#i know i said i won't be reading any fics during my exams but i think i might have to make an exception 😭

[lostsowly]

Hey, you remember that "someday" I mentioned where I might end up writing kiryusuo.....welp. Turns out 'someday' was a lot sooner than expected. I am currently about 1300 words into writing an impromptu kiryusuo fic....and it's looking like it might end up being a multichapter. This pairing currently has me in a chokehold, help /j

Will tag you when I'm finished lmao

I saw this right after waking up and had to double check to see if I was dreaming 😭 kiryusuo in these trying times?? I'LL ACTUALLY CRY 🥹😭

I'm silently screaming at my phone trying not to wake up my family xD

My live reaction:

Thank you so much for your service to the kiryusuo nation 🙏🙏 I'll be waiting patiently!! I hope you're doing well!! Take care and have a great holiday!! 🩵🩵

[starillusion13]

Stay with me

request: "can you do a yungi x y/n one where they're in college together kinda like a childhood bsf to lovers but poly?"

Pairing: Yunho x reader x Mingi

Genre: Fluff, Friends to lovers, College Au

Warnings: they are caring bestfriends to you, mention of insult/body shaming in public by your family, reader feeling insecure, isolation, hints of skipping meals, childhood love and mention school bully and violence (just few words). Just a cute friendship to love.

W.C: 4.5k

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated. Spread love not hate. My first Yungi fic😁.

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

Now let's take a moment to appreciate my dear friend @dreamsoffanfics Thanks for helping me out and being my proofreader. A dear friend indeed <3.

"She isn't coming again today..." Yunho said and sat beside his friend. The other glanced at him and looked over at your place beside him where you usually sit.

It's been weeks that you were skipping university classes without any proper reason, just texting them that you are not feeling well or you have some important stuff to do. But not clearly explaining anything — that even you are texting them the next day. They are sick and worried for you as it's normal for your childhood best-friends to be like this.

Whenever they ask you to go to your place, you quickly respond with a negative message that you have somewhere to go or someone to meet.

Nobody knows what's the actual matter with you.

"Do you think we should go over to her place and check on her?" Mingi asked while tapping the pen on the desk.

Yunho nodded before pulling out his phone to check for your message but nothing was there to his disappointment. "I am really worried about her. She has never been like this. I don't know why but after returning from her hometown, she is acting weird."

"Did her parents tell her anything again?" Mingi rested his elbow on the table and leaned to his side.

Yunho made an unsure expression to his question and dropped his shoulders. He shook his head when he remembered the last interaction with you when he met you at the convenience store.

…..

"Y/n, why don't you say no to your parents directly? I'm sure that they won't be denying it."

You sighed and turned towards him before picking up the nearest packet of chips in the basket,"And you think that? You are so wrong, Yuyu. They don't care about my opinions."

"But you can try explaining them. I'm sure they will understand." Yunho placed a milk package in the basket to which you glared at him and he sent you his puppy eyes, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"That's a baby milk product."

"But you are still a baby." He said and held back his laugh.

This was his common teasing with you in every place and anytime you are having any serious conversation with him and whatever, however and whenever you are with him. You would feel relying on him the most. The bestest friend indeed. There’s a continuous warmth radiating from him for which you feel loved and secured. His big frame whenever he engulfs you in a hug, there’s a silent promise to you — that no matter what he would be there for you.

…..

He sighed when he imagined your face – irritated but laughing with him for the last time that day. After that day, you went to your hometown as it was the end of exam season and you didn’t meet your family for a long time. Last break, you were sick and had so many pending projects for several events that you opted for staying back on campus and completing them before it was too late.

It was late afternoon when they both finally had their last class and packed up their bags to leave the university. Anyways, they were not actually planning to stay there though. Mingi texted you a lot of times during the classes but some you ignored and to some, you replied with one word or just some common usual replies.

They both checked the timing and went towards the parking lot. Yunho took out the keys from his jacket’s pocket and Mingi was quick to enter the passenger seat. Both of them were in a hurry. They were eager to meet you. Before starting the engine, Yunho sighed deeply. A look of worry was visible on his face.

“I hope she is fine.”

Mingi nodded and patted his shoulder, “I’m sure, she is.”

…….

“Yah! Min…did you just eat my snacks yesterday?” stomping your feet, you reached the living room and stood in front of said man and glared at him.

He was so into the video game that he didn’t see your anger but just waved his hand and tried to push you aside. You hit his hand and the controller fell from his hold and sulkily he looked at your face.

“I was about to win the game.” He whined and leaned back into the couch.

“And I am about to eat you if you don't give me my snacks back.”

“Which one?” He furrowed his brows and crunched up his nose. “I’m gonna tell Yunho to buy them for you on his way back home.”

“No. Why’ll he buy it? You ate them and it’s your responsibility to buy them. And you know very well which snacks I’m talking about.” You pulled him up and dragged him towards the door, he was whining on his way but you ignored him and gestured to him to hurry up. “Don’t give me faces.” You folded your hands.

“But that store is far away.”

“And you know how to drive.”

……

While driving to your place, they stopped by some places to buy flowers, chocolates, ice cream and your favorite foods. When Yunho took a box of chocolates, he smiled at the thought of your smiling and excited face after receiving it. He puffed his cheeks and grabbed some other things as well.

Similarly, Mingi was smiling all the way when he bought your favorite ice-cream. He knew how you would jump on your feet after seeing it. He couldn't content his own happiness while buying it.

Apart from all these, they still called you to check on you. Yeah, after ignoring a few calls, you finally decided to pick up. The line was silent at first but then they heard shuffle sounds from the other side, Yunho was quick to speak into the call.

“What are you doing, y/n?” His voice was soft yet demanding.

They heard your deep sigh before your voice, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean by you don’t know?”

“If I was really doing something then I could have told you. I was just laying on my bed and …..thinking.”

Actually, that was the main thing, they wanted to know whether you were at your apartment or not. If they would have asked you directly, then you could have got the hint of them wanting to come over to your place and you would have quickly made up a reason to avoid them.

Why actually were you avoiding them in the first place?

“Okay, then keep laying down and think.”

Yunho glared at Mingi at his weird reply but the latter just blinked at the phone in his hold and at him. They heard your chuckle and a little smile appeared on their faces. Atleast, you laughed— maybe a little.

“Why did you call me? Where are you both?”

“We are–”

Yunho cut Mingi’s answer, “hanging out.”

“Oh…okay. Have fun!” you tried to sound more enthusiastic but they could feel the sadness.

They didn’t drag the conversation because they knew that in a few minutes, they would be at your place and then you couldn’t ignore them or their questions. And this time, they would be surely erasing all your worries and sadness.

.

.

.

Almost after fifteen minutes, you heard your doorbell ring. You groaned at the thought of someone coming to your place at this time and you glared at your bedroom door. You got up from the bed and yawned before stepping in front of the mirror. You made a disgusted face at your reflection and combed your hair with just your fingers.

The bell rang again and you scoffed before mumbling under your breath while making your way towards the main door.

“Let me see whether I look like a human or not or it won't be my fault if you get scared.”

You peeked through the peephole and you were surprised to see your bestfriends standing at your doorstep on the other side. You quickly opened the door and your round eyes were staring at them.

“You both? Here…now?” you asked but slowly moved aside to welcome them inside. Mingi gave you the flowers they bought for you and smiling, you took them. You noticed paper bags in their hand and after closing the door, you followed them to the kitchen when they placed the bags on the kitchen counter. You stood beside Mingi who gave you a bright smile and started taking out the items from the bag. Your eyes were recognizing each little thing was your favorite as if they bought things for a child who was whining for all their favorites.

He grabbed the ice-cream bucket and turned towards you, “This was the last box and I quickly bought it for you. I hope you won't be angry with me again if I ever eat your snacks.” he took the flowers from your hand and tugged them in the vase on the counter top.

“Mingi..” You groaned but quickly took the tub from his hand. You wasted no time and opened the lid. You watched Yunho place some things inside your refrigerator but he approached you with a red box in his hand. You furrowed your brows when he placed it in your free hand.

“Chocolates for my cutie.”

When you noticed the ribbon on top of the box, your eyes went wide, “Don't tell me you went to that store to buy this. This is so expensive.”

“But you are more expensive.” He said and raised a brow at you, challenging.

You laughed at his antics and shook your head, “You both are spoiling me too much.”

“Of course. We love to spoil you.” Mingi said with a smug look.

Your couch had a lot of clothes and books so you asked them to follow you to your bedroom. They both were quick to trail behind like lost puppies but they exchanged looks because they both were hesitant to ask you about the time after returning from your hometown.

Entering your bedroom, they found out that it looked like as if some disaster happened over there. You were never that messy and disorganized. You rolled your eyes at the mess but offered them the free space around the bed.

You scooted towards the headboard and they placed themselves close to you. You offered some chocolates to both of them and you scooped a spoon full of ice cream and put it in your mouth.

“This will always be my favorite.” You offered two separate spoons to them and extended your hand so that they could eat the ice cream. They took small bites.

“So why are you here suddenly? You didn’t even inform me before coming.”

“Because you wouldn’t have allowed us to come here like other days.” Mingi muttered and kept staring at you. Hearing those words from him, you avoided his eyes at any cost and looked down at your lap. You were guilty but also the reasons for which you were avoiding them were running across your mind.

You bit your lip and wanted to disappear from their gazes. But Yunho scooted closer to you. You felt his knees touching yours and his warm hands grabbed your chin to make you look at him.

“Look at me, Y/n. What’s the matter?”

You avoided his gaze but only to make eye contact with Mingi. You closed your eyes and cursed yourself for behaving like this. But no matter how you feel like running away from them, you still want to stay close. You want to hear their soothing voices talking to you. Spend time with them.

“Y/n…” Mingi pronounced your name softly.

You took a deep breath before looking at him and then to Yunho. Your eyes wandered around his face. A perfect, sweet, soft and confident person in front of you. Excellent in every aspect. Good looking, handsome and tall just like Mingi but who is more intimidating than him.

Yunho’s eyes wandered around your face, he was searching for your discomfort, your sadness and what was the reason you were ignoring him and his friend.

“Am I really not good?” You asked him in a hushed voice. Your shaky pupils and lips between your teeth was making him hesitant.

Why was he feeling that? Is he worried or angry? Angry with you? Because you ignored him all these last days?

“Who said that? You are the best.” Mingi rubbed your back and your body shivered under his touch. Yunho cupped your face in his palms and stared at you, urging you to speak more, “Tell us please. Why were you avoiding us?”

“I didn’t avoid you. I was thinking…”

“You think a lot. What were you even thinking?” His thumbs caressed your cheeks, slightly brushing your lips. Your tears were lining your eyes. You didn’t mind crying in front of them, you have cried before since middle school until now, you have cried to both of them but they never judged you.

But his heart was aching to see you like that, so vulnerable in his hold. You held his wrists tightly when he gave you a small smile.

“I’m feeling insecure lately. Don’t feel like doing anything.”

“Why?”

“This break, I went to a family function with my parents and all my other cousins were present there too.”

Both of them nodded and let you continue. You bit your lower lip and stuck it between your lips.

“They pointed out to me how I have gained weight and also I’m just an average student in my university unlike others there. They were all too pretty and all had boyfriends so they called me the ugly one. Maybe, I am really how they see me.”

“No Y/n, you are not. Don’t take those words to heart. Ignore them.”

“But I can’t, Mingi. Those words are hitting me as if I can still hear them telling me those things repeatedly. You know what's worse about this. My mom laughed with them, she was supporting their accusations.”

“I never liked your mom.”

You turned to Yunho when he said that and you raised your brows, “She didn’t like you either. She always thought that you were a bad influence on me. But she just let me be friends with you only because you are rich.” Then again you turned towards Mingi, “About you, she thought you were some sort of rebellious kid like a gangster because she always saw teachers complaining to your parents regarding your fights.”

“It’s your fault. You are the one who threatened me not to tell your mom that those students were disturbing you so when they didn't stop. I knew I had to beat them.” Mingi smiled after recalling those beautiful memories.

He added, “And that’s how we became friends. Remember?” You nodded while remembering those happy days. Yunho was holding your hands in his and Mingi patted your head, “We missed you these days. You were not talking with us.”

“I was searching for a boyfriend.”

“Really?” He asked you and hesitantly looked between Mingi and you, you felt him squeezing your hands. You nodded but sighed again, “Kidding. I was…isolating myself.”

“Why am I like this?” You asked with a whisper.

“But who would ever love to have an ugly girl like me as their girlfriend?”

“Like what sweetie?” Yunho questioned. ”And don’t even question yourself. You are perfect.”

You took a few seconds, collecting your thoughts. Yunho and Mingi wait patiently, Yunho running a soft hand through your hair and with his other one entangling his fingers with you. You inhaled softly and lifted your head up to make eye contact with both of them. Your mind was hazy with lots of thoughts.

“I feel so pathetic. I feel like I can’t ever do anything correctly. Why do I feel like this? I get overwhelmed by little work and this college stuff. I can’t handle the gossip about me and I feel like I fail at everything. It’s just… too much.” A tear slid down your cheeks and Yunho looked at you with eyes that held so many emotions.

He would do absolutely anything for you, if only it meant it would guarantee your happiness. Mingi was the same, he would again beat anyone for you. He would go to any extreme end just to ensure your well being and that you are smiling.

After all, Mingi first fell for you on the day when he first beat a boy who was making fun of you in front of the whole class. You were crying and he had enough, so he punched the guy across his cheek but the way you stared at him after that, even when he was getting scolded from the teacher, that's when he couldn’t help but smile at you and you gave your bright and wide smile.

That smile did something to him.

He fell in love with you. But you both were just kids.

So, you both became best friends.

Yunho was a transfer student who was a shy and quiet one in the beginning. And somehow they both were placed at the same bench, they quickly became friends. He joined the dance club after exactly one year of friendship with Mingi. Yunho was quick to become a social butterfly. He knew everyone around the school, mostly because of his dance club membership.

But there was this one thing. Even though he got compliments from others, he always wanted to hear your comments on his dance moves and if you ever said just a word like ‘good’, he would smile foolishly as if he achieved something. After every performance, he would search for you in the audience and could find you clapping excitedly at him with Mingi beside you.

You didn't know but whenever you were not around both of them their main topic was about you. They used to talk about you with admiration and love towards you. This was the main reason for them to become friends. And they followed you to the same university.

And they still think about you like that everyday.

“Oh Y/n, you’re not pathetic. Not at all. Everyone has different capabilities, and that’s completely fine. You have so many talents, so many amazing people around you who appreciate you. And you are so beautiful. You’re our girl aren’t you? The only one for us.” Yunho looked at you expectantly with an adoration in his eyes.

There was a look of worry on their faces similar to whenever you felt sick and he would rush to your place to take care of you and soon after Mingi comes with medicines and food.

You looked away, not meeting his eyes but Mingi caught your eyes and raised a brow. You quickly replied, “Yes, yes I am.”

His breath hitched when you said those words while staring at him. Both of their hearts felt warm but there was something more, they wanted to say. Something that they think of now is the right time. Maybe…there's also uncertainty in the air.

He beamed with delight. “That’s right baby, you’re our girl, and always will be.” Mingi added to his friend's words, ”We’re here to take care of you. I know things are hard, but I will do whatever I can to make it easier for you.” Your heart aches from the care you’re being shown. You love your bestfriends so much.

You hold so much love and respect for them that you’re not sure how to even contain it. You just feel like exploding with affection. When you again felt like crying on the thought, Mingi pushed a spoon full of ice cream in your mouth, “The ice cream is melting like you.”

“Mingi…” you whined with teary eyes. They both laughed at you when you snatched the tub from him and placed it on your lap.

“Y/n, can I ask you something? Please don’t hate me or him after this. But I really want to tell you this. Can I?” He asked.

“Of course, Yuyu. you can tell me anything.” Mingi wiped your tears and you smiled towards him before turning your whole attention on Yunho. Your eyes eagerly waited for him to say whatever he wanted and he glanced at Mingi who nodded and looked back at you. Yunho again held your hands, squeezed them a little and brought them to his lips. These sweet gestures were common to you from him but you felt so nervous this time. Your heart beat increased with every second.

Is he going to end your friendship after this? Are they tired of your dramatic breakdowns?

“Will you be our girl, Y/n?”

You blinked at him and looked at them confused, “Am I not already?”

Mingi chuckled, “Not that silly. Will you be our girl? Our girlfriend?......Please.” he whispered the last part.

For a moment, you thought that they were joking but when you found them staring at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.

“Are you joking?”

“No…”

You quickly turned around and hugged Mingi, “Please tell me. This is not a joke.”

“It’s not.”

“Then, am I dreaming?”

“No silly, you are not.”

You raised your head from his shoulder, he was still moving his hands up and down your back, “Yunho calls me sweetie and you call me silly. This is not fair.”

And here you go.

Mingi cupped your face in his hand and pressed a soft kiss in the middle of your forehead and smiled dearly at you, “You are my silly girl. My silly…only mine.”

Yunho rolled his eyes, “Don't gatekeeper her to yourself. We agreed to mutual this between us. I said ‘our’ specifically but you are saying only yours.”

You looked between both of them and licked your lips before muttering slowly, “Are you pitying me?”

“Y/n…” Yunho called your name with love and held your hands before shaking his head, “we all are different in our own ways. And you are perfect for us. We have seen the imperfect you…the real you. We have seen the ugly versions of you and also the pretty versions of you. But we loved the unfiltered version. The version which felt like you were mine. You are mine.”

“Why do I feel like you are calling me ugly but in a sweet way?”

“Maybe I am.”

“Yuyu…” You hit his arm and continued, “I will ask Mingi to beat you.”

He scoffed, “He can't because he is too weak.”

The latter laughed when you stuck out a tongue at his friend.

“But……isn’t it wrong for both of you to love me? What will others think?”

“I don’t care about others. Are you uncomfortable with this? Say it, Y/n. Are you?”

You shook your head when Mingi turned your face to him, “We want to hear you. Say it please.”

“No. I’m not. I’m happy……I like both of you.” You muttered under your breath.

“What? I can’t hear you. Did you hear something, Yunho?” Mingi creased his forehead and asked his friend who pulled you on his lap and leaned your back on his chest and held both of your hands in front and rocked you in his hold. “No, Mingi I didn’t hear anything.”

“Yeah. because I didn't say anything.”

They both started laughing loudly when they saw you shyly looking down and Yunho rested his chin on top of your head, “But I love my sweet girl the most.” he placed a kiss and softly confessed, “I love you, Y/n.”

You held his hand and played with his fingers. You felt him nuzzling into your hair when you closed your eyes and smiled, “I love you too, Yunho.”

Mingi scooted closer, sitting in front of you he cupped your face and you quickly looked at his face expectantly when he confessed, “I love my silly girl. I love you so much, Y/n.”

“And I hate my snacks thief. I love you toooooo, Mingi.”

He chuckled and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead and nose, filled with overwhelming love and care.

“Now come on, Y/n. I know you aren’t eating properly these days. So let’s eat the food we bought for you earlier.”

“ I don’t want to eat. I’m not hungry.” You smiled brightly and looked at them with a fake pout.“But thank you for all the love and care. I’m so full with it.”

“Uh uh, don’t give me that look. You’re eating, and that’s the end of this conversation.” He said in a stern voice before standing up. You crawled away from him when Mingi caught you in his arms and stood up holding you bridal style and heading to the kitchen, trailing behind Yunho who was singing your favorite song.

Mingi placed you at the table, letting you watch the other one prepare plates. You were swinging your legs back and forth, already feeling so much better and humming the song with him. Mingi went back into the bedroom and came back with the ice cream tub to put into the fridge and sat next to you. He joked and sometimes said some nonsense to make you laugh and you giggled uncontrollably.

He could see the little you laughing with him in the classroom.

“You are finally mine, Y/n. The girl I adored and loved for all these years. The girl whose smile I love the most is smiling at me and sitting with me not as a friend but as my girlfriend.” He held your hand and kissed your knuckles.

“I’m so happy that my bestfriend is my boyfriend and you are the one who can only annoy me and steal my snacks. Oh wait! You have to buy me more snacks now or I am breaking up with you.” You faked a shocked expression.

“Not sorry to disturb you but she is our girlfriend. My best supporter. Here comes the food.” Yunho swirled on his feet and placed the food dramatically on the table, having the silliest look on his face.

You screeched with laughter. “Yunho, my jealous baby.” He sat across from you and pushed the plates towards you both.

“Oh? Now I’m your baby. Last time I checked it was you who bought baby milk products. ” He grabbed his fork and pointed at you with squinted eyes as if he’s in deep thought. You let out a scoff at his antics and he raises an eyebrow at you, “I didn't. You were annoying me.”

“Oh…okay..now let’s talk less and eat more..”

You excitedly nodded and dug into the food. Their eyes followed your actions and they shared looks between them with little smiles appearing on their faces. They nodded towards each other and started eating the food with you.

And they promised to themselves that no matter what the situation is, they will always stay by your side. They still kept the friendship letter from you which you gave them for the first time during Christmas and they would always fulfill your wish.

‘Stay with me……always.’

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @nvdhrzn @meowmeeps @vtyb23 @haechansbbg

[open!]

[silenzahra]

🥳🎉 I'M FREE 🎉🥳

OH MY GOD. I thought this day would NEVER come, but this morning I finally, FINALLY, took my freaking exam!!! Which means I'm free at last, OMG I swear I can hardly believe it 😭😭

Thank you SO MUCH to each and every single one of you who have wished me luck with this, either here on Tumblr or through Instagram (or both! 💖). I'm not 100% sure if I passed but I actually did better than I expected! 🤞🤞

This is me hugging each and every single one of you ��🥹

I still won't be around today as I'm gonna go to the cinema and the mall as a way of celebrating my freedom 😁 But just so you know, my tags are finally working again! So in case you've tagged me in something during this last week, feel free to edit it so I can be properly notified! (Otherwise I'm afraid I won't get to see whatever content you've tagged me in 😅)

Also, I'll finally have some time to properly think about posting my writing again or not, as I'm afraid the numbers have been affecting me lately and I'm still not too sure about sharing my stories again. I hope I can make up my mind about it soon, but just so you know, I do intend to bring back my first fic to Tumblr as next Friday marks a year since I started posting it 🥰 I'd say it's about time that Anything for him comes back to this site! 🥳

And as a way of closing the circle, today marks a month since I shared my latest story, which takes place at the beginning of Brothership, so I guess that's something to celebrate too! 🎉

I have no idea what's gonna happen in the future with my writing, but just in case, here's the link to said story, and btw, I'll make sure to reply soon to the people who left any kind of feedback on it ever since I posted it! Thank you so much for reading and in case you plan to get to it soon, I really hope you'll enjoy! 💖

This is it for now! I'm taking today off so I probably won't be around till tomorrow. Hope you're all doing fine! Love you sooooo much 💖

[sissylittlefeather]

Puppet on a String: A Rusty Wells Story

A/N: Girl Happy is one of my favorite Elvis movies and Rusty is one of my favorite characters. I had to write him a fic! I've been kicking around this idea for a long time. Hopefully you all like it!

Special shout outs to @ccab and @atleastpleasetelephone for listening to me bitch and moan and helping me when I got stuck over and over and over again with this one!

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, cussing, kissing, fingering, oral sex (m & f receiving), p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, also teasing, light edging, and a fistfight, so mentions of a bloody nose

Word count: ~5.5k

Here's some Rusty to get you in the mood:

When Rusty promised your father to go to Fort Lauderdale to supervise you, he had no idea what he was in for. He'd seen a picture of you and you looked rather nerdy, so he wasn't worried about it taking up too much of his time. Then, when he saw you in Florida, looking just as dorky as your photograph, he breathed a sigh of relief and gave himself permission to play shows, pursue other girls, and leave you to your books. 

The girls had brought you along not as a friend, but as their tutor for the week since exams were not long after the Easter holiday. You were excited for the opportunity to go to the beach and didn't realize what it would mean to be there with them. They were perfectly content to leave you alone in the room every night as they went out and had fun with all the boys that chased them around during the day while you went unnoticed. 

On the third night of the 10-day holiday, Rusty gets an angry call from your father. 

"She said she hasn't had any fun at all! That she just sits in her room all the time!"

"Sir, I-I thought you wanted her to be safe?" Rusty answers nervously. 

"I do! But I also want her happy! She was in tears! When I call her tomorrow, she better be in a much better mood or I guarantee you won't be." 

"Y-yes sir. She will be." 

******

The next day, Rusty sets out to find you and try to make sure you have at least a little fun. This is too important to trust one of his friends to get it done. However, he can't remember which room you're staying in. Eventually, he asks one of the girls he knows you came with and she looks at him like he's grown horns. 

"You want y/n? You?!"

"Yeah... I just... what room is she in?" 

"She's in room 220. Either reading or crying. That's all she ever does." The girls look at each other and snicker. Rusty takes note of how they talk about you. It seems a little rude, since you're there to help them. 

"Thanks." He walks away toward your room. Before he knocks on the door, he presses his ear to it and hears what sounds like sniffling. He peeks through the window and sees you sitting on one of the beds, tears running down your cheeks. Some part of him softens and he's overwhelmed with a need to hold you in his arms. He shakes his head and tries to focus on the task at hand, knocking softly on the door. It takes another few minutes and two more knocks from him for you to finally open the door. You've wiped your face, but he can still tell your nose is a little red. 

"Hi. I'm Rusty Wells. Me and my combo play down at the Sandbar Club every night. I wondered if you might like to come with me to the beach?" He says it quickly, smiling and trying to lay on the charm. 

"Me? Why? Are you making fun of me?" You look up at him curiously. "Did the girls put you up to this?"

"No! I-I just... come to the beach with me. Or we can go sailing? Or rent a motorcycle? Whatever you want, honey." 

"Why?" You narrow your eyes suspiciously. 

"Can't a guy ask a pretty girl to go to the beach without getting a million questions?" 

"Ha! A pretty girl? Now I know you're up to something. No thanks. I don't want to end up as the butt of anyone's jokes." You go to close the door and he stops it with his hand. 

"Look, listen. I need to take you out. So will ya just...? Okay?"

"You need to?"

"Yes. I'm here because I work for your dad and he sent me to make sure you're safe and happy-"

"My father did what!?"

"He just cares about you and wants you to have a good time, okay? I told him I'd make sure you do. So will ya please just come with me to the beach or somethin'?" You look him up and down skeptically. When you think about it, it's kind of sweet that your dad cares enough to make sure you're safe and happy. And this Rusty character doesn't seem too bad. He's really cute and a part of you wishes he actually just wanted to hang out with you. Maybe you can spend an afternoon with him and satisfy your dad. You can declare the trip a failure and go home tomorrow. Then at least Rusty can say he tried and not get in trouble with your father. 

"Okay, then. But not the beach. Let's go sailing. I've always wanted to go sailing." Rusty smiles, relieved that you finally agreed. 

"You got it, honey. Let's go." You go back into your room, smooth your hair, and put some fresh powder on your nose. Then, you grab your purse and head out the door to go sailing with Rusty. 

******

Much to his surprise, Rusty genuinely enjoys your company. You're funny in a way he's never experienced with a girl and he finds himself laughing more often than he expected. He's also surprised by how attractive you are with your little glasses and clothes that look like they could've belonged to your mother. Your smile is sweet and your eyes sparkle when you get excited. It's unexpected, but he actually really likes you. He only intended to spend a few hours with you, but before he knows it the sun is setting and it's time for him to get ready for that night's show. Then he says something that shocks even him. 

"Come to our show tonight."

"Oh, no, I couldn't possibly. I'm sure you want to take a real date." He realizes that you don't think of yourself as a real date and he kicks himself for telling you about working for your father. 

"No, really. I do this song called 'Wolf Call', I'll come get you out of the crowd-"

"Rusty, it's okay. You don't have to do that. I had a great day with you. I promise I'll tell my dad I had fun. You're off the hook for today." His smile falls a little and he nods. You'll never take him seriously now. 

"Well, alright then. What will you do tonight?" 

"Oh, probably just read. It's fine. Thank you for a wonderful day."

"Yeah, you're welcome." You take your purse from him and go into your room, shutting the door before he can say anything else. He stands outside your room and is startled when he realizes he's wishing he could've kissed you goodnight. 

******

The next day, he knocks on your door and offers to take you out like he did yesterday. You know he's going to have to report back to your father, so you agree to go with him once more. He tells himself he's only doing it as part of his job, but in reality he just wanted to see you. At the end of it, he tries again to get you to come to his show, but you decline and settle in to read for the night. 

This pattern continues for the next few days. Rusty knocks on your door in the morning and you spend the day together. In the evening, he tries to convince you to come to the show and you decline. 

It's not that you don't want a date for the evening. You'd love to go out with a boy who is actually interested in you, but you never get attention from anyone other than Rusty and you know that's just because he doesn't want to upset your father. Maybe he can be helpful, though. He is a guy, so he should know what you need to do to be noticed. You start to work up the courage to ask for his help. 

By Thursday, Rusty decides he's going to insist on you joining him for the evening. He enjoys your company so much during the day that he actually finds himself missing you at night. He knocks on your door determined to get you to believe that he really likes you. 

"Hey, honey, I need to talk to you."

"Good. I need to talk to you too." His heart skips at the possibility that you might want more from him. You grab his hand and pull him into your room and he can hardly breathe. 

"I need-"

"Please come-"

You start talking at the same time and both stop. He gestures for you to keep going, so you do. 

"I need you to help me. I want a date tonight, but there's no way I'll get one looking like this."

"Oh... I-I think you look just fine... in fact-"

"No, Rusty, you don't have to be nice. It's okay. I know you don't want to actually go out with me." His heart sinks. 

"But, I-"

"Please help me. Help me know what guys like so I can find a date." He swallows his disappointment and nods. 

"Alright, then. What are you thinkin'?" You take your glasses off and toss them on the desk and he sighs. He thinks they're cute. 

"There. Now what?" He swallows the desire to say that nothing about you needs to change. 

"You need clothes that'll show off your figure. Something tight or short or both." You go to your roommate's suitcase and throw it open. 

"She said I could borrow anything. What do we like?" He reluctantly walks to the suitcase and pulls out some garments. 

"Try this." He hands you some short shorts and a cropped tank top and swallows deeply, trying to imagine what you might look like. He's never seen you in anything that shows your body, even on the beach you wear an oversized coverup, so he's not even sure what to expect. You smile and head into the bathroom with the clothes. He sits on the side of the bed and fidgets with his fingers in anticipation. When you finally open the bathroom door and step out, he has to actively remind himself to close his mouth. 

"Well? What do you think?" You spin in a slow circle and his heart skips. You have a beautiful body and all of a sudden he can't stop imagining you with no clothes at all, pressed against him and whimpering. He clears his throat and adjusts himself quickly while you're facing away. "That bad, huh?" 

You turn back to face him and assume it must be terrible since he hasn't said anything. Your eyebrows are raised and a lump begins to form in your throat. You're not sure why you want him to like the way you look so badly. Spending so much time with him has you confused and wishing it wasn't all because of your father. 

"You look..." He can't even finish the sentence. Instead, he wants to just wrap you in his arms and show you what he thinks, but that's not what you want. 

"Ridiculous, huh?"

"No! Not ridiculous at all. I-"

"If you didn't know me, would you think I looked good?"

"Yeah. I think you look amazing. That's... wow..." You roll your eyes. He really is so very sweet. 

"You don't have to lay it on that thick. It's okay." 

"No, I'm serious." He stands up and walks over to you, looking down at you. All of a sudden there's an energy in the air and it feels like he might kiss you. Just as you close your eyes to let him, the door of your room swings open. 

"Oh, wow! Y/n, you look incredible!" Rusty jumps back and your roommate walks to you. She's tired of the way the other girls have treated you this whole time. After sharing a room with you she's realized you're more than the bookish nerd everyone sees when they look at you. "I'm going to do your hair and makeup. Then you're coming out to the beach with us today. It's time you had a little fun too." 

You look over at Rusty, who is trying desperately to hide his disappointment that you won't be spending the day with him. 

"Rusty? Do you mind if I go with the girls and try to pick up a real date?" That hits him like a slap in the face and he shakes his head silently. 

"No, that's fine, go with the girls. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Maybe! If I find a date then you don't have to worry about me anymore." His heart sinks even further. Then you run to him and kiss his cheek and he feels like he can't breathe. "Thank you, Rusty. You're really very sweet." 

He nods and then turns and walks from the room. Rather than heading to the beach, he lays on his bed looking at the ceiling and wishing he hadn't told you about your father. 

******

He doesn't see you all day and there's a growing feeling of emptiness in the pit of his stomach that he can't explain. Even flirting with the other pretty girls feels flat. At the show, he tries to play enthusiastically, but he just wants you to be there. 

You eventually do appear and his eyes light up. But his hopes are quickly dashed by the group of boys that surrounds you, all fighting for your attention. With your hair and makeup done and a cute little dress on for the evening, you're positively stunning and the guys are excited that there's a new girl to pursue. They fall all over themselves trying to impress you. At first, you weren't sure what to do, but you've adjusted to the attention pretty well by the time you make it to the show. You look around demurely at each guy and respond flirtatiously, giggling and sipping your drink. 

Rusty watches this scene and a burning feeling of envy rises inside him. He noticed you first. And all these other guys just want you because of the way you look now. There's more to you than that and he seems to be the only one that cares. He swallows the lump in his throat and tries to keep singing, but the bubble of rage inside him just keeps growing. 

You sit at the table with the guys surrounding you, desperately trying to figure out which one you like best. None of them really stand out, though. In fact, the only one you really want to talk to is Rusty. You look up at him on stage and he looks so good in his red shirt and black pants. If only he would actually like you. There was that moment in your room where you thought he might kiss you. Still, he probably was just caught off guard by the way you look in these clothes. For some reason you want him to like you for who you really are and not just how you look. You're brought back to reality by one of the guys putting his hand on your knee. 

"Didja hear what I said, baby? My father owns a company in Detroit." 

"Mmm." You nod genially and try to refocus on the men that are all trying to talk to you at once. It makes you uncomfortable that this one in particular is touching you, but you figure that's just part of the game. You turn to another guy and smile, trying to listen to whatever he's saying. But when you do, the one slides his hand further up your thigh and squeezes gently. You jump a little and turn back to him with your eyes wide. 

Your discomfort does not go unnoticed. Rusty is keenly aware of the way this guy is touching you. He watches you closely to gauge your reaction. If it seems like you like it, he'll have to find a way to let it go, but if you don't...

"Please move your hand." Your voice shakes as you say it, but you try to be firm. 

"Aww, baby, come on. You mean like this?" He slides his hand even further up your thigh, so that his fingertips are under the hem of your skirt. You gasp and try to wiggle away, but he presses his hand up even further. 

Before you can say anything else though, Rusty is there. He drags the handsy guy up by his collar and punches him hard in the face. 

"Rusty!!" The other guys jump into the fight and in a flash it's four against one as Rusty tries to fight them all. He holds his own fairly well, but after a few seconds, he's overpowered and knocked to the ground with a bloody nose. You rush to his side and the other guys all exclaim and try to get your attention. Ignoring them all, you pull Rusty up off the ground and manage to get him to his feet. 

"I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean to ruin your date.” He pauses and looks around. “Dates?"

"Nonsense. Let's just get you cleaned up." He smiles down at you gently as he leans on you. He can walk just fine, but he's taking advantage of the opportunity to have his arm around you. Something about it just feels right. 

When the two of you get back to your room, you open the door and get him inside to sit on the couch. His knuckles are banged up and his nose is bleeding pretty good all over the front of his shirt. You quickly grab a towel and stuff it under his nose and then find a first aid kit to clean out the cuts on his hand. It takes a minute, but you eventually get him squared away and then collapse onto the couch next to him. He pulls the towel away from his nose and looks over at you. 

"I think the bleeding has stopped."

"Good! What on earth were you thinking?!" He looks at you sheepishly. 

"I was thinking you didn't like being touched like that and I wasn't going to just stand there and let it happen." You melt and look up at him. 

"Thank you." He smiles softly and then looks down at his hands in his lap. 

"I'm sorry I messed up your night, though. I know you were trying to-"

"It's okay, Rusty. I'd rather be here with you anyway." He looks up at you quickly. 

"Y-you would?"

"Yeah. Because I can do this." You walk over to the desk and grab your glasses, putting them on your face. "That's so much better. I can see. I couldn't even tell if those guys were cute!" 

He chuckles as you sit back down on the couch next to him. You sigh and look down at the floor. 

"Sorry; I know that kind of ruins the illusion." He tries to catch your eye and eventually does. 

"No. Don't apologize. I like you better like this."

"Wait, really?" There's a moment of silence as his eyes flick between yours. Then, he whispers. 

"This is how you looked when I fell for you." He looks up at you through his eyelashes and your heart flutters. 

"Oh, Rusty." His eyes drop down as he prepares for the disappointment. You put a finger under his chin and make him look up at you again. "I'm falling for you too." 

He blinks as his heart pounds and he tries to process what he's just heard. 

"You're-?" But you interrupt his sentence by leaning in and pressing your lips to his. He winces a little with the pressure against his tender nose and you pull back abruptly. 

"Oh! I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking..." He shakes his head quickly. 

"No, it's okay. Do it again. Please." You smile and lean in again, kissing him as softly as you can. You hover above his lips and whisper. 

"We should get you out of that bloody shirt." He nods and lets you unbutton it and push it off of his shoulders, dropping it on the floor next to the couch. Your fingers go directly to the patch of hair on his chest and he shivers a little. He covers your hand with his and then pulls your fingers to his lips and kisses them gently. Without another thought, you crawl into his lap to straddle his hips, your skirt riding up so that you can press yourself against him. When you feel how hard he is, a soft moan escapes your lips. 

"Is this just because of the way I look now?" He puts his hand on the side of your face and looks into your eyes sincerely. 

"Honey, I've wanted you for days. You're just so stubborn; I couldn't get you to believe me that I meant it." You breathe out a laugh. 

"I am kind of a pain in the ass, aren't I?"

"The most beautiful pain in the ass I've ever seen." He runs his thumb over your cheek affectionately. 

"Rusty, I..." You roll your hips forward against him and whimper. "I want to do this... I do... I just don't know how..." 

"Is this your first time?" He raises his eyebrows. 

"No, not that. It's just never been very pleasant and... I want to enjoy it... with you..." He relaxes and softens. 

"Oh, honey. I promise I'll make it nice. If that's what you want." You nod almost frantically. 

"I do. Please." He smiles and kisses you gently. His hands run up under your skirt and he looks to you for permission to take your dress off. You nod and he slides it up and over your head. He goes back to kissing your chest, pressing his lips to the soft skin of your breasts as he removes your bra and lets that hit the floor too. You run your hands in the back of his hair and he moans quietly. After a few more seconds, he stands up from the couch, keeping you wrapped around him, kissing you over and over until he makes it to the bedroom. You whimper softly as he lays you on the bed, moving his lips down your neck to your collarbone. 

"Honey, I wanna taste you. Would you like that?" 

"I-I-I don't know. I think so?" A small feeling of fear rises in your chest as you grapple with not knowing what to expect. He picks up on your nervousness and gently moves your hair out of your face, stroking your cheek softly. 

"Okay, baby, you just relax, okay? I'm not gonna hurt ya." You nod, breathing deeply, and he continues kissing down your body, grazing his lips over your stomach to your thighs.  Your back arches involuntarily as you feel his lips on your legs and he pushes them apart to settle in between them. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, baby." 

"Yes, Rusty..." You whimper as he slides your panties down your legs. Some part of you feels like you should be embarrassed to be this exposed, but for the first time you aren't. Something about Rusty makes you feel at ease. 

"You're so pretty, honey. I'm gonna put my mouth on ya now. You just let me know if you want me to stop." 

With that, he presses his tongue to your center and you moan loudly. Nothing has ever felt this good before. He moves his tongue over and around your sensitive bud and electricity gathers in your hips. Another moan escapes you as he licks and sucks your clit feverishly. More electricity builds and he moves on you with more speed and intention. 

"Oh God... Rusty..." You're not sure what is about to happen, but it's like you're on the edge of something as he slides one of his long fingers up into you and tickles a specific place inside you. He feels your pussy tighten and moans softly. 

"Let go, baby... you're so close."

"Close to wh- OH!" You whine loudly as your orgasm crashes into you, washing over you in tantalizing waves of intense pleasure. He licks and finger-fucks you through it and you pulse and writhe and grab at the sheets. Finally, you start to come down and he backs off of you, lips glistening. 

"What was that!?" You ask enthusiastically. He smiles and chuckles a little. 

"Baby, I thought you said this wasn't your first time?" 

"Yeah, but that's never happened before. No one's ever... I mean... not with their mouth..." He kisses the inside of your thigh affectionately and then moves back up to lay next to you, rolling over and holding your face in his hand. 

"Honey, I don't know what kind of... boys... you've been with before, but a real man should always make you feel this good. I will always make sure you feel this good." 

You look up at him and resist the urge to blurt out that you love him. Instead, you pull him into a kiss and he moves his hand down to your hip, pressing his body against yours. He rolls his hips forward so that his erection grinds against your thigh and you gasp. 

"Rusty..."

"I'm sorry, honey. I-I-I-"

"It's okay. I wanna make you feel good too." You run your hand down his chest and stomach, following the trail of hair under the front of his pants and take his cock in your hand. The mild shock that he's not wearing underwear fades quickly when you notice that he whimpers and bites his bottom lip as you touch him. 

"You really don't hafta-"

"Shhh... let me take care of you." He whimpers again and his hips buck into your hand as you stroke him, moving his foreskin back and forth. "Take your pants off." 

He quickly and obediently removes his slacks, trembling slightly in anticipation. You press hot kisses to his chest, moving down his stomach to just below his bellybutton. He looks down at you, eyes dark with desire, and runs his hand in your hair as you take the base of his dick in your hand and lick directly across the head. 

"Oh, fuck, baby..." You smile at his reaction and then pull him fully into your mouth. This part you know how to do and you can't wait to see him come undone with your efforts. You lick up the bottom of his shaft and then open your throat and press your nose into the soft patch of hair around his cock. He holds a handful of your hair and does everything in his power not to thrust into your mouth as you bounce up and down on him. The skill with which you suck him off surprises and impresses him and he moans and grips the sheets with his other hand. You keep working him with your mouth, your hands on his hips to keep him still. 

"Oh, baby..." He shudders as you pull him deep in your throat again. "'M gonna cum soon." 

You back off of him and sit up, stroking him teasingly slowly with your hand. 

"Not until I say so, you're not." You smile down at him devilishly and he groans. 

"Oh, you little minx. You gonna get feisty on me?" You giggle and lick your lips sensually as you move your hand a little faster. 

"You want me to stop teasing you?" 

"No. Fuck no." His hips buck again as he begs for enough friction to reach the orgasm that is so close he can feel it in the base of his dick. 

"Okay, how about this then?" You move to straddle his hips and then rub the tip of his cock along your entrance, where it slides over your slit easily with the wetness gathered there. He whimpers and holds your hips with both hands. You sink on him just a bit, pushing the tip of him inside you. 

"Oh God, honey, please." The sight of him whimpering and begging turns you on so much more than you ever dreamed it would. You've never taken control like this before, and certainly haven't ever had the confidence to tease anyone, but Rusty is so sweet and giving that he brings out a side of you that you didn't even know is there. He also seems to be enjoying it just as much as you are. His cock is rock hard and he sweats and pants with his eyes rolled back and his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. He's beautiful like this, all flushed and needy. 

You slide more of him inside you and he gasps. Your pussy is deliciously tight around him, the little sounds that fall from your lips driving him even more crazy. He's overwhelmed with the thought that he'd like to feel you like this forever and a shiver runs through him as he bites his tongue to keep from whispering that he loves you. 

Finally, you push him into you fully and moan with the sensation of being filled so completely. His dick is perfect to hit all the right places inside you. Lifting your hips, you drop back down onto him and he groans loudly. 

"Baby, I'm so close."

"Mmm not yet. Can you make me cum again? Without your mouth?" You're not sure what's come over you, asking for it like this, but it's like the words are out of your control. Luckily, he doesn't seem to mind. In fact, it appears to be just the opposite. He smiles and licks his thumb, moving down to your center and rubbing circles on your clit. 

"Like this?" 

"Oh, God, yes..." You hiss as the feeling of his thumb on you combines with his cock pushed up inside you. "Fuck..."

He laughs a little at your cussing. He's drunk on you, drunk on your pussy, drunk on the way you make him feel, drunk on the need to be with you like this for the rest of his life. His orgasm is so close he feels like he might explode if he doesn't move soon. He pulls his hips back a little and thrusts up into you and you gasp. 

"Not until... I cum..." He whimpers and moves his thumb with more urgency. Your pussy tightens around his dick and he almost screams with the need to climax. 

"Y/n... please..."

"So... close..." He feels your walls begin to pulse around him and you throw your head back and cry out his name as the release finally washes over you, energy thrumming through your body from head to toe. "Now!" 

You don't have to tell him twice. He grabs your hips and lifts you just enough to pound you from underneath. His rhythm is erratic and frantic and it only takes a few seconds for him to slam into you one last time, cussing and moaning as his cock throbs inside you, shooting you full of his warmth. Eventually, his whole body relaxes and you collapse on his chest, both of you spent and breathing heavily. 

"Goddamn, baby."

"Yeah. Wow." He slides his softening dick out of you and settles you beside him with your head on his chest. "Rusty, that was..."

"More pleasant? I hope?"

"That was fucking incredible." 

"Two orgasms and you turn totally wild on me." 

"I'm sorry. It's true. I just never knew it could be like this." 

"Well, you're not wrong, honey. And I'm not complainin’. It was incredible for me too." You look up at him from his chest and he leans down and presses his lips against yours. After a few more minutes of laying there together, you go to get up and reach for the phone. He looks at you puzzled. 

"Baby, what're you doing?"

"Gotta tell my dad about this." He laughs and wrestles the phone out of your hands as you giggle and he puts it back where it belongs. 

"Although, I probably do need to talk to him." He says it quietly and you raise an eyebrow. 

"Why?"

"I need his permission."

"Rusty..." He looks at you for a second and decides he can't hold back any longer. 

"I love you, y/n. I'm in love with you. I think I finally found what I've been looking for on all these Easter vacations. I-I-I'd like to marry ya, if you'll have me?"

"Rusty, we just met." His face drops. 

"Is that a no?"

"No! It's a not yet." He looks away and nods. You grab his chin and make him look at you again. "But it's also an I love you too." 

"It is?"

"Of course it is." He smiles and pulls you into a deep kiss. When he backs away, he presses his forehead into yours. 

"Baby, I'm yours. You just let me know when you're ready. Until then, you can have me any way you want me." 

And that's exactly what you do.

******

The End

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love @deltafalax @atleastpleasetelephone @cinnamoroll-things @burnthheparaphilia @jhoneybees @cattcb @everythingelvispresley @returntopresley

[osamucide]

(joe gets kicked out of school for using) drugs with friends (but says this isn't a problem)

last friday, i took acid and mushrooms

i did not transcend

i felt like a walking piece of shit

in a stupid looking jacket

NSFW CONTENT - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

wc: 2.4k

cw: gn!reader - no explicit anatomy mentioned, post-dark era, pre-entrance exam, port mafia!reader, past relationships/implied relationships, dazai-typical suicide mentions, manwhore dazai, explicit sexual content, drugs, references to drugs, drug use, talking and doing drugs, dazai is on drugs, dazai has tried every drug under the sun, just so many fucking drugs. don't do drugs please!

reid: installment 2/? of me using car seat headrest songs alongside dazai fic. ooc dazai probably but i like breaking him not sorry. this is not intended to romanticize substance abuse. addict dazai is a concept very close to my heart this is wholeheartedly me venting also all my fanfic is just so self indulgent. please for the love of god do not do drugs just send them to me thanks. can be read as a stand-alone or a part two to my previous fic drunk drivers/killer whales. you can find me on ao3 @angelzai. enjoy

. . . .ᐟ

“What have you been doing? Since you…”

Left. You falter but Osamu Dazai knows that’s what you mean to say. Since you left. That wouldn't have taken a fucking genius, though.

Well, he thinks, he could be totally honest right now. There's no one to hide from anymore, just himself. The fact that you're sitting with him has some old walls going up - the rather generic ones that go up with everyone - and he's hoping you won't take it personally if he does decide to lie. It would just be easy to. Familiar to.

He turns your voice over in his mind, imagines himself weighing it in his palms, and while the question hangs in the air suddenly he's in bed again with the wench of the week about a month or four back - one he bummed a cigarette off at some club during a routine bender and struck up a conversation with about the conceptualization of incomprehensible units of measurement, like lightyears. Dazai remembers that she took him home and let him snort ecstasy off the small of her back before he made out with her for what felt like six hours. She'd obviously wanted to fuck but he was still thinking, albeit warmly now, about lightyears and space and how awesome it would be to scale the side of a faraway terrestrial planet like an ibex - those cool mountain goats - and look off into a volume of nothing to observe the dilation of time with his tiny, filthy Earth eyes. Yeah, he wasn't getting any of that acute empathy he seemed to gain for other human beings when he was on E, so he asked for more. Her skin had felt like a flannel bed sheet and it almost hurt when she pulled away. He licked this dose off her tongue, per her discretion. It would've been hot if he hadn't imagined what it might feel like to lick a flannel sheet and almost gagged into her mouth. He said, "Sorry, I thought about if your tongue was a flannel sheet." She giggled and he giggled back. He kissed her more. She was so warm. He still couldn't get hard. He just kept thinking. He thought so much about lightyears and flannel sheets until he could barely discern the difference between them. He would've liked to have been wrapped up in either. The last time he had felt this introspective was when he was peaking on nitrous, but it was obvious he was still coming up. He started feeling sweaty and cold. He told himself that wasn't abnormal for ecstasy. He was trying to imagine she was a flannel bed sheet. He was sweating so bad. She was a flannel bed sheet and he was a lightyear and his skin was starting to feel like it was rising off his skeleton. He felt like he'd pissed his pants. He'd pushed her off and bolted for the bathroom. The fan in there was too loud. The manicured hand combing his hair back was burning his scalp. The toilet was kind of grimacing at him all smug-like. He didn't know what a lightyear was. He knew this was bad E. He vomited for an hour straight and meditated briefly on how horribly unsexy he felt before passing out. He woke up with an icepick headache and bummed another cigarette and apologized for pissing his pants on her bed (which he didn't actually do, but this was only clarified after he expressed he thought he had). He insisted that it wasn't her, she was beautiful, she was great, it was just the drugs, it was his own fault, but he still didn't give her his number. He just took the train as close as it went to his apartment, smelling like the very unsexy kind of sweat. Instead of showering, he had popped a Xan and went to bed. It was 3pm. And that was more or less what he had been doing since he left the Port Mafia.

While he recalls this, he makes some vague hand motions and opens his mouth a few times, not unlike a fish, as if he's about to speak but doesn't quite have the words yet. It's not that he doesn't want to tell you. You've been around long enough to have seen him and others high out of their minds plenty of times before. He knows you'd barely blame him for the wretched financial hole he has himself in now that Mori isn't around to sugar-daddy all his substances for him. It isn't remotely about the drugs.

It's about the fact that you found him in a bar in Numazu by total chance and paid his weeks-long tab before even asking him any questions about where he's been. He's not sure why you did that.

It's about the fact that you paid for the hotel room he's sitting cross-legged on the bed in, in front of you. He's considering how deep the crescents beneath your eyes look.

It's about the fact that you kissed him once when you both were sixteen and it convinced him that he'd never kiss anyone else ever again. But then he left, and in the year and a half since he's last seen you he's had more meaningless sex with more meaningless people than there were freckles across your whole body, which had, by the way, meant everything to him at one point.

"Not really..." Dazai shakes his head. "Anything at all."

You light a cigarette even though it's a non-smoking room. You'll be able to foot the bill.

"Come on," you say out of the corner of your mouth, puffing smoke in his face. "Not really anything at all?"

He doesn't ask, just takes the smoke from your lips to put it between his own. "Drugs," he summarizes truthfully. "Mostly coke. There's nothing like it. I swear it's better than H."

You quirk your mouth in semi-disapproval, taking back your cigarette. "You did always like your blow."

"Been exploring academia too, I suppose. I'm learning calculus right now." He's trying to make up for it. He doesn't need to.

Now you really look at him like he's on drugs. "For fun?" He nods, pleased with himself. "I thought you didn't like pain." You finally smile a little bit.

"It's interesting!" he insists with his signature drama. "God, can I just have my own?" He's gesturing to your pack, and you indulge him, lighting it off your own.

You look like you want to say something else, sucking your cigarette down like it's a race. Dazai studies you. Prompts you with nothing but his eyes, just like he always has, and you understand. It's your turn to look for the words.

"I mean... like... what- what," you make the vague hand motions too, "what are you doing, though? How- how are you... not..."

"Dead?" he finishes. "Yeah. I struck a cute little deal with the government."

He doesn't like how you lean back from him, even if it's slight, even if he expects it. He doesn't like how your eyes narrow and you look at him with something he can only place as distrust. You almost want to get up off the bed, but you stay, gazing into him. You're not flustered so easily by him anymore, and he has to notice. He does. And regardless, he knows exactly what you're thinking before you say it. "I didn't take you for a fed, Dazai." He knows about the gun in your jacket, too, and that you're at attention now. Your use of his last name stings.

"I didn't sell you out," he says, mocking offense, pushing himself up on those gangly limbs to cut a line of whatever's in the little plastic bag he pulls from his back pocket. "I didn't sell anyone out. Ango's a double agent. You have to know." You shrug - you'd be ashamed to admit you hadn't a clue - and your apprehension melts, but only a little. "My record's expunged as long as I clean up and sign on at the ADA in about six months."

You look at him incredulously, but he's busy at the desk. He could've left it at calculus.

"And this is your idea of cleaning up?" you ask.

The response you receieve is a long sniff. Dazai straightens out, huffs, pulls another drag off his cigarette.

If you were anyone else it would definitely be unwise of him to give such information to someone very much still on the inside. As high up as you had been alongside Dazai, knowledge of who had their fingers in what organizations was never for you to have. Your rank has only fallen since he left. You've developed a nose for people - you must after so long in the mafia - and Ango, who lays so low, especially after Sakunosuke's death, isn’t exactly at the top of your list until right now. You briefly wonder how much the boss knows. Mori surely would've killed Ango for orchestrating the freeing of his most precious pet. Mori surely has people after Dazai. As a matter of fact, he might have people after you already, not even an hour after you found the former prince of the underworld slumped over on a bar stool, because you never really know who’s watching. At the end of all that, though, your thoughts snag on whether that's something Ango could help anyone with, or if it was only for Dazai. No snitching would be involved. You don't think you're qualified to be a detective, but certainly there's some community service you could do to mop up after yourself, right?

Dazai seats himself in front of you again. The rest of this conversation does not happen verbally - not right away, at least. Whether it’s the coke or the accusatory tone your voice carried, he looks a little emptier than before. He looks an entire world away from you. You don’t say this aloud but he nods numbly like he hears you. You dimly recall a conversation you had with him years ago in which he told you he’d never done anything in his life that made him proud. That he didn’t really view himself as a person, but rather a machine designed toward destruction. Machines didn’t feel proud - didn’t feel anything, and no more or less when they executed their intended function.

You’re struck with the awareness that you still seem to know him so vividly, despite how much he’s obviously changed. The parts of this machine are shinier as if they’ve been cleaned. Although it grows old, it works like new, given its context. You recognize exactly what it’s doing. What he’s doing. And you think, maybe if you just throw your hand into the gears - even if it hurts you, even if it takes a piece of you off and mangles it - maybe you can get it to stop.

He, too, selfishly considers that you could be his way out. But is it really selfish if he can admit he'd drop it all if you asked him to? Flesh thrown against a monstrous man-made creation. Even though you seem to have stayed so very much the same, he doesn’t assume he knows you like he once did. But these could be the right circumstances. Maybe he just needs some flesh. Just needs somebody.

“You just need somebody.” Your head’s on the pillow, you twirl his hair, and that’s what you say to him after you both fuck like two virgins. You don’t mean to imply that somebody could be yourself, but for what it’s worth, that’s how he takes it. He can’t remember the last time sex made him cry, anyway, so it might as well be you.

“Just fucking leave.”

Your eyes snap open as the words leave him. Leave? Leave the room you paid for? That was rich, considering the kindness you’ve extended to him tonight after he abandoned you. Your throat constricts around the fact that not even ten minutes ago you were entangled with him in a way that felt both familiar and new. You would’ve proposed another round and let him clasp his hands around your neck like he used to. He’d always insist you’d beg him to stop one day, but you never did. Ten minutes ago you were ready to wipe away his bloody nose with your hair if he asked. Now he’s asking you to leave.

You sit up and throw your legs over the edge of the bed. Your eyes burn with tears and you’re about to get up, get dressed, maybe unload the remainder of the clip in your gun into his kneecaps - but he grabs your elbow.

“Leave the Port, idiot.” You look at him. Concern isn’t an emotion that graces Dazai’s features too often, and here it is. “That came out horribly. Plus, you’re so nice and warm. Get back here.”

So you do. You do what you do best when it comes to Dazai - you crawl back, disregarding how he’s hurt you. Hurt himself. And you just cry.

You cry because you’re so relieved you just misinterpreted him. You cry because he gives you whiplash so goddamn easily. You cry because you don’t have to give leaving a second thought. You cry because a year and a half ago he obviously wouldn’t have insisted you follow him. You cry because he’s so out of character and you almost think you like it. You cry because you like how warm he feels, too. You cry because he’s on drugs. He doesn’t cry because he already did while you made him cum, and now his pupils aren’t so blown, but with you against his chest he doesn’t feel like he needs to get up to do another bump, and that’s plenty for both of you. For all intents and purposes, the walls are all down now. Maybe he really needed to find you. You know you really needed to find him. It’s going to be difficult and dangerous and there’s more to be said, but at least you’ve found him.

You’re sniveling. He’s kissing your hair. “You can teach me calculus.”

Dazai recognizes the laugh that rumbles in his chest as one he hasn’t felt since he’d last seen you. “We’ll get ahold of Ango in the morning.”

[edwardslostalchemy]

Multiple reasons.

I simply do not vibe with this ship.

I see it as being so FORCED. Like its as if it was made to pair Shouto with a girl and Momo with a guy.

They have no chemistry.

Like none, zero, from what I can see.

I like them better as best friends. Thats my Brand.

I like them as wlw / mlm solidarity.

Not many interactions for me to really like them, and if they have interacted, like in Kamino, Shouto is usually focused on Izuku.

I don't ship Shouto with anyone except Izuku.

I headcanon Shouto as gay, as in homosexual. So pairing him up with any girl in general gives me a bad taste in my mouth, but especially this ship.

I can ship Momo with anyone except with Shouto and Izuku. I like her better with Kyoka and Katsuki.

She's never really showed like interest in him. What I see is admiration when she says he's the most capable student in the class.

She compares herself to him and that's not healthy. Like during their final exam, the way she said things, that Shouto knows best and had a plan right off the bat, her tone was sarcastic to me. And I get this is part of her development, but it's something that irks me. And also Shouto was a jerk to her during the test. I get they were under a lot of stress and Momo was panicking, but he wasn't really gentle with her. It was more like "Hurry up, tell me your plan already!" And they did well, Shouto was cooperative, but I mean, I can't see them as anything other than friends.

They remind me of my best friend and me. He is like Shouto in that he told her she was the most qualified person to be class rep, helping her boost her confidence. My bff does this, too, by lifting my spirit and telling me facts about myself like "you've done x, y, z, so you are more than qualified and capable for this".

I can't see Momo and Shouto emotionally providing for each other. Like they are on different frequencies and idk part of what I look for in chemistry is that they need to be on the same page. He can follow her orders and she can follow his, but it's not like coordination. Like how Shouto and Izuku are on the same frequency, like that, that's what I'm looking for.

Its a boring ship for me. They're both rich and talented. Prince and Princess. Wow. How intriguing. I'm not sold. Its bland. No spice. I have a higher chance of getting into any other ship rather than this one.

There was no turning back once I read Prince & Prince. That fic showed their friendship so so well.

If I want childhood friends, They can totally be that and know each other since they were kids. And again that reminds me of my bff and I because we know each other since we were like 5. So theyd be the rich best friends.

Its not the ship for me.

Because it reminds me of my friendship with my bff and we have been paired up to the point where we had to spend time AWAY from each other because we were so STRESSED, this ship literally triggers me. It probably sounds stupid, but God I hate it. The reminder sucks and I have a huge stick up my ass and I deal with it. (I also have a similar dislike fir izu/ocha because of this reason.)

Also there's art I've seen that is just???? Like??? Can there be art of them where Shouto isn't kissing Momo's neck? That's literally what I've run into and it turned me off so MUCH and it grossed me out. Please what the fuck. If they're adults, sure whatever, but they were still kids and I can't vibe I really can't.

They haven't done something to really impact each other. Like how Izuku and Shouto have literally made each other Shook^TM. Izuku with Its your power and You're an incredibly kind person, and Shouto with Heroes cry when they need to and What matters are actions. Not to mention the level of care that Izuku and Shouto have for each other. That's what has to sell me.

As for dynamic, that's really what sells me on ships as well. These two have no real dynamic in my eyes.

If anyone ships them, more power to you. I won't judge, just don't tell me why you ship it because I'm sorry, I will not care. If we are mutuals, please tag it or i won't hesitate to unfollow. I have unfollowed because people didn't tag it. I'm not open to talk about this ship obviously. Also for any of my posts with platonic Shouto and Momo, don't tag it as ship. I specifically tag it as platonic for A REASON. Theres been people that still tagged it as ship and used other tags that I was like why on my post specifically that says PLATONIC. So yeah, here you go. I think it's gross.

[jayflrt]

first of all, thank you so much 🌿 anon!! i appreciate that a lot, thought the results were released, they were released directly to the school (they were sent from cbse) so we might get out results in a few days and to be honest. i actually didn't write those exams well, i'm at least hoping for writing good for the next boards. but really 🌿 anon, tysm.

and to this anon there is actually nothing to be sad of, even thought you felt like you didn't do your exams well and compare yourself with your classmates, there is always a second chance for funking everything and i hope you do better next time. if you don't feel like studying just don't study or at least you can take a walk and then study (which can refresh you) i rlly don't want you to stay up all night and study because it's rlly not good for your health.

thought many people prefer to work at night maybe because their productive level is high during that time or they just love that time of the day or they simply just overwork themselves. i rlly won't recommend you to study all night.

as alice said to you, everything's gonna be fine and i know, you know, alice knows that you will do your best!! all the best dear anon :)

and coming to you— even you need a fucking break, i hope you enjoy your vacay with your besties after your exams. lmao, me? enjoy after exams? no way, it's gonna be after may 24, so after the exams will be done, i'm thinking of going to a korean restaurant with my friends, hehe. i never had korean food in my life but definitely would love to try.

yea- i do like (love) him, and i thinkw e can stay in touch but i'm just scared he won't talk to me properly. and you know what happened today!!! i caught him staring at me 😆🥲🥺✊🏻😔🥰🦋🦋🦋 holy shit, i was so happy, and i was like, "did he just!!" kjfhjashdfwlda

lmao yea- guys are rlly idiots coming to texting, maybe they prefer talking over face to face but i don't think they have those guts to talk face to face too.

it's not like he likes me teasing him but that smile he has when i call him an idiot 🦋🦋🦋🦋 yup, it's like that :( he. so. precious.

and the little sister award 🤧 thank you so much akka, you are the sweetest and thank you for rooting for us but i don't have much hope because he seems out of interest but i still have hope.

pls, i do care about you akka, you should know that i freaked out when you stay up till 4 o'clock in the morn, like akka, you need sleep!!! ily akka 🥺

lmao, that college admission test, the servers were done and with my luck i didn't even fucking write this exam and again i will be writing it on next sunday, lmfao.

and yea- that S dude, he doesn't have guts.... he's just number one fool of himself!! i hate him akka.

to talk more with him?? akka, no, that might feel very awkward, sjsjsjjs......

and twenty five twenty one, that my comfort fic and dare you say you hate it 😠 i will not give you any spoilers but it's rllly rlly so so so good and you should definitely watch it and those two moments are rlly cute, yi-jin and hee-do 🥺 and my gurl injeolmi too <//3

and finally last words for the day— i just wish him to be my boyfriend forever :( he's so precious, yk, he's so cute too </3 and he still has his cute cheeks since 8th grade and i badly want to ruffle his smooth hair, and you know, akka, in 8th grade i actually pinched his cheeks thinking they were cute and he laughed at me and i also ruffled his hair and he laughed then too </3 😭😭😭 akka, i just wish for us to be together :(

hope you have a great day/night akka </3 ily and take care please.

— 🦔

^^ 🌿 anon and the anon who was stressing over exams — pls read !! 🥰💕

and big yes ab the working at night thing !!! just make sure not to overwork yourself 🤧 i allow myself to work into the night too but that’s bc i sleep in too much in the mornings HAHAH and yesyes i’m sure you’ll do your best 🤩💖

omg unfortunately i might not be able to go out with my friends this break 😭😭 my brother and mom are coming down with something so i think it’s safer for me to stay at home so i don’t risk compromising anyone’s health :‘)) but it’s okay i can enjoy my time at home as well !!! 🥰 i’ve been meaning to read a book or finish a show or something <33 and omg going to a korean restaurant sounds so fun !!! do you have any that are close in your area? :o my friends and i got kbbq and korean corn dogs together and it was sooo good 😵‍💫

AHHH that’s so cute 🥰🥰🥰 was he staring in class ?? :o HAHAH YOURE SO RIGHT 😭 THEY PREFER FACE TO FACE BUT STILL DONT HAVE THE GUTS </3 what are men useful for at this point 🏃‍♂️ i have faith that everyone will work out between you and him tho 😌💓

PLS THAT MADE ME SMILE HAHAH i’m touched that you care about me too 🥰💗 i slept around 1 am i believe last night but i got like 9 hours of sleep 🤧 sometimes i think i sleep too much honestly LOL

and omg at least you have time to prepare for next sunday now ! but the servers closed ?? :o is it an online exam and you have to be there right on time? 😣 (BTW I MEANT TALK MORE TO YOUR CRUSH NOT THE ENEMY 🥲)

GOSHHH DONT WORRY THERES NO WAY I COULD HATE TWENTY FIVE TWENTY ONE SINCE NAM JOOHYUK IS THE LEAD ACTOR 🤩🤩 i’m excited to check it out !! maybe i’ll start that show after my finals are over <33 are there any other kdramas you’ve watched ?? :o i fell in Love with nam joohyuk after weightlifting fairy omg 🤧💖

AWW it’s still so cute that you guys have known each other for so long :’)) i’m manifesting that you two stay together for a long time !! 💕 and take care yourself and have a great day/night !!! 🥰 (i think it’s morning over there now so good morning HAHAH)

[itswildwinters]

Hello lovebug and happy December 14th. I hope yesterday was great and that today will bring you even more comfort and happiness. Remind yourself that you deserve to treat yourself, and relax always!

12 exams in one week and a half? Oh my, I don't know what you're made of to survive such a thing. I could never! Thank you for you advice by the way, it's great but I know I'm not great at committing to a schedule as I'm very unorganized. So basically I just studied all day yesterday and I'm almost done with my part of the essay. I kinda want to grrrr cause I'm not very satisfied with what I've written so far. but anyway, I'll stop boring you with this, and I'll tell you if I manage to get it done by tomorrow!

We watched another episode of Dark while we had lunch and my heart broke. I loved Ulrich so much, despite how "nuanced" he was morally, let's say... I'm not going into depth about it in case someone's reading it (which is very unlikely but never say never right!). This is completely unrelated by the way, but how you seen the Hunchback of Notre Dame? My roommate wants to see it and it reminded me of you because you're French (even though you don't live anywhere in Paris).

I quite agree with everything you said! Where I live, my parents use their car once a week, sometimes even less, and we always try to avoid it when there's an alternative. Are your parents comfortable letting you drive by the way? My mother would die with me behind the wheel. I also wanted to thank you for the comforting words, that was nice and I know I was being a bit dramatic, especially knowing I don't even need a driver's licence. So yeah, thank you for bearing with me.

I'm sorry to hear your agoraphobia won't let you attend a concert! Would even a sitting place be too much for you? I'm glad your phobia is allowing you to live though and that you can avoid triggering situations most time and that you still get to enjoy music from home. What's your favorite song of Louis', by the way?

It's amazing that you're able to speak a "patois"! Probably makes you feel closer to your island in a way? I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be assuming. I honestly wish I could speak more languages cause at the moment I'd say I only feel really comfortable talking in my mother tongue. And I just love being able to compare languages in my head! AND that's an amazing quote you just mentioned. Love it so, so much.

Are the books you have to read for your own enjoyment or do you have to read them for your classes? And what are you studying?? Silly me forgot to ask–or I forgot the answer, which is even worse and I apologize.

You're too nice to me, I'll start getting butterflies in my tummy if you don't stop! I'm very excited to reveal myself as well, but at the same time, frightened? It doesn't make much sense as nothing's at stake, but eh what can I say. It's nerve wrecking cause I don't want you to be disappointed! But anyway, we still have ten more days to go, so I'll try to not worry before then and just enjoy our daily messages.

What a nice dream that is! Traveling the world must be a one of kind experience ; I don't know i'd be brave enough to do it. But I love travelling, especially now that I'm older and that I can take care of myself. I also love long journeys in the train for some reason, and long journeys in general, during which I get to do nothing but read and listen to some music. Myself, I wouldn't say I have any goal which makes it hard to keep going with an optimistic mindset sometimes because it feels I'm going nowhere. I hate the fact I don't feel passionate about anything! I'm far from being unhappy though, I'm just saying it's stressful not knowing what to do with your life. We still have time to figure it out, though!

You're the sweetest girl in the whole world. I love talking to you and I can't wait to share my opinion with you once I've read your latest fic. I devoured your first blff so I have no doubt I'll enjoy it thoroughly. I'm excited!

Thank you for making this experience so enjoyable and unforgettable. You're a gem, thank you! I love you and hope December's still treating you well.

Sending frozen kisses and warm hugs your way,

Your Secret Santa

PS: Thank you for the gif, it's a really nice touch!

Hello sweetness!!! How are you doing? Sorry for answering so late!

You could never bore me!! I'm so proud of you for pulling through that essay and doing your best, you should be proud of yourself too! I hope you manage to finish it, and even if you don't, that's totally okay!!

I get you for Dark :( Ulrich's ending is quite sad, and it's precisely because he's grey that i like him. I don't think perfect characters are truly interesting. It's great when they have flaws, make them more real. As for the Hunchback of Notre Dame, I have seen Disney's adaptation and read the book!! I love it, do you? Defo give it a watch, it's such a beautiful and emotional story.

My parents are quite comfortable with me at the steering wheel even tho i tend to drive fast haha! My dad even dozes off whenever he's passenger! So i guess we can say he defo trust me :). Your feelings are valid and you aren't dramatic at all, i'm glad that you expressed you feelings with me, i feel very honoured actually and i hope i can always help you deal with them.

Perhaps a sitting place would be doable but I would defo wait several hours before leaving because i'm scared of everyone rushing out of the arena. but i guess that would be doable!! perhaps one day. At least i have youtube and i appreciate it when artists do live streams, you know? Louis' was amazing!!! did you like it? And as for my fave song, this is sooooo hard but i'll go with Two of Us, this song has a special place in my heart.

speaking a patois defo ties me to my roots, and i love it!! I just love my culture, my island. Don't worry, I too prefer talking in my native tongue because i've got one awful french accent haha, but i'm working on it!

The books are for class, but i don't mind, i love them. They are history/civilisation textbooks, they are so fun. One is about the USA, another one about the UK, and another about South Africa. I like taking notes and learning about a country's history, you know? It's so important to be aware of certain things to understand a country's customs.

Don't be frightened!! I could never be disappointed by who you are, in fact i think you should be more frightened about how much i will be messaging you once you're revealed. in my head we're bestie lmao

trains are the g.o.a.t!!! I love them so much, they're better than anything else, tbh, especially when they are spacious and you can like buy snacks and drinks. I like Europe because you can travel easily by train, it's so lit.

Don't fret about having any goals!! I do have some because my mom is pushy lmao, she's ambitious so that echoed within me. You're young, you have got time!

I'm excited to hear ur thoughts about my second blff!! They matter so much to me and I'm even a bit nervous. Hope you'll enjoy her <3

I love you more, i send you love and happiness, I hope they find you well. Perhaps I'll get to send you a letter one day, that'd be cool right? Good luck with your exam, and enjoy Christmas!

With love,

Yours <3