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miyaniacs · 4 years ago

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Christmas Eve

a/n: I wish you all of you who celebrate Christmas a Happy Christmas and I hope event this year was horrible, you all find at least a bit of joy and peace. If any of you needs to talk because they have to deal with some family or personal issues during this time, I'm here for you. At those how don't celebrate it: It isn't, besides Bokutos, really themed about religion, it’s just to hopefully make all of you laugh ❤️

form: total shitpost

characters: Atsumu, Osamu, Sakusa, Oikawa, Kuroo, Bokuto x gn!reader

warnings: lowkey nsfw (just some suggestive stuff I’d say 16+), bdsm mentions (but in a funny way - there’s nothing really sexual), mentions of sex toys and Bokuto’s is just wholesome

masterlist

Atsumu

Let’s set the atmosphere okay?

The tree is lit up, the decorations are sparkling, all the other presents are illustrated by the lights on the tree, it’s dark outside, soft snowflakes can be seen, in the background you can hear some beautiful old Christmas songs being played

The little bell rings calling you in the room

Yet, you prepared a small surprise too

With you, his family is walks into the room

They originally couldn’t make it in time and it was visible for you that this really saddened Atsumu - he’s used to spend Christmas Eve with his parents and his brother - playing silly card games, him and Osamu almost knocking over the tree etc

Well

Surprise.

You all walked in saying a loud : SURPRISE

Which turns into a loud scream as soon as they see Atsumu laying under the tree with a sexy present costume

it’s literally just a big red band wrapped around his body with the bow right over his thingy

Head rested on his elbow, one of his legs swung over the other in a rather sexy way

The screams of you and his family mix together with his screams

The only one who was still able to think fast was Osamu - that’s why now a video of the whole thing is sending to the MSBY groupchat (also to the chat they got with their old Highschool team)

While trying to escape the whole situation Atsumu got also caught in the tree

Now there’s a red fabric hanging in the tree and a naked Atsumu running upstairs

Osamu

Osamu was stressed the whole time before Christmas

He got so many jobs for some big companies to deliver his onigiri

Besides that his shop was full af with all the friends that met up again due to them being back home during the holidays

He was a mess

So you managed all the household: cooking, cleaning, making sure he at least relaxed a bit, decorating etc

You’ve barley seen him anyways

Fast forward to Christmas Eve:

You received an emergency call from Atsumu, so you’re on your way to his, mentally cursing him since you still have to make the last preparations for tonight

At his - it was just some : how do I clean this or that emergency

Annoyed af you make your way back home

Unlocking the door, you’re greeted with some ‘all I want for Christmas’ and the apartment being all dark, just illuminated with the sparkling Christmas lights

“Osamu?” You call out for him walking through the apartment, the music getting louder and louder

Opening the door to your living room, you’re greeted with the sight of Osamu, dressed in a sexy butler costume, his torso completely revealed, and a bow around his neck

“Sit down my love.” He says and pulls out one of the chairs for you

You sit down and look over the beautiful decorated table, filled with all kinds of mouth watering food

Looking back at him, your eyes rest on his toned chest “Was... was this all planned?”

“Yes, I thought I’d give you something back for all your support the past weeks” he smiles and leans down to give you a kiss

“Then I’ve been a bitch to Atsumu for no reason..” you mutter

“ There’s always a reason to be a bitch towards him” he laughs, “now, my dear - what can I serve you?” He bows

Sakusa

You in a maid uniform with lots of cleaning utensils that are sex toys Dom reader like

As soon as Sakusa enters his home on Christmas Eve, a big black fabric is pulled over his head and he’s dragged into the living room and pushed onto a chair

“Only good guys get presents right?” You say teasingly and your hands run over his chest , starting to unbutton his shirt

Slowly you pull the blindfold off his head

His eyes widen, then darken and then he looks at you with an eyeroll

“Are you serious right now?” He huffs

You’re wearing a sexy maid costume, the feather duster in one hand and the other one placed on your hip

“Nahhhhh - dirty boys aren’t allowed to talk.” You lean forward and place your finger on his lips, “how are we supposed to celebrate and enjoy Christmas when we’re both not clean?”

Leaning to the right you grab a bottle tilted “Mr Clean - hand sanitizer” rubbing it on your hands, you walk behind him and start massaging his shoulders with the body oil.

After that, you walk back around him and bend down, the skirt moving upwards, exposing everything to him

“You’re pretty clean now, but could you help me cleaning myself?” You ask and hand him a little present.

Unwrapping it, he rolls his eyes yet s smirk appears on his face

“For the really stubborn ones” he reads out looking at the lube in his hands

You look at him innocently “Yes,..., we can’t let any dirty germs touch our preciously wrapped gifts, can we?”

He nods in response and gets up, walking over to you

“No, no we can’t... let’s get you all cleaned up now ... shall we?” He asks in a husky voice and throws you over his shoulder carrying you to the bedroom

Oikawa

Getting tied up he’s exited a male dom getting into the room destroying 90% of his closet while degrading him and his style => presents a whole new closet from you and his friends and family

His clothes are horrible

Besides sports wear his taste is ... a whole catastrophe

so together with his friends you planned a surprise for him

Oikawa knew something was up- but he expected a different kind of surprise- he hoped you’d be his present tonight and that you’d strip for him, since he’s basically begging you to do so the past weeks

When it rings on his door that evening, he opens the door fully expecting to see you standing there

Quickly his smile drops when he’s got pushed back inside by a man wearing a leather mask

“Go to your closet.” He demands and makes the whip in his hand more visible

With a small Wimper oikawa hurries to the room

The man towers over him

“Open” he underlines his words with a loud whip and oikawa does as he’s told to

“Now put all your clothes in this here!” He throws a black plastic back to oikawas feet

“Strip and put them into it to.” Another whip echos through the room and oikawa whimpers again, eyes wide open and he slowly begins to pull off his hoodie

“Faster!”

“Now put this on!” He hands him a collar with a leash on it

Grabbing the black bag and the leash he drags oikawa back to the front door

“Wait wait - what are you doing !!” He finally complains

The man stops and takes out a gag and quickly fixes it around oikawas head

“MH- MHHHH HHMMM” he cries out

“QUIET!”

Opening the front door, the man drags Oikawa outside where a few people are already waiting, filming the whole thing

“Here.” The man throws the bag to the ground and hands you the lash

“Have fun.”

“Y/N MHLNG Y/N!” Oikawa ‘says’ shocked

“You didn’t listen to us ... so we had to force you.” Iwaizumi says, standing next to you

“Your clothes were horrible.” Mattsun complains

“New ones are already laying under the tree , love.” You smile and pat his head, the leash still in your hand

“Well... have fun with him - I think we should go now.” Iwaizumi laughs

Bokuto

Yes. Yes Bokuto still believes in the Christkind (just look it up - the translation is so ugly so I’m using the German word)

And it’s way too precious so non of you ever told him the truth

So here you are, getting dressed, putting on a white loose dress, white wings, soft golden eyeshadow and curling your hair / putting on a blond wig

Akaashi, Kenma and Kuroo - who will celebrate Christmas with you two - enter the house, together with Bokuto

Kuroo is talking EXTRA loud to make sure you hear them coming back

“Huh? Why is there light in the living room?- Y/N shouldn’t be home by now.” You hear Bokuto ask confused

Grabbing the small bell, you take a quick glance into the mirror and ring it

“A BELL??? OMG AKAAAAAAASSSHHHIIIIIII IS IT - OMG OMG OMGGGG!“ Bokuto screams and runs to the room

Opening the door his eyes lay on you, the angel standing next to the tree, about to place a small gift under the tree, ready to ‘leave’ again

Bokutos eyes shine like the stars, his mouth wide open, whole body shaking

“You ... you ... you’re real!?!” He mutters

‘Shocked’ you spin around, the gift still in your hands and look at him

You smile softly and walk towards him

Your hand takes his and you place the gift in his hand, get on your tip toes about to give him a small kiss on his cheek, but he moves away

“No, I’m sorry, but I got a beautiful s/o.” Your heart melts at his words, the real angel in this room truly is Bokuto himself

You smile and look at Akaashi, telling him to distract Bokuto so you can leave again - which he does

A few minutes later you open the front door, dressed as usual

“OMG Y/N - YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT!!! THE CHRISTKIND WAS HERE !!!! HERE AND IT GAVE ME THIS PRESENT!!!! ITS A PICTURE OF US ON OUR FIRST DATE!!” He rushes over to you and shoved the framed picture into your face

“A REAL ANGEL - AND YOU MISSED IT!” He pouts

“I’m sorry Bo” you mutter and give him a quick kiss

“But ... I have to admit ... besides all their beauty, you’re way prettier than them... I can’t call you angle anymore knowing that your beauty outshines them.” A soft smile forms on his lips and you feel tears forming in your eyes.

Kuroo

Kuroo saw your google history

He saw that you kept on looking for videos of a sex swing and how it works etc

So he knew the perfect present for you for Christmas

On the box it only said Swing - red, silk

So no biggie

Well... your parents invited themselves over to yours for Christmas Eve.

Together with your little cousin

Before it comes to opening up the gifts, traditionally you had dinner first.

Michale Buble was playing, your parents and his dad ( who got invited by your parents ) already had too much to wine, your little cousin bouncing on the chair, waiting to finally open up the presents.

If Kuroo knew, that your family’s would come, he wouldn’t even placed the swing under the tree, but they just appeared on your door with food and presents

So now - the swing was the biggest present

“Y/n... Y/NNNNNN” your little cousin asks you while already sitting under the tree eying all the presents

“Yes?” You laugh

“Can I open your presents????” She asks

“Sure.” You smile, knowing how much she loves opening them

Next to you, Kuroo’s heart stops, cold sweat running down his neck

Your cousin hands you the two small presents on top of the big one

“Here I just want to open the big one”

“Are those yours?” You ask and look at Kuroo, who just nods

“Babe... what’s wrong?” You ask him, but before he could answer, the ripping sound of the wrapping paper is heard

“OMG Y/N HE GOT YOU A SWING?! I’M SO JELLY!!!! AND A RED ONE TOO... OMG IS THIS A SWING OUT OF THOSE MOVIES??? THE ONES WITH SILK AND NOT WOOD???”

(Insert : oh no- Oh NO - OH NONONONOOO)

Your eyes widen.

All blood leaves yours and Kuroos face

Your mum takes a big sip out of her glass

Your dad glares at Kuroo

His dad looks ashamed at Kuroo

While your cousin opens the package and fiddles with the red silky stuff

“At least the color fits in the room.” Your mum laughs taking another sip of her wine

tagging: @kenmasgameboy

#🔪#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x y/n #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #sakusa x reader #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #bokuto x reader

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thesinglesjukebox · 6 years ago

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THE 1975 - LOVE IT IF WE MADE IT [4.46] Get out your popcorn, it's time for another controversial One Nine Seven Five single...

Will Adams: What? It's just an ordinary The 1975 s- *reads lyrics* OH MY GOODNESS! [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Matt Healy yelling Hot Takes™ in a wind tunnel as a warmed over INXS track plays is weirdly compelling, but not quite good. [5]

Claire Biddles: If anyone else tried this zeitgeist-quotes lyrical trick (it's barely a trick!) I would hate it, but a) I'm hugely predisposed to The 1975; and b) their inherent miraculousness somehow makes them the exception to every rule. The lyric tries to hold the enormity of the world and so does the music -- each electronic whoosh and whizz is a digital overspill from the heady whole, like even something this maximalist and ambitious isn't quite enough for them. [10]

Iain Mew: The sound is a great expansion of the omnivorous approach of the last album. Taking a beautiful twinkle and one shiny happy phrase and setting upon them with echo, reflections and a lot of noise, its sonic trip represents the overload of modernity in the compelling way that the lyrics resolutely don't. Maybe it's because I've been extremely online since way before The 1975 was a thing, but I'm already familiar with a great stream of context-free sourness and nonsense, and I'd rather not encounter any replications of it. If you're singing "poison me daddy" and "fuck your feelings" as slogans for satire, you're still singing "poison me daddy" and "fuck your feelings" as slogans. It's on a level with someone seeking out the most awful tweets to quote tweet them for clowning purposes, at best. [3]

Alfred Soto: Have these loudmouths gone and interpolated The Blue Nile? Sounds like it. "The Downtown Lights" relied on a steady pulse to put over its lovelorn message; "Love It If We Made It" relies on "The Downtown Lights" to pull a con job on fans born after 1985. I mean, why is this mix so crowded? [5]

Eleanor Graham: The 1975's music has this quality of dancing around your own mind in the stale air of Tory safe-seat mid-late teenhood in an endless cycle of UCAS and grey skies and girls and boys and club toilets with peeling paint. I don't expect anyone to be able to relate to that, but please don't equate my specificity with cosy familiarity. I'm talking about "Robbers" cutting straight to the core of everything that hurts about growing up within its first 30 seconds. Uncomfortable? Oh, god yeah! But when something so closely resembles the inside of your head, it is churlish to deny that you're a fan. All of this goes to say: I am incapable of being objective about "Love It If We Made It." Because it is essentially a dystopian "Robbers," with the same yearning indie thrum and a new urgency; because, well, you know, everything's decaying; because aren't we all thinking about the death of the republic on some level at all times, but don't we also need bangers? Of course, we should be cynical about pop songs that make half-hearted jabs at the administration and reference the deaths of children, which both 1975 singles have now done. In its defence, this one at least makes the statements "I moved on her like a bitch" and "thank you, Kanye, very cool" sound terrifying and surreal enough to remind me that "terrifying" and "surreal" should not have become platitudes. Is it toothless? Is it exploitative? Or will it be read in twenty years simply as addressing the elephant in the room? They've thrown the chorus in there -- raw, open, pleading, trailing off like a comet in the night sky -- to make all of those questions feel inconsequential. [8]

Juan F. Carruyo: A shocker in gloomtown, the song starts with a bang and it never lets up, swallowing everything in its path. The moody production suits the enveloping soundscape and it's worthy of mentioning how the bass plays against the keys in the refrain. By the time the song ends, it feels like this is the soundtrack for the rapture. [8]

Edward Okulicz: I'm massively fond of the 1975, but this is puddle-deep where it's trying to be ~meaningful~ and ~edgy~ and ~zeitgeisty~ and it's a hookless joy after the previous single's buzzy earworm. Big-name artists probably think they've earned the right to release indulgences, but we shouldn't pretend singles like this are anything more. [2]

Will Rivitz: Leave it to The 1975 to build off an earth-shatteringly good teaser single with a follow-up nearly as bad as the first was good. Look, I'm all for politically conscious songwriting, but these lyrics could have been written by any of the interchangeable and smugly ineffective liberal Facebook pages my high school friends repost material from. I can overlook the awful lyricism of "Give Yourself A Try" ("Like context in a modern debate, I just took it out," eurgh) because a) it's only occasional and b) is utterly drowned out by an ecstasy of electric guitars, but here Matty Healy's slacktivist garbage piles are given main billing. One point for the Lil Peep shoutout, one point for the glorious jangles after the second chorus reined in too soon in favor of a bridge that is somehow worse than the verses, and absolutely nothing else. [2]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I have to give credit where credit is due: this is an evil song that utilizes its structure as a means to elevate and justify its conceptual gambit. Matt Healy reads off a list of provocative phrases that act as a simulacrum of the discouraging news headlines, ironic shitposts and self-impressed hot takes that crowd numerous corners of the internet. The pulsating beat and claustrophobic mix amplify that particular dread, and the swirling harp is the only sound that feels unstuck from it all. It hints at a hope that is later projected in the chorus, but it turns out to be nothing more than a red herring. I don't expect Healy to provide answers -- I'd argue that he took the more effective route in providing a moment of release over anything concrete -- but I don't believe him at all when he says he'd "love it if we made it." This is the sort of dude who finds joy in crassly exploiting the tragedy of others for the sake of art, and it finds its roots in how he decided on the band's name. When the chorus finally breaks free from the monotony, his voice has a smugly arrogant tone that snaps everything into place: Healy is eager to be the source of relief for the trigger warning-necessary lyrics that he doled out in the first place. He can only be a savior for the bullshit he pushes on you, and he'll cover it up by touting we instead of I. As a political statement, this has virtually no worth. As a piece of music, the bridge makes exceedingly clear that this is just an edgy "We Didn't Start The Fire." As a depiction of narcissistic manipulation, this is excellent -- perhaps the best of the year. [0]

Vikram Joseph: Even without the viral billboard advertising campaign, "Love It If We Made It" is much larger than life, but offsets its pretensions with self-aware hyperbole and a streak of pitch-black humour. The genuine venom towards a society that permits Donald Trump and "a beach of drowning three year olds" is undercut by an awareness that we're all tied up in this mess -- they can get away with railing against modern existence without sounding aloof or curmudgeonly, because they're so self-evidently part of it, and, to some extent, in love with it too. The chorus is equal parts earnest optimism and grim humour, which just about epitomises their brand. There have been a lot of "We Didn't Start The Fire" comparisons, but it actually makes me think more of a half-speed, tongue-in-cheek "Ignoreland"; The 1975 feel better having screamed, don't you? [8]

Lauren Gilbert: See, I wrote an entire blurb about how this is "New Americana" v. 2018, and then promptly deleted it to write about what it means for modernity to have failed us. Spoiler alert: Modernity has not failed us, but the specific iteration of modernity of which Healy writes is certainly Not Great. Capital M Modernity is more (and less) than drugs and borders and Trump. At the risk of sounding like the pedantic graduate student I am, modernity is characterized by industrialization, market economies, nation states, individuality, and secularism (surely not the "Jesus save us!" Healy mentions). Healy's Modernity-as-characterized-by-this-song is not that. He's writing about the dissatisfactions of a left-leaning person in the Trump/May/dear-god-why-is-Boris-Johnson-still-around era, a modernity grounded in the specific sociocultural norms and events that shaped how certain rich English-speaking countries experienced in 2018. And if we consider that particular experience of modernity as the only possibility we have, it's pretty easy to conclude "modernity has failed us" and write a "We Didn't Start The Fire" of terrible things. And I'll give Healy some credit; "Love It If We Made It" does sound and feel like living in twenty-fucking-eighteen. But modernity the concept does not imply that we must live in our specific instance of modernity; we do not have to accept Trump and income inequality and in-the-future-everyone-will-be-famous-for-fifteen-minutes Modernity. And more than that, that specific (miserable) modernity is not even the only modernity happening right now. Around the world, people are living longer, healthier lives; fewer people live in extreme poverty; there are fewer wars. Healy's Modernity may feel like a prison, where we are trapped forever in endless cars on endless roads to places we don't want to go, but it is not the only game in town. I (and many others) am alive today because of modern(ity) medicine & honestly, I'll take Donald Trump and Brexit and "thank you, Kanye, very cool" as the price of being alive. Perhaps it's too much to ask for a band known for its cynicism to consider a fuller context, and the very real positives in the world we live in, but hey, why give themselves a try? [4]

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#the 1975 #music #new music #music writing #music reviews

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