#i just. if i could choose to make all my romantic attraction the ephemeral meaningless kind i absolutely would
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they should invent romantic attraction that isn't viscerally unpleasant and borderline physically painful
#i don't think the person this is about uses tumblr anymore but just in case if u think this is about u please dont read the rest of the tags#anyway tbf they sorta did but like. it's illusory it's a mirage it disappears if it's reciprocated#actual feelings for someone invariably HURT to experience and they hurt for a long time#i think i'm better at keeping my demeanor under control about it outwardly but dear god#i still feel the same way when i'm in love with someone as i did when i was like 16.#and yeah i'm only 22 that's not THAT many years apart but i've changed so much in so many ways#but this just feels the exact same#and the two therapists i've brought it up to like five years apart were not any help on this one#i just. if i could choose to make all my romantic attraction the ephemeral meaningless kind i absolutely would#tangentially related but i'm realizing i think i actually like romantic relationships more once the romantic attraction is gone#which honestly no negative emotions there that one's just a neat little factoid about me lmao#vent
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