#i know homelander is gonna fuck me up psychologically

[fbfh]

please please please, i can NEVER find any good Magnus Chase smut, you’re the only ones who’s really even dabbled in it and it was amazing so please feed me in the world with little to no good Magnus chase smut 😭

as with ALL nsfw works all characters are aged up to 18+

OOOOOH BITCH YES. again I don't do a ton of Magnus cause I don't wanna mischaracterize him but yall are so sweet with your feedback so lemme throw this out there for your consideration. (also all feedback on characterization is welcome jus pls be specific lol)

Magnus fucks you like it feeds him. He fucks you like he's relieved and hungry and even though his fat cock is stuffed inside you hitting every spot that makes your head spin, it's like you're the one that fills him up. Magnus really wants to be the type of guy who holds onto you, who caresses your face and touches you all cute and soft and lovey dovey but GOD he devolves so quickly. He's gripping the sheets, he's shaking and grunting and panting, he's swearing up a storm that would make a sailor blush because you feel so goddamn good, you're so safe and soft and familiar. You feel like home. And tragically for your ability to walk the next day, he is fucking INSATIABLE. he's gonna be using his mouth and hands all over you until you practically have rug burn from his stubble tickling your thighs. hand cramps??? who's that???? this bitch will practically rewire his brain to stop sending cramp signals if it means he gets to touch you a little longer. once he's finally finally finally done (which again will take quite a WHILE) he flops on top of you completely spent. he lets out the biggest, rumbliest sigh and falls asleep on top of you like a bear in hibernation. Magnus is your personal weighted blanket, and will make you forget that sex toys even exist. Magnus fucks you so good, so much that you will literally forget how to get yourself off without him. it's a real problem when he's away killing monsters and saving the world and running from the cops, but he just finds it so fucking adorable. he sends kisses and promises to make it up to you as soon as he's back.

[digitalbath1988]

I Wanna Be Adored

TW: psychological manipulation, sexual manipulation, unhealthy relationship

“I umm, talked to him for just a minute.   I wasn’t flirting or anything- just polite small talk.  I didn’t know he’d ummm, do this.”  She shrugged, but it couldn’t cover up her fight or flight response kicking in.  

He was tired of it.  These men didn’t have to show any shame about flirting with her, because contractually and publicly, she was single.  

Vought wanted every pathetic teenage fanboy to think he stood a chance with Sharpshot.  Her demo saw her as little more than a sex object.  Not like he saw her.  A flawed, nuanced person.  Someone he cared for more than anyone else ever could.

Of course, instead of expressing any of this-

“I’m going to fucking kill him.”  He said, in a seething whisper.

Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me Ch. 25

“I don’t have to sell my soul,

He’s already in me

I don’t have to sell my soul

He’s already in me

I wanna be adored..

You adore me..

I wanna, I wanna, I gotta be adored.”

The Stone Roses, I Wanna Be Adored

Dear Sharpshot,

I really enjoyed our conversation at Believe Expo.  

I hope you won’t mind that I did a little bit of additional reading when I got home.

First of all, you were right about “God helps those who help themselves,” not having origins in the Bible.  I’m hoping no one else overheard that.  Might damage our chances to sponsor again next year!  Hope you don’t mind keeping that our little secret.

Second of all, I got in touch with some connections at Vought to learn more about you, since we didn’t have much time to chat.  (Plus, you seemed very engrossed in- whatever Homelander was saying during that ridiculously long speech.). I hope you don’t mind if I call you Calla?  A beautiful name for an equally beautiful girl.

Although you certainly don’t need my advice, I’ll give it anyway.  Don’t set your heart on someone who’s unobtainable.   You might lose out on other opportunities.  Like sashimi with me at 8 pm on Friday?  I already made reservations at Sugarfish.  

Dare I to dream? 

Greg

Homelander could barely see through the buzzing in his head.  He’d read the card still in its sealed envelope, attached to a huge bouquet of red roses.

I’m gonna fucking kill him.  I’m gonna fuck her in front of him and then I’ll kill him.  I’m gonna rip off his fingernails and arms and dick and throw him off the roof of his shitty McMansion-

“Oh hi there, handsome,” Calla said with her trademark mischievous grin, still drying her hair in a towel.  “Wow, those are pretty, are they for you or me?”  

He resisted the temptation to melt them in front of her eyes, vase and all. “You must have made quite the impression on that new CEO.  Madelyn sure loves pretending you’re single if it will save us 3% over last year’s exclusivity contract.”

“Oh, I-“. She stuttered.

“What happened?”  He asked plainly.

“I umm, talked to him for just a minute.   I wasn’t flirting or anything- just polite small talk.  I didn’t know he’d ummm, do this.”  She shrugged, but it couldn’t cover up her fight or flight response kicking in.  

He was tired of it.  These men didn’t have to show any shame about flirting with her, because contractually and publicly, she was single.  

Vought wanted every pathetic teenage fanboy to think he stood a chance with Sharpshot.  Her demo saw her as little more than a sex object.  Not like he saw her.  A flawed, nuanced person.  Someone he cared for more than anyone else ever could.

Of course, instead of expressing any of this-

“I’m going to fucking kill him.”  He said, in a seething whisper.  He tucked a short strand of hair behind her ear and planted a quick kiss on her lips.

He could practically hear Calla’s little schemes whirring around in her head.  Her eyes would steady as she tried to hold her heart and blood pressure in check, breath slowing in an attempt to control rising panic.  It was pathetic, really. But he never called her out on it.  If she thought she could hide anything from him- it was better to let her think she could.  Plus, it was rare.  She mostly schemed when she held some mistaken belief that she was doing something good.  Like convincing him to spare the likes of Greg.   He rolled his eyes.

She dropped the towels.  Fuck subtlety, I guess.

“Don’t do it.  Please?”

“Why not?”  He asked, almost unable to hide a sadistic smile. His eyes flicked up and down.  

She looked like some sort of blasphemous iconography.  Her hands touched his knees as she knelt down in supplication.  Calla rubbed her cheek against the inside of his left thigh.  “It would be a bad idea.  He’s a CEO, not some mid-level executive.  Too much visibility.”

“Hmmm. You spend way too much time with Madelyn.”

“That’s why you like me.  At least, I hope you like me.”  Belying her shy words and the blush on her cheeks, her hands were slowly making their way up the inside of his thighs.  Fuck.  

“I love you, and I hate not being able to tell the world that you’re mine.”  He said, hoping she didn’t notice the shiver that went down his left leg.  

She did, though.  She knew him.

“I love you,” Calla said, unbuckling his tights and continued.   “And I don’t have eyes for anyone but you.”

She sat down, straddling his legs, and if he didn’t know her better, he’d have sworn she felt confident about her ability to change his mind.  That wasn’t going to fly.

“Good, but I’m still gonna fucking kill Greg.”  He said with a grin.   “And anybody else who has the nerve to look at you a second too long.”

She tried hard to put on a brave face, but her heart was pounding so hard he could feel it through them both, if he hadn’t heard it like a drum.  “Please..”. Her hand gripped at him, a move that would have put Madelyn’s manipulative skills to shame.  He raised an eyebrow at her.

“You want to try and convince me?”

She bit her lip and nodded at him.   Truth was, he’d been hard before she’d even touched him.  There was something about her begging; someone more self aware would have recognized it as sexual sadism.  Calla probably understood it better than Homelander.  She was willing to play along if the ends justified the means.

“Please, daddy.  Anything you want.”  That scheming little hand worked itself up and down his shaft, eased by some warm spit from her mouth.

“You can kill Greg for me.  Naked, so he thinks he’s about to be the luckiest guy alive. Close range, head shot so there’s a lot of blood spatter all over you.”  He said with a toothy smile.  Calla couldn’t even look at him now, so he turned her head back towards him.  “Come on, you said anything I wanted,” he chuckled.  “You must like him, why else would you be working so hard to convince me?”  

Calla didn’t answer.  He hated when she’d retreat inwards, where he couldn’t touch her.  His fists clenched.  “So you do like him. Slut.”

He knew, logically, there was no way she actually did- he’d glanced at her while Greg spoke to her at Believe Expo.  She had that telltale look of annoyance, like Greg was a buzzing fly she wanted to swat but couldn’t.  She had to play nice and laugh at his jokes. 

But Homelander still wanted reassurance.  It hurt too much otherwise.

“I don’t care about him,” she replied, getting up.  Tears were sparkling in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall.  “I only care about you. You know that.  Don’t be cruel.”

It was honest, pure.  She didn’t have to do any of her tricks now.  The tears were real.  He pulled her back into him, perhaps not as gently as he should have.  She flinched.  

He kissed away the couple of tears she’d finally let spill. The salty taste was addictive.   “C’mere- It’s ok, it’s ok, honey”. He pulled her back onto his lap.  There was a reaction to her like this, one that he couldn’t help as he tucked her into him, rubbing her back.  Calla noticed it too.

“I’ll let you fuck my ass.”  She said after a minute, still nuzzled into him.  “If you don’t hurt him, or the other idiots like him.”

He hadn’t expected something so crass from her. Sure, she was direct, but not that direct. And there was so much he could retort with. But before he could say anything, he fucking twitched. There was no way she didn’t feel it.

She got up, pulling a chair in front of him, and then positioned herself enticingly over it, hands folded over the back, ass facing him.  He swallowed hard, hoping she didn’t hear it.

He pulled his clothes off the rest of the way, then approached her, silent to her imperfect ears.  

Her body was less of a temple and more of a monument to survival at any cost. Something else unspoken they shared. She’d never asked about the padding in his suit.  He’d returned the favor by not noticing the way she tortured herself to look good in a costume she hated.  They understood each other so well.

He pulled off his gloves and ran his hands over her underfed shoulders, then down the lines of her body.  

He clasped her hands into prayer position, then walked around the chair.  He crossed his own behind his back.   “I didn’t say to stop begging,” he said finally.

“Please don’t hurt anyone on my behalf.”  Calla pled.  

“Come on, way too ambiguous.  You’re smarter than that.  How many times have I saved your life, huh?”

“Little bit less since I took Compound V, but yeah.”  She said, affect flattened out again.  Mask down for him, vulnerable.  Nobody else could see her this way.  It was almost as intimate as being inside of her.  

“You need me.” Make sure you say it back.

“I need you, Homelander.  It’s not worth hurting anyone over me.  Hell- I’m not even worth the hassle.”  He ignored the last statement, hated how she’d put herself down.  After all- if she was worthless, what did that make him for wanting her?  

“Can’t wait until your contract is up.  I’m gonna..”

There was so much he wanted to say.  Finally tell the world.  Marry you.  Retire you.  Get you pregnant.  Kill everyone who hurt you, or tried to take you from me.

Calla leaned forward and instantly had him back at full attention, no hands required.  “Greg’s not worth it.  None of them are.  Let me help you feel better, okay?”  

It was hard to protest.  Her hands were still steepled as if they were in prayer, but her lips brushed softly against the head of his cock.  

“You’re right.  They’re insignificant,” he sighed in relief as she opened her mouth, “p-p-pathetic fucking insects.”  

She nodded at him, mouth full now.  Pupils dilated.  Vought liked her with short hair, which was a shame.  He pressed the back of her neck to indicate he wanted deeper in her throat, instead of using her hair as a handle.  

She barely gagged as he picked up the pace.  “So fucking pretty like this.  Can’t blame them for trying.”  She tried to spit out his dick to speak, but he sank himself even deeper.  “What were you gonna say, I’m the only one who gets to fuck you?  Lucky you.  If it wasn’t for me, Vought would whore a cute little C-lister like you out.”

The worse he treated her, the more obscene she smelled.   He left the warm, wet press of her mouth to walk around the chair, hands down her sides again.  He didn’t stop there this time.

She might have been too thin, but her ass was perfect.  Her personal trainer was ruthless about her muscle to body fat ratio.  (She’d gotten the dose so late in life that her body was still highly responsive to exercise and diet.). He couldn’t resist a few careful slaps.  

“Don’t get too excited.  Just want to feel how wet you are.”  He yanked her lower half up and steadied her upper half over the chair again.  She didn’t protest the sudden breach, just moaned as he filled her completely. 

“Fuck,” he cussed in reply.  She felt too good, he was tempted to keep going just like this.  

Especially when Calla purposely gave him a few squeezes.  

“None of them could ever fuck you right.  Only me.”  He said, surprised to hear the breath catch in his throat at another press of her kegels.

“Just you.”  Calla said, struggling a little bit since he had his free hand wrapped around her throat.  “Need you, you’re so perfect…”

Homelander almost lost it when she said that.  It sounded so good falling from her lips.  He pulled out and half dragged, half threw her on the bed, on her back.  He bent both knees back to her chest.  

“Wanna see it on your face,” he explained, working the fat head of his dick into her tight rim. Lucky for her, she’d gotten him soaking wet first.  “Hurts?”

“Yes” she gasped.

“You look like I’m splitting you in half.”  He said with a sadistic chuckle.   “Hey, was your idea, honey.”

“Goddamn it,” she inhaled.  They inhaled and exhaled together.  He could almost feel the pain and pleasure in equal measure, looking in her eyes.  

“Is it too much for you?”  He said, halfway in.  She gulped and nodded.  

“Gonna just have to get used to it, fuck.  You feel so good.” He slid home, despite a squeak of protest from her lips.  “I need you too, ya know.”

He could feel her pain-fueled adrenaline fading, her heart coming down.   He put his hand up to her face, brushing his thumb against her lips.

“Don’t want to even think about anyone else inside of my girl.  Fuckers like him think they bought you along with the sponsorship.”  He went faster, trying to balance not hurting her excessively with being able to get off.  “Wanna protect you from them.”  He said.  He could barely think now.  She felt so goddamn nice.  

And it was more than that, it was how she’d yielded this part of herself to him.

“It’s ok,” Calla whispered and ran her hand through his hair, sending a shiver down his spine.  “I’m not going anywhere.  Promise.”  She nipped at his thumb quickly with a smile.  Then a slight wince.

“‘Kay,” he said, barely slurring.  “Good.  Fuck, you’re good.”

“No, remember, I’m a.. *gasp* filthy little reprobate, right?  You’re the good guy.  You’re good.”

“Keep saying that,” he gritted, hand softly against her throat the way she liked.

“You’re good, you’re good, *fuck*, you’re good.”

He knew his eyes were about to turn red from the intensity of his building orgasm.  So instead of looking at her, he looked at the vase near the door, obliterating the bouquet.  Calla tried to look up at the sound of the few remaining glass shards clinking onto the floor loudly.

“You’re good,” she said as he pressed her back into the bed.  “I love you.”

“You too, I’m..,” he clung to her arms as he came, rutting deeply until he got too sensitive.  His legs shook from the intensity.  “Fuck- sorry.  Wanted to make you..”

“It’s fine.  I’ll let you make it up to me,” she said with a smirk as he got her a towel to sit on.  He needed the minute to get himself together, anyway.

“You didn’t do that for them.”  Homelander said as he threw her the towel. 

She raised an overly innocent eyebrow.  “Hmmm?”

“Nope, you did it for me.  You don’t give a shit if he lives or dies- or any of the others-you just didn’t want me to get in trouble.”

She grinned.  “That is what I was trying to say.  But I mean, what would they do?  Put you on trial for murder?  Throw you in maximum security prison?”

“Well, I appreciate you, even despite that smart-aleck mouth you have. Means a lot to me.  And it’s cute that you think you can protect me- even from myself.”  He curled up next to her.  

“Of course I can protect you.  I’ve got superpowers.”   She said with a laugh.  He couldn’t help but laugh too.   She was the only person who could get away with that dumb fucking joke.

—

Greg would be blissfully ignorant of the danger he’d been in.  Well, other than the way Homelander would look at him.  He was always creeped out by that guy, but had no idea what he could have ever done to offend him.

—- 

[aerospectrum]

continuation from this ask : with @crassbutcharming

"Listen here, Counselor. You want a goddamn monologue? I'm not some Broadway actor prancing around in tights. I'm Soldier fucking Boy. I've been fighting wars since you were swimming in your daddy's nutsack.

You want complicated? How's this for complicated: I was the greatest hero this country ever had. Took down Nazis, commies, you name it. Then my own team - Payback, bunch of treacherous little shits - they sold me out to the Russians. Next thing I know, I'm waking up decades later in a world gone soft, where every punk with a phone thinks they're a hero.

Now Vought, the company I bled for, they're painting me like I'm some kind of monster. Meanwhile, that star-spangled asshole Homelander is prancing around like he owns the place. They took everything from me - my time, my reputation, my country. Hell, they even took my goddamn shield.

So yeah, it's complicated. But here's what's simple: I want what's mine. My money, my name cleared, and maybe a piece of Vought's ass while we're at it. You think you can handle that, or do I need to dumb it down for you some more?"

Jamie raised his brows and held back a laugh in earnest entertainment at the ball of energy facing him, figuring out quick enough that this was anything but a normal case he'd agreed to take on. This was a literal superhero in his office sitting at his desk-- possibly insulting him-- definitely insulting him, but also entrusting him enough to seek counsel. And not just any superhero, thee superhero- the one who basically started it all; to quote him: Soldier fucking Boy.

"Nazi's, commie's and sold out to the Russians, huh? Well that's quite an adventure uh.... Soldier Boy." he quipped, unsure if it would end poorly the moment he decided to use the mans government name. "Holy shit seems a bit like an underreaction given everything you've laid out here." he pawed through the stacks of files and pressed his fist against his cheek as he stared at one of the files from Vought regarding The Seven and Vought's tower- damages, injuries... Homelander's claims of unprovoked assault. Holy fucking fuck. He pressed his hand over his mouth, sticking a long finger across the cleft of his bottom lip before he sighed and flicked his eyes back up to meet Ben's... Soldier Boys.

"I can more than handle it... since you, you know, dumbed it down and all for me." he pressed his lips into a thin line, his sharp-eyes boring into the supes. "I take it I don't need to dumb it down for you just how impenetrable Vought and their lawyers are. They'd throw the entire tower at you along with the book if law allowed for it and they most likely will attempt it regardless of the case we build here. I'm not gonna sugar coat this for you, Ben-- seeing as I was just one kleenex away from obscurity... we're going up against everyone here. You think your team betraying you the first two times was fucked; this won't be like anything you've ever dealt with. They're gonna come at you from every direction- call it a fucking psychological gangbang... you sure you're stable enough for that? I wouldn't want to have to explain a senile meltdown to the bench."

[herstarburststories]

illicit love

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Summary: Jensen loves you, but sometimes love isn’t the right thing.

A/N: Hey, guys! All we needed was a newish fic to say that I was really back, here it is! This one goes for @negans-lucille-tblr 6k challenge. So glad you got to another millestone, honey. It's like I was posting my part for your 5k celebration just yesterday! xD Prompt in bold.

Warnings: age gap, cheating

Jensen Ackles kept squinting through the bricks of his memory in an attempt to recall where it all began. Maybe it was when he drove off the road he had known for years with the dumbfounded desire to take the trails yet traveled, threading his fingers through your hair on the night of September 7th. He could’ve chosen the easy out and say it all started to crumble with the first kiss, but no. The actor, father, and now horrible husband highly doubted that. No, as he unwound the convoluted wires in his mind, it wasn’t the first clandestine meeting that he saw as the beginning, not the first kiss or the primal stolen glances. It wasn’t even the lies or the way he pushed his body against yours in an act of illicit faith.

Like any grand mistake, it was way before that. Just like how the church not-so-gently advised, it all starts with craving something you never thought you would want.

It happened when he landed the job in a new series after leaving a fifteen-year-long rollercoaster, pushing away any real witness to the fact the old show that swallowed part of his soul was over. There was a certain shock of excitement misplaced by the fact he was going to be working with Eric again, and that the show was an abrupt change considering what he had been doing previously. Now, he believed it was his body’s particular way of telling him that — as the savage animals can sense rain or a calamity — this, baby, this is gonna change your life.

JENSEN ACKLES CAST AS SOLDIER BOY!

‘’Since when have you read comics?’’ Jensen arched his messy eyebrows at Dee’s curiosity about the Homelander and Soldier Boy panel making it to the screen. Shaking the comic book in his right hand slightly, he continued: ‘’Especially that kind.’’

‘’Never,’’ Danneel stated plainly, “but I have Google. It was pretty much the first thing that appeared.’’

‘’Well, Eric said that scene won't be on the screen. Besides, the portrayal won't be that Soldier Boy, but the original one who died in the war. ‘Course, he wouldn’t have died there in our show, but it ain’t the panel one.’’ He shrugged, bringing her closer to his side as she snuggled against him. ‘’There’ll be a bunch of Herogasm, which is basically drugs and sex. Just not with Homelander.’’

Danneel nodded at his explanation, humor clinging to her words as she added: ‘’Guess the only man I have to share you with is still Jared.’’

‘’Hey, you knew what you were getting yourself into.’’ Jensen scoffed playfully before kissing her cheek. ‘’Can't wait to start the show.’’

Jensen leaned forward to rest the comic that he had been religiously studying to form a psychological character profile on the dashboard of the Impala. The actor was spending plenty of hours inside his most palpable Supernatural souvenir -- Baby. His safe place. He sure as hell needed one of those, as molding a whole character that has a bunch of source material wasn’t as easy as he pictured. With Dean, he was putting himself and the script in one until it made his imaginary best friend. It was love at the first sight. Soldier Boy, however, was a long story short. Jensen figured he should do both, honor the character created and add his own special ingredients to it. It was a brand new kind of passion that he hadn’t done for a series in the longest time. Still, his glance trailed back to the woman by his side in the backseat.

‘’Let's hope it won't last another decade,” she mocked.

Jensen shook his head with a chuckle, relaxing against the leather seat. Even the mere smell of the Impala was enough to settle his nerves. ‘’Eric has plans for five seasons.’’

Danneel’s features contorted as if having war flashbacks. Sort of. She never imagined Supernatural would make it that far, and now with three kids, signing on for another excessively time-consuming idea for a new show didn’t seem too appealing either. Yet, she would support Jensen in any decision he’d take regarding his job. “Remind me the last time I heard that line before?” 

‘’Come on.’’ He let out a wry huff, poking her side in a playful manner. She couldn't help but laugh, returning the gesture with tickles to start a very light-hearted battle. He seemed happy with the new job, something Danneel truly thought he would have more difficulty with. She’d pushed her weathered worries away with his easy-going laughter for now.

SOLDIER BOY’S LOVE INTEREST?

Eric Kripke threw the gossip magazine on the table, his eyes not straying from his long-time friend’s. He could’ve simply added the digital article to an irate email and be done with it, but he was a simple man with extravagant taste. That had been usual through his whole career, especially regarding the Supernatural aesthetic. Yet, in those mundane situations, Jensen almost found it too much. That wasn’t the case, though. If anything, the plain, yet still overpowering words that his green eyes scanned made his body sweat. He could even hear his organs working from the absolute silence of the blame that covered the room. Kripke’s room had never seemed more like an interrogation chamber than now.

The magazine in question held Jensen and your picture on the cover, his arms wrapped around your torso as he pulled you close. The most sequin smile hung from your lips like happiness was something that could be touched on that sunny day in the private park near the studio. Giant and garish letters made the headline along with the subline: Jensen Ackles wearing his Soldier Boy costume caught sharing a passionate kiss with the new arrival of The Boy’s Team: Y/N Y/L/N, also known on-screen as Cangaceira!

His voice came out as an accusation: ‘’What’s this, Jensen?’’

‘’We were…’’ The director just waved his hand to interrupt.

‘’Don’t try saying you were practicing a scene because I wrote the Soldier Boy and Cangaceira kiss, and it wasn’t here.’’ Acid tainted his words with no space for fake niceties on his set. Jensen remained in the chair, not even daring to make the most subtle move. Eric knew where he was hitting, and Ackles deserved a punch in the jaw. “The sex scene wasn’t here either, but you two added a lot of erotic subtext. Trust me, I know.’’

His shoulders fell in exhaustion. ‘’Eric…’’

‘’You’re lucky we were going to make those two a couple anyway. I can just put the kiss here and save your ass. What if that wasn’t the case, huh?’’ the director continued, more interested in spilling out his anger than listening to dumb excuses. ‘’What about Danneel, Jensen? You have a wife and kids, for God’s sake!’’

The breaking point. Jensen rose to his feet with sudden frustration, a growl leaving his lips as he pushed the chair to the side with uncharacteristic brutality. How could Eric bring up his family like this? And how could Jensen’s heart not bring them up when he kissed you before?  It was all a fucking mess, and he had no choice but to choke down whatever came out of it, even if it was poison and spite.

‘’Fuck, Eric! Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think it doesn’t pull me apart every time I go home and know I’m lying to the people who love me?’’ The vein on his neck popped as he spoke, emotion gushing thicker through his arteries than blood. Woe remerged under his skin as he swallowed dryly, resting his hands on the table and looking down. That wasn’t him. He had done a lot of things that weren't him lately. ‘’I have enough guilt here, pal.’’

Eric just glared down at the man’s outburst, furrowing before asking, ‘’What’s going on, Jay? You don’t just get up and cheat on your wife. That ain’t you.’’

He shook his head. ‘’I don’t know. Y/N’s just…’’

‘’At least 20 years younger than you,” he stated. ‘’Just starting her career and might be getting the homewrecker title if someone finds out.’’

‘’I won’t let that happen.’’

‘’How? You are gonna be more careful or will you cut it out and go back to your wife and three kids?’’ When Ackles didn’t respond, Eric sighed. ‘’Just stop this, Jensen. Let her go.’’

Jensen scoffed humorlessly. ‘’I can’t.’’

Kripke felt like talking to a teenager. He shook his head as he got up. ‘’Do you have any idea what you’re doing here? This could destroy your family, destroy Y/N’s chance to make a name when you already have your own. That’s selfish in all proportions, Jensen!’’

‘’I know, I know.’’

‘’She deserves more than this and —’’

‘’I know.’’

‘’You are gonna mess up everyone’s lives —’’

‘’I know!’’ He slammed the table and winced, turning around with his hands on his head. If only he could stop his thoughts for a second and reorganize his feelings. ‘’Do you think it doesn’t rip my heart out that I can’t love her?’’

‘’Who?’’ The burning question was ready to set everything ablaze. ‘’You can’t love Y/N, or you can’t love your wife anymore, Jensen?’’

He couldn’t love you in public. He couldn’t love Danneel anywhere. Love just escaped through his reaches when you spoke his name like a prayer, and it was time to accept that.

‘’Both.’’

NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS: SOLDIER BOY AND CANGACEIRA TALK ABOUT WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THEIR RELATIONSHIP

‘’It's amazing to portray with Jensen. I’ve watched Supernatural since I was like twelve, which probably isn't advisable.’’ You chortled, answering the reporter’s question. Your body could barely contain your excitement under your skin, although, why would you want that? You did it. You got the job you had dreamed and worked hard for. To a bonus, you were working with Jensen Ackles! If there was someone that had earned the right to scream to the sky until your face was the color of the red carpet your heels currently stood on, it was you. ‘‘I was even a Samgirl!’’

Jensen faked a gasp next to you, a light spectrum surrounding the interview. ‘’Really? Me too!’’

You pushed his shoulder playfully while he chuckled. ‘’Anyway, I'm very excited to be here and portray a strong latina superhero. The representation’s very important, and to be able not only to cherish it, but to be a part of it doing what I love and inspiring people like me is… mythical.’’

‘’Wow, woman!’’ Ackles pursed his lips, clapping a little before shifting his gaze from you to the reporter. ‘’She likes the big words. I swear, dude. She’ll just come and in like, a casual conversation, say something like gelid or whilst, and then she's gonna say dumbass. Both sound smart as heck.’’

You winked. ''It's the accent. Makes everything sound nice.”’

Jensen nodded but was quick to sprinkle in an incendiary remark to his compliments. ‘’Yeah, I have never seen someone confuse coach and couch before. Go sit on the coach got a lot of wrong ideas.’’

‘’Hey, you sat on the coach!’’

‘’Because I’m a good boy.’’

You rolled your eyes despite the grin on your lips. ‘’Sure, mister hours-to-get-ready.’’

‘’Hey, plenty of face masks are needed to keep this — ’’ He pointed at his face. ‘’at fourteen.’’

‘’All I hear is that you’re old.’’ Your eyebrows knitted together. Jensen licked his lips at the sight. On any other day, he’d pick you up, say I’m gonna show you who’s old, and enjoy where your teasing had gotten you two, but he couldn’t do it now. You’d get what was coming to you after the event, perhaps even under the table if your dress allowed it, or in the bathroom, if you kept going.

The mischievous smirk on your cherry-stained lips proved that you knew what was going through his mind. God, you were his sweet death. Nonetheless, Jensen sighed dramatically and looked at the camera. ‘’This is what I have to deal with every day.’’

The reporter went on, happily surprised about how comfortable you and Jensen seemed together. Usually, new coworkers were timider around each other during interviews, especially when they were a romantic pair. The journalist decided to try getting a little sneak peek of the couple aspects of Soldier Boy and Cangaceira.

‘’It's definitely interesting.’’

‘’But not in the best way.’’ The only thing more messed up than Jensen’s relationship with you was the correlation between your characters. At least you and he had the purity of love, even if it was twisted enough to turn heads and churn stomachs

‘’Certainly not in the best way.’’ You agreed, bringing him back into reality as always. ‘’It's really nice to explore a couple that doesn't consist of two white people getting to it like most main characters of the shows in our current climate. It’s not the kind of relationship you should be rooting for — not because it's interracial or anything, that's pretty much the biggest, if not only, positive aspect about those two — but because they aren’t healthy at all, just as all main relationships in our show. It's not a romance series, and we certainly don't treat our couples like it.’’

‘’Told you she is the beauty and the brains.’’ His cheeks dimpled with joy and pride as he looked at you. Jensen knew how excitedly nervous you were about that interview. He couldn’t wait to tell you how great you were like you were born to sell dreams and magazines. ‘’But yeah, it’s a messed up relationship like any other in The Boys. After all, it's not a respectful, wholesome show. It's about gritty superheroes that ain’t got heroism. Soldier Boy isn't a good guy, and it translates in his relationship too.’’

You nodded in agreement, brushing his arm to keep you sane. ‘’It’ll be an interesting dynamic to see on-screen to our show standards, but it's not an actual picture of how a relationship should be.’’

THE BOYS 100TH EPISODE PARTY!

The glimmer of his green comet eyes caught your undivided attention in the throngs of people. The crowd had gathered for his family, his arm around his wife's waist as you both shared a tender, stolen look. You savored her wine and yearned for the man in her arms.

It was just a small celebration due to COVID’s lasting effects on public events. People from the set and their significants together were in the Ackles house for a couple of drinks, small talk, and a cake with The Boy’s comics printed on it.

‘’Aunt Y/N!’’ JJ tugged your dress, her mix of Danneel and Jensen’s features almost haunting your soul. Almost. You would never despise a kid for that — you didn’t even have the right to. If anything, JJ was the one that would graduate to hating you someday. You didn't have enough youthful stupidity not to know the risks of being in love with a married man. ‘’Auntie!’’

You leaned in the most that you could with the red skirt, glancing at the child. ‘’Yes, honey?’’

‘’That’s my new Barbie! I bought a beach one! She looks like you!’’ the blonde kid said with a childish joy that ached in your heart. You could end up destroying her family’s stability if Jensen went any further, yet there she was; buying dolls that looked like you and so happily babbling about it.

You were a monster. Love opened you up and planted greedy seeds, and now you were a monster growing like a beautiful tree that could never be strong enough to hold a kid as they climbed up. The fact that you could sense Jensen’s eyes on your ass didn’t help one bit.

‘’She does! That’s so cute, JJ.’’

‘’You can be her. I have one who looks like mommy, I’ll be her, ‘kay?’’

Your nausea was replaced by a pageant smile and a nod, and so you spent the night sharing longing stares with the dad and playing dolls with the daughter. It was a role that was never yours.

ILLICIT AFFAIR? JENSEN ACKLES SEEN ON THE BEACH WITH Y/N Y/L/N

‘’I can’t believe you did this to me, to our family,‘’ Danneel screamed exasperatedly as she threw her clothes in a bag and heart on the wall. Jensen just stood there, accepting the deserved fury. ‘’Ten years of my life, Jensen, and you just threw it away for a mistress! I gave up on my job to be a stay at home mom because you didn’t want a babysitter. I supported you in every moment. I loved you!’’

‘’I’m sorry…’’

‘’You don’t get to be sorry,” she howled, glaring at him with the hatred of an overthrown nation. She felt like he got to the podium and forgot to say her name. ‘’You let that woman get in my house, drink my wine, talk to my children…’’

Reflexively, he said, ‘’Our.’’

‘’Shut the fuck up! There’s no ours anymore, no us!’’ Her words had garnered a learned violence, much louder than the sound of the zipper closing her duffel bag. She threw the CC exclusive on the floor, holding onto the handle for dear life. He didn’t deserve to see her breaking, only her anger. ‘’You destroyed our family, you destroyed me!’’

He pleaded, unable to discern if it was for her or the guilt: ‘’Dee.’’

‘’I hope you’re happy. I hope you go to her, get her to sleep on our bed, and be happy for a month.’’ She gulped, pursing her lips. Her glossy eyes coupled with the pink hue of her lipstick brought back a treacherous memory of their wedding day. ‘’And then, I hope she cheats, like you did to me.’’

The next headline didn’t call it love.

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[hvmelander]

How can you be a leftist and also write / like Homelander? Not trying to be rude I just don't get it

im gonna assume this is being asked in good faith and respond in kind. i don't think its a bad question, and clearly you read my rules if you know that i call myself a leftist.

first off, I think the show comes from a leftist perspective. people say it "makes fun of both sides" but i don't agree. it makes fun of American liberalism and conservatism (& as a result the far right), but its not making fun of leftists. liberalism =/= leftism. there really is no leftist American political party. there's a liberal centrist party and a conservative and increasingly far right party. the boys are basically antifa. kimiko is actually my favourite character, and she's basically an antifa super soldier. one of the first lessons hughie learns in s3 is that working within the American government system is not going to lead to any structural changes. the problems are systemic, they are social, they are not going to be solved with government oversight and by playing within the rules of American liberalism. when the show makes fun of what people call "woke" stuff, its making fun of corporate appropriation of social justice issues, not the issues themselves.

as for homelander, i don't like him in the way that someone might like starlight or kimiko or hughie. i like him as a villain, and as a critique of power and American hegemony. he's a critique of patriarchy, conservatism, toxic masculinity and male fragility, of the way white people in power will align themselves with literal fucking not-sees because it benefits them, and of fascists and conservative grifters. i think he's really well written and given very understandable explanations for why he is the way he is without excusing his behaviour. as someone who is not from the US, he comes across as the way america comes across on the world stage a lot of the time especially since 2016. showboating, aggressive, bigoted, but extremely powerful and using that power to maintain control of others.

i write him because i think he's psychologically fascinating and because i've always found myself drawn to villains, fucked up guys. i think he's extremely interesting and has a very unique character voice that i enjoy trying to wrap my head around. also, i only do this because he isn't real. while i don't think you can divorce most things from the real world, from the historical & political context of when they were created and who created them, i especially think that's impossible with the boys. it's so inherently political in what it wants to say. when it comes to rp specifically and fiction generally, though, i find some level of separation between reality and fiction is necessary. to me, the political beliefs i hold re: leftist politics, feminism, antiracism, etc inform how i analyze him but don't contradict with me enjoying a fictional tv show that i, personally, think reflects a lot of important issues and has its critique rooted in leftist perspectives.

[anunvalidcritic]

The Boys: SN2.2

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

Alright so we’re already on the second episode the first went by pretty fast... but let’s see where this episode takes us. 

                PROPER PREPARATION AND PLANNING

I promise if I can find another gif of them all together like this then I’ll us it for the second season. (Edit wasn’t able to find another gif but a pretty rad photo by @01091006​!)

BUTCHER’s having a flashback as we speak (so to speak)

Ik the idea of HOMELANDER showing up at his wife’s house is really fuckin’ with. 

ICONIC DIALOGUE

“Hi, Welcome to Endless Pasta Week at Tony Cicero’s.“ - HOSTESS

“Where the fuck am I?” - BUTCHER

“You’re at Tony Cicero’s.” - HOSTESS

“No, no. What fucking city am I in.“ - BUTCHER

somebody come get her lol. he clearly heard you the first fucking time lol

ahh I see he’s trying to remember the details about the house

ayye back at it with the french rap music I fuck with it

KIMIKO writing better english than most people who speak the language. We love to see it

Bitch I would gladly be a “lemming” if I was in the predicament that y’all are in.

You know speaking from a psychological pov it is kinda fucked up that the rest of the team are so reliant on one person. I understand that since he’s now back he is the proclaimed leader of the group as he was before but that’s a lot of faith in just one person. 

“Hey, you know, my dad, he had a ball from the ‘56 World Series“ - HOMELANDER

listen to this dude with his fake ass story...

The child isn’t good at sports but he has powers???

At least he does what BECCA tells him to do. 

CAROL lookin’ at that book like ‘this dude is fucked up’ ROFL

He drank that shit a little too fast...

WTF sent the edible food arrangement as flowers!?!

“Deluxe Bereavement Bouquet with white chocolate-dipped pineapple doves. RAYNOR would’ve loved that.“ - BUTCHER

Ig it’s only right he takes his trip while listening to The Goo Goo Dolls

I can’t believe his fuvking gills are talking to him 

I was beginning to wonder where QUEEN MAEVE’s lesbian lover was

“Hey, listen, I get that you have your talking points, but why does it matter if heroes have a dick or a vag? I mean, shouldn’t we all just, you know, be competent at our jobs? I-I don’t think girls do anything better. I think chicks and dicks are in it together.” - STORMFRONT

Now... she didn’t have to put that journalist in his place like that... HA

Dang thought there was gonna be another ROBYN incident with the way he zoomed in there like that

You know A-TRAIN ain’t shit either. Maybe he can prove himself or not he can remain on the shit list. 

THE DEEP = MULAN

“WHO IS THAT GILL I SEE! STARING STRAIGHT BACK AT ME!” HA I wish they would’ve sung that song instead!!

A-TRAIN is really just spending his time watching STARLIGHT at this point. Paranoia runs deep within the Vought building. 

Paranoia will fuck you up if you don’t get a hold of it. Don’t be believe me? Look up The Reynolds's Pamphlet by Alexander Hamilton >> that shit there is THE DEFINITION of Paranoia.

Cow’s milk doesn’t = STILLWELL’s tata milk

ELENA nippin’ that shit in bud before it even gets started again. 

“There was this producer, he swapped place cards so he could seat next to me. And he chatted me up all night. Two days later, there’s a fire is his office. They found his head in one room... and his torso in another.... I don’t want him to do that to you.” - QUEEN MAEVE 

talk about being possessive over someone who don’t even truly care for smdh 

Bitch I would rather prank call the CIA than call HOMELANDER

Ig having kids makes you tell the truth about your up bringing...

Eww, I wouldn’t have said it back to him

Damn his hearing is that good?!

she didn’t have to snap his neck like that!

BRO I DIDN’T I JUST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT KIMIKO’s BROTHER?!?! I KEEP CALLING THESE FUCKING THINGS!!!

Ohh ok so she really is mute

MOUSE/KENJI pretty much fucked that store up... not all the way but some of the way. 

“Fuck this world for confusing nice with good./Oh if someone sticks a dick in your mouth. Bite it off.” - STORMFRONT

KIMIKO Backstory Info:

She was sent away by Shining Light

Injected Compound-V into her spine

She’s the elder sibling 

She also thinks that she’s a monster

SIBLING GOALS

STARLIGHT JUST FUCKING KILL A-TRAIN

yeah that’s right back tf up

HUGHIE was bound to get knocked tf out

Get the fuck up boy we don’t have all night. 

________

So as far as I can see there’s only 3 episodes are uploaded at the moment and as some of you may already know I do these post while watching the episodes. So I don’t think it will take me a long time to upload these post. Before I forget here’s episode 1! :) Everyone’s a critic when their opinion matters the least. 

[justjessame]

Babysitting Butcher Chapter 56

Reacting to what Ryan said wouldn’t work. At least not in the way that either Billy or I would naturally do.  Instead, I asked him to explain which of his powers he’d asked for them to inhibit, while Billy asked, just as carefully, who performed the operation.  It wasn’t difficult to get the information, Ryan was proud of his choice, no matter how painful it was for me to hear a child tell me that he neutered a natural part of himself instead of learning to control it.  

I was afraid, honestly, as Billy and I prepared to leave of how differently he and I would see Ryan’s choice.  I knew how Billy felt about supes, I had no wool over my eyes about the man I loved, but Ryan was a child.  He wasn’t old enough to make this type of choice, and I hoped that Billy could see that, but I feared that, as his guardian he might think it was the right one.  

Billy didn’t simply let Ryan hug him, he actually participated in the embrace, murmuring to the boy as I stood apart to give them privacy.  I was surprised when Ryan wrapped his arms around me right after.  My fingers slid through his silky hair and I smiled as he thanked me for coming back to see him, and for bringing Billy with me.  I told him we’d be back again the following Sunday, but he didn’t release me, holding on just a bit longer, and breathing in deeply it seemed.  

“Are you alright?”  I whispered, my nose almost in his hair, our heights weren’t that far off.  He hummed and I sighed at the realization of just how starved for nurturing Ryan really was.  Squeezing him a little tighter, I let my eyes meet Billy’s as the young boy who bore his last name clung to me.  

Leaving the second time was marginally easier than the first only because Billy was with me and made no bones about weaving a threat into our parting with Ms. Davos and her companion.  Promising that we’d be back Sunday, that Ryan should be ready to see us, and that we might just be going out - we left.  We were leaving the darkening mock community before either of us spoke to one another.  

“He had them put them in himself, Ronnie.”  Billy’s voice carried across the minimal road noise that the car made as he drove us home.  “Ryan chose to -”

“To neuter himself,” I agreed, with less pleasant terms than I felt Billy planned on using.  He wouldn’t even alter Terror, but Ryan - a ten year old little boy was doing it to himself.  “He let someone put chips inside of himself to keep a part of what is a piece of him naturally, Billy, at bay.”  I heard him sigh.  “I know you think this is an answer to a problem, I do, but Ryan isn’t like the other supes, he WAS born this way.  And instead of learning to control his powers, or harnessing them, he’s choosing to -” I couldn’t continue, the idea of it hurt too much.  

The silence between us grew, but it wasn’t tense.  Not yet.

We stopped at my parents’ to pick up Terror and Mom seemed to pick up on the undercurrent between us.  While Billy was talking to Dad and playing with “our boy”, she pulled me aside and asked me why I was so pale.  

“It was a tough visit,” I sighed, thinking about Ryan and how his arms had clung to me.  Mom waited, the patience of a parent and the stare of a woman who wasn’t going to let me off on the bare minimum.  “Ryan made a choice that I don’t think he’s old enough to have made.” She nodded and I went on.  “Billy might disagree.”  

Mom gave me a half smile.  “You two haven’t REALLY argued as a couple yet, have you?”  I shook my head, thinking that my freak out at the hospital probably didn’t count.  “Just remember that you love one another, Ronnie, and that you’re better together.”  She pulled me into a hug and sighed.  “He’s a rough one, but a good one, I think.”  

“Yeah,” I met Billy’s gaze when Mom released me, he was smiling at me and that dimple of his was peeking out.  “Yeah, he is.”  

Terror was snuggled between us, not as exhausted as he’d be if he had spent the night with my parents, but content that Billy and I were taking him home.  We were quiet as Billy drove us, before he could ask, I told him that I had everything at home for dinner so he drove straight without stopping.  

When we arrived, our pup was ready to run, but instead of going ahead with him, Billy pulled me to him and kissed me hard and deeply.  As I pulled back and looked up, he smiled down at me.  “I know we’re gonna talk about it, Ronnie,” he was so quiet I wasn’t sure Terror could hear him.  “And I know it’s gonna be hard, but I love you and I wanted you to know that.”  

“Did you eavesdrop on me and Mom?”  I tilted my head and stared at him.  His eyes were twinkling.  “I love you too, Billy Butcher.”  He leaned down for another kiss, but I stopped him.  “If you keep this up, we’re gonna starve and Terror’s gonna run off and eat a poor rabbit.”  

I threw dinner together, tempting though it was to make a couple HotPockets each and make do, and was waiting when my boys were back in the house.  Billy hung up his coat and met me at the kitchen table.  He sat down and picked up his fork.

“Do we talk while we eat?” I asked, picking up my own.  “Or do we wait?”

Billy had popped the first bite into his mouth, but he didn’t let a little thing like that stop him from answering me.  “Let’s get it over with.”  

Shaking my head, I sighed and took my own first bite.  He swallowed his first, and so he got to start talking first - damn the luck of that draw.

“Look, Ronnie, I know you think that Ryan ain’t old enough to choose,” my eyes flashed to his and he nodded to show he knew he hit the nail on the head.  “But it’s his body, ain’t it?”  I rolled my eyes, and he went on.  “You didn’t see what he did to her, not in person, not in that moment -” his crows feet, usually I’d associate them with his laughter, but not now, not while he was thinking of that day, their shared loss.  “If it gives him some peace -”

“Peace?”  I stared at him, wondering if that’s really what he thought.  “Ryan wants a home and a family, Billy.  He wants to have the nurturing that he lost because he didn’t know how to control a natural part of him, a part of him that he had no idea how to control because -” I stopped, looking down at my plate.  I wondered if I could ever actually say anything critical about Becca and her parenting to Billy?  “Ryan was born with these powers, Billy.  He was born with this inside of him, and instead of anyone teaching him how to control them, he was left in the dark.”  

Billy was waiting to stare at me when I looked up from my plate.  He looked patient, but I could see the tension in him, the knife’s edge that he seemed balanced on.  “After what he did to her -” there it was, the reasoning for why she wouldn’t have been willing to even acknowledge Ryan’s powers.  “How would you have dealt with it?”  A challenge, clear and simple.  

“That’s not fair, but I guess I should have expected it.”  I pushed my plate away, no longer hungry.  “All I know, Billy Butcher, is that ignoring a natural part of a child because of one of the parent’s flaws does NOTHING other than scar that child.  Not physically, but emotionally and psychologically.”  I didn’t drop my gaze from his.  He wanted to bait me, fine, he had my attention.  “Ryan is starving for affection.  His only other connection, aside from Homelander, is you.”  I let that little nugget sink into his thick skull.  “And he can fucking hear as well as his biological sperm donor so I imagine that at some point he picked up on your not so fucking quiet feelings about supes.  So gee, Billy, I wonder why Ryan BUTCHER would allow some asshole to experiment on him with power inhibiting chips?”  

And, ignoring my mom’s advice, because honestly I felt like Billy had struck a lower blow than I did, I picked up my almost full plate and tossed the food in the disposal then put it in the dishwasher.  

“You can find a blanket and extra pillow in the linen closet if you want to sleep on the sofa,” I reminded him.  “Or one of the many fucking guest rooms are made up for visitors, because your ass is NOT welcome in our bed tonight.”  And with that final shot, I left the kitchen and went to our bathroom and took a shower to try to wash off the day, then curled into our bed, which was too fucking big without his huge ass body and his bigger than life ego and cried myself to sleep. 

[tarithenurse]

Agent of Hope - 10

Your world falls into ruin together with the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcements Logistics Division when you find out that your boyfriend isn’t one of the good guys. Pairing: Brock Rumlow x fem!reader, Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader Contents: All the usual and then add: referenced sexual abuse and torture (both physical and psychological). Not overly graphic, but it’s very angsty. A/N: As mentioned in a note earlier, this got really dark. Please read with caution. On a more happy note: thanks to all who’ve been reblogging and commenting! It means the world to me <3

10 - A wrong Step

You’re moved often, sometimes by car and other times by train but apart from that, there’s not a lot to actually complain about considering you’re a prisoner of Hydra…and your ex. The food your keepers serve is decent, consisting mainly of water next to some sort of stew or porridge if lucky (stale bread if less fortunate). Not only is there always a relatively soft surface to sleep on, they even provide a musty blanket too which is enough to stay warm enough to prevent getting sick. Sometimes Brock interrogates you, trying to charm or guilt you into spilling the secrets you’ve learned about the Avengers or to explain what you can do, other times it’s one of his co-villains that takes the place of bad cop. They all end up screaming at you, though, because you keep quiet while pretending not to know anything. You talk back to Brock, deny that your actions were based on anything but coincidence and what you’d seen in the news…even when he threatens with letting the others take over for him.

“They won’t be kind,” he promises as he leans uncomfortably close to you, “they’ve got ways to make ya talk.”

Glaring at him, you shrug. “Won’t change what I say.”

“No?” Strong hands grab your shoulders so hard the bones in your joints grind against each other painfully – the man is healing unnaturally fast. “Ya’ll end up singing for us. For me.” The hatred in his smile is replaced by a twisted tenderness. “Ya used to hum when cooking for us, remember? When ya were sad…the one from Dumbo. I always knew when it’d been a bad day. Ya should be rehearsing that one now.”

Gods, you hate his guts. Detest the twinkle in his eyes as he grins even now, thinking he can scare you into submission or weaken you by reminiscing about the time spent together. Fuck you. Those days are gone, and nothing will bring the feelings of happiness back. No matter how desperately Brock tries to use the past as a way of getting under your skin, you won’t forget what has happened since. He has tried every day. The man has talked for ages about the dinners shared, the walks along avenues in the evening, the soft touches that used to leave you sighing with bliss in the mornings of lazy Sundays. Creep.

Forgetting to think, you spit in his face.

The punch leaves you wheezing for air as the room disappears in a haze and you try to hold down the stomach contents. Blinking tears away, you stare emptily at the ceiling, only slowly realizing that you must have been knocked onto the floor.

“Bitch.” The dark shape of Brock blocks the light above you as he kneels over you. The spit is still glistening on his face. “This will cost ya.”

…   Romanoff’s PoV   …

“This is my fault! I should’ve been there!” The stoicism of Happy is crumbling day by day, reaching a new low this afternoon.

Jarvis is good, old fashioned spy-work is better. And still neither have yielded any results yet which is setting all people present at the compound on edge to the point where no one dares speak louder than a careful mumble…especially near Nat.

She hasn’t, despite Sam’s worries, killed anyone or even threatened with hours of torture. However the spy has lost her signature composure, honed through decades of work in the hardest of businesses where there is no room for mistakes or softness. They can only watch as she paces the rooms of the Compound unless she’s tapping away angrily on a keyboard to gain access (legal or not) to mainframes, surveillance systems, anything potentially containing information on [Y/N]’s whereabouts.

“You were with Pepper as you’d been told to,” Stark comforts the distraught Head of Security slash friend, “don’t beat yourself up.”

“But –“

“Shut up!” The groan is louder than Natasha had intended but is as such quite efficient. Running a hand down her face, she tries to calm down. “None of you’ve done any wrong, okay? We knew there was a risk…I knew and still underestimated it. Now there’s nothing we can do about what has happened so let’s focus on what we can do.”

What is left? They’re already using their networks, cashing in favours from old acquaintances on both sides of the law, and running every shred of evidence in all the databases they can think of. Still, the trail is running cold now that it’s been days. Checking the clock above the wall where the date is displayed in bright blue, digital numbers, Natasha feels her guts tighten. Eight days, two hours, and 15 minutes. [Y/N], where are you?

A pling from Clint’s phone isn’t what makes her look. It’s the soft “ooh” as the archer and best friend sits straight, for once abandoning the leftover pizza from the night before.

…   Rumlow’s PoV   …

Bruises litter the skin of [Y/N], itching at his conscience like a mosquito bite.

Brock had used to run his fingers softly over the smooth surface and watch the tiny hairs rise as goosebumps erupted along the path he’d chosen. Little bumps of pleasure that he could smoothen with kisses that inevitably would grow hungry just like her sighs.

Now the sighs are replaced by guttural cries when his hands land on the love of his life. Oh, he still loves her, she just doesn’t see it right now. Doesn’t see why Hydra is important and that his own actions will bring them peace. A better world. A simpler world. [Y/N] will understand eventually, and then the bruises will fade away to leave room for pleasurable shivers.

Tilting her head, the scarred man dries away the salty tears, smearing away they clean paths they had created down her cheeks. “Shh, it’ll be ‘kay, baby,” he coos, pretending not to see how she cringes, “just tell me, okay? Tell me what ya’ve seen.”

The scared woman swallows her sobs before she answers with a slow and hollow voice. “No matter what you do…it won’t change my answer and still you wouldn’t believe me.” She still doesn’t meet his eyes.

“I wanna trust ya, I swear,” Brock promises. He means every single word. “We gonna get through this, we used to be so good together. I want that again…don’t ya?”

But [Y/N] hesitates. Anger flares through the would-be boyfriend so hot that he loses control. Her throat is soft and wiry under his palms even as it begins to spasm at the grip of his fingers. The words coming from her bluing lips don’t pass the barriers of rancor emboldened by the flickers of panic in [Y/E/C] eyes. Only as the orbs roll backwards does he let go, huddling down with an ear to the chest, nose buried in the warmth of the breast as he listens for the frantic heartbeat to regain its strength.

… Reader’s PoV   …

The scream that jolts you awake is raw and desperate, worse than the pain that has been blessedly absent for the longest time since you learned the truth. Until now. Rocking back and forth in the little bunk mixes with the natural roll from the ocean outside the hull of your current prison and soothes the panic as if you were a baby swaddled and safe in its mother’s arms.

Nothing could be further from the truth, though, and you hear the pounding of boots nearing. Breathe. The grey light of dawn blurs the horizon, taunting you with the impossibility of freedom. Breathe. The metal tumbler rolls as the door to your cell is unlocked. Breathe…don’t show him. There’s no squeak of hinges here on the ship, just a shift in the air to tell that the only way in and out has been opened to let in Brock.

“Morning, baby,” he drawls, voice almost perfect now that the last bandages are gone, “bad dreams?”

You know better than to ignore him or to flinch when he sits down and wraps you in an embrace that once would have been kind. It makes you want to scream and fight, to claw at his face even if the difference would be invisible with all the scars, but at least it would be better than the pitiful complacence that’s keeping you alive physically while grinding your soul to dust. And still, the warmth of Brock’s arms are soothing in a twisted sort of way because as long as he’s caring for you, there’s no new pain.

“Why don’tcha tell me what ya saw this time, huh?” His lips are soft now when he kisses your forehead.

I can’t. “It it was ju-ust a nigh-nightmare.” Calm down. Get control of you voice, girl. “Just a nightmare.”

The gentle caress on your back stop as the man sighs deeply. “Baby, I know when ya’re lying.” Strong fingers tangle in your hair and yank so hard your throat is exposed and you have no clear view of Brock’s face. “Where’s the honesty? The trust?”

This time it’s impossible to supress the shiver as he licks a stripe from clavicle to chin. He’s done this before: kisses, licks, touches. None of it wanted and still never crossing the line where you wouldn’t be able to supress it. Maybe that’s the point? To tiptoe the line as a show of power, that he could rape you but chooses not to. Maybe you’re supposed to be grateful, feel like you owe him. I don’t owe him shit. As if Brock can read your mind, he lays you down and settles heavily between your legs, his abdomen crushing against yours.

“Ya know,” he hums to your cleavage as he pulls at your dirty shirt, “the boys really want to get to know ya better…it’s just me stopping them.” He kisses away the fresh tears as his words remind you of what you saw in you vision. “But if ya don’t want to help me out…why should I help ya?”

Your skin crawls at the obvious threat. I could tell him…tell him something. Anything. “Please don’t,” you plead shrilly from fear, “I’ll tell you, I promise! Don’t let them near me!”

There’s a hesitation to Brock’s fondling, inviting you to go on, and you begin to make up a scenario right then and there about how Hydra will keep working in the shadows although all subgroups constantly are on the run from the Avengers, from governments, from a man with a ruined eye. Anyone!

“CIA, FBI,” you babble while trying to think of other agencies in the hopes of pleasing the man who’s staring down at you with renewed intensity, “more…much more…they’ll find some of y-your erm places and kill…kill Hydra people, but capture most alive and th–“

“Stop.” A finger rests on your lips, but you don’t dare to move to get rid of it. “The man with the eye.” Fuck. Breath sticks in your throat as you realize the mistake. “Ya mean Fury.”

“I don’t know!”

But you do and Brock can see it in your eyes. A grin spreads on his face, tugging at the scars until his right eye is almost hidden in the uneven mass of red and pink and tan. Tasha, please.

The redheaded hero isn’t there to save you as Brock claims the prize after having waited so long for you to mess up. No one intervenes as screams are pushed from your lungs with each snap of his hips that breaks down your will to fight together with the dams that kept the horrors contained in the back of your mind. There’s nobody to help you recover afterwards before they drag you into another room where you’re strapped into a chair with a headpiece full of wires to connect with your greased-up skull.

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

My End of the Year 2017 Quiz Answers.

So, there was this quiz that was going around based on the end of the year. I wanted to answer most of the questions, so i deleted a few of the questions i didn’t really like, and i conducted this as an interview with myself of sorts as a remind of 2017

Songs of the year?

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby (Cigarettes After Sex)

This Year (The Mountain Goats)

Watch the World Go By (Karl Blau)

People II: The Reckoning (AJJ)

Black Beauty (Lana Del Rey)

Midnight, the Stars, & You (Al Bowlly)

The Other Woman (Nina Simone)

I Wanna Be Adored (The Stone Roses)

Feelings (Lana Del Rey)

Prowl Great Cain (The Mountain Goats)

Kimochi Warui (Car Seat Headrest)

Dear God I Hate Myself (Xiu Xiu)

This is Not a War (AJJ)

Lady Liberty (AJJ)

Teen Mom (Slutever)

Manticore (Momus)

Atmosphere (Joy Division)

Africa (Toto)

Best Friend (AJJ)

Running Up That Hill (Kate Bush)

All We Ever Wanted Was Everything (Bauhaus)

Lived And Died Alone (Shamir)

Katy Song (Red House Painters)

Bright Boy (Alex G)

Love, Love, Love (The Mountain Goats)

In My Time Of Sorrow (Marianne Faithfull

You’re Gonna Love Me (Lana Del Rey)

Get Got (Death Grips)

Everything Always Goes Wrong (A Place To Bury Strangers)

But She Was Not Flying (Algiers)

I Love How You Love Me (The Paris Sisters)

Behind the Door (The Medallions)

You’re Gonna Need Me (Barbara Lynn)

Movies of the year?

Sex Lies and Videotape

Silence

Cat People

Patterson

The Fly

Spider

Maps to the Stars

A Dangerous Method

TV show of the year?

The Knick

Feud

Handmaid’s Tale

Fargo

Black Mirror

Mr. Robot

Homeland

Star Trek Next Generation

Stranger Things

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

I Love You America with Sarah Silverman

Favorite actor of the year?

Adam Driver, Emily Watson

Best month for you this year?

January was good because I got to leave Idaho to visit Sarah in Portland. September was pretty good. I reconnected with my brother after five years of saying very little to one another. I traveled briefly to Seattle, and then we went to the Hoh Rainforest, and Mount Rainier which was cool. And December, since I have finally succeeded in moving to Portland Oregon.

Something that made you cry this year?

I had my wisdom teeth pulled and I ended up with dry socket. That sucked. For some reason my gums began swelling up a few months ago. And well – I got into a fight with my brother about two months ago, and I slit my wrists – which was a mistake. I don’t really want to die for the record. When I get upset from someone yelling or being abusive I have these moments where I could do anything though and that’s what happened.

Something you want to do again next year?

Almost none of it, other than the basics of eating and sleeping. I would be happy to see new seasons of stuff I like. I am ready for mostly new everything though.

Talk about a new friend you made this year

I feel closer to a lot of my tumblr followers this year since I asked many of them their favorite songs. I wouldn’t call my tumblr acquaintances actual friends, but they are kind of in this weird way too. It’s not fair to say they aren’t friends either. Anyway, I feel closer to a lot of these people, and I feel like I have done more to reach out. Given there was more time, and more attention to it, I probably could make real friends out of many of my followers.

How was your birthday this year?

I don’t even remember it. I don’t think it was celebrated. I am too old.

Favorite book you read this year?

Postmodernism for Beginners

What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

Staying up late again. Amazon Prime.

Post a picture from the beginning of the year

Post a picture from the end of the year

Memorable meals this year?

My father learned how to make seitan. We made these seitan steaks with mushroom gravy that were killer. My sister made this wonderful cold pasta salad. Sarah took me to Harlowe and we got this dish with tempeh and polenta. There were these Thai Pancakes at the Vita Cafe that I loved. Also, I made up this recipe where I buy fancy dessert crackers,  get whipped cream and put a strawberry on them. I made them on the day that I discovered that Harry Dean Stanton had died. The chocolate version I call the Harry Deans, and the Vanilla one is called The Stanton.

What’re you excited about for next year?

Fucking everything.

What’s something you learned this year?

How much of a robot I actually am. How little I know. I am better at keeping secrets and doing the right thing when no one is looking.

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

Seriously, I am living in Portland Oregon now. I’ve never lived this far away from Idaho. Everything is different. The culture is different. The people are different. Opportunities are different. I don’t always feel it, but I am really so happy.

Favorite place you visited this year?

Obviously I love Portland. But I also really liked traveling to weird places with my mother. I love Seattle too.

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

You are getting out of this hellhole. Use coconut oil. Take the hydros sparingly.

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

Probably. I always pick more psychological resolutions than technical action based ones.

Did you create any art, or writing this year?

I have written about the first 18 years of my life in a very long project I am going for of writing my life story. Ten more years to go. After that, i am thinking about working on writing a novel.

[wrenchbouquet]

Are you feeling any better about the storylines for Team Scorpion, especially Quintis, this season?

Short answer: not really, no

Long answer below the cut

General:

1. Irresponsible mom Paige after fucking Walter the moment they’re able to after getting together vs. being in a relationship with Tim 


Why does Paige just not seem to care about her son’s existence anymore except when it’s convenient for her? Ever since she and Walter got together at the Quintis wedding, it’s like she can’t ditch her son fast enough to go fuck her boyfriend. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that but she’s always been so mindful of her son it’s strange she’s turned into a horny teenager now.) Especially in 4.01, when they literally just got back from three weeks exposed to the elements on that deserted island the first thing Paige did was to dump him on Sly without caring at all if he’s okay? I get that she wants to finally bang Walter, but would it have killed her to spend that first night home with her son making sure he’s not suffering any major physical and/or psychological trauma after a horrific plane crash and being stranded for almost a month? The first time they bothered to include Ralph again was in 4.04 when they went to the churro festival to look at churros they couldn’t afford, but that really doesn’t count as a genuine family outing when ex-wifey tags along too. Then that very night it was back to ditching Ralph god-knows-where so they could run off for a fancy date they could miraculously suddenly afford. 


       * We’re not alone in this, people on FB are commenting too on how Ralph’s appearances are so sporadic especially given how Riley’s promoted to regular cast now. They don’t even know what to do with the kid they currently have (who, while is only 12, is thankfully old enough to take care of himself), but now they want to add a Quintis baby to the mix? You can’t conveniently dump an infant in school like you do Ralph.
            * Yes there are child protection laws that prevents kid actors from working too much, but why can’t they at least have him in the garage more often and give him a more decent arc than being horny for an older girl? Shows like Madam Secretary and Lethal Weapon handle tough cases with sweet (and realistic) family moments every episode, why can’t Scorpion?
        * Ralph “wanting them to be alone” is beyond wrong in itself, that a kid that young only cares about his mom banging her new boyfriend. Though with how much Waige rubbed it into his face on that island that they were desperate for ‘time alone’, it’s not surprising… And as the grownups, it’s not a stretch for a viewer to think that Paige and Walter as the adults would want Ralph to be a kid and think of him rather than vice versa. 


The problem is not that Paige is dating again, not at all. The problem is how she’s behaving now that she’s dating Walter. Remember when she was with Tim? Ralph was invited to every outing- from the date in 3.04 to the dance in 3.07- without any question. Even when Ralph was being a rude little shit to Tim, Tim treated him with nothing but respect and care and even condoned his behavior when Paige was horrified (3.04 “He’s just a kid who loves his mom… Ralph is gonna keep challenging me, and he is right to try and protect you, because you are an amazing woman and he is grateful to have you in his life”). But Walter? That kid all but worships every inch of ground he steps on, but he can barely be bothered to acknowledge the kid’s existence these days unless he’s needed on a case and it’s convenient to the plot.


2. Ralph/Patty is just wrong. 


Patty is in high school, and when this whole crush nonsense started Ralph wasn’t even 12 yet (in 2.22 he said his birthday is 12/11/2005). Young puppy love and crushes I get. But Walter and the rest seeing no problem in how almost obsessive Ralph is becoming, and rather encouraging it? Why is nobody seeing all the potential statutory issues that could come out of this relationship? Yes they are both underage but wow is there a difference between 12 and 15. 


   * Though maybe if the two main couples on the show don’t start and end every. single. day. yapping about how they’re running off to fuck, Ralph wouldn’t think it’s so normal and want to join the club so young…


The geniuses telling Paige it’s not wrong and to let it happen when Ralph is her son and she’s not okay with it is wrong. 
What happened to the strong single mom Paige who stood up to the guys and chewed them out that “this isn’t communal child rearing” (1.07) when they tried to tell her how to raise Ralph then? Letting Ralph turn to the others for genius-related stuff is fine, but when it comes to her 12 year old trying to hook up with a high school girl, that’s when she deserves to take control of how to raise her son. And her caving to peer pressure sets a very bad example. 


3. Cabe’s trial- really?


Of all the federal laws the team breaks and Cabe is the only one arrested for something he really didn’t have a choice about? Where’s Walter and Happy’s trial for marriage and immigration fraud? Where’s Happy’s NTSB investigation for crashing a plane she wasn’t supposed to be flying, not to mention causing an international incident with Russia/Norway?? This picking and choosing of consequence isn’t helping the showrunners case for being well-thought out when it comes to plots and even characterizations. 


4. Continuity
Where’s Heywood? How are Patrick and Ronnie doing?? Why hasn’t Happy mentioned her dad in almost a year, and especially nearing/on her wedding??? Why didn’t Paige use the money Ronnie gave them when the team was too broke to buy food for themselves???? How is the team alive after going from three weeks on a deserted island-Arctic-Africa back to back????? When did we jump to Halloween and what happened between 4.05-4.06 to justify that time jump??????


       * Hell, NCIS mentioned Tony a few episodes ago- they can remember a character who left two seasons ago, but Scorpion can barely remember a member of their main cast (Riley), let alone recurring guest stars from just a few episodes back who had major impacts on the plot/main characters?


What happened to Merrick’s China treason that Homeland was “freaking out” about? Why did Happy only remember her pilot’s license at the very end of 3.23, and not when they were stranded in that Wyoming airfield with “no way” of going to the wedding??
        * It’s almost like she only wants to fuck Toby (honeymoon) than actually bother about marrying him. For happening in the same episode, it’s difficult to to ignore how easily Happy ‘forgot’ her pilot’s license to get to the big wedding she dragged her feet over but when it came to the honeymoon the entire team was joining them on she couldn’t wait to get there no matter how. 


5. Toby’s timeline


S1/2 vs. S3/4 GET A WHITEBOARD AND SOME MARKERS NICKS
    * 1.01: “He got his doctorate at the age of 17”; 1.17: “I had a medical degree from Harvard before most people have their driver’s licenses”; 2.11: the picture of kid Toby was at his high school graduation    * 3.23: “I wore (the wedding tux) to my prom” ← Really? The prom he went to after graduating high school at around 9? He’s wearing the same tux now at 35 that he wore at 9? Really? 
    * Let’s see how they handle 4.13, but if Toby met Amy in Harvard (so before 16, as stated in 1.17) does that mean they were together for literally half their lives? If they were together since their early/mid teens, why (and when) did Toby lose his virginity to that Vegas show girl (2.23: “a showgirl (at the old Tropicana in Vegas) made me a man”)?


Also, what’s with constantly letting Toby down and insulting him just for gags? The poor guy had to lose his pants thrice in just six episodes (3.25-4.05), and by 4.05 especially it wasn’t funny anymore. God forbid Walter was forced into such compromising positions, or either of the girls had to take off their shirts in an episode, everyone would erupt how gross it is. But since it’s Toby getting the brunt of the shitty writing it’s considered fun.


6. Blatantly repeating plots


3.15/4.09 (almost dying in the ocean surrounded by deadly sea creatures); 1.12/4.11 (it’s pretty much the exact same thing- complete with drown-it-to-save-it and the resolution of daddy issues- only it’s a dog now instead of a kid); 4.01/4.12 (Walter hallucinating); 3.23-25/4.10/4.14 (plane crashes). THERE ARE MORE PLOTS OUT THERE PEOPLE GET CREATIVE. Recycling plots this early on isn’t good… 


Quintis:

1. The baby storyline

I’m sorry but I’m not a fan of the baby storyline. It’s no surprise my thoughts on not liking the direction they’ve taken but it’s plain irresponsible to add an innocent child to their mess when they haven’t discussed the huge issues they’ve ignored between just them.  


So many other tv couples who have/want to have kids worry about their jobs and how it might affect their family- Deeks/Kensi (NCIS: LA), Henry/Elizabeth (Madam Secretary), Jessica/Neil (The Good Doctor), and JJ/Will (Criminal Minds) just to name a few. And they don’t just worry about it, they actually talk openly and honestly with each other about it more than once. And the couples mentioned above who are in law enforcement/government service acknowledge how unsafe their jobs are and how they’re going to balance kids when the reality is they could get killed at any time. But Quintis? Nope. They literally just came back from being exposed to toxic vapor/nuclear radiation yet again but saw no problem in immediately trying for a baby. You’d think after all their exposure to radiation and dangerous chemicals they’d at least want to get checked up to make sure they’re healthy enough to have a baby, but once again what are consequences on this show especially when it comes to Happy?  They should start trying for a kid after talking it through and making the necessary plans (and sacrifices) and when they’re financially stable, not just because “oh we’re married now time to have a baby”.


       * (And that is not to mention how they were literally too broke to buy a churro at that point in time, but were still irresponsible enough to push for a baby with no regard for how damn expensive babies are.)
        * This team obviously can’t take care of Ralph or Bueller as is, both of whom only appear when they are needed for the plot and conveniently disappear otherwise. Why then are they trying to add yet another child, especially an infant you can’t just toss aside when it’s not needed, to the mix?


2. Happy’s continually disappointing behaviour 

Happy is still showing she doesn’t care too much about Toby/blatant hypocrisy
: 

In 4.01 she was bitching about Collins sitting next to Toby while she was cozy in the back with Sly- anyone who has ever seen an SUV knows that the people sitting in the very back row have to get in first before those sitting in the middle row. If she actually cared about Toby not getting close to Collins, she should have stuck with her husband the whole time instead of jumping to the back first and then bitching about Collins. And then, when Toby was almost killed by Collins yet again, she continued talking to Sly about Megan instead of freaking out that her husband almost died again. 
        * If she was such an experienced ice road trucker, why didn’t she just drive that SUV when they were travelling on ice and get Toby in the front passenger seat away from Collins? 
            * Sidenote: Why is her stupid Portuguese song the only confession from 3.24 they seem to remember? What about her ice road trucking? What about being a side ho for Jake Gyllenhaal, while he was publicly dating Reese Witherspoon? (This isn’t personal bitterness, it’s fact based on the timeline canon told us via Happy.) 


In 4.04 she couldn’t so much as nod when Toby asked if it was a good thing they got together, but the moment she decided she wanted a baby it was all “I want a family because I love you”. If she really loves him then she needs to show it throughout, not only as lip service when she wants something from him. I mean, she went literally their entire wedding without saying ILY to her brand new husband. Sure her speech was sweet and all, but would it have killed her to say those three words anytime before they were about to die in a plane she wasn’t supposed to be flying?


The 4.08 public sex was illegal, and disgusting. Trying to conceive means unprotected sex, and since there probably wouldn’t have been any showering facilities in that hay loft it means that unless they stole wet wipes from Sly, then Happy would’ve spent the whole day with cum running down her legs. And why was everyone so excited about that?? Happy can demand public sex during Sly’s birthday celebrations, but when Toby calls her by a sweet nickname in the garage she treats it like such a violation of their personal lives?! The double standards are startling and unfair. 


4.09 ex-spouses baby naming/“Toby manipulates you” 
was wrong. Happy agreed to think about naming the baby after Walter if they kept it a secret from Toby (which, really, won’t be that hard for the robots considering they kept their marriage a secret for over six years). But god forbid if Toby secretly agrees to something that Happy hates just because he was guilt tripped into it. And when has Toby ever manipulated Happy?? Every step of their relationship he had expressed his feelings loud and clear but always waited for her to make the first physical step. Whereas Happy was the one who led Toby to believe their relationship was healthy and secure when she was secretly married the whole time and never bothered to tell him about it, not to mention her physical abuse and lip service when she wants something from him. Hopefully she won’t name their child a name he really doesn’t want but at this point nothing about her doing that is surprising. 


Yes there was a sweet moment at the end of 4.10, but once again it was when Happy was feeling insecure that it happened. Would it kill them to have a sweet moment initiated by Toby’s insecurities and Happy stepping up to comfort him instead of vice versa? Because if we learnt anything from that episode it’s that Toby has a lot of past baggage too that could very realistically haunt him whenever. Them being the side couple shouldn’t prevent them from having a cute and genuine moment during their journey towards parenthood. If the writers are unable to devote time to show a healthy progression and growth of their relationship and individual characters, why did they pair them up and marry them off so early? 
        * (Also, how convenient is it that she’s still not pregnant when they’re finally having this kid conversation? If they were immediately successful she’d be 3-5 months pregnant by now, a little late to have the “will our kids turn out okay” talk- which goes back to point #1 about responsible parents.)


[bitchfromtheseventhhell]

oh boy ok oh boy

a year late with starbucks, here i am with book-and-show sansa #discourse.  because i finally watched her stuff in s6 and while i don’t think i have anything #new to all y’all who watched her stuff in s6 as it was airing, i needed to process my thoughts about the entire seasons 5-6 conundrum so here they are.

some structural elements before i dive in:

i recently rewatched the entire series with my roommate who loves the show.  she keeps me honest about my thoughts regarding the show because she demands an internal cohesion of me that i tend to be more fluid with online.  in that spirit, i’m going to be looking at the characters equally.  book!sansa is book!sansa; show!sansa is show!sansa; neither will be written below as sansa.  the only instances where there won’t be a show!- or a book!- before any characters name is when that character does not exist in one of the two canons and thus i expect you to know which canon i’m talking about.

i will be discussing--specifically--the information that would cover affc-twow and beyond in book!verse, and the second half of s4-s6 in show!verse.  the emphasis will be predominantly on the show, though, with supplementary information from the books where it makes sense for what i’m talking about.  while there are still differences between both sansas in earlier books/seasons, i am considering that out of the scope of my thoughts for the sake of keeping my thoughts from going all over the fucking place which--you guessed it--they already are.

my reasons for this are also linked with narrative structure.  if you are assuming a structure for both media where you have an a-b-c structure, where a is the first chunk (agot-asos; s1-s4); b is the intermediary getting from a to c, and c is the #final countdown, you must look at b as a complete entity.  for a song of ice and fire--and specifically sansa’s case--it’s easy: she doesn’t appear in half of the b section (affc-adwd; though when twow comes out we may have to adjust this assumption of the b section, i think it’s a fair assumption to make now) since she does not have a pov chapter in adwd.  for game of thrones, it requires looking at s5 & s6 in tandem.  i honestly do not think it’s fair (in either direction) to judge s5 without looking at s6, and i do not think it’s fair to judge s6 without looking at s5.  they comprise the same narrative chunk.

i wear my biases on my sleeve: i think that s5 was a revelation in terms of the showrunners really being complete fools when it comes to confronting major adaptational challenges that they were facing.  while i do not--and honestly have never--expected perfection from them in terms of a perfect page-to-screen adaptation, this season to me was a sign to me that they were not equal to the task facing them. this is not to say that martin is: the jury will be out until we have twow and possibly ados in hand.

to me (and this does not mean you have to share this opinion), a good adaptation is not whether or not characters’ lines are reflective of the book, it’s whether the grander theme of the adaptation matches the original’s.  it’s a metric i use for all book-to-film adaptations, be it the lord of the rings, the handmaid’s tale, harry potter, american gods, the various pride and prejudice adaptations, and whatever else the film industry throws at us next.  this is an unfortunate metric for game of thrones, however, because the showrunners hamstrung themselves fast on that front, and it’s something that they even admitted to when saying “Themes are for eighth-grade book reports.” [source]

thinking something is a (not-)well-done adaptation and thinking something is a (not-)well-done show are two completely different things in my mind.  i don’t necessarily think that the harry potter movies are good adaptations; i think they’re decent movies--and the later ones are even full-on good.  in the case of show!sansa and the storyline constructed for her, and looking at them not as an adaptation but as a creation, here is what i will be considering

does the character make internally consistent choices?

are the choices the character makes substantiated by their experience?

how does the character fit in with the larger story?

lastly, this is a critique of seasons 4-5-6 of game of thrones.  i understand completely that there are folks out there who prefer game of thrones to a song of ice and fire; i know there are folks who prefer a song of ice and fire to game of thrones (i am one of this latter crew).  this is not meant to be a value-judgement on what you find enjoyable.  you do you.  i’ll continue to do me, and i do have major criticisms of various narrative arcs and setups in the books, though, due to the differences between the two media, they tend to be of a different variety.  if you don’t feel like reading through a long critique of this arc (because god knows there have been enough of them at this point since i’m a year late with starbucks) by all means skip this one.  i am processing for my own sake, and wanted to share what i think in case it’s constructive for others who haven’t had it already with the books-vs-show discourse on this particular arc.

a point that doesn’t easily go anywhere: a major difficulty when encountering books-vs-show, with really any of the characters but in this specific case definitely so: age.  book!sansa is 13 going on 14.  show!sansa is at least 18 if not older.  the difference between how a 13 year old would behave and process and how an 18+ year old does behave is vitally important and rarely discussed.  for all my frustrations with benioff & weiss’ adaptation with the series, i wonder to what extent (and i mean i literally wonder--i can see it going many ways) a lot of the deviations from between book!- and show!sansa comes from their respective ages.

show!sansa & rape

show!sansa was raped.  

she was raped on her wedding night to show!ramsay, and was raped repeatedly and psychologically and physically abused afterwards.  at the time that the episode aired, there were many comments flying around, but especially you have the following comment from brian cogman, one of the lead writers on the show:

“This isn’t a timid little girl walking into a wedding night with Joffrey. This is a hardened woman making a choice and she sees this as the way to get back her homeland. Sansa has a wedding night in the sense she never thought she would with one of the monsters of the show. It’s pretty intense and awful and the character will have to deal with it.” [source]

there are two things i want to unpack from this quote; i’ll get to the second of them in a different section.  the first part i will fixate on is one that frequently gets fixated in on in discussions of season five--specifically that show!sansa’s wedding night is one of “a hardened woman making a choice.”  

the problem we have here is that we don’t see her “making a choice.”  there are many discussions to be had about the nature of agency within westeros--both in the books and in the show, and involving characters beyond either book!- or show!sansa--but it is fairly certain from the beginning that show!sansa does not have a choice in the matter.  from the moment that show!petyr brings her away from the vale (not even telling her where she is going) and then surprises her with the view of the north at moat cailin, it is clear that he is not interested in her “choice.”  the “choice” that show!sansa has to make is what to do with her newfound situation--which she had no hand in choosing.

one of the seminal issues with season 5 is the way that benioff and weiss ended season 4 for show!sansa--specifically they had her looking at show!petyr and saying “I know what you want,” and then had her descending the staircase in the vale in a dress of her own making, hair freshly dyed, and seemingly liberated after three seasons of captivity in king’s landing.  this makes the transition into season 5, where you have a show!sansa who is distraught in episode 3 at the concept of going north to the boltons, who is blindsided that show!petyr would have masterminded this for her--inconsistent with the end writing of season 4, and with the commentary on the show from the episode where show!sansa did say “I know what you want,” 

“Up to now, Sansa has been a piece that other people have moved about the board to achieve their own goals, using her, discarding her, using her for a different purpose, you know, ‘You’re gonna marry Joffrey.’ ‘No, you’re gonna marry Loras.’ ‘You’re gonna marry Tyrion.’ She is beginning to at least try to understand how she can play the game of thrones and be, not a piece, but a player with her own goals and moving other pieces around. And she’s not a warrior like Robb, Jon Snow. She’s not even a wild child like Arya. She can’t fight with swords, axes. She can’t raise armies. But she has her wits, the same as Littlefinger has.” [source]

perhaps, instead, it was arrogance; alternatively, it is hubris that she assumed she knew what show!petyr wanted; or perhaps she is not in fact a player (to use terminology that is based in book!sansa’s arc), but still a piece, and a piece whose player has misread the board--show!petyr telling her “Better to gamble on the man you know than the strangers you don’t.  And you think you know me?” could well be mocking of both her and her strategy for he himself is about to gamble on strangers he doesn’t know--and drastically so.  that’s a valid interpretation of the beginning of season 5 in my view, but it stands at odds with her trajectory in the second half of season 4, while being consistent with her trajectory in season 6--where you can argue that show!sansa does begin to emancipate from piece-dom to player-dom.  this is something even sophie turner made note of while discussing season 5:

When I got the script, I was shocked to my core. Because I was just like, is this really going to happen for her again? It’s really quite devastating. It is “Game of Thrones,” but when you had the moment at the end of Season 4 you think, “Oh her life is going to get better. She’s going to take matters into her own hands and she’s gonna be this powerful woman and liberate people and manipulate people.” And then it was just kind of like, “Oh.” [source]

regardless--this makes the setup to this entire arc a rocky one because even the actor involved feels as though it’s a major step back for the character.  it makes the characterization inconsistent since it doesn’t seem to follow naturally from the end of season 4 and thus how the viewer comes to see show!sansa in the a section of the narrative.  it makes the justifications for the need to have her fill the role of show!ramsay’s wife and rape victim seem all the more nonsensical.

benioff’s commentary is revelatory on the matter:

“Sansa started as such a naive innocent...She’s been traumatized by what she’s seen and she spent almost a couple years in shell shock. At a certain point she’s either going to die or survive and become stronger. She’s chosen the latter option and she’s learned from an incredibly devious teacher in Littlefinger. The interesting thing about Littlefinger is he seems to have no almost no weaknesses aside from his affection for Sansa. He’s been obsessed with her since that early episode at the joust.” [source]

the tricky thing about this comment is that it has two theses: the first is that show!sansa’s only options are “to die or survive and become stronger.”  this comment in and of itself is not one that is necessarily untrue: book!sansa, after all, definitely spends the course of several books trying to figure out how to survive the situations she has found herself in, noting even that “one slip and [she is] dead,” even after she has left king’s landing.  it is certainly true of show!sansa, who during her time in king’s landing definitely was playing a game of survival and one the likes of which she in season 1 would not have imagined. 

what is frustrating is that the idea that this version of “survive and become stronger” was not something that they had already set up at the end of season 4, that show!sansa has thrown herself in with show!petyr and is prepared to outflank everyone for show!petyr has “almost no weaknesses aside from his affection for Sansa.”  she exited season 4 with that “survive and become stronger” mentality, only to have it torn to shreds in season 5.  the idea, then, that show!petyr’s affection for show!sansa would blind him into sending her to this specific marriage reflects that he does--in fact--have a weakness (his own hubris) and that, furthermore, show!sansa’s strength (which, quite apart from “shell shock,” was what carried her through seasons 2 and 3) came not from her trying to take advantage of her situation as she was at the end of season 4, but rather from her being raped instead.  independently about what that means for the character, it says rather a lot of misogynistic things about the showrunners.

i stand firmly believing that the showrunners mishandled show!sansa’s rape.  i do not particularly think they handled the episodes immediately following her rape in a consciencous way, though i think they do manage to capture show!sansa’s nihilistic desperation at her situation which leads her to insult show!ramsay to his face and to leap off the walls of winterfell with show!theon, both actions that display a brash bravery that she is rarely credited with (either because insulting show!ramsay to his face is deemed “stupid” and “dangerous” because he will abuse her further, or because it stands at odds with the idea of show!sansa as one who waits, and thinks, and uses her wits before acting--a trait that is frequently talked about in commentary of the show).  to stand up for oneself against a rapist, abuser, and--beyond her relationship with him--torturing murderer and to declare that this is an unacceptable situation to exist in is an act of profound backbone.  

the simple fact of show!sansa unflinchingly and unapologetically overseeing the death of her rapist and the man who murdered her brother is the only way to have ended that subplot.  it was a good ending to a storyline that was shoddily structured in both its preparation and in its early execution.

show!sansa & the north

“This isn’t a timid little girl walking into a wedding night with Joffrey. This is a hardened woman making a choice and she sees this as the way to get back her homeland. Sansa has a wedding night in the sense she never thought she would with one of the monsters of the show. It’s pretty intense and awful and the character will have to deal with it.” [source]

i mentioned above that i would have a second thought about that quote.  here it is.  the point of show!sansa going north to marry show!ramsay was to get her north.  her “choice” was to try and reclaim her homeland, however she could, after having been separated from it and her family for so long while held in captivity, and after having mourned and longed for it during that brief period in the vale of arryn.

both sansas are characters who want to go home, who long for paths to bring them home, who miss their family.  book!sansa assumes that the vast majority of her family is dead (it is a shock for book!sansa to remember that book!jon is alive--the sole family member from her nuclear family still remaining to her; she has an uncle and a great uncle in the riverlands, but those don’t cross her mind particularly, possibly because they are tullys and not starks) and is completely unaware of what the reader knows is going on in winterfell (which book!petyr is involved with by virtue of jeyne poole’s presence there).  meanwhile, show!sansa knows that arya lives, learns from show!theon that her younger brothers are alive as well before physically reuniting with show!jon early on in season 6.  

i completely understand the need to change the way that martin has been writing his story in order to fit the constraints of television, and the story that the showrunners have been working on since the first season.  i understand, furthermore, that while martin has the luxury of being able to miss every deadline set before him for whatever reason he sees fit--that’s not something that benioff and weiss are able to do in order to write a season of game of thrones.  

if it were simply a matter of show!sansa working to reclaim the north, i would have many fewer quibbles with the execution of this storyline.  the problem is that that the emphasis of season 5 (and thus something that they had to fix in season 6) was not the north; it was the rape.

The showrunners first thought about putting Sansa and Ramsay together back when they were writing season 2. “We really wanted Sansa to play a major part this season,” Benioff said. “If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was as subplot we loved from the books, but it used a character that’s not in the show.”

Writer-producer Bryan Cogman had some insight, as well. “The seeds were planted early on in our minds,” Cogman said.  [source]

there are many elements to the subplot that they chose to adapt that were not present in season 5.  the major elements of the subplot that were present involved the marriage of show!/book!ramsay and the horrificly abusive marriage that that becomes, the psychological grapplings of show!/book!theon, and show!/book!stannis’ march from the wall to winterfell (though there are major differences in the adaptation of this march; i won’t be discussing them here).  the problem is that while all of those are vitally important to the book plot, the reason that they are all there in the books to begin with is the power vaccuum of the north following book!robb’s death--and none of them would be present without the political pressure of what is going to happen in the north, and that is the vital backdrop of everything.  it is startlingly absent in season 5 and has major ramifications in the writing of season 6, especially for show!sansa, though also for show!jon.

in the book iteration, you have the northern lords who have gathered in winterfell for the marriage of book!ramsay with jeyne poole.  the marriage is a way to legitimize bolton rule, since one of the “stark daughters” will be married to book!ramsay before all of the north, making it that much more difficult for them to rally against the boltons and say that their rule is illegitimate. one of the many points of the subplot (and certainly one of the most important) is that it happens where everyone can see it, and yet book!theon is the only one who knows all the details.  

the northern lords--for the most part--are disgusted with the entire situation.  they are livid with book!theon for having (supposedly) murdered book!bran and book!rickon, they hate the boltons for being turncloaks who participated in the red wedding, where many of their brethren were slaughtered (not to mention the starks who died there), but they are also fully aware that many of them still have living family members who are held hostage beneath the twins and so they must make nice with their new lords, lest something bad happen to their family members.  it is in this subplot that we have some insight into seeds laid in book!davos’ storyline--that wyman manderly is working to undermine the boltons and the freys, that there is someone in winterfell who is murdering turncloaks (though that person is unknown), and that “the north remembers” what happened to the starks, to their own families, and that they hate the boltons for it. furthermore, they are flatly disgusted with book!ramsay’s treatment of jeyne, whom they believe to be book!arya. 

“Not me,” the Lady of Barrowton confessed, “but the rest, yes. Old Whoresbane is only here because the Freys hold the Greatjon captive. And do you imagine the Hornwood men have forgotten the Bastard's last marriage, and how his lady wife was left to starve, chewing her own fingers? What do you think passes through their heads when they hear the new bride weeping? Valiant Ned's precious little girl.” [source]

the show’s adaptation of this scenario does not include the northern lords.  it mentions--briefly--ramsay terrorizing the old lord cerwyn and replacing him with a new one in the first episode of season 5, but after that we have literally nothing for an entire season.  the only sign that “the north remembers” comes from a little old man and a little old woman who ally themselves with show!brienne and show!sansa.  indeed, this brave woman ends up being murdered and flayed by show!ramsay after he discovers her plans to help show!sansa escape and that, it seems, is that.  “the north remember[ing]” seems to be a flimsy, hopeless thing, and not enough to help show!sansa at all in her current situation, for it cannot connect her with show!brienne (present and earnestly hoping to help show!sansa, if unaware of the explicit details of her situation).  

stepping away from the issues that arise from adaptation here and looking at game of thrones without a song of ice and fire to compare it to--in order to be sure that show!sansa was isolated enough for show!ramsay not to worry about having to rein himself in, the showrunners left several major worldbuilding plotholes and really shot themselves in the foot for the next season and the character development they could have had for show!sansa.  for all they say that the “choice” that motivated show!sansa’s actions was an attempt to reclaim her homeland, their focus in this arc for an entire season was her abuse, and then her desperate need to escape from it, not her political aims.  rather than giving show!sansa scenes where she was interacting with lords and ladies she would have to convince in season 6 to join her cause, scenes where northern lords might see how show!ramsay truly was treating their beloved show!ned’s daughter, or where they might be appalled that show!sansa would agree to marry him, or whatever could be written to add in conflict later, they gave show!ramsay pointless scenes with his girlfriend, a poorly contrived plot involving being able to see a candle in a tower window, and an isolation that made no political sense given that the whole reason that show!sansa married show!ramsay from the bolton perspective was to legitimize bolton power in the north.  they did not care to focus even a little bit on the rest of the north and showed literally no perspective on the match from any northern characters.  it was only show!sansa and the boltons.

the trouble is--the rest of the north does exist, and show!sansa (and show!ramsay) has to confront that in season 6, since it was not done in season 5.

the first thing to bring up before diving into that, though, is the red wedding.  the red wedding--in both books and show--was an event orchestrated by the rooses bolton, the walders frey, and the tywins lannister.  in both cases, you have an event where the robbs and catelyns stark were slaughtered--but also where members of other northern houses were slaughtered and/or taken captive.  this is vital to the frustration of the northern lords in the book as described above.  they blame the boltons far more than book!robb for the red wedding, not least because many of them still have family members held hostage at the twins, pending their allegiance to house bolton’s regime in the north.  they recognize book!roose as a traitor, and that book!ramsay is his son and heir and thus as vile a kingslayer and traitor as they could find, on top of being the fiend who married lady hornwood and then left her to starve to death and eat her fingers so that he could claim her lands through marriage as his own.  it is not simply a matter of being frustrated with book!robb’s choice to marry jeyne westerling (though there is definitely frustration there)--they know that the destruction of--not just their king but their autonomy rests on bolton shoulders.

the northern lords in the show, far from blaming the boltons, seem to blame the starks for it.  they blame show!robb’s marrying talisa and shirking his commitment to marry one of show!walder frey’s daughters.  and while i think, given what happened at the red wedding, it is justifiable from their end to see their king as having not taken his oath seriously, the leap from “show!robb did a bad thing” to “the kinslayer of the kingslayer of show!robb now sits in winterfell and should sit in winterfell” makes legitimately no sense as a baseline for why northerners would side with show!ramsay and it is the baseline.  

there are, of course, logical explanations to why many of the northern lords chose to absent themselves from season 5, and to help substantiate the decision season 6 in aligning with the boltons (even the ones who want to “stay out of it” have chosen house bolton over house stark).  the problem remains that none of those explanations happen in the show canon until season 6, making it impossible to deny that season 5 wasn’t about the north it was about rape.  there is no dialogue to explain it, and there aren’t any of benioff & weiss’ much beloved monologues to explain it and, given how frequently they use monologue to provide political backstory/understanding to their viewers, the lack of it in this plotline which is supposed to be about show!sansa “see[ing] this as a way to get back her homeland” is really noticeable.  there are explanations for the choices, but those explanations must come from the viewers, not from the show itself, which makes it no more or less canon than the questions demanding to know why the north did or did not remember in this way.  

it means that the northern plotline has to play catch-up with itself in season 6 and that show!sansa shows an understanding of the north and its politics that were denied her by the showrunners not sending any northern lords to winterfell in season 5 in the first place.  her understanding of the north was that brave woman’s assertion that “the north remembers,” and it gets flung in her face repeatedly when she brings it up.  and while it would make sense for her to have some instinct for politics after her time in king’s landing and her time with show!petyr, and for her to understand show!ramsay better than show!jon and show!davos in anticipation of the battle of the bastards, it doesn’t make sense that she would have a better sense for northern politics as a genre than show!jon, who has been much closer at hand to the north than she has since the beginning of the show by never having left it and who has had to deal with a northern political backdrop given his stance about the wildlings since season 2. 

the first instances of northern lords being present in winterfell are a karstark and an umber.  the karstark’s justification for supporting ramsay makes sense, even if it’s belated: there’s a great deal of bitterness for show!robb’s beheading of show!rickard karstark in season 3.  it’s a clunky scene but it follows from what came before.  this is not even a little bit the case with the umber who brings show!osha and show!rickon into show!ramsay’s hands.  the scene in which this umber is showing that he supports show!ramsay follows literally no logic.  the reason for support is that show!ramsay slew his “cunt” of a father.  what made show!roose a “cunt” is hard to say--it’s never explained.  perhaps, it’s that he slew his king in cold blood; if that’s the case, one wonders why a man who kills his king is worse, somehow, than a man who kills his father in plain view of his vassals.  but that is speculation.  there is no mention of the red wedding (where presumably show!greatjon was...but who knows because he hasn’t appeared since season 1), of the betrayal of the starks and the umbers’ fellow northern lords by the boltons, and no real understanding of why show!rickon and show!osha, who presumably have been in last hearth since the end of s3 when they said that was where they were headed, would go from being people who deserved protection to prisoners of the house who slew show!robb and show!catelyn.  

the only conclusion that can be drawn, given the lack of setup for it, is that benioff and weiss were ramroding their plot into place, just as they did by sending show!sansa north to begin with, and are trying to convince the viewer to “just go with it” in order for the rest of the season to make sense and to have the military setup they so desire for the battle of the bastards in episode 9.  in focusing only on show!sansa’s rape the season before and none of the northern politics, we then are left questioning why the everloving fuck the karstarks and umbers think the manderlys would throw in with show!ramsay when benioff and weiss were so proud of having a manderly at the red wedding (presumably to die or be captured) to when season 3 aired.  it does not follow logically or politically--it only follows if you stop assuming that this house, and other northern houses, has any memory, agency, goals, familial relationships, and has miraculously lost the sense of honor that led its members to crown show!robb following show!ned’s beheading and that they only exist as a function of show!ramsay’s power in the north...and the whole point of show!ramsay’s marrying show!sansa was that the power he held in the north was unstable to begin with.

ironically, the lord glover that show!sansa and show!jon have to try and convince to join their side gives a better justification for it than either of these two more powerful houses--in pointing out that show!ramsay helped retake his keep from the ironborn, and that show!ramsay helped him rebuild his home (which....he didn’t need to marry show!sansa for, and which is a very different tune from show!roose’s warning to show!ramsay in season 5 that “We can't hold the north with terror alone”).  his refusal to help show!jon given that it is an army of wildlings show!jon’s asking him to join also makes sense, but it is so belated and following so contrived a setup that it feels like an afterthought for the baseline above, rather than the primary motivation of mistrusting show!jon’s choices.  but at the same time, this lord glover does address the fact that it was the boltons who perpetrated the red wedding which destroyed the lives of so many including his brother, pinning the blame on show!robb and his choices instead.  it perpetuates--rather than the boltons being hated for turning their cloaks--the idea that they might, in fact, be liked for it which is so mindboggling when you also have this mentality that “the north remembers.”  treason and kingslaying are suddenly oddly forgivable in a region that prides itself on having an ancient honor.

the viewer has been given the sense since the very first scenes of the show that the northerners care intensely about the old way, about righteousness and justice.  but what we see from the northern lords--or rather, from the lack of the northern lords in season 5--stands at odds with the starks and the northern “old way” of making justice with their own hand.  show!sansa and show!jon alone seem to remember it, seem to care about the boltons and justice for the red wedding.  the rest are unwilling to help, and the reasons that they give do not align with what the viewer has been led to believe about the north in the a section of game of thrones.  if it does remember, it remembers the wrong things and is better to think that, in fact, it might not.

and--to make the whole mess even more frustrating--in the scene in which show!jon is crowned the king in the north, the northern lords speak of how he avenged the red wedding, which they had seemed to forget or not care about in joining the boltons or rejecting show!jon’s and show!sansa’s call for aid.  little show!lyanna mormont declares that “the north remembers” to murmured assent and that’s true: she did.  the others--they made it quite clear that they didn’t remember the red wedding or the horrors that show!ramsay was capable of throughout the entire season.

show!sansa & herself

now is where i’m going to shed commentary from the showrunners for a section.  the reason being that in order to look at show!sansa as her own character--no matter what my frustrations are with the crafting of her arc--it is a waste of energy to compare what the showrunners intended for her versus what was actually depicted on the screen.  it means that book!sansa in the vale, grappling with the web of lies she’s found herself in, must cease to exist for a time, and that benioff, weiss, cogman, and martin do not get to say a word.  only show!sansa does.

show!sansa begins calmly confident in her choices, since the end of season 4 ended with “i know what you want,” the dyeing of hair, and a confident stroll that implies that show!sansa is ready to take control of the situation.  that calm confidence slips away very quickly when she finds that she has been sold into marriage as she was by show!petyr and finding herself in the wolf’s den with those who slaughter wolves.

it results in an understandable, natural irascibility.  show!sansa in her newfound freedom is infuriated by the presence of the boltons in her home.  she speaks and acts boldly.  she seems to have forgotten everything she learned in king’s landing, that the viewer spent several seasons watching her navigate with enough capacity for her to have made it out alive--with show!petyr’s help.  show!sansa knows the boltons to be terrible for they murdered her mother and brother; show!sansa knows that they have the capacity for craftiness, for their betrayal was not discovered before it was too late.  and show!sansa behaves almost as show!ned did in season 1: speaking her mind and damn the consequences.  perhaps she is trusting in the fact that show!petyr, her ally, made the match for her; perhaps she is trusting in her name and status as a legitimization of show!ramsay’s position to serve as a protector for her.  perhaps, still, she is determined that in this place, in her home, in winterfell, she will not be the sansa stark who had to hide everything about herself in order to escape abuse at show!joffrey’s hand.  she is determined to retain a part of herself no matter what.  as she tells show!theon in the last episode of season 5 “If I’m going to die, let it happen while there’s some of me left.”  she is not there yet, of course, but i think this line is vital to understanding her earlier behavior in the season, especially when considering her history in the a section of the narrative as an abuse victim who was never allowed to be herself and who routinely had to denounce her father, brother, and mother as traitors, and tell everyone who would listen that she had the traitor’s blood also.  

show!sansa is allowing herself to be “herself” as best she can, which is jarring for a character who has existed to be different versions of herself depending on those around her and what they need from her.  this version of herself is an impulsive one ( “You can’t!”) and one who digs into her abuser where she can (“Or maybe he’ll give me yours”).  the viewer knows more than show!sansa does: we know what show!ramsay did to show!theon, we know that show!ramsay has literally hunted like game a woman who no longer pleased him and set his dogs loose on her to kill her, we know that he is a different breed of cruel from show!joffrey.  but show!sansa does not yet.  she will learn all this--she will see hints of it when she finds show!theon in the kennels--thinking that he deserves his state, given that he supposedly murdered her little brothers--but she will not learn for true until after she is married.  

she marries show!ramsay, is repeatedly raped and beaten and abused psychologically by him, and she tries twice to convey to show!brienne that she needs her help, that she needs to get out.  both are failures that result in the death of others: in one case, the old woman who told her that “the north remembers,” the second in show!myranda, whom show!theon kills before he and show!sansa leap to their freedom and potential death from the walls of winterfell.  the progression of season five, for me, is a smash repeat of seasons 1-2 for show!sansa, only this time for an older woman with an older abuser.  she thinks things will be fine, they are not fine, she is sexually and psychologically abused.  there is even the hope that show!stannis will kill her captor for her which happens on neither count.  the difference is capacity for agency: show!sansa in seasons 1-2 was thirteen-fourteen years old and is being watched very closely at all times in a place she doesn’t know very well.  in season 5, she is a stark of winterfell in winterfell and is able to slip out of the room in which she is being held and sneak her way to try and transmit her plea for help.  and, when she is unsuccessful, she chooses to leap from the walls with show!theon, rather than choosing to stay in a space of abuse.  in king’s landing, there remains some hope for her--that show!robb will live and come to find her--in season 5, whether or not there is hope for her safekeeping doesn’t matter to her.  she’d sooner try all she can to get free.

there are inklings of show!sansa’s pride throughout season 5.  i should note: pride here is not intended as a value judgement for show!sansa, though frequently it is used against her.  i think she is entitled by her experience to have her pride.  people have tried to strip it from her throughout the seasons.  her holding onto it, even when it causes conflict, i think is a sign of her tenacity in light of abuse.  she is proud when she arrives in winterfell, head held high to face show!robb’s and show!catelyn’s murderer and his son, she is proud before the wedding while dining with the boltons, refusing to be brought low, she is proud in interactions with show!theon before she is married, and she is proud enough to say that she’d rather die while there is still some of her left than to return to her chamber  and face whatever show!ramsay has in store for her.  that pride takes on a different shade in season 6 when she finds show!jon at castle black.

there, her pride becomes more mixed.  it flares at random moments.  sometimes she is proud in a way that includes show!jon--making him a cloak like their father’s, for example--and other times she is proud in a way that doesn’t include him.  show!sansa’s pride, to me, helps explains why she doesn’t tell show!jon about her contact with show!petyr when he first comes to molestown to see her, and then returns to the knights of the vale at moat cailin.  she doesn’t want to admit to any contact with him, because it is both painful and humiliating to acknowledge that show!petyr has anything valuable to convey to her after what he was responsible for in season 5.  it is pride as well that means she doesn’t tell show!jon that she is sending for the knights of the vale after house after house after house has closed their doors to the starks’ plea.  show!sansa has been told that “the north remembers” by the brave old woman.  there were no other northern lords in winterfell to prove otherwise while she was there as well.  she clung to it as hope in her most nihilistic moments and now that hope has been turned on its head and it is something she refuses to accept because she’d rather die than go back to ramsay--so she calls upon show!petyr.  it can only be pride that keeps her from telling show!jon, fear that he will call the move stupid, that he will call her stupid for trusting show!petyr in an hour of need.

and, of course, it is pride that leads her to reconnect with show!petyr wordlessly when show!jon is crowned: if show!jon gave her credit privately, no one gave her credit for helping to retake winterfell during that meeting--not even her half-brother--no one except show!petyr and her pride is wounded and he is planning to prey upon it once again.

show!sansa & the larger story

while drafting this, i reread the post that i wrote in the immediate aftermath of unbowed, unbent, unbroken.  it, like this, was a processing post, though of a very different variety, and it, more than this, was expecting a tighter adaptation to the books.  one of the major points that i was making was that, in sending show!sansa north to fill the role in this subplot, there was a major ripple effect in the larger story--beyond just what happened in the north.  this ripple effect struck out as far as dorne, for that was where show!jaime found himself in season 5, rather than in the riverlands where his book counterpart was.  book!jaime would be lured away by book!brienne on lady stoneheart’s orders while book!brienne is still on her thus-far fruitless quest to find book!sansa. because of the adaptation of show!sansa’s storyline, you can’t send show!jaime to the riverlands just yet (this will happen in season 6) so instead he goes to dorne, which changes the dynamic of his and show!cersei’s relationship, which changes the moves that show!cersei makes, which changes the moves the faith makes.  you also have show!petyr who inexplicably tells show!cersei precisely where show!sansa is and why and somehow doesn’t end up dead but instead gets show!cersei to agree to name him warden of the north at the end of everything (an additional interesting layer to his shared glance with show!sansa at the end of season 6).

the trouble i find here is simple--and to me much shorter than any of the points i’ve made above--the decision to send show!sansa north in season 5 is directly connected in my view to the dorne subplot was poorly conceived on every possible count (“i’m going to honor my dead lover by....killing his entire family....” + badly shot fight sequences).  and while i think that the king’s landing plotline in seasons 5 and 6 was better upon a rewatch than i was anticipating it being, i also think that there are major gaps in it and in how the north is being treated by a show!cersei who is doing what she can to consolidate her power, especially a show!cersei who has just lost the second of her three children and who believes that one of those responsible for the first’s death is in the north.

i think that more broadly, the writing and worldbuilding in season 5 went downhill; i can’t parse out if i think that’s because of the northern plot, or if it’s simply a correlation.  it’s hard to know since it’s the first season where they depart so thoroughly from the books, which makes it hard to know until the winds of winter has been released and until game of thrones is finished as a television series.  in terms of the show independently from the books, however, i think it’s undeniable that season 5 is a weak point and that the victories of season 6 are still built on a bad foundation which makes them harder to see as full-on victories.  you can’t leave out season 5 (unless you’re talking about show!bran since he--mercifully?--wasn’t in season 5) in terms of talking about narrative because it’s the linchpin and it’s a bad linchpin. it’s how you get from a strong start to a--hopefully--relatively strong finish.

final thoughts

looking at show!sansa in a vacuum (ie pretending for a second that book!sansa does not exist), i feel just plain bad for what the writing of her was.  it was hamfisted, unsubtle, poorly conceived, and poorly executed.  it frustrates me that a narrative arc with all of those traits has a ripple effect on the narratives in the rest of the series, but that’s how it goes i suppose.

i’m proud of some of her choices: i will never not be thrilled by the way she #ended show!ramsay, and i’m curious about what show!bran’s return to winterfell will mean for her.  i’m frustrated with some of her characterization, but lbr here are there major characters on game of thrones whose characterizations i adore?  because for the most part the characters i am at my happiest watching are the minor ones these days because most of the major ones are inconsistent in a way that personally is very frustrating.

i don’t really know what else i think.

i also don’t think i have to.  i don’t know if i will until the show is over.  and i imagine that my thoughts will continue to grow and change as time goes on because that’s what thoughts do.  i literally could not have foreseen writing some of what i’ve written in here two years ago when season 5 was airing.

but i suppose all this is where i am right now.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: Hey Fraze: What do you want, red? Bea: Talk Fraze: Didn't gloat enough last night, yeah? Fraze: Go on then Bea: That wasn't even what I intended then, even though I was obviously shitfaced, so yeah Bea: Christ Bea: I'm sorry, alright? Fraze: Fuck sorry Fraze: I was shitfaced last night too, I didn't stick my tongue down anyone's throat Bea: Well, you could've Fraze: Cheers for the written permission Fraze: I'll go make a friend, gimme a sec Bea: I'm just saying, not the point, is it Fraze: Your point is, it ain't fun unless you can throw it in my face, like Bea: It wasn't actually about you, sorry to disappoint Fraze: Funny way of showing it Fraze: Should've kept your hands busy, babe Fraze: It would've avoided this Bea: Don't be disgusting Bea: it was bad enough what I did Fraze: You came to the wrong place for sympathy Bea: I'm not after it, I'm just trying to tell you I've sorted it, alright? Fraze: Now you've said it. Run along and pat yourself on the back Bea: Yeah got it, you hate me Bea: but I don't love him, hear that Fraze: What do you expect me to do? Like I could cast my mind back to how it feels pining for someone but I was only a kid Fraze: Fuck off Bea: That isn't close to what this is Bea: How do you manage to still be so arrogant whilst being totally fucking wrong? Bea: A real talent Fraze: Better mine than yours Bea: Obviously Bea: Hope its good company, like Fraze: We done or is there more sob story to come? Bea: Fuck it Bea: You've heard it all before and if you're incapable of connecting the dots by now, you never will Bea: why waste any more time Fraze: Wouldn't want you keep from walking the fuck away again Fraze: Off you go Bea: Again? Seriously? Bea: Where have I gone that you haven't Fraze: You tell me Fraze: The distance ain't being measured in miles, is it, babe Bea: Exactly Bea: Don't act like it was all my idea Fraze: Likewise Fraze: Not for one second was your hand being forced Bea: Didn't say it was Bea: Doesn't mean I had it under control, all cold and calculated, so fuck you Fraze: Hurts doesn't it, when people reckon you're that cunt Bea: I haven't accused you of fucking anything Bea: That's all you Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: Ever since uni started it's like I masterminded this whole fucking plan to fuck you over Bea: You're the one bringing that up Bea: What, you want me to say I'm perfectly capable of that all on my own? Bea: Got the proof, now who's fucking gloating Fraze: Fucking hell Fraze: If the cap fits though, babe Fraze: Go ahead and gloat about how you picked someone who was off limits and broke what few rules there were, on your way out Fraze: Proud of you, like Bea: Fuck off Bea: You don't get to be faux angry on his behalf Bea: You don't even think he's legit or like him and now you're his defender? Don't make me laugh Fraze: You fuck off Fraze: I'm angry on my own behalf Fraze: I don't get attached, deliberately, but you just had to one-up me and go harder, yeah? Congrats Bea: I'm not attached! You aren't listening Fraze: I could give less of a fuck what you're TRYING to say Fraze: You didn't pick him up at the club, no names Fraze: And you knew how I'd react Fraze: You fucking love this Bea: You don't get to listen last night and not now Bea: not how it works Bea: also no Bea: I know it's hard when you're so self-involved but consider for a second that it was actually about HIM and not YOU Bea: pushing HIM away Fraze: Shut up Fraze: I know how important he is to you, no need to shove that down my throat after you've tongued his Fraze: I can think, do and say what I fucking like Fraze: That's how it works Bea: Then do Bea: if this is the hill you wanna live and die on Bea: but you're being ridiculous Bea: frankly Fraze: And that's only for you to be, yeah? I forgot Fraze: You're a fucking farce Fraze: And still judging me Bea: Least I'm owning it Bea: what the fuck are you doing? Fraze: I'm not the one shitting on everything from a great height last I checked Bea: You're complicit, you said as much Bea: but nah, all me Bea: wouldn't that be helpful for your complex Fraze: You're wasted not studying psychology, babe Fraze: Truly Bea: Whatever Bea: I know I'm right and so do you Fraze: Feel good, does it? Fraze: I hope so 'cause it's all you've got to show for this Bea: Yeah, great Bea: Can't you tell? Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Doesn't take a genius Bea: Thank fuck Bea: 'cos you're a total moron Fraze: Fuck you Bea: No, you Fraze: That's the best you've got? Fraze: We ain't 7 any more Bea: Stop sulking then Fraze: Stop messing me about then Bea: I ain't Bea: it was just drunk texts, we've all been there Fraze: Still fucked me up Bea: I said sorry Bea: I am sorry Bea: what can I do? Fraze: Say it like you mean it Fraze: Say it to my face Bea: Really? In the middle of a School week? Bea: You are high maintenance Fraze: Fuck it Fraze: I can own how much I miss you Fraze: How shit this is Bea: Still? Fraze: Do you want me to come or don't you Fraze: Simple enough Bea: Yes Bea: obviously Fraze: Shut up then Fraze: Always fighting me Bea: Yeah, like I'm letting that one slide when I've got at least a solid day before you get here and can make me Fraze: We both know when I get there you'll only be making more noise Fraze: That's why I need you to give in now and let it happen Bea: I'm not stopping you Bea: student loans might have something to say about how you utilize your funds; your profs, your time Fraze: That shit's the least of my worries Bea: Cheers, I ain't THAT bad.. Fraze: Don't get it twisted, babe Bea: Well what else would be giving your grief? Fraze: It's the lack of you Fraze: You're not the problem like, it's that bullshit getting in my way Bea: Yeah Bea: I get it Bea: Got to be done Fraze: Yeah, but I've got to see you first Bea: Come Fraze: No pretty please? Bea: Pushing it, boy Fraze: Would you rather I didn't? I don't reckon Bea: You know what I'd rather Fraze: As a total moron, might need it spelled out, like Bea: Aww babe, you need your ego stroked after that one? Bea: Gone soft on me, like Fraze: It ain't my ego Fraze: And not unless you've lost your touch, babe Bea: Doubting my talent after lauding it only seconds ago? Bea: Hot and cold you are Fraze: Making sure you're listening and keeping you interested Fraze: Bit of multitasking and that Bea: Hmm Bea: Bit tryhard but appreciated Fraze: What else do you reckon I'm learning at college? Fraze: Might as well be an arse kissing degree this Fraze: They call it business but Christ Bea: Whatever gets you the deal, babe Bea: 😂 Bea: Love to see that in action Fraze: You and all these other cunts Bea: You don't like your course? Fraze: What gave it away? Bea: You could change Bea: Not too late Fraze: Not technically but we ain't all loving dealing with superhuman workloads, babe Fraze: Fuck starting over Bea: Alright Bea: It'll still be worth it in the end Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I'll get it done, it ain't that bad Bea: Good Bea: Not just saying it, yeah? Fraze: I'm not a pussy I've done this much, I can handle the rest Bea: I know you aren't Fraze: Don't treat me like one then Fraze: Take my word for it, like Bea: Alright Bea: Calm down Bea: Only asking Fraze: Only saying Bea: Yeah Bea: well I'm sick of not knowing how you're doing Fraze: You are losing your touch if you ain't keeping decent tabs Bea: Fuck off Bea: I've got a life, thanks Fraze: Did have, before you fucked it, like Bea: Shut up Bea: Not funny Fraze: Not laughing Bea: Not what it sounds like from here Fraze: Well, you've got it wrong Bea: What else is knew Fraze: Your turn to sulk now then, yeah? Bea: thought you was being nice Fraze: Now who's gone soft? Bea: Fuck you then, gonna go back to icing you out, like Fraze: You reckon Bea: Yep Fraze: Gonna slam the door in my face, like Bea: Bold of you to assume I'm answering the door Fraze: Come on Fraze: You didn't want me to laugh a second ago, make your mind up Bea: Joking Bea: Keep up Fraze: Hilarious, of course Bea: Yeah, now you've got not nothing, not even a pity laugh Bea: Rude, tbh Fraze joined the chat 14 hours ago Fraze: Like you said, what else is new Bea: could pretend to be nice 'til you leave Bea: not asking for much Fraze: Could do, yeah Bea: Promising Fraze: Not tryhard, like? Fraze: Changing the rules to suit yourself again, babe Bea: You're so bloody awkward Fraze: Cheers Bea: Are you still moody or what? Bea: I've not got a clear enough head for this Fraze: Hanging too hard? Bea: Big time Bea: you reckon I was fucking up my life sober? Bea: little more credit Fraze: I thought you could handle the morning after, but that's too much credit clearly Bea: What can I say? Not an old pro like you Bea: not that this was your finest hour Fraze: Being away from the homeland is making you weak Bea: you reckon Bea: i should come to you then Fraze: You'll have to work harder than that to keep me away from your former bestie Bea: Yeah right Bea: as if that's happening regardless Fraze: Yeah right Bea: You've not been arsed to meet him so you aren't showing up now for a scrap Bea: I'm going back to Cambs so Bea: enjoy your reunion with Joe if you show up there, like Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: You're not funny, babe Bea: Who's joking Bea: Pure facts Fraze: Whatever Bea: ain't getting you nothing from the shops then Fraze: Don't act like you were gonna Bea: might've Bea: got a twofer in the perfume bit but I'll just treat myself x2 now Bea: 'cos I'm such a bitch, obvs Fraze: Again, if the cap fits like Fraze: Think on and buy your friend back Bea: Way ahead of you Bea: Not out for my health, am I Fraze: As per Fraze: I know, priorities Bea: talking to you, ain't i? reckon if i was really into him wouldn't be looking at my phone, yeah? Fraze: Not when you gotta play your cards closer to your chest after last night's fuck up Bea: Oh yeah Bea: playing it cool, like Fraze: Better late than never Bea: What's my master plan here then, like? Bea: be his beard for life Bea: not exactly what I had in mind Fraze: 'Cause he rejected you, he's gotta be gay, yeah? Bea: Duh Fraze joined the chat 2 hours ago Fraze: Whatever you say, babe Bea joined the chat 2 hours ago Bea: Not me who needs reassuring Fraze: First time for everything Bea: If its SUCH a struggle for you Bea: don't bother Fraze: Don't start that shit again Fraze: Christ Bea: Just saying Bea: If you're gonna be this moany Fraze: Don't Fraze: Trying to give me a headache to match yours like Bea: You ain't already? Fraze: It wasn't a challenge Fraze: No, I ain't Fraze: It's all woe's you Bea: Ook. Fraze: Get some hair of the dog on your date you'll be grand Bea: I dunno if the tea room in John Lewis is gonna be up to the challenge Fraze: Unlucky then Bea: as far as dates go Fraze: No shit Bea: good thing i'm just running errands really Fraze: Fair enough, gotta stay sober round that lad now you can't trust yourself like Fraze: Wouldn't wanna fuck up the making up with another kiss Bea: Yeah right, just can't help myself Bea: Is that actually what you think? Fraze: Fuck off Bea: Seriously? Bea: I thought you were joking Bea: you actually think I fancy him Fraze: Don't be an idiot Bea: You first, babe Fraze: What the fuck do you want from me, right now? Fraze: This ain't how I aspire to kick off my mornings Fraze: You got your bestie back. I'm thrilled for you Bea: To hear me! Bea: and yeah, to maybe give a shit Bea: I've never fancied anyone but you Fraze: Act like it then Bea: What else can I do? Fraze: Tell me what the fuck you need him for? Fraze: You've got me Bea: It's completely different Bea: it's just good to have someone a little more Bea: I don't know, impartial? Less...involved Bea: You know, you have friends Bea: That's all it is Fraze: Forget it Bea: No Bea: Don't Bea: when we're finally getting somewhere Fraze: To you making me look a cunt Fraze: Cheers Bea: No I ain't Bea: How is that what you take from that Fraze: What can I say, must be that thick, don't you reckon? Fraze: No worries. It is what it is Bea: Nah Bea: I'm not saying I don't want you to be those things Bea: but that's just you Bea: I'm saying, he ain't Fraze: And I'm saying, you never needed mates before Fraze: So what's different, him or me? Bea: Not like I had much say in the matter, was it? Fraze: I've just never been good enough from day one then, yeah? Fraze: You already spend all your time with those dossers. Fuck's sake Bea: Shut up, no! Bea: What do you want me to do, commute back every day? Bea: If it was feasible, I would Fraze: Jesus Fraze: You want me to have all the answers, but newsflash, red, I ain't Bea: Well, me neither Fraze: Nah Bea: So, what? 'Cos you ain't, you're just giving up, yeah? Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I'm not a quitter Fraze: I'm still fucking here, ain't I? Bea: Are you? Bea: Prove it Fraze: I'm already getting a flight, what more do you want? Bea: Say you still love me Fraze: Of course I fucking do Bea: Not what you said last night Fraze: Last night I was drunk and angry Fraze: End of Bea: Alright Fraze: You're not the only one who gets to fuck up, you know Fraze: I still love you, Bea Bea: I know Bea: I love you Fraze: Prove it. Leave that twat to his own devices for a sec and call me Bea: [Calls] Fraze: I change my mind, you are funny Fraze: What's not to love, like Bea: It was you trying to make me laugh amongst other things in the middle a busy shop Fraze: You love it Bea: Yeah Bea: didn't need to change my mind there Fraze: Good. Enough of a battle getting here Bea: Shh Bea: Enough of that for one day Fraze: Yeah

[asktemmie-frisk]

T & A (Temmies and Aarons) (ゴッドモードアーク (Goddomodoaku)) (God-mode Arc)

That day, none of the school or its inhabitants were physically damaged. However, they all took a sizable psychological hit. Most of the students, both monsters and humans, were scared for their lives. Some of the staff were just as bad. Frisk's friends could only look at them with pity in their eyes. Chara didn't bother looking at anyone but Frisk. She was so worried about him, nobody else mattered to her for a moment. They all took a seat in the cafeteria, waiting for the police to arrive. It took them a while to settle down, but when they finally got a hold of their nerves, Asriel spoke. "Chara?" He tried to gently nudge her. "Chara, can you hear us?" "What is it, Asriel?" Chara responded in a saddened tone. "I...I'm so sorry. Truly I am." Asriel held her shoulder. Sans broke his silence. "Hey. Dreemurr. Can we see your face?" He asked. Chara tilted her head up, and showed what her face looked like. They were surprised. Chara's face was that of an astigmatism, only she had two sets of horns, both longer than a normal one, and she could form a mouth where a monster of her type normally wouldn't have unless they closed their eye. "Does it hurt still?" Asked Undyne. "Well, that's kinda rude to ask, but no. No, it doesn't hurt anymore." Replied Chara. "I just...can't put my finger on it." Said Alphys. "There's no way Frisk should be able to absorb monster and human souls, unlesss...his hybrid status makes it so he's neither monster nor human. And if that's the case for Frisk, then the same must be true for you, Chara." "I guess so." "So sweetie, how does it feel knowing what you are now?" Mettaton said, earnest and humbled thoroughly. "It's...bittersweet. Now I know why everyone in my village hated me, but I never thought it was because I-" Chara felt herself get a mild headache. Toriel tried to run off. "Chara! It is okay, my child; mommy will-" "No, mom. It's fine. It's just a memory came back to me." Toriel sat back down. "A memory? What memory does this one show to you?" She asked. "My mother and father. I was born in Hotland. She gave birth to me in a secluded spot. They knew dad wasn't looking for human souls, but they decided to get me out of the underground. My mom gave my dad her soul, and he used it to cross the barrier with both of us in his arms. But you know what the weird part is? I didn't get left behind. Why is that?" "When the barrier was still around, in order to cross it, you would have needed a powerful soul, and it had to be the equivalency of a monster soul and a human soul." Answered Alphys. "Because of your hybrid status, it's possible that's the reason you didn't get left behind. Therefore that means...that means if the barrier wasn't destroyed, you and Frisk were free to come and go as you pleased, and no one could stop you! Not even...us." "Not even mom and dad?" "Especially not us." Admitted Asgore. "A monster that acquires a human soul becomes a being with unfathomable power, and right now, that's what you are: a soul fusion. A being with power we can only guess at for now. And it seems that one of your special abilities is being able to heal at an incredibly rapid pace. Those blows Talrok did unto you are almost nonexistent now. Are they not?" "Yeah. Now that you mention-" Chara felt her chest, and looked at it. She was shocked. "Mom, dad, you're gonna need to look at this." Chara exposed herself just enough to reveal where Talrok took her soul out. She had a scar, but it was disappearing quickly. It faded from existence only a second after her parents saw it. "Chara. You are all better now." Toriel said, finding it difficult to describe what she saw. "That scar should have stayed for much longer, but your healing process...it is...inhumanely fast. No normal human can heal that quickly from a strike like that." "Wait. Hold on." Sans said, trying to process everything. "How would she be able to? Wouldn't she have to kill a boss monster, then absorb their soul in order for her soul to be so powerful?" "No, Sans. It's like Talrok said: I was born this powerful. Which only makes what I said to Frisk true. He's an excellent fighter. He's more powerful than all of us, except for Asriel and I. Asriel's only more powerful because of those 6 human souls he has inside him. But me? I was born this way." "But it doesn't make sense." Said Undyne. "Why would Frisk be so violent with Asriel if he's half temmie? I thought those little things were stupid and harmless." "Ah, I see." Asgore said, ready to clarify. "So you do NOT know of what happened, Undyne." "What? What happened?" "A while back after I made that little policy against humans, temmies and aarons started getting at each other's throats. Temmies blamed aarons for what happened to Chara and Asriel, and aarons retaliated exactly the same. Tensions rose and tempers thinned until one day the temmies and aarons engaged in a civil war against each other. It is truly a shame. They were such good friends with each other before Chara and Asriel's death. But right then and there, they cast aside their past relationships with each other and fought. No one could stop the temmies, especially since they were too scared to do so. I even tried to get involved, but a energy shot zoomed to me until a temmie used their ear to block it. They told me 'your majesty, LEAVE NOW!' I stood my ground and tried to reason with them, but they just used their ear to grab me and take me to a safer spot. They apologized for getting me involved, but on that day, I remembered what temmies were really like, and the memory stuck with me ever since." "What happened after that, dad?" Asked Chara. "From what I remember hearing, the relationship between the two was broken, and the temmies won the civil war they were involved in. As such, the land they fought in and for was dubbed 'Temmie Village'. As for what has happened after that, even I don't know." "Would you like to, your majesty?" Everyone tried find where the voice was coming from. They looked around frantically until they saw a temmie walking toward them and bowing to Asgore. "Hey. I thought you guys couldn't speak like we do. You always do some broken English, or some shit like that." Said Sans. "That's just an act we put on so you people won't be scared of us." "What are you doing here?" A litter of temmies came out from the hallway. "We came because of Frisk. One of our own was in danger." "One of your own?! What does that mean?!" "We've always known what Frisk was. Some of us were there to see Frisk when he was born. He was so adorable back then. But he had to go away." "Go away? Why?" "Why don't you ask the king? He's the reason, after all." "Do you mean to say Asgore's why Frisk had to leave the underground?" Some of the temmies glared at Asgore with a disappointed look. "So what you're saying is I started TWO wars?" Chara said sadly. "No, Chara. Your death was just saddening to us. We thought the aarons were to blame for your death, and they thought we temmies were to blame. That little disagreement was on us. All you did was suffer unnecessarily. That's not your fault, is it?" "Actually, it IS my fault. I'd rather not say why right now." "With all due respect Princess Dreemurr, stop blaming yourself, and stop feeling sorry already. Whatever happened, it's in the past now. We can't dwell on it, or more people are gonna die wrongfully." "Wait. Hold on." Toriel said, starting to grasp the situation being explained. "If what you are saying is correct, then that means Chara and Frisk were both born in Mount Ebott, Frisk is one of your kind, and because of Asgore declaring war, Frisk had to sneak out or he would be killed? How would he even sneak out?" "Isn't it obvious, Queen Toriel? One of us snuck him out while Asgore wasn't looking. As for the king, thanks to that 'death to humans' policy, Frisk's parents had to sneak him out of his homeland. His dad gave his soul to Erica, and-" "Wait! YOU KNOW FRISK'S MOTHER?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ANYONE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?!" Toriel got profane, and the temmie feigned offense. "My, my, your majesty! Such language!" "OH, DON'T FUCK WITH ME NOW, YOU LITTLE CATDOG!" The temmie was actually offended this time, so she slammed her teeth on Toriel's hand, and smacked her in the face with one of her ears. Then she pulled Toriel close to her own face. "Don't ever fucking say that again, 'your majesty', or I'm gonna TEAR your intestines out and choke you with them to death. The word 'catdog' is considered a racial slur between us temmies." Toriel was actually scared. Okay, so I did cross the line this time, she thought. "I-I'm sorry. I did not know that was not okay to say to you. I shall do my best to filter that word from my vocabulary." "Thank you. If that's the truth, then that'll be the last time you have to worry about that. We'll let you off just this once." "So it's kinda like a certain bad word? We can say it, or we can't say it?" Chara said, confused. "You can say it if we let you say it. You can also say it if Frisk lets you say it." The temmie clarified. "Welp, that's another one to chalk up. A murderer, an abusive wife, and a racist. Three strikes, Tori! You know what that means?" Asked a smug Sans. "What does it mean?" Toriel asked nervously. Sans wasted no time shooting a Gaster blaster at Toriel. "AAH! Sans, that fucking HURTS!" Toriel said, doubling over in pain. "Serves you right, you racist, obscene murderer." Sans shot back. Toriel didn't bother staying angry at Sans. She knew she kinda deserved it. "Now if you're just about done, I can tell you what happened. Come with us." The temmie said, thoroughly annoyed by the situation. Frisk's friends and family followed the temmies out of the school with Frisk in Chara's hands after the police interviewed all of them, and they went back to Toriel's house. When they got inside, Chara sat Frisk on the couch sitting up, she sat next to him. "See, Frisk? I think this is much better than being near where Talrok tried to kill us. Only thing left is for you to wake up now. I'd really like it if you did." Chara said, trying to keep her emotions under control. "Chara..." "No, Asriel! I'm not leaving him alone! He's my partner, and I won't just abandon him like the humans did!" Chara held Frisk tightly to her chest, and fought back tears. "Don't worry, Frisk. We don't need humans; we have each other and the monsters. That's close enough." Chara smiled warmly while she held temmie-Frisk, who was still unconscious. "Okay, everyone. Now we can tell you." One temmie said, taking charge. "Let's start at the beginning. Long ago, even before the war between monsters and humans, temmies and aarons have always acted kind toward each other. We relied on each other for survival. We needed them, and they needed us. We provided protection to them against a lot of things like the elements and predators. When the war started, our instincts immediately took over, and we shielded the aarons as much as we could. Whoever we couldn't shield, we protected by attacking their aggressors. The humans were scared. However, we temmies knew we couldn't keep it up forever because stretching that much for that long would take more magic than we had, so we retreated alongside the rest of the monsters. When we got to the marshland, the aarons and us temmies acted the same as we did on the surface. Only this time, after Chara died, we started blaming each other for her death because we thought the humans had taken her away from us. We thought someone gave Chara the idea to go to the surface. But we were wrong. After us temmies won our little civil war, we named our village after us. We lived peacefully...for a while. Unfortunately, that wasn't to last. At some point, some parasites that feed off magic invaded our village. We called them 'dust mights'. You know, like dust mites? Anyway, initially we kept on the lookout for them, but they found out an extremely detrimental evolutionary weakness us temmies have: we can't resist anything cute. Those dust mights weren't big, but they were smart enough to find out that if they leeched a little magic from one monster and used it to make themselves cute, we would willingly let them into our village and our hearts. We thought it was perfect until a temmie lost all their magic and died. We started getting scared. Then they started using some of the magic to control our minds. This caused us to shrug off the imminent threat to our species. More temmies started dying until some of the aarons stepped in and saved us. They flexed, and flexed, and flexed some more until we snapped out of it just enough to realize what happened. After that, the dust mights died out completely without any magic. We had no choice but to thank the aarons. As a show of gratitude, they demanded we hand our village to them. We gave it up because we knew if this happened again, we might have gone extinct. For a while, the aarons lived the same as we did: peacefully. Until that changed as well. You know that picture of a dragon in the village? Well, it depicts what we did for the aarons. There was a monster that terrorized the aarons, and even went so far as to eat them. Aarons started disappearing in the same fashion as temmies until one day, it cornered every last one. It tried to eat them all in one shot, when suddenly, before it could get its mouth near the first aaron, a lone temmie slang-shot themselves at the monster. It tried to throw it off, but the temmie didn't go anywhere. Then more of us came to help the aarons by getting them away. That dragon tried to eat that temmie, but they fended it off of themselves. However, the dragon tried to go after the aarons again, but the temmie stood in the way, roaring loudly. It was our way of saying 'back the fuck off my people, or I'll kill your ass!' The Temmie roared so loudly to protect the aarons that the dragon got too scared to go after them anymore. It ran away because it didn't want to die. It submitted to our will. The aarons couldn't thank us enough. At that moment, we all realized that we temmies and aarons need each other to survive. In fact, that stupid civil war only proved that much because it was stupid to even start it! So we came to a truce. We temmies got to have our village back, but in exchange, from then on, aarons of all types were free to come and go as they pleased. We still disagree on things, and we don't treat each other like we should. In fact, sometimes we even say things to each other that we don't mean. But at the end of the day, we don't want to lose one another. We don't act like that because we hate each other. We don't treat each other badly because we don't like the flexing. We do it because we want to keep each other going. To protect each other. Because we know we can't live without one another." "What are you saying?" "I'm saying temmies and aarons are essentially family. They help us, and we help them. Now it's similar to old times, except there's still a little bad blood. But that doesn't matter right now. What does matter is one of our own. That being said, we're working together, but we don't have to like it." Everyone was surprised. The only monster in the underground that looked cute, innocent and naive, and it turns out they're really vicious predators? Well, it was certainly beyond unprecedented. Undyne was especially impressed. "We've been staying away from your village for all the wrong reasons." She said. "No, we act like that involuntarily sometimes. The bad speech, the temmie flakes, which are actually pretty good, that one chick that's allergic to us, and the occasional lack of common sense. They're all just moments of weakness." "But what about muscles? Do you actually like when aarons flex?" "MUSCLES R NOT CUTE!!" The temmie bared her teeth. "Whoa, calm down, lady. So pretty much everything we knew about you was nothing but the surface of what you really are? Kinda reminds me of our wimpy loser right now." "Your 'wimpy loser' is currently the strongest temmie across the land, and he hasn't woken up yet. And when he does, he's gonna be real dangerous, and not just because of what's happening." "Seriously? Is there something else we never knew about temmies?" Asked Sans. "There's a lot about us that you don't know. All I'm doing is telling you what you need to hear if you're gonna stay around Frisk. For one thing, there comes a time in a temmie's, or aaron's, life when they become hostile towards everyone. To help them calm down, we have a little ceremony that welcomes them out of their adolescence and into adulthood. We do this for both temmies AND aarons. When the ceremony is done, they usually acquire better control over their emotions. Also..." "What?" "During the ceremony, we have a lot of butterscotch, and we eat it. It's an aphrodisiac for us temmies and aarons, and we end up...having lots of sex. I mean, seriously, it is the fucking best! I remember last time I was at one. I rode that aaron like my life depended on it! It was great." "Hold up. I thought you said muscles weren't cute." "That's right. Muscles aren't cute. Muscles...are hot!" "So you DO like it when aarons flex! You sicko! And you're a hypocrite!" "Now don't get me wrong. We do like it when they flex; it's just that they do it all the time. If you only flex on occasion, that's one thing, but they do it all day, every day, and it gets annoying." "Oh. Well, when you put it like that, I take back what I said about you being a hypocrite. You're still a sicko, though." "That's fine. A temmie liking sex is fine. Letting them have sex with whoever they want or whenever they want is encouraged actually." "Why would you say that?" "There's no right way to say this without sounding gross, so I'll have to do it the wrong way: by nature, temmies...are total horndogs. We have a hyperactive libido. We can't control ourselves very well at all. In fact, we even have a mating season: the summertime. Temmies love warm climates, so when it gets hot enough, we get hot and bothered. And the worst part is we can't even control it." "Yikes. So what you're saying is my lil' bro's gonna start acting like his natural self, which happens to be a violent sex-addict?" "To an extent, yes, but because he's only half-temmie, he can resist his nature." Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They couldn't imagine Frisk being affectionate with everything in sight. "Our little shining star's growing up, and we can't stop what he'll become." Said Mettaton sadly. "Yes. My little brother won't be so little anymore. But he'll still be him, even if it's another part of him! And I'll still love him just the same! Isn't that right, Sans?" Papyrus proclaimed proudly. "Yeah, bro. You got that right." Sans agreed, placing his hand on Frisk. Chara was unsure of how to feel about this. Frisk is gonna be violent and horny pretty much all the time? Might need some help controlling himself, she thought. Then she realized that because he was half-temmie, that could be good for what she had in mind. She made her signature creepy face, only this time, it was coupled with an unusually perverse smile, indicating some less than wholesome ideas. "Chara, stop with the creepy face." Asriel said, trying to get her attention. She didn't respond. Sans smacked her with a bone. "Snap out of it! My little bro ain't your sex toy!" He said. "Hey! Fuck you, comedian! And what's a sex toy?" She replied. Sans refused to say anything else. Some of the temmies groaned at what Chara just said. "She doesn't know what a sex toy is." One of them said. "How old are you, princess?" "I'm 17, you perv. Why?" "So that's why. Nevermind." "Right. Well, what do you propose we do with Frisk?" "Me? What you're doing right now is fine. Just watch over him for a while. Hopefully until he wakes up will be enough." "We do not know when Frisk will wake up, or if he'll even wake up at all. Why are you so confident he will?" Asked Toriel. "He'll wake up. As powerful as he is, he'll wake up. Might take a while, but it'll happen sooner or later. You just gotta be patient." "So we just gotta wait it out for him, and hope for the best, huh?" Sans asked, taking what was said to heart. "Fine. Nothing a little cyan can't handle. Let's give my bro as much time as he needs. Alphys, let's go back to your place. We'll need to make those upgrades Frisk suggested." "Okay, sure." Said Alphys. "Hey, babe, can we help?" Undyne said, pointing at Papyrus and Mettaton. "Sure, you can. I'll definitely need yours, Undyne. In more ways than one." They both made the same perverse smile Chara made with Frisk. "Okay, ladies, that's enough. Let's go." Sans said as he, Papyrus, Alphys, Undyne and Mettaton left Toriel's house and made a beeline straight for Alphys' home. It was time for Gaster's work to be tested out en masse, and the worst was coming. This was going to be a grueling test for monsters and humans alike. At this point, survival without relying on each other would be nothing short of a miracle as Chara and everyone else kept a watchful eye over their unconscious hope for the future.