#i kinda wanna journal! i think itd be fun

[mallowmaenad]

okay the post is back, time for another journal entry

I've doing a really bad job of caring for myself lately, my room is a shit hole, I just took my first shower in like a week, meals are becoming an afterthought. I couldn't sleep last night because I was trying to distract myself from some thoughts that were making me sick to my stomach and I couldn't pull my corpse out of bed until 12:30ish. I'm supposed to be excited for Halloween, it's my favorite holiday, I haven't thought about Halloween all month and it honestly scares me. Maybe it's because I know I'm going to spend it like almost any other day of my life, I don't get invited to parties, I'm not the sort of person that can pass the bar for being allowed to trick or treat and I couldn't afford a costume this year. I don't know if I'll even be able to do the teenage scramble for discounted Halloween candy in the coming days. I kinda wanna try out that Nightmare Before Christmas devil may cry clone some day. My therapist told me to check out this app called Finch or something and it feels kind of like I'm clocking in to being alive while I watch something I'm supposed to find cute talk about spongebob and baby shark. It's such a comical dichotomy of being someone that struggles with suicidal thoughts and isolation tapping away at some gaudy buzzing colorful Christmas card looking app that's constantly spouting hollow "Good Job!"'s and "I Love You!"'s

I'm stuck on a level in fire emblem again and recently found out that despite being advertised as such I am not playing the first fire emblem game but like the 6th or 7th. I preemptively cringe at the thought of expressing the fun I'm having with it around a punch bowl and some guy wearing a shirt with one of those half naked dragon children on it pushing up his glasses to tell me this fact and wait for me to shower him with praise for being so clever and knowledgeable.

I think I half decided to start putting bleak journal entries about my banal life under any conpilation containing my most famous post by far that has brought me no joy or scruples because I think itd be kind of funny to at the end of the deluge of youtube short nasally british guy reading over minecraft parcore tier posting you see an ugly faggot talking about how much she sucks and wants to die and stuff like that. My friend sent me a link to this reposted on instagram, which I actually have but have tailored to look as normal and neurotypical as possible so I have something for my family members to follow without knowing im a furry pervert with more acronyms than an alphabet soup. It's not even under this username.

compilation of this type of post

[miiilowo]

I. Im very curious about the pink haired enderman oc 👉👈 where are they from?? What do they doo?? This is a ramble as much as you want to ask :D

RUBBING MY LITTLE GREMLIN HANDS TOGETHER (also sorry about the late answer, my internet went out as i was writing this)

he’s for an smp im on! :D we decided that we wanted to do rp stuff for fun (hasnt really happened but some characters exist) and i decided to make an enderman character because i just. love them so much

the idea is that one of the smp members went to the end and made an enderman grinder. for whatever reason (havent figured out what the reason is yet) she decided that my funky little guy was special and decided to keep him. kind of like adopting them.

Afterward she made him king of the end because shes a human who thinks she has power over just about everything. for that reason i spent like 3 days building a castle on the server.  He does not take his role as a king seriously whatsoever, and never goes to the end. Why, you may be asking?

When you kill the ender dragon you get the achievement ‘free the end’, which doesnt Sound Like Endermen Had A Fun Time, so im just going to assume he has very bad memories associated with that place

since you mentioned it, his hair is not Actually pink, in fact, he’s bald, but he likes color a lot and so he made a wig (plus he wants to fit in with his mom and other people more) ((also my hair is just pink and he’s an adaptation of another persona i have but we can ignore that)). colors and flowers and stuff are something he enjoys because its a nice difference in comparison to the end which is mostly just . beige and black and purple sometimes 

He’s relatively good at english, and really loves writing and stories and books!!! i have a groovy lil library in my castle and a notebook/journal i track events of the smp in. im THIS CLOSE to copying the personal poems ive done into a bunch of books and selling them on the server for shits and giggles

My castle is one of the cooler builds on the server so new members stop by and stay there for a while before they head off on their own. so, i decided to turn that into him really wanting people to hang around, but they keep leaving and he gets kinda sad about that. id hate living in a big fucky castle and then peepo just stop by then exit after like 4 days. as a result he now has one crazed little clown friend who he is overly attached to despite her probably not being good for his mental health. theyre. working on that. though. i think. that character belongs to my friend loserchips, aka my best friend and the gal who drew my icon, which is also the enderboy!!!!!!

he has a big pile of gems in his throne room that he is absolutely Not willing to share because ive decided he loves shiny things. He also does have some enderman behavior that ive incorporated into how i play:

- cant go in water unless wearing full armor

- cant be in rain without a hat on at LEAST

- afraid of eye contact/doesnt look people in the eye

- climbs on shit and up the vines all over the castle. this scares people occasionally because hes already tall

- he isnt very good at teleporting and when he does he kind of zaps all over the place. due to chorus fruit i have ended up in countless ravines, creeper holes, roofs, tunnels, and houses against my will. it only worked out ONCE, where i was in a friends bakery, and she said to come upstairs. i ate a chorus fruit absentmindedly and teleported right in front of her. im counting this as him getting better at it

- i also am located in a savannah thats right next to a desert because it never rains there and he likes dry places for obvious reasons

- this was mildly inspired by endermen behavior. hes incredibly docile and friendly, but when he’s pushed a little too far he fucking snaps. the best example of this happening on the smp so far was when someone he was planning to live with forever left the castle, took some of his shit, then proceeded to fuck with him by showing him multiple double chests full of ender pearls. i then set fire to his house. (this character was also just genuinely scary and threatened him and killed him multiple times so i think that counts too. i now have his armor set)

theres a grave in my yard thats just a chest full of ender pearls people have given me because they think itd be funny. i am the main character i do not care

i put a little bit of Me into him, which means he loves to collect a bunch of items. anything he finds even a little cool he keeps. i have so many chests and theyre all so cluttered god help me

once bundles are added im absolutely going to have him carry around a sack of flowers that he gives to people

He has a really pretty royal outfit, and just casually wears it around the castle because he thinks he looks good in it

Also! he has three ‘sons’ which are just endermen i captured and put in boats. two of them i got before i had the enderman character idea. their names are ranboo and ran2. i think that is kind of funny

the third one is named hubert. hes bad at his job of guarding the villager cages

im very tempted to get him an enderman husband that sits in the bedroom or throne room. how the FUCK will i get him up there? i genuinely have no idea, but i know i wanna do it really bad

and some just. random stuff about him. ive been searching for a zombified hoglin named benjamin that i was introduced to on the first day of the server. I Know he exists. Hes in a sewer pipe behind spawn. im one of the few people who knows about his existence, and for the love of all that is holy i CANNOT FIND THE FUCKING HOGLIN and its driving me insane. if we translate this to my character, the only time hes left his castle in like a month is to find a hostile pig creature nobody knows exists and hes been rambling about it searching a swamp for days on end

also if he were living in this world and time, he’d listen to hyperpop and be put into a fucking trance by it because its just So Much on his little enderman brain. so much. i dont like hyperpop really but he Absolutely would

also!!!!!!!!!!! hes very good at knitting! very good! at knitting! the castle was super dull and gray so he decided to spice it up one day and now theres plants and flowers everywhere-alongside a giant carpet of his face. yes this actually exists. i have a rug of my skins face on the floor of one of my rooms. in this room is a bunch of wool and sewing stuff. i like to think he makes his own clothes.

something i forgot to mention is that hes somewhat wary of people, and doesnt like to kill mobs. The clown character i mentioned is a human, but she kind of died and came back to life (totems of undying you know) and as a result he likes her more because in a sense she is somewhat undead. just a cool little character bit i thought was neat :]

i feel like he wants to play an instrument but he cant because his hands are too clunky and big and long

but! anyway, thank you for letting me ramble about my beloved son!!!!!! im thinking of naming him finn, but i might just keep it as milo for simplicities sake. since thats my name. also i thought i should tell you that i had you in mind when i made the ‘if yall wanna talk to me’ post. very poggers

endermen are friend shaped and so is he i promise <3

[thewannaone]

Could u do wanna one as college students? (like their major and what activities they'd be into)

im from australia so this is gonna be more university than college sorry i only know college stuff from movies lmao

this became a really dumb highschool musical/glee au where they all go to the same uni and meet after being forced into the annual musical and all become close through the production and sing a song about friendship at the end. also this got way too long so im putting it under the cut.

Jisung: so his parents wanted him to do something ‘proper’ with his life after he spent 2 years after highschool on a gap year and just kinda messing around. So he goes to uni and does a year of Medicine cause thats what his parents want. Is pretty good at it but doesnt enjoy it. So drops out of that and tries journalism. Does that for a couple of years and still isnt that into it. Tries a bunch of different majors until he settles on teaching. And loves it. Is now on his way to becoming a teacher and is one of the best in his course. Loves helping kids and teaching his students. Is also on the student council and support team for students who need help with studies and is organising this years musical. 

Sungwoon: Finished highschool and had no idea what he wanted to do. Took a 1 year gap year where he just kinda slacked off. Parents told him he either had to get a job and move out or go to uni. Decided on the latter. Started a degree in media and communication but spends majority of his time with taehyun going to wild parties and trying to meet girls. After his first year realises hes not gonna be able to graduate if he keeps this up so he tries to get himself together. Starts getting really interested in all his lectures and is now on his way to becoming a journalist. Taehyun signs him up for the musical without his knowledge cause he wants him to show off his voice. 

Minhyun: Grew up with Jong, Minki and Dongho and they all promised they were going to go to same Uni and keep studying together. Acceptance letters came out and only Minhyun got in. He didnt want to go on his own until Jong convinced him it was the best thing for his future. Studying Law and is top of his class. Spends most of his time alone, studying because apart from when he meets up with the other 3, he doesnt have any Uni friends. Is told by Minki to go out and find some friends by joining a club so decides to sign up for the musical theatre club cause he feels sorry for this tiny freshman named Daehwi whos begging people to audition for his musical. 

Ong: A film major. First started off as an actor but realised his true passion lay in making and studying films. Is able to go to parties and stay on top of his grades. Is always the most fun to have in tutorials, his lecturers and tutors love him. Goes around making friends with everyone and asking if theyd like to appear in one of his films. Everyone knows him and everyone loves him. Decided to film the making of the musical for his next project until Jisung tells him he could audition for the main role if he wanted. Tries it out and gets the role. 

Jaehwan: Studying music on a scholarship. Won the scholarship out of 1000 applicants. Loves writing music and singing. Has a job as a barista at a local on campus cafe and performs there with his guitar on weekends. Not too good at the actual studying part but his talent is what keeps him from flunking. Has a bit of a rivalry with Sewoon but they eventually end up becoming very close and start writing music together. Is recruited by Daehwi to compose the soundtrack for the musical and gives in after Sewoon thinks itd be fun. Daehwi hears him singing the songs one day and tells him that he has to appear in the show because they need his voice. Is very nervous and reluctant but Jisung convinces him. 

Daniel: Was kinda a fuckboy in highschool, spent his days at the skatepark and going to parties with his friends. Matured a lot when he got into Uni cause his parents were paying for it and he knew he couldnt let them down. Is studying to be a Vet because he wants to work with animals (cats) and help them. Volunteers at the local animal shelter on weekends and has a part time job at the pet store. Works super hard at his studies but also takes time off to hang out with his friends. Went to the same highschool as Jisung and was friends with him so Jisung asks if he can help out with set production and backstage work. Daehwi sees him practising the dance while hes working and asks if he wants a part in the show. Decides to try it out. 

Jihoon: Was a fashion major. Got kicked out after his first semester. Decided to try out psychology and is strangely good at it. Keeps psychoanalysing his friends to the point where its creepy. Went to the same highschool as Jinyoung and is best friends with him. They’re both freshmen and live in the same dorms together. Was hoping to be roommates with him but no got put with some ‘stupid Samuel kid.’ They do not like each other and living together is tense. Jinyoung teases him saying that he likes Samuel. Jihoon aggressively denies that. Jihoon finds out that Samuels auditioning for the musical and auditions as well just to spite him. Gets one of the main roles and beats Samuel to it. Feels really bad so asks Daehwi if they can rotate the roles. Becomes a lot closer with Sam after that.

Woojin: A bit like Jaehwan where hes on a scholarship but for Dance. Was very shy to begin with, kept to himself and wasnt really friends with anyone. A lot of his classmates envy his dance skills. Works part time at a fastfood place on his free days. Volunteers at a kids dance school on weekends as a dance teacher. Stuggles with his studies so is recommended to go see a student helper which turns out to be Jisung. He helps him a lot and his grades pick up and Jisung asks if he’d like to audition for the musical cause the dance is fun. Woojin accepts and starts coming out of his shell once on the team. 

Jinyoung: Studying literature as a freshman but might possibly change since he has no idea what hes doing in his life. Does some amateur modelling in his spare time which he could make a career out of if he wanted but is too shy initially. Best friends with Jihoon and constantly teases him. Lives in the dorm with Daehwi and by consequence was already signed up to the musical through the ‘Roommate Code.’ Actually really happy to be part of the show and realises he really likes performing.

Daehwi: A freshman studying Musical Theatre. Was top of his class in highschool, main role in every drama production, part of the choir, orchestra, dance club. Wants to be on broadway some day. Volunteered to direct the musical and organise auditions. Is desperate for people to actually audition to recruits Jisung whos friends with a lot of students. Is the one who initially takes the show the most seriously, annoyed when others slack off during rehearsals. Didn’t think he was going to be able to pull it off but when opening night comes around, cries with pride and joy. 

Guanlin: An exchange student from Taiwan. Studying International Studies, so politics and languages. Doesn’t know what he wants to do yet. In the dorms with his roommate Seonho who shows him all around campus and the local area. They both help each other with studying and often go to the library together to work on projects. Seonho signs them both up for almost every club and so every day after classes they go along to some sort of new meeting. Seonho saw Minhyun signing up for the musical on club day and decided they should sign up too, even though Guanlin points out that neither of them can sing or dance. Guanlin ends up passing the audition whereas Seonho doesnt. Guanlin says he’ll drop out but Seonho instead signs up to work backstage so he can keep in contact with them all. 

[i-amusemyself]

All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

[tumblunni]

I wish I could hug y'all!

In fact I think I will make it A LIFE GOAL I really really wanna someday be able to visit all my friends who live in different countries! Its something good to save up for, even if it'll probably take years. So.. lets randomly ramble in a journal about Plans!! IDEA THE FIRST TRIP THE FIRST FIRST THE FIRST: THE SEQUEL I think it'd probably make sense to go to america first, since i have a lot of close friends living there and I don't need to learn another language. (I am notoriously dumb...) But then afterwards I could set another goal to save up and visit another friend in another country! IT WILL NEVER ENDDDDD, THATS WHY ITS CALLED FRIENNNNDDDDD So far all I have confirmed is that two of my friends would be happy to see me if I was able to visit america, @darkeiya and @summon-daze But its not like I've exactly asked everyone else, so I dunno really how many people I might be able to visit. And it depends on time constraints too, i might only be able to spend a full day or two with the closest friends and maybe then if there's more than three of us we could all meet up together and hang out en masse? Depends on how tricky it'd be for everyone to get to the same place! SO! PLANS AND THINGS I NEED TO PREPARE! workin to figure out a precise money goal im gonna save for * Become Fab * no but srsly i wanna look my best if im meeting friends in person for the first ever time. need to acquire Cool T-Shirts * figure out what exactly you can and cannot take on an aeroplane, and how to deal with anxiety if i cant take electronics. Nothing's as distracting as videogames when you're freakin out! * DO NOT SCHEDULE ANYTHING ON THE 11th-14th OF THE MONTH. i have a bad history of my period landing on these days ONLY when i have to do something important. Or when its my birthday :P I dont need even more reason to feel nauseous on a plane! * figure out how many days the stay will be, and how many clothes etc I need to bring. probably a basic thing, but this is my first time going on a holiday alone so i need to write stuff down to make sure i remember! * figure out how long exactly I want to spend with each friend, and how long I can afford in hotel fees. And does a plane ticket cos more if you're staying for longer? * find out what kind of luggages are easiest to carry and how to carry three luggages when i have two hands. Can you tie them together and make a luggages train??? * Find some sort of secure way to carry large amounts of money. I'm gonna have to do that since I need to get all my currency converted before I go. I was thinking maybe a little matchbox tin chained to the inside of my coat or around my neck? Something where you couldnt get it without roughhousing with me, and it'd still be hard to pull it off the chain. Gives me a precious few extra minutes to yell for help/possibly bludgeon a guy with a suitcase * Figure out hotel(s) in different areas of america, depending on how far I'll have to travel. And figure out affordable ways to travel the difference if its not a situation where the friend can pick me up. And make sure they are cool hotels, not just the absolute minimum! i wanna make a fun tourist experience of the hotels!! I havent been in a hotel since I was a kid! * Possibly schedule it like a 'safehouse' thing? Returning to home base! I need to make sure I schedule around the potential anxiety of doing so much travel in a new place. So maybe schedule it out so I have a period of me-time in between visiting each friend? Itd probably cost too much to rent a hotel room for an entire day in between so maybe just schedule it out so I have half a day at least. I dunno if hotels allow you to sleep in all day tho, are there rules about what time you need to be up and out? * I'm kinda looking forward to using hotel beds and showers cos theyre like luxury compared to my house XD man, I wonder if I could get a place with a hot tub?? or the fabled mini-bar?? (which i would drink nothing of, but it would be fun to take photos!) And it'd be so cool to see what american breakfasts are like! And lol all my friends have just been like 'YOU NEED TO SEE OUR LOCAL RESTAURANTS' and im like... dude, i dont need to get fatter XD lets limit it to ONE! * I dunno if my friends would just wanna hang out in their local mall or something, or if I could visit their house and say hi to their family? that might be going too far. i'll still bring gifts they can give to their family tho, i wanna show my appreciation to everyone!! * are you allowed to bring extra empty suitcases onto the plane with you? I'm anticipating that knowing myself im probably gonna buy enough souveniers to need one. I'm planning to basically have half the money be for travel and then half again is just for buying NOVELTY HATS! * need to make sure to finally get a passport, and also consult heavily with my support worker and friends to make sure i have every form of travel documentation in order. I know stuff is... not good, in america right now. Thats probably why it'd be good that it'd take me years to save up for a visit, hopefully i'd be there after the next election. But I need to prepare anyway, in case border control is even more stringent. * Prepare the 'ol misgendering, because getting strip searched and treated as a suspicious threat is a very big reality for trans people. Having the wrong gender marker on your birth certificate is treated as 'this passport must be a forgery' rather than.. yknow.. transgender people exist. And then you need to be invasively handled by the guards to make sure you aren't packing explosives down your goddamn pants, they have to inspect the parts of you that you're most self concious about. *shudder* I've heard a lot of horror stories. I dunno if america is any better about it. But yeah I'm probably gonna have to just pass as female during boarding and hotels and stuff, and not wear my binder til i get to meet my friends. Saves trouble... Man, I might have to even go buy some more cliche feminine outfits or something, to make sure. Itd be fun burning them afterwards, I guess... * BRING GIFTS FOR FRIENDS N FAMILY! Figure out what is and isnt allowed to be transferred between countries. As far as I know I cant bring any form of food or drink right? I'm only allowed to eat the in-flight meals? Thats a shame cos I wanted to bring welsh cakes, theyre the only one of our local delicacies that's not a super acquired taste. (I tried bara bryth for the first time and DIED) And I dunno if anyone would be interested in silly souveniers of my country but I could get a pile of em if you are! Want an eight foot tall lovespoon? Want a giant inflatable daffodil? Want a bazillion ceramic dragons? * I am determined to bring at least one personalized super awesome gift for each person! It might just be an expensive merchandise of their fave show, it might be some form of handmade handicraft of one of their ocs! whatever I'm able to do! ^_^ * BRING SKETCHBOOKS SO WE CAN DRAW TOGETHER. LEARN THE WAYS OF THE AMERICAN MASTERS. * hey does anyone wanna trade trading cards yo. They'd be like the single easiest thing to bring with me, but I only have a handful of pokemon ones and i only really have one friend that I know likes yugioh. (And she's in england) * WE CAN FOOL AROUND LIKE DOOFS. God willing, if anyone wants to join me I will play water balloon tennis or jalapeno roulette or any sort of insane friend activity you can think of!! Gotta make up for the fact im a boring teetotaler. Tho lol I probably already act more drunk than the real drunks at a party XD * TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS!! And possibly try and acquire a portable video camera? I'd only photo/video anyone if they gave me permission, and I wouldnt post it online unless I also had permission for that. I just wanna make a lot of memories and record them forever! Whenever I feel down, I can remember this amazing trip!!! * remember to get one of those plug adaptor thingies cos american plugs have one less prong. Gotta trade the pokeymons!! I know I can already do that easily online but BATTLING IN PERSON WOULD BE EPIC * ...bring an Ash cosplay? XD * no but seriously if i could schedule this right to coincide with an american convention or something that'd be awesome! EVEN MORE SOUVENIERS! And I could actually try cosplaying!! I'd have to find a character that suits me tho, I dont wanna get laughed at like everyone always does with fat people cosplaying thin characters. (Like... almost every character is thin, yo. let people do what they want) * possible idea: magma admin tabitha from pokemon? he's like the only fave I have who's chubby but not like... inherantly a comic relief ugly guy or a seventy year old grandpa. I wanted to do quina quen from final fantasy 9 but I dont think I have the charisma to pull it off. I'd get paranoid if people just treated the character how they treat the character, my brain would twist everything into an insult on my costume or myself XD also I kinda already look like tabitha, tho I'd either have to go without hairdye or like... wear a wig in my natural hair colour. Also his costume is super heavy and sweaty in a convention setting, according to what I;ve heard from other team magma cosplayers. (Makes you wonder how on earth they all wore it on a volcano!) * WHAT IS AN AMERICAN BISCUIT. They look like savoury welshcakes??? Learn about all the language differences! Man I wish I could bring food souveniers back with me, I'd never be able to try every single different foodstuff in america in one day without DYING. AND DYING AGAIN. * Collect product wrappers and advertisements! Its always really interesting to me to see the differences between countries! A friend mailed me an american cola once and the bottle was a whole different shape??? (he also mailed me a bunch of spent shotgun shells, which was kinda terrifying cos I was currently in a christian homeless shelter and I didnt exactly wanna cause trouble XD Apparantly it is totally legal to own unuseable bullets tho, as long as you dont have a gun.) * I dunno if any of my friends would be equally interested in similar things? i could take requests for weird british stuff to bring with me! * for summon-daze specifically: since we are both cuddly honest goofballs of childlike joy, maybe bring some of my plushie collection to show her? I'd usually just bring one as an emergency anti-anxiety measure. Tho the embarassment from having a full on meltdown in public and having to be seen hugging a plush toy to keep from crying means its not 100% effective. Only works good when I'm with people who arent judgmental. Secret pocket gengar plush is good for other times! (I've been squeezing that thing during doctors appointments and nobody noticed!) * extra reason why I'd love to visit my friends: visiting my friends's pets. I have been absolutely blessed by images of dazy's pet cat Pam, and apparantly her family has a few other cats and a dog! O_O WHAT AN AMAZING LIFE YOU LIVE. I always tell her to give pam a hug from me, and I know pam probably wouldnt like me very much when we first meet cos she's shy, but still I'd love to at least see her. I wish cats could somehow know that they give joy to people through the internet! * ...are you allowed to bring medications across the border? is there a procedure I need to go through to be allowed to bring my antidepressants? Would painkillers be allowed too? If not, is there anywhere I could buy plane-bring-onnable headache meds in the lobby or something? Just anticipating that I might get a stress migraine on the plane, cos it'd be my first time ever flying. * are you allowed to take photos out the plane window, if you use a non electronic camera? i know you cant really see anything but panning landscapes but it still sounds awesome!