#i kind of want to share more passages like this where things arent as finalised | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

foxmulderautism · 1 year ago

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i wrote this weeks ago and think it needs to be tidied up sooo much (like i don’t think it’s bad i just think it reads like when you’ve put all the colours and shapes down for a painting but need to render and smoothen them. it was truly just i saw a scene in my brain and had to write down every part of it without thinking yet about how i wrote it) but i felt this soooooo much. i feel this sooooo much rn. who would’ve thought writing an autistic brain would be healing and cathartic etc

trying to explain the unexplainable Off feelings when i have autism is like.....idk dude my insides feel like tv static

#i dont think i necessarily feel closer to beau than other POV characters but i feel a specific type of closeness with him #the lover boy images in my brain are so much more vivid to me idk how to explain it #like i imagine my wips very vividly. its like watching a movie in my brain but i can pause and change the angle etc #sometimes the lover boy imaginations deadass feel like an out of body experience I KNOW THATS DRAMATIC LOLL #not admitting that on the writeblr because idk how to elaborate on it #like yeah we are two different people there are aspects to beau i will never understand #but i feel a specific closeness to his psychology IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT #i think its probably bc the things beau and i share are things that massively shape you internally #like grief and autism #also trying to do more distanced/passive pov for moments like this is important to me bc i think it conveys it best #but like. its sooo delicate to get Right which is why i think this passage still needs a lot of work but like.#not the images and most of the prose itself. just how its presented #the beams of the passage if you will #i kind of want to share more passages like this where things arent as finalised #because i dont think this sucks i think it just needs to be rearranged tightened etc #and i think it needing that doesn’t mean this passage went wrong bc the intention was truly just to dump it out my head #a lot of stuff i share is first draft anyway but i usually share the first draft passages that come out the cleanest #and this one came out a little messy! it happens!#anyway. writing this out helped me calm my brain down LOL #also beaus autism is interesting bc like i wrote a whole autism novel #well didnt finish it. but like the autism was at the centre of it #but i almost think at the time because the canon could acknowledge the autism and the characters knew they were autistic #it didnt sink its teeth deep enough?#whereas beau doesnt know. all he knows is how he feels. so it focuses on that more #it actually ends up reading like a more vivid depiction which is interesting to me and making me think abt how ill revisit my other #autistic wips

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