#i know i bitch about it constantly but i cant express how profoundly frustrating it is to not be at the same reading level and everyone else
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#its weird. ive been feeling mostly ok#which i mostly attribute to the medication working but everything still feels hollow#which i guess i would associate with a lack of enrichment and human connection#but i dunno what i would even b looking for there. i dont kno how to feel joy#so i guess the medication isnt working that well#i dunno. sometimes i think my brain just doesn't work right. things dont connect in the right places#im also grappling constantly with the knowledge that i need to put more effort into reading#i know i bitch about it constantly but i cant express how profoundly frustrating it is to not be at the same reading level and everyone else#at the age of 26. its just gutting every time i cant carry out a conversation on a paper#like genuinely i might have to rethink my whole future bc i dunno. i dunno it just doesn't seem reasonable with my lack of basic#reading skills. im already opperating far above my head. ill read a paper 3 times and not understand. its so frustrating#its stupid. but whatever. im supposed to cultivate gratitude. ill try again tomorrow#im just frustrated bc i kno it wont get easier. i just have to work harder#unrelated
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