WANT IT TO BE TERRIFYING AND FULLY CHANCE

also the ending troubles me the most because. where was the twist??? the unexpected ending??? the scene (+ theme[s]) that ties the series together???

off the top of my head uhhh betrayal/broken promises would be a good spin-off on the original pjo series. except the original is about upholding those promises this could be about breaking them.

my case: the gods' promise to percy & annabeth (broken!); i'm pretty sure something between sammy and hazel was left unfinished too; jason's promise by his mom; piper laying fake promises with charmspeak all the time; leo carrying on sammy's promise to help hazel (theres a scene i believe) + his promise to himself to never use fire again which he consistently breaks(that ones a long-shot); frank's a son of mars, mars is all about promises, duty, so that one's interesting because i can't really think of a certain event where he breaks it. im sure we could find something though.

but soo uhh adds new level to an oath to keep with a final breath

fuck that calypso thing btw

so POINT IS let the promise be something between leo and jason (i very much love keeping them as the centre-point of things) maybe, said off-hand and not considered but it comes up in the end. and in the end, maybe that can be a trigger. for idk.

for leo to defeat gaia? for jason to just End the world? idk. my brain hurts now.

does this even make sense. ugh.

@alonetogethermp3 im sorry idek what im going at here myself 😭 i strayed so off-topic LMAO

im not even joking when i say that the biggest flaw in HoO— which, in my opinion, ruined much of its charge— was towards the end with how they handled the prophecy

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Modern au but aesop is in his room dying while playing carameldansen

Unfortunately in this modern au he shares a room with Joseph

[tucson-interviewed]

Tucson Interviewed: Dragoon Brewing’s Les Mains, a Sour Blonde Beer

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that beer is exploding all around Tucson.  Normally this is a bad thing, but under my context, it is a good thing.  When the opportunity to do this interview came up, I wasn’t sure if I would, or should, take it.  After all, I don’t drink.  I don’t say that with an air of condescension.  Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you that I’m horribly, horribly depressed and will eventually need to seek out treatment.  Ha.  Ha.  Haha.

On Sunday, October 15th, I sat down with the newest member of the Dragoon Brewing family, a barrel-aged sour blonde beer.  It was an interesting conversation, especially because, again, I am not a drinker.  Due to this fact, I realized that there would be a lot of backbiting about this interview amongst all of the interview fan communities, especially those online.  They’ll say I was paid for this discussion and that it’s nothing more than a glorified commercial.  They’ll say that this makes me a sell-out.  

But I was not compensated for this interview, so you watch it with the accusations that you make.  Am I an a-hole?  Yes, absolutely.  Am I corrupt?  Not at all.  Also, I don’t drink.  I feel like I have to keep reminding you all of that fact.

Tucson, I want you to put your hands together (unless you have a glass in one, in which case slap your free hand against your thigh), this is Dragoon Brewing’s Les Mains, a Sour Blonde Beer interviewed!

Catfish Baruni: I’m told you have a theme song or something along those lines.  Do you want to start with that?

Les Mains:  [sings] West of I-10 I was brewed and aged/in the barrel room I spent most of my days/chilling on oak that used to hold chardonnay--

CB:  That’s enough.  We get it: you’ve seen The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

LM:  Once again, alone in the dark for years.  Lots of TV.

CB:  That’s the title of my autobiography: Alone in the Dark for Years.

No!  That’s the name of my sex tape!

Why don’t we go ahead and get started with your name?

LM:  Most people when they walk in the bar will probably say something along the lines of “Less Manz.”

CB:  Okay, so that’s Option A.

LM:  Or “Less Maynz.”

CB:  Option B.

LM:  I was named, much like my predecessor in French [Dragoon’s Les Cœurs], Les Mains.

CB:  Les Mains. [nails the pronunciation]

LM:  Yes.

CB:  Is that right?  I never took French in high school.

LM:  It’s… good enough.

CB:  Is that what you prefer to be called?  Do you have a nickname that you like better?

LM:  Uhh, “Sour Blonde” is always easier.

CB:  “Sour Blonde”?

LM:  Yeah, “Sour Blonde.”

CB:  Sour Blonde, I understand that you’re relatively new in town.  Is that accurate?

LM:  Yeah, oh yeah.  I mean, I’ve been around for almost three years, but--

CB:  Like off and on?

LM:  No, no.  I’ve been here.

CB:  Oh, you’ve BEEN here?

LM:  Yes, but--

CB:  So my sources are wrong?

LM:  Well…

CB:  You can say that I’m wrong.  Many people have.  They’re usually women.

LM:  [laughs]  You’re not wrong in so far that--is a beer around if nobody can drink it?

CB:  Ohhh.  Wow.  We’re getting deep…

LM:  Yeah.

CB:  ...on a Sunday morning.

LM:  Think about it as, I’ve been around, but I’ve just recently had my coming out party.  My quinceañera.

CB:  Awww.

LM:  The family, Dragoon [Brewing], I was part of that family, at home and now I’ve come of age and been revealed to the world.

CB:  Let me say, first of all, congratulations on becoming a woman.  So quickly.  Uh, mazel tov.

So you’ve been here three years (kind of) but more like one day?

LM:  Yes, yes.

CB:  How was the trip?

LM:  Relaxing.

CB:  That’s good to hear.  Nothing worse than a stressful trip, and I know a lot of people are gonna say, “What about war or famine?  Those are worse than a stressful trip.”  And what I would say is, those are a type of stressful trip.

How have you see Tucson change since you’ve been here?

LM:  Well, I spent the vast majority of the last three years inside of various wooden barrels, so I’d say it changed from being dark, humid, with touches of lightly toasted oak and chardonnay to bright and vivacious, effervescent, and sunny.  But I might have a skewed perspective.

CB:  Look, who doesn’t have a skewed perspective?

LM:  Fair enough.

CB:  Now--

LM:  That’s my journey.

CB:  It sounds like you’ve done a lot of growing during that journey and I think--

LM:  You calling me fat?

CB:  A little bit, but I meant it mostly with the “P-H,” so the good kind of P-hat.

Now, Sour Blonde, I have to admit something to you.  I--

LM:  Oh, are you having a coming out as well?

CB:  In a way, yes.  I’m not a drinker.  I’ve never tasted a beer.  

LM:  I forgive you.

CB:  Thank you.  The closest I’ve come was the time that I mixed up a Roy Rogers and a Rob Roy.  It…

LM:  [laughs]

CB:  ...immediately became clear to me that the wrong thing had been ordered.  I’m disappointed in my friend Jon for not pointing out that it was the wrong drink when he asked what I wanted.  Anyway, so, not being a beer drinker, is it normal that you started in a wood barrel?

LM: Not in American beers.  All the beers start generally the same: water and grain, and add different flavors; and then throw in some little microbes, either yeast or bacteria, to transform our sugars into alcohol.  Usually, that can happen in as little as two weeks.  

But in the case of barrel-aged folks like myself, that journey goes from a big stainless tank before being split up into tiny wooden barrels where each barrel develops its own slightly different character and after many years those are blended together into a final product to release.  This is only the second time Dragoon has made a barrel-aged sour.  My predecessor was Les Cœurs.

CB:  Les Cœurs?

LM:  Yes, “the hearts.”

CB:  Is Dragoon run by a bunch of dirty Frenchmen?

LM:  Not to my--I haven’t met any, let me just put it that way.

CB:  Okay, that’s fair.

LM:  None have put their hands on me.

[everyone laughs; I’m sure you get it so I won’t explain]

CB:  Now, what can you tell me, you’ll forgive me, I did a little bit of research--what can you tell me about your  “bouquet” or “nose”?

LM:  Oh, excellent.  Aroma.

CB:  Or “aroma.”

LM:  There’s definitely notes of fruit, tartness, and a touch of sour.  You don’t get much funk from--

CB:  So you’re saying you’re not earthy? [Note: I should have made a reference or allusion to George Clinton and/or Parliament Funkadelic.]

LM:  Oh, definitely not earthy, no no.  How strange it is to be discussing how I smell with a man, but I guess that is the first thing one encounters.  

CB:  Except perhaps a man with no nose, but--

LM:  How does he smell?

CB:  With his... hands.  I guess.

LM:  So we’re not doing the Monty Python bit.

CB:  Uhhh, you’ll be disappointed to know that I don’t remember the bit.  But you’re only three-years-old, so I don’t know how you know it.

LM:  When you’re in the dark by yourself a lot, you end up watching a lot of Monty Python.

CB:  That does make sense.

CB:  So, would you say you’re like a Malbec or a Beaujolais?

LM:  So, it seems like you’ve wandered down the wine path.  I’m not like either of those.

CB:  Are you telling me that beer is not wine? [Note: Remember, your host is not a drinker.]

LM:  Yes.

CB:  Oh.  We’re going to have to throw out most, if not all, of the research that I've done.

LM:  Well, you know, lucky for you, sour barrel-aged beers actually can share a lot in common with our wine compatriots in the alcohol world.

CB:  Ahhh.

LM:  So your questions might reveal some interesting insights into my character that, if you were focused on my beer aspects, you might never uncover.  Aside from the fact that you touched on whether I’m like one of two wines that I’m nothing like, what other questions might you have?  

CB:  Sour Blonde, tell me, how Riesling are you?

LM:  Oooh.  How Riesling am I? [laughs before thinking on this for a moment]  

A touch.  There are some Rieslings--

CB:  Now I hate to interrupt you, but could it be said that you’re “a touch too much”? [Note: Like the f’n AC/DC song, owwwwwww \m/.]

LM:  No.

CB:  Okay.  Fair enough.  Please, continue with your answer.

LM:  There’s some similarities in color.  Some Rieslings tend towards the sparkling, so in that sense, but hardly that bubbly.  I’m rather effervescent.  I’m carbonated at a fairly high level.

CB:  More Coke or more Pepsi, your carbonation?

LM:  Dear God, you know nothing about beer.

CB:  This… This is true.

LM:  I don’t know how to answer that question [laughs].  

CB:  Can you tell me one of Tucson’s nicknames?

LM:  The Old Pueblo.

CB:  Which, of course, is Spanish for “The Pueblo,” for those readers who don’t speak Spanish.

Do you wanna try your hand at giving Tucson a new nickname?

LM:  Hmm.

No.

CB:  Maybe something like Brew-scon?  [Note: You better have laughed at that, you-know-who.]

LM:  [laughs; it is unclear if Sour Blonde is laughing at my pun or at spurning my request for a new nickname]

Give Tucson a new nickname?  “Sour City.”

CB:  “Sour City.”

LM:  Yeah.

CB:  As you may be aware, Tucson is home to a number of burrito joints.  From upscale to vending machine.  Tell me, what’s your ideal burrito filling?  Enchilada style, yay or nay?

LM:  Oooh, and this is not limited to one thing?  Because a burrito with one ingredient IS still a burrito.

CB:  I’m not here to debate you about the technical definition of a burrito, so we’ll just say it’s whatever you want it to be.  Provided there is something [inside] and it’s not just a tortilla rolled up.  That, I think we can agree upon: not a burrito.

LM:  Yes.

Well, when speaking of beverages, it’s always excellent to talk about “pairing,” and burritos are excellent pairings with a sour blonde such as myself, especially when their ingredients lean toward the lighter and more herbal variety.  A breakfast burrito with egg, potato, and avocado, with just a little bit of hot sauce to liven things up I think would be an excellent pairing with a sour blonde such as myself.

CB:  Excellent answer.  Now you mentioned a lighter burrito goes best with a sour blonde [such as hisself], so I’m going to assume my next question is going to be a “Nay,” but: enchilada style: yay or nay?

LM:  Nay.

CB:  Like I said, I expected it.

LM:  Because what I just described was a breakfast burrito, and I must say, a breakfast burrito should never* be served enchilada style.

Am I going to start a fight?

CB:  Well… I mean, there are some hearty breakfast burritos, but, again [Note: for the first time] this is not “Burrito Talk,” that’s my other interview series that I do.

LM:  Fair enough.  Let me know when you want me to be on that.

CB:  I certainly will.

To the uninitiated, and that may include you, Sour Blonde--you were in a barrel for three years; driving the streets of Tucson can be an ordeal.  Do you have a favorite street or intersection to drive down or through?

LM:  Oh, I enjoy Pima [Road].

CB:  Pima?

LM:  Yeah.  

CB:  You know, I like it, too. [Note: See Tucson Interviewed: Catfish Baruni]

LM:  Isn’t it nice?  

CB:  It really is.

LM:  It really opens up out east.

CB:  Y’know, when it’s well-paved--

LM:  Yes.

CB:  --and at the right hour, it feels like they made that street just for you.

LM:  Yeah.

CB:  It’s the best.

LM:  They got bus pullouts and bike lanes.  It’s like they knew what they were doing.

CB:  Unlike--

LM:  Grant!

CB: --Speedway.  And Grant. Grant’s another one!

LM:  And I live on Grant.

CB:  Ugh.  I’m so, so sorry.

Maybe we’ve already answered this question then, what’s your least favorite street to drive down?

LM:  Especially since I’ve been around, Grant’s been a mess.  Despite the fact that I refer to it as “Dead Bird Alley,” I would take Glenn over Grant these days.

CB:  Wow!  That says a lot.  At a certain point, Glenn has stop signs.  It is essentially--

LM:  A residential street! [in unison]

CB:  A residential street! [Note: see above]

And you would rather take it than Grant.

LM:  Yes!

CB:  That says a lot.

How long is Grant going to be a mess for, do you think?

LM:  Oh, I’ll be long gone before they’re done.

CB:  That makes me sad to hear.

LM:  And they’ll cellar me for, like, three to five years and pull me out at some anniversary party later, and, I’m telling you, it still won’t be done after Dragoon’s tenth anniversary five years from now.

CB:  Yii-ikes!

LM:  Yeah.  I’m young, but I’m not dumb.

CB:  Tucson has a rich musical background.  It was mentioned in a The Beatles song and (I think) The Doors once played here.  Sour Blonde, what’s your favorite local musical act?

LM:  Oh, I know this one.  Now, some of the people who helped in my creation are also talented musicians.  I would definitely say “Sex Prisoner.”

CB:  Sex Prisoner?

LM:  Yes.

CB:  I hate to confess my ignorance, but I’ve never heard of Sex Prisoner.  Do they play around town regularly?  

LM:  Yeah, yeah, when our cellarman, Matt, who happens to be one of the members, has enough time to actually play.  Mostly he turns on his thrash metal and presses it against the tanks and it resonates and I can just feel the vibrations through my liquid.

CB:  So they don’t have a standing gig you can plug or anything like that?

LM:  Uh, no.  I know they’re going on like a European trip soon.

CB:  No, that’s fine.  If they don’t want to perform regularly so that we can tell all twelves of readers...

LM:  I could also mention ...music video? but I think they’ve been gone for five years and had a reunion tour a year ago now.

CB:  So we’re talking about “dot dot dot music video question mark”?  

LM:  Yes.  One of our brewers was in the band.

CB:  That must be Wes [...music video?’s guitarist].

I went to junior high with Paul [...music video?’s keyboard player and Zune owner].

[A conversation about ...music video? ensues.]

Moving on, though, The University of Arizona is one of the largest employers in Tucson and plays an integral role in much of the happenings of the city.  In each interview, I like to ask a deep question about the U of A: Sour Blonde, can you tell me something about the U of A?

LM:  Uh, yes.

CB:  Good enough.  And now it’s time for Reader Question(s).  Unfortunately, we’re still really lacking in questions from our readers.  Also, I forgot to print what I have out.  The one that I remember was not directed at you, but I’m going to direct it to you anyway, Sour Blonde.  

Aida A., from the Middle of the Pacific O. asks, “What is your favorite flavor of Eegee?”

LM:  Oooh.  For some reason, I just went straight to watermelon.

CB:  That’s a popular one.  

The Sonoran Desert is home to Tucson, and nothing symbolizes the desert more than the iconic saguaro cactus.  

LM:  If you say so.

CB:  I do.  I literally just did.  Do you prefer saguaros with or without arms?

LM:  Much like a breakfast burrito, a saguaro without arms is just a glorified barrel cactus.  Saguaro should have arms.

CB:  Does that mean a breakfast burrito should also have arms?

LM:  Look, I’ve been out of the barrel for a couple of days; I’m not a good at metaphors.

CB:  That’s fine, that’s fine.  I’ve been out of the barrel, so to speak, for roughly 35 years, and I’m not good at words either.  So.

LM:  So, much like a breakfast burrito shouldn’t have enchilada sauce smothered all over it because my God, how would you pick it up?  

CB:  Knife and fork.  Knife and fork.

LM:  Now who sounds like the dirty Frenchman?

CB:  [in a perfect French accent] Knife and fork! [laughs like a stereotypical French chef]

LM:  [laughs]  With your hands.  Les mains!

CB:  Ohhhh, it all comes back around.  

LM:  Yes, so in order to eat a burrito with les mains, one must have arms.  And therefore, a saguaro cactus should have arms.  

CB:  So that it can eat a burrito.

LM:  Yes.  A breakfast burrito, probably, when paired with myself.

CB:  The monsoon season, now you may not have known about that since you’ve been in a barrel, but the monsoon season is a special time for the denizens of Tucson.  When a monsoon thunderstorm strikes, what do you prefer to be doing?

LM:  I prefer to be being enjoyed by a small gathering of people gazing out upon the storm from a traditional Tucson porch.

CB:  So this begs the question, Les Mains, are you going to be available for purchase just at the taproom at Dragoon or will you be available at retail locations as well?

LM:  Oh, I’m getting out there!  In limited amounts, I’m getting out there.  I’m having a sipping session at Good Oak Bar on October 18th from 6 - 9PM.  And there will be another sipping session and Les Mains release party at Tap and Bottle downtown Thursday, October 19th, at 6PM and at Tap and Bottle North on Friday, October 20th, also at 6PM.

CB:  Great to hear.  Nobody likes a shut-in, which I can tell you because I’m nearly a shut-in.  

LM:  Oh, do you live in a barrel?

CB:  It’s ...barrel-like.

LM:  Oh, okay.

CB:  A limited number of entrances and exits.  Dark most of the time.  And, uh, a couple of cats crawling around inside.  

LM: Oh, hmm, cats.  I don’t know about that flavor profile, but I do say that, while I can detect that there is a fair amount of bitterness in your character, I think that the balance of humors will render that bitterness quite enjoyable once you choose to come out of the barrel.  

CB:  Sour Blonde, thank you for saying that.  

In my head, I started overthinking that. I thought, “I’m going to thank Sour Blonde and Sour Blonde is going to prematurely think that the interview is over when that is not the case.”  We are only at the TOPICAL QUESTION time.

LM:  Ooh!  None of this has been topical?

CB: Well, theoretically I’m going to ask you a question about something that’s happened in the news.  The problem is slightly that I forgot to look up anything in the news, but I do remember seeing a headline about--I still have trouble saying this, so I’m not going to--the man in the White House talking about meeting the President of the Virgin Islands.

LM:  Oh, they have a president now?

CB:  The question’s going to be what’s your thought on it, because, obviously, I’m sure you know, the President of the Virgin Islands is also the President of the United States of America. Uhh, so, what are your thoughts on that?

LM:  Oddly circuitous, but also I’ve been stuck in a barrel for three years and only been out in the world for a couple of days, and I knew that.  

CB:  And for the record, you are a beer.

LM:  YES!

CB:  And you knew that.

LM:  Yes.

CB:  And a human being did not.  So.

LM:  Yes.

CB:  It’s a depressing time that we live in.

LM:  When isn’t it?

CB:  That’s true, but these seem to be more depressing times, Sour Blonde, and you--

LM:  Hey, I’m sour by nature.

CB:  Not naughty?

LM:  [laughs]

CB:  It is now time for the LIGHTNING ROUND.  We’re still working on the impressive, special effects-laden introduction.  In the LIGHTNING ROUND, I want you to give me your immediate, gut reactions to the questions that I ask you.  If you think about an answer too long, you will be disqualified and will lose all the money you’ve won thus far in the game.

LM:  Oooh, less money, less problems.

CB:  Are you ready for the LIGHTNING ROUND?

LM:  No, probably not, but go ahead.

CB:  You’re off to a good start.

Eegee’s french fries: ranch or two ranches?

LM:  One ranch.

CB:  Spring Fling or Pima County Fair?

LM:  Pima County Fair.

CB:  Sixth Ave or Sixth St?

LM:  I never know which one is which.

CB:  Yard sales on a Sunday morning or the Swap Meet on a Saturday night?

LM:  Swap Meet on a Saturday night for the drive-in movie.

CB:  Which is more annoying: people who misspell “Tucson” or people from Phoenix?

LM:  Oh God, well, aside from the fact that most of them are the same people, probably people from Phoenix.

CB:  Preferred Gem Show purchase: “authentic” arrowheads or anything-turquoise?

LM:  Turquoise, it goes better with a blonde. [Note: buy this beer]

CB:  Sabino Canyon or Mt. Lemmon?

LM:  Sabino Canyon is a part of Mt. Lemmon. [Note: Asshole!]

CB:  Garry Shandling or Craig T. Nelson?

LM:  Craig T. Nelson. [Note: See?]

CB:  And finally, Sour Blonde--Les Mains--finish this sentence: “Tucson is…”

LM:  “...a city.” ------ Les Mains, the sour blonde, can be found on tap at the taproom at Dragoon Brewing (1859 W Grant Rd #111) starting October 14th and will be there until supplies run out.  There will also be the previously mentioned sipping session at Good Oak Bar on October 18th from 6 - 9PM, as well as sipping sessions (and release parties) at Tap and Bottle Downtown Thursday, October 19th, at 6PM and at Tap and Bottle North on Friday, October 20th, also at 6PM.