#i just. i got out of a toxic friendship with someone who was exceedingly picky about this kind of thing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moonguilt · 4 years ago

Note

lol turns out chlowstix likes sheith. wow

tbh the only thing i could find to indicate this was one single retweet on a twitter post which was for art that didn’t even look like ship art. like, if u didn’t read the tag you’d probably think it was just broganes. i could see myself liking/rting cute art and failing to read the caption in full. not that i even really give two shits about ship discourse in 2020 anyway but still, i like to give people the benefit of the doubt

#i hate sh//th as much as the next guy but man im getting too old for this discourse i gotta be honest #i appreciate that u guys are like. tryna look out for me and make sure im not reblogging from unsavory ppl #and i do avoid rbing from certain accounts (there's a popular klance artist who draws sh/dge and i def dont rb from them)#and i do try to avoid rbing from like. AVID sh//thers as well just bc i dont wanna ruffle any feathers #but this doesnt really seem like smth to immediately get the pitchforks out over. it was probably an honest mistake #and even if it wasnt!!! it's not like im opening my dash and seeing blatant sh//ith makeout art or smth #im so tired bro. i know this might lose me followers but im just so tired #we have got to learn how to coexist with people who disagree with us #im not saying we gotta buddy up with them and hold hands and sing campfire songs #but it's been 2 years and i am so so tired of feeling like i have to vet every person i rb from bc of the state of fandom discourse #if this person was like. posting a ton of sh//th art i'd be like ok time to unfollow bc this makes me uncomfortable #but smth as innocent as this. idk man it's not necessary imo #sorry for the rant. i know you are just trying to look out for me and i appreciate that #i just. i got out of a toxic friendship with someone who was exceedingly picky about this kind of thing #and when i see this it kind of takes me back there #i remember being so scared of rbing from the wrong person and then getting pressured into deleting posts and reblogs #i spent hours every night in the klance tag searching through the blogs of every single person before i would rb their posts #bc i didnt want to get caught rbing from someone who this person would deem Bad #and i knew i couldnt argue it bc i'd just be made to feel like shit for it so i just went along with it #i had such shit self esteem at that point in my life and felt like everything i did had to be a performance to please #and i dont wanna go back there. i dont #my self esteem is still not great but #at least im no longer shaping my entire fandom experience around the whims of another person #who i feared would lash out at me for stepping out of line #i need to leave that part of fandom discourse behind. it is not healthy for me #i feel my anxiety spiking just talking about this #ive never talked about this before #YIKES anyway i think that's enough oversharing for today. back to my bubble #discourse #personal letters

3 notes · View notes