#i just. have strong desire to be comforted and treated sweetly and it's difficult

[polyphonetic]

vent

[imlienlajamir]

Human relationships are difficult and exhausting, this is what I have felt all my life. Loving people who only loved you back when it was convenient, waiting for an apology that never arrives when you want it and when it does, it is accompanied by no change in behaviour, just people breaking your heart again and you letting them because you do not know how to be alone, being cared by people who obliquely point out how hard it is to care for someone like you, the sound of footsteps walking away from you, the goodbyes that occur out of the blue and ruin your entire month in a split second, the clinging and holding on only for them to look at you with contempt and pity, fighting and demanding respect from people who are committed to misunderstanding you. I thought human relationships were the hardest thing to understand in this entire universe. I built a wall around my heart and told everyone I didn't need people and that was enough for them to be wary of me. Perhaps, I was waiting for someone to sneak their way into my heart and tell me that it was okay to let my guard down. At least once. My Mother asked what it is that I want from the world. After all, everyone has the same experiences as me and none of it sidetracks their life and makes them incapable of functioning like a normal human being. None of it snatches their potential to love. I thought for a long time about what I wanted and realized that I wasn't seeking a significant place in someone's life, or wanting people to put me on a pedestal. All I wanted was softness and kindness. All I wanted was a smile and consideration. I told my Mother how I felt and she sweetly reminded me that if what I seeked wasn't what I was offered in a relationship, I have to walk away. It was the hardest thing and the easiest thing. I have to stop feeling like I owe people something and let them have that behaviour when I am treated unfairly. I have to realize that I can make mistakes and apologize and try my best to change my habits but if people want to hold on to the younger, older version of who I was, I have to accept their lack of growth and move on.

I have to stop romanticizing people who have wounded me and understand that there is no way that I am only going to love once and there is no way that I am only loved once and that, too, so half-heartedly and poorly. I don't have to hold on to the small kind gestures of toxic people and believe the good in them when I know that their kinder, loving version is temporary and short-lived. And when I see red flags, I have to stop wearing my rose tinted glasses and realize that no matter how much I want to build a connection with someone, if they are not right for me now, they won't be right for me later. My love isn't strong enough to change people because at the end of the day, people only do what they choose to do and nothing can change them except their own efforts and desire to do so. I have seen human relationships as the most troublesome thing only to realize that people have power over me when I choose to give them that power. Surely there are things that I cannot change right now, like family and my circumstances but the wonderful thing about growing up is that you never have to live in one place your entire life. We will grow and change and leave our houses and situations and find a place to belong in kinder, comfortable spaces and it will be adequate and delightful. We will have our own home with plants and a pet, and decorations and clothes that we have always wanted. We will say hello with a gentle hug, and smile at a friendly stranger, and remember the touch of a warm hand on our cheeks when we are crying and life won't be full of people who only hurt you even when it looks like that. We will get at least one person who will love us and be kind to us and it will be like a blessing, like a long forgotten prayer answered. And even if human relationships can be complicated, we will find someone who will grow with us and make it look like it's the easiest thing and that will be enough.

[iristhemessenger]

Sugared Kisses

Fandom: The Wayhaven Chronicles

Relationships: Felix Hauville/f.Detective

Summary: It's Felix's birthday, and Eris surprises her boyfriend with a special treat <3Pure fluff and frosting, everyone <3

                                                           ~ * ~

"Can I look yet?"

Closing the door to Felix’s bedroom behind her carefully, Eris laughed softly to herself at the needy tone in her boyfriend's voice.

He had been fairly well-behaved, all things considered. The usually energetic young agent could be patient when he wanted to be, but those moments were rare. It was just his nature. He didn't like to wait or sit still too long if he could help it. There was too much to do and see in this world, so much to catch up on compared to the natives who grew up here.

The notion had been fun at first when she had suggested it, asking him sweetly with that lovely smile of hers. So, he had obliged her, with his best attempt at a sly smile, his curiosity piqued.

Now, sitting on his bed, eyes shut tight at her request, he was starting to get antsy. As evident by the impatient tapping of his foot against the carpeted floor, his lips pursed together in an adorable pout.

“Almost - no peeking!” She warned, flipping the lights off.

Felix felt his heart begin to pound loudly in his chest, as the light behind his eyelids disappeared.

“Oooooh, all alone in the dark?” He purred, “whatever could you be planning, babe?”

“You’ll see” She teased, her voice, soft and sweet. He could never get enough of the sound of it.

He could hear her own heartbeat, the rhythmic pulsing a familiar song to his ears and he grinned.

In the darkness, he smelled the familiar scent of tempting vanilla and blood unique to her and her alone as she came closer, crossing the room in a few easy steps. Felt her in the air as she suddenly kneeled before him, settling between his legs. He bit his lip, his own building excitement almost unbearable in the growing tension, as the desire to pull her closer, to feel her soft skin against his nearly consumed him.

He did his best to resist, not wanting to ruin whatever surprise she had in store for him.

"If you just wanted me all to yourself, babe, you could have just asked…" he joked, in an attempt to distract himself. “You know I would never say no to you.”

Then he heard the strike of a match, and the smell of fire. He tensed immediately, his skin prickling at the sudden, sharp warmth in surprise.

“It’s ok,” she soothed, her tone gentle and calming. He relaxed instantly. “Trust me?”

Releasing the breath he’d been holding, Felix nodded, resolute. Eris would never hurt him, he knew. She was smart, strong, yet also warm and loving at the same time. In her arms he always felt safe and secure. “Of course, always.”

He could practically feel the smile on her face at his declaration, the sight of it clear and beautiful in his mind’s eye. She always told him his smile was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, bright as the sun, filling her with irrational happiness and joy every time.

He had been proud and flattered to hear her say so. Preening like a bird at her honeyed words, but it was her smile, her happiness, that he treasured more than anything. It made his heart flutter and swell every time, knowing her smile was for him and him alone. They hadn't been together long, but Felix was already beyond head over heels for the woman.

He still couldn’t believe she’d picked him, some days it felt like a dream. One he never wanted to wake up from if he had his way.

“Ok, open them!” She announced, after a beat of excruciating silence.

Smiling in relief, he did as she bid.

To his delight, Eris was indeed kneeling between his legs, grinning from ear to ear in the soft glow emitting from the small flame she had created.

Curiously, he cocked his head to the side as he forced himself to look away from her face, gaze trailing down to seek out the source of the glow. She was holding something out to him, small enough to fit in the palm of her hand, presented for his approval.

It was a cupcake!

With purple frosting and bright, colorful sprinkles and a little wax figure candle in the shape of an exaggerated, plump unicorn. With a bright, rainbow-colored mane, glittering with sparkles that caught in the light of the fire burning atop it’s horn.

He took it from her, smiling as he examined it. He loved when she gave him little gifts like these, as evidenced by the small shelf he had dedicated to all the knick-knacks Eris had given him whenever something interesting caught her eye. It made him giddy, knowing she had thought of him when she was out and about.

"Happy birthday!"

Felix blinked, stunned.

"Wait-what?” he stammered, confused. “You...how?"

"Nate," She explained as he struggled to form a coherent sentence. “I figure as your official girlfriend now, it’s only appropriate that I know when your birthday is, right?”

Rising from the floor, she turned on the lamp sitting on his nightstand, casting them in a delicate light as she joined him on the bed. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind, she nuzzled into the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet, citrusy scent.

"I wanted to do something special for you. I know it's last minute and you don't usually eat this kind of stuff, but it was such a cute little cake, and I hoped you’d like the candle it came with,” She chuckled. “It reminded me of you. Happy birthday, Felix.”

"Babe…" Felix trailed off, once again at a loss for words.

Once upon a time such moments were a known rarity, his chattering endless and near legendary within the Agency. But his current tongue-tied state had since become almost commonplace with Eris around, constantly throwing him off his game and rendering him speechless under the love and attention she lavished upon him in return.

Like now, for instance.

He stared at the frosted treat, as if he had never laid eyes on one before. He had, of course. But this was...

Once he had discovered the customary importance of birthdays, Felix had insisted Unit Bravo celebrate as per tradition, to Nate’s amusement, Adam’s indifference and Mason’s annoyance (the colorful balloons and party banners making him cringe) But that was them, they were a team, a family, always together.

No one he had ever been with before had ever done something like this for him in the past, had never stayed long enough or been curious enough about him to even ask. Until now. But that was it, wasn’t it? Eris was different, she wasn’t like anyone else. Not by a long shot. From the way she made him feel to all the small things she did for him that never failed to take his breath away.

Her little gifts, which she bought just because she was thinking of him , like how he thought of her. The hours they spent talking on the phone after she got off of work, sometimes putting him on speaker as she went about her business cooking or cleaning because she loved hearing his voice as much as he loved hearing her’s. The gentle touches, caressing his face in comfort, brushing her leg against his, holding his hand, relishing the simple warmth and feel of the other. The soft kisses that made his heart flutter, and the more heated touches that kindled a yearning in him like he’d felt for no other.

Felix had told her once her happiness was his happiness. Vice-versa, for Eris, his happiness was also her’s.

Their happiness, in all its dazzling warmth and sunshine, all their own.

“Thank you, babe…this is…no one has ever…” Turning to face her, sparkling amber sought deep blue, and Eris smiled at the soft, almost somber expression on the vampire’s face.

Her smile only grew as he finally returned the gesture, practically beaming like the sun itself, her sun, unable to suppress the immense happiness and elation that was coursing through him in that moment. She was incredible, and she had done this for him . “This is amazing, you're amazing, the absolute best, and I love it!”

He sighed happily, savoring the sweet brush of her lips against his cheek.

“I’m glad, now, make a wish and blow out the candle!” She instructed, his joy contagious as she giggled, turning him back to the pudgy unicorn candle, the wax beginning to run down its horn. “Ready?”

Bobbing his head enthusiastically, Felix closed his eyes to make his wish. Taking only a second before his eyes flew back open and he quickly extinguished the candle’s flame. As if blowing it out quicker would make his wish come true that much faster.

Clapping, Eris cheered. “Congratulations, you’re a year older! Your…wait, how old are you now?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know” Felix admitted with a shrug, plucking the candle off the cupcake’s surface. “We don’t celebrate birthdays in the Echo World, but I think Nate figured maybe…over 70 or 80 years old? Somewhere in that ballpark.”

Now it was her turn to blink in surprise, laughing lightly. “Oh, wow…you know I never really thought about it, but it makes sense. You’re the youngest, but Adam is over nine hundred, and Nate and Mason are both over one hundred, at least. Compared to that, I feel so…hey?!”

Before she could stop him, he took a large bite out of the sweet confection. How could he not? She had picked it out special just for him, and it did smell...interesting. The purple frosting stained and smeared over his lush lips as he pulled away to chew the mush of chocolate and raspberry filling, contemplating the taste for a moment before shivering as the flavors overwhelmed him. His sense of taste suddenly assaulted by the foreign treat’s many stimulating ingredients. Particularly, the vast amount of sweetener and sugar.

“Felix? Babe?” Eris stared at the youngest member of Unit Bravo, carefully gauging his reaction to the treat.

His eyes, beautiful and wide, were a bit dilated, and Eris held a breath. Waiting for him to spit the goop of chocolate mush out in disgust. She knew a vampire's hyper senses made it difficult to process all the different flavors and such, but she had never seen Felix actually eat anything before. Though, he had confessed to trying a few things over the years.

"Felix, babe, are you o-!" She didn't get a chance to finish as the vampire suddenly whipped around, tackling her to the mattress as his lips sought her own in an urgent, messy kiss.

Moaning, she tasted the sugar, sweet and delicious in the warmth of his mouth, with a bite of the tart berry on his tongue as it caressed her own. Hungry and wanting, the sudden burst of lust drove them both, hips bucking and hands wandering, as Felix rode the sugar high along with his own desire to touch and feel his lover.

Eris was more than happy to oblige him, writhing under Felix’s eager attentions. He was the birthday boy, after all. All she had to give or offer was his for the day, he had but to ask, and honestly, any day after. Felix, with his captivating eyes and a smile that radiated like the sun, pulling her into his orbit effortlessly, invoking feelings in her she had never experienced before for another person.

Bobby had been a train wreck, selfish and ugly under all his faux charm and lies, and any casual dalliance or date following him just hadn’t clicked. Not like this. This, between them now, was akin to the fairy tales she had adored as a child. She enjoyed those romantic stories even as an adult, but time and reality had all but turned those idyllic fantasies into just that, fantasies. Daydreams that kept her hopeful and empathetic to those around her, like Tina, hoping for the best out of the worst.

Then Felix had appeared, along with the rest of Unit Bravo, turning her world upside down in some of the worst, and best ways. Even after all of the chaos, after Murphy and the Trappers that loomed in the shadows, she would continue to happily take the worst of it all if it meant keeping Felix by her side. He chased all those things away with a simple smile her way, making everything feel so…right and good in the world. In her world.

The minutes that passed were lost to them, as they rolled about Felix’s many bed covers, gasping and groaning, laughing and loving, but finally they pulled apart. Resting their foreheads together as they were want to do, neither eager to part as Eris caught her breath and Felix basked in the buzzing of the sugar in his veins and the feel of his girlfriend, heart and pulse thundering in his ears, pressed tightly against him.

"Best day ever…" he breathed, his smile bright and content, illuminating her world in its brilliance.

“It gets even better,” She promised, feeling his grin against her neck as he trailed messy kisses along her flesh.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it could get much better than having you here with me,” he countered, the genuineness in his voice making her heart ache and swell with unbridled happiness and other emotions too deep and complicated to name.

She really hoped he enjoyed the surprise party she and Nate had put together earlier while he’d been confined to his room, currently waiting for them both in the living room along with the rest of Unit Bravo. The image of Mason and Adam blowing balloons would forever remain etched in her memory, as well as said vampire’s displeasure at the common room’s colorful makeover (the brighter the better!) and Nate’s ringing laughter as she had tossed streamers about over their heads.

But that could all wait, she thought as she keened at his touch and fervent kisses. She would have a messy trail of purple frosting all over her face and neck, but she didn’t care. This moment was theirs, and its sweetness would linger on her tongue long after they left this room.

[starkerkeyz]

Love Me Sweetly, Kiss Me Softly (2/?)

Chapter Title: The Dangerous Perks of Dating Peter Parker

Length:  5528 WC

Warnings:  TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF (for nooow), intersex omegas, naughty but innocent Peter?

Links:

AO3

Part 1

Summary:

"We can go anywhere you want," Peter says, wide-eyed and flushed.

“All I want is you.” Tony husks, his mouth parted so he can taste Peter’s arousal on the roof of his mouth, coating his tongue and throat like liquid sin. His upper lip curls and his tongue peeks out, wanting to lick the musky saline taste right out of the air. 

His tail stays pressed to Peter’s thigh and he wishes his hand could join it, too.

Keyz 💖:  The date is here! The date is here! Somehow they DON’T fuck in the bathroom or against a tree in the park? Mads and I have been replaced by pod people I swear. Tony is behaving.

Mads💗:  The first date! TBH, the date went a looot longer than I thought it would so it got split. I can't believe how infatuated… and silly… our boys are. You'll see what I mean 😂

💖💖💖

Tony allows himself to be led and enjoys pointedly squeezing Peter’s hand every now and then along the way. Every time he did, Peter’s little tail bobbed and twitched, and it was enchanting.

“Do you eat fast food a lot?” Tony asks curiously into the comfortable silence that's descended between them. 

Peter seems too slender for that sort of diet but then again, Tony fully plans on buying 10 combos and eating until he couldn’t anymore and he's pretty athletic himself, thanks. 

Truthfully, Tony doesn’t really care which way Peter answers; he doesn’t mind if Peter usually eats fast food or regularly eats home-cooked and this is a treat. What he cares about is learning Peter’s answer just so he’d know that much more about the bunny. 

Tony wants to learn as much as he can about Peter and he’s a little dismayed about how little he’s starting with. He has no idea if rabbits are social or solitary, mate for life or only a season. Hell, he didn’t know most bunnies prefer grains to carrots until he’d been searching the web for courting present ideas. 

Most of the initial search results were sex toys. 

Tony bookmarked the really interesting ones before filtering and narrowing it down to the Honey Bunny’s. Just in case. 

Peter's ear twitches at the question.

"Sometimes," he says reluctantly as he brings them down the street.

Tony tilts one ear towards Peter politely and the other monitors ahead and around them for threats. He catches sight of the ear twitch and inhales deeply, pride warm and soft in his chest. Peter’s omega scent and ear posturing calls to Tony’s alpha for protection without even trying. 

His ears being submissively down all the time (through no fault of his own but try explaining genetics to instinct) only add fuel to the fire growing between his ribs. It makes Tony’s wolf feel powerful and respected and feeds into the alpha urges to guard and protect. 

Peter doesn't want to admit that he doesn't really do the fast foods that a carnivore would frequent. He can eat meat– has eaten meat, but he doesn't enjoy the flavor or texture as much as his friends do.

Normally, he enjoys fresh salads and crisp veggies. It's… not really a bunny stereotype since it's true… But he doesn't want to admit that to Tony.

He doesn't want to limit what the wolf eats just because he has a preference for greens. Besides, Five Guys has fries. Fries are potatoes… so vegetable. He should be fine.

He glances at the wolf, cheeks flushing just the slightest pink. He also doesn't admit that he has a salad stashed away in the fridge in the employee area.

"I eat at home a lot," he decides to say. "But MJ said this was a good spot for wolves. Ned says their burgers are really good too."

“I love burgers! It’s probably in my top three food groups. You already know me so well.” Tony uses both ears to signal his happiness and magnify his praise. He wants to shout it out to the rooftops that Peter is the smartest bunny on the planet; utilizing his ears and tail to flag his interest and pride like an obnoxious gushing fanboy to anyone within sight will have to do, instead. 

Pleasure sparks inside him and Peter squeezes Tony's hand. He likes the idea of getting to know the wolf better. Burgers… He'll remember that.

But doubt still makes him worry. Five Guys is a fast food place, after all. Tony's probably had way better...

Peter’s eyes may be a little wide and he's almost sure that if he had a long tail like a wolf's or even a cat's, it'd be slowly waving back and forth. He bites his bottom lip, peeking at the wolf.

"Is this place okay…?" He asks, hopeful. 

He really didn't have much time to find a really good spot to take the wolf. Everything had happened so fast… Not that he minds at all.

“I don’t mind Five Guys. I’ve had it before; your friends were right, they do have really good burgers. You made a good choice.” Tony bumps their shoulders together. He leans his weight against Peter as they walk and tucks his tail behind the bunny’s thigh, keeping him close.

The hairs at the back of Peter's neck stand at attention. The sensation makes his breath hitch and he almost looks behind him to check.

It could only be one thing and it's… weird. Weird because his own little fluffy ball of a tail isn't long enough to brush against his thighs. He's not used to the sensation and the soft brush of fur against his thighs excites him.

Maybe even more so because it's Tony.

Tony’s tail wags a few times, thumping and rubbing up against (and between) Peter’s legs before settling with only minor adjustments as they walk. He only briefly misses the feeling of another tail to twine with. 

He’d have to figure out another way to scent Peter’s tail.

Some quiet, yet persistent little voice at the back of his mind suggests taking Tony home. It doesn't even make sense cause the fridge at home is packed with veggies, but it still persists. Take him home and let the wolf make a meal out of him…

Peter's blush deepens at such elicit thoughts. His scent, too, deepens with it. Arousal and want, all these signals that try to lure the wolf into devouring him.

He shakes his head rather adamantly to clear the thoughts.

"We can go anywhere you want," Peter says, wide-eyed and flushed.

“All I want is you.” Tony husks, his mouth parted so he can taste Peter’s arousal on the roof of his mouth, coating his tongue and throat like liquid sin. His upper lip curls and his tongue peeks out, wanting to lick the musky saline taste right out of the air. 

His tail stays pressed to Peter’s thigh and he wishes his hand could join it, too.

The words echo in Peter's head, bouncing around and scrambling his already desire driven thoughts. Tony wants him…?

Peter just wants to press up right against the wolf, chest to chest. Maybe he's the one that's going to do the devouring with how hot he feels.

Would Peter even have the courage to do that to a wolf…? He peeks at the man, thoughts running wild but then–

“What I mean,” Tony blinks slowly. Wolf, alpha, and man all wanted to sink cock and fang into the heat Peter’s scent promises him. 

It's hard to think why that's a bad idea with Peter looking at him with the sweetest brown eyes Tony has ever seen. 

So eager to please. Giving himself up to Tony. Giving Tony power and control; over what he eats, over where they go. It's enough to cause a slam of arousal through his gut and into the rest of his body. 

“Is that all I want is your company. The food is secondary.” Tony squeezes Peter’s hand and tries to reign himself in. 

It’s incredibly difficult when a part of him is convinced that Peter wants to be thrown over the nearest bench and fucked in front of lunch hour traffic. 

Those glossy brown eyes, the submissively lowered ears, the eager flush crowning smiling cheeks, the heady scent of fertile young omega; it's like Peter's the perfect embodiment of everything that sets Tony off. 

He’d have to be strong enough to hold off. For Peter’s sake, if not his own. 

If Tony's earlier words had almost set Peter off, these new ones feel like a bucket of ice cold water being dropped on him.

Peter tears his eyes away, a bit mortified over his thoughts. He's two seconds away from just jumping Tony on their first date and the wolf is being so sweet and such a gentleman.

He has to take control of himself. He's not some… some bunny stereotype that's down to fuck at the drop of a hat. Not that there's anything wrong with that… Bunnies are pretty carefree about sex, but Peter's always been a bit more reserved. Though… he'd probably bend over right then and there if Tony asks him…

He shakes his head so his ears sway again and he forces himself to focus.

"I wanna spend time with you, too," Peter says and tries to get all those rampant desires under control. "I… I wanna know more than what your favorite food is."

He says the words and realizes just how true they are. The bunny can't deny that he's so, so curious over what differences they have, but he doesn't mind at all. 

It's exciting. Being with Tony is exciting and his little heart is beating with the thrill of having their first date.

There's so much Peter wants to know. Tony's favorite color… his hobbies… the way his lips taste…

Peter subconsciously tugs on his ear to focus and keep his mind out of the gutter.

Tony’s eyes watch his fingers curl around the soft looking ear with an intensity that has gotten him in trouble in the past. He just wants to feel out how soft it is with his lips. Maybe run it over his cheek and then lean in and kiss Peter-

He yips to himself to focus on something other than Peter’s entire gorgeous being and how much he wants to lick and taste every inch of him. 

Fortunately, they've reached the restaurant. The scent of peanut oil and sizzling meat… Cajun, sharp and spicy, assault Peter's nose. He rubs it with his free hand but he knows he'll get accustomed to the smell fast.

Tony takes over and leads them up to the register. His stomach growls audibly from the delicious scent of cooking meat and frying oils filling his nose. His mouth waters so badly, he has to swallow before he can speak clearly.

“Go ahead and order whatever you want first. Mine is going to take them a while.” Tony winks at Peter. He doesn’t want to keep the bunny waiting for his ridiculous wolf appetite.

Peter flashes Tony a smile before he looks at the menu to make sure it's the same one he googled earlier.

"Small Cajun fries and um, just a cheeseburger," he tells the employee. Then he ticks off the toppings, a variety of veggies and ends it off with a, "And can I get it wrapped in lettuce?"

He's curious to see how it'll turn out. The bunny turns back to Tony with a chagrined smile.

Tony lets go of Peter’s hand so he could pull his wallet out of his back pocket. His tail shifts and tucks tighter to the bunny’s leg to compensate for the loss, almost hugging around so the tip tickles along his inner thighs. 

It's still too bad that Peter’s tail is too short to wrap and tangle and wrestle with. Maybe he’d let Tony drape his longer tail over the little bob sometime? It would feel incomplete if Peter was properly scented everywhere but his tail and it was actually driving Tony a little crazy not having access. That cute little fluff ball belongs to Tony as much as everything else.

He shakes his head at himself when he registers how possessive that sounds, even in the privacy of his inner consciousness. He's going to be good. He’ll hold back, go as slowly as Peter wants, let the bunny lead. 

He’s definitely not going to be a possessive stereotypical wolf that scents and fucks Peter constantly, circling and snarling at anyone that looks at him wrong. He's better than that. 

Peter deserves him to be better than that. 

The bunny's eyes widen a bit. He's definitely not used to feeling that and with how close it is to his groin, he's hyper aware of it. Normally, such a sensitive spot is extremely tickleish but in this setting…

His face flushes such a deep red when the scent of his own arousal sneaks up to his nose.

"Um, I'll be right back," Peter says, "Gonna hop in the bathroom for a sec."

He's worried he'll slick right through his pants and then, there'll be no way to explain that besides the fact that Tony just turns him into such a mess…

“Alright. I’ll pay, order mine, then pick a spot for us.” Tony leans his weight harder on Peter for a second before letting up. He resists the urge to rub their cheeks together; Peter is scent marked enough to survive a Five Guys bathroom unescorted. 

"Be right back," Peter squeaks but not before pecking Tony on the cheek and running off.

Tony smiles to himself, pleased from the affection. He follows Peter with his ears, eyes still on the cashier as he orders ten combos for his own meal. He pays and heads to an empty table to wait for Peter. 

He pulls his phone out as he waits, catching up on emails and news for about thirty seconds before he switches to the latest article on bunny fashion and trends. He needs to make sure he gets Peter only the best of the best.

The Honey Bunny’s are only the start. Tony would get Peter as many treats and nice things as he could handle and then some. 

In the bathroom, Peter rushes into one of the stalls and he's right. He's starting to slick up just because Tony had casually curled his tail around his leg.

The bunny just wants to squeak in dismay over the entire thing. His stupid bunny body and their natural hyper sensitivity to everything. It's even worse when a bunny actually likes someone.

Peter feels incredibly embarrassed over the reaction since he's never felt this way before.

Their bodies don't understand public decency and Peter's, in particular, is now pumping out fuck me pheromones like it's his last fertile heat. It's ridiculous and as he tries to calm himself down, he's thankful that Tony's taken it so smoothly. The wolf is so polite and reserved, letting Peter keep face despite knowing what he smells like.

Cold water helps to bring the color in his cheeks down from a flushed red to a faint pink. He fixes himself up as much as possible and before he walks out the door. He stalls in front of one of the dispensers tucked away near the exit.

Slick pads…Scent neutralizing.

He bites his lip because he's not in heat but every time Tony so much as smiles at him, he feels like he is.

Better safe than sorry.

When he returns, it's to see several workers carrying numerous trays of burgers. Maybe there's a large party?

His eyes follow and... Nope. They're all headed to his date, the wolf tucked away in a corner and immersed in his phone. Peter's tail twitches in excitement and he quickly makes his way over.

In the whole pile of burgers, he spots his order.

"Wow," Peter ends up blurting out, but then he does a little bounce on his toes, worried that the single word might've been offensive.

"I mean, this is a lot," Peter says. 

Tony looks up at Peter’s words, smiling broadly and pointing both ears forward to show he's listening. His tail hangs limp and relaxed out past the chair so the dark end trails the ground. 

“I haven’t eaten in a while.” Tony shrugs off the amount with only some chagrin. It's normal for most wolves to snack throughout the day and have one big meal with their family and loved ones. 

Like most things, Tony takes normal to the extreme and pushes the limits on his endurance. Like skipping eating today and yesterday to work on his projects. Which is a habit of his that he falls into whenever something catches his interest. 

Far too often if you asked Rhodey. And Pepper. And Happy.

Tony vows to never let this topic come up when he brings Peter to the pack for inspection. 

Peter debates for a moment if he should sit on the opposite side or if he should sit next to Tony. He really wants to stay close but… so much food… He doesn't want to hinder the man.

Reluctantly, he takes the opposite seat.

"Do all wolves have a large appetite?" He asks curiously.

Tony sits up and pulls two burgers closer to himself. He’s mastered the art of putting away food quickly and efficiently. 

“Not if they don’t exercise, or if they eat at regular intervals with a non-wolf. But I’m running around constantly for my company and if there’s nobody making me sit down for food, I just… forget. Until I’m hungry enough to eat a deer.” Tony grins wide enough to show off his fangs. He loves that Peter doesn’t seem afraid of them. 

Peter is more than aware of the wolf's fangs and a thrill shoots through him at the sight.

He thinks Tony looks so… devastatingly handsome. And dangerous. His little bunny heart shouldn't be thumping this hard in his chest but he can't help how it makes him feel.

He's pretty sure his little fluffy tail is wiggling, too 

“I might not eat all of this, too. I usually order a lot and see how far I get,” Tony adds on, starting to eat. His record is nine. 

“Do bunnies have to eat a lot because of high metabolism?” Tony asks in equal curiosity.

Peter blinks, ear doing a slight twitch.

"No, not really," he says but then he remembers the little hoard of snacks he keeps at both his job and at the apartment. 

The bunny smiles sheepishly.

"Uhh, well, I mean– I think, maybe?" He leans closer, fascinated by the big bites Tony takes.

Tony hums at him encouragingly, pulling two more burgers close to him so he could keep going when he very quickly finishes the first ones. He felt like he could listen to Peter’s adorable fumbling for hours. 

The way Tony consumes his food shouldn't be fascinating to the bunny but for some reason, it is. It's almost mesmerizing...

What big teeth you have…

The words are right there, teasing and playful, but Peter holds back. He doesn't want the wolf to think he's making fun of him.

He holds his own burger, wrapped in lettuce, and takes quick tiny little nibbles on it.

"I have a lot of snacks," Peter clarifies, "like a lot of snacks. A whole cabinet at work with my name on it. The Honey Bunny's didn't make it…"

He has maybe a handful of cookies left for May. They may or may not get back to the apartment intact.

“That’s fine. That just means I did right getting them for you in the first place.” Tony preens from the knowledge of a gift accepted and loved. Already, he wants to buy Peter more; as many as it takes to get him to smile and gush some more for Tony. 

Seeing Peter happy from something Tony did makes Tony’s chest warm and his ears perk up in pride. Peter deserves nice things and to be happy, always.

Peter reaches over and shly brushes his fingers over Tony's wrist. He hadn't expected the wolf to get him anything, considering this is all so new…

"Thank you for the cookies," Peter says sincerely, brown eyes so warm and sweet like honey. "I loved them and– and I'm sure you put a lot of thought into it…"

He goes to pull away, realizing he shouldn't be disturbing the man. With how fast Tony's eating, he's probably ravenous.

Tony catches Peter’s wrist and adapts to eating one handed in the time it takes to rub and scent back. He laces their fingers together as he works through his food. 

He’s honored that Peter is so trusting and willing to scent himself on Tony already. Of course, Tony wants to scent Peter back; maybe the bunny is just nervous about assuming and doesn’t understand his standing in Tony’s eyes?

The wolf lowers his ears and brings his tail out level and relaxed, flagging his contentment and their equal standing and his adoration for the whole world. He smiles and even stops eating long enough to really hammer home how sincerely he means it.  

Peter is just- he’s so- Tony wants to keep him for himself but he also wants to show him off to everyone. Peter is incredible and the fact he’s accepted Tony’s courting so easily (Scenting! Eating the cookies!) feels sort of like a miracle but Tony isn’t about to stop it from happening.

Statement made, Tony shoves half a burger in his mouth and wiggles his ears at Peter to go on, squeezing his hand where he’s still holding it across the table.

Peter is struck speechless for a moment, eyes focusing on where their hands touch. He's never quiet for long though, so even as his heart races, the bunny's already opening his mouth. He finds that he likes hearing Tony talk. He could probably listen to Tony talk about anything, and it'd be worthwhile just to hear the soft, comforting timbre of his voice.

Besides, he's a curious one and he does want to know the wolf better.

"What would you be doing if you weren't here?" Peter randomly asks.

Would Tony be eating at some fancy restaurant? Then again, he said he constantly forgets to eat so maybe not. What else then?

Oh! Tony said he had the rest of the day off. Peter wonders how he managed to do that. Peter, himself, had to use the sad bunny eyes on Ned to get him to cover his extended break turned day off.

“Working. It never actually stops when you’re at the top, you just get better at prioritizing commitments.” Tony’s ears briefly flick in the negative, lips frowning to match. 

He hasn’t needed to prioritize anything above work in a long time. Hasn’t prioritized much in a long time; just working, relentlessly, through every task given to him. 

Tony yips to himself and pointedly straightens his smile and his ears. He's having a good time, right now and doesn’t need to dwell in the past. 

“I’d rather be here, anyway. Much better company.” Tony squeezes Peter’s fingers and twists his wrist so he could swipe his thumb over the bunny’s wrist, leaving a quick and flirty scenting. 

Peter smiles at the movement, unaware of how much the wolf is actually doing. He sees it as a cute little game and his tail wiggles with his giddy emotions. He tries to turn his hand so he could catch those quick fingers, but they slip through his grasp.

He still smiles and trails after the wolf, resting his fingers over Tony's.

"I'd still be back at the shop…" Peter muses. Missing you.

Is it too early to miss someone when he's only known Tony for a day? He's glad that the wolf seems equally interested though Peter bites his bottom lip to deter his thoughts from moving towards the more explicit end.

“Do you like working there?” Tony asks around his fifth burger. 

He's starting to slow down. Talking to Peter helps keep him from shoveling even more in his mouth. 

His tail shifts up and out of the way in sudden interest, eyes flicking down to Peter’s crotch as his thoughts dip into what other things could be shoved past his lips. He licks salt and thick meat juice from his lips and lets out a low, rumbling growl of want. 

When he realizes how indecent he's being, he forcibly drags his eyes away and tucks his tail under the chair. 

Peter perks up in attention.

"I do!" He says, a bit more enthusiastic than he means to. "I like working there. Ned's there and MJ. We have a temp that's kind of a jerk but Flash isn't usually around when I'm scheduled."

Tony files the name ‘Flash’ away from Ned and MJ in his head. Coworker, but not friends. He’ll remember that Flash is Not Pack the next time he’s in.

“That’s good though. Even if you’re not friends with all of your coworkers, it sounds like you really enjoy it.”  

Peter isn't even halfway done with his burger but then again, he's been a bit distracted with the wolf. It's easier now to distract himself. His appetite for other more… private things… is overwritten by the smell of food.

"It's only for the summer though," Peter tells Tony. He doesn't know why he's babbling all this info at the wolf. Surely, it can't be that interesting? And yet, the words tumble out. "Summer vacation, saving up a little bit for when I go to college."

Tony can’t relate, having been rich enough to attend and graduate college whenever he felt like going. He points his ears at Peter and tries to show his support and listening anyway.

Peter tilts his chin down, suddenly shy.

"I kind of… wanna go into IT," Peter says. 

It's not the usual career for a bunny. Bunnies tend to go more towards… cooking. House design. There's a variety of fields but Peter's always been interested in software, In technology.

It's another thing that makes him feel less of a bunny but May has always enthusiastically supported him. That's all he's ever needed.

But admitting this now, there's a tiny bit of worry that the wolf might make fun of him for it. He's omega, too...

“That’s great! We could use more bright minds like you at SI. The brain’s power has nothing to do with the body’s shape, after all.” Tony says honestly, perking up now that he's on familiar ground. 

His HR department spearheaded equality operations but Tony still has to approve major policy changes. He knows there's a big push for more omegas in STEM and for more prey types. Peter checks two marks at once already.

Tony's enthusiastic support leaves Peter speechless. That tiny but relevant fear simply vanishes and Peter is… God, he's in love.

How can this wolf leave him feeling so elated and so invincible? It's like he really does think Peter would be perfect at such an amazing and innovative company like Stark Industries.

The next thought comes so swiftly and clearly that Peter can't even deny it. 

I'd have this man's babies if he wanted me to.

“I think you’ll do great at whatever you do. Every career is different, but you seem eager to learn, and that’s half the issue with pursuing anything. You have to be willing to put in effort.” Tony sounds like he’s lecturing him. He fidgets in his seat, ears twitching in his sudden internal agitation. 

Throughout the quickfire answers, Peter ignores that low heat of wantwantwant he feels towards the wolf. But now, he feels so relaxed and comfortable around the wolf that he's sure that his scent has deepened with sweetness. 

He can't really help that though. The excitement that the wolf is showing is infectious.

"Thank you, Tony," he says softly, "That really means a lot to me… I want to. I really want to, and I will! I just wasn't sure until now if I really should…"

He's grateful, so grateful. Maybe it's silly to commit to his major just because Tony hyped him up over it, but maybe that's all he needs. Just one other person to believe he can do it.

His scent deepens with happiness, it's a subtle difference, lighter in scent but not any less richer.

Peter smiles widely at the wolf and runs his thumb over the prominent knuckles of Tony's fingers.

Jeez, Peter smells better than the burgers. 

Tony focuses back on the present with a jolt of lust, too startled by the intensity to remember his vocal cue for focusing.

All Tony wants to do is sink his teeth into those soft bunny thighs and suck marks into what must be such tender skin...

Tony yips to himself now. He has to focus. If he keeps getting distracted by Peter’s mouthwatering scent, then he’ll start to give off aroused pheromones in no time. He couldn’t possibly subject Peter to something as awkward as that on a first date. 

He has to be good. For Peter.

He doesn’t want Peter to think that all Tony wants to do is bend him over the nearest surface, pull his pants down with a tug on that cute little tail, and rail his pretty pink-

Okay. He needs to go, now, before the scent of aroused alpha starts a scene in a Five Guy’s lobby. 

“Ah, bathroom break for me, too. Be right back.” Tony puts his burger down and gives Peter a quick squeeze of the hand before making his escape. 

He hopes the bunny doesn’t think the worst of him (even though he kind of is the worst, for thinking about Peter that way) as he heads for the same bathrooms Peter had disappeared into earlier. 

Peter watches him go with an almost forlorn look. He schools his features, though a small little pout still remains.

He needs to calm down. The bunny focuses on his burger, fully immersing himself in the crunch of lettuce between his teeth and the burst of yummy flavor over his tongue.

Without the wolf to distract him, Peter finishes in no time. He only had one burger, after all.

He nibbles on a couple fries but with Tony still in the bathroom, he unlocks his phone. There's a couple texts from Ned and a scandalous one from MJ.

He replies back to Ned but sends MJ a series of blushing emojis.

He peeks up from his phone but Tony still hasn't appeared.

With Google open, his fingers fly across the keyboard.

Wolf and bunny compatibility

Dating wolves

What to do when dating a predator.

Do canines really knot?

His heart is beating over time as his eyes slip over links and articles. That last search though… Maybe he shouldn't have looked that one up because the article he finds is… Detailed.

His breathing goes shallow and he sinks a bit in his chair, fiddling with an ear as he reads. Wolves have knots. Peter feels like he can faint right then and there because he's never thought about dating a canine or a wolf, but– a knot.

In the bathroom, Tony splashes water on his face and waits for his burgeoning erection to go down enough to piss comfortably. He paces, ranging back and forth from sinks to stalls to urinals and back. 

His pheromones seem so potent in here. Has he calmed down? It’s so hard to tell. The fans in here are too weak to cycle his scent out and he winces guiltily when a cat omega comes in and gives him judgy eyes. 

Even with human eyes and features, felines seem to give the best judgy faces.

Tony leaves before the cat can say anything. His dress pants are smooth in the front, not displaying the roiling arousal and general horniness that still kicked off like a drumbeat in his veins. 

And that’s the most important part. 

Tony slides back into his seat and forces his ears and tail into neutral instead of telegraphing his interest like before. He could control himself. He would control himself. 

For Peter.

“Are you done? I can get a bag for the rest.” Tony’s capable of eating more but he’s not actually hungry anymore. Well. Not hungry for food, at any rate.

Peter's so focused on his phone, heart beating loud in his ears, that he doesn't realize Tony's returned.

The sound of the wolf's voice startles him so much that he fumbles with his phone in an attempt to close the browser. 

He doesn't succeed.

Tony watches the bunny’s attempts to close out of whatever browser he was in. His ears perk up in excitement, not wanting to invade his privacy but still curious as hell about what could possibly get his bunny date to panic so badly.

He’s eager to see what’s on the screen. Wants to look so bad, but doesn’t want to pry. 

What does happen is that Peter’s sweaty palms allow the phone to slip and combined with his attempt to smash the home button, it ends up dropping to the table. Fortunately, it lands on one of Tony's burgers and goes skidding instead of smacking into the table.

Unfortunately, it ends up being closer to Tony than to Peter.

Tony’s eyes track it’s progress, watching to see where it goes so he can catch it on the off chance it goes off the table (unlikely but he’s seen phones launch farther before) but mostly to try and catch a glimpse of what the screen looks like.

He’s never denied being a nosy little shit sometimes.

It lands screen-up, a full blown HD picture of wolf genitalia zoomed in. Specifically at the base because Peter was just so damn curious that he couldn't help looking.

There's a big, fat juicy knot. On his phone. In front of the wolf he just met and has a serious crush on.

💗💗💗

Mads 💗: this is how that scene happened:

 Mads: … imagine if…

 Keyz: 👀

 Mads: I'm doing it. 😏😏😏

Keyz 💖: Heh ;)

[looselucy]

Twenty Five - For Your Eyes Only

I steadily moved so I was back on my knees, the camera on my laptop facing the exact area Harry had been begging to see. He moved himself, removing his pants and top at a rate I hadn’t believed was physically possible beforehand, then sitting cross legged, revealing himself entirely to me.

He sat back far enough that I even had the pleasure of seeing his face as he began to gently move his hand up and down his shaft, biting onto his lip as I dipped my fingers either side of my leggings, pulling them down quickly alongside my knickers. I parted my legs, and began softly caressing the tender area. I could see his chest gently rising up and down as he watched me begin to pleasure myself. He was still moving his hand slowly up and down himself, his grip seemingly tight around his girth, but I managed to steal the majority of his concentration. I wished I could grab hold of him myself, my free hand almost reaching out to touch the screen of my laptop, as though that would help my desires in some way. But I restrained, not wanting to block his view as I continued to brush over myself, letting the images of him drive me wild and help push me to my end. Harry rolled his shoulders and exhaled deeply, his eyes falling shut for a moment as he did. It was almost as though he was tense, his body calling out to me and wishing our skin could meet. Regardless of our wishes, there was something so sexual and intense about the fact we couldn’t touch one another, and we just had to make the most out of the treats our eyes were receiving. I loved seeing him touch himself, seeing the flush across his chest as he admired me, in awe of the reaction that I created upon his skin, in the pigments of his being that he couldn’t even control, when he miles away from me. It was such a turn on. I moaned out as I started pushing harder, imagining his hands were gripped to my hips. Even thinking about him touching me in such a small manner was making me wet. “Say my name, Honey.” “Harry.” I breathed heavily. “Fuck.” He groaned. Suddenly he began working himself with much more speed, I could almost see the white of his knuckles as he pumped up and down himself, biting at his bottom lip, his eyes concentrating firmly on me. I could feel my limits being pushed, just watching him quicken his pace made me quicken mine, and I could feel myself tighten and loosen as light juices fell. I then changed positions, lying flat on my back with my legs wide open towards the screen, putting me in the most vulnerable of positions. I controlled my thought process in an attempt to shun the paranoia I felt about the angle at which Harry could see me, not allowing it to stop me, I was far too wrapped up in the moment. Since I knew I was nearing my end I simply kept my head facing towards the ceiling and closed my eyes, rubbing circles over myself, eager for my end. “You look beautiful, Baby.” He spoke breathlessly. It was like he could read my mind sometimes, like he knew that I was feeling uncomfortable, he knew to try and ease me. And it totally worked, just hearing him say those words was enough to put me completely at ease. I gasped out his name again, imagining him on top of me as I felt my pleasure riding over me, gentle juices falling from between my legs as my stomach tightened and I rode out the feeling, grinding my hips into the sheets as I came. “Taste yourself.” He demanded. My throat hitched, knowing what he was asking of me. I had never done it before, but I figured I was comfortable enough with my own body to do that for him. And fuck, I wanted to please him so much. I took the two fingers I had been using to pleasure myself and wiped up a small amount of what I had released. I then moved so I was lead back on my front, my face ahead of the camera, seeing him close to me as he still pushed himself, the rise and fall of his chest so quick now it suggested he was nearing his end. I took the my two fingers, first trailing my tongue along them suggestively, before taking them into my mouth, moaning when I tasted myself, as instructed. Harry groaned loudly, his mouth wide as his hand worked the final few times before spurts fell from his end, white juices spreading across the bottom of his stomach as his head fell back, pleasure governing his tired body as he panted loudly, the occasional loud groan escaping his dry throat. I smiled appreciatively, my eyes looking to him so sweetly, loving my view. I could have sat in silence and just watched him for hours, just watch him do mindless things. For some reason I found him fascinating. “Fuck.” He gasped, a bewildered smile bursting across his lips. “You are... amazing.” I giggled at him, pulling my leggings up, shuffling on the bed in an unattractive fashion, biting my lip in concentration. But Harry was far too wrapped up in the aftermath of his release to notice. “That was fun.” I smiled. “We’re definitely doing that again!” He was having a difficult time controlling his breathing, trying to return to his normal state as the pleasured smile stayed firm on his pink lips, his eyes closed lightly. Wow, he’s beautiful. “Harry?” “Mm?” “You’re very pretty.” He opened his eyes once again and gave me a funny look, a questionable gaze crossing his eyes. “Pretty?” He quizzed. “Yup.” I said, popping the P. He tensed his arms and hunched his shoulders, making a grunting noise as he gritted his teeth, causing me to laugh. “I’m far too manly and strong to be pretty.” He deepened his voice. “You’re a pretty little princess.” I winked. “Nope, I’m a man. I can fix cars and start fires and… stuff.” “No. You can’t. You’re just pretty.” “... Okay. I like being pretty anyway.” He shrugged. I was desperate to touch him, my fingers still wanting to reach out to the screen, but I knew I would only be disappointed when I couldn’t feel the soft heated texture of his tanned skin. “I can’t wait to come and see you.” I shied. “It’s going slowly.” Harry spoke disappointedly. “I know. At least you’re busy. Most of the time, I’m literally just sat round waiting for it.” “Well just think… You’ll be with me for a week, and then it’s less than a month til I’m doing the UK leg of the tour, and I’ll be around more.” “That’ll be good!” I grinned. “I honestly can’t wait for it! I love playing to the audiences at home anyway. Warm fuzzy feelings and all the rest.” He told me. “You’re fucking adorable.” I informed him. “Adorable and pretty.” I couldn’t tell if speaking to him made things easier or harder. I knew if I wasn’t speaking to him I would hate it, but then at the same time, it was like torture. Communicating with him but not actually being with him made my stomach ache in ways I’d never experienced before. I really wanted to see him, to be with him and feel his hold around me, hear him coo kind words into my ear rather than hear his slightly crackled voice through my laptop speakers or my phone. It had to be better than nothing. “Anna?” “Yeah?” “When I get back, can I meet your parents?” He asked. “What?” “I feel like I have a point to prove. I feel like I need to get on their good side.” “I don’t give a fuck what they think, Harry!” “You might not, but I do! I have enough people thinking I’m something I’m not. I don’t want my girlfriend’s parents agreeing with them!” I softened, understanding his point. It also spoke volumes to me that that mattered to him, that he cared about their opinion. Harry really didn’t want to be seen in a bad light, by anybody, and for some reason the media had by some means brushed past the fact he was always polite, and always kind, and pinned him down as one of the bad guys. It made no sense. Even when they said it about me, I understood it in ways, they had forms of evidence. With Harry, they had no reason to say he wasn’t completely decent. I took a deep breath in, wondering how my parents were going to act with him when they finally met. “Besides,” Harry perked up again. “My mum loved you. I’d kind of like to give your parents the opportunity to like me. I can be quite charming.” “I know you can. You are a charmer.” I giggled. “Then can I meet them?” “Yeah, you can meet them. If it’s important to you, then of course you can.” I saw a look of thankfulness crossing his face, but it couldn’t last long thanks to the faint knock of a door I could hear on Harry’s side of the call. “You and your doors! Why is there always someone knocking on your doors?” I laughed. “It’ll be the boys.” He smiled. “They want to say hi.” “All of them?” “All of them.” He confirmed. “Well you should probably put some pants on then.” I ticked my eyes downwards. Harry looked down to his bare body almost in shock, half forgetting that he was still on screen naked, his own juices marking his skin. He began cursing to himself as he rushed around the room, more knocks being pounded to the door and voices calling as he wiped himself clean and pulled a pair of sweatpants over himself. He had opened the door for only a second when a bundle of excited boys fell through, all seeming to clamber on top of each other as they darted over to the laptop. I could see Harry still stood by the door laughing at the as they all greeted me. My frame was utterly rigid as I sat watching them all, wanting to make a good impression, which was going to be even more difficult when it was 5 to 1. “HI ANNA!” I caught Niall saying as they all spoke over one another. “Hiiiii!” I smiled and waved. “My name is Zayn!” The model-like looking one spoke up. “I’m Liam, Hello.” He looked like a bunch of muscles with a face. “You know me.” Louis winked playfully. “AND I’M HARRY!” He said, leaping on top of them. “Nice to meet you.” They were all practically lead on top of each other, which proved right away how comfortable they were in each other’s company. They all giggled between one another, talking quietly to between themselves, and I just sat there in silence, wondering what to say to them. “Are you coming out to Paris?” Zayn spoke to me, ignoring the other boys conversation. “Me? Um, yeah. On the eleventh.” I smiled. “Oh that’s sick yeah. You can meet my missus. She’ll ease you into it all.” He was very friendly. You could almost hear it in the tone of his voice that he was kind-hearted. He had a warm sense around him. “I hope so. I dunno how I’m gunna cope around your fans. And you guys, to be honest.” “She’ll teach you all you need to know, I’m telling ya. She’s an expert at coming to see me without anyone knowing about it.” “Good. I think I need her.” “Anna? Say something to Liam!” Harry interrupted. “Give me a bloody minute Styles!” “That’s right, Anna! Don’t let him boss you around!” Louis spoke. They were so admirable, all of them. I watched them get lost in another conversation between themselves and I realised that they had charmed their way to the top of the industry just as much as they had worked their way there. Of course, it didn’t hurt that they were all ridiculously attractive, I had never seen a group of males like it. But everything about them just screamed something pleasant, the way they spoke and held themselves was incredible. I understood why there were a trail of broken hearts across the world because of them. “Hi, Anna!” Liam then spoke. “Hi, Liam. You okay?” “I’m good thanks, how are you?” “I’m great.” I smiled. “I’m excited for you to come out and see us. I’m gunna sit you down and have a chat.” I imagine my face dropped, nerves running through my body. Sit down and have a chat? Shit. “Umm, okay.” “Don’t be nervous. I just wanna get to know you! Sorry, that sounded serious.” “You’re not kidding!” I screeched. “Don’t scare me!” The Skype call with the boys went on for around 15 minutes, each of them asking how I was and just generally being incredibly friendly. I eased after a while, talking freely to them, finding it difficult to be nervous when they were all so fucking genuine. I could see that Harry liked the fact I was conversing easily with them; I would occasionally catch him grinning to himself, his lashes fluttering down as he smiled. After their time, they said goodbye, all clumsy and disorderly, falling back through the door, as messy and unorganised as the way they had stumbled in. I laughed watching them, reasonably pleased with the way the call had played out. Harry positioned himself back in front of the camera, crossing his legs in the way he had earlier before the boys entered. I enjoyed being able to see his body and all the artwork upon his skin. “I am impressed you got through that.” Harry laughed. I reached round and awkwardly patted myself on the back, which earned another laugh my way. I could listen to him laugh for a lifetime, it was always a real hearty laugh, totally endearing. “I can’t wait to see you.” He smiled shyly. “Are we going to do romantic Paris type things?” I wiggled my brows. “Um... I’m not sure we’ll be able to… be out in public much.” He sighed. “I want to, but… it’s… It’s complicated for us, isn’t it?” I had let it completely slip my mind. I’d genuinely managed to forget the reasons our relationship was practically one we spent indoors. It wasn’t a common thought, the fact that being out in public invited eyes and articles. I often found myself completely forgetting the matter. It seemed like a good thing to me, that something like that wasn’t constantly at the forefront of my mind, but whenever I slipped up and said something like that, I could tell that it bothered Harry. He always seemed to gutted we couldn’t just go out and do normal things. But I still wasn’t ready to let anything between us be a public matter, and he wasn’t either. “Shit, Harry, I’m sorry. I just… Urgh. Don’t worry about it! Take that sad little look off your face! I just forgot.” “It annoys me.” He breathed. It was all still relatively new for me, but Harry had spent the past few years of his life living in shadows, and I could tell he found it exhausting. “I know, but it would annoy you more if every fucker knew about us.” “You make a fair point.” His lips curved again. Another knock on the door from Harry’s side took us away from one another. I couldn’t say I was surprised. I quickly heard someone shouting to him, saying they had an interview and he needed to get ready or he would be late. Harry breathed a frustrated sigh, then looked back to me, a little smile on the corner of his lips. “I’ve gotta go.” He huffed. “I’m not sure when I’ll be in touch again.” “That’s okay, I know you’re busy! Just enjoy yourself, okay?” “I will.” He grinned. “I miss you.” “I miss you too.” He leant into the camera and kissed it, making a loud mwah sound as he did, causing me to giggle like a little girl. “Goodbye, Anna.” “Bye Harry.” “Kisses.” “Kisses.”

The next morning began with the frustrating sound of my phone seeming to echo around my entire room, causing me to groan piercingly, attempting to grab the item and shut it up as quickly possible. I noticed it was 6am before I even cared to look at who was calling me. It was far too early for me, and I didn’t even want to think about who had decided to call me at such a stupid hour. My eyes lifted slightly, the minor bit of sun bursting through my dark curtains making my eyes squint in a painful way. I rolled onto my side, clumsily pulling my phone upwards as my vision gathered itself, my senses still not entirely there, meaning I soon dropped my phone to the sheets. That caused me to groan some more, and for a second I thought about ignoring the call entirely. I decided to check who was trying to reach me, and decide my course of action from there. It was Alex. I scowled, my stomach plummeting for some reason, like an instinct had kicked in and I knew it wasn’t good news. I knew he wouldn’t ring me for any stupid reason, especially at such an early hour. I reached down and grabbed my phone, sliding my thumb across the screen to answer. “It’s early.” My morning voice groaned. “I know, Love, m’sorry, but we have a bit of an issue.” I sat myself upright, my worries growing more intense with each passing second. My waking welcomed itself easily after that, biting nervously at my lip, my heart beating wildly. “Turner, you’re scaring me.” “Fuck, I… Okay… Who’s Luke?” He asked. The confusion that washed my entire body just hearing Alex mutter his name was something foreign. I heated further more. “Luke Hall?” “That’s the one.” “He’s my ex.” “He’s a cunt!” Alex spat. I thought maybe they had a chance encounter, that Luke had gone up to him in the street and said something to him, being as much of a dick with Alex as he had been with me just a few days earlier. “What’s going on?” I asked. “The boy has fucked you over. Majorly.” “Alex, please tell me.” I could feel my throat tighten. “I… I dunno what to say. He… I don’t-” “Alex!” “He’s released some pictures of you, Black. He’s gone to the press with… pictures of you, that I’m guessing he had from when you were together.” I already knew which pictures they were, private pictures I had exchanged with the boy I once loved, not to be seen by anyone else. Pictures of me in my lingerie. “He... He’s done what?” “I’m so sorry, Anna! They’re all over the Daily Mail this morning.” My heart sunk and tears streamed down my cheeks as I let out a slight sob, embarrassment crushing my entire body as I thought about people seeing those pictures. “Anna, don’t worry!” Alex spoke firmly. “We have our best people working on suing the cunt already. That’s how we got his name, and we’re gunna take the bastard down and get rid of the pictures as soon as we can, d’ya understand?” I tried to reply, but my sobs stopped me. I couldn’t talk. I could barely fucking breathe. He waited for a reply that I didn’t have the capacity to give, and after all the bullshit I’d been through with the media, all the lies they’d printed and the way they’d made me feel, I was astounded by the fact I was now craving such mundane articles. I would have taken those words and those feelings any day over what they’d just done to me. I hadn’t been good at handling it all before, never mind now they’d printed private photos that I didn’t want anyone to see. “Black, there’s something else.” He sighed after I hadn’t replied for some time. “I just need to warn you, you should probably ring Harry.” “What? Why?” I managed to sob. “They’re claiming the pictures are from my phone. He’s lied and said it was me who leaked the pictures.” Hatred and fury ran through my body, wishing I had never had anything to do with the boy, wishing I had known then what would be happening now. I had no positive outcome from mine and Luke’s relationship, not one. I hate him. I hate him. I fucking hate him. “It’ll be alright, Anna.” Alex spoke softly. “We’re going to tear him fucking down.”

[you-dun-know-me]

Human relationships are difficult and exhausting— this is what I have felt all my life. Loving people who only loved you back when it was convenient, waiting for an apology that never arrives when you want it and when it does, it is accompanied by no change in behaviour; just people breaking your heart again and you letting them because you do not know how to be alone, being cared by people who obliquely point out how hard it is to care for someone like you, the sound of footsteps walking away from you, the goodbyes that occur out of the blue and ruin your entire month in a split second, the clinging and holding on only for them to look at you with contempt and pity, fighting and demanding respect from people who are committed to misunderstanding you— I thought human relationships were the hardest thing to understand in this entire universe. I built a wall around my heart and told everyone I didn't need people and that was enough for them to be wary of me. Perhaps, I was waiting for someone to sneak their way into my heart and tell me that it was okay to let my guard down. At least once. My Mother asked what it is that I want from the world. After all, everyone has the same experiences as me and none of it sidetracks their life and makes them incapable of functioning like a normal human being. None of it snatches their potential to love. I thought for a long time about what I wanted and realized that I wasn't seeking a significant place in someone's life, or wanting people to put me on a pedestal. All I wanted was softness and kindness. All I wanted was a smile and consideration. I told my Mother how I felt and she sweetly reminded me that if what I seeked wasn't what I was offered in a relationship, I have to walk away. It was the hardest thing and the easiest thing. I have to stop feeling like I owe people something and let them have that behaviour when I am treated unfairly. I have to realize that I can make mistakes and apologize and try my best to change my habits but if people want to hold on to the younger, older version of who I was, I have to accept their lack of growth and move on. I have to stop romanticizing people who have wounded me and understand that there is no way that I am only going to love once and there is no way that I am only loved once and that, too, so half-heartedly and poorly. I don't have to hold on to the small kind gestures of toxic people and believe the good in them when I know that their kinder, loving version is temporary and short-lived. And when I see red flags, I have to stop wearing my rose tinted glasses and realize that no matter how much I want to build a connection with someone, if they are not right for me now, they won't be right for me later. My love isn't strong enough to change people because at the end of the day, people only do what they choose to do and nothing can change them except their own efforts and desire to do so. I have seen human relationships as the most troublesome thing only to realize that people have power over me when I choose to give them that power. Surely there are things that I cannot change right now, like family and my circumstances but the wonderful thing about growing up is that you never have to live in one place your entire life. We will grow and change and leave our houses and situations and find a place to belong in kinder, comfortable spaces and it will be adequate and delightful. We will have our own home with plants and a pet, and decorations and clothes that we have always wanted. We will say hello with a gentle hug, and smile at a friendly stranger, and remember the touch of a warm hand on our cheeks when we are crying and life won't be full of people who only hurt you even when it looks like that. We will get at least one person who will love us and be kind to us and it will be like a blessing, like a long forgotten prayer answered. And even if human relationships can be complicated, we will find someone who will grow with us and make it look like it's the easiest thing and that will be enough.

[itsmetiinn]

Human relationships are difficult and exhausting— this is what I have felt all my life. Loving people who only loved you back when it was convenient, waiting for an apology that never arrives when you want it and when it does, it is accompanied by no change in behaviour; just people breaking your heart again and you letting them because you do not know how to be alone, being cared by people who obliquely point out how hard it is to care for someone like you, the sound of footsteps walking away from you, the goodbyes that occur out of the blue and ruin your entire month in a split second, the clinging and holding on only for them to look at you with contempt and pity, fighting and demanding respect from people who are committed to misunderstanding you— I thought human relationships were the hardest thing to understand in this entire universe. I built a wall around my heart and told everyone I didn't need people and that was enough for them to be wary of me. Perhaps, I was waiting for someone to sneak their way into my heart and tell me that it was okay to let my guard down. At least once. My Mother asked what it is that I want from the world. After all, everyone has the same experiences as me and none of it sidetracks their life and makes them incapable of functioning like a normal human being. None of it snatches their potential to love. I thought for a long time about what I wanted and realized that I wasn't seeking a significant place in someone's life, or wanting people to put me on a pedestal. All I wanted was softness and kindness. All I wanted was a smile and consideration. I told my Mother how I felt and she sweetly reminded me that if what I seeked wasn't what I was offered in a relationship, I have to walk away. It was the hardest thing and the easiest thing. I have to stop feeling like I owe people something and let them have that behaviour when I am treated unfairly. I have to realize that I can make mistakes and apologize and try my best to change my habits but if people want to hold on to the younger, older version of who I was, I have to accept their lack of growth and move on. I have to stop romanticizing people who have wounded me and understand that there is no way that I am only going to love once and there is no way that I am only loved once and that, too, so half-heartedly and poorly. I don't have to hold on to the small kind gestures of toxic people and believe the good in them when I know that their kinder, loving version is temporary and short-lived. And when I see red flags, I have to stop wearing my rose tinted glasses and realize that no matter how much I want to build a connection with someone, if they are not right for me now, they won't be right for me later. My love isn't strong enough to change people because at the end of the day, people only do what they choose to do and nothing can change them except their own efforts and desire to do so. I have seen human relationships as the most troublesome thing only to realize that people have power over me when I choose to give them that power. Surely there are things that I cannot change right now, like family and my circumstances but the wonderful thing about growing up is that you never have to live in one place your entire life. We will grow and change and leave our houses and situations and find a place to belong in kinder, comfortable spaces and it will be adequate and delightful. We will have our own home with plants and a pet, and decorations and clothes that we have always wanted. We will say hello with a gentle hug, and smile at a friendly stranger, and remember the touch of a warm hand on our cheeks when we are crying and life won't be full of people who only hurt you even when it looks like that. We will get at least one person who will love us and be kind to us and it will be like a blessing, like a long forgotten prayer answered. And even if human relationships can be complicated, we will find someone who will grow with us and make it look like it's the easiest thing and that will be enough.

We will be enough.

— Rae Pathak, a friday reminder.

Follow at Instagram.com/raepathak

Illustration by Sam Yang (@samdoesarts)

[prince-of-humbug]

Puck & Fenris | part 1 [nsfw-ish]

[ They’d get along too well not to be a thing!! Fenris belongs to @darthmoran ]

_______

They meet at the tavern, as is the case with all love stories that feel real in the moment. Not that Puck is looking for anything like that. Tomorrow morning it’s off to the next town, and the next after that. Nothing about his life has ever been permanent, and he sees no reason that should ever change. It’s only a moment he’s after: something fiery and fleeting with a handsome stranger he’ll never meet again.

And he’s handsome, alright; taller than Puck (admittedly, that’s not difficult to find), with pale skin and eyes like moonlight. Puck leans in, hooks a finger around the wolf’s-head necklace the man wears, and gives a playful little howl. That earns a laugh, and another round of drinks, and not long after that they’re fucking in the alley right behind the tavern, Puck’s legs around the man’s waist and his teeth sinking into a pale shoulder. The man pulls his hair and Puck shivers, eyes rolling back in delight before he closes them and demands the man do it again.

The circus leaves the following morning. The bruises on his hips remain for several days.

__________

It’s a surprise to see him again - and in Puck’s own domain, no less. He has to admit, it’s the wolf necklace he recognizes first, not the man himself, but one can hardly blame him. It’s been nearly a year since he was in Vesuvia last, after all.

Puck twists his body, twining the silk about his torso and extending his left leg as he does so. His eyes remain focused on the audience, holding the man’s gaze until he’s forced by the next movement of his routine to look away. Higher and higher he wraps himself in the silk, subtly maneuvering the fabric so it will keep him safe when, with a crescendo of music he lets himself drop. The unwinding is always a thrill, chorused by the amazed gasps of the audience. He’s done it thousands of times and it always leaves his heart in his throat.

Or maybe that’s just the way the man is looking at him when he touches the ground again to take his bows.

There’s no walls in Puck’s private tent, but that’s no problem. The pallet of silks and fluffy pillows is a comfortable change from their first encounter. Puck twists one of the silks around his wrist, teeth flashing as he suggests the man tie him up.

“What need is there to trap what’s already caught?” The man counters, brushing the silk aside.

Puck laughs. “You think I’m caught?”

The man slides his palm along the underside of Puck’s calf, easing his leg up. He pinches Puck’s thigh, and Puck jumps. “I think you’re right where you want to be.”

It’s slower this time, the man taking his time exploring each curve and crevice in a way he couldn’t outside the bar, and being sober means Puck actually remembers it all the next morning.

__________

At Puck’s invitation the man returns to the fairgrounds nearly every evening they’re booked in Vesuvia. He doesn’t always watch the silks performance, but there’s so much else to see that Puck can’t blame him, especially when the man never turns down an offer to Puck’s tent afterward.

They don’t always fool around. On the third night, Puck brings out his pipe and herbs, and they lay against the cushions smoking and talking until early hours of the morning. Puck learns that the man’s name is Fenris, and he owns a magic shop with his sister here in Vesuvia, though he’s not native to the area.

“I’m also a magician of sorts,” Puck says. He takes in a drag from the pipe, tips his head back, and blows the smoke up in a thin stream that curls up and up to touch the roof of the tent.

“Are you?” Fenris rolls onto his stomach to face him. The lamplight casts alluring shadows along his pale skin, which Puck might be tempted to trace with his tongue were he not so deliciously comfortable at the moment. “Let’s see, then.”

“Yeah?” Puck takes his time stretching and standing up. He passes the pipe to Fenris, who takes the long stem between his fingers and brings it to his lips. “Close your eyes, then. No peekin’. Great magician can’t reveal his secrets and whatnot.”

Fenris laughs but complies. Puck snaps twice, and a pile of silk on the opposite side of the tent moves. It takes a moment, but a furry snout pokes out, Goodfellow sending him an unimpressed look. Puck reaches into the pocket of his trousers, revealing a dried apricot - a particular favorite of his companion’s. Goodfellow’s whiskers twitch, and he wiggles out from his nest of silk to where Puck stands. Puck motions a command to him and Goodfellow sits obediently. He removes the feathered hat from his head and places it atop Goodfellow’s. After another silent command to stay, Puck rewards the raccoon with the apricot.

He dramatically incants a transformation spell as he walks out of the tent, and watches through the flap as Fenris opens his eyes and spies Goodfellow munching away by his feet.

“Amazing!” Fenris declares, lifting Goodfellow up and setting him on the pillows beside him. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to get any smaller!”

Goodfellow, finished with his treat, crawls under the pillows until only his tail remains in sight.

“He’s terrible company unless you have food,” Puck says, slipping back into the tent.

Fenris pretends to look surprised at the sight of him. “You mean that wasn’t you? I feel so betrayed. Are you even a real magician?”

Puck smirks. “Just wait till you see my next trick. I’ll need an assistant for this one,” he explains, climbing over Fenris, “as it involves making all our clothes disappear.”

Fenris leans up on his elbow. “I like this trick already.”

__________

Fenris, as it turns out, can do real magic. He demonstrates the next night, conjuring a wisp of fire with a flick of the wrist. Puck gapes at him, amazed. He’s not as fraudulent as he pretends to be - some of the illusions he creates are real, and there’s been strange instances where the visions in his dreams become reality - but he’s never seen anything like that.

“That’s incredible,” he breaths, taking Fenris’s wrist and inspecting it, turning his hand this way and that to try and figure out the trick. “How do you do it?”

Fenris shrugs and steps away, dropping down on the pillows. “It’s hard to explain. I just... feel it. You know?”

Puck doesn’t know, and he won’t know - not until he meets the man who will later become his master. Until that happens, he’s content with the mystery.

__________

He’s not expecting company when the flap in the tent parts. That is, he wasn’t expecting additional company. He already has company: a dark-skinned beauty who bears a striking resemblance to the newly arrived Countess of Vesuvia in both appearance and temperament. She’s holding his chin roughly in hand, which only accentuates the stinging red mark on his cheek from when she’d slapped him just a moment ago, so it’s difficult to turn to look at the newcomer.

Fenris stands at the threshold of the tent, his grey eyes moving from the silks securing Puck’s hands over his head, to his naked legs, to the way his unruly mass of curls has been slicked and semi-tamed back to mimic Count Lucio’s current fashion. Fenris crosses his arms over his chest, a smirk pulling at his lips. “Well, well,” he says.

Puck licks his lips. “You missed the coronation, but you’re right in time for the party.”

The countess looks over her shoulder. She’s wearing a replica of the crown belonging to the real Countess, and nothing else. A riding crop is held tight in her free hand, which she drags down the center of Puck’s chest as she murmurs sweetly, “did I tell you to speak?”

Satisfied when he only shakes his head in response, the countess turns toward Fenris. “You’re welcome to watch. Or join in, if you’d like. I know the count” - she taps Puck’s cheek with the crop - “certainly won’t object.”

Puck catches Fenris’s eye over the countess’s shoulder and waggles his eyebrows.

The countess lays back on the pallet, rearranging herself into quite the tempting picture of bare limbs and flowing hair. She rests her head against her hand and looks from one man to the other. “Well then,” she says, with all the entitlement of royalty. “What are you waiting for? Attend me.”

__________

The first time Fenris invites him over, Puck isn’t sure what to think. It’s different from their usual routine of Fenris wandering the fairgrounds, and the two of them stealing away into Puck’s tent at the end of the night. There, he knows what to expect. Knows the rules, the part he’s meant to play. Here... it’s not the same.

It should be, he tells himself, because nothing they do is different from any other night. They flirt, which leads to making out, which leads to Puck between Fenris’s legs and Fenris’s hands in Puck’s hair as he fucks his mouth. Afterward Fenris pulls the hookah over to where they lounge against the pillows and they smoke and exchange stories of their day interspersed with little jokes and digs at each other. It’s so completely domestic that Puck has a strong desire to run away, because he doesn’t do domestic. His life is a constant come-and-go, always moving on to the next thing. A new town, a new lover, nothing that ever lasts.

Nothing ever lasts.

__________

The circus leaves again after two weeks, and it’s strange, this tightness in his chest as the carriages cross beyond the city limits. He’s had so many lovers in so many towns. He’s never missed any of them before.