#i just wanted robin to see calcutta with rami

[notgonnadoitgirl]

this line completely shattered me

[journalofimprobablethings]

Some Babel thoughts and ruminations below, under the cut because spoilers!

(basically: what might have happened if [REDACTED] had been there, at the end?)

I can't help wondering what would have happened if Ramy had survived.

If Letty had hesitated, if Robin had gotten to her sooner, if somehow that bullet missed its mark and the world didn't break in that moment.

What might have happened then?

They still would have been caught and taken to Oxford Castle, Sterling Jones would still have tortured Robin (and would he have known to use Ramy's life as the threat to try to get Robin to talk? Would Robin have broken differently, if it was Ramy he was trying to save?). Griffin still would have rescued them from the cells, and the confrontation with Sterling would still have happened.

Would Ramy being there have made any difference? Would Ramy and Robin together have been able to carry Griffin between them, all of them hidden behind the wúxíng bar's spell? Would they have been able to save Griffin? or would his story still have ended there, in that bloody conclusion to a tale we never get to know?

And assuming they still ended up at Griffin's safehouse, would their next actions have changed? Would that fact that there were three of them now, not just two, that they were a little less bowed by grief, changed what they decided to do?

Robin would be less broken, but he would still have just lost a brother, lost a whole new community that he didn't even have time to really get to know. And Ramy--Ramy would fill the place where Robin's grief for him would have been with rage and betrayal and fire, a conviction that now, at last, something needed to be done. That Griffin was right, and now that Griffin was gone, that the others were gone, they were the only ones left who could do anything.

I think, even if Ramy were there, it was always going to end at Babel.

Ramy does the talking, when they take the tower. He's always been the best of them at public speaking, the most charming. How much difference does that make? Do more decide to stay? or does the fact that these words are coming from a brown man--someone who many of them will never see their equal--negate the effect?

(Ramy might have wanted to keep all the scholars hostage, but perhaps this less completely hopeless version of Robin sides with Victoire this time, and they decide to let those who do not wish to help them go.)

Victoire still shoots Professor Playfair. For Anthony.

Once they're in the strike, the debates over how to handle it are more complicated, with three of them. Victoire is Victoire: she wants to see Babel burn, but she also wants them to survive. All three of them. Ramy is Ramy: relieved to be able to give up the pretense, to drop the act he's had to put on for so many years. They have the power, finally, to make things happen, to make the country listen to them. When he finds out about the resonance rods, he wants to pull as many of them as they can. Victoire persuades him that they have to take it slow, to let the effects be felt, before they do more.

And Robin? Where does Robin fall, if Ramy is still alive by his side, if he is grieving Griffin and the loss of Hermes but is not so irrevocably driven to despair?

When he finds the maintenance log entry for Westminster Bridge, is he grimly delighted at the message it will send? Or does he hesitate, until Ramy persuades him that it is what needs to be done, that "this is how we make them listen, Birdie. This is how we win."

When Letty comes to give the ultimatum, does she find it harder to look them in the eyes, when the man she thought she loved is standing with the others against her, instead of a ghost floating between them?

And in the end, when it comes down to the final decision to destroy the tower--do Ramy and Robin decide to stay, or do they go?

They could decide to go back to Calcutta, where Robin can meet Ramy's parents, and they can try to rebuild Griffin's lost connections, to continue the work of Hermes from afar

But Ramy has never been one to run away. Even on that first night when the Balliol boys tried to intimidate him, he had been ready to fight. Ramy, when faced with this decision, as much as it might scare him, as much as he might wish there were a way that he and Robin could walk away from this--I think Ramy would choose to stay. And Robin--this version of him may be less ready to die, less ready to let it all end, but he still has watched parts of his world crumble in the last few days, and if Ramy is staying, there is no way that Robin will leave him behind.

Do they speak of it, then, that terrifying electricity between them?

Or do they leave it be, unspoken?

If Ramy had lived, it might not have swayed events from their course; from the outside, it might look like nothing had changed at all.

But even if the tower still came down in the end, even if they both stayed--if Ramy had lived, at least Robin's world would not have ended, not that way. At least, at the end, they wouldn't have been alone.

[scifihobbit]

Yuletide Letter 2022

I’ve been participating in Yuletide incredibly sporadically since 2009. I love it here! And am always delighted when I remember to jump back in. So, here's to a great year! I'm scifihobbit over on AO3 as well. I should have it set so that I can receive treats. Thanks for reading my letter! And, of course, we all know the mantra, optional details are entirely optional.

Things I'm a sucker for in general

Character studies

“There was only one bed”

Found families

Angst with a happy ending

Hurt/Comfort

Broken characters finding ways to heal each other in general

Using smarm to hide wildly low self-esteem

World-building

Queers and queerness and queering

DNWs:

PWP

Modern AU

1st person narration (unless it’s epistolary or something like that.)

2nd person narration

Major character death (that isn’t canonical)

Babel – R. F. Kuang, Robin Swift, Ramiz Rafi Mirza

I loved this book so much. The world-building is incredible. I’m obsessed with the magic system. I’m always a sucker for footnotes. I loved the way this book made me think and the way it made all its characters understandable even if they were completely reprehensible. Robin and Ramy quickly stole my heart. (From that first night they spent together getting to know Oxford and I was sitting there like.... is this going to happen? Please? And then the book tortured me with so many subtle teases that I kept hoping, and, well, we know what happened next.) Anything about the two of them would be incredible. If you want to ship them, that's more than welcome! But I also really, truly adore their friendship, so I would be delighted with something not shippy, too. I'm fascinated by the dynamic among the whole quartet, so feel free to bring Victoire and Letty, too. I delighted in the scenes where they were all just being excited academic nerds together. I usually avoid AUs, but given how things ended, in this case I would make an exception. Or if you've got some brilliant idea for a fix-it fic, I would love to see it!

Prompts if you are looking for them:

- Some late night shenanigans/adventures during their first year when Oxford is still shiny and wonderful to them

- Robin and Ramy in Canton doing some more exploring of the city.

- Something that gets Robin and Ramy together. Either Robin finally realizing that Ramy's attracted to him and either acting on it or panicking about it. Or Ramy finally making a move. Or a drunken evening. (I'm always a sucker for a drunken evening leading to revelations.)

- Some alternative beautiful world where they both make it out of Oxford and visit Calcutta together

- Just the two of them nerding out about language or a new matchpair or something. Finding some interesting translations between the languages they grew up with.

A League of Their Own (TV 2022), Jess McCready, Lupe García, Beverly/Sarge

I was obsessed with this show before the first episode was over. (Honestly, probably, before the first episode even started, but the fact that it lived up to my queer heart’s expectations is pretty astounding.) I love just about everyone in the show, so whoever else wants to pop in the fic and say hello is great! (I'm desperately curious about Maybelle.) I'm happy for a fic with any and/or all of my requested characters. They're all amazing! (I'd really prefer for these three characters to be pretty firmly butch-identified and not gender queer in a more modern sensibility.) I still can't decide if I ship Lupe/Jess honestly—I do and I don't simultaneously—so feel free to go whatever direction you want with that.

Prompts if you are looking for them:

- Post-season, now that Beverly's let Jess know that they're "family" do they hang out more? What do they get up to? What sort of wisdom does Beverly have to impart?

- What is Beverly's life outside of being a chaperone?? Does she have a wife back home somewhere? Is she happily single? Does she have a community from her days serving in the military?

- Anything and everything about Jess and Lupe being buds. During the season. After the season. Next season.

- How did Jess and Lupe discover the gay bar? Separately or together? Who told who?

- When the team went on tour, what did Jess and Lupe get up to in the new towns?

- What's Beverly's relationship to the other chaperones like? It seems like they all mostly have some sort of understanding and I'd love to know how they work together to support their teams.

Star Trek: Lower Decks (Cartoon), Samanthan “Sam” Rutherford, Andy Billups

This show makes me so incredibly happy. I have been a trekkie more-or-less from birth. (A quick scroll through my tumblr will show you where my Trekkie heart lies: with the crew of DS9) Lower Decks somehow manages to tug on my heart strings, make my years of suffering through Enterprise feel worth it just so I can get the jokes about the Suliban, and be wildly irreverent while also honoring the core of what makes Trek Trek. (Not to be one of those fans, but whatever, I am.) Clearly, I could wax poetic at length about this show, but if you’ve offered to write it, you know how great it is. I love all the characters, so feel free to bring in whoever you want. (I’m sad I missed nominations and didn’t get a chance to stick Dr. T’Ana in the list. And I’m fascinated by Kayshon, so if either of them want to drop in for a cameo I won’t say no!) (I don’t ship Mariner/Boimler or Rutherford/Tendi)

For my fic, I just want Rutherford and Billups to hang out! I want them to be upbeat, awkward, engineering dorks together. (If you want to ship them in a way that doesn't ignore Billups's asexuality I'm all for it.) Usually I’m a no AU kind of person, but in the canon that literally invented AUs I’m obviously a bit more flexible.

Prompts if you are looking for them:

- Rutherford and Billups get stranded in a broken down ship somewhere and have to jerryrig it back together to get home to the Cerritos

- Billups's mom makes another uninvited appearance and Rutherford has to help Billups out of the situation through sheer engineering genius

- They meet in the holodeck to work on engineering puzzles together. Something does or does not go wrong?

- Billups has some sort of cursed interaction with Badgey?

- Did Rutherford take a class from Miles O'Brien at the academy?? Is Billups impressed by Miles's engineering know-how or has he never even heard of the guy?

Moon (2009)

I think this is a close to perfect movie. I’ve loved Sam Rockwell since back when he played Guy in Galaxy Quest. This movie tells its story so efficiently and in such a small, quiet way while still managing to reach in your chest and grab you by the heart. It’s one of those movies that leaves me with a sort of aching hope at the end, like, yes, that was exactly what it needed to be, but I want more. So, here I am, requesting it for Yuletide once again, because I can never get enough of the Sam Bells.

For a fic I want the Sam Bells to be sad and broken together and maybe inspire the tiniest bit of hope in each other after some long-term resentment and anger. Basically, I want the movie but MORE. I love Sam Rockwell. I love the concept the movie is built on. If you want to ship them I'd eat it up, (I have an unexplainable thing for self!cest in a sci-fi context) but I'm perfectly happy with these two broken angry guys trying to figure out their shit in a platonic way as well.

Prompts if you are looking for them:

- Which buildings mean what to them in the model they're making? What stories do they tell themselves and each other about the town?

- What if the memory copy in each clone isn't perfect and there are some things they realize they remember differently? How does that impact their relationship and senses of self?