#i knew thered be some feels but i did not know the extent

[ball-of-butter]

youre like the only account i look at on here for red queen content (specifically maven) so please go full psychological analysis on maven please. i love your posts they itch my brain perfectly

omygosh anon 🤭 tyyyy tyyyy

theres so much to say about maven and its kinda crazy considering he doesn’t get that much actual page time. so keep in mind that many people could have different interpretations of his character, since he is quite elusive. and i may or may notttt be biassed idk.

the first thing i believe: he's a character that, for all his supposed motivations, had no ambition or dream of his own. he was a complete vessel of his mother’s spite, so he makes for a pretty interesting paradox. mare was haunted by a ‘false’ maven that didn't exist (debatable). cal was haunted by an ‘erased’ maven that used to exist. what is maven haunted by? everything and everyone? he’s a ghost himself, he’s the one who usually did the haunting, but even when you get his POV in the books, there’s a tragedy in the negative space you find. there are clear holes in his psyche that he also subconsciously attempts to fill (his memories always fight to bubble to the surface, but they invoke feelings he can’t feel anymore) and never can. despite how pissed off he is at everyone and everything, he so very clearly yearns for love and approval, to the point where he is absolutely delusional about it. there he was, shocked that mare would reject him after he imprisoned and betrayed her and the scarlet guard. here’s him outraged that anabel lerolan would side with cal after he plotted her son’s murder.

elara basically sculpted a monster, and i don’t think that can be debated since its pretty clearly stated in text. even maven knew what she took from him and the extent of the abuse— but he didn't care because she gave him the love he craved. she couldn’t fill it all, if maven’s obsession with mare was anything to go by. i do think elara genuinely loved and adored him, but i don’t know if i would use the word ‘enabler’ for her because it seems too soft a word. maven is elara. elara dies and maven can’t survive on his own for long without her. he was her iron fist in a way, but neither had much interest in norta as a country like most scheming for the throne usually do– which i find so interesting. it wasn’t political, only personal.

now then there lies the debate of choice— some maven fans are completely comfortable heaping all of the blame onto elara and calling it a day. but i think even elara was failed in a similar way maven was. red queen is cool because it shows how evil is encouraged and nurtured in oppressive societies, how certain individuals even in privileged positions will be abused and neglected, how vices are taught to be hidden rather than treated and how violence is perpetuated as the surest, most permanent decree. every character is affected by this system in some way, and i could talk about it for years but i’ll save you the time. my point is that this would apply to maven, but that doesn’t make him void of choice. it’s sort of predictable that he would make the terrible choices he did in the series considering he never had the chance to escape what predestined narrative was already planned for him, but no one was physically forcing him to burn his initial into mare. no one was physically forcing him to try slaughter a whole race of people. no one physically forced him to blow up naercey, or taunt cal after forcing him to murder his dad, or psychologically torture mare when he kept her as prisoner. yes, there’s nuance but maven is also much too comfortable with being a terrible person, because thats what ultimately earns him love, respect and approval.

i don’t think maven could’ve been saved, not because 'the damage was too bad,' but because he had no desire to be saved, and no one but cal had wanted to put in the effort to save him. i always find it interesting how cal secretly resented mare for killing maven, even though it was such a longtime coming, and he would never voice it because considering all maven had done to her, she had more than the right. but i don’t want to yap so much about maven’s relationship with cal because i’ll be here forever. nor do i want to talk too much about his relationship with mare. i'll only say that when i was talking about his death scene i did mention how much of an impact both of them had on each other, how maven was so scary to mare because he was a viable twisted path that represented the worst of her. i think mare could’ve been (my biassed interpretation) a path for him too, but he was so far gone by the second book and especially after elara’s death that he never considered it (would’ve been too late for him then anyway). i have some thoughts on the chances of maven rehabilitating if he had the tools and will to. some thoughts. they won’t go here though.

lastly i just want to link this post which had super interesting additions by @lucy-the-cat that delves into maven from a psychological perspective. its sooooo well written and i still think about it to this day.

last thing i wanna do is glaze a bit so im just gonna 😭 its refreshing to see this sort of villain be portrayed as an mmc who isn’t attractively suave and super misunderstood and depressed and supremely intelligent for what he does– maven is intelligent and sad, but he's presented as a floundering, insecure, delusional brat that the fmc understands entirely. something so refreshing in how he can only either be hated, and at best, pitied.

[spotty-bee]

Hazbin Hotel Headcannon

I've been thinking a lot about Adam, Lute, Vaggie and the exorcists. How they all work and everything that we've learned over the course of the show about them. After looking over the pictures of them without their masks and all the back dealings with heaven I was kinda starting to think...

What if their all related?

Adam and Vaggie have the same skin colour. Lute has Adam's nose. They all have golden pupils (Though Vaggie's sclera is red, many have head cannoned that being from living in hell.) Vaggie and Lute both have white hair. Theres a lot of similarities between these characters physically and while that can be due to the art style, I do start to wonder.

However WHY would Lute , Vaggie and possibly all the exorcists be Adam's daughters? Well it starts to make sense when you remember that Sera wanted to keep the Exterminations under wraps. If you have Heaven Born or Saint (Dead humans who got into Heaven) warriors doing the exterminations, word would eventually get out. These people have lives outside of their work and all it would take is talking to a spouse or one of them feeling guilty before news spreads. IF you have warriors who's entire life was Exterminations, then they would A- be less likely to tell anyone and B- Be less likely to feel guilty if they weren't taught anything else.

As for where all these woman came from, my guess would be cloning. We know for a FACT that Heaven has Science.

A good way to get warriors that won't have outside influence/ loose lips is if they don't have any parents that will be wondering whats going on. Cloning would also ensure that warriors will walk off the assembly line fully grown and ready to train. Adam likely used his DNA and then mixed it with donated DNA from other Heavenly Residents . All he then had to do was train his army.

OF course this opens up some rather dark things to consider. There are at least 100 Exterminators. All of them are female. The likelihood of that happening by happenstance is extremely low. Adam had to have chosen to only have woman in his army, and when you factor in Adam's misogynist, narcissistic attitude, that dose not paint a pretty picture. We also need to consider that Adam was left to train/educate these woman with almost no outside interference. Sera made it clear she wanted as little to do with the Extermination business as possible and she maybe one of the few who knew about the army's creation. IN FACT I know she had nothing to do with the army because, apparently, Adam got to name these girls and nobody, and I mean NOBODY, stopped him from naming Vaggie after female anatomy. (I wouldn't be surprised if Vaggie is a nickname and she's actually just named Vagina.)

They seem to have lived a life of constant training and battle. Its also heavily implied that Vaggie (and Lute to a lesser extent) were taught to view themselves as disposable. Worthless if they didn't have someone to serve. We see it when Vaggie tries to lead the trust exercises, when she beats herself up for not making a proper commercial for the hotel, in fact she seems to have little personal life unless its training or Charlie is involved. Lute herself rips off her own arm just to try and help Adam. If Adam did raise/train them, then these are some pretty bad signs.

These are just some things I was thinking about looking over the show. I am also not making this to bash anyone who ships Adam and Lute. This is all speculation and personal interpretation. I've just never felt anything romantic between Lute and Adam, but they were clearly close. I took that last, tearful goodbye in the finally as a distant, estranged Father- Daughter relationship.

Anyway, what do you think? Its highly unlikely this is true, but could make for a fun, dark fan fiction or Au!

[skelliko]

Hello! I hope you're doing well!🪄

I wanted to request some head-canons? For both Ran and Rindou ...

How would they act with a s/o that has BPD? Which one would feel more hesitant about the relationship? How do they act when the s/o pushes them away but immediately clings on them when they try to leave?

If you don't feel like writing this it's totally understandable so no worries!!! Love you<3

a/n: sorry if I got anything wrong here I do apologise if I have, i tried to gain as much information as I could about it but also not add a lot, I don't mean to offend anyone. love you too stay safe <3

ran + rindou haitani |°- s/o with BPD

°- Rindou Haitani

• he would test the waters from a distance, I reckon he's more smarter and closed off than ran when it comes to relationships and knowing of your bpd makes all the difference from thinking it over and playing out scenarios about what you would be like even with very little information about the disorder. all he knows is bpd makes someone think in black and white, but is that really true?

• he'd get close to you but then take a huge step backwards to recollect his thoughts about you, he's aware on how complex the disorder is but he only knows the surface levels of bpd not what could potentially uncover. but part of him wants to try and not think too much about it and rather think about you as a person

• sometimes he's a busy person and has to cancel plans that the two of you have made, at this point he knew you could turn to be upset but he didn't expect that part of your perspective on him to turn south. now he triple makes sure that when you make plans it'd be consistent and not on days when rindou is supposed to do other things.

• he gives into your clinginess, he tried to match the energy but the way you love him is unmatched but he loves that part about you. but after some amount it gets tiring, he's taken consideration of that beforehand but wasn't aware of how much negativity you can also bring out if rindou did something that made you switch up. always thinking about his words and what to do to show you that he loves you the way you love him. even despite asking himself on how fast you can love, but he goes along with it either way.

• when he's in a position where you want to be left alone as if your battery has gone past it's drained limit, he ponders a little. standing in the middle of the room 🧍 wondering if that's truly what you want but doesn't verbally ask. all before turning his direction towards the door to leave. he probably made at least 10 steps away from your home before he felt his phone go off with your messages popping up to tell you to come back and how you're sorry for making him leave like that.

• he complied though. with a few complaints in his mind but he didn't exactly want to you leave you like that and upon feeling your tightening and warm grasp after stepping foot in again it made him feel certain emotions. something like that will happen again he just knows it, but hes not mad, maybe a little annoyed but he will come turning back towards you if you plead nicely. he just only hopes that it stays to this sort of extent and not anything more.

°- Ran Haitani

• I feel like he would be curious about you, he'd dive in and test the waters with a hand and then fall in but ponder whether or not if he should get out of the water. he wants to know how deep the pool is and if theres anything he could find that he doesn't see from the surface. he's daring himself to find out what you're like.

• previously he knew so little about bpd, he only knew things from what he's heard and the stereotypical things that people say, but over time he realised that there's so much more to you than what he's heard, and that's what made him more curious than hesitant in wanting to hold your hand.

• when he realised that he became, on what people call, to be your 'favourite person' he had a small intrigued smile on his face but his brain was running in different directions, is that a good or bad thing? hes more than noticed your loving side towards him and despite all that curiosity and wanting to know more, that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel anything for you.

• he feels hurt when you push him away to be left alone but then gets confused and a little annoyed when he follows through but you end up not liking that, or how you don't respond to his messages but get angry when he doesn't reply to yours. it's like you're always contradicting yourself.

• he couldn't keep up with you isolating yourself and not knowing if your alright. but if it's a request that you want to happen with no questions then he'll follow by it to not make you any more upset than you already are at the moment. even though he wishes he doesn't have to.

• though after turning his back on you and to make his way to the door he heard your voice and next thing he knows your trying to make him stay longer, hugging him with so much emotion to the point where if you squeezed harder you would have merged your soles together.

• he's trying his best to make you happy though, sure sometimes it's hard for the both of you to keep up but if space is what you want then he'll give it, and if you want him with you then hell also give you himself. he's hard on himself and is in a state of wishing that he could know what the next day would be like for you two but he doesn't and won't cast you aside if that helps, despite how confusing and anxious ran gets.

 ♡----

[pumpkinsy0]

I know we see alot of post book Ponyboy HC’s and how he acts after and how he takes Dallas and Johnny’s death. HOWEVER do you think you could give us some Two-Bit after they’re deaths?

(I like to think he was the second closest to the both of them after pony.)

two bit,,,the fella that u r,,,,

•now w johnny, i think two bit was so hopeful about johnny, he wanted to believe that johnny would get better and he just tricked himself into believing that genuinely, bc the world is cruel to johnny, but surely not THAT cruel

•when pony announced johnny died, nobody noticed, but that was the first time two bit just truly didnt say anything at all, not a singular peep

•two couldnt even bring himself to walk by johnnys house bc he refuses to see the people who made johnnys life a living hell, in a weird way, he would always hope that johnny would one day come out the house running so he could save him like he always did before

•once tho, he did get drunk and was throwing rocks at johnnys house cause he was so angry, steve found him and had to drag him away

•two bit constantly thinks about how he was so ready to go all the way to texas for em and even now, he wants to know where johnny is now so he can follow

•the nurse gave two bit johnnys SOME part of johnnys clothing that wasnt too damaged, and two bit carries it in his pocket

•and then when it comes to dallas, its like two bit KNEW, dally was gonna die young, but that doesnt make how or when it happened any easier for him, he thought he’d have a few years left w the guy

•just like w johnny, two bit had hope that maybe the world wasnt THAT cruel and he lived in a bit of denial that the world would show dally at least a BIT of mercy in his life time

•he did hang out w dally quite a bit, going to bars, very rarely going to class together and joking around in the back of class, he feels like theres this part of him missing and it hurts him to see that empty seat next to him knowing dally used to sit there

•considering the rep dally had, it wouldnt surprise me if two had heard whispers of ppl being like “finally he got what he deserved” or “it was about time it happened”, and no matter how truthful they were to an extent, it always set two off, and he’d come off as erratic bc his mood would change DRAMATICALLY and depending in if there was someone w him or not, he’d want to fight them

•two feels bad for sylvia, he knows that her and dally werent the best of couples, but he knows they were still close to some degree, ppl assume sylvia didnt care, but he’s seen her cry over it and he knows just like tim, sylvia took things from dallys temporary bedroom at bucks bar

•speaking of bucks bar, after dallys death, he knows tim and sylvia took the small bit of things dally had, so unfortunately, he couldnt take something and go “an eye for an eye” w dally after dally got his switchblade and he never got it back, but sometimes he does sleep in that room, and as time goes on, the scent of dally is fading away and that upsets two

•two bit still has that newspaper clipping of when they saved the kids from that fire and just stares at it

•for a small amount of time, two bit would stay at him and and when it comes to his own family, especially his younger sister, two bit tries to hold onto them and not forget their faces or smells

[setcolder]

Soo this is my 3rd(?) Time finishing saiki k i think. I used to be sooo sad how saiki got his power back. Cause like, oh no, my good friend saiki forever trapped in life he despises... What a bitter end, i thought

But now im having second thoughts... Having power is the good ending for him. The thing is its not about getting rid of his power but to accept it,oin the "this is what i am" way. Its an open ending at some kind, but to me saiki will reveal his power after the meteor gotten dealt with. Its implied how his friendg would accept him regardless. Still having power when he confesses fit better. Because he doesn't have to bury it as the past but have it as something thats not be ashamed of (not that he was though, spare me cause im not eloquent to describe what im thinking)

AND. And, all that responsibility he had to bear is greater when he do it alone. The psychickers sharing his secrets do elevate some burdens he had. But despite all that, theres still things he do himself (time leap things—i dont think he never share that with anyone except kusuke) (and yes kusuke alonh with the parents does fill some blanks to the secrets he conceal in front of the whole circle—but the family sometimes made his life complicated too no?) (Leave out mother though. Because all she ever be a nuisance is when she sneak out his power. But its not totally a concern, because, having people close to saiki to know his power will even decrease his burden)

I wonder how the scene would play out, i mean, when he finally reveal it. Did he do it right after dealing with the meteor? Elevating lower in front of them while meteor dust fleeing in the sky? Or he gathered them like the original plan? Im so curious how the author would play it out, despite having fanfiction to fill in the blank. Its a wishful thinking to have solid crumbs of events happening after the circle knew about his power. All the canon had showed us is the possibilities that ended on the reveal

Rambling this much because im so empathetic with my good friend saiki. Hes gone through so much, its crazy. Technically, hes been living life thousand times his actual age. The perception of time warp it of course, but still, how he matured everybody else is the result of his mentality going through longer unimaginable

His lore is just crazy you know. Him being the most popular character in the show, nobody overshadow the mc himself, because hes a very dimensional character despite the gag label theyre going for. The mangaka is a fenomenal writer for this. Saiki k will never be overrated.

Saiki is caring, kind, attentive, knows boundary to some extent (lmao). Come on, i wouldnt complain about his "bad" qualities because for everything that hes going through, he grew well. And at heart, hes a teenager. Hes allowed to feel simple happiness only at the sight of his favorite snack. To feel excited at his idol (satou). He may done all that unconsciously, lets just say its a bonus from the price he paid (constantly diminishing his existence from attention even the concept of camaraderie)

Watching saiki k is never a bore; every comedic always humors with no fail. It always feels like watching for the first time. It's cliche, but youre totally my favorite character mr. Psychic

[the-holy-ghosted]

Putting on my sunglasses again wow hello another anon about Ghosted (2011)

Care to share your thoughts about what happens after the final scene like wow how do these characters spend the remainder of their sentences after such dramatic events. one really does have to wonder *points the microphone in your direction*

ok putting on my spoilers hat again but im not putting it under a cut. if you feel like watching ghosted then dont read this post. if you dont feel like watching ghosted then feel free to listen to my rambling madness

anyways i think that after the final events of the film where jack and paul """reconcile""" and it cuts off i think they do truly reconcile afterward. i dont think theres a bone in either of their bodies that is not enraged beyond belief over what the other has done to them but theres also no bone thats not wracked with guilt for what theyve done to the other in return. very deeply, they believe they owe each other. although it was jacks own fault for getting put in prison, i think paul very much does feel solely responsible for having ruined his whole family. (something something do we remember jacks "what do you know about it? what its like? to take someone's life and know that youve ruined so many others?" that he spat at clay.. i think paul knows very intimately) and he feels he owes jack what he can never give him. he owes him a son, for one thing. indirectly, he owes him a wife. he owes him a happy family he couldnt return to after doing so much time for a mistake that ended in the loss of a life and although it was pauls own fault for getting put in prison, for what its worth, what else did he have going for him? he had no stable family and no consistent friendships and paul was essentially forced to grow up impossibly fast and skip out on all the nice parts of growing up. having people who loved him. who wanted to take care of him. who knew him and who he didnt have to lie to. at the end of the day yes paul did it and it hurts jack more than he could ever tell him but hes so young... jacks already gotten his payback. god hes probably responsible for so much physical and mental damage and weeks upon weeks upon weeks of physical therapy that will get paul to a place that is funtional but nowhere near as capable as he was before. paul ruined his life but hes ruined pauls, too. in a way he owes it to him to take care of him for that. he owes paul some semblance of stability. and for jacks own sake, he needs to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt ruin anybody elses lives. to make sure nobody else hurts him.

in a nutshell i do think they stick very close together after their altercation. for the remainder of their sentences and to an extent once they get out, too. who else do they have, now? neither of them have anybody they want to see outside waiting for them. they have destroyed each others whole lives and they need to keep each other as close as possible because of it. theres no moving on from this whatsoever with what they know of each other and how theyve already bonded in the three months they were together. what can they do but stay that way? they will collect what they are owed from each other one way or another

... also this is only partially related but i do believe that for the entirety of jacks time in solitary confinement, he didnt know that paul was alive. he was fully convinced that he'd killed paul and was able to come to terms with that. i think it just adds a good layer of emotion on top of everything to think that hes only informed that pauls been asking for him, tha tpaul is alive, after hes let back in with the rest of the wing. he didnt prepare himself for this outcome and, as depicted in the scene, looks to donner in disbelief and then starts to cry before he even sits down next to paul. i think it would be good. i think it would hurt him real bad

[lostgreekgod]

sinner's damnation: part 1

a/n: its been SO LONG. and ik I said I wont probably write anymore, but technically I wrote this like a year ago and we've only now come to finishing it. so he's my first collab and probably my last loki fanfic with my best big bro @theaudacitytowrite 😗💞

pairing: loki x f!reader, angst with some fluff in nex's part hehe

warnings: human trafficking, blood, gore, swearing. lmk if theres anything else

link to part 2

words: 4.8k (LMAO sorry)

taglist: @theaudacitytowrite @gaitwae @naterson @queenjosielaufeyson @1marvelnerd3000 @dmltnlvr

Tony Stark had passed an unnecessary comment aimed at him. Again. Loki did what he usually did in response to that. He got up and left.

A movie night meant being quiet and paying attention to said movie. But obviously, no one followed that rule. Thor had forced Loki into yet another weekend Avenger bonding time, ignorant of his protests, and the God had yet again been "teased" by none other than the billionaire. One thing Midgardians found hard to understand was the fact that no matter how inexpressive someone was, they still had feelings. Feelings that the so-called 'virtuous' Avengers entirely made a point of ignoring.

Another thing - whatever Stark did? It wasn't plain and simple teasing. It was a sly little tactic for their glorious pastime. Bored? Then taunt Loki. Try eliciting a reaction. Did his eyebrow twitch? Did he grit his jaw? Then congratulations! You've successfully won the game of tease-Loki-until-his-face-twitches.

Loki was currently packing up, fuming over the conversation he had just overheard. He was going to leave.

"Don't you think your brother might be... how do I put this? A little too uptight?" Loki heard Stark's voice from the corridors. It had been an hour since he had gotten up and walked away from the stupid movie the Avengers were watching, and he had returned to the kitchen to get his nightly cup of tea. Thor and Stark seemed unaware of his presence as they spoke about him in hushed voices.

"Nonsense," Thor boomed, although he knew he was supposed to be whispering. But obviously, he saw no need for it. He didn't care if Loki heard him. "Loki doesn't care about what you think of him. Hel, he doesn't care what anyone thinks of him. He'll be fine."

Loki grimaced. Thor was right. He didn't care what these measly Midgardians thought of him, right? He shouldn't. Then why was he so affected? Why did it anger him so much, the fact that the stupid metal man could barely contain himself without passing a rude comment at him every time?

"He lives up to his name, Anthony. He's cold-hearted, a snake. He proved that when he stabbed me at like, 8 years old."

Loki’s stomach somersaulted. Did his older brother really think of him in such a derogatory manner? He stepped closer to the wall, trying to catch the rest of their conversation.

"I keep telling Cap we can't trust him. What's worse, Capsicle knows it. Yet he's here, with us like New York never happened," Tony continued, braver than before now that Thor had participated in dissing Loki. "It won’t take long before he betrays us. Again."

Now Loki flinched. Sure, he might have been planning another escapade, but betrayal? Where would he go? Asgard? There was no one for him there. His mother's death had made that very clear. Who would he lead? He did not have an army of Chitauri to serve him this time. He didn't have anybody - no family, no army, no friends. He thought he had Thor to a certain extent but once again, he was wrong. He was alone, and he would remain alone no matter where he went. Hands shaking, he raced to his room, his cup of tea forgotten. He didn't care if his brother could hear him.

Loki wasn't one for spontaneous decisions. He was a planner. An organizer. He hated when he didn't have things planned out meticulously, but right now that was the last thing on his mind. He was leaving. He didn't know where he would go, but it was better than being stuck with people who wished for his absence. He shoved his mother's spell books into a duffel bag as he tugged on the green comforter on his bed. He knew he could conjure one with his seidr anytime, but something told him to take it along - so he did. His eyes landed on a box of his favourite assorted tea bags. Before he could think, he grabbed it. He didn't have anything else left for him in the Avenger compound. He noticed the framed picture of Thor and him on his dresser. Thor was laughing heartily as Loki scowled at him - but he remembered the warmth he felt in his chest. The love he had for his brother. The memory quickly faded when the earlier conversation replayed in his mind. Cold-hearted. Snake.

He zipped up the bag harshly and dashed out of his room. It was only a matter of time until FRIDAY notified the Avengers of his absence. He headed towards the basement, his hands still trembling. He grabbed a set of keys and clicked the button on it. When he first ended up being among the Avengers, he was sent on a mission along with Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson. He had watched how Romanoff had handled the automobile they rode in, and by the time the mission was over, he kind of had it figured out. He still had questions about the little stick on the side - how they moved it whenever the terrain changed - but he was sure he could handle it. He noticed a sleek black car that had blinked its lights in response and moved towards it. Shoving his bag in, he started the car. Shutting his eyes for a moment, he braced himself. Thor didn't deserve Loki's companionship.

"Loki!" his eyes shot open when he heard his brother's voice. Had they realized it already? He glanced in the mirror to see Thor running towards him. "What are you doing?" he yelled, his face perplexed.

Loki stepped on the accelerator, the car immediately zooming out of the parking. He glanced back at Thor using the rear-view mirror, only to see a look of betrayal on his features. His heart stung. How dare he? How dare he assume such a look when he spoke so badly of his own brother just a few minutes ago as if nothing ever happened?

The car shot out of the compound, Loki still manoeuvring it rather perfectly despite the slippery roads. He was proud of himself for being able to learn well, just from observation. That was all he had. His mind, his heart, and himself.

"Brother!" Thor's voice boomed from somewhere behind the car. Of course. Loki was no match for Mjolnir. Thor simply shot his hammer into the air, and hurray! Here he was. Loki looked out of his window to see Thor flying next to him through the ice-cold winter night, his face still donning the innocent look of betrayal. Loki felt his blood heat up in anger.

"Leave, Thor. I have nothing to say to you," Loki said, glaring at him. It was rather late in the night, and only a few vehicles were travelling on the road they were on. He was thankful for that. The speed he was going on wasn't exactly safe for a road filled with Midgardians.

"Why, brother?" Thor yelled, his hand grabbing onto the car so he could keep flying. Loki wondered how Thor felt at the moment. Did he even realize how insulting he had sounded? Did he regret talking behind his back? Did he feel even an ounce of remorse?

"You know why, Thor. I am cold-hearted. A snake." Loki sneered the last few words out, his anger riling up when the look of recognition took over Thor.

"Brother-"

"No," Loki said, interrupting whatever feeble excuse Thor was coming up with. He summoned the energy of his seidr, the green smoke covering the entire car. With a last look at Thor's regretful face, he magicked himself to a different location. He had no idea where he was, but Thor wasn't around anymore. He looked around as he slowed the car, the tall snow-covered trees against the full moon sky allowing a sort of melancholy in the air. He noticed a few snowy hills, and how the temperature was even cooler than where he was just a few minutes ago. Loki breathed deeply, the cool, fresh air letting his muscles loosen up, his ever-buzzing mind stilling for a moment. He flinched when the screen on the console began to make an irritating ringing sound.

Loki pressed on the screen haphazardly, only to freeze up when he heard Tony's voice.

"What the fuck--"

"Let me speak to him," Thor's voice butted in, as grim as ever. Loki clenched the steering wheel harder. Thor did not have any right to be mad at Loki. He didn't.

"Brother?" Thor called, waiting for him to respond. Loki contemplated cancelling the call. As his hand hovered over the 'end' button, Thor's voice rang again.

"Loki, please don't end the call," it was as if Thor knew what Loki would do. When had he become so predictable? That's right. When he started to put down his guard around the other Avengers. But what did that get him? An accusation of betrayal.

"Come back, brother. What do you think you can accomplish by doing this?" Loki inhaled sharply, his shock making him slightly woozy. No apology. Thor knew exactly why Loki had fled. Yet, he did not have it in him to apologize.

"Answer the question, Reindeer Games. We can track you anyway. You either get back here of your own free will, or we come to find you and take you back as a prisoner. Your choice." Loki would have laughed at Tony's empty threat if he wasn't so mad at Thor. Stark was a terrible liar.

"You aren't tracking me, metal man," he said, surprised at how cool his voice sounded. "My seidr masks the radio waves. My location is well uncharted to your measly technology," he sneered, wishing he could see how Tony's face would have pinked in embarrassment.  

"Loki," Thor chided again, almost hesitating. "Mother would be disappointed in you for running away," he whispered, and all the air left Loki's lungs. He could hear the rush of blood in his ears.

"How dare you," he spat, his voice a dark whisper. He hadn't sounded like this since New York. Since his mind was being controlled. "How dare you speak of Mother this way," he growled, his teeth gritting. His hands had gone cold. He stepped harder on the accelerator, not caring about the snow-covered bushes and muddy grass patches he was running the car into.

"Loki. Listen to-"

"Mother would be disappointed in you, Thor. Not me," he interrupted him again, pausing to swallow the large lump in his throat. "You're the one belittling—no, degrading his own brother. Not me." Loki's knuckles had started to turn white. He could barely see where he was going now. It seemed like a hill of sorts, but all there was were a few lone trees and a lot of green shrubs and grass.

“Guys.” Tony interrupted all of a sudden, “We need to calm down for a moment.”

“Stay out of it!” Loki snarled at Tony. He couldn’t understand Tony’s sudden urge to be the peacemaker when he was the one enabling it in the first place. Why was he suddenly so interested in mediating the situation?

“Just hear me out Loki, ok?” Tony’s change of mind and tone made Loki even warier. Stark wasn’t one to extinguish a fight, he was usually the one pouring gas into it so it could explode. The only feasible explanation Loki could think of was that Stark was getting nervous. Nervous about how the others Avengers and the general public would react once it came out that the Monster had escaped the tower. Tony surely tried to keep the damage as small as possible. And he surely wanted to try to stand in the best possible light once the news outlets got wind of it.

“Then go on, Stark,” Loki growled sharply. He had no interest in being painted as the uncooperative one who wouldn’t try to find an amicable solution to their dispute.

“We’re all at fault here.” Tony began sanctimoniously.

 “Are we?” Loki scoffed sarcastically.

“My point is, maybe all of us should calm down first before we say something we cannot take back again, ok?” Tony took it as silent approval as neither of the gods answered, “How about Loki takes a few days off? I have some safe houses around town, some near the beach, some in the valley and even some in the mountains. I’ll send you the addresses and you can choose where you want to stay. As far as I know, you haven’t had a proper vacation since you joined us, have you?”

“And I won’t be generously “punished” when I decide to return?” Loki inquired, sneering out the sentence. He was sick of them. He was sick of how high they thought of themselves as if they had jurisdiction over what Loki’s abilities were.

“We will find a solution.” Tony deflected.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, did you? ...despite stealing my car.” Tony huffed annoyed.

“I borrowed it.” Loki retorted.

“Sure, call it what you like.” Tony began to grow impatient, “Do we have a deal now or not?”

Loki pondered over his options one last time before nodding.

“I’m okay with this.” he approved, “Under one condition.”

“And that is?”

“You will not contact me. Not at all. I will have my time to think about everything and I won’t be disturbed.” Loki demanded, “I have done nothing wrong in the entirety of my stay, quite the contrary. I deserve a basic sense of trust.”

“Tony, we can’t support such-” Thor tried to chime in.

“Okay, Reindeer Games. But you’ll promise to come back.” Tony agreed.

 “Promise.” With that Loki hung up and slowed the car. He was getting exhausted using his seidr. He needed to conserve his energy. Just as his finger left the 'end call' button, he heard a rustle in the trees. His head snapped to the sound. He saw a flash of something - someone- wide eyes, irises illuminated by the car's headlights - and before he could comprehend what was happening, he had swerved his car right into the person, the car coming to a halt with screeching breaks just a little too late.

----

You had opened your eyes to a ceiling made of clay tiles. Your head was throbbing, your body aching from the hard ground you had been laid on. Where were you? Your surroundings were so dark, you had to squint to see around. Your blood ran cold when last night's events came rushing back to you.

You were just returning home late from work, shivering as the freezing air found its way under our thick coat. You had already walked more than half of your twenty-minute walk, your cheeks rosy from the cold when a stranger had asked for directions. A handsome man around your age with a dazzling smile on his face. He was charming, apologizing for his interruption of your stroll this late as he asked where to find the nearest pharmacy. He had a huge map in his hands, struggling to keep it upright as he motioned on the map. You joked with him about his ancient approach and asked if he didn’t own a smartphone, to which he simply shook his head apologetically.

“I’m Jack, by the way.” he had extended his hand for you to shake.

“Y/N.” you shook his hand hesitantly.

Despite the at-first queasy feeling in your stomach you decided to help him out. You had been raised to be polite, so it was the least you could do to help a stranger in despair. You studied his map, trying to locate where you were on the map. You scrunched your eyebrows in concentration… then in confusion. The map wasn’t from here but before you could open your mouth to inform him about it, he stepped uncomfortably close, his breath hitting your face. Your eyes wandered up from the map to his suddenly expressionless face. Your stomach dropped and you knew something was going on but before you could even pull out the pepper spray you carried with you for exactly a situation like this, something cold pressed against your ribs. Horrified you glanced down to see the dim light of the street lantern reflecting on the barrel of a gun.

"Make a squeak, and I shoot," he said, pressing the gun further into your coat.

"Move!" he snarled when you didn’t move, his eyes darted all around the streets, jittery; as if someone could catch him in the act even though the streets were empty.

"Okay, okay!" you shook yourself out of your frozen state, wobbly taking a few steps back, the gun never losing its pressure on your ribs.

"Turn around and get going," he barked, gesturing to a nearby van with his gun.

"What do you want from me?" you asked, tears welling up in your eyes. You cursed yourself for not trusting your intuition. You should’ve never stopped in the first place.

"Shut up!" he spat, his crazed gaze landing on you, “One more question, and you won’t ask another in your life.”

That was enough to let you know to shut up. The tears were falling free now. He grabbed the back of your collar and pressed the gun to your back. He pushed you out towards the car, his body covering your back when a car suddenly drove into the street.

"Wipe those fucking tears and look normal, girl, or you won't live to see another day," he whispered in your ear. Immediately palming your face haphazardly, you dried them. Pasting a smile on your face, you folded your arms against your chest and walked down the sidewalk. To the people in the car watching you, it would seem like you and your lover were heading somewhere, his embrace on you as protective as ever. They would probably 'aw' at you and wish they could have the same for themselves. But you knew better.

"Get in the car," he said, pushing you to it. The car had vanished into the next street, the road empty again, most of the lights in the flats turned off. No one to spot you. No one to ask for help. Hands shaking, you felt for the handle. You noticed how he was standing in the way of the door. Your heart welled up in hope when your brain sputtered out a plan - you could slam the door into him in the pretence of opening it and run away, as fast as possible. You snuck a glance at him, regarding that although he had his gun at you, he was still looking around in the same frazzled way. Now or never. You braced yourself before opening the door with force and slamming it into his torso. The gun fell out of his hand as he lost his balance. You didn't waste a moment. You took off immediately, darting around the other cars that were parked around. You didn't dare to look back. You heard a shot go behind you and cowered immediately, praying to whoever that this will be over soon. That you will be safe. Just as you turned around the sidewalk to head to your apartment, you crashed right into something. Someone. You fell on your backside, your eyesight going blurry for a second. You glanced up to see him again, gun pressing into your skull.

"Shortcut," he snickered triumphantly, "You can run from me but don’t think for a second you could escape.”

"What do you want from me?!” you sobbed loud, “I don’t even know you!”

"Shut up, bitch." he kicked you harshly into the side, the pain shooting into your side, robbing your air. Before you could say anything, he flipped the gun, bringing it down hard on the side of your head. All you saw next was darkness.

And then you woke up here. Gasping, you registered your surroundings - all walls, no windows. 1 door. Where was he? You ignored the pang of pain going up the side of your head as you turned around. You listened closely, trying to hear for his presence. Nothing. You were alone, in a dark empty place in the middle of nowhere.

Shuddering, you got up and reached the door. Before you could try to jimmy the door open, you heard his voice on the other side. Your whole being froze.

"Twenty grand," you heard him say, your heart in your throat. Had he heard you? Hands shaking, you inched closer, ear against the thin wood. "I won't take any less than that for the bitch, she's a real piece of work." Now that was rude. He didn’t even know you and all you had done was be kind to him. Granted, you had slammed the door into his face but solely out of self-defence.

Some rustling from the outside had you on guard again - you scurried away from the door, arming yourself with nothing but your fists. You waited. Nothing. Stepping towards the door again, you realized that the steps were fading away. He was going away from the cottage. Gasping in relief, you tried to swallow down the fresh tears from ebbing out. You needed a plan. Fast.

"Okay, I can do this. Think. Think," you whispered to yourself, wishing your head wouldn’t be throbbing as much as it did. A head injury was not something anyone should look forward to. You felt for the walls, realizing that they were made of bamboo wood. Patting around, you wondered if you could look for a weak spot in the wood, so you could kick your way out. You sank to the ground, pushing against the wood hurriedly. When your hand landed on one creaky piece, your hope skyrocketed. Maybe you could get out of this. You kicked against it, raising yourself to push it with your hand. Just as you got onto your knees and placed your hands on the wood, you slipped, nicking your palm against something sharp. You hissed, your other hand coming to nurse the wound immediately. It was something sharp... a nail. Perfect, you thought. Assuming the worst, you could at least protect yourself. You took off the fancy dress shirt you were wearing, thankful that you had worn jeans. You wrapped your injured hand with it and felt for the nail again. You held onto it tightly, the flimsy cloth giving you some sort of cushioning against the rusty nail. You tugged hard, your breathing coming in frenzied bursts. You froze immediately when you heard a rustle. Was he back?

Panicking, you shifted positions, using your feet to support you against the wall as you pulled. The rustling was getting closer. He was back. You tugged harder and harder, the repressed tears flowing free now, your wounds aching -

You fell back as the nail finally popped out. Scrambling, you hid against the wall adjacent to the door, positioning yourself to attack with the nail. Just as you forced yourself to collect your bearings, the door creaked open.

"Oh, sweetheart? You up yet?" he teased, his voice mocking as he approached your cowering form.

You lunged at him, your throat erupting in a broken war cry, impaling his shoulder. He roared in pain, his hand darting back to push you away. You reared back as all the air left your lungs. He fell to his knees, gasping, nursing his wound. You realized you had pulled the nail along with you when you lost balance. You pointed it at him and stood up, your legs shaking. You kicked him as hard as you could, eliciting a pained groan from him. He fell on his back, whimpering lightly. Still pointing the nail at him, you fumbled against the door, pushing it open and running out. You were finally free. All you had to do was find someone who could help you leave wherever you had been taken to.

As you stepped outside the cottage the merciless cold encircled you, your breath becoming visible in foggy puffs. Only now you realised that your coat was missing. You began to shiver as you hurried through the thick bushes, scrapping your arms at thorns. But there was no time of acknowledging everything that was hurting right now. You had to concentrate on running, it was vital.

After not even a few minutes of running, you heard him again. Your eyes widened as you crouched behind a tree, gasping for air. He was relentless. Couldn’t he just give up? Were you really that valuable? Sure, you made the perfect victim. Living alone in a big city, with no close friends or family around. Had that man spied on you? Studied your days and waited for the perfect moment to overpower you? You shuddered. You didn’t want to follow your line of thought further. At least not now.

Groaning, you hurried onwards, pushing yourself to run faster, worrying about how quickly the sky was darkening. You needed to find help, and fast.

You heard a sudden noise, a growl. You listened closer, hoping it wasn't a wild animal. Please don't make this worse, you prayed. You almost yelled in relief when you realized it was the rumbling sound of a car. You shot up, running towards the sound of tires against rough terrain.

"Oh, baby girl? Where are you? Get back here, you bitch!" you heard him yell, only leading you to pump your legs faster. Your hand was on fire, hurting from the cut you had gotten earlier. The blood pumping uncomfortably in your veins from running but you had no choice. You got to a pathway, dense trees suddenly clearing up, only short bushes and shrubs around you. You looked around, still listening to the car that was closing up on you. You waved at it, the headlights almost blinding you - but you could never be happier.

"Where are you, you little bitch?" your hunter growled.

Hurry, hurry. Please.

You glanced around, hoping he didn't spot you yet. You still listened as the rumbling got closer. The car was slowing down but not quickly enough. That's when you realized you had turned around to face the speeding vehicle too late. Before you could do anything, it ran right into you, the edge of the automobile pushing you off your feet, heaving all of the air right out of you. You gasped, your head once again throbbing from hitting the ground, hard. Your eyesight blurred, another lump forming in your throat. So this was the end. Just get it over with, you thought.

You shivered when you saw a silhouette above you, dark and tall. But it wasn't him. He was shorter, but this guy? His stance, the way he carried himself was itself different. It radiated power. Not the kind that forced people to cover, but the kind of power you would want to respect.

"Help," you gasped quietly, your eyesight swimming. You could barely see anything now. All that you could register in your mind was the darkness that was taking over it.

---

“Oh, dear. Oh, Hel. Please don't be dead. Not another one on my conscience.” Loki kneeled next to you, his hands shaking. “Please, please, please.” He placed his fingers on your neck, exhaling in relief when he felt a faint heartbeat.

'Help,' you had whispered to him. His eyes scanned your face, only now registering the gash on your head. As he observed your apparent lifeless form further, he noticed your unsuitable clothing for this season. What had happened to you?

He seemed to set himself on a decision. Thor really thought his own brother would be cold-blooded? No, Loki was far from that. He was going to help you.

His hand moved to the wound as he shut his eyes. Just as he summoned some of his green energy, he heard... a gunshot. Loki's eyes shot open, immediately scanning his surroundings. You had said, 'help'. Was it because someone was chasing you? Loki pondered over that for a moment before another gunshot went off. He scrambled to his feet quickly and gathered your limp body into his arms, gently placing you on the back seat of his car. He was not going to let anything hurt you.

"Where the fuck are you, you whore?" a voice called out, as menacing as ever.

Aha, so there was the 'someone' you were running from. You were just a random Midgardian - Loki didn't know you. But when someone referred to you in such a derogatory way, he couldn't help his anger from riling up. He would have gone after the man, but he had more pressing issues at the moment. He had to take you to a place where he could help you without any disturbances.

link to part 2

[jayflrt]

ur mind so so smexy the way u plot these, literally on the edge of my seat as i study for a test BUTTT i tried figuring out who tapped who && if theres a chance that hoon can get in:

sungjin —> yn

theres two theories why i think sungjin chose yn, its bcos of jay lowke if he has an inkling that jay likes yn he can screw over hoon which is kinda far fetched cus how could sungjin know but theres a possibility

theres more potential in yn && can light up hoon even more in a weird twisted way —> its fucked up yes and possibly screws up hoon BUT imagine ending up as a ceo in ur fams company without having to go thru the order!

commonality i do think hes trying to mentally manipulating hoon which is thru his ex gf (question: does hoon still has feelings for yn?)

jennie: TBA — assuming she hasnt chosen anyone, im betting its hoon

jaehyun —> hee

i agree w gigi & jay that hee was most likely trying to screw over jay, to an extent, unintentionally however i do think hee is threatened by jay cus 1) was able to catch the attention of the love of his life in a matter of months when he knew her forever 2) suddenly was accepted in the old money scene when it took such a long time for him

joshua —> my wild guess that he chose sunoo! instinct with no evidence or theory as to why HAHA**

jeonghan —> jay

tbh i expected it bcos from the scenes you provided, it seemed like jay was socializing w jh more && i think him not really prioritizing jh’s seat kinda made him more authentic to jh if that made sense

irene —> karina? im only basing this because irl theyre leaders in sm ents girl groups BAHAHAHAHAH

wonwoo —> gigi

seulgi —> ningning

this what made me think as to irene tapping karina or karina mentioned who tapped her & i forgot

minghao: na

baekhyun: na

sehun: na

jisoo —> changmin

doyeon—> yeonjun? idt he mentioned who tapped but ik he was sleeping with one of them && theyre the same age irl so maybe im not that far of

** sunoo’s could be joshua - minghao - baekhyun - sehun & u mentioned eunseok is also part of who got tapped

correct me if im wrong w the canon taps but yeah ! my theory is that hoon will get tapped but thru unexpected means

omg no YOUR mind is sexy like this analysis????? WHOA! also i hope your test went well ml !! 🫶 actually i can confirm some of these for you since the new chap is coming out soon + not exactly hiding some of these LMFAO

i can't give much about sungjin away, though your theories are v good 🫣 but i can confirm that hoon does still have feelings for mc !! he's just trying to respect the breakup but he definitely isn't over it yet

also,, i actually did have irene tap karina and seulgi tap ningning LMFAOOO saw right through me there 😭 also yes yeonjun was sleeping with doyeon ! 🫣

[mcl38]

it's mostly the delusional shippers that turned me off "carlando."

after qatar when he was being all dramatic and doubting himself, there were full on essays weird carlando shippers were writing about how he clearly just wasn't ready to lead a team and still needed carlos to guide him and encourage him before his mental health spiraled or something idek. like what the everliving fuck do you mean he's not "ready to lead a team?" the guy fucked up and he knew it, yeah maybe was a little too self-critical but he took accountability for his error, he was right there to congratulate and support his teammate despite those feelings, etc. it genuinely amazes me how whenever a teammate outperforms lando we start getting these he's "not ready to lead" or he's "a shit teammate" accusations because those are genuinely the moments where his being a team player shines through for me. he's had a few opportunities now, with basically every f1 teammate he's had, where he could have been a shit team player and gone off to sulk and cry, yet he's been there supporting and celebrating with the team even in those moments.

but idk there's something so infantilizing about people acting like lando needs carlos to function or depends on him to know his worth or talent or abilities. and i'm sure carlos encouraging lando in his rookie year did play an important role in his development, but one of my fave things has been seeing him come to terms with his imposter syndrome and struggles and finding healthy ways of combating and coping with that and genuinely believing in himself. like i don't think these people realize mental health is not just something one person is going to come along and fix - and i think as evidenced by andrea stella's statements on how they were going to try to find ways to help lando spin some of that self-criticism into healthier mindset - that's a continuous battle and something lando himself will have to deal with, to some extent, likely throughout his career. carlos whispering "omg ur so talented mi vida" or whatever these people fantasize about isn't going to do shit for lando after he's screwed up and is punishing himself for it. like idk i'm just not a fan of this lando "damsel in distress who needs carlos to save him" narrative so many carlando people push. he's proven he's more than capable, why the hell people still look at him in any context - whether personally or professionally - and think he needs carlos to function/survive beats me

so like firstly anon u make me feel so lucky that ive managed to avoid the majority of carlando content since like 2021. "writing about how he clearly just wasn't ready to lead a team and still needed carlos to guide him and encourage him before his mental health spiraled or something idek" gives me actual hives one of my biggest icks is when a fan of a 'ship' clearly isnt actually a fan of at least one of the individual drivers on their own. rly theyre just infatuated with whatever collective fantasy of a relationship theyve bought into, and while shipping drivers absolutely does not imply you're unable to confront reality on its own, i do think theres a correlation between intense (read: irl rather than just rpf) shipping culture and absolute delusion about what a driver is like (so when the driver shows their true colours its shock horror hate)

anyways god those r some insane takes about qatar. i do find it funny retrospectively how landos biggest narrative flop was literally a p3 sprint p3 race and ppl acted like he was in p13 getting lapped by oscar. i also think qatar was an obvious demonstration that lando CAN lead the team, and sustain a relationship w his teammate. and he can do those things WELL at that. a pettier person wouldnt have congratulated oscar as much as he did. oscar doesnt even count his sprint win as a win, but lando does - again, a pettier person would go pedantic about the sprint format and refuse to acknowledge it. but he didn't - despite clearly feeling his Feelings the whole weekend, he manned up (unlike someone else that week lmao) and held his head high, smiling for the journos and placating them when they were concerned abt how self-critical he was. i respect and admire him so much for that. thats my guy

yeah the one thing we saw return w a vengeance that week was the self-flagellation - a thing thats not only very much NOT new, but also that landos talked about at length. like hes been SAYING this, this is the main thing he talks about every time he talks about mental health, which is a lot (bless him). this is like when ariana grande wrote a song called 'break up with ur girlfriend im bored' and then years later she broke up a married couple and her fans were like gasp what did this evil hag do how dare she like my beloveds she TOLD YOU. she TOLD you she was like this why did you not LISTEN.

anyways you say some downright beautiful things about lando and his development that i wholeheartedly agree with. "one of my fave things has been seeing him come to terms with his imposter syndrome and struggles and finding healthy ways of combating and coping with that and genuinely believing in himself" is SO true and correct bc like YEAH this is a journey he's been talking about and trying REALLY hard at. this is gonna sound kinda perverse but i think his 2023 challenge is like... unrosberging himself. i think he (following in the footsteps of nico, wait, let me expand on this) took the easy way out of his intense self-doubt and self-criticism: that is, he bought into the (unsustainable) strategy that if he just doesn't make any mistakes, he'll get rid of his impostor syndrome and be mentally healthy. lmao. so its easy for him to look back at 2019 now and be like 'i was way too stressed about being a bad driver but i was just a rookie, i had room to learn, see im better now, no stress', but when he DOES make an error nowadays, i don't think he's quite yet reached the level of stability where he can rly take that on the chin. which, as u say, is SO normal, bc stuff like this is such a continuous battle (i should fucking know my therapist tells me that every session lmao).

its just that the one thing carlandos or other ppl who consume f1 media in similar ways is that carlos comforting him is so not what lando needs or what he'll get either. landos worked w a legit sports psychologist for a while, and he's got jon who clearly actively tries to document himself on how to deal w mental health issues in athletes, and mclaren has just added a team psychologist to their paddock crew, AND like u mentioned, andrea said he'll try to find other ways to help lando mitigate his self-doubt. if anything, carlos whispering sweet nothings to lando (if we entertain the hypothesis n all) will only aggravate him further. not only do i know this from personal experience of how i (a known self-flagellator) respond to that kinda stuff, but he's also like famously rly unreceptive to ppl understating bad situations ("well, the only way is up, isn't it lando?" "n-no, actually, for us it's also down" and all the other extremely funny pressers at the beginning of 2022, esp in australia where everyone was trying to convince him the car was suddenly way better when it was just track-specific performance). AND we also know almost verbatim from carlos (the only f1 driver whos ever spoken abt the less camera-ready aspects of landos personality) that he does Not know what to do w lando when landos in a funk. i rmbr theres this bit in one of the last interviews they did together, that retrospective one, where carlos was talking about landos moods, when he gets quiet and crabby, and how he couldnt get through to him, and it was like lando was a completely diff person. but, yk, whatever serves ppls fantasies ig

so like yeah i absolutely absolutely agree w you that especially within the carlando dynamic theres this super nasty damsel-in-distress element. i think it probably started as ppl projecting onto lando's anxieties and wanting a big strong man with a sexy accent telling them everythings gonna be alright (which so fair), but bc lando wears his failures and deficiencies on his sleeve as a defence mechanism (known fan of low expectations, wants to preempt anyone saying he's shit by saying it himself, this goes from his painful-to-watch post-quali self-criticism to his aggressive anti-intellectualism in general knowledge quizzes) then its so easy for the fandom to characterise him as a hopeless mess, weepy, stressed out, needing someone to come fix shit around him. if lando himself knew this, considering how independent he is, i think he'd have an anneurism lmao. bc like it IS infantilising as well (a pattern w lando). and disrespectful. and dismissive. and w an implication that they dont like lando for his qualities, but for the stuff thats wrong with him, so they can imagine someone making it right and completing the narrative.

and all this over a mess-up in quali that he still converted to a podium. jesus christ. being a lando fan is genuinely exhausting fr

[the-kipsabian]

just throwing together some misc alan wake 2 thoughts now that ive slept and had coffee after finishing the game. mostly talking end game, obviously spoilers

alice. alice intrigues me so much. that final stinger is incredible, for multiple reasons. that reveal following the series of photos of her seemingly killing herself is just.. yeah. i think that was not only her way of trying to getting back to alan, who she knew was trapped in the dark place at the bottom of the lake, but it was also to throw scratch off, to think that he won by tormenting her to her death. theres no light flickers in the background of that final video. she is free of scratch, but still clearly safe. maybe back in the dark place, but tbh im not sure if she ever actually escaped it in the first place. shes going to leave the place with alan. she has to, because they are each others rocks. they sink or swim together (it would also explain why she was able to contact saga while she was in the dark place)

speaking of saga, her mind place version of the dark place was just *chefs kiss*. it was an incredible, worked really well to demonstrate not only the power the dark place has on people, but also what kind of a character she really is. strong and independent, but so good to those around her. i really wish we got deeper into her friend and partnership with casey tbh, after hearing about his divorce (which, btw, loved the extremely casual drop about him and estevez just "bonding over their ex wives". amazing job remedy) and especially seeing the birthday photo in the mind place just. my heart. i really wish we got more casey in general, but i guess him being included in the story beats and echo visions as a hardboiled detective just needs to be enough. for now i say knowing full well im gonna dive super deep into fanfics when my brain fog lifts a little ough

my one big question was door. and maybe tim to that extent, considering the last page we read and we never fully got an explanation about doors involvement (im hoping ng+ explains this further?) but it refers to tim as his "unwilling disciple" - obviously tim was moved to the dark place against his will, but at the same time, why exactly and what is he doing? hes been trying to get out, to figure it out, he has a whole whiteboard of theories and yet. it all leads to door. and idk maybe i missed it somehow, but i never fully made that connection as to why and what doors game here is. which leaves me with questions for the next game/sequel/dlc. intriguing, but throwing that in last minute just felt kinda. idk remedy dont do this to me lmao

one thing im admittedly a bit disappointed about was them choosing to sacrifice alan for the ending. i mean i get it, at the point where we think alice is dead and saga makes it very clear that neither casey nor logan can be hurt and that they are both the heroes of the story, theres not much options left. like alan said, the horror story needs a victim. but also idk, i wish we could. have had a choice? multiple endings?? which i guess ng+ teased but we'll see. also it being left unanswered whether we were free from the darkness now or not, which i understand was intentional but idk im still a bit miffed about that one lol. logan not answering the phone. however saga did have a wedding ring on her finger (i did not observe this detail before so idk if it was just always there but it felt very significant in this scene as they didnt show her being lefthanded before so) which makes me think everything did get fixed, considering how badly david hated her during points in the story, so why would she still wear her wedding ring after all those years after what happened if this wasnt the good reality again. just saying

ALSO IM JUST SO GLAD CASEY IS ALIVE. STUPID BASTARD MAN I LOVE HIM SO

"its not a loop, its a spiral" has interesting implications, but i miss "its not a lake, its an ocean" tbh. i feel like that ending revelation held more power to it than this one, it just feels like a rehash for the sake of copying the original. like i get what they mean about this one (its not a constant changing loop, its a developing story moving forward that keeps expanding as it goes even tho it feels like its going in circles), but just as a saying it doesnt stand up to the original. thats all

the way, even if they are sharing a skin, alan and scratch are two different characters (im excluding zane from this equation for reasons as i dont think he was real [im fairly convinced it was scratch playing games with alan just pretending to be zane], but i wanna give special props to ilkka villi for his portrayal. immaculate job) and are written that way. the way they talk, the lines they have, there is a significant difference when you pay attention to it - i think its partially alans way of trying to dodge the blame and put it all on scratch, whereas scratch doesnt do that for himself, hes just trying to play into the emotional manipulation angle with the constant rush instead to get what he wants and to get people on his side and to trust him. which is a really good take, considering that hes using all common scammer tactics to try to fool people into giving him what he wants (also just god the transformation scene when this is revealed? permanently tattooed in my brain that was so goddamn good)

its also a very interesting take that the cult is actually the good guys. i also just love ilmos explanation for it; "what kind of a cult calls themselves a cult" like. yeah. yeah man you got a point there. but that being just a cover and a scare tactic to keep people safe? love that shit that was good (kinda high key mad we didnt get more of them after that. only that one last sad tv commercial, would have loved to give them a good ending too)

also the parallel of alan waking up from getting shot to the head vs earlier zane doing to same thing at the second meeting in the hotel. i havent stopped thinking about it tbh

just. a few thoughts. all in all idk i felt like the ending was missing something tbh. maybe i just missed something, but it feels like it was more of a setup for something in the future with everything than an ending to a full game and a sequel 13 years after the original. i have too many questions left, more than i entered into this mess with. that being said, absolutely loved the game itself, the story is insane and incredible, this has once again rewired the way my brain thinks about stories (plot board my beloved......), theres so much underneath the surface of a survival horror game that cant be explained, it needs to be experienced. there are sequences here that im unable to convey in words and feelings, you need to see them for yourself ("we sing" and the movie theater. iykyk)

just in general that cliffhanger like. why you do me like this remedy. why. i cant wait for 13 years for another sequel. goddamn

the ending tho, im. i dont know. in the first game we knew things were still kinda wrong, but it showed that everyone outside of alan seemingly got out of the things unscathed for the most part (i mean we lost nightingale, rose went kinda loopy, there were signs that not everything and everyone was right but for the most part the town and people in it were safe), but here we dont see any of it. the happy deerfest is nothing but scratch's illusion. so idk if im meant to believe that shooting alan was the fix and everything went back to normal, like normal normal before this man was pulled into the lake, or since he was still seemingly alive after that, are we still living in the happy deerfest illusion forever while the darkness spreads to the land outside of it? i have so many questions and this ending didnt answer a lot of them tbh lmao

theres so much here i cant fit here my brains still very rattled from all of this and i keep getting more questions the longer i think about it so im gonna leave it here. i'll probably see you later with more when ng+ and/or dlc releases, as hopefully those will explain more

10/10, absolutely my game of the year ngl

..one thing to leave you with. fuck the boss fights in this game lmao

[videostak]

ya theyre leaving at like 10 rn i am not going to that 6am swap meet. fuck my life ugh... like obv gonna be waken in the middle of the night when they get back ._. srsly can they be considerate of my life for fucking once. like knowing that i do this for work and is my only source of money and then to do something like that on a total whim and try to downplay how it will affect my sleep and morning tomorrow is srlsy making me so pissed.. like the amount of effort i and to an extent my sister will go to to be considerate of others just to have her do shit like this is so infuriating. like literally my job for a record store that needs inventory desperately and i cant fucking go cause of my asshole inconsiderate mom. reaaaaallly great. i mean best case scenario i can drive up to the estate sale tahts supposed to be at 8. id have to leave at liiiike idk 6:30. so probably not that too. should try to go to the other 8:00 swap meet too or the yard sale but starting to feel real uncomfortable abt going to the swap meet cause of all the stuff around that. so annoying for me to plan all this out just for her to shit all over it cause she wants an excuse to get drunk and trauma dump to her cousin and make to put her cousin in a super awkward weird position. sucha  genuinely awful person ugh.... i mean idk i should goo tomorrow but like really dont kno if ill be able to get up in time. idk i think ill still push rly hard ill try to get a coffee tomorrow at mcdonalds and stuf but like idk just so fucking annoyed rn like dude this is literally my job right now that A LOT of things are riding on have some fucking respect and learn when ur making things much more difficult for ppl. what annoys me so much is when i told her that i wouldnt be able to go tomorrow if she went out as late as shes planning to she just tried to go supportingly “ok we’re gonna go at 10 and tomorrow u can go wherever u want and dont worry about it :)” while just ignoring what i said. lol. something abt idk if all parents are like this or if most are but like that level of being so in denial abt everything that u just respond to any attempt at talking things out with this very fake positivity vibe is so awful. like she does it so much whenever something comes up thats a problem and its so annoying. she did it thursday too when i wasnt sure if i was gonna be able to go cause of my dads dog and she ignored what we said and cut us off and went dont worry ill handle it all :) even tho it was like not even clear what she would be “handling” cause she just wanted to get us to stop talking abt it.  like not even aware of how my dad lets the dog in without warning and how the cats and the dog need to be watched cause he’ll start playing rough. like idk what to even do when ppl genuinely just do not listen to anything u tell them at all. theres no reason for me to tell her something before hand cause she’ll just do whatever the fuck she originally intended to and then try to “discuss” it or apologize after even if youve already had a what u thought was productive conversation days before abt it. like on the first weekend i drove to the swap meet i had told her before i was gonna let the dogs in the back right i went to let her kno beforehand and she agreed there was no argument no even hint at there being a disagreement so i thought things were good and then when i actually was gonna leave she was like no dont let them out theyll bark its too early and i had to get my sister to get her to agree to let them out. like srlsy sooo annoying same thing happens A LOT when having to schedule things shell be in complete agreeance and then when the time comes to do smthn she will like bring up something out of nowhere that she def knew b4 hand  but was just waiting to bring up last second. like she’ll say we should schedule smthn for the vet on a day and then reveal that the vets actually closed that day when that day actually comes etc. or will lie and say it is. like i need to take the cats to the vet soon cause cassettes worms are still present and dendy needs to get neutered and she said she’d call monday even tho its smthn shes already been lagging on for a long time so im just like waiting to see what excuse she’ll bring up then or if she actually does intend to call. like she could bring up an excuse or just spend the whole day in her room and ignore it when i bring it up. ughhh well i will try to go tomorrow i think. i mean im gonna shave and shower just incase i do. i dont think ill wear shorts tho not rly feeling it atm since i could be nervous if i do go to the yard sale. but willl rly have to see

[kusundei]

i likely wont forget about what happened today and i dont tbink i’ll ever let myself forget this ? i’ll probably force myself to let this linger and stay with me forever or at least a long while bcuz as bad as that sounds truly i needed this icthink . knew i could lie forever and the longer it wasnt acknowledged it just got worse truly .? i have this. bad achijg feeling. perchance a sort of grief and regret and remorse ? everytime he says something kind it makes me. odd. keep jusr feeling my throat close up again and then my heart just hurts. badly. it wont stop aching i feel sodramatic its crazy i havw to keep telling myself i cant start crying again because my head already hurts sobad and i cant be doingthis anyway. i just feel. guilty still. im not rwally lashing myself ajymore or anyrhjng i just still feel bad and j feel awful when he says things like rhat bcuz. i have no idea? is it that i dont beleive him? is it that i feel guilty that hes being kind despite it all??? that i feel suddenly undeserving???? im not redeemed yet so i cant accept this anymore??? made too big of a mistake? ? im trying not to rlly acknowledge it but oh god forbid i . feel **it**. but im not avoidant and i wont do that judt because im scared again? And its also on me . truly i am just glad he was honest and talked to me and ill just choose to bask in this a little longer so i can truly feel the weight of my mistakes. he keeps telling me he misses me and i feel so overwhelmingly guilty. because god forbid who am i to miss you as well after that? whooo am i to hold your hoodie and wish it was you? let alone the smell is making me. emotional. scared i’ll be evil tomorrow if i see him but i will orobabky live?? im normal i am a man or something aling those lines. i wouldnt cry. im just. still. feeling bad. not like im upset i have no reason to be upset. just again feeling bad. theres a difference between the two im just trying not to lash myself anymore . moving on and its okay? even though it isnt truly okay really? it’ll be okay. i feel guilty wanting to move on from it but i know i need to but i also cant w peace of mind till i truly grasp how hes feeling ithink. a part of me wont accept whatever silliness hesputtiny downcright now bcuz im doibting it. but hopefully the ache will leave me eventually bcuz an evil part of me is festering because of it. ifeel it in my bones but i wont. ive caused too much already i cant maybe ill feelcbetter tomorrow bcuz i feelclike irl i might be able to grasp it better

the least i can do at this point is to live. let it consume me (maybe) but not let it show. to be okay enough to function? to be normal to the closest degree i know how to. to be everything again and just be better. not redeem myself because theres nothing i can do to redeem that but to the extent in which i’ll feel even a little bit more fulfilled. oh hut truly none of it is for the sake of me i just. need to do something. to fix this somehow but i know there isnt rlly any fixing i can do. it’ll probabkyfollow him the same way it’ll follow me but i can only pray it doesnt plague him like how i know it will for me . this is just evil sam though i’ll be okay. im always okay. i AM okay.? im not crying anymore. i had no reason to be crying in the first place he has every reason to be upset with me. inqasnt even upswt i just felt bad. kept having to reassure myself and reread everything and be. reasonable. fuck that 40 minute audio recording it ws just alot of back and forth. but oh god am i glad my mom spared me warlier maybe it was worth the lashings. because if she did take my phone like how she was yelling st me earlier as she attenpted to break down the door it wouldve been over . but im okau and im normal? fake it till we make jt . thug it out. lock in. just do something? lessen the pain in any way possiblr and make it up some how. oh but everytime he does somethijg to be silly and normal like we r normally it just makes me feel like hes also lying to me and j dont want him tooo. oh bht god forbid im the one being eivl now so. icant idk. imjust. doubting everything again slightly. ive taken a few steps backwards but its okay ill be fine (im still guilty)

[hekatekun]

yaoi was horrendous this week genuinely great job i am always obsessed with your uncanny ability to put todomatsu under a magnifying glass and burn him like an ant ^__^ cannot wait for chapter 5!!! i noticed a change in direction though particularly in how you characterize todomatsu's interactions w atsushi which i really liked!! i am curious though what prompted it :33

thank you^^<3 there's probably a few different reasons both intentional and unintentional. to start, ccckk will have 10 chapters, however in its original "outlining" i intended to have 9 chapters

i've shared my hyperlinked table of contents on a few different posts now, mostly as cockteasers. but also i literally don't think i could navigate the google doc without it atp

i think theres like 30k of it published? so there's on average at least 1-2k worth of a scene in all 6 of the unpublished chapters that i've chipped away at over the last 3 years, bc ofc some are more developed than others. there's never been a solid outline for ccckk but rather a string of scenes i knew i wanted at certain intervals, like milestones, and i had wanted to retro-engineer the rest around those concepts

with that in mind, ch10 isn't a real chapter but more like a coda i wrote right after publishing ch1 and so the rest has been "how do i move the story from ch1 to this epilogue?" the plot is only in the first 9 chapters, so i structured it with three "acts" in mind and tried to have the chapter titles reflect that - both for my own amusement and to ground the ideas better lest i forget what wasn't written yet. so if ch4 starts "act 2" then it should show off that shift. but also, i never intended ccckk to be a slowburn, more like a...... medium burn ig? it's supposed to be a todomatty character study first and foremost, after all

each chapter should feel episodic to some extent, since i paced it on individual chapter "goals" rather than wordcount or anything (tbh i actually thought i would only ever hit ~50k total but if i'm not even halfway done and i'm at 30k now? jesus fuck. fuck me. what the fuck did i do.) if i've planned/structured the story like i'm fitting individual glass pieces into a metal frame, then by god you're gonna get the yaoi-est stain-glass art you've ever seen outside church in your life. it's why ch4 utilizes something like a montage, to show that ~passage of time~ and what that did to their dynamic now in this act 2

as to what that situationship dynamic actually ended up looking like on the big screen, i definitely blame @moeatsushi's art for that one^^ a lot of it made me realize i could definitely make them..... messier? nastier? gayer? [insert tumblrbait adjective]? for a lack of a better word. and that i could balance That with the surrealist realism that i wanted to achieve when translating the show into prose. also helped me get out of a general writer's block<3

beyond all that, i think part of it comes from me now being 23 writing yaoi instead of writing yaoi at 20. not that my brains developed any more, but my opinions have changed. like, to the point i find it hard to read the previous chapters when i have to reference them. ch1 really is a mark of shame to me ngl only god knows how i wouldve wrote it now. i had a friend look at it a few weeks ago and they called that shit "college freshmen posting on wattpad" 😓 which is already how i felt about it but whatever. post and move on. i (probably) won't repost/edit since that's more work that no one's paying me for, and it (probably) isn't as bad as my perfectionist monkey brain feels. anyway this isn't about being emo it's my precursor to admitting that there's a good chance i went off script bc i refused to look super close at my own goddamn source material/notes and decided winging it was better out of a mixture of laziness and pride at the cost of tighter consistency/characterization

[yungviry]

a fucking mess

man guys it happened, i ran into my ex! and boy was it terrible. let me set the scene: im at the gas station and simultaneously pumping gas and recording a snapchat video like we do. and as im done pumping the gas and getting back into the car and watching back my video, he pops into my car window. completely caught me off guard. i cant remember all the shit he said but he did say stop "talking shit about me online". which i found to be annoying but whatever. i pulled away as fast as i could and parked down the street. i tried my best to not give a reaction or say a word and i didnt. i pulled over and cried for a bit like a fucking pussy, cause i couldnt handle it. my ass was so stressed. i dot know about yall but i dont ever expect to see an ex after a breakup unless its intentional. and the fact that he was just at my neighborhood arco was just a nightmare. officially never going there again.

im telling yall a breakup is different for everyone. we cope differently and its all good. a bitch will be revealing but just know that my book will but much better. and the focus isnt necessary my ex's but more so my life after blossoming into a woman if you will. a bitch hit a hundred bodies i feel like i got a story to tell. and 100 isnt a lot but in 3 years i give myself a pat on the back. theres just a lot of tales and unfortunate situations i got myself into.

malik is an ass. was an ass. i dont care for the terminology hes a menace and no im not gunna shut up about him to an extent. sometimes i remember that he used to hit me, sometimes i remember he used to be rude as fuck, i remember when he told me he had herpes and religiously blamed it on his last girlfriend. he was a big piece of shit and i just feel if someone wants to get involved with him they should know the indiscretion he omits.

Malik Salam shit list (from oakland in case you women are unaware)

-cheater (multiple times, im aware im the dumbass that took him back like 4 times for the same shit but imma still add it to my list cause a bitch was gaslight like a motherfucker till i saw shit for myself)((this is as in messaging/hooking up with master rochi/the white bitch im blanking on her name right now)

-has fucking herpes and reused to let anyone of his previous sexual partners know

-constantly asked to borrow money with and told me hed pay me back, blackmailed me by saying he woulnt pay me back if we broke up, and for the whole 3 years almost never paid back any of the money

im sorry the money always be pissing me off. like yall don understand when i get to the malik chapter of my book im gunna go off. he whole ass knew since december 2021 that his friend was getting married in vegas in october 2022. told me up and down i wasnt going. literally could have convos about how i was axed from those plans. and because hes cheap (or broke i didnt looked at his accounts) a month before he tells me i can suddenly go. "book the room and well split it" never got his half. paid for gas the whole way there. paid for the majority of meals. but dont worry he shared his weed.

actually at some point in the planning he uninvited me from the wedding and said "i could still come to vegas just not the wedding" so my ass didnt even have a fit for the wedding, we went shopping out there. just thinking about this shit is annoying. supposedly your best friend is getting married but you didnt put any money away for the whole event. spent the 4 days there watching squid games in his car, he did bring weed so we shared our weed too, and didnt really do shit. went to the hoover dam and the grand canyon, but not really the grand canyon cause e got there when it was dark and didnt see shit. but overall i spent a band on the trip and never got half of that.

gosh i hate shitting on someone cause obviously you loved them and thought well of them at some point so just know im ranting. this really is my space so my ass sometimes just wants to shit on the bitch i tried to really see the good in. like the basic consensus is i feel stupid as fuck and im not gunna go tell my homies exactly how big a shit head he was. i didnt while we were together and i aint finna start. so imma just write it out and shit on his ass on my tumblr like any healthy and coping young lady.

and his hair looks stupid so very much happy.

its crazy cause ive been thinking abut derrick lately (my og ex boyfriend) and then byrd hits me up to hang out (my og fuck buddy). the byrd thing isnt soo soo weid just cause i did hit him up like a week ago to say happy birthday. but his ass doesnt munch box so theres no point in hooking up.

however derrick...

man i aint seen him in like a over a year, his birthdays at the end of the month and i have a bit of a birthday message already in the works. hes gunna be 30 at the end of the month and it makes me remember our pact, said wed marry each other if we were still single. but last time i seen him i said "can we change our pact age to 40" 30 still young i still have time and plenty of fish still swimming around.

see that man is a muncher, not the best, but hes alright for the occasion. but its not the munching im there for its the wiener. see his wiener could have a whole chapter in my book too. i was obsessed with it and him. he just fucks hella good, im sorry im repetitive but damn that man works his wiener like a king. if i could have one last fuck it be him forsure. sometimes i can still feel it if i concentrate, and 100% will get goose bumps. sometimes i feel like hitting him up but he still has the same girlfriend, and last time we hooked up im sure it was some type of sneak off on his part, but thats exactly why im unlucky with love. i be fucking with this man and i dont know if hes single single. and he wasnt a good partner either, he cheated too and lied about that shit, except i actually left after the first time.

idk didnt mean to go off topic, sometimes i start spewing and shit gets all mixed together. lowkey i have had derrick on the brain so to see malik was just hella wild. im pretty sure he called me but last time i checked we didnt have shit to say to each other. i spent 3 years giving that amn all the opportunity to tell me wassup to spill his guts and truly im over it and if hes tickled that im "exposing" him for being a shitty boyfriend when in reality im just fucking telling my truth is obnoxious. he hit me he cheated on me he lied about all the shit he was doing and continued to even when confronted. like my ass is just hurt and im gunna let it out

[humanoidtyphoons]

Hi @good-wine-and-cheese! Hopefully it's okay to respond to your tags? Just to clarify what I meant.

#naoki urasawa#yeah thats a staple of his works. all of them#sure theres a main character but they are not the centerpiece for very long swathes of time#I dont think I noticed it as unique though? like....idk I guess I just grew up watching a lot of tv with ensemble casts that got their focu#I guess maybe its more unusual within manga/anime#but even then. before monster I watched stuff like paranoia agent and. same thing ensemble focus cast

I haven't watched/read many of his works. I've watched Monster, and the first three episodes of Pluto -- I think I'll give it a second try after I finish watching Monster TBH. I do want to read his manga at some point tho!

I consider Monster to be unique because most manga/anime tend to have one main character and follow them for most part. It's not that they can't cut away to show a different character in the limelight, or have someone else have the story, but... okay, with Monster, I expected to follow Tenma the whole way through from start to finish. I very much like Eva Heinemann's Very Merry Christmas episode, but that also kind of feels different to Karl, because I knew Eva from the beginning. Karl's arc begins, and I remember feeling somewhat disconnected because who the hell is Karl? What part does he play in the story? And then Johan appears, and it's like -- ah, okay, I can begin to see the role he plays in the story. (Meanwhile I'm still cautiously wondering where Tenma is, despite being v. engaged but wary around Johan and Karl's arc.) In a way, it's not until Karl's arc becomes Julius' arc, and Tenma appears there, that I could relax a bit. TBH, Grimmer sort of feel's the same, because: again brand new character appears, and I'm just--unanchored again, because he's a stranger, but having experienced Karl's arc, and Tenma does appear in the same episode as Grimmer's introduction, it feels more of a... passing of the baton? sort of deal? (At least I think it felt that way the first time I watched it?) Whereas Karl was like... five episodes of quietly wondering where Tenma was, and being preoccupied about Johan.

(It's not that it doesn't happen in other anime/manga, but def. more rarely -- Dragon Ball, the limelight transferring to Goku to Gohan, for example. But at that point, you know both Goku and Gohan, and the slice of life feel of it again, makes it a passing of the baton sort of feel? Space Brothers, TBH, when it begins, I absolutely wanted to see the story follow Hibito rather than Mutta, but we're stuck with Mutta, and then... by the time Hibito takes the spotlight, and focuses on his recovery, I've become so attached to Mutta that I... kind of wanted the spotlight back on Mutta, despite genuinely liking Hibito! Some people might cite Gurren Lagenn as an example, but... honestly, not me? Kamina was never the main character, he was the mentor/big brother character for Simon, and it was Simon's story from the start. But for me, animes tend to have one main character and stick with them, with brief cutaway to other characters. Alternatively, filler episodes like the ones in Bleach and Naruto and One Piece exist, to both good and bad effects, but I'm kind of... mainly talking about the anime adaptation parts that stick to the manga? I hope? (I haven't read Dragon Ball, or Space Brothers, but I hope that the anime is relatively close to the manga (even though, yeah, DBZ did have a ton of filler/pacing issues, but hopefully the Gohan's Saiyaman arc is there, when Goku is dead.)

I'm going to disagree with Paranoia Agent -- to an extent. Yes, it's an ensemble show, but (if I remember correctly), it had a new character focus each episode, even though characters from previous episodes sometimes made a reappearance. (I only watched three episodes of Pluto, but... I didn't really feel like the detective was the main character? It was more showcasing the robots, and giving them interiority? Though, granted, I'm not sure who the main character was at that point? I'm sorry if I got it wrong, but... I didn't really feel like it was Atom? My memory of Pluto is pretty hazy tho, but the episodes were long.) So for Paranoia Agent, structurally/formula-wise, it was new ep = new character focus, and the fact it was a short story meant that the change in perspective each episode never felt jarring, because that was it's rhythm. (Although, again, IDK if Paranoia Agent had a main character, it was just -- focusing on various people in the city, and how they dealt with escapism, and how Maromi/Shonen Bat was a symptom of that?) I think there's something to be said for the length tho too, 12 eps vs 74.

Monster, I really thought the story was going to follow Tenma all the way through. It's not that there couldn't be an episode or two dedicated to other characters (Eva, Nina, Jan Suk, Muller, etc) without him appearing in it to push the story along in ways that Tenma could not, but. I still kind of expected Tenma to do a lot of heavylifting? And instead, after the first 20ish episodes... he sort of takes a dip, instead, occasionally resurfacing every now and then.

That's basically what I mean by finding it unique, for most part. Hopefully that makes sense? Feel free to disagree, I just wanted to expand on what I meant, based on how I tend to view it?

I'm actually really curious to read more of Urasawa's work tho, if his works are all like that. Because it was definitely something that I like about Monster, and how intricately planned and rewarding the payoff was. Do you have recommendations of which to read first?

obsessed with how the story loses interest in tenma tbh. like he makes small appearances when the story follows someone else, eventually for karl/julius, and immediately for grimmer. but. it just fascinates me that monster doesn’t need tenma to play audience surrogate at all times, it has other characters to follow and play detective and let the audience draw conclusions about johan that you might not if you were solely with tenma.

like he gets the spotlight back, thank goodness, but that doesn’t mean that the other perspectives aren’t vital yk?

but it is another aspect in how monster feels unique to me, the way these characters have their parts to play

[teenangstenthusiast]

rant under the cut abt like. books i guess?

the weirdest thing abt andrea long chu’s article abt ottessa moshfegh and how ppl reacted to it is that like. alc didnt rlly like.. say anything that wasnt already known. like ppl knew that moshfegh put racism and fatphobia and other bigoted or “gross” themes into her work, theres literally no way u could have claimed to read her books w/o noticing that. this isn’t to say that that shouldn’t be criticized—i def think some of it should be, to an extent—but plenty of ppl had already been criticizing moshfegh for this before acl’s article, but the majority of ppl just didnt care at all bc at that point moshfegh was still popular and on social media she was the “super unhinged aesthetic girlboss woman writer” or whatever. it was only when a somewhat popular person said “man this stuff is Weird right guys” that ppl suddenly did a complete 180 and decided that they hated moshfegh bc she was Problematic Now I Guess. like, just a day ago the same ppl were talking abt how much they loved her bc she wrote abt “unhinged women” (a term im glad to see is finally dying out somewhat) and right after the alc article they acted like they were just. completely and totally blind to everything that was criticized, as if it wasnt literally in their faces the entire time, and now they’re totally dumping moshfeghs books bc the general consensus now is that shes Bad.

again i do think there are some aspects of moshfegh’s writing and some things shes said that should be criticized, im not saying shes like innocent or anything, im just saying its weird how ppl’s opinions seemed to flip on a dime overnight. it feels like no one even rlly had like. a real opinion of their own. they liked moshfegh bc ppl were pushing that “unhinged woman” persona onto her and everyone just loved that, but when one popular person is like “erm.. shes kinda problematic and talks abt shit a lot for some reason” ppl are so quick to hate her bc thats how they Should feel. maybe im being biased bc i personally find alc and some of her opinions weird & annoying, and i do enjoy ottessa moshfegh’s writing (though i also have my own complicated feelings abt it), but like. it still strikes me as unfair. i also found it a bit confusing how alc talked abt moshfegh’s fatphobia in her books but not abt the racism or the ableism, which were also two really big criticisms of her at the time. i dont have any particular horse in that race so i wont say more but like. if ur gonna write an entire article at least mention those two, like id say theyre pretty major

i also dont like the mindset that writing abt taboo or gross things like moshfegh does is inherently bad. now i Know that this wasnt the point alc was trying to make at all, but i feel like its something that ppl on booktok and booktwt or whatever seem to believe sometimes. sometimes ppl just write abt pathetic, bigoted, awful people and use “dirty” ways to describe things, moshfegh certainly isnt the first and she definitely wont be the last. again, i have my own criticisms of her and im not saying that she shouldn’t have been criticized for anything alc mentioned, bc i feel like that did need to be acknowledged a bit, but moshfegh’s unflinching approach to awful ppl and disgusting subjects and her swift and direct writing style is what drew me to her so much. alc wasnt rlly criticizing moshfegh for writing like this, in fact she was actually pretty complimentary abt it, but this was the sentiment that i saw a lot of “booktok” ppl having when they talked abt the article

i probably wont talk much abt alc anymore but like. abt her in general, its a shame bc i do think shes a Good Writer on an objective level. she knows how to word things eloquently and in interesting ways and how to structure her points and just how to Write Well in general. but i also just think shes annoying and her opinions on gender and transition dont rub me the right way. i would go looking for those tweets she made and some paragraphs from her book “females”, but im lazy and im not gonna put in extra effort for this post that is basically just a stream of consciousness rant. but it feels like her whole philosophy around transness revolves soley around her personal experiences and how much she hates being trans. she calls another trans woman “a dumb blonde” in her book for acting feminine “in the way she should”, then goes onto say that someone’s personal identity and feelings abt their gender is “on its own, worthless” and that gender is something that “other people have to decide for you”, which is the only reason why ppl transition. she also made a tweet saying how, for political reasons, people replaced the term “real” women with “cis” women, and it wasnt said in a way that was criticizing that, it was said in a “well, this is just the way it is guys, nothing wrong with it, just face the truth” sort of way. there are a bunch of other things i found weird but honestly i formed my opinions abt her a long time ago so i cant remember it all, and again i cant be fucked to find anything right now. maybe if someone asks i’ll link to a couple articles criticizing her work

ANYWAY, back to books and how ppl treat stories abt anything disturbing or upsetting like theyre inherently bad. i think at some point i’m gonna read things have gotten worse since we last spoke. ive heard a lot of bad things abt it but unsurprisingly most of it was from booktok ppl who just. Didnt like that this horror book had horror in it, and that the horror was gross and disturbed them. i guess i cant fault them bc it probably just wasnt the sort of book theyre used to reading or like, which is fine, but dont make it seem like it’s a bug and not a feature. if it disturbed u then. like. it sort of succeeded? thats the point, its horror, it was advertised as gross and disturbing. its a shame bc from what ive heard abt it it seems like the exact kind of book id love, and the concept is so interesting to me. i guess i should hold my tongue before i read it but i feel like it gets a lot of undeserved hatred