#i know i keep saying i'm distancing myself and largely i have in recent months

[jakeperalta]

...how dare taylor make the songs about her life...about her life?

I don't see why her making songs she already has in her discography and putting them in a new light is so controversial to you...

years later she sees them in a new perspective with nuance and hindsight, is she not allowed to change that?

it's a weird hill to die on, but sure. sure.

you guys are so annoying lmfao I've literally briefly shared my opinion (which is not in fact whatever you seem to be mad at here) and spent the rest of the evening focusing on more positive and exciting other fandom stuff. I'm not dying on any hill. I'm not even on the hill.

[rasp-passion-tea]

A small (big) update/catch-up post for anyone curious on where I've been and where I'll be:

*rides in on a skateboard with sunglasses and a mocktail in hand* yo

The past couple of years, I've been pretty M.I.A. I'd feel bad if I'd have any remaining folks who cared about me are left in the dark (as much as that anxious part of me will try to convince myself otherwise, I did build genuine connections on here 🥰). There also just might happen to be old inactive friends of mine who might randomly wonder where that random raspberry girl on tumblr ended up only to come back to see that she might've disappeared,,, or been sold on the dark web 🧐. There could also be any eventual new people to our small community to wonder that. So y’know what 🤔 I'll keep a little post up top so people can know (also, it'd be nice to give a speech once more to my imaginary audience c:)

With that said, I'll ramble about sum up under the cut:

So, where ya been, Rasp?

Well, to start things off, I'm doing really good :D looking back, I might've given people the vibe I was majorly depressed and that might've woried some people 🥲 it was never anything major, but I was still dealing with some teenage girl stuff, and this blog and ship and the fanbase I joined because of it became my mini safe spot. Simply put, I didn't have any sources to be able to properly word that to. I have that now and feel much more grounded and capable, and that's all I could've wanted years ago :)

You might've already guessed, but I've been busy lately, with adult stuff specifically. Yup, the fandoms resident little sister is grown now. She's working!! And she's in college!!! Wow!!1! I HAVE BASICALLY NO MORE FREE TIME!!!!!!!11! :DDD That, and a bunch of other reasons have made it harder to focus on one thing at a time, which is why I've been pretty scarce on this app, and online on general.

Soooo how ya been then, Rasp?

Uhhh... good question. Fine, I suppose 😗 kinda just existing right now. I have a feeling a lot of that has to do with me being unmediacted at the moment, so I haven't been able to do a lot of the things I love the past few years. Sooo... if you're wondering why I never posted those fics I teased in the past, that's why 🥲 I have a feeling I will one day, though. Just a matter of time. Speaking of, let's go into my last point:

Does that mean you're abandoning this account, Rasp?? ☹️

Mmm not quite. I've been popping in every couple of months, and I might keep doing that. But I definitely won't be as active as I used to. Couple reasons:

I mentioned a lot of reasons why, but I've been. Very busy 🥲 being online hasn't been at the forefront of my mind lately, so I've decided to not stress about it right now. Like I mentioned before, I'd like to come back to all this one day, but that's not now. Speaking of:

As much as I feel bad saying this, once the show ended, the ship and its fandom got really quiet. For me that makes it harder to participate in things if there's not a large community. I've joined other fandoms cuz of that, but not like this one... this fandom was special...... *looks off into the distance*

Bonus reason that ties into the last one: a lot of my friends are inactive with me not having any way to reach out, and that makes meeee very sadddd 😔 So if anyone I've met happens to see this:

...heyyy 🤪 I hope you got something out of this post,,,, like I said before, I'm unmedicated and have been very scatterbrained recently, but I tried to make this as cohesive as possible 😭 guess to end this off I'll link some other socials:

My side blog: rasp-passion-two

(Also pretty inactive on there, but if you wanna see what I've been into lately, that's the spot (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I'm pretty sure I never ended up sharing it fsr lol)

My discord: rasp-passion tea#5877

(I'm not active in servers anymore cuz I think I grew out of using discord, but if you wanna chat? Let's chat (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ we could also do it on here but vsiwjsisvqisgwu)

...that's it lol. I think I'm kind of an enigma on here now, but thats alright. Uhhhh not sure how to "close" this off, so I guess I'll just say: if you read this whole thing?

🤍🖤🩶

^me rn

I'll see you all when I see you, but I'll always be here!!

~Tayah, AKA Rasp (and yes, it's pronounced "Razz" 😤👋🏽)

[illegiblescript]

I made this blog for talking when I feel like I have no one to talk to. I've been using it to let out a lot of negative feelings, but sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about the good stuff either.

I mean, I haven't used this blog in a while, so I've actually had people who talked to me and listened to me and hung out with me and made me feel included for a bit! I went to job corps as an office admin trainee. I finished in less than 5 months and now I have an awesome job as a title clerk/administrative assistant.

at job corps, I had a large group of decent friends and a smaller (but still pretty big) group of close friends and found myself hanging between friend groups very often. I miss them every single day. my instructor was amazing and really, because of her truly believing in me so much that I had no choice but to believe in myself, I was able to say for the first time in my life that I was proud of myself. I've been proud of things I've done, but never of myself. for a large majority of my time, my dorm was a family to me. we all lifted each other up and, even though things were going smooth because of my distance from home, I knew that if I needed someone to talk to, I could knock on any door and someone would listen. it's been difficult not having that anymore.

but after job corps, I started this sweet job! it pays well, I'm getting experience for the position I want to retire in, I enjoy what I do, and it's just me and my boss and my boss is so cool. I cannot express how much she has made this enjoyable. not only is she just an all around enjoyable person to be around, she and I both have adhd, so the way she teaches Perfectly matches the way I learn. it's unreal. I haven't even been there a full month yet (very close) and when I did orientation, I told her I had planned a trip and wanted to know if it would work for me to go on it and she was totally okay with it and keeps bringing it up, asking for pictures. ah! it's awesome!

I mean, there are not so awesome things too, but even though they really upset me for a brief moment, I've learned to handle it. before job corps, I wouldn't have reached out to a friend to talk about it, but I did and the response was what it should be when you have a friend in need and enough space to listen. long story short, I've been feeling really lonely. people like me, but not enough to make the sacrifices I've been making and that friendships require. I recently had a friend completely stop talking to me after I asked for better communication. I hurt him on accident, he hurt me on purpose in response, and although I apologized (he hasnt responded) and I'm worried about him, I don't think I want be friends with him anymore. on top of that, I've kinda noticed that no one really talks to me. if I don't start any conversations, I will not have any conversations. there are certain friends I don't expect that from, but when I can go nearly any length of time without anyone trying to start a conversation with me, it gets disheartening. I've tried not to let it bother me and I've decided to start playing viola more. I'm more excited to play viola more than I am upset about being lonely. things are alright B)

[dxmedstudent]

I'd really like to know a little about the logistics of hospitals adjusting to the current situation - would you be able to tell us a bit about that - how are wards being rearranged, staff being redeployed to different roles etc? It sounds like the hospitals look quite different to how they did several weeks ago if I've understood correctly. I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, hope you're well soon!

Sure, I can try. Changing how we work:We receive regular updates via internal email. First, teaching and group sessions were cancelled. We were warned that some of our shifts would be adjusted - clinic sessions became clerking suspected covid patients.  There are now no elective surgeries, no clinics (though some depts like mine can run phone clinics), and a lot of outpatient services are closed. We were soon told leave would probably be cancelled and we’d be likely to have our rotas changed or be redeployed. This was more than a month ago.

In my hospital (and I’m sure many others), they recently cancelled all leave for April, in case they need the staff. Bank holidays are now normal working days - presumably I won’t get time in lieu for the Bank Hols I’m working.  I felt that this is risky - you need the staff capacity, but also you don’t want people to fatigue too early, or to become too demoralised. We try to socially distance as much as possible at work - not always easy given most offices are tiny and cramped, and it’s hard to run a ward round miles away from each other. We’re at risk of catching it from each other as well as patients because we’re constantly touching computers and equipment and  having to get in close to talk to each other or help patients. We’ve moved where we hold handover, and we try to encourage people to leave if they don’t have to be here. Some ‘bright spark’ took out half the computers in the office to ensure people socially distance, though that just means more waiting for computers.

They’ve redeployed a lot of juniors, particularly from teams (like surgical teams, psych, GP, weird academic jobs where not much was going on) to clerking or the covid-19 wards. Between that and outpatient clinics being cancelled, there are more doctors of every grade of seniority that have been mobilised. It actually meant that when I was on take this week (seeing mostly suspected covid-19, not gonna lie), we were very well staffed. This is great, because it means we have spare capacity to deal with the peak when it comes. Plus I was still dealing with fatigue after my week off for likely covid-19 myself, and it really helped that work was unexpectedly manageable.

They’ve given us some sleep pods, and they’ve made arrangements for more staff to be able to stay over - with transport reduced, and people isolating away from families, more people are choosing to stay in hospital accommodation. We,  keep getting donations of food and stuff from people, which is really nice, though I wish it’d go back to how it was before - less donations, but because people were happy.  I guess it does improve morale, though. Hospital staff are motivated by food.

Reorganising the hospital:

They’ve basically split my hospital into ‘hot’ and ‘cold’ zones - places where we have patients with suspected covid-19 symptoms, and places for patients with no such symptoms.  This means having two ED/A+E departments. Each hot zone has donning and doffing rooms - places to put on and take off PPE. Plenty of places where you have to wash your hands. You  have to wear PPE (surgical mask, gloves, gown) even in ’cold’ places.In hot zones all patients wear a mask as a precaution and you usually have to wear more substantive PPE. I hear from friends that their hospitals operate pretty similarly - it’s standard to try to reduce contact between patients who could have covid-19, and those who don’t.

The corridors are quiet and eerie, rather like being oncall at night. Many staff wear masks between departments. Most of the admin staff are now working from home, so there are less employees in hospital than usual. The cafes are all now only take-aways, though you can still sit in the hospital canteen. Given how hard shopping is, it’s a great comfort that you can at least eat at work if the worst comes to the worst. I miss having spaces to sit - I don’t really want to eat my lunch on a covid-19 ward, and it’s important to leave your office to gain some separation from work mentally, for a short while.

They have turned some of the wards (often surgical - as there are now a lot less operations happening)  into suspected covid-19 wards. Where our teams had extra capacity (i.e. weren’t at minimal staffing), people were randomly re-allocated to the covid-wards. This happened to me weeks ago. I didn’t mind it, but at the time it was still chaotic because they hadn’t quite formalised a plan for who was being re-allocated there, when. The system is now a lot more slick, at least in my hospital. This kind of thing is unprecedented - we’ve never reorganised entire hospitals or how we work, and certainly not under short notice, and it’s been evolving with the crisis. As it stands, most wards are either hot - suspected covid patients, or cold - patients which tested negative or are not suspected of aving the virus. My regular ward is one of the few cold wards, but we still test and diagnose covid pretty often. For what it’s worth, I feel my hospital have generally done the best job that they can. They have expanded ITU’s capacity extensively, and are coming up with all sorts of ways to ensure they have enough equipment and oxygen.

Almost all outpatient departments have shut, apart from dialysis. We no longer allow as many visitors in hospital  - 1 visitor per day for  patients who are seriously unwell or dying. Stable patients are not allowed visitors. For people with covid-19, household contacts usually can’t come because they are meant to be self-isolating at home. This means a lot of phone calls to relatives updating them on their loved ones. That’s one of the main ways this has affected us - we’re having a lot more of those “I’m sorry but your loved one is very sick” or resuscitation decision discussions on the phone, and that can be hard.

Equipment and clothes:

In my hospital, I’d say that fit-testing was departmental - it was down to individual departments to organise. And although they said they’d prioritise at risk departments and staff, with re-mobilisation that clearly wasn’t taken into consideration at first. It takes a while to fit test a ton of people - and a some people are failing fit test. I passed, but not necessarily with the kind of mask that’s available. Unfortunately, people like me were on ward cover or on the covid wards pretty early, so I had to do a lot of running around to get myself adequately tested and protected. We have PPE right now, and some clear guidance on a national level, although that doesn’t necessarily line up with PPE guidance in other places. There’s a lot of criticism of PPE policies across hospitals - people fear inadequate protection and inconsistency, and they fear exposure to a virus that can kill them, their loved ones or their patients. Guidance on what kind to use, and when, has changed over the weeks.  We try to be sensible with how we use it.

They caved and gave us all scrubs to wear on the wards- 3 pairs each. Unfortunately there are no scrubs that aren’t a size large, so we are all swamped. I’ve bought some comfy but ugly clog type shoes that are easy to clean, and I plan to chuck them when this sorry episode is over. If it’s ever over. My scrubs are far, far too big (they’d be big on my 6′3′‘ dude, so on me they are like a literal tent that has to be rolled up) but I won’t get given an appropriate size when they order more. There was no other way to get scrubs - places like endoscopy or theatres refuse to help people from other departments, even if you literally tell them you’ve been deployed to a covid-19 ward. So it’s either work in tent-like pajamas or your home clothes which may not be as suitable. Dresses and skirts are fine normally, but too flappy in an infection-laden situation. I’m happy to be wearing scrubs, I just wish that they fit. But overall, I feel that we’ve been coping where I am.

[dolsfeels]

Take Care - Colby Brock

AN: this isn’t Dolan twins related but enjoy if you want

Warnings: talk of abusive relationship, some cursing

Word count: 1,790

"So what's new?" My friend Colby ask with a large grin. I roll my eyes with a soft smile across my face. "Absolutely nothing. What about you mister LA boy." I tease. This earns a chuckle from him.

He's finally back home in Kansas. He tries to visit fairly often but his line of work keeps him busy I suppose.

"You still with josh?" He ask quickly. All I do is offer a nod as I grab my drink from the barista. My sleeve rides up slightly as I reach for the warm cup.

"What happened to your wrist?" Colby ask quickly. I glance down at my wrist to see the slight bruising. I quickly pull my sleeve down to cover it. 

"I don't know. I think it happened when I was sleeping. You know I toss and turn a lot." I say as convincingly as possible.

Never in a million years would I tell him the truth. He's been my best friend since second grade. He tends to be a little protective of me. So he'd flip his lid if he ever found out josh got a little too heated during one of our recent arguments.

I must've been convincing enough because he drops the subject as we find a seat.

"So what's this I hear about you and sam taking a break?" I ask tentatively. He nods as if he knew I'd ask that question.

"We've recently got into some legal trouble and on top of that we were put into a couple dangerous situations. We thought it'd be best to take a step back before we push our luck a little too much." He answers honestly. I nod. Him and Sam always seemed to do stupid shit.

He watches me closely as I take a sip of my hot coffee. It's a little chilly outside so the warm drink feels nice.

Our silence is interrupted by my phone ringing. "Don't worry about it." Colby says quickly but I ignore him as I take a glance at the text from josh.

Josh: where are you?

Me: I just grabbed some coffee with a friend

Josh: why don't you come over so we can talk

The last text makes my eyebrows furrow. What could there be to possibly talk about.

"Josh?" Colby ask as he looks down at his drink. He swallows hard as I sigh. "Let me guess. You gotta go." He says with pure disappointment.

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you I promise. You're still here for a couple of weeks." I ramble as I kiss him on the cheek in a friendly apologetic way.

"Text me later." He says sternly. "Yeah yeah." I say as I swing the door to the coffee shop open.

I shove my hands in my pockets as I make my way to my car. What could he want to talk about? He's so unpredictable these days. He never used to be that way.

I drive way faster than I should but I don't care. The anticipation is eating at me.

As soon as I get to our apartment I get this weird feeling. Something tells me this isn't going to be good and I should just leave but I shake it off.

As soon as I step into the apartment he's in front of me ready to talk.

"What friend were you out with?" He ask sternly.

"Colby." I say honestly. He knows about Colby. We've been best friends since second grade. There should be nothing to worry about.

"Why the fuck were you with him?" He ask raising his voice a little. This threw me off guard.

"He's been my friend for years!" I say, matching his volume.

"You shouldn't be out with other guys. Especially him. He totally has a thing for you." He says getting closer, waving his finger in my face.

"Oh fuck off." I roll my eyes at his stupidity.

My judgement is knocked loose when I feel a sharp sting on my cheek. It brings tears to my eyes instantly.

I grab my cheek as I look at him. There was not an ounce of remorse on his face and that saddened me even worse. This isn't the person I fell for. This past month has been a living hell.

I pick my keys back up from our small table and swing the door open without a second thought. He follows me out into the hallway.

"Where do you think you're going?" He ask as he grabs my wrist. Just like last time he's all too forceful. At this point the tears are falling freely down my face.

"Stop." I say as forcefully as I can but it all just sounds pathetic. His grip hurts so bad.

I do all I can think of and bring my knee straight into his groin. This without a doubt sets me free so I quickly put some distance between us as I make my way to the elevator.

I pull out my phone and call the one person I trust the most, Colby.

The elevators quiet but my breathing is so loud. My sobs catch on my breath every once in a while.

"Hello?" He says with curiosity. "Colby can I come over?" I ask with a wavering voice. He can tell I'm crying because he instantly gets ten times more serious.

"Yes of course. I'll come get you alright. I don't want you driving right now." He says as I hear him rustling around.

"Colby he's still here." I say with a soft voice as I reach the parking garage.

"Get in your car, move to another area in the parking garage,and lock your doors. Don't unlock them until you see me ok?"

"Yeah ok. I can do that." I sniffle.

"I'll be there as soon as possible alright." He says sympathetically. With that he ends the call.

I do exactly what he said to do and I just wait. I cry practically the whole time and I feel stupid for it. It makes me feel weak.

How can one person destroy my confidence like this?

It seems like forever before Colby comes to get me. It was about 45 minutes and he scares me when he taps on my window.

I unlock the door and he helps me out. "Come on. Let's get you to bed yeah?" He says softly as I grab his hand. I just nod.

As we get to his car he swings the passenger door open for me and I glance at his hands to see his knuckles are a little busted up. "Are you okay?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows.

"Don't worry about me right now." He says as he closes the car door behind me. I fasten myself in and he's quick to take off.

"Thank you Colby." I say sincerely as we make our way to his house. He just flashes me a soft smile. I'm sure he'll have me talk as soon as we get to his house.

Once we get to his house I'm almost as quick to get out of the car as he is. "Are you hungry. I can get you something." He gushes.

"No I'm fine. Thank you though." I answer as he leads me to his room I'm all too familiar with.

I sit on the edge of his bed as he squats in front of me so we're eye level. His thumb is soft against my cheek but it's tinder and he can see my discomfort.

"I'll get you some ice okay? Is there anywhere else?" He ask. I don't say anything I just lift my sleeve to show him my purple wrist and lower forearm. "Jesus. I'll be right back. Go ahead and grab something comfortable to change into. Anything's fine. The closet is yours sweetheart." He says with a soft smile. The small name makes me smile too.

As he leaves I jump up to search for one of his shirts. I pick a simple black one and begin to take all of my stuff off. I'm very mindful of my wrist when it comes to my jacket.

Colby comes back just as his shirt sits in middle of my thighs. He smiles at me.

"What?" I chuckle. "Nothing. I like it." He says simply. This makes my cheeks heat up slightly.

He sits in the center of his bed and pats the area in front of him. I reach up to pull my hair up into a bun before I sit next to him and his eyes drift to my thighs and then back up to my face but I don't mention it.

He's gentle when he places the ice to my cheek. "Is this ok?" He ask softly. I just nod.

We're silent for a while but my cheek feels so much better. I can't help but look down at my ugly wrist though.

"Colby?" I say breaking the silence. "Yes?" He answers.

"Did you go up to my apartment before you came and got me?" I ask as I look at him timidly. He swallows hard as he thinks before answering.

"No one hurts you like this and gets away with it. You know that." He says as he takes the ice off of my cheek and takes my wrist into his hands.

He's right. Any guy that's ever in anyway been a threat to me, he's always been there to take care of it and make sure it never happens again.

"Why do you do that for me?" I ask. He's careful about answering this one. In fact he takes a while.

"Because if you love someone they're always worth fighting for." He says as he keeps his eyes on my wrist and the ice. This makes me swallow hard. So josh was right.

How could everyone see it but me?

"I'd never hurt you." He says, breaking the silence. I don't know what to say.

"You're far too beautiful." He says as his free hand caresses my unharmed cheek. I swallow hard as his eyes glance down at my lips.

He leans in and I meet him half way. I'd be lying if I said I never thought of this.

His lips are soft. He makes sure the kiss is very gently given my current situation.

It's gentle but it still takes my breath away. As we pull away I breathe harshly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that right now." He rambles with a nervous smile.

"No no. It's okay. It wasn't half bad." I smirk.

"Well in that case, you wouldn't mind another?" He asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Not at all." I send him an inviting smile.

[shawnpetermuffins]

Accidentally Out

Summary: Shawn and y/n aren't that great at keeping their hands to themselves

Warning: slight mention of smut, angst?? (What else is new?)

***

Shawn's limbs were tangled with mine come daybreak. His hair tickled the side of my neck as he snored softly. With how angelic and innocent he looked now, I could almost forget what we did last night.

I scratched at his back as he pushed himself deeper into me. Moans - both his and mine - escaped and filled the room.

"Ride me," he begged into the crook of my neck.

I smiled and pulled gently on his ear with my teeth. "On your back, Mendes."

I stretched out my sore right leg and caught a glimpse of the flourishing bruises that littered my thigh. I let out a breathy laugh.

I held tightly onto the sheets as he licked a stripe over the part of skin he just bit. Then his face was buried between my legs, his tongue painting me in feeling. God, his mouth on me was everything. I felt myself nearing my edge and told him so. Shawn eyed me from my core and unhooked my hands from his sheets, tangling our fingers instead. He moved his tongue faster against me and the noises he made were exceptionally dirty as he encouraged me to orgasm. I arched my back, my eyes rolled so far back I swear I saw stars.

My fingers ran through his hair in an attempt to keep my boyfriend asleep. His phone ringing ruined that, though. He groaned and moved out of my grasp, answering the call right before it stopped ringing. "'Llo? No, I'm not... Andrew, come on... You know, y/n is here..." Even though the irritation was evident in his voice, the sleepiness of it was still so cute. "Okay, okay... Yeah, bye."

"Everything okay, bub?"

"No," he found his way back to my chest and placed soft kisses all over my collar bone. "Andrew needs me in the studio."

"Oh no."

"I don't wanna go. I wanna stay in bed with you all day." He complained, pulling me impossibly closer.

"It's your job, Shawn. It's okay, go."

He looked up at me and pushed a strand of hair out of my face. "Can you come with me?"

I sighed, "will Andrew be okay with that?"

"I don't care. I don't want to leave you here by yourself. Plus, I think I'll write better with you there with me."

Running my hands through his hair, I nodded. "Okay. Sure, babe. Just let me get ready."

When I came out of the bathroom, showered and with a little bit of makeup, towel around my body, Shawn was rifling through his drawer for clothes. "Hope you don't mind, darling," he said when he caught sight of me. "I went through your bag and got you some clothes. I wanted you comfortable. Jeans and my t-shirt okay?"

I smiled, "perfect." I stood on my toes and held onto his arm. "Kisses?"

He leaned in and pecked my lips once, twice, three times. "Oh," he said when he pulled away, "and I have a hoodie for you in the laundry room. I'll get it in a second. It gets cold in the studio."

"You're wonderful," I mused. "Now go clean up. We don't need an even angrier Andrew."

---

I sat on the couch in the back of the studio as my boyfriend and his song writers bounced ideas off each other. His guitar sat in his lap and he strummed a few notes here and there, but I tried not to pay too much attention in fear of disturbing the writing process. So I read.

Shawn told me to bring something to do, just in case. "Sometimes these things run longer than they should," he had said. So I brought two books, seeing as I only had a quarter left of the one I was currently on. When it was nearing one, Shawn made his way over to me. I didn't notice until his hand touched my knee and I flinched.

"Sorry, baby girl. Didn't mean to scare you."

I checked the bottom of my page for the number and closed my book. "It's okay, what's up?"

"Let's go get lunch. Just you and me."

"In public?" I was skeptical. We'd been together for nearly eight months, but haven't gone public yet. And we were in his hometown, if people saw us that would be it.

He nodded, "There's this place down the street I just ordered from. We just have to go get it."

I smiled softly at the boy in front of me who looked gorgeous despite the dark circles that were becoming prominent beneath his eyes. "Okay, bubba. Let's go."

I tried to keep my distance while we walked from the studio to the restaurant, but he took my hand and pulled me to his side while we walked, placing a kiss to my cheek. It was clear that he didn't care about PDA here. That made me nervous.

---

Shawn Mendes Has a New Girlfriend

"Shawn! Come here!"

"What's wrong, y/n?" He came from the kitchen to the living room where I was currently pacing.

"Look at this," I held my phone in front of his face.

"Oh god," his features paled.

"Shawn, there are pictures of us! What are we gonna do?"

His phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket. "It's Andrew."

I scrolled through the article while he talked to him.

Rumors have been circling Canadian singer, Shawn Mendes' love life for quite some time now. Fans have reportedly noticed a change in Mendes' attitude recently, saying he seems happier than usual. Mendes was spotted yesterday with a mystery girl that some are speculating is his new girlfriend.

Sources close to Mendes say they've been dating for several months now.

I stopped reading because I couldn't handle it anymore. And the picture they had of us didn't help either. I felt myself beginning to shut down.

Shawn re-entered the room just as I tossed my phone on the couch.

"Y/n, calm down. It's okay. Andrew is taking care of it."

"The whole world knows now," I said, running my shaky hands over my face.

"No," he crossed the room and took my small hands in his large ones. "They're assuming."

"We kissed! We were holding hands and hugging! They have pictures! They're not assuming, they know!" I pulled away from him.

"Why is it such a bad thing if they know?"

"Because I wasn't ready!" I sighed deeply. "Okay, I know everyone is gonna have their opinions about our relationship, and I know I can't do anything about that. But we're still so new to this. I'm still so new to this. My first serious relationship is with an international super star . It's not just you and me. I have to share you with the rest of the world."

"You knew that coming into this," he pointed out.

I nodded, "I know." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I know. But that doesn't change the fact that from here on out everything we do or don't do is going to be documented. There will be people that still ship you with Camila or Hailey, and there will be pictures of us everywhere. Breakup rumors, pregnancy rumors, engagement rumors. You cheated on me. I cheated on you. It's never gonna be just the two of us again."

He ran his hands over his face and sat on the armrest of the couch. "Look, I'm mad about this too, believe me. But maybe this isn't such a bad thing. Now I don't have to hide you. I can take you to award shows with me and hug you and kiss you. What's so bad about that?" He held his hand out for me. "C'mere."

I instinctively fell into him and let out a shuddery breath. My fingers found his jaw, his lips. "I just, selfishly, wanted you to myself a little while longer."

He kissed the pads of my fingers and held on to the back of my thighs. "We're alone now."

"You know that's not what I mean." I tried to pull away, but he brought me between his legs and wrapped his arms around my torso.

"I know."

"This is such a mess," I muttered and looked down at my hands.

"Y/n, honey. Look at me."

I glanced up at him from beneath my long lashes.

"It's all gonna be okay."

I nodded, "What did Andrew say?"

He shook his head, "that he's getting the article taken down. And that I'm an idiot for showing PDA when I know you weren't ready to do public yet."

My fingers threaded through his hair and his eyes fluttered shut. "He's not wrong."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Don't," I cut him off. "It's okay. I knew that we couldn't be a secret forever. I have no right to be mad at you for this."

"You have every right," he said definitively.

"No," I shook my head. "You were right. I knew what i was getting into. I did this willingly. I gladly took this risk."

"You scared?" He asked after a while.

"Terrified," I confirmed.

***

A/n: I think I kinda liked this one lol. Hope you enjoyed it too. Please give feedback if you have any and leave requests!!

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

Post #46—Them Dirty Roses: Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE

“Cause I found the wind that blows, It’s blowin’ me back home 🎶”

Nashville-based southern rockers Them Dirty Roses recently let the wind blow them back to the Bama clay they were raised on for two consecutive nights of sold out shows at Sidetracks Music Hall in Huntsville, AL. General manager/talent buyer Shane Bickel was eager to re-open and provide both musicians and fans alike a safe, socially-distanced outlet for music, so Hillbilly Hippie Music Review made the trek there via Indiana and L.A. (that’s lower Alabama) to enjoy a couple nights of tunes post-lockdown.

Deemed “Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE,” the set of acoustic shows was the perfect, albeit different, way to kick off the return of live music—especially since HHMR’s last show before the nation-wide pandemic lockdown was in March with TDR at Sidetracks. Total full circle kind of moment, and one we wish we could have frozen in time. But, I’ve got to be frank—despite being a total glutton for acoustic music, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, being that everything had changed so quickly. Would people hesitate to interact? Would we dance and sing or sit there like statues? Would the energy in the room be relaxed or tightly-wound? At first, there was a bit of an unsure current in the air, but before long, everyone was loosened up and moving to the groove in their seats and all the ladies made their way to the stage to end each night with “Shake It,” a TDR ritual.

Before we dive into the specifics of the weekend, here’s a little background for readers unfamiliar with TDR: Brothers James Ford (vocals and guitar) and Frank Ford (drums) formed Them Dirty Roses with their friends Andrew Davis (guitar) and Ben Crain (bass) in Gadsden, AL circa 2012 prior to moving to Tennessee to travel the country playing their brand of rock and roll and finding success both stateside and across Europe. Their sound is a bit southern rock heavy laden with outlaw vibes, and a bit party band mixed with a penchant for slower, sentimental jams—in other words, it’s eclectic and every bit as unique as the four men who form the band. However you describe it, a TDR show is always a good time—and it only takes one to get hooked on the electric energy these guys bring to the stage. On June 5th and 6th in a little venue off by the railroad tracks in Rocket City, the vibe was killer and the feeling was out of this world. Not only were the fans ready to rock, but the band was ecstatic and thankful to be back in action.

HHMR contributor Linda Owen’s first-ever TDR show was March 13–the night the country shut down due to the pandemic. She has the unique perspective of experiencing the “typical” wide-open TDR show and the stripped, intimate version back to back. Here’s what she had to say:

“Three months without live music—I know I slowly watched myself go from the happiest most optimistic person I knew, to a complete mess. It may have seemed like I was okay, but I assure you I was not.

I’ve always known how much music has impacted my life. It has always brought me the greatest memories and blessed me with many friendships and there were so many times in my life where the only thing I had to hold on to was a song. Three months without my music family was torture. With that being said I'll never forget my first shows post-COVID-19. Ironically, the first post -COVID-19 show was at the same venue with the same band I saw pre-COVID-19, and it was perfect.

Let me set the scene. Sidetracks Music Hall is the kind of local music hall we all want in our hometowns: you feel at home as soon as you walk in, you are treated like family, and it has by far the friendliest staff and patrons of any place I've been to date. The venue possesses a large open floor plan with the bar area in the back, so there is not a bad spot to see the show. For this show in particular, tables are spread about what is normally the "pit" area. To be honest, I was a little nervous that this social distancing acoustic show wouldn’t quite fill that void that COVID-19 has left me feeling...I was so wrong. After getting settled in with a drink, my sidekick Lyssa and I did some mingling getting to talk to new-to-me friends that I'd made three months previously at the last show I had attended. The excitement in the room was palatable—and it only got better from there.

TDR hit the stage and you could feel the spirits of every single person in the room glowing around you. All the doubts that an acoustic show wasn't going to feel right with social distancing rules melted away! We danced and sang along like those tables weren't in the way the first night. "Whiskey in My Cup" "Grew Up In The Country" and "Molly" had us all on our feet grooving. We were treated to covers by The Black Crowes, Jason Isbell, and The Allman Brothers, in addition to fan favorites and new songs from their upcoming album expected to release in September—and we are stoked for it.

My heart and soul were happier those two nights than they'd been for the past three months. I sang my way back to Indiana..caught myself sing at work on Monday too!”

The magic wasn’t solely felt by the HHMR team—the air was saturated with it and everyone in the room had a taste that left them yearning for more. Below are a few comments from TDR fans:

“The first show post lock-down came with more enjoyment than just the music. We were super excited for the chance to get back out and hear live music! Them Dirty Roses were the last band we got to see prior to the lock-down. Now, it turns out that Them Dirty Roses would be the first post lock-down. The music was great! What we didn't anticipate was the joy it also brought by seeing so many friends with smiling faces! It was amazing to be seen again and to hear two nights of wonderful tunes!”

—Bud Gambrell

“Went to the Friday show and it was a group of guys that were ready for a show. They were the last band we saw before the Coronavirus shut things down in Huntsville. Looking forward to seeing them again.”

—Kevin Boyd

“The first show post quarantine was like something wonderful that I had been deprived of for a long time. I think sometimes we don't see how many things that surround us in life we take for granted. I see at least two live music shows a month. During the summer, I probably go to 2-3 shows a week. Honestly, it seemed like such a wonderful release and something that people needed. Everybody has something that feeds their spirit—mine is music. Being deprived of other people and the things we love are just some of the things that add to that depression that comes with the whole quarantine/covid situation. So, being around friends and music felt really great and normal. It seemed like life may be getting back to normal finally. I smiled all night!”

—Jerolyn Davis

“Needless to say, Them Dirty Roses put on one hell of a show two nights in a row, which was just what I needed after the almost three month drought of no live music! The fact that they were the last live show for me before everything shut down is kinda ironic and cool at the same time. I'm also very thankful to Sidetracks for putting on the shows, they rock!”

—Robin Huff

Guitarist Andrew Davis was on the same wavelength as many in attendance. When asked his thoughts on performing again post-pandemic, he said: “In March, the future of the entire industry was uncertain. We all knew that April was going to be postponed, but we couldn't even imagine postponing or cancelling the entire festival season. Then, weeks later, exactly that happened. With all of the uncertainty surrounding the future of our industry, it was very reassuring to get back out and play again. It definitely answered a lot of lingering questions about whether or not people would rush back to live venues.”

After last weekend, it seems life will slowly, but surely, get back on track and all will be right in our world again. Until that day comes, be sure to support live music and independent venues—such as Sidetracks who has hosted many fabulous performers like Anderson East, The Steel Woods, Black Stone Cherry, Adam Hood, Kingfish, Ritch Henderson, Muscadine Bloodline, Whitey Morgan and the 78s, and many, many more in addition to TDR—in whatever manner you can so that we have them to return to when COVID-19 restrictions are lifted nation-wide. And don’t forget to keep your eyes peeled for that new Them Dirty Roses record to release this fall—it’s without a doubt some of their best work. In the meantime, keep up with the band and their tour schedule at www.themdirtyroses.com and @themdirtyroses on both Facebook and Instagram.

As always, stay safe, spread love, and be kind to one another. See y’all down the road!

✌🏻💙🎶—Lyssa

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).

*Fan quotes have been edited for conciseness and clarity.

*These images are not ours, not do we claim them in any way. They are copyrighted by Todd Dean with Butterdean Photography, Linda Owens, & Lyssa Culbertson.

[wp-yahoo-style-1042-yahoopa-blog]

Dear Breathers: I'm gay, live with my parents, and never had a real relationship. How do I start dating?

Jackie and Claudia Oshry might be jobless, but they’re definitely not lacking insight. On their show The Morning Breath, the sisters will be doling out sage advice on anything their fans want to talk about: boyfriends, girlfriends, roommates, mom, dad, friends, or even dogs.

Do you have a problem only Jackie and Olivia Oshry can help solve? Email DearBreathers@gmail.com.

Dear Breathers: My roommate I’ve lived with forever wants to and is planning on moving in with her boyfriend that she’s only been dating for 3 or 4 months. They’re signing a lease for a place on Wednesday and I don’t know how to talk to her about the fact that maybe she should wait without sounding like a brat that I’m just annoyed she’s leaving me. She’s my best friend but she’s very defensive and I know if I bring it up it will just cause a huge argument and a lot of animosity. I don’t know what to do. From, SOS

Dear SOS: If she weren’t your roommate, say she lived with someone else or another friend was moving in with a guy after three or four months, how would you handle it?

You should probably cover your bases and say something just in case the relationship goes awry. Maybe say something like, ‘Are you sure this is something that you really want to do?’ Just so it looks like you really care (even though you probably don’t).

But, when having this conversation, it’s important to make it all about her. Say something along the lines of ‘I have another roommate lined up so it’s not about that, it’s more about my general concern for you.’ If you have to lie a little bit, do it. Make sure to come across with an attitude that reads as ‘I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you.’

Dear Breathers, I recently moved back in with my parents and we are opening up a totally awesome new restaurant. This has been kind of a chance of a lifetime for me, I’m a graphic designer and I’ve been given a large amount of control with the design of the place. I’m 24, I’ve never really dated anyone before, I recently got out of a super taxing “are we or aren’t we” type of relationship that lasted 3 years. Also it was long distance, like how much worse can it get? I live at my parents place about 45 minutes from a great city, there literally isn’t anyone around my town my age, and I’m also gay so I have to go into the city whenever I want to meet a guy. I don’t plan on living here for longer than 2 years but I really would like to not be such a newb with dating. I’ve been going back and forth about trying to find someone to date, if it’s worth the 45 minute drive and me still living with my parents. I’m not going to be living her forever but I also don’t want to be in a shitty mood because of how isolated I feel for the next years. I don’t know if you guys will be able to help, just want to hear what you guys have to say. From, Jan

Dear Jan: Go into the city and go on dates! 45 minutes is not that long, take an Uber, have a drink, and fall asleep in the back of the car. Do your business and get a date — you can do both! Sisters can have it all!

Also, definitely get on Tinder. Get on a dating app to set up dates so that when you go into the city you’re going in for a purpose and not just hoping to meet someone. Also, the internet is amazing, you just might find someone in your town, or even in a neighboring town.

Maybe even consider moving into the city and commuting to your job if you’re feeling too isolated. But always remember that it’s just a job and you need to get ass.

Dear Breathers, Six months ago I innocently came across the knowledge that my boyfriend of 4 years has a custom made engagement ring designed and ready to go for me at the local jewelry store. I swear it was an accident. Thanks, mom. It’s a small store so instead of financing it, he’s going to make payments until it’s paid off and he can take it home. I know it’s only been 6 months but I’m getting extremely impatient and I wish I didn’t know because now every time he spends money I get secretly annoyed and wish it was going towards my ring. I’m also contemplating offering to pay for it myself, which I know is totally crazy. So please help me before I get drunk, spill the tea, and ruin what’s left of the surprise. How does a girl keep a secret like this for so long? Should I come clean? From, Almost Engaged

DO NOT COME CLEAN! SHUT YOUR MOUTH, STOP EATING SO HE DOESN’T HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR MEALS AND LET HIM PAY IT OFF. But seriously, in the next year be so frugal, pay for everything yourself, just make it really easy for him to pay off the ring.

Look at the fact that you know as a blessing because you can be prepared for whenever the proposal does happen. You can always have a manicure ready to go — and that’s not a luxury many have.

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