#i know I KNOW the post ended on a funny joke but i couldnt resist

[betterbemeta]

The reason why you're not 'supposed' to buy the babies is likely because of corporate (familial?) espionage and contract law. A baby is too young to honor an exclusivity clause or an NDA even if a baby could sign one or have a guardian sign one. So technically they are a security risk.

The protocol is probably, you offer the baby for sale for an exorbitant price.

If someone actually bids on the baby, you're 'supposed' to raise the price until they quit.

But if the other party does not quit, maybe because they believe they are rich enough to deter the consequences, you actually are expected to sell the baby and sign over their employment to the other party.

(The baby is considered both property AND employed by the patriarch of the family that birthed it. This is to avoid the stigma of unemployment.)

The baby can't be terminated by its original family during its sale, as that would immediately devalue the transaction. The same way that you can't rip up documents that validate a racehorse or an expensive painting's authenticity when you sell it. You sold it for a price based on an officiated document or in this case, a record of potential value to the employer. Any involuntary termination or gap in employment mars its value. The baby's employment therefore must be transferred as if they were part of a merger.

The baby by themselves can't ratify this change to its contract either, but external parties require any change in total number of employees to be validated and reported. The new baby 'owners' could be sued for under-valuing their operation to report greater profits. So, some form of legal proxy representing the baby must accompany it to vouch for the situation-- usually the mother. And as a proxy shares the baby's status (you want to buy them as one commodity, or else your problems double!) they are also subject to the same ambiguous legal situation. And unlike a baby, they understand how to steal things.

So not only do the baby's parents make out like bandits but if they understood the situation, they now have an agent inside another business entity that cannot be held accountable or litigated against without revealing the buyer is at-fault (the seller is never at fault) for the incomplete status of their acquisition. You could just imprison the security threat, but the original family can then clean you out for abuse of what is still technically their employees.

It comes down to how long the patriarch of the baby's family can legally obstruct proceedings to maintain the maximum advantage, and how long the foolish buyer can tolerate being robbed before they have to fire the baby.

But because the transfer of employment was never correctly executed, the baby is not actually theirs to terminate, like a normal employee. The only option to get rid of the baby without even more chaos is... to sell it back for even more money. Or sell their business, which would immediately resolve the conflict.

This leaves the baby with a good start to their resume.

headcanon that a ferengi tradition is putting your new baby up for sale at a ridiculous price to show how valuable they are to you (everyone has to be polite and not actually buy them or hands will be thrown, people will be sued, etc etc)

[honeypirate]

Hi!! Congrats on 420 i think we should celebrate with baking while baked, friends to lovers, first kiss with oikawa? Stoner oikawa is so funny to me i can just imagine his hooded eyes and cackles of laughter and the stupidest jokes 🥰

I think this is the only one weed related lmao but thank you so much for the request! I hope you like it ❤️

Event Masterlist

Oikawa friends to lovers baking while baked first kiss. Post time skip.

Oikawa has been your best friend since the beginning of your first semester when you met him at one of his away games in your city. He wasn’t around often then, your friendship consisting of 80% texts and calls, but when he was around his personality was so infectious you couldn’t imagine not having him in your life.

So you stuck with him, made an effort to keep the friendship strong when you were apart, so on those rare occasions when you could get together, ones like tonight, it would be even more amazing.

The joint passes easily between your fingers as you sit on your fire escape with him. You were talking about your exams coming up and the way his teammate is being a complete pain in the ass.

“How long are you here for?” You ask, expecting a week or less but smiling when he said

“a few months actually. It’s the off season and I’m taking some time to get my priorities in order”

you laugh “my pro volleyball player has priorities other than volleyball huh? Like what?” You ask then take a long hit and pass it to him

“like this” he says and smiles with his eyes as he takes a hit, winking at you and making you roll your eyes with a smile.

You feel your cheeks warm as you look over the edge, your heart fluttered when he said that, the feelings for him you kept hidden seeming to rush straight back to the surface.

By the end of the joint you’re giggling and leaning against him, no cares in the world, your previous worry about him knowing your feelings were out the window, replaced by a calm mellow joyful feeling between you both.

“God it’s so cold” you say “let’s go inside, my roommate moved out yesterday and I haven’t found anyone to take their place yet”

“Oh finally!” He’s saying as he throws his legs across the window “she was horrendous!” You laugh as you watch him struggle, his legs feeling like melted butter.

“Do you need some help?” You ask giggling and he starts to laugh with you “get over here!” he says between laughs and you move to stand next to him and put your arm around him, helping him hop into your apartment.

His arms wrap around you as he gets his footing, he buries his face in your neck and you squeal as his cold nose pushes into your neck.

“stop you’re so cold!” You laugh and he chuckles into your neck “and you’re so warm” he mumbles and hugs you closer. You couldnt resist how good it felt to be standing holding him, like your tingling skin felt soothed by his warmth.

You eventually give in and hug him back, taking his warmth as you shiver “you smell so good” you mumble into his neck and he chuckles “glad you think so” he says and his breath tickles your skin.

The way he spoke sounded so soft, your heart fluttered and you gasp, taking a step back and looking up at him through heavy bloodshot eyes.

“We should make brownies” he says suddenly, smiling wider as he runs to your kitchen. “They’ll warm us up!” He’s calling back.

You stand there for just a few more moments, calming your stupid racing heart, before you join him in your kitchen.

Making brownies high was an experience that just got harder and harder as it went along.

As he gets down your kitchenaid mixer from above your fridge and for a second you thought he was going to fall over backwards, so you stranded behind him ready to catch him at any moment.

You start some chill music and that was the easiest part of the evening. Your chuckling as you reread the ingredients list for the third time since he wasn’t listening, naming them out and he pulls them from the shelves and fridge.

Reading was a struggle when your eyes felt like couldn’t see and your mouth kept forgetting the words you were trying to say leading to Oikawa yelling “spit it out!” Making both of you have a giggle fit

When he goes to crack an egg he just drops the whole thing in the batter which starts you both on a second giggle fit that can only be quelled when you start clearing your throat, suddenly feeling thirsty with a dry mouth.

The brownies and egg in the batter was forgotten about while you make iced lemonade together.

Once you got back to the batter, you struggled through until they got into the oven. Making sure to set an alarm because you would not remember like you could sober.

Somehow you ended up sitting on the floor watching the brownies bake as you shared some of the extra batter you left in the bowl. “Brownies was a good call” you say softly and he gives you his signature cocky smile “I’m full of good ideas as you know” he says, chin covered in brownie batter.

You laugh at the state he’s in, mussed hair, hooded bloodshot eyes, and brownie chin. He looked so high it was so funny to you, he started joining in your laughing, not understanding what was funny but unable to stop.

You reach up and cup his cheek, brushing your thumb against his soft skin before bringing up your other hand, spoon forgotten in the bowl between you, and brush the batter from beneath his bottom lip and chin.

He gasps softly, his hands reaching for you, needing to hold you and make sure you were real and solid.

“Y/n” he whispers and grabs your knee with one hand, the other resting against your neck.

You gasp softly and look up from his lips to his eyes and feel your cheeks warm in embarrassment.

“Oikawa, I.. I” he smiles at you softly, brushing your hair with his fingers “I think we’re too high” you whisper, but you don’t move away, you keep your hold on him and that gives him hope.

“I don’t think this is because of the drugs. I’ve felt like this long before we ever smoked together” he says and you chuckle softly, your skin tingling where he touched, your brain felt light but clear, you felt like you were as melty as the brownies looked, half baked in the oven.

“You have?” You ask and bump your nose into his “you don’t know the half of it” he admits and you gaze adoringly through glazed eyes up at him. He cups your cheek and runs his thumb across your bottom lip “can I kiss you?” You ask and he chuckles “I might die if you don’t” he whispers you smile and press your lips to his for just a moment before pulling back and saying “you’re so dramatic Tooru”

the small chuckle that leaves his lips morphed into a happy laughter that had you placing your head against his shoulder as your sounds of laughter fill your small kitchen

“Tooru I just, I always thought you’d only see me as your best friend I never thought” you say and look back into his eyes.

he laughs “you never thought I’d be smart enough to get my head out of my ass and know what’s right in front of me? Y/n we’ve been through thick and thin and you’ve been my forever constant. Give me some credit, I’m not as dumb as Iwa thinks” you chuckle again and lean forward, the ability to resist the urge gone because of the weed, and press your lips softly to his neck.

You kiss up his neck slowly, feeling him swallow hard as he sighs, a sound that had your head spinning as you kiss across his jaw, until you finally press your lips against his and his world explodes.

Your lips move together slowly, feeling extra sensitive against his, aware of every nerve ending in your body. Your hands bury in his hair, you taste brownies on his tongue and you feel fireworks across your skin as you hum in approval and lick his bottom lip.

He chuckles and meets your tongue with his own before you both tried to lead the kiss, ending up making your head spin from how good it felt.

The brownie timer goes off and you gasp, jumping back and then laughing as Oikawa turns off the timer.

“Let’s get the brownies out and then we’ll get back to business” he says with a lopsided grin as you stand making you roll your eyes again, even tho your lips were turned up in a grin and your cheeks were warmer than ever.

After he places the brownies on the cooling rack he shakes off the oven mits to the counter and raises his hands towards you wiggling his fingers.

“let’s get back to business” he says and you start to chuckle before backing away slowly “hey hey wait where are you going?” He asks and you just wink with a giggle and turn, bolting from the room, his laughter following after you just before you hear him say “oh yeah” and start to actually run after you.

He’s on your heels as you reach the living room and his hands are on you by the couch, grabbing your waist and dragging you to the floor with him as he tickles your sides.

Your giggles fill the room as you try and swat him away “okay okay! I yield!” You’re saying and he stops his movements, pulling you back into his arms as he leans his back against the the couch.

“Back to business?” You ask and he laughs, his half hooded eyes looking at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and if you asked he would tell you honestly that yes, you are the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen.

“Yes please” he says and cups your cheeks as you lean in, pressing your lips to his once more.

Later that evening, with your head on his chest as you watched a movie cuddled up with him and stealing kisses whenever the boring parts came up, he leaned down to your ear and whispered, his voice soft and full of hope for the future

“I know we havent talked about what this is yet, that it’s day one and I’m definitely getting ahead of myself” he kisses your temple then sighs in contentment and says

“but maybe it’s a good thing your roommate moved out. Maybe it’s a good thing there’s a place for me here.”

[ifuckinglovedio]

Here you go, @emraldblade16

I just realized I didn't say anything about my carrd (and therefore rules) on my pinned post... maybe I should've made some things clearer. But, since you couldnt have known, I've decided to make a one time exception to my rules. I hope this is about what you wanted? I wasnt sure how to go about this, and extremly anxious, trying to make sure I do well. I hope you like it QwQ

(Btw, I know you asked for a female reader and while I tried, these came out mostly gender neutral. I hope that's fine >~<)

Relationship headcanons for DIO, Trish & Polnareff w/ a female s/o

DIO 💚

Dio rarely truly cares for people, and love... it was almost like a foreign word to him

But you, you were... special. There was something he felt looking at you, something indescribable. He didn't understand it, but he knew he never wanted to let you go.

He sees you more often than anyone else, often demanding your presence simply to have you there

Your relationship develops gradually. There's never a big confession, but at one moment you just realized you started thinking of him as your significant other, and it was an unspoken but obvious truth he felt the same

I'd imagine him to be very affectionate towards his partner

Loves physical contact, will often have you sit on his lap while he reads or something and every once in a while press gentle kisses to your head or neck

His favourite pet names for you are darling, dear, love, sweetheart & princess

Spoils you with gifts. Whatever you could ask for, you get. What kind of god would he be if he couldn't even fulfill his lover's material desires?

Very overprotective. Won't let you leave the mansion on your own, usually sends one of his followers with you, though if he's in a good mood you might be able to convince him to have just pet shop guard you

Every once in a while you go on walks together at night. DIO practically rules over this town, and he's proud to stroll through the streets with his darling.

Often asks for your opinion on things. Even if you're not very knowledgeable about the topic, he genuinely values your opinion, and it curious what you think.

Ever since you came into his life he felt a lot more at peace and way more determined. He's sure now, so long as you're by his side no one could ever defeat him. And he'll do anything to make sure you stay.

Trish 🌸

You met her one day while strolling through the city, her vibrant outfit immediatly catching your eye.

When you saw her again later that day you just knew you had to talk to her, and so you did

You complimented her looks and she smiled, making you heart beat a little faster than usual, even more so when she told you she liked your style as well

After some small talk about fashion she gave you her phone number, saying you just had to go shopping together one day. There was a special store she wanted to take you to, and you should text her once you find some time

You two quickly became close, and you could feel yourself falling for her more and more the more time you spent with her

So when one day she confessed to you, you felt like you were dreaming. You were absolutely quiet for a minute, processing what just happened, before happily falling in her arms.

I feel like Trish would be very lowkey about relationships, but that doesn't mean you'd feel any less loved. She's just not the overly affectionate type, she prefers just spending some quality time together.

Often asks you to help with her make-up, and at least once insisted on wearing matching outfits

Sends you a "good morning" text everyday.

Bought you a strawberry flavored lipstick once. Those are her favorites.

As a pop star on the rise, she practices singing a lot, often times in front of you. Her voice is your favorite thing to listen to.

When you can't be together you often spend hours talking together on the phone.

Likes to call you "Amore" - love, or "Bella" - beautiful.

Polnareff 🤺

Absolutely the ideal boyfriend... I envy you for your great taste.

First time you met him was probably when he came up and started flirting with you. We all know he just cant resist pretty girls ~

But he wasn't what you'd expect from guys who just flirt with ladys they dont know, he was different, he was funny and charming, and you couldn't help but chuckle at his silly jokes.

He invited you to a drink, and since you were free for the afternoon anyway, you went along.

You talked the whole afternoon. He told you stories of his travels, and you quickly realized it's been a while since you felt this light hearted around someone. When it was time to go he asked whether he could see you again, and your answer was obvious.

It didn't take long before you two became a couple officially.

He tries to teach you a little French. It's his dream to go visit his home country with you one day, show you around.

You know enough french by now to understand the compliments he mumbles under his breath whenever he's caught off guard by you.

Loves complimenting you in general, but it's always geniuene.

Don't ask him to help you pick out clothes. He will genuinely find you breathtaking in everything, even if you wore a potato sack.

A very chivalrous man. He loves to make you feel special, taking you out to romantic spaces, buying dinner for you, bringing flowers

He loves to see you smile. Will often randomly tell jokes or do silly things just to hear you laugh

Watches romcoms with you and cries during the sad scenes. Takes your hand/shuffles closer to you during the overly romantic ones.

Hugs, hand-holding, kisses - hell yeah. Big into PDA.

Extremly respectful. Pays close attention to what you like and what you dislike and surprises you with things you yourself had forgotten you wanted

Tried to cook dinner for you once but failed horribly. It ended with you ordering take out and deciding you'd try together next time.

[suhperjohnny]

✨soft bias tag✨

i was tagged by two beautiful ladies aka Hanna @tenheroes and Sashka @jihansoulmate. thank you guys, it was fun reading your posts~

1) who is my bias?

ok, so Sashka told me i HAVE to do this with my one & only chicago boi jhonny (her words, not mine) because i can’t betray him and do it with someone else (like zachary, i mean, doyoung) instead, and see, even if it’s gonna be a long ass ride, i’m gonna do this with him. wait, so to answer the original question, my bias is Johnny.

2) what made you notice him?

well, uhh, i guess at first it was his personality? i wasn’t into him at first but as i watched nct life in bangkok i started to see why people love him so much, he is that friendly, sociable, funny and cute guy, you just simply can’t resist him ;;

3) what’s your favorite thing about them?

he’s just. so. bright and supportive and cute and he has so much love to give and he just wants people to laugh at his jokes. i love his smile and laugh and i love how he hypes up everyone and how dorky he can get and it’s time to stop this because i just realized how cheesy i’m becoming here right now

4) who would initiate skinship more?

uuuuuhmm,,, i honestly don’t know?? guess i’d be too shy at first but if we were comfortable with each other already i’d like to like.. hold his hand and play with his fingers asdfdgafds. but hey, i just simply cant imagine johnny initiating skinship with me, thats like... a foreign concept

5) who would hog blankets more?

him. i’m usually the victim of blanket hogging :////

6) who would be more clingy?

i dont know?? guess it’d be me? or wait, no, i’d probably die to like message him or call him but i probably wouldn’t because i would think i’m too annoying and clingy so i would suffer quietly or do something else and completely forget about him for some time

7) who would say “i love you” first?

i don’t think i would say it first, so i’m leaving this to him

8) who would be more easily flustered?

me without a doubt, i mean how do you even get used to someone being that gorgeous, that alone would make me nervous lol but he also gets flustered when he gets complimented, but i think i’d still be more flustered especially when he smiles ;;;

9) what cuddling position would you two have?

idk man, he’d be lying on his back and i would lay on his beautiful chest and fit my nose into the crook of his neck, oh my okay i’ll better stop this madness right here

10) which colors remind you of them and why?

blue? probably because he likes blue a lot. he even has a stuffed whale plushie called Blue.

11) which season would you like to spend with them?

every season. every season is different so why not spend all of it with him and see what we can make out of it

12) who would bake cookies and who would steal the batter?

i would bake and ask him to do some easier tasks for me to help and he’d want to taste the batter and we would end up both tasting it ._.

13) which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

okay, so i know he’s the funny guy but it would be a bad pun competition between us and i would absolutely destroy him

14) who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

he would want to have 50 dogs and i would want to have 50 cats 

15) which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a  pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

i think none of us actually? or it could even happen that i’d be the one nearly burning down the kitchen now that i remember how my cooking usually goes. I mean i don’t cook bad, i just don’t do it regularly so when i have to cook i need some time to get into it 

16) who likes to lean over trail railings and who pulls them back?

i’m gonna pull him back

17) what would watching a horror film with them be like?

he’s pretty chill when watching horror movies, whereas i’ve never seen a decent horror movie in my life. i’m just not into them and they creep me out sooo i’d probably end up closing my eyes by the scary parts or bury my face into his sweater and he’d giggle at me and then imitate me afterwards

18) who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

he would be 50-50%, i’d try to be smooth because i can’t say cheesy things out loud

19) who is more competitive?

i can be pretty competitive sometimes, and idk, but i can’t really remember him being too competitive tbh

20) who would have to be given constant reminders (reminders to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc.)

both of us

21) who sends memes and who sends cute “i miss you” texts at 3am?

we both send memes but i dont think any of us would send cute texts at the middle of the night. (okay, maybe i would but only if i couldnt sleep. but i wouldnt want to wake him up tbh)

uh, i’m not tagging anyone in this mess, this was very hard to do tbh and i hope no one sees this :’DDD