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fishoutofcamelot · 4 years ago

Note

I saw your r recent contribution to the post about hard vs soft magic systems and I agree wholeheartedly. You also mentioned having a bunch of worldbuilding and stuff about the magic system, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to share some?

(For reference, this is the post in question)

Certainly! While the worldbuilding/magicbuilding hellscape i was describing in the notes is actually in regards to an original-content wip I've been working on, i also have a LOT of headcanons regarding the BBCM magic system too! (Do not ask about my wip's magic system, because i won't be able to shut up about it)

WARNING: long post ahead and mobile won't let me include a cutoff/read-more line. If you're not interested, get ready to scroll down like your life depends on it (and it does).

So! First things first. Here's what we know about the BBCM magic system:

Magic requires spells, most of the time. This seems like a no-brainer, but still an important distinction. There are a lot of magic systems that don't require vocalized spells - Avatar: the Last Airbender, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Ninjago, to name a few. Spells are rather common for wizard/witch/medieval fantasies, and are typically used to control and channel the intent of the magic. This suggests that the magic of BBCM is some kind of force or energy that needs spoken commands to control.

Spells are repurposed words from Old English, aka the language of the Old Religion. (Let's ignore the obvious anachronistic nightmare of the fact that Old English is exactly the same language they would've been speaking in this time period.)

The use of a spell causes someone's eyes to flare gold, plus that fancy wooshing sound effect that Arthur miraculously never hears. This suggests that magic somehow changes your physiology, although it could be also just be a side effect of channeling.

However, magic doesn't always require a spell. Though never fully explained, it appears to be something only innate magic users are capable of - Merlin, Morgana, Mordred. It is something less controllable than spellwork, typically governed by moments of strong emotion rather than logical intent.

The show consistently flip-flops between the idea that magic is something you're born with, and that Merlin is rare for being born with magic. It's never clarified just how someone acquires magic. Gaius asks Merlin where he studied, suggesting that it's something you can learn, while Balinor claims that you either have it or you don't. Though not confirmed fact, i suspect it's similar to how it works in the show Supernatural. There, some witches are natural-born, while others are taught (and some get their powers from spooky demon deals).

It has a life-for-a-life policy. Basically like the Law of Equivalent Exchange from Fullmetal Alchemist, a life cannot be created without another one being sacrificed first. This rule only canonically applies to creating life/the Cup of Life, and any other possible applications aren't addressed.

This rule apparently doesn't apply to animals, as Merlin brought a dog statue to life without killing anyone (that we know of), and Valiant's shield had three live snakes in it. However, it's possible that lives were taken as payment in the process of animation without Merlin's knowledge, but it never happens on screen so we don't know. So either a) animals don't have souls to exchange in the life-for-a-life policy, b) they do but it happens off-screen, or c) those animated animals aren't actually alive.

The Cup of Life infuriates me from a magicbuilding perspective. Ignoring the obvious question of how it came into the druids' possession, its existence isn't clearly defined. Does it require the fancy rain ritual that Nimueh gave it, or was she just extra? Why does drinking from it give you life, while bleeding into it makes you undead and also mindlessly obedient to the sorcerer who made you as such? Were there life-for-a-life consequences for creating an immortal army? Wtf happened on the Isle of the Blessed to allow Merlin to "master life and death", and what does that even mean? All valid questions that never get answered.

Spells sometimes need need a 'source'. Think the staff from "The Tears of Uther Pendragon" and Morgana from "The Fires of Idirsholas." It is unclear what makes these spells different/special.

There is a power hierarchy. Some spells are too powerful for some practitioners to cast, although the reason for this is unclear. Does it drain you of energy/life force? Do you exhaust/overwork your magic muscles? Do you get a little pop-up that says 404 Magic Not Found? Unclear.

Magic is something that can be trained and improved. For example, Morgana gradually became more powerful over time. Merlin naturally had a lot of power straight off the jump and just had to discipline it, but he's a ~special~ case so he doesn't count.

There are some subsets of magic that are definitively born traits. Morgana is a Seer, possessing this capability even before her magic manifested. Likewise, Merlin is a dragonlord, which he inherited from Balinor. Although Balinor did mention that it wasn't a sure thing he would have the ability until he faced a dragon, so there may be some variation in whether or not someone lucks out in the Magic Gene Pool. This may suggest that natural-born magic is hereditary, as both Morgana and her sister Morgause had it. Vivienne and Gorlois both probably didn't have it, otherwise you'd hear Uther bellyaching about it, which raises the question of where they got it? A grandparent, perhaps? Maybe they both carried a recessive magic gene or something...

Unless you're Merlin, magic can be taken away by the Gean Canagh. It's not explained how this is possible, though, as it's never explained how you acquire magic in the first place. But Merlin never lost his magic because he's "magic itself" which if you ask me is just a deus ex machina wrapped inside a headache wrapped inside a heaping load of chosen one bullcrap. But it's canonical lore, so we have to consider it.

Despite my previous complaints, i actually find the idea of Merlin being "magic itself" rather intriguing. Is he a creature of magic, like a dragon or a questing beast? Is his body made of magic, like how a statue might be made of clay? Does it run through his veins like blood? If this is the case, then why didn't he suffer more severe ramifications for losing his magic? Why didn't it kill him? How did it restrict his magic in the first place? Placebo effect? The fanon explanation is that he's "the living embodiment of magic" but that makes my bullcrap richter scale shoot off the charts because that makes NO sense whatsoever. "Son of the earth, sea, and sky?" What does that MEAN?

There is a vivid link between magic and the Old Religion, which has its own beliefs and rituals and deities. Primarily, the Triple Goddess. The Triple Goddess is actually an existing deity in Neopaganism and Wicca. This also suggests the existence of the Horned God, another entity from neopagan lore and her masculine consort/counterpart, but that is never confirmed.

WHO. OR. WHAT. IS. THE. FREAKING. DOCHRAID. She's described as a creature of magic, which suggests that humans/humanoids can be creatures of magic, fueling my theory that 'Emrys' isn't human.

Destiny exists. It is unclear who creates/writes destiny, who controls it, who or what is privy to knowing about it, and what that means for the concept of free will.

The crystal cave is a thing, i guess. It's the heart of magic, is haunted by Taliesin, and is filled with prophetic crystals. I actually skipped the episodes that involve this stuff because i disliked them, so i don't know much about the Crystal Cave. Apparently ghosts can manifest there tho???

The veil is a thing too. It is unclear how some spirits can retain their human figure and mentality, like Balinor and Uther, but others become dorocha. I imagine its also like Supernatural - being a ghost for long enough will drive you insane, and though it takes a while all spirits eventually turn into dorocha.

Creatures of magic exist. These are normal creatures who have magic imbued into them somehow.

Okay, i think that's everything we know. It seems like a lot, but keep in mind that all of those rules are VERY nebulous. But that at least gives us a jumping-off point!

So here's my working theory/headcanon.

Magic comes from a connection to the spiritual energies of the Triple Goddess. Kinda like a third eye, and for the sake of simplicity that's what we'll call it. The druids have adapted a way of life that revolves around faith and magic, likely in an attempt to cultivate and one day attain this Third Eye. Like Gaius, who trained with the High Priestesses, you can study and practice and discipline yourself into acquiring it.

Magic is a cosmic force owned by the Triple Goddess, accessible to anyone with the Third Eye link. Imagine the Triple Goddess as a milkshake and the so-called Third Eye as a straw. The studying and training that people dedicate their whole lives to is basically just looking for/building a straw.

However, some people are just naturally born with a straw in hand, but require practice and study to be able to properly use it. Or like Morgana, it takes a few years for them to even find it/activate it.

Spellcasting is essentially just sucking through the straw, and the vocalized spells gives that Magic Milkshake some purpose/intent/shape.

The bigger the spell, the more Magic Milkshake is required. Some people have bigger/wider straws than others, so magic comes easier for them. But with enough training and practice anyone can widen their straw/strengthen their straw-sucking muscles to cast with the big leagues.

The Gean Canagh devours your straw/Third Eye. Perhaps you have to rebuild a new spiritual connection from scratch, or perhaps it permanently severs any and all connection to the Triple Goddess. Like getting excommunicated from the Church, only worse.

The Crystal Cave was/is the Triple Goddess's home, but she's out of town on a business trip atm so she left the spirit of her most loyal follower, Taliesin, to look after the place. It's super powerful and has all those cool crystals because it's hella steeped in her magic juices.

While most magic users get a standard-issue straw, others get Fancy Premium Membership Straws. Normal joe shmoes like Gilli have plastic straws, while a Seer like Morgana has a metal one or something (can you tell this metaphor is starting to get out of hand?). Those Premium Straws are only hereditary in nature. So there's a Seer Straw, or a Dragonlord Straw, or a Disir Straw, but it's also not a sure thing you'll even inherit it at all. It's all luck of the straw draw.

Creatures of magic aren't just animals that possess straws, though. They've been made/produced using magic rituals and processes and spells. Like Nimueh's afanc, nathairs, wraiths, shades, etc. So probably like a thousand years ago, some especially powerful shmuck came by and invented dragons. Which leads me to an important question: WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THE DOCHRAID WAS A GOOD IDEA.

Im reluctant to say these creatures were invented by the Triple Goddess, though, for reasons I'll get to in a moment.

So this still leaves the whole Cup of Life, life-for-a-life policy thing to be explained. I do believe that the policy is universally applicable to the creation of souls, and i do believe that animals have souls too. But individuals get their souls exchanged for those of equal value. So every soul has a certain weight to it, and you need to exchange souls of equal weight to create one. So when Merlin brought the dog to life, some random dog somewhere dropped dead against his knowledge.

Creating undead armies involves killing them and then resurrecting them. That's what 'undead' means. Zombies. So yes, to raise an immortal zombie army, Morgause's spell probably caused a bunch of people around the world to mysteriously drop dead.

Which leaves two last things to explain: destiny and Merlin.

Destiny is, i think, a combined effort between human choice and supernatural predeterminism. That is, for the most part humans make their own choices, but there are occasions where the Triple Goddess has to step in and do some course correction. Uther starting the Purge was free will, but Arthur and Merlin's destiny was an act of divine damage control. The Triple Goddess sets destiny into motion and informs a chosen few about it.

Okay SO. That leaves Merlin. And this is the bit im kinda excited about.

The Triple Goddess is a reservoir of power, a cosmic force of spiritual energy intrinsicallu linked to the fabric of the universe. People can spiritually reach out and tune into/channel her supernatural frequencies. But as a milkshake cannot suck itself through a straw, the Triple Goddess likewise cannot cast a spell. She can influence destiny, but she can't physically cast any magic on her own. That's why she didn't create the creatures of magic.

So a few years ago, Uther hecked up big time. And people of magic, the Triple Goddess's followers and acolytes and straw connections, were dying in droves. I can imagine that all those Third Eye tethers snapping en masse was painful for her to go through. She relies on the tethers to remain connected to the real world, and if all the tethers snap then she will be cut off from Earth altogether. And Earth requires magic to continue existing/thriving, so that's kind of a no-no.

So, the Triple Goddess knew that the only way to save the world was through divine intervention. Thus began the destiny of the Once and Future King and Emrys. She knew humanity is bigoted so there was bound to eventually be a repeat of Uther, so she made OaFK resurrectable, so they could keep him on the bench in case anyone ever needs him again.

Where does Merlin/Emrys fall into things?

Well. The Triple Goddess knew that saving her people and the world would require an immense magical undertaking, something no ordinary magic user would be able to pull off. But she has the power, if only she could use it. But a human can. So the Triple Goddess decided to be reborn into the body of a dragonlord's son. Merlin. Emrys. Magic itself.

Of course, this whole Being Born As A Human Thing is tricky, and as anyone familiar with reincarnation knows, you don't usually recall your past lives. So she became Merlin, unaware that he was ever the Triple Goddess. (Although she did add a clause saying she'd be destined to remember her past life eventually, which got hecked up for reasons ill explain later)

That's why so many creatures of magic/magic users recognize Merlin by his presence, why thr druids carry such reverence for him. Whereas the sidhe and other individuals don't recognize him, because they are blinded by heresy. They may have a spiritual connection to the Triple Goddess, but do not use her magic as she intended, and she's too busy wearing jaunty scarves to excommunicate them herself.

Why get the Once and Future King involved when she could just save everyone herself? Well, the Triple Goddess prefers to let the humans keep their agency and save themselves, and would rather remain in the role of protector/helper. Its just her nature.

But if that's the case, then why did Arthur's destiny fail? It's simple: Kilgharrah.

Remember what i said about the Horned God, counterpart to the Triple Goddess? Yeah, that's Kilgharrah. Like the Triple Goddess, he's another power reservoir, but he's jealous because people worship her and not him. He is against everything she does and actively seeks the destruction of the Triple Goddess's magic/influence for Jealous Evil Reasons. To stop him, the Triple Goddess enlisted some of her followers to bind him into the body of a dragon (perhaps this is how dragons were created) so he would never be able to do that. Years later, the Purge happened and "Kilgharrah" got locked away, further cut off from his power.

When Merlin walked in, unaware that he used to be the Triple Goddess, Kilgharrah seized his chance at revenge and manipulated Merlin into setting him free. Then, once free, he decided to lay claim to the power vacuum left by the Triple Goddess's quasi-absence. He began controlling destiny in whatever limited capacities he could, using magic of his own to permanently bury Merlin's knowledge of his past life. Then he ensured that Arthur would die and the Triple Goddess's magic would never return. But since he doesn't have FULL control over destiny (his powers are still limited by his dragon form, after all), he couldn't rewrite the bit where Arthur gets benched in Avalon. He's probably conspiring with the sidhe to ensure Arthur stays trapped there forever, or else he would've come back a long time ago.

As for how the Gean Canagh took Merlin's magic...well, yes, it devoured his Third Eye straw, but those are created by a strong spiritual connection to the Triple Goddess. And since he's literally the big TG himself, all he had to do was find himself again (by returning to his old home, the Crystal Cave) to recreate a new one.

Over the last 1500 years, Kilgharrah/the Horned God has been steadily accruing followers and worshippers in the hopes that one will become strong enough to release TG's bonds on him. Then he can kill her once and for all and claim full dominion over the universe, with the sidhe to support him.

I imagine that's how Arthur's resurrection would happen - Arthur and the rest of the dead Round Table are in Avalon when they learn about the treachery and plot to kill Merlin/take over the world, and spend the next few hundred years fighting their way out of Avalon.

Okay, I think that just about covers it. God, that was long. Any questions?

#i should probably write a fic for this huh #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin #bbcm #ask #magicbuilding #fish post

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twilightvolt · 4 years ago

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Well....that was one way to start a new decade, i guess. > >’

Ok, from the death and destruction to the quarantine caused by viral disease to large parts of the world literally going up in flames, this year was like an ominous beginning that revealed the true ugly colors of everyone around us.

But there’s something telling me that that was just the universe releasing all of it’s built up rage from the last decade, so to think on the bright side, the only way to go is up now, right?

Regardless, pushing all the crap that happened this year aside, this feels like one of my best years yet in terms of art. i don’t think there’s any wedge of this clock that i wasn’t completely satisfied with and i had a TON of tough decisions on what to put in said wedges cuz i just luved almost everything i’ve created this year.

If you’re up to it, i’ll have my usual month to month reflection under the cutoff, but if you’re not, i hope to keep giving y’all even better art next year! ^ ^

So without further ado, let’s review!

January: ~ Days ~

Runner up: Team Solar Rises Again! (drawing in celebration of PMD finally returning with a remake of the first game)

Kicking off right where 2019 left off, i was hot on the heels of my Beastars phase, still cranking out countless drawings and doodles, mostly featuring Legoshi, and even hanging around the Beastars Amino and making some new friends there. this piece in particular i think encapsulates what i was mostly doing at the time, making up stories and stuff within canon to give myself more wolf boi content. which is something that i rarely do normally since i’ve mostly just done OC related writing before this.

February: - Sk8ter Wolf -

Runner up: Re:Hukaro (That thing i drew for Moon)

Ahh yes, the day i peaked with punk rock energy and created something in a highschool notebook sketch style. ngl, with the release of Beastars’ english dub on the way and the fandom quickly growing, i felt like i was on fire with the amount of stuff i was drawing. i felt so inspired and things can’t possibly go bad.

Or can it?

March: We Can Be Heroes

Runner up: One More Day, Emo Bird Boi Sketchies

Ahh yes, the month the worldwide quarantine started because they discovered the virus around this time. from this point onward, time pretty much meant absolutely nothing since i was stuck indoors for a majority of the year, only going out if i had to. on top of that, i tried a little attempt at a fandub and got picked on immediately by yahoos on Youtube. it...wasn’t fun.

I tried doing a little challenge i made up called Animarch where i drew a drawing representing anime i liked every day, but i only got about 5 days in i think? ehh, whatever. i did try, so that means something. lol

April: - ANOTHER SIDE -

Runner up: BEAST CROSSING ~Legoshi & Raymond

This was pretty much the final month i drew anything Beastars related as i slowly started shifting back to Pokemon due to the wait for season 2. but not before getting the new Animal Crossing and drawing a thing with Raymond and Legoshi that would blow up with hundreds of notes and interactions across every platform i posted it on. lmao

Regardless, i feel like Another Side was a perfect way to end that phase of my art journey. it’s like a nice finale to a long string of ideas that i will totally return to once season 2 drops next year.

May: - KOUJI -

Runner up: Fashion (that sketch of Alex and Jet in casual clothing)

What happened this month again? oh right, i went back to Digimon for a hot minute cuz i continued playing the copy of Cyber Sleuth Complete that i won from a giveaway on Twitter and created Alex and Jet, my latest Tamer and her Hawkmon partner. i should really do some more stuff with them.

ANYWAY,

June: - DOUBLE TROUBLE -

Runner up: “No Time to Waste! HENSHIN!” (AF attack against IonicIsaac on Twitter), Cafe Mix ~Ace, Yagami, Lance and Seliph

Art Fight. third year. and this time i kicked things up a notch and beat my old record from last year!...after uhh....cramming in 8 attacks at the very last night and totally going insane from the amount of sleep i lost. ^ ^’

But trust me when i say i will NOT do that again next year, i swear.

July: Squad Up

Runner up: Comin’ Out to Stun (Jet the Hawk sketches)

So after playing and beating PMDX, i started fleshing out Lance and Selpih’s characters and made more art and stories surrounding them and the rest of the team. one of those being a drawing for Mystery Dungeon Day, which happens the day after Odaiba Day. which is in August. why did i put this down for July then? some questions just don’t need to be answered.

August: - TOGETHER -

Runner up: In the Storm

You can tell by now just how uneventful life was this year cuz i have literally nothing else to talk about other than the art parts. no life issues, no big adventures like moving or something. just....indoor stuff.

It’s...kinda sad, now that i think about it. but hey, at least i was making the most of my time, trying new things and getting around a bit more.

September: Small World

Runner up: Rescue Together, PMD Forever!, Midnight Adventuring, Down Time

So this year, i turned 21, which a lotta people say is important. not really, if you can’t do much i guess. though, i did crank out a ton of art i’m super satisfied with as you can see by how hard it was to frickin’ pick one to use for this month’s wedge on the clock.

October: Feathers of the Shadows

Runner up: PAPERMOON - Final Mix - (not picked because it’s a touch up of an older drawing)

Hoo boi, this month was crazy. cuz i drew a whole lotta e d g e .....and a whole lotta Murkrow. lol

It was fun letting my inner edgelord out this month. even if nothing really significant happened in reality.

November: ~ One More Game ~

Runner up: UPokerap Project: Frogadier, - LEAF STORM -

This month....was actually kinda rough. it was basically me falling into a depressive episode after a scare at the dentist made me worry about my self image and insecurities again. but this time it really hit me just how much permanent damage i’ve done to myself in that aspect of my appearance. i know i shouldn’t worry so much, but it’s not great when people tell you to smile when the most i can do is grin since i’m just so....unhappy with my teeth.

But then around the end of the month, i stumbled upon a Pokemon themed Discord server with people that made me feel....not as alone as i suddenly felt i was. which i’m glad i could meet them even after only knowing them for a month now. if they’re reading this, i hope you know i’m thankful for raising my spirits when there’s still things i just can’t do due to financial issues.

December: Colors of the Heart + Happy Holidays! ~Grovyle ver.

Runner up: ~ After the Battle ~ (the two part KHII anniversary drawing), - XIII -, Sketchmon: Buizel

And now this month. on top of my insecurities, i’ve now been struggling with my frustration with not being noticed as much as i should, watching as some people quickly climb up in following when i’m going much slower. honestly, i feel like the months when everything started lightening up for the world....was when things started falling apart for me. yeah, i know. pretty depressing way to end, huh? i hit 300 before the year ended thanks to the support from my new friends though, so i’m actually pretty happy.

But that doesn’t mean i’m not still scared of the future. i mean i have my teeth to worry about and also my wisdom teeth are coming in. so next few months...might be kinda rough.

Though, that’s not to say i didn’t soldier through it. this month i pushed myself, plowed through as many commissions as i could get to raise money for my new computer and made some of the best drawings that to me, feel like a great accomplishment. even if a couple of them weren’t as grandiose as some of my previous work. it was a big step forward for me as an artist. at least in my eyes.

And i have a feeling....that it can only get better from here.

#digital art #art meme #summary of art #2020 summary of art #rambles

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amnonrodan-blog · 5 years ago

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How i successfully stay clean off Cocaine

I started taking methamphetamine in my mid 20s. I was living in a remote nation, with no family to look out for me. I wound up destitute. Needed to move away to some place where meth was difficult to get. I at that point got everything in order, I started buying marijuana online and began an extremely, fruitful business, sold it, and there I was, in my mid 20s and essentially resigned. Learn to expect the unexpected. By then, it didn't make a difference where I lived - I could stand to have meth an other drugs flown in.

I moved once more. In the long run, my meth misuse spiraled into out and out psychosis.

I quit everything. Jumped on antidepressants (SSRIs) - that didn't function admirably for me - I still slept late, felt like I was in a haze, and so forth.

Got into the wellness thing. That despite everything didn't help. I kept my downturn avoided my numerous companions, yet it was continually approaching over me. Intellectual social treatment distinguished the examples of unfortunate use, however what remained was as yet an interest for substantial stims - the science, pharmacokinetics, feeling of thoughtlessness, vitality, and other common sexual debasement (we should be genuine) that they brought.

Presenting Crack Cocaine

I messed around with grunted cocaine socially while out drinking to a great extent, however because of my past smoking meth, it was unremarkable, best case scenario. One evening, a planned arrangement dropped, and I had nothing to do, yet I had about a chunk of cocaine in my carport.

I found that I could freebase it to make it smokeable. I recall my first hit. I hadn't cooked it completely or appropriately, I was utilizing foil, the high was jumpy, and the primary hit drove me directly to pornhub and into an enthusiastic wanking off meeting that finished with loathsome uneasiness.

However, I realized that with appropriate measurements, stuff and planning of the base, that was the ideal medication for me. It had all that I needed in a stim - a subculture, a science DIY viewpoint permitting me to "procure" my item by playing out a concoction response, a serious surge of elation, a reducing rewards bend of around 4 days, channels and customs, and a short half life - which implied that the defeat just kept going an hour or so before rest set in (with meth, I was unable to stop, in such a case that you don't have the foggiest idea about, the reversal can keep going for 24h or more)

Shockingly, the underlying disclosure stage turned out poorly and I immediately began utilizing day by day. This continued for a while until my companions made sense of what was up.

I made some life changes, yet I'd at present be utilizing each opportunity I got, and the remainder of the time, I'd be worn out, lazy, and with extraordinary yearnings. By then I'd built up a "wellbeing routine" that remembered saving beta-blockers and xanax for hand. It wasn't perfect however - I lost a great deal of my well deserved muscle increases, missed some significant cutoff times, and was gaining no ground throughout everyday life. I was likewise playing with death consistently, and gradually letting my kinships decay from absence of support.

Quick forward to about a year prior, when I found R-Modafinil.

What is Modafinil?

Modafinil is a nootropic. Basically, Nootropics (otherwise called "Savvy Drugs") will be drugs that improve intellectual capacity, yet have insignificant dependence potential and barely any symptoms.

In the wake of messing around with the racemate, I chose the (R) Enantiomer.

Modafinil's component of activity is indistinct, nonetheless, it is thought to chip away at the dopaminergic framework, as a mellow dopamine reuptake inhibitor - much like cocaine.

My Experience with Modafinil

My emotional involvement in it, following a year, is this: it keeps me wakeful, permits me to concentrate better, yet in particular, it expels cocaine withdrawals and yearnings.

The extraordinary part about it versus, state, adderall, is that there is no brutal defeat, no huge increment in circulatory strain, no tachycardia, no longing to redose, I despite everything eat typically while on it. On the off chance that anything, it's helping me stay tore. That is to say, it's so non-addictive that occasionally, I neglect to take it for up to seven days - until I understand that cocaine desires and dreams are back, or that I'm drained/somewhat discouraged again - until, fundamentally, I feel like my typical discouraged self nearly a genuine backslide.

Around Christmas a year ago, because of a lost shipment and poor coordinations on my part, I wound up being out of modafinil for a month. This prompted a multi week gorge that in the end spiraled into infusing and an excursion to the emergency clinic following a seizure.

I currently keep enough Modafinil to keep going for a while and never let my inventory get lower than a month ahead of time. I don't take it consistently. I can work fine when I don't take it, however by and large, it improves my personal satisfaction to such a degree, that I generally keep it by my bed.

I got a portion of my companions into it too - a few normies, and a few companions who likewise have a cocaine issue (albeit almost not as terrible as mine) - presently this is anything but a clinical report, however the outcomes have been astounding for everybody and we as a whole concur that it is a device that everybody ought to have available.

Do I despite everything find a workable pace?

Indeed! These days, I find a good pace ordinary life, with a decent work/life/fun parity. I go to infant showers, weddings, and do all ordinary stuff. I have a consistent rest plan, I work out, do family stuff, look after companionships, and invest energy helping other people IRL and being of administration.

My emotional wellness is, abstractly, truly damn great.

One undesirable interest remains - the "some split now and then" leisure activity - yet how about we be genuine, in case you're right now, most likely managing this as well. The custom, the taste, the smell, the cooking... it's hard not to build up a deep rooted interest for cocaine.

My day by day life isn't hindered by extraordinary yearnings any longer. I don't have insane dreams that include rocks.

Once in a while, my schedule has ends of the week or 3 to 4-day holes where I have no duties. I find a workable pace split gorge over a month ahead of time, clear duties, and think of a main story.

3 days before the beginning of the gorge, I quit taking Modafinil.

I despite everything keep NAC, Xanax, and beta-blockers available.

Gorging on Crack Now

After the end of the week/3/multi day gorge, I tidy everything up, discard the entirety of the gear, toss the channels in a ziplock and pulverize them up, discard the lighters, pop a xanax, and head to sleep.

The following morning, I wake up, take some NAC, Magnesium, nutrients, a full tablet of R-Modafinil, and drink as a lot of water as I can for the duration of the day. This permits me to remain wakeful, field calls, and present as a typical, yet worn out individual.

Where it sparkles the most is on the third day after the gorge, when ordinarily yearnings would be the most extraordinary. At the point when I consider smoking rocks while Modafinil is in me, it doesn't feel as engaging, and I don't get that extreme nervousness/expectation/needing feeling.

End

R-Modafinil, for me, is the thing that permitted me to go from amazingly reckless, indiscreet, day by day split use, to having the option to carry on with a typical life while still periodically yielding. My gorges are enjoyment as they don't keep going excessively long. They likewise wind up costing less, as at the stature of my dependence, I would be experiencing right around 2 balls per day as resilience developed. Presently, when I go on a split outing, my resilience has generally reset. Albeit gluttonous adjustment and knowing ahead of time what's in store brings down the energy, it likewise brings a feeling that all is well with the world and security to this medication use.

I am not saying that it is protected to smoke rocks. I don't prescribe it. It will interfere with you throughout everyday life, and as should be obvious, I currently need to pay some dues to in any case have the option to appreciate it. It despite everything conveys a great deal of hazard - cardiovascular particularly. Medication actuated psychosis and neurosis are not relieved by Modafinil use are as yet a hazard.

All things considered, on the off chance that you have clinical protection, converse with your PCP about it. In the event that you don't, I believe that you realize where to acquire the stuff. On the off chance that anything - it helps A LOT with the blow and withdrawals.

#cocaine #crack cocaine #research chemicals #xanax

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pug-bitch · 6 years ago

Text

That’s not why I’m going (10)

Especially when it comes to your heart

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive, some steamy flashbacks. This is NOT appropriate for people under 18.

Word count: 3,850 (let me know if the ‘keep reading’ cutoff isn’t working well!)

Notes: This relates the aftermath of Drake and Amara’s (Dramara? I’m taking a page out of @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria ‘s book for couples’ names :)) first time having sex. It starts with Drake’s POV, the next morning.

Also, I’ve been writing like a crazy person this weekend but, full disclosure, I’m about to have a pretty insane work week, so it might be a few days until I post Part 11. That being said, I have a very precise plan for it, so stay tuned! The next episode is also when shit gets real, so...there’s that :D

*****

‘Earth to Drake?’

He shakes it off, and realizes Liam is offering him another croissant. ‘Oh, yeah, thanks.’

Liam was right. Drake hadn’t touched Earth ever since last night. He couldn’t stop thinking about the amazing night he’d had with Amara, and flashbacks were populating his mind, preventing him from being a functional member of this group breakfast. He thought of the closeness they’d shared the night before, when they made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms, spent and satisfied. He thought of Amara’s alarm waking them up at 5.30, and how they’d made love again, lazily, all the while waking up together. He thought of the taste of her kiss, the touch of her hands, the feel of her body against his. He thought of her, persuading him to take a shower together, to prolong their togetherness. He thought of how they had made love again in the shower, Amara bent over against the wall, and Drake sliding inside her, again and again--

‘Walker, wake up. People are trying to talk to you.’

Olivia’s curt wake up call had shaken him back on track. He passes the jam to Hana, as she had been waiting for it for a good two minutes, while Drake was replaying his and Amara’s double morning sex in his mind. He blushes, acutely aware of the inappropriateness of the situation, but as soon as he makes eye contact with Amara, he realizes she is probably feeling the same way, as the embarrassed but cheeky look on her face betrays.

They all share breakfast, coffee, and stories in the grand salon, by the fireplace. This place is nice, he thinks. Luxurious, yes, but rustic. Everyone is in good spirits, except maybe Maxwell, who seems less enthusiastic than usual. Drake feels grateful for him today though, since his text telling Amara that he’d meet her directly downstairs this morning allowed them to have extra time together.

‘So,’ Olivia announces, ‘today I would like to take everyone on a tour of the grounds, and then I would be happy to invite Prince Liam to a private lunch with me, before we all reconvene to ski a bit more in the afternoon. Tonight, I have a special wine tasting and dinner planned for all of us. While Liam and I are at lunch, my staff will be at your complete disposal should you need anything.’

Everyone thanks her and agrees to the plans, except Liam, who interrupts: ‘Thank you, Lady Olivia, I gladly accept your lunch invitation. However, as far as the tour goes, I’m going to need a raincheck. I need to speak to Drake, maybe the two of us will go for a walk. But please, everyone enjoy the tour and I will see everybody on the slopes.’

Uh oh, Drake thinks. What is that all about? Maybe Liam just needs a breather, but somehow, he has trouble believing that things would be exactly like they used to be.

On their way out, Drake wonders if Liam can tell that he just spent the night with Amara. Does he smell like her? No, he showered. But, he showered with her, so… But how would Liam know Amara’s smell? After all, given his obsession with her, he had probably sent someone to steal one of her shirts to smell as he falls asleep at night.

Alright, he needs to play it cool. He already had growing feelings for Amara the last time he had a heart to heart with Liam, and it went ok. Well, he had called Liam out on his entitlement, but he had kept everything else together. But now, the stakes had skyrocketed since last night.

He realizes he was stuck in his head again, and Liam waves in his face for him to start listening.

‘Drake, is everything ok? I just wanted to make sure you and I were good. You’ve been acting weird.’

Oh, so that was that. ‘I’m fine, Li. I promise.’

‘Good. I’ve been doing some thinking. You were right about me being pushy towards Amara. She did seem distant last time, on our one-on-one, and I guarantee you that it’s because, well...you were right. I summoned her, and that was wrong of me. So, I’m gonna try and play it cool.’

‘Good. I’m glad to hear this.’

‘I mean, I said I’ll try. I’m crazy about her, Drake. She’s...something else, you know?’

Oh, he knew. ‘Yeah. She’s pretty cool.’ Understatement of the year. He tries not to think of her arched back, as she was riding him slowly, this morning.

Liam pauses for a long time, and seems to be looking for the right words. ‘I heard that you two are getting to know each other.’

Drake’s heart threatens to jump out of his chest. Holy shit. ‘Um,’ he hesitates, ‘what do you mean?’

‘Oh, just that Bastien saw you two at a bar a few days ago. I’m glad she is surrounded with people who are making her feel welcome.’

Drake gulps. This is not the moment to fuck up. ‘Yeah, she was bummed out when I bumped into her that day, she missed New York and her family. She asked if I knew of any bars, so I took her to one.’ He’d made this sound as natural as possible.

‘I’m glad. She is not used to this setting, and you are probably the one person who can understand this the most. I’m glad you guys are friends. You’d say you’re friends, right?’

This felt like a trap. ‘Yeah. She’s nice and really funny. I could see us becoming friends.’ Friends who go down on each other, maybe.

Liam smiles. ‘That’s great. Just one thing, Drake.’

Uh oh. ‘Yeah?’

‘Next time you sneak her out, don’t keep it a secret. I’d rather hear it from you than from my bodyguard.’

Drake wanted to open his mouth and say a whole bunch of things. Like, what the hell, Liam. She doesn’t belong to you. She’s a grownup and she doesn’t need anyone tracking her movements. Or maybe, fuck you Liam, I’m falling in love with her and we’re gonna run away together. But he knew that House Beaumont was on the line, and that Amara felt guilty enough about deceiving Maxwell in particular. This was not the moment to blow up. If he stayed quiet for a little bit longer, they could find a way to be together, maybe. So, he kept his mouth shut, and once again, nodded at what his childhood friend wanted him to do.

*****

‘How do you like Lythikos, Suarez?’

Olivia and Amara had stuck around after the tour, sipping on another coffee on the patio, wrapped up in their winter coats and hats.

‘It’s gorgeous, Olivia, really.’

Olivia gives her a knowing smirk. ‘Did you guys bone?’

Amara nearly chokes on her coffee. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Oh please, cut the crap. I’m the one who arranged for the isolated rooms. I deserve some details.’

Amara couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She looks around, making sure no one can hear, and whispers, ‘It was fucking amazing.’

Olivia smirks some more, and says ‘Glad to hear that. How many times?’

‘Oh, come on. You can’t be serious.’

‘Do you want me to take your lock away?’

‘Three.’

Olivia nods in sign of respect. ‘Good. Enjoy the privacy tonight, too. I suppose Drake told you about my reasons? I don’t want you to believe I’m just doing this out of the goodness of my heart.’ She uses air quotes around the words ‘goodness’ and ‘heart’, which Amara finds very much on brand.

‘Yeah, he did. So, you want Liam that bad, huh?’

Olivia remains silent, looking at a distant point in the sky.

‘Olivia? Do you have feelings for him?’

She snorts. ‘As if I’m going to tell you that.’

‘Come on. If you tell me, I’ll give you one more detail about last night.’

‘Oh please, I’m not that desperate. Plus, I don’t want any graphic details about Walker’s dick, thank you very much.’

Amara laughs, and is immediately transported in her daydreams again. Oh, she’s got graphic details for days.

Olivia gives in and continues: ‘Liam has always been there for me. I’ve always envisioned myself with him, that’s all. When my mind is set on something, I don’t let it get away from me. I don’t give up.’

Amara doesn’t know what to say. She understands what Olivia is saying, of course. Plus, she’d heard from Maxwell about her tragic childhood, with her parents dying when she was five. Of course she would value her relationships with the people who’d supported her. But it broke her heart to think that Liam was visibly taking Olivia for granted, when she was a complete badass and a stunning woman. ‘I get it. But, forgive me for saying this, have you thought of, you know, meeting other people, and seeing what your options are? Anyone would be lucky to have you, Olivia, so I don’t think you should limit yourself to waiting for one man.’

Olivia looks straight in her eyes, and Amara feels like an icicle is burning through her skull. Shit, she should have kept her mouth shut. ‘What do you think I am, a pathetic virgin waiting for her prince? I fuck my bodyguard every day,’ she says while gesturing to the hunk of a man who’s sitting in the next room, at a safe distance.

‘Oh. Um, good, he’s, um, very hot. But that’s not what I meant. You make yourself available for Liam, when he’s holding a competition for his hand. Men should be lining up for your hand, Liv.’

Olivia pauses, seemingly taking in what she’s hearing. ‘Touché. You’re right, they should.’

They drink their coffee in silence, until Olivia breaks the ice and asks: ‘Why do you dislike Liam so much?’

Amara, slightly taken aback, replies: ‘Oh. I don’t dislike him. I actually really liked him when we first met, I thought he was genuine, nice, and funny. I was not attracted to him, but--’

‘So, why are you here?’

Oh, the million dollar question. ‘Olivia, I--’

‘No, that’s ok, don’t answer. As I told you before, I know it’s complicated, I can tell.’

Amara takes a deep breath. ‘I liked him in a genuine, friendly way, and the night I met all of the guys, I felt really good, really alive for the first time in...two years. Max inviting me to Cordonia was the push I needed to leave my shitty life behind. I can’t even call it my old life, because the life I was living in NYC for the past two years wasn’t even my life, it was a fabricated, shell of a life I had imposed on myself. Meeting the guys shook me out of it a little. Showed me I was still fun, still spontaneous. Showed me I could turn my life around if I wanted.’

She realizes she had said all that in one single breath. She finally exhales.

Olivia gives her an honest smile, and Amara wonders if she’d ever seen her really smile before. ‘I get it, Amara. Now, the circumstances are different.’

‘Exactly. In New York, Liam was a nice, potential friend I had just met. He was fun, friendly, and pleasant to be around. But here, I don’t know. He’s very pushy with me, tricks me into meeting him in the gardens, and I feel very guilty every time I push him away. I also think he acts in a very shitty way with you and with Drake, taking both of you for granted. So, yeah, maybe I’m growing to dislike him, in his natural habitat.’

Olivia chuckles. ‘He’s not always like that, you know.’

‘Oh, I can imagine. I trust your judgment, and Drake’s. If you both see something in him, I don’t doubt that he’s a good guy. I’m sure he’s under a lot of pressure right now. I’m also aware that I’m not being honest with him, and if I could tell him the truth, maybe we could be actual friends and bond in an honest manner.’

Olivia nods and ponders. ‘That’s fair.’ She looks at her watch. ‘Oh, I have to meet him soon, I need to go reapply some lipstick, if you’ll excuse me.’

‘Of course. Thanks for the chat.’

‘Anytime.’ Olivia pauses, walks away, and turns back around. She grabs her cup of coffee, and puts her hand on Amara’s arm. ‘I enjoyed our talk, Detective.’

*****

Amara was still shaking. How much did Olivia know? Had she just googled her quickly and found her NYU Alumni page, or had she been digging deeper? Knowing Olivia, it was probably the latter. Amara wasn’t ready for everything to come out; she had considered talking to Drake about it, especially since he had seen her cry and knew more or less about Michael, but talking to other people, no, that was not an option.

She was walking aimlessly through the hallway when she saw Maxwell heading to the dining room.

‘Hey Maxwell!’ she says, trying to forget about the end of her conversation with Olivia.

‘Hi, Amara’, he said flatly with a weak smile.

Huh, she thinks. This doesn’t look like Maxwell at all. ‘Are you ok, Max?’

He opens his mouth, but then closes it.

‘Max, you’re scaring me. Are you feeling ok? Did you have another fight with Bertrand?’

He looks around, seems to ponder a response, and asks ‘Is it just a fling?’

Boom. Second hit of the day. And to think she had been actually excited to get up this morning, after the amazing night she’d had. She didn’t feel like playing coy with Maxwell, who had been such a strong support, on all fronts. ‘No. How about we get some food and go talk in my room?’

Maxwell nods, and they head to the kitchen.

Once safely in Amara’s room, they plop down on the bed and on the loveseat respectively, and as Maxwell pecks timidly at his food, Amara goes for it. ‘How do you know?’

He sighs. ‘I came to talk to Drake last night and um...I heard you guys.’

Amara’s eyes fill with tears. She feels bad for her friend, who had trusted her. ‘I’m so sorry you had to find out like that, Maxwell. Truly.’

‘How long has it been going on?’

‘Um...I’m not sure, but about a week, I’d say.’

He nods, and offers a faint smile. ‘Do you like him?’

Amara’s face instantly lights up. ‘Yes. I really, really do.’

‘So, I suppose the competition is over for you?’

‘Maxwell, that’s not what I said. I don’t want to let you down--’

‘I’m gonna stop you right there.’ He comes to sit right by her on the bed and takes her hand. ‘You have zero obligation towards me, especially when it comes to your heart. I have no intention of pimping you out to Liam against your will, Amara. It actually hurts that you’ve been thinking that I would.’

‘I didn’t think that exactly, but I have to admit, what prevented me from being honest is that, well, you and Bertrand especially have been telling me that I’m House Beaumont’s last chance, so--’

Max interrupts, his head in his hands. ‘Oh my God, I had no idea we were getting into your head like that. Of course you have no obligation, Amara. If you want to withdraw, you can, and we’ll find a solution for House Beaumont.’

‘Actually, I think withdrawing would be a mistake. Hear me out.’

Amara explains everything to Maxwell: how she doesn’t want to ruin Liam and Drake’s friendship, and how she believes that everyone will benefit from Liam choosing someone else. If she just keeps a low profile, maybe Olivia, or even Madeleine, can be Queen, but House Beaumont’s sponsored suitor remains respectable and she can help Maxwell and Bertrand raise funds when the competition is over. She lays out her plan, explaining to him that Drake has a business degree and could take a look at their finances even, but Maxwell refuses point blank.

‘Ok to a low profile. I’ll stop pushing one-on-one dates with Liam. If he chooses you, you turn him down. That way, maybe we can play on a loophole, and the Crown can still sponsor the House. If he chooses someone else, then you’re free.’

‘Deal. And I promise I’ll help you guys out. What matters now is that we keep playing along. Now that I’ve gotten to know Olivia better, I can even help her have alone time with Liam, kind of like sabotaging myself by allowing her to tag along. What do you say?’

Maxwell regains his composure, or rather, his usual excitedness. ‘That would work. OMG Amara, I’m loving the scheming! I have to say, I was really hurt that this all happened behind my back, but I understand your reasons. One more thing though, um… I don’t know how to ask you this…’

Amara laughs heartily, and hugs her friend. ‘Don’t worry Max, I won’t say a word to Bertrand.’

He hugs her back, sighing with relief. ‘Oh thank God.’

*****

Drake had always enjoyed the outdoors, especially on a gorgeous day like this one. Hard to believe there was a blizzard just yesterday; now the snowy clouds had given way to a beautiful blue sky. He was trying to relax on a quick hike and get all of the day’s stressful interactions out of his head. Amara had texted him earlier to say that Maxwell knew and was supportive, thankfully. But now, he had no idea how to handle the rest of them.

He almost turns around when he sees Liam and Madeleine talking together, walking in the opposite direction. But it’s too late, Liam has seen him. ‘Drake! Where are you headed?’

‘Oh, just stretching my legs before the wine tasting. Is it time to head back already?’

‘No, you’ve got time.’ Liam flashes a smile. ‘Where’s everyone else, do you know?’

‘Yeah, I was just with Max and Amara, they’re skating with Hana I think, she’s teaching them some moves.’

‘Good, let’s go see what they’re up to, shall we, Lady Madeleine?’

Madeleine plasters on a fake smile and replies ‘Of course, I’d be delighted to.’

Ugh. He waves goodbye and continues walking away. He truly cannot stand Madeleine. He’d always known that she was a fake friend to Savannah, who looked at her like she was a fucking work of art and a fabulous mentor. Of course she would never listen to him when he told her to watch her back. Although it was obvious that he hadn’t told her in the most diplomatic way... Drake was convinced that Madeleine had been the worst to Savannah, among the fake people at court. Plus, the very fact that she was here, competing for Liam’s hand when, just last year, she was engaged to be married to his brother, showed that all she cares about is the crown. And yet, Liam had to entertain her and act as if he were into her. Well, ‘had to’... Liam liked pleasing people, which Drake had never understood, but of course it came with the job description; you can’t be a prince and tell people to fuck off.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. He removes his gloves to retrieve it, and sure enough, a text from Amara.

Oh no, Madeleine is coming my way. Send help.

He chuckles. He imagines her sneaking away to send an illicit text, and this little forbidden gossip session feels incredibly warm and intimate.

He replies promptly.

Uh oh, that one might be on me, Suarez. I bumped into her and Liam and told them you guys were skating. I owe you big time…

The dots appear. She’s typing. God, this feels nice. Drake finds a small boulder to sit on while he’s waiting for her message. He takes in the gorgeous view. Things could be a lot worse.

OMG Walker, you DO owe me big time. I’ll think of a way you can repay me…

Heh, he thinks. It took only two texts for their exchange to become suggestive. They truly were still enmeshed in one another, even in the middle of all these people, with all these responsibilities… He had thought of her all day. He had loved every interaction with her, even pulled off some sneaky hand holding at times. Easy to do when you’re skating.

I’m sure you’ll find a way. I’m at your entire disposal, Detective.

The dots appear, then disappear. Then appear again, and vanish one more time. Oh no, had she gotten caught by Madeleine? That one was always on the prowl for some scandal to reveal, they would have to tread lightly. Finally, a message appears.

Speaking of Detective...I forgot to tell you with all that Maxwell drama, but Olivia knows about my old job. I don’t know how that might affect me, but it freaks me out.

Shit. Liv might have been super understanding about the two of them, but he knew how private Amara is with her past. This can’t be good, right?

Damn, I’m sorry. Are you ok? Any idea how she found out?

More dots.

No clue. I’m assuming she googled me, Madeleine asked me what I studied in college and where, so maybe she found me on the NYU Alumni network?

Shit. If Olivia was digging dirt, then maybe Madeleine was doing the same? There was nothing wrong with Amara having been a part of the NYPD, but she didn’t want to talk about it. And it was stressing her out. So, he types one last message.

On my way back, Suarez. I’ll be here soon, don’t go anywhere.

*****

Amara was grateful for Drake rejoining the group. She felt bad about cutting their sexting short, but when he called her Detective, she suddenly remembered Olivia’s revelation that she knew about her past. She had to remain calm about it, though. No need to freak out. It was Olivia, who had never done anything against her. She didn’t call her ‘Detective’ in a threatening way, just a playful throwaway at the end of a conversation. Did she aim to throw Amara off? Absolutely. But did she mean her any harm? Amara highly doubted it; she had come to trust Olivia’s judgment, so she would have to continue trusting it for now. Nothing she could do. She also didn’t want to ruin her last night in Lythikos with Drake.

Speaking of, here he was, walking back quickly towards the frozen lake. Amara gestures for him to join her on the side, where she was watching the others from.

‘Hey,’ he says, slightly out of breath from power walking in the snow. ‘Are you ok?’

‘Yeah, don’t worry. I just wanted to keep you in the loop. I’ll figure it out.’

He smiles at her, almost leans in to kiss her, visibly forgetting their surroundings. He catches himself and awkwardly runs his hand through his hair, removing his hat. ‘I wish I could kiss you,’ he whispers.

‘Me too. Later, though. I’m excited about the wine tasting.’ She inches closer and whispers ‘I’m very uninhibited when I have wine.’

He looks at her hungrily and smiles. ‘Good. Me too.’

*****

Taglist:

@andy-loves-corgis , @drakewalkerwhipped , @drakxwalker , @drakewalkerrosenberg , @drakeswalkers , @drakelover78 , @silviasutton1989 , @jovialyouthmusic , @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria , @mariahschoices , @drakesensworld , @thequeenofcronuts , @notoriouscs , @drakewalkerisreal , @nikkis1983 , @simsvetements , @alesana45

Thank you for your encouragements, everyone! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

#that's not why i'm going #drake walker x amara suarez #drake walker x mc #drake walker #drake walker trr #drake x mc #trr drake #drake trr #choices trr #trr fanfic #the royal romance fanfic #the royal romance

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 7 years ago

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Howlin’ For You (1/?)

Description: When Y/N gets an unreal deal on her first home, she wonders why her neighbor scared away all the other buyers. Despite being cautious, she doesn’t fully understand what gave Bucky Barnes such a bad name.

Pairing: AU - Biker!Bucky x Fem/Reader

Word Count: 3,553

I’m obsessed with Biker!Bucky. This is my first attempt at an AU. So I’m pretty excited.

The realtor watched Y/N carefully, trying to gage every facial expression and hum she made.

But on the inside, Y/N had fallen head over heels with the house. It was cozy and cute. There hadn’t been any other home that had as much natural lighting. The last owner had completely updated the whole place, but kept the vintage charm and character. It was sitting on a huge plot of land. But most importantly, it had a front porch that Y/N had always dreamed of owning.

“Okay. What’s the catch?” Y/N finally broke her silence.

The realtor seemed to be waiting for this moment, but still attempted to look confused.

Y/N narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “This place has been completely redone, yet kept with its original charm. There is more land than I know what to do with. It’s basically my dream home. So why is the asking price so low?”

The realtor apparently knew she couldn’t get anything past Y/N. So she took in a deep breath. “I’ve had a lot of trouble selling this house. The owner had to lower the asking price after years of failing to sell.” She took in a deep breath and then walked to a window at the front of the home. She gestured toward the only house within a mile or two. It sat right across the street. “It’s the neighbors.”

Y/N observed the house as if she was trying to figure out the problem on her own.

“What’s the deal? Drug dealer? Whore house? Meth lab?” That was all she could think of that would deter someone from living in this perfect home.

“I forget that you’re new to this town. Mr. Barnes keeps interesting company. Most of the town is terrified of him and his gang.”

“What’s wrong with his friends?” Y/N shrugged.

“Not friends. Gang. I meant that word literally. Rumor has it he’s the head of the biker gang. People call them the Howling Commandos.”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh. “Biker gang!? Like Marlon Brando in ‘The Wild One’ biker gang?!” This couldn’t be real.

“Laugh all you want, sweetheart. But that biker gang is the reason I can’t sell this damn house.”

The realtor’s stressed demeanor and slight annoyance finally made Y/N take her seriously.

“So what? There’s been shootings or stabbings in the area?”

“Oh god no!” The realtor gasped.

“Okay… so noise complaints?”

“You’ll hear their motorcycles coming and going every once in awhile. But the last owner of this house never called the cops on them once. In fact, she said that Mr. Barnes was nothing but polite and nice to her in all the years she lived here.”

Y/N squinted. “Then I don’t get what the big deal is…?”

“It’s a small and conservative town, Ms. Y/L/N. People hear rumors and project their judgement on anyone that doesn’t fit into their silly mold.”

Y/N nodded slowly and continued to stare at the house. “I’ll take it.”

“What?” The realtor’s jaw dropped.

“I said I’ll take it.” Y/N repeated. She knew this house was a steal. But more importantly, she knew how ignorant people could be towards someone that was even slightly different. It even felt a little too familiar to the reasoning for move in the first place.

She made her offer and signed all the necessary paperwork and a few days later the realtor was practically dancing as she handed the keys over to Y/N.

A couple weeks later, Y/N had moved all her stuff in and immediately started nesting. Cleaning and decorating were completely underrated activities. No matter how long or hard it took to finish the tasks, one could always see how much progress they’d made.

Y/N was cleaning the front porch when she stared at her front door. The brown door was nice, but it didn’t feel like her. She used to always say she hated the suburban trend of having no colors in their homes. Everything was beige in every single house from her childhood. She’d made a vow that she’d use as many bright colors as she wanted when she finally got to buy her own home.

Y/N looked at the door and a color just popped into her head. With a smile, Y/N practically skipped to her car to go to the hardware store.

It was when she was in paint covered overalls, on her hands and knees, sandpapering the door when she got her first glimpse of her neighbor.

As soon as she heard the roar of a motor, her head snapped up.

However, he zoomed into the driveway and straight to his detached garage at the back of his property so quickly that she didn’t catch his face. But she couldn’t miss his broad shoulders. Even though he was wearing a hefty leather jacket, she assumed it was sitting on top of a muscular body. She also noted his shaggy hair was that pulled into a small bun on his neck.

Y/N then glanced down at her outfit and was somewhat relieved he hadn’t seemed to notice her either. She was wearing baggy overalls and just a bralette underneath. Her sister called them her construction overalls with a tone of disapproval. Y/N just ignored her.

Y/N took one last glance at her neighbor’s house in hopes of catching a glimpse of him. But he was either hiding in his garage or slipped in a back door of his house. She shrugged and continued painting her front door. When she was finally done, she took a step back and stared at it with pride.

The brown door was now a hot pink.

“Becky what the hell is the matter with you?” Y/N yelled into her cellphone.

“Come on, Y/N. Don’t be so ridiculous. It’s just a date.” Her sister responded on the phone.

“Yes, a date that I didn’t say yes to! I don’t know this guy…” Y/N groaned.

“Well that’s kind of the whole point of a blind date. Mom and I think he’s perfect for you.”

“Oh that’s just great. Now you and mom are plotting my life together. That’s just fucking perfect, Becky.” Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose, desperately trying to think of a way to get out of this. “Listen, I still have so much unpacking to do and decorating. I don’t have time to go on a date. Nor do I want to.”

“It’s too late for that. I gave him your number and new address. He’s going to pick you up tonight at 7 o’clock.”

“What! Becky! You can’t just give my address to strangers. Are you insane?!” Y/N shrieked. “Give me his number. I’m calling to cancel.”

“Nope. Not happening.” Becky was unfazed by Y/N’s reaction. “And he’s not a stranger. He’s the son of a woman in mom’s book club.”

“I literally hate you so much right now. I want you to know that.” Y/N’s voice turned into a hiss. She didn’t bother waiting for a response before hanging up on her sister.

Lucky for her, she’d already unpacked the throw pillows for the couch. Immediately she threw her phone to the other side of the couch and picked up a pillow to scream into. After she let out most of her anger, she looked at the clock. It was already 5, which meant that she had two hours to get ready for this date.

It had only been a month since Y/N had moved further away from her family. Yet it didn’t deter them from trying to control her life. The day she got her first home, she felt a sense of relief… like she hadn’t taken a breath in years. But that freedom was clearly already being attacked.

Y/N begrudgingly showered, picked out an outfit, and groomed herself. The sick feeling in her gut got worse and worse as it came closer to 7. She had to stop herself from audibly groaning when the doorbell rang.

Y/N opened the door to find a tall and handsome man waiting for her. He seemed somewhat relieved and maybe even a little impressed when he finally saw the woman he’d agreed to go on a date with.

“You must be Will.” Y/N immediately put on her charm. Even if she didn’t want to go on this date, she could at least make it interesting. Flirting was a game to her. One that she was almost too good at. It ended up confusing a lot of men and having them mistake her outgoingness for attraction and interest.

They immediately started with the awkward introductions and shared a laugh about their mothers being too aggressively involved in their dating lives. When Y/N walked out, she noticed the man’s fancy sports car. In fact, the effort not to roll her eyes at it stopped her from realizing that her neighbor was walking to his mailbox at the edge of his driveway.

A few hours later, Y/N was being dropped off back home. She couldn’t lie, Will was sweet and a gentleman. But he came with a life that Y/N was trying to get away from. She felt bad already knowing that there wasn’t going to be a second date. She felt even worse when it seemed that Will was under the impression that there definitely would be.

She’d given him a hug goodnight and thanked him for paying for dinner, even though she genuinely offered to pay her half a dozen times.

As soon as she heard his car disappear, Y/N let out a sigh of relief. She ripped off the dress. Even though she thought it was cute, it felt so restrictive. Taking it off gave her a weird sense of freedom.

Y/N looked around at her house. She’d done a lot of work, but there was still so much more to be done. She needed to get out of the house, grab some air…air that wasn’t intruded by a strange man her family set up.

Since Y/N had her fair share of wine on the date, she decided going for a walk was the only responsible option. She changed into cutoff shorts and ratty t-shirt before grabbing a small purse and locking the door behind her.

She hadn’t been able to explore the area yet. That’s why she was pleasantly surprised to find a grungy bar hidden in the trees a mile or so up from her house. It looked divey and a little rough around the edges. But it seemed so refreshing compared to the stiff and boring date she’d just been forced to go on.

“Fuck it.” Y/N muttered to herself before she walked to the entrance.

There were a dozen muscle cars and a bunch of motorcycles parked outside. Y/N couldn’t help but admire them before pulling the door open.

Y/N looked around and immediately knew she was going to stick out… even with the shorts and band t-shirt she was wearing. She just looked too clean and innocent. There was more ink than skin in the place. It practically smelled of leather and whiskey. The music was nothing that would ever be played on the radio. But Y/N loved it.

By some luck, there was a single stool open at the corner of the long bar. She made her way there and ordered a whiskey on the rocks.

“You’re new.” The female bartender said with a smile that completely contrasted the aesthetic of the bar she worked in.

Y/N laughed lightly. “Yeah, I just moved here actually.”

“How about that. I’m Wanda.”

Her friendliness brought a smile to her face. “I’m Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you. What can I get you?”

“Can I just get a whiskey on the rocks?”

Wanda nodded and winked, moving to the other side of the bar to make the drink.

Y/N was able to enjoy a drink alone for about a half hour. Wanda would come over whenever she was free and asked her a question or two. She seemed to like having a girl to talk to. All the other women at the bar seemed to be with a group or with their significant others.

However, Y/N’s peace was ruined when a guy moved to her side. He acted like he needed to order a drink, but he was unnecessarily close to her.

Y/N wasn’t stupid; she knew this move all too well.

“How ya doing?” He looked down at her after he placed his order.

“Fine.” She responded without looking at him or sounding the least bit interested.

He didn’t pick up on it. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Y/N finished her drink dramatically for effect. “Nope. I’m good.”

“Come on. You look like you could use some company.” Then he caressed her waist and slid down to her ass.

Y/N slapped his hand away and shot up from her bar stool. It flew of its legs and made a loud bang when it hit the floor.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Y/N hissed as she finally looked at her harasser. He had dark eyes that made her feel empty. He also looked way to old to be hitting on her. But there was a danger about him that made her suddenly concerned for her safety.

“Rumlow! Back off!” Wanda came rushing over.

“Is there a problem here?” Someone asked from behind Y/N. The voice was deep and grainy, filled with masculinity.

She turned slightly without completely turning her back on the guy who was apparently called Rumlow. She saw a tall man with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes that were currently glaring at Rumlow. On either side of him were two other men that were just as broad and intimidating. One had light blonde hair and eyes that could compete with the other one. The third man had dark skin and a face that said he had a gentleness he was constantly trying to hide.

The whole bar had gone silent, watching the scene unfold. This was not the attention Y/N wanted or needed right now.

“I was just trying to buy the lady a drink.” Rumlow shrugged.

“Really? Because it looked like you were groping her.” Wanda snapped from behind the bar.

Rumlow scoffed. “Oh, give me a break.”

Y/N was in fight or flight mode now. So she grabbed her wallet from her purse, grabbed $20 and slammed it on the bar. She gave Wanda a thankful and apologetic look. Without looking at the group of men that had interrupted, she hurriedly brushed past them. Y/N prayed no one would follow her, especially Rumlow.

She quickened her pace when she heard the door open again and heavy footsteps trailing behind her.

“You okay?” They asked with a surprising gentleness. It wasn’t patronizing, but sincere.

“I’m fine.” She answered without stopping.

“Need a ride?” They asked again.

“No. I’m walking.” She retorted and then swore internally when she realized the vulnerable information she just shared.

“It’s over two miles to your house.” They pointed out.

That made Y/N stop in terror. She turned around to find it was the same guy with the blue eyes. “How the fuck do you know where I live?” Her hand was already reaching into her purse, trying to find her phone so she could call 911.

The man smirked at her attitude. “I’m your neighbor.”

For some reason, that made Y/N relax. She still had never got a good look at him during the month she’d been living here. It would explain why she hadn’t recognized him. But looking at the man now, she noted that his hair was in that low bun again.

“I’m Bucky.” He stepped forward slowly, like he didn’t want to scare her, and offered his hand to her

She looked at his hand for too long. “Ugh. Hi. Sorry. I’m Y/N.”

His grip was strong and confident.

“How did you know I was your neighbor?” She asked softly.

“I’ve seen you doing work around the house.” He shrugged casually. “I like the pink door, by the way.” He smirked as her eyes widened from the compliment.

She looked down at her feet and laughed. “Yeah. It’s a little weird. But I’ve always dreamed of having a pink door on a house.” Then she realized she really didn’t want to be in this conversation. She didn’t even know why she just told him that personal detail about herself. “It was nice to finally meet you, Bucky. But it’s been kind of a long night. I’m gonna head out.” Her excuse was casual, like she hadn’t almost started a brawl in a bar from a dude’s inappropriate behavior.

“Let me give you a ride.” Bucky took a step forward.

“I’m seriously fine. I can take care of myself.”

“Look, this area can get a little rough sometimes. Especially this late at night. If you don’t want to get on a motorcycle, that’s fine. I’ll walk you home. Or at least let me call your boyfriend.” He held up his hands in surrender, like he was scared any sudden movement would spook her.

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh darkly. “Yeah good luck calling a boyfriend.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Do you want me to ask Wanda to drive you home?”

“No.” Y/N said quickly. She had already caused enough problems and didn’t want to be an inconvenience. Wanda needed to make money off tips and good service. She wasn’t about to get in the way of that.

Before Bucky could say anything else, the bar door burst open. One of Bucky’s friends was throwing a beat up Rumlow to the ground. His lip was split and his nose was bleeding.

“Learn some damn manners, Brock. Next time you harass a pretty girl, I’ll let Bucky handle you. I took it easy on you.” The man scolded Rumlow.

“Yeah, yeah. Go fuck yourself, Wilson.” Rumlow spit blood on the dirt in front of him.

Y/N looked horrified and realized this place was much more dangerous that her naive mind realized. Using the distraction to her advantage, she quickly walked away and hurried into the shadows.

The road didn’t have any streetlights, which only added to Y/N’s tension. She almost broke out into a run when she heard the sound of a motorcycle approaching behind her.

Bucky skidded his bike to a halt as soon as he was parallel to her. “Get on.”

“Christ. You’re really not going to let me walk home alone, are you?” Y/N groaned.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re stubborn?” He shot back.

“Just about everyone I’ve ever known.” She couldn’t help but smile mischievously. But she’d given up on fighting him. If he really planned on killing her, at least she’d go out with a bang. Plus, it wouldn’t take the police long to figure out what happened to her. Girl moves in across the street from the leader of a biker gang… pretty straightforward.

Bucky smiled at his small success. He was about to tell her how to get on, but Y/N was already swinging her leg over the back of his bike like a natural.

“Hold on.” He instructed.

She gripped his shoulders, instead of his waist.

As soon as Bucky was speeding down the tree covered road, Y/N was glad she’d taken him up on his offer. She was so lost in thought on her walk earlier that she completely underestimated the time it would’ve taken her to get back home.

But before she knew it, Bucky was pulling into her driveway. He turned off the bike and helped her off.

“Thank you. For the ride…and…and for stepping in back at the bar.” Y/N looked at the ground.

To her surprise, Bucky chuckled. “Looked like you had it handled.”

She slowly nodded. “Right. Well… goodnight, Bucky.”

“Hey Y/N?” Bucky called as she reached the stairs to her porch.

She turned around.

“Don’t be a stranger. Let me know if you ever need anything. Okay?” His voice was firm and genuine.

Y/N just nodded, but knew she would never take him up on the offer.

When she was in the safety of her house and saw Bucky ride away, assumingely back to the bar, Y/N took in a deep breath. Her first interaction with her neighbor left her utterly confused. Clearly he ran with a rough crowd, she thought as the vision of Rumlow beaten and bloodied repeated in her head.

But Bucky also seemed genuinely cornered about her safety. The chivalrous intentions contradicted with the biker gang aesthetic. He had to be a criminal of some sort, right? No one was in a gang without breaking laws at some point.

Y/N didn’t trust him. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t deeply intrigued by him.

She went to bed and couldn’t stop thinking about how much she enjoyed being close to his warm body as they sped through the darkness.

Part Two

So let me know if ya’ll are interested int this continuing. To be honest, been discouraged recently with the last of response on the past few one-shots/drabbles. There’s really no point in fanfic if it feels like no one is reading or enjoying all the time and effort I put in.

#bucky au #bucky alternate universe #bucky barnes au #biker!bucky #biker bucky #biker!bucky x reader #biker!bucky x you #bucky reader insert #marvel au #marvel biker gang au #marvel reader insert #marvel fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic

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automatismoateo · 3 years ago

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In response to a question in a recent thread where someone asked me to go in-depth, here's a description of my experience in Education and teaching Science in Arkansas and why I finally quit. via /r/atheism

Submitted July 11, 2021 at 11:22PM by paxinfernum (Via reddit https://ift.tt/3ALPxPr) In response to a question in a recent thread where someone asked me to go in-depth, here's a description of my experience in Education and teaching Science in Arkansas and why I finally quit.

The only thing that matters

Here's something you need to understand first. In most rural districts, pretty much any idiot can get hired to a position and stay there as long as they don't piss off parents too much. The people hiring you don't really understand what you teach, and the parents don't understand or care what quality teaching is, but they care if you say something that offends their backward sensibilities. What that effectively means is that your ability to teach and stay on has more to do with being in sync with the community, who are usually racist and batshit paranoid. If you aren't in sync with that, you either have to keep your head down, or you will eventually get harassed into leaving due to vague complaints.

Abusive parenting is normal here

Okay. So starting with my student teaching. The woman I worked under was a total fucking psychopath. She bragged in the teachers' lounge about how she disciplined her daughter and people don't discipline their kids like that now. By discipline, I mean she told a story about how she chased her daughter down a hallway, dragged her by the hair of her head, and spanked her until she was raw. This was part of a story where she was bragging about how well behaved her daughter was due to her parenting.

If you're wondering if anyone pushed back against this, the answer is that they didn't. They were nodding their heads in affirmation. That's the problem with rural schools in a nutshell. The community hires from the community, and the community is backward as shit and filled with people who were raised in abusive conservative fundie homes. The parents, by the way, loved that teacher because she wasn't one of those soft "liberal" teachers. Parents, more than anyone else, wanted us to hit their kids and were always disappointed when they didn't get spanked. Child abuse is a way of life down here.

Teachers who are fearful of knowledge

Okay, so this woman was a science teacher. That's what I trained to teach. Science. I did so because I wasn't just one of those "science is awesome" Sagan-heads. I genuinely cared about teaching science as more than just fun facts, but as a methodology for uncovering the truth. I naively went into the field thinking that's what most science teachers would be like. I kind of hoped that I'd at least find a community of like-minded individuals in this ignorant state.

Over my entire teaching career, I literally never met another science teacher like me who was pro-science and pro-skepticism. They were overwhelmingly either just dumb and teaching rotely, or they were conspiratorial and fearful of science. This is exactly what an Arkansas school board wants out of a science teacher. They know they have to teach science, but they are afraid of science and see it as the most dangerous subject to teach in their little fundagelical minds. So they hire people who are afraid of science.

That crazy woman I trained under? She ranted about drones being used to spy on us. She told the kids GMOs were dangerous, and she told them homeopathic medicines were something she'd researched to help her friend with cancer. She wasn't unique in that regard. Every other science teacher I met in Arkansas was terrified of GMOs and had some conspiracy they wanted to rant about. One teacher's bugaboo was allergies and how he thought more people were getting allergies because of chemicals being put in the water. He brushed it off when I said it was probably due to more sensitive testing. Another teacher told their students the most horrendous and completely inaccurate facts about nuclear energy.

They're not sending us their best people

The point is these people weren't the best and brightest. Often, they weren't even adequate. One guy I worked with became a science teacher because he needed something to teach alongside coaching. He was dumb as a box of rocks and just barely passed his praxis exams after three tries. I know most people weren't going to ace these tests like I did, but the cutoff for a passing score in Arkansas is hilariously low. Yet, when he finally passed, it was only by a single point, and he recounted it to me like it was only by the grace of god.

Another teacher, a math teacher who was probably the worst speller I'd ever met, got certified in Texas, which has a lower standard for math, and he transferred his certification to Arkansas. So he only was able to teach math in Arkansas on a technicality. The way it works is that you only have to be recertified if you let your certification lapse. All that's required to recertify is doing 30 hours of PD per year, and then, every couple of years, you have to do the recertification process. But this idiot was too stupid to do that, and he let his certification expire. So then, he was teaching math without a license because he couldn't pass the Arkansas tests. (You're allowed to teach for so long as long as you're pursuing certification.)

Propaganda and Indoctrination

Half of the teachers I met might as well have been missionaries. It's illegal to push your religion or politics on students, but fuck if anyone will actually enforce that. Actually, let me step back there. Fuck if anyone will actually enforce that unless you're liberal or non-Christian. The state is an unofficial conservative theocracy so if the teacher wants to rant about gays or Jesus, there's very little chance any parent will even bother to complain. (Even liberals around here know they're outnumbered and won't win.) Even if the parent complains to the Principal, they'll only "have a word" with the teacher in question, most likely to have a chummy conversation where they eye roll about the parent and discuss ways they can continue to evangelize more subtly.

Even if the Principal is the type who takes this seriously, the teacher will only get a vague note in their file because no school board around here is going to fire a teacher for proselytizing children. They don't want the school to get burned down by an angry mob of Fox News zombies. Even if it makes it to the state ethics board, I've seen the state ethics board literally do nothing about a counselor who ignored a suicidal student, a teacher who was caught drunk driving, a superintendent who was manipulating the system to siphon more money into the school, and so many other things. The only thing the ethics board actually takes a license away for is cheating on standardized testing (got to keep our corporate donors happy) and actually fucking a student. Even if you bring a teacher up on proselytizing, they'll get a warning and be back in the classroom the next day.

So if you're a kid in a rural school, get ready for your teacher to unsubtly tell you about how Jesus is such an important part of their life or straight-up rant about the Democrats. When I was a student in Arkansas schools, I had teachers tell me: 1) All gay people should be thrown in prison 2) HIV-positive patients should be shipped to an island or burned (it was the 90s) 3) the Jews brought the holocaust on to themselves by rejecting Jesus 4) the teacher was boycotting Levis jeans because they supported gay people. That's just a sampling of shit I heard as a kid in Arkansas from freaking teachers.

While working as a teacher, I knew of teachers who latched onto kids with poor home lives and invited them over to their homes so they could do "prayer studies" with them. The kids went because they were kind to them and offered food. In case you're wondering, they got away with this because it was a husband and wife, so parents allowed it. (I'm just going to say that I'm actually quite certain this was entirely above board sex-wise. I knew the individuals, and while I despised what they were doing, I knew they were entirely sincere.)

Another teacher, a Trump supporter, went into a rant about how they needed to give all the teachers guns to fight off school shooters (because restricting guns in any way was tOtAlItArIaNiSm.) I nodded along because I was smart enough to know disagreeing publicly will get you shunned or harassed. All I could think in my head was "Dude, if they ever give you nutters guns, that's the day I quit. There will be 10 dead kids within a week." On that topic, one teacher I know of grabbed a student by the throat because they were pissed at them, and they didn't lose their job.

The history teacher, the one who wanted us to all have guns was teaching that the Civil War was about tariffs. You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. Hundreds of thousands of people went to war over tariffs that were at their lowest point in decades. It had nothing to do with the people they owned and shackled up like a Saw movie. The Civics teacher pushed Trump election conspiracies.

Another teacher, who had a family member who had a terminal illness and was literally only getting their medical treatment paid through Obamacare would go off on rants about Obama and transgender students.

Harassment

At one point, I was harassed by the campus cop. He found out I was in support of BLM, and literally screamed at me. Later, he transitioned to simply refusing to acknowledge my existence. Like, if I said anything to him, he would pretend he couldn't hear me. The dude was fucking insane and filled with hate. I'm pretty sure his domestic situation with his wife was abusive due to things he said. He was so angry and radicalized that it was never the students I worried would be a mass shooter. It was him. I was literally afraid he would come in one day and shoot the place up. He wasn't an oddity though. Every one of our resource officers was racist and unethical. One was running a vaping ring with students. Another took special joy in cracking down on Latino students.

Eventually, I started getting harassment from students though, and that's what led to me leaving. There are two things that led to increasing harassment. First, I had one conservative student who hated me and surmised that I must be a Clinton supporter. I never said that, but because I was one of the few teachers who didn't violate the rules about discussing religion or politics, they guess that I was a liberal atheist. So they started working to get me fired.

The second thing is that the Arkansas standards changed so that teaching evolution became part of my classroom standards. Just so you know, most schools in Arkansas don't actually teach evolution, even though they're supposed to. The way it works is teachers put it last on their things to teach, and oopsie, I just ran out of time at the end of the year. Some teachers know evolution is real, but they don't teach it because the backlash is too much to take. Others don't teach it because they're fundagelicals themselves, so they go along with the informal conspiracy to not teach evolution. I say informal conspiracy because it's not like they all get together in a back room and decide this. It's just the culture and incentives are all there to not teach it.

I actually taught evolution, and while I had always dealt with some degree of negativity, looking back, I have to say that was the point where I started getting a lot more. I can't emphasize enough how brainwashed these kids were. I'm not saying all of them because there were absolutely kids who believed in evolution, but they were in a minority and knew to keep their mouths shut. But it's sort of staggering to try to teach the history of the Earth and have a kid repeatedly try to prove to you that there was a global flood.

How harassment actually works in the real world

This is the thing I want people to understand. Harassment in the real world isn't usually as obvious as in a movie. No one drives by your house and throws a brick through your window. No one calls you up and leaves threatening messages. No one will ever fire you for being liberal or an atheist. Because these people are dumb as fuck, but they're also very clever at being shitty people. They know they can't walk up and say to the school board, "Fire so and so because they're teaching evolution." They know that's illegal technically.

So they just start making up vague complaints. Principals, even ones who were supportive like my last Principal, are reactive. If a parent comes to them to complain about a teacher, they're going to assume the teacher did something wrong and needs to be talked to. So the girl who found out I was a Hillary Clinton supporter suddenly decided I "made her uncomfortable" and "looked her weird." The great thing about these types of innuendos and character assaults is that you don't have to provide any real facts. It's all about how you just don't like that person. Remember that teachers are one of the few professions where you can actually be fired simply because the community doesn't like you.

So that fell flat because, like I said, my Principal was actually decent and understood how flimsy that was. So then, that girls boyfriend made a complaint about how I'd yelled at him in front of all the students. Unfortunately for him, this supposed incident happened while we were in a part of the school with cameras so it was obviously bullshit. However, parents calling in upset is still a big deal so I was told that I should try to be nicer to him in the future and win the parents over.

The point is that it's basically death by a thousand cuts from little gripes and exaggerated concerns. Another student flat-out lied and said I cussed them out in class. I know that some of this was actually instigated by a staff member who didn't like me. So they encourage students to complain about me. At one point, I know they actually set up a kid's parents to lodge a complaint against me. I know this because the language of the complaint was obviously written by them, and when I was having the parent conference, they actually stayed behind work (something they never did) and didn't leave our adjoining rooms until it was over. They apparently wanted to listen in and see how it went. This conservative teacher at various times: told me the wrong place for a meeting, got kids to say they would show up for an after school event and then not show up, convinced an entire group of students to quit a club I was sponsoring, spread rumors about me to parents.

I'm done

The final straw was covid. I tried to stick it out, but the day a kid told me he wasn't going to wear a mask because "Biden isn't the real President" was the point where I decided I was done. This came from teachers too. The biology teacher wore a mask below their nose. The staff refused to stop having potlucks throughout the entire pandemic. Some people can't be saved.

edit: I forgot to mention the English teacher I met while I was doing my student-teacher training. She was forcing her class to write essays on how Obama wasn't a real US Citizen. All throughout my teacher program, I'd been told over and over that you could get fired for talking politics in the classroom, and this bitch was literally forcing kids to write essays about how Obama was a secret Muslim. And nothing was done about it. She could get away with it because Arkansas is so white and racist. To put it into context, the county she was teaching in was 94% white and voted for Trump by 78% in 2020.

#reddit

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zoestagg · 7 years ago

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Ironman Bintan 70.3...

**It took me nearly a month to write this, as I usually focus on the positive around here — but it’s also my scrapbook, and has been for a decade. This is worth having to look back on, and worth voicing as a female experience. The positive? I had a race crew that was willing to get on a plane for eight hours, schlep a bike internationally, and hang around waiting to cheer me on all day. They’re why while the race experience itself might have scarred me, the DNF didn’t embarrass me at all. How could it? There was still a bottle of champagne waiting at the hotel and a week left to float in the pool and explore. That��s the amazing part. Now…the rest.**

I felt rushed. I worked in the dark in my eight square inches of space to arrange my transition spot. I hadn’t eaten yet, I hadn’t found the porta-potties, and I hadn’t done one single open-water swim the entire training cycle.

That sounds like a race-anxiety nightmare, and that was only the first five minutes.

It was about to get way, way worse.

I’ve given up getting mad that they issue the women’s wave neon pink caps. It’s hack, but fine. Frankie is delighted when they get passed down to her immediately after. In the dozen of waves that waited in the corral for their chance to swim, there was only one of women.

The Pros and younger men’s age groups started off, and I tried not to throw up as I waited in the practice area, dipping my head in the water to make sure my goggles were good. It was as promised, blessedly smooth. Nothing like the squalling Mediterranean three years ago. And even though I hadn’t had the opportunity to swim outside of a pool, this was honestly as pool-like as it was going to get. The squared-off course was pretty straight forward.

All I had to do was get around it.

The green caps launched off, and the blue caps filed in. If you’ve never been to the start of a big corporate race, it’s not for the sound-sensitive. It’s loud. Constant announcements on a sort of endless yammer, music, repeat. At the start, there’s a sort of DJ/Emcee scenario. He was working the crowd, asking people where they’re from.

“Australia!” “All right then, mate!”

“USA!” “Right. Back of the line then.”

You guys. The world really isn’t pleased.

The horn blew and the blue caps splashed in, making room for the women. The pump-up music for the women’s wave started. I would say it was a really annoying one-off if it wasn’t played at every daggone race I’ve done.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

Now excuse me while I REALLY try not to barf. You’re right, I spent two hours of every day, plus most of every weekend training to have FUN. You’re SECONDARILY RIGHT that no inspiring song about the female condition has been recorded since 1982. This would make me mad enough to swear right here if this was the extent of the grief I would be given for my gender that day, but it WASN’T AT ALL so stay flipping tuned.

I’m apparently still very, very mad.

When I did the Olympic distance ocean swim in my first race, I was so scared I wasn’t going to make the time cutoff. This go around, after I kind of jockeyed for space in my preferred spot, (back of the wave and as close to the line as possible) I got kind of calm. It wasn’t so bad. I just started swimming — PROPERLY, even. This is a big deal. Last ocean swim it was too choppy for me to put my head in. Sometimes in lakes there’s too much…nature to make it possible to crawl for long without wanting to scream the whole lake in. This time, eh. It was water.

IT WAS JUST WATER. And I swam.

I didn’t even panic much, when I heard them release the wave behind me. That didn’t stop me from being the girl who was yelling “NO TOUCHIES NO TOUCHIES” as my mantra when they got too close to my tail fins. Look. It’s the terrifying ocean with WILDLIFE, if you want to pass, just go around.

NO TOUCHIES.

I was feeling weirdly good. I don’t even remember the swim being much effort. It looked like I could have just stood up the whole time, which helped too. I think I checked my watch once at the half, and then not again until I could hear the music again at the swim out. 48:00. I had 70:00 minutes before I blew the deadline, I was fiiiiiine.

I swam as far in as I could, got out and pumped some fists that I didn’t have to try to peel off a wetsuit, and heard the *beep beep* as I crossed the timing mat. (Swim Time: 1900m/54:00)

This race, given that we had to schlep a bike and suitcase and everything on multiple planes and a ferry, meant that I didn’t bring a bunch of stuff I might have otherwise. Stuff, like oh, the race fuel I’m used to. I couldn’t really bring onigiri that far in advance, I couldn’t really pack a jar of peanut butter and tortillas, I just… Improvised. I’d downed a couple of handfuls of trail mix before the swim, and now before the bike, I crammed in bites of protein cookie washed down with water like a competitive eater. I pulled on my fanny pack with more snacks, pulled up my bib belt, and yanked my bike off the rack. I was feeling cautiously optimistic and ready to ride. (Transition 1: 6:30)

I didn’t know as I pedaled out, that it would be about 45 minutes until everything turned to garbage.

Indonesia is lush. There are legit monkeys just chilling on the side of the road like wild cats. I pumped my legs and tried to occupy my thoughts and take in the scenery. It’s in those moments, that a couple of things can happen: you can look down at your speedometer and be pleasantly surprised that you’re pulling 20 mph without really trying; and you can discover that the theme song to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is the exact beat that makes that cadence.

I had read the race description. Something about “a few gentle rolling hills.” I had watched the time-lapse video of the whole bike course. Looked pretty flat to me!

IT WAS NOT FLAT.

The first hill hit, and preceded three hours of switching back and forth between 4 mph as I stood up and pumped in the lowest gear, and 24 mph as I tried to make it back. I struggle a little with my feet on the bike, I have to remind myself to stay off of them and wiggle my toes and watch my form so I don’t end up with knives stabbing through the balls. This amount of standing up? There’s no terrain around here that I could have used to prepare for that. But whatever. We finished a loop out of a forested road, and hit a town. There were Indonesian flags everywhere, most buildings and houses had one planted. I don’t know how much of that is set-dressing for the race, but the KIDS.

The kids, were not.

They stood outside of houses and tiny village storefronts watching and cheering. This parade of 2,000 insane people on bicycles was the most exciting Sunday morning show, and they cheered everyone who passed. I made it my mission to be a one-woman good-sport committee and gave every single group a “Good morning!!!! Hiiiii!” Some of them yelled back, “Winner!” and it was pretty outstanding. Eventually, the tiny villages in the trees thinned out, revealing violent red clay hillscapes, and the sun started to really beat.

From the course preview video -- even watching again, I don’t know how they managed to make the hills disappear, but they did. And that bridge? The “guard rail” was just the two pipes and then a 50-foot drop. Not cozy.

By the bridge, enough time had passed to thin the herd, and I suddenly found myself in Indonesia, about 25 miles from anyone I knew, and as race rules dictate (YOU WILL BE GIVEN A RED CARD DQ IF YOU ARE CAUGHT USING A PHONE OR ELECTRONIC DEVICE) without a phone.

Fun.

I pumped on, and tried to stay positive. The course wasn’t closed, it was on roads shared as the rest of the island’s life went on, and as I started to think about pulling off to stand up for a second and swap my water bottles around, a scooter passed. The man driving it slowed as he passed me and took a hard look. I watched, because as much as Japan doesn’t require you to have street smarts, I’ve lived places, okay. He continued up the road a hundred yards and turned around, riding past again.

I didn’t stop.

Another scooter revved up from behind me. This one had friends. He pulled ahead of me, while one pulled beside and another, stayed behind. They were teenagers, and started talking to me, motioning me to pull over.

“No. I’m fine. I’m riding. No.”

Sometime after the water stop that told me they were out of water after I had already dumped my hot water out to switch, a truck rolled by. The man leaned out the window and said,

“I love you.”

I don’t think he meant that in a positive and nurturing way that respects my agency as a human being.

All I wanted was to stop and spend 45 seconds getting my fuel situated. The second my speed dipped, there would be a scooter or two, appearing out of nowhere, making very sure I wasn’t going to stop for all of the Gatorade in China. About the time the man drove by making kissy noises, and I’d spent a good three hours calculating how long it would take me to get stuffed in the back of a truck on a course where the only chip mats are at 20k and 70k and it would be a really long time before anyone missed me, I started to sob hysterically.

(Let’s take a moment of brightness to know that as awful of a time I was having, Ryan and Frankie were okay waiting for me. Phew.)

Now. There were medic vans and mechanic vans on the course, I did see them periodically. But by the time I was rolling through 40 miles, I was in such a state from dealing with harassment from almost every vehicle that passed, I started to really lose it.

“DON’T TALK TO ME. DON’T LOOK AT ME. LEAVE ME ALONE.”

It’s kind of hard to ride your bike when you’re scream crying.

Eventually, I rolled though 52 miles, and another biker spun up past me. “There’s 30 minutes to cutoff! Keep going, you’ll make it.” At this point, I really didn’t even care. I was sobbing, and worried I wouldn’t be able to stop if Frankie was at the transition point. I think I rode past Ryan and Frankie at the end of the bike, and was completely relieved I wouldn’t have to talk to them right then. (Bike 56 miles/4:39:12)

This smile is fake.

I racked my bike, probably still yelling “BAN MEN,” and sat down at transition and really cried. I cried because I was slow enough that I’d been an easy target. I cried that 75% of the competitors probably had a LOVELY time on the course and in the world in general and would never know how awful it feels to be prey, and I cried because what a burden that is, what an unequal athletic playing field that is and BAN MEN.

And then I put on my running shoes and tried to find the run out. No signs. Who cares at this point, right? (Transition 2: 6:23)

I started to run. I was scared I was going to have to go out and subject myself to more unwanted attention, but the run course was protected, in some kind of weird golf course or something. The sun dipped behind clouds and I set the first goal to getting to where I thought the spectators might be. I was still entirely on edge, and when I heard a male voice behind me, I whipped around with a LOOK. He paused.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but um, is this your first lap or your second?”

I relaxed, a little. “First. THOSE HILLS.”

“I know! Okay, thanks! Have a good run.”

He jogged on, and I felt the first drop. And then the second. And then, dear reader, I found out what an Indonesian monsoon feels like. For the next hour, the skies opened.

The surface of the lake was a blur as raindrops bounced six inches off the surface. The trail filled with water, and then flooded. Eventually, it was ankle deep. My shoes started to rub blisters. I couldn’t see in front of me. Aid stations ducked under tarps as the wind whipped.

And I knew it was over.

I passed the halfway on the run, and a restaurant. Ryan and Frankie, who I was totally worried about in all of the rain, were tucked inside having lunch. I stood outside dripping, gave Ryan the short version of the awful day, and said I was checking out. I could have propelled myself the last 10k without the wet blisters. Without a time cutoff, I could have technically finished. As I neared the lap switch, the guy in charge said,

“You’ve missed it.” (Time spent running: 1:44:28)

vimeo

You know what happens when you don’t make the last time cutoff in a monsoon? They withhold the giveaway towels because they say “Finisher” on them.

It’s fine.

I stood in the middle of the flooded field while those who’d had a much better day got their medals, and filed a report. Who knows if anyone got it, but now there’s a handy link to send to HQ, right? Ultimately, this race location is not suited for female athletes. I was wearing the same thing as everyone else. I’m OLD. I was still harassed for five hours. And I DNFed, my first one ever.

And I’ve signed up for another one in December.

#ironman #triathlon #try club #swimming #running #bicycles #indonesia #bintan

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happyoodbestwishes34689485 · 6 years ago

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Happy Best Wishes For Good Morning

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You look so splendid when you are snoozing that rest gets normally disassembled in to you. Amazing night sweetie.

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"You will be the exact reverse thing I consider before I tumble to rest and First thing to review when I wake up."

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The real mystery of having a huge rest is to set out and think past sensible cutoff points for the following morning. The riddle of proceeding with a splendid life is getting up toward the beginning of the day and looking for after those fantasies, and some time later imagining once more around evening time. This is the buoy of progression. Goodbye.

Dreams are the best piece of life; in the event that you miss rest you missed the best piece of your life. Legitimately go to the bed and catch the phenomenal dreams.

Goodnight everyone. Ideally I don't have another fantasy with Woman Gaga and Britney Lances since that was ungainly.

That massive minute when Straight to the point creeps into the young ladies shower space to state goodnight!

It's been a debilitating day and I just said goodnight to the adoration for my life. I'll get all of you on the contrary side! Rest soundly infant kid! I treasure you and have sweet longs for me.

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I might be correspondingly as sweet and kind as though I were a fantasy yet when somebody harms me even the insidious nearness himself he trembles in dread in the wake of hearing my name, goodnight.

Hello, everybody! Is there a specific Super Bowl nibble you make each year? Mine is something I like to call a 'sweet bomb'. It is two scoops of espresso cemented yogurt with Swiss miss triple chocolate dream pudding on top and cool whip what's more! Catch and taste my sweet bomb in your sweet dreams, goodnight.

Delightful creative limit: Sweet dream individuals of this world. So turn off Facebook and hit the sack, close your eyes and esteem my dialog in dreams or horrible dreams.

Send.....

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sassyhottubstrawberry-blog · 6 years ago

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indiana insurance school program

"indiana insurance school program

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Hey, Im a 16 year old boy turning 17 in 5 months. I have been eligable to get a license since December 23,2011. My parents dont want me to get it ONLY because the insurance will cost too much. I live in Florida. I only want to be a secondary on the insurance and im not going to own my own car. Will it really cost that much? I havent gotten any driving penaltys or anything like that.""

Pre-Existing Conditions health insurance...?

I've had epilepsy since I was 5 years old, I'm now 24. I came across a comment on a website a few minutes ago about there being some kind of federal law where it's ILLEGAL to deny someone coverage because they may be in poor health, overweight, etc... aka having a pre-existing condition . If this is true about there being a law AGAINST it, why are SO MANY health insurance companies allowed to deny people w/ pre-existing conditions right off the bat? There are THOUSAND upon thousands, if not MILLIONS, of people in the U.S that have some kind of pre-existing condition, whether minor or major. So wouldn't that mean that there are THOUSANDS of insurance companies that are running their business illegally & breaking the law? I mean, breaking a state law is one thing, but a FEDERAL law is a pretty big deal!! Washington makes such a big deal about how so many people in our country don't have health insurance & they say it's because people can't afford it . But I think the REAL reason is that because MOST of those people have a pre-existing condition & they're getting thrown to the curb because of it... Comments on this???""

How much is average health insurance in London?

I am a 19 year old female moving to London to be an au pair. I will need health insurance since I will not be living with my parents. About how much will it cost? I have no major illnesses.

Will my insurance provider penalise me for doing this...?

If i have a policy for my motorcycle and a policy for my car, (both policies are form the same insurance provider) and over the summer i decide to drop the policy for my car, only to activate it again in the fall, will that be considered a lapse in coverage? Will my rates be higher because of this action when i reinstate the policy in the fall?""

Health insurance options for a 20 year old student with no parental coverage?

I have recently had a medical issue and went to the ER. One visit racked me up over $2,000 of bills that I obviously can not pay. Now I am looking at options for health insurance, but ...show more""

Does car insurance cost more for old people?

I'm doing a topic in my GCSE's and i have to gather information on weather old people should be allowed to drive... so i would apreciate it if you would comment on that as well. But what i wanted to know was weather car insurance costs more for people over 65 (because thats the age you can retire and get a pension) or for people under 65.

""I'm pregnant, without insurance, and desperate, HELP!?""

Just this Monday I found out I was pregnant. Two Clear Blue PREGNANT's, and I was bawling in the Target bathroom. I all ready have two children, both of which are on ALL Kids because my husband didn't want to keep our health insurance last year due to the rising costs (like, it kept going up $100/year, and towards the end, we were paying $500/month). So now I'm pregnant, no health insurance, and pretty much stressing out over it. I will apply for SOBRA Medicaid (something I found on Alabama's Department of Health site) after my doctor's appointment next Wednesday, but if they don't accept me, then I don't know what else to do. Giving my baby away is not an option, neither is abortion. I will love this baby no matter what happens. I just need some reassurance or something to keep myself from stressing out and crying all the time over worrying about money. I totally got screwed over by something called Direct Med and will be calling them tomorrow to try to get my money back. I did that out of desperation and plain stupidity. A little help, please?""

Why won't an insurance company insure me since I had a claim in the last 5 years?

I had a fire claim in the last 6 months ($30,000 claim), and I am not happy with my current insurance company. It has taken them 6 months to pay out. I have been trying to get a quote from different insurance companies and they all say that they cannot give me a quote because I had a significant claim the last 5 years. Does anyone know of an insurance company that doesn't have this policy?""

Does it matter if you tell the insurance company?

that you are keeping your vehicle at 'X' address instead of your real address which is 'Y' address. Reason being that X is a way cheaper premuim than my Y premium. And its only for TPO insurance. Thanks

Is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22?

In Tennessee, is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22? I already have minimum coverage but am now required to get an SR22. Is this something that needs to be added on or will minimum coverage suffice? Thanks.""

Is it possible to fake an Auto Insurance Quote survey...?

I do surveys online for things and there are some that give a lot of credit but they are usually like auto insurance quote ones and health insurance quotes so im wondering if i can fake that i dont want to put any of my info what im really looking for is like a list of working SSN and junk like that.

Car insurance for teens?

i want to get a 2004 spyder eclipse two door, and i'm on my parents insurance (farmers insurance) because i'm 17, and was wondering if anyone knows about how much it will be a month.......""

indiana insurance school program

If you know about car insurance (10 points will be awarded )?

Hey, my older brother has a Honda HR-V 1.6 VTEC engine which is UK insurance group 9 and tax bracket F, I am looking at a Suzuki Swift Sport 1.6 engine, insurance group 9 and tax bracket E... my insurance is with my dads business who say i can have up to a 1.6, I learnt to drive in my brothers car but the insurance company are looking into whether or not i can have a Suzuki Swift Sport, it has no turbocharger, so what is the big deal 10 Points for best answer""

Can I drive an insured car without insurance?

I got my G2 a week ago and I was wondering if I can drive my parent's insured car without being listed as a driver. I drive very safely and I've never received any ticket but my insurance quotes are insanely high, especially because I am a guy. I really can't afford it and neither can my parents. Some people say I can still drive and some say no and I'm very confused. Please answer if you know for sure. Thanks in advance""

How does and underage affect insurance?

A friend of mine was just charged with an underage but was accepted into the ARD program. We are wondering how this is going to affect her auto insurance policy.

Does becoming pregnant qualify as a life changing event for most insurance companies/employers?

Commonly, life changing events are listed as marriage, divorce, and birth of a child, ect. If a person doesn't have insurance and learns that they are pregnant, will most companies allow enrollment at that time even if enrollment is scheduled at a specific time of the year?""

How much do you guys pay for Honda S2000 car insurance?

I got a quote for 490 for 6 months. Full coverage from state farm for a 04 Honda s2000. Is this good?

I have a B average(4.0/5.0). will it lower the cost of insurance for my dad?

So my friend told me that if i have a B average, it will lower the cost of insurance for my dad, but idk if its true. im 15 and about to get my license in 4 months and i dont get in any trouble and i have a 4.0/5.0 gpa and on my last report card, my grades were A B B B C C. so will it lower the cost of my insurance?""

""$1,000 or $500 deductible for home owner's insurance?""

Which is more common $1,000 or $500 dollar deductible?""

I was hit by a car. Which insurances should be reported?

Okay... I was driving my parents car to work. I am 19. No tickets or crashes since I was 15 and a half. I was rear ended when I stopped for an ambulance. My parents have insurance on that car, but I am not on their policy. I did have my mother's permission to use the vehicle. I have my own liability insurance but on a car that I sold several months ago. I maintained that insurance just in case anything happened. The woman that hit me immediately admitted blame. She also admitted blame to the officer that came out to see us. In fact, she cut him off to admit blame. I hope I am good to go as far as any sort of payment for damages. I understand if I get ticketed for not being on their policy... I just don't want to have to pay for my parent's car out of pocket, I can't afford that. Do all three party's insurances need to be reported? My dad is trying to tell me that my insurance is the only one that needs be reported as well as the woman's that hit me. I disagree. I think that all three need to be - but he's older and wiser than me. I think he just doesn't want his rate to increase so he's trying to make me call the woman and tell her to not report their insurance. Fml, i'm confused. thanks.""

Getting health insurance?

I am a 38 yr old female amd my partner of 17 yrs is a 45 yr old male.my job does not provide health insurance and my partner is self employed.We live in washington state.A few yrs ago we applied for basic health insurance and they wanted my last income tax statement witch I do not have.We need insurance badly my partner has asthma and needs medicine and we both need physicals.Is there any insurance companies that will give health insurance without wanting income tax returns.or proof of income.We need a health insurance provider who will give insurance like getting car insurance just pay a monthly fee no questions asked.Is there health insurance companies like that.

What is an insurance quote?

Can someone explain to me just what the heck an insurance quote is?

""Im learning to drive, do i need insurance?""

I'm 17 and i'm learning to drive. If my parents take me out to teach me, will I need insurance? How does it work? And if i need it where can i get it cheap.""

Small business insurance?

I'm thinking abouit starting up a small cleaning business and I'm wondering about how much it would run in Pa for libability insurance.

Ohio moped insurance?

im 14 i have a 1980 puch moped i wanna now the cost per year

What will happen with my car insurance?

ok so i was driving my brothers car and i have my g1 i went to money mart and back home about an hour later police came knocking on my door asking if my brother was in a car accident so we went down to the station and the officer asked if i was driving his car i said yes , he then said that the other man that was sitting in the station got my plates and said i hit his car and cracked his bumper (very minor crack) so i said no and then officer assumed i was lying and made me write up an accident report. after when i was leaving the station the other guy asked if we could solving this without going through insurance so we exchanged numbers (their was no damage at all to my brothers car & no paint or anything on their car to prove i hit it) the next day they called and said the want a whole new bumper they dont want it patched up and they would get me a price quote they then got me a quote for $1475 for a while new bumper from ford i told them im not paying that much the only way im replacing the bumper is if my mechanic does it he said ok so i went to my mechanic told him the whole situation and he said i shouldnt be replacing the whole bumper for somthing that small but he still ordered the bumper for me i had to put a $400 down payment for the bumper and $300 after its put on. the bumper came in 2 days later and they brought their car for it to be put on when we got there they got pissed off and said this isnt a bumper straight from ford and they dont want it and left ( the bumper was brand new for the same model car and had the exact paint coat match just that it wasnt from ford) they then call me threating to take it through insurance if we dont get it from ford so i lost the $400 down payment for the bumper because they cant return it after its painted so i told my mechanic to order it from ford. but when he called for they said the dont have bumpers for that model anymore, i then call the people back and told them to take it through insurance because my mechanic cant get that bumper. So what will happen to my brothers insurance hes under 25 with his g2, and i had my g1 but it was on private property where they said the incident occurred the officer even said he cant charged me because its private property PLEASE HELP!""

What are the risks with Co-signing on a car and putting insurance in my name for a bf?

My daughters father needs a new and wants us to get it together. I would be co-signing on the car and the insurance would be in my name. It would mainly be his car, I would only pay $100/month on the insurance. I'm very hesitant about doing this as a) our relationship is rocky b) he has a bad record...many tickets/fines to the point where he could not get approved for insurance c) I dont want to get screwed over. He's pretty upset that im saying I dont want to, and is complaining that he cant rely on me, but I feel im protecting myself and my credit. So what exactly are the risks, and how can I get him to understand why I'm saying no?""

Opening a company (California)?

What does one must have to register a small company in California specializing in recruitment/staffing employment? What type of Insurance (General Liability, Work Compensation) Approximate Cost. Tax id What is the approximate annual cost?""

""When the term is up on term life insurance, what happens to the money you paid? do you get it back?

im in my early twenties and im looking for life insurance outside of my job. i want to know if you sign up for term life insurance and the term is up what happens with the money you've paid? or is it just better to sign up for whole life insurance?

How much does insurance cost for your first car?

What are the fines and penalties of driving without a license or insurance in California?

Under 18 with permit only. Also loud music. Was only driven in parking lot when pulled over. Car in another persons name. Are there any fines or penalties for car owner?

Why can't small businesses in each state group together to get better and more affordable health insurance?

Who regulates this? The insurance companies? The large companies? It doesn't make sense that this cannot be done.

How much does car insurance cost?

I just bought a 2007 toyota corolla and I'm putting the insurance in my moms name. She's gonna list me on her policy, around how much do you think it will cost to register this car? I don't want an exact amount just ideal price. It's a 2007 toyota corolla s""

Insurance and car accident.?

I was involved in an accident in which I struck a vehicle in the rear on 11/15/2004. It was not a bad collision and I was starting to walk-up to ask the driver of the other vehicle if he was okay, when a car rear-ended me and then two more cars hit that vehicle pushing my jeep under the vehicle which I had hit causing severe damage in excess of $3500. My insurnce payed the driver I hit, but I have not received a dime from farmers insurance. I placed a call to the insured vehicle that strcuk me and they told me to use my insurance company to hash-out all the details and to collect funds for repair my vehicle. I told this to my insurance agent (Progressive) and they said they would do that but I didn't have full coverage so that will not happen, I need to deal with the other partie's insurance companies. I have no Idea where to go from here. If I had the money, I would get a lawyer and I am sure that I would have this resolved right now. Does anyone have an idea for me? peace""

""I pay more than $10,000 per year for Health Insurance, does that sound reasonable?""

I'm self employed and gross about $105,000 / year. Have wife and 3 small children. (wife stays home) Premium for family is $857.41 / month and increases about 11% per year. M.D. visits have $20 co-pay. Policy through Excellus BC/BS. We live upstate New York and have no health problems.""

Health insurance help please?

My husband and I were dropped by our health insurance company. We think it's because we started using our coverage (miscarriage). My husband is a contractor so the insurance they offer is pathetic and doesn't cover anything. But, we can't afford to being paying high deductibles and premiums. We make too much to get on medicaid, so we fall in the middle. Are there any programs or resources available for the average class family?""

How to these rich boy racers who are like 18-19 afford the insurance on aventadors and audi r8's?

How do they get quoted at such a young age on supercars,I understand money's not a problem for them so it doesn't matter what the price is but if I wanted 2litre audi at my age (17) a insurance company wouldn't even quote me""

indiana insurance school program

Can I use my parents car insurance?

As a 17 year old, could I get car insurance under my mom's name? I can't pay $200+ a month for car insurance as a first time driver under my own name. So could I just get my mom to sign to it so I would only pay her rate at like $100 a month?""

How do I sue my car insurance company?

I was in a car accident in March 2008 in a parking lot. The insurance companies BOTH decided that we were 50/50 at fault for the accident. During this process I kept getting phone calls asking me to verify WHY a person not on my policy was driving my car at the time of the accident. I repeatedly corrected the insurance companies...yes BOTH of them...saying that I AM AN INSURED DRIVER and I was driving my car. I had no passengers. I was in an accident with another single driver with no passengers. Eventually it seemed like everything was fine. The claim closed on May 2 and I thought it was all over. BUT today, May 29, I received a letter in the mail telling me that policy is being cancelled because WE HAD REQUESTED INFORMATION REGARDING --------- AS THE DRIVER OF THE 03/27/2008 CLAIM. TO DATE, THIS HAS NOT BEEN RECEIVED. I have NO IDEA what they are talking about. He is the OTHER driver. However, they are pretty much ignoring my calls and emails. What can I do???""

Car insurance questions!?!!? HELP! accident!?

Hey, three weeks ago, I got into a car accident and rear ended someone in the front with suv. I had a honda, and the insurance company declared it totaled and they are going to pay around 9k for the car. Since it was rear-end accident, insurance company held me for 100% at fault. The suv had broken/dented bumper and lower part of trunk lid dented (No broken lights or anything). I would say around few thousand dollars worth of damage. There were 3 people in the car and at the time they said they are all ok, and drove off. No police report was filed. When I called at night to get one of the guy's birthday, he said all three went to emergency, and had whiplash pain in neck area (which is understandable from rear-end accident). I had full coverage so I know my insurance comp. would pay their bills. The thing I am scared about is what if they sue me? I am from low-class family and a full time student on loans so I have no money or even a job. If they do, how much can they sue me for?""

""I'm 27 and I want to get life insurance, what kind is best?""

I don't really understand what 10;15;20 year term life insurance means, or whole life insurance and what company is best but I think I want to get it while I'm young and ...show more""

Have you ever gotten a car insurance quote online in Illinois?

how easy was it to get the quote? was the process confusing at all? Did the site explain what coverages you needed and why you needed them?

How much would motorcycle insurance cost?

Hello, i'm 20 about to be 21 in december, but i'm gonna be going for my motorcycle license in a week, an planning on buying a kawasaki ninja 250R since it has good reviews, but i'm wondering how much it would be for insurance i'm just going for motorcycle license cause i don't like cars, trucks etc. but yeah so i don't have a normal license so i have no driving record of crashes etc. i'm in indianapolis, IN cause i know states vary. Rob""

How much would my little sister's car insurance be?

Can anybody give me an estimate of what insurance on a Chevy Cavalier would be for an 18 year old girl who lives in Colorado? My little sis is in a tight spot cuz my parents aren't helping her with paying for a car or insurance, but she's saved up enough to buy a car and just got a job, and is asking me to help her with insurance which I'm going to try to do, thus the question above. The problem is awhile back she got a ticket for I think it was either wreckless driving or careless driving. She's matured a lot now and all but I know the insurance companies look into things like that. Please help me with an estimate if you can. Thanks.""

How much Is car insurance for a 21 year old in the uk?

I cant drive yet but have a provisional. my friend has been driving for 3 years. We are both 21. He will teach me and said I would have to get insurance on his car for 6 months. Does anybody no how much this will cost a month. He drives a vauxhall corsa. Full Stars 4 best answer

Motocycle insurance??

i want to buy a motocycle (sports bike) buti would like to know an estimate of how much it will cost for insurance. Are sports bike more expensive than a car? I'm paying around 200 for my monthly with a car right now.

I need my car on the road to get me to work but the insurance is way to high?

Im 18 year old and need my car on the road to get myself to work but the insurance is about 2500 or higher. Does anyone know a company that deals with young drivers or knows a way around it to make it cheaper.

""Insurance company does not want to pay for my car damages, what should I do?""

I let my mom borrow my car, which insurance is under my name, she crashes. She exchanged insurance info with the other driver. I called the other driver's insurance to make a claim to have them get my car fixed. As soon as I told the insurance rep what had happened, he hung up. I try calling them again only to have the rep say, we need to get the other driver's side of the story and hung up again. My car got really damaged, but the other driver's car only got scratches, I know it may not matter but nonetheless I would like to have them pay for my car damages. My insurance only has liability so I can't file a claim under my insurance. The only thing I have is a police report of them exchanging insurance info but no document stating in detail what happened and who is at fault, that's it. What should I do?""

Deducting Health insurance premiums on 1040 federal income tax form.?

On 2012 federal tax return form 1040; line 29 Self-employed health insurance deduction. If all my income is from Real Estate rentals were I file a Sch E for reporting my income on my 1040 tax return, does this qualify as Self-employed under the IRS definition so I can take the deduction on line 29?""

Car insurance question?

I'm looking to buy a car from a dealer. I'm going to put it under my parents auto insurance policy, can I put one of them as the primary driver of the vehicle, since I am only a co-driver on the policy? I am planning to buy the car with cash, so in order to get my parents as primary drivers, would the title have to be in their name?""

Can I still be on my parents car insurance policy if they are in a different state?

I live in California while my family lives in Utah. I have been on my family policy and about a year ago I registered my car here in CA. CA requires insurance (which I have, but in UT). My family is still paying for my insurance but the license plate listed is my old Utah plate but I am unsure if that counts now that I have CA plates. Does anybody know details behind this?""

Where can I find non-owners insurance?

I need what is known as an SR22 which is also non-owners insurance. I have looked everywhere and it seems like nobody has a policy for it. If anyone knows anything about it. Please let me know.

How much do you pay for auto insurance?

I just spent a few hours getting an auto insurance quote from a number of companies. I got a real good rate ($573 for a whole year) for our 2004 car and all the extras. I think this is a pretty good rate but wonder if others are paying more or less. How much are you paying?

Health Insurance Premiums?

Does any single person pay their own health insurance premiums - what company and how much do you pay ? Does it include doctor visits and hospital stay ?

Will I get my parent's insurance after age 18?

I plan on taking a year off of school when I graduate high school. When I turn 18 during that year, because I am not a full time student, will I get taken off my parents health care?""

Motorcycle insurance for an 18 year old?

I'm 18 and I want to buy a 1984 900cc kawasaki ninja motorcycle. I have an 84 camaro and I'm on my dad's insurance which means it's only around $80 a month. He is 50 and has alot of experience with motorcycles. I know that insurance is sky-high when your under 25 so my question is, if I'm on my dads insurance will it be cheaper like it is on my car or will it be just as expensive?""

Who has the cheapest full coverage insurance in ca?

I have an insurance question?

If the government regulates and requires auto insurance, why dont they provide it? Flood insurance is provided by the government so why not auto insurance?""

Can a non-relative be added onto ones insurance?

Example: A friend and his daughter that are living with me He has no insurance, and wont be getting any for at least 6 months, and I am helping to support her. I would like to add her onto my insurance so she is at least covered in case of emergency.""

Anyone know of an affordable auto insurance that is nationwide?

small companies/ customer friendly , with a website""

What is the best Car Insurance company ?

I am a new driver with a sports car 1999 Porsche Boxter and need insurance. PLEASE HELP !!!!!!!

16 yo male car insurance cost?

I will be driving my moms 2011 ford fiesta i have taken drivers ed i live in Ohio and the good student offer wont use how much does drivers ed take off

indiana insurance school program

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/affordable-insurance-group-panama-city-fl-freda-huang/"

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yahoo-puck-daddy-blog · 7 years ago

Text

What We Learned: Turns out taking a lot of penalties is bad

Logan Couture celebrates after burying the Golden Knights in Game 2. (John Locher/AP)

Anyone in their right mind saw that 7-0 Game 1 in the Pacific Division final for what it was: An aberration.

Vegas is perfectly good and the Sharks had a very bad game, and you put those two things together to get an ugly blowout in which the Golden Knights doubled their playoff goal total.

In Game 2, the Sharks were much more dialed-in, and apart from a few lapses that wound up in the back of the net, managed the puck effectively. Their job was made a lot easier by Vegas seemingly insisting on committing a string of dumb penalties that, over the last 70 or so minutes, added up to eventually cost them the game.

This was uncharacteristic, to an extent. In the regular season, the Golden Knights were better than the league average in terms of conceding power plays to their opponents and that had largely been true in the first round as well. But in Game 1, they put San Jose on five power plays, not that it mattered much. And in Game 2 they gave up 8:39 of PK time across seven Sharks power plays and conceded two goals, including Logan Couture’s double-overtime game-winner.

It’s no secret that taking seven penalties, even in four-plus periods of hockey, is not advisable, but it also seemed as though Vegas was having trouble keeping up with the Sharks across the whole of the game. Their goals were not scored through the usual process of very Vegasly dictating the terms on which the game would be contested, but rather by creating a couple turnovers (and a lucky bounce on the first one) and then winning a set play off a draw. The Sharks otherwise ran the show more or less from front to back; Vegas didn’t have a double-digit shot total in any one period.

The problem, then, is pretty clear as the series moves to San Jose: Vegas giving a team with as much fire power as the Sharks 12 power plays in eight periods of hockey is probably courting disaster. This is a team that drew the 10th-most power plays in the league this year, and converted them at a rate above 20 percent, which is usually about the cutoff for “good power play.”

It’s worth noting that San Jose has spent almost as much time on the power play as Vegas so far in this series — 18:28 versus 19:22, both of which are a lot in just two games — but the Sharks put them on 10 in Game 1 alone. Again, that’s a total freak thing, and it’s something that certainly got talked about; in Game 2, Vegas went on just two power plays for a grand total of 138 seconds.

Both of these clubs can absolutely stick a knife in your gut on special teams. One second things are going fine, and the next the game is over because they’re drawing a ton of penalties and, eventually, converting. One can certainly argue that 24 power plays combined in eight periods is entirely too many, and that is the correct read on the situation, but if this is a series in which the refs are going to call every little thing, that probably benefits San Jose more than it does Vegas because the Sharks just don’t take penalties as a general rule; those 10 power plays in Game 1 were equal to almost 5 percent of what they gave up in 82 games in the regular season.

As the series shifts out of Vegas tied at 1-1, this is absolutely the thing for everyone to keep a careful eye on. It’s not so much an issue if refs call it tight because that’s just the tone that’s being set. But if things get called inconsistently, that could put either team in a tough position. You never want guys not knowing what is or isn’t a penalty on any given play, and to be fair that doesn’t seem to have been the case so far. In both games, the teams that committed too many infractions were correctly penalized. It’s fair to say neither team has a real gripe with the officiating, on the balance (though Vegas might be upset with how the two goal reviews went for it on Saturday).

There’s a pretty strong correlation between all these power plays and teams making goalies stand on their heads. Marc-Andre Fleury was stellar again this weekend, facing 47 shots after stopping all 31 the first time out. Meanwhile Martin Jones’s numbers are quite bad (nine allowed on 43) but certainly not under siege. That is to say, San Jose seems to have gotten the better of the possession and if Fleury isn’t lights-out (as opposed to merely “good,” as he was Saturday) then things get a lot more complicated pretty quickly for the Golden Knights.

Special teams truly is the one big storyline so far here and Vegas is quickly learning that these Sharks actually have guys who can put the puck in the net. If Joe Thornton comes back at some point in this series, that’s just another potential issue for, I don’t know, Deryk Engelland to deal with.

At 5-on-5, Vegas and San Jose have been dominant teams in these playoffs, to be sure. But on the PK, both teams have been pretty bad in terms of how many high-quality looks they concede per minute. And if that’s the case, the question becomes how much longer Vegas can count on Fleury to go .940-something on the PK. (He’s also still .993 at 5-on-5. These numbers simply can’t last.)

The rate at which both these clubs can make teams pay for mistakes both in terms of committing penalties and keeping up coverage on the PK means the most likely outcome here is the team that takes the fewest penalties will probably win these games.

Certainly, to keep trying it the way these losing teams have gone is to invite ugly outcomes. Wouldn’t want that to be you.

What We Learned: Playoff edition

Boston Bruins: At this point I just don’t know what you’re supposed to do about that top line anymore. They didn’t exactly dominate territorially, but the extent to which the Bruins were pummeled when they were off the ice, and all the points they collected once again, tells the story pretty effectively. They’re just unstoppable at this point, and any one of them can have a big night and sink your playoff hopes that much deeper. Brad Marchand on Saturday? Just 1-3-4, no big deal.

Nashville Predators: Boy that’s a big comeback game from Pekka Rinne, huh? He made (approximately) six thousand saves and, while some of the goals he gave up weren’t great, you still have to say he was pretty damn phenomenal. It’s weird to say that this game with nine goals was a goaltending duel, but it for sure was. Connor Hellebuyck stopped 37 of 41 at the other end (and got a piece of the game-winner too, because he is my perfect boy). I could watch these games for the rest of my life.

Pittsburgh Penguins: I know we’re all supposed to be insanely mad about the non-goal but any time I see stuff like this I think back to that Flames playoff run a few years back where they appeared to score a goal but then someone explained the parallax view to me and I was like “Ah yeah, that makes sense.” Of course, we should fooooooooooooor suuuuuuuuuuuuure have a damn chip in the puck by now and then we wouldn’t have to explain to people what the damn parallax view is — turns out sports fans don’t wanna talk about geometry a lot when their team loses — but hey, one thing at a time I guess.

San Jose Sharks: Lost in all the “Logan Couture is extremely underrated” talk that sprung out of Saturday’s game (he is, by the way), Brent Burns had a whopper of a night after being terrible in Game 1. If he’s not going for that Sharks defense, it’s a problem, simply because he’s basically always going to play like 24 minutes and that’s a lot of time to be giving a guy who’s not playing well. Put another way, Pete DeBoer will always let Burns work through it, and he’s earned that, but now is not the time to have to work through it, y’know?

Tampa Bay Lightning: Steven Stamkos noted that other than the fact they got blown out, they played well. And that’s one of those things people don’t want to accept but can absolutely be true. Mike Babcock said that after Game 2 in Boston as well, and hey, that series didn’t end up being a blowout or anything. In the end, the better team won Game 7 and frankly I would be surprised if the Bruins didn’t win this series too, but these are two good teams and sometimes good teams can make other good teams look bad when they get the bounces and so on. If the Bruins keep getting outshot 36-24 or something similar, 6-2 wins aren’t likely to keep happening here.

Vegas Golden Knights: The fact that so many penalties were taken by Vegas’s depth players in this series probably says something about the disparity in quality between San Jose and themselves when you get further down the lineup. Vegas’s depth has always been overrated once you get off those top two lines, and if they’re not gonna help by scoring goals (probably not!) and are gonna hurt by continually taking penalties (possible!) then that strikes me as … a problem.

Washington Capitals: Man I gotta tell ya, even when the Caps were up 3-1 late in the game, you had to be like, “Surely the Pens are gonna get one back.” They didn’t but that’s the power of Knowing The Caps Will Blow It. I can’t imagine the psychic weight that has for the team itself, but that’s extremely a real thing that everyone with even a passing familiarity with the sport carries in their hearts and minds.

Winnipeg Jets: That extra-attacker goal to force overtime was the most inevitable goal I have seen in these playoffs. The shot off the post and the Preds not getting a body on a guy parked between the hashmarks was inviting a big problem. Mark Schiefele missed that look once. He wasn’t gonna miss it twice. My man is just too hot right now.

Play of the Weekend

The finish to roof this puck at this speed is absolutely stunning.

Gold Star Award

Logan Couture is a borderline-elite player but few will discuss this!!!!

Minus of the Weekend

I totally get the league refusing to let the Canucks send their dumb mascot to the draft lottery thing. Like, it would have been insanely funny, but I get it. And I’m mad about it, but I get it. And that’s all it should be next season, but I get it.

Perfect HFBoards Trade Proposal of the Week

User “Kshahdoo” is really trying to help the Oilers.

Skinner + 2nd overall for Draisaitl + 10th overall

Signoff

Ye… I… y’know th… one thing I sho… excuse me for one second.

#_revsp:21d636bb-8aa8-4731-9147-93a932d2b27a #_lmsid:a077000000CFoGyAAL #_author:Ryan Lambert #_uuid:143d1dd0-eb6d-3f07-9944-fd56bc70caee

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britttracey · 7 years ago

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EVU DNF : six letters, so much disappointment

**Elk Valley Ultra** How was I supposed to pass up a chance to run an ultra 20 minutes from my house? I just couldn't. I knew the trails-ish, it was relatively cheap, and it was the inaugural running. There was no way I was passing it up. Elk Valley Ultra is a 50k race through the mountains of Fernie, BC, boasting 2800m of elevation gain and the ability to run it as a relay team split into three legs. There are no on course aid stations, only a small selection of things at the transition areas between legs. It's hosted by the local trail running club, Stag Leap Running Co. My training for this has been mediocre at best, for whatever reason I decided subconsciously that I would just run whatever I felt like running as long as I was gradually increasing my distances. Ugh. I only got in 3 32km runs (20 miles). My training is all on strava. It's nothing impressive. With the lack of on course aid and no one crewing me, I had to put together two drop bags and rely on that and what I could carry. I gave myself only one goal: finish the fucker, even DFL is better than DNF. With a 13 hour cutoff I figured I could manage. Why do I keep signing up for things like this? Who the fuck knows. **Friday July 28, 2017** I had an epically good sleep and woke up to promptly drive to the running store and purchase everything in there. I then fumbled around my house frantically putting together my drop bags. I've never put together drop bags before and just kinda winged it, thinking of the things I might need at km 20.5 and 37. I opted not to do a shakeout run as I spent most of the day pacing back and forth. At 4 pm I drove the 20 minutes into Fernie to register and pick up my race package. The thing I like most about doing these races are the people. You start to see the same people around at races and on social media and strava, and then it's like a fun little reunion at package pickup. All my friends are faster than me so the chances of seeing them on course are very slim haha. I headed home, had dinner and went to bed as early as possible after drinking all the water I possibly could. **Saturday July 29, 2017** **Pre race** My alarm went off at 4 am and I whispered to myself: "You could just not show up... DNS." I shook it off. No way, I was nervous but it was going to be one hell of an adventure and there was no way I was going to back out of it. I put together the last of my gear, ate breakfast and loaded up to make the 20min drive to the start line. I was starting to get zen. **Leg one** "Don't trust any thoughts you have while climbing" *20.5km, 1,480m vertical gain.* The race started at 6 am, I lined up at the back, wished my friends good luck and off we went. The group took off at a blazing pace for whatever reason, the first two Kms were relatively flat but Jesus had no one ever heard of Ultra pace? I tried to remember to run my own race. We came onto the trail head for Mt. Fernie and the climb began. "Jesus this is just the first climb, I can't do this." The negative thoughts started early on in this race and honestly surprised me. But I just kept telling myself not to trust any thoughts you have while climbing a mountain. I hit the top relatively unscathed at about km 7 and felt a million times better. The trail off the other side of the mountain is called "Rocky Road" and for good reason, it's steep and narrow and full of rocks and boulders and completely unrunnable in places. I held on to a fast walk Pace through here, and felt pretty great, the scenery was fucking insanely beautiful. It was in here I started taking salt pills, my friends swear by them and I have used them a couple of times. I started taking them every hour to hour and a half. We hit the second climb into Windy Pass which was much shorter but steeper than the first climb and my legs said nope. I maintained a slow shuffle to the top, and passed a guy who was puking into the bushes. This was an omen for my later race. After the climb the rest of the leg was pretty uneventful. I managed a good little trot for most of it, spent some time with a couple really awesome folks from the prairies and worked my way back down to transition area one where my drop bag was waiting, the only thing that seemed to be the same for everyone I spoke with was the fact that the aid stations were way off. The first was supposed to be at 20.5, so I started sucking my water back around 19.5. I didn't hit the AS until km 22.1. So I spent longer than I would've liked without water as the temps started to climb. *Drop bag at end of leg one* Smaller pre-filled (water/infinit) race vest, change of clothes, jacket and gloves, k tape and mile skin, cooling towel, sunscreen, body glide,turkey jerky, boost, dried apricots, pretzels and skratch gummies. I changed my pack, sunscreened up and soaked my cooling towel before heading off into leg 2. **Leg two** "Screaming and crying" *16.5km, 720m of vertical gain.* My notes for the first section of leg two simply say: "hot stumble food", which basically sums it up. The trail leading out of the AS was flat and hot, I figured it would be a good time to play nutrition catch up as I was having a hard time eating with all the climbing. I stumbled over roots while sucking the salt off of pretzels in the hot open sun. I hit the 25km mark at 6 hours into the race and cringed as I sent out a text saying I was going to be looking at a 12 hour finish. I crossed over the road and onto the trail for the first climb. I was firmly holding up the rear with maybe a handful of people behind me and I remember clearly thinking, "I am the caboose", this may have been the last rational thought I had. The climb started and it opened right up to the blaring sun, in km 28 I found the two best little streams ever though and got everything as wet as I could both times, I honestly contemplated drinking from the second one. The project 9 climb was where things started to go wrong, I found myself stopping periodically to catch my breath, there were hot spots growing on my feet, a big horse fly wouldn't leave me alone. I stopped and screamed at the fly "Fuck off just fuck off!!" While swinging wildly at it, I was starting to lose my shit. I sat down to dump my shoes out and contemplated not getting back up, but I did. I threw up. I threw up again. And then we started down hill. "Huh? That climb was shorter than I remembered?" I pondered. It wasn't, they just had us drop down to climb back up again. I threw up some more, took a salt pill, drank some water and sat down. I cried on a log in the middle of the trail. I got back up and kept going. I kept stopping. I couldn't eat. I'd never felt so bad in my entire life. I got up the climb and stumbled the traverse across the side of the mountain in the sun so I could get back into the trees. Finally some shade and downhill, I tried to pick it up into a light jog but the motion just made me sick again. I looked at my watch, cutoff for ta2 was so close. So fucking close. I aimed for a fast walk and shut off my brain. I finally hit the part of the trail where I had picked huckleberries with my friend and our kids on a recon mission the week before, I grabbed a couple as I went by and ate them, they were so good. I washed them down with a bit of hot water from my pack and promptly threw them up. Ate a few more. They stayed down. Huh? Maybe I'd be okay. (My notes here say "huckleberry revival" haha) My watch said the AS was only a km away at km 37 and I had 30 minutes to get there! Maybe I'd be okay. "Where the fuck is the aid station?" My watch rolled over to km 38 and I still had a long way to go. The cutoff clicked closer. I fought off tears as I realized at my current pace I'd need at least 3.5 hours to get through the last section which was open and hot for one of the climbs and still another 600m of climbing. I didn't roll into to AS 2 until km 40.5. With 2,230m of climbing. With 8 minutes left before cut off. I sat down in the medic tent and let the nice volunteers hose me down with a spritzer while the doctor put ice on my neck. I was advised that the leg was at least a km longer than advertised which meant at km 40 I still had another 14-15 km to go. I made the choice to drop. DNF'ing for the first time ever. At my second ultra. I waited for a friend to come and pick me up, defeated and still unable to eat anything. **Post race** As I sat with my friends who had finished listening to war stories and being told I did really well despite the circumstances I couldn't help but feel defeated and disappointed in myself. I should've kept going and tried. Even crossing the line past cutoff was better than DNFing, surely. I could've stumble/puke/cried my way up two more hills and back down, right? I'm not a fucking quitter, this isn't me. Did I just drop? Fuck. My awesome friends reassured me and told me not to be hard on myself, and I suppose I'll feel better once I get some distance from the whole ordeal, but DNFing fucking sucks. Sometimes shit just doesn't go to plan. **Final Thoughts** I wish I knew what happened so I could fix it for next time. I have another chance at 50k in a few weeks. I'm contemplating pulling out but I shouldn't make any big decisions right now. It's hotter and more exposed, but I've finished it before. I'm coming back better next year though for sure to take this race down. It was a hard event. Very self reliant. But the volunteers were fucking amazing and the scenery made every torturous step worth while. I might even go try it solo when the weather calms the fuck down.

#elk Valley Ultra #DNF #ultrarunning #race report

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