#i keep watching horror anthologies and many feature tapeworms/parasites eating people from the inside out until they die and i get jealous.

[fagsex]

theres no way to post about how i lowkey super hate my body and how it leads me to be treated by not only absolute strangers but also my family members within my household and also people being newly introduced into my life and everything without seeming hashtag problematic or body negative or whatever and yeah i can hate systems or whatever and i can hate how they treat me and i can hate all the day long but it wont make it stop. and people will talk all day long about not caring how people think about you but they must have never been treated differently by people that are supposed to care and not care alike. and obviously theres a lot of worse types of i dont fuckin know prejudice or whatever people want to classify it but that doesnt make it not hurt and not happen. and i dont Like the way my body looks if you want to get down to it. i dont like it on me. it doesnt feel like me, and aspects of it are actively making me more dysphoric and hate myself more by the day. and weighing a more standard weight wouldnt fix it overnight LOL but even weighing a bit less would make it so much easier to exercise more and do more physically. because as is, i am limited to what i can do to improve my body BY my body. it makes me want to cry just thinking about it and thinking about how casually people find me disgusting. how my parents came home with a funny story about how this family friend / client went on a tangent about how weird she thinks i am and specifically mentioned her *want* for me to go on ozempic, by name, unprompted. and i cant do anything right when it comes to food. if i go in a calorie deficit my parents have a fake worry. if i omad its a fake worry. but if i eat and enjoy the food my father makes me, and no matter how much i reiterate the only food i am eating is the food he makes me because i live in this house and literally cannot and do not go anywhere without either one of my parents, its disgusting, and its with a look. nothing can be done right. and maybe thats a them problem but at the end of the day it does not matter. holy fucking shit i want to die over this sometimes LOL