#i kind of just hope the universe swallows me whole while i sleep tonight. not related to my excess garlic problem

[phantaasmic]

what does one do with a pound of garlic

[afterglowkatie]

hate that i love you (not really) | k.c.c.

kyra cooney-cross x reader | 2.7k | a night out with the arsenal girls. misunderstandings and jealousy leads to realisations and regrets

ˏˋ°•*⁀ this is part of the pair of pests universe. thank you for being so patient with me. the ending to this went a lot different to how i originally planned it to go, but i like where it went and i hope you all like it too. i also kind of think this part is horrible but yeah enjoy and thank you :)

You hardly slept not being able to stop thinking about Kyra. Thoughts swirling around your head, wondering why she wouldn’t tell you. You thought you told each other everything. The only conclusion your mind would believe is that there was something going on between Kyra and Lia. There wasn’t any other possible reason that you could reason with being true. 

You didn’t know how you felt about the thought of Kyra liking someone but you knew it didn’t feel great. It felt like you had swallowed a weight that was now just sitting in the bottom of your stomach. You could feel your face scrunch up in a look of disgust. These thoughts and feelings you hated having but you couldn’t get them out of your head.

It’s what kept you up almost the entire night, up until you couldn’t help but fall asleep from pure exhaustion. Though you didn’t end up sleeping much. Thankful that you had the next few days to just rest and you didn’t have to put your tired self through any training. Resting the whole day until you decide to pester Steph into getting ready for the night out together.

‘Stephy come on,’ You whined when Steph wouldn’t take another shot with you after the two you had already downed close together, ‘Kyra would do it,’ 

‘Well why aren’t you with her instead of bothering me,’ Steph joked around, continuing to do your makeup after you begged her until she finally agreed, ‘Really shouldn’t poke fun at someone who’s could make you look real stupid,’ 

‘You better not,’ Your smile dropped and you glared at your older sister, ‘If you somehow manage to mess up perfection, it’ll be the last thing you do,’ You tried to threaten her instead Steph laughed out loudly at you.

‘You don’t have an intimidating bone in your body, you’re too cute,’ Steph poked your nose with the brush she had in her hand making you scrunch your nose up and even further prove her point.

‘Older sister bias,’ You rolled your eyes, swatting her hand away from poking you on the nose with the brush again.

‘Nah the girls will agree with me, I’ll ask them tonight,’ Pushing Steph lightly you reached past her taking another shot of vodka.

‘Gonna need the whole bottle to put up with you,’ The two of you laughed even more, somehow managing to get yourselves ready between the constant back and forth banter you’d started.

Though you were the last two to arrive, Steph dragged you out of the house before you could change your outfit for the thousandth time while complaining about how you couldn’t bring Calvin to the club with you. Your already half drunk self trying to set up a solid plan on how you could create a dog friendly club. 

Steph had no idea what you were going on about but was grateful to make it to the club and pass you off to Kyra, knowing she was one of the only people who could make sense of you. As soon as you entered you saw the rest of the girls, though your eyes scanned through looking for the one person you wanted to see the most.

The alcohol already flowing through your body didn’t help one bit when your eyes landed on Kyra, especially seeing her next to Lia. It felt like time had stopped and your body was frozen in place when you saw Kyra laugh at something she had said. 

Taking a deep breath you tore your eyes away, pushed everything down, put the smile that had dropped slightly back on your face and walked yourself to the opposite end of the group, as far away from Kyra as you could.

Your sister furrowed her eyebrows watching you not greet your best friend and, instead, joining the group that she had joined moments before you. Something was a bit off but Steph couldn’t put her finger on it. Shaking her head she decided to let it go for tonight, letting herself not worry about you, tomorrow would be a different story.

‘My sister here, thinks she’s intimidating,’ Steph voiced out, not letting go to prove her point that the other girls would agree with her.

‘You’re joking?’ Katie laughed out raising her eyebrow turning to look at you, ‘Everyone would laugh if you tried to intimidate them,’ 

‘You’re the least intimidating person I know, mate,’ Leah joined in the conversation, handing you a drink then putting her arm around your shoulder, ‘Oh cheer up, you’re cute and endearing. You don’t need to look tough when you have that,’ Leah squeezed your arm, you rolled your eyes and a small smile formed on your lips.

‘When I’m back on the pitch I’ll show you,’ You mumbled into your drink, knowing no one at the table would ever find you intimidating. Thankfully the conversation naturally shifted away from you being the focus, allowing you to relax beside Leah.

If it wasn’t a night where everyone was allowed to completely let loose, the other girls would probably be concerned with how much you were drinking. Your behaviour wasn’t completely unusual, especially for a night out, but it was still slightly out of the ordinary.

Every time you heard her laugh, every time you looked up and saw how she was unaffected by your absence around her that she seemed, you drowned your feelings with even more alcohol. It wasn’t healthy but at least it could mute how much you were feeling, how much you were feeling towards Kyra. 

Kyra could have other friends, you were never jealous over that. But the possibility of her liking someone, someone that wasn’t you, didn’t sit well with you. Dealing with your emotions could be done another day, it wasn’t your problem for today. You wanted to have fun and you knew you had to get further away from the group to properly ignore Kyra and Lia the rest of the night.

However, the moment you walked in, Kyra did notice that you were here. It was comical how Kyra visibly perked up at the sight of you. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, making sure to not be too noticeable in her happiness towards you finally showing up, ‘You can finally stop checking the door every few seconds,’ Lia leant in joking around quietly to Kyra causing her to take her eyes off of you and laugh at Lia’s teasing. 

Just happened that the moment you spotted Kyra was the one time she wasn’t already looking at you and instead engaged in a conversation with Lia. Kyra expected you to come over to her and then you could’ve spent the night together, like you both had planned. She felt your presence disappear and saw that you had joined the group of girls that wasn’t with her. 

Lia frowned watching Kyra visibly deflate, ‘She’ll come over, probably just saying hi to everyone first,’ Lia tried to cheer Kyra up. It worked for the most part until Kyra realised that you weren’t coming over to her. She didn’t know if she had done something wrong or something to upset you. 

Before Kyra could get lost in her thoughts, Lia kept prompting her and engaging her within the conversation with the other girls around them. Trying to keep her away from thinking about you and your weird behaviour towards her, just wanting Kyra to enjoy her night.

No matter how much Lia tried to cheer Kyra up, it never fully worked. Kyra kept sneaking glances your way. She would watch the way you were interacting with others, mostly with Leah, any hopes that she had of you liking her the same way she liked you were quite low now. But even just as a friend, the way you were acting had Kyra overthinking. In the years you’ve known each other neither of you have fully ignored the other's presence. Kyra was mostly just worried about you instead of upset with you.

‘Le, come dance with me,’ You suddenly stood up and tugged at Leah’s arm trying to drag her to the dance floor with you.

‘You sure that’s a good idea?’ Leah noticed how much you were drinking and had stopped herself from drinking more so she could keep an eye on you. Leah also cared for you and your injury, overhearing within the locker room she knew how much being off the pitch and not playing had impacted you and didn’t want you to do something to keep you out longer.

‘Le,’ You whined, ‘I’m off crutches now, I can dance. Stop worrying,’ Glancing up towards Kyra’s direction, you made eye contact briefly before you successfully managed to get Leah up and moving with you, putting even more distance between you and Kyra.

It felt like Kyra spent most of the night watching you from afar. If she was more confident in herself she would’ve gone over to the dance floor and taken you away from Leah. In her mind that’s what she did, if it wasn’t a night out where everyone else would be watching her actions and the potential of outing her feelings for you and if it wasn’t with Leah then Kyra would’ve definitely taken you away and had you dance with her instead.

‘Let’s go get another drink,’ Lia’s voice brought Kyra back to reality. Taking a deep breath Kyra agreed and followed Lia towards the bar, ‘Leah doesn’t like her like that and I’m pretty sure they’re just having fun,’ They opted to sit at the bar and sip on their drinks there instead of going back to the others.

‘Why didn’t she come and see me though?’ Kyra glanced back your way, watching you dancing with Leah. Leah’s hands on your waist and your arms wrapped around her neck, Kyra wishing that it was her instead of Leah. But if anyone didn’t know, they would think you and Leah were together with the way you were dancing all over each other, well with the way you were dancing all over Leah trying to not think about anything other than getting lost in the music.

‘I think you need to talk to her. Not tonight, no. Another day. Tell her everything, communicate with her,’ Lia’s advice scared Kyra. Scared of the possibility of rejection. Scared to lose her friendship with you by saying the wrong things. You were a big part of Kyra’s life and to have the potential to ruin it all scared her more than anything else ever has. More than when she first moved away from home to play overseas.

‘There’s my favourite pest,’ The voice Kyra dreaded hearing tonight coming from Steph, ‘Everything all right?’ Steph’s head nodded in your direction while talking to Kyra.

‘Yeah, I just didn’t feel like dancing,’ Kyra sighed. Steph could tell that wasn’t the truth, she hadn’t seen her sister interact with Kyra all night. A stark difference from how you and Kyra were acting in the locker room just yesterday. The silent exchange between Lia and Steph had the older girl not pushing her friend any further. Instead, Steph put her arm around Kyra and pulled her in for a brief hug. Hoping to make her feel a little better, making a note to talk to you about everything tomorrow.

You saw Lia and Kyra head to the bar together and continued to get even more lost in the music. Pushing yourself further into Leah, though in the back of your mind you were pretending Leah was Kyra. But you convinced yourself Kyra was with Lia and she didn’t want or need you anymore. Your mind failing to keep the irrational thoughts pushed down, letting them all come to the surface and pushing down any rational line of thinking.

A mix of the alcohol, the endless thoughts and the music pumping through your ears, your head started spinning. Feeling uneasy and quite dizzy you ended up stumbling a few times. Luckily, Leah’s hands were already on your waist managing to keep you upright and not letting you make a fool of yourself.

‘Do you want me to take you home?’ Leah whispered in your ear, knowing you weren’t doing alright when she felt your head rest on her shoulder and your body stop moving. With a small nod, Leah had the two of you heading towards where Steph was, still at the bar with Kyra and Lia. As soon as you saw Kyra and Lia it felt like something inside of you took over and you tried to act more put together than you were feeling. 

‘I’m gonna take her home,’ Leah semi shouted over the music to Steph. You weren’t focused on their brief conversation instead you looked towards the other two. Suddenly your arm was wrapped around Leah, pulling her closer to you while you had a slight smirk on your lips. Your other hand moved to rest on top of Leah’s that was resting on your waist, playing with her fingers a little bit.

Part of you wanted her to feel the same way you felt every time you saw those two together tonight. You were feeling so much you felt like you were going to burst. Everything felt confusing and you weren’t sure how to process exactly what you were feeling but you knew that you hated it. You hated it and you hated Kyra for making you feel like this. But you really didn’t hate her. You love Kyra and you hate yourself for only realising it now. You hate yourself for realising you love her when she’s clearly got someone else.

You hate how your head won’t stop spinning, how everything doesn’t make sense. Part of you hates that you caught feelings for your best friend. But you love the way Kyra always makes you feel. You love the way she makes you feel safe, the way you can be completely yourself and you’ll never feel judged. You hate yourself for making things messy in your own head. You hate that you’ll never be able to tell her, that you’ll have to go on pretending until these feelings stop.

You love Kyra. But you hate that you love her the way that you do. But you love that you love her. Nothing makes sense and everything feels wrong but right at the same time. You wish you could curl up in a ball under your covers until everything suddenly made sense, until everything felt completely right again. 

Avoiding feelings, avoiding hard situations was what you did best. It was easier. Drinking was supposed to make it easier to forget everything for one night, instead it did the opposite and caused you to confront your feelings rather than hide from them. 

You were too far gone in your head to realise that you had made it back to Steph’s apartment, the place you called home for now. It was only when you felt a lack of warmth from Leah that you noticed your surroundings. The feeling of the cold air sending chills through your body. You wrapped your arms around yourself, you didn’t want to be left by yourself. Not when all you’d do is torture yourself with your own thoughts.

‘Did you want me to-’ You cut Leah off, catching her and yourself off guard when you cupped her cheeks and pressed your lips against hers. You didn’t know why you did it, you just wanted to be close to someone. You want your mind to stop and you don't know how to do that. This was the first thing you thought of. Thinking before you act isn't your best quality.

Leah’s hands gently pushed at your shoulders, causing you to separate from her. You kept your eyes closed afraid she would be mad at you, afterall you did just push yourself onto her. You were overwhelmed with emotions when you opened your eyes and Leah was staring at you with concern etched on her face.

‘I’m sorry,’ Tears sprung to your eyes but you did your best to hold them back, not wanting to let what was inside you out.

‘Tiny, what’s going on? Are you okay?’ Leah instantly pulled you into a hug when the tears you tried to keep back came streaming down your face. Everything within you felt like it had exploded, everything around you felt like it was going to crumble away from you. You wanted it to stop.

‘I don’t know,’ 

[bestiesenpai]

Canidae - Geto Suguru

Ah, my first hybrid au and full on yandere piece for jjk! A momentous occasion, I hope everyone likes it lol, femme reader btw. 7.5k words

part two

Content warnings: pseudo-incest, yandere shit, kidnapping, not a/b/o but there’s mentions of going into heat, size difference(although I’m not sure how well I wrote it), talking about a past murder(but no actual killing), choking, stalking, dumbification, kind of shy/skittish reader, drugging(w/ pills and w/ a syringe), brief mention of drug usage, needles, slimy men...there’s a lot of slimy men in here

(S/N) = stage name

It’s been about two months since you ran away from home. You try not to think about it, but in the quiet moments of the day, the hours that you should be using to sleep before your next shift, during meals and even at work, it creeps up like a sickness that just won’t leave.

You hadn’t wanted to leave your home, even if the people there weren’t really your family by blood. After being adopted by the Getou family in your late childhood, you thought life would get better. They seemed like a wonderful family of fox hybrids, all silky black hair and cunning little smiles. Although they weren’t in your same species family, as a house cat you could get along with them easily, a subtle praise to evolution for making foxes more like cats than dogs.

“Hey house cat, stop sulking by the bar and go talk to customers.” A slap on the wall next to you jolts you out of your thoughts and into the loud and bustling world around you.

“S-sorry boss.” Ducking your head away from your furious boss, you adjust the skimpy shorts and crop top that truly did nothing to hide your skin. Working at a seedy hostess bar wasn’t exactly the plan when you ran away, but they were the only place willing to hire you.

Looking out across the crowded bar floor, at least you didn’t have to worry about going out on the street and handing out flyers to get customers tonight. There were several men of different species and ages, sitting at the bar with dark liquor or having pretty bunny girls pour drinks from overpriced bottles at private tables.

Taking a glance at what table you’d been assigned, your stomach twisted in knots. It was a table full of lion men, their business suits wrinkled beyond hope and their manes even more disheveled than what was normal for a lion.

“Hey pretty kitty!” One of them shouted drunkenly, waving a large clawed hand at you as you shuffled closer.

“H-hello.” Giving a nervous wave, you felt a little better at seeing a coworker - a red panda hybrid - sitting between a few of them.

“Ah this is (S/N), she’s a newbie!” The girl, who called herself Fuyumi, announced. Holding up her glass in salute, she took a sip.

“Fresh meat huh?” Suddenly, all eyes were on you again, but the atmosphere shifted. A predatory look was shared between the group and a few men got up to let you slide into the booth, next to your coworker.

“What a pretty little thing you are.” A lion purred loudly next to you, putting a heavy hand around your arm and squeezing your shoulder.

“T-thank you! Let me- let me pour you a drink?” Shrinking under the weight and his lecherous gaze, you grabbed the liquor bottle they ordered and refilled a few drinks that needed to be topped up. Your ears were pressed flush to your head from the nerves, tail slightly puffed up behind you.

“So, your name is (S/N)?”

“Mhmm!” The stage name was something you thought of on the fly, trying to make it the least like your real name as possible. Accepting a drink from Fuyumi, you tried to ease the anxiety pricking at your skin.

Listening in on a story being told by one of the men, you tried to act like you were paying attention. Faking a smile, laughing loudly and keeping the drinks full - those were the only things on your mind. Not the clients walking by being escorted to secret back rooms or the people so obviously snorting something up at one of the tables in the back.

“(S/N), you’ve been quiet!” The man with his arm around you shook you side to side, his eyes falling to your breasts moving and being squished together when he squeezed you to him. “Tell us about yourself!”

“Uhm-” Taking a quick glance at Fuyumi, you cleared your throat. “Well I’m new to Tokyo-”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” He cut you off, an eager look in his eyes. You shook your head obediently. Even if you did have a boyfriend, you couldn’t say yes. You had to be seen as attainable, just within arms reach if they wanted to have you for themselves.

“That’s good, the boys in Tokyo won’t do you any good.” A man to your left chimed in. His shirt was unbuttoned, showing off his hairy chest covered in golden fur. “But the men in Tokyo are a different story.” He winked at you and you forced a giggle up, covering your mouth with your hand to hide your slight displeasure.

“Yeah, what you need is a man, (S/N). You seem so nervous!”

“House cats usually are.” Fuyumi piped up. Grabbing your chin, she pursed your lips with the tips of her white painted claws. “Isn’t that right?” Cooing at you like a baby, she shook your head and turned you to face the men at the table. “(S/N) was so nervous for her interview she nearly cried!”

A round of mocking teases sounded at the table as Fuyumi let go of you, some of them calling you a ‘poor baby’ while others offered to buy you another round of drinks to help you feel better. Your face burned, embarrassment and the close proximity of all the bodies around you making a light sheen of sweat glisten on your skin.

“I’m fine now, though, promise!” Biting your lip, you did as you’d practiced before your shift: putting an arm under your breasts, you pushed it up and tilted your head down, looking up at the men from beneath your lashes. “I feel much better with all these big strong men here.”

It made you sick, the way they all leered at your body and visibly adjusted the front of their pants. Ordering a few more bottles for the table, the sick feeling refused to leave. It clung to the back of your throat, rising bile that refused to be swallowed down.

Hours later, as the sun began to rise and proper members of society were starting to head to work for the morning, you were finally done with work. The table of lions had bought your time for the whole night, their egos boosted by your show of submission.

“You actually did okay tonight, house cat.” Your boss grunted, thumbing through the cash she was counting. “Here’s your cut.” Holding out a handful of bills, you knew better than to question how much was in it. The last time you’d tried to speak up about being shorted, your only window was shattered by a brick and it cost all of your money to fix it.

“Thank you.” Nodding politely, you took it from her hand. It felt slightly larger than normal, but you knew it wasn’t the full amount you’d been promised to receive when you started working. There was always a bit taken off the top, and since you were a newbie, even more.

Quickly changing into baggy sweatpants and a hoodie, you slinked out of the club's back entrance with your hood drawn tightly. Located in the red light district, no one batted an eye at you or where you worked, but it wasn’t them you were worried about.

Running away from home meant running away from the only family you had left, an over controlling big brother with an obsession. An obsession with you. Ever since you met, got adopted all those years ago, he had been infatuated with you.

As a young, freshly teenaged fox, suddenly acquiring a little sister had been exciting. Especially when it turned out you weren’t the same species. He always wanted to be around you, ask you questions about what it was like to be a cat. At first they were innocent, asking about your diet and favorite toys, but as he got older, his interest in you skewed.

You saw the search history on his computer, he spent hours researching cat hybrid heat cycles and when the best time to mate was. He started to go through your phone, taking it away from you under the guise of just being an annoying older brother while secretly looking through all your messages. Always getting jealous if you hung out with friends or didn’t want to sit in his room with him. And his friends knew about his obsession, feeding into it and talking about how much they wished to have a little sister like you, and if he’d be so kind as to share.

Your older brother became more obsessed with you while he was looking for a job after university. Spending hours applying for jobs and going to interviews, he wouldn’t shut up about getting a good job and moving out with you. And when he finally got that good job he always mentioned, that’s when you had to run.

Walking with your head down through the streets, waiting at a crosswalk to pass had you on edge. Just remembering the way he held your hand in public with a grip tight enough to cut off circulation had you shoving your hands into your pockets. A couple walked across the street with their arms around each other, and suddenly the suffocating weight of your brother's arm around your waist as he slept in your bed with you was back.

Forcing air through your lungs, you ran the rest of the way home. It wasn’t a long way to the crummy apartment block you called home and you were inside your cramped studio space and crumpled against the door in no time.

It didn’t always feel good to be in here with it’s water stained ceilings, barely usable pipes and the one, barely big enough window near the front door. You could hardly call it a home, it was just a room with the mattress you bought second hand and the clothes you ran away with strewn across the floor with a tiny kitchen shoved into the corner and a bathroom that surely wasn’t up to code.

But for now, it felt amazing. Your running had only exacerbated the exhaustion you had from working such grueling hours, and just crawling over to your dirty bed took all the energy you had left. With the sun beginning to rise properly into the sky, you closed your eyes and went to sleep.

The sudden alarm from the crappy phone you bought was what woke you up, the early evening sun and the sound of your neighbors yelling at one another through the walls pulling the last few bits of sleep from the edges of your mind.

And so do the set of crystal blue eyes staring in at you from your window, one that not even you can see out of because it’s too high.

“Sat-” The name catches in your throat, and when you blink again the eyes are gone. Rushing out of bed, you rip open the front door and look up and down the hallway. But there’s no one there, no bright white arctic fox fur to be seen, and certainly not the man attached to it.

Gripping the door tightly in your fingers, you linger in the threshold. The longer you stayed out, the more the vivid eyes watching you sleep became a memory, something your overworked mind must have conjured up as it went from sleeping to being awake. With a shaky sigh, you step back into your apartment to get ready for your next shift.

Meandering through the busy streets, you passed by shops that were starting to become familiar to you. There was the odd convenience store, a few illegal gambling dens with restaurant fronts, strip clubs and sex shops.

With time to kill before your shift, you dashed into a convenience store, it’s stark fluorescent lighting a nice switch from the everchanging neon signs outside. Scrounging up what little pocket change you had, you bought the cheapest food possible and sat down at the tiny table near the windows.

Eating slowly, trying to savor not only every bite but every minute before going back to work, a flash of white caught your eye as the convenience store door was opened. The little jingle that played was the only indication someone had actually entered, you barely saw the door open or close.

You could only see a glimpse of the pure white, not even a full on look. Glancing over your shoulder, you didn’t see anyone standing in the aisles, no ears stuck out to give you an indication as to who had come in.

But there was the feeling of being watched that had you on edge. When you turned fully away from the window to look at the store behind you, there wasn’t anyone watching you, yet the feeling still stuck. The target on your back had just been shot dead center, a sharp pang of fear gripped your heart the longer you looked at the seemingly empty aisles.

“Long way from home, little kitten.” A familiar face emerged from your right, but it wasn’t the man you thought it was.

“N-nanami?” It was a shock to see him in a neighborhood like this, his pristine suit more fitted for the financial district a few train stops over that he sometimes visited for work. He was in his usual suit, the one he liked to wear when he was over at your house, and his blond ears and tail were as immaculately trimmed and proper as ever.

“Hm, you’re not calling me Kento-nii anymore?” He said scornfully, sliding into the seat next to you and leaning his elbows on the table.

“Sorry, Kento-nii.” Bowing your head, you turned back to the table as well. Clenching your quivering hands in your lap, your claws dug into your skin to try and ground yourself. Kento hadn’t even said much and yet you were ready to pass out.

“Why’d you run away? You know we all miss you.” Leaning his head in his hands, Kento stared out the window at the people walking by. His lip curled a little in disgust, and a low growl rumbled from the back of his throat. “This isn’t the place for a girl like you.”

“You know why I had to leave.” Staring down at your hands, your eyes burned as you blinked away tears at the memories forcing their way back to you.

“I don’t. Enlighten me.”

“Kento-nii, please-” Your voice trembled, catching in your throat as it broke.

“Tell me, (Y/N). Why did you leave?”

“S-su-” It made you want to throw up just saying his name, so you didn’t. “He killed our parents.” Saying it out loud made the painful burn behind your eyes grow stronger until you were blinking hot tears down your cheeks.

“That’s not true.” Kento said calmly while turning to you. “Your parents died from-”

“Don’t lie for him!” You shouted, finally looking up at Kento. As soon as your voice raised, he wrapped a hand around the back of your neck, forcing your head against his chest and pulling you into a tight hug. Dipping his head down, Kento’s chin brushed your ears as he pressed his lips to them.

“Listen little kitten, you know better than to raise your voice at me. And you know better than to lie.” The fingers around your neck tightened and Kento dug the tips of his claws against your pulse. “Your parents died in a murder-suicide, nothing more nothing less.”

“Let go!” You sobbed, thrashing around in his hold. It was truly useless to try and fight against him. Foxes - and truly, a lot of other hybrid types - were much larger and stronger than you. There wasn’t any chance you had at trying to beat him in strength, but it didn’t mean you couldn’t try.

“Calm down, you’re making a scene.” Fully enclosing his hand around your neck, Kento squeezed the air from your throat and shut down the subsequent scream that followed. Reduced to whimpering, you stilled your body and tried to tug his hand off.

Gasping and choking when he finally let you go, your body was weak from the lack of oxygen and you fully slumped into Kento’s hold. Struggling to catch your breath, there was little solace you could find in his hand stroking between your shoulder blades.

“Come home, (Y/N).” He said gently, like he was coaxing a child into eating their unwanted vegetables.

“No.” Shaking your head weakly, your body trembled violently. Kento didn’t need to speak for you to know he wasn’t pleased with your answer, the pregnant pause that followed was enough.

“Why must you be so difficult, hm?” With a heavy, disappointed sigh, Kento let you sit upright again. Tsking at your bloodshot eyes dripping with tears, he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped your face clean.

Your lower lip shook as you looked up at him, honey colored eyes to match his blonde hair. Vertical pupils stared back at yours, the only thing the two of you really had in common.

“I’ll ask one more time: will you come home with me, (Y/N)?” Cupping your cheek, Kento wiped the snot dripping from your nose and the drool that had started to drip past your lip. “If you say no one more time, I can’t promise anything.”

“Kento-nii…” Sniffling pathetically, you blinked hard and shook your head.

“(Y/N).” Groaning in annoyance, Kento dropped his hands and put his head back. “I don’t think you’re listening-”

“Y-you listen to me!” Standing up abruptly, your chair fell over from the force and loudly clattered to the ground. “I’m never going back there! Not ever!” It was dangerous to shout at Kento, especially as you saw his pupils begin to dilate. Out of all your brothers friends, he was the one who took the rules most seriously.

Grabbing the food you had left, you ran out of the convenience store. As your feet slammed against the pavement, you didn’t dare look over your shoulder to see if he was chasing after you. Kento hadn’t been the type to play those sort of chase games back at home, but the desperation to have you back in that house was strong enough that he just might follow you.

Running all the way to the clubs back entrance, you slipped inside and hid in the storage room. No one truly bothered to come back there anyway, it was the perfect place to hide behind a few untouched boxes until it was time for your shift.

“Hey house cat, someone personally requested you.” Your boss grunted when she saw you, a cigarette hanging loosely from her lips.

“Who is it?” Attempting to look at the clipboard in her hands, you didn’t quite catch the name of the person that was written down.

“Who cares, it’s some rich fox wearing glasses. He’s at the back, you can’t miss his white hair.”

“What?” Your eyes shot open, heart stopping as her words bounced around your skull. It was too much of a coincidence that Kento had found you and now a white haired fox had requested you.

“Hey.” Grabbing you by the shoulder, your boss glared at you and turned your body around. “Get to work already and stop zoning the fuck out. You don’t want to make me put you on flyer duty do you? There’s some weirdos out tonight that would just love-”

“No! No, I’m sorry ma’am. I’ll get going right away.” Stepping away from her tight hold, you tried not to tremble as you walked to the back table. As you got closer, your knees nearly gave out on you as the fear you had was materializing right before your eyes.

It was indeed Gojo Satoru, your brother's best friend and the deadliest arctic fox you’ve ever come to know. With his pristine snow white hair and ears, keen blue eyes and those trademark dark sunglasses he wears, there was no mistaking him.

“Hey, little sister.” He crooned as you slid into the booth next to him, keeping a healthy distance between the two of you. “Missed ya.”

“Toru-nii, why are you here?” Keeping your eyes locked on the melting ice in his cup, you could barely breathe from the weight of your fear. There wasn’t anything that Satoru couldn’t - or wouldn’t - do. He’d always been the smartest, the strongest, he could beat any hybrid in anything he set his mind to, even with clear biological differences set between them.

“What do you mean why am I here? I’m here to see my favorite little kitten at her new job!” Throwing his arms open wide, Satoru had an easy smile on his face despite your obvious discomfort. “Although, I can’t say you’re doing very well so far. My glass is still empty.”

Wordlessly, you stiffly poured him a drink and slid the glass over to him. Pouring one for yourself as well, you clinked your glasses together when he raised it and took a short sip. Usually you didn’t drink on the job, getting the bartenders to mix you something that was mostly pure juice. But tonight you needed to take a bit of edge off.

“Please just go.” Forcing the words out of your tight throat, a wave of nausea washed over you as Satoru put his hand on your shoulder.

“I can’t leave here without you.” His lips brushed your ears like they used to back at home, but this time he wasn’t whispering crude little jokes to get you to giggle. Sliding his hand from your shoulder to around your ribs, Satoru quickly overwhelmed your personal space with the size of his body.

“Toru!” You gasped as his claws dug into your ribs, threatening to push through the spaces and break them entirely. Tugging on his hand, you looked around to see if anyone else was paying attention to your lonely little table in the back.

“Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be. Kento already tried to be nice and you were just so mean to him.”

“T-toru-nii, please!” Desperate tears sprang to your eyes as every word he spoke was punctuated with a tightening grip around you.

“And here I thought we trained you to be a good girl, (Y/N), I really did. But good girls don’t yell at their big brothers, they don’t lie and-” Satoru broke off to send a charming smile to a few passing hostesses before returning to you, “They certainly don’t run away.”

A choked sob racked through you, drowned out by the loud music being played overhead. In your struggle to get his hand off, you hadn’t realized Satoru slid you onto his lap until it was too late and he could wrap both long arms around you.

Forced to lean back against his lanky body, his fluffy white tail wrapped around yours, deftly hugging it close to him. Engulfing your scantily clad body, Satoru burrowed his nose between your ears, inhaling the scent he always said he liked back home.

“I’ve always wanted to see you wear something like this, ya know.” Thumbing the edge of your crop top, Satoru dipped his fingers underneath the fabric. “Always wanted to dress you up and play pretend, be my cute little hostess for the night.”

“Stop.” Grabbing his wrist, your eyes desperately searched for someone to come save you. But being seated at a table so far in the back of the club was playing to Satoru’s advantage; no one really paid attention to the back of the club because that’s where the truly shady things happened.

“C’mon kitty, play with me.” Satoru whined, bouncing you on his lap a few times. He was always childish, always whining for you to pay attention to him whenever he got the chance, and now was no different. You couldn’t see it, but you knew he had that trademark silly smile on his face regardless of the fact he had a death grip on your body.

“Toru-nii.” Jutting your lip out in a pout, you finally lurched your upper body forward enough to look at him over your shoulder.

“There’s that cutesy little face I missed.” Cooing at you, Satoru loosened his grip enough to let you sit sideways across his lap. Forcing you to wrap an arm around his middle, Satoru kept a tight grip on your back.

“Toru-nii…” Fiddling with the fabric of his shirt, you stole a glance at the eyes staring right through you. “Why do you- why are you helping him so much? You know what he did, I don’t-”

“I helped him do it.”

“What?” Your jaw fell slack and you stared right at him.

“Look, there’s no point in lying to you.” Leaning forward, Satoru grabbed his drink and took a generous swig. “I helped your brother kill your parents and stage it. We even practiced on a few drifters before moving onto the real deal.” Satoru’s smile had fallen, an unfamiliar serious look taking its place.

“You have no idea how long we all planned it, all three of us. Kento took care of your trust fund and the insurance, I subdued your parents and got them in position, and Suguru was the one who pulled the trigger.”

Tears were streaming down your face, smearing the makeup you’d put on, dripping into your open mouth. All other noise in the club fell away, leaving your ears ringing loudly from the silence in your head. Air was barely coming in or out of your lungs, your throat too tight to properly breathe.

“We had it all planned out perfectly, but then you just had to go and mess it up.” Satoru landed a swift slap to your thigh. “You just had to be a bad kitty and run off.” A second slap knocked the air back into you and your body jerked back.

“Toru-nii, why?!” Your scream was loud enough to be heard over the music, and Satoru looked around at the few curious eyes that were now looking at you, his ears flattening against his head as he forced a smile.

“We had to do it (Y/N), so we could all live together as a pack.”

“B-but we already had one.” Sure, you didn’t necessarily need to live in a group but it was nice to be in your adoptive family's pack and be surrounded by their love and care.

“That one...wasn’t the right fit.”

“For who?” Sniffling loudly, you wiped the snot from your nose. “Who wasn’t it right for?” It had been perfectly fine for you. There wasn’t any fighting, no strained dynamics and when your parents were alive, there wasn’t an overbearing older brother trying to completely consume you.

“You’ll do much better in the pack we have now, (Y/N).” Gripping your upper thigh tightly, Satoru leaned forward to press his lips against your ears once more. “Your big brothers will take great care of you.” A sound got caught in your throat, something halfway between a gasp and a scream.

“T-toru-Toru-nii.” A fresh wave of tears pricked your eyes and you blinked hard to keep them at bay. “Can I use the restroom? I just- I really need to use it.” Satoru stilled for a moment, sizing up your words and his options.

“Alright, but be quick.” Slowly releasing the tight hold he had on you, you could finally breathe again. Sliding out of the booth, you bolted to the employee bathroom and collapsed against the far wall.

There wasn’t a way out of the club without Satoru seeing. Even if you ran out the backdoor, he would still see you coming out of the bathroom. The front door was no use, there were too many people you would have to maneuver around.

“And then I said- what the hell, house cat? Are you drugged out?” A few bunny girls walked in, their long floppy ears decorated with silk ribbon. They never really spoke to you, but they weren’t mean to you either.

“My client- he’s just- I-” Stammering, you couldn’t find the words to explain the situation.

“Is he being a fucking freak?” Sauntering up to you, they tugged you up from the floor to lean against the sink counter. Sighing loudly as you nodded, one of them pulled out a small baggie from her bra, a few red pills tucked safely inside. “Here, slip one in his drink and he’ll be out like a light. Then you can have security escort him out.”

“No, he’ll notice.” Satoru would notice without a doubt if you tried to slip something into his drink. He was always watching you, sometimes more than your brother was.

“Alright well I’ll mix a drink and bring it to him, tell him he gets a free drink as a first time customer.”

“You’d do that, really?” You were nearly beside yourself with a sudden rush of hope.

“Yeah, why not? It’s been a while since I’ve had to drug a client. Plus, we can’t have our newest recruit quitting on us already!” Giving you a cheeky wink, the girls sent you on your way, promising to handle it swiftly.

Returning to the table, Satoru pulled you onto his lap once more. You didn’t struggle or make a single peep as his arms wound around you again. His grip was much softer now, not threatening to bruise and crush you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the girls you talked to walk to the bar. They didn’t look at you at all, going straight to the bartender and whispering a few things in their ear. Attempting to make conversation with Satoru, you didn’t have to wait long for them to come to your table.

“Hi sir, we heard it was your first time here!” One of the girls shouted, bouncing on her heels and making her ears flop around.

“Mhmm, so we thought it would be a nice treat to give you a drink on the house!” Another girl came up, setting down a bright pink cocktail. “Go ahead and try it, I bet you’ll like it!”

“Hm, okay.” Shrugging his shoulder, Satoru grabbed the drink and took a sip, smacking his lips together at the flavor and then taking another. “This isn’t bad, thank you!”

“Of course sir, our pleasure.” Winking at the both of you, they walked away slowly, keeping their eyes on Satoru and fully turning away after seeing him down half the drink.

Satoru always did like a bit of liquor, and it would quickly be his downfall. The drink was a sweet fruity concoction to mask the bitter pill as it dissolved and Satoru’s deadly sweet tooth was hooked immediately.

You didn’t even fully wait for him to pass out before getting out of his lap. His heavy head bobbed side to side, his words slurred not like you’d heard before and his arms had fallen slack off of you. Only his droopy eyes could seem to follow you, silently demanding you to stay in place.

Throwing on your outside clothes in the back room, you kept your hood tightly drawn as you ran from the club. You weren’t worried about pissing your boss off and having to deal with the repercussions, you wouldn’t be returning to that place ever again.

Bursting through your front door, you grabbed whatever clothes you could and shoved them into your bag. The small stack of bills you kept hidden in the bathroom was a welcomed weight to your growing pile, there was enough to at least buy a train ticket and a hot meal a good distance from Tokyo.

Under the cover of the moonless night, you tried to stick to the back alleys on your way to the station that would take you out of town. It paid off to live in such a seedy area, you knew all the ins and outs and where to go to avoid being seen.

Popping your head out from an alleyway, the street before you was deserted. A long string of old warehouses called the street home, their brick and mortar facades well worn from time. Dodging the streetlights as best you could, you could practically taste freedom on the tip of your tongue.

“Oh little sister.” A voice rang out into the dead street, an eerie song sung on the lips of the one man you’d never wanted to see again. Keeping as still as possible, your eyes burned from not blinking, and your lungs from not breathing.

His slow, methodical footsteps scraped across the cement ground, echoing in the silence and heightening your anxiety with every slow drag of his feet. As the sound drew closer, you pressed yourself against the doorway of a warehouse. There wasn’t any way you could outrun your brother, so you had to devise a plan to outsmart him when he got close enough.

“Little sister, I’ve been looking for you.” Suguru came to a halt right in front of you, his towering build casting a shadow over you in the already dark alcove. He was wearing what he had on the last time you saw him, a simple black tracksuit and his favorite slides. His hair had gotten a little longer, resting a few inches past his shoulder blades with the top half in a bun.

Quirking a brow, Suguru hummed low in his chest, reaching an arm out and resting a hand next to your head. His long black claws scraped against the wood of the door, his hand easily large enough to encompass your whole face and then some. The natural musky scent of his body was sickeningly familiar, like you’d only gone just a few hours without smelling it.

“Tell me, did you have fun playing hide and seek with your big brother?” Flashing two rows of gleaming white and perfectly straight canine teeth, Suguru leaned over you, the expanse of his chest blocking out any wiggle room. “I hope you did, because I’m done playing now.”

“Y-you’re not my- my big brother anymore.” Screwing your eyes closed, you twisted your head away from him as much as you could.

“Don’t say such things, (Y/N), you’ll hurt my feelings.” Suguru laughed dryly, clearly unamused.

“Getou li- ahh!” In a flash Suguru had his other hand around your neck, lifting you up to dangle on your tiptoes as he choked you.

“Don’t you ever call me that again, do you fucking understand?” Staring at you with unblinking eyes, Suguru squeezed hard. When your eyes started to roll to the back of your head he let go, stepping back slightly to let you fall to the ground.

Struggling to regain your breath, you tried to crawl away through the small gap left between the wall and him. You barely got one full step before Suguru grabbed you by the back of your hoodie, forcing you to stand and practically dangling you in the air like a doll.

“What’s this?” Seeing the sliver of skin underneath the hoodie, Suguru wrenched it off of you. Your sweats came off shortly after and you were exposed to the elements and his growing glare. “Care to explain why you’re half fucking naked?”

“G-” You started but quickly pressed your lips closed at the sharp look he sent you. “Suguru, just let me go.”

“Answer my fucking question.” His tone left no room for further argument, and you slowly drew your arms over your exposed midriff.

“I started working at a...a hostess bar.” Your words hung in the air, the weight of them heavy and clinging to every part of you. Suguru’s face made no change, the only thing that tipped you off to his anger was the intense flaring of his nostrils.

“My precious little sister has been working at a hostess bar for the past two months? You’ve been dressed like this every night, getting stared at and perved on by god knows what kind of men? You ran away for this?” Suguru’s voice was far too steady for the situation, spiking the already high adrenaline in your blood.

“Suguru please-”

“And it seems you’ve forgotten the number one rule. You know what you’re supposed to call me.” Backing you up onto the door again, Suguru’s fluffy black tail flicked out behind him, it’s long drawn out shadow swaying back and forth.

“You’re not my brother.” Licking your lips nervously, your eyes followed his tail. There was no way you could look him in the eye after saying that. Suguru began to laugh, a cold and hollow sound from the base of his throat that sent a chill down your spine.

“And why exactly is that?” Slamming both hands down on either side of your head, he leaned down to make eye contact with you, his pupils blown wide against his already pitch black irises.

“You know.” Forcing the words out of your mouth, you curled into yourself as much as you could.

“No, I don’t.” Speaking slowly, Suguru waited just a few seconds before slamming his hands down again. “Tell me little kitten, right now!” You let out a piercing scream, covering your face with your hands.

“You killed our parents! You killed them and I heard you fucking do it!” Coming face to face with your adopted brother, the man that killed your parents in cold blood, and having to talk to him about it were all making your head spin.

“No, no I didn’t do that, honey. You’ve got it all wrong.” Suguru’s voice dropped low, instantly adopting a soothing tone. His fingers toyed with the edges of your ears, brushing the soft fur gently. “Mommy and daddy...they had problems. And I know it must be hard to believe, but they did it to themselves.”

“You’re such a liar!” Smacking his hand away from your ears, you glared at him, frustrated tears stewing on your lash line. “I heard you shoot them Suguru! I heard mom-” Your voice cracked, and the tears began to stream down your face. “I heard her tell you not to do it.”

Falling silent, Sugurus face remained neutral. His hand remained in the air from when you smacked it away, and the only indication he was still alive was the subtle flicker of his eyelids and the way his chest barely moved as he breathed.

“I knew I should have drugged you more.” He finally broke the silence, putting his hand back on the door to keep you trapped. Everything Suguru did felt like you were watching it in slow motion. The way he drew in a deep breath, expanded his chest and arms out wide and then drew you into a tight, bone crushing embrace all felt like it happened too slow. Like you should have been able to prevent it.

“Suguru!” You screamed his name from the top of your lungs, throat quickly going raw from the volume of your shouts. “Let me go! Let me go!” Writhing around, you felt the air quickly being squeezed out of you.

“It doesn’t matter now though. It’s all in the past!” Laughing to himself, Suguru took a few steps back, going to the middle of the deserted street and under a light post. “That’s right! The past! No need to worry about it, what’s done is done!”

“Su-Sugu-nii! Sugu-nii please!” You finally broke. You finally called him what he had trained you to call him for all those years. Your precious big brother.

“Oh how I missed hearing you call me that!” Still laughing, Suguru let out a loud hum. “I think I should record you saying that so I can play it over and over whenever I need my fix.”

“Sugu-nii, please!” The tears of frustration were now turning to tears of fear and desperation. The squeezing had stopped, you could just barely suck in air, but your feet still dangled off the ground. “Please let me go- this isn’t okay!”

“What does a dumb little kitten know about what is and isn’t okay?”

“Sugu!”

“You’re just a stupid little baby who got scared without her mommy and daddy and ran away. Well don’t worry, my darling sister, Sugu-nii is here to take care of you.” Nuzzling his nose against your ears affectionately, Suguru sighed contently. “We’ll be a family again, just like before. You’ll be with the pack just like you’re supposed to.”

“I’m not- not even a fox, Sugu!” Your chances of leaving his hold anytime soon were quickly diminishing, there wasn’t much you could say - if anything - to convince him to stop. “I don’t need to live in a pack, I don’t- I’m not a canine at all!”

“Hm, like that matters. Foxes act more like cats anyway.” Shrugging his shoulders, Suguru put his hand on the back of your head, raking his nails softly against your scalp. He was holding you now like a baby doll, the arm that had previously been crushing you against him now coming to rest under your bottom and cradle you.

Something caught your eye, making you twist away from Suguru in hopes that it was someone that had heard the screams and was coming to save you. Your heart deflated just as quickly as it swelled when it was Kento who had appeared, a metal briefcase in his hands.

“Look, Kento-nii is here. Go to him.” Putting you on your feet, Suguru nudged you forward. Your knees locked, refusing to move toward the imposing figure.

“It wasn’t nice to drug Gojo like that, little kitten. He’s passed out in the back of the car as we speak, you’ll have to apologize to him when he wakes up.” Kento closed the distance between the two of you, eyes glowering and brows tightly knit together.

“How did you-”

“You think just because you run away we can’t track your scent? How do you think we found you at the club after you so rudely left our conversation? Just a few sniffs and it was like you walked us right there.” Flicking the briefcase open, Kento’s face was obscured as he began to dig around for the contents. “I was waiting by the backdoor of that shitty little club, I had a feeling Gojo wouldn’t be able to convince you to come back and you’d make a run for it again, and you did. It was far too easy to call up Getou and let him know.”

The words Kento was saying were barely sticking inside your head, your complete focus going to the loaded syringe he had pulled out from the briefcase and was now holding in his hands, an almost bored expression on his face.

Taking a step back as he took one forward, you bumped into Suguru’s chest. He made a tsking noise, quickly sliding an arm under your chin and another around your middle to keep you from moving.

“Stop! Stop, Sugu-nii please!” The tears that dripped down your face didn’t matter anymore. Your voice going hoarse from all the screaming didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. At least, nothing you wanted mattered.

“Just try to be calm, little sis. Kento will be quick.” Suguru chuckled darkly, resting his chin atop your head. Any further words you had dissolved into frantic screams as Kento grabbed your arm and wrenched it away from your body.

Pushing the needle into you, he injected you with a serene face. Like he had practiced this before, almost as if he was a doctor giving you a flu shot. Whatever was in the syringe was gone quickly, Kento unloading the whole vial into you before calmly placing it back in the briefcase and shutting it.

“Don’t cry baby.” Suguru cooed, pressing a flurry of kisses on your head as he loosened his hold and began to wipe the tears off your face.

“Sugu- Kento-” You were losing track of the world and fast. Things blurred together, the crisp edges of Kento’s body were melting into the brick walls behind him. Your limbs were giving out on you and Suguru was quick to pick you up and cradle you like he had done before.

“Sshh, just go to sleep.” Pressing his lips against your ear, Suguru whispered softly, giggling at the way you closed your heavy eyes and relaxed into his embrace. “We’ll be home before you know it. One big happy family.”

[yandere-wishes]

Sacrificial Bride Part 1//Twisted Wonderland X Reader//

Alright well, that's enough writing for the next few days if you excuse me I'm going to go sulk in my corner. Huge thanks to @softyswork​ who’s story about reader being sent to Malleus as a bride inspired this series. Also, I REALLY want to make some sort of modern-day Frankenstein it would be an amazing scientific breakthrough! You'll understand what I mean when you get to Idia's part lol.

💚🐉Malleus Draconia🐉💚

It was a common rumor around your village that ever since the death of the sleeping princess your settlement had never been the same. For you, this was nothing more than a fairy tale meant to spark a scrap of hope in the hearts of naive, suffering children who were still too young to fully understand why their fathers never returned from their hunting trips or why there was barely anything to eat for dinner.

Every time you heard this dreaded tail, you couldn't help but scuff. For as long as you've been alive your town had been in utter disarray and chaos. Monsters from the woods -what the town's folk called "fae"- attacked the village daily. Stealing jewels, destroying homes, sometimes even swallowing children or sucking the blood of the dormant. There was also the looming threat of the green flames. Blazing emerald fires who couldn't be subdued by neither water nor dirt. They advanced further into the territory of the village by each full cycle of the moon. Leaving behind in their trail, thick impenetrable thorn bushes that had taken the homes of many and the lives of many more.

Awful, dreaded creatures those fae where...

But alas you did not yet know just how cruel they could be.

On another periodic morning, your younger sister jolted you awake, dragging you to the town center before you got a chance to change out of your nightgown.

In the center of the square was short man..no...not a man you noticed his pointed drawn back ears. "Fae" you gasped under your breath. But unlike the monstrous fairies that ravished your town taking on the appearances of trees and woodland creatures, this one resembled a boy of 15. The young-looking male began to speak, his voice was clear like crystals, and to his tone bats began to flock overhead. "Truly dreadful, these fairy folk are" your sister uttered in terror as she buried her face in your side.

"Heed my words, mortals. The young prince of thorns has decided to take a wife. By the setting of the sun a full day from today, two of his guards will come to collect your offering. If you chose to disregard this Wa-- friendly advice, then what is left of your town will be decimated before the end of summer. Your children eaten, wives imprisoned and husbands killed!" An unsteady hush rippled through the crowd. Some hothead youths began to throw rocks at the stranger only for the bats hovering above to shield him from the stones. Mothers hugged their children close begging for the man to "just leave".

"If" the man's voice rose once more like a cadaver emerging from the grave " my young master is pleased with your sacrifice than we shall reward you! Bring good health and prosperity to your otherwise sick and decaying village." His last words melted into the open air before he vanished in a cloud of squealing bats and ebony smoke.

The town's folk erupted in screeches, cursing at their deities while simultaneously praying to any god that would listen.

"Help us!"

"save us!"

"Don't let them take our daughters!"

The screams escalated to the point where you had to cover your ears with your shaking hands. Your eyes scanning each of the villager's faces, a pathetic lot they were, you thought to yourself. Scared by the words of a young magician. In a flash, your heart sped up, adrenaline pumping through your veins, as you marched to the center square where the boy had been mere moments ago. You stood tall, cupping your hands over your mouth.

"Listen well you disquiet, mindless lot!"

All eyes turned to you. Some holding looks of confusion, whilst others harbored glances of hope.

"This fae is lying! No way will they be satisfied with just one measly girl! No matter who we sacrifice to their so-called master, they'll still come after us! They'll still destroy our village! Let's not be stupid! Let's find a way to barricade the city instead of arguing over who to sacrifice!"

For an endless second all was quite. It was like the world had stopped turning, frozen in its place in the universe trying to decide what to do.

Then it happened,

Chants reverberating through the air

"Sacrifice her!" "Sacrifice her!"

"Sacrifice her!" "Sacrifice her!"

"Sacrifice her!"........................

WHAT!

NO!

DID THOSE MORONS NOT LISTEN TO A SINGLE WORD YOU SAID!

The crowd started advancing. Eyes locked on your figure like those of a leopard on its prey.  Their mouths were all a gap, chanting the words "sacrifice" over and over again. From behind the mob, your eyes locked with your sister's. You could practically feel the despair rolling off her figure as she covered her eyes and fell to her knees, her whole body rattling with a sort of distant rage...

A full day....it's funny how time passes all so quickly no matter what you do. Day in and day out nothing changes, pain is still pain, laughter is still laughter. Time just keeps slipping from between your fingers like sand. Even in the direst of times, Time doesn't show mercy, never once does it cease. It just ticks and ticks away until the inevitable moment arrives.

Your sister and aunt -the only two relatives that you hadn't lost to the fae- were in charge of preparing you for your so-called "wedding". Since your town was poor and isolated from other civilizations there wasn't much they could do to enhance your beauty. Smashing some berries to add color to your lips -and fervently ravishing the remains- using some coal to add shade behind your eyes, as well as around them and patting the dust of rose petals against your cheek. By the end, you hardly recognized the person staring back from the mirror. Sure the adjustments were minor but this was the most stunning you'd ever looked. "Is it almost time" your voice quivered, failing to hide the tears that began to fall. "Please don't cry sweetheart, we don't have any more coal to fix your eyes with." Your aunt's tone was monotone almost bordering on heartless. You couldn't really blame her, she'd gotten so used to having her loved ones plucked from her. One more would be no different. Sniffing as to keep the tears at bay, you nodded slowly. Your glossy eyes locked with your aunt's you could see the same fear and exhaustion in her fading irises as the night her son was slaughtered in front of her.

"Just a few reminders" your sister's voice was cheery like the chirping of early morning birds, but her face mimicked that of a kicked puppies. "Remember when the prince...fae...when he..you know...Oh, Lord please tell me he won't" She was shivering again. Her face twisted in horror. You knew what she was thinking, she was imagining you laying in the bed of that...that thing. She was imagining him entering you, kissing up and down your neck. Leaving patches of red skin over smooth flesh, bruises wherever his clawed hands touched you. She was imagining what was no doubt going to happen to you tonight...

the mere thought made bile rise to your throat.

"Darling, just keep saying how much you like it. It's all any man wants to hear." again your aunt or rather her lackluster form of speech was the rope binding you to your sanity.

"Do fae even have...those parts like humans do?" Your sister asked, only to be met with a glare from your aunt. "Stop wasting time on pointless questions! Hurry up and see if this dress fits your sister."

Sure enough, as you were escorted to where the thorn bushes met the village, two men, one standing tall and proud, whilst the other looked like he may topple over from fatigue at any moment, were awaiting you.

The green-haired man let out a haughty laugh, his blazing eyes scanning you from head to toe. "She's hardly worthy of the young master!" His dreadful voice was like the booming of thunder clouds. "It doesn't matter, Malleus-sama needs to be wedded off quickly so he can produce an heir. None of us are getting any younger by standing here debating the "worthiness" of yet another measly human" the silver-haired male's voice was the exact opposite of his comrades, his voice was soft and breathy like light drizzle after a storm.

The green-haired man looked ready to argue once more, but before he could open his mouth, his violet-eyed counterpart waved something thin in the air casing a pathway to open between the hedges.

It was dark between the brambles. The air was thick, stuffy, every breath was a struggle. Although it seemed neither of your traveling buddies minded the discomfort. Did fae even need air to survive?

After what could have been no less than a couple of hours, your small group made it to a large clearing where only a few rays of the sun leaked through the thick smoky clouds. Miss matched flowers in shades of grey littered the rocky barren ground. Maybe at some point, this place had been beautiful, stunning even...but whenever that time had been it was long gone now.

As you ventured farther into this monochrome land of loss and sorrow, the three of you approached a castle. It towered over everything else, grim in all its glory. "Young master Malleus is awaiting you inside..." The green-haired male's voice trailed off as his speech was interrupted by the deafening creaking of the doors parting open. Without another word the two men dragged you inside, pushing you through spiral staircases and long bleak passageways. Until you arrived at a lavish-looking room, a large throne sitting smugly in the front of the room. It's black, spiked appearance was enough to make you gasp in horror, you didn't desire to meet the monster that perched atop that throne. "Don't be so afraid." the silver-haired man whispers, his head is almost resting on your shoulder. "Malleus-sama is kind and fair. He is sure to love you better than any human ever could." you catch a hint of nostalgic sadness in the last part, like a long lost part of the lavender eyed boy's past caught in his throat like a glass shard.

Trumpets roared through the room blaring as two men, one short and fickle whilst the other tall and brooding walked in. "Malleus~" The short one sang as they both stopped in front of you "Say hello to your lovely new wife." the tall man's emerald eyes landed on you. His lips parted in a threatening smile...or maybe it was a smirk? He didn't seem to be too good at displaying emotions. Slowly he descended onto one knee, slipping your hand into his and kissing the top lightly.

"Hello, my darling little wife."

🧡🦁Leona Kingscholar🦁🧡

The After Glow Savanna was an absolute hell to be born in if your family did not belong to some royal inner court class. The endless days spent scavenging for scraps of food, walking miles for a simple glass of water, had become a sort of broken, habit beaten into the residents of the smaller less fortunate districts.

Eventually, you too would follow in your parent's footsteps, working odd jobs around the neighborhood, getting married to some guy, having kids, and giving them the same dreary life your parents had given you. It was simple -miserable- but simple never the less. In an odd way, you found a sort of comfort in how everything was set in stone. How you'd suffer through a few years then die of starvation or some disease in your husband's arms.

But little did you know that the only comfort you had in your horrible life was also going to be swiped from you.

When Ruggie, a dear childhood friend of yours returned from his prestigious school for the winter holidays you were overjoyed! A week with your best friend was the greatest gift you could ask for! But that excitement soon dulled when he announced to the neighborhood what the royal family had planned for the underdeveloped parts of the country.

"They want to demolish the homes and build parks and shopping strips instead"

The people of your tiny community gasped, shock and hopelessness mixing over their dirty, worn out faces. Some older siblings shielded the ears of their younger kin, some mothers hugged their children closer to their chests. "They can't do that to us!" Your voice was like a beacon through the thick fog of confusion. "We can't let them!" You turned to Ruggie who was seated next to you. His blue-grey eyes held a foreign sadness that you had never seen before. He was hiding something...something so grim that he was forced to shove it into the depths of his soul, locking it up and throwing away the key.

"There is a way..."

For such a hopeful phrase, Ruggie's tone harbored no happiness. You could practically see the tears that were clouding his beautiful eyes. "Tell us" someone from the crowd demanded, others soon joined in with their own chants. For a long moment, Ruggie said nothing, the shouts of despair falling on deaf ears.

"If.." his voice trailed off, as his gaze grew distant.

"If someone from the neighborhood were to marry the second prince..." Gasps of fear filled the air. Even the mere mention of the second prince's name was enough to send chills down people's spins.

"Then they could, as the newly appointed  princess, convince the royal family and counsel to scrap this monstrous plan." No one uttered another word. No one was brave enough to face the man who could destroy anything with a simple touch.

But the sake of these people, people who had nothing but their families and a muddy roof over their head was on the line.

Do something, a tiny voice in your head screamed, save them, it begged. You shifted your head so to get a glimpse of Ruggie's face. "I-" you began but were cut off before you could even finish.

"I know you would say that."

His voice broke over every syllable. He knew you would give up your depressing nostalgia for the sake of others. Life in the castle would be hell, being married to that monster would be something worst than the dwellings of the devil.

It was a speedy arrangement, so fast that your head didn't have time to process anything. In the end, it almost seemed like the royal family was desperate to find a spouse for their youngest son.

Just marry him! Was what all the absentee looks told you.

Early that morning, Ruggie had dragged you to the castle, all tears, and grumbles. The palace guards let him in with no restrain, it almost felt like he'd been here before. Your childhood friend led you to a room in the further corner of a grand hall. He told you to stay outside as he went in to chat with the prince. Moments later the newly appointed king and queen came to usher you into a privet room and discuss the marriage. Not an hour later your fate had been sealed, you'd be married off to prince Leona tomorrow at sunrise. For "historical purposes" your neighborhood would be preserved and even taken care of. 'Historical purposes' you thought 'more the like a bribe to get you to marry this beast.

that night you were dragged this way and that by the queen herself. Taken for fitting after fitting. Trying on hundreds of wedding dresses who's prices could feed every mouth in your neighborhood for months! "Leona isn't very classy" the queen sighed in disappear. "He would probably prefer you to be in something laxer, shorter if you will" the tailors ran around trying to find something that would fit her vague description, as you stood facing her royal highness.

"What's he like?" you asked soullessly

"Spoiled, although not as heartless as the rumors make him out to be"  She didn't seem to like giving straight answers

"will he harm me? It was an honest question, although the lack of thinking it took before the queen replied made your heart skipped a beat.

"Quite possibly, he is rather...aggressive at times. Just don't let his degrading comments get to you. He's not used to being around people"

The more she described the second-born prince the more it seemed she was actually speaking of some feral dog that had raised in isolation.

Oh, how doomed you were.

The wedding was even faster than the preparation. Ruggie walked you down an aisle of flowers, walking over the petals, killing them once and for all, ending their pointless existence. You stood by your self at the altar awaiting your husband to be. It took a rather long time before the doors were flung open and the king waltzed in carrying his struggling brother under his arm. "No need to worry, Leona was taking one of his catnaps again and forgot about today's events" the king announced, in what could only be described as a mock lively tone.

How on earth does someone forget their wedding! This prince really wasn't a typical human...heck you where beginning to think that the feral dog would have made a better groom.

snap, snap

A few magazine pictures here, a couple of family photos there...

Everything was so bright and loud...

right before you and the second prince were thrown into the darkness of his room. In the obscurity, you could ONLY make out the glowing of his emerald eyes.

You could feel him shifting closer, all the while you took shaking steps backwards. " I thought wives were supposed to leap into the arms of their husbands? Tell me little herbivore do I frighten you?"

Your voice refused to leave your throat, too afraid to come into contact with the prince.

"What's the matter? Did they not teach you to speak in on the streets you grew up on. Poor thing~"

Leona pounced across the room, tackling you to the ground. His sheer weight pinning you to the carpeted floor. The sound of fabric tearing echoed through the silence.

How careless these royal were was the only intelligible thought that came to your frenzied brain.

Goosebumps littered your skin as Leona's claws cut into your flesh. His lips kissed over each wound as he made his way up to your cherry painted lips.

"You look so cute, you know, like a little mouse about to get devoured by a starving lion."

💙💀Idia Shroud💀💙

The rhythm of his heartbeat was slowing down, it felt like the patter of ants atop one's flesh. He was dying...this was an irreversible fact. The love of your life was dying and there was nothing you could do but sit idly by and watch the life fade from his pale bruised face. Your thumb ran over his knuckles in robotic-like strokes. Hours had passed, you'd shed all the tears that you had. He was gone...that was all there was to it.

For a hopeless second, you flicked your eyes to the open window on the opposite side of the room, There was never any sun on the island of lamination but regardless today seemed brighter than any other day. "How cruel" you muttered in a deadpan voice. Outside something...or better yet...someone was running through the fields, chasing what looked like a butterfly. The young child had blazing blue hair a symbol of the Shroud family...

THE SHROUD FAMILY

Your breath hitch in your lungs, your heart began to pound furiously in your chest. They could help you though hopefully. There family where distant relatives of the god of the underworld and a few years back -to your regulation- the hair of the family had been able to semi revive his younger brother. If he was able to bring back a child from the dead than surly they would have no problem returning your lost lover to you.

Your eyes waltz over his dormant face one last time before you got up and ran for the door.

"This is all for you my love, all of this is for you"

The Shroud family mansion was located at the top of one of the many hills that plagued the island. It was a dark grisly building that resembled the castles from old tales, where monsters laid dormant. Rumors spiraled around the rural civilization, some saying that the family was cursed by the lord of the dead, whilst others claimed that the shroud family were the long lost descendants of the lord of the dead and the maiden of spring. The curse had been placed on the family by the temperamental mother of the maiden of spring, anathematizing the family to be plagued with death and disappear for the rest of eternity.

Regardless of what their misfortune was, they may very well be the last people on earth who could help you. Surely if the family had brought back their youngest than they could bring back your lover!

You knuckles tapped furiously at the old metal doors of the frightful residence. The rhythm was unkept, unsteady, it's mere sound radiated urgency.

"PLEASE HELP ME"

Your throat burned as you screamed out those three lousy words.

After what felt like forever, the doors cracked open, revealing a tall man obscured by the shadows. Any light that touched the interior of the house seemed to die acidity, making peering inside nearly impossible.

"What business do you have?" The man's voice was croaky as if his vocal cords hadn't been used in years. For a split second, you closed your eyes, trying to organize the thoughts in your head. "My...my...h-hus...lover, my lover is d-dead...o-or rather he is dying....probably fully gone by now..." despite the mess of stuttered letters and mixed-up words, the man seemed to understand your situation. With a long sigh, he pulled you into the somber house.

Fingers still wrapped tightly around your wrist he pulled you around, guiding you through the darkness until you reached a large room lit only by the mysterious blue flames of the fireplace. Sitting by the warmth was a...well it was hard to tell, her face -despite it displaying every bone of her visage coupled with dark sunken eyes- resembled that of a woman no older than thirty, whilst her body resembled a decaying skeleton. What was she? Was she the lady of the residence or yet another monster this bizarre family had created.

"My, love" the man began to speak, his voice was somehow cleared like it had been given some sort of jolt. "This young lady needs Idia's help, she wants to bring back her lover from the dead."

The woman said nothing, her eyes staring ahead, burning a hole in the wall right by your head. "What will she give him in return" despite her "deteriorating" appearance her voice was like soft silk on one's skin, melodious and fair.

"Why herself!" This time the man's voice boomed across the house, echoing through the hallways and falling on you like a cave in.

"M-myself! What the hell do you mean!"

"It sounds fair" the women agreed "my darling sweet son saves your lover and instead you agree to marry him! Oh how wonderful, just like in the tales about grandfather Hades!"

She seemed too thrilled about this, her snow-white eyes gleaming with a sort of delusional passion.

"Idia! Idia honey! Come down your father has a surprise for you!"

The hollow sound of footsteps soon filled the quiet air. Followed by another soft blue glow.

Was there no normal fire in this house?

But it wasn't fire, not exactly. When your eyes fell on the heir of the Shroud family, you suddenly felt a nervous wave crash over you. There was something -even more- unsettling about him, he looked nothing like his charming little brother. For one his hair wasn't...well hair! Sure you'd expect a small batch of blazes heading upwards but this was something else entirely! It resembled a large bonfire that floated towards the ground, rouge sparks falling in every which direction, sizzling and then dying abandoned on the floor. And his eyes, Miosis like pupils floating around in a pool of lemon yellow.

But all the physical appearances aside, the most unsettling thing about him was the gloomy aura that leaked off him, suffocating anyone in his presence. Nervously you took a step back only to be yanked forward again by the taller man.

"Idia baby!" His mother ran over to him, cradling his hands in hers "This cute young lady has agreed to marry you if you can save her lover, just like in that old tale about your great grandfather! Oh, my this is all so romantic!"

It seemed like no one here understood that you were in love WITH SOMEONE ELSE! Or maybe they did and chose to disregard it. Instead, using the bits they retained as kindling to feed their raw excitement. You shifted your gaze back to Idia's face. To your utter terror, he was...smiling? Could that...look...even be called a smile? It seemed more like the way a shark would bare its teeth at a defenseless seal! Oh, gods please don't let this...thing...be your future husband!

"It should be easy enough," His golden gaze landed on you "W-when did...did he die?" it took a few moments before you register that he was talking to you or technically asking you something. "A...A  few..." your voice cracked, tears streaming down your eyes.

"So recently...okay that shouldn't be a p-problem." He turned on his heels and walked back into the seclusion of the halls "I'll grab some things and meet you by the front door"

A few things ended up being a pile of wires and bolts. Something that looked like a light blue ball of energy and so many tools whose names seemed to go over your head.

Idia was kneeling by your lover's bed, pulling apart the skin and fusing metal in its place. Your darling's chest was cracked open, his ribs poking out towards the sky as if praying for life from the lord of the sky. Every once in awhile Idia would pull out a long tool with smoke floating from the top. He'd lay it on an organ watching as the tissue fiber sizzled away under the heat. He would then tie wires and small circular batteries inside.

"His heart stopped working, I'm guessing from some sort of shock"

You just hummed in response, too caught up in how the man you loved was beginning to look like a modern-day Frankenstein rather than a human being.

The sun had long since faded when Idia finally got up from his spot. His bones cracked and screeched at the sudden change, his muscles giving out halfway leaving him to rely on the wall for support to stand. Your lover's chest had been sewn back and covered with a silver piece of metal. His neck was wrapped in the same sort of alloy. His left arm had been cut open so Idia could shove the energy ball inside than cover it, leaving a small enough gap for wires that stretched from his chest to weld into the ball.

"He just needs a boost" Idia murmured that shark-like grin overtaking his pale face once more. From the side table, he plucked up to jumper cables and clipped them on either side of his neck. Jolts and crackles filled the room and sparks flew in every direction, the once-dead body shuffled around, arms and legs moving at random. You shrieked and duck behind Idia.

Only then did he pry the clips from his neck.

Nothing

for too long nothing happened... then there was a slight wiggle in one finger, then another. His eyes slowly began to prey open, looking over his surroundings. The moment his confused gaze feel onto you. Idia turned you around to face him, clumsily smashing his blue chapped lips onto yours.

From the corner of his eyes, Idia watched as the other man began to understand what was happening...even if he was just resurrected there was still agony at the sight of his lover kissing another...

Good! That should show him who you belonged to now!

[spencers-renaissance]

The Noiseless Crash of Crumbling Walls

Summary: After Derek and Spencer are paired up on a science project in their senior year of high school, they become the closest, most unlikely friends possible. But what happens when Derek finally finds out what Spencer's dealing with at home? Inspired by the prompt “where did you get those bruises?”

Tags: high school au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, hurt spencer, protective derek, abuse, friendship, pre-slash, spencer just turned 16, derek is almost 18

Word Count: 4.6k

Pairing: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Part Two

This is a platonic Derek & Spencer friendship fic because they are minors, but there are seeds being fairly obviously sown for part two of this series which will be set when they are both over the age of 18.

Spencer unfolds the creased piece of paper he’s holding for the eleventh time as he stares up at the house in front of him. He remembers the address scrawled on the sheet Derek Morgan had ripped from the back of his notebook earlier that day perfectly, the spiky peaks of his handwriting and the surprisingly loopy ‘y’s and ‘g’s are burned into his brain, but nerves have overtaken his helpless body. He’s not exactly in control of his actions. 

It’s not much but it’s definitely a cheerful house, that much is clear from the brightly lit windows and colourful curtains, the many gnomes decorating the front garden and the carefully planted flowers neighbouring the vegetable patch. One of the windows upstairs is cracked slightly and he can hear 90s R&B floating through the airwaves, accompanied by a female singing voice. The welcome he knows he’ll receive, though, is exactly what’s giving him pause.

A happy home is so foreign to him he has no idea how to behave. He’s used to being the adult, but tonight he has to play the 16 year old he is, and his mask is so dusty and disused he’s worried he won’t be anywhere close to convincing. 

Eventually, though, he summons up the courage to make his way up the stony path leading to the bright red front door. A brass knocker stares him in the face, but there’s a doorbell to his right as well, and the choice debilitates him for a moment, leaving him standing uselessly on the front step. He decides on the doorbell, since it’s a little more subtle, and he only has to wait a couple of seconds before the door is being yanked open and a smiling Derek Morgan is right in front of him. 

“I thought you’d never come.” His voice is bright and cheery but Spencer wonders for a moment if he’s mad at him. He’d been early when he first turned onto Derek’s road, but his over-thinking and ritualistic obsession over the address written on a scrap piece of paper had made him late. 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly, and his desperation to be understood, his clear discomfort in such a foreign environment must be obvious, because Derek’s face softens even further. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, pretty boy,” he grins, slinging an arm around his shoulders and leading him deeper into the hallway as he kicks the door shut behind them. 

Pretty boy. He’d used the nickname once earlier that day when they were planning when to meet up for their science project, and Spencer had flushed immediately. No-one’s ever called him pretty. He’s an awkward, lanky 16 year old senior who’s far too short for his age; his appearance isn’t exactly conducive to flattery. 

The last time anyone had called him by a fond nickname was when he was eleven years old and his mother was still somewhat rational. She’d pulled him close and called him her baby boy, and while some pre-teens might have recoiled from such a name, he simply snuggled closer and tried to remember every second he was wrapped up in such warmth. Five years later, he’s so thankful he did. He replays it most nights before he drops off to sleep.

He blushes again at Derek’s easy affection, trying to relax into the warmth of his house. 

“Is that your friend, honey?” A woman emerges from what Spencer assumes is the kitchen, drying her hands on a teatowel. She looks every bit the stereotypical American mother, dressed in casual, comfortable clothes with a warm smile plastered across her face. “It’s so nice to meet you, sweetheart. I’m Fran, Derek’s mom.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” he says shyly, trying to meet her eyes but failing miserably. He can’t help that this whole experience is so out of his comfort zone it’s ridiculous. 

“Do you boys want any snacks to take up with you?”

“Are you hungry, Spencer?” Derek asks, and he internally panics for a moment. Yes, is the answer. Yes, I’m so hungry. The only thing I’ve eaten today is an apple this morning. But is he allowed to say that? He examines the both of them and it does look like a genuine offer, but will they guess that something is wrong if he says yes? It’s only six o’clock, though, so maybe he can swing it.

“Yes please,” he dares, “I haven’t had dinner yet.”

“Well, we can’t have that,” Fran says, putting her hands on her hips. “You both head on up. I’ll bring up a tray.” 

Derek’s room is big, filled with football trophies and posters. It’s so achingly normal that Spencer’s stomach clenches as he gingerly takes a seat on his bed at Derek’s instruction. 

“I did some research that will help us with our presentation,” Spencer offers as Derek sits on his desk chair, spinning around to face him. 

It had been a shock when they’d been paired up. Derek’s friends had hollered and laughed when their chemistry teacher had paired them together, and Spencer had gone bright red at the humiliation, not that he could exactly blame them. Pairing up the skinny nerd who’d been moved up two grades with the jock who was almost guaranteed a football scholarship to an excellent university later this year had been a rather bizarre choice on their teacher’s part.

It’s not that Spencer minded: along with being the quarterback with a 4.0 GPA, he was also painfully nice. But everyone else certainly did. Every girl in their science class had sent him death glares as Derek had sauntered over to his desk at the end of class, wearing a lazy grin.

“Chill, pretty boy,” Derek chuckles as he pushes himself side to side in his spinning chair. “We got time.”

“I have to be back home by 9,” Spencer says sheepishly. He’s sure most people in their senior year are allowed to stay out later than that, and he hopes against hope Derek thinks it’s only because he’s sixteen and not that he has to get his mother into bed and try and force her meds down her throat so she won’t wake him up in the middle of the night convinced the shadows in her room are government spies. 

“Still three hours. Anyway, I’m sure my mom can drop you home,” Derek shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. Besides, we have weeks until we have to present. Why don’t we spend tonight getting to know each other? I feel like I should know a little bit about my project partner, especially if we’re going to be working together for the rest of the year.”

“The rest of the year?” His voice squeaks anxiously but he can’t help it, Derek’s completely catching him off guard. 

“Yeah. Ms Farron keeps partners from the first project together for every assignment that year.”

This is news to Spencer, but he tries to keep calm. It’s a good thing, right? Derek has always been friendly to him, and he’s intelligent, too. It’s unlikely he’ll fob all the work off onto him. But being taken advantage of and subsequently left alone is what he’s used to: ‘getting to know each other’ is decidedly new territory. Spencer’s head is spinning. 

“Oh.”

“So, pretty boy,” Derek grins, giving himself another 360 spin, “tell me what a 16 year old is doing in senior year.”

“I got moved up two grades back in elementary school,” he explains, grateful that this is at least a rather impersonal topic. “My teachers wanted me even higher but two grades is the maximum our school district allows.”

“I guessed that much,” Derek points out. “Why were you moved up two grades?”

They’re briefly interrupted by Fran’s delivery of a delectable spread for them to feast on. Spencer reaches for a cracker and dips it in some cream cheese, but as soon as he’s swallowed his first bite, Derek gives him a look that tells him he hasn’t exactly gotten away with it. 

He sighs. “The last time I was tested, I had an IQ of 187,” he admits, looking down at his worn sneakers. He’d expected to be told to remove them, but he’s glad he wasn’t. His socks almost certainly have holes in them, and laundry isn’t something he can afford to do often. “And I have an eidetic memory.”

Derek lets out a low whistle. “Damn, I knew you were a genius but that’s some next level shit,” he says, before popping a grape in his mouth. “You’re going places, Spencer Reid.” He’s saved from having to fight his blush too hard by Derek moving swiftly on. “Your turn to ask me a question.” 

Spencer takes a second to think before deciding to push the boat out, to ask something he actually wants to know instead of playing it safe. “You’re popular, star of the football team, get straight As,” he starts slowly, not meeting Derek’s eyes. “What makes you so nice? You could easily join in with your friends and be another asshole jock pushing me into lockers.”

When he looks up, Derek’s face is an array of emotions. “Kindness costs nothing,” he says seriously, and the intensity of his gaze surprises Spencer. “I saw my pops shot to death in front of me when I was ten and I got my ass kicked every day in freshman year, believe it or not. I know what kindness can mean to a person just as much as I know what cruelty does to someone.”

Spencer doesn’t really know what to say to that, but he knows that he’s finally relaxed a little. Derek’s stark honesty and vulnerability, as much as he doesn’t know quite the right way to react, is refreshing to him, and it’s made the icon of their school seem much more human. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Spencer says quietly. 

“Thanks, man,” Derek says, a half smile crossing his face. “What about your family life?” 

Spencer swallows another bite of his cream cheese and crackers, his empty stomach thanking him for finally filling it. “My dad walked out when I was ten,” he admits, treading as carefully as possibly. “It’s just me and my mom now.”

“I’m sorry. Are you and your mom close?”

How does he answer a question like that? They’re close in the respect that Spencer cares for her and spends every free moment he has with her. But he also holds his breath every time he turns down his street, half expecting to see his house up in flames, and they’re going hungry this week because she threw most of their groceries in a nearby river after convincing herself it was all poisoned. They don’t exactly have a typical mother-son relationship. 

“Something like that,” he mumbles, stuffing another cracker into his mouth. Derek clearly takes the hint that he doesn’t want to elaborate and moves on. 

They spend the rest of the evening taking it in turns asking one another questions, ranging from simple ones like their favourite colours to deeper conversations around their future plans and biggest fears. By the time 9 rolls around, they’re lying next to one another on Derek’s bed both facing the ceiling as they trade questions back and forth. Fran’s dinner tray is now covered in crumbs, her carefully prepared spread having been demolished by two hungry teenagers. 

Their assigned topic, Enthalpy, Entropy, and Free Energy, hasn’t even been touched, and Spencer can’t find it in him to care. He could throw together a perfect presentation the night before if he needed to. Right now, getting to know Derek Morgan seems far more important. Ironically, the boy he’s only really started to get to know three hours ago is probably the person who knows him best in this whole world, and the thought makes his chest hurt. 

The jittery nerves that had consumed him at the start of the evening have dissipated into a calm companionship, and he can’t believe how comfortable he now feels. He doesn’t want to leave, but he has to take care of his mom; she’s already been on her own for so long today. 

As if on cue, Fran knocks on the door, poking her head round. “Would you like me to drop you home, Spencer?”

He feels guilty accepting, but the last thing he wants is a twenty minute walk home through the streets of Chicago in the pitch black December night. “Yes, please.”

Derek comes with them for the short drive, and Spencer feels a little embarrassed as he points out the apartment block he lives in. It’s a shitty neighbourhood and his building is crumbling, but it’s home and it’s the cheapest they can afford on welfare. He ducks out of the car and shoots them both a grateful smile. 

“Thank you for driving me home, Fran,” he says. “And thank you for a nice evening, Derek.”

“No problem, pretty boy,” Derek winks. “I’ll find you at school tomorrow and we’ll sort out another night to meet up, yeah?”

The smile the Morgans put on his face doesn’t fade until he opens the door to his apartment and reality brings him crashing back down to earth. 

⭐️

Over the next few weeks, Spencer Reid gains his first friend. They finally end up actually writing their presentation and naturally, they get an A+ but Spencer’s anxiety that Derek would want to stop hanging out with him once the project that had brought them together was behind them ended up being for nothing. Derek had fist-bumped him as they’d walked out of their classroom. “Come over tonight?” he’d asked, and once Spencer had recovered from his shock, he’d beamed and nodded excitedly. 

As Christmas comes and goes, they continue their bizarre friendship. Spencer runs up to Derek’s room as soon as the door is opened, and dives under the covers on his bed, always freezing cold. The first time Derek had cuddled Spencer, he hadn’t been able to stop smiling. He’s seriously touch-starved, and it’s only more apparent from the way he craves contact with Derek. He’s ridiculously thankful that the older boy is so free with his affection, not consumed by the same toxic masculinity that seems to plague the rest of the football team. 

It’s nearing February when Derek asks the fatal question.

Spencer had whizzed home after school and made sure his mom was okay before running over to Derek’s, breezing past Sarah on the staircase and diving onto the soft, clean bed sheets. He’s sometimes jealous of all the home comforts his friend has access to, but he does his best to tamp it down. It’s not like it’s Derek’s fault that he’s well-loved and cared for. 

“Whoa, pretty boy,” Derek chuckles as he spins around from where he’s doing homework at his desk. “Where’s that shy boy who sat right on the edge of my bed only two months ago, hm?”

“You prefer confident Spencer and you know it.” He moves up the bed a little to sit with his back against the headboard. He’s never become so comfortable around a person this quickly before but there’s something different about Derek. 

“Can’t argue with that.” He gets off the chair and moves to sit next to Spencer on the bed, lifting his arm to let the smaller boy cuddle close. Spencer sometimes has nightmares that the boys at school find out how affectionate they are with one another and call them gay after which Derek doesn’t want to hang out with him anymore. (Secretly, he thinks he might actually be gay, but he won’t tell Derek that. Just in case.)

“Can I stay for dinner?” he asks. It’s a moot point: Spencer always asks if he can stay and the Morgans always say yes, but he doesn’t like assuming, especially since he knows how expensive food is. Not that Fran has ever complained about an extra mouth to feed, though. The dinners at Derek’s house are always a family affair, full of laughter and hearty, homemade meals and Spencer likes pretending he’s one of them, just for a little while. 

The guilt that he’s leaving his mom for so long eats him up, only eased by the knowledge that she usually sleeps the afternoon away, worn out by a manic morning. He has no idea how to navigate this anymore. It was easier when the only person he had in the world was his mom, but now he has Derek and his family. And as much as he loves his mom and doesn’t mind taking care of her at all, spending time with Derek doesn’t automatically trigger gut-eating anxiety and heart-wrenching misery.

“Of course you can stay, don’t be ridiculous.” Derek elbows him playfully. “You don’t need to ask every night.”

“What if one night you don’t want me to stay, though?”

“I thought I told you to stop being ridiculous?”

Spencer can’t help but smile at Derek’s relaxed, easy grin. For some reason this popular football player with the world as his oyster and a million friends chooses to spend every evening with the nerd who’s two years younger than everyone in their year. For some reason, Derek chooses Spencer. 

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Derek asks the question. “Why don’t I come over to your place instead one evening?” It’s a casual suggestion, there’s nothing really behind it. “I’d like to meet your mom and see your bedroom. If you’re gonna make fun of my football trophies, I need some revenge material.”

Spencer freezes. He has no idea how to respond to such an innocent proposition. Derek takes his stunned silence as reluctance simply cured with a little more persuasion. “Besides,” he continues, “I feel bad that you always have to run home first before coming over here. It’s like a twenty minute walk.”

“I don’t know,” Spencer hedges, trying to buy time as he comes up with a cover story. “My mom is really particular about our space and she doesn’t really like visitors. I’m not sure your mom could spare you a family dinner anyway.” He pushes Derek playfully, hoping to God he’s even half-way convincing. 

One glance at Derek’s face tells him he isn’t buying it, but he can clearly read Spencer’s troubled anxiety expression so he doesn’t push it. “Okay, pretty boy,” he says, relaxing back into the bed, “we’ll stick with the Fran Morgan dinner delight for now.”

Something tells him he won’t get so lucky next time. 

⭐️

Spring is just starting to show her face the next time it comes up, and this time it’s completely Spencer’s fault. He shouldn’t have gone over to Derek’s. He should have made up an excuse and stayed in his shitty apartment with his mom, but he couldn’t help it. He was sore and desperately sad, and all he wanted was Fran’s comforting shepherd’s pie and a cuddle with Derek. So he’d made his way home, checked his mom was still sleeping before limping over to the Morgan’s.

He’d concealed it pretty well all day, but energy is seeping out of him and the pain is only getting worse, not helped by the decent trek across town. 

He has a key now, so he lets himself in, hoping to avoid Fran until dinner time. Luckily, he’s quiet enough to not disturb her baking in the kitchen, so he makes his way slowly up the stairs, hoping Derek is not as perceptive tonight as he usually is. He’d briefly considered using bullies as a cover story if it came up, but Derek has spent almost every moment he could at school with him the last few days, he wasn’t out of his sight long enough to really encounter anyone cruel enough for it to be a viable story. 

“Pretty boy,” Derek greets him, not turning away from the maths homework he’s finishing up. It gives Spencer a little extra time to make it to the bed like he usually does. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Spencer sighs. “A bit tired. You?”

“Training was rough today so I’m sore as shit, but otherwise I’m fine. Better now you’re here.” He turns to smile fondly at Spencer, finally locking eyes on his pale, sallow skin and defeated expression. He scrambles to try and make himself look slightly less terrible, but he’s not quick enough. “You sure you’re good? You don’t look it.”

“No, seriously, I’m fine,” Spencer tries to persuade him. “Just tired as I said. Can we watch a movie while we wait for dinner?”

Derek doesn’t look even close to convinced, but he gives in and brings up netflix on his computer. Spencer collapses against Derek and lets his eyes close as the film they choose plays across the laptop screen, but he must fall asleep because the next thing he knows, he’s being shaken awake by his friend and he’s in a completely different position. 

“Spencer, wake up,” he says insistently, and the urgent worry in his tone makes him sit up, wincing when the movement aches his core. 

“What? What’s wrong?” he mumbles sleepily, obediently sitting up at Derek’s instruction. 

“Pretty boy,” Derek says, sounding teary and a little desperate, “where did you get those bruises?” 

He freezes for a second before glancing down at himself and realising that as he’d slept his shirt had shifted, revealing his black and blue stomach. How the fuck was he going to explain this? Not seeming himself wasn’t such a challenge, everyone has their off-days after all, but bruises like these aren’t the sort of thing your best friend just drops when you don’t want to explain them. 

“I—” He has no idea what to say. Tears spring to his eyes in a terribly unhelpful fashion, and Derek moves closer, wrapping Spencer up in a hug. 

“It’s okay, you can tell me, Spencer,” he promises as he holds him so tenderly it breaks his heart. “Take your time.” 

He cries for a good few minutes — it just feels so good to let it out — but as his painful sobs draw to a close, he knows it’s time to face the music. There’s no other option. He has to tell Derek. And maybe a teeny tiny part of him actually wants to tell his best friend.

“I haven’t been honest with you,” he confesses, keeping his head buried in his friend’s chest so he doesn’t have to look him in the eyes. Derek’s hand combing through his hair doesn’t falter. “The reason I didn’t want you to come to my place is because of my mom… She’s a paranoid schizophrenic. When my dad left I became her primary carer, and I’m— I’m not doing a good job.”

Derek holds him a little tighter and presses his cheek to the top of Spencer’s head, shushing him quietly. “Don’t say that, I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job.”

“The other night she got confused because she’d refused her meds again. She became convinced that I was a spy there to hurt her. I can usually talk her down from these moments, or at least guide her to bed to let her sleep it off, but this time there was no reasoning. Eventually, she got so worked up that she shoved me backwards, hard. It sent me sprawling face first across the coffee table, and she kicked me twice before considering herself safe and barricading herself in her room.” He tells the whole story through thick tears, shoulders still shaking with pent up emotion. He wishes it didn’t feel so good to finally get off my chest. 

“Spencer, oh my God,” Derek whispers, sounding thoroughly shocked. He’s suddenly fearful that he’s going to report Diana, and he sits up, finally meeting Derek’s teary eyes with his own. 

“You can’t… you can’t tell anyone,” he begs. “If anyone finds out, she’ll be locked away and I’ll be put into foster care. I can’t do that to her and I can’t lose you.” 

Derek takes Spencer’s hands. “Okay, okay,” he soothes, making him calm down a little. “I promise I won’t tell anyone, okay? Not without your permission. But I also can’t let you be beat up by your mom.”

“It’s not her fault,” Spencer says desperately, “it’s not her fault. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, she thinks she’s in danger.”

“I know,” Derek promises him, “I know it’s not her fault, but she still hurt you. Has this happened before?” Spencer’s hung head and refusal to respond speaks for itself. “Okay, listen. I know you need to go home tonight, but come over tomorrow morning okay? It’s a Saturday and we can spend the morning figuring out a game plan and the afternoon taking your mind off it. How does that sound?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Is this… is this why you like being here?” Derek sounds nervous asking the question, clearly not wanting to offend him.

“Before I became friends with you,” he whispers, moving back to hide against Derek’s chest where it’s safe, “I went hungry a lot. We don’t have much money between rent and bills and mom’s medical expenses. I had to hide the groceries because she would become convinced they were poisoned and destroy them, but she got really good at finding them. I had to stop keeping them in my room because she would insist that I was corroborating with the government in trying to poison her.” 

“Spencer,” Derek breathes, holding onto him for dear life. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t know about any of this, I would’ve done something, I could’ve helped.”

“I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“I’ll keep you safe now. I promise.” 

When Fran comes and asks them down for dinner a few minutes later, Derek points to Spencer’s exhausted form slumped against him and asks if they can have it up in his room. She relents, and Derek manages to get him to eat a few bites of the risotto Fran had made, not leaving his safe cocoon against Derek’s chest.

He insists on driving Spencer home himself tonight, surprising Fran who had her coat and boots on already, but he escorts his friend right up to his door. “If you come in, mom will get confused,” he explains so Derek gives him a long hug in front of his apartment door instead, holding him as close as possible. 

“Spencer… you know I love you right?” he asks, expression intense and serious as his gentle hands rest on his shoulders. “You’re my best friend. I’m always gonna be here for you.”

“I love you, too, Derek,” he whispers, giving him another hug. It scares him just how much he means those five little words, all the meanings that dance behind them taking him aback. For now, though, he settles on one more tight squeeze before deciding to not procrastinate the inevitable anymore. “I should go in and see mom.”

“Yeah. I’ll pick you up at 9 tomorrow?”

“Perfect.” His heart does an excited little leap at the thought of seeing Derek again in the morning. As he walks away back towards the elevators, Spencer takes a deep breath before inserting his key into the lock on his door and pushing it open. He only has to go 12 hours without seeing his best friend. He can do this. 

His life suddenly seems like it holds infinitely more promise than it ever has. He supposes that’s the power of Derek Morgan.

Part Two 

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @hotchgans @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith  (taglist form)

[itsmespicaa]

Regrets

Summary: A deeper look into Cassandra Cain's life after the Anti-Life virus struck the whole Universe and her interactions with her family.

(Alternatively: Cass gets the hugs she deserves in DCeased)

Note: The art I drew for this fic is here.

Read this on AO3

There was no time to lose.

There was still so much...life in this building. So much to protect. Cassandra is beyond glad they‘ve all decided to stay—these children...are not like her. Or Jason. Or even Gordon-

"Jim," he sighed, wistful and...sad. Eyes briefly lost in what was no doubt a shrapnel of memory that cuts and pricks deep into your chest, pushed aside to focus on the present—to survive—no matter how painful it digs into your soul. She understood. He glanced at her and smiled. "Jim’s fine, Cass. We’re all family, right?”

These children needed them, and...perhaps a part of her needed them too. They all needed each other now, one way or another.

Nights are...the worst.

Sleep has never come naturally for her, even before...everything. Before their whole world fell apart. She was not unfamiliar with loss, but this- there was no time to mourn or- or even breathe. No time to look back and realize just how much was taken from them.

Survive. Move forward. Survive, kill, survive. Keep each other safe.

Her mantra—the only thing that mattered now.

She did not allow herself to think of Barbara‘s kind eyes, or the last time she heard Dick laughing in the manor. She did not think of the fistbump she shared with Tim on their last patrol together.

She did not allow herself to think about Bruce, of the comforting weight on her shoulder after another successful night a few days ago. An easy night—quick and simple. So...different from the nights now that her chest ached and ached-

Nor did she allow herself to think about Stephanie, who wasn't even supposed to be in Gotham now. Her mother too...surely...?

(But Batman was supposed to be invincible, and yet, and yet—)

No. No time to look back. No time for hope or questions with no answers.

Nights are the worst.

Beyond the stillness of the night, beyond the quiet of the sleeping children...the monsters lurk and scream. She could hear them, clear as day—sleep did not come to them...so nor would she.

Instead, she sat in a corner—not too close that she could be spotted instantly, but close enough to aide should anything happen—silent and watchful over the children now in her care. It soothed her, seeing them so peaceful. Their innocence not yet fully stolen from them.

A night without one of them waking up from a nightmare was all that she asked for.

"Cass."

She did not turn to the voice. As she waited, her brother finally came to sit beside her, knees drawn up to his chest as if to mimic her.

On a better day, she would‘ve smiled at this.

She didn't smile.

"You really should rest," murmured Jason after a while. "I‘ll watch over them tonight. We need to be in tip top condition if we plan on protecting them."

Facing him, face impassive, she signed: You? Sleep?

A huff, eyes dim. "Touché."

They sat there, side by side, watching the faces of those more vulnerable than them for a long time, the noise from beyond the walls momentarily cut out as her focus zeroed in on the children.

"I buried them," said Jason suddenly, breaking the fragile peace. Cass does not stop, doesn‘t have to ask who he meant.

"I should‘ve told you sooner, but with everything going on..."

Words were never her allies, and they weren't one now. Cass swallowed the lump growing in her throat, along with whatever words she was about to say.

I know, she touched her cheeks twice instead, trusting in her brother to see it.

Jason definitely noticed, because the next moment he was slowly wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. Like a puppet cut loose from its string, Cass melted into his side, finally allowing herself a small moment to just-

Mourn.

She and Jason were never as close as her and Tim, but they understood one another, possibly better than most in the family. They would spent rare moments reading together in the manor‘s library, comfortably co-existing. Now-

No more words were spent that night, the two of them silently supporting each other as they accept their new reality. She did not move to wipe the few drops of tears tracking down her cheeks, and Jason said nothing.

How cruel is it that the ones to survive are the people who had touched death before?

...Damian? Alfred? Her hand moved as she looked at him, mouth pressed in a thin line. The only ones left. And their youngest sibling. The expression that reflected back at her was just as grim, but the lines on his face were noticeably lighter, and Cass can tell from the loose grip on her shoulder—from the set of his jaw that it was not a bad news.

"Both are still alive in Metropolis last I checked yesterday," he said, fingers picking at a loose strand on his jacket—nervous, "and hopefully they’re with other heroes too. I...try not to check too often. Gotta save the energy of the car, y‘know?"

And I‘m scared to know, was unspoken, but she heard it. Saw the fear in his creases, the anxiety in his sunken eyes.

The regret.

Cassandra understood. There were regrets she would have to live with now too.

She nodded, looking back at the children again. A sense of tranquility finally settling in her chest, the anguish she felt not completely extinguished...but there was only so much she could bear at a time. These children are her priorities now, her new family, and...

Little brother, she tugged and signed at Jason before resting a hand on his back. "Keep you safe," she emphasized each words, tugging on his red hoodie—now splattered in different shades of red.

That...startled a laugh out of him. A small quirk of lips, but Cass saw it as what it is and beamed too, subdued as it was.

"I don‘t know about me being the younger brother," he chuckled softly, "but I'm glad I have a kick-ass sister like you. I have your back too, Cass. Always."

She would not lose any more of her family if she could help it. New or old.

Even if she had to sacrifice herself.

Her mother. She was-

Cassandra watched as the children exit the bus and can’t help the bittersweet smile tugging the edge of her lips.

She was a hero.

In the very end, she died a hero. Protecting the life of innocents and...her family.

Her heart felt too heavy to maintain it however, and after making sure all the surviving children are accounted for and comfortably settled in their new home, she wandered over to the newly chiseled statue the Green Guardian—Ivy had bestowed upon them as a token of respect. A gift.

She stood before the likeness of her mother, her last moments playing over her mind like a broken cassette.

Her eyes burned and she blinked, rapidly.

"Hey."

The white-haired lady. Moved with quiet grace almost as good as her. Almost.

She nodded back in lieu of a reply.

"Complicated parent issues?"

"...Yes."

A sigh. "Same."

They stood there, side by side, both lost in thought as they gazed upon the legacy their parents have left.

"Despite everything..." whispered Rose, "We still love and miss them, don‘t we?"

"She was...not a good mother," began Cass, trying to find the right words to describe the turmoil of emotions warring within her. "But she loved me. And I...loved her. In the end...that‘s all that matters."

A curt nod. "I get it. Really.

"I know loss is inevitable now," continued Rose, hand seemingly wanting to reach out before pulling back abruptly, "but...I‘m sorry you had to see that yourself. I‘m here if you want to uh- talk and all that. Or even just my company."

Cass was...touched. It was a sweet gesture, considering they haven‘t had much time to get to know each other before arriving here.

Smiling quietly at her, she pointed at herself and signed: Conversation. Not good. Rose‘ sign language skill isn‘t on par with hers or Jason, but it’s enough.

She smiled back, laughter in her voice: "So we won‘t have to speak. I can be a good listener when I need to be."

At that moment, Cass decided she liked this girl. Suddenly grateful to have her here—that her brother had her too.

It was probably that thought that prompted her to get her attention, her hands moving quickly: You. Jason. Happy?

Surprisingly, that brought on a small blush on Rose‘s already rosy cheeks, and Cass‘ smile widened.

"We- haven‘t made it official or anything but...yeah. Yeah, I think we are." Rubbing the back of her neck, bashful eyes cast downwards in a rare show of vulnerability, she reminded her so much of Stephanie that she had to bite down her lips to keep it from wobbling.

Instead she gave her the warmest grin she could muster, focusing on the person in front of her now. "Good," she said, before pulling her in for an earnest hug.

For a while Rose just stood there, letting Cass do all the work—but then she grasped her back just as tightly, finally realizing that the hug was for Cass herself as much as it is for her.

They both lost their parent, now truly orphans like everyone else, and Cassandra‘s...grateful she wasn‘t alone for this.

"I see you two are bonding already," came a familiar voice.

Lo and behold, Jason appeared from behind them with a smirk. He and Rose exchanged a look and before he even turned to her, Cass already knew what he was about to do.

She returned her brother‘s embrace, accepting it for what it was. I‘m sorry, his body screamed—sad, sad, sad. Sad for...her.

Standing toe to toe, he dwarfed her in comparison, and Cass was all of a sudden struck with the memory of the last time she hugged their father (Bruce, not Cain. Never Cain.) A sharp twinge of pain swiped at her chest, a simple wish that...she could‘ve hugged her mother too.

Physical affection did not come easy to Jason either, but Cass knew he was tired of regretting, tired of letting people go when everything you loved could be taken from you at any moment and...she felt the same.

Regrets seem to be the only constant in their life now.

After pulling away with a playful shove, she pointed at Jason then Rose, tapping her two 'K' hands together. Take care of her. She glared pointedly at Jason for a few seconds before her face broke into a smirk.

A cheer of laughter erupted from the three of them at Jason‘s indignant 'Of course!' sign.

It was definitely the highlight of her day.

---

Weeks later, when night fell and the world ran a little slower, Cassandra watched over them all as she always had.

Her small family is safe now—her brother and sister-in-law somewhere outside of prying eyes but still near enough for her to reach (Jason had reassured her himself). The marriage itself was nothing as fancy as the movies she watched with Tim and Steph had shown, but it was...festive. Magical. Beautiful. Ivy had gifted them with beautiful garlands and flower chains that grew from the earth, vibrant roses uncurling at every corner to celebrate their union—a symbol of hope that could flourish amidst the dreariness of their reality.

The sheer joy she felt and saw from the two newlyweds was enough to assuage her constant state of alertness. She kissed both of their cheeks and hugged them close, lips pulled wide on the happiest moment she had felt in a very long time, a comfortable warmth curling in her chest. Their happiness was infectious.

Yet now—

"You should rest, kid."

She wasn‘t the only one restless.

"...Jim. Rough...night?"

A puff of cigarette. "Something like that."

Silence reigned over the living garden, the stars above brighter than it had ever been.

"You were close with my daughter?" asked the Commissioner all of a sudden.

"...Yes." Her reply was careful—while time had done its magic, a balm to gaping wounds on the soul, their memories of Barbara were still fresh on both of their minds. It still...hurt, and no doubt even more so for him. "She was my...mentor. She was like...like a..." Mother, she did not say. Before Shiva, before Bruce truly stepped into his role as a father.

But Jim picked it up nonetheless, nodding to himself. "Good. That‘s- really good."

For once, she genuinely wondered what the aim of their conversation was.

"We might not be close, Cassandra," he watched the puff of smoke that formed around him, casual and honest, "but you‘re Batman‘s daughter, and my daughter...knowing her, she undoubtedly loved you too like one. So that's more than enough to make you family."

Nodding, already connecting those particular dots together, she tilted her head. And?

"And I would do anything to keep my family safe," he turned to her, pain in his eyes reflected in her own. "But you understand that more than anyone else, don‘t you?"

Cass looked away, his intention finally dawning upon her.

"I- don‘t want to lose them too," she whispered to no one, her fear carried over in the silence of the night, the huge vines and trees providing a shelter from the horrific wailing of the monsters lurking just outside the garden walls.

They‘re the only ones I have left, she did not say.

Instead of a reply, Jim squeezed her shoulder in solidarity.

Cass is eternally grateful he did not try to console her with empty words.

"SHAZAM!"

Electricity and raw, undiluted power surged through her, tingling in her veins with the telltale sign of ancient magic.

Fury. White, hot blistering fury.

She did not waste a blink at the corpse now lying beneath her, eyes already roaming to find Jason who- no.

No.

Rose knelt beside him, sobs rocking her frame, every inch of her body screaming pure sorrow and Cassandra reached out, denial on the tip of her tongue- before a hand stopped her.

Damian.

Now an adult, creases wrinkling his forehead so much like his father. He shook his head, still gripping her arm and unwilling to let go. Cass could push him away despite his strength, especially with her newfound powers, but—but she didn‘t.

Cassandra Cain, blood daughter of Lady Shiva and David Cain, adoptive daughter of the Batman, fell to her knees and hung her head in her palms, holding back the agony clawing at her inside out. Hollow, hollow, empty.

No.

She promised-

What good was all this power if she couldn‘t even save her own family?

No tears came forth despite the stabbing wound in her chest, an ugly rage building up in the back of her throat, threatening to lash out with the pulsing energy in her fingers.

"Cass," Damian‘s soft plea snapped her out of her haze of red and self-destruction, and she finally looked at him, truly looked at him—his locked jaws, the tremble masking his own shock and anger, and- she blinked, vision clearing. Stopped.

Nothing could bring him back. Not her anger, nor revenge.

She stood up to her full height, Damian on her elbow, and locked eyes with Constantine standing right across from them, hoping the daggers she sent him from her gaze alone is enough to convey the amount of hatred she felt at that moment and floated over to Rose, her cape billowing behind her.

Someone else needed her now—move now, mourn later. Rinse and repeat.

---

The last remnants of warmth lingered in Jason‘s crushed body as she gingerly carried him out of the pocket dimension, and Cass felt her resolve weakening for a brief second, her powers slipping and she- nearly dropped to the ground. No one noticed, everyone lost in their own thoughts at what had transpired in so little time.

Her grip tightened.

Flying over to an area she knew was designated for the ones who...passed, she laid him down as gently as she could, brushing away a strand of hair on his forehead with light fingers, despite how heavy it felt to lift them. Wiped away the blood on his face with care, her movements mechanical like the time she had to dress a corpse of a dead boy they had failed to save.

Then she waited.

And waited.

Jason wouldn‘t want to be by himself. All alone.

She sat there, waiting.

When Rose finally dropped noiselessly beside her, Cass stood up and walked away, giving them the privacy they deserved. Ignored the silent tears wrecking the younger woman, and the instinctive need to console and support her.

Let her grieve, she reminded herself.

Her youngest brother stood behind a large boulder just outside the area, gaze pointedly directed at the ground.

"Cassandra."

She stopped right by him, shoulder to shoulder, facing the opposite direction. Waited.

His fist clenched tightly, teeth scrapping harshly against each other- "If I had known this would happen, I would never have—"

Gloved fingers grasped his shoulder tightly, and his mouth clicked shut.

"Please. Do not blame yourself," she murmured, calm and quiet, so unlike the weight dragging her down to the earth, burying her under. The magic that coursed through the blood, singing and wild, untamed as the raging sea.

Her fingers trembled.

She did not cry.

"I wish...I wish I could have talked with him more before. Know this Jason better," spoke Damian again after a long pause. It was an admission, hushed, voice laced with a regret so potent, it was impossible to dismiss.

So much regrets. Always. Always, always.

Finally, he turned to her with his cowl taken off, the pain in his eyes open for the world to see, for her to see, and she-

"I‘m so sorry, Cass," he whispered, broken, "I‘m so sorry."

Maybe it was his understanding, the honesty a huge contrast from the young, haughty boy who would hide his emotions behind a wall of anger and righteousness all those years ago. Or maybe it was the way his hand hovered beside him, a language as natural to her as breathing itself. Whatever it was...it unraveled the last string keeping her together, and she—

Not again.

Somewhere between then and the ground, her mask had been pulled down, and Cassandra finally let the weight in her heart crush her soul to dust, Damian‘s arms somehow around her and holding her close. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, her tears creating a wet patch on his shoulder.

It was so tempting to call upon thunderstorms and lightning to put an end to all their suffering, an end to the anti-life once and for all—but she didn‘t. That was not their mission. Instead she let her eyes run dry, heaving quiet sobs into her brother.

The last two siblings held each other, grief and sorrow amplifying the desperation Cass felt growing within her.

It was a necessary sacrifice, she would know later.

But all she felt then was the despair of losing another family. The only one she had since their whole world turned upside down.

Damian was a solid weight that kept her grounded, and she was...thankful. Rose deserved to be supported now, rather than have another mess of emotions thrown onto her lap after all.

She felt her not-so-little brother bury himself into her shoulder and knew he needed this too.

It wasn't fair. It wasn’t fair.

...but nothing was.

Later, they would give Jason a proper burial. Later, they would be there carve the loving words of the life their brother had led. They would pay their respects, just as he did for their late father and brothers in the cave.

Later, they would continue to fight for humanity.

But for now-

"Damian," her voice cracked, too soft, too strained even for her ears. "I‘ll keep you safe. I promise."

A finality. An oath.

Not just to herself, but to Jason—whom she had failed. To their father, who entrusted the Bat mantle to the both of them, in his own ways. If it meant him surviving...

Damian froze and she knew what he wanted to say: Please don‘t make promises you can‘t keep.

But he didn‘t. Instead, he breathed out just as solemnly, the timbre of his voice octaves lower than it was a lifetime ago:

"...Right back at you, Cass."

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Stranger

Betrayal

Summary - Dean Winchester rescues you from the Djinn. Some hard truths are learnt when you wake up and find him arguing with his brother.

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings - Fluff-ish, Angst, too much angst, Swearing, Verbal Altercation.

Word Count - 2.1k+

Square filled - Domestic!AU ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - Thanks to @miss-nerd95 for giving this a once over because I was nervous that it got too dramatic (damn you Bollywood)

This is also a submission for @winchesterxfamilybusiness' Make Me Swoon Challenge. Prompt is in bold.

Series Masterlist

“Are you sure this will work?” Dean hesitated.

“Well, we gotta try and we have to hurry. Clock’s ticking,” Sam said, as Dean swallowed the herb.

Five hours. That's how long you were unconscious. Dean had carried you back to your room, placing you gingerly on the bed. His heart clenched at the sight. You were home, but this was not how Dean wanted things to go. He had pushed you away in hopes you will be safe from the supernatural but the universe had other plans.

Dean wouldn't admit, but he was terrified at the thoughts of invading your dreams. ‘What was your happily ever after?’ That question was haunting him. The Djinn always lets you see your heart's desire and Dean was scared to find out the answer to that, but he had to take the step because this was the only way you could be saved.

Sam had agreed to take the African dream root, but the older Winchester had stepped in, saying, “She's in that state because of me. Let me take those.”

The herbs worked their magic and soon he found himself in your dream.

“Happy birthday, baby,” your husband wrapped his arms around you, “I have plans for tonight.”

“What about the kids?”

“I have asked your Mom. She will take them for one night. The kids are excited to spend time with their Mee-maw and Paw-paw,” Dean said.

“Hm, I see you have planned everything,” You smirked.

“Uh-huh. Down to every last detail. Even the things I will do to you in bed tonight,” Dean’s eyes darkened at the thought, “I bet you never got such a gift. You won't be able to walk properly for weeks.”

“I may or may not have a return gift planned for you too,” you winked, “something I bought from the Victoria Secret.”

“Fuck me,” Dean breathed out.

“Gladly,” you said, “but you gotta wait till tonight.” You gently patted his chest and walked over to the kids’ room to get them ready for the evening, unbeknownst to the fact that the real world Dean Winchester was watching the whole interaction with wide eyes, heart breaking into a million pieces.

“Y/N,” you saw your husband jogging up to you, with horror in his eyes.

“What? Baby, you okay?” You asked, your movements coming to a halt. Dean's breath hitched as he heard you call him ‘baby’. “Okay honey, you're scaring me. What's wrong?”

“This-this is not real Y/N,” Dean said.

“What?” You chuckled.

“This is all a dream. You need to snap out of it,” Dean insisted.

“What is this? Some kind of stupid prank?” You crossed your arms, “I gotta go check on the kids honey.”

“Kids?” He frowned.

“Yeah right, Mister. What, next you're gonna ask me if we are married or not?” You said, clearly getting annoyed.

“Marr-wha-no….Y/N, y-you don't understand. This is a dream. Y/N/N, you are dreaming! You don't have any….kids.”

“Dean Winchester, don't you dare say that,” you crossed your arm and gave him a once over.

“Sweetheart, you gotta believe me! I know this all seems a bit strange but your husb-that Dean i-is not real. He is just a figment of your imagination. I-I'm real,” he pleaded.

“Did you hit your head somewhere, honey?” You were now genuinely concerned about him.

He shook his head and grabbed your hands, dragging you back to the kitchen. You cocked your head in confusion as you kept looking at Dean rummaging through the closet.

“Dean! If you dare to mess up my kitchen, I'm gonna kill you,” you warned. He looked at you and grabbed a knife and made his way towards you. “Dean? Babe, what is it?” You asked with the frown on your face deepening at his actions.

“See, I-I can show you this is not real,” he said and stabbed himself in the chest

“Stop it Dean!” You gasped in horror, “Wha-”

“I'm not dead! I am not even bleeding. Look at this,” Dean exclaimed. You looked down to see the knife sticking out of his chest but he was alive and there was no blood.

“What? I-I don't understand. This is not-all this while I-I've been dreamin’. But it all felt so real. How can this be….De, what's happening?” You were on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Sweetheart, listen to me carefully. You are in a Djinn-poison induced dream state. They mess with your head. I know; I've been there.”

“Djinn?”

“I'll explain everything but first you need to wake up, Y/N/N,” Dean begged.

“How?” You cried out.

“You need to kill yourself,” he said.

“What?”

“Yes. If you kill yourself in your dreams, you will wake up. Now come on,” he said and handed you the knife.

“You sure?”

“Do you trust me?,” he asked you.

You were frightened and confused but you believed Dean. Nodding your head at him, you took the knife and looked at Dean one more time.

“It's gonna be fine. Trust me, sweetheart.”

Your heart was beating loudly against your chest as you tightened the hold on the knife. You sucked in a breath as you stabbed yourself in the stomach.

Gasping loudly, you sat up straight in the bed.

“Y/N,” your eyes met with Dean’s worried green ones.

“Dean?” You asked, your head filled with various questions. Dean pulled you into a tight hug.

“I-I thought I lost you sweetheart,” he croaked, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

“It's okay. I'm here,” you looked around, “where am I?”

“In the bunker,” another tall man came into the room and said.

“Who-who are you?” You asked, as Dean let you go, “I-I'm so confused. What happened? Dean, how did you-I was….was I married?”

“Y/N you….uh-you were attacked by a Djinn. They are supernatural beings and we hunt them,” Dean said, “you were in a dream state and you dreamt of things like….m-marriage and uh-kids. Djinns usually show you your heart's desire.”

“Are you kidding me? You hunt them? You hunt monsters? What next, are you gonna tell me that Drac is real? And he runs a hotel for freaks in Transylvania?”

“I know it's a lot to take in but it's true, not the Dracula part but me and my brother, Sam, we hunt them. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, everything is real,” Dean said.

“Sam?” You looked at the other man in the room who was staring at you silently.

“Hey,” the man who was standing patiently at the foot of the bed, cracked a smile at you.

“What is this place?” You asked.

“This is the bunker. Our home, workplace, everything,” Sam said, “You also-”

“You should take some rest now,” Dean interrupted his brother, getting a side glance from him.

“S-sure but why didn't you tell me about this the night we met?”

“Our job is not a conventional one. We can't go around, telling everyone that monsters exist,” Sam said, “It's better if people don't know about things like this.”

“Okay,” you looked around the room again, fear seeping into you which faded quickly as Dean placed his warm hand on yours, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance.

“You're safe here, sweetheart,” Dean gave you a chaste kiss on the forehead.

“I never thought I would meet you again.” Your heart fluttering in your chest at his touch.

“Neither did I.”

“Thanks for saving me. Thanks to both of you,” you said, and the brothers smiled at you before stepping out of the room to give you some privacy.

Even though you were living in a dream for the past few hours, you were exhausted so sleep came easy to you.

You didn't know how long you were asleep before you were woken up by some muffled screams coming from outside the room.

Your ears perked up when you heard Dean's voice.

“No I can't!” He yelled.

“You have to tell her, Dean!” The other voice, probably Sam’s yelled back. You winced as you got up from the bed and went out of the room, the voices getting louder and clearer. Your whole body screamed in protest with every step you took.

“I-I can't,” Dean let out a defeated sigh.

‘What are they arguing about?’ You wondered as you finally made your way towards the brothers. The halls of the bunker felt oddly familiar to you.

“Do you think she is safe like this? She is a huntress Dean!” Sam exclaimed, “This-this is her home. She doesn't even remember the bunker! She doesn't remember me!”

“What am I supposed to say?” Dean asked.

“The truth!”

“She won't believe me and telling her the truth means sucking her back to this goddamn stupid life!” Dean shouted at his brother, “And I won't let that happen.”

‘Were they talking about you?’ You wondered and moved closer to the brothers.

“How can you be so selfish, Dean? You are only thinking about yourself! You are not the person I looked up to as my brother!” Sam shoved his brother hard.

“Well people change with time,” Dean said in a bitter tone, “and how is it selfish? I won't let her die because of me.”

“They do, but their feelings remain the same amd you're scared. You still love Y/N and it would be stupid if you let her walk away!” Sam scoffed. Your eyes widened at Sam's words.

“You don't understand,” Dean gritted out.

“At least she will understand!”

“No she won't! She was married in her dream - she had kids; that's her happily ever after! Not with me-”

“She was married to you, Dean!” Sam retorted, “that's her happily ever after - with you. With us, in this bunker. She is family and we don't give up on family then how could you push her away? Don't do anything that you will regret later on. This is probably your last chance to fix the mess.”

“I-I can't. She is gonna hate me. It's better this way. It's not like she remembers being married to me,” Dean mumbled.

You gasped in shock grabbing the attention of the brothers.

“Married?”

“Y/N?” Dean asked.

“I thought I was only married in my dreams but I-we were married?” You asked him.

“I-uh….Y/N you should go re-”

“Don't tell me to go and rest!” You exclaimed. Dean glared at his brother, taking a deep breath.

“Stop running away from the problem for once,” Sam muttered in a low voice but loud enough for his brother to hear him.

“Y/N, you are….we are married,” Dean said, squeezing his eyes shut.

“But I don't remember it. Dean? Sam?” You gulped.

“How can you do this, Dean Winchester?” You asked, your blood boiling in anger.

“I did it to protect you,” Dean calmly stated.

“Great fucking job with that because last time I checked I was almost monster food!” You shouted.

“You don't understand!” Dean retorted.

“Then make me, asshole!”

“You got almost killed, because of me! I almost killed you!” He yelled.

“Shut up! Just fucking shut up!” You said, as you sat down in the chair, trying to wrap your mind around the new facts you just learnt. You were married to Dean Winchester. You were a huntress. Then what about your friends, your job, your life in Idaho? What was true? You didn't know what to believe.

“Y/N, sweetheart, say something. Please.” Dean begged.

“I'm not your sweetheart, Dean. You lost the right to call me yours the moment you took a life-changing decision for me and pushed me away,” you said, tears forming in your eyes.

“I-I….I did it to protect you. You mean everything to me,” Dean said.

“Then why did you push me away? Why did you erase my memories? We could have dealt with this together. Why, Dean, why? I can't even hunt anymore! I don't even remember the basic ways to protect myself. You made me helpless. Tell me Dean, how did you protect me?” You asked. Dean kept quiet.

“Y/N, maybe we can fix it. Maybe Cas can fix it,” Sam said, who all the while stood in the war room as a silent observer.

You scoffed, “I don't-I don't even remember Cas. Great job, Dean! Great fucking job! You think you are so great, trying to protect me, but all you are a selfish asshole. You destroyed my life, Dean. Destroyed it! Congratulations, Winchester!”

“I thought-”

“From next time, don't think because your thoughts always destroy something good just like it destroyed us!” You were angry and sad. You couldn't believe Dean could do such a thing.

“I loved you, Y/N, I still do and I-”

“Well newsflash Dean, I don't love you anymore,” you scoffed, “Because in case you didn't know, I don't even remember us - what we used to be.” Turning on your heels, you went back to your room, leaving behind a heartbroken Dean Winchester.

Let me know if you want to be tagged in this!

Feedback is highly appreciated!

[dickspeightjrs]

Hope (2.2k words)

sequel to Despair (I’d recommend reading that first, it’s only short)

Chuck had been defeated.

Cas was still gone. 

Those were the thoughts going through Dean’s head since the day they managed to remove Chuck from the universe for good. 

As usual for Dean, he kept on a front for the sake of Sam and Jack. He showed his relief at Chuck finally being gone, but in the privacy of his own thoughts, he was overwhelmed with a fresh onslaught of despair. 

The day Chuck died, everyone who he had taken appeared outside the bunker. It seemed as if Chuck had been playing with them like toys and dropped them as he met his demise in the warded bunker dungeon. 

Dean, Sam and Jack had stepped outside the sheltered door of the bunker to find a sea of people going on for what seemed like miles. Many of them were strangers who were innocent to the reason for their disappearance. But peppered around were also their friends and family. 

Bobby. Charlie. Donna. So many more. 

Only, as he scanned through the array of faces, Dean couldn’t help but be more and more disappointed that Castiel wasn’t among them. Why would he be? His death wasn’t anything to do with Chuck. Though it didn’t stop Dean hoping. 

It was a few days until everything settled again. 

The boys helped people return to their homes and tried to give them an explanation that wouldn’t be too traumatising. Sam had led the way - he seemed born for it, being a leader. His soft demeanour despite his towering height made people warm to him. Especially compared to Dean’s stormy face and body language. 

Jack still stayed quiet most of the time. Poor kid was taking Castiel’s death hard. Dean honestly regretted being so tough on him at times. He regretted saying Jack wasn’t family. He was. Of course he was. Castiel loved Jack like a son and that made Dean love him now too. 

There were times during the busyness of the bunker that Dean and Jack’s eyes would meet and he’d give Dean a look that told him that he was thinking of Cas too. That he missed him too. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the people inhabiting the bunker were gone and it was left in a more calming silence. 

Donna and Charlie had just left together, both giving Dean an extra hard squeeze as they said goodbye. He knew what the hug was for and he was grateful neither of them had brought up Cas while they’d been there. Dean didn’t know how he would have reacted. 

Once the two women were out of sight, Dean hunched even further into himself and mumbled to Sam that he was going to bed. He didn’t care that it was the middle of the day. He was exhausted and needed refuge from his thoughts. 

Sam responded with a look of shock, which Dean wasn’t surprised by. Dean hadn’t slept properly - as properly as a hunter could anyway - since Cas died. Instead, he’d fall asleep in the library while he’d been looking through lore books. 

(Sam and Jack thought he’d been helping to look for ways to bring down Chuck but he’d actually been looking up anything that might even slightly mention the Empty. He’d thought he’d been secret about it until one day he woke up to find a new book on the table next to him, open to a chapter on a possible way to summon the Empty. Dean didn’t know who put it there, Sam or Jack, but he was grateful for their quiet support.) 

Dean trudged tiredly to his room. Truthfully, he’d been avoiding it ever since Cas died. It wasn’t even like they’d spent much time in there together but he couldn’t handle being alone in a space that was meant to bring him joy and comfort knowing that he’d never see Cas again. 

He’d never had the chance to feel the angel lying next to him and yet he missed it with his entire being. 

Dean’s head ached with a consistent, dull pain. It had been constant since he’d started visiting the woods to speak to Cas. He’d only been back there a couple of times but the night before they killed Chuck, Dean had vowed to Cas that he’d do it and get it right this time. He still looked around for any sign that Cas had heard him but there was nothing. Only the beginnings of a throbbing headache. 

Blinking slowly and shaking his head slightly to try to relieve the pain, Dean finally collapsed onto the bed and let sleep take him. 

Sleep started as a dreamless slumber but, at some point in the night, he felt that same pain again like a punch through his brain. It woke him up, panting and sweating, but when he sat up the pain was gone. And with no memory of what he could have been dreaming about, Dean lay there fighting the spindled fingers of sleep around his mind, determined that he’d never sleep again if it meant not having to feel that pain. 

Of course, it was impossible to maintain having no sleep, even for Dean Winchester - King of sleep deprivation. 

The minute Dean fell into a deep sleep he would be shocked back awake with a burning pain in his head. 

This continued for almost a week after Chuck’s death. Until one night, when Dean shot up in bed, sweat cooling on his skin, he remembered. 

He’d dreamt about the woodland clearing he’d been buried in when Cas had returned him from hell. The dream felt so real it was like he could smell, touch, taste the Earth around him as he ripped himself from the ground. 

Cursing his mind for adding to his never-ending torture, Dean left his room and got himself some coffee from the kitchen - determined not to let himself fall asleep again until he absolutely had to. 

Dean reached his breaking point a few days later. 

He’d been tired and irritable, snapping at Sam and Jack whenever they so much as looked at him. Knowing he couldn’t continue living like this, he let sleep take him once more, bracing himself for the inevitable pain. 

The pain came, but not before Dean saw fleeting images of the woodland again. Only this time, it was like he was a bird flying high above and he could see fallen tree trunks arranged in almost perfect circles. And in the centre was a figure, a person, hunched over on bent knees as if they were praying. 

The person moved to stand on their feet and as they were about to turn a white, burning heat coursed through Dean’s head. 

The pain didn’t shock Dean anymore but the recurring image of the hunched figure replayed in his mind. 

Dean thought what he’d been seeing in his dreams had been disjointed memories of the time he pulled himself out of that grave. But it couldn’t have been. There was never anyone else there when he’d risen to the surface. He’d walked for miles with no soul in sight. 

So who was this hunched figure? Why was Dean dreaming of them? 

And why was every fibre of Dean’s being telling him to get in his car and drive all night until he reached that very spot? 

Taking a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart, Dean climbed out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen. 

When he arrived he was surprised to see Sam sitting at the table with a pot of coffee, freshly brewed if the rolling steam coming off it was anything to go by. 

“What’re you doing here, Sammy?” Dean asked, taking a seat opposite his brother. 

Sam pushed a cup of coffee towards Dean. “Waiting for you.” 

“Okay… trying not to be creeped out that you’re sat waiting for me in the kitchen at 3AM…” Dean replied. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “I wanted to talk to you. You’ve been avoiding me and Jack for weeks now. And I noticed you come in here at night sometimes. So I took a chance tonight.” 

Curse his brother for knowing him so well.  

“I don’t know what to tell you, man.” Dean shrugged.

“How about the truth?”

Ha. There was no way Dean was ever telling Sam the truth. If nothing else, Cas deserved to be the first person Dean told about his feelings. And if he never got the chance to do that, well, the secret would die with Dean. 

But Dean really did want Sam’s opinion on the dreams he’d been having. Telling Sam about the dreams didn’t count as telling him the whole truth, did it? 

Dean cleared his throat. “I’ve been having these… dreams, I guess.” He sighed. “I just keep seeing the forest where Cas left me when he raised me from hell. But it’s not a memory because it’s like I'm seeing it from above and there’s this person there.” 

Sam nodded, encouraging Dean to continue. 

“I don’t know if I’m just going crazy but it feels real. Like something deep inside me is telling me that this is important.” Dean avoided Sam’s gaze. “And I get these pains in my head, it’s fucking agony.” 

After a few moments of silence, Dean raised his head to meet Sam’s eyes. 

They held nothing but warmth for his older brother. 

“Look, Dean, I know you haven’t told me and Jack the whole truth of what happened when Cas d-, when he left, but I know more than anyone what it’s like to lose someone you love.” 

Dean felt all the blood in his body rush to his face.

“Come on, Dean. You can’t be surprised that I know how you feel about Cas. Anyone who has ever seen you two together knows that you’d tear apart the Earth for each other.” Sam stated, simply.

Suddenly, Dean felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t deal with this knowledge that apparently everyone had known about his and Cas’ mutual feelings before they even did. 

He got up from the table and stalked to the door, trying to stop his hands from shaking. 

Sam just let him go but just as Dean was about to escape to the quiet of his room, he spoke up. 

“Dean?” Sam asked, waiting for Dean’s attention to turn back on him. “Those dreams you’ve been having? I don’t know if it’s the same but I just know that I thought the visions I had of Jess were just dreams and I’d hate for you to make the same mistakes I did.” 

Dean swallowed and nodded once at Sam before exiting to his bedroom. 

Within the hour he was hurtling along the highway in the Impala. 

*  *  * 

Dean’s skin tingled with electricity as he approached the clearing. He hadn’t been back here since that day all those years ago. 

He didn’t know what he hoped to find. For the entire journey there, he’d second guessed himself a million times but ultimately he had to know. 

He had to know if he was simply going crazy or if this was some kind of sign of something else at work. 

Finally, he made it to the large expanse of fallen trees. The electricity running through his veins increased as he spotted a figure sat in the dead centre, curled in on itself. 

His heart raced to a speed he would surely die from but Dean kept carefully placing one slow foot in front of the other. 

Until he heard a crack under his foot. 

He looked down to see that he’d stepped on a twig, which snapped under the pressure, sending a ripple of sound across the clearing. 

The hunched figure went ramrod straight where they were. 

Dean swallowed and continued walking ahead. 

Only, he was stopped in his tracks when the figure turned, a slow agonising turn. 

Dean felt sick. He’d come this far thinking, hoping, praying that this would somehow be something that led him back to Cas. But what if he had come all this way only to be disappointed? He didn’t think he could handle the heartbreak. 

Taking a deep breath, Dean closed his eyes and stayed rooted to the spot. 

“Dean?” 

Dean felt euphoria storm through his every atom. 

He opened his eyes and was met with the sight of Castiel, angel of the lord, standing in the middle of fallen trees, staring back at Dean like he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing. 

Wasting no more time, Dean broke into a sprint, running faster than he was sure he’d ever done before. 

Self-doubt tried to battle its way through, telling him that this was a trick. Castiel couldn’t possibly be back. But he ignored it. 

Dean could have been running into the arms of a devil in disguise and he’d still do it just to have one second in Castiel’s embrace. 

When he reached Cas he pulled the angel as close to his body as could be physically possible. 

“Dean.” Castiel spoke again. And, god, Dean could have cried hearing his name come from the lips of his beloved once again. “Dean. I’m sorry.”

“Cas,” Dean interrupted, still holding Cas tight in his arms. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry.” 

“I just didn’t know what else to do.” Castiel sobbed against Dean’s shoulder.

“I don’t care. I don’t care.” Dean said, sternly, gripping Castiel against him. “I could barely let myself hope that those dreams were you, Cas. You have no idea how fucking happy I am right now.” 

Castiel pulled away from Dean slightly to look him in the eyes. “I couldn’t find any other way to find you Dean. I wasn’t even sure you’d still be alive. I used the last of my powers to project myself into you. I didn’t truly know if it would work but I hoped.” Tears poured down his face. “Coming back here was the only place I knew that you’d recognise was ours.”

“It’s okay, Cas. It’s okay. I’m here now. And neither of us are going anywhere without the other again.”

Castiel nodded and smiled, placing a delicate hand to Dean’s cheek. “Is it too much to hope that this means I was wrong, and you do actually return my feelings?” 

A laugh ripped through Dean in a way that it hadn’t in years, even before Cas had been taken by the empty. “Castiel, angel of the lord, ever since you saved me from hell, I’ve never been the same. You changed me. And I am hopelessly and completely in love with you.” 

Not letting a second more go to waste, Dean didn’t wait for a response from Cas. He pulled the angel into a deep kiss that he hoped told Castiel everything that there weren’t enough words in the world to say. 

(Tag list below - if you’d like to be added or removed, let me know!)

@rambleoncas @eccentriccas @joharvele @tearsofgrace @starrynightdeancas @aurastiel @dreamnovak @good-things-do-happen-dean @ccstiel @destielle @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @bend-me-shape-me

@thechaosthatismybrain @rusted-peopleskills @castiel-enthusiast @wheniwrite28 @fandomsofafeather @ripreptaytion @yahfancyclamwiththepurlinside @writtenmemxries @gum-believable @breathingdestiel @squintingg

@thefourthheadofcerberus @professorerudite @harmonyhelms @babyinabelstaf @monipotty @tinyroolove7

[mandoalorian]

Home [Ezra Prospect x Reader]

Home [Ezra Prospect x gender neutral reader]

Warnings: yearning, yearning and more yearning. I just wanted to have a go at writing for him.

Word count: 2k

Rating: PG

Authors Note: I’ve never ever wrote for Ezra before and I find his character just a little bit complicated but I hope this is somewhat coherent and enjoyable :)

MASTERLISIT | Submit a request!

"I feel like I don't belong here." you swallowed as you stared straight ahead into the green forest. Your eyes were stinging and you knew if you just gave it a few more moments, tears would threaten to spill. "I never thought I'd leave Puggart Bench." You rubbed your eyes and took a deep breath. The sun was setting just off the horizon. The day was coming to an end.

"Cee lived on the Pug," Ezra grumbled as he clawed through deep damp soil, digging out aurelac. Ezra paused as he remembered his reluctant associate. "I miss her." He finished. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched your partner pull out the aurelac sac and carefully harvest it.

You didn't say anything— you figured it was best to stay quiet. It was hard though. Ezra promised you, as the days went by, it would get easier. But it didn't. You were beginning to believe he was a liar. You missed your family; your parents and your friends. You wondered if they were still out there— somewhere. You wondered if they missed you. No. You forced yourself to shake away the feelings. If they missed you, they would've come back for you. They would've rescued you.

You and Ezra walked back to camp in complete silence, apart from his occasional grunt and groan as he pushed his tired legs through the thick waves of grass. When you arrived back to your shared tent, Ezra was the first to go in. He always was. You knew his routine. He'd strip himself out of his environment suit and usually take a shower. He wanted to wash away any chance of the dust spores.

You promised him for that as long as he wore his environment suit out of camp, he would be safe. You would remind him that your shared tent had the best air filtration system he could ever ask for. But the loss of his arm had struck a kind of paranoia within him. You didn't call him out for his impulsive behaviour. You let him be. Although this trauma hurt, you still loved him for who he was. You knew his sense of pride had deteriorated since the incident and you wish you could do something to restore his confidence in himself. It was these little quirks what you loved so much about Ezra.

You lingered outside the camp for a few minutes, taking in the fresh air. Now that Ezra was occupied, maybe you could release all your pent up emotions. Cry it out. You shuffled along to the large fawn tree which hung above your camp and sat down on the grass. You picked up some pine that had fallen and began to scrape a tally mark into the bark of the tree. You had been on the Green Moon, with Ezra, 365 days and counting.

"A year is a long time, moonbeam," you heard Ezra from behind you. His voice was just as soft and articulated as ever. You noticed he'd showered, judging from his damp hair, and he had lazily put his environment suit back on. You blinked at him and then turned away.

"You should go back inside," you told him, your gaze fixated on the tree that marked your days like a calendar. "Your hair is wet, you'll catch a cold."

Ezra crouched down before shuffling next to you and you took a deep breath. "I've been here many years," Ezra admitted. "In fact, I don't remember much of my life before I came to the Green Moon."

"Why did you come here?" you asked, your voice breaking.

Ezra took a moment and stared into the sunset. "Like all Prospectors," he told you. "I guess I just wanted to make something of myself. It got lonesome, sure. But then I met Cee, and she gave my life purpose. I had responsibility."

You knew Ezra had a deep respect for Cee, the young girl who accompanied him a few years back. "I wish I had known her." you hummed, fumbling with the zip on your environment suit.

"I think she'd like you," Ezra smiled and you spotted the sparkle in his eyes. "She liked reading books too."

"Oh really?" you giggled.

"Yeah," Ezra laughed as he reminisced. "She was smart like you too. I was glad when she left, truly. I knew she didn't want to stay on the Green moon. It's no life for a young child. And despite my attempts I just knew she wasn't safe here." Ezra's explanation was followed by a pause and you noticed the cherry smile fall from his lips. "But I still miss her." he admitted.

Then, in one swift and abrupt motion, Ezra turned to face you. He nudged his gloved hand over yours, cautiously, but with an air of confidence that you hadn't seen from him in a long time. To your surprise, he interlocked his fingers with yours and held your hand. You swallowed down the nervous lump in your throat and found yourself gazing longingly into his dark brown eyes.

After a few beats of silence, the both of you turned your heads back to the sunset. Something so special and unique about the green moon was that every evening, there was a special moment that only lasted a few minutes, where the stars would peek out from the orange pink sky. It was often hard to catch. Tonight was your first time witnessing the unanticipated beauty with your partner.

"It's beautiful." You whispered, taking note of each star and trying to draw upon any constellations. Ezra didn't respond. The silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but instead it was comforting. You knew that, no matter what, you and your family were under the same sky. Possibly looking at the same stars, despite being potential star systems away. "Don't you ever want to leave?" you questioned Ezra with a sigh.

"And go where?" He asked. You realised his voice had dropped octave and you turned back to look at him. The whole time you had been admiring the sunset, Ezra had been admiring you. His grip on your hand tightened as if he was afraid to let you go.

"Anywhere but here." you lulled, feeling the tears brim your eyes again. "There's a whole universe to explore."

"I've found that I quite like staying put. After many years of drifting between planets, I prefer to just stay here." Ezra shrugged his shoulders.

"I know I've lived here, with you, for a year now— but I still consider Puggart Bench my home." you frowned. You dipped your head and rest it on his shoulder.

"For me, home isn't a place," Ezra told you. You pondered his words during the beat of silence. "Home is about who I'm with. For a while, Cee was my home. Now it's you." You pulled your head off him and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. He noted your confused expression and opted to continue his explanation. "Cee gave my life purpose. She was only young and I knew I had to provide for her. I had to go out on digs and earn my keep, make sure not to take any days off. I had to find food for her and make sure she could sleep at night. I tried to educate her but honestly? I think I learned more from her than she learned from me."

"Oh." You smiled a teary smile and looked back into the sunset. The twinkling stars were soon fading away.

"But you, my dearest moonshine," Ezra wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you back into him. "You give my life reason. Now that you're with me, I have a reason to wake up every morning. I have a reason to tidy around the tent and not let it get ridiculously messy like it would before you. I have a reason to help you plant the crops and water them when you're not around."

"Oh Ezra," you smiled. "But you don't have to do those things." You shuffled into his warm embrace. You loved the way Ezra held you. It made you feel safe. Protected.

"But I do it because of you," he responded. "You're my reason." After a long silence you pulled away from Ezra. "Come inside?" Ezra asked you. "I brewed some of your favourite herbal tea."

"Really?" you smiled.

"Really." Ezra replied. Not letting go of your hand once, he slowly dragged you back into the tent and sat you down on his bunk.

He squandered over to the little heater where he was boiling some hot water and poured it into your own special mug. You took off your environment suit and made yourself comfortable. Taking a spoon, he pressed the herbs into the side of the mug, creating a tea-like consistency and handed the warm drink to you. You wrapped your hands around the mug and took a sip, humming in delight when and savouring the taste.

"You like it?" Ezra beamed with pride. He was so cute.

"Mhm," you nodded and took another sip. "Tastes like home."

"Oh? You had the same herbal tea on Puggart Bench?" He questioned, also undressing out of his environment suit and sitting next to you, wrapping his blanket over you both. His blanked smelled like him. Like the forests and fresh grass.

You shook your head. "No, you've only ever made me this herbal tea." You told Ezra and that's when it hit you. You considered Ezra home. You finally understood his analogy under the fern tree— about how home is a person rather than a place. You looked up at him and he was smiling down at you.

Ezra was truly your home. He cared for you, protected you. He looked after you when you got sick and cooked for you when you couldn't feel like it. He made sure that the temperature in the tent was never too hot or too cold. When you got tired on digs, he'd even carry you home. You had never experienced such love from anyone before. That's what it was. Love.

"I'm sorry I wasn't much use today on our dig." you hung your head in shame. Ezra wrapped his arm around you again and pulled you down onto his lap.

"That's okay, it's been a rough day. I'm just grateful for your company." Ezra slid his gloves off his fingers and began to gently trace your face. You let his eyes close under his touch.

"How come you're always so understanding?" You whispered, reaching your hand upwards and cupping his cheek. His brown stubble grazed your skin but it felt nice. You liked it.

Ezra wanted to tell you the truth. He wanted you to know that he was never like this with anyone. Just you. He wanted you to know that he was totally and completely infatuated with you. Now that you were in his life, now that you were his home, he couldn't imagine spending his days without you. It broke him knowing that you wanted to leave the Green Moon. That you wanted to leave him behind. He couldn't escape the thought.

After the silence, he noticed you had drifted off to sleep. He gently picked you up from his lap and tucked you into his own bunk, not wanting to wake you. It was okay if you slept in his bed tonight. He was more than happy to take the floor. He admired how peaceful you looked and he was glad you were finally getting some well deserved rest after such a difficult day. He spent a few minutes watching as you gently snored. He wondered what you were dreaming about. He wondered if you dreamt about him the same way he dreamt about you.

"I understand you," Ezra whispered. "Because I love you. You're my home."

Your sleeping body didn't stir in the slightest at his words and he pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He hoped that one day he could kiss you for real. He hoped he could show you how much you truly meant to him. But today just wasn't the day.

Permanent taglist: @phoenixhalliwell​ @ah-callie​ - if you would like to be added to my taglist please let me know!

[inkandpen22]

Somewhere (3/?)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader  

Warnings: None

Part Summary: After the dramatics at the disco, Y/N is left gloomy. Then, she receives a miraculous visit with a gift.

Masterlist

Reader 

Not soon after Sirius and his friends got kicked out, we left. I pleaded to stay, considering it’s still my birthday. Brady, Jay, and the rest of the boys were in a bad mood, they still are. We all came back to the house and they gathered around the kitchen table discussing the evening. I excused myself upstairs, tired, and gloomy from the whole experience. I’ve never dealt with the conflict between us and the wizards like my brother. He and Jay deal with it daily in politics, especially lately with the tensions growing. 

As I remove my makeup, I see Brady appear in the doorway of the bathroom out of my peripheral vision. He knocks on the frame, “can I come in?” 

“I suppose,” I mumble while I remove my makeup from the evening. He moves to sit on the edge of my counter. “Is everyone alright?” I ask, genuinely worried. He hums, nodding his head slowly. 

“You know, I didn’t want to ruin your evening and I’m sorry if that’s what I did,” Brady apologizes. “And I’m saying this now so that you understand. I just… I just couldn’t stand seeing that wizard-freak near you! They’re not good people, Y/N. They can’t even keep their own sort in line, despite having all the magic in the world! Now, they wish to live amongst us and spread their problems to us!” 

Despite Brady’s educated opinion, I can’t imagine Sirius doing any of that. He didn’t appear threatening or anything else Brady can describe his kind as being. He looked like any other boy, who just happens to be a wizard. He just so happens to be more remarkable than anyone I’ve ever met. 

Brady hops down from the counter and plants a kiss on my temple. “Good night, you should get some rest.” 

“How long will everyone be here?” I question, knowing how loud they can get. 

“Lauren is staying over,” he informs me casually. Lauren is over here half the time anyway. “Everyone else should be heading out soon.” 

That really means they’ll still be here when I go down for breakfast. They’ll all be crashing in the living room. I suppose that’s a benefit of not having parents and being the legal guardian, no rules.

“Good night,” Brady nods, turning to leave my room. 

“Night,” I mumble absentmindedly. 

I hear my door click behind Brady and I relax, no longer being under his watchful eye. Looking into my eyes in the mirror, I find myself wondering where Sirius is at this moment. What is doing right now? Will I ever see him again? I can’t begin to imagine how riveting it must be to be a wizard. I mean, the limits are nonexistent!  All the world is at his feet, all he has to do is reach out and touch it. Maybe I am a little crazy to be so interested in it. I just don’t understand how a world that is so remarkable could possibly be as dangerous as the others claim. I should be content with what I have and what I am, but I’m certain I’m destined for more. The human way of things is so boring and lacks luster. Wizards and witches, they can do anything, be anything! What I would give for one day, just one day experiencing their world. I would ask them a million questions and learn as much as I could. They look like us, speak like us, other than magic, what makes us different? 

Deep inside my own thoughts, I prepare for bed, changing into shorts and an old concert t-shirt. I hope I dream of Sirius and the wizarding world tonight, it’s all I’ve been thinking about for hours. I hear my floor creak as I shut my closet door and I’m guessing it’s Brady checking on me again. It could also be Lauren peeking in to say ‘good night.’ Suddenly, I feel a warm hand glide over my shoulder and down my arm. Hot breath brushes against my neck. I jump, spinning around swiftly in a panic. My sight lands on jet black eyes, Sirius. 

I gleam, “Siri-” 

He covers my mouth, holding a finger over his lips as he listens for any movement downstairs. When there’s no sign of anyone hearing me, he releases me with a sigh of relief. 

“What are you doing here?” I whisper, practically bursting. “How did you find me?” 

“I used a tracking spell,” he explains simply, leaving me in awe. 

“How did you get in?” I ask next. 

“Apparated,” he shrugs, as though I know exactly what that is. 

Taking my hand, he guides me over to sit on the bed. “So, you’re happy to see me?” 

Look at him as if he has three heads. Why wouldn’t I be excited? He’s here, that’s all I wanted! “Of course!” I gush, giving his hands a comforting squeeze. 

“I wasn’t sure after what happened if… if you hated me now,” he stammers, a gloomy expression plaguing his features. He glancing away from my eyes at the floor, clearly, a thought troubling him. 

Slowly, I reach up and caress his cheek. Subtly, he leans into my touch as his eyes fall shut. He’s so beautiful, the sight of him nearly makes my eyes well with tears. In my chest, a strong urge to protect and comfort him swallows me up. Leaning forward, I rest my forehead against his shoulder. Sirius’s hand rests against my knee, his thumb rubbing across my skin softly. 

“I saw you and everything else became irrelevant somehow,” I describe quietly, remembering the moment as if I were experiencing it now. 

His touch makes me feel so safe and warm. I can’t help but yearn for us to be closer if that’s even possible. I’ve never felt this way for anyone. I can’t imagine a life without him now. 

“I knew the moment my eyes landed on you that we were meant to meet tonight,” Sirius mutters. His hand tucks under my chin, leading me to look him in the eye. His gazes pour into me, reaching every depth of my soul. “You are my world now, Y/N,” he confesses, making my heart stop. 

A breathless laugh escapes me, I can’t believe it. Everything is too good to be true. “And you’re mine. From now on, I’m yours, always.” 

“Forever,” he nods, taking my hands in his longing. “Y/N, I wish to never be parted from you.” 

“But, my brother, your friends-” 

“None of them matter,” he claims, pretending to wave them away. “All that matters is you and me.” 

“If only there were a way we could get out of here, run away, even for a little while!” I wish, wanting nothing more than there to be just us. There would be no outside forces trying to keep us apart. 

“Let’s do it!” Sirius declares as enthused than me, if not more. He leaps up from the bed beside me. Taking my hands, he brings me along with him. “We can go anywhere! We can see the world!” 

I giggle, he sounds like a child. These sorts of things don’t just happen, especially for an ordinary human like me. 

“There’s a whole world out there, Y/N! It’s just waiting for us!” He illustrates the most incredible visions for me with a bright smile. 

“It’s a lovely dream,” I express, not fully convinced we could do it. There are so many factors we have to consider. “But it’s impossible…” 

He narrows his eyes with a mischievous smirk, “you forget a very important point.” 

I snicker, “And what is that?” 

“You’re talking to a wizard,” he reminds ever so confidently. His hand gestures up to my bedroom ceiling with a subtle wave of the wrist. “Look,” he instructs, flicking his attention to my ceiling. 

When I peer up toward my ceiling, I’m met with a clear starry sky. My jaw drops, how is this possible? It’s as though there’s no ceiling at all! 

Sirius leans over my shoulder, “it’s an enchantment. It’ll appear every night, so when you go to sleep you’ll be sleeping under the stars.” Amazed, I can’t pry my eyes away from it. 

“Let me give you anything you desire, everything and anything,” Sirius whispers in my ear, wrapping his arms around me as I feel his chest against my back. I rest my head back against his chest, admiring the stars. “I can take you far from here, far beyond anywhere you could ever imagine, to the heavens! Everything you would ever wish for I could give to you. Every day will be filled with extraordinary things and each day will better than the last!” 

I turn in his arms, resting my arms around his neck. “I want to see the universe with you, Sirius! Spend every minute from now on in your arms.” 

The edge of his lips rises to a smirk as his hand cups my face. His eyes flicker between my eyes and my lips. He leans down and I reach up to kiss him. Then, there’s a sudden knock at my door before we have the chance.  Sirius and I jump apart, staring at the door anxiously

“Y/N?” I hear Lauren in the hallway. “Are you awake?” 

I look to Sirius worriedly, “you have to go!” 

He takes my hands in his, “but when will I see you again?!” 

I press my lips together. I hardly have any alone time. Brady will be suspicious if I disappear for a while. “Brady and the others are spending the day at the park tomorrow. Come by here around one o’clock!” 

“Okay,” he grins, caressing my cheek softly as he towers over me. “I’ll be counting down the hours. 

“And appear or whatever you call it like you did tonight!” I instruct urgently. “In case they don’t leave on time!” 

He snickers at me, “yes, alright. I will apparate.” There’s a pause for a moment and his face falls. “I don’t want to leave you…” 

“I don’t want you to leave,” I confess sorrowfully. 

“Y/N?” Lauren knocks again. 

“But you have to!” I urge Sirius along swiftly. 

“Yes right,” he peers at the door, his eyes wide with anxiety.

Meeting my gaze, he starts backing away from me. Sirius holds onto my hands for as long as possible until I’m too far out of reach. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he assures me. Then, in a blink, he whips away into thin air. Flashes of colors weaving through air, I’ve never seen anything like it. 

The door to my bedroom creaks open slowly and I whip my head in its direction. Lauren appears in the doorway, the lights from the hall pour into my otherwise dark room. My attention briefly flickers up to my ceiling, the stars lingering above us. Oh dear, I pray to God she doesn’t notice. Lauren leans against the doorframe, wrapping herself with her sweater, having changed into her pajamas. 

“I just wanted to say goodnight and a happy birthday one last time,” she explains with a soft smile. 

“Oh uh… thank you!” I stammer nervously. 

“I know your brother can be… well, a hard-ass sometimes,” she laughs at Brady’s expense. “But he means well. He absolutely adores you, I hope you know that.” 

I nod, hoping I don’t appear frantic. “I do! Yes, I know!” 

She hums, nodding her head slowly. Visibly, she doesn’t appear suspicious and I start to think I’ll get away with this without a problem. “Are you joining us tomorrow at the park?” 

I shake my head, “No uh, no I don’t so.” I struggle to come up with an excuse, then one pops into my head. “I have to return the dress from tonight. Yeah, Brady won’t let me keep it so…” 

She sighs in understanding, pushing off the doorframe, “oh well, alright. I’ll see you at breakfast. Goodnight, sleep well,” she waves before reaching for the door handle. 

“Goodnight!” I rush outright as the door clicks. 

Once I’m in the safe zone, I fall back onto my bed with a sigh of relief. My heart pounds in my chest as though I just ran a mile. I doubt I’ll get much sleep tonight. Then again, if I dream I may dream of Sirius and the hours will go by faster. I stare up at the starry sky Sirius conjured for me. My heart gleams at the sight. Then, I notice it, the Sirius star placed ever so perfectly right above my bed. I giggle lightly, he certainly did that on purpose. It’s utterly perfect, just like Sirius himself. The two best birthday presents in my life.

____________________________

Masterlist

[pparkersz]

and they were roommates | p.p [1/5]

summary: Ned’s really good friend Y/N is being evicted from her apartment and is in desperate need of somewhere to stay. When Ned finds out about her dilemma, he proposes to Peter they let her move in, and despite his hesitance, he agrees. Y/N gladly accepts Ned’s offer but upon moving in realizes that her new roommate Peter Parker was hiding something. A Spider-man Roommate/College AU. (masterlist)

warnings: fem!reader, swearing, aged up! peter parker & co.

a/n: hi everyone! i’ve fallen into the hole of p.p x reader fics and am inspired to start a new blog dedicated to fic writing. i’m excited to share this short series with you all. please feel free to send in any one-shot requests. :)

Y/N was in trouble.

With a groan, you let your head drop with a hard thump on the wooden table.

It wasn’t the kind of trouble most people would expect from a college student like forgetting to turn in an assignment before a deadline or sleeping in, and missing class one too many times.

No--this was the kind of trouble that your mother warned you might run into when you decided you were tired of living in the cramped dorms of Colombia University and that you wanted to move into an overpriced and even more cramped apartment with a flakey roommate.

Aria, said flakey roommate, decided last month that she no longer was interested in living with Y/N you had spent the last few weeks desperately posting ads on Craigslist and the campus bulletin board for a new roommate.

Just as you’d imagined, most people that replied on Craigslist were creeps and the few from school that responded to your poster decided last minute that the apartment was not to their tastes.

Despite working many, long hours at the closest family-owned café Bugle Beans for the last three years of your college life, Y/N did not have the money to pay rent and utilities on her own.

Your landlord had tried to be understanding but he’d been kind for long enough.

“I warned you that we don’t give extensions, kid,” he’d sighed to you earlier that morning. “I’m giving you a week to move out or you’ll find all your things outside.”

“I’m fucked,” you sighed into your hands. “I’m so fucked.”

“Like fucked fucked?” A teasingly inquisitive voice suddenly came from your right, startling you out of your miserable stupor. “Or I’m going to possibly fail out of a class and hurt my GPA fucked fucked?”

You lifted your head and couldn’t stop the genuine, small smile that crossed your face. “More like I’m going to be homeless in a week fucked.”

Ned Leeds, your only confidant on this huge campus took a seat across from you, gaze switching from teasing to concerned. “Y/N, what the hell?”

You bit your lip, lowering your hand to rest on your crossed arms. “I still haven’t found anyone to replace Aria and I can’t afford rent. My landlord’s giving me a week to pay up or get out.”

Ned winced beside you, patting your arm comfortingly. “Yeah, the city landlords are ruthless, and trying to find a roommate that’s not a psycho is even worse. I’m sorry.”

You blew out another sigh. “Don’t I know--”

“Y/N!” You jumped at the sound of Ned’s suddenly excited voice. “I have an idea!”

“Do tell.”

“Peter’s ex-girlfriend MJ moved out from our loft a few months ago and we’d been meaning to find a third roommate for a while now. It hasn’t really been a priority but it’s about time we try to find someone.” Ned’s brown eyes were shining excitedly as he wiggled his eyebrows at you. “We need a roommate, you need a place. What do you say?”

For the first time in a month, you felt a small burst of hope in bloom in your chest.

“Ned, you’re serious?”

“As a heart attack, kid.”

“Ned Leeds,” you almost sobbed, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I owe you all the free coffee and cookies in the world.”

Ned snickered, rubbing your back softly. “I’d have to talk to Peter but I’m sure he won’t mind.”

You pulled away and gave him a watery grin. “Let me know as soon as you can, please.”

“I’ve got you, friend,” he winked, getting up from the spot next to you. “I’ll text you tonight. You better start packing.”

___________________________________________________________________

“I just don’t think it’s wise right now, Ned.”

Peter Parker repeated this to his best friend for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening.

“Peter, she’s the best, I promise--”

“I’m sure she’s lovely,” the brown-haired young man interrupted, putting down his highlighter and looking away from his notes. “It’s just--with the whole Spider-man thing I don’t think it’s a good idea to have someone new here, man.”

At Ned’s crestfallen expression, he felt a sliver of guilt creep up.

It wasn’t necessarily that he had something against Y/N. He’d met her briefly a few times and Ned always spoke highly of her since they’d been randomly partnered for a project their freshman year.

“Pete,” Ned’s voice was desperate. “She got evicted from her apartment and has a week to come up with almost two grand or find somewhere to live. She doesn’t have many friends in the city. She needs us.”

Peter swallowed hard before releasing a sign. He couldn’t argue with Ned about that and his own conscience wouldn’t let him rest if he knew that someone was potentially going to be left homeless.

But he was hesitant.

He’d gotten used to not having to hide to anyone his superhero persona and the thought of having to be careful around someone new in his own home was not appealing to him.

When MJ moved out, he and Ned had decided they would eventually find a new roommate but there was no rush. Mr. Stark had kindly left a nice fund for Peter that helped them out with rent for a while and they’d fallen into a nice routine just the two of them with MJ occasionally coming over for movie night.

He and MJ were still good friends, having parted on good terms, so she was still around often.

He supposed though that they’d just be crossing the bridge he’d been much too comfortable to cross a lot sooner than he wanted.

Clearing his throat Peter gave Ned a nod. “Let her know the empty room’s hers if she wants it.”

Ned let out a breath of relief, giving Peter a grin. “You’re the best Pete. I promise I’ll help with covering for you if it comes down to it.”

Peter shook his head with a smile of his own, punching Ned lightly in the arm. “I’m counting on it, Ned. It’ll be like old times.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve cooked up a good story, eh?” Ned snickered as he remembered the various times he’d have to come up with excuses for Peter’s absences, suspicious behavior, and abnormal disappearances. He reached for his phone immediately opening up his messages. “I can’t wait to tell, Y/N.”

“Let her know I’d be happy to help her with moving in.” Peter offered quietly, turning back to his notes.

“Will do. “ Ned responded distractedly, typing away rapidly on his iPhone.

Peter raised a hand to his chin, rubbing it in thought. He didn’t like to call it his tingle, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t telling him that this might just be a bad idea.

[phantom-curve]

find the strength, find the melody pt. 9

SURPRISE SHAWTY! I literally made a post yesterday about how this wouldn’t update until the weekend but then I drank some wine at noon and now HERE WE ARE. I love this chapter and I haven’t felt that about my writing in WEEKS. man, these middle of the night chapters are just absolutely my favorite thing. hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. (and yes, I did cry while writing Julie’s lil rant about Rose. what else is new?)

taglist: @blue-hat-girl, @lwhoscribbles, @bluefyoto94, @5sosmukefan, @moonlightxnder, @leahthewonder​, @kat-maybe-not​, @lukewearingbeanies, @imastrugglingartist​​

Julie should have expected this.

When the boys had left earlier, she had seen the telling glances between Alex and Reggie going back and forth from Luke to the studio and occasionally skipping over Julie herself when they thought she wasn’t looking. She had waved to them from the steps leading up to the house from the studio as they made their way to the van. She knew the moment she had been blocked from their view by the way they started playfully shoving Luke around, hooking thumbs behind them to point at the spot they didn’t know she was still lingering in. She watched Luke duck away from their teasing, opting to climb in the back of the van where the instruments would usually be stored. No one chose that spot in a band van willingly. It was clear he was trying to hide from Alex and Reggie. She caught a quick glimpse of that damn hand rising to the back of his neck before he was lost in the darkness of the van’s interior. The other boys exchanged a knowing look, twin grins stretched across their faces, before they piled in the van as well and took off down her street.

So, the boys knew he had spent the night before sleeping in her mom’s studio. Whatever. She trusted them not to spread it around the school or make it into a bigger deal than it was. Whether or not they cared about her reputation, they would want to protect Luke. Julie firmly believed they would keep that knowledge to themselves, unless they decided she was fair game for teasing as much as Luke was. The fact that they hadn’t brought it up during rehearsal or in front of her made her believe the worst of the ribbing would be reserved for Luke. She figured that would be the end of it. Luke would have some explanation to give them, and Julie had gotten pretty good at dodging conversations she didn’t want to have, so on the off chance they tried to talk to her about it she would simply deflect. No biggie.

What she had not expected was for Luke to reappear several hours later, caught red handed sneaking back into the studio. She probably should have expected it, but she had spent a few hours away from his overwhelming presence, and the quiet time had been enough for her to convince herself that all of those fluttery feelings passing between them earlier were simply in her imagination. So, when she climbed out of bed at midnight to jot some lyrics down and tuck them into her dream box, she had been surprised to see a small light on outside. Her first reaction was panic. That studio held every important memory Julie had of her mom. If someone had broken in or caused any damage to the space, she might not be able to survive the emotional fallout. Not to mention, she had promised the boys she would keep their instruments safe, and she wasn’t about to break that vow. Which was how she found herself standing in the open doorway in her fuzzy monster slippers and mismatched pajamas, the heavy cross from the dining room wall held in front of her like a weapon, jaw on the floor.

“Luke, what the hell?!”

Julie couldn’t stop the exclamation, even as she cringed away from the defensive look in his eyes. She dropped her arms immediately, the cross dangling limply at her side.

“Julie! I...uh...forgot my pick?”

His voice was rough, rising to a squeak on the last word, and Julie couldn’t help the way her eyebrow rose questioningly. He wasn’t even holding a pick. A fact he seemed to realize as he dropped his gaze to quickly scan the area they had left the instruments set up in. She didn’t even have to guess that his next move would be to reach for his neck. Without thinking about it, she took three quick steps forward to grasp his wrist with her free hand as it started to rise. He startled slightly, turning back to meet her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat at the raw vulnerability swimming in the stormy ocean depths of his eyes. There was a tinge of red around his irises, and she could just make out the sheen of drying tears on his cheeks in the low light.

“Are you...” She swallowed hard against the butterflies swirling in her gut. “Do you need a place to stay tonight?”

Julie kept her eyes locked on his, even as they flickered with some kind of internal conflict. She didn’t push farther than that, leaving him the space to decide for himself what it was he wanted out of this interaction. He had come here for a reason, even if he had originally intended to keep that reason a secret. She fought against the desire to pull him close for a hug. They hadn’t breached that barrier just yet. She did allow her fingers to slip from their hold on his wrist and travel down to entangle with his. That kind of comfort was safe, still tiptoeing the line of being just friends. His eyes searched her face for a moment before he squeezed her hand, pulling just enough that she had to step closer to him. Just like earlier, the world seemed to shrink down to just the two of them.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up. I can go...”

Julie tightened her hold before he could pull his hand away. Queen of deflection that she was, she saw right through what he was doing. He might want to give into her on a subconscious level, but there was a part of him that he was holding back. She thought back to the whole dinner debacle and his fears over disappointing her family. His fears over disappointing her. He was trying to reject himself before she got the chance to, not realizing that ship had long since sailed for her. She was firmly a passenger on the SS Luke now, having jumped ship mere hours ago in this very same garage. To reject him in this moment would be like rejecting a part of herself.

“Luke, no, please don’t leave. It’s okay. You can stay here.”

She made sure to keep her voice soft. Luke’s conflicted gaze flitted across her face, like he didn’t fully believe it would just be that easy. She gave a tug of her own, stepping backwards so he didn’t topple her as he moved forward. She placed the cross on the floor, moving around it with Luke’s hand still glued to hers until they were in front of the couch. He didn’t fight her, following her lead willingly even as he avoided the concerned look on her face. She dropped onto the couch, curling her legs underneath her and reaching out with her empty hand to wrap around the one that still held his. It wasn’t the hug she wanted to give him, but it was as close as she was willing to get at the moment. He glanced at their hands, a slight smile playing at the edges of his lips before letting out a bone deep sigh and sinking down into the space next to her.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Julie murmured, her fingers stroking over the bumps of his knuckles and the rough calluses on his fingertips, “but my mom always used to say that the studio was the one place where I didn’t have to hide. You don’t have to hide here either. It can be your safe space, too.”

She didn’t look up from where she was drawing patterns on the back of his hand. It still hurt, to think about her mom, to talk about her knowing that she would only exist in memories from now on. But something about Luke made it a little bit easier. Her mom would have liked him, she realized somewhat ruefully. It was a shame they wouldn’t ever get to meet, but maybe that was part of what made him that much more important to Julie. He helped her remember those bits and pieces of her mom that she would have otherwise locked away. They sat in silence for a long moment, but it was more comforting than awkward. Julie tried not to jump when she felt Luke’s head fall to rest on her shoulder. His breath ghosted along her collarbone, sending goosebumps rippling across her skin.

“What was she like?”

It wasn’t a question she had expected him to ask. She could tell by the way he said it, whispered into the chilled air on a soft exhale, that he wouldn’t ask again if she chose to pretend she hadn’t heard him. All at once, she wanted nothing more than to tell him everything.

“She was...she was everything.”

The pain that was always under the surface when it came to talking about Rose Molina threatened to choke her, but a stronger feeling of needing to share this with Luke overpowered it. Julie cleared the emotion from her throat and pushed on.

“She was like the sun and the moon and the stars all rolled into one. An entire universe in one single person. No one loved like she did. It was all-encompassing. My dad told me once that he knew from the first moment he saw her that she would change his life. I thought that was just for us for a long time, just for our family. But I was wrong. She was like that with everyone. I remember one time I asked him why we couldn’t ever go somewhere without Mom making a new friend and he looked at me with so much happiness and whispered like he was sharing the secret to life itself: ‘Everyone falls a little bit in love with your mom when they meet her, mija. She’s magic like that.’ And she was. She was absolute magic. She had the biggest heart and the sweetest smile, and she always knew exactly what to say. When we lost her, it felt like my world collapsed in on itself. It still feels like that sometimes. Like, how can I exist somewhere that she doesn’t? Sometimes it feels like it has to be a dream because a world without my mom? A world without the very light that created existence itself? That shouldn’t be possible.”

Julie didn’t realize she was crying until one of Luke’s rough fingers was brushing the tears from her cheeks. She finally looked up from where their hands were still clasped together. His eyes drilled into hers, silently communicating that he understood, and she couldn’t fight against the need to be close to him any longer. She launched herself into his lap, face curled into the pocket of warmth where his neck met his shoulder, hands twisting into the fabric of his cut up tank-top like he was the only thing anchoring her to the world right then. He caught her without question, strong arms locking around her waist and one hand rising to rest on the back of her head. Julie let the sob that had been building in her chest explode.

“I miss her so much. She was the best mom, and it’s not fucking fair that she isn’t here anymore.”

The words were muffled against Luke’s skin, but she knew by the way he tightened his hold that he had heard them just the same. Julie didn’t know how long they sat like that. Being with Luke made time feel meaningless. He didn’t say anything, just tangled his fingers into her curls and nuzzled his nose against her temple until the tears finally subsided. She could feel the wet stain she had left along his collar against her cheek. That same smell that had drifted off of his towel earlier tickled her nose, foreign and yet comfortingly familiar all at the same time. She inhaled deeply, letting it seep into her bones until she knew she would recognize it anywhere. He swallowed and she felt the way his neck flexed, but she didn’t move from the cocoon of his arms.

“You’re like that too, ya know.”

Luke’s voice was so gentle she thought she might start crying again. The hand that was wrapped low around her hip traced feather light swirls against the thin strip of skin exposed there. Julie released a shuddery breath, pulling away just enough that she could look at his face, their noses almost brushing at the movement.

“The sun and the moon and the stars? That’s you, too. You’re just as magical, just as all-encompassing. All the best parts of your mom live on in you, Julie.”

His voice dipped, eyes blazing as they lowered to her lips for a brief second before rising to meet hers again. Julie felt her mouth fall open slightly, allowed herself to drown in the clear blue-green sea of his gaze. She gulped and watched him track the movement before he spoke again.

“I think I know exactly how your dad felt. I think I’ve been a little bit in love with you for years.”

His cheeks blazed bright red on that final quiet declaration, Julie’s warming to match. Neither one of them broke their stare down, and Julie thought she could feel the physical shift in the universe that was the two of them snapping into place together. The final piece of her soul being righted after a year of feeling lost and alone. Luke shifted impossibly closer, closing the last few millimeters of space between them so every part of their bodies pressed against each other.

“I wish you could have met her.”

The confession was wrenched from the softest part of her heart, meant only for Luke’s ears in this quiet moment that felt both infinite and precious.

“I do, too. But I’d like to think that a part of me did get to meet her. When I used to listen to you two play together, sometimes I would pretend I was right there with you, practicing scales and vocal warm-ups. You mom loved you so much, and I could hear it every time you guys were out here. I read that song so many times that even though I knew it was yours, it felt a little bit like mine, too. She might not be here physically, but her spirit is. I know you can feel it out here, and I can too. Nowhere else has ever felt as safe and loving as being here does.”

Luke’s voice had trailed off until it was nothing more than a breathy whisper on the last few lines. Julie felt her chest squeeze and burn, a fire lit within her soul for Luke and Luke alone. He was so right, and it was almost scary that he seemed to understand her so deeply after just a few days. And yet, at the same time, nothing else had ever felt so right.

Julie had never really believed in signs from the beyond before. She had begged for even a scrap of something to prove that her mom was still around for a year and had never received anything. But that had changed since the day Luke quite literally knocked her off of her feet. Now it was like everywhere she looked she could see the little parts of her mom that still lingered all around. Here, in the middle of the night, surrounded by the same four walls that her mom had infused with so much love, Julie felt like Luke was the ultimate sign. He had been the catalyst that led to her finding herself again, and all of that came down to her mom’s song. The song that Luke had rescued and protected for a year. The song that was the last love letter from her mom was also the first love letter from Luke. Everything had fallen back into place when he entered her life, and Julie couldn’t help but think that was her mom’s doing.

“Will you stay? The whole night? I meant it when I said this can be your safe space. She would have liked that.”

It wasn’t quite the same as Luke almost declaration of love, but Julie knew that he saw it for the serious gesture that it was. The way his pupils dilated and his hand flexed against her waist told her that he was reading in between her words, seeing everything she was leaving unsaid because it felt a little too big just then. He felt it just as strongly as she did, this thing between them that seemed to grow stronger with every passing second.

“I’ll stay.”

Two simple words, one simple statement. But Julie heard what he really meant. This promise wasn’t just for the night, it was eternal. The weight of it pressed against her like the baby blanket she still sometimes curled up with at night, strong and secure and never ending in its comfort. Two words that were a stand in for the three he couldn’t say just yet. Fire burned low in her belly, licking a path up to her heart and searing across her chest. Their eyes locked, a million emotions they weren’t ready to express flowing back and forth between them like a river. Overwhelmed, Julie pulled his head close and pressed her lips against his for the briefest moment before leaping from the couch. Stunned by her own boldness, she raised her fingertips to her lips and caught Luke doing the same. Like they could each feel the lingering phantom of the other.

“Okay, so, uh...I’ll see you in the morning?” 

Julie’s voice cracked and she fought hard to steady it before continuing. 

“My dad will leave at the same time so just, uh, wait until you hear him go and then come up to the house? Okay, yeah, okay...goodnight!”

She made a beeline for the studio doors, taking full advantage of Luke’s shocked silence to escape before she could embarrass herself even more by kissing him again. The sound of his melodic voice stopped her before she could make it outside.

“Hey, Julie?”

She turned, cheeks burning red hot and heart on fire. He was looking at her like she hung the moon, eyes bright and face shining with unbridled joy. Some of the jittery nervousness leeched from her limbs at the sight of him looking so at her so softly. Not trusting herself to speak, she tilted her head and waited a beat for him to continue. A smile broke across his face like the dawning of a new day and Julie found herself momentarily blinded by his shine.

“Sweet dreams.”

It was a gentle hum, his way of sending her off to bed with the sweetest lullaby imaginable playing in her head. It took everything she had to resist the urge to fling herself into his arms again. Instead, she bit her lip with a smile, turned on her heel, and fled back inside to the relative safety of her room. It was an hour and an entire ballad composed later that she was finally able to close her eyes and sleep, the memory of the way Luke’s lips felt against hers playing out in every single dream she had that night.

[sonderthroughthestreets]

Souls of the Underworld (Greek Myth AU)

Hi!!! I’ve been working on something for a while now and this is the first time I’m attempting something like this. This is a Greek Myth AU for sobbe and I don’t have everything figured out but I’m really excited to see where this goes! I’ll post the link but you can read it here too. I might have longer chapters going forward. Hope you enjoy reading it!

A/N: It’s an AU where they are demigods and it’s mainly centred around the Hades and Persephone myth. Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst. No warnings apply (for this chapter) 1861 words

AO3

Special thanks to @to-enter-polaris (whose gifset themes had started all this) @fvae @robbesdriesen and @lieverobbe for helping me with this! I love you all dearly💞

She wasn't always like this.

It wasn’t always messy words screamed in anger and torn apart syllables. It wasn’t shattered glass and shattered parts of herself, a wreckage in the storm. And it wasn’t a stream of negligence, silence hanging in the air, unintentional at best.

In the cold nights of winter, it would feel like a ghost swallowed in the dark, like a walking corpse floating silently down the halls. The grey skies would engulf her whole being in the mornings, unable to let her move or get out of bed. She wouldn’t eat, she wouldn’t sleep, she wouldn’t tend to things that needed to be tended to. Some days she’d swear she’d burn this whole city, a bitterness in her throat as she grumbled the words lying under the covers.

But she wasn't always like this.

In the months of a new spring or in the sweet heat of the summer, she would be different, completely reborn of ashes. It was as if her body would wake up from slumber, rejuvenated and refreshed, and in the midst of her slowly healing soul, she would hold a small, little boy in her arms. She would sway him and sing him lullabies to sleep, and as he got older, she would kiss his injuries and welcome him to her bed when he had nightmares. And when he got older still, she would run her fingers through his dark hair and she would make him breakfast, cutting up fruit for him. She would lay kiwis, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries, really any kind of berry, on a plate. Oranges and melons, apples and bananas. But as he got even older still, she told him that pomegranates were her favourite.

He would watch her slice open the rind and fiddle with the seeds, a yellow hazy glow surrounding her. The details of her face were hard to decipher, but her smile and warmth was there. It was a warmth as radiant as the sun. And that warmth would just slip away. Just when he felt like he could reach up and touch her, she always slipped away.

“Robbe,” he heard her voice, sweet as honey in the thick air. It echoed and faded into ringing.

“Robbe.”

His eyes abruptly opened and his body jolted in bed. Light peeked from the windows of his shared apartment, illuminating his room. The ringing hadn’t stopped and he realized it was the alarm on his phone buzzing. He let out a groan and turned it off. When his eyes focused on the screen, they widened to see the time. 08:35. He was late. He was very, very late.

Jumping out of bed, he threw on the shirt closest to him and headed for the bathroom. It was locked and as Robbe jostled the doorknob, he knew who was inside.

“Milan! Milan come on,” he yelled through the door. He brought his ear closer to hear him singing in the shower, completely unaware of his state of panic. Robbe sighed.

Just then, Zoë emerged from her room shuffling through the purse in her hands. She had an almost frantic look on her face as well.

“Robbe, have you seen my charger? I can’t find it and I have to meet Senne soon,” she asked him.

Sure enough, she was dressed for the fall weather, wearing a loose beige sweater layered over a fitted black full-sleeve, her blonde hair immaculately straight and her lips tainted with her favourite red lipstick. The effort wasn’t just all for Senne, but Robbe could smell the perfume he helped her buy and he noticed the extra rings she wore on her fingers. He could sense her frustration in not wanting to be late, to see him as soon as possible.

“Maybe try under the couch cushions,” he suggested. “Things always get stuck there.”

As Zoë turned into the living room to squeeze her hands through the cushions, Robbe tried knocking once more, calling out Milan’s name. When she returned with her charger, she thanked him and gave him a look of realization.

“Shouldn’t you be in class by now?” she asked.

“Slept in. And Milan is not helping,” Robbe rolled his eyes.

“Milan!” Zoë knocked. She turned back to Robbe. “He’ll be out soon. I hope,” she added. “We’re still meeting up tonight, right?”

She doubled checked her bag for her keys, her phone, and other essentials, then looked up to see how distracted Robbe looked. His mind was elsewhere, drifting through the memories of his dream, eyes fixated to the side. He could feel her watching him.

“Robbe?” Zoë asked. Robbe’s brown eyes lifted to meet hers finally and he tried to muster up the best smile he could manage.

“Yeah,” he said. Zoë didn’t look convinced but she also didn’t want to push him, especially when both of them were pressed for time and she knew how much Robbe didn’t like being late. So instead she opted to reach out and squeeze his shoulder with a solemn smile.

“I’ll see you tonight, then,” she said as she hurriedly left the apartment, the door clicking closed.

Robbe heard the shower stop and a humming Milan with a pink towel on his head opened the bathroom door.

“Finally!” he threw his hands up as he entered, ignoring Milan teasing him with a

“Wow, someone’s in a grumpy mood.” -

By the time Robbe rushed outside with his bike, the sun hid behind the clouds of grey skies. It smelled like rain, the petrichor oozing off the streets of Antwerp and as he rode, pedalling faster than ever, his energy depleted. His initial panic had worn off and now he just felt dread about going to class. As he turned a corner to the university, his mind kept seeping memories from his dream this morning. He always felt a twinge of bittersweet whenever he thought about his mother, but she never left his mind or heart.

The time spent with her in the summers, laughter floating through the air and the feeling of sadness when autumn came and she had to leave or the lonely winters when he was younger and it was just him and his papa, it all still burned in his memory. He’d just seen her the past month, but she had left again for therapy treatment. He’d speak with his dad from time to time with awkward pleasantries shared, but it just wasn’t the same, What little time he could spend with her, he cherished and whenever she left, he felt a gaping hole in his chest. God, he missed his mama.

Robbe quietly snuck into the lecture hall for his plant biology course, shaking his curls and trying not to rustle his brown jacket as he took it off. He sat in his seat next to Yasmina who gave him a squinty-eyed look.

“What?” he whispered.

“You’re late,” she whispered back.

“Yeah, and?”

“You’re never late.”

He glanced at her, her olive green hijab perfectly wrapped around her head and her pens laid on the desk neatly next to her notebook. Always on time, always prepared.

“Sorry,” was all he could say as he took out his own notebook, irritated that it was true but he couldn’t do anything about it now.

Yasmina looked like she wanted to say something but just then the door to the class opened and a student walked in. He slipped by unseen and promptly took what seemed to be the only seat available: next to Robbe. Others may not have noticed him, but Robbe’s eyes had followed him all the way until he sat down. He was donned in all black, shirt, jeans, jacket all black and his bleached blond hair looked almost white under the fluorescent lights. He had a strong jawline and perfectly tanned skin, radiating a glow Robbe didn’t know was possible.

When he glanced over at him, Robbe had turned his head back to his notebook so fast, he might have gotten whiplash. He tried to focus on the professor and his notes instead. Scribbling down the names of plants being mentioned, he also tried to slow his breathing. But that was pointless when the boy leaned over to look at his writing.

“You write the names in Latin and Greek?” he asked.

Robbe wasn’t expecting that question, yet he lifted his head to answer.

“Yeah,” he drawled slowly.

“Strange,” was all the boy said before looking straight ahead to the professor.

And Robbe didn’t know why but it irked him. For as long as he could remember, he’d been able to read and write in Greek and he would always accompany any Latin with Greek. Who was this guy, coming into class late, not even notebooks or a laptop open for notes, and what made him feel the need to comment on his notes? He hadn’t even seen him in class before now. If it wasn’t for the fact that he still felt groggy after waking up late, he’d probably say something, but instead he seethed in silence for the next hour and a half.

Once class ended and everyone packed up to leave, Robbe saw him glance over at him one more time, like he was deciding something, unsure and suspicious. Like he was sensing something. Sensing him.

Then he left.

“We’re studying Thursday for the midterm, right?” Yasmina piped up behind him. Robbe was almost startled.

“Yep,” he told her. “At 16:00?”

“Sounds good. Who was that?” she tilted her head at the now empty space where the boy had been.

“I don’t know. Never seen him before in this class,” Robbe shrugged.

“Me neither. Probably just transferred from another course or got off the waitlist for this one.”

“Probably.”

“I’m sorry I can’t make it tonight for the get-together,” Yasmina said as she lifted her bag. Robbe, his flat mates, and all their friends planned to spend some time together tonight at the apartment. It had been a while since all of them had been together, what with school and their own lives muddling in-between. Second year in uni for Robbe was turning out to be much easier than his first, but he still wanted to find time to dedicate to relaxing with his friends. Yasmina had been able to make it once before, but mostly she had to keep missing them.

“That’s ok. You know, you don’t have to apologize every time,” Robbe smiled at her.

“I know,” she returned the smile. “It’s just I really have to help out my parents and I wish I could be there.”

“Next time,” he blinked with a slight nod, lips curving up with sincerity.

“Maybe you could invite your new friend, too,” she teased.

“Again, I don’t know him,” he rolled his eyes.

While walking out of class together, he tried to ignore the nagging feeling inside of him that he would, get to know him that is. The nauseating feeling that irony would catch up to him. That feeling that there was something about that boy and he couldn’t be sure about him either.

The one that told him he sensed something in him too.

[artificialqueens]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer), Chapter 8 (Branjie, Jankie) - Joley

ao3

Chapter Summary: More people talk some sense into Jackie, then Jackie finally talks to Jan. Meanwhile, the adoption process continues for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.

Jackie had recovered after the initial breakdown. She had the wherewithal to realize she might have overreacted a bit, but the emotions she felt, the hurt she had, it was real. And she was eternally grateful for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa for helping her through it.

But now she was left in limbo, in a purgatory of her creation. It was hard enough for her to admit to herself that she had developed romantic feelings for Jan, acting on them was a whole other story. And it frustrated the hell out of her. She’s smart. She’s articulate. If she had a point to make, everyone in the room would receive the message loud and clear.

And yet, even thinking about Jan made her tongue-tied. She felt like she was back in high school with a hopeless crush. Though, she never had sex with any of her crushes. Further unlike past crushes, she knew she had to do something about it. She had spent a couple of days spitballing plans, either alone or with Brooke and Vanessa, but nothing seemed to be the one.

“You know none of this would’ve happened if you just talked to her in the first place, right?” Jaida asked after having been caught up on her friend’s romantic turmoil.

Jackie rolled her eyes and absentmindedly stirred her coffee as she spoke. “Yes, Jaida. I know none of this would’ve happened if I had been upfront with my feelings. Happy?”

“Admitting it is the first step,” she nodded simply.

“Great,” she retorted flatly, then paused to sip from her mug. “Then what’s step two? That’s kind of where I’m stuck at.”

Jaida strummed her fingers against the table as she thought. “Have you talked to this Nicky girl? Not like in a catfight kinda way but just to get the tea on what’s happening between them or whatever.”

Jackie blinked, then furrowed her brows. She hadn’t thought of that at all – to an extent, it seemed like that would be a complete overstep and only make things worse. But on the other, it couldn’t hurt to simply clear the air, right? “You think it’ll help?”

“I think it’s worth a shot. And if not, please make sure someone films the catfight, ‘cause I’d pay good money to see that shit.”

Jackie had spent the better part of the day thinking about it, weighing out the pros and cons. She eventually came to the conclusion that Jaida was right, it was better to know where everyone stood before she made any moves with Jan. On top of that, she knew she had to act fast, the fear that if she didn’t, Jan could easily move on with Nicky if she wanted to.

And the thought of that made Jackie’s heart ache - the thought that all of this emotional turmoil could be all for naught if Jan ended up choosing someone else. The worst part of that was knowing she would only have herself to blame if that happened.

But all of her emotions had to fall to the wayside if she wanted to have a calm discussion with Nicky. Her heart was pounding as she approached her, though she did her damndest not to let it show. “Hey… It’s Nicky, right? You have a minute?”

“Oh, I should have seen this coming,” Nicky chuckled softly. “Of course I do. May I be so bold as to assume this is about Jan?”

Jackie rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. She supposed she should have anticipated Nicky recognizing her and putting two and two together. “Well… Yes.”

Nicky shook her head as she sat down at the table, gesturing for Jackie to join her. “Before you ask, Jan and I are not dating. Our relationship is strictly sexy friendship. Don’t get me wrong, she’s lovely, but I have a strict ‘no dating before graduation’ policy. Personally, I don’t want anything getting in the way of a proper university life experience, if you know what I mean.”

Listening to Nicky was a lot more reassuring than Jackie had anticipated. She took solace in knowing this unfairly beautiful girl wasn’t a romantic rival. “So… You and Jan are friends with benefits, not dating, because you’re not interested in dating,” she nodded slowly. “But does she…”

“Fancy me?” Nicky finished, then shook her head. “Not in that way. I think I am a comfort to her. And I do not mind that role. Plus, to be completely honest, I believe she has the feelings for you.”

Jackie blinked rapidly, her heart skipping a beat and her brain momentarily short-circuiting. “You do? What, um, what makes you think that?”

Nicky shrugged. “She wanted to make you jealous. To me, you only try to get that reaction out of someone you have romantic interest with,” she explained. “She tries not to talk about you often, but when she does… there is something there.”

“Oh,” she cleared her suddenly dry throat, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “That’s good to know.”

“At the risk of overstepping, though that’s never stopped me before, I think you should tell her,” she said. “Seems like you’ve got a lot to work out. Lot of messy feelings.”

Jackie chuckled awkwardly. “You’re not the first person to say that. Not even the first person to say that today. Guess I really don’t have a choice, huh?”

“You always have a choice,” Nicky replied. “But I think you know which one to make.”

——

“You seem a lot more calm lately,” Gigi observed. “But distracted. What’s on your mind?”

Jan shrugged, picking at her plate with her fork, pushing her food around and only occasionally taking a bite. “I don’t know… I tend to worry that maybe I’m putting too much focus on my romantic life. Everything else is going well, but it kind of feels like a house of cards, you know?”

Gigi furrowed her brows. “It kind of sounds like you’re looking for something to worry about to avoid dealing with your actual problems.”

“Maybe,” she sighed. “I’m just waiting for… I don’t know, some sort of sign.” Before she could say anything else, her phone went off. “That was a little too on the nose…”

Despite her suspicions, she asked, “Who is it?”

Jan looked up from her phone. “It’s Jackie. She wants to know if I’m free tonight.”

“Which you are,” Gigi pointedly interjected.

She let out a dry laugh. “Which I am,” she confirmed and texted her back. “God, I hope we come away from this knowing where we stand with each other.”

“What if she asks you to stop sleeping with Nicky? Didn’t this all start over her feeling some type of way about that situation?”

Jan hesitated for a beat. “If she wants any say in who I sleep with, she’s gotta step up. You know, make an honest woman out of me.”

Gigi tilted her head. “You want her to propose?”

“No, no, but I can’t take the ambiguity anymore. Ask me out or cut me loose,” she took a deep breath. “Even if she doesn’t want me, I just need to know.”

Her friend looked at her with a sincere concern, as well as some confusion. “Jan, do you actually think there’s a chance she doesn’t want you? After all of this?”

Jan looked down, chewing on her lip. “I don’t know. Maybe I waited too long and she got over me. There’s only one way to find out, right?”

There was, as far as she was concerned. So, Jan emotionally collected herself as much as she could as she prepared to see Jackie. She had showered and did her hair, put on something nice while trying not to look like she was trying too hard. In an odd way, it felt like she was getting ready for both a job interview and a first date while it was distinctly neither.

She had to stop her hand from shaking as she knocked on Jackie’s door. She listened for Jackie’s footsteps to drown out her own heartbeat. This was her last chance to run, to avoid the confrontation for just a bit longer, to–

“Hey, Jan, come in.”

Her voice brought Jan’s train of thought to a grinding halt and she nodded, following Jackie inside without a word, though she did allow herself to take a few deep, leveling breaths.

Jackie sat down on the couch and waited for Jan to join her before speaking. “Listen, I don’t want you to think I went behind your back by doing this, but I talked to Nicky yesterday… Actually, she did most of the talking. But it was a good conversation nonetheless.”

Jan’s brows knitted as she listened. She wondered if that was why she hadn’t heard from Nicky today – she had merely assumed she was busy. “So you guys talked… Am I safe in assuming this has to do with us?”

“Well, yes,” Jackie rubbed the back of her neck and cleared her throat. “Jan, I…” Suddenly, everything she had prepared to say disappeared from her mind, a blank space in its place. There was a beat of hesitation before she decided to just speak from her heart. “I’ve been so fucking stupid. I’ve been driving myself crazy with guilt and fear and denial when I should’ve just been honest from the beginning.”

Jan swallowed thickly and leaned closer, nodding and gesturing for her to continue. “Being honest how?”

Jackie gently took Jan’s hand, looking her in the eye. “I should’ve just admitted how much I like you as soon as I realized it. How much I hated when you didn’t spend the night because I loved waking up to you in the morning. I should’ve just told you I was jealous of Nicky and asked you out instead of pushing you away and towards her.” She didn’t realize just how fast she had been talking until she paused to catch her breath. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m crazy about you, Jan. I want to be with you and– are you… Jan, are you crying?”

“No,” Jan blinked rapidly – she had spent far too long on her makeup to let any tears ruin it. “I’m fine, I just… I didn’t realize how much of a relief it’d be to finally hear you say that,” she admitted. Once she had collected herself, she moved closer to Jackie and cupped her face, placing a deep kiss to her lips. “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

Jackie felt her whole body relax. She gingerly raked her fingers through Jan’s hair as she reciprocated the kiss, then rest their foreheads together. “Good, because I’m not letting you go any time soon.”

The two of them sat in blissful silence for a few moments, until Jan broke it. “What happens now?”

“Whatever we want, I suppose,” she shrugged, laying back on the couch and pulling Jan on top of her. “We don’t have anything else to do, anywhere else to be, we can just be with each other.”

Jan smiled and laid comfortably on top of Jackie. “I like the sound of that,” she told her as she pressed kisses along her jaw. “But at the same time, why stop at just being?”

Jackie arched her brow, resting her hand on the back of Jan’s head and craning her neck, allowing Jan more access as her lips traveled down. “Oh? What exactly are you implying, sweetheart?”

“I’m implying that we should consummate our relationship. You know, make it official. Bang.”

“Isn’t consummating when you do it for the first time?” Jackie asked. “Nevermind, not the point, killing the mood. Yes, let’s have sex. Bang.”

Jan giggled. “You know, I never specifically found the whole nerdy thing so sexy before you,” she mused, kissing and leaving hickies along Jackie’s neck, pausing only to take her shirt off. “You’ve just changed me, Jackie.”

Jackie rolled her eyes fondly. “Shut up.” She waited for Jan to take a break from marking her neck up to kiss her properly, to hold her tight as their tongues tangled and their hands roamed each other’s bodies. They were eager and haphazard in stripping each other, nearly falling off of the couch at a few points.

When they finally got themselves together, Jan was on top with her head between Jackie’s thighs and Jackie’s head between hers. Once in position, for a turn of phrase, everything fell into place. They held onto each other tightly, competing with each other to elicit louder moans, to make the other’s body tremble harder. Their tongues and fingers thrusted steadily, firmly, only to slowly become erratic when both girls got closer to finishing.

Jan ended up coming first, much to Jackie’s smug satisfaction. But she was as determined as ever to get Jackie off as well, and she did follow suit not long after.

The two of them laid contently in the post-coital haze. Jan turned herself around to rest her head on Jackie’s chest, rising and falling with her deep breaths. “It felt different this time,” she admitted quietly, “it was like my body felt more awake.”

Jackie gently rubbed Jan’s back, nodding as she listened. “I think I know what you mean. It was more intense, like we got to connect more, not just in the literal sense, of course.”

“Of course,” Jan echoed with a soft laugh, then glanced down for a moment. “So, this seals the deal? We’re girlfriends now?”

Jackie didn’t mean to giggle, but she couldn’t help it with how overwhelmingly cute it was. In the past hour, she had professed her feelings for Jan, then had sex with her, and Jan still wanted to hear that reassurance, to know just how wanted she was, and that there was no way to misunderstand it. “Yes, Jan. We are unquestionably girlfriends now,” she assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“My dear Jackie, there’s no one else I would rather be stuck with,” Jan cooed.

——

“She’ll be ready for you in about ten minutes, you can go ahead and sit down in the meantime.”

“Thank you,” Brooke smiled politely at the receptionist before she and Vanessa took their seats on one of the couches in the spotlessly clean waiting room. She let out a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief moment, then opening them to look at her wife. “Are you nervous?”

Vanessa chewed on her lip and swung her legs. “Kinda, yeah. But mostly excited, you know? Actually lookin’ through potential kids, possibly picking one to meet, one that could be ours, it’s a lot to let sink in.”

Brooke offered a reassuring smile and wrapped her arm around Vanessa. “I know, it doesn’t even fully feel real yet. It might not until we actually have the kid in front of us. But I think we’ll know when it’s right, and it will have all been worth it.”

Vanessa rested her head on Brooke’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be such a good mommy.”

“So are you, baby,” she cooed and pressed a kiss to her head. She looked down when she heard her phone go off. “Oh, Jackie texted me.”

“More Jan problems?”

Brooke read the text, a bright smile taking over her face. “Actually, I think it’s the opposite of a problem. She said she and Jan talked things out yesterday and, I quote ‘among other things, winky face’, and now they’re in a relationship.”

Vanessa sat upright, eyes wide. “No shit, they finally worked their drama out, huh? Jan ain’t fucking the French girl no more either?”

“Apparently not,” she chuckled, sending Jackie a congratulatory text before putting her phone away. “I’m so happy for them. I feel like we need to get them a cake or something.”

“Vanessa? Brooke Lynn?” The receptionist pulled them from their conversation. “You guys can go down the hall to room 402.”

The couple stood up and said ‘thank you’ in unison, then made their way down the hall. The room they entered almost resembled a principal’s office. There was a teacher’s desk and two chairs, and the shelves and walls were adorned with various awards and group photos with children who, they assumed, had been through this agency.

The woman sitting at the desk seemed kind and happy to see them and gestured them in. “You must be Mrs. and Mrs. Hytes-Mateo, my name is Alisha. I’ve gone over your file and I’m excited to be working with you two.”

“Thank you, everyone has been so helpful so far and we’re really looking forward to taking the next step,” Brooke replied.

“Wonderful, now, based on your profiles and what we have on record so far, we have a few possible matches I’d like for you ladies to look at,” she said, taking a small stack of folders off the side of her desk and setting it in front for the two of them to look through.

What followed was several minutes of the two of them going back and forth between folders, discussing pros and cons, picturing how the different children would fit into their world. There were little things that withdrew some from the adoption pool – one was allergic to cats, another needed to live on the ground floor, things they’d taken into consideration, but not necessarily thought of mentioning.

But then Vanessa suddenly stopped, grabbing Brooke’s wrist to get her attention. “Boo, this is it. I just know it,” she pushed one of the folders into the center. “It’s her, she’s the one,” she insisted.

Brooke looked through the file, reading the information carefully, then looked at Vanessa with a smile. “Vanjie, baby, I think you are absolutely right.” She then redirected her attention to Alisha. “So, how do we put the wheels in motion?”

Alisha offered a warm smile and gestured for her to return the file. “Well, let’s see who you two settled on and we’ll get started.”

[missjanjie]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) | (8/?)

Title: Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke’s ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~24k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: E

read on ao3 | ko-fi

Chapter Summary: More people talk some sense into Jackie, then Jackie finally talks to Jan. Meanwhile, the adoption process continues for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.

-

Jackie had recovered after the initial breakdown. She had the wherewithal to realize she might have overreacted a bit, but the emotions she felt, the hurt she had, it was real. And she was eternally grateful for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa for helping her through it.

But now she was left in limbo, in a purgatory of her creation. It was hard enough for her to admit to herself that she had developed romantic feelings for Jan, acting on them was a whole other story. And it frustrated the hell out of her. She’s smart. She’s articulate. If she had a point to make, everyone in the room would receive the message loud and clear.

And yet, even thinking about Jan made her tongue-tied. She felt like she was back in high school with a hopeless crush. Though, she never had sex with any of her crushes. Further unlike past crushes, she knew she had to do something about it. She had spent a couple of days spitballing plans, either alone or with Brooke and Vanessa, but nothing seemed to be the one.

“You know none of this would’ve happened if you just talked to her in the first place, right?” Jaida asked after having been caught up on her friend’s romantic turmoil.

Jackie rolled her eyes and absentmindedly stirred her coffee as she spoke. “Yes, Jaida. I know none of this would’ve happened if I had been upfront with my feelings. Happy?”

“Admitting it is the first step,” she nodded simply.

“Great,” she retorted flatly, then paused to sip from her mug. “Then what’s step two? That’s kind of where I’m stuck at.”

Jaida strummed her fingers against the table as she thought. “Have you talked to this Nicky girl? Not like in a catfight kinda way but just to get the tea on what’s happening between them or whatever.”

Jackie blinked, then furrowed her brows. She hadn’t thought of that at all – to an extent, it seemed like that would be a complete overstep and only make things worse. But on the other, it couldn’t hurt to simply clear the air, right? “You think it’ll help?”

“I think it’s worth a shot. And if not, please make sure someone films the catfight, ‘cause I’d pay good money to see that shit.”

Jackie had spent the better part of the day thinking about it, weighing out the pros and cons. She eventually came to the conclusion that Jaida was right, it was better to know where everyone stood before she made any moves with Jan. On top of that, she knew she had to act fast, the fear that if she didn’t, Jan could easily move on with Nicky if she wanted to.

And the thought of that made Jackie’s heart ache - the thought that all of this emotional turmoil could be all for naught if Jan ended up choosing someone else. The worst part of that was knowing she would only have herself to blame if that happened.

But all of her emotions had to fall to the wayside if she wanted to have a calm discussion with Nicky. Her heart was pounding as she approached her, though she did her damndest not to let it show. “Hey… It’s Nicky, right? You have a minute?”

“Oh, I should have seen this coming,” Nicky chuckled softly. “Of course I do. May I be so bold as to assume this is about Jan?”

Jackie rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. She supposed she should have anticipated Nicky recognizing her and putting two and two together. “Well… Yes.”

Nicky shook her head as she sat down at the table, gesturing for Jackie to join her. “Before you ask, Jan and I are not dating. Our relationship is strictly sexy friendship. Don’t get me wrong, she’s lovely, but I have a strict ‘no dating before graduation’ policy. Personally, I don’t want anything getting in the way of a proper university life experience, if you know what I mean.”

Listening to Nicky was a lot more reassuring than Jackie had anticipated. She took solace in knowing this unfairly beautiful girl wasn’t a romantic rival. “So… You and Jan are friends with benefits, not dating, because you’re not interested in dating,” she nodded slowly. “But does she…”

“Fancy me?” Nicky finished, then shook her head. “Not in that way. I think I am a comfort to her. And I do not mind that role. Plus, to be completely honest, I believe she has the feelings for you.”

Jackie blinked rapidly, her heart skipping a beat and her brain momentarily short-circuiting. “You do? What, um, what makes you think that?”

Nicky shrugged. “She wanted to make you jealous. To me, you only try to get that reaction out of someone you have romantic interest with,” she explained. “She tries not to talk about you often, but when she does… there is something there.”

“Oh,” she cleared her suddenly dry throat, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “That’s good to know.”

“At the risk of overstepping, though that’s never stopped me before, I think you should tell her,” she said. “Seems like you’ve got a lot to work out. Lot of messy feelings.”

Jackie chuckled awkwardly. “You’re not the first person to say that. Not even the first person to say that today. Guess I really don’t have a choice, huh?”

“You always have a choice,” Nicky replied. “But I think you know which one to make.”

------

“You seem a lot more calm lately,” Gigi observed. “But distracted. What’s on your mind?”

Jan shrugged, picking at her plate with her fork, pushing her food around and only occasionally taking a bite. “I don’t know… I tend to worry that maybe I’m putting too much focus on my romantic life. Everything else is going well, but it kind of feels like a house of cards, you know?”

Gigi furrowed her brows. “It kind of sounds like you’re looking for something to worry about to avoid dealing with your actual problems.”

“Maybe,” she sighed. “I’m just waiting for… I don’t know, some sort of sign.” Before she could say anything else, her phone went off. “That was a little too on the nose…”

Despite her suspicions, she asked, “Who is it?”

Jan looked up from her phone. “It’s Jackie. She wants to know if I’m free tonight.”

“Which you are,” Gigi pointedly interjected.

She let out a dry laugh. “Which I am,” she confirmed and texted her back. “God, I hope we come away from this knowing where we stand with each other.”

“What if she asks you to stop sleeping with Nicky? Didn’t this all start over her feeling some type of way about that situation?”

Jan hesitated for a beat. “If she wants any say in who I sleep with, she’s gotta step up. You know, make an honest woman out of me.”

Gigi tilted her head. “You want her to propose?”

“No, no, but I can’t take the ambiguity anymore. Ask me out or cut me loose,” she took a deep breath. “Even if she doesn’t want me, I just need to know.”

Her friend looked at her with a sincere concern, as well as some confusion. “Jan, do you actually think there’s a chance she doesn’t want you? After all of this?”

Jan looked down, chewing on her lip. “I don’t know. Maybe I waited too long and she got over me. There’s only one way to find out, right?”

There was, as far as she was concerned. So, Jan emotionally collected herself as much as she could as she prepared to see Jackie. She had showered and did her hair, put on something nice while trying not to look like she was trying too hard. In an odd way, it felt like she was getting ready for both a job interview and a first date while it was distinctly neither.

She had to stop her hand from shaking as she knocked on Jackie’s door. She listened for Jackie’s footsteps to drown out her own heartbeat. This was her last chance to run, to avoid the confrontation for just a bit longer, to–

“Hey, Jan, come in.”

Her voice brought Jan’s train of thought to a grinding halt and she nodded, following Jackie inside without a word, though she did allow herself to take a few deep, leveling breaths.

Jackie sat down on the couch and waited for Jan to join her before speaking. “Listen, I don’t want you to think I went behind your back by doing this, but I talked to Nicky yesterday… Actually, she did most of the talking. But it was a good conversation nonetheless.”

Jan’s brows knitted as she listened. She wondered if that was why she hadn’t heard from Nicky today – she had merely assumed she was busy. “So you guys talked… Am I safe in assuming this has to do with us?”

“Well, yes,” Jackie rubbed the back of her neck and cleared her throat. “Jan, I…” Suddenly, everything she had prepared to say disappeared from her mind, a blank space in its place. There was a beat of hesitation before she decided to just speak from her heart. “I’ve been so fucking stupid. I’ve been driving myself crazy with guilt and fear and denial when I should’ve just been honest from the beginning.”

Jan swallowed thickly and leaned closer, nodding and gesturing for her to continue. “Being honest how?”

Jackie gently took Jan’s hand, looking her in the eye. “I should’ve just admitted how much I like you as soon as I realized it. How much I hated when you didn’t spend the night because I loved waking up to you in the morning. I should’ve just told you I was jealous of Nicky and asked you out instead of pushing you away and towards her.” She didn’t realize just how fast she had been talking until she paused to catch her breath. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m crazy about you, Jan. I want to be with you and– are you… Jan, are you crying?”

“No,” Jan blinked rapidly – she had spent far too long on her makeup to let any tears ruin it. “I’m fine, I just… I didn’t realize how much of a relief it’d be to finally hear you say that,” she admitted. Once she had collected herself, she moved closer to Jackie and cupped her face, placing a deep kiss to her lips. “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

Jackie felt her whole body relax. She gingerly raked her fingers through Jan’s hair as she reciprocated the kiss, then rest their foreheads together. “Good, because I’m not letting you go any time soon.”

The two of them sat in blissful silence for a few moments, until Jan broke it. “What happens now?”

“Whatever we want, I suppose,” she shrugged, laying back on the couch and pulling Jan on top of her. “We don’t have anything else to do, anywhere else to be, we can just be with each other.”

Jan smiled and laid comfortably on top of Jackie. “I like the sound of that,” she told her as she pressed kisses along her jaw. “But at the same time, why stop at just being?”

Jackie arched her brow, resting her hand on the back of Jan’s head and craning her neck, allowing Jan more access as her lips traveled down. “Oh? What exactly are you implying, sweetheart?”

“I’m implying that we should consummate our relationship. You know, make it official. Bang.”

“Isn’t consummating when you do it for the first time?” Jackie asked. “Nevermind, not the point, killing the mood. Yes, let’s have sex. Bang.”

Jan giggled. “You know, I never specifically found the whole nerdy thing so sexy before you,” she mused, kissing and leaving hickies along Jackie’s neck, pausing only to take her shirt off. “You’ve just changed me, Jackie.”

Jackie rolled her eyes fondly. “Shut up.” She waited for Jan to take a break from marking her neck up to kiss her properly, to hold her tight as their tongues tangled and their hands roamed each other’s bodies. They were eager and haphazard in stripping each other, nearly falling off of the couch at a few points.

When they finally got themselves together, Jan was on top with her head between Jackie’s thighs and Jackie’s head between hers. Once in position, for a turn of phrase, everything fell into place. They held onto each other tightly, competing with each other to elicit louder moans, to make the other’s body tremble harder. Their tongues and fingers thrusted steadily, firmly, only to slowly become erratic when both girls got closer to finishing.

Jan ended up coming first, much to Jackie’s smug satisfaction. But she was as determined as ever to get Jackie off as well, and she did follow suit not long after.

The two of them laid contently in the post-coital haze. Jan turned herself around to rest her head on Jackie’s chest, rising and falling with her deep breaths. “It felt different this time,” she admitted quietly, “it was like my body felt more awake.”

Jackie gently rubbed Jan’s back, nodding as she listened. “I think I know what you mean. It was more intense, like we got to connect more, not just in the literal sense, of course.”

“Of course,” Jan echoed with a soft laugh, then glanced down for a moment. “So, this seals the deal? We’re girlfriends now?”

Jackie didn’t mean to giggle, but she couldn’t help it with how overwhelmingly cute it was. In the past hour, she had professed her feelings for Jan, then had sex with her, and Jan still wanted to hear that reassurance, to know just how wanted she was, and that there was no way to misunderstand it. “Yes, Jan. We are unquestionably girlfriends now,” she assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“My dear Jackie, there’s no one else I would rather be stuck with,” Jan cooed.

------

“She’ll be ready for you in about ten minutes, you can go ahead and sit down in the meantime.”

“Thank you,” Brooke smiled politely at the receptionist before she and Vanessa took their seats on one of the couches in the spotlessly clean waiting room. She let out a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief moment, then opening them to look at her wife. “Are you nervous?”

Vanessa chewed on her lip and swung her legs. “Kinda, yeah. But mostly excited, you know? Actually lookin’ through potential kids, possibly picking one to meet, one that could be ours, it’s a lot to let sink in.”

Brooke offered a reassuring smile and wrapped her arm around Vanessa. “I know, it doesn’t even fully feel real yet. It might not until we actually have the kid in front of us. But I think we’ll know when it’s right, and it will have all been worth it.”

Vanessa rested her head on Brooke’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be such a good mommy.”

“So are you, baby,” she cooed and pressed a kiss to her head. She looked down when she heard her phone go off. “Oh, Jackie texted me.”

“More Jan problems?”

Brooke read the text, a bright smile taking over her face. “Actually, I think it’s the opposite of a problem. She said she and Jan talked things out yesterday and, I quote ‘among other things, winky face’, and now they’re in a relationship.”

Vanessa sat upright, eyes wide. “No shit, they finally worked their drama out, huh? Jan ain’t fucking the French girl no more either?”

“Apparently not,” she chuckled, sending Jackie a congratulatory text before putting her phone away. “I’m so happy for them. I feel like we need to get them a cake or something.”

“Vanessa? Brooke Lynn?” The receptionist pulled them from their conversation. “You guys can go down the hall to room 402.”

The couple stood up and said ‘thank you’ in unison, then made their way down the hall. The room they entered almost resembled a principal’s office. There was a teacher’s desk and two chairs, and the shelves and walls were adorned with various awards and group photos with children who, they assumed, had been through this agency.

The woman sitting at the desk seemed kind and happy to see them and gestured them in. “You must be Mrs. and Mrs. Hytes-Mateo, my name is Alisha. I’ve gone over your file and I’m excited to be working with you two.”

“Thank you, everyone has been so helpful so far and we’re really looking forward to taking the next step,” Brooke replied.

“Wonderful, now, based on your profiles and what we have on record so far, we have a few possible matches I’d like for you ladies to look at,” she said, taking a small stack of folders off the side of her desk and setting it in front for the two of them to look through.

What followed was several minutes of the two of them going back and forth between folders, discussing pros and cons, picturing how the different children would fit into their world. There were little things that withdrew some from the adoption pool – one was allergic to cats, another needed to live on the ground floor, things they’d taken into consideration, but not necessarily thought of mentioning.

But then Vanessa suddenly stopped, grabbing Brooke’s wrist to get her attention. “Boo, this is it. I just know it,” she pushed one of the folders into the center. “It’s her, she’s the one,” she insisted.

Brooke looked through the file, reading the information carefully, then looked at Vanessa with a smile. “Vanjie, baby, I think you are absolutely right.” She then redirected her attention to Alisha. “So, how do we put the wheels in motion?”

Alisha offered a warm smile and gestured for her to return the file. “Well, let’s see who you two settled on and we’ll get started.”

[clumsyclifford]

prompt: alex says goodnight to the horses and when he gets back inside jack has tea waiting for him made perfectly

you know i really didnt think i would write this tonight but then i did

ao3 link!

-

It’s getting chilly out, but damn it, that is not going to stop Alex. His horses are his best friends. They deserve goodnight wishes as much as anyone else. Sometimes he likes them more than his actual best friends, if only because they won’t ever tell him to stop talking about the possibility of life on another planet or eat the last Oreo but put the empty package back in the tour bus cabinet because they thought it’d be a funny prank. (Rian.) 

Horses aren’t super chatty, sure, but at least they’re not assholes.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he says, smiling as he walks up to the stables, where he can see Theo and Beaux. Their eyes are still open but they’ll be asleep soon. They’re like old people in that way; always asleep before nine o’clock, these guys. “Hi, beautiful. Hi, you guys. Hey.” 

They say nothing, predictably, so Alex walks first up to Beaux. “Goodnight, honey,” he says, tenderly kissing the bridge of his nose. He doesn’t smell great. Maybe tomorrow they should wash the horses. Or maybe on Monday. Alex isn’t sure he’ll feel like doing it tomorrow, though he knows it has to be done regardless. “Sleep well. Dream of carrots. Dream of…of winning a horse race. Not that I’d ever make you race. I’m not a monster.”

Beaux doesn’t answer, just snuffles loudly. Alex laughs. “I wouldn’t! I swear. Anyway, you wouldn’t last a minute in a real horse race, you lazy fucker.” He pats Beaux’s nose affectionately, strokes it once more. “Alright. Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning.”

A few steps leads him to Theo’s stable, where Theo has been watching him patiently until Alex reaches him. “Hey,” Alex says softly. “You look tired, man. Long day? Hey, why the long face?” He chuckles to himself. “That’s not even a funny joke. I think I’m getting old, Theo. I’m way too much of a dad for someone without kids.” Although he’s not really childless, is he? He’s got all these animals to take care of, and surely that’s the same thing. Or at least similar. Someone’s got to have done a psychological study on the effects of having pets instead of kids. They can’t be that different. After all, Alex is here tucking them in. That’s pretty fatherly.

Theo nudges at Alex shoulder. “Okay, shit,” Alex says, smiling. “I’m getting to it.” He pauses for effect. “Goodnight, Theo.” Rubbing a hand affectionately over Theo’s nose, he adds, “Dream of beating Beaux in a horse race.”

Theo also snuffles. Maybe, Alex muses, it’s the horse way of saying goodnight. Though they kind of do it all the time, so maybe not. Alex should look into that. After he looks into the whole pets-as-kids thing. His to-Google list is growing by the minute. 

His hands are also getting cold, so he quickly kisses Theo’s nose and pats his cheek. “Sleep well. Sweet dreams. Love you both. See you in the morning.” And he backs away, rubbing his palms together.

The farm might look eerie at night to a stranger, but to Alex it’s familiar enough not to scare him anymore. Now it feels almost like a summer camp, and Alex feels like a rogue camper out of bed past quiet hours. The world is his oyster. Maybe one night they ought to take some blankets out and stargaze. Glancing up, Alex can see a smattering of stars overhead, and for a moment he’s distracted and slows to a stop just to stare.

The stars are so beautiful out here. The sky is so pretty. Alex dedicates a lot of brainpower towards thinking about the galaxy — probably more than is healthy — but when he’d been living in L.A. it had always been something of a distant train of thought, because there’s so much light pollution in L.A. that the stars are more fantasy than reality.

Here, though, in rural Maryland, a fair distance away from civilization, the stars overhead had been what had sealed the deal for Alex, when they’d been thinking about whether or not they ought to buy a farm. And now, head tilted far back to gaze up into the sky, Alex thinks they made the right choice.

Fuck, it’s pretty out here. The universe is capable of creating such lovely things.

When it’s been long enough, Alex shakes himself out of his reverie. The cold is seeping into his skin everywhere it’s exposed to air, and his hands are starting to feel more like ice blocks attached to the ends of his arms. He tucks them under his armpits and continues his trek to the house.

“Back,” he calls out as he enters through the front door. It’s nice and warm inside, but Alex’s hands are still really fucking cold, so he puts them back under his arms as he nudges the door shut with his hip.

“How did it go? Have they said goodnight back yet?”

“Not yet,” Alex says, following the voice to the kitchen, “but any day now. I can feel it.” He pauses. “Whatcha doin’?”

Jack looks up at him, but he doesn’t stop stirring the mug. “Making tea,” he says. “What’s it look like?”

Alex blinks. “Making tea?”

“Yeah,” Jack says. “For you.”

“For me?”

“Well, I don’t like tea,” Jack says, which is patently untrue, but whatever. “Yeah. It’s kinda cold out, and you always make yourself tea after you get back from saying goodnight to the horses, so I thought I’d kinda, you know, cut out the middleman or — whatever, the point is I made your tea for you so you wouldn’t have to.”

Alex steps towards Jack, who pushes the mug across the island towards him. There’s steam rising off the top, and the color looks right, but honestly Alex hadn’t realized Jack ever paid attention when Alex made tea. “What…is in this?”

Jack raises his eyebrows. “Cocaine and dog food. What the fuck do you think, it’s tea. Milk and sugar. How you like it.”

Alex feels a fond smile cross his face. “This is so cute,” he says, reaching for the tea and wrapping his hands around the mug. It’s too hot and he has to pull his hands away after a couple seconds, but he can’t stop smiling. “You made my tea.”

“Yeah,” Jack says. He looks pleased. “Well, I hope I didn’t fuck it up. You should probably try it before you tell me it’s cute.”

“I didn’t say it was good, I said it was cute,” Alex says. “Which it is.” He abandons the tea for a moment in favor of approaching Jack, who’s cozy in an orange hoodie and black sweats, hair mussed up from the day. Still, in his dressed-down state, Alex has never seen anything more beautiful than Jack.

He brings his hands up to press against Jack’s cheeks. Jack jerks. “Fuck, your hands are freezing!”

“It’s cold outside,” Alex says, smiling still. He doesn’t move his hands away and Jack doesn’t make any effort to. “I love you.”

“It’s just tea,” Jack says quietly.

Alex kisses him. Jack’s lips are warm on Alex’s cold ones, but it’s nice — almost like Jack can reset Alex’s internal temperature, like the very act of their being together is enough to achieve perfect equilibrium. Kissing Jack might not be a cure-all, but it absolutely is a cure-most, and Alex cashes in whenever he can possibly find a reason to, and frequently even when he can’t.

And Jack’s made Alex’s tea. Jack has made himself a part of one of Alex’s favorite nighttime rituals. Alex is so in love he doesn’t have the words.

“Thank you for the tea,” he whispers, stealing one more kiss before stepping away and picking up the mug. Jack has a silly smile on his face that he’s trying his best to hide. Alex waits a moment, blows away the steam over the mug, then lifts it to his lips and takes a careful sip.

It tastes just right, and somehow Alex is both surprised and not. Sure, Jack keeps him company every evening while he puts together his nightly tea, but Alex never expected Jack to be paying attention. It’s just tea, like Jack had said. Not the kind of detail boyfriends are necessarily supposed to remember about each other.

On the other hand, though, Alex is the luckiest man alive to have Jack, and Jack is constantly surprising him. And Jack is much better at proving his love than saying it, so of course he remembers how Alex takes his tea. Of course he would make it.

“I poisoned it, by the way,” Jack says, just as Alex swallows. 

Alex laughs. “Well, it’s not affecting the taste at all. It tastes amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Jack. Literally perfect. You got it exactly right. This might be the best cup of tea I’ve ever had.”

“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

It is the best cup of tea Alex has ever had, actually. Not because it tastes good — sure, it tastes good, but after a certain point a good cup of tea is just a good cup of tea — but because Jack had made it. Obviously that’s too cheesy to say, so Alex just thinks it really hard, figuring Jack will probably get it anyway from his face.

Jack slides in his socks over to Alex’s side and wraps his arms around Alex’s waist. His chin digs into Alex’s shoulder. “Lemme taste.”

Alex sighs, grins. He lifts the mug up, trying to glance down to see where Jack’s mouth kind of is, and when he’s pretty sure it’s in the right place he carefully tilts it. Against all odds, nothing spills. Jack takes a sip, and Alex brings the mug close to his chest again.

“It’s actually pretty good,” says Jack. “Maybe I should have made myself a cup too.”

“You can share mine.”

Jack hums. He squeezes Alex’s middle, pressing himself flush against Alex’s back, even closer than he’d been. “That’s okay. I’m good right here.”

“Don’t wanna sit down or something?”

“Can’t hug you if we’re sitting.”

“That is true,” Alex concedes. “But I can look at you, which I would love to do.”

Jack scoffs. “I’m nothing to look at, babe. I’m literally in sweats.”

Nobody in the world has ever made sweats look as good as Jack does, is the thing. “I know,” Alex says. “But I just like looking at you. Don’t call me cheesy. I already know you’re going to, so stop it.”

“That’s just cheesy as fuck,” Jack says anyway, kissing Alex’s cheek. “You’re gonna get cheese in your tea.”

“That’s so gross, can you imagine tea with cheese?”

“I bet that’s a thing. In Asia or something. They make some weird shit over there.”

Alex chuckles. “Maybe.” He sets the mug down on the island and turns around in Jack’s arms, and Jack doesn’t protests, though he also doesn’t move his arms away, and they remain encircling Alex’s waist, linked behind his back. Alex brushes his palms over Jack’s shoulders, smoothing the fabric of his hoodie, and curls his fingers around Jack’s neck, which is warm like the rest of him. “You’re a good-looking guy, you know that?”

“I do know that,” Jack says, smiling so so softly. He doesn’t smile like that for just anyone, Alex knows; it’s a special Jack smile, only for Alex. “You’re a pretty handsome boy yourself.”

Alex kisses him again, just for the hell of it. Because he can. Because he’s got Jack in his arms, prettier than any other fucking thing; because Jack’s his boyfriend and that means Alex gets to kiss him whenever; because he loves Jack, is in love with Jack, and sometimes kissing him is the only way to adequately communicate that. 

They show love in different ways. Alex says it aloud, traces it into Jack’s skin, brands him with touches and kisses to remind him.

Jack makes Alex tea.

“Love you,” he murmurs again, though he’s already said it. Jack could call him on it, but instead he does that rare Jack smile again.

“Love you more,” he breathes, before capturing Alex’s mouth with his own.

The universe truly is capable of creating such lovely things. And if a sky full of stars is a home run, then Jack Barakat is a grand fucking slam.